#by some i mean....3? not a regular occurrence but not uncommon

[winetae]

wall to wall (m.) 02

— female reader x hoseok

— smut, porn star!au

— sex work, insecurity, jealousy, slut shaming/objectification, role played scenario that includes: d/s dynamics - dom!hoseok, anal sex, sex toys, face fucking, double penetration, erotic massages, humiliation, degradation, porn star type dirty talk, squirting, creampie, lots of cum (and oil!)

— 19.7k 

… 

Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman. 

Your agent comes forward with a proposition to help put you back on the map.

↳  or, my contribution to the lights, camera, action! collab : )

part 01 | part 02 | part 03

author’s note | part 2 is finally here ! ! ty to jordan who has encouraged me literally every step of the way and to ella for supplying a never ending amount of hoseok gifs and pics when i most needed it :’) i’m sorry again for cutting the chapter into two parts but seeing as this entire chunk only amounted to 1/3 of my outline for part two it’s safe to say i would have never finished this fic otherwise ;;

(!) if you are particularly sensitive to humiliation/ degradation then maybe u should skip the smut scene bc jdjffjkfkddkd cries in tears of heaux 

SCENE 03 - PULP FRICTION. TAKE 02. ROLL A.

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It’s hard to guess how a project will be perceived by the general public. Sometimes a xxx feature film everyone believed would do well sells less than expected, and with online pirating becoming such a rampant and common occurrence, it’s harder to measure the impact of your work. Views and numbers are no longer a reliable indicator of one’s popularity. You’re lucky that you’re signed under such a big talent agency because at least you’re guaranteed regular paychecks, regardless of how well you perform. But to survive in this industry you’re conscious that you need more than that.

According to Seokjin and his expert advice, fans are the ones who will keep an adult entertainer’s career afloat for longer than the average six months. It doesn’t matter how good-looking or well endowed an actor is; if fans aren’t interested and invested, there’s a slim chance that they’ll pay money from their own pockets to view your work. And in order to build such a strong and dedicated fan base, you need one of several things: regular content and an active social media account.

It’s a careful line to tread; not enough online interaction can make people lose interest, but so can overexposure.

You’re patiently waiting for what Seokjin baptizes “The Big Breakthrough” - the decisive project that will propel you into superstardom. None of your videos have ever garnered that type of traction, however, and you’ve been stuck repeating the same old recycled scenarios of plumbers/pizza delivery boys coming over to get the fuck of their life.

When your latest video is uploaded online, you do your best to steer clear from social media. As much as you want to see what people think of your performance, it’s too nerve-wracking to deal with on an empty stomach. You know that if you begin scrolling through the comments, you’ll spend all day glued to your phone, constantly refreshing the page to check for feedback.

And while you aren’t the type of person who lets negative opinions affect your morale, you are nonetheless worried that your time in the industry is about to run out. Lately, the thought lingers ominously in the corners of your mind.

In times like these, exercise is one of the best distractions, second to maybe sex.

Pia, the yoga instructor, walks you through several routines, bending your body this way and that, until your head feels pleasantly blank, devoid for once of any stress and self-doubt. The hour long hot yoga class puts your overthinking mind to rest. In that moment even the notion of time ceases to matter.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.

The instructor turns off his meditation playlist while the room empties out, soft chattering replacing the chirping of birds and the sound of cascading water. Slowly, mind still fuzzy around the edges, you gather your belongings and head straight to the vending machine to get a much needed dose of caffeine.

As you dig around the contents of your purse for spare change, someone comes up from behind and taps your shoulder.

“Eep!” You catch your bag before it can slip from your grasp. “What—”

“Shit, sorry!”

When you spin around, hands clutched protectively over your chest to keep your heart rate steady, you don’t expect to come face to face with Hoseok, of all people.

He grins sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Didn’t mean to give you a scare. I, um, recognized you from afar and thought I’d come say hi.”

Now that the initial shock has faded, you’re free to admire the sight in front of you without any distractions.

As handsome as Hoseok looks under the bright studio lights with his hair styled and make-up applied, there’s something undeniably appealing about the way he appears now - with his hair mussed up and sweatpants riding dangerously low on his hips. While you normally prefer someone who puts more effort into their appearance, there’s something attractive and unpretentious about his casual demeanor that intrigues you.

Heat surges to the apple of your cheeks when you realize that you’re being too blatant with your ogling. Your eyes settle on his face - a safe zone, one that won’t cause any misunderstandings. It’s a nice sight to look at. Hoseok’s face is pretty, the absence of powder and contour not taking away from his handsomeness in the least. His skin glows in a way that can only be achieved post-workout or after an intense orgasm.

This train of thought brings you down a slippery slope. All too soon, your mind supplies images of his long cock filling you up over and over and over again, his lips whispering praise and filth in the same breath. Your gaze flits to his mouth as you recall how red and swollen they’d been after kissing you senseless, how sticky and wet they’d felt against your own, the taste of your own succulence bleeding into your mouth as your breaths intermingled.

“You’re - yes.” You clear your throat, embarrassed by the way you’d quickly let your thoughts spiral out of control. “It’s fine, you just - caught me off guard. How’ve you been?”

Since you last dicked me down, goes unsaid.

“Just finished teaching a class a few minutes ago. I’ve got a 30 minute break before the next one starts.” He checks his watch. “Well, eleven minutes now.”

“You teach here?” You raise your brows, taken aback by his revelation.  

Not that it isn’t uncommon for adult entertainers to work two jobs - or more. You’ve run into a variety of cases since joining the industry. Some do porn on the side, as a hobby or as a way to make a quick buck. They quit the moment porn becomes tedious or when they’ve made enough money to pay back their loans. For you, however, it’s not like that. What started off as amateur cam work has now become your whole life. You can’t imagine doing anything else, even if it means going against your family members’ wishes. They could go suck on a rancid cock, for all you cared.

“Yep, sure do. I teach the morning Pilates class on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Funny how I’ve never run into you before, huh?”

He takes a few coins out of his left pocket and inserts them into the vending machine. “Here, get whatever you want.”

“You don’t—”

“My treat.”

You want to argue but Hoseok’s too beguiling for his own good. It doesn’t take much for you to be won over; Hoseok’s smile widens and you’re a goner.

It’s that easy.

You’re not sure if it’s because you’ve seen each other naked before or if the earlier yoga session has successfully weakened your defenses, but you’re not as wary as you usually would be around people you don’t know well. Distrust runs in your veins yet something about Hoseok has you lowering your guard.  

Based on your observations, there’s nothing calculated behind his gestures and mannerisms. The blinding grin, the jokes, the way people easily get pulled into his magnetic field - it’s not a facade or an act or a fluke. It’s just the way he is.

Hoseok leans against the vending machine and watches you press in the numbers for your order. From the corner of your eye, you see him studying your profile with a degree of intensity that makes you self-conscious. You swallow down the urge to fidget.

And it’s - silly. He’s seen you bare and at your most exposed, has kissed and touched the entirety of your body from head to toe, but this quiet moment feels strangely intimate, more so than when he’d slid his cock inside of you for the first time. Perhaps it’s due to the absence of cameras and prying eyes or the knowledge that right now you’re both real people, stripped of your porn star persona exterior.

Your eyes meet.

There’s nothing predatory or hungry about his gaze. The passion and the love he’d expressed so naturally during your filmed scenes are no longer detectable. Right now he’s Jung Hoseok, not a character with a role to play. This is all him - the dark circles, the relaxed smile, the slight slouch in his shoulders.

“About—” He clears his throat. “About the other day. The guy that was with you...”

You know without needing clarification who and what he’s talking about. You run your tongue across your row of teeth, wiping away the cheap coffee’s aftertaste, and nod for him to continue.

“He give you a hard time?” Hoseok’s eyes don’t stray from yours. He looks concerned. Serious. “Afterwards I - I regretted leaving so soon. I didn’t want to - I wasn’t sure. But, regardless, I should have made sure you were okay before leaving you alone with him.”

“Oh.”

Realization sinks in. Your eyes widen and you splutter, flustered. “No, no. It’s nothing like that. Jimin - he’s my boyfriend.”

It’s hard to appreciate the concern when all you feel is shocked that someone could misinterpret your relationship for a perverted staff member preying on an unsuspecting porn actress. Although it’s unfortunately common practice in the industry, it’s so far removed from what you share with Jimin that you’re at a loss for words.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Hoseok immediately rubs his face in embarrassment. “I thought - sorry. I’m a dumbass. Ignore me.”

“It’s -”  You shake your head. “It’s fine.”

An awkward silence ensues.

You occupy the void by sipping on the bitter vending machine coffee, your eyes glued to your toenails peeking out the top of your sandals. Any other time, you’d fret over the chipping nail polish and rush to schedule an appointment at the nail salon, but your thoughts are so jumbled up that you can barely string a coherent sentence together.

Jimin - he isn’t anything like what Hoseok’s implying. Implied. You know this. But the fact that someone could mistake him as such doesn’t sit right with you. You want to defend him but at the same time you don’t know what to say.

“I just,” he sighs, breaking the silence. “I’ve seen it happen before. I’m sorry I assumed the worst. I guess I’m too paranoid for my own good. I hope I didn’t offend you too much. Or him.”

“No - I’m - I understand.” You give him a small smile to let him know you don’t harbor any ill feelings over the mistake. Hoseok seems so genuinely sorry about the entire situation that it’s impossible to hold it against him.

It’s possible, you think. To misinterpret your relationship with Jimin. The situation back then had been so tense - you remember that better than anyone. Given the context, Hoseok had every right to be mistrustful, especially when no one had bothered to set the record straight.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“There’s no harm done.” You hesitate before continuing, “I’m that way too, you know. I tend to think the worst of people when I probably shouldn’t. I thought - I was worried about you at first, too. When we met. Not because - it wasn’t anything against you personally. I’m just distrustful. But I’m glad - that it was you and not someone else.”

His posture relaxes. “Thank you. I’m glad that it was you, too. And that I was able to prove you wrong about me. With the shit you hear and see happening on set… I don’t blame you for being on your guard.”

“Yeah. Maybe we’ll - oh. I think someone’s calling you.”

Hoseok follows your line of sight to where a small group of his students are huddled behind the glass panel separating the Pilates classroom from the hallway leading down to the changing rooms. They’re all female and look around your age, maybe younger. The one who had been waving her arms wilts under the attention of her teacher, blush high on her cheeks, while her group of friends dissolve into a fit of giggles.

“Ah. That’s my cue.” Hoseok sighs in apology, the corner of his lips tugged downwards into a pout. “Sorry. Would’ve loved to get coffee and catch up but alas. Duty calls.”

“Next time.”

“Yeah, definitely. I’ll hold you up to that. And it’ll be proper coffee next time! Promise.”

“Okay, deal,” you agree easily. “I’ll buy.”

He looks somewhat offended. “What - no, that’s not what I meant.”

“It’s only fair.” You gesture at the half-empty plastic coffee cup still warm against your palm.

Hoseok opens his mouth to object but a short-haired woman pokes his head out the open door. “Yo, teach! Wasn’t class supposed to start five minutes ago?”

“I’m coming!” Hoseok shouts back, waving his student back inside. “Arrogant brat.”

“Go, go!” You urge, holding yourself from physically pushing him towards the classroom. His group of students look like they’re willing to jump you if you keep hogging his attention.

“We’ll Rock Paper Scissors it!” He says while jogging backwards. “Gotta run but see you around, yeah?”

Your lips pull into an amused smile as you watch him retreat back to his classroom. Through the glass panel, you can see the horde of girls flock around him, each vying for his attention in different ways. You’re especially impressed by how one almost succeeds in drowning Hoseok in her generous cleavage.

The sight of Hoseok dealing with thirsty college girls is so ridiculous you can’t help but giggle. You’re tempted to attend one of his classes just to watch them all trip over each other in an attempt to seduce him. Maybe you could even learn a thing or two.

With that thought in mind, you leave the gym center in high spirits, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, ready to tackle on whatever hurdles the day decides to throw your way. You hum along to a top 40 hit they constantly play on the radio and decide to stop by your favorite restaurant to get take-out before heading home.

As you get into your car, you turn on your phone you’d disregarded all morning and are immediately notified of five missed calls and several unread text messages. More than half are - unsurprisingly - from your agent. You’re tempted to ignore him for an hour or two longer but you know how he gets once his patience runs thin.

“Don’t tell me you were out with Jimmy again,” Seokjin groans once you decide to call him back.

“I was with Hoseok, actually.”

“Hoseok?” Seokjin instantly perks up on the other side of the line. “As in, Jung Hoseok? J-Hope? Your baby daddy? That Hoseok?”

You contemplate ending the call.

Begrudgingly you concur, “Yes. That one.”

“Oooooh. Do tell,” he eggs, the smugness in his tone so thick that you can visualize it.

“It wasn’t - whatever scandalous thought you’re thinking. He works at the gym I go to. What are the chances, right?”

“What are the chances indeed.” Despite the lack of juicy gossip, he sounds pleased. “The news I rang you for earlier involves him.”

“How so?”

“Your video with Hoseok has been the number 1 trending video on Bang Gang’s home page since this morning!” He squeals, enthusiasm making the volume of his voice raise by a notch. “People are eating that romantic insemination stuff for breakfast and lunch. The views on this are insane! We haven’t gotten such a big reaction since the Agust D teacher-student role play and that was ages ago.”

“Wh- Are you serious?!”

Unable to contain the elation that surges through your chest, your face breaks out into a giant grin.

You’re admittedly the first to say that the number of views doesn’t equate to one’s talent or prowess in bed, but you also can’t completely disregard what this particular achievement implies...

While belonging to a reputable agency has its perks, it also entails continuous competition with big names. Your coworkers are also your competitors. Every month the most successful porn stars are rewarded and praised, whilst the ones who rake in the least amount of views are cast aside and are fated to fade into anonymity.

As much as you hate to acknowledge it, you’ve never had the support or interest it takes to contend for 1st place on any popularity polls or rankings of the sort. On Wednesdays, it so happens that the number one trending video spot is usually occupied by a popular femdom porn star who’s been in the game long enough to have secured a loyal fanbase.

Seokjin understands and empathizes with your excitement more than anybody.

“Yes, I’m serious! I think this is It, you know? Your Big Breakthrough, the moment we’ve been waiting for. You’ve been doing well so far but I think we’ll be able to go mainstream with this,” he chatters on, excitement building with every word. “Director Ryu said he’d personally call you up later to congratulate you, so don’t turn off your phone and ignore your calls, okay? I think he wants to ask you to film in his next movie but he didn’t discuss the details with me. Whatever it is - please say yes. I know the guy is a little pompous old fart but he really has an eye for this sort of thing. Casting you and Hoseok in the same film was the work of God. The chemistry between the two of you is unreal, no wonder people are jacking off to this at 10 am while they eat their cereal.”

You think it’s too early to rejoice in the success of your video considering the majority of the viewers are sleeping or busy at work - but when THE SPERMINATOR retains its number one ranking for the remainder of the week, you know your achievement deserves to be properly celebrated.

True to Seokjin’s word, Director Ryu does end up calling you. He wants to work with you and Hoseok again for a new film - and possibly more.

“A multi-film contract? You want to sign one with me?”

“How could I not? You’re both naturals and work well together. More importantly, the camera loves you. And people are on board with the pairing already! I think it’s a good idea to capitalize on their interest, don’t you think?”

It doesn’t take much more to convince you — not that you need any convincing at this point.

You refuse to be a flash-in-the-pan star. Although you admittedly had your reservations at first, the unexpected success of the last film is all Ryu needs to persuade you.

And - you like Hoseok. It goes without saying that there are far worse people to be partnered up with. Besides, it’s easier to work with co-stars you’ve starred in movies with previously for multiple reasons. Your acting is much more likely to come off as natural if you’re already acquainted with the dick that’s about to split you open - at least, that’s what you tell yourself.

When you mention the possibility of working again with Hoseok, your boyfriend doesn’t seem to share your enthusiasm.

“So it’s not a one time thing?” He’s not looking at you directly, his attention fixed instead on the freshly brewed coffee he nurses in his hands.  

“I mean—” You smile tentatively. “Director Ryu hasn’t said for how long he’ll keep hiring us for his projects. Maybe - maybe he’ll keep the format and hire different actors in the future? He - he didn’t really say. I don’t think he has much of an idea himself. He’s very...peculiar.”

You force out a laugh, but your attempt to lighten up the atmosphere falls flat.

“I see.” Jimin brings the coffee cup to his mouth to hide his grimace.

You don’t need to see his dejected expression to know that he isn’t pleased with this development.

“Do you - is there something wrong with Hoseok?” You hesitate, unsure of how he’ll reply.

Jimin’s never insisted you step down from a project before or expressed his dissatisfaction with any of your ‘artistic choices’, although you always imagined that someday, somewhere down the line, he might. Compared to your past dalliances, Jimin is understanding and empathetic. You don’t expect him to be perfect, however, especially when you yourself are far from that. Everyone must have their own personal limits, right? It’s unfair to ask Jimin to be accepting all the time.

It’s just that...the timing is bad.

You want to take his feelings into consideration, but you’re also aware that this might be your last opportunity to get your name out there once and for all. Your previous works have never tanked, so to speak, but they’d mostly gone by unnoticed. While you’ve managed to make ends meet in the past, such anonymity cannot go on for much longer if you want to remain in this line of work.

Your lipstick wears off as you bite your lower lip. Silence hangs heavy in the air.

Jimin sets down his cup of coffee and averts his gaze.

“No. No, there’s nothing wrong with him.”

You breathe out in relief, only now realizing you’d been holding in your breath as you awaited his answer.  

“It’s a bit difficult,” he admits after a pause. “Watching both of you together... Not because it’s bad! You did really good last time. You always do, but - saying ‘I love you’, that kind of stuff, it’s - I don’t know. It’s not your fault, though! I just need some time to adjust. Next time shouldn’t be as strange - since I know what to expect...”

You blink slowly as your brain registers the confession. His words echo in your ears and a strong feeling of déjà-vu washes over you. He’d said something along those lines before, hadn’t he?

Jimin shrugs like it’s no big deal before continuing, “As for Hoseok... He seems like a good person, I guess. I don’t think he’s the problem. Whether it’s him or another guy...” He sighs. “I think I just need to work this out on my own. It’s not like I can ask you to turn down a job offer because of me, right?”

Guilt makes your stomach turn. He’s right. As much as you want to respect his feelings, you can’t bring yourself to turn down the job for his sake. Does that make you selfish? Does he think less of you for it?

“Alright...” When you reach out to take his hand in yours, his skin is surprisingly cold to the touch. “You’ll tell me if it ever bothers you, okay? Filming this - or anything else. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable with what I do...”

You’re not sure what you’ll do if that moment ever comes to pass. Work is your number one priority in life. Many of your relationships haven’t worked out because of that very reason but your past lovers’ dissatisfaction hadn’t been enough to change your mindset. After all, work is what helps put money on the table, not love. You shake your head, as if the action will help you get rid of your stressful thoughts.  

Jimin nods as he interlaces his fingers with yours. On normal days, holding hands together puts your mind at rest. You love the way his hand fits in yours, the different skin tones blending into one.

Right now, his pale hand feels unnaturally cold against your own. It feels like winter itself is embracing you and you repress a shiver.

Maybe as his girlfriend it’s not the right choice to make, but — you can’t falter now. It physically pains you to admit it but Seokjin’s worrying isn’t unfounded. Your career is stagnant, your projects predictable and boring. You’re not bad at your job, but you don’t stand out amidst the sea of pretty girls hoping to make a name for themselves.

There’s no guarantee that Director Ryu’s new project will be as successful as the first. You’re no stranger to false hopes; there’s a chance that Seokjin’s wishful thinking might never amount to anything. Even so, you want to give it a shot. Not trying feels too much like giving up and giving up is not an option you’re willing to consider, not when you’ve already put so much on the line.

You’re not a quitter. Seokjin had warned you from day one that it wouldn’t be easy and you’d taken his lessons and warnings to heart. You’d become an adult entertainer fully aware of the trials and tribulations you’d have to face and had been prepared to make the necessary sacrifices in order to achieve your goals.

But are the risks truly worth it? Looking at Jimin’s dejected expression, you’re not so sure anymore.

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They’ve really gone all out this time, you muse as you cast a cursory glance at your surroundings. A small, electric waterfall fountain sits in the far right corner and crimson colored scented candles are dispersed all around the elaborate massage parlor set-up, dousing the room in a cosy, amber glow. It’s a surprising sight because porn sets are famous for never focusing on the details. Viewers are here for the sex, not the generic backdrop of a rented room or hotel suite.

Director Ryu vehemently protests.

“That’s precisely what sets apart my works from your average pornography film. I want the viewer to be completely immersed in the movie they’re watching. Porn is too constricting and underwhelming a word. What I’m creating is a feast for the eyes, one that leaves a lasting impression after consumption.”

“Ah... Yes.” You try (and fail) to sound impressed.  

“People want to believe the sex is real, even if it’s just for an hour.” He sighs deeply, sounding pained, like explicating such a simple fact isn’t worthy of his time. “They need the escape and it’s our job to make it happen. A few extra candles might not make a colossal difference at first glance. But that’s where you’re wrong! It’s never been about the candles. It’s about the ambiance! The visual experience!”

It’s a pity the new budget doesn’t extend to your wardrobe, you remark internally as your gaze drops to observe the stylists’ pick of the day.

For the upcoming scene, you’ve been instructed to squeeze into a tight, baby pink shirt that stretches obscenely over your bust like something straight out of a frat boy’s wet dream. Inwardly, you congratulate yourself for hitting the gym religiously because your clothes—or lack thereof—put everything on display. The cotton material of your shirt is so thin, you’re surprised the stitches haven’t popped out, while the denim bottoms you sport are so tiny that you could hardly qualify them as shorts. Although—you suppose that there isn’t any use debating over semantics. It’s not as if they’ll stay on long enough for it to matter.

The scenario that you’ll be acting out today is pretty straight-forward. You stop by the parlor to cash in a voucher gifted by a generous and thoughtful friend. Hoseok, who plays the role of an erotic masseuse, gives you a deep tissue body massage worthy of a five star review on Yelp.

Director Ryu is extremely proud of the pitch. His spectacles glint as he pushes them up the bridge of his long nose.

