#but we have to remember that adults ranging from their twenties to forties aren’t the primary audience in either case

[bluewithpurplepolkadots]

”Why does Master Splinter barely ever seem to leave the lair in missions to help the turtles in the 2012 series? He’s an adult!”

Because it’s a kids show so the primary solver of the problems involved is obviously going to be the kids. Having an adult swoop in and solve everything/baby sit all the time would probably be kind of boring for the intended audience. Boring for everyone actually. Next question.

[alarawriting]

Inktober 2020 #4: Radio

Based on the prompt originally from @writing-prompt-s, “You’re taking a road trip in a 5 seater car. Each seat is filled with you, but at various points in your life. One of you strikes up a conversation.”

***

I’m in the driver’s seat, with myself at forty on the passenger side, window down of course, just like I’d do if I wasn’t driving. My selves at ten and twenty are sitting in the bucket seats in the middle row of the minivan, with Ten behind Forty and Twenty behind me, and Thirty is in the back, lying sprawled across the entire seat. My Pandora feed is playing through the radio, and right now, it’s Area 27’s “Driving With The Future Self”, which is apropos, though technically, I am the only one who’s not.

“I hate vans,” Twenty complains. “I can’t put down the window. Why do you even have one?”

“Four kids,” Forty says, and Twenty is taken aback. Ten, however, seems impressed.

“Do you have a lot of cats?” she asks.

“Too many,” Thirty complains from the back seat, so apparently she hasn’t fallen asleep.

“I’ve got small windows open in the back, or I could open my window all the way, and the air would get back to you,” I tell Twenty.

“Roll down your window, it’s better than nothing. Ugh. Why are you driving a car that has windows you can’t open?”

“I’m pretty sure Forty answered that,” I said.

“What, don’t they make vans where the side windows open?”

“Pretty much no. I could maybe have gotten an SUV—”

“AKA, a death trap on wheels—” Thirty calls from the back.

“But as you can see, I don’t want to.”

“What’s an SUV?” Ten asks, young enough that it doesn’t bother her to demonstrate ignorance. I happen to know Twenty doesn’t know what they are either.

“Sports Utility Vehicle. They range from ‘pickup truck, except with a roof and back seats’ to ‘I took this regular car and pasted it onto the wheels of this ice cream truck,’” I say, rolling down my window. “Is that any better?”

“Yeah, but now it’s hard to hear.”

“You and Ten have the best hearing, so you’re just gonna have to tough it out,” I say. “Better miss some words than feel nauseous, right?”

“This is great,” Ten says. “I finally found an adult who will take my issues seriously. Too bad it’s my own older self.”

“It could be worse,” Twenty says. “You could find out that your older self doesn’t care about your issues, which I am not sure is not going on.”

“Oh, for gods’ sake, Twenty, I have a minivan because it moves large families and drywall for construction projects and a million boxes of books when I am moving, or storing extra books, and unfortunately they don’t have them where the gas mileage is pretty good, the reliability record is excellent, and the windows go down. Cheap, fast, good, pick two. I picked gas and reliability.”

“I’m glad you picked gas,” Ten says. “And that you have the windows down instead of the air conditioning. We have to save energy.”

“Does anyone even care about that anymore?” Thirty complains.

“I thought I’d ride a bicycle,” Twenty says. “Not contribute to pollution and wasting gas.”

“I want you to think back to the time we rode a bicycle three miles to our friend’s horse barn, and then maybe you will have the answer for why no bicycles,” Thirty says.

“Actually, it’s because I broke my tailbone having kids, and I can’t sit on the damn things,” Forty says.

“Actually, it’s because of all those things, plus cities aren’t great places for bikes, plus hard to tow young children, plus now I’m old and my knees are shot,” I say. “I could probably come up with half a dozen other reasons.”

“Do you at least have a short commute? Please tell me you have a short commute,” Thirty, who suffered a severe depressive episode that was at least in part caused by a 5 hour daily commute, says.

“I work from home.”

Thirty is now sitting up. She cheers. “Yes!”

“How does that work?” Twenty asks, puzzled. “Wouldn’t you have to go into the lab?”

Oh, wow. I’d forgotten. Twenty still thinks she’s going to graduate college and go to grad school and become a scientist. Forty says, delicately, “We do IT now, actually.”

“What’s IT?” Ten asks. “Aside from the villain in A Wrinkle In Time.”

“Information Technology. We work with computers.”

“We’re programmers?” Twenty asks, dismayed.

This is why I never made the big bucks in IT. “No. More like… oh, hell, it won’t make any sense to you. You don’t even have the Internet yet.”

“The College of Engineering has it,” Twenty says, “but I don’t think the College of Arts and Sciences can get it. Why is it useful and what do we do with it?”

I’m taking this – even Forty’s not quite far enough along to fully understand. Things change fast. “You remember Phenoma Jones’ Phenomenally Weird Phenomenon?”

“I just made that up,” Ten says. “Just, like, a month ago or something.”

“Yeah, of course I remember it if you do,” Twenty says.

This is not entirely accurate. Thirty doesn’t remember the shelf of dolls we had in our bedroom as a child, or more accurately, Thirty doesn’t think about it. Forty just found a picture of it and it reminded her so hard and made her so nostalgic she paid a lot of money to get hold of “new” used versions of all our old dolls, plus a lot of random extras. She still thinks she’s gonna make money selling the random extras. I’d forgotten the Silver Kitten until my brother brought it up a year ago – a story I told about a silver statue that was a stylized number 8 with cat ears and a simple cat face on top, which was somehow alive and powerful. I don’t remember the details. Ten probably does, but I don’t want to derail the conversation by asking her, because she will tell me, at great length, and I can’t bear to hurt myself by interrupting her and making her stop infodumping the way I remember everyone else doing. At my age I know why they did it, but the memory still hurts. So Forty doesn’t remember it and probably not Thirty either.

“Okay, so you know how in those playings, in the future, there’ll be a network connecting all the computers and there’s shows on it and you pay a little bit of money for each show?”

“Yeah,” Ten says.

“That’s real. That’s happening.”

Her eyes go wide. “I predicted the future?”

“You’re not psychic, you just read the right science fiction. And you didn’t get it perfect. Instead of microtransactions to buy a show, we usually subscribe to a service that gives us shows we want.”

“Like cable,” Twenty says.

“Yes, but it doesn’t suck. Instead of thirty million channels and half of them are sports, it’s like a library of videotapes on your computer and you can watch any of them anytime you want.”

“Can you make your own?” Ten, who is very interested in making videotapes, says, and tears prick my eyes. Because yes, Ten, yes, people all over the world make their own and they put them on Youtube, but it’ll come too late for you. You’ll be thirty-five with a tiny baby and a lot of insecurity about your looks and no time to record yourself, and by the time you have the time you’re even older and there’s so many other things you need to do with your time, because it’s running out.

“I think so,” Forty says. “Right, Fifty?”

“Yeah. Our kids have done some of them. We really don’t, though.”

“Oh,” Ten says, disappointed. “Why not?”

I’m not going to tell her because of insecurity about how we look. She’ll understand that well enough but think we just need to push past it, like she does. But Twenty finally likes her appearance, and Thirty doesn’t think she’s too bad looking, and I don’t want to tell them that someday they’re going to see themselves in the mirror and think they look like a short, squat troll or something. And Ten won’t understand what it does to you to finally think you’re beautiful, after suffering with thinking you’re ugly your entire childhood, and then losing it.

“We have other stuff we do,” I say vaguely. “Like learning German.”

“That’s great, but it doesn’t answer my question about what we do for a job. Do we do something with these shows?”

“No. Not the shows. But people put their files up on the Internet as well, and they send emails – messages through the computer—”

“I am smart enough to figure that out from context,” Twenty says disapprovingly. I’ve forgotten what an arrogant twit she could be sometimes. Well, to be honest, I didn’t forget because I never knew. When I was her age, I thought my behavior was fine.

“Right. Subscription services exist for that too. We help people get onto those services, move over any emails or files they had on a different service, and fix their problems.”

Forty is dismayed. “Really? That sounds horrible. Is that tech support? Don’t we get to do anything with data?”

“Sometimes,” I shrug, lying.

If I thought telling them all about everything would change anything for me, I would. But I don’t know how we all get out of this car without me being the only one who remembers any of it, because I don’t remember ever being in a car with my future selves. Either they’re from alternate universes or nothing I say can change their fates, because they won’t remember.

“Are we at least published?” Ten asks. “Tell me we’re published.”

“We have a few short stories published in some anthologies and magazines.”

Twenty is horrified. “Only that? After I’ve written all these stories?”

“The problem is that you suck and nothing you wrote is publishable as-is,” Forty says.

“What do you mean, I suck?”

“Twenty,” I say, because I’ve learned some diplomacy in the past ten years, “everything you’re writing goes into making us the writer we become. Thirty’s pretty damn good. And regardless of whether you ‘suck’ or not, I have a project going on where I’m publishing your stuff online. But it’s for free, on my—” I stop. She won’t know the word “blog”, or even “web page.” “—online journal. I’m editing things to bring them up to my current standard, but if you weren’t writing so much right now, I wouldn’t have anything to draw from.”

“Why aren’t we making money publishing books?” Ten demands.

Forty says, “Because fanfic. When you’re sixteen you’ll start writing stories about Battle of the Planets, and you’ll know you can’t publish them, but you’ll do it anyway. Then you’ll discover a place where there are other fans of the show and its original Japanese version.”

“Writing stories about shows where you can’t publish it in a magazine or a book and you can’t make money is called fan fiction,” Thirty says. “Or fanfic for short.”

“Fanfic’s great, but I’m still writing original stuff,” Twenty says.

“You’ll stop,” Thirty says. “You get instant feedback from writing fanfic – we can put it on the internet, we don’t need to worry about xeroxing two dozen copies anymore and waiting six months to hear anything from anyone. And the instant feedback’s addictive. I thought I’d be able to overcome it and write some books, but apparently, according to these guys, no.”

“I’m doing the 52 Project now,” I tell Forty, since she’s the only one who knows what I’m talking about.

“Now? Like… not eight years ago?”

“Now,” I say. “We needed a fire to light under our asses and we finally got one.” I won’t tell her what it was.

“What’s the 52 Project?” Ten asks.

“52 stories, one a week, every week, for a whole year. That’s where your stories are going, Twenty. And some of your ideas, Ten. I’ve lost everything you ever actually wrote, but it’s ok – you’re going to find a style that doesn’t sound like Mom next year, and a little while after that, I have everything you’ll write. Also, I wrote a kids’ book based on Superkitty.”

“Wow!” Ten says. “But how can you have Underdog in it? Wouldn’t that be fanfic?”

