#but we're all going through some heavy stuff in our daily lives and i try to be careful not to just........ trauma dump

[hearts-hunger]

i'm extremely good at hiding when the conversation of my coworkers triggers me but i don't know if that's a good thing

[w2soneshots]

INside -Angry ginge

words: 0.9k+

warnings: none.

summary: you enter the inside house and quickly get along with a particularly attractive ginger boy.

notes: hello loves! I’ve had so many people asking for more angry ginge fics so here’s a one off😉. Enjoy!!💓🫶🏼

Today I'm going into a house with nine other people for a week. No connection with the outside world, no internet and with mostly strangers that I've never met. It's for the sidemen's new reality show. I haven't been told much about it so it will be quite a surprise.

The taxi dropped me off outside and I grabbed my suitcase from the boot. I pushed open the heavy door to reveal what looked like an airport security. I furrowed my brows. "The fuck is this?" I walked through the scanner then read the signs on the mirror. "Smile for the camera." I pulled a face then popped my suitcase onto the conveyor belt. Once I was finished I opened the door on the right.

The house was quiet when I made my way up the stairs. "Hello?!" I shouted out. I walked into the living room. "Hey!" Joe ran towards me. "Hi! I can't believe you're in here!" We shared a quick hug. I've known Joe for years. It was nice to know that someone I knew was in the house. Then another guy stepped forward. "Hello. I'm Morgan." He greeted me with a cute smile. I smiled back. "Hi, I'm y/n."

The next to arrive was Chloe (who I know since I was on her podcast), followed by everyone else. They all seemed nice but I could tell that there was a few people in it just for the money, which I understand but I want to make friends and just have some fun. We picked our beds. I ended up between Morgan and Manrika. We all sat down on the sofa to have a chat. After a little while Miniminter, Vik and KSI walked into the room. Everyone erupted in cheers and claps.

"Welcome to inside!" JJ started dramatically. "You will all be battling it out for a prize fund that starts out at one million pounds." Everyone clapped once again. "As you guys can see, there's not much in this house. That's because everything costs money." Vik said, putting on his best presenter voice. "No Vik no!" Joe joked. Simon began, "We're going to be opening the shop so you can buy whatever you want, but you're going to be paying for it through everyone's prize money." Vik went on to explain all about the shop, the daily challenges and food (we only get basic stuff unless we want to purchase it from the shop).

They left soon after and we continued to chat away. Until the tv screen lit up, reading 'the shop is now open'. Everyone raced downstairs. "Two grand for the pool balls?! You're taking the piss." Ginge stared at the board. "You have to pay for a shower? Are you fucking joking!" My eyes widened. I really didn't want to have cold showers every day.

After a long conversation about the shop and trying not to spend anything we all went upstairs. Then lunch arrived. It was freezing cold rice and chickpeas. I genuinely could not force myself to eat it, it was disgusting. Everyone went to eat their food then me and Ginge slipped away from the group to go downstairs. We giggled as we hurried into the shop. "I'm fucking starving." I ordered a packet of crisps and a fizzy drink. He ordered the same. We sat on the floor and ate in peace.

After the first night I slowly began to catch feelings for Morgan, and Chloe was quick to notice. "But do you find him attractive?" She asked me as we got ready. "I don't know. He's tall and he's cute." I replied, not making eye contact with her. "Oh you definitely like him!" She chuckled.

It started to become a running joke in the house. The way we looked at each other, our banter and the fact we always sat next to each other. Me and Ginge didn't talk about it directly but one day Specs was telling me about the conversation he had had with Morgan and it was very interesting. "He said that he would go on a date with you if he got the chance." "You're joking?" I was slightly surprised and I didn't want to look like a mug if Specs was just having me on. "No seriously. He likes you y/n."

Ginge left the next day and I actually missed him. It felt weird not having him around. I ended up getting into the final three before I left. I was really happy for Chloe and Manrika. I also saw Morgan again, we shared a quick hug then I gave him the rundown on what happened after he had left. We filmed tiktok's, took pictures and then said our goodbyes. I felt as though I had made some really good friends and made some interesting memories.

A few days after the final I got a call from Morgan. "Hey!" I answered in a cheerful voice. "Hi, I just wanted to ask if you were free anytime this week?" He got straight to the point and sounded slightly nervous. "Are you asking me out?" "Uh- well- yeah." He stumbled on his words. "So Specs wasn't joking." I thought out loud. "What?" "I'll explain on our date. You free Friday?" I asked. Unbeknownst to me a huge smile spread across his face. "Yeah I am." "Great see you then."

