#but you probably don't understand either concept ('joy' or 'inspiration')

[singsweetmelodies]

Shipping real people is so gross TF get a life

sending anon hate is so gross TF get a life

[cormorant-red]

I played 999 recently at @xivu-arath's recommendation, and I had so much fun that (inspired by that one polygon video) I illustrated my liveblog about it!

If you haven't played 999 and you are even a little bit intrigued by a puzzle/mystery visual novel with multiple timelines that all guide you towards wild plot twists...probably don't read the text! 999 is the kind of story that is best experienced with no knowledge besides the basic premise.

Transcript below the cut:

Cormorant: characters in this game really just say shit like "have you heard the story about the crystallization of glycerin?"

as a matter of fact i haven't, june, please enlighten me

Storm: "I know we're stuck in a freezer but. let's talk about weird mythical science!"

Cormorant: it's also killing me that junpei is dressed like marty mcfly and isn't sharing any of his jackets

-----

Cormorant: this game is leading me to arrive at mathematical concepts on my own. what the heck

Storm: kshgushhsg

I take it you're having a good time then

Cormorant: trying to check lotus's work and it turns out that no matter what group i arrange to take through a door, the people left behind will always have the same digital root

so to get through door 7 with snake missing, i could either send a group with sum 16 (junpei, ace, clover, and june) or with sum 25 (clover, june, seven, and lotus), but it doesn't matter because the remainder always have root 9 and can't get through doors 3 or 8! wild!

Storm: yeah the numbers and which doors end up barred to you is so cleverly deliberate

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Cormorant: i'm glad i finally checked what novel mode meant, because this is way more fun

Santa cocked his head to one side, like an inquisitive bird, and looked at them.

After several long moments, during which it became apparent that Santa had no idea what the cards meant, June took pity on him.

i'll have to go back and redo the beginning after i get to the first ending

Storm: oh yeah! as I recall that was done differently when it was originally a dual screen game... but it's much better when in novel style. gimme all the descriptions

-----

Cormorant: I had a long day of sitting though presentations and so I entertained myself by calculating digital roots

I discovered that adding 9 or any multiple of 9 to a number has no effect on the digital root, which is awfully interesting bc I got to the part where snake gets killed. Assuming door 3 was opened with 12 and not 21, the options are 7+3 (motive?), 6+4 (they’d both have to be REALLY good actors), or 9+1. And if bracelets work without a body attached, and if ace picked it up in door 5…

That would be a really useful tool to get around the 3-person minimum without altering the digital root

I’m also very intrigued by the theory that zero is also in the game but I don’t know what to do with that yet

Storm: forlornly having to keep myself from saying literally anything

Cormorant: Understandable, please don’t give me any hints! I’m just calling shots for the joy of being wrong

-----

Cormorant: and how do you know that, my traitorous friend?

Santa: “The RED doesn’t need a person, you know.”

Santa: “All I need is the bracelet.”

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Cormorant: y’know what i think he’s bluffing. he does need June specifically and that’s why he refused to consider leaving her when they first found door 9. if all he needed was a hostage, he could have grabbed junpei and forced ace to come along, and then he would be dealing with two people under duress instead of three

i peeked at a guide and apparently i found the ending adjacent to the true ending(?) first, oh well. time to see the others!

santa: i said i don't want to leave seven alone

me: bud you can't do a heroic sacrifice too, it'll mess up all the math

reader, he was not doing a heroic sacrifice

-----

Storm: got any character opinions or theories to share so far?

Cormorant: hmm I’ve got soft spots for santa and lotus maybe just because they were in the first group I went with. I like that the game makes a point of showing that lotus is quick with the math/technical knowledge. I warmed up to clover and seven more than I expected to! I have no evidence to mistrust ace….but I don’t trust him

Snake died before I before I could say two words to him

Or…didn’t. Forgot clover said he didn’t

I got info about the previous experiments from clover and I wonder if we’re like…reenacting the past somehow? Experiencing morphogenetic resonance with the last voyage?

