#but yeah it is just so awful and apparently an easy enough narrative to fall for

[like-butterflies-and-glitter]

homonationalism is sinister. do not fall for the narratives of homonationalism, just because one group of people supposedly tends to oppress their queer people don't forget so do the ones pointing it out to you they do not care any more about you, think about their motivations and agenda, this is a ploy and honestly a thinly veiled (if at all) fight against liberation, because no matter how far your queer liberation goes, no liberation is complete until everyone is liberated.

[embracethecringeside]

So I’m writing an over all bigger fic where the pieces all kinda fit together and I have the links to my first chapter on both ao3 and fanfiction.net but I thought I’d share this little tidbit that I wrote up really quick on here because it isn’t super long and I’m not quite sure where it fits into the narrative yet lol but I kinda like it? It’s super rough with no real editing because I just had this itch to write it and just sort of went with my gut but I thought maybe others would enjoy it? Maybe? 

So anyway this is written in third person, but the main focus is on Storage Rick (from Pocket Mortys) who lives with Cop Rick and Doofus Rick and is starting to have feelings for at least one of them. (the official Pocket Mortys twitter tweeted this and since it is supposed to be run by Storage Rick it got me thinking and I got this idea stuck in my head)

Word Count: 1,996

I am not good with titles so this doesn’t have one. Yet. 

He couldn’t stop replaying that morning's events in his mind, even though they were nothing special or remarkable in any way, shape, or form. In fact that morning had been like every other morning he had gone to work, but he still had it fresh in his mind, on repeat. See, every time Storage actually decided to drag himself to the Morty Daycare, Doof would stop him before opening the portal.

“W-w-wait! Don’t-don’t forget this,” and he would clip Storage’s name badge onto his shirt for him with an extra little pat for security sake. 

Rick Sanchez is not a man who just forgets things. He knew he needed the badge. He knew that every night he slapped the down on the dining room table and every night Cop clipped it on the key rack so he would be able to see it when he walked down the stairs past the front door. He knew he could just leave it in his locker at the daycare after his shift instead of doing any of that. It was all so pointless. Yet he found himself falling into the routine time and time again. Willingly. Almost with anticipation. 

Storage waited for the sensation of light tugging on his shirt as put the clamp on the fabric, the pat on his chest, that big goofy smile with and stupid buck teeth sending a burst of oxytocin through his synapses, all the while he had to make sure he was rolling his eyes with a sour expression so his… aquintance? Wouldn’t notice. Then he’d play it up with a rude remark in a rushed tone. 

“I’m capable of r-remembering something as simple as my badge.” There, that meant that as far as Doof knew, he was annoyed and bothered that he would even suggest that he could possibly be that forgetful, therefore discouraging him from performing the action again. Thank goodness he never listened. 

“Oh! I-I packed you lunch as well.” Another non surprise, he made lunch for everyone that lived in that house everyday. He broke into another idoitic smile as he proudly presented a paper bag. “And I put some extra brownies in there, so don’t be afraid to-to share some with the M-mortys, okay?” Using his portal gun, he opened the portal to the Citadel of Ricks.

“Pssh,” he scoffed as he snatched the bag out of Doofus Rick’s hands. “As if I’d s-share with those little m-monsters.” Although he had just insulted Morty, that dingbat still managed to look so damn happy, which made Storage acutely aware of his rising heart rate. Doof even stifled a laugh before telling him, “Have a good day!” 

He leaped through that portal just as he felt his cheeks beginning to flush. Yikes. 

So in short, absolutely nothing special happened. Nothing remarkable, incredible, or amazing. But there he was anyway, stuck in that moment, thinking about his brown eyes, his overly chipper demeanor, his ridiculous bowl cut, his kindness, his moronic smile that was too-

“Rick?” 

Storage glanced to his right to see a Morty, a rather well dressed Morty sitting criss cross applesauce on the counter staring at him, looking all smug. 

“W-w-what? What the Hell do you want?” Ugh, in just a moment he was fully brought back to the reality of his day job, the smell of unwashed teenage boys and the uncomfortable closeness of the tightly packed building that was somehow supposed to hold over 300 brats. 

“Just-just wondering what you’re thinking about,” he said in a mocking, cocky tone.

“Pushing you off my counter.”

“No you’re not,”

“Like you would- as though you could ever understand the things I think about Morty.” 

“You have that look on your face Rick. That-that look that I get on my face when I think about Jessica.”

Of course at the sound of that name was met an astounding sigh of, “Ahh, Jessica” that spread across the room. 

“I do not.” he snapped, turning so he was still looking out, away from the Daycare, but so Morty couldn’t look at him anymore.

“Y-you can deny it but I’ve seen my own face enough times to know!” 

“At least you can read your own facial expressions Morty. Good to know you can read something.” 

There. That ought to shut him up. 

“So,” Damnit. Maybe not. “What’s her name?”

Storage grit his teeth. He noticed Morty scoot closer out of the corner of his eye. He tried to think about literally anything else, but when he sensed Morty’s hand moving toward him, he firmly grabbed his wrist before he got a chance to touch him. He made sure to give him the harshest stare down he could. But that Morty was either brave or stupid, Storage was betting on the latter, because he did not take the hint.

“I’ll just keep bothering you until you talk.” 

Oh. So that’s what he wanted huh? Wanted Rick to open that big mouth of his and start talking? Well. If that was what he wanted. 

“T-t-tell me M-Morty, what-what is it about Jessica you like so much?” 

“W-w-well,” He wasn’t expecting that. “Uh, gee, I don’t know, w-what’s not to like? She’s really hot, and has red hair, and-and she has boobs.” Morty paused, clearly uncomfortable with the undivided attention he was receiving from Storage Rick, and began to sweat as he peeled his eyes away from his steely stare, looking behind him for any kind of support from, well, himself. 

One Morty shrugged. “Aw geez, I-I don’t know! D-don’t look at me! You already mentioned her boobs.”