After I decided the call I quickly rang Chloe. "Babe, you'll never guess who just asked me out!" I began excitedly. "Who? Wait! Ginge?! No way!" She screeched down the phone.

[trulybetty]

Sunday Week in Review XI

This week's header is dedicated to @legendary-pink-dot for the idea of Dieter being his own 80s sitcom 😝💕

Is everyone okay this morning? Have we all recovered from last night? Do we need to hydrate, grab a snack (not that kind of snack) and recoup? Any welfare checks we need to send out? Phew 🫠

It's been a slog to get through this week, and I didn't get to as much reading as I wanted, which you'll see below. These daily prompts have been taking up more time than I expected and work has picked up (rude). But I'm also realising as I read through people's weekly round-ups, that I've missed a lot this week that I haven't seen come across my dash.

So if you've posted something this week (fanfic, thots or anything else) and you'd like to share it - feel free to drop it in my DM's or as an Asks!

T R U L Y  U P D A T E S . . .

oct' x 15 - first wine (sequins!joel x reader)

oct' x 16 - flying kites (frankie x reader)

oct' x 17 - whispers (chiffon!dieter x bryony)

oct' x 18 - picking apples (sequins!joel x reader)

oct' x 19 - ghosts (dieter x f!reader)

oct' x 20 - sweater weather (chiffon!dieter x bryony)

oct' x 21 - acorns (tim rockford x f!reader)

birthdays, besties & bravos (celebrating the lovely @wildemaven)

W H A T  I  R E A D . . .

A Safe Haven | Chapter 9 (Joel) (Check TW’s) by @joelsgreys This was the update I've been so patiently waiting for and it did not disappoint! This is a fantastic series that I never thought I'd get so emotionally invested in - but that's how good Vee is! This is always one of my top recommendations when suggesting Joel fanfics to read!

Working Title | Chapter 14 (Dieter) by @rhoorl Another great update for Dieter and Belle - I'm rooting for these two from the sidelines and I'm exciting to see how things play out for them!

Delta Landscaping | Chapter 8 (Triple Frontier + Pedro Characters) by @rhoorl Okay, there's not one, but two Pedro Character appearances this week and I'm trying to figure out how I can move to Mule Falls Court like yesterday - because it's all going down over there and I highly recommend this be added to your reading if you haven't read it yet. A Month of Sundays (Various) by @gnpwdrnwhiskey I'm living for all of these prompts and I can't choose one or two because they've all been soooo good!

M E M O R A B L E  P O S T S . . .

I'm on edge as @for-a-longlongtime shares more of their WIP that is Peña x Rockford x Reader, with that line up you know it's going to be good!

Self Care with Dieter & Jett (@morallyinept) - this week it's emotions and highlights some important stuff!

More Dieter and his hippo table shenanigans delivered by @i-love-movies to @gnpwdrnwhiskey, this made my week 🤣

B R O U G H T  T H E  J O Y . . .

Bit of a personal one, but we got to do a little Halloween festive trip out yesterday with the little Truly's. Something you're not always able to do when you have a child with extra needs, as events such as these can be a bit overwhelming for a multitude of reasons. So when we're able to attend ones that are specially catered for families like ours, it's always a special occasion - even if it does make you realise how unfit you are wrangling two kids 🤣 Also, keeping on brand, Baby Truly adored all the Halloween decor and was waving and saying hello to her minions the props.

Watched the new Goosebumps on Disney+ not expecting much, and I actually enjoyed it. Little Betty would have been all over this as a kid.

Also, watched my annual viewing of Practical Magic, which thanks to the wonders of the digital age I own to stream to my heart's content regardless of the season.

T H I S  W E E K ' S  J A M . . .

Back in my Matchbox Twenty feels this week 💛 - this one has been in heavy rotation while writing!

Hope everyone has had a great week! Here's to a new week ahead! Hopefully, if Pedro makes another appearance we'll all be ready for it, or at least recovered by then! 😝🫠

Happy Sunday all! ☀️💛

[coochiequeens]

BIPOC Ladies in Minnesota l here’s something to look into

ST. LOUIS PARK, Minn. -- A Minnesota woman who grew up in East Africa is trying something new when it comes to mental health. She's found a unique way to help women clear their heads - and free their finances.

It was a rainy Saturday morning at Ainsworth Park in St. Louis Park, but women showed up - to walk. 

Kimberly Steward, who lives in the city, is part of the walking club of women. 

"We're all coming together with same or similar problems that I feel like we don't get to talk about on the daily," Steward said.

Steward is a busy mom who likes to make time for this walking club.