“We’re gonna call it My Bare Lady. Haha, get it?” He gloats. “It’ll be different from our last shoot - the both of you aren’t supposed to be acquainted with each other at all. In fact, there won’t be any romance. We’re aiming for something new because as artists, it’s our duty to reinvent ourselves every day. Complacency is the enemy of creativity.”

At the mention of Hoseok, your gaze flits over in his direction.

His brown hair, two shades lighter than the last time you’d run into him, is swept to the side, giving him a professional and tidy appearance. He’s swapped his workout attire for beige scrub pants and a matching shirt. The color compliments the glow of his tan and the cut of the uniform is flattering to his figure. Diretor Ryu’s speech continues despite your wavering focus.

“—visual stimulation. That’s why one shouldn’t underestimate the proper use of props. A believable setting sets the tone for the rest of the scene. If you don’t believe the role you’ve been given, then why should the audience?”

“Mhm,” you nod here and there but you’ve long stopped paying attention to his one-sided speech.

Your eyes linger on Hoseok’s arms and the dimples that appear every time he laughs. You’re not the only one who stares. A small group of admirers flock to him like bees swarming around a rare and exotic flower.

You’d noticed it before but today confirms it; Hoseok’s presence is riveting. It’s not the first time today your gaze has strayed his way. More than once, you find your eyes drawn to him like a moth to a flame only to quickly avert your gaze whenever your eyes meet. Each time, the right side of his mouth quirks into a half-smile, the beginning of a question forming on his lips.

It’s embarrassing to be caught red-handed gawking but, in your defense, you aren’t the only one who ogles him—and many of them are far less discreet than you try to be, some gazes curious, others downright lecherous.

It bothers you. What exactly do you and everyone else find so fascinating about his character? He’s good-looking, sure—but you’re no stranger to handsome and pretty co-stars with nicely shaped dicks. You can’t put a finger on what sets him apart from the rest.

The gaffer comes over and momentarily interrupts the flow of Director Ryu’s monologue with a personal inquiry. Thank God. You use the opportunity to slip away, grateful that someone has put an end to your misery. As thankful as you are to the director for the career opportunity, you could do without his long-winded speeches that never seem to end.  

“Hey, Hoseok.”

His smile widens, the corners dimpling the moment he spots you. “Hey! It’s been a while. Who would’ve thought we’d get to work again so soon, huh?”

“I didn’t think our last movie would do so well, honestly.”

Without its success, who knows what kind of movie you’d be participating in right now? Another re-hashed version of ‘BABYSITTER GETS CREAMED’ type scenario, most probably.

“I guess that’s a testament to your acting skills, right?”

You smile back, sheepish but nevertheless pleased. It always feels nice to be complimented, especially on days like today when you’re feeling less confident than usual.

“You changed up your hair.”

“Yeah! I thought I needed a change.” He threads his fingers through his locks self-consciously. “It looks fine, right?”

“It does!” you agree with an enthusiastic nod.

Jimin, who had insisted to be present on set today, hovers on the edge of your periphery. In the back of your mind you know he means well—that his presence is meant to be a source of support and security. On a typical day, you’re relieved that someone you trust is close by in case the situation escalates. While you’ve never had any horrific experiences, there have been the occasional uncomfortable encounters behind the scenes. Thankfully, Seokjin or Jimin have always stepped in before whichever entitled asshat could get too handsy.

But for the first time, his presence doesn’t comfort you the way it usually does.

Your smile becomes stiff.

The last thing you want is for Jimin to misunderstand the situation... Despite his claims of not having any problems with you shooting again with Hoseok, you can’t forget the stony expression on your boyfriend’s face as he had stared your co-star down, his grip around your waist strong and possessive.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok inquires, noticing your change in attitude. Worry creases his brow. He takes a step forward as if to check up on you.

“I’m okay!” You wave your hands around in the air, if only to maintain the distance separating your figures.

Despite your energetic reassurances, Hoseok looks unconvinced. He tilts his head to the side, his eyes narrowing in concern.

You wrack your head for an acceptable excuse. “Maybe I have pre-performance jitters? It’s nothing serious, though!”

It’s not too far from the truth, either. You feel more nervous than usual... Maybe because you’re aware that today’s shoot will most likely make or break your career. If the results prove to be disappointing, you don’t want to imagine what that means for your future.

You shake your head, refusing to accept any talks of early retirement.

But what other choice will you have, your inner voice argues. If no one is interested in viewing your works, no production company will want to book you for their movies. Even if you’re able to shoot half a dozen films after this failed attempt, the interest and support from viewers and higher-ups will soon dry up.

Hoseok’s features soften.

“Look, I know we don’t know each other that well yet, but if my opinion means anything... I think you’re really amazing.” His deep brown eyes reflect sincerity. “I haven’t had this much fun performing with anyone before and it’s not just ‘cos you’re fucking hot.” He laughs to cover up his embarrassment. “Maybe it’s a bit of a reach to compare the two, but porn is a bit like dancing in a way. There’s a choreography to follow, a certain rhythm and mood you have to get into. But the most important part is the chemistry and trust between you and your partner. And you - when I perform with you, it doesn’t feel like I’m acting at all. Not many people have that ability. For what it’s worth, I think you’re pretty special.”

“T-thanks,” you stutter in reply, taken aback by his candor. “I appreciate that.”

You’re not the only one caught off-guard by Hoseok’s frankness. He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles to fill up the momentary lapse in conversation. A bashful smile inches its way across his face, but surprisingly he doesn’t break eye contact.

You quickly change subjects, unwilling to acknowledge the slight fluttering in your stomach.

“...So, you dance?”

It’s not the smoothest transition, but Hoseok’s face instantly lights up.

“Yes! I mean,” he pauses and clears his throat. “Not professionally. I minored in dance. But it’s something I definitely enjoy, you know, to blow off some steam. Ah, wait a sec—”

He takes out his phone to show you short video clips of his dancing. He pulls up his instagram account and scrolls through an eclectic mix of mirror selfies showcasing his bold fashion choices, dog pics, and videos of him working out and dancing.

“Here’s a recent one.”

You don’t know much about dance but in spite of your little knowledge in the subject, your eyes stay transfixed on the screen in front of you. “Whoa...”

The way he moves is enthralling, for lack of a better word. You know from experience that his body is flexible and agile, lithe and strong, but seeing it in action like this leaves you speechless, momentarily robbed of coherency. You can’t even describe it. His execution of the choreography is sharp and powerful, yet his body doesn’t look rigid. On the contrary, his movements are surprisingly fluid and he never misses a single beat. You watch in astonishment as he pushes himself off of his knees after bending backwards in one fell swoop.

“Eh? Is it even possible to move your body that way?” Surely if you try to mimic him, you’ll look like a flailing chicken. “That can’t be safe...”

Hoseok laughs at your shocked expression. “It takes a lot of practice. You should come to a workshop one day! My friend teaches beginners. He’d be glad if you could join. The more the merrier, right? You don’t need to know any of the basics... And if you’re worried about people poking fun—don’t. Dancing isn’t a competition or anything.”

“I dunno.” You hand him back his phone after watching the video loop back for a second time. “I think my back would crack if I attempted any of that.”

“I think you would do really well! You’re pretty flexible and I don’t think you need to worry about stamina. Your core muscles are also really well developed. Based on what I’ve seen, you have a good sense of balance and beat awareness, so even if you’ve never danced before, you have the body and disposition for it.”

“Well... I guess I—”

“Hey.” Jimin interrupts, plump lips curved into a polite smile. You try not to let your surprise show; you hadn’t even noticed him approaching. He kisses your cheek and slides his hand into yours, clasping it between his own. “Sorry to interrupt, doll. Seokjin wanted to have a word with you before the shoot.”

“Oh.” You blink, your eyes darting back and forth between Jimin and Hoseok. “Um...if you don’t mind?”

“That’s straight,” Hoseok steps back, shoving his hands down his pockets. He shoots you a tentative smile. “I’ll catch you later.”

You feel bad for ditching him mid-conversation after he’d been so nice, but you know how annoying your agent can get when ignored for too long.

Jimin’s fingers tighten around yours. When you look up, he’s pouting, his lips pursed and brows drawn together.

“Is something on your mind?”

You can see the hesitation flicker across his face. When he finally meets your gaze, his expression is troubled.

“It’s nothing...” He looks away again and the grip he has on your hand loosens.

“Hm.” You swallow down any further inquiries, worried you’ll upset him.

“What was that about, anyway?” he asks casually, trying his best to look uninterested. “You and Hoseok look like you’re getting along well.”

“Yeah.” The memory of your previous conversation makes you smile softly despite yourself. “He’s a nice guy.”

“I can imagine.” Jimin mutters under his breath. Before you have time to question him again, he straightens his spine, his features twisting into an apologetic expression. “Look, I gotta help setting up the cameras. I’ll see you after the shoot.”

“Ah... Alright.” You fight to keep the disappointment of your face. Since you only have a few minutes before filming begins, you’d been hoping to spend it with him.

As if reading your mind, Jimin leans in and kisses you, his plush lips soft and familiar against your own. You expect him to pull away after a few seconds but his left hand slots itself behind your neck, bringing you in closer to deepen the kiss. His other hand angles your head to the side, giving him more access, and he doesn’t waste any time before brushing his tongue against the roof of your mouth.

You respond to the kiss as if on auto-pilot, but your thoughts are all jumbled in your head. Jimin’s always been a good kisser but he’s rarely kissed you quite like this. His style is more of a slow-burn, the kind that slowly creeps up on you and leaves your whole body numb with pleasure. Every press of his lips feels like a silent prayer of worship and each swipe of his tongue tastes like adoration. You like that he takes his time, like you’re not just a quick meal to curb his hunger but a delicacy worthy of being savored.

Right now, this kiss feels unfamiliar. Urgency replaces devotion. Perhaps it’s because he’s short on time, but his touch is hurried and sloppy. He bites your lower lip, hard enough for it to hurt, and licks into your mouth when you mewl out a gasp of surprise.

“I wish I could just mark you up,” he pants against your parted lips. They feel tender when you smack them closed.

“The makeup artist is going to strangle you for messing up my lipstick.” You fake a scowl. You’re not half-wrong, though. Once she sees how swollen they’ve become she’s bound to take out her frustration on the closest available victim. “If you marked me for real, she’d probably kill you. Don’t tempt her.”

He chuckles and pulls back, letting his hands fall to his side. His eyes dart to somewhere behind your shoulder, his smile curving into a smirk.

“You’re right.” He sighs, looking back at you. “But that’s easier said than done. You’re hard to resist... Anyone would agree.”

Something dark clouds his eyes but whatever it is, it’s gone in the next blink.

You laugh, pleased nonetheless by his flattery. “Didn’t you say you had to help set up? You’re going to end up in trouble because of me…”

Jimin snorts but backs up all the same. “Don’t worry about me. Besides, you’re worth getting in trouble for.”

Someone behind you gags dramatically. “Absolutely sickening.”

When you whirl around, your agent shoots you a disgusted glare. “I was wondering what was taking you so long but I should’ve known you two were out here fabricating babies. Have you no shame?”

“I’ll see you after the shoot!” Jimin says quickly, eager to get away from Seokjin and his sharp tongue.

“See you.” You smile sweetly, ignoring Seokjin’s grumbling. You feel a pang of jealousy as you watch him scurry out of sight. If only you could avoid Seokjin’s pre-performance motivational speeches...

“Anyways.” Seokjin looks noticeably less irritated once Jimin is gone. “I wanted to check up on you before filming could begin. How’s your ass doing?”

You don’t bother hiding your grimace. “Squeaky clean and stretched.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” He sounds proud. “Don’t make that face. It’s your first anal scene after all. Doesn’t hurt to be prepared, right?”

By ‘be prepared’ he means following a strict diet prior to shooting, waking up at the ass crack of dawn to get a colonic, stretching out your asshole for a good thirty minutes using a fuck ton of lube, and constantly rehydrating yourself throughout the day to the point where you’d gone to the bathroom more times than you could count on one hand.

You’re never this thorough with prep before having anal but apparently that’s the difference between fucking in the privacy of your own home and on camera.

“There’s a reason why cleanliness is one of the fundamentals of anal sex, especially when shooting porn. It’s a pain...in the ass...but this way, no one sees something they’d rather not see,” had explained Seokjin after giving you a non-exhaustive list of detailed steps to follow. You suppose there’s logic behind his reasoning. Due to the magic of 4k-quality videos, viewers can now easily see everything, down to the sweat droplets dotting your hairline and any makeup-covered skin imperfections, so you don’t want to imagine what they’ll notice once the camera zooms in on your back entrance.

“Eventually you’ll get used to squeezing water out your bum on the regular.” He shrugs. “You’ll also start to avoid certain foods on your own. The dietary restrictions aren’t that bad, all things considered, and your body will thank you for eating more spinach than you’re used to. Greens are good for your health even if they taste like yuck.”

Athough his suggestions are well-intended, you don’t need another 25 minute speech on all the know-hows of filming anal sex. The first time had been more than enough.

“Thanks for the advice!” you interject right as he opens his mouth to continue his counseling. “That reminds me I need to get this butt plug out of my ass before we start shooting.”

Seokjin sighs. “That would be preferable, yes.”

He doesn’t need to know that you’ve taken out the butt plug in the bathroom half an hour ago. Any excuse will do, as long as you’re spared from listening to his passionate discourse on the benefits of high-fibre food diets and his long list of enema tutorial video recommendations.

The fussing, you think, is unnecessary. You’re not worried about the upcoming sex scene, even if it will be the first time someone other than your partner sees you in that position. No, what troubles you is the possibility of the audience growing tired of seeing you onscreen now that they’ve witnessed you take it up the ass. Boredom is the reason why so many of your peers are forced to end their careers prematurely, after all. Why else is Seokjin so adamant about you pacing yourself and not filming everything there is to film right off the bat? You’ve always held off shooting anal, double penetration and the likes, for that very reason. Although you have no qualms with the act itself, you’re worried that you’re now one step closer to retirement.

The thoughts sit on your shoulders like a heavy weight as you get ready for the scene to come. You listen to Director Ryu’s instructions as he describes the scenario’s key points, your character’s motives, and what sex positions you should include before the scene comes to an end.

“The rest is up to you,” he says with an encouraging nod. “I want the words to come from the heart! Let yourself be a vessel, a way for your character to express their innermost desires.”

“Leave it up to us.” Hoseok’s smile radiates confidence.

“I like your enthusiasm!” Director Ryu approves, clapping his hands together. He misses the way his two leading actors exchange exasperated glances over his shoulder. “Good, then we’re all set? Remember where the cameras are positioned, please, or else we’ll have to reshoot to get the right angles.”

“Got it.” You nod, eager to get this show on the road. Between him and Seokjin, your ears are about to fall off from the incessant chattering. Even the camera men are starting to grow restless.

Speaking of... You meet Jimin’s gaze, the sides of your mouth upturning the moment you spot him. As usual, he looks slightly out of place standing between the other crew members, his white, ironed dress shirt neatly tucked into his black pants providing a stark contrast with his co-workers’ unkempt appearance.  

Jimin mirrors your smile and your shoulders immediately relax. A lot of people may not understand why you’d allow your boyfriend on set while you’re fucking someone else, but his presence brings you a strange sense of comfort that’s hard to put into words.

The sound of your name being called pulls you from your line of thought.

“Can you scoot over to the right? Just a little.” Director Ryu orders while glancing at the monitor. “Yes, that’s much better. And can we fix the lighting, please? My shadow’s getting picked up by the camera.”

Now that the start of the shoot is right around the corner, your stomach cramps up with a nervous kind of anticipation. Your tongue feels like cotton in your mouth and even when you swallow, the unpleasant feeling doesn’t go away.

You clasp your hands together in your lap to hide the minute trembling of your fingers. It’s strange, you think. Ever since you started working with Hoseok, you always get too wrapped in your thoughts. Not necessarily in a bad way, at least not all the time, but --

“You all good?” Hoseok asks, low enough that the mics won’t be able to pick up his questioning. “Do you need some water?”

You shake your head. “I’m good, thanks.”

He hesitates but doesn’t push. “I just wanna run this with you one last time. I know we already signed the consent forms but I’d feel better talking with you about the scene directly.”

“Oh.” You remember he’d done something similar last time, too. “Sure.”

“Anal aside, are you okay with the use of degrading names during the scene?” His eyes never leave yours, like he wants you to know how serious he is.

“I’m okay with you calling me a whore.” Your shoulders loosen up. It’s easy to relax when you’re on familiar territory. Working in this industry requires complete transparency. There’s no shame in discussing your kinks just like there’s no shame in admitting the acts you’re not comfortable performing. “As long as I can call you a slut.”

“That’s fine.” His lips quirk up, but not in a mocking or dismissing way. “I don’t really have any hard limits myself, except for what you’ve already seen on paper. Degradation is fine with me. Call my dick tiny all you want, I won’t take it to heart.”

You laugh, forgetting to keep the volume down. “I’ll keep that in mind…”

“So degradation is fine. Is humiliation okay as well? Situational and verbal?”

“I like that.” You bite your lower lip as you remember your encounter with Min Yoongi a month or so ago, how turned on you’d been from his words alone. “I’ll admit I haven’t dabbled too much in BDSM on the porn scene, but I enjoyed what I’ve done so far.”

“That’s good to know.” He raises his brow. “Ever since we received the pitch for today’s movie I’ve been trying to think of ways to make it, uh, more interesting. So to speak. But I didn’t want to take any initiatives if they made you uncomfortable. Oh, also I meant to ask if there was anything you wanted to include in the scene aside from anal sex.”

Somehow you’re not surprised he’s put thought into this. Last time you’d worked with him, he’d been overflowing with suggestions as well. Maybe because the previous filming formats aren’t as flexible, but it’s not often you meet someone so willing to exchange ideas before filming.

The change is more than welcome. For the first time, it feels like your opinion actually matters. The two of you quietly go back and forth discussing different possibilities while the filming crew finish setting up the set the way Director Ryu wants it.

“Alright,” Ryu calls, settling into the director’s chair. Somewhere in the background, the gaffer wipes off his brow. “Everyone ready to rooooollll?”

Hoseok takes a few steps back and reaches for a nearby clipboard.

Miraculously, you note distantly, the swarming of butterflies in your stomach is now gone. Your palms are no longer clammy and cold with perspiration. When you swallow, there’s no lump of nerves stuck in your throat.

Hoseok sends an encouraging smile your way right before Director Ryu yells “ACTION!” and he schools his features into a more polite, appropriate expression.

He doesn’t speak up right away, just walks over to where you’re sitting on the massage table in a leisurely manner. You open your mouth to fill the silence but he beats you to it.

“Welcome to Happy Ending Clinic, where we ensure every client leaves feeling 100% satisfied. We guarantee high quality services personally adapted to suit the needs of our every client,” Hoseok says in lieu of greeting, the lilt in his voice smooth and practiced, like he’s used to repeating this introduction multiple times throughout the day. “My name is J-Hope and today you will be in my care.”

“Nice to meet you.” You’re careful to keep your back ramrod straight, hoping the stiffness in your body will be picked up by the cameras.

The role you’re playing today is more reserved and awkward than the usual unabashed and bold characters you’re used to acting. And while it’s not your first time pretending to be coy and shy for the cameras, such behavior isn’t second nature.

His smile, whilst professional, radiates warmth. You suppose it’s meant to be reassuring.

“I will do my best to make this session unforgettable.”  

His gaze sweeps over the clipboard sitting in his hands.

“Hmmm... ______, is it?” When you nod in affirmation, he continues. “It says here it’s your first time visiting our establishment.”

You’re surprised at how naturally he adapts to the role he’s been assigned to. The words that roll off his tongue sound like his own.

“Yes... Honestly, I - I didn’t think it was necessary, but my friend insisted - I mean, she recommended I visit this place...said it would do me some good.”

You wring your hands in your lap. You’re lucky the character you’re playing today is supposed to be a little shy and rigid. Otherwise, you’re not sure Director Ryu would have let your awkward stuttering slide.

“That’s not a problem.” The lines of Hoseok’s mouth bend into a reassuring smile. “Let’s see... It says you’ve booked an hour-long session?”

“Yep.”

“Then with your permission, I’d like to take fifteen supplementary minutes to find out which massage course is best suited for a novice like you. It’ll be free of charge, of course.”

You nod, eager to get the show on the road. Given your character’s disposition, maybe you should have pretended to mull over the proposal for a few seconds more - if only for appearance’s sake - but you’re tired of all this talking. Impatience gets the best of you.

“Oh! Yes, that sounds fine.”

He pulls out several colorful mock pamphlets and hands them over for you to peruse their contents. You try not to let your astonishment show.

It’s the first time you’ve seen a prop team this devoted to their task. Although the insides of the brochures remain blank, you still can’t believe someone actually took the time to print out fake brochure covers. You appreciate the effort, even if the covers do look like they’ve been made by someone who’s looking to major in ‘graphic design is my passion.’

You hold one up at random and pretend to read through it, hoping that whoever will watch the movie later will ignore the ugly block font that spells out ‘NAUGHTY MASSAGE : FOUR HANDS EDITION.’

“Inside, you’ll find a detailed explanation on the various vegan, cruelty-free products we use. All of our treatments are oil-based and you can choose the scent of your choice. If your skin is particularly sensitive, we have essential oil-infused body butters that work just as effectively and leave the skin silky smooth to the touch. Depending on your skin type, you might be interested in testing—” He takes out several jars all while explaining the different health benefits of ylang ylang essential oil.

Once again, you’re caught off guard by his convincing performance. Even though you’ve been given several pointers by the director before filming, Hoseok is the one who ultimately calls the shots. Inwardly, you wonder how he manages to come up with such original lines on the spot. Despite not being a professional actor, Hoseok’s intuitive choices are beyond your expectations.  

The thoroughness of his explanation makes your head spin. Cruelty-free products? Body butter? You have no way of knowing whether his statements are fabricated for the sake of the vague storyline - but you suppose the credibility of his words doesn’t really matter in the end. It’s the small details he sprinkles here and there that help you immerse in the scene.  

His proficiency in acting makes all of your worries melt away. It’s hard to believe he’s only a rookie, just starting off his career, and not an acting veteran with dozens of movies under his belt.

Not wanting to be entirely overshadowed by your co-star, you furrow your eyebrows, determination set into your features.

