#but what I haven't mentioned is they were ripped straight from a fantasy setting

[wolves-in-the-world]

hi

so i have been having a thought about this lately, feel free to ignore, if it doesn't fit for you:

anyway, same situation, but trans. (closeted or out (before this situation at least), one or both, any combination, i just think it could add an interesting twist)

i think my favourite version (least angst) is they're both already out, or at least eliot was previously already out but would prefer not to be quite THAT out about it, thank you very much, and quinn doesn't mind either way and is just enjoying the chaos of a good fight and good hitter solidarity (and also does eventually help eliot cover up once the improvised-weapon-instincts stop preventing this from happening)

OH MAN

oh man

okay I have made… so many runs at this in an attempt to either put my Serious Thoughts together in a way that wasn't horrific to read, or focus on the fun stuff only, and friend I'm not sure my brain is playing ball here

(the concept of trans man eliot unfortunately fills my brain with bees - he comes into canon so steeped in The Right Kind Of Masculinity and only softens a little, and reading that as a sort of trans defence mechanism, it's a bit too ouch for me to deal with - and hitters as people who already suffer challenges to their autonomy, imprisonment, Unspecified Horrors... it's just a lot if not handled very lightly and I think there's a reason I haven't played much with transmasc!quinn either.*)

(bees. the reason is bees.)

(ppl who saw my previous occasional trans dick jokes (obligatory why am I like this) may notice they were around all Safe Characters; i don't want to make ppl feel unsafe for the characters in a trans way, at least without warning that I'm delving into that stuff, and for me at least, that's a tricky line to walk.)

I do thank you for the thoughts - it's set cogs spinning in my brain, it's been a while, it's nice - and leave you with the stuff I jotted down before my brain fizzled out and returned to the whirlpool of horrors. it's a little off from what you said, but I hope it's fun anyway:

— so we have the sauna situation. let's assume eliot's there on a job. he's been making friends with some rich asshole and they're either in the sauna or they're headed that way - it depends on how sweaty you want him to be - and, trans or no, there's nothing much downstairs that sets him apart (there are a whole host of bottom surgery options now, not sure how common they were at the time) (I can't believe how dick-focused my past hour has been), and all hell breaks loose in the lobby.

— and, well, shit. what's he gonna do except take someone down with his towel?

— at which point quinn's run in from where he was discreetly standing guard, skidded to a stop when he saw eliot was handling himself fine, and ducked around a corner to see to his own clothes safely. eliot's half on the floor and choking someone out when he hears quinn's call of "here," automatically catches the shirt before it thwaps against his face and bolases around his neck, and has the next goon trussed up with it before he registers that a) that was a lifeline, thanks quinn and b) quinn is now FULLY in the buff and knocking out the security guard who was finally getting his shit together enough to call the cops.

— (I haven't done much with the image of transmasc quinn who started young and baby-faced, wearing ill-fitting suits to his first job, but that doesn't mean I don't love him. here as in your message, "quinn doesn't mind either way and is just enjoying the chaos of a good fight and good hitter solidarity.")

— cue a yelled conversation over the various unconscious and/or restrained bodies as they're tidying up, eliot gesturing frantically at the people gawking from the balcony as though quinn has ever felt even an ounce of shame, and quinn eventually standing there with his eyebrows raised while eliot - beet red - shoves quinn's own clothes at him in an attempt to give him his privacy back.

— I like to think that quinn's tying his tie and eliot's only gotten as far as buttoning his own jeans by the time the others turn up. nate hurries them all along before anyone can comment much, but you bet they're getting looks.

[whumpshaped]

tw fantasy discrimination (institutionalised), exploitation, mistreatment mention, capitalism

"A conscience? Ethics? I haven't looked for that around here in a long time. I know you're a soulless, disgusting creature. You and your kind... you all are."

Standing at almost seven feet, with broad shoulders, muscles tensing and untensing visibly even under the coat of fur, a mouth full of sharp teeth designed to rip flesh from bone, and a death glare directed straight at the human in question, one might've thought the image was intimidating enough to make them back off. But with two guards on either side of them, equipped with the latest (and deadliest) version of the silver-coated, monster killing weapon family, they could afford to meet her gaze with calculated coolness.

