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#but typically idm sharing it bcs if there's anyone out there that analyzes others the same way i do
noxtivagus ยท 2 years
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so much
#๐ŸŒ™.rambles#I WNA SAY AND DO#ARGHHH thinking back on all these years#whether it be a thank you or a sorry. or a reassurance that i still care#i have the urge to just tell my family n friends nice stuff like that randomly#but anxiety . n then i end up forgetting n i just hope that maybe you can read my mind in some way#n sometimes it's so hard to find the words to write n say. to use my hands or my voice#but our eyes can also speak#sigh i honestly get confused n lost so often. lost in my head. full of reality n fiction#often i write and dream of stories#n get afraid of how it reflects on my reality.#but typically idm sharing it bcs if there's anyone out there that analyzes others the same way i do#that wld be fun. n interesting#i am. a dreamer. a writer. a lover of life#weak to nostalgia; a slave to sentiment#i lose myself sm in the stories in my head that i'm not sure if it distorts my reality in any way#i'm so used to fiction that i doubt some beauty in reality. not the beauty in itself but it's /real/ presence. is it true? or is it fake#n the way thoughts progresses n the way i write don't help at all bcs i seriously just get more confused .#remembering. but how do we trust when there is inevitable fallacy in our memories?#n so. reading. looking at pictures. listening. gives a sense of comfort#but the way our perceptions n emotions change in time and reflect in the present is. unpredictable#n so i'm stuck somewhere between and beyond the past present n future. questioning. lost#n then there's stress/anxietg bcs as much as i'd love to indulge myself and just think and feel#i have stuff to do. n that pressure constantly lingers at the back of my head. how do i allow myself to rest?#n then i go back n think of all the thing's i've said/thought/felt. everything that exists n doesn't (yet. or never)#to write or read. to work or rest. to dream or sleep. what the fuck#n there again's the pressure to accept it all. recognize and acknowledge. be better. do better#i am such a fool. i know exactly what my mind n heart tells me#i want to cry. or scream. or disappear. or hide. or. i don't know!?!#so. overwhelming. what do i think or feel or focus n do first?
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