“They- they really are great boobs Rick, trust me,” another spoke. 

“A hot redhead with nice tits, a good pair of jugs, some real bazongas, a piece of eye candy to jerk off to huh Morty?”

Ew, it was gross to hear a version of his grandpa put it that way. But he nodded, because as nasty as it was, he was right.

Unibrow raised, Rick prompted, “What else?”

“Um,” he wasn’t sure what to say. And apparently no other Morty did either. 

“I thought you were in love with her Morty.”

“W-well I-I am, and-and one day we’ll get married and have kids-”

“Have you even had a conversation with this girl? With this Jessica?” He smiled, but not the dreamy peaceful one he had earlier, more of a vengeful smirk. 

Morty squirmed. “W-well, n-no, not-not exactly-” 

Rick laughed. “Y-you want to waste the rest of your life with her but all you know is she’s a banging chick with the name Jessica?” He continued laughing, and let go of Morty. “That’s nothing more than pinning, lust, and raging teenage hormones Morty. D-don’t waste my time with it.” 

He expected that to be the end of the conversation, so he was a little perturbed when Morty, in his little blue suit, didn't move. 

“B-but I do love her Rick.” 

“No, you don’t.”

“Rick.”

“I’m tired of talking to you. Go play. Or masturbate. Whatever teenagers do. I don’t really give a shit.” 

Not only did he not get down from the counter but he stood up to make himself tall and started yelling. “Y-y-you don’t- you can’t tell me how I feel! I know I love Jessica! Y-y-you don’t get to decide that for me just b-because you’re old and bitter and-and have never cared about anyone but yourself!” 

Honestly, it was impressive, seeing Morty, literally stand up for himself, but that didn’t change Storage’s mind. He was right. Morty was wrong. 

“Oh yeah! What a monster I am! Suggesting that you actually know something about the person you claim you want to be chained to forever. What are her hobbies? Her interests? Do you share similar tastes in movies? In books? W-w-what if she’s a bitch? As mean as they come, a real pain in the ass?”

“She’s not!”

“And you know that how? From easy dropping on her and her friends at school like some kind of creep? Like-like a stalker? She could be horrible! I-in fact everyone has horrible traits they try to hide all the time. W-w-what if she doesn’t recycle? Or-or is an  anti-vaxxer? She could be a homophobic, racist, sexist ass Morty! What? Y-y-you think only men can be sexist? Have you ever been forced to talk to a conservative white woman before? That-that could be her Morty!”

His fists were balled up so tight his nails burrowed into his palms. “W-w-why do you have to think about it that way Rick? Always so-so negative, she could be perfect! I like to think that she’s sweet and kind with a big heart to match her breasts, and-and that she's smart and fun! She could be all of those things too Rick, did-did your big brain ever think of that? You-you factor that in genius?” 

Storage grumbled. “Yes, of course I thought of that.” It was something he thought about a lot. How Doofus Rick wasn’t a doofus at all. He was just as smart and capable as any Rick but he found a way to stay kind and care for others in a way that most Ricks couldn’t or wouldn’t. Which brought him to his response, “What if she’s amazing and she doesn’t like you back?” Because why would he? Storage Rick was a mean, cantankerous, foul mouthed, grimy old timer who had started a screaming match with his almost grandson so he could avoid talking about his feelings. “W-w-why drag you around if she's out of your league?” 

Well, that accomplished two things, Morty was no longer on the counter and he had stopped talking, but only because he was crying. He really hadn’t considered anything Rick was talking about, he thought , adults did it all romance was so easy, adults did it all the time. He was supposed to marry his high school crush and live happily ever after, wasn’t he? So simple, cut, and dry. 

Instead of feeling victorious, Rick just felt like an ass. He didn’t want to make Morty upset, he just wanted to make him drop the topic. And get his ass off the counter. It was as though he could hear Doof’s nagging already. Oh please be nice to Morty! H-he’s just a kid Storage, be gentle with him. With a groan he used one foot to pivot so he was facing the inside of the daycare building. “Wait, Morty,”

“Which one?”

“Me?” 

“No! Clearly not you, the one all dressed up with nowhere to go. The hopeless romantic.” He waited a second, but Morty didn’t turn around. “There is another possibility,” he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, “It’s possible that you both end up really liking each other and end up getting married and junk.” 

Using the sleeve of his jacket, Morty wiped his eyes and glanced back toward Storage Rick. “R-really?”

“Yeah. Anything is possible, Morty.” Then he wasn’t expecting to be rushed into with a hug, he let it linger for a moment before voicing his disdain. “D-don’t fucking touch me, get-get off.”  And he got an idea. “Say, I’ll give you a few flurbos and let you run over to Salesman Rick’s.”

His little face lit up as Rick handed him the money.

“Now I’ve heard that he has ice cream.” He stated as he lifted Morty up and over the counter and out of the daycare. “Why not try and get some? Make sure and tell him Storage Rick sent you.”

“Wow, t-thanks Rick!” As he watched him run off, he heard the gaggle of Mortys behind him discussing whether or not he would be triumphant. Spoiler? He wouldn’t be. And Salesman Rick was going to be rather testy. 

One particularly scruffy Morty whined. “Rick, he never has ice cream. When will you stop sending us on this wild goose chase?”

“When it stops being funny.” Hm. Maybe he would have to share his brownies after all to make up for the trouble he caused.

