#but you cant just say shit like this isnt neccessary | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

forestryfae · 1 year

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not to be a whiner on main but i fucking hate talking to my dad. he just called, i thought maybe it was important since he called again like 1o minutes after the first time he called which is like. a thing he doesnt do. he never calls twice he calls once and then expects you to call him back.

was not important. dad and stepmom are in the car on their way somewhere, as usual, and got bored i fucking guess. they never fucking call unless theyre in the car on their way somewhere and theyre bored. he then "lets me know" the cat peed on the floor again. as if i didnt fucking know already? ive had them for two years im awar of snuskens piss habits. asks "when are you gonna come visit us?" as if i fucking knew they were home? they didnt fucking tell me they were even going on vacation, i had to ask, and they certainly didnt let me know they came home. and somehow its when AM I visiting them. fucking cunts cant even come visit me when im so depressed i cant fucking function but they can drive to their beach cottage and go to sweden for no other reason than They Felt Like It but its "when are you visiting us" and "you can visit us whenever jus call beforehand" and "we can go to the cottage" whenever they want attention AND WERE NOT EVEN GOING TO THE COTTAGE. WE NEVER FUCKING DO. ive been invited several times both to the cottage and to meet stepmoms family and we even made new years plans that one time and they NEVER go through with it. they ALWAYS change their minds right at the last minute, especially my stepmom. every damn time they change ther mind mainly because she just doesnt want to all of a sudden. the usual excuse is "im too tired today" or "the weather isnt nice" but frankly im starting to think shes lying and shes just being a bitch on purpose

and then theres the fucking audacity. every time i go grocery shopping or i really need something at the store. like fucking food or something else NECCESSARY TO LIVE, if i ask for a ride home they ALWAYS drag me home with them and i wind up staying there until fucking midnight every damn time. i get HALF AN HOUR to buy food before im driven home??? cant fucking visit people for 6+ hours are they fucking insane. and its every time. and i cant even say anything cus theyll just ignore it. and somehow its still "when are you visiting" and "are you coming to the city" and shit like that like. WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO VISIT ME? to help me with the house like you said you would??

and he fucking brings up driving lessons as if the cunt didnt say himself he was gonna practice drive with me. its been ONCE. ive driven with him ONCE. what the fuck does he think he gets to talk to me about driving lessons for.

#vent post again cus my familly fucking SUCKS and theyre all assholes

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classicvibes0 · 7 years

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Note to self

I have to stop trying to please everyone! I have to stop trying to pull smiles and appreciation from everyone! Many times we look for approval from others before we look for it within ourselves. Even with your significant other. If your significant other always is "nitpicking" and harshly criticizing EVERY single thing you do. From what you wear, to what you say, to your dreams, to how you look, then maybe you need reevaluate your relationship with that person. Im not talking about somone who is genuinely trying to better you as a person and help you, im talking about someone is always annoyed your presence and takes you for granted and always putting you down. And if you are someone's significant other , and you do this, then you too need to reevaluate your feelings for that person and ask "Do i really care about them?", "Do I really have their best interests?", What do they really mean to me?". Someone who really cares/loves you , will accept you and accept the FACT that you have flaws and that you are human, not put you down. I have to stop trying to change myself when its not my time to change. Changing because others are changing can be toxic because it forces you to try to keep up with them. I gotta stop trying to FORCE relationships. This includes, Friendships, Bonds, and even relationships. At the end of the day, people are honestly going to do whatever they want to. Someone who Wants you in their life, is gonna show you or at least tell you! Dont try to force love, affection, and happiness from anyone! If you have to force or beg them to do it , then its not genuine. There is a difference between people who CANT and people who simply WON'T. If you are busy and life is going on, then by no means are you obligated to interact with others until you have your shit together. That's doing you and doing you isnt selfish...Its neccessary! But if you simply chose not to talk or reach out, then that's a different story

INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE: This is a key factor. If you know that there is a huge difference in how someone interacts with you and how they interact with other people, pay attention to that. Yes everyones different and you cant aproach everyone the same but if everytime they come around you, they act mean, cruel, distant, annoyed , or like they simply rather be somewhere else, but then when they get around other people they act happy and excited and positive...somethings up with that shit! Either two things are occurring: 1. He/she is being their genuine self around you, and just faking being happy around other people, or 2. They are being their true selves around others , being happy and they arent happy with you

PLEASING EVERYONE: you cant please everyone, and trying to will put such a big burden on you that you dont fucking need, self love and contentment is so damn important, because with out it you will be stuck trying to fix and build your self with bits and peices of broken off fragments that others will give you!

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unalomero · 5 years

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Let's g0 g0 gadget

This belt was not equipt with the tools neccessary to let Sarah know I need time as a single lady.