“I changed a lot of things,” I admit. “In my story, Superkitty’s ten. She doesn’t have a hundred family members, just Lara Kitty and a little brother. She’s not working as a slave of the dogs, she lives in Kookalariland, but her family are refugees because the dogs really did take over her home country. And the Underdog character is named Arthur Boy.”

Underdog’s secret identity was Shoeshine Boy. “I see what you did there,” Forty says, grinning. “I assume this isn’t published yet.”

“No. I finished it this year but it’s the first children’s book we’ve ever done – young adult novels, sure, but this is a chapter book for second graders, so I need someone who’s willing to look it over and tell me if it’s good before I send it to an agent.”

“So why are you doing everything now?” Thirty asks. “Did fanfic stop being fun, or did we manage to wean ourselves off it, and if so, how?”

“That rhymed,” Ten tells us all. No one tells Ten that that was not important information because all of us remember being what it was like to be Ten.

“Stuff has happened,” I say. “You know, no one lives forever, and I’m fifty. I need to think about the fact that there’s more time behind me than ahead of me, and I don’t want to disappoint all of you. Maybe if it was just me, I could just go writing fanfic until the end of time, but I know what you all wanted and I don’t want to let you down.”

Thirty says, slowly, “Fifty? Why isn’t there a Sixty in the car with us?”

I almost think I can see a Sixty. She fades in and out in the back seat. Might be my imagination, all the rest of them are as real as anything. “I can guess why, but for obvious reasons, I don’t actually know.”

“Is it diabetes.” Forty says that like it’s not a question.

“Yeah, but also other stuff.” I make a decision. Forty is past the point where any of our children were born; nothing she does can change my timeline enough to make my kids disappear. Either she won’t remember, or nothing will change for me but she can change her own timeline… or maybe she can fix things. The last decade was when everything went to hell. “High blood pressure. Took us a while to get the right medication for that. Then diabetes. Then breast cancer.”

No one in the car says anything until Forty bursts out, “That’s not fair! We don’t even have a family history of cancer—”

“Mom’s going to die of it,” I tell Forty.

“Mom dies?” Ten is appalled. She knew, of course, that people die, but hearing it as a thing that actually happened to Mom is freaking her out. I guess she thought Mom would live a ridiculously long time.

“Lung or breast?” Forty asks me in the harsh monotone I use when all of my effort is going into not showing my emotions. She really doesn’t have to; we all know the trick – maybe Ten’s not self-aware enough to know, but the rest of us do – and we know we have emotions. But I also know I’d do the same thing.

“Brain, in the end. It started in the lung.”

“That doesn’t mean we have a family history of cancer, then. She smoked.”

“Then what’s the point?” Ten screams, tears welling up in her eyes. “I tried and tried and tried to get her to quit! She didn’t quit? After all the times I told her about how bad it was for her?”

“That’s not how addiction works,” I say. “Addicts know what’s bad for them but they can’t stop craving it, and that overrides your willpower. Besides, she did quit. Thirty, has she quit yet?”

“Just did, but… I agree with Ten. What’s the point if she’s gonna die of cancer anyway?” I can’t see her, all the way in the back, but I hear it in her voice. Her eyes are going to be wet and she’s struggling as hard as she can not to cry.

“We don’t know. Maybe that gave her more time. Maybe it wasn’t the smoking at all – she was taking medications for issues with diabetes that they say could cause cancer.”

“When?” Forty asks.

“2015. In 2013 around December they’re going to see something on the X-ray of her lung, but they’ll think it’s scar tissue from smoking. In 2014 they’ll find out it’s cancer, but it’ll be too late by then. She’ll die a year later.”

“No, she won’t,” Forty says. “I’m going to stop it. I’m going to tell her – I dunno. Tell her I dreamed about Grandma telling me I have to warn her about that scar and she needs to get more tests.”

“Yeah, she’ll buy that,” Thirty agrees.

“I hope you can,” I say, “but… I don’t remember ever having ridden in a car with the rest of you, so I don’t know if you can.”

“Maybe this is the start of the paradox cycle,” Thirty says. “Then on the next iteration everything will be different.”

“How did we even get in this car, anyway?” Twenty asks. “And where are we going?”

“More important,” Forty says. “When did you get cancer and how serious is it? Is it related to diabetes? When did you get that?”

“2017 for the diabetes but honestly, probably right after Mom died, because we were too fucked up to go to a doctor and we pretended nothing was happening. And then we did the same goddamn thing about a lump in our breast in 2016 because they said they couldn’t see anything but we should go for more tests, but we lost the paperwork so we didn’t. In 2017 the lump started hurting, so we did go for the tests, and it was cancer. I lost the breast. This is a fake.” I thump my chest. “They say they think they got it all, but there isn’t any test you can undergo yet to find out if the damn thing has popped up somewhere else. The other breast’s clean. They’re giving me drugs that kill my sex drive and are going to ruin my marriage eventually, most likely, because the cancer responds to female hormones.”

I think Ten might be grossed out or upset by talking about sex drive, but I’ve forgotten. Ten can treat the subject of sex as if it’s a clinical matter of interest. She’s the one who tried to explain the birds and the bees to my uncle when she was five. Well, I guess all of us are.

Thirty mutters, “I might get more done that way…”

“You won’t,” I say.

“You’re actually publishing stuff that isn’t fanfic now, are you sure?”

“I’m going to change it,” Forty says. “I’m going to change all of it. I’ll warn Mom. I’ll fix our eating habits now so we don’t get diabetes until later. I won’t let the breast thing go. I’ll change everything. None of the rest of you change anything; if you try to alter the timeline you might erase our kids. But I can do it. I can start the writing earlier, too.”

There’s so much she could theoretically change that she really can’t. I can’t warn her about Donald Trump; she won’t have any power to do anything about it, any more than she did in 2015 and 2016. Same with COVID – she has no power to change that. I could tell her about the issues with the marriage but if I did, I risk Thirty deciding to break up with her boyfriend, who is my future husband and the father of my children. There’s one thing I can say, though. “If you can actually change anything… you’re gonna get the other house. Make sure Dad puts it in your name. Mom and Dad will have issues with some of our pets and it’ll be really upsetting when the house is a mess and they come to visit and complain about the house all day because it’s their house.”

“…How does Dad end up getting involved with the house?” Forty asks.

“Too complicated to explain,” I say, “and not an issue you need to force to exist.” Forty just attempted to get that house – the other half of our duplex – and failed because the underwriters for FHA loans refused to believe she was buying it to live in it rather than rent it out, and she didn’t have enough money to buy it the other way. It’ll work out better the way it actually happened, because Dad got it for a lot less money than Forty would have been able to buy it for, but she needs to not have the specter of how we are treating “their” house hanging over every interaction with Mom and Dad until Mom is dead. Especially if she can do something about Mom dying.

“Is there anything I need to watch out for?” Thirty asks Forty, or maybe me, or both of us.

“Nothing we can tell you. You’re going to have kids. Anything, however small, that you change could affect the timing of that and make you end up with completely different kids.”

Thirty considers that, and then nods. “Okay, good point.”

“Is everything really going to be terrible?” Ten asks. “It sounds like all the awful stuff happens between Forty and Fifty, and then we don’t even know, but… isn’t there anything good?”

“We’re not going to be what we thought we would be,” I say. “We’re not going to change the world. We’re not going to be the Uber-Feminist and whip our man into doing everything we say.” Ten is the only person here who even thought there was a chance of that one, really. “We’re not going to be published novel writers by this time. But we’ll have written four million words, most of it fanfic, most of it good, and we’ll actually enjoy reading it over, and it will always be a huge thrill to hear from someone who liked it. We’ll make many friends, over time, and there will be times when there aren’t any, but there will be times when there are a lot. We’ll make a huge difference in the lives of at least three children who aren’t biologically ours. We’ll learn a lot about ourselves and why we are the way we are and we’ll finally feel like we belong to the human race and there are others like us out there. And we’re also going to publish fifty-two stories in fifty-two weeks.”

“Well, I mean, we don’t know that,” Thirty says. “Unless you’re done.”

“Nope. Halfway through, though. And we’ll learn a lot about how to write short stories that way, and I’m sure that next year we can use that to write new ones that we can publish. It’s not over yet, girls.”

“But maybe you don’t have very much time,” Thirty says. “Because Sixty’s not here.”

“That’s why we’re in this car,” I say. I didn’t know what I was going to say until I said it, but now that I’m saying it, I feel with all my heart that it’s true. “We’re going to look for her. And if we find her, we’ll look for Seventy. Eighty I’m pretty sure is not happening, but what the hell, we’ll look for her too.”

Jig of Life by Kate Bush is playing on the radio. “This moment in time, she said, it doesn’t belong to you, she said. It belongs to me, and to your little boy and to your little girl and the one hand clapping, where on your palm is my little line, when you’re written in mine as an old memory…”

All of us stop to listen to the song. Ten doesn’t know it, but she likes it. She hasn’t seriously discovered her own tastes in music yet, and that song hasn’t yet been written. Twenty and the rest of them all know it, but only I know what it means.

The four of us who know the song sing along with it, and I start crying, but I keep singing anyway.

[abloomntime]

A Bloom In Time Ch7 Discovery P1

The darkness of the cold building seemed to be finally getting to the fused together ghosts and the reality of being able to feel human things again began to settle in as the two suddenly realized how cold they were and began soon after shivering and rubbing their sides up and down with their still pretty jello feeling arms. It was a bit easier to move now but still not easy. I mean it's been over a thousand years after all, how were they supposed to get human movements down bout twenty to forty minutes after becoming alive again. Speaking of everyone being alive at the moment- With Thor and his pal's help, the two were able to dragged the very unconscious Vanessa into the bathroom and with the old but heavy duty lock Hattie had from a previously locked door, they were able to lock her in good, but JUST to be on the safe side(insistence from Moonjumper over and over. The guy was PETRIFIED of her which was well understandable) the giant pale red armchair from down the hall was moved and placed against the locked door as well to help keep it closed. It took Thor, Mr Timothy, and a mafia man to move the heavy wooden thing so there was little chance Vanessa in her current form would be able to get out easily. Not soon long after that the once-frozen-Subconite followed his bosses orders and with the giant group of men behind him, while still holding the none struggling Rough Patch, began leading the group away from them towards the second floor stairs. Snatcher re-yelling the rules behind them.

"Remember to follow his EVERY instruction! Stay OUT of the swamp because if you all die on the way there I CANT save you, and when you get to my home stay OUT of my things until I get there!! And you be careful with Rough Patch! Not a single leaf on his head hurt!! The long way isn't easy! And I DO NOT EVER want to see any of you in my forest again or else I'll let you freeze again!!" "OH!! Give our throat a rest already will you now?"