Again no evidence i just wonder where the pseudoscience is going

Storm: santa was so my type as soon as I started playing that I just picked all rooms with him on my first run skugrhsghu

Cormorant: AHAHA that makes me feel better about going “yeahhh door 4 I like the cut of this guy’s jib”

-----

Cormorant: “the bracelet comes off when your heart rate reaches zero” interesting then that we’ve brought up cryostasis

-----

Cormorant: i simply don't trust him not to have a spare bracelet in his pocket!!!

They climbed into the elevator and Junpei listened to it creak and rattle its way to the bottom deck. Only Junpei, Ace, and Lotus were left.

As the elevator rumbled out of sight, Ace spoke.

Ace: “Lotus, would you be so kind as to go with me?”

Cormorant: “bad end” YEAH I’LL SAY

Storm: lkksghr yeah there's a few of those!

Cormorant: santa was really quick to declare that he, june, and seven needed to go with clover. waht's his game

june and ace could have done it just as easily

Storm: they could have! good catch

maybe he just thinks seven is cooler than ace,

Cormorant: i'm imagining clover taking all her grisly trophies to the door only to find it already engaged, because lotus needed no persuading,

and regarding the true ending requirements, it's also funny that santa's like "i hate this bookmark! get it out of my sight!" and this is a huge help in junpei befriending the girl who's otherwise about to snap

Storm: load bearing bookmark

Cormorant: good thing you threw that tantrum bud or you would have been killed with an axe

-----

Cormorant: in my suspicions i forgot a critical detail, which is that he didn't actually go into the door with the body this time

of course seven has been propping doors open, so it really could have been anybody

-----

Cormorant: "where have these 16 boys and girls disappeared to?" eight for each game and then an experimenter? again with the idea that zero might be in the game...

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Cormorant: bad endings complete! on to the normal ending, which hopefully has less of junpei getting stabbed to death

puzzling over who could have done all those murders, especially in the sub ending...or did everyone get killed? clover thinks that snake's death was faked. or did snake do all the murders, since he was the only one unaccounted for?...and then i remember what kind of game i'm playing. can't discount the ice mummy as a suspect.

Storm: you truly cannot ignore the possibility of the ice mummy

-----

Cormorant: ah no, so santa's sister was the kid that died...

i can't figure out the connection between events! why did the last games have the veneer of a science experiment, while this one has no context given? why was it all kids last time, and a random mix of ages this time, with some repeat subjects?

-----

Cormorant: called it!!!!

Junpei: “Ace, Guy X, and the 9th Man’s bracelet.”

Junpei: “That was all you needed to open door [3].”

Cormorant: called it before i even got to an ending ehehe

what i’ve been saying!!

Ace: “(9) is a potent ally in the Nonary Game.”

Ace: “Adding (9) to any set of numbers won’t alter the digital root.”

Ace: “As you can see, (9) is a very useful number here.”

Ace: “With it, one can go anywhere, with anyone.”

Ace: “It is, I suppose you could say, a game changer.”

-----

Cormorant: okay, normal ending finished! junpei did not get stabbed but we also didn’t resolve much…I’m now thinking that ace with his pocket drugs could have easily played dead in the sub ending

glad to see that snake is okay and hopefully can stay okay in the true ending. where did clover get that riddle, and will she still have it?

0=6. how much do I read into this

still don’t understand how we get from here to santa hostage situation. he’s been so consistent about not even considering betraying or abandoning people, so either he’s a better actor than ace…or it’s staged. are he and june in cahoots

Storm: augh so close now!! soon I can actually say things

-----

Cormorant: O FUCK

Seven: “Santa’s always in the room with her. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”

Snake: “Yes, that’s right.”

Clover: “What about it…?”

Snake: “That’s quite simple, really.”

Snake: “You told me that the first time you came to this room…”

Snake: “…Santa was the first to refuse to leave June behind.”

Snake: “Now, doesn’t that beg the question “why?” Why would Santa do such a thing?”

Snake: “The answer is easy.”

