#I WNA SAY AND DO | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noxtivagus · 2 years

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so much

#🌙.rambles #I WNA SAY AND DO #ARGHHH thinking back on all these years #whether it be a thank you or a sorry. or a reassurance that i still care #i have the urge to just tell my family n friends nice stuff like that randomly #but anxiety . n then i end up forgetting n i just hope that maybe you can read my mind in some way #n sometimes it's so hard to find the words to write n say. to use my hands or my voice #but our eyes can also speak #sigh i honestly get confused n lost so often. lost in my head. full of reality n fiction #often i write and dream of stories #n get afraid of how it reflects on my reality.#but typically idm sharing it bcs if there's anyone out there that analyzes others the same way i do #that wld be fun. n interesting #i am. a dreamer. a writer. a lover of life #weak to nostalgia; a slave to sentiment #i lose myself sm in the stories in my head that i'm not sure if it distorts my reality in any way #i'm so used to fiction that i doubt some beauty in reality. not the beauty in itself but it's /real/ presence. is it true? or is it fake #n the way thoughts progresses n the way i write don't help at all bcs i seriously just get more confused .#remembering. but how do we trust when there is inevitable fallacy in our memories?#n so. reading. looking at pictures. listening. gives a sense of comfort #but the way our perceptions n emotions change in time and reflect in the present is. unpredictable #n so i'm stuck somewhere between and beyond the past present n future. questioning. lost #n then there's stress/anxietg bcs as much as i'd love to indulge myself and just think and feel #i have stuff to do. n that pressure constantly lingers at the back of my head. how do i allow myself to rest?#n then i go back n think of all the thing's i've said/thought/felt. everything that exists n doesn't (yet. or never)#to write or read. to work or rest. to dream or sleep. what the fuck #n there again's the pressure to accept it all. recognize and acknowledge. be better. do better #i am such a fool. i know exactly what my mind n heart tells me #i want to cry. or scream. or disappear. or hide. or. i don't know!?!#so. overwhelming. what do i think or feel or focus n do first?

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iiheartsai · 2 months

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piccrew game!! tagged by: @icarus-star

your turn!!

they didn’t have locs but i have locs !!

#sai speaks #:3 #i don’t know who to tag!!#but pls do it i wna see!!

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astrxealis · 15 days

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hi 🤓 <- person who finally listened to hozier's too sweet and is listening quite literally nonstop

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#only listening to it like 2 months later despite literally being there for release #and some of my friends teasing me for not having listened to it tho i'm like. the biggest hozier fan they and i know.#i was SCARED af ok !!!!! haven't listened to the others in the unheard ep tho bcs i am. scared :))#friendie thinks i will REALLY like wildflower and barley . and wellthey were the one who i had a running joke the most w not yet listening #to too sweet. so yeah... silly........#literally listened to it thru napping (accident bht wow i am not yet tired of the song!)#and when i go Yo i wna play smth else. i just cannot. i have to go back to too sweet #but the 1975 is always safe for me to listen to oopsies. so when i do listen to too sweet too much (?) in a row #i just play ^^ HWGQHABDA. oh Man #also ehy would you be loved is so fucking good man.#anyway wow the way hozier says the heaven's gate line is so. sacrilegious (positive) to me #anyway. nice Nap. time to play dragon age!

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shittygothbitch · 8 months

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#I'm gna change my whole name when i do #I'm gna be Zoe Rachel Gaye #every name has it's meaning to me #don't wna type it out in the tags here tho #ohh it's makin me tear up just hearing myself say it #gna sit on it for a bit before putting in the action #but it feels right #it feels so right

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nerice · 1 year

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Quick question! Are they soulless constantly in pain and suffer 25/8 or are they just kinda „eh; guess I‘m rotting“ like zombies or are they infinitely searching for something that feels like it’s missing (due to the no soul thing)?

What is the whole soulless experience like?

:D! oh all of the above though only the first is hardbaked into their nonexistent dna!! stuck in a human body that's unable to process sensory input the right way & still tethered to the invisible moon via their blood. granted, it's not burning blood jail 900% of the time, sometimes it's just an uncanny itch, random muscle aches, spasms, tingling nerves that sputter and spark; sometimes it's like nothing is wrong at all (esp prevalent with gray who will only notice some minor ache in response to linnea's touch driving it out of him <3 ofc that only makes it more painful when she withholds her cure, esp esp when she's in the mood 2 make him worse on purpose ww) this ask is getting away from me help

camp Rotting For Sport is mostly sky content as she heads towards soulless existence via blood rot/nascent pain (shoutout to dream game :)🔪) sorry babygirl say goodbye to your hard-won strength control we are unlocking the birthright you never wanted </3

nd the 'searching for something thats missing' is mostly a consequence of the condition nd manifests differently for all of them!! faye is chronically homesick for the invisible moon she just wants to go back n quit existence, less so because of the pain (it isn't helping, sure) but she's the only one who finds a weird solace in it. the proof of her origin, her destination calling out to her!! and gray is the direct opposite, violently chasing any human feeling and desire, compounded by the fact that linn indulges in life so brilliantly she has so much fun!! but it's russian roulette whether or not he can partake in the same way; longing to eat but unable to hold food down. longing to sleep but never rested. etc etc the list is longer than i'm willing to engage him as a complex character rather than the guy in the 10 of swords card 💀

long story short, being soulless sucks as much as any chronic illness sucks but they're very good at making the worst of it too <3

#this ask jumpscared the fuck out of me bc i was sideblogging and for a moment thought i had accidentally posted smth to main askdjaksjdksjf #askbox #anonbox #oc asks #I LOVE DOING OC ASKS SO MUCH TY FOR UR INTEREST ILYYY <3333333 #also platinum road is one of my favourite settings bc it forces faye to confront the question if living might not be worth it after all #(being gay and arianna's object of affection will do that 2 u <3) not a love saves all scenario by any means but a fun thought experiment #bc she is so utterly devoid of human connection in the main storyline. she n eliada are besties but they both just wna go home #for the price of mindbreaking one (1) teenager you too can quit ur job & retire ! (terms & conditions may apply)#much more i could say here but that wld be getting way out into the weeds n maybe a little too on main #trust me when i say i have SO MUCH WRITING on these bastards n the shit they deal with / results of their hashtag coping mechanisms >:3 #oh nd fwiw there is actual Zombie Rotting (live love laugh) in the azra corner but that's a wholly different story #sometimes you become a vessel for the universe's harddrive reset and that's okay! carry on soldier

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funfettified · 2 years

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