The still grumpy child sat on the floor away from the two who was still weakly rubbing their sides and examining each piece of glass carefully before putting it back down or attaching it back onto the shard. She decided to start with the biggest piece and carefully put the thing magically back together somehow, but paused and looked up at the retreating group...then up at them with a confused look. "There's a long way around to get here?"

"Well of course!", Snatcher's voice said annoyed, "You think everyone could've made that jump over the cold, slippery bridge like you did without falling to their doom? Some of those bumbling fools must've found the way around. How else did ya think my minions could get over here to remind you of the agreement you signed about not using hats? Float across?"

....She shrugged. "I dunno. You float all the time and they're dead like you."

"Ouch, Kid! That hurts!" "Uh! Beg pardon," Moonjumper politely asked before pointing to the still broken time piece, "But how long pretell do you think that'll take to fix, Dear?"

"It usually takes three hours if I hurry."

"THREE HOURS?! OH! YOU GOTTA BE PECKING ME?!" "SNATCHER SHUSH!!" Moonjumper turned their head to the baracated bathroom door where silence still rang through. "The VERY last thing we need you doing is waking her up! Won't that be fun you loud mouthed owl! And PLEASE stop using the P word in front of the child!" Snatcher grumbled but didn't say anything else as they continued to rub at their sides.

But Hattie noticed and pointed it out as she stuck a finger in their direction. "Why are you rubbing your sides like that?" She blinked. "Are you guys cold? I thought ghosts couldn't get cold?"

"Well, Sweetie. You're not wrong, but if you haven't noticed, your bumbling jack-o-lanturn friend and I aren't ghosts at the moment. So we can very much feel the cold right now. And quite frankly, I do not like it at all." They shivered. "T-T-Too many memories."

Hattie wordlessly didn't argue with that at all. She didn't like being cold and remembering Vanessa chase her throughout the house, but suddenly an idea came to her. One that made her put the slightly bigger down now and stand up, both ghosts looking at her confused as she tugged on their arm and pointed at a door close to them. "There's a bed in there! You can cover up in the blankets while you wait."

"A-A-And be where Vanessa SLEEPS?! Good heavens NO!!" "I think for once I agree with Moonshine over here. That is the VERY last thing I want to do right now. I think I'd rather take my chances with the cold again."

Hattie gave them a flat 'I'm too young for this stuff' look. "Oh come on! You really wanna freeze to death?....Again."

"Is laying on the cold floor an option?"

"No!" She marched on over to them and grabbed onto their arm, tugged them forward and them falling over onto their hands and knees with a yelp from Snatcher. "I'm doing all the hard work now! The least you can do is stay warm and do ONE thing for me! PLEASE!!"

....Snatcher sighed. "Kid. Even if I did, I doubt either of us can walk over there in this state."

"Then crawl!"

"Crawl? Like a drunken idiot? HA! I'd look ridiculous!"

"PLEASE!!" She made those puppy dog eyes at them and Snatcher knew immediately that Moonjumper already melted at the cute sight and gave in thanks to their currently shared brain, but he grumbled under his breath as he plainly stared at her sad eyes. "Pretty please, Dad." AH! Pulling his weakness.

"OH!....ALRIGHT!! But not a SINGLE word about this to anyone! You hear me? Or it's triple grounding time for you!...That goes for you too moonboy! Not a word about this to anyone ever!"

There was no complaints about that from Moonjumper so very clumsily and slowly, the two slowly started pace to the door on jello arms and knees. Wobbling so badly with every movement Snatcher was sure they would fall flat on their faces. ....And they did. Hattie had to use her foot and move away the glass shards carefully as they attempted to wobble-crawl around the pile and towards the bedroom do- THUMP!! Their left arm wobbly gave out which left the two smacking their face to the ground making the poor girl jump and have to grab her hat before it fell off. Before bounding over to them as Snatcher cursed more 'peck' under his breath and very weakly and wobbly pushed them back up into crawling position. HE. PECKING. HATED. THIS!! So, so much already. Gritting his teeth and muttering versions of 'peck' over and over under his breath, the two somehow managed to fall, wobbly crawl, and get a headache all the way to the door with Hattie beside them in case they fell over again. She opened the door for them into the bedroom and they froze...Well, Moonjumper froze upon seeing their old shared bedroom where they and Vanessa once inhabited. Memories flashed through their shared mind of her again and Snatcher growled and shook their head.

"Moonboy. I am NOT in the mood for a trip down memory lane right now especially with HER! And I am certainly NOT gonna stay right here on the cold floor just to hit my head again!"

Moonjumper didn't say anything and Snatcher took full control of their shared body and forced them to wobbly crawl forward as Hattie followed behind once they made their way past the door giving her plenty of room to hop in watching as Snatcher crawled them over to the red bed a few feet from the door. Red musty wall paper lined the walls with the red color themed bed, and a lot of furniture to match. A wardrobe stood by the bed and past that was a vanity, writing desk, chest, small dresser with a candle holder on it, and a long table with a worn tablecloth on it. The floor was always creaky, and it creaked all the way when they crawled into the room and over to the bed. The only light offered in the room was the few candles by the bed and on the wall that lit up with magical fire, enough light to see at least, but also enough to see the various claw marks scratched into the old walls staining the wallpaper with it's creepy aura. Moonjumper was still not responding or communicating through their shared head but SNatcher could still feel the petrified fear coming off of him and he was starting to find it annoying. Forcing them back onto their knees, Snatcher reached over and grabbed onto the foot of the bed.....before forcibly trying to get onto their feet. If it weren't for the fact that the two ghosts were forced like this and had no experience being human for over a thousand years, it might've made her laugh trying to see an adult stand up like a bird with new legs, but right now she was more concerned about the two falling over. With their noodle legs Snatcher violently wobbled and gripped the sheets tightly messing them up, and forcing most of their body onto the bed minus their legs. Hattie had to walk over and help, it was too painful and awkward to watch after a while, and grabbed their legs, one by one pushing them up to lay on the beg with them. Eventually making it where they were laying on their stomach with their head at the foot of the bed on top of the disleved old, musty sheets. .......They sneezed from the dust and snatcher once again forced them up to their knees on the bed. Grumbling from the dust before forcing them around and wobble crawling up the bed until he carefully maneuvered themself around and forced their knees out from under them to sit properly with their legs over the side of the bed near the small drawer with the lit candles. Still cold but it was a five star hotel compared to laying onthe hard wood floor.

"There! All better?,'' Hattie asked walking around the bed and smiling back up at them.

"Yeah, Kiddo. Better than the dum floor at least. But I still think you should get back there and rebuild that thing as fast I can. I'd rather live out this punishment then get back to not living it out, if you get what I mean."

She pouted. "Hey! Don't forget it's your fault you purple dummy!"

"Trust me. I know!!....*sigh*" He reached up to rub their face and groaned. "Can you just...finish fixing it and reverse this please? I promise I'll make it up to you, just help me please, Kid!"

Hattie tilted her head at him, "Anything?"

"Yes. But could you at least grab me a book from the mini library downstairs?"..He looked thoughtful for a moment thinking. "....Grab me the one with the title called The Sparrow and The Knight if it's still there. I haven't read that in years."

The child sighed and turned around. "Ok. I'll be right back! But you still OWE me big time!!"

"Yes, yes." He waved her off after her, "Just go."

He sat their and watched as she ran out the doorway, her fast footsteps making the floor creak loudly as she ran away and he stared at the door until those fast and creaking footsteps faded away. He could hear Moonjumper hope she didn't wake Vanessa with her loud footsteps but the only noise now was the wind and occasional lightning strike outside. He usually liked the silence of his home so he could read on hours on end or think of new contracts or traps to be made. But his forest and swamp usually had the chirping of frogs or the chitter chatter of his ghostly subjects in the background for that, or the giggles of little children. But right now he would gladly rather have the kids bug him for eternity than sit here in this dead silence with wind and lightning. Maybe it was just the many worries Moonjumper was thinking right now, or the fact he was vulnerable in this form, or the fact Vanessa was literally a hallway and room away. Locked up and unconscious, but still a few yards away. Or maybe it was all three, but he was starting to get tired of it really quick waiting for the kid to come back with the book he requested. Snatcher huffed and turned their eyes around the old room drinking in the details of the room, guess things didn't change much. Except for the claw marks and the ruined painting on the wall over there. Eventually his eyes glazed over the furniture near him including the writing desk with old yellowed paper on it, the old chest, and the lit candles with a book right next to I-......Snatcher blinked their eyes at the small green book. It was a very dull green with light tears here and there and even tho it was VERY faded, the dull black word 'Diary' was engraved on the cover with very pretty cursive writing......A....Diary?? In Vanessa's room? Wow. It didn't take too long to figure out who it probably belonged too. ....But all of a sudden his mind got a curious idea-

"D-D-Don't do it." Snatcher jumped at the sudden voice of the fearful Moonjumper finally managing to force itself through and scowled. "Look Moonboy. There isn't anyone here to stop us from looking and after all we've been through you can't say we don't at least have the right to 'invade on her privacy' after all the 'invading' she did to YOU!!....I mean me!...Us? AH!! I MEAN we can't get any kind of revenge on her now so Im taking what I can get! And if ol' blondie gets upset and throws a tantrum over her 'pwecious diary' being read, them Im not going to give into that pecking tantrum and coddle her like she always guilted us into!" ......"I-I still don't know. I d-don't think I want to see any thoughts she had." "EVEN if it means we'll get some power over a situation she laid out for once and get the teeniest revenge on her? If she also never knows it'll be better cuz we'd get to get away with it! Not that we wouldn't anyways." Moonjumper remained silent thinking over what Snatcher said carefully before sighing. "Alright. B-But that doesn't mean Im going to like it." "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!"

Snatcher smiled evilly on their face and reached their wobbly arms out and grabbed the book......if it could even be called that!! The Book cover was obviously made for a thick book. A thousand pages at least, but it was barely filled with pages when he opened it, giving a confused frown and raised brow. What the-.... Only about two or three pages were in tact, very yellowed with chicken scratch writing like a dizzy blind person wrote the few faded words he saw. There was ends of many other pages where they were obviously ripped out and done away with, but that didn't stop his annoyance. Vanessa had a diary with three pages left minimum and ruined an entirely good book! Wasted potential and paper!! And just when he thought she couldn't get crazier!! Rolling their eyes, he latched onto the faded chicken scratch to see if he could make heads or tales of the horrible writing. He noticed on the bottom corner of the page was the very faded letter 13. Huh...So this must've been page 13 of the diary then. Alright. Let's see what nonsense Vanessa wrote.