Storm: B)

Cormorant: i've been thinking of them as a pair because it makes the math easier! if you've got 3 + 6 + 8, just cross out the ones that make 9 and don't even bother with the addition, your root is 8

Storm: B) B) B)

Cormorant: but god!! they are a pair, do not separate (or the jig is up)

Storm: they hid it soooo well

-----

Cormorant: was wondering when we would see the last cradle guy and oh duh, he was guy X

i did think it was odd that santa phrased it as "i need to leave two of you behind" rather than "i need three of you to come with me," but if he was responsible for everything (most things?), he knew that snake was there, and he was setting up a group that could follow him. excited to see where this is going!

[dreamy sigh] this game is so elegant. what a little puzzle box

Storm: yeah it is, it's just so wonderfully crafted. so little is wasted!

-----

Cormorant: oh boy [akane vision label]

"through the morphic fieldset we were resonant, and we were as one" i don't think i've mentioned it before but i'm constantly pleasantly surprised by the narration in this game. it's not flashy but it's evocative in a way that's really working for me

Storm: this is where the port falls short a bit of the original version... the ds really worked well with this aspect

-----

Cormorant: the number of times i thought "this will be totally wrong but i'll say it to storm anyway"

hello??? [arrow pointing back to the message “I wonder if we’re like…reenacting the past somehow? Experiencing morphogenetic resonance with the last voyage?”]

Storm: Y E A H

Cormorant: laser-guided spitballing

-----

Cormorant: man i said that 4+6 would have to be really good actors if they were the ones that opened door 3...and while they didn't kill snake, i sure underestimated our queen of the stage akane kurashiki

the baseline was NOT where i thought it was

Storm: no one does it like her

[1ore]

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

WROW. Well. This is probably not a very generalizable experience, BUT! I'll try!

When I was in my teens, I very much hinged my personhood and identity on being an artist. It made sense to me at the time, because drawing and making up stories was my first language, and it’s how I relate with/understand the world around me. But I was also going through it with an unstable home life and a cocktail of trauma and undiagnosed brainstrange. So when I was not feeling very good about my art, or when I was struggling to create (Which Was A Lot) it was existential and extremely distressing. This was especially true of my writing, which I didn't start taking seriously until my teens.

I would like to say that challenging negative self-talk and reframing my relationship with art “fixed” that, but probably 70% of it was removing the knife that is having a shitty and unstable home life. But I think that was still true for the remaining 30%-- I had to learn to let myself exist as a human being first and foremost, and I had to love that, and be really comfortable with that.

Another way of looking at it... I don't like to frame it in this extractive kind of way, but if art is my first language, then I am going to run out of things to talk about if I'm "just" an artist. I have to be a funny little hairless ape who is alive on planet earth and experiencing the full spectrum of the human experience to be compelled enough to make something, and to want to communicate it to other human beings. Or even just to myself. (but again, being a human being is not a means to an end, i.e. being an artist. searching for inspiration like its a resource to be extracted does not yield good, honest, or happy work for me, personally.)

Getting rid of the concept of writers block/artists block was important to me, too. Some people seem to put out huge volumes of work thru sheer self-discipline, but that person isn’t me. At least-- I am not happy when I do that, and I don't think any story is worth that kind of self-flagellation. I think this feeds into being neurodiverse, in that I am most creative when I am doing a lot of different things at once-- so I chip away at 2974828 different longterm projects in relatively constant but sporadic bursts. everything gets done at some point, just. it could take anywhere from 2 weeks to several years.

So, Uh. The TL;DR answer to the original question: if I'm getting to the point of frustration with a piece of art/myself/my ability/my inability, then it is usually a sign that I am slipping into old habits. Either I am not letting myself be a human being (in which I need to "give up," i.e. step away from the art and participate in the world around me) or I am not letting myself create the things that I actually want to create in the moment (in which I need to "give up," i.e. switch gears and work on the thing that is giving me joy-- within ability, i have the luxury to do this as someone who doesn't make coin off her art.)

(FWIW: I have zero sense of object permanency, so whenever this happens, there is always that pang of "oh god what if that's the Last Time I ever open that document. What if I never make art again." But I don't think that's ever been true of a project that I legitimately wanted to see to completion. There are times when that is true, though. IME, it's usually because I outgrew a story, and it's no longer the story I need to be telling right now.)