“I’m sorry... I’ve never done this before. They all look the same to me.”

“Ah.” Still, Hoseok’s smile stays amiable and professional. “Well, let’s go about it this way - why do you think your friend insisted you visit our establishment?”

You catch your bottom lip between your teeth, your gaze dropping to the floor in order to avert his probing stare. “I - um. I haven’t had - I mean, I guess I’ve been stressed lately. More pent up than usual. I’ve tried exercising and meditating and mas- uh...well everything, honestly. But nothing seems to work. I’m snappy all the time and...frustrated.”

Today, the character you’re playing is a bit more bashful, too timid to voice her desires into spoken words. “It’s all about the tension! The build-up!” Director’s Ryu’s voice echoes in your mind as a reminder.

“I see,” Hoseok nods, taking your comments into consideration. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the quality of your sleep?”

“A five...” you say after a moment’s hesitation. “I don’t wake up during the night, but it takes me a long time to fall asleep.”

“Do you feel any pain anywhere?”

“Pain? No, not really.” You roll your shoulders back, conscious of the way your perky chest juts out, nipples prominent through the cheap fabric. “My neck does feel sore from time to time but I think it’s because I work an office job. They say staying hunched over in front of a computer all day is bad for your health.”

His gaze roams your figure, quietly assessing. “It is.”

“May I?” he asks, taking a tentative step closer. “I think I’ll need to gauge your level of sensitivity for myself. We’ll adjust the intensity of the massage depending on how much pressure you can withstand and how your body reacts to different types of stimuli.”

Your brows lift. “Oh. Sure, why not.”

“Move back a little. A bit more.” You obey his instructions without second thoughts. “That’s perfect, thank you.”

Your legs dangle awkwardly over the edge of the massage table. You can probably close them if you wanted to, but you don’t miss an opportunity to expose yourself in front of the cameras. The shorts you’re wearing are more like tiny scraps of denim put together with the help of a few stitches. You’re certain that if someone were to really look, they’d see the outline of your pussy lips.

Hoseok walks around the table to stand behind you. The sensation is somewhat familiar—right away, you’re reminded of the first encounter with Hoseok, the one where he’d wrapped his arms around you and whispered words of love into your ear. You close your eyes and let the images flash by in quick succession. The memories all come rushing in at once—an artist’s lips painting your skin like a brush would canvas, a potter’s agile fingers molding your body from clay, a lyricist’s tongue composing sonnets into your weeping, open cunt. Your body remembers it all.

When he finally touches you, his hands radiate warmth the shadow of his memory does not.

A shudder runs down your spine.

Oblivious to your inner thoughts, Hoseok carefully gathers your hair into a ponytail and moves it out of the way. His mobility no longer restricted, he lets his slender digits travel down the slope of your neck, the pads of his fingers digging into the meat of your shoulders.

“You’re unusually tense here.” Concern colors his voice as he increases the pressure.

Suddenly the discomfort you’re to convey to the audience is no longer feigned. “Ow!”

The wince that mars your face is authentic. You try to wiggle out of his grasp to relieve the sharp ache in your shoulders. Hoseok’s grip is strong, however, and he keeps you exactly where he thinks you ought to be.

“Hmm...”

He massages your arms one by one. The circular movements he traces across your skin are a lot more gentle this time around, and you allow yourself to slowly relax under his touch. He manipulates your body like one would a rag doll, pulling your arm over your head.

“Can you reach behind, towards your neck? How about a little lower? You should feel a stretch here.” He taps at an arm muscle.

“Yeah… I can definitely feel it.”

You suspect that Hoseok’s stunt as a Pilates instructor is what’s helping him sound so experienced and natural.

“Good.” He lets out a pleased hum. “Hold the position for as long as you can.”

His hands reach around your body to squeeze your perky breasts. You gasp at the rather rough way he handles your tits. Perhaps it’s because you’ve been told to forgo a bra, but you’re much more conscious of his every action - from the way his fingers splay out, cupping the fullness of your breasts between them, to the way he kneads your mounds with his entire palm as he gropes you from behind.

“How often do you masturbate?” he asks in an almost offhand manner, his tone is more clinical than casual. The question is crude and direct enough to distract you from the way his fingers encircle your nipples through the cotton fabric of your shirt.

You recall Ryu’s earlier directions: unlike your first movie together, this tryst is not romantic in nature. The scenario that you’re acting out this time doesn’t involve sweet kisses and whispered declarations of love. Feelings aren’t on the table.

You pretend like the bitter taste you swallow down isn’t disappointment.

“Um.” You struggle to remember the initial question. Luckily, your mental buffering comes off as bashful and true to the character you’re playing. “I, uh, I guess masturbate often?”

“But it isn’t enough, is it?”

His question comes off as slightly patronizing. Before you can formulate a suitable answer, Hoseok’s fingers tweak your hardened nipples and your back bows under the pressure. You oscillate between the desire to thrust your chest out in offering, and the pressing need to flee the sharp sensations his skilled hands provoke.

“I - um!” You squirm helplessly as he continues playing with your breasts. “It isn’t!”

“Just as I thought.” He pinches both of your nipples and pulls at them until you cry out in half-pain, half-pleasure. The thin material of your shirt doesn’t dull the ache; if anything, the cotton scratches your skin, rubbing the nubs raw.

Despite your very visible discomfort, Hoseok doesn’t let go. You can only sit there obediently while he has his fun, knowing that if you wiggle too much it’ll only worsen the pain.

“Ah!”

Only then does he release them. You fight against the urge to cover your sore nipples. Your flimsy shirt hadn’t provided any protection against his rough onslaught, none at all.

“You’re quite sensitive,” he observes, giving your breasts one last squeeze.

Finished with his appraisal, he steps away and picks his clipboard up. He makes his way around the massage table, coming back into view, and scribbles something onto the paper with a ballpoint pen. He looks so absorbed in his work that you almost fall for the act.  

You worry your bottom lip, crossing your arms over your chest self-consciously. Without a bra, your hardened nipples are clearly visible through the thin shirt. They jut out in a distracting way; Hoseok’s eyes drop down for a split-second in appreciation before flickering back to the clipboard in his hands.

“Your body is wound up. It’s tense in places it shouldn’t be.”

“Is that...a bad thing?”

“No. Your case is not abnormal.” He shakes his head and offers you a reassuring smile. “Although... Hm. When was the last time you achieved an an orgasm?”

You look away, mumbling your answer in an embarrassed voice. “Last night.”

More scribbling. He taps the end of the pen against his chin, pretending to be lost in thought.

His eyes glint when he asks, “How many times did you cum?”

It’s not real - none of this is - and yet you can feel warmth spreading from your cheeks down to your chest. It’s a strange sensation, stuck somewhere between humiliation and arousal, and it makes your entire body heat up from the inside out.

“Just - Just once…”

“Look at me.”

Your eyes snap towards his on command. He looks relaxed, unbothered, like he’s discussing the weather forecast and not your masturbation habits. You want to look away but something in his stare pins you in place.

“You’re telling me the truth, right?”

“Yes! I’m not - I wouldn’t lie.”

“Good.” He smiles pleasantly, nodding to himself. “So. You came once. Did you use your fingers? Or, perhaps, a toy?”

He’s still staring at you, forcing you to look him straight in the eyes while you confess your sins. Your thighs clench together and you struggle to focus on the conversation at hand.

“F-fingers.” Your breathing becomes ragged as you imagine Hoseok’s fingers replacing your imaginary ones. They’d fill you up nicely, too. Compared to your own, they’re longer, capable of reaching places yours can’t. All you’d have to do is hook your arms under your knees and keep your legs spread wide open. He doesn’t even need to take your clothes off; he could pull the seam of your shorts and underwear to the side and fuck you just like that. “I only used my fingers.”

He raises an eyebrow like he doesn’t quite believe you. Somehow, that makes the fire between your legs burn hotter. It’s like - he knows you’re too cockhungry to settle for just fingers. And if a mere stranger can tell how desperate you are to get fucked, what about the rest?

“Interesting.” Hoseok’s eyes darken by the minute. “And do you prefer clitoral stimulation to penetration?”

“I-” You pause and struggle to formulate your response. Your ears feel hot. In fact - your entire face feels like it’s on fire.

The embarrassment you feel doesn’t make sense - you’ve never had any qualms discussing sex. You can talk candidly about any topic for hours on end, from the condom brands you prefer to advice on how to maintain a rash-free pussy, to the point where some people might think you’re over-sharing or being too crass. Discussing intimate topics shouldn’t be a problem.

It’s not even a real dialogue anyway, so why do you -

“Yes?” Hoseok leans forward, interrupting your train of thought. The corner of his mouth is upturned, like he can’t help but be amused by your discomfiture.

“I like, um.” You close your eyes, hoping that it’ll somehow make the admission easier. It doesn’t. The darkness makes you feel even more exposed, like all your secrets are laid bare for him to see. Your voice quivers when you answer. “I - I touch - I mean, sometimes I’ll - my fingers aren’t long enough. So just rubbing the outside is - fine.”

“Ah. You like being stuffed full, I take it?” Hoseok’s vulgar vocabulary makes your eyes snap open in shock. He smirks, not expecting you to answer. “Poor girl.”

You shake your head, your reply dying in your throat. With every word he utters, your thoughts become fuzzy, muddled.

“What did you imagine last night while you were getting off? A stranger fucking your face? Big men taking turns using your cunt? Tell me. In detail, preferably.”

“I don’t see how-” The sharp look in his eyes makes you swallow down any protest. Still. You can’t get your mouth to work correctly and you look back at him helplessly.

“Is there a reason why you can’t tell me?” He tilts his head to the side, the smirk on his face growing, canines flashing. “Oh. I see.”

You flinch, your face impossibly hot.

“Were you thinking of today’s session?” He chuckles, delighted. “That’s quite naughty of you. Although, I can’t blame you, can I? We are known to deliver the best orgasma. It’s only natural to imagine what would happen.”

That’s right, you think. You’d spent all night fantasizing about a faceless, nameless stranger’s hands all over your naked body. How long had it been since you’d felt someone’s touch? Their tongue buried deep in your cunt, fucking you until your thighs trembled? Even your best dildo couldn’t hold a candle to a hot-blooded, throbbing cock.

Hoseok taps the pen against the clipboard, the staccato sound filling the silence.

“One last question.” He makes sure he has your undivided attention before continuing. “No need to look so worried. I won’t ask you what lewd thoughts you get off to, although maybe in future sessions I’ll expect that of you.”

You don’t linger on the implication there - that you’ll undoubtedly come back for seconds - and nod your assent for him to go on.

“Did you cum hard while thinking of getting fucked by me today?”

You inhale sharply, struggling to hold his stare. “I… The sheets were so wet afterwards, I had to change them.”

“I see.” He jots something down on his clipboard but his reaction doesn’t give anything away. Nervously, you pull on a loose string hanging from the hem of your short. “Hm…”

After a few seconds of silence he speaks up again, done with his assessment.

“Well, normally for first timers such as yourself we’d recommend starting with a more soothing body massage. But I think in your case a more thorough massage is needed. It’s not a cause for concern!” He adds quickly, as if to assuage any growing fears. “But in my professional opinion, I think the massage I have in mind for you might be more beneficial than the beginner level massage.”

“Um, what does this massage entail exactly?”

“We call it the full treatment. In other words - it’s a deep tissue penetration massage,” Hoseok explains calmly. “It includes an internal massage. We’ll use a variety of methods but rest assured - all techniques are tried and tested! You’ll be in safe hands.”

You pretend to mull it over.

Hoseok waits for your nod of confirmation before instructing, “There are towels at your disposal.” He motions to the pile of fluffy white towels folded neatly on the bench. “Feel free to use them. While you change into a...less restricting outfit, I’ll go retrieve the rest of the massage equipment. See you in a bit!”

And with that he’s gone. The privacy he grants you is, of course, just an illusion. Even without looking in their direction, you know that the cameras’ lenses are all focused on you, waiting to capture the impending striptease. You’d forgotten about them but Hoseok’s absence reminds you of their presence.

Per Director Ryu’s earlier instructions, you make a show of taking off your clothes. Teasing the camera comes naturally to you thanks to your prior experience as a cam girl; you know exactly which angles are the most flattering and which ones, on the other hand, emphasize your flaws.

Your back arches as you peel off your shirt, drawing attention to the swell of your breasts and the curve of your waist. Not long after do you shimmy out of your shorts, exaggerating the swing of your hips for the audience’s viewing pleasure. You try not to show your surprise when the dampness of your crotch sticks to your folds as you pull them down your legs - you hadn’t expected how much a simple tit massage and few exchanged words would rile you up.

The denim pools around your ankles and when you bend over to retrieve the useless item of clothing, you’re acutely aware of how your wet, waxed pussy peeks out from between your thighs. You stay in position, giving the camera ample time to zoom in, and while the stretch isn’t painful (thanks to your yoga lessons!), it is a rather awkward position to maintain.

Once you straighten up, you take a few seconds to fold up the shirt and itty bitty shorts before setting them aside. Normally, you’d leave your discarded clothing strewn about but you can’t imagine your character behaving in such an uncouth way.

With that thought in mind, you wrap yourself with a short towel. Rather than covering your intimate bits, it’s so short that it emphasizes your nakedness. When you go to sit on the massage table, the towel rides up, leaving you exposed and you have to fold your hands in your lap to preserve a semblance of modesty.

It’s easy to convey nervousness while you wait for Hoseok’s return. While you’ve never attended any drama school, you have watched plenty enough Netflix dramas to know which physical cues are more or less effective - constant fidgeting, shifty eyes, audible gulping. Since it’s your first time putting your knowledge into practice, you’re not certain how convincing your acting is, but hey, isn’t it the effort that counts? You’re not here to audition for the starring role in Hollywood’s next summer blockbuster, after all.

Hoseok knocks twice before entering, stopping your self-depreciation in its tracks. He’s abandoned the earlier clipboard for a large, nondescript, white cardboard box that rattles with every step he takes. It sounds more ominous than it actually is.

If Director Ryu is truly aiming for realism, he wouldn’t make Hoseok carry back the items in a fucking box, you think privately. Who even does that? Although you suppose realism isn’t the be-all end-all, no matter how much the director insists. Sometimes viewers like to be metaphorically edged and endlessly teased, and all this guessing only adds to the build-up, making the climax more than worth it. They could, of course, fast-forward to get to the juicy sex scenes, the crux of the matter, but you’d like to believe all this extra effort is worth it.

You blink curiously back at Hoseok, feigning ignorance.

“Oh good.” He beams in your direction, his eyes drinking in your scantily-clad figure. “Now that you’re more comfortable, please lie down for me.”

He sets the box to the side, opens the lid, and takes out a bottle of oil while you settle down on your stomach and carefully rearrange your towel so that it covers your bum.

“I’ve chosen bergamot essential oil for today’s massage. It’s a nice, citrus-like scent that’s not too overwhelming because it’s been mixed in with sweet almond oil. Its many virtues include, but are not limited to, increasing the body’s energy flow and enhancing feelings of joy and freshness.”

“That sounds lovely.” You sigh dreamily. Getting massaged and getting dicked down in one go? Hell yeah. That one is a no-brainer for sure.

There’s a shadow of a smirk on Hoseok’s face when he rounds on you, like he’s somehow privy to your thoughts. That, or your eagerness is too transparent. You’re betting on the latter.

His voice lowers an octave, the low timber making shivers run down your back.

“Shall we begin?”

He moves your hair to the side, leaving your neck and back exposed. He then pulls down your towel so that it uncovers the expanse of your back and covers more of your bottom half instead.

“Is this alright?” he inquires. As if testing the waters, his fingers trace down the line of your spine, stopping right before your lower back dips into a curve.

You moan your assent. “More than.”

Hoseok takes the bottle of oil and drizzles its contents over your skin like a painter splattering ink onto a blank canvas. He spreads the lubricant all over your back, rubbing your skin in circular motions until you’re coated with it. You let out a few pleased sounds here and there that are not entirely faked or exaggerated. He definitely knows what he’s doing with his hands.

Honestly, you feel sorry towards your co-star who’s stuck doing most of the work while you’re splayed out like a starfish. It feels a bit unfair that you’re getting paid more than him when he’s the one putting in most of the effort. Had you any shame, you’d give him half of your pay for his services. Alas.

“Tell me if it hurts anywhere,” he warns, not unkindly.

Your back stiffens. You expect Hoseok to replicate the rough treatment he’d inflicted to your breasts, but contrary to your expectations, he kneads your body gently, almost tenderly. The contrast between this touch and his earlier ministrations messes with your head. When his hands outline your flank, his fingers prodding the sides of your breasts, you swallow a hopeful sigh as you wait for him to envelop your soft mounds and roll your sensitive nipples between his skilled fingers.

Betrayal brews in your gut when he fails to indulge your fantasies. You’re tempted to grab his wrist and guide his hand to where you need it the most but you miraculously hold yourself back. Since the scene doesn’t call for that much impatience and desperation on your part, you’d hate to be the reason why Director Ryu asks for a re-take.

Thankfully, he soon puts you out of your misery. Hoseok retreats, done teasing the sides of your breasts for the time being. You’re not sure it’s relief or disappointment that swims in your lower belly, but Hoseok doesn’t give you time to dwell on the question. Almost as soon as he retracts his hands from your back, he redirects his attention to your legs. His hands, warm and slick from the oil, glide over the back of your calves and thighs with ease. His thumbs rub circular shapes into your flesh as he slowly works his way up, the pleasant sensations leaving your whole body boneless.

“You loosen up well.”

Hoseok’s fingers skirt the hem of the towel. Your breath gets caught in your throat as he toys with the fabric.

“Will you open up for me, pretty? You look tense right here.” He flips the towel up, revealing your bare lower half. He wastes no time before gripping the meat of your ass cheeks, fingers digging into the supple flesh. He spreads your cheeks apart, cool air blowing against your exposed holes, and lets them jiggle back into place after giving the camera ample time to capture the view. “Hm. Looks like you haven’t been properly stretched out in a long time... We’ll fix that today.”

Bolts of pleasure run through your body. The whole situation is ludicrous and yet, for whatever reason you cannot pinpoint, moisture gathers between your thighs with every passing second, adding to the mess dripping from your folds.

“Um, like this?” You part your legs open slightly, as if unsure. In situations like these, the biggest challenge is to act diffident and coy when all you want is for your co-star to blow your back out.

He tsks, the sound sharp and reproving. It goes straight to your core and makes your belly clench with unspeakable need.

“How am I supposed to fuck your holes open in that position?” He has the audacity to sound impatient. “Work with me here.”

He grabs your ankles and separates them himself, ignoring your yelp of surprise. Unaccustomed to the stretch, the muscles in your thighs strain with the effort to hold the position.

A whine slips out your mouth. He’s so mean.

While you expect Hoseok to act somewhat distant and objective because of the role he’s playing, his fluctuating behavior gives you nothing but whiplash. One moment he’s cordial and friendly, the epitome of what a  professional should be, the next he’s treating you like you’re his plaything, not his client.

His grip around your ankles is firm and unyielding. He’s got you spread impossibly wide, your legs dangling dangerously off the edge of the table with your waxed holes exposed for inspection.

“That’s good, just like that.” His hands let go of your ankles when he’s sure you won’t move from the position he’s steered you into. He strokes up your legs, the touch feather-light and fleeting. “Keep your legs spread wide. I want to see your cute little holes on display.”

His crude remarks make your body flush with heat.

Even if this is the sort of place that offers sexual gratification, Hoseok’s wording toes several lines. As his client, he should be focused on giving you pleasure, so why do his comments make it sound like you’re here for his entertainment instead?

Despite your character being fully aware of what type of establishment she’s visiting, you reckon Hoseok’s words are enough to make her squirm in embarrassment. There’s something filthy about the way he orders you around and bends you to his will. Even you’re not indifferent to the impersonal way he handles your body like a doll. Flickers of arousal lick up your spine, and with your legs extended so far apart, it’s not difficult for Hoseok to notice how much you’re wound up.

The position is far from proper. Hot streaks of humiliation burn through you when you imagine how easy and slutty you must seem to whoever is watching. You don’t dare move from the pose he’s maneuvered you into, not because you’re scared of the consequences, but because his presence demands obedience. Even without explicitly saying so, he’s made it clear that for the next hour or so, you’re his to toy with.

“Good girl. You open up so nicely.” Hoseok purrs, satisfied with your compliance. “Now let me see what I’m working with here.”

He swipes his index finger through your glossy folds, the action forcing you to stifle a startled gasp. It’s nothing like the erotic oil massage you’d experienced minutes prior. The touch is inquisitive, clinical, assessing. Like he’s testing out a new product before purchase.

You want to stay still but you’re so wound up from his incessant teasing. The slightest caress makes the hairs on the back of your nape stand straight. Hoseok is all too aware of this fact. The tip of his pointer finger comes in contact with your clit, the touch more delicate than a feather's caress. Hoseok watches with thinly veiled amusement as you jerk against the table.

“You really are sensitive,” he all but coos. “What a treat. Don’t need any oil when you’re leaking all over the table like a faucet. How long has it been since someone touched you here, hm?”

The teasing lilt in his voice borders on condescending. Heat simmers under the surface of your skin as you struggle to collect your thoughts.

“Eight months,” you squeak just as two of his fingers dip into your slicked up entrance.

“No wonder you’re all worked up.” He slides his digits right up to the knuckle, the glide so easy it’s embarrassing. “Needy holes like yours should be used more often.”

He fucks his fingers into your pussy one, two, three times, before pulling away, chuckling under his breath when your hips push back, greedy and desperate for more. Using the same hand he’d used to test out your cunt Hoseok slaps your ass once, the sharp sting making you still at once.

The damp mark on your ass is a testament to how fucking soaked you are. You can’t imagine what kind of mess the cameras are picking up on - but maybe you don’t have to.

Hoseok wipes his fingers off on you, using you to clean himself off. Although you can’t see anything because of the way you’re laying down, everything feels wet and filthy. He rubs your own juices onto your skin, reminding you of the intensity of your need.

And just when you don’t think his mouth can get any filthier, he proves you wrong.

“I can tell you haven’t been stretched recently,” he sighs, almost disappointed. “You’re just gagging for a pounding, aren’t you? It’s a shame your fuck-hole is too tight to take a big cock or I would have given it to you right away.”