Funny because the feeling I had when she kissed me was v similar to the time when I was getting over Cait and held hands with Kat that one night at the party. I cried myself to sleep that night because I felt myself losing my feelings i thought were forever.

Except ya girl isnt crying over that! Ya girl is focused on the positive and focusing on the now! Ya girl has herself surrounded and reminded by people on the daily on the love she got!

Because if I don't, uff there sure is a lot bad to focus on, but bay blade wont let that RIP on this dance floor tonight or any nights upcoming.

Talked with Cait again today too. She will always be my #1 rock and soulmate. Our mateship is friendship, but the kind I know lasts. Which is nice to be able to recognize! I am blessed to have had truly amazing friendships and the capacity to have great connections. I prefer cait and I as friends that we are now. We talk way too much on raising kids together though, which she would be such a great parent partner! She and I click so well and we both are always commenting how we need someone like each other, just not one another l0l which I agree 10000 % She always makes me feel safe and unjudged. She may not be the smartest when it comes to relative truths, but she is so well habile in the absolute truths. Seeing her grow has been such a pleasure too. We both thank one another almost every time of everything we have been through and of the things we have learned along the way and how we help one another.

Felt good to also cry a bit today to Cait. I needed to release what happened a month ago. I was getting p upset and felt how I initially wanted to place blame on Kat oddly... my poor brain has been v inclined to thinking negativly of her, but that's brain trying to teach itself to not play with fire anymore.

So sex bots. You know that big fear that kept me up for about a week at school and a week before leaving to MN? Well I got to meet my fear! I knew I deserved to fight and fought harder this time. What, Another??? family!!! friend!!! decided??? to assume that all a young female's body is for is takin and fuckin it?!?!?!

Do I have a sign tied on my back that says "Hey she doesnt deserve to be respected and treated kindly"? Cause jee, seems like that's a lot of what my life has consisted of. But dont get me wrong, more of my life has been spent being taken care of, dont fixate gurlll. ... But alas, what hasnt killed me has made me stronger and each of the bad makes me treasure the good. If that makes me seem "too happy" for you fucks, then try getting almost raped 3 times, not to count the 2 successful attempts, having to witness and break up parental domestic violence, 2 stalkers, an alcoholic and suicidal brother, not to mention also an occasional suicidal mother, losing a friend, being mugged 2 times, and losing family and friends to drugs, suicide, and gun violence. So yeah, I may be a little eccentric for you boring bots out there, but to me I'm happy I'm alive and the people around me are too. Yikes does it feel weird to type that out... Haha and the most painful of it all wasnt even when the worst of the worst was happening (except when mom was in the hospital for 4 days from what my dad did to her. That, that was as worse as the fear gets). WhT was worse was how consumed I let my everyday thinking get clouded by the drama and the pain.

When someone compliments my intelligence. Thank you. I didnt have parents that were always around or the best role models to help me learn. I mainly taught myself a lot to keep me distracted and keep me somewhere else. Which, when I think about it, a lot of the factoids I carried around like prized pieces went away a year ago around now. I let go of what kept me in an anxious check all the time. Relative truths are just but relative. They require an attachment to the material world, an unhealthy one a lot of the times. We get so convinced of a view and we let it change us and the relationships around it. All for the sake of what? Some hierarchy that has again found itself where it need not be.

No wonder I have problems with physical intimacy? No wonder Matty does too. So crazy how such similar trauma has created in my mind and experience, such similar minded people. I feel like I just get her thinking space a lot.

So another experience of having someone force themselves on you.

"Well Ashley you should have known"

Mother trucking sex bots, should I have??? Someone who helped raise me and was there for me as a baby? NO gosh darn it. But apparently things change when you have tits. I hate them sometimes. I hate my body.

When people say "you're just so beautiful" to my naked corpse, I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach. It's not because I dont see beauty, but those words almost always followed abuse. Why cant I be told that when I'm in sweats and my favorite hoody, rocking a hella fun laugh and smile? Because that, that's when I feel beautiful.

So Deno,

I forgive you. I dont understand your actions, but I'm glad at least you ended up listening to me and wasnt as horrible as some men have treated me. I had courage this time to step up and not back down. What you tried to do and what you got away with is beyond what any apology would allot you. You could have further sent me into my distrust in men, but I wont give you anymore power than my other abusers have.

I am still getting over what happened before and I am still wrapping my mind around how so many good people keep coming after my ass. Ann said it best, "you're short and cute -a seemingly easy threat."

Well mother trucker, best be a scooting because I'm proud that I was able to stand up taller and not let this past indiscretion pull me down. It happened and well life can be shit sometimes. But guess what life is also amazing.

I have amazing friends and family who support me so much. I could be hella depressed and probably would be hadn't it been for working extremely hard on being mindful and present in the moment.

What I try not to think about are the words he said to me and how easily he could have not been so kind to let me go. I've had that. That's the kind of fear that

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