#fucking avoidant personality disorder

[liberty-spiked]

They always fucking expect me to share private stuff about my life man. Fuck people wanting to protect their privacy, right? Sure, I could tell them about my trauma but then everyone in the room feels bad. And god forbid i say something slightly political. Thats a state sponsored course! I should be glad to be a participant!

They dont know how much i hold myself back to not stirr up trouble 🙃🙃🙃

[froody]

my dad just texted me today in the middle of my little breakdown (in all fairness he didn’t know I was struggling) and was like “I think I have generalized anxiety disorder.” (I as in him, not me.) like……brother you sure weren’t anxious about cheating on your wife with multiple women. not the slightest display of nervousness, guilt or regret about that one.

[avpdpossum]

i wish more educators saw graded participation and presentations as a legitimate accessibility issue.

i just read through the syllabus for the disability studies course i’m taking this semester and there are so many safeguards put in place to make the class accessible, but there’s still an assignment (worth a lot of points) that requires leading a class discussion, and participation in general is graded.

a disability studies course with a thoughtful professor and i’m still fucked because even a person whose job relies on making things accessible doesn’t seem to understand that some of us literally can’t just get up in front of a class and talk.

my avoidance is just as much of a disability as, say, my inattention or inability to write by hand, and those are accommodated just fine. a disability studies course of all things should not be putting me in this position.

[drifting-bones]

i'm just trying to think about what the fuck about me is so unlovable that some of my best friends decided it straight up wasn't worth it to try to save our friendship. is it because of all of the shit that i was already working on? is there something else i need to do? what the fuck do i need to do to stop being so fucking easy for people to abandon? what the fuck is wrong with me, why the fuck does this keep happening? i was trying my hardest and putting everything into this and somehow that still wasn't enough. am i just never going to be enough of a whole person for people to like me? why the fuck do i ruin fucking everything? i swear to god i'm cursed. or maybe i'm just too fucking mentally ill for everyone i fucking meet. i still hate how it always felt like it was okay for them to have issues and how even if they upset me "oh they have their own issues to work through so you know! it happens!" but when i have a fucking problem? "you need to do better and stop doing this and start doing that and listen to what i'm telling you to do and you'll just be better and i'll stop getting upset with you!" fuck this shit. how the fuck am i supposed to think i'm anything better than disposable when everyone who i love eventually decides i'm impossible to love and just fucking vanishes instead of even thinking i'm worth the time to speak to.

[lastsecondsquirrel]

NORMALIZE VOICING HOW HOPELESS LIFE FEELS WITHOUT FEAR OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION

[takemetodragonstone]

okay i’m going to be a bitch for a second but hear me out. i hate posts like this. i hate them so fucking much. they’re branded as “self-care” but they just assume so much. and if the things they’re assuming as givens happen to not be true for you, they make you feel even worse.

“everything that has ever felt like a hurdle, you’ve passed through”. except what if you haven’t? what if life has knocked you down, and you still haven’t figured out how to get back up? what about us?

i’m still afraid of the same things i was afraid of ten years ago (and five years ago and two years ago). i haven’t overcome anything. i haven’t pushed through. i’m alive, but that’s pretty much all i have going for me in terms of survival. i’m actually probably worse off than i was ten years ago.

posts like this have a place in the discussion of mental health, i’m not denying that. if this kind of thing makes you feel better, that’s great. i’m genuinely happy this resonates with so many people. i’m just exhausted with seeing this kind of message presented as The standard of mental health everywhere. this “look how strong you are! look how far you’ve come!” message just rings hollow to me. idk i just think when it comes to mental health we need to get more comfortable talking about people who genuinely aren’t progressing and “overcoming” too.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

I love earnestly and unironically calling conservative men bitches. I’m obsessed. Looking a wealthy white cishet christian man probably named John or Dave right in the face and saying “you’re being kinda bitchy, are your hormones acting up maybe?” really fucking makes my day

[shrike-without-a-thorn]

i hate how avpd makes other people criticize and target you (which triggers trauma memories) because like

i literally learnt to keep to myself, not speak unless spoken to and to never initiate relationships because i was repeatedly traumatized by the cruelty of others as a fucking survival mechanism, but that makes me "awkward" which makes people target me more for their fucked up cruel "jokes" and shit. because it's just oh so fucking funny to pick an "awkward" person and make them feel as violated and unsafe as possible, because they're not normal like us. in fact who's to say they're even a person at all! they don't see me as human because of the coping mechanism i literally developed to protect myself from dehumanization.

it's even a joke among my acquaintances and casual friends. that i'm just sOoOoOooOoOooO awkward haha! no-one knows how to talk to me! i made all that time we spent together before we were acquainted so awkward because i'm so so quiet and weird! i thought you were so weird and stupid haha! everyone thinks of you that way! why aren't you laughing? it's funny! it's funny everyone makes assumptions and treats you like shit because of things out of your control!

i hate it so much

[k3t4min5]

'i still love the people i've loved, even if i cross the street to avoid them'

[fairiencarnate]

I'm so scared to make friends when I've only ever drifted! away from people! I miss everyone

[idontreallyknowanymoretobehonest]

I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to throw up. I want to lay down in the middle of the road. I want to walk into the woods until I collapse and the mushrooms eat me. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not

[avpdpossum]

google search: how to stop secretly hoping i get fired from my job even though it pays really well and is really good experience and i mostly like the work i do there. i don’t want to get fired but god, it would be such a relief if i did, the idea of going in fills me with indescribable dread.

[lacunazai]

I keep seeing posts that threaten the viewer with horrid things if they don't repost it . can we put the mentality back that nobody owes anything to anyone . you don't have to repost some horrid gore filled photos for 'awareness' and you aren't a horrid monster for skipping past it . why is this even a discussion .

[bargainbinsock]

why can't my therapist actually believe that maybe people actually just don't like me.

[bunnihearted]

im the one society marked as avoidant yet im always the only one who wanna fucking talk things thru. y'all are a fkn joke!!! im sry but u rlly are 💀 im the avoidant one. the one scared of conflict nd afraid of talking.... yet im always the one staying and begging to talk while the other one just leaves or is a wall nd refuses to talk abt it 😹😹😹😹😹

[urfavhasavpd]

Emma from Pokémon X&Y has AvPD!

emma merchandise when

eueuyeuyu emma is one of my favorite pkmn characters ever im so upset at how minor of a role she has. . ...at least shes in pkmn masters i guess...!...