Your lower body clenches as his words wash over you.

The idea sounds downright delicious. Hoseok is right. Even if it’s just for the sake of the storyline, there’s nothing more you want right now than a good, hard fucking. It would take him less than ten seconds for him to pull his hard cock out from his scrubs and make a home for himself between your thighs. Images flash through your mind of Hoseok’s hands on your breasts, in your hair, around your throat. You want him to cover you, smother you, as he forces you down against the table and takes his fill. You want his lips on your skin, hot and possessive, as he uses you like the cocksleeve he needs you to be.

God, you want that. You want to be used hard, to be fucked full until you break. You need this - your character needs this.

You whimper, high-pitched and needy. “Please. Please, I want it. I want - I want your cock.”

“I’m sure you do.” Hoseok all but scoffs. “Why don’t you just sit still and relax for me? I’m going to massage you until you’re nice and loose, alright? First-timers like you could get hurt if they’re not prepped properly but I’ll get you ready, don’t worry. By the end of this, you’ll be able to take big cocks in all your holes like a pro.”

“Shit.”

You bite back a moan, startled at how much you’re turned on.

Porn dialogue is rarely arousing. You’re the first to tune out your partner whenever they talk for longer than a minute. It’s because you hear the same exact shitty lines repeated so often that you’re half-convinced there’s a porn acting for dummies handbook being circulated around.

Although… Maybe if Hoseok’s lines had been delivered by someone else, they wouldn’t have the same effect on you. That’s the difference, you think to yourself. Hoseok’s delivery. The cockiness that infuses his every word, the way he confidently carries himself… He does it all so convincingly - nothing like the wooden and awkward memorized performances you’ve witnessed from fellow actors.

While you’re lost in thought, Hoseok rummages inside the cardboard box. Without his touch or words to distract you, it’s harder to ignore the building arousal between your legs. As the seconds tick by, your shameful desire only worsens.

Before you can crane your neck or voice your confusion, Hoseok returns, humming under his breath.

“We’re gonna try a different massage technique now. This method will help with lubrication,” he explains evenly. “I’ll use a special vibrating tool that will massage hard to reach areas.”

“Um…” You swallow, blinking rapidly. “Okay.”

“It’s not as scary as it sounds. We’ll start off slow and I’ll gradually up the intensity once I deem you ready for the next stage. How does that sound?”

A click, followed by a low buzzing, fills the room.

You gasp when the vibrating object comes in contact with the back of your knee. Hoseok’s free hand settles on your leg - a nonverbal reminder to keep your legs wide open for him as well as the cameras.

“See? Nice and easy. Nothing to be scared of.”

He rotates the tool in slow, even circles. You force yourself to relax and accept the foreign massage, disregarding how strange it feels to have small vibrations travel up and down your leg. After a few minutes of him repeating the same motions on your other leg, he slowly makes his way up your thighs, the rounded tip of the tool dangerously close to your drenched pussy.

A pleading whine reverberates in your chest. The electric whirring of the vibrator is not enough to soothe the burning between your thighs. If anything, it makes it worse. You need more, you think urgently.

Hoseok moves to the side of the table so that the cameras can get an unobstructed view of your clenching hole. It’s the first time you’ve seen his face since he made you lie down. From his voice alone, it’s impossible to tell how affected he is. More than once you’d caught yourself wondering… Does he like what he sees? Is he enjoying himself?

A dark streak of satisfaction crosses over you when you notice the hunger in his gaze, his pupils blown so wide his brown eyes look black. Drool pools in your mouth when you spot the sizable tent in his scrubs.

The fact that you’re at the perfect height to suck his dick doesn’t slip by you. He could flip you over onto your back, your head hanging off the table, and use your mouth to his heart’s content. You whimper at the thought of him fucking your face, your mouth reduced to a fleshlight for him to get off. You could probably cum like that - his cock buried deep in your throat, his fingers pressed against the side of your neck to you struggle around his length, while his other hand reaches down to grab at your breast, using it as an anchor to fuck into you harder.

“Shit, you’re really making a mess of my work table.”

Hoseok’s gaze is trained between your legs. He wets his lips and adjusts his hold on the vibrator. The sudden movement changes the angle, positioning the tool right over your dripping entrance, closer than ever to your swollen clit. The vibrations suddenly feel louder and stronger than before. If this keeps up, you reckon that it won’t be long before you’re hurtling towards the edge of a precipice.

A moan slips past your parted lips, loud and wanton. Embarrassed by the sheer need that colors your voice, you quickly shut your mouth closed, hoping that your desperation goes by unnoticed.

Hoseok chuckles, the sound sharp and mean. He comments on your obscene behavior, how you’re acting so slutty it’s a wonder you’d kept this side of you locked away for this long without people suspecting your love for cock. Every word infiltrates your mind, leaves no corners untainted, until all you can think and breathe and smell is him.

“Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of sluts parade in here and pay for my time,” he says, his dulcet tone making the degradation sweeter. You hang onto each and every word, letting yourself fall deeper into a haze of arousal and submission. “But it’s been a while since someone like you showed up. Just look at this… Your little fuck-hole can’t even take a bit of teasing without getting me dirty.”

The buzzing between your thighs switches back and forth between strong pulses and rapid, little vibrations. You keen, shaking from head to toe in pleasure. Your thighs are wet, sticky with your juices, and your clit is hard and aching for attention.

You don’t even want to know what state your sopping pussy is in. Every time your body jerks and trembles, you feel the pool of arousal that’s gathered underneath you. It’s - embarrassing. That you’re this soaked and close to cumming when he hasn’t even touched your clit or fucked you with his cock.  

In the midst of your pleasure-induced haze, your eyes meet his. The lines of his face are drawn into a smug expression, his gaze smoldering. Embers of arousal light up his dark eyes, and you can only stare back at him, clit throbbing, as he ups the intensity of the vibrations.

“Fuck! Oh God, oh I’m-” Your legs thrash, hips lifting off the table in an effort to escape the shocks of pleasure zapping throughout your body. Mercifully - or not, depending on how you looked at it - Hoseok brought the vibrations down a few settings, until the whirring had quieted down to a low thrum.

“Feeling good, huh?” The grin he sends your way is positively wicked. “I think you’re ready to take more.”

More? you think weakly. Any more and you’ll explode, like popcorn kernels in a microwave.

For a second you think he’ll bring the vibrator up to your clit. Maybe even slide the long, phallic-shaped vibrator inside your pussy so that it’ll stretch you out like he’d promised. What you don’t expect is for him to bring it down to your other hole, the powerful vibrations rattling you to the core.

Your surprised gasp is so loud, not even the buzzing of the toy drowns it out. Hoseok places his available hand on your left hip and pins you to the table, the gentle weight keeping you steady.

“That’s right,” he soothes, voice smooth like silk. It sounds patronizing, almost like he’s calming down a dog startled by thunder or explaining right from wrong to a small child.

“Um.” You let trepidation inch its way into your voice. “You - what are you doing? That’s not - that’s dirty.”

“What is?”

“My,” you pause, humiliation coiling tightly around your spine. Hoseok presses the toy harder around your rim, its coat of arousal making the tip slide over your sensitive skin. You’re tempted not to answer but you know Hoseok wants you to voice the dirty words. “My asshole. It’s - dirty. Please - I… I don’t think you should touch it. It’s not right.”

You mumble the end of your sentence like you’re embarrassed to say such a scandalous thing out loud.

Hoseok laughs, sounding both mocking and endeared. “Oh, sweetheart. Didn’t you hear what I said earlier? I’m going to loosen up all your holes. Because that’s what you’ve always wanted deep down, isn’t it? To service cock. Even if it means letting me play with this dirty hole of yours.”

The vibrations intensify with the click of a button. Your whole body spasms, limbs flailing pathetically as the sensations run down your back all the way to the tip of your toes.

You bite down a whimper. How does he know? How can he tell? All you want right now is a nice, hard cock buried inside of you - and at this point you don’t care which orifice he sticks in it. You’re just so - empty. So empty it physically aches.

Hoseok dials down the intensity of the vibrator and with his free hand, squeezes a copious amount of oil onto the toy, slicking it up.

Surprisingly he doesn’t bother prepping you with his fingers before easing the toy into your back entrance. From your position, you can’t tell if Director Ryu signaled to hurry things along or if his own impatience played a part. Either way, your sharp intake of breath is genuine.

You try your best to relax your muscles but the toy is thicker than expected, its sides bumpy and ribbed. Even though you’d stretched yourself out beforehand with a sizable dildo, the girth of the toy still makes your breath hitch. Your bottom lip hurts as you scrape your teeth over it.

“Relax for me. That’s it.” Hoseok whispers soft words of encouragement. “You’re doing such a good job.”

Finally, after what seems like light years, the toy is fully inserted, only the base of it peeking out from between your parted cheeks. You feel full, deliciously so. It’s only now with the weight of the toy inside of you that you realize how much you’d missed being stuffed to the brim.

“There you go.” Hoseok smacks your right ass cheek hard enough for the sting to go straight to your clit. “How does that feel?”

“Full.” You smack your lips together. Eloquence is not your strongest suit in the present moment and your lack of coherency only humiliates you further. It’s like he’s rendered you cock-dumb. Reduced you to a lust-driven creature that only has dick on the brain. “I feel good.”

“Of course you’d enjoy that.” The cockiness in his voice is undeniable, like he’s drunk off the power he has over you. “Needy sluts like you only care about getting filled up, huh?”

It sounds like a rhetorical question but you answer it anyway, just in case he wanted an answer.

“Yes! I’m a needy slut. Please - could you…?” You wriggle your hips, trying to entice him into action. The rocking motion jostles the toy nestled inside of you, causing you to choke out a moan. “Hng! Use my pussy this time, please?”

Hoseok clucks his tongue and slaps your ass again to keep you still. It moves the lodged vibrator, knocking it against a spot inside of you that makes you gush. Your pussy clenches up in an imitation of an orgasm - but you know from experience that you haven’t cum just yet.

Fuck. You’re so fucked and he hasn’t even given you his cock.

Your head thumps down against the table as you take in deep, steadying breaths. You can’t think straight; every thought seems clouded by a dense smog of lust. Your body feels like a live wire, all your nerve endings crackling with electricity. How much more can you endure before you shatter beyond repair?

Hoseok takes pity on you. “The vibrating massage should have helped your muscles relax. Your tight cunt should be able to fit this in by now.”

He slides another silicone toy into your pussy, this one wider and longer than the first. Your hands grapple for purchase as your body accommodates both toys, one in each hole. You’re so wet that there’s no resistance despite its impressive size and you suck in a breath as Hoseok keeps pushing it in, inch by interminable inch.

If you thought you felt full before, it’s nothing compared to how stretched you feel now. The wall separating the two toys is stretched thin and when you tense your abdomen, you can feel both of them nudge against one another. Your stomach feels - bloated. As if there’s a bulge where the toys are nestled deep inside of you.

It’s quite frankly obscene.

You’ve never felt more turned on.

“Whoa.” He grips both of your legs and widens them even further, displaying your stuffed holes for the cameras. “Your hungry cunt ate up my biggest dildo like it was nothing.”

The fact that he admitted it was a dildo - and not some vibrating tool - just adds to your mortification.

“Okay. Two holes down, one to go.”

He releases his hold on your legs and raises a brow at you. The smirk is back on his face and that, paired with the ravenous look in his eyes, makes you want to run and hide. He looks like he’s two seconds away from devouring you whole for dinner. “Why don’t you turn around for me? It wouldn’t be a full body massage if I didn’t rub down the other side, right?”

His chuckle spurs you into action. It’s not that you’re not embarrassed by the idea of baring yourself completely for him like some sort of cult offering, but the need to get dicked down trumps all.

Your mind feels fuzzy and your body sluggish. There’s a fire inside of you that not even double penetration has managed to extinguish and it roars to life as you manœuvre into the position he’s ordered you to get into. The toys jostle inside of you, reminding you of the depraved lengths you’d go to because you’re starving for cock.

He’s right about you, you think as you settle onto your back. You’re a needy slut. All you want is for your holes to be filled. And when they’re empty, your body aches with the need to fill them back up again. Toys will do but they’re a poor substitute for what you really want.

Thankfully, Hoseok’s own patience is running out. You’ve barely gotten into a comfortable position when he’s fishing out his cock from his scrubs, not even bothering to remove his clothes.

Drool pools into your mouth at the sight. He’s just as long as you remembered him to be. Not too thick or veiny, but prettily flushed and glistening with translucent precum. How long has he been hard? The erection looks painful. Distantly, you’re comforted by the knowledge that you haven’t been the only one suffering from this prolonged foreplay. God is fair, you rejoice internally. 

Your mouth opens of its own accord and your tongue lolls out, hungry.

Hoseok doesn’t comment on your pathetic state -  a testament to how worked up he probably is. He guides his cock into your waiting mouth with barely repressed urgency.

His cock is heavy on your tongue, the perfect weight. He pushes in until he can’t go any further, the position you’re in giving him better access to your throat. You fucking love it.

When you swallow around his length, he hisses between his teeth. “Shit.”

He gives you little time to adjust. As soon as he’s certain you can take it, he starts to thrust his hips. His cock drags across the rough surface of your tongue as it’s pushed and pulled out of your mouth at a rapid pace. Each thrust of his hips makes you gag, drool running down the sides of your face, and the obscene sounds of your choking echo in your ears.

The rough treatment should revolt you, make you squirm or shy away, but you’ve never felt more alive. Your mind feels pleasantly blank - like your sole purpose in life is to be a glorified cum bucket, a receptacle for his cock and cum. Even when he buries himself all the way to the hilt, so far down your throat it feels like he’s reached your stomach, you’re eager for more. Logically speaking you don’t even know if you can handle more, don’t have the mental faculty to figure out if more is physically possible, but your body knows that it’ll never be sated, not fully, not until he cums inside you.

“Greedy girl,” he rasps between heavy breaths. “Look at you… I’ve plugged up three of your holes but you’re still gagging for it, aren’t you? Filthy slut.”

His words are meant to degrade and humiliate you. Instead of disgust, you can hear the admiration ring in his voice. His awe satisfies you and you hollow your cheeks, suctioning around his girth just to hear him curse under his breath. You live for the way his hips stutter and how his deep breathing is interspersed by the occasional grunt or moan. It feels good to know that you’re bringing him pleasure, that your hole is satisfactory.

Hoseok reaches over your body and grabs something from the discarded cardboard box you can’t see. You soon find out what it is though - the oil is drizzled over your torso and chest, liquid spilling down the sides of your body. He throws the bottle to the side, more interested in spreading the lubricant over your tits until they’re slick and shiny.

It soon becomes clear that he’s abandoned his earlier massage techniques in favor of a more rushed treatment. Gone is the slow build-up. He rubs your breasts, grabbing and squeezing them like stress balls, and pinches your hard nipples tightly between his fingers, pulling them out until your back arches.

The next time he slams his erect length into your mouth, your breasts bounce from the force of the thrust. Hoseok’s eyes remain transfixed on the lewd way your breasts jiggle; because he keeps your nipples clamped tightly between his fingers, your tits have no other choice but to swing around every time he rocks his hips back and forth.

Every time you gag and choke on his cock, tears prickling your eyes, you feel the fire between your legs grow stronger. Shame and arousal course through you, your head dizzy with lust. You can’t move, can’t scream, all of your moans of pleasure muffled by the cock buried in your throat.

He laughs derisively, pulling out after a particularly hard thrust. A string of saliva connects your mouth to his cock and your eyes zero in on it, finding it impossible to look away.

“You slut.”

He makes a disapproving noise low in his throat before slapping you across the face with his cock.

It doesn’t hurt anywhere as much as a real slap but it’s so unexpected you gasp, your jaw throbbing in pain. The imprint of his cock is wet and dirty against your cheek. He keeps his cock hanging a few centimeters above your face. It taunts you, beckons you closer. The seam of your mouth stays wide open, your appetite evidently knowing no limits.  

“Heh. You’re really something… Never seen a whore so cock-hungry in my life. And trust me when I say I’ve seen plenty.” He sneers, walking away.

For a long second, you fear he’s gone and left you high and dry and that the scene will end like that. Except - no. He’s positioned himself at the other side of the massage table. You shudder as you realize that can only mean one thing : he’s going to grant you the fucking your body craves. 

Hoseok’s lips twitch into a knowing half-smile. He grips his stiff cock in one hand, the length of it soaked with your spit and precum.

You gulp, suddenly intimidated. Perhaps it’s the angle, but he looks taller than you remember him to be, bigger, his shoulders slightly broader. His cock looks more imposing, too. Despite just having choked on it, it’s long; his hand sits loosely at the base of his cock, leaving a few good inches poking out of his fist. Your mouth goes dry, your insatiable hunger reawakened. 

The impatience marring your features is probably disgustingly obvious because Hoseok makes another comment about how desperate and pathetic you look once you’re deprived of cock.

Using his left hand, he slowly removes the toy from your ass. The slide is painful because you’re clenching so hard down on it, unwilling for your hole to become empty once again.

A whimper escapes your parted lips. Hoseok laughs at the betrayed look that crosses your face at the loss of the thick dildo.

“So fuckin’ greedy.” He slaps your entrance with his cock, his grin wolfish as you wail in reply. “Stay still if you want my cock.”

Immediately you freeze, taking his words to heart. Deep down, you know that he won’t be that cruel but you’re so exhausted from the never-ending teasing, that you’re not willing to take any chances.

Hoseok holds up one of your legs and pushes it over his shoulder.

“Good girl.” He breaches your ass, both of you moaning as his cock works its way inside of you. It’s a tight fit; you can feel his cock bump into the vibrating dildo in your pussy, the feeling overwhelming you. He grunts, fingertips bruising your skin as he hold back from cumming too quickly. 

His hips work up a steady rhythm, the both of you already so close to finishing. You know that a lesser man would have cum ages ago, but Hoseok troops on, eyebrows creased in concentration. He looks - hot. Ridiculously hot, even in that dumb fake masseuse uniform.

His once perfectly combed hair is now disheveled, strands of hair falling over his eyes and dripping brow. There’s something about all of it - the wild glint in his eyes, the rough way he’s fucking you, the domineering aura that he exudes - that makes you absolutely lose it.

You clench up on his cock without warning, your insides squeezing around him even more tightly because of the toy still lodged in your dripping cunt. The orgasm rips through you, fast and hard, leaving your thighs soaking. Hoseok fucks you through it, his cock relentless, drawing your pleasure out until your body goes limp. 

It’s the kind of orgasm that on a normal day you could only hope to achieve.

Except Hoseok doesn’t stop to let you rest or take a breather. He brings your other leg over his shoulder, testing the limits of your flexibility, and uses the new angle to plow into you with renewed force.

“Ah - ah fuck wait!” You cry out, overwhelmed by the onslaught of sensations traveling through your body. “Oh my God, oh shit! You’re so fucking deep, ah!”

Hoseok chooses that moment to turn on the vibrating dildo. He doesn’t even start at the lowest setting, sets it straight to one of the higher level ones, and your whole body jumps. Both of you moan as the toy comes to life. The vibrations rattle your insides - and that, coupled with the fat cock that’s splitting you open relentlessly, threaten to rearrange your insides.

Arousal builds again quickly inside of you, pulsing steadily alongside your heartbeat.

You feel so fucking full you think it’s possible you’ll burst. Before, when you had both toys buried inside of you, the stretch and the fullness had been pleasant. You had even been able to tune it out for the most part once you’d got used to it.

But with the way Hoseok is now fucking into you with reckless abandon, it’s impossible not to be reminded of how stuffed your holes are. Every thrust of his cock in your ass bumps against the vibrator, pushing it harder against your bundle of nerves. 

“I knew the minute I saw you,” he growls, his pace punishing. “No bra, pussy ripe for the picking. Whores like you could never be satisfied with the beginner massage. No, I knew exactly what you needed.”

He adjusts his grip on your ankles and the change in angle keeps the vibrator pressed directly the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you.

“Fuck! Oh God, there there! Please, keep going. It’s so good. Fuck me!” You chant, out of your mind with pleasure.Your words are raw, unrefined, and in any other circumstance, you’d laugh at how ridiculous you sound.

“You’re so fucking loud,” he hisses between grunts of pleasure. “Why don’t you go ahead and cum for me. Make yourself useful and tighten up this hole of yours so I can feel good.”

He reaches down between your legs and fiddles with the switch.

You scream. Your eyes roll back and your entire body locks up. Intense pleasure that you’ve never experienced before thunders through your body. If your previous orgasm was like a building wave crashing to the shore at long last, this one is a fucking tornado determined to rip you to pieces.

Maybe you might’ve passed out. You don’t know. But when you regain consciousness, Hoseok’s cock is pulsing jet after jet of hot cum inside of your pussy. You feel it spurt inside of you, coating your already slick walls with his essence. 

He pulls out quickly so that the camera can zoom in on the way the cum oozes out of you in thick globs. Instinctively you clench your walls to keep more from leaking out, but it only pushes more of the mess out, painting your inner thighs white.

When you glance up at him you notice his shirt is soaked. There’s a huge dark spot that starts from his chest to his pants. He doesn’t seem to mind the stain.

“You came so hard you passed out,” he informs you while tucking his spent cock back inside his scrubs. “I came inside of you while you were out of it but I figured you wouldn’t mind. That’s what you came here for, right?”

The smile he shoots your way looks more like a smirk. You bite your lip. He must’ve taken out the dildo - or it might’ve gotten pushed out during your orgasm, you don’t know - and you feel your holes gape a little after being stretched and used for so long. You’re tempted to snap your legs shut but you know the cameras need to record your debauchery.

“I’ll let you change. You can meet me out front to schedule your next appointment. Hm let’s see… Considering how well you reacted during this session I think we’ll have to take more, hm, drastic measures next time. I’m curious to see how far your greedy cunt is able to stretch with enough incentive. I’m positive that with you anything is possible. We’ll try fitting two cocks insides for starters and maybe - ah. I’m getting carried away.” He chuckles. “Anyways, meet me at the counter in ten minutes and we can go over the details then.”

“I…” You wet your lips. “I’d like that.”

A silence ensues and for a second you think your acting was bad or you’d said the wrong thing.

“CUT! And that, my friends, is what you call art!” yells Director Ryu, clapping his hands like a seal.