[aemonded]

 tagged by @anathenma WOO GIRL <3

rules: tag 10 followers you want to get to know better

name: Lauren

gender: Female

star sign: Virgo Sun || Leo Moon || Leo Ascendent, which basically means I have the usually quiet reserved personality of an analytical, organised virgo on the fact of things, am usually the goofy, chill friend amongst my friends, and don’t like to take anyone’s shit, but if I am disrespected, I’m a sensitive six foot flower and withdraw from the world until I can get over it. xD I don’t like conflict.

height: 183cm/6 feet 

age: 27 (YIKES XD)

wallpaper on my phone: (I had to check XD) A calendar of May 2020 stylistically arranged around ribbons

house: Slytherin

ever crush on a teacher: Both my parents and my uncle are teachers and consequently I knew every teacher in my school as actual human people and not ‘crushes’ growing up. So no. XD

coolest halloween costume: I went as the Starbucks logo one year when I was eight, a gigantic Lady Luck die one year with a top hat covered in poker chips and cards. I had some good ones I made: I was creative as fuck when I was 9-11 especially, and I had to be, because I was already around 5′7 and people assumed I was just some weirdo dressing up to get candy (Hearing ‘AREN’T YOU A LITTLE OLD TO BE TRICK OR TREATING’ at eleven CRUSHED me XD)

Favorite 90s tv show: 

Okay. So there’s one’s I watched actually as a child of the 90s, and ones that were just always ON in the 90s that I ended up watching. It’s debatable whether these are actually good NOW. XD

That being said, the background ones were Saved By the Bell (ZACH MORRIS IS TRAAAAassssh~~), Boy Meets World, Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond.

As a kid, I loved the Aladdin Animated Series, The Hercules Animated Series, CHIP AND DALE RESCUE RANGERS (Which didn’t really hold up sadly but still has the best theme song of all time, fight me), and Timon and Pumbaa.

One I rarely caught but really liked was All That, The Wonder Years, Sabrina the Teenage Witch- occasionally Fresh Prince.

Out of all of these, I still have a super fond spot for Saved By the Bell, especially with the ‘Zach Morris is Trash’ series on Youtube (Seriously, go watch it. It’s fucking hilarious and basically breaks down how much of a serial killer in the making Zach Morris is XD). The clothing is ridiculous and no one really dressed like that in the early 90s outside of commercials and TV (unfortunately). Maybe one shoddy item out of the bunch. Meanwhile Saved by the Bell is like LETS PUT IT ALL ON. XD It was terrible once they got to college, but it was stupid and fun and made me feel ‘cool’ watching it because I was like three and being like, “YEAH, IT’S BRIGHT AND THESE PEOPLE ARE COOL AND I CAN FOLLOW THE PLOT. I’M MATURE.” XD It’s literally still the only one of these I actively watch now in the form of Zach Morris is Trash, so I’ll go with it. xD

Last kiss: Never had a consensual kiss. Make of that what you will. xD

Have you ever been stood up: Nope.

Favourite pair of shoes: 

I have terrible plantar fasciitis from sports, so I’m a shoe snob, and have to have properly fitting/constructed shoes. It depends on what I’m doing in them, really. I got a pair of trail running shoes for trail running during COVID, but they’re not the most aesthetically pleasing. I’d say the best mixture between comfort and style are either a good ol’pair of black ankle boots with a slight heel (so I can be 6′2 and intimidate people with my height muhahahaha), or more practically on a day to day basis, I have a pair of Reeboks that are 90s-styled with pastel pink and blue triangles on the side. They’re pretty dope. xD

have you ever been to vegas: No, but my parents have. Basically, they said you tire of shopping after two days, and then you’re just stuck inside hotels and shopping malls there. If you’re not a gambler, drinker, or have a ton of money to splash out on stage shows, I don’t think it’s particularly worth going.

favorite fruit: Mango or raspberry, but they’re super-expensive in the land of Maple Syrup so I usually don’t get them any other way other than frozen in smoothies.

Favourite book:

 I could never choose a favourite book. It’s literally like choosing between children. It’s my microcosmic version of Sophie’s Choice. xD Tasteless joke aside, it’d honestly depend on the occasion. There’s a huge difference between entertainment reading, literary exploits, and educating yourself through books as a whole. 

My ‘plane’ book (which I’m terrible at flying, so that was a joke), as in, an easy, fun, instantly rereadable read to read on the plane when I used to have super long fifteen hour flights to Australia, was always Mario Puzo’s ‘The Godfather,’ because I also had a huge crush on Michael Corleone. 

But it’s also not the ‘best’ book and literally spends an inordinate and honestly disturbing amount of time on the fact that this poor woman in the story (which thankfully in the film, it gets cut down), but the bridesmaid Sonny Corleone has sex with, and how you see his wife indicating his ‘size’?

THAT’S LITERALLY AN ENTIRE SUBPLOT OF THIS BROAD’S STORY I SHIT YOU NOT BECAUSE NOTHING IS ‘BIG’ ENOUGH FOR HER AFTER HIM AND THEN YOU FIND OUT SHE HAS A MEDICAL CONDITION AND GOOD FOR HER SHE’S ABLE TO FIND LOVE AGAIN BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MARIO PUZO XD IT WAS A LOT OKAY.

(Footnote: I also suffered through his horrific sequels because I love Michael Corleone and will take him in any form he comes in, even horrifically written Sicilian backhill exploits that were never told to us in the original book and were clearly just written because Puzo needed another pay check but I digress.)

Horrific subplots aside, I really enjoy The Godfather for its sheer pulpiness. The book is essentially what Andrew Lloyd Weber is to musicals. xD (Yes, I come with musical theatre burns. Fight me.)

In terms of a piece of literature that I think is amazingly well done? Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, or Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.

