#but with archer? this man that knows his place and wont expect anything further from him?

[rocketrot]

nothing else is happening in the last one, its literally only a kiss. archer is just such a freak that even that by its own is enough to break him. (to be fair, it's the first time gio had ever kissed him)

he's so delusional that he almost believes it was genuine reciprocation of his feelings instead of gio playing with his toy and seeing what fun new noises it can make :)

[sshbpodcast]

Bottom Five Star Trek ENT Episodes

by Ames

Everyone’s allowed to admit they’re wrong sometimes, and your hosts here at A Star to Steer Her By take back a lot of the credit we’ve given to Star Trek: Enterprise over the years. Guys, we’re sorry to say it’s just not that good a show. And sure, there are a couple beacons of hope in the darkness, but as a full series it doesn’t capitalize on its merits nearly as often as it should, and the mixed messages can be frankly insulting.

From the terrible theme song, to the constant sexualization of T’Pol, to the strange characterization of its captain as just an angry angry man, to whatever the hell went horribly wrong with the third season, there’s a lot to turn your nose up at in this show. So cringe along with us as we give the big thumbs down to the worst episodes of the show as you read along below and listen to our banter over on the podcast (jump to 1:32:58 for the series wrap) where guest star Liz provides some added flavor. It turns out we really didn’t have faith of the heart after all!

[images © CBS/Paramount]

“Bounty”: Caitlin While the A plot of this episode with the Tellarite bounty hunter is perfectly serviceable, it’s the B plot that warrants a place on this list. For no goddamn reason, T’Pol is going through pon farr, a plot device we’ve been railing against for years. Okay, there was a reason after all: to sexually exploit T’Pol as this show is wont to do as much as it can get away with. It’s just disgusting how much Enterprise makes Jolene Blalock run around in her underwear just to titillate the teenage boys they really wanted to appeal to.

“Carpenter Street”: Jake What a waste of time. Literally! It may not have specifically made our worst time travel stories list, but it’s definitely pointless to force us to watch such a boring and convoluted romp around present-day Detroit to stop some Xindi from something or other. Really, anything in the Temporal Cold War arc is a hot mess. And combining that with the Xindi War makes it all the more baffling. Further, opting to bring T’Pol of all people back in time is a terrible decision, Archer. You’re lucky you have plot immunity, cap’n.

“Damage”: Chris “I’m about to step over a line, a line I thought I would never cross. And given the nature of our mission, it probably won’t be the last,” says Archer, nineteen episodes into season three. After he’s not only crossed the line countless times, but shat on it and did a little jig. In the shit. So claiming that it’s not until he steals a warp coil from the Illyrians that he’s crossed the line is just blatant hypocrisy. Oh, and this is also the episode where we learn T’Pol is a drug addict for purely illogical reasons. What a shitshow.

“Harbinger”: Ames Oh hey, you know what was one of the previous horrible things Archer did before “Damage” but apparently didn’t count as “crossing the line”? Torturing a random sphere builder he found even though he had no proof this guy was bad. At fucking all. And there’s more shit to this episode! It’s got Reed being a big baby because he unfoundedly thinks Hayes wants his job. It’s got T’Pol being a big baby because she thinks Trip might like Amanda Cole instead of her. Everyone’s just a big baby this episode!

“Cogenitor”: Chris Frequently, Enterprise gets the ethical lesson you’d expect out of a Star Trek episode entirely backwards. This is one of those times. Trip spends the episode standing up for an oppressed person who has requested sanctuary, but Archer doesn’t want to risk the new best friendship he’s made with their people, so he throws Charles back to the wolves where they inevitably kill themself. And somehow Trip is supposed to be the baddie? Not Archer, who doesn’t even feel bad? What message are we trying to send?

“Dear Doctor”: Ames Oh look, another time Enterprise puts its ethics on backwards and inside out. This utterly infuriating episode turns Archer and Phlox into genocidal monsters who then pat themselves on the back afterwards for handling the situation so diplomatically. Phlox should be ashamed of himself for being a doctor who spreads misinformation about how evolution works, and when Archer tries to question him, convinces the captain of his deplorably bad science. He HAS the cure, and refuses to save an entire race. It’s vomit inducing.

“Broken Bow”: Caitlin The whole series starts off on the wrong foot with a pilot episode that’s just a hot mess. The plot is almost unfollowable because there are just so many elements to keep track of. None of them interesting. In the very first few scenes alone: the time travel nonsense is just confounding; with maybe the exception of Trip, none of the characters holds our attention; and when we’re not confused by whatever’s going on, we’re just bored, which is a huge sin for a series premiere.

“Precious Cargo”: Caitlin, Jake We start seeing some overlap from your hosts in the episodes that are truly truly terrible. This disgusting retread of “The Perfect Mate,” which was disgusting enough on its own, is further tainted by some really shoddy acting from our First Monarch, a laughable portrayal of Archer and T’Pol incompetently playing good cop / bad cop, and a romance subplot so forced that we couldn’t even enjoy watching two very pretty people going to town on each other because we were rolling our eyes too hard!