You breathe out a sigh of relief and sit up despite your muscles protesting loudly. God, your ass feels sore. Hoseok had really done a number on you.

“Hey, are you all good?” He asks, drawing closer to you in concern. He must have seen your grimace.

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for asking. It’s just - it was kind of intense. In a good way! I’ll probably be sore later but that’s because I’m not used to these kind of scenes yet.”

“You were really hot. I couldn’t tell this was your first anal scene at all.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Really.” Hoseok sighs dreamily. “I think I saw Jesus when I came.”

“What?” You bring a hand to your mouth to muffle your laughter. “It was a good nut, I take it?”

“The best.” He looks over at you, dimples on his cheek as he returns your smile. “I blacked out for a second and went to heaven.”

You bask in the afterglow for a few minutes longer than you usually would. Hoseok makes no move to leave either, even if logic dictates that you’re both better off washing up instead of letting the mixture of sweat, cum, and oil dry on your skin. You know from experience that it’s hard as fuck to clean up once it hardens - not to mention it stinks.

“Babe!”

You’re roused from your peaceful state of mind as your boyfriend approaches. He’s smiling but one side of his mouth looks stiff. He hands you a towel, eyes trailing down your figure, and suddenly you feel self-conscious. You hurriedly wrap the fluffy material around you, eager to hide the cum still dripping out of your swollen cunt and the red marks littered over your body from Hoseok’s rough treatment.

It’s not - you’re not ashamed. You never are. It’s just - you don’t want to hurt Jimin. Even if it does come with the job, it can’t be easy for him to see his girlfriend getting fucked by someone else.

“That was so good! You did great. The camera really loves you. I can’t wait to see how the final cut turns out,” Jimin compliments and you preen despite yourself, conditioned to suck up praise. “Are you hungry?”

Just on cue your stomach lets out a grumble.

Jimin’s eyes crease into crescents as he smiles. “I knew it. You’re always famished after a scene. It’s a good thing I booked a reservation at our favorite restaurant, right?”

You nod, thankful yet again that you have such a caring and thoughtful boyfriend. “I’m famished now that you mention it.”

Hoseok observes the exchange silently and his presence makes you embarrassed for some reason. Maybe not embarrassed but - something. You can’t put a name to the emotion.

“Um, I’ll see you around?” You say as you gather to your feet. Jimin is instantly by your side, his hand wrapping around yours tightly. “It was nice working with you again! Thank you for your hard work.”

Hoseok’s lips quirk into a half-smile. He’s still eyeing the both of you in a strange, intense kind of way and the scrutiny makes you fidgety. You try not to make your desire to flee the scene too transparent.

“It’s always a pleasure. I look forward to working with you again.”

The words he utters are tactful and diplomatic - nothing like the carefree familiarity he’d showcased minutes prior. You don’t blame him, given the circumstances.

You shoot him an apologetic look as you turn away to leave. To your relief, Hoseok doesn’t appear dejected or offended. Just - curious, maybe? Pensive? Like he’s in the middle of solving a complicated and intricate puzzle and that puzzle involves you.

The idea scares you. Mostly because you yourself don’t know what he’ll find.

As soon as you’ve rounded the corner, Jimin excuses himself. “I have to finish helping the guys. There’s still some equipment to put away. But we’ll meet out in the back like last time?”

“Sure.”

He kisses your cheek and scampers away.

Seokjin is waiting for you in the next room over. He’s holding a water bottle, your favorite silk robe, and a dark chocolate energy bar. You’re so sweaty that it feels silly to wear the robe but you shrug it on anyway, knowing that Jimin will feel better if you’re not parading around the set naked.

Your stomach rumbles loudly and it’s only then that you realize the extent of how fucking hungry you are. Non-stop sex sure is tiring, you note while ripping open the energy bar with your teeth. Seokjin calls you a savage under his breath but those types of comments are so commonplace that it’s easy to tune him out.

“God, I could kiss you right now,” you say after swallowing down a mouthful of granola. After eating spinach exclusively for the past three days, the sweetness on your tongue tastes like a slice of heaven.

“Not with that mouth, you won’t.” Seokjin narrows his eyes. “I know where it’s been.”

Still high from your mind-shattering orgasm, you giggle and pretend to kiss him just to watch him squirm. It’s not until much later, after you’d washed up as best you could with the help of baby wipes, that you check your phone. You respond to a text or two before finally checking your social media page out of habit more so than anything else.

.

(2) new notifications

JHOPE94 has followed you!

JHOPE94 has mentioned you in their story.

.

It’s the same account Hoseok had shown you earlier in the day. You follow him without much thought, grinning to yourself when you read his bio “hope on streets and in the sheets ;)”, and click on his Instagram story.

You’re surprised to learn he’s one of those people who uploads multiple pictures about just about anything - his Starbucks’ coffee cup with JAY written in black sharpie, several mirror selfies, a snapshot of his shoes, pictures of the film crew setting up the scene. You click through the pictures, a little flummoxed by the random collage, and pause when you get to the picture you’d been tagged in.

It’s you. Squinting, you realize that he must have taken the candid picture in passing. You’re sitting in the hair and makeup chair, the makeup artist applying a layer of gloss on your lips. The row of lights that border all around the vanity mirror give your figure a halo spotlight effect.

JHOPE94 : not in heaven but i saw an angel today :))

.

.

[bellylivesthepoguelife]

unwell. John B x Sarah

Request: "You can barely hold yourself up! Just go back to bed--please?" From the prompt list with Sarah Cameron and John B??

Word Count: 1.3 K

Sarah Cameron wasn't usually the first one awake on any given morning. Except for this one. When the mid morning sun began the shine through the blinds of John B's bedroom, the brightness in the room reached it's peak. Being on the east side of the house had it's pros: lazy mornings laying in the warmth of the sunshine before having to get up for the day. It also had it's cons: waking you up earlier than you wanted to be when you didn't go to sleep until 2am the night before. The aforementioned "you" being one Sarah Cameron in this situation.

Sarah stretched as she rolled over toward the night stand closest to the side of the bed that she had claimed when sleepovers at the Chateau first became a regular occurrence. Since then, she had taken over the nightstand as well, decorating it with a lamp, phone charger, and 4x6 framed photo someone had snapped the previous summer of her and John B laughing against the dock. A glance at her charged phone showed the time as 9:58am. Not ridiculously early, but early enough to cause her to wish she could fall back asleep.

She flopped back down on the bed, probably a bit more dramatically than was necessary, but the warm call of the blankets was a bit too loud. After settling in for a moment, she opened her eyes to check and see where her permanent cuddle buddy had wandered off to. It wasn't uncommon for the two of them to drift apart in the night, but Sarah didn't mind because whenever they would wake up, the search for his body made finding it and cuddling in that much sweeter.

So when he wasn't in the bed, or the adjoining bathroom, she couldn't help but furrow her eyebrows together. Deciding to venture out into the main part of the house, she slipped out of her pajamas and into another set of althleisure wear to search out where her boyfriend may have disappeared to. It didn't take long to find him as she walked down the hall into the living room, because he was sat on the couch watching what looked like some crime drama rerun on the TV.

"Morning." John B greeted when he noticed her presence in the room, before turning his attention back to the TV.

"Morning." Sarah replied, moving to sit next to him on the couch. She noticed his voice sounded a little thicker than usual.

After watching the court room drama play out for a few moments, she decided to address it. "Are you feeling alright? Your voice sounds a little scratchy."

"Yeah," he assured her, clearing his throat. "Just a little sore throat this morning."

"Would you like some coffee or tea?" Something warm was always her remedy for anytime either of them didn't feel well.

"Coffee would be nice."

"One cup of coffee coming up!" She leaned in to kiss him before making her way through the dining room and disappearing from view into the kitchen.

"Oh!" Sarah was startled to find JJ sitting on one of the counter tops next to the sink, eating a bagel. "Hey JJ. You startled me."

"Princess." He greeted.

Sarah rolled her eyes like she always did whenever he called her the nickname. Which was almost a daily occurrence now. "When are you going to stop with the 'Princess' bullshit, JJ."

He gave a non committed shrug. "When you stop being one I guess."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, knowing that there was no bite to his words after a few years of friendship between them.

JJ watched her move to the coffee maker to begin making a pot. As she was scooping the coffee grounds into the filter, he lowered his voice and asked, "He tell you he had a fever?"

The tablespoon hesitated mid scoop. "No," warily, she finished scooping the grounds. "Did he tell you?"

A corner of JJ's mouth lifted into a smirk. "You know the answer to that." He jumped off the counter, and came to lean on the other side of the coffee maker, so their conversation wouldn't be overheard through the open floor plan and thin walls of the Chateau. "No, I was getting some water when he had the thermometer out." He paused for a moment to put the coffee away as she pushed the button to brew. "Idiot just left it, didn't even take it with him to make sure I didn't see." Another pause as he resumed his position of leaning against the counter. "Rookie mistake."

"Okay, and?" Sarah crossed her arms over her chest, and faced JJ. "What did it say."

"101.4"

Sarah's eyebrows raised in a bit of shock. "Interesting."

JJ knocked a hand against the counter before pushing off. "Just thought you should know."

"Thanks J."

He shot a salute at her as he grabbed his water bottle and walked out of the kitchen.

When the coffee finished brewing, she made two cups. One with milk and 3 spoonfuls of sugar (for her) and one with milk and 1 spoonful of sugar (for John B). She brought the steaming mugs into the living room, and handed one to her boyfriend before retaking her previous spot next to him on the couch.

John B instantly set his on the coffee table, claiming that it "had to cool". There was a comfortable silence as Sarah sipped her coffee, and the two attempted to follow the story line of the show on the TV.

Before long, Sarah felt the weight of his head rest against her shoulder. She leaned her head to rest on his, and would have to be frozen solid to miss the heat radiating off of him. But she continued sipping her coffee, wondering when (and if) he would tell her. When after a few moments, he didn't, she spoke to him. "Are you going to admit that you don't feel well, now?"

She felt his head move to look at her. "What are you talking about?" He accused.

She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her. "John B, I know you're sick. I know you have a fever, and I know you want to go lay down."

"No I don't." He immediately defended. John B had always tried to show his strength by not admitting that he needed help, or that he was in any way "inferior". Thankfully for Sarah, she knew him well enough by this point in their relationship that he couldn't hide things as easily from her anymore. (Or in this case, from her and JJ.)

"John B." She turned to face him, forcing him to lift his head off of her shoulder. Though he attempted to rest it against his hand instead, he couldn't hold his arm up, so he ended up with his elbows on his knees to support his head. "John B, you can barely hold yourself up!" She gestured to his current position. "Can you just admit that you don't feel well so we can crawl back into bed, please."

He shook his head in reply.

"Why are you men so. Fucking. Stubborn." Exasperated didn't even begin to cover Sarah's current feelings.

"Denial," was his honest answer.

"Will you just go back to bed?" It was meant to be a question, but came out as a sharp demand. After realizing how she sounded, she amended with, "please?"

A simple "no" was his response.

She looked away from him. "Unbelievable." She muttered to herself, contemplating whether or not to get JJ involved.

Deciding against it, she disappeared for a few moments, returning with at least three blankets, two pillows, and the stuffed bear he's had since he was 6. Coming to stand next to the couch, she demanded. "Make room."

His eyebrows raised in amusement.

"Shut up." She responded to his silent inquiry. "I'm picking my battles today, so we're cuddling here since you want to be stubborn."

"You sound awfully upset for getting a whole day of cuddles." Even when not feeling well, he knew how to get a rise out of her.

""'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'"

"You know this still means I'm not sick though, right?"

The only response he got was an eye roll and a middle finger.

[mprjanedoe]

Hi there folks. I really did not intend to make this blog a regular update situation. I intended for the information to be out there for those to read and that really be the end of it. But a number of noteworthy things have happened and I feel they are worth talking about.

Please repost this if you see this.

Nothing in this post is legal advice directed to anyone or from anyone. I am not a lawyer. I know lawyers, I have spoken with lawyers, I am reading what lawyers have to say – but this is not legal advice.

I am here expressing my opinion on this situation and how it has been handled.

At no point in talking about this, in any correspondence on this blog, my twitter, or my Instagram, has my intent been malicious. I am not talking about all of this with the intention of saying any of it to harm Michael, or any members of Steam Powered Giraffe. And I would venture to say that Bunny and David, when they’ve spoken about what Michael’s done, also had no intention of harming Michael by speaking about this. It is a pervasive and toxic myth that the vast majority of people who would ever speak out about abuse have something to gain from doing so. I have absolutely nothing to gain from this. Even in my personal life – non-anonymously, I have nothing to gain from this. I am putting myself at risk of retaliation in various forms. I am doing this because I care about the people Michael harmed, myself included – and they all, we all, deserve the respect and dignity of people knowing what happened in our path to healing and recovery from the lasting harm caused by Michael.

I was informed by multiple people, publicly, and privately/anonymously that Michael has threatened legal action against Steam Powered Giraffe LLC and has used the word “libel” to describe what legal action he may choose to take. This is likely the reason Bunny chose to delete her tweets about Michael. I have been asked to remove the public conversation around this. I am not going to do so. The person who publicly mentioned this to me deserves no negative attention for doing so. The access fans and supporters get to SPG when becoming patrons is merely a paywall.

So let’s talk about Michael’s response, and let’s talk about libel. Libel is the legal term for written defamation of character. The legal definition of defamation is as such: “Generally, defamation is a false and unprivileged statement of fact that is harmful to someone's reputation, and published "with fault," meaning as a result of negligence or malice. Libel is a written defamation.”

Steam Powered Giraffe has mentioned on public posts on Patreon that Michael has “denied everything”. Steam Powered Giraffe has mentioned on public posts on Patreon, verbatim: “The evidence is far from unfounded. It's all damning and there is no ifs, ands, or buts about it. The evidence is overwhelming.” (sic)

I do not know who all has reached out to Steam Powered Giraffe’s members and what they have all come forward with about what Michael has done. I only know what I have experienced, what I have personally witnessed (in person, and online/over the phone), and what I have been told (and shown, in photos, texts, chatlogs, etc) from other victims. I have no reason to believe Steam Powered Giraffe is hyperbolizing, exaggerating, or making anything up about the situation. I also have made no hyperbole or exaggeration. To my knowledge, there is a significant amount of evidence and a significant number of victims to prove that Michael has caused the harm that has been spoken about. There is no indication that Steam Powered Giraffe has posted anything that is not true about him in this situation. That in and of itself, nullifies the idea that there is libel occurring.

In addition to this – as I said earlier, I have nothing to gain from this. I am at risk of more harm in this. Steam Powered Giraffe as an entity also has nothing to gain from this. From what they’ve said, it appears they have not been working with Michael for a while, and while I imagine some sort of legal residual financial situation for royalties will have to remain in place, what I cannot imagine is that Steam Powered Giraffe is paying Michael so much in royalties that they would lie or seek to tarnish his image just to find a way not to pay him. Steam Powered Giraffe is also at risk for talking about him, and it is a financial risk to put their reputation on the line for being associated with him for a number of years to talk about this.

In my opinion, Michael’s threat is at best, an empty one, and at worst, a foolish one. Legal action of any kind is expensive. From what I’ve read, a libel/defamation lawsuit can cost on average $15,000, over a process of at the least $1,000 a month to pursue. Not to mention Michael is not in the US anymore, and we’re in the middle of a pandemic where legal cases are not as easy to just initiate and process. In addition to this, much of what Michael has done, that I can personally state I know there is proof of, was and is illegal. Statutory rape, possession and distribution of illegal drugs, providing alcohol to minors – all of these things were and are illegal. To initiate a process where Steam Powered Giraffe would be in a position to present the burden of proof of what he’s done, would be a significant risk to “open up a can of worms”, so to speak. It would not be in Michael’s best interest financially or personally to pursue legal action against Steam Powered Giraffe LLC or anyone talking about the things he has done.

It is not uncommon for perpetrators of abuse to threaten legal action in an attempt to silence victims and those who would bring their actions to light. In the case of directly attempting to silence victims, there are laws called Anti SLAPP laws. SLAPP stands for “A strategic lawsuit against public participation is a lawsuit intended to censor, intimidate, and silence critics by burdening them with the cost of a legal defense until they abandon their criticism or opposition. In the typical SLAPP, the plaintiff does not normally expect to win the lawsuit. “ These laws and these types of lawsuits typically are talking about domestic violence cases wherein an abusive spouse threatens legal action to try to prevent a victim from seeking help and talking about the abuse they’ve experienced or are experiencing. This does not apply directly here, but it is an indicator that these behaviors from abusive people are not necessarily a rare occurrence.

I have some grievances about how Steam Powered Giraffe – namely David and Bunny, are handling this situation. Is it reasonable for the Bennetts to make sure to cover their brand and their *assets*? Absolutely. But not everything is black and white. I believe that not enough is being done by David and Bunny to appropriately make it known the harm Michael has caused. This is a morality issue, and I know not everyone has the same morals as I do, but I would hope with the things David and Bunny appear to stand for, that they would care more about Michael’s victims than Michael’s threats or the potential at Steam Powered Giraffe being looked at negatively by being associated with Michael. Here’s the thing – Michael’s harm cannot be divorced from his associated with Steam Powered Giraffe, and Steam Powered Giraffe handling this appropriate and respectfully would make people who care about things like this respect and admire SPG more. Currently, it feels as though SPG is more committed to doing the absolute bare minimum and focusing the rest of their attention on protecting themselves from a perceived threat as opposed to caring about the severity of the situation and doing their part to help the victims.

David said, in a tweet on July 3rd: (I have not checked to see if this tweet is still up) “I’d trade everything with Steam Powered. Giraffe if it meant I could go back in time and stop Mike from joining the band in 2009, so he might not hurt anyone”

David said on a tweet on June 30th “I feel sick having hired him for gigs in 2017, knowing this all now” and in another tweet “To know what he was actually doing sickens me”

Bunny has also stated a number of emotional and remorseful things which have mostly since been deleted:

She stated that she “almost couldn’t” love him anymore (in the past) because of “the sheer panic attacks” she got “around him and fans”

She said “I know the band wasn’t harboring an abuser knowingly or anything like that, but it’s hard not to feel like I was. I will be asking myself that for. The rest of my life. I should’ve said something. I should of stood my ground. We had nothing to go off of except an irate fan and a girl who didn’t want to press charges or do anything about it”

Bunny also said – presumably on behalf of SPG as a whole: “We’re talking, we’re listening, and we’re horrified at the accusations against Mike”

She also said “I can’t express my disgust. I can’t express the rage and hurt I have inside of me boiling up” and “I will fucking tear down this band and burn it to the ground if that gets the fucking bile out of my mouth” and “I’m watching this bastion of hope we created be sordid by someone we let in… gave the benefit of doubt to… MULTIPLE TIMES. I don’t know if SPF will ever be the same for me – every guitar lick… every phat beat he wrote. Tainted.”

David said in a tweet “We stand with the victims who have come forward to us privately, publicly, and those that haven’t.”

Bunny said “This is something that will haunt for years. I’m personally energized to spend the remainder of my life contrary to what Mike and people like Mike do. When the world heals and touring begins again, know that if you take advantage of our audience, we will be there with other performers like us to hold you accountable. And our audience. And your audience.”

On July 12th, Bunny said “The best part of this is that Steve and Mike get away scot free. They don’t get their comeuppance. I dunno if “vengeance” is the way to live life, but I know for a fact the next decade is going to be spent finding my own happiness in truth and loyalty.” “Mike has denied it all, even in the fact of damning evidence. We gave him the benefit of doubt too, and we contacted his family. No regrets, no justice in the slightest. And there are still people singing his praises”. She goes on: “Trying to describe my feelings on Steve and Mike’s behavior and how for years I’ve defended them… all the while being lied to is… heartbreaking to say the least. I know things are confusing, but you can’t make this shit up”

On the specifics of Michael’s behavior: “Mike’s stuff is so much worse. I was afraid Mike’s underage grooming habits would be somehow lessened or forgotten in the wake of Steve’s behavior back in the day… which while deplorable, have at least been owned up to.” “Stringing together tweets is the worst way to address all this, but I suppose a video about it or something down the line is called for. Right now I’m far too upset and rattled to reflect on it all. I don’t know how SPG will be salvaged from all this”.

Why am I repeating all of this? I want it to be cleared that David and Bunny expressed remorse, disgust, regret, anger, grief, shame in all of this. I see that. I acknowledge that. And in seeing these statements, I trusted them to handle this in the best way they could manage. But it also needs to be acknowledged that there has been a harmful failure on their part in how they’ve responded beyond these tweets. I am not the expert on how best to handle horrible situations like this, but as both a victim and an ally to other victims and a person who has been a fan of SPG before, I think I know enough to say that not enough has been done, and inaction in and of itself causes harm as well.

I’d also like to address the unfortunate situation that David and Bunny maintain they had no prior knowledge of Michael’s behavior. Here’s the thing: while I 100% believe they did not know all of the details of all of the harm Michael caused, there were definitive patterns and red flags and there needs to be actual accountability around this. Bunny said that the band gave Michael the benefit of doubt multiple times. She also said that Michael was caught and reprimanded for kissing a teenage fan in 2011. If my math is correct, at the time Michael would’ve been 25 and the fan was 17. That’s nearly a decade of difference, despite the fan being almost 18. On top of this, this was a fan and a minor and not only is there a power dynamic at play with age but also setting and influence. Bunny also mentioned Michael had been reprimanded for being “too friendly” around fans as young as 14. As an adult in my 20s, if I had a peer and friend my age who had a pattern of getting friendly with teenagers and minors of any age, that would be a huge red flag. Let ALONE a bandmate, a coworker or sorts – or technically a contractor level employee. I would see anyone like that as a liability I could not take the risk of associating with, and as a likely dangerous man to be around. That was an entire decade ago, and nothing was done beyond a slap of the wrist. On top of this, as someone who was Michael’s friend, I went to multiple Steam Powered Giraffe shows to support him. I also was apart of online fan communities as well. I saw how visible he was with his predatory “friendliness” towards young fans, and I saw fans gossip about his friends and give them a sort of adjacent celebrity status as well. While I was young and being manipulated myself and not in a position to prevent harm – I am saying this to state that I witnessed the public visibility of Michael’s predatory behavior. I take issue with the claim that there were no signs and that no one could’ve prevented this sooner. I’ve seen some fans say that Michael would’ve “always been this way” and found ways to harm other people had he not been in Steam Powered Giraffe. While this could be true, it cannot be denied that being apart of a successful band like Steam Powered Giraffe that gained a cult status online and in the local scene and had a significant YEARS of DAILY exposure in a family setting to minors, cultivating a fandom of a significant amount of younger fans, giving Michael the upper hand of minor celebrity and influence, travel, etc, cannot be divorced from this situation. This is not inherently Bunny or David’s fault. But it is a factor in the breadth of harm Michael was able to do, and it is a factor in knowing there were opportunities for him to have had the resources he gained and used to cause harm pulled from him much sooner than now, when he has already removed himself from the band as it stands.