[sitp-recs]

Drarry for Beginners: Muggle Draco

I started this series with two of my fave tropes (Magical Houses and 8th year) and will now close it with my other two faves. I love this concept so much - either Draco living in the Muggle world or just exploring it for the first time - that I couldn’t narrow it down to 3 recs. These 5 fics are brilliant because they present rich, creative and diverse takes, so it wouldn’t have been fair to exclude any. I hope you all enjoy these masterpieces as much as I do!

Open For Repairs by @drarrytrash (2015, M, 35k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things. feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

This is such a poignant read, quiet, insightful and very atmospheric! This take where Draco works at a Muggle shop and stays under the radar is one of my favorites. Like the summary points out these boys are sad™ and connect over their loneliness, which means this is a quite melancholic fic. The pacing is great and they fall in love so naturally and gently it gives me a lump in the throat. I love the metaphor linking Draco’s mending life to the repair shop. His arc is powerful and bittersweet; the author never lets us forget about their struggles and vulnerabilities even as they go from tentative to close friends. This is a lovely story about healing and understanding, about finding solace together and welcoming new beginnings. A balm to the lonely hearts!

(Un)wanted by @aibidil (2020, E, 36k)

See also: Moldova’s Magical Tea, another fic with Muggle references by the same author

Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected.

This fic blew me away - it’s such a powerful and devastating portrait of Harry’s generation, with layered characters full of hopes and struggling to find their place after the war. Harry’s arc is heartbreaking and I love how @aibidil explores his childhood issues early on. We get to see everyone’s reactions from his perspective, and I’m in awe of Hermione and Ginny’s voices. The Drarry slow burn is gentle and honest but I’m here for the way all characters come together by exploring the Muggle world, which brings not only closure but soft nostalgia - all those bonding moments are very cathartic and as a 90s kid I appreciate so much the references and old school atmosphere! A perfect “coming of age” story, delicate, complex and touching. It will make you laugh, cry, reflect on life and realize we’re not so different from these kids.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by @6balls (2013, M, 49k)

See also: my rec for Faint Indirections, another Muggle Draco fic by the same author

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

The coffee shop AU we deserve, only it’s so much more than that! This is a masterpiece in world building and character development, and my favorite take on Harry’s obsession with Draco. He’s clearly all over the place but still brave, kind and sympathetic, still very much Harry. All side characters have brilliant voices but I fell in love with this Draco with his free and captivating spirit. It’s really moving to see Harry inspired by him, learning all the little things about this new Malfoy and noticing all the ways in which they’re similar and different from each other. This fic has a perfect balance of bittersweet longing, sweet romance and quiet catharsis. Reading it made me realize that I love angsty post-war stories because it comforts me to know that Harry and Draco can rely on each other to help them heal and let that “mopey, brooding and tragic” persona behind. Growing up is definitely painful but there’s hope and beauty in it, and no other fic explores it better than this one!

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (2020, E, 61k)

See also: the sequel vignette Collapsed in Love

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is. And it really doesn’t seem fair that Draco Malfoy is back in Harry’s life, all of a sudden, and even though he’s wandless, and living with Muggles, and making his mother cry with his lifestyle choices, he’s happy. So what's he doing right, that Harry isn’t?

Ohh is it time to talk about my favorite fic yet again?? 😬 this breathtaking friends to lovers is a love letter to Muggle Draco and explores it beautifully! I’m obsessed with the little magical universe Tacky creates through an immersive and mundane slow burn. The plot incorporates Muggle elements very organically (the thrift shop! The church! Draco’s friends and the politics plot!). Harry’s POV is exquisite and there’s a mix of loneliness and yearning about him that make my heart ache. It’s lovely to watch him disrupt Draco’s safe bubble as they transform each other’s lives and develop feelings along the way. All the sweet pining is paid off with the gentlest get together, literally a religious experience. I couldn’t agree more with @dracoladon’s words: “There is a plot that doesn’t distract from the love story, and a love story that doesn’t distract from the achingly slow build of a soft, pining friendship, and a soft, pining friendship that doesn’t distract from Harry and Draco’s own personal character arcs.” Brace yourself for the joy of reading this journey for the first time!