“Hatchery”: Ames, Caitlin Don’t worry, we have more bad ethics the show is spouting to go through before the end of this list! For a hot second, it seems like Archer is doing the right thing and trying to save Insectoid hatchlings because it’s the moral thing to do, even in war, and everyone else is wrong to mutiny against him. But we should not have had that level of faith in this show. Instead, Archer’s mind has been manipulated by some goo or other, of course! He was wrong to want to save innocent babies! And he’s the hero of this show, FFS.

“These Are the Voyages…”: Caitlin, Chris, Jake The taste the show leaves in your mouth, when all is said and done, is whatever Chef Riker cooked up in the unexpected series finale. Making the last episode a de facto TNG episode is the wrong choice, as it strips away the ownership of the show from the actual characters as if punishing them for being bad. In fact, they don’t even technically appear in the finale at all because they’re a program on the holodeck! And to kill off Trip – the fan favorite character! – so unceremoniously! Did they hate their own fans?

“Fusion”: Ames, Chris, Jake Like Deanna Troi and Seven of Nine before her, T’Pol gets to get violated for the sake of an episode – and bad episode at that! We’re already pretty sick of watching the women characters have their agency stripped away all the time because the story tells them so. So to watch the usually strong-willed science officer  forced out of her comfort zone and used as a plaything by the worst Vulcan we’ve met (redemption for Vorik, I guess?) is just torture to watch. And the asshole sees no consequences either! Ugh!

“Bound”: Ames, Chris, Jake Like in DS9’s “Profit and Lace,” an attempt to seem progressive backfires so abysmally that we’re appalled by its tone deafness. It’s okay that Orion women are enslaved as sex workers because they’re secretly in charge! The episode treats that perplexing retcon like it’s female empowerment, while simultaneously turning all the men into drooling idiots whenever a woman is around. And unlike TAS’s “The Lorelei Signal,” the women don’t even take charge. Trip does! What a slap in the tits.

—

See also: our Top Five Star Trek Enterprise Episodes list. And if you want more: here’re all the past seasonal tops and bottoms from seasons 1, 2, 3, and 4!

Well folks, it’s been a long road, but we’re finally done with Enterprise. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to move on to anything but this, even if that means slogging through the Abramsverse and the streaming era. But at least those shows reward war crimes slightly less. So keep your ears on SoundCloud or whatever podcast platform you like, talk to us through our universal translator on Facebook and Twitter, and go where your heart will take you!

[willofhounds]

Even the smallest light shines in the darkness

A/N thanks for your reviews and support.

dogman999: thanks for your review my friend. I'm glad you enjoy it!

I am sad to announce we are nearing the end of even the smallest light. Fear not there will be a sequel.

It name will be Light gives in to Darkness. Rough estimated time for sequel release is a 6 months- a year but not guaranteed in that time frame. It heavily depends on other projects and how many people want to read it.

Out of curiosity who wants to see a funny chapter of Clint and Tony running around the tower shooting each other with nerf guns. Only for Fury to walk in and one of them shoot him.

Clint's POV

It didn't take much effort to get out of the base. With quinjet certification and his level 4 clearance no one looked twice at him.

He only used the jet to clear SHIELD to get to Europe . Then he dropped it off in an abandoned field long overgrown with grass and weeds. He knew there were trackers in each of the jets. While they knew partially where Natalia was, he didn't want to lead them right to her. The hotel was one of many meeting places.

Making his way to the hotel he dropped off a note. She would find it in one of her checks. They would meet at one of the other spots. SHIELD would be watching this place for both of them.

"Barton!"

Speak of the devil. He looked at the one calling his name. The man was a few inches taller than him with tanned skin.

Giving the agent a grin he took off down the street. Expertly sliding past unknowing bystanders. There was a loud curse from the agent as he tried to follow.

Clint felt the rush of adrenaline at being chased. One thing he never spoke of was the thrill of the chase. Being apart of Medusa had given him an unhealthy love for the thrill.

Every member of his team felt the thrill. Some would go back to their regular lives to ignore the need to chase or be chased. Most however would be forever running.

He slipped into one of his safe houses watching as the agent ran past. The agent was trained well enough to catch him.

It took Phil to catch him last time. Last time he didn't have the extra training either. It was time to put that to use.

Unsurprisingly the house was untouched. Back when he was still an assassin for hire one person made the mistake of breaking in. They paid for it dearly and since then no one touched his safe house. Many refused to go anywhere near it.

Clint laid his bow out on the table before checking his weapons cache. An extra bow and three quivers of arrows lay under his bed. In a trunk beside the bed lay his guns.

On top of the weapons was one of his older Medusan gear. For a moment he hesitated with it in his hands. He wasn't a Medusa member any longer. He was a SHIELD agent and despite them hunting one of his friends he remained that. As long as they would have him.

Pushing past the old gear he checked the side arms and knives. Choosing a well made glock he put knives into their hiding spots. A knock on the door drew his attention.