"It's very nice, very intimate, and it just gives us a chance to like let our hair down without the pressure of what it's like to be a woman and a mother and so many titles. We get to just walk and talk [laughs]!" she said.

And they talk about some really heavy stuff, as Yolanda Farris explained. 

"A lot of us are struggling silently," Farris said.

Farris has walked quite a journey in life. She is in long-term recovery and coaches women in sobriety. She is also a newly-elected St. Louis Park Council member - a woman with a powerful story.

It was Muna Ali's story that got the walking club started. The East Africa native recently left her job in finance to start the Minnesota BIPOC Women's Association, hosting programs like a weekly walk and talk about life and money. She explained why walking works wonders.

"You don't have to think about being perfect at it, it's just walking, one of the most mindful exercises that you can do to get our heart healthy," Ali said. "We are incredibly interested not only in the physical well-being of our participants, but their mental health."

She says another important factor is that women of color are freely bonding. 

"A lot of our women, they feel alone, they feel isolated, and lot of them also don't realize that we share traumas, that we do come from a shared background. So it validates their hurt, validates how they have felt for many years. She says it's an activity of comfort. That's why everyone is smiling when they are walking. No one is frowning, I love that," Ali said. 

Steward is smiling about the group, too.

"They've shown me that I'm not alone and that there are other women going through either what I'm going through or something similar," Steward said.

"When I leave, I don't feel the same as I did when I got here," Yolanda said. "I am always focused on other people. When I come here, I get to focus on me and talk about me and how I feel, and so that's been beautiful."

"Walking with Confidence" will be going on the next two Saturday mornings at Ainsworth Park from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m.

The BIPOC Women's Association has many other resources, with the goal to increase self-worth and net worth.

Please add any women only or women focused groups in other places in the notes or reblogs

[seonghwa-is-babie]

What we've been missing (pt. 2)

Ateez x male hybrid! Reader

Note: hope you guys enjoyed part 1, I really enjoy writing this series so I hope you will enjoy it too :)

The following morning, San woke up with y/n still lying on his chest. He smiled and and gently pet the hybrid until he heard shuffling from the bed above his, most likely from wooyoung waking up.

"alright San, time to wake up we have a schedule toda- what's that cat doing there?" wooyoung questioned as he got down from his bed "it's y/n, I think he couldn't sleep so he came here for the night"

Meanwhile, Yunho came down to the living room to check up on and say good morning to y/n, but to his shock, the hybrid wasn't there "good morning yunho, why so shocked?" seonghwa wondered as he walked towards the kitchen to prepare breakfast

"y/n's gone" that made seonghwa stop dead in his tracks "what? How come? I thought he liked it here" he said bummed out "we have to find him" yunho said in a panic "yunho calm down, let's try to think rational before you go out there and get lost. Where do you think he could've gone off to?"

"seonghwa, Yunho, what's all the noise about, are you guys okay?" wooyoung questioned as he came into the living room with San, who was holding y/n "y/n's gone, I don't know where he went but I'm going out to look for him"

"what do you mean he's gone? He's right here" San gestured to the cat in his arms. He put y/n down so he could go towards the two confused males. As he reached yunho, he immediately started rubbing his head on yunho's leg "y/n what happened? I thought you were sleeping on the couch"

Said male turned back human "I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep so I went to look for you, but I didn't know what room you were in so I picked a random door and it was San and wooyoung's room" yunho hugged him "you don't have to apologise, I was just worried I couldn't find you"

"alright, now that that's solved, let's go make breakfast" wooyoung said as he went to the kitchen followed by seonghwa, the others went to the living room, waiting for breakfast "y/n, we should go buy you some extra clothes after our schedule today"

"you don't have to, I-I can just wear my old clothes" y/n protested "it's okay, we really don't mind, how about we check who's schedule ends the earliest and they can take you shopping" y/n didn't feel like arguing so he just leaned into yunho

"apparently jongho and mingi finish today around the same time relatively early, they can take you, y/n" San said, petting the hybrid.

"good morning guys, good morning y/n, did you sleep well?" Hongjoong asked y/n as he stepped into the living room. He nodded, not wanting the other to worry about his less than successful sleep on the couch

"can someone wake the others up, breakfast is ready" y/n shyly volunteered "thank you y/n, mingi and Yeosang are in the same room and jongho shares his with yunho" he nodded at the information given by wooyoung and went to the rooms, back in cat form since he likes being an actual cat "since when can y/n do......that?" he heard Hongjoong say slightly shocked, slightly confused

Since most rooms were open, he picked up yunho's scent fairly quickly. trailing into the room, finding the bottom bunk empty, he concluded jongho was lying on top. Somehow he managed to climb and jump his way to the top, like cats do, and started trying to wake the maknae up