"Surely, scolding me is not the purpose of your visit."

"No. No, it's not." The werewolf, leader of not only her pack, but the entire coalition of non-human creatures, gestured for her assistant to step forward and present the documents.

Her assistant was an unassuming little thing, one chosen specifically for her docile appearance. She must've thought that by choosing a dainty nymph to accompany her on her diplomatic missions, the picture would be a little more balanced; at the very least, humans wouldn't employ twice the guards for every meeting.

She spread out the papers on the desk, then gracefully stepped back to allow the human to look them over. It was complaint after complaint, pleading letters, terrified confessions from every creature on land, in sea, and air, all about one corporation, the director of which was sitting in front of the two of them.

"How could you have let this happen?" she snarled, fangs bared in a clear display of disgust and anger. "I know damn well- we all know damn well that rich human fucks love to abuse and take advantage of my people. So you, as someone who is working with hundreds if not thousands of them should've put in place strict measures to keep those people out of this corporation."

"Madam Chancellor, please, no need for such vulgarities-"

She slammed her clawed hand down on the table, letting out a frustrated, animalistic growl, ignoring the four weapons now pointed directly at her. "I will speak however I please, and you, Director, will listen. Get these people out of your corporation. I know there's not a smidgeon of empathy in that cold, dead heart of yours, but to think that you wouldn't even care about your billion dollar company is beyond me. Do you care for nothing but causing misery? Is that your sole motivation for getting out of bed in the morning?"

"I must ask you to refrain from making such accusations, ma'am," they said calmly, staring up into her glowing, yellow eyes. "I will keep the copies of these documents, and have my employees look through them. We will conduct thorough investigations, I assure you. Anyone found guilty of the crimes you've mentioned earlier will be let go."

"You have three months, Director. And during those months, while you conduct your investigation, you will make sure that the suspects don't set foot in this building, nor any of the others you own. Am I clear?"

"Very."

There was not an ounce of fear in their eyes, a fact that she could only lament. Slowly, she straightened up again, waiting until the guards lowered their weapons as well. "Good," she said finally. "Our meeting is concluded, then. I expect regular reports sent to my office."

"Of course, ma'am."

"I hope I won't have to barge into this office ever again, Director."

As they watched the two beasts leave, the human could barely stifle a laugh. Inflicting misery, as their sole motivation? Oh, what a ridiculous idea. No, they were a businessman through and through. Money had always been the only thing that dictated which direction to take the company in.

At the same time, these primitive monsters failed to realise that the billion dollar corporation was not the actual money making machine. The company was the cover-up, the ruse designed to lure hundreds of their kind to this one place with the promise of a well-paying, flashy career; a cover-up that had gotten a little too successful by complete accident.

The business, the real money was in letting those people in, the ones she expected them to now fire. And of course, they would, because it didn't matter in the slightest. Whether they were listed as employees and granted access to these disposable freaks that way, or they were simply let in through a backdoor, or invited to afterparties, it didn't matter. The money was going to keep flowing regardless.

They picked up one of the papers, scanning the tearful testimony with critical eyes. Oh, they were about to launch an investigation alright, and they were going to make sure that there would be no complaints like this in the future.

"Bring these over to my secretary," they ordered nonchalantly. "I want to know the sender of each individual complaint."

~

@ashh-ed @whumpsday @whump-queen @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @rosewriteswhump

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Movie Review: Artemis Fowl (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review a couple of days after the movie drops on Disney+, I'm not going to delve into massive spoilers but will give a general overview. So if you want to watch this movie fresh don't read on until you have seen it.

So here's where I'm struggling right now. Not only am I judging this movie cold as I have no frame of reference in terms of never reading the book series this is based on, but I am also judging this for what it is being a demoted movie.

Stream or Cinema:

This movie was originally supposed to be released in cinemas but instead, due to the current pandemic, was sent straight to Disney+. Not originally made available for purchase or rent like SCOOB! was but instead relegated directly to a streaming service, free to view for anyone already with a Disney+ membership.