Stupidest thing you ever done: 

Um, maybe when I was at Cambridge I tried to dye my roots to match the rest of my ‘blonde’ hair at the time, and it turned out bright orange? And because it’s Cambridge, they had this super-strict attendance policy, so I was literally trying not to hyperventilate because it was running close to class (which was across campus) and I was trying to find some way to remedy my hair without it falling out/ someone asking about it. So, I grabbed a toque-cap-thing despite it being literally one of the hottest summer on record in the UK (It was like 35 degrees, it was MENTAL), and had to sprint to class all the way on the other side of campus from my college dodging dodgy tourist groups blocking the sidewalk while I went. Then when I sat down inside, I had to be weirdly rude and wear my hat inside the lecture hall even though the professor was looking at me (it was a specialised program in German Literature) like, “Are you going to take that shit off?” xD THEN I tried to dye it back to brown, and it literally looked like mud mixed with a runny egg had exploded on the top of my head; it was AWFUL. XD So FINALLY I did my research and found a salon, but by THAT point I had done 250 pounds worth of damage to my hair (WHICH IS LIKE 400 DOLLARS CANADIAN AT THE TIME), and I almost had a heart attack and thanked my lucky stars that I had money put away so I could give my parents the ‘parent price’ when they asked why they hadn’t seen me on FaceTime or Skype for like, three weeks, and I replaced my face with a photo of John Cleese from Fawlty Towers, which they tease me about to this day. xD

The other dumbest thing I ever said was when I was so desperate for friends in grade six when I moved to a new school (and because being American was ‘cool’ at the time, apparently), I told everyone I was a dual citizen because my mother LITERALLY GAVE BIRTH TO ME ON THE BORDER CROSSING WHAT. XD And bless this poor bespectacled girl named Mara (who was actually a little class friend of mine), who just said timidly in the back, “That’s not how citizenship works.” xD It basically came out of attempting to be cool and failing, but I’m still SO embarrassed about THAT one that I’d never admit it to ANYONE besides shouting it out into the Tumblr black hole. xD I’m still embarrassed to THIS DAY.

All time favorite shows: 

 I’ll go for the original run of The Twilight Zone, which has some schmaltzy episodes (I’m really not a fan of any of the episodes entirely dedicated to the Space Race or the weird cowboy fanaticism of the fifties/ sixties, or anything that’s overtly like “ALIENS DID IT SO THERE”), but I LOVE their psychological horror episodes or Dystopian episodes. It’s when Rod Serling’s writing and narrative voice is the strongest and most prophetic, and the twists are usually the best. Other shows have tries to imitate it, or reboot it, but I really think the original, due to Rod Serling’s unmatchable voice, in every sense of the word. There’s lists of some of the greatest episodes, but I remember LOVING the episode ‘A Stop at Willoughby.’ The twist literally made me clap my hands in horror and delight, it was amazing. xD

Other than that? Off the top of my head, Mad Men and Band of Brothers, even though I haven’t rewatched either in ages.

last movie you saw in theaters: 

Oh God, before all THIS hit? Probably Rise of Skywalker. I get agoraphobic and itchy if a movie theatre is too busy, and we only have really pokey sort of ones nearby that you’re guaranteed to see someone you went to high school with (terrible), so now that I can properly drive I go out to the big redneck theatre out in the boonies. I miss living in Montreal though, because when you live in a big city like that downtown (and can actually afford to live there), you could see blockbuster movies at like ten in the morning. xD Which would be AMAZING because I’d go to see any of the early Avengers/Marvel movies when they opened, the day of opening, and it was literally me, one old man who fell asleep halfway through and sat near the back, and maybe an elderly couple on a morning date to the movies. xD I get really annoyed with obnoxious movie-goers, and I’m really picky about just being completely absorbed in the movie, so I tend not to go unless I’m guaranteed that space. 

tagging: Anyone who wishes to tag me back so I can learn about them <3

[mittensmorgul]

6.01, Exile on Main Street.

Typically when I write these posts, I try to make a joking comment, or choose a pithy reference to put in this first line, but... god i hate this too much to make jokes about it...

DEAN is attacked by Djinn. Djinn: You made it through that last trip, so how about a big, fat double dose? Bad news -- it'll kill you. The good news? At least you'll go fast. That's for our father, you son of a bitch.

and of course, it's about dredging up daddy issues. These are apparently children of the djinn Dean killed in 2.20...

You might also remember I mentioned Sam's awful promise he extracted from Dean in 5.22, telling him to get out of hunting, go to Lisa and beg her to take him in? Remember that Dean actually did that, despite it metaphorically being a final act of cutting a part of himself off in order to live this terrible half-life, going through the motions of being just another normal suburban dude living a normal suburban life (which he's professed to hate the entire idea of going all the way back to s1?) and abandoning the last link to anyone who actually knows the "real" him when he cut ties with Bobby even, all because that was Sam's literal dying wish for him? Yeah... I've written a LOT about how much I absolutely HATED this entire narrative line.

This was what SAM had always wanted for HIMSELF. He wanted to just... leave the life and "be normal." Dean has NEVER wanted this. Well, maybe he had expressed that to Sam on occasion, in a "hmm, wonder what that's like" sort of way, but at the end of the day he was ALWAYS relieved to be able to climb back in his car and take off for the next hunt. And yet, Sam is SO FUCKING SURE that Dean had always secretly wanted the same sort of suburban normal life that he himself had always fled to every single time he had the chance. Except, Dean is a different person than Sam is, and he can't as easily just cut this whole element of his life out and pretend it never existed. Sam was HAPPY for the most part at Stanford. He never told any of his friends, or even the girl he thought he'd marry and spend his entire life with, about how he was raised and what his family does. At least Lisa and Ben are aware of what Dean's life before he met them entailed so he doesn't have to lie about his past to them, but it's still clear he isn't exactly open and forthcoming about the details. And he spends an inordinate amount of energy still trying to keep the whole truth of it locked up.

From the moment Sam shows up at Dean's house, it's clear that even after a year of "normalcy" that Dean is barely holding on. But this also all speaks to the Performing Dean mask that Dean had possibly sold to Sam just a little bit too successfully for his entire life. (but more on that in the report from 6.02, since that's the main takeaway from that episode...)