Harry Potter and the Future He Doesn't Really Want, Thanks. orphaned (2016, E, 70k)

It was addictive, the feeling of Draco Malfoy telling him things in a soft voice early in the morning. Harry felt like he was taming a wild animal, or petting a cat that hated everybody else. This train existed outside of time, that was the only explanation Harry could come up with as to why Malfoy was actually having a civil conversation with him right now.

A creative premise, wonderfully executed! This is a great read; all characters are charming and well established - I’m in love with Luna and Pansy! - and the dialogue is fun and engaging. Basically Harry keeps dreaming about a weird future where he and Draco are together and after that they start crossing paths again and again - but they’re not friends, they’re nothing really, just very confused and aware of each other. I love how their dynamics develop from there; Harry learns about Draco’s sentence away from magic and notices the ways he’s changed. The mundane tone gives me warm fuzzy feels and the diversity of Muggle settings creates a lovely atmosphere! “This is such a fucking bad idea / Let’s do it anyway” describes this love story to a T. I chose it to balance all the hardcore angst that came before, so make sure to have a go at this comfort meal after reading the rest!

[sigynpenniman]

Julian Bashir Playlist Time!!

Apple Music playlist (if you're a heathen and subscribe to apple music like me) here

I know that there's plenty of people making playlists, but I really feel like this is an under-utilized brand of fan content. Instead of attempting to create a list of songs that Julian would listen to, or a playlist of songs which were all lyrically directly applicable (though there certainly some of those in here) regardless of genre, I tried to create something which captured, above all, his vibes instead, by choosing songs that balance at least somewhat relevant lyrical content with the energy or feel that I associate with the character. What it means matters, but not as much as how it makes you feel. That said, I signed up for apple music and read a TON of those overwrought iTunes store album review descriptions while I was making this, so I have a whole lot to say about all my choices here. In depth explanation of my symbolism and methodology behind each song under the keep reading. (I love tumblr. I want to write 1,000 words of analysis about why I picked songs to represent Julian Bashir and some of you are gonna read it. This is where I get to pretend to be one of those iTunes music writers. I feel joy.)

Good Morning - Two Door Cinema Club TDCC's Gameshow is high on my favorite albums of all time list for nebulous reasons I myself don't really understand. It was this album, though not this song (but one that will pop up later) that actually inspired me to make this playlist to begin with, as for some reason, from the color scheme of the album cover, to the overall vibe, to the ever-present references to illness, injury, surgery and healers in the lyrics, the whole thing feels inescapably Julian to me. And with an opening like I'm a sinner/I'm the victim/I'm an alien when I'm myself/I'm a healer/I'm a fixer/I'm a present danger to my health/I'm so strong/Doing what I'm supposed to do/ There's something wrong/With somebody like me, it's hard NOT to think about Julian when you hear this song, and I can't think of a better way to start this off.

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood I think there's a joke somewhere about bisexual people all liking Sweater Weather, and yeah, I resemble that remark. Sweater Weather is just good. You'll notice there's a sort of chill-indie-alt-electronic thing going here, and that is very much the vibe I'm sticking with. Sweater Weather slots in beautifully, both sonically and thematically. As the singer looks to warm and protect the person he's with from the cold, you can't help but feel a loving coziness coming off of this one. It always makes me feel cozy, at least, so it's here.

Gooey - Glass Animals I have nothing to analyze here because the artists themselves have said that the lyrics of this song have no meaning, they're just meant to capture a vibe, and capture it they do. Close your eyes and ride the vibes of this one. The energy is right, I love it, it belongs here.

Blue - Mika I could probably write a couple hundred words on Blue alone, in any context. This might be my beloved Mika's magnum Opus. Opening the song with the inherently counterintuitive lyric Blue is a feminine color, Mika manages to pack it ALL into this 3 minute song: questions about gender; concepts of sadness, joy, and their intersections; of the perception of melancholy as a flaw and loving people despite, or maybe because of, those "flaws" and anything else about them; a powerful first person reassurance that made me start weeping in my car the first time I heard it; just the phrase "why are humans cruel to you." And oh boy, ARE there questions of gender. Why is blue NOT considered a feminine color? Is that a good thing, a bad thing? In 3 minutes of artful poetry, Mika manages to wrap up sadness, love, joy, pain, the feminine that exists within the masculine and the masculine that exists within the feminine, in the simple color of blue and then, in one lyric, validates it all. And on a much simpler and more obvious note, this is in fact all a philosophic musing on the symbolic meaning of the color we see Julian wearing almost all the time (when he's not in uniform, almost all his civvies are also shades of blue.) I feel like this is one of those songs that's hard to analyze because it does what music and poetry does best - communicate something that cannot be communicated any other way. With these broad themes of loving others around the things they can't love about themselves, you can decide for yourself if this one is coming FROM Julian or directed AT him, either works. I find myself struggling for exactly the words to explain this one, but listen to it; you'll understand.