Sadly the latter was still heavy asleep, so y/n started lightly tapping jongho with his paws. He eventually did wake up and was slightly shocked at the random cat on his chest. He looked a bit closer and noticed the ears on the cat were the same as y/n's ears

"y/n? What are you doing here?" the cat gestured towards the end of the bed and meowed "you want me to go down?" he meowed again, confirming jongho's guess. He went down from his bed, helping y/n get down as well

Said hybrid then went to the only room that hadn't opened yet, Yeosang and mingi's room "you gotta wake them up too? I'll open the door for you" and he did, y/n slipping inside afterwards

⏳

After he managed to wake them up, they went to the kitchen to join the others for breakfast, y/n back in his human form. "took you long enough sleepyheads" wooyoung teased as they sat down, all except for one

"y/n, why aren't you sitting down?" snapped out of the trance "oh sorry, back home I wasn't supposed to eat with my owners" yunho got out his seat and over to the hybrid "y/n, it's okay, we're not your old home, so you don't have to follow their rules anymore"

yunho gently took hold of y/n's hands, internally gushing about how small they were compared to his, and guided him to sit down between him and san

⏳

After everyone finished breakfast and got their stuff ready, they headed towards the kq building for their daily schedules

Y/n didn't know who he should follow so he let himself get dragged by two of the members, which happened to be San and wooyoung "come on y/n, you're coming with us"

⏳

The rest of the day was pretty mundane, a regular practice day. Y/n was in awe the firts few times but eventually fell asleep on the floor, due to the lack of sleep from the previous night

San and wooyoung just finished dancing to wonderland, looking over their shoulder to find y/n sleeping, curled up in his cat form. San cooed and went to sit next to y/n

"You're getting attached" wooyoung pointed out "so what? He's cute and I wanna help him" San whined back, gently petting y/n. Wooyoung giggled and went to sit with them "he is pretty cute, and helping him is definitely nice, but what about after that. What are we gonna do when he all set to go on his own?"

San looked down at y/n's sleeping form, wondering what would actually happen? Would he want to stay with them? Would he want to go out on his own? "I-I don't know what's gonna happen, but I know we have to help him now"

⏳

They stayed like that for a while, y/n eventually climbing into San's lap. Resting after the tough choreography.

Suddenly the door opened, mingi and jongho coming in all ready to go out after their schedule "where's y/n? Yunho said you guys basically dragged him to your schedule" jongho asked, curious on where the hybrid could've gone off to.

San pointed towards his lap "are you guys going shopping already?" he pouted, bummed out he couldn't spend more time with y/n. Nonetheless he shook him awake

"y/n, it's time to go shopping" mingi said exited, but trying not to scare him off. He tried getting up, but was held back by wooyoung and San clinging onto him "can't he stay with us?" wooyoung whined

"wooyoung, San, he needs clothes" San and wooyoung reluctantly let him go at jongho's argument "fine, but we won't forgive you so easily for taking away our precious kitten!"

⏳

"pick out anything you like, y/n, we'll pay for it" they had entered the first of many stores. It seemed to be a hybrid specialist clothing store, where the pants had holes for tails, and hoodies had holes for ears and plenty of collars.

Y/n was browsing through some articles when a store worker approached him "excuse me, where's your owner? Hybrids don't usually come in on their own" she asked concerned, he panicked, realising he was technically a stray, in a desperate attempt, he scanned the store for where mingi and jongho were, finding them not that far from him, finding items they think would look good on him.

He pointed at them "oh alright, just wanted to make sure you had someone in here with you" she smiled and walked away. Little did he know they heard the entire thing and were internally gushing about it

"y/n, we found some things we think you'd like" said boy turned around, curious as to what they brought him. He was surprised they got him quite a few things "go ahead and change, we'll wait here for you"

⏳

The remainder of the day was spent with mingi and jongho taking y/n to a bunch of different stores, letting him pick out anything he wants and pay for it. Mingi was helping y/n choose his clothes whilst jongho looked out for them, still slightly worried for the hybrid

His worries were proven right when a stranger came up to them "is this yours?" he asked, pointing at y/n "yeah, what's it to you?" jongho shot back, already not trusting the situation "how come he doesn't have a collar then? Hybrids should have a collar if they have an owner" the stranger said, forcefully lifting y/n's chin to expose his neck

Jongho grabbed the strangers arm, making him let go of the hybrid "he doesn't like collars, now leave him be" he was ready to punch this guys in the face, sadly he still had his idol image to look after

"I'm just saying man, hybrids without collars are automatically seen as strays, and you know what we do to strays" he smirked and walked away, jongho glaring at the guy until he was out of sight. He turned around to make sure y/n was okay, finding him wrapped in mingi's protective hold

"y/n, are you okay?" he still had a fearful expression on his face. Jongho gently pet his head "d-do I have to get a c-collar?"