I have to be honest, I think Disney+ is the best place for this movie l, but I don't think it will entice new members and will instead hopefully satisfy already subscribed members most likely who haven't read the books as was the case for me and my partner viewing this, because according to the majorly scathing reviews fans of the books will mostly not enjoy this movie.

I also feel this movie plays a lot like a streaming movie rather than a blockbuster as I feel Disney originally intended.

Not only is the acting quality rather small scale, but the movie largely feels rather contained specifically to two main locations of Fowl Manor and Haven City with no real development or exploration of either.

Not For Artemis Fowl Fans

It's weird to say that a movie literally called Artemis Fowl is not for fans of Artemis Fowl, but if you're a fan of the book series intending to see a faithful adaptation to film, this is not the movie you are looking for.

Like I said, I know nothing of the world of Artemis Fowl but to me the trailers more or less pitched it as a combination of Harry Potter and Spy Kids, what I got was a rather watered down rip off of Harry Potter if he was James Bond.

As a complete novice to this world I entered knowing nothing and by the movie's end I only knew slightly more than before and was left feeling cheated our of a satisfactory climax.

Lackluster Irish Folklore

The main crime this movie has for me is not representing the folklore or my heritage in the same way other movies have represented other cultures.

I'm not saying the irish need the accurate representation that the African or Asian communities need in cinema, but as someone of Irish heritage, it's important to me just as it was important for other communities to see themselves represented.

There is brief mention of Leprechauns, Banshees and other miscellaneous creatures but even that stunning fairy creature that was probably the selling point of the trailer was not in the movie.

I feel the true representation of irish lore was left on the cutting room floor along with half of this movie's story because it's evident this final product was clunky.

Cast

I really do appreciate the inclusive Irish castings in this movie. Not only are the main newcomers Ferdia Shaw and Lara McDonnell from Ireland, but seasoned actor Colin Farrell, who is usually the token Irish character in a movie like The Gwntlemen, is from Dublin just as Ferdia is and also where Judi Dench's Irish heritage comes from just as mine does.

The best actor in this movie is Josh Gad as Diggums, he does start off largely as a Hagrid ripoff, but the character's abilities to burrow through the ground and unlock safes did set him apart and were visually interesting.

As for the titular character, it's interesting to me that Artemis Jr. and Sr. were described as criminal masterminds, yet aside from referring to how Artemis Sr. stole various artefacts and the fact Artemis Jr. quite brilliantly duped Judi Dench's LEPrecon commander into bringing in Diggums to locate the Aculus within Fowl Manor, I saw no reason to see either of these characters as villains.

Aa for the movie's actual "villain", the thing that made Voldermort such a powerful presence in the first movie was that his backstory was built up so well and his presence, albeit shadowed, was used so well throughout the movie until that confrontation at the end.

I know nothing about this movie's villain, I don't even know the character's name and I'm not all that inclined to look it up. Again, if Artemis is supposed to be this villainous type of criminal then I can understand why the main villain was played down, I can also understand the writers wanting to tease us just enough to keep us interested to find out the villain's identity in a later movie...but I see no immediate need to know and I doubt anyone else watching this movie has that urge either.

As for Dame Judi Dench, she is definitely at an interesting point in her career, first with Cats now with this, but to her acting credit she commits in both. She was pretty much playing Glenn Close in Guardians of the Galaxy but it worked for the movie.

Recommendation

As I said before, I can't say this is a must see movie because the target audience is going to be and has been insulted by it and mainstream audiences like me may not entirely know what to make of it.

I'd say it's not an incentive or reason to get Disney+ if you haven't already got it, but there is still other great stuff on the service and this isn't a harmful or horrendous movie so it's worth at least one look.

Overall I rate this movie a solid 6/10, it's not the best fantasy spy movie out there, it's not the best adventure movie out there. If you have little kids and want to distract them for a couple of hours it'll serve you well but I doubt the repeat viewing would be high for this.

So that's my review of Artemis Fowl, what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Movie Reviews as well as other posts.