"Why? What have I done wrong? In his letters he talks about her. A 'tutor'. He says he loves me. But SHE sees him. I get letters, and SHE gets his time. He is MINE. Once his studies are finished I will have him back. "

.........Both ghosts stared blankly at the what was scratched down and processed it in their heads. Snatcher catching onto the real meaning behind it rather quickly and almost dropped the book onto the floor in shocked. .....L-Letters??...His studies??..A TUTOR?! HOLY PECK!!! THIS WAS WRITTEN WHILE HE LEFT FOR A FULL YEAR OF LAW STUDIES!! Moonjumper was somewhere between confused and panicked in their mind but Snatcher reread the page to make sure he was reading it right, and looked around the other half of the page and turned it over, but the entire page was black except for those few sentences. But just by looking at those few lines he came to the hard conclusion that.......Vanessa...Was JEALOUS!! Of his old tutor....A lady that was old enough to be his great grandmother( at the time he was alive) and who had taught his father before him....VANESSA WAS JEALOUS OF A LITTLE OLD LADY THAT HAD ZERO CHANCE WITH HIM. And her referring to him in 'He is MINE.' just added to the whole creepy vibe he always had with her, dead or alive. Moonjumper made them shudder in disgust while Snatcher growled and flipped it over to the next page. Like before the entire page was wasted and left unused except for a few random chicken scratches in the middle and this time the faded number was 48. Page 48.

" Dear Diary, Today my prince left to begin his studies. He will be so far away, and for so long. He has promised to write. He won't forget me, will he? His beloved princess."

........Wait. What?

This.....This wasn't even written in the right order of events!! He left for his studies BEFORE he sent her any letters!! Which he always regretted, and wished he HAD forgotten her, and KNEW she was NEVER his let alone a 'beloved princess'. Snatcher only continued to grow more irritated and snarled at the book in his hands before flipping to the last in tact page in seemed with the faded number 73.

"He is coming back. Just one weekend. A short holiday, from HER. I will convince him to stay. I CANNOT let my love leave Again. Sounds a little melodramatic. "

Yeah...He remembered that. One week holiday before going back to his studies, their anniversary week too. Spent all his pons on a bracelet he used to trade for flowers .....from.....Snatcher actually growled. Guess he was still able to use THAT ghostly ability. And once again the 'HER' was a woman who he always saw as his GRANDMOTHER in a way!! If she read his letters truly she would've known that!! And not letting him leave? HA!! Guess what?! He DID and was now king of everything in their kingdoms!! A LITTLE MELDRAMATIC!? REALLY?! SHE HAD ONE SMALL BIT OF SENSE FOR A SECOND AND SHE SAYS IT WAS A LITTLE DRAMATIC?! SHE WAS CRAZY!! ABSOLUTELU BONKERS!! MAD!! INSANE!! OFF HER ROCKER!! BANANAS!! WHAT EVER YOU CALL IT!! She didn't even write the events in order. Page 48's events came BEFORE page 13's. Was she just flipping to a random page and crazily writing these down in no order?? He wouldn't be surprised if she did! Still hard scowling, Snatcher tossed the book away from him, but because their arm was still pretty weak it only landed two or three feet away with a soft thump as he glared daggers at it.

"Snatcher?" He jumped and turned around to see the little girl standing there in the doorway as she came in. Holding a small red cover book in her hands. She came around the bed and stopped glancing at the book on the floor before blinking and looking back up at them. "Were you reading the crazy lady's diary?"

"Yeah...Crazy is an understatement. More like peckin' owlpoop insane!!" "Again.. LANGUAGE!!" "Be quiet Moonshine!" He glanced back down to her hands and the book. "That's not the book I asked. It has a yellow cover."

She held it up to them anyways. "I couldn't find it so I got this one instead cuz I liked the moon pictures in it!"

Snatcher reached over and grabbed it from her. Glancing over the cover and reading 'Moon Phases and Star Constellations by Star S. Hine'. "....I suppose this would work just to wait a few hours." And It might help Moonboy calm down, he loved talking about the moon and stars like poetry.

"Uh huh!" She once again looked down to the green book on the floor. ".....Were you really reading this?"

Snatcher opened the book to the first page but stopped and looked at her. "Yeah. But why does it matter?"

"Did you read the other pages yet?"

He blanked for a second. ".............There's MORE?!"

She nodded. "Ill go get them!'' Before either could protest she had already turned around and ran off. Through the door into the old nursery and after a moment they could hear the other door attached to the other side of nursery.............After a few more moments, the same door opened, and then the door attaching the nursery to Vanessa's bedroom reopened and Hattie ran back in but not to them. Instead she ran over to the writing desk and grabbed the two yellowed papers on it. Adding them randomly to her small pile of now five pieces of paper and running back up to them smiling before presenting them up to them. "Here! I made sure to grab them all! They were all over the place!"

They both just stared at her for a moment, before snatcher once again made them move and grabbed them from the small child. They all had the same chicken scratch writing like in the diary with random faded numbers near the bottom, and the sides were torn. So these must've been some of the random pages that were ripped from the diary, and like the rest, all had just a few sentences wasting the rest of the space the paper provided. Annoyed all over again he read what the first page said.

"Im sorry about your hair, My Prince. I just wanted our lengths to match! ....and color...and curl ...you look wonderful! "

His....HIS HAIR!? He remembered that! He was taking a nap when he awoken to the feeling of something wet on his head, like he had just taken a shower. But instead woke to the sight of a mildly panicked Vanessa above him and a painful sensation to his head so he rushed to the bathroom to look in the mirror. Only to discover his lovely brown hair had been very sloppily died yellow with obvious patches of his natural color here and there, and the painful sensation was a couple of curlers too tightly rolled into random spots on his head. He took them out and got into the shower immediately to wash it out to no avail. Of course Vanessa when asked about it cried and said she only wanted to practice doing hairstyles. Like the idiot he was, he forgave her not a few seconds after. And it turned out he couldn't wash it out. He was to wear it off which left him looking ridiculous!! Embarrassing him in front of everyone including....... Well...That didn't matter anymore. He did NOT look 'wonderful'. Snatcher's eyes narrowed and flipped to the next random page.

"Mother had a bit of an accident last week, so today I got crowned as queen. Now the prince can't call me his princess! Life isn't fair!"

He remembered the old sick Queen very well. She was a stern and cranky old lady, but very nice and professional when you got to know her. She was a lot like Vanessa in ways but much MUCH better if you asked him. She loved discussing his interests with him and thought it was very responsible of him to want to study law. Even though he was never able to attend her funeral or really found out how she died, he really did miss the old coot sometimes. Sometimes he even wondered if she could've done anything to stop Vanessa if only he brought it up...Oh well. That past is past. But seriously!? Her only mother had passed and she was upset over the fact he couldn't call her 'princess' anymore?! The entitlement of this woman! If she just asked politely to be called that as a nickname he wouldn't have minded, but peck!! He missed his parents more than anything and she doesn't even write down anything expressing the same thing!! His annoyance grew as did the usually calm Moonjumper's as he turned to the next page.

"Oh, I wish I could just keep him always! Locked up and in chains in the cellar! But you can't chain a man...can you?"

This-....

This actually made the two freeze up and for a moment a blank face fell upon them. .....Locks...Chains.....Celler.......That was....how he....they.....They never saw her agai- WAIT!! SHE HAD THIS IDEA IN MIND FROM THE VERY START!? THAT PECKING NO GOOD WITCH!! He swore he was gonna tear the papers from hold tight their hold became. Had she planned this?! And was only pushed over the edge of crazy with one little misunderstanding?! OOOOOOHHHH!! He wasn't sure when the last time he got THIS angry but Moonjumper forced him to look over at Hattie who currently was for some reason looking up at the ceiling with a curious look and he reluctantly stood down. No point getting mad over it now Moonjumper's thoughts were saying as they bounced around and instead of confronting him, Snatcher turned to the next page.

"My prince enjoys his breakfast far too much. I'm jealous of that darn bacon! No more bacon in this house!"

WHO. BANES. BACON. AND. GETS. JEALOUS. OVER. FOOD?!

Snatcher had about had it with all this terrible chicken scratch trip down terrible memory lane and flipped to the last page, wondering which event she wrote about on the last one. One of her tantrums? Or maybe him being 'unprincely'? But when he saw the fancy curvy cursive, he paused. .......This paper was yellowed like the rest of the others, but there was definitely NO chicken scratch to these neat and proper letters. Was this a page written before she went crazy and started squibbling nonsense? But...It was torn and shorter than the rest. Instead of there being any evidence of it being torn from the side, there was a tear right down the middle. As if it was never a part of a book at all-.......Realization suddenly dawned on him making their eyes go wide.

"M-...My letter," Moonjumper whispered out as they read over it.

"My Dearest Vanessa, It has been many days since I saw you last, but it feels like months. My time at the Acadmey is hard, but I am progressing quickly. There is so much to study when it comes to law, but the library here is well-stocked. Our tutors are the finest in the land, and I am thankful for their help. I have been attending private study with one, an experienced practitioner of law by the name of Lady-"

.....The .....Their letter ended off with the tear. Not knowing what the world happened to the other half other than is had to have been torn by Vanessa. When he...When he began writing her letters, he wasn't very happy to be writing to her to be honest, but he was still loyal to her and put effort into being polite in them. Telling her all about his favorite law books, and the garden, and his old tutor he adored so much.....But did she just see the word lady and assume she was the new love of his life?! Not reading WHO she was and tearing the thing to shreads in pure jealousy and craziness!? They bothe scowled down at the remains of the letter they sent to her all those years ago, Hattie not paying attention. She had taken a few steps still staring at the ceiling curiously but turned around behind her when she heard tearing. They were tearing the letter......Well that's not true. Moonjumper was. But Snatcher made no move or thought to stop him. The other papers he just let float to the floor in random places as the letter was torn and shreaded into tiny little pieces before released to the floor in old yellowed paper snow. Hattie watched as it all fell to the floor before saying something.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because my dear..." Moonjumper looked at her. "That might've been the only part of me left behind in this cursed place. The last part of me Vanessa had....I wouldn't want her to have a hold of any part of me. She doesn't deserve it."

"Oh." She stared at them and the destroyed letter by all the papers for a moment before resuming her odd behavior of looking up at the ceiling which caught Snatcher's attention and he looked up to the plain dusty ceiling for a couple seconds as well. ....Before raising a brow back to her.

"Kid. WHAT are you staring at? I know everything around her is pretty dead, but I think you could find another way to occupy your time. Like maybe gluing a magical hourglass back together. QUICKLY!"

She only continued to stare. "Don't you guys hear that?"

They looked up to the ceiling in silence. .....Nothing but the wind outside and occasional lightning- A small, weak creaking noise came from above them somewhere and Hattie pointed before looking at him like 'See! There it is!'. Making Snatcher roll his eyes and wave her off picking up their book again.

"It's just the old house settling or the wind. I should know. Im an expert on old haunted houses."

......She looked back up to the ceiling with a hum. "I don't know. I never heard that before when I was here.''

"Probably because you were a little busy running away from blondie."