"of course not, if you're not comfortable with it, you don't have to" the duo gently lead y/n back to the dorms, but something shifted in them when he asked "was he going to take me away?"

Their hearts almost shattered from y/n's fearful tone, then and there, they made a silent promise to protect him no matter what "we wouldn't let that happen" mingi said as he wrapped his arms around the smaller one

Y/n started crying, never had he experienced people so kind and loving as these boys "it's okay y/n, we won't let anything happen to you" mingi said, gently rubbing the other's back

As y/n calmed his sobs down, he realised how tired he was and kept clinging to mingi "do you want me to carry you?" y/n shyly nodded as mingi went pick him up, putting him on his back

⏳

"we're home!" jongho said as they walked back in "finally, we were getting worried" wooyoung said as he saw them walking into the living room. Mingi sat y/n down on the couch, where he curled into himself like he did the previous night

"is he okay?" seonghwa asked concerned, noticing how the hybrid was slightly shivering "... Some guy came up to us, asked if he was ours and why he didn't have a collar, he was pretty rough with him. But we got him to back off" seonghwa nodded, concluding that y/n was still shaken up by the event

He reached out, gently caressing his head. Y/n leaned into his hand, eventually turning to face seonghwa and cling onto him. He smiled at the hybrid "I'm guessing Hongjoong's staying the night at the studio again?" he sighed "yeah, so I'm sleeping alone tonight, again"

"why don't you sleep with y/n?" seonghwa looked down at said hybrid "if he's okay with it" y/n snuggled deeper into his side. He smiled and continued petting the hybrid

"goodnight seonghwa, goodnight y/n" yunho said as he went to his room. Seonghwa grabbed a hold of y/n's hand and lead him to his room. "you can choose where you want to sleep, either in mine or Hongjoong's bed" the older went to change into his pajamas whilst y/n simply changed into his cat form and sat down on seonghwa's bed

The older walked back in after changing into his pajamas, a warm smile spread across his face as he saw the hybrid on his bed. He made his way to the bed, turning off the lights on the way "you ready to go to sleep, y/n?" said hybrid meowed and patiently waited for seonghwa to lie down

Once he did and he was under the covers, y/n laid on his chest "is it okay if I pet you?" seonghwa asked, reaching his hand out and like the previous night, y/n nudged his head against seonghwa's hand. He started gently petting him "San didn't lie, you really are as soft as a cloud"

[edzephyr]

Been in a slump for quite a few weeks now but nonetheless your content always seems to make me smile; thank you. Also curious if you have any new pearls of wisdom/comfort specifically for the world-weary or despairing (without intending to apply any pressure upon you). Again, thank you, & kind regards.

Well, I can empathize for sure. I may not know anything that is helpful - I only know what I know and observe of myself. Some things work for me; they might not work for others. But here are my thoughts.

When I'm feeling down, sometimes it's clear why, sometimes it isn't - I tend to hit the phone to someone or I try to think it through. Am I dissatisfied with some aspect of my life? Is something going on that I don't like? Maybe it's something I can do something about; maybe it isn't. Whether or not I have agency makes a difference in how I deal with it, for example.

Things that get me down the most are, however, often things outside of my control in some respect. One thing I try to do is to accept that. It is somewhat easier said than done. If 'accepting' it is hard, then simply acknowledge it. 'This is not in my control'. Weirdly, it can help. It's like setting a heavy box down and letting it be there.

If it feels like it's everything about life that's the problem, then I think what I do subconsciously is segment it. Take the box and put the stuff inside into smaller boxes. They're still annoying boxes that all go back into the big box, but you can at least pick each one up separately. We often do this compartmentalizing instinctively in our daily lives; but when you're overwhelmed it might not kick in; you sort of need to know when to spot the signs you're stumbling, and manually/consciously plug in these instructions.

When it's, say, something stressful going on that I have to sort out or deal with eventually, the thing I try to avoid is letting it weigh down every minute of my existence. Again, so much easier said than done. One thing that helps is saying to myself 'if I can't change or do this thing right this minute let's make a note of when we are going to engage with it, then shelve it.' Strangely, sometimes just thinking a clear statement can, again, make a slight shift. If you can't act on it right now, put it down and do/think about something else. Make yourself. Even if you think it won't work. It actually usually does, even in a small way. I am wired to have absorbing interests and get absorbed in them, but I'm also prone to anxious procrastination. I know that I revel in the things that are mine, my pleasures or activities that I can choose in the moment, and that pushing my gaze in that direction invariably helps, even if it feels the world is falling apart in the other direction.