What I personally find fascinating with early s6 in relation to where we currently are post 14.20 is this whole feeling of a season-long runaround that-- much like the "we have to kill Lilith!" plot of s4 had proved to be a blatant manipulation. The entire Campbell Family plotline eventually becomes... wtf-laden. Between the "secretly working for Crowley" plotline, compounded with the "monsters acting out of character" plotline, compounded with the eventual reveal of Cas's involvement in the entire narrative mess because of his desperation to keep Dean out of the Apocalypse Redux mess brewing in Heaven... well, this season feels like it just randomly chooses moments to burn vast quantities of its own structure when it no longer fits the story going forward. I feel like a LOT of Dabb Era has been a direct indictment of this s6-7 narrative collapse, using the whole BMoL as the cartoonishly Evol Fall Guys we were happy to watch burn (literally! their headquarters got firebombed!), using first Lucifer and then Nick as the pointlessly recurring distraction of a Bad Guy, with supporting parts in that narrative going to Asmodeus and AU Michael (and the whole AU, honestly, serving as a glaring proof of the futility of the apocalypse from the POV of the angels who believed since day one of creation that it was the "ending" God wanted and intended them to achieve that would bring him back to them, that would please him enough to return to acknowledge their success and reward them for achieving it. Except it was all just lies, and there was no reward, there was no paradise, only more of what they did to themselves, literally the never-ending war they brought about thinking it was all part of God's plan for creation. It was all ironically the exact future they chose for themselves. They had another choice-- to serve as the guardians of the world and humanity, preserving it as a paradise for mortality they could observe and learn and understand about the point of creation, but they chose not to learn from creation itself and instead chose to destroy it. You reap what you sow...

And what s6 sows just... hurts everyone.

Dean: you been back practically this whole time?! What, did you lose the ability to send a friggin' text message?! Sam: You finally had what you wanted, Dean. Dean: I wanted my brother, alive! Sam: You wanted a family. You have for a long time, maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. But you had something, and you were building something. Had I shown up, Dean, you would have just run off. I'm sorry. But it felt like after everything, you deserve some regular life.

See... Sam has convinced himself that this Apple Pie Life he himself has always wanted was also what Dean has always wanted... and it just... really, really isn't. See 14.13 for proof of that fact. I mean, you can even look backward to episodes such as 1.08 Bugs, to 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon, 2.20 What Is And What Should Never Be, 3.10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, 8.01 We Need To Talk About Kevin, 8.09 and 8.10, and honestly a huge chunk of s9 and how their codependency has been treated in Carver Era for hints into understanding these fundamental differences between Sam and Dean, Dean's parentification of Sam from the time he was four, and the vastly different childhood experience, and the construction of Dean's performance mask that Dabb has been systematically burning down over the last few seasons. Just look to 13.05 for the treatise on just how powerfully Sam believes in that mask, and how badly he himself needs Dean to maintain it for his own wellbeing and comfort, even to the point where Dean is literally suicidally depressed and hopeless. Because Sam was fundamentally wrong about what Dean actually wanted and needed. Even Cas, set up from the start to be the effective Big Bad of this season, literally only turned down that path to spare Dean, to protect him from becoming involved in this, mistakenly believing that he'd be intruding on Dean's happiness, from the peace at the end of his road.

Luckily I know what's in store down the line, because it's the ONLY thing preventing me from outright hating Sam for this. Soulless Sam was just as manipulative and ruthless as Cas in this season:

Bobby: And I'd do it again. Dean: Why?! Bobby: Because you got out, Dean! You walked away from the life. And I was so damn grateful, you got no idea. Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me? Bobby: Yeah -- a woman and a kid and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant. Dean: That woman and that kid -- I went to them because you asked me to. Bobby: Good. Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much. I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books, trying to find anything to bust you out. Sam: You promised you'd leave it alone. Dean: Of course I didn't leave it alone! Sue me! A damn year? You couldn't put me out of my misery? Bobby: Look, I get it wasn't easy. But that's life! And it's as close to happiness as I've ever seen a hunter get. It ain't like I wanted to lie to you, son. But you were out, Dean. Dean: Do I look out to you?

And from the end of the episode where we're given even MORE insight into just how "wrong" Sam is:

Sam: Look, I practically shoved you at them. Dean: That's a funny way to put it, but all right. Sam: I'm just saying, I really wanted that for you. And when I told you to go, I-I thought... You could have it, you know? But now I'm not so sure. I mean, you got to consider the fact that you'll be putting them in danger if you go back. Dean: So, what, it's better to leave them alone, unprotected, and then they're not in danger? I did this to them. I made them vulnerable the moment I knocked on their door, and I can't undo that. But what I can do is go with the best option. Sam: I hear you. I guess I just, wish you were coming, that's all. Dean: Why? Sam: Don't be stupid. Dean: No, I mean it. I mean, you know plenty of good hunters. I'm rusty. I did something seriously stupid going out there. I almost got us both killed. Sam: And that's exactly why I want you. Dean: What are you talking about? Sam: You just went. You didn't hesitate. Because you care, and that's who you are. Me? I wouldn't even think to try. Dean: Yes, you would. Sam: No, Dean. I'm telling you, it's just better with you around. That's all.

From my chatbubbles @ lizbob:

without his soul, Sam was freaking ruthless he said or did whatever it took to manipulate everyone, and of course Bobby would want to believe that Dean was truly happy... essentially living out the life Bobby himself lost when he killed his demon-possessed wife... I mean if Bobby could have a do-over, we know exactly what he'd do differently now... it wouldn't have taken much for Sam to convince Bobby that Dean was legit happy with Lisa and Ben, despite the evidence of our eyes that he was basically going through the motions, zombie-style

But was Dean REALLY happy with Lisa and Ben? REALLY?!

[themoulinblue]

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT

The story:

I have many issues with the story this year but in general terms it was ok. For some reason, American Horror Story hasn’t topped its better season "Asylum", with 7 seasons already; there’s something missing.

American Horror Story: Cult, starts with election night focused in the two lead characters Kai Anderson and Ally Mayfair-Richards, one is Republican and the other is Democratic. We already knew this and we also knew that the main plot wouldn’t be the elections, the main plot is kinda the chaos that came after that.