"But...What if it's someone who got frozen? They might need help."

"Kid. You've been to the third floor before and so have I. I've never seen any frozen people up there did you?"

"No....But Im going to go look anyways." She bounded to the door with them following her.

"Up there? By yourself?!

"I can handle it!" She pulled her trusty umbrella out of no where and twirled it around. "I beat you didn't I?"

His eyes narrowed. "Kid. That's not the point. One being you NEED to reverse this as soon as possible. And second because you don't know what's up there and Im useless like this." "S-Sweetheart. I agree with the grape noodle on this. Y-You could get into trouble!"

"I'll be fine! Besides, there's no ice people statues up there. And it'll just be a quick check. Don't be such a peckneck!"

"Wha- HEY!! IM NOT A PECKNECK!!"

The small girl giggled like a maniac before running out of the room where they couldn't follow even if they tried. Grumbling Snatcher turned them back to the book In their lap and picked it up, turning to the first page.

'Chapter One What are the Moon and Stars made Of?'

[polyamorouspixie]

on age gaps

Right, we gotta talk about this. Elsewhere on the internet I saw an 18yo asking for advice regarding a man in his forties and his girlfriend in her twenties, who had approached the 18yo on Tinder and were intending on her losing her virginity with them. 

I was the only one commenting who did not encourage her to go through with this.

There is a lot to unpack here. 

I’m going to start by saying, teenagers of Tumblr, I know you’re not going to like a lot of what I say. I’m 31, but I remember being your age and that’s how I know this stuff. I don’t mean any of it as an insult, simply a fact. I want you to be armed with the information to be able to make informed choices about your life. 

I want to quickly point out that because it’s the most common occurrence, I’m going to mostly refer to older men trying to get involved with younger women, but of course people of any gender can be abusers and people of any gender can fall prey to that. If you’re a 17yo boy who has a woman in her fifties chasing you, this definitely all applies to you.

So where to start. In the original post that inspired this one, she said “what’s so wrong with two adults wanting to teach another adult about sex?”

Now, an 18yo is an adult. But there are different kinds of adult. 

An 18yo is a BABY adult. Adulthood isn’t achieved in one day; it takes time to become one.

Here is a list of things you generally learn between the ages of 18 and 25, probably the most important growing up stage (you know how they say “you really start to learn to drive once you’ve passed your test”? You’re out on your own now, the real learning begins): --how to keep a home liveable, clean and stocked up. --how to support yourself financially --how to physically pay bills, set up services and organise money --how to solve financial problems, DIY problems, emotional problems, and other issues without involving a Grownup --how to cope with illness by yourself --how to cope with a financial Disaster like losing a job --how to talk to Adults who are not your peers without subconsciously seeing them as an Authority Figure --how to have authority figures without subconsciously resorting to obedient child or rebellious child headspace --how to be independent from your parents --how you feel about alcohol, and if you want to use it, how to use it moderately --how to cope with the end of a relationship --how to tell a partner what you want from them, reinforce boundaries, tell them you’re unhappy with some of their behaviour without being afraid it will end the relationship

Those are the things that separate a young adult from a general adult. A lack of confidence and skill in many of those areas makes a person vulnerable to abuse, especially from someone older with an established career and home. Simply put: if someone has resources and you don’t, you subconsciously feel they are an authority figure, and you are not practised in reinforcing your boundaries in relationships, you are not in a position to consent to a relationship with them. 

I get it. Teenage and early twenties boys are crap. They’re morons. They love farting and videogames and they treat women like prizes. I accidentally fell into relationships with men all my adult life, but I didn’t know I was attracted to them until I was in my late twenties, and I suspect before that maybe I wasn’t. But if you’re looking for maturity, you won’t find it in a man past his early twenties who is okay with dating teenagers. 

Adult men do not just happen to run into young girls all the time. If you see an older man on any dating website or app: he has deliberately set his preferences to show women of your age. My Tinder range is 24-40, and I tend to go “eurgh” at the under 25s anyway. Because those people are in the same period of their life as me, they have similar knowledge, understanding and experience. I have friends who are in their early twenties and they are awesome people. But they also have extremely poor relationship skills simply due to lack of experience and I would not like to date them. And when I talk to people at work who are that age, (once they realise I’m not the same age as them, I’m really babyfaced): they treat me as if I know things purely by being older than them. I’m not a higher authority than them, but if I give them commands, they do it. They ask me questions on the assumption that I know everything a manager would know. I bet they don’t even realise they do this; I didn’t when I was their age. So we know that any older man finding young girls on dating apps is deliberately seeking them; we know if he meets them in the workplace there is a serious power imbalance. Other than that the most common way these guys meet women is by seeking out hobbies and social groups that attract teenage girls, so guess what? Predatory behaviour. 

Some of the reasons adult men seek teenage and early twenties girls and women: --younger women probably don’t know what good in bed looks like so they won’t call out the fact that he’s lazy and inconsiderate --they’re easier to groom into putting up with the kind of bad or even abusive behaviour a woman his own age would dump him for --they fetishize youth and innocence because they’re gross creeps who find the idea of willing consent a huge turnoff --they’re sexists who think women are prizes and objects that “expire” at 25 and are somehow soiled by having relationships instead of seeing that woman are beautiful, interesting and fascinating people throughout their entire lives --they are vile people who don’t give a toss about consent or having a relationship with someone who understands what that means and is his equal, and who wish they could date younger but don’t want to go to prison

If anyone dares come to me with some absolute guff about how it’s “just biology” to be attracted to teenage girls no matter your age, consider this: 1) humans can become pregnant up to and including during their forties and they aren’t “most fertile” at 15; they are still GROWING up to 25 and pregnancies in teenagers are dangerous 2) there are millions upon millions of people out there in happy relationships that cannot result in biological pregnancy for a multitude of reasons, and they are attracted to one another anyway 3) if you’re a man who uses Viagra and you’re making this argument I hope you stumble into an unexpected mine shaft.

I think once you get to your late twenties, the gap narrows between you and much older people because you’re experienced at being an adult, and I’m not going to judge a 50yo dating a 30yo unless he only dates 30 and under exclusively. At that point the power difference is minimised and the younger person can hold their own in that relationship. I’m not against age gaps as a concept; I’m just deeply worried about people who are the target of people who are attracted to them BECAUSE they are vulnerable, and don’t realise how unhealthy sexual and romantic relationships with older people are.

[idiottantrum-blog]

Archived Post: Ask a Husband #1: Joint Finances

So back when I first started this website, I did a few installments of this thing where I took some general relationship questions that people sent me and wrote a post in a mock Dear Abby sort of advice column. The few of them I did ranged in how serious the advice I gave was. This one despite being largely about cat sweaters and discontinued cereal (you'll see) I felt actually addressed the question that was posed. Others were far less helpful. 

I eventually stopped these as I didn't really enjoy doing them. I took that part of the site down and it's been buried ever since. I came across the posts while digging through some old stuff though and remembered I did actually think some of them were kind of funny, so I decided to re-post them on the main site. I'll put them up one at a time over the next few weeks, and possibly even post one that never saw the light of day in the first place. We'll see.

Here is the first ever Ask a Husband. Perhaps 'Ask an Idiot' would be a more apt title now.

Ask A Husband #1: Joint Finances

Originally posted July 19 2015

For the first ever installment of Ask a Husband, I'm going to discuss a question that I got a few times. That topic is "Joint Finances"

“A newlyweds guide to managing finances together.”

— Paula S.

“How to make his and her money “our” money while both still being able to spend as wanted!”

— Ashley M.

One of the big things that must be dealt with as a newly married couple is figuring out how to make the transition from maintaining separate bank accounts to managing your finances as a joint entity.

Before I begin dishing out advice on this topic, let me start with a disclaimer. On this matter, there really is no single correct way to do things. You and your significant other are going to have to talk things over, figure out what is going to work best for you and go with that. If you're having a tough time coming to a consensus you can always point them to this site and tell them "Hey, when that guy isn't writing stories about farts and giggling about unintentionally phallic objects he has a few thoughts on joint bank account management you should look into." That should pretty much seal the deal that I'm a totally credible source of information.

It's a whole new experience sharing your finances with someone

The prospect of someone else having access to all your financial information, as well as your purchasing habits once you get married can be unsettling at first. Who want's to face having to explain to their angry spouse why they bought a forty dollar box of Rice Krispies Treats Cereal on Amazon? Certainly not me. (Because they're goddamn delicious and you can't get them in stores anymore FYI) 

Going from having complete and total control over how and when you spend your own money to managing everything with another person can be stressful, especially if you end up feeling like your unable to have any 'fun money' to spend on the occasional frivolous item for yourself.

If this resonates with you, perhaps the same method of managing finances that works for my wife and I will fit you and your partner. We organize our finances so that we cover some things together, whilst still maintaining a portion of our incomes independently.

The Future is now!

First I'll say this. I love the continued progress we are making in the world towards not having to interact humans for basic services. When the inevitable robot apocalypse occurs and humans are overthrown as the dominant life form on the planet by the new master race of robo-murdertron 9000's and I'm hunted down and pulped to make some sort of battery recharging slurry my last words will be "At least for a while I was able to do my banking without having to talk to anyone".

Setting up multiple accounts with your bank and managing them from your computer or phone is awesome. In our household, we've got all our accounts at our fingertips and can move money around at will. It makes maintaining multiple checking and savings accounts which we've designated for different purposes a snap.

I highly recommend if you are not already doing so, get yourself set up to do mobile banking with accounts you both have access to. It will help massively with managing your budget and keeping you both on the same page with your finances. 

Getting your budget in order

Before we get to the part of managing your finances together where you get your own money to blow on headphones for your cat or something, you should make sure all of your other affairs are in order.

In other words, the order of importance of figuring out where your money is going looks something like this:

Bills and essentials

Savings

Cat Headphones

Seems simple but it's really easy to forget that you need to make sure you've got all your bills payed and you're putting something away for later before running out to buy a new gadget. Especially if you're younger and just starting out. Way too many times have I heard things like It's okay to be broke now, your just starting out, you're supposed to be broke. You've got time to save later. As justification for spending on things you really can't afford. A word of advice: It is okay to be broke, and it is okay treat yourself, but do so responsibly. Always be putting at least something away for later. Even if it's just a few bucks a month at first. Even if it just means going out to dinner one less time that month, that's twenty bucks more than you had before and it adds up over time. You may be glad you've got a few hundred or a few thousand bucks in reserve down the road in an emergency.

How We Do It

What we did for our money management was work out a system where all of our recurring bills are payed from a single joint checking account that we set up solely for that purpose. We each contribute 50% towards bills like rent, utilities, food, cable, ect, while putting in 100% of the cost towards any recurring bills we felt were individual responsibilities (things like student loans and individual car payments).