He moved towards it listening carefully. When he glanced through the peephole he breathed a sigh of relief. It was Natalia.

Clint opened the door and let her in. She looked ragged. Given who was chasing her it didn't surprise him. Still it hurt to see her like this.

She greeted with an exhausted smile, "Little bird, you look better than the last time I saw you."

Clint replied his eyes showing his worry, "Out of the two of us I thought it would be me that came in a crisis. What happened to you, Nat?"

He closed the door behind her as she moved further inward. It showed the sheer amount of trust between them. He could have SHIELD agents waiting to bring her in or kill her and she wouldn't know until it was too late.

She said her green eyes showing her pain, "Little bird, I cannot continue doing this. Much like yourself when you came out of Medusa I am lost."

Clint sucked in a surprised breath. She sounded so... broken. In the years he had known Natalia she never sounded like that. Out of the two of them it was her who picked him up when he was down. Never asking for anything in return.

Clint cautiously wrapped his arms around her. Neither one of them were very good at comforting but he would try.

He brought her head to his chest rubbing at her back. There was little doubt in his mind that she would kill him later for this. Still she had done the same for him the first time he killed in cold blood. If they didn't have each other what did they have?

Finally she pulled away. There was no wetness on his shirt. It wasn't a surprise. People like them didn't cry. That was a weakness they could not afford.

She said noting the logo on his jacket putting space between them, "You joined SHIELD. How in the hell did that come about?"

Clint smiled as he replied knowingly, "I had just finished a contract when they came after me. I ran when they tried to recruit me. The agent had orders bring me in dead or alive. So he shot me and gave me a choice. Live and become an agent or die by bleeding out. I guess it's obvious which I chose."

Her lips quirked up in a half smile as she quipped, "Where did they shoot you?"

Clint replied with a roll of his eyes, "My leg just above the knee. They're hunting you, Nat."

Her face fell and he couldn't find any surprise. She knew that they were hunting her. Thay was why she reached out.

She said her eyes not meeting his, "I'm tired of running, little bird. If anyone is going to kill me, I want it to be you."

"NO," he roared.

Clint couldn't kill Natalia. She was the one thing that linked he past self with his current.

Nat was taken aback by his roar. It wasn't like him to raise his voice to her. He wouldn't let her die not while he could save her.

Lowering his voice he said, "Nat there's always another way. SHIELD has shown me that. Let me bring you in. My handler will talk to the Director. They will let you in."

There was hesitation. Just like when he joined she thought it was a trick. That they would kill her on sight. He wouldn't let that happen.

Then her green eyes hardened as she came to a decision, "We will meet in Budapest. Bring your handler I will talk to him there."

Clint sighed knowing better than to argue, "Will you be able to make it out on your own?"

The feral grin he was given said it all. He pitied any agent that got in her way.

Coulson's POV

Aggravation filled him and the only sign of it was the tightening of his grip on his coffee mug. As Nick expected Clint had up and disappeared.

One of the level 3 agents saw him in the streets by the hotel. Confirming his suspicions that Clint knew the Black Widow.

Panov being who he was refused to give any indication if Clint said anything in their sessions. All things considering what they did know about Barton was smaller than what they didn't know.

Phil didn't press his agent for anything more than the other was willing to share. He knew if he did that he would lose Clint for good. Then the entire agency would lose him.

Still hearing about his agent where a known killer was set him on edge. He may have been friends with the Black Widow once but that didn't mean she wouldn't kill Clint if she needed to. He was truly worried that when they find their archer they would need a body bag.

His attention and that of all around him was drawn when his phone began ringing. Hand was immediately at her computer beginning a trace.

Without checking the number he answered, "Coulson."

A familiar voice quipped on the other line, "If I were to walk into your command center you guys wont shoot me right."

Speak of the devil. He answered back motioning for Hand to back off, "We won't shoot you, Agent Barton. You better have a goddamn good reason for being here though."

A voice replied from the doorway, "I do."

Clint stood there in his standard issue SHIELD gear. His blue grey eyes were solely on Phil ignoring everyone else.

Phil sighed, "Sit down, Barton. Everyone else clear out," all the agents moved as one. Once they were gone he ordered, "Tell me everything."

They sat across from each other separated by a long table. On the table was a map of the city. Known spots for Black Widow were marked with pins.

As ordered Clint told him everything. It took more time than Phil expected but he listened stoically. He refused to make any judgment until he knew the full story.

Listening he realized how much of a past they had together. Romanov it seemed had been an anchor for him. The reason he kept going and did not end his life. She was the reason he stayed strong in Medusa.

Their relationship was like an older sister to a younger brother. Clint trusted her with his life and it seemed the feeling was mutual.

Then he got to the offer. Budapest wasn't difficult to get to. However he could easily be walking straight into a trap. It wouldn't be the first time an asset turned on their handler.

What made the decision for him was the honest look in Clint's eye. It wasn't something he saw often. Clint would rather hide his feelings but for once he was letting his handler in. Trust for trust.

"I'll meet with her."