Anyways, this season has good things and bad things IMO. It has good moments, good episodes, but overall is predictable, this supposed to be a realistic season with non supernatural elements but at some point it’s not realistic at all.

The first episode wasn’t memorable, there’s Kai trying to raise his position now that Trump is the winner and Ally fighting being terrorized by her phobias, isn’t really clear at the beginning if this is in her head or it’s really happening. The thing is that Sarah’s character being chased and scared is not something new, her character last season did the same thing and probably that’s why people were complaining about it. Obviously, things change after a few episodes and we get to meet a new Ally (Thank God)

Anyways, I have to say that I love the episodes “Neighbors from Hell” “Holes” “Mid-Western assassin” and “Drink the Kool-Aid” those for me were the better ones, it had some plot twist… there’s others I liked but not as much a the ones I mentioned.

I think one of the problems with this season is the consistency, we have great episodes and then we have the Valerie Solanas episode that IMO was unnecessary, why? It was too long, was her story really important for the main plot? I don’t think so, the other cults were short flashbacks but for some reason they dedicated a whole episode to Valerie Solanas, I didn’t get that. They let us know Bebe, yeah ok, so? Apparently she was the Queen Bee but died when we found out she was the Queen Bee. For me it was so unrealistic that in the first session with Kai she managed to convince him to create a crazy cult and Kai immediately accepted and did what she wanted and I was like what? Why don’t explore that and show us how she slowly got into Kai’s head? It’s unbelievable that in one session you can make someone to open to you in that deep level, like come on.

The motivations: to be honest, the characters had weak motivations, (I want to talk about every character but this is like a general point of view) when a character do something, you always ask to yourself why is this person doing this? And of course, you are waiting for a reasonable explanation. I wasn’t convinced at all of their motivations to create chaos, Ivy hating on Ally, Winter being Kai’s minion… I only believed Ally, because like it or not, she had real reasons to become the cold ass bitch she was at the end. I see Kai and I have nothing but hate for him, there must be a realistic reason for this young man that used to be a good person in general that actually helped people to scape from this crazy Christian fanatic to become a crazy ass psychopath that decided that killing innocent people in order to be city council man was a good idea, and don’t tell me that a Trump supporter will listen to a woman and make all this for women to lead because that’s bull shit. Even when he changed his mind at the end and decided that he was a misogynist asshole and he was the one with the right to become the leader, sorry but still… not very good motivations. Also Ivy’s motivations, really? I mean? Girl, getting divorced and having shared custody was way more easy than terrorize your wife and exposing your son to all that cruel shit.

I also saw that many people said “this doesn’t look like American Horror Story” well, that’s true and you wanna know why this doesn’t look like AHS anymore? The cinematography, we had Michael Goi as cinematographer for 5 seasons and yeah I can agree that the cinematography in Roanoke was beautiful Nelson Cragg did an amazing job. The thing is, Michael Goi knows better the AHS universe, I don’t even know why Ryan decided to let him go, the cinematography this season was BORING, I don’t know who made it, (someone please let me know) for me, it looked like a lifetime movie, sorry but this is the true.

Michael knows the narrative style, the aesthetic, Accomplishing a visual differentiation between time periods was one of the many aesthetic elements of previews seasons, this season was almost the same, you could see a little difference with the cult flashbacks but the aesthetic wasn’t good so it didn’t look great. Michael used to make different lighting for the same space trying not to duplicate the same representation of that space, but keeping the consistency so the audience could recognize the space. He also tried to emphasizes the dramatic moments so the audience could see the story’s arcs (I’m kinda quoting Michael here, I read this somewhere and I found it very fascinating) I didn’t see any of this in Cult, I mean AHS is well known for its consistency between the cinematography, set design and wardrobe.

Another thing was that we couldn’t enjoy the sets, the camera was almost always over the characters, I didn’t get to see the Butchery on Main for example, or Ally’s house, I wanted to know the space, I wanted to see the set decoration, there were master shots of the set in AHS and in Cult we didn’t get any. The frames in previews seasons were so beautiful and here it was I don’t know so normal, so… boring and if there were some master shots I’m sorry but I don’t remember, it means it weren’t epics at all. I just remember the way they showed us the Murder House, The Asylum, The Academy, The camp in Freak Show, The Hotel and even the Mansion in Roanoke. I miss that.

The Characters:

There’s a rule in American Horror Story, everyone pays for what they do. Yeah kai died, almost everyone died, so let’s say most of them paid but not Ally, yeah she was terrorized in the first episodes but she was a murderer and what happened to her doesn’t compare with what happened to Lana for example, Do you really think that Lana is actually happy? She’s not, she killed her son and she will have to live with that and we can see that in the final episode, even when she has a good life she’s still haunted for her past and her choices, that’s a good way to pay, Ally didn’t have any kind of remorse. Ivy deserved to die, yeah and I really enjoyed the way she died and for me it was more than fair that Ally was the one to kill her but she was the mother of her son, she was her wife and she lied about her death. So, Ally getting away with that wasn’t ok for me, everyone in this season deserved to pay, it would be awesome if Kai could expose her before his death, Ally in jail and finally everything will be fine for those innocent people out there at least for a while.