The big thing I think is not to think you have to do something massive. We're not looking to shift a mountain, to suddenly become the sunshine of the world, but just to kick some of the stones out of the way.

It's can be as simple as saying 'I can give myself rest now', or 'I can watch this show/read this story now and think only on that'. A simple permission. Put the box down, get a cup of tea for a few minutes.

When I'm lying in bed thinking 'maybe I won't go out to the thing I wanted to see or do because I'm in a meh mood' - I GO. Usually. I actually did this at the weekend. Again, it's one of those things that, when lying in bed all cozy, feels like a pointless effort, but invariably - it isn't. It's a strange cycle how when we're down or anxious we start to avoid things that will help us; it feeds itself and eats away at you.

One thing you can do to shift the thought patterns is to make it a point to reframe things positively. Ah, now, this is NOT a nebulous 'think positively!' 'just feel better!' - you can't break a negative cycle by just telling yourself that - the whole point is you don't know how to feel better! But you can do things like digging for a different lens. It can feel counter-intuitive to praise oneself for something you might initially perceive as a failure or unproductiveness, but again, that's that negativity-feeding-negativity cycle. You have to break it, and there are some neat tricks to tweak how you think. For example, if I don't do things, or do stay in bed, instead of beating myself up, I'll tell myself I probably really did need the rest, physically or mentally; I made a choice and there's no point thinking on it when it's passed. Good. I stayed in bed. Well done! I'll do this for however many days, weeks or months I'm in the funk. And I feel a teeny tiny bit better, bit by bit. I try to be forgiving with myself.

And here's a Spockian one: let emotions be what they are. We seem to think resisting feeling is good; or that we shouldn't feel feelings, should feel guilty for them. We feel bad for feeling bad, and it's that negativity-feeding-negativity prism - again. You feel it for a reason, and because you're human, and complicated, and simple, and you. It's not bad. It is what it is.

I don't know where you are in the world but don't be afraid to drop a line to a professional or a help organization/charity if things get really low/you might be in danger. Don't hesitate. Reach out.

I'm not saying everything will be perfect, but things shift, there are infinite possibilities every day. And life will take you on its tides. A lot you can't control but hold fast. You're here, you're surviving. I've had to do a lot of this in the past week or so. I can despair over work, but I know that can turn on a dime. I've just been making more connections over things I love and thinking wow, you just never know.

Take care, all of you.

X

[neo-culture-mafia]

그림자

last chapter

"'sup bitches." Hyuck called, walking in the front door with groceries in hand.

"Duckie, I have told you 9 separate times to not greet like that." I spun around in the swivel chair, "it's rude." I reasoned and he took his sunglasses off his face, holding them in the same hand as his motorcycle keys. "Whoops?...I guess." He chuckled, strutting over to where I sat at the living room desk.

I turned back around to look at the paperwork spanning across the wood surface. "What's this, sunflower?" He asked grabbing the first paper he could grab. He flicked his brown curls from his vision to have a good look at what was taking place in black ink.

"Money flipping?" He asked me, with a cocked eyebrow and an unamused look. "Yep. Just for a little while," I winked and snatched the paper back. I sighed, setting it back down on the desk, "just until we have enough for an apartment in the city."

He groaned and walked down the hall to the kitchen. "We have everything we need here." He called as I knew he was emptying the contents of the grocery bags into the respectful places they belonged.

I leaned my arm on the desk, laying my head in my hand and staring at the Polaroids above the desk. Some were of us: me, Mark and Hyuck, and some of the rest of the boys...now just a distant memory is what they felt like.

483 days...483 days since we last saw each other. On that damn night. That dreadful night that me and Mark were turned away and shunned like we were dogs.

Then we traveled back to Seoul to find Duckie. After he was missing for 3 weeks, I ran into him by chance in an alley. We actually had gotten in a first fight till his hood fell back and I was met with the melanin enriched skin that made my eyes weep.

I told him to leave, go back, that he was welcomed there. But, he didn't want to leave me or Mark. We lived in the shit shack eating nothing but crackers and water for a couple months, sometimes we opted for sleep as our daily meal.

Until Mark came home with money. He had gotten that damn tunnel door open by the grace of a higher-being: filled with cash to the brim.

Us 3 bought a 2 bedroom farm house in the somewhat country where we were best friends with our retired neighbors; their thoughts and whispers of us being in a 3-way relationship being the talk of the small farming town. We didn't care. We knew what we were doing here and what we needed to do in the future.