The past is the past. It cannot be changed. As David and Bunny both lamented that they’d go back and stop things if they could’ve, well yes, to a degree, there were opportunities to prevent further harm, but it’s too late now. Now is the time to make things right, and to prevent the potential for further harm.

Currently – there is absolutely not enough publicly visible and available information on the harm Michael has caused on Steam Powered Giraffe’s social media presence. This is made worse by the fact that consistent promo and every day band stuff creates a wider and wider gap between the leftover posts about Michael’s abuse on Twitter, Facebook, and Patreon. It is now becoming a game of chance whether a fan of Steam Powered Giraffe will know what Michael has done. I have seen numerous posts and tweets from fans asking what happened, saying they are confused and in the dark. It has been less than 3 weeks since Bunny first tweeted about this, and it cannot fade to memory.

It is unfair and grotesque for fans of all ages, including children and parents of children, to unknowingly hold Michael dear in their hearts as an admirable, safe, kindhearted person – without knowing what he has done. It is unfair to not let people decide for themselves whether they still look up to him, whether they still admire him, whether they still support him. Michael’s victims cannot safely have a platform to speak openly about his violence without harming themselves by being exposed to backlash and being triggered by repeated exposure to their traumas out in the open. However, Michael’s victims deserve to have their voices heard, their grievances aired, and deserve to get some slight respite after years of abuse at least knowing that what they suffered is no longer a secret and people are not *unknowingly* offering praise and fame to someone who has done such disgusting and lastingly harmful things.

Bunny expressed that Steve and Michael got off “scot free” and that there was “no justice”. I am not advocating that SPG or myself or any of Michael’s victims be the ones to make any attempt at giving Michael consequences for his actions or enacting justice. However, Bunny and David can do things to make the burden of harm lighter.

Here is what I believe can and should be done, at the least, to do the right thing in this situation:

-SPG needs to make public statement(s) about Michael’s harmful actions on ALL public social media. Not just Patreon and not just the statements that have already been made. These statements should not be deleted.

-Michael’s likeness should be removed from all SPG’s media, within the realm of whatever royalties or residual contractual obligations will allow

-SPG should take a moratorium on normal fandom posts: promotion posts, art prompts, casual band updates on band specific pages. Every promo post, every art prompt, every band announcement will detract further and bury the information if not given the space and respect to allow the information to be seen and processed. The moratorium should at the very least last a week, if not more.

-I and Michael’s victims that I know would appreciate the original statement of harm reposted on Steam Powered Giraffe’s social media.  I remind David and Bunny that doing so does not make them legally liable for MY statement, and some fans who have read this statement have also directly encouraged SPG to repost. David and Bunny’s words cannot properly convey the direct harm caused to Michael’s victims. The victims deserve to be heard directly. Using Steam Powered Giraffe’s platform to make this known, the same platform that helped enable Michael to cause harm, is a respectful course of action.

-I also encourage David and Bunny to reflect on their role in allowing Michael to “get away scot free” in this. I have no specifics of personal accountability to ask of them, but I do encourage them to not focus on guilt or shame that cannot be fixed, but to really process this and do what they can to learn and grow from this and not allow the chance of letting harm occur again.

I know this was an extremely long post, and if you stuck through it all, thank you.

I hope that actions are taken in the right direction, and I hope I will have less commentary to offer on the situation in the future so I can focus on healing.  

[smoakmonster]

G is for Gadgets and Gimmicks {3/3}

A/N:‌‌ ‌Well‌ ‌folks,‌ ‌the‌ ‌conclusion‌ ‌to‌ ‌my‌ ‌little‌ ‌bookstore‌ ‌AU‌ ‌is‌ ‌finally‌ ‌here!!‌ ‌Sorry‌ ‌for‌ ‌the‌ ‌extreme‌ ‌delay‌ ‌in‌ ‌finishing‌ ‌out‌ ‌this‌ ‌series.‌ ‌I‌ ‌appreciate‌ ‌all‌ ‌of‌ ‌your‌ ‌sweet‌ ‌responses‌ ‌to‌ ‌this‌ ‌fic.‌ ‌There’s‌ ‌just‌ ‌something‌ ‌so‌ ‌precious‌ ‌about‌ ‌fluffy‌ ‌Olicity,‌ ‌isn’t‌ ‌there?‌ ‌I‌ ‌hope‌ ‌you‌ ‌enjoy‌ ‌the‌ ‌wrap-up!‌ ‌Thank‌ ‌you‌ ‌again‌ ‌for‌ ‌reading!‌ 

‌Special‌ ‌thanks‌ ‌to:‌ ‌‌pleasantfanandstudent‌ ‌for‌ ‌this‌ ‌adorable‌ ‌cover‌ ‌art!‌ ‌

(Part‌ ‌1)‌ ‌(Part‌ ‌2)‌ ‌(Read‌ ‌on‌ ‌AO3)‌

***

com∙pro∙mise (v.)

3. to cause to become vulnerable or function less effectively

***

“Hey, the QR code on the door isn’t working, so do I still get the coupon?”

Oliver glances up from meticulously arranging rows of his latest mini-soufflé experiment to find a gangly teenage boy (probably a college freshman) watching him with expectation and just a hint of entitlement. 

He frowns, stifling a sigh. “The what?”

This has been happening a lot lately. Interruptions. Deep down, Oliver knows that any form of interruption is a good interruption, that droves of customers, albeit annoying ones, do not detract from his work, but rather are the purpose of it. Strangers mean business. They mean another day where he gets to make payroll and keep his archaic practice of second-hand bookselling from dying out. 

He’s not sure when or why or how his antiquated cardboard box of a business managed to draw this sudden influx of cantankerous college kids buried in cancer-causing gadgets, but he has his suspicions. Perhaps it has something to do with this QR...something? While Oliver may not understand ninety-percent of the latest digital discourse, he does know what a coupon is. And he’s pretty sure he would remember issuing said coupon. 

As though the fringes of his very thoughts have pulled her forth by a string, the oh-so-familiar staccato of heels on old wood flooring tears Oliver’s attention.

“I’ve got this,” Felicity says brightly, with a brief hand on his arm. She inserts herself into the conversation with ease, brushing past Oliver to smooth things over with the impatient customer. 

Her touch is so quick that for a second he thinks he might have imagined it. Only the warm buzzing just below the surface of skin is proof that it was real. In truth, her touch has become a more regular occurrence. This marks at least Number 10. Not that he’s keeping track. Not that his body even remembers. Every reaction is like the first time.

Simple, innocent little touches that cause his mind to stray to dangerous places. She probably has no idea the effect she has on him. 

Felicity suddenly peeks his way and shoots him a quick wink. Or more like her attempt a wink. The squinty-eyed delayed blink is so endearingly Felicity that Oliver has never had the desire to correct her. 

So maybe she has some idea.

Oliver shakes his head with a soft smile. He’s not sure when this happened, either, but somewhere along the way Felicity and he stopped exchanging the usual social greetings and formal pleasantries. Now, she just barges into his store with as much zeal and belonging as Thea. 

The conversion taking place directly in front of him quickly devolves into Domain Lookup and Cloud Networking, and a mere five sentences in Oliver finds himself on the periphery. Feeling inept and oddly foolish, as he so often does in the presence of Felicity Smoak, and yet also a bit bereft that this kid can keep up with her whirlwind trail of thoughts and he cannot, Oliver decides to venture into the nonfiction recesses of the store. The only safe haven he has left apparently. 

Oliver finds himself gravitating towards the cramped little nook nestled alongside the brick fireplace that’s been inoperable since Plymouth Rock (Thea’s words, not his). Last year on a whim, Oliver tried cleaning out the old fireplace and ended up drowning himself and the entire back of the store in soot. He spent days washing soot out his hair. Thea got a real kick out of that, dubbing the incident Gray Day.

Even now, it is not uncommon for the occasional customer to find a book sprinkled with the stuff and mistake it for dust. 

The conversation up front grows muffled, lending a calm stillness to this part of the store. Hardly anyone ever ventures back here, partly because the aisles are more narrow and the lighting is poor, and partly because according to Rene it smells like a murder happened here. As if the kid knows what a murder smells like. 

Personally, Oliver kind of likes the pine and leather aroma. It reminds him of simpler times, when Dad and he would go camping in the woods every summer. Oliver chuckles, remembering what a poor sport he could be and how patiently Dad taught him how to start a fire and set up a tent. He’d give anything to get more days like that with his father. More days at all, really.

What would it be like to get away like that again? Even just for a weekend? To go somewhere off-grid, no cell reception, no emails, no internet or WiFi or QR Codes or...

A flash of yellow binding catches his eye, and Oliver spots a book haphazardly stuffed on the third shelf. Carefully, he yanks the book out and reads the cover. Beginning Programming for Dummies. 

A huff escapes him. It seems he can’t get away fast enough. 

Curiosity getting the better of him, Oliver flips through the book, hopelessly searching, but not really wanting anything to stick. Maybe something in here will remind him of Felicity. Maybe if he can find even one word embedded in all these hieroglyphics, he’ll be able to make more sense of her world and actually be able to communicate with her about the things that are important to her. 

But with every turn of the page, every heading and diagram just serves to confuse him all the more. With a frustrated groan, Oliver slams the book shut and attempts to shove it back into its tight crevice; at this point, he couldn’t care less if the book’s misshelved. 

“Hey, what did that book ever do to you?”

Oliver stills. Her voice both jars and soothes him. 

Feeling strangely guilty, he turns around but has trouble meeting her gaze, stuffing his hands into his pockets, as though he’s been caught cutting up in Mrs. Hannoven’s fourth grade class again. “Sorry,” he mumbles. 

Felicity tips her head, wearing that adorably confused pout of hers. “I’m not sure I’m the one who needs you to apologize.” 

“Oh. Um…” Does she seriously want him to apologize to a book?

“What I mean is…” She takes several steps closer to him and has the decency of a saint to wait until he’s looking her in the eye before she continues. “Oliver, I’m sorry.”

“What?” What on earth could she possibly have to be sorry for? 

“I shouldn’t have pushed for the QR codes. I knew it was too soon, but I just got so excited after all of my contacts agreed to help sponsor your website. And then, during a webinar last Thursday there was this study that said QR codes can help increase foot traffic by upwards of 30%. And I thought, ‘Hey, that seems like it could work for my friend Oliver’—I hope it’s not too presumptuous that I called you my friend. We are friends, right? Of course we’re friends, what else would we be? It’s not like we’re exactly colleagues or anything—”

“Felicity.” He rests his hands on her shoulders, effectively halting her ramble, a tried and true tact. And if she happens to shift a bit closer to him as a result, well, who is he to stop her?

He likes this about them. That in this one, predictable way he can give her the same sense of quiet security she gives him.  

“Yes, we are friends,” he says, giving her a slight smile, the finality of the word friends sinking into his gut. After all, it’s like she said. What else could they be? She is so many leagues out of his league. He's t-ball, and she's the Seattle Mariners. He doesn’t even own a digital watch, much less a smart watch. What could she possibly want with a guy like him?

Clearing his throat, Oliver moves on, “And I don’t know if I’ve said this to you yet, but...thank you. I really do appreciate everything you’ve done to help me out here.”

“Really?” That tentative, searching look makes him want to pull her close and wrap her up in his arms. She only wears that look when she’s seeking approval. She wears it a lot around him. Though why she’s still aching for his approval is beyond him. She’s had his approval and more since that first rainy Sunday. 

“Yeah. Although I do have to ask…”

Felicity raises her eyebrows. 

“When did I start offering coupons?”

“Oh. Um...since last week?”

“Uh-huh,” he nods, not wanting to cave just yet but secretly pleased. It’s a smart ploy, even if it was never part of his original plan. So much of their relationship and business schemes are way outside the bounds of his original plans. And he’s a better person for it. 

Looking a little too pleased with herself, Felicity reaches into her pocket, pulls out a slip of memo pad paper, and hands it to him.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a list of all the computer science books you need to stock up on before the Starling University summer quarter starts up. There’s an Advanced Algorithms course that’s only offered once a year, and I have it on good authority that the college bookstore never carries enough textbooks. And let’s be honest, your computer science section is lacking. Pretty much all of your STEM material, actually.”

Oliver huffs a laugh. “What are you, my sales rep?”

“I could be.” She gives him a knowing look, telling him he can either waste time arguing with her about this or just accept the inevitable. 

And after altering all the basic mechanics of his store, what are a few additional books really going to do? 

“In the meantime, let’s see this little guy back to his proper home.” Felicity proceeds to extricate his paperback nemesis and saunter further down the narrow aisle, looking for the right Dewey Decimal destination. 

“I also think we should advertise at the grad school,” she calls over her shoulder.

“We?” he replies, following her down the aisle.

“Yeah, bring in some study groups. Do you know there is a perfectly good History and English Literature study hall that meets at the Starbucks around the corner, when they could be meeting here?”

“No. No. I don’t do study groups.” He’s caved on a lot of things, but there has to be a line somewhere. And so help him, if this is the hill he has to die on to preserve even one ounce of dignity, then so be it. 

“Since when?”

“Since always. Felicity, they’re a bunch of toddlers who leave scone crumbs all over the floor and never actually buy any books.”

Felicity just chuckles at him, and if he were in a better mood he might actually be able to enjoy the sweet sound. “Oliver, stop being such a grumpy old man.” 

“No, Felicity, I think—”

She’s already moving up the ladder before he can stop her. The rickety, unstable pile of firewood that technically qualifies as a ladder he’s been harassing Rene about pitching for months. Honestly, he’d all but forgotten it was still tucked away back here. 

While she makes her way up the rungs, Oliver latches onto the base, holding the ladder firmly in place. With an excruciating amount of restraint that he barely even knew he had in him, Oliver watches her heels lift up and settle on each rung, all the while discreetly avoiding a glance at her pencil skirt. Not even a peek.

The ladder shakes as Felicity engages in a wrestling match with the top shelf. “It. Won’t. Go. In,” she says through gritted teeth. Finally, on the third push, Felicity lets out a strong exhale of relief. After wiping her hands, she makes her descent. 

Like a hawk following its prey, Oliver keeps his gaze glued to her feet. Even so, he’s still not quite prepared when one of those black t-straps slips, throwing her off balance and tumbling straight into his arms. 

“Oliver!”

He catches her easily, pulling her soft frame snuggly against him. Felicity wastes no time in wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. “Hey, I gotcha. I gotcha.” 

Her head plops against his shoulder, her warm, rapid breaths tickling his neck. He tightens his own grip around her back and under her knees, as if to reassure himself that she’s alright. 

“You okay?” he finally asks.

Her only answer is to press her cheek more deeply into his shirt, her soft hair nuzzling against his jaw. He catches a faint whiff of her strawberry shortcake shampoo.  

“My hero,” she breathes without a trace of humor. 

I’m no hero, he wants to say. It’s his gut reaction any time a single mom commends him for his “Cool Books” section that finally got her teenage son to try a book of his own accord. As though selling books can compare with saving lives every day. His greatest risk comes in the form of avoiding papercuts. And rescuing toppling patrons apparently. 

Selfishly, he’s currently enjoying the feel of Felicity in his arms a little too much to be considered a hero. Can she feel his own racing heartbeat beneath her ear? 

He clears his throat but fails to put any real distance between them without releasing her. He’s not ready for that just yet. He’ll prolong the sweet agony for as long as physically possible. 

“Well, this is a bit compromising,” he admits. 

“Compromising?” She snickers, lifting her head, a spark of mirth shining behind her eyes that wasn’t there before. “What are you, a Jane Austen character?”

“Blame Thea. She made me read them. It was in our original founders’ agreement. I have the contract to prove it.”

If you’re going to own a bookstore, Ollie, then you have to know who Mr. Darcy is. It’s a requirement. Plus, it’s catnip for women. Nothing gets girls more excited than if you acknowledge the perfection of Jane Austen protagonists.

That knowledge has never served him until this moment. Until Felicity.

He still hasn’t liberated her, and she seems in no hurry to be free of him. His ego far too eagerly takes note of that. 

“Are you making an actual joke, Mr. Queen?” Her smile is contagious. “You know, if this were a novel, this would be the part where we would um…” She flushes, her gaze suddenly faltering to his mouth. 

His heart jumps to his throat, pounding with misguided hope. While he’s not an avid reader, despite his self-appointed line of work, he can read between the lines now. And he knows Felicity well enough to know that she only ever blushes over accidental innuendos.

She can’t really mean it. Can she?

“Where what?” he asks gruffly, not trusting himself to crave more than she is ready to give him, yet aching for a way to turn fiction into a reality, to give Felicity Smoak her happy ending. And maybe find his own in the process. 

She doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t correct her misstep. She just watches him with a strange and quiet expectancy. 

Oliver gently shifts his hold, bringing her a bit closer, leaning down to meet her. The tip of his nose brushes against hers, and when she lingers there with him, it’s all the invitation he needs…

“Hey, boss, we got a spill behind the counter!”

Felicity starts in his arms, and Oliver very nearly groans. Of all the times for Rene to interrupt him. The spill is probably minor. How many times does he need to remind his employees that if you make a mess, you should just clean it up yourself?

“Ollie?” calls Thea. Her voice comes from far too nearby for his comfort. It must be a real pickle if Rene’s managed to rope his sister into the ordeal. 

Reluctantly, Oliver loosens his grip on Felicity, and she slides right out of his arms with a graceful plop, returning their difference in height to its usual status. The top of her head aligning with the level of his heart. 

“I uh…” His entire vocabulary seems to have vacated his brain at present, leaving him feeling ten times more abashed than he was ten minutes ago. 

Felicity tucks a golden strand behind her ear, still dodging his regard with robust persistence. “Yeah, you should go...take care of that…”

He nods once, not that she notices. As he slowly turns to walk away, she stops him with a simple question. 

“Same time tomorrow?”

He really should not put much stock in the hope her voice carries. But he can’t seem to stifle the grin spreading over his face when he glances back over his shoulder. “Same time tomorrow.”

***

Thea pulls out a small chalkboard from under the counter, erases the number ‘1’ with her fist, and then writes a ‘2’ in its place. The sign now reads “12 Days Since Last Attempt To Date.”

Scowling, Oliver is almost too afraid to ask. “Thea...what is that?”

His sprite of a sister proudly places a hand on her hip. “This, dear brother, is a record of the number of days since you last tried asking Felicity out on a date.”

“What?” A flicker of panic rushes through him. What does she know? She can’t know about the almost-kiss. Besides, that wasn’t twelve days ago. Again, not that he’s keeping track. He opts for being as evasive as possible. “And when was the last time I supposedly did this?”

“That day you bought Big Belly Burger for the entire staff as a thank you for staying late to reorganize the science section. You gave Felicity the burger with extra pickles that mysteriously ended up in the bag—even though, last I checked, she does not work here.”

She gives him that pointed look, the one she usually wears when she’s guarding a straight. They really need to have a discussion about the merits of a refined poker face. 

“That wasn’t a date, Speedy.”

“Hence the word attempt.”

Oliver shakes his head, returning his focus to the monotonous task of counting the till. Where was he again? Oh yeah, the fives. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five…

Once he’s got that row tallied, he finally tells Thea, “Felicity and I...we’re just friends.” The words burn his throat. Felicity might think of him as nothing more than a chum, but after that near-kiss nestled behind the dusty stacks, Oliver has ceased lying to himself about his feelings, resigned to this new, unrequited reality. 

“Sure.” He can feel her eye roll. “Friends who just happen to spend all of their free time together and buy each other beverages and have inside jokes—”

His head snaps up. “We don’t have any inside jokes.”

“Really? Then how do you explain this?” Thea holds up the cassette player tape dispenser Felicity got him as a gag gift. He still has no idea where she stumbled upon the trinket. Using her internet prowess no doubt. 

Oliver snatches it out of Thea’s hands while purposefully searching for anything in need of repair, as if to justify its very existence. “Our old tape dispenser broke.” 

“Uh-huh. And what about that little emoji keychain you bought her? The one with the glasses on it?”

Oliver shrugs. “It just...reminded me of her, that’s all. It didn’t mean anything.”

Thea is clearly ready to keep arguing, but Rene wanders over with a pastry order for one of the offices across the street. For once in his life, Oliver is grateful for Rene’s keen ability to interfere with his private conversations and begins boxing up the order. His heart does a strange flip when he recognizes the usual list. 

Unfortunately, Thea remains undeterred. “Hey, Felicity works there, right? I’m sure you could swing by for a quick visit.”

“Thea.”

“Don’t ‘Thea’ me. This is a good idea! Just tell her you were in the building and wanted to see if she’s available to go out to dinner this weekend. Easy.” 

“I work on the weekends. You know that.”

“And you could schedule yourself some time off once in a while. You are the boss. Plus, you’ve built this place so that even Rene can practically run it with his eyes closed.”

Both Rene and Oliver shoot her a look. 

“Alright, I said practically.”

Rene grunts his agreement, stuffing the to-go box to the brim with chocolate chip muffins. “You know, she’s got a point. You could think of this delivery as a trial run. You bring the order across the street, while Thea and I monitor the store. If all goes well, then you might feel comfortable enough to take a more extended break in the future.” 

“You’re just trying to spend more alone time with my sister, aren’t you?”

Rene smiles, guilty as charged. “There’s no reason why we can’t both be winners here.”

Oliver sighs. “Thea?”

Thea chuckles, crossing her arms. “Don’t worry, Ollie, I can handle him.”

Still he hesitates, running his thumb back and forth over the box, the box he’s supposed to bring to her workplace. He has so much more riding on this than a mismanaged store in his absence.

“I’ll be back in twenty minutes. Do not burn down the store while I’m gone.”