This works for us as it has all of our money going out from one account for easy tracking, and in a situation where my monthly expenses are much higher than her's due to my student loans and the fact that her car is payed off already, it doesn't put that financial burden on her. Everything is nice and even.

Once we had the bills covered we each took whatever was left from each of our monthly incomes and split it up in several ways. These boil down to: Long term savings, incidentals, and fun money.

Long term savings is money we put aside in addition to what we are each already contributing to our respective 401k and retirement funds. This is money that we don't touch, but have readily available in an emergency. (Like if one of our jerk dogs breaks through two secured gates, gets into the kitchen and eats seven ears of corn and needs emergency surgery, to provide you with a highly specific example).

Incidentals is for the various things you inevitably need to purchase that aren't  covered in the monthly budget. We move a certain amount of money to this account each month and use it for the random purchases we make throughout the month (like 95% of it being the twelve consecutive trips I end up making to Lowe's every time I try to fix something stupid around the house like the outside hoses.) As we are still in the process of furnishing our house we periodically try to let it build up over a while and then make a large purchase like a piece of furniture. (We never buy anything we can't afford to pay for then and there. Credit card debt is the writhing spawn of Satan's housekeeper Norma.)

Now onto my personal favorite: Fun money. We have together fun money, and we have individual fun money. Each month after we've moved the designated amount of money for our bills, incidentals and long term savings, we take whatever is left over and put it into the fun money accounts. We have one that we share, which we use primarily to save for vacations, and we each have a separate account that the other person doesn't have access to.

With the bills paid and some money being squirreled away for a rainy day, the money in this personal account is considered ours and ours alone to do with as we please. If I want to buy a 40 dollar box of cereal on the internet, I can do so entirely guilt free. She loves getting her nails done, if she wants to go do that, great! If I purchase a sick cat sweater, we have a talk about being embarrasing in public but hell if that's not my money to spend on cat sweaters if I want! Having that little bit of money set aside each month that is entirely yours to spend on whatever you want is, in my opinion, a healthy way to maintain that balance between "his and her" money and "our" money.

The other benefit to managing things this way is that it forces you to be more responsible and deliberate with your purchasing. If I want to blow all my money on Cat sweaters and Cereal, I'm free to do that, but I only put so much money in my fun money account each month. If I spend it all, there is no dipping into the other pools of cash, I've gotta wait. If I want to buy something more expensive, I've got to be happy with the sweaters I already own, and whatever bran flavored box of disappointing adult cereal we have in the house for a couple of months. Ultimately I find it makes purchasing that new laptop or expensive gadget all the more rewarding because the anticipation of saving up for it made it that much more sweet when I actually got my hands on it. 

Bottom Line, have boundaries set and stick to them   

Now before you run off and buy a purebred Welsh Corgi which is genetically proven to be a 99% genetic relative to the Queen of England's third favorite dog and name him Colonel Stuben Crumplebuttons, or roll out to the gentleman's club and make it rain singles on a dancer named Cinnamon who's "just working her way through nursing school", realize that while fun money is meant to be for you to spend on things that make you happy, you are still in a relationship. 

Don't go pointing the finger at me when your significant other is pissed that you got a dog without consulting them or come home smelling like glitter and broken dreams. "The cat sweater and cereal guy said I could spend this money on whatever I wanted!" is not going to fly, I promise you that.

Make sure if you are purchasing something that will affect the other person, you consult with them before doing it.

Like in all things in a marriage, you can usually avoid conflict by talking things out with one another and being on the same page with your plan. That goes not just for how you are spending your fun money, but for setting up your budget and establishing how any leftover money is being handled after the bills have been payed in the first place.

As I said before, the plan I outlined is just how my wife and I handle things. That's what works for us, but it might not be what is best for you. Figure out your plan for your finances and once it's in place, stick to it. Before you know it you'll be rolling in all the cat sweaters and cereal you could ever want.

[illtalktoyoureyes-blog]

 Siren and Jake have exhausted all of their options.

They've taken parenting classes, encouraged their children to use 'I' statements to express themselves, and attended four different therapy sessions with four different child psychiatrists of varying degrees of competency, (their last session ends abruptly after Piper flips the sand tray over and demands to see Dr. Melan's medical degree) before it becomes glaringly apparent that all of the family meetings and incentive-based 'positive behavior' charts in the world aren't capable of changing the reality of the situation.

♣

A few years after the late Tuesday afternoon wherein she sits in the living room watching her son punch an adult man in the face on CNN and realizes she may have underestimated the comfort level upon which her children operate re: sharing important things about their lives, Siren writes a book.

Part memoir, part examination of the complexities of modern parenting, the six hundred page collection of essays ranging anywhere from practical advice about delegitimizing the validity of gender roles to deeply humiliating anecdotes about leaving three-year-old Henry on a public bus that traverses the length of downtown Swellview before it's stopped by the transit authority. (Turns out, contacting the transit authority is a long, drawn out process that requires then Vice Mayor Clancy to pause Cat Surgeons mid-operation, drag himself out of the basement of the Mayor's mansion he's finally gotten security clearance to house-sit for while Mayor Willis is saying farewell to her appendix at Swellview General, drive three point four miles to City Hall, and fill out the paper work necessary to request the paper work necessary to contact the transit authority.)  What Don't You Know is at turns; poignant, funny, horrifying, absurd and profound. It becomes a touchstone amongst the 'stay at home' set. A metric of morality in the hands of the kale-pureeing, baby yoga enthusiast, Mommy and Me seminar leaders. A dollop of bizarre escapism for exhausted single parents thankful that their most pressing trials are trying to decide which triple chocolate carrot cake looks the most "homemade" and explaining to strangers that 'Herbert's' tendency to latch onto people's forearms with his teeth is a sign of affection.

It even makes the New York Times best-seller list. Hovers at forty-nine for the three weeks Siren travels the talk show circuit.

♣

Piper's Face Tube channel gains four hundred and twenty-six followers after her mother's first appearance on Say What? With Pepper Jones.

 By the end of the tour  her follower count is up to a personal high of 15k. Despite the fact that they officially broker peace between their empires on stage at the Southern California Face Tube Awards her freshman year and that they've even collaborated on videos since, the knowledge that this count is roughly two thousand higher than Marla Kadowsky's  fills Piper with the type of savage glee specific to triumphing over people stupid enough to underestimate her.

She doesn't pick up the book until she's so bored she isn't even really thinking about what she's doing. Doesn't actually open the thing until the Saturday morning the Wi-Fi goes out. After throwing herself in bed and screaming until she can't anymore, she rolls over and nearly impales herself on the sharp corner of the gross, stupid hardcover.

It's too...she can't really-

She gets to the fifth page.

♣

She doesn't like miss him or anything (gross). Piper can barely stand to look at his ugly ass profile pic  on the rare occasions his stupid phone butt dials her. But for some reason, during Henry's weekly check-in from USC, after her parents are done asking all kinds of dumb questions and saying nauseating Hallmark Movie stuff while failing to hold back their 'I can't believe you came out of me' tears, Piper picks up her father's laptop and announces\yells that she'll be in her room.

Thanks to the angle of Henry's webcam, she has a great view of his 'practically falling apart bookshelf, his weird little action figures, the upper right hand corner of the Galaxy Wars XII poster that's curling off the wall, flapping in the breeze from the fan. The book is next to the keyboard. It takes five minutes of Henry not shutting up about his creepy roommate before she loses her patience and tells him she starts it.

Henry goes quiet. He's silent for so long Piper has time to remember a passive aggressive tweet about "ungrateful redheads" Marla Kadowsky sends out three days before . Well no. The morning that tragic sea witch chooses is the six year anniversary of the day Piper uploads her first Face Tube video, because of course it is. Henry interrupts her (rude) to ask all sorts of stupid questions like "wait, why are we in your room?" and "what are you even talking about?" and then they're just sort of yelling at each other and Piper can't exactly remember why but it feels good to crawl back up into her upper register.

Then Henry says, in his dumb normal voice: "I finished it."

And, well...neither of them really say anything after that.

[abloomntime]

A Bloom In Time Ch7

The darkness of the cold building seemed to be finally getting to the fused together ghosts and the reality of being able to feel human things again began to settle in as the two suddenly realized how cold they were and began soon after shivering and rubbing their sides up and down with their still pretty jello feeling arms. It was a bit easier to move now but still not easy. I mean it's been over a thousand years after all, how were they supposed to get human movements down bout twenty to forty minutes after becoming alive again. Speaking of everyone being alive at the moment- With Thor and his pal's help, the two were able to dragged the very unconscious Vanessa into the bathroom and with the old but heavy duty lock Hattie had from a previously locked door, they were able to lock her in good, but JUST to be on the safe side(insistence from Moonjumper over and over. The guy was PETRIFIED of her which was well understandable) the giant pale red armchair from down the hall was moved and placed against the locked door as well to help keep it closed. It took Thor, Mr Timothy, and a mafia man to move the heavy wooden thing so there was little chance Vanessa in her current form would be able to get out easily. Not soon long after that the once-frozen-Subconite followed his bosses orders and with the giant group of men behind him, while still holding the none struggling Rough Patch, began leading the group away from them towards the second floor stairs. Snatcher re-yelling the rules behind them. 

"Remember to follow his EVERY instruction! Stay OUT of the swamp because if you all die on the way there I CANT save you, and when you get to my home stay OUT of my things until I get there!! And you be careful with Rough Patch! Not a single leaf on his head hurt!! The long way isn't easy! And I DO NOT EVER want to see any of you in my forest again or else I'll let you freeze again!!" "OH!! Give our throat a rest already will you now?"

The still grumpy child sat on the floor away from the two who was still weakly rubbing their sides and examining each piece of glass carefully before putting it back down or attaching it back onto the shard. She decided to start with the biggest piece and carefully put the thing magically back together somehow, but paused and looked up at the retreating group...then up at them with a confused look. "There's a long way around to get here?"

"Well of course!", Snatcher's voice said annoyed, "You think everyone could've made that jump over the cold, slippery bridge like you did without falling to their doom? Some of those bumbling fools must've found the way around. How else did ya think my minions could get over here to remind you of the agreement you signed about not using hats? Float across?"

....She shrugged. "I dunno. You float all the time and they're dead like you."

"Ouch, Kid! That hurts!" "Uh! Beg pardon," Moonjumper politely asked before pointing to the still broken time piece, "But how long pretell do you think that'll take to fix, Dear?"

"It usually takes three hours if I hurry."

"THREE HOURS?! OH! YOU GOTTA BE PECKING ME?!" "SNATCHER SHUSH!!" Moonjumper turned their head to the baracated bathroom door where silence still rang through. "The VERY last thing we need you doing is waking her up! Won't that be fun you loud mouthed owl! And PLEASE stop using the P word in front of the child!" Snatcher grumbled but didn't say anything else as they continued to rub at their sides.