"Oh honey. I'm home." Donghyuck called through the house and a door opened to a wet Mark who was towel drying his hair in nothing but sweatpants. "Did you get me the stuff?" He asked all serious, and I looked down the dim hallway to see Mark's blonde hair being tossled by his towel.

Hyuck gave him a flat face, a hand on his hip and another holding him up on the counter. "Yes, Mark. I got you your 'stuff'." He rolled his eyes, going away and returning with a big ass watermelon.

"Yesss," Mark took it and automatically held it to his ear, knocking on it like it was a heavy wood door. "you picked a good one." Mark looked lovingly at the fruit in his arms as if it was a child.

I laughed as I looked at my wacky friend. "Why can't you be obsessed with something usual. Like beer, or poker."

The curly headed boy asked as he walked back down the hall towards me. Taking his thick jacket off and throwing it over the arm of the couch; sitting down he unlaced and unzipped his boots, throwing them by the door.

You watched the conversation play out like a terrible teen-sitcom. "Cause I'd rather die by watermelon overdose than alcohol intoxication-" Mark was cut off as he walked slowly to the front room where Hyuck and I sat. "Yeah yeah yeah. Too many big words for this early in the morning." Hyuck put his arm over his eyes and laid back.

Mark looked at me and we both looked at the clock. "Sweetie, its 3 in the afternoon." I giggled and he whined. "It's so early." He said and stood up.

"I'm getting changed and I'm gonna chill." He said looking at Mark who still clutched his watermelon to his bare chest, damp towel thrown over his shoulder.

"And?" Mark asked. "Why do I care?" He asked and the younger boy just shrugged. "Also...your night for dinner." Mark reminded him and Hyuck whined louder, running down the hall and smacking into our bedroom door.

"Donghyuck!" I jumped up, wanting to check if he was okay. He just kept on whining as he opened our door and went in, closing it.

You could still hear his shrieks as he was probably running around getting changed into comfier clothes.

"Then there were two." Mark sighed as he set his watermelon on the kitchen window, and plopping onto the long couch on the opposite side of the living room.

"I need to redo your hair soon." I said getting up and laying on the ground next to his couch. "I might let it grow up to a ponytail." I sat up quickly. "Uh. No you're not." My voice was harsh and he laughed.

"Girl you need to chill. I was joking." He chuckled, stretching and yawning.

Something that Jaemin used to say to me atleast once an hour. My smile faltered and I became more solemn.

"Do you miss them?" I asked and he just stared at me for a moment. "Who?" Was all he said and I knew that he knew exactly who he was talking about but it still hurt a little bit.

"Your boys." I said and a faint smile was broadcasted over his facial features as he stared into what seemed like distant space but was really just the dark TV.

"Of course." He exasperated and he looked back at my face who was just searching for reassurance that this path was the right one to take.

"But I am so thankful for the two of you, right here, right now." He smiled and my heart was put at ease.

"Alright I'm back. I sensed you guys missed me so I returned. Just for you guys!" Hyuck said as he sat down next to me and leaned back on his arms for support. "Oh yeah. 'Cause we were literally dying without your presence." I said sarcastically and he shrugged.

"Exactly. That's what I just said." He said as serious as possible and me and Mark laughed. "Oh you think you're so funny." Donghyuck said picking me up and pulling me on his lap, his hands reaching for my sides and tickling.

My shrieks and laughs radiated through the house as Mark watched on in admiration. He felt blessed that he made it this far. He also never failed to tell us atleast once a week. We were all each other's life and support systems.

Once hyuck stopped his evil act, I just laid there across his lap trying to resteady my breath.

"What's for dinner?" I looked up at him and he shrugged. "I haven't really looked to be completely honest." He said yawning.

"Well let's go see and then we can make it, eat, clean, and then chill for a while." I said getting up and putting my hand out for him to take.

He groaned but obliged at my request.

He was in some shorts and a basic hoodie. The scarring on his legs reminding us all of a dark period. A painful time that sometimes still follows us.

I have a scar on my back from that night. I don't remember anything of the tunnels but the burning pain in my calves, wanting to stop sprinting through the dark and lonely concrete jungle.

Him and I stood infront of the cupboards in silence.

I suddenly felt so tired and out of it. Like a heavy weight was on my chest and it wouldn't budge.

"Oooo. Spaghetti." He said stretching and reaching the noodles and sauce on the top shelf. I shrugged as he looked at me for my reaction to his suggestion.

"You okay?" He asked and I could only shrug and try to give a convincing smile.