***

“Ms. Smoak?”

“One second, Curtis. This alphanumeric algorithm isn’t going to crack itself.” Huddled in front of the monitor and nibbling on the remnants of a Twizzler, Felicity has been doing the digital tango for the last hour. 

“Well, I hope you get cracking in the next ten minutes, because Coffee and Coding is about to start.” 

“We have Coffee and Coding on Wednesdays,” she dismisses without tearing her gaze from the screen. 

“It is Wednesday,” says Curtis.

Felicity darts a glance at her IT Director, who just lifts his eyebrows in confirmation. Flustered, she pushes up her glasses. “But who ordered the pastries?”

“I did,” Curtis admits. “Don’t worry, I didn’t forget to call your favorite little coffee shop around the corner. Or across the street in this case. Can you believe they still don’t have online ordering?”

A pang of disappointment flutters through her. While it’s not much, Felicity has come to treasure her little Wednesday morning ritual, an easy excuse in her routine to spend more time with Oliver. 

Still, it’s not like they don’t see each other an ample amount of time during the week anyway. Though after The Incident a few days ago, things between them have been different, more uncertain than usual. He hasn’t been avoiding her exactly; he just seems a bit...distant. Like he’s carrying a secret he doesn’t know how to share yet. Takes one to know one. The mystery has been driving her crazy. 

She’s also been racking her brain for the perfect scenario to recreate that heated moment they shared after her Humpty Dumpty debacle. But the trouble is...as soon as she hints at the depth of her feelings, she’s going to have to tell him everything. 

Hey Oliver, so you know how you assumed that I was an Executive Assistant, and I never corrected you? Well, the thing is I’m actually more like the CEO of a product-pushing conglomerate that is slowly encroaching on everything you know and love. Do you want to go out sometime?

Ugh. A stealthy flirter she is not.

So maybe today’s mishap is for the best. A chance for her to rally some gumption and figure out how to phrase her affections while still salvaging their fledgling friendship. 

The workshop will likely provide plenty of opportunity to strategize. Denise tends to drone on and on about the benefits of heapsort every time it’s her turn to talk, so the redundant lecture will afford Felicity added time to do some real romantic brainstorming. 

Sufficiently mollified, Felicity pops up out of her chair and strolls towards the conference room. 

“The food just arrived,” says Jerry as soon as she’s outside her office. 

She stumbles to a halt, blinking at her executive assistant. He says it so casually, as though her entire, perfectly orchestrated little enterprise isn’t coming crumbling down around her by one bakery blunder. 

“What? Now? Here?” She’s pretty sure she’s having a stroke. Although her ability to remain upright negates that possibility. But what good is logic at a time like this? 

Of all the truth-telling scenarios she had running through her head, this was not one of them.  

This is why she never asked for delivery! Why she personally has placed and picked up every order.

Okay, no need to panic. This is no different than any of the other work-related conflicts she has resolved in the past. Of course, those were mostly software issues, but surely the skills are transferable. She’ll just have to insist that Rene not breathe a word of this to Oliver until she has a chance to talk to him later. This afternoon, in fact. She can come up with an adequate confession by then. 

That cursory idea gets zapped the moment she turns the corner and finds the apropos man of the hour waiting in the hallway. Oh frack. 

Every blessed thought evaporates straight out of her skull. Only one person on the planet has this effect on her. 

As though it’s been days and not mere hours since she’s seen him last, hungrily her eyes feast on every part of him, from his golden-brown hair with little flecks of gray that he likes to pretend aren’t there, to those broad shoulders and sturdy arms beneath that favored blue henley. She remembers far too well what it’s like being wrapped up in those arms, all snug and safe and wonderful.

Then she starts to catalog his overall uneasy demeanor, hands stuffed into his pockets, shoulders rigid with discomfort. 

Guilt pricks her heart. He looks a little lost. 

She tries to observe her office through his eyes. Surrounded by glass walls, open and exposed. Screens scrolling with tech lingo. Not a single paper product in sight or dusty nook to duck behind. Everything is quite literally the opposite of his usual environment. And it has never been more apparent how contrary their lives are. 

All this time, she’s been invading his world and never once has he stepped into hers. Because she wouldn’t invite him. Not until she was ready. She’s driven them to this precipice. Her little lie is the grain of sand slowly corrupting the motherboard, eroding their communication from the inside out. Some friend she is. 

And yet, him braving the unknown and everything he opposes just to come and see her has to mean something, right? 

“Should we wait for you?” asks Curtis.

Felicity shakes her head, keeping her focus on Oliver. “I’m not going to make the meeting.”

“Well in that case, can I have your muffin? Because you know I’ve been working out in the mornings, and my tummy is a rumblin’—”

“Curtis!”

“Okay. Okay.”

Footsteps retreat into the conference room, until at last the door closes, encasing them in peaceful silence. 

Swallowing, Felicity hedges closer to him, the clank of her heels echoing down the long hallway. “Hi,” she says when she’s standing just a foot away from him.

“Hi.” He’s looking at her in that soft, affable way of his, making her heart short-circuit. 

She has a masters degree in cyber security, and she’s taken many a profit-hungry board member to task, so why can’t she seem to come up with a better conversation starter than ‘hi’ ?

But Oliver, her sweet friend, saves her from her own awkward web of absurdity. “So...” he begins, nodding to the wall in between the elevators. The wall covered in bold, betraying letters Smoak Technologies. 

Oh crap on a cracker. He knows. Already. Duh, Felicity, he walked into your building, you know this. The man can read. What did you expect? 

Felicity slams her eyes shut and blurts, “I can explain.”

“You don’t have to explain.”

“I know it was wrong. And I hope you know that I would never want to take advantage of your friendship, and that my lying to you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I was afraid that if you knew the truth that I would lose you—”

“Felicity, hey.” Oliver’s hands, solid and steady, grip her shoulders. She has no right to draw from his comforting warmth. “You’re not going to lose me.”

She licks her lips, daring to meet his gaze again. She’s startled to find those bright blue eyes looking back at her full of sympathy, absent of judgment. “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve broken every cardinal rule in the friendship book.”

His face softens. “I don’t care that you lied to me. I don’t. I care...that somehow I made you feel like you had to.” He sighs, his voice deepening to a near whisper. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Felicity fights a wince and loses. “Because I...I kind of liked not being a CEO for a few minutes a day? It was nice. Freeing. And I didn’t know how you would react to the fact that basically my entire livelihood stands for everything you hate—”

“I never said I hated it.”

Felicity tilts her head playfully. “No, you just loathe the mere suggestion of technological advancement.”  

Oliver chuckles. “Fair enough.”

“So you’re not mad?” 

As he shakes his head, relief and elation spill through her. 

Not for the first time, Felicity is grateful that her charming literary companion is truly a good person. And not just the kind of good where he’s friendly toward impatient customers or gracious with incompetent employees—although, he is that, too. But his integrity runs so much deeper; it’s the core of who he is. Modest and generous. Forgiving to a fault. 

Oliver fundamentally embodies all that her corporate associates do not. Is it any wonder she was so drawn to him from the very beginning? 

She may have ruined her chances for anything more than friendship to develop between them, but as long as he remains in her life, she’ll be happy. She can settle for cordial camaraderie. Besides, it won’t feel like settling with him. Not really. Not completely. At least, she’ll convince herself of that sooner or later. 

Oliver withdraws his hands, leaving an alarming coolness tingling on her arms. Instantly she misses his touch. 

She watches in puzzled silence as Oliver shifts his weight, clears his throat, and suddenly evades her look. He’s nervous, she realizes. How did she not notice sooner?

Because you’ve been a little too preoccupied with yourself, Felicity, that’s how. 

“Listen, Felicity…I came by because I was in the neighborhood. But I guess I’m always in the neighborhood. You don’t need to be told that.” 

Felicity bites her bottom lip to hold back a smile. He’s awfully cute when he’s flustered.

“I know I’m just an obsolete bookstore owner, with no degree, and you…” He glances around the hallway, as though the point he’s trying to make is engraved on the walls somewhere. 

“And I what?” she prompts, a sudden burst of panic flaring in her chest, more terrified than anything that he’s never going to finish that sentence.

Oliver studies the screens for a long time, his gaze finally coming to rest back on her, and what she sees there makes her want to hold on to him and never let go. “You’re going to change the world,” he says. “You’ve already changed mine. For the better, I might add. But, I don’t know, maybe our worlds are just too different.”

“But I don’t care about the differences, and I thought you didn’t either.”

“I don’t!”

Everyone in the conference room can probably hear their conversation by now, but that is a low priority issue. All she cares about is Oliver. 

“Okay, so then what are we arguing about?”

“Felicity…you should be with someone who deserves you, someone who won’t hold you back.”

“That’s what you came up here to tell me? Oliver, what I deserve is up to me.” 

He dodges her look again, and she can feel him retreating, feel the invisible barrier he’s erected between them. 

Not one to forfeit so easily, Felicity calmly sidles up to him and lays a bold hand on his chest, right over his heart. “Please, Oliver,” she whispers. “Ask me what you really came here for. Whatever it is, I’ll say yes.”

“Promise?” 

Her inability to read his face scares her more than anything. “Promise.”

He sighs, and an anxiously long time passes before he says, “Felicity, would you like to go camping?”

She starts. “What? You want to drag me out into the woods with your sister—”

“Thea will not be there.” 

“Oh.” Nibbling on the inside of her cheek, Felicity processes this information before it dawns on her. “Oh.”

Oliver nods faintly, as though he can hear the flurry of questions her heart is suddenly screaming. 

“Are you asking me out on a date? Like an actual date? Like a date...date?”

“I mean, the implication with me standing here…” He bobs his head around, like he can’t really decide whether to confirm or deny that. She’s really put the poor guy through the ringer today. 

“Or we could go hiking,” he suggests with a shrug. 

“Hiking?”

“Yeah, there’s a great trail about an hour north of the city. My dad and I used to go there all the time. There are waterfalls and plenty of wildlife.  I should warn you, though, that it’s near impossible to send or receive phone calls in our spot.” 

He wants to take her to his special haunt? Her heart twists with bittersweet excitement. She deceives him, and he rewards her by sharing yet another coveted piece of his history. 

How can this man think he’s not worthy of her? If anything, their situation is exactly reversed. What are gadgets and gizmos compared to goodwill and grandeur? 

With more boldness than she thought herself capable of, Felicity meticulously wraps her arms around Oliver’s waist, leaning her head way back to keep eye contact with him. “Well, Mr. Queen, that sounds perfect. So...am I forgiven?” she whispers, pinching her lips together.

His own lips twitch as he follows her movements and pulls her close. “Always.” 

***

“I like you like this,” Felicity tells him, following his lead down the winding, rocky trail, her hand snuggly wrapped around his. 

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, sort of Man Versus Wild.”

He laughs, a loud, rich melody that vibrates through the core of her being. 

She’ll admit she was curious to see what side of Oliver the great outdoors would bring forth, and reality did not disappoint. Out here, away from the chaotic noise and hustle and bustle, he seems so...free. Happy. Like he’s really alive for the first time. And she feels privileged that she’s the one he chose to let so close to him.

The perks of the great outdoors have surprised her, too. Not once has she missed the ding of her cell phone. 

They stop for a break on a small cliff ridge (small according to Oliver, anyway) overlooking a waterfall and a trickling stream. The views today have been glorious. All of the views, she thinks, sneaking a peek at the man beside her. 

Though he doesn’t turn, he squeezes her hand once, and there’s a slight flicker at the corner of his lips, acknowledging that he can feel her ogling him unabashedly. She gets to do that kind of thing now, though. 

“I’m thinking of closing the bookstore,” he admits, causing her to trip over a branch in shock. His grip steadies her, and then he motions towards a large rock. Once they’re sitting beside each other, he continues. “I’ll turn the business into a full-time bakery and cafe. It’s something I probably should’ve done a long time ago. You were right.” He glances her way, wearing a reluctant half-smile. 

Reeling, all Felicity can say is, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. You were right about the QR codes, too.” He leans in conspiratorially. “Our weekly customer traffic is up 25%, and the sales reflect that the majority of those purchases are from the coffeeshop. Just seems like the smartest decision.”

“But Oliver, don’t you love the bookshop side of things? Helping people find their next go-to read?” 

He shrugs. “Sure. But I love staying in business more.”

Felicity doesn’t understand it, but the thought of never smelling second-hand pages or stumbling over disarrayed book stacks sends a pang of longing through her. “Well, it sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“I have,” he confirms. 

“But will it make you happy?”

He hesitates. “It’ll give me some stability to put Thea through college. That’ll make me happy.”

He’s so selfless, it breaks her heart a little every time she beholds that soft underbelly of his gentle nature. She wonders what other secret dreams he’s sacrificed over the years to provide for his sister and his employees. And maybe even for her. If she gets her wish, she plans to return the favor and help make his tucked-away dreams come true. First she has to discover what they are.

Shuffling closer, Felicity rests her head on his shoulder. “You know, I hate to break this to you, but bakeries are just as liable to collapse as bookstores. You can never fully predict the market, even in the most stable of economies.”

“I need information about what I don’t know,” he says in her ear. 

She perks up. “What about a compromise?”

“Compromise?”

“Yeah, it’s where two parties agree on a mutually desirable outcome.”

He chuckles, the hearty sound warming her down to her toes. “I know what a compromise is, Felicity. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, you’ll be happy to hear that I have converted the entire IT department over to the ways of Verdant-roasted coffee. We could make you the official sponsor of our weekly Coffee and Coding. Think of all the free advertising that will bring.”

“I don’t want any handouts, Felicity.”

“It’s not a handout if it’s good business,” she argues, pleased to see him giving it some genuine consideration. After a long time of companionable silence and sharing a water bottle, she says, “And if all else fails, there’s always the kindle route.”

She giggles at the dismissive look he shoots her before growing serious again. “Don’t give up, Oliver. Your little bookstore...it’s changed my life. You opened up my heart to ideas and worlds that I didn’t even know were possible.”

Pulse hammering in her throat, she wonders if he catches her accidental revelation, that the depth of her urgency has far less to do with treasured paperbacks than it does her utter dependency on him. 

“A compromise. It could work.” He nods to himself. “Speaking of…” He slips his hand into his back pocket. 

“What are you doing?”

Oliver pulls out a phone. A shiny, non-retrograde phone. 

Felicity gasps. “Since when do you have a smartphone?”

“Thea got it for me after she spilt a latte on my old phone. I’m choosing to believe it was an accident.”

“That is very sensible of you.”

“We could take a photo,” he suggests.

“You mean with the front-facing camera? That, my friend, is called a Selfie.”

He scowls. “I don’t think I’m ready to say that word. Baby steps.” After an arduously humorous struggle, with Felicity patiently helping him navigate all the buttons, Oliver finally manages to snap a photo or two or twelve. 

While she’s fairly certain the majority of the photos turn out blurry, they take an unnatural amount of fun in making ridiculous faces at the camera anyway. “Okay, you have to delete that one.” She points to a photo that paints her in a particularly unattractive light. 

Oliver studies the picture fondly. “Can’t. I don’t know how.”

“Here, then let me.” 

He holds the phone out of her reach. “Oh, so you can delete all of them?”

“Not all of them, just the ones that make me look bad.”

“Felicity…” he says her name as if it explains everything. And suddenly he’s not laughing anymore, though his eyes still carry a spark of secret amusement. “Let me have this keepsake.”

Keepsake. Such an old-fashioned word from this unconventional man. If Oliver were a book, he would be just like those scuffed up, intimidating volumes he’s always trying to convince novice readers to sample. Judged for his strange and rough exterior, yet guarding a mysterious sweetness and—more than he will admit—gooey epicenter. You just have to crack the spine and ruffle a few pages to get there. 

“Felicity…” Just the way he says her name makes her feel like she could do anything so long as he’s with her. 

He leans in just enough to let her know his intent, but stops halfway, leaving the final choice to her. What a gentleman he is. And like all the great heroines, Felicity doesn’t let him do all the work. She meets his kiss eagerly, pouring out in little touches what they’re both unsure to say out loud at this early stage.

But she knows it. Deep down in her bones, she knows she loves him. And she can feel his love in the way he responds. 

What a risk she’s taken, giving her heart to the most anti-technology human on planet earth. She has a feeling the dividends will be well worth it. 

***

Tag Team: @angelalafan / @austencello / @dust2dust34 / @emeraldoliverqueen​ / @hope-for-olicity​ / @mel-loves-all​ / @memcjo​ / @releaseurinhibitions​ / @scu11y22​ / @smoakqueenz​

[bluegamercatlady]

Sonic headcanons 3

Long tailed Mobians have particularly dexterous prehensile tails. Some can even use their tail like an extra hand. (This is seen in Sonic lost world, cutscene 31.) Mobian height variation is affected partly by the corresponding species they resemble. For example, Tails is 30cm shorter than Sonic despite being seven years younger and yet to experience his major growth spurt and Blaze is the same height as Sonic despite Sonic would have already experienced his major growth spurt. This is because both foxes and cats are larger species. Vector the crocodile is one of the largest Mobians and Charmy bee is one of the smallest because of their species. There are a few exceptions to this rule, example, Big the cat and Vanilla the rabbit. This may be other factors coming into play, such as family genetics, health, nutrition, etc. The reason there appears to be no other Mobians in cities Sonic visits is because no other reason than these are completely human cities. Mobians may still have separate cities, could be secluded, even not build large metropolitan communities or perhaps Sonic and Eggman just hasn’t visited one yet. We might just not see them in the games, it doesn’t mean they’re not there at all. GUN mistaking Sonic for Shadow was no mistake. It was a conspiratorial cover up attempt at hiding the existence of Shadow. Amy Rose may be suffering from a condition where she can’t recognise people from a distance until she is up close such as a minor form of Prosopagnosia (face blindness) or another similar condition. Knuckles wasn’t born by himself like his theme song says. He just can’t remember who raised him because he was either too young to remember or can’t remember due to the trauma of losing them (Trauma can cause memory loss). It may have been Chaos, Tikal or another unnamed echidna, possibly a parent. Sonic doesn’t hate Amy. He considers her one of his close friends. He runs away because she acts like a crazy fan girl towards him and is intensely overbearing. Maybe once they’re both mature adults and she calms down, he’ll think about a relationship with her. Having powers is surprisingly an uncommon occurrence for Mobians because it’s an extraordinarily rare recessive gene. Mobians that have these powers can sense and are drawn towards other Mobians with powers subconsciously. Usually, those with powers have certain virtuous personality traits and tend to end up becoming leaders and having responsibilities of taking care of others because of this gift. (The avatars in Sonic Forces are regular Mobians.) While Mobians are generally a peaceful species, it is customary to participate in sparring training. It’s a frequent social leisure activity and because of Mobians resilience, they can endure a lot of heavy blows and recover quite quickly from injuries. This also allows Mobians to show off their prowess and stay physically and mentally healthy. While they are mostly peaceful and are less likely to start wars unlike their human counterparts, they do have the potential to be violent and start or participate in wars and other unnecessary conflicts. (E.g. the Knuckles clan attacking the Master Emerald's shrine and the Nocturnus clan dominating most of the world.) Because Mobians have different sizes and tails to consider when buying clothes, there are many Mobian exclusive clothes brands that come in various sizes and physiques to accommodate all Mobian species. These can also be useful for humans with particularly petite or extra-large builds and heights, they could ask specifically for the rear to be tailored to non-tail clothing. 

Description:

A few of these headcanons are not very original, just a bit more simplified. I just wanted to mention them because I thought they seemed important.

 There’s a little bit of world building in there, as I mentioned things to do with where they live and what clothes they would wear.

[writing-vld]

Lance Fluff Drabble #3

Anon: ''There is no one like you, so you don't have to try and be someone else'' with Lance. Basically his girlfriend feels like Allura would've been a better choice for Lance? Something like that? Sorry if it's a lil' confusing!!!

Written by: Ren

A/n: Ahhhh I had fun writing this one!!! I wanted to make it angsty so bad, but it wasn’t from the angst list

You felt blue. It was ironic, seeing as how your boyfriend is the Blue Paladin, but that had nothing to do with it. 

You thought that Lance and Allura looked... better together. Better than when he stood at your side. She was a beautiful Altean, and a princess. You were just that one kid who always sat in the back at the Garrison, too quiet to be heard and seen. 

You were the girl who didn’t spend time to put on makeup and doing some special hairstyle; you traded that time for more sleep. Jewelry? Never heard of it. Flirting? Studies and academics were more important than trying to get a guy to take a second look at you.

But Allura? She was everything you weren’t. The hair, the eyes, the clothes, the clear skin, perfect posture, and overwhelming confidence you didn’t think was possible. Before Lance fell for you, he flirted with Allura every chance he got. 

Does he still want to?

That thought constantly worried you, but you wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to stay with you. With every look at Allura, you compared her appearance to your own. Your reflection didn’t please in the slightest every time you gave a mirror a glance.

So there you were, ten minutes away from having to go to a Coalition event. Usually, you went in relatively nice clothes... Not a long graceful dress like this. The deep blue color was a different look for you. The high slit on the side showed off your legs, which were almost always covered. The front of the dress went lower than anything you ever wore before. It took you five minutes alone to put on winged eyeliner Shiro was your example without messing up.

You were already considering looking more formal than usual for this event, but you knew you had to when Allura stated that the traditional outfits for the natives were very... revealing, to say the least. It would be rude for a female (by their standards) to come to a celebration showing very little skin. You didn’t like that they had a custom such as that, but it was better than some of the previous traditions.

The shoes/heels the natives made and wore were surprisingly comfortable. Very similar to Earth, but not painful or hard to walk in at all. You put them on with ease as you quickly finished doing your hair. You didn’t believe people actually take that much time to do hair and makeup and such; it took so long, and the fact that some people do it on a regular basis boggled your mind.

You checked a second time, and you decided you were set. You made sure you weren’t going to trip on your dress, you practiced walking in the shoes since you first got them, and you took every other precaution you could think of. You grabbed a stylish jacket (it wasn’t the best jacket, but the best one in your possession) before you finally left your room.

Allura’s loud, excited squeal caught you off guard. She and Coran were the only ones left in the Castle of Lions, not that you were complaining. The rest of the team had to get there early, for obvious reasons. You definitely weren’t prepared for everyone to see you at once, but Allura still caught you way off guard.