But Hattie noticed and pointed it out as she stuck a finger in their direction. "Why are you rubbing your sides like that?" She blinked. "Are you guys cold? I thought ghosts couldn't get cold?"

"Well, Sweetie. You're not wrong, but if you haven't noticed, your bumbling jack-o-lanturn friend and I aren't ghosts at the moment. So we can very much feel the cold right now. And quite frankly, I do not like it at all." They shivered. "T-T-Too many memories."

Hattie wordlessly didn't argue with that at all. She didn't like being cold and remembering Vanessa chase her throughout the house, but suddenly an idea came to her. One that made her put the slightly bigger down now and stand up, both ghosts looking at her confused as she tugged on their arm and pointed at a door close to them. "There's a bed in there! You can cover up in the blankets while you wait."

"A-A-And be where Vanessa SLEEPS?! Good heavens NO!!" "I think for once I agree with Moonshine over here. That is the VERY last thing I want to do right now. I think I'd rather take my chances with the cold again."

Hattie gave them a flat 'I'm too young for this stuff' look. "Oh come on! You really wanna freeze to death?....Again."

"Is laying on the cold floor an option?"

"No!" She marched on over to them and grabbed onto their arm, tugged them forward and them falling over onto their hands and knees with a yelp from Snatcher. "I'm doing all the hard work now! The least you can do is stay warm and do ONE thing for me! PLEASE!!"

....Snatcher sighed. "Kid. Even if I did, I doubt either of us can walk over there in this state."

"Then crawl!"

"Crawl? Like a drunken idiot? HA! I'd look ridiculous!"

"PLEASE!!" She made those puppy dog eyes at them and Snatcher knew immediately that Moonjumper already melted at the cute sight and gave in thanks to their currently shared brain, but he grumbled under his breath as he plainly stared at her sad eyes. "Pretty please, Dad." AH! Pulling his weakness.

"OH!....ALRIGHT!! But not a SINGLE word about this to anyone! You hear me? Or it's triple grounding time for you!...That goes for you too moonboy! Not a word about this to anyone ever!"

There was no complaints about that from Moonjumper so very clumsily and slowly, the two slowly started pace to the door on jello arms and knees. Wobbling so badly with every movement Snatcher was sure they would fall flat on their faces. ....And they did. Hattie had to use her foot and move away the glass shards carefully as they attempted to wobble-crawl around the pile and towards the bedroom do- THUMP!! Their left arm wobbly gave out which left the two smacking their face to the ground making the poor girl jump and have to grab her hat before it fell off. Before bounding over to them as  Snatcher cursed more 'peck' under his breath and very weakly and wobbly pushed them back up into crawling position. HE. PECKING. HATED. THIS!! So, so much already.  Gritting his teeth and muttering versions of 'peck' over and over under his breath, the two somehow managed to fall, wobbly crawl, and get a headache all the way to the door with Hattie beside them in case they fell over again. She opened the door for them into the bedroom and they froze...Well, Moonjumper froze upon seeing their old shared bedroom where they and Vanessa once inhabited. Memories flashed through their shared mind of her again and Snatcher growled and shook their head. 

"Moonboy. I am NOT in the mood for a trip down memory lane right now especially with HER! And I am certainly NOT gonna stay right here on the cold floor just to hit my head again!"

Moonjumper didn't say anything and Snatcher took full control of their shared body and forced them to wobbly crawl forward as Hattie followed behind once they made their way past the door giving her plenty of room to hop in watching as Snatcher crawled them over to the red bed a few feet from the door. Red musty wall paper lined the walls with the red color themed bed, and a lot of furniture to match. A wardrobe stood by the bed and past that was a vanity, writing desk, chest, small dresser with a candle holder on it, and a long table with a worn tablecloth on it. The floor was always creaky, and it creaked all the way when they crawled into the room and over to the bed. The only light offered in the room was the few candles by the bed and on the wall that lit up with magical fire, enough light to see at least, but also enough to see the various claw marks scratched into the old walls staining the wallpaper with it's creepy aura. Moonjumper was still not responding or communicating through their shared head but SNatcher could still feel the petrified fear coming off of him and he was starting to find it annoying. Forcing them back onto their knees, Snatcher reached over and grabbed onto the foot of the bed.....before forcibly trying to get onto their feet. If it weren't for the fact that the two ghosts were forced like this and had no experience being human for over a thousand years, it might've made her laugh trying to see an adult stand up like a bird with new legs, but right now she was more concerned about the two falling over. With their noodle legs Snatcher violently wobbled and gripped the sheets tightly messing them up, and forcing most of their body onto the bed minus their legs. Hattie had to walk over  and help, it was too painful and awkward to watch after a while, and grabbed their legs, one by one pushing them up to lay on the beg with them. Eventually making it where they were laying on their stomach with their head at the foot of the bed on top of the disleved old, musty sheets. .......They sneezed from the dust and snatcher once again forced them up to their knees on the bed. Grumbling from the dust before forcing them around and wobble crawling up the bed until he carefully maneuvered themself around and forced their knees out from under them to sit properly with their legs over the side of the bed near the small drawer with the lit candles. Still cold but it was a five star hotel compared to laying onthe hard wood floor.

"There! All better?,'' Hattie asked walking around the bed and smiling back up at them.

"Yeah, Kiddo. Better than the dum floor at least. But I still think you should get back there and rebuild that thing as fast I can. I'd rather live out this punishment then get back to not living it out, if you get what I mean."

She pouted. "Hey! Don't forget it's your fault you purple dummy!"

"Trust me. I know!!....*sigh*" He reached up to rub their face and groaned. "Can you just...finish fixing it and reverse this please? I promise I'll make it up to you, just help me please, Kid!"

Hattie tilted her head at him, "Anything?"

"Yes. But could you at least grab me a book from the mini library downstairs?"..He looked thoughtful for a moment thinking. "....Grab me the one with the title called The Sparrow and The Knight if it's still there. I haven't read that in years."

The child sighed and turned around. "Ok. I'll be right back! But you still OWE me big time!!"

"Yes, yes." He waved her off after her, "Just go."

He sat their and watched as she ran out the doorway, her fast footsteps making the floor creak loudly as she ran away and he stared at the door until those fast and creaking footsteps faded away. He could hear Moonjumper hope she didn't wake Vanessa with her loud footsteps but the only noise now was the wind and occasional lightning strike outside. He usually liked the silence of his home so he could read on hours on end or think of new contracts or traps to be made. But his forest and swamp usually had the chirping of frogs or the chitter chatter of his ghostly subjects in the background for that, or the giggles of little children. But right now he would gladly rather have the kids bug him for eternity than sit here in this dead silence with wind and lightning. Maybe it was just the many worries Moonjumper was thinking right now, or the fact he was vulnerable in this form, or the fact Vanessa was literally a hallway and room away. Locked up and unconscious, but still a few yards away. Or maybe it was all three, but he was starting to get tired of it really quick waiting for the kid to come back with the book he requested. Snatcher huffed and turned their eyes around the old room drinking in the details of the room, guess things didn't change much. Except for the claw marks and the ruined painting on the wall over there. Eventually his eyes glazed over the furniture near him including the writing desk with old yellowed paper on it, the old chest, and the lit candles with a book right next to I-......Snatcher blinked their eyes at the small green book. It was a very dull green with light tears here and there and even tho it was VERY faded, the dull black word 'Diary' was engraved on the cover with very pretty cursive writing......A....Diary?? In Vanessa's room? Wow. It didn't take too long to figure out who it probably belonged too. ....But all of a sudden his mind got a curious idea-

"D-D-Don't do it." Snatcher jumped at the sudden voice of the fearful Moonjumper finally managing to force itself through and scowled. "Look Moonboy. There isn't anyone here to stop us from looking and after all we've been through you can't say we don't at least have the right to 'invade on her privacy' after all the 'invading' she did to YOU!!....I mean me!...Us? AH!! I MEAN we can't get any kind of revenge on her now so Im taking what I can get! And if ol' blondie gets upset and throws a tantrum over her 'pwecious diary' being read, them Im not going to give into that pecking tantrum and coddle her like she always guilted us into!" ......"I-I still don't know. I d-don't think I want to see any thoughts she had."  "EVEN if it means we'll get some power over a situation she laid out for once and get the teeniest revenge on her? If she also never knows it'll be better cuz we'd get to get away with it! Not that we wouldn't anyways." Moonjumper remained silent thinking over what Snatcher said carefully before sighing. "Alright. B-But that doesn't mean Im going to like it." "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!"

 Snatcher smiled evilly on their face and reached their wobbly arms out and grabbed the book......if it could even be called that!! The Book cover was obviously made for a thick book. A thousand pages at least, but it was barely filled with pages when he opened it, giving a confused frown and raised brow. What the-.... Only about two or three pages were in tact, very yellowed with chicken scratch writing like a dizzy blind person wrote the few faded words he saw. There was ends of many other pages where they were obviously ripped out and done away with, but that didn't stop his annoyance. Vanessa had a diary with three pages left minimum and ruined an entirely good book! Wasted potential and paper!! And just when he thought she couldn't get crazier!! Rolling their eyes, he latched onto the faded chicken scratch to see if he could make heads or tales of the horrible writing. He noticed on the bottom corner of the page was the very faded letter 13. Huh...So this must've been page 13 of the diary then. Alright. Let's see what nonsense Vanessa wrote.

"Why? What have I done wrong? In his letters he talks about her. A 'tutor'. He says he loves me. But SHE sees him. I get letters, and SHE gets his time. He is MINE. Once his studies are finished I will have him back. "

.........Both ghosts stared blankly at the what was scratched down and processed it in their heads. Snatcher catching onto the real meaning behind it rather quickly and almost dropped the book onto the floor in shocked. .....L-Letters??...His studies??..A TUTOR?! HOLY PECK!!! THIS WAS WRITTEN WHILE HE LEFT FOR A FULL YEAR OF LAW STUDIES!! Moonjumper was somewhere between confused and panicked in their mind but Snatcher reread the page to make sure he was reading it right, and looked around the other half of the page and turned it over, but the entire page was black except for those few sentences. But just by looking at those few lines he came to the hard conclusion that.......Vanessa...Was JEALOUS!! Of his old tutor....A lady that was old enough to be his great grandmother( at the time he was alive) and who had taught his father before him....VANESSA WAS JEALOUS OF A LITTLE OLD LADY THAT HAD ZERO CHANCE WITH HIM. And her referring to him in 'He is MINE.' just added to the whole creepy vibe he always had with her, dead or alive. Moonjumper made them shudder in disgust while Snatcher growled and flipped it over to the next page. Like before the entire page was wasted and left unused except for a few random chicken scratches in the middle and this time the faded number was 48. Page 48.