Little Dark Age - MGMT Another choice with no obvious lyrical relevance, but the tonal fit was just too good to pass up. The vibes pass.

The City - The 1975 This song is one of several present because it leans on medical symbolism to get its point across, though I would be lying if I said I fully understood what that point was. But the entire second verse, apparently about the song's subject suffering from some kind of illness and reassuring him that the next one's the M.D./You'll be feeling just fine, seems somehow to transmit the discomfort of illness directly to the listener. I don't know how or why, but the effectiveness of the empathy the second half of this song elicits, in me at least, puts it squarely in the "odd medical vibes" category.

Surgery - Two Door Cinema Club THIS is the song that inspired this whole playlist, mostly because of its title and general vibe. Another example (of many) of medical/anatomical references in this album (another of the songs is called Fever, etc), this song just feels like Julian to me.

The Other Side Of Paradise - Glass Animals I really like Glass Animals. That is probably becoming obvious. Aside from its delightfully cohesive vibes, this song opens with what's simultaneously the slyest and most brazen gay lyric I have heard on the radio recently, as the male singer says When I was young and stupid my love left to be a rock and roll star/HE told me... The song seems to be about a man whose male lover left him in pursuit of fame and fortune, and eventually ends up with a woman, leaving the singer behind. It's got simultaneously subtle and obvious gay themes, it's got confused love affairs, it's got so much bisexual energy. I cannot think of anything that could be more Julian.

Sit Next To Me - Foster The People Kind of like Sweater Weather, this whole song is built around a rather cute and sweet "sit next to me," and you can't help but feel a bit warm and cozy when you listen to it. I think it pairs with sweater weather well, and slides in with the rest of the picks very nicely.

Nothing Better - The Postal Service (the original band of the lead singer of Death Cab For Cutie) Another example of heavy surgical symbolism, the very first lyric of this song is Will someone please call a surgeon. This is actually a duet, and the singers speak of their real hearts to represent their emotional ones. Something about Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures always gets me and always will. And it vibes good. It vibes so, so good.

&Run - Sir Sly Sir Sly's &Run is my favorite song for driving too fast. It does an amazing job of musical onomatopoeia, talking about running while making you want to run. It's a song about running out of plans and running as far as you can instead, which is all very "I'm illegal by definition so I went to the farthest possible reaches of space." And like everything else here, it just feels good. It's also one of the only highlights here that I can actually see Julian listening to.

Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine It's no coincidence that it seems like most of us who are invested in Julian Bashir are some flavor of genderqueer, be it trans, nonbinary, questioning, or something else entirely - the man's got a Gender with a capital G, and there's a whole lot going on in there. Between the words that were written for him on the page, and the words that were actually spoken, and the way he carries himself, Julian always seems caught between the white, western, and frequently toxic masculinity that the writers often seemed to want to imbue him with, and the very different, racially and culturally distinct masculinity Sid actually brought. But there's an undeniable element of the feminine in Julian too, at least by a traditional definition. The presence of this part of him at all, much less the fact that, in-universe, it's the more traditionally "feminine" parts of himself - the caregiving and nurturing aspects - that Julian seems proudest of or to like most about himself, is a large part of what makes his character so interesting, at least to me. So there was no way I was getting out of this without acknowledging that somehow, and I can't think of a better way to acknowledge a complicated relationship with the feminine side of one's own gender than with this world's own Celtic divine feminine, Florence Welch. I can't think of any better artist, at least that I know of, to represent femininity as a nonspecific ethereal goddess-concept. I basically spun the wheel of Florence here, as anything would have worked, but Cosmic Love felt very appropriate for a character who does in fact live in space. There could even be some Garashir in here, I think.