“You look amazing, (Y/n)!” Allura gushed and she ran around you in a circle to get a three sixty look. Her excitement was that of a three year old human hyped up on Monster and sugary candy. “You did this all on your own!? I barely recognize you!”

Her praise was comforting and surprisingly boosted your confidence a bit, but you still felt like nothing compared to her appearance. “I did. It was pretty hard to get my hands on some of the other makeup, but the other stuff you let me borrow worked great.”

“That’s lovely!” Allura exclaimed, clapping her hands. Her eyes were lit like a Christmas tree. Come along; we mustn't be late!” You yelped as she grabbed your wrist and all but dragged you to the exit. 

Allura whispered and encouraged you to take off your jacket once you were at the scene. Showing this much skin made you more nervous than you thought, but it was part of their culture. You didn’t have to like it, but you had to respect it.

Right as you slipped the jacket off you shoulders, you saw Lance mingling through the crowd. Despite being, well, Lance, all he did with the females was throw a charming smile and move on. Loyalty was his middle name and it was very touching.

You took only one step in his direction before walking straight into a rock-solid chest. You looked up and there stood the event’s host; Prince Vruar of Skudoria. “What is a lovely woman like you doing here alone?”

The whole ‘lovely woman’ thing threw you off but you didn’t miss a beat. “Oh, just looking for my boyfriend,” You knew exactly what the Prince was going to ssay next, something like ‘I know he won’t mind if I steal a dance’, but you shot him down before he could release a word. “He’s the Blue Paladin of Voltron, actually. And I think he’s over there; it was nice talking to you!”

At the mention of who Lance was, Vruar backed off immediately. Although he was royalty, he didn’t want to take any chances in upsetting a Paladin of Voltron. That would be a big mistake for anyone. Vruar took a step back to let you pass and you could sense a tad of fear in him. It was amusing.

You were glad things didn’t go down the stereotypical route. A guy wanting to dance with you, you saying no but he insists, boyfriend comes along and tries to fight him, and so on. 

Thank God my life didn’t turn into an overused trope.

You tapped on Lance’s shoulder and he turned around, holding a hopefully non-alcoholic drink in his hand. You wanted to laugh when he made a confused face; he didn’t recognize you!

Not at first, anyway. “Hello there, m’lady! I’m the Blue Paladin of Voltron, but you can call me- No way!”

There it is.

Lance nearly dropped his drink when he recognized you. The clothes and makeup threw him off, but there was no mistaking your (e/c) eyes and beautiful form. “(Y/n)!?” He blushed and you felt satisfied, especially when his eyes took a moment to roam all of your exposed skin.

“Yes, this is she.” You giggled. “Do you like it?” You hoped he did. You would be crushed if he didn’t.

“Like it!? I love it! You’re gorgeous!” Lance exclaimed. He then fumbled upon thinking he made a mistake. “I mean, y-you’re gorgeous every day! This is just new! New is lovely!”

You nearly snorted at Lance’s attempt to fix it, but it wasn’t broken in the first place. “Lance, it’s okay! I get what you mean, babe, you didn’t say anything wrong.” It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence.

Lance visibly relaxed and he grabbed your hand. He leaned down and gently kissed the back of it, maintaining eye contact the entire time. “It is a privilege to be in the presence of such an enchanting woman.” In a heartbeat, Lance switched from panic to suave and flirtatious. “May I have this dance?”

“I’d be honored to dance with one of the universe’s heroes.” You said in the most elegant voice possible, but you ended in a laugh. The voice just didn’t suit you. Lance swept you off into a waltz with a snicker and a heart-stopping grin.

You were in utter shock when Shiro announced it. “What do you mean I offended their Queen?! Are you kidding me!?”

“Your dress was the same colors as hers and it turns out that Skudorian royals find it offensive. It’s like wearing white to someone else’s wedding.” Pidge cut in. 

You were beyond annoyed. Of course this had to happen when you finally try to look fancy for a formal occasion. “This is so stupid, I shouldn’t have put on this dress in the first place...”

“Either way, this is going to be difficult to fix,” Allura sighed. “Despite what the King and Prince are telling her, she is still upset, and that is putting a strain on the alliance.” The tension in the room was tangible. “This may not end well.”

You didn’t need to hear anyone say it. This was your fault. You felt some of the frustration being directed towards you and you didn’t blame them. You turned around and took off your shoes as you headed to your room. You ignored the few calls of your name as the door slid shut.

You tossed your shoes to the other side of your room as you sat on your bed. Guilt was heavy on your shoulders; all you wanted to do was look pretty, like Allura. You wanted to look good next to Lance, like Allura did.

“Maybe she’s better for Lance...” You muttered quietly.

“Who’s better for me?” Lance’s concerned voice made you jump.

When did he get here?

You shifted nervously as Lance closed the door and sat on the floor in front of you. Why he chose the hard floor instead of the comfy mattress, you didn’t know, but you didn’t question him. It wasn’t the right time for it.

He leaned his head forward and he caught your gaze. “Hmm?” Lance still wanted an answer.

“Allura...” You said it so quietly, Lance couldn’t hear you. He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, and you sighed. “I think Allura would be better for you. I’m always wearing these normal clothes with normal hair, no makeup, no jewelry, nothing like that. I’m nothing compared to her. When I see her standing next to you, I-”

“Okay, hold it.” Lance got you to stop talking. “Is that why you got all dressed up for the party? So you could look like her?”

You nodded lightly and you were no longer able to look him in the eye. You started to tear up.

Lance shook his head so hard, your thought it was going to fly off his body. “I don’t think so! I’m not with you just for your looks -you are stunning, by the way- or anything like that. I love you for who you are as a person. Babe, there is no one like you, so you don't have to try and be someone else.”

It took Lance a little bit to convince you, but by the time he did, you were laying on your bed with your back against his chest and his arm wrapped around your midsection. Lance’s breath drifted across your neck and it almost tickled, but you were more focused on how uncomfortable the dress was getting. You still hadn’t taken it off.

You opened you mouth to say something, but Lance’s tired voice cut you off. “You’ve had this on for a while,” He yawned. “I might not be one to wear dresses, but I can imagine that it’s getting less than comfortable at this point.”

“Are you trying something, Lance McClain?” You raised an eyebrow as you stared at him.

“Yeah, trying to make sure you feel happy and comfy, (Y/n) (L/n).” Lance shot back and he gingerly got off your bed. “Here, I’ll find you some pyjamas.”

Your heart melted and you watched Lance riffle through your drawers, muttering to himself as he examined each piece of clothing. The lengths he went to make you happy were remarkable. How many boyfriends would search through your drawers, critiquing all of your clothes to find the most suitable sleepwear?

Only one, and that was Lance Mcclain.

The ending is so bad and rushed, I apologize, I just took my adderal.

EDIT: I revised the ending and can someone please tell me if it’s Mcclain or McClain, I have no idea and it is taking over my mind, I must know.

[morningsound15]

Clexa Week 2018

Day 3 — Tuesday, February 27th: At Work

“Clarke,” Lexa murmurs, “I’m working.”

“You’re always working.”

“The job of the Commander is never over.”

“Not even when you have a beautiful woman trying to take you to bed?”

Read the earth, that is sufficient on AO3.

I think heroic deeds were all conceiv’d in the open air, and all free poems also, I think I could stop here myself and do miracles, I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever beholds me shall like me, I think whoever I see must be happy.

“Clarke,” Lexa murmurs, “I’m working.”

“You’re always working,” Clarke says disapprovingly. She’s standing behind Lexa, her arms wrapped around her shoulders, the hard back of Lexa’s chair digging into the fleshy part of her stomach. She presses lazy, open-mouthed kisses to the sharp line of Lexa’s jaw, and Clarke can feel more than she can see the way Lexa smiles in response.

“The job of the Commander is never over,” she says, keeping her eyes on the work spread out in front of her, though her tone indicates that she’s more than a little distracted.

“Not even when you have a beautiful woman trying to take you to bed?”

Lexa chuckles a little as Clarke places another kiss on her neck. “Unfortunately.”

Clarke frowns as she brushes her nose against the shell of Lexa’s ear. “You’re no fun,” she grumbles, but still, she pulls away. It isn’t Lexa’s fault, after all, that she’s been so swamped with work recently.

Well… that’s not entirely true, if Clarke takes the time to think about it. In a way it is her fault. Killing the Ice Queen had thrown the entirety of Azgeda into chaos. And though Roan ascended to the throne easily and with no direct challengers (even Ontari, who looked ready to murder everyone in sight on the day of his coronation), that doesn’t mean that it has been a smooth transition of power. There are many warriors left in Azgeda territory still loyal to the dead Queen; many who vow to seek revenge in her name. Roan assures the Ambassadors that he is doing the best he can at ferreting out the traitors, but it is slow, difficult work. Two seasons have passed since the Queen was forcibly deposed, and still, his hold upon his own people is tenuous at best. He does what he can, but Clarke worries it won’t be enough.

All throughout the Coalition, tiny spats of violence have been sparking up. Villages raiding villages, neighbors turning on neighbors, and though the incidents are mostly isolated to Azgeda territory, the destabilization has far-reaching implications for the other Clans. The Ambassadors and Clan leaders worry that violence within Azgeda will spread to their own people. The Ice Nation seems perched on the brink of a full-blow Civil War, and though Lexa stands by the actions she took and her decision to recognize the legitimacy of Roan’s rule in the face of his mother’s untimely death, Clarke knows that the guilt still weighs heavily upon her. She is not a leader who takes the deaths of her citizens lightly — even ones who are blatantly and openly mutinous, like Azgeda.

Clarke once said that she has no kill marks because her back isn’t big enough to fit a scar for every life she’s responsible for ending. She thinks Lexa wouldn’t have enough room even if she let them carve up her entire body.

Clarke falls into the seat across from her companion at the cluttered table in the Commander’s private rooms — the place Lexa prefers to do most of her work — and watches her closely. Lexa is bent low over her paperwork, her brow furrowed in concentration. But Clarke can still see the faintest hint of a flush on her cheeks — evidence of the effectiveness of her earlier ministrations, no doubt. The sight makes her glow with pride. Usually Lexa’s external appearance is one of complete control; it has to be, given the precariousness of her rule. It’s not often that Heda allows herself to appear flustered and affected by minor acts of romance and intimacy. Though admittedly she has been learning to let go more and more when she’s alone in Clarke’s presence.

Clarke is quickly becoming addicted to the sight. She is quickly becoming addicted to the abrupt transition between Lexa’s two personas; to the way Heda falls away as Lexa takes her place, the severity melting into kindness, the professional façade melting into something like love. She is quickly becoming addicted to the sounds Lexa makes, when she surprises her with a kiss late in the afternoon; to the way Lexa’s back arches off the bed as her hips struggle to get closer to Clarke’s touch.

And God, how Clarke has gotten addicted to the way Lexa looks when she touches her. A soft hand on her arm; a quick and fleeting kiss to the cheek; nails scratching along her back; teeth biting hard into the skin of her hip, scattering black and blue bruises in places no one else will ever see. The way Lexa looks at her when Clarke lowers her mouth to her body.

Though their sex is something of a regular occurrence, at this point (and what a wonderful occurrence it is), Clarke still isn’t sure if Lexa is in love with her. Not that it matters, really — she hardly needs to be in love with someone to enjoy having sex with them — but she strongly suspects that Lexa might be in love with her. She has suspected it ever since Lexa had suggested Clarke stay in Polis, rather than return to Arkadia and fall behind the blockade. She has suspected it ever since Lexa said, “May we meet again,” while they were saying their final goodbyes, and Clarke had thought, This is it; I’ll never get another chance. She has suspected it ever since Lexa’s lips quivered against her own, ever since her words came in gasping little breaths, ever since she gripped Clarke’s face in her hands like she was afraid if she let go she would lose her forever.

Clarke kissed her and Lexa melted from it and all of the tension and the power and the swirling, roiling emotions that had been churning between them for months finally, finally broke. And when Clarke’s fingers slipped inside her, when Lexa gasped and moaned her name… she had broken a little bit, too.

She decided to stay on this side of the blockade. Because what other choice did she have, really? She couldn’t live off of Maybe Somedays and May We Meet Agains forever. Life on the ground was harsh, and cruel, and there was no guarantee of survival. Watching Lexa fight to the death and come within an inch of her life was a sharp reminder of that fact.

She decided to stay on this side of the blockade, and though the situations in both Arkadia and Azgeda now seem to be deteriorating, Clarke feels almost guilty in the face of her own bright happiness.

So, Clarke strongly suspects that Lexa might be in love with her, and she finds great relief in that fact, considering she is absolutely head-over-heels, herself. It’s a comforting sort of knowledge: that she loves and is loved in return. Lexa might not have said it yet — not in so many words, at least — but she expresses her love in a million other ways. She says it in the way she slips quietly from their shared bed in the morning, feet impossibly soft on the cold ground so as not to wake her still-sleeping companion. She says it in the way she coaxes pleasure from Clarke’s body whenever she gets the chance, determined to give and give and give until Clarke is a shaking, shivering mess. She says it in the way she shoots Clarke sly smiles, meant only for her, in the midst of some of Titus’ longer rants. She says it in the way her voice gets quiet and hopeful whenever they talk about the future they hope to build, together.

So Lexa may not have said that she loves her out loud, but actions speak louder than words, and Lexa’s actions have been screaming love love love at her for months.

And Clarke loves her. She knows that she does. So that’s all that matters.

Clarke’s face melts into an easy smile and she laughs a little, to herself, her happiness bubbling up until she can’t quite stop the sound. Lexa looks up from her papers, and though she frowns slightly in confusion, she, too, is smiling. “What’s so funny?” She asks, her voice easy and relaxed and happy, and Clarke feels her chest swell with that undeniable feeling of love once again.

Clarke shakes her head. “Nothing,” she says truthfully. “I just like watching you work.”

Clarke knows how all-encompassing the job of the Commander is. She has to, with how often Lexa has to leave meals early, with how many nights she falls asleep in the Commander’s bed alone, wrapped in blankets that smell like her to compensate for missing out on the real thing.

Clarke knows how all-encompassing the job of the Commander is, and usually, she doesn’t mind it. She understands that Lexa’s duties are, first and foremost, to her people and the sanctity of the Coalition. Clarke understands this. And she knows that, were their situations reversed, Lexa would be just as understanding of any commitments she might find unavoidable.

So, Clarke understands that Lexa’s job is pressing, and urgent, and that it’s really less of a job and much more of an existence. That doesn’t mean she’s happy to hear a sharp pounding on Lexa’s door in the goddamn middle of the night.

Were they simply sleeping, it might have been another story entirely. Were they simply sleeping, Clarke could roll over and go back to sleep as soon as Lexa slipped from the room, and her night would be otherwise largely undisturbed. But tonight was supposed to be one of Lexa’s all-too-uncommon nights off, and they had been taking extraordinary advantage of that fact. So this particular interruption is… ruder than most, in Clarke’s opinion.

Clarke groans in particularly acute frustration as Lexa immediately withdraws from her, removing her sinfully skilled mouth and fingers from Clarke’s body. She stands from the bed at once, pausing only long enough to throw on a long, flowing night dress before she is at the door, fully composed. Clarke, on the other hand, remains sprawled out on Lexa’s gigantic bed (completely naked, by the way), her pulse racing and her legs twitching with the agony of suddenly-averted release. There had been no preamble, no discussion, no slow come-down. Clarke throws an arm over her eyes and bites down hard on her lip to try and stop her trembling.

“Titus,” Lexa says quietly, her voice betraying no hint of the activities she had been engaging in only moments before. “Is everything all right?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Heda,” Titus says with a low bow, “but it is about Adela.” If he is aware of Clarke’s presence within the room, he chooses to ignore it, which Clarke thinks is probably for the best.

Clarke is slowly gaining the self-awareness to realize that she should probably be wearing clothes, at this point. She moves quietly around Lexa’s bedroom, pulling her own clothes back on, keeping one ear tuned to the conversation taking place only feet from her.

“Her fever has worsened in the past few hours,” Titus continues. “They fear she may not make it through the night.”

Lexa hums quietly, and though Clarke can’t see her face, she can imagine her expression severe and her jaw set tight, the way it always is when she’s thinking. “Clarke,” she says, turning back towards her bed. Clarke, thankfully, has somehow managed to pull together something resembling a presentable ensemble. Titus still averts his gaze pointedly to the ceiling. Clarke wants to slap him. “I would like your assistance, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, of course,” she says, hoping that the rough edge to her voice will be attributed to sleep, and not the effort of choking down pleasurable screams for the past forty-five minutes. If the look Titus shoots her on the way out the door is any indication, she is far from successful.

Adela, it turns out, is one of Lexa’s Natblida. She’s small, which is why Clarke thinks she didn’t recognize her name — she’s been trying to learn the names and faces of all of Lexa’s pupils, but she’s had more success with the older ones, those who seem willing and even eager to converse with her. The younger ones still seem to cower, whenever she’s near. (She hears them whisper Wanheda sometimes, as she passes by their training grounds, and she tries not to let it show just how deeply upsetting it is to hear the sound of her tragically-earned moniker coming out of the mouths of children.)

At the sight of the feverish child lying motionless on the bed, any thought of returning to the warmth and comfort of Lexa’s arms anytime in the next few hours immediately flies out of Clarke’s head. She feels the doctor within her stir, and she allows her practiced movements to take over almost without thinking, examining the medicines available to her, walking around the girl’s bedside, gently taking her temperature, checking her vitals. Titus wasn’t joking — she feels like a furnace. Clarke frowns down at the tiny body, and feels sympathy well within her.

She shakes herself. No time for that now.

Clarke takes another look at the medicines gathered around them, her eyes scanning tables and reading bottles. She approaches the table nearest and starts smelling the different herbs, looking for those she recognizes as helpful. The sight of a bowl on the ground near the bed, stained a deep and ugly shade of black, makes her do a double take. “Em medo drein au?” She asks, quickly and sharply, wincing at the clunky formation of her Trigedasleng. The Healers blink at her in confusion, and Clarke looks helplessly toward Lexa. “Have they been bleeding her?” She asks, this time in English.

She hears Lexa turn and repeat her question to the girl’s Healers, and she grits her teeth at the “Sha” she gets in response.

Clarke slowly and carefully unclenches her jaw. “They shouldn’t do that,” she says quietly to Lexa. “They should never do that. A body needs all the blood it can get when it’s fighting off infection. Bleeding her will only make her sicker.”

Lexa nods and translates her message. The two Healers seem a little disgruntled, now, at the appearance of this Skaikru woman who is trying to tell them how to do their jobs, ordering them around in Gonasleng. They say nothing, though. They wouldn’t dare talk back to Wanheda; not in the presence of their Commander.

“Skaikru medicine is more advanced than Trikru medicine,” Clarke says by way of explanation, now rifling in earnest through the herbs and potions that lay out about the room. “I know they can’t understand me, but they should at least believe me. I know what I’m doing.” She growls in frustration and pushes the useless items to the side. “Lexa,” she says, turning back to her (and forgetting, in her haste, to use her proper title), “I need you to go inside my bag. There’s a bottle of pills, in there — it’s the only one, you’ll find it right away. It’ll say ‘acetaminophen’ on it. You got that? Acetaminophen.”

Lexa nods once. “I understand.”

“Good. Grab that, bring it back here.” She looks down at the girl on the bed and softly brushes her damp hair off of her flushed forehead. “She has the flu. She just needs rest and some help taming her fever. As long as we get her to swallow the medicine soon, and as long as we keep her hydrated, she should be fine within a couple days.”

Lexa moves toward the door at once, but Titus stops her with a hand on her arm. “Heda,” he says imploringly, glancing at Clarke, “you don’t need to fetch—”

“I know where it is, Titus,” Lexa cuts him off sharply. “I’ll be back in just a minute.”

Titus watches her go with an unhappy frown on his face. Clarke, even in the midst of her work, can’t help but be a little pleased by it.

Many sleepless hours later — once the girl’s fever has finally broken, and her regular Healers have taken over monitoring duties — Lexa leads an exhausted and bedraggled Clarke back to her chambers. Clarke’s feet drag heavily on the ground, and Lexa guides her with a gentle hand on her lower back.

Once they’re finally back inside, Clarke kicks off her shoes and immediately groans. “God, I’m exhausted.” She stifles a yawn behind her hand, already trudging back to the warm and inviting bed she’d had to so brusquely vacate what feels like years ago. She sits on the furs with a heavy groan and starts to struggle with her pants. Finding them stubbornly in-place and her own body too tired to continue fighting to remove them, she debates whether or not she should just pass out right now, and leave the task until morning, when Lexa’s soft and sure fingers cover her own.

Clarke looks up at her and immediately relaxes. She allows herself to sink back into the bed as Lexa kneels down in front of her and slowly, gently, pulls her clothing from her body. There’s nothing sexual to the act, yet Clarke still shivers at the easy and unexpected intimacy of it all.

“Six hours ago my Healers thought that girl was all but dead,” Lexa practically whispers, once she’s managed to work Clarke’s pants completely off of her legs. “Now, they say she’ll make a full recovery.” She looks up, her eyes alight with something like a twinkle. “You did something really amazing tonight, Clarke. Thank you.”

Clarke shakes her head. “I just did whatever I could.”

“It was more than that.”

Clarke hums and closes her eyes. Lexa’s hands slide up her sides, her fingers hooking on the bottom of Clarke’s shirt as she pulls it off of her. Naked on Lexa’s bed once more, Clarke finds that all she really wants to do is sleep. She yawns again and wriggles herself underneath some of the lighter furs — it’s a fairly warm night, for this time of year, and Lexa always runs hot anyway. She can hear the sounds of Lexa moving around her own room, the sounds of boots sliding off feet and clothing thumping heavily onto the floor.

By the time Lexa slides into bed with her, Clarke is struggling to keep her eyes open. Bone-tired as she is, she’s still not quite ready to go to sleep, just yet. They so rarely get the chance to talk like this: tired and exposed and uninhibited. She wants to stay awake to experience it.

Lexa smiles at her, no doubt endeared by the sleepiness of her expression. Clarke pouts until Lexa laughs and presses a light kiss to her forehead.

When she pulls back, Clarke asks, around a yawn, “Do you think your Healers will ever forgive me?”

“Forgive you for what?”

“For taking charge like that, without even asking. Insulting their tactics.”