" Dear Diary, Today my prince left to begin his studies. He will be so far away, and for so long. He has promised to write. He won't forget me, will he? His beloved princess."

........Wait. What?

This.....This wasn't even written in the right order of events!! He left for his studies BEFORE he sent her any letters!! Which he always regretted, and wished he HAD forgotten her, and KNEW she was NEVER his let alone a 'beloved princess'. Snatcher only continued to grow more irritated and snarled at the book in his hands before flipping to the last in tact page in seemed with the faded number 73. 

"He is coming back. Just one weekend. A short holiday, from HER. I will convince him to stay. I CANNOT let my love leave Again. Sounds a little melodramatic. "

Yeah...He remembered that. One week holiday before going back to his studies, their anniversary week too. Spent all his pons on a bracelet he used to trade for flowers .....from.....Snatcher actually growled. Guess he was still able to use THAT ghostly ability. And once again the 'HER' was a woman who he always saw as his GRANDMOTHER in a way!! If she read his letters truly she would've known that!! And not letting him leave? HA!! Guess what?! He DID and was now king of everything in their kingdoms!!  A LITTLE MELDRAMATIC!? REALLY?! SHE HAD ONE SMALL BIT OF SENSE FOR A SECOND AND SHE SAYS IT WAS A LITTLE DRAMATIC?! SHE WAS CRAZY!! ABSOLUTELU BONKERS!! MAD!! INSANE!! OFF HER ROCKER!! BANANAS!! WHAT EVER YOU CALL IT!!  She didn't even write the events in order. Page 48's events came BEFORE page 13's. Was she just flipping to a random page and crazily writing these down in no order?? He wouldn't be surprised if she did! Still hard scowling, Snatcher tossed the book away from him, but because their arm was still pretty weak it only landed two or three feet away with a soft thump as he glared daggers at it.

"Snatcher?" He jumped and turned around to see the little girl standing there in the doorway as she came in. Holding a small red cover book in her hands. She came around the bed and stopped glancing at the book on the floor before blinking and looking back up at them. "Were you reading the crazy lady's diary?"

"Yeah...Crazy is an understatement. More like peckin' owlpoop insane!!" "Again.. LANGUAGE!!" "Be quiet Moonshine!" He glanced back down to her hands and the book. "That's not the book I asked. It has a yellow cover."

She held it up to them anyways. "I couldn't find it so I got this one instead cuz I liked the moon pictures in it!"

Snatcher reached over and grabbed it from her. Glancing over the cover and reading 'Moon Phases and Star Constellations by Star S. Hine'. "....I suppose this would work just to wait a few hours." And It might help Moonboy calm down, he loved talking about the moon and stars like poetry. 

"Uh huh!" She once again looked down to the green book on the floor. ".....Were you really reading this?"

Snatcher opened the book to the first page but stopped and looked at her. "Yeah. But why does it matter?"

"Did you read the other pages yet?"

He blanked for a second. ".............There's MORE?!"

She nodded. "Ill go get them!'' Before either could protest she had already turned around and ran off. Through the door into the old nursery and after a moment they could hear the other door attached to the other side of nursery.............After a few more moments, the same door opened, and then the door attaching the nursery to Vanessa's bedroom reopened and Hattie ran back in but not to them. Instead she ran over to the writing desk and grabbed the two yellowed papers on it. Adding them randomly to her small pile of now five pieces of paper and running back up to them smiling before presenting them up to them. "Here! I made sure to grab them all! They were all over the place!"

They both just stared at her for a moment, before snatcher once again made them move and grabbed them from the small child. They all had the same chicken scratch writing like in the diary with random faded numbers near the bottom, and the sides were torn. So these must've been some of the random pages that were ripped from the diary, and like the rest, all had just a few sentences wasting the rest of the space the paper provided. Annoyed all over again he read what the first page said. 

"Im sorry about your hair, My Prince. I just wanted our lengths to match! ....and color...and curl ...you look wonderful! "

His....HIS HAIR!? He remembered that! He was taking a nap when he awoken to the feeling of something wet on his head, like he had just taken a shower. But instead woke to the sight of a mildly panicked Vanessa above him and a painful sensation to his head so he rushed to the bathroom to look in the mirror. Only to discover his lovely brown hair had been very sloppily died yellow with obvious patches of his natural color here and there, and the painful sensation was a couple of curlers too tightly rolled into random spots on his head. He took them out and got into the shower immediately to wash it out to no avail. Of course Vanessa when asked about it cried and said she only wanted to practice doing hairstyles. Like the idiot he was, he forgave her not a few seconds after. And it turned out he couldn't wash it out. He was to wear it off which left him looking ridiculous!! Embarrassing him in front of everyone including....... Well...That didn't matter anymore. He did NOT look 'wonderful'. Snatcher's eyes narrowed and flipped to the next random page.

"Mother had a bit of an accident last week, so today I got crowned as queen. Now the prince can't call me his princess! Life isn't fair!"

He remembered the old sick Queen very well. She was a stern and cranky old lady, but very nice and professional when you got to know her. She was a lot like Vanessa in ways but much MUCH better if you asked him. She loved discussing his interests with him and thought it was very responsible of him to want to study law. Even though he was never able to attend her funeral or really found out how she died, he really did miss the old coot sometimes. Sometimes he even wondered if she could've done anything to stop Vanessa if only he brought it up...Oh well. That past is past. But seriously!? Her only mother had passed and she was upset over the fact he couldn't call her 'princess' anymore?! The entitlement of this woman! If she just asked politely to be called that as a nickname he wouldn't have minded, but peck!! He missed his parents more than anything and she doesn't even write down anything expressing the same thing!! His annoyance grew as did the usually calm Moonjumper's as he turned to the next page. 

"Oh, I wish I could just keep him always! Locked up and in chains in the cellar! But you can't chain a man...can you?"

This-....

This actually made the two freeze up and for a moment a blank face fell upon them. .....Locks...Chains.....Celler.......That was....how he....they.....They never saw her agai- WAIT!! SHE HAD THIS IDEA IN MIND FROM THE VERY START!? THAT PECKING NO GOOD WITCH!! He swore he was gonna tear the papers from hold tight their hold became. Had she planned this?! And was only pushed over the edge of crazy with one little misunderstanding?! OOOOOOHHHH!! He wasn't sure when the last time he got THIS angry but Moonjumper forced him to look over at Hattie who currently was for some reason looking up at the ceiling with a curious look and he reluctantly stood down. No point getting mad over it now Moonjumper's thoughts were saying as they bounced around and instead of confronting him, Snatcher turned to the next page.

"My prince enjoys his breakfast far too much. I'm jealous of that darn bacon! No more bacon in this house!"

WHO. BANES. BACON. AND. GETS. JEALOUS. OVER. FOOD?!

Snatcher had about had it with all this terrible chicken scratch trip down terrible memory lane and flipped to the last page, wondering which event she wrote about on the last one. One of her tantrums? Or maybe him being 'unprincely'? But when he saw the fancy curvy cursive, he paused. .......This paper was yellowed like the rest of the others, but there was definitely NO chicken scratch to these neat and proper letters. Was this a page written before she went crazy and started squibbling nonsense? But...It was torn and shorter than the rest. Instead of there being any evidence of it being torn from the side, there was a tear right down the middle. As if it was never a part of a book at all-.......Realization suddenly dawned on him making their eyes go wide.

"M-...My letter," Moonjumper whispered out as they read over it.

"My Dearest Vanessa,  It has been many days since I saw you last, but it feels like months. My time at the Acadmey is hard, but I am progressing quickly. There is so much to study when it comes to law, but the library here is well-stocked. Our tutors are the finest in the land, and I am thankful for their help. I have been attending private study with one, an experienced practitioner of law by the name of Lady-"

.....The .....Their letter ended off with the tear. Not knowing what the world happened to the other half other than is had to have been torn by Vanessa. When he...When he began writing her letters, he wasn't very happy to be writing to her to be honest, but he was still loyal to her and put effort into being polite in them. Telling her all about his favorite law books, and the garden, and his old tutor he adored so much.....But did she just see the word lady and assume she was the new love of his life?! Not reading WHO she was and tearing the thing to shreads in pure jealousy and craziness!? They bothe scowled down at the remains of the letter they sent to her all those years ago, Hattie not paying attention. She had taken a few steps still staring at the ceiling curiously but turned around behind her when she heard tearing. They were tearing the letter......Well that's not true. Moonjumper was. But Snatcher made no move or thought to stop him. The other papers he just let float to the floor in random places as the letter was torn and shreaded into tiny little pieces before released to the floor in old yellowed paper snow. Hattie watched as it all fell to the floor before saying something.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because my dear..." Moonjumper looked at her. "That might've been the only part of me left behind in this cursed place. The last part of me Vanessa had....I wouldn't want her to have a hold of any part of me. She doesn't deserve it."

"Oh." She stared at them and the destroyed letter by all the papers for a moment before resuming her odd behavior of looking up at the ceiling which caught Snatcher's attention and he looked up to the plain dusty ceiling for a couple seconds as well. ....Before raising a brow back to her. 

"Kid. WHAT are you staring at? I know everything around her is pretty dead, but I think you could find another way to occupy your time. Like maybe gluing a magical hourglass back together. QUICKLY!"

She only continued to stare. "Don't you guys hear that?"

They looked up to the ceiling in silence. .....Nothing but the wind outside and occasional lightning- A small, weak creaking noise came from above them somewhere and Hattie pointed before looking at him like 'See! There it is!'. Making Snatcher roll his eyes and wave her off picking up their book again. 

"It's just the old house settling or the wind. I should know. Im an expert on old haunted houses."

......She looked back up to the ceiling with a hum. "I don't know. I never heard that before when I was here.''

"Probably because you were a little busy running away from blondie."

"But...What if it's someone who got frozen? They might need help."

"Kid. You've been to the third floor before and so have I. I've never seen any frozen people up there did you?"

"No....But Im going to go look anyways." She bounded to the door with them following her.

"Up there? By yourself?!

"I can handle it!" She pulled her trusty umbrella out of no where and twirled it around. "I beat you didn't I?"

His eyes narrowed. "Kid. That's not the point. One being you NEED to reverse this as soon as possible. And second because you don't know what's up there and Im useless like this." "S-Sweetheart. I agree with the grape noodle on this. Y-You could get into trouble!"

"I'll be fine! Besides, there's no ice people statues up there. And it'll just be a quick check. Don't be such a peckneck!"

"Wha- HEY!! IM NOT A PECKNECK!!"

The small girl giggled like a maniac before running out of the room where they couldn't follow even if they tried. Grumbling Snatcher turned them back to the book In their lap and picked it up, turning to the first page.

'Chapter One What are the Moon and Stars made Of?'