Dream Sweet In Sea Major - ミラクルミュージカル, or Miracle Musical, a sister act made up of members of Tally Hall I also couldn't leave off without acknowledging Julian's affection for classic lounge music, especially since it's the only thing about his taste in music that we actually know. But instead of tacking on some rat pack, instead I'm polishing this off with the incredibly chaotic and somehow also perfectly cohesive and calm Dream Sweet in Sea Major. It's got all of the vibes of a lounge singer but gone completely off the rails, which just seems perfect somehow. And it's also a very nice feeling to be left with, so it seems only right to put it at the end.

and if you've read all of this, I love you. Y'all didn't know I was this into music did you. but I am. oh boy. I AM.

[voicesfromthelight]

Channeled Lessons in Psychic Development 7: On The Importance of Humility and Discipline in Protecting Your Energetic Integrity (Don't Dabble with Darkness)

When we first begin searching for greater knowledge and understanding of the spirit world, it can be easy to get confused about which paths to explore, especially in the current age of nearly unlimited access to information. There is a smorgasbord of practices to choose from out there. What will be in our highest interest? What is real, what is our imagination? What traditions are legitimate? What constitutes tangible evidence of the spirit world? Furthermore, how do we define our ethical and spiritual boundaries with the greatest integrity in a world where lines can quickly become blurred? With all the different styles of spiritual practice available to us, it is increasingly common to see people do away with scruples, with practices such as manipulative spell-casting, conjuration, hexing and tool-driven paranormal research becoming increasingly mainstream. If we are meditating regularly, have a strong spiritual practice, and keep our psychic protection strong, is it safe for us to engage with darker forces in the spiritual or occult world? Can we trust ourselves to keep negative repercussions at bay? While my guides always stress the importance of confidence, trust and fearlessness, it turns out that the answer to this last question isn’t always that simple.

A while ago, I learned a helpful lesson about this, when, after years of being curious about the subject since having a memorable dream of a similar contraption as a child, I decided to test a “ghost box” app on my phone. Yes, there were reasons to be skeptical, and I had other misgivings, but I was curious to see if anything would come out of it. (Did I listen to my gut that time? No!) The idea behind the app, based on an analogue counterpart, is to provide the spirit world with static noise that can be manipulated to form words. The trouble with this kind of thing, of course, as opposed to when channeling loved ones or spirit guides mentally or energetically, is that those intelligences able to work with this kind of apparatus will generally be of the “stuck” variety, hanging around the physical dimension out of fear, addiction, or unfinished business.

In short, the app seemed to work, and some of what came through was not too pretty. Some words that cropped up, as I was testing the app near a park, revolved around the theme of drugs. I figured that I was better off not using it. When I asked Natalie what she thought, as expected, the verdict was simple: “Bad energy. Don’t use it.” Uncharacteristically side-stepping her advice, out of continued curiosity, I used it a second time, with the idea that my psychic protection and prayers to cross over any earth-bound entities would neutralize whatever lower vibrations I might pick up. That night, I ended up with vivid nightmares of my home being invaded by a gang of drug addicts, in a manner similar to when I have experienced hauntings. I smudged my apartment, meditated, said some prayers, and did my best to send my uninvited guests into the light. When I spoke to my guides later that day, after gently rebuking me for letting my curiosity get the better of me, Natalie informed me that these hungry souls, indeed more than a dream, were merely on vacation from my home, and might return despite my corrective measures. “Why do you return to fearful energy before giving yourself time to recover? Do not listen to fearful voices. Fear needs energy to grow. Don’t use the app."  she reiterated. How to cross them over for good, then? “Love more,” she said. She then walked me through a crossing-over meditation in which, after a couple of attempts, I succeeded in raising my vibration high enough to send my spiritual squatters home to Source. This protocol for crossing over spirits, which I will share with you in greater detail in my next post, has become one of the most useful tools in my spiritual arsenal. So, in the end, my spiritual hubris served a higher purpose in teaching me this valuable lesson.