Kai Anderson: like I said before, his motivations were weak, I compare Kai with Frank Underwood in HOC (let’s forget about KS for a while and let’s focus in the character) this character is so well written, in this case I wanted to be on Kai’s side like I am with the Underwoods. This is how you write an antihero and even more if this antihero is the leader of a cult, let us love him for a while and then let us open our eyes and see how awful this character is, he was the clear villain and that’s predictable, we hated him since the beginning so when he dies it’s not shocking at all because yeah he was the villain. I never found Kai relatable or charismatic, some random guy with blue unwashed hair that lives in his parents basement would never convince me to follow him as a leader and even less to kill for him, I would run away as fast as I can, so his little monologues to convince people were so cheesy and so “seriously, are you gonna believe that shit?” he convinced in literally 10 minutes someone he barely knew to kill like… that’s not how it works, you have to be so dumb to fall for that. Also, I think that picking just one Cult leader to be your idol would be enough instead of passing for all those cult leaders (this is just me, like I said, personal opinion, if you disagree, that’s ok, people like different things)

Ally: probably the best development, even when I hated the fact that she got away with her crimes, I have to accept that her transformation was really good, I understand that you can’t get over your phobias over night but come on, we have only 11 episodes… there’s no time to be realistic here, so yeah, it was great to see Ally leaving her old self behind and becoming a totally new person, we really needed this, and that was very well done. Now I understand why she joined the cult and everything because they explained it, and I’m so grateful for that. I have to say that her motivations were very real, she wanted her son, this people tortured her and she needed to tear that cult apart. But, I don’t think she’s a feminist, she was selfish and to be honest you could see that she was thinking in herself and not her son, she uses her fame for her own gain, sorry not a feminist. Also if she was with the FBI why did she kill speedwagon? She could use him to help her? Another innocent died and she had not remorse. And please don’t say that Lana did the same with her fame because Lana deserved all that, she was rape, she was in the asylum only for being gay, she got electroshock, she got her rapist baby, she was tortured in a basement I mean come on… do not compare Ally with Lana. That’s way I say Ally deserved to pay for her crimes too, otherwise her winning is predictable.

Ivy: I really wish Ryan could give us for the first time a healthy couple, it’s not that hard… I was rooting for Ivy, I refused to believe that Ryan would be this predictable by making her the bad one, after that I hated her a lot (I love Alison Pill, tho, great job) I mean, her motivations, JESUS H. CHRIST (let’s quote Constance Langdon) girl, getting a divorce it’s easier than killing people and torturing your wife and son, you hated her because she was the biological mother and because she voted for someone you didn’t like? And also you spend 10 years hating her without saying a word and pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t? you made yourself miserable and that’s not Ally’s fault, in a relationship people talk, people say how they feel, why don’t do that? So yeah, you deserved to die because you were a two faced bitch. Also, the clich�� part… you cheated on Ally with the nanny… wow… original. I hope she’s in the next season, tho.

Winter: when I saw Winter’s poster I said, this character will be epic, sorry it wasn’t, she was just a minion and never took a side, she only got 2 scenes to shine and that was unfair, I also was doubting about Billie’s acting skills because she had always the same expression for every situation, the same monotone voice, Winter was boring and that’s a fact, when she died I was ok with it because for me she wasn’t relevant (Not Billie’s fault) she was really good in 2 episodes tho, so I hope to see her next season with a most interesting character.

The Wiltons: how to have a good couple and ruin it in two episodes, my fave was Meadow, she was funny and Leslie was awesome, Billy had his moments too… I love the second episode just because of them, and I enjoyed seeing their background, too sad that Meadow died too soon because I really loved the episode with her and Ally, I don’t have anything wrong to say. Good characters.

Dr. Vincent: I was shocked when I found out he was Kai’s brother and I’m glad he didn’t know anything about the cult, because once you get to know that he was related to Kai and Winter you immediately think that he was part of everything since the beginning, I was happy I was wrong, but I did find cruel that Ally let Kai to kill him, he was innocent and didn’t deserved it but I guess we are used to see Ryan sacrificing characters to advance in the story line… so it’s fine.

Samuels: he was irrelevant… let’s move on

Gary: nothing to say about him, he was another peon, her death was unnecessary, but ok.

Oz: this child was amazing, I loved when he called out Kai, that was awesome, he was super smart and I’m sorry he had those mothers, but again… parents in AHS sucks, just look at Constance, The Harmons, The Lowes, Fiona etc. I would love to see him again, such a talented child.

Berverly Hope: I think she made sense, I’m glad she didn’t die because she was a victim, and I’m so glad she was the one who killed Kai, I think she deserved that in order to move on with her life, she was the only one that actually tried to do something, I enjoyed Bev a lot.

Bebe Rabbit: uhmm, I love Franny and I’m so sorry she had to play this character.

So, in conclusion, this season isn’t bad but isn’t good either, it’s in the middle and it’s almost in the bottom of my list, I don’t think this is the kind of season I would watch again (same with Hotel) it had its moments but it’s not better than Asylum like many people have said, it’s not even close.

PD: I’m pressed because Lily Rabe wasn’t in this season, the holy trinity of AHS is dead… I’m so tired that Ryan doesn’t give the recognition she deserves, I want her as the lead and I want her alive.

[lowat-golden-tower]

Out on a Limb

Chapter three, quite longer than the last. I’m not exactly planning these lengths, they just sort of happen. Of course Host’s chapter would be extra wordy.

Major inspiration and Host hc’s taken from @alcordraws, of course.

AO3 Mirror

Chapter 3: nested narrative

"The Host was unaware the lot even had a walnut tree."

Said ego's deep tone was laced with an irritated sigh. He had hoped, after hearing about the incidents with Dark and Wilford, King would avoid trees for at least a little while. He should have known it was all wishful thinking. Just because a squirrel's tree is cut down or burned in a fire, that didn't mean they stopped using trees altogether.

No, if anything, the incidents only served to make King more wary and nervous around the egos involved. Host was sincerely hoping not to join their ranks today, but like the others, he was not prepared to take "no" for an answer.

"King. The Host has talked about this. He does not appreciate King's..." Host couldn't eye the squirrels he sensed in the tree with the disdainful trepidation he was experiencing, but perhaps he managed to convey the feeling through his expression. "...subjects, tearing apart his books to insulate their homes. Also, Host has no qualms with King borrowing some of his material, but he has explicitly stated time and again to return said materials intact."

Host allowed a poignant pause. Part of him was hoping it would drill the point into King's head, while another part hoped the ego would own up to his transgressions. Neither seemed to occur, as he could sense King continuing to simply watch him from the thick branches. Just like his "subjects." Host sighed more wearily.