"Yeah. Just thinking about stuff." I shrugged once more and he understood.

"Can you help me with dinner?" He asked and of course I agreed, wanting to get my mind off the looming darkness in the corners of the house.

"Alright. We need 2 pots and then you can figure out some sides we can have with it." He said and I was already grabbing the 2 pots.

I set them on the stove top and he began doing his own thing. I rummaged through the cabinets and fridge before feasting my eyes on what seemed like the perfect pairing.

"Salad?"

~~~~~~~~~

Trying to sleep that night was rough. It was just tough and not even the usual cuddly nature of the sleeping Hyuck next to me could lull me into dream land.

The dark feeling still followed me through dinner and to bed.

I tried staring at the wall but even then the small cracks started freaking me out. I turned towards Hyuck who's curly dark hair framed his face perfectly.

Don't get us wrong. We're not a thing. We're just close. Once we found each other again he has stuck to my side in hopes of fulfilling what he thought he didn't in the first place- protection.

I don't mind. We've always been close and now we've just gotten closer. Was sharing a bedroom in our plans?...no...but we didn't want to put up with Mark and his farting so he was blessed with having his own room.

We're just making do with what we have.

My finger lightly traced shapes on his arm tattoos, trying to pass time and get myself to sleep.

I groaned and his eyes opened. "What's wrong?" He asked looking at the alarm clock on the bedside table.

3:29 AM

He turned back to make sure I was okay. He sat up on his arm and just looked at me for a moment. "Are you hurt?" Was all he asked and I shook my head no. I wouldn't know how to explain the hurt I was feeling anyway.

"I just need water." I said getting up and crawling to the end of the bed. "Be back in 5 minutes please." He said grabbing his phone. I mumbled my recognition and opened our door.

I strided down the hall and grabbed a water bottle. I walked into the hall where the corridor meets living room. Hyuck's phone lit one end of the hall in our bedroom while the other was illuminated by the moon light.

1 sip.

I breathed and looked out the front window at the old couples house across from ours.

2 sips.

I can hear my heart beat as I try to drown it out with gulps of water.

3 sips.

I have a sudden urge to sprint up and down our street to try and rid the shakiness of my body.

4 sips.

I'm not even cold but my anxiety makes my bones sound like wooden spoons and my body go cold with shivers.

And that's when I see it.

The shadow.

It moved on the front porch.

"I'm going crazy." I spoke in a monotone.

"What?" I heard Hyuck call out, now sitting up in the bed.

The shadow came closer to the door, an arm raised, as if it was going to bash in the glass.

"That's not real." I said louder, my water bottle now dropped from my cold hand.

I heard a thud and a swear along with an opening door.

"Mark. Up, now." And a pair of feet come closer down the dark hallway.

The shadow just seemed frozen now as Hyuck stood right by me.

"What is that?" He muttered and Mark now was coming closer, trying to see tiredly through his glasses.

The arm went back and forth a couple of times. "Hyuck go get your gun." Mark said lowly but I wanted to fight this thing head on.

I walked straight to the door before any of their hands could grab me. I threw the door open as my heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.

I was met with bleached blonde hair, a blood splattered face, a cold stare, and a muscly build that held ink and a face of an old someone I used to know.

"Jeno?" I choked out, wanting to vomit as my body went numb from shock. This wasn't real. I was dreaming. This wasn't happening.

I held my hands out towards his face, moving ever so slowly until his own hands held my own.

The boys behind me became silent as I knew one of them held a gun, still on edge for this too good to be true situation.

I threw myself at him and just held onto his muscular frame. His arms held me tight in a grip that I used to miss.

The metallic smell on him made my nose scrunch up in disgust but I was just too wrapped into the moment to care.

My body was yanked back forcefully and I was thrown back into the living room at the feet of a shell shocked Mark who could nothing but stare forward.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I thought Donghyuck was losing it as he cocked his gun and held it at the face of his once brother.

"Duckie what are you doing?" I asked getting up and grabbing at his arm.

Jeno just did nothing but stare down the metal barrel in front of his face, his hands being raised next to his head.

"I did a sweep of the surrounding place and it's sketc-" another body came walking up our porch.

The tall boy still seemed lanky but had glasses this time. His hair was now a lighter brown and it seemed like he had grown another 4 inches in the span of a year.

"Jisung?" I muttered and he was still met another gun barrel.

This time from Mark who had shoved me back again.

"Please don't shoot." Jisung pleaded, scared setting into his features.

"We need help. Please." Jisung begged but Jeno still held his stare with Hyuck.

"Everyone is gone." Jisung pleaded.

"Please." He whispered, his eyes were threatening to spill.