That day, Natalie stressed to me that it is important to recognize the limits of our power as psychic practitioners, not in the sense of how much we can be of service, or how high we can reach for guidance, but in the sense of having the humility to protect our energy by not dabbling in practices that entertain entities or energies that excite fear or morbid fascination in us, even if we think our psychic protection is strong enough to handle it. “Some psychics believe that power is all-important. This is wrong. When the energy is bad enough, power doesn’t help. When you listen to fearful voices, you diminish your energy. Words are good for protection, but not enough.” We shouldn’t let our curiosity, or in worse cases, desperation, lead us astray. Anything that inspires feelings in us, however subtle, of anxiety, trepidation or helplessness will interfere with our ability to be clear channels. We must be disciplined about where we direct our thoughts, what emotions we choose to nurture, what spiritual company we keep, and the standard of integrity to which we hold ourselves as practitioners. This is how we keep our connection to the highest possible realm of guidance open and strong.

“But wait,” you might say. “Aren’t we supposed to be able to help souls in need of crossing over? A scared person isn’t necessarily evil. I thought love was stronger than fear!” While this is true, in accordance with the earlier lesson on exchanging energy vs. exchanging information, what Natalie has explained to me is that it is not necessary for us to engage with lower vibration energies in an extended way in order to help them. Any work done in this capacity should be done as quickly and efficiently as possible, through focusing on raising one’s vibration high enough through love, excitement and gratitude to Source to a) render your own vibration incompatible with that of the entity and b) catapult them into a higher dimension themselves. (As one of my mentors, the Huna healer Evelyn Wakeman once told me: “The person with the biggest aura wins!”) Dwelling on this type of exchange any longer than necessary will needlessly taint the spiritual worker’s energy through feeding the lower vibration with attention, and also probably stem from an ego-based need to “prove” something, either about the ability of the practitioner, or the reality of the spirit world.

Here are some quick tips for keeping your energetic integrity strong and your channel clear, even if you sometimes accidentally pick up nuisances. Each one of them could be the subject of an entire post all on their own, but these general concepts should still be helpful:

Always do your mediumistic or channeling work from within a “closed circuit” built with your spirit guides and protectors. (Sandy Anastasi has some great instructional videos on this.)

Meditate and pray regularly, and include visualizations of a strong but flexible bubble of white light, or another type of shield that suits you, enveloping your aura.

Take good care of your physical body. Eat in a way that makes you feel healthy, exercise in a way that brings you joy, dress in a way that makes you feel happy and comfortable, tend to any physical ailments, and especially importantly, get adequate sleep as consistently as possible.

Take regular, intentionally charged baths or showers for energy purification, while visualizing the water showering blessings and healing on you.

Natalie says, “To expect me is to invite me.”  In her case, it is comforting to know my sweet, wise guide is a thought away, but the heart of the lesson is that spirit moves swiftly, and your thoughts invite their energetic match. Avoid thinking about scary stories or disturbing spiritual concepts. Orient yourself to thoughts of love, compassion, humor,  gratitude and excitement. Laugh often. Thank your guides, guardians and Source for elevating and protecting you. If you are at a development circle, and someone ill-advisedly starts talking about some scary apparition they saw, mentally close off your energy field and if possible, leave the room. Do not listen to it. On the other hand, if you find yourself entertaining troubling thoughts, do not dwell on it as a failure and thereby turn it into a vicious cycle. “Forgive yourself,” says Natalie, and move on quickly.

Regularly meditate on releasing any emotional blockages you might be harboring in your body or energy field. (Shamanic drum meditations are great for this.)

If you engage in a disturbing activity such as watching a horror movie, do something joyful to counteract it, such as dancing vigorously with friends, and consider taking a day or two off from channeling before resuming your practice.

Always properly open and close out any type of psychic work sessions with opening and closing prayers. Forgetting to close out a session properly is the easiest way to end up with spirits pestering you outside “office hours,” and doing so is neither productive nor sustainable. Do not let your ego trick you into thinking that being constantly open to any spirit that wants your attention makes you a better medium.

Did you ever have an experience that taught you a valuable lesson about psychic discipline? What practices would you add to these tips?