"That means without missing pages, ripped pages, muddied pages, leaves in-between the pages... and chewed spines and covers. Really, King? Chewing on Host's books?"

"It wasn't me! Samwise likes to chew on hard things! He's got growing teeth. It helps." Finally, King spoke, but of course his choice of dialogue did nothing to assuage Host's aggravation.

If Host had eyes, he would have rolled them.

"Look, I tell them to keep out of your library but it's nice and warm in there! And I can't help it if they want your paper for their nests. They don't have a lot of other options. They won't go near Dark or Wilford's rooms, Bim only has plants, and all the others have threatened them with various forms of awful, terrible death! You don't wanna know what Yandere did when he found out Billy'd taken some stupid shirt scraps...."

Host couldn't see King, of course, but his mind's eye and near inaudible narration showed pursed lips and furrowed brows. Worry, and an irritation of his own, coupled with indignation and righteous fury and a protectiveness akin to that of a mother with her children. Host sighed the heaviest yet. At this rate, his lungs were going to forget how to breathe normally. He was already getting a headache from this conversation. Reaching up, he rubbed at his forehead and adjusted his bandage.

"Just because the Host hasn't threatened to stuff or experiment on one of King's subjects, that doesn't mean the Host has endless patience. It is wearing very thin and King would do best to rectify the situation immediately. Starting with the return of Host's tomes on rodents and the pages missing from his latest thriller."

"Nnnn... mmmnnn... nnnnaaaa... no."

"What?"

"No."

"Are you refusing?"

"Nope."

"...is that a no to the question or are you- nevermind." Host rubbed a bit harder at his forehead. Now he was giving himself a headache. He needed to end this interaction. "Why?"

"Well. I can't. Marshall's got some babies coming along, see, and she needs all the stuffing she can get for her hollow, especially after Wilford destroyed the oak tree-"

"Technically, the King destroyed it when he-"

"I know I'm the one who smushed it but he shrunk it first! It's his fault! And he still hasn't apologized."

Host let loose a rough huff of air; scarcely a laugh. "Host would not hold his breath if he were the King." Now he could sense the King's pout.

"Anyway... so... yeah. I can't give them back. She needs them. Just write more!"

"That's not..." Host's next exhale couldn't really be considered a sigh. "That's not how it works, I just- fine. Fine. Just give Host back his books, then."

"No."

It took all of Host's remaining, yet rapidly dwindling patience, not to narrate the tree being wrenched from the very ground by some invisible force. His fingers tensed and clenched as his body language stiffened. Like running coffee beans through a grinder, the word slipped past his teeth, "Why?"

"Can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't! Look, I'm sorry, but you're not getting any of your stuff back. I'll talk to them about taking more of it, but I can't give back the book they already took."

"Why not?"

Silence. When Host didn't receive an answer for almost a full minute, he decided he'd had enough. He'd played along and played nice but now play time was over. He was getting his book back, at the very least, even if it would be covered in squirrel spit. A bit louder, he started to hone his narration, feeling the words spill through his veins and out into the universe around him; bending it to his will. "King of the Squirrels decides to change his stubborn ways and in a gesture of courtesy takes the Host's book and-"

Thunk.

Host blinked. Or, he would have. The urge was still there, but no reflex could fulfill it. The awkward sensation that followed only served to fuel his frustration. What had hit him? He hadn't been paying attention to his immediate surroundings, as he'd been putting forth all his efforts to control King. Unwilling to waste more time, he shrugged it off and opened his mouth to begin again.

Thunk.

A walnut. He'd been hit by a walnut, he "saw" it that time. He wished he could narrow his eyes. "Really."

Thunk. "Yes really. They don't appreciate you trying to control me!" Thunk.

The muscle beneath Host's left empty eye socket twitched behind his bandage. Every few seconds, another walnut would bounce off some part of his person. They were easy to brush off... until one happened to hit a little too close to home. Host felt more than "watched" a walnut spiral gracefully towards his face, where it promptly smacked into his bandage. More accurately, the part of his bandage resting over nothing. The reverberations against the barest edge of his empty socket sent chills racing across his skin. His spine tingled and his breath hitched. A bead of blood slipped out from beneath his bandage.

He could sense an apology already forming on King's lips, knew it was coming, even though he hadn't thrown the nut. It didn't matter. Host officially had enough. His voice cracked through the peace of the summer afternoon like a whip, shaking the fabric of all things to its core. Metaphorically, he reached into the threads of the universe, grasped them firmly in his hands, and pulled. With his words.

"King of the Squirrels abruptly forgets himself and proceeds to fall off his branch, hitting several on his way to the ground. He lands on a large root."

Judging by the sounds of cracking wood and smashing branches, coupled with King's screeching, Host's narration was successful. He waited until he heard the appropriate thud, then continued. "His furry subjects follow suit, falling from the tree and scattering like water droplets in a sizzling hot frying pan." King should be grateful Host didn't make his similie literal. He listened to the sounds of furious squeaking and chittering, watching the rodents dash wildly about in his mind's eye. King was still laying on his back, half-bent around a large root and groaning.

"The Host's book falls primly into his hands from where it had been perched in the tree. King of the Squirrels learns a valuable lesson and deigns never to borrow the Host's books agai-"

Host's latest bout of narration was abruptly halted when he noticed a faint chittering coming from his hands. He'd caught the book, as described, but apparently someone had already been using it. He choked on his next word, his tongue catching on his teeth. "You let it make a nest out of my book?!"

It was the last words he was able to say before suddenly there was a squirrel latched onto his face, tugging at his hair and bandages with its tiny paws and screeching up a storm. He screamed himself in a mixture of shock and panic, dropping his book and flailing backwards. He ran back to the parking lot, doing his best to narrate or rip the squirrel off his face and abandoning his efforts entirely. One book and a few pages were not worth this.

King let loose another groan and rolled his head to the side, watching Host flee. A victorious chuckle wheezed from his mouth. "Marshall wasn't the only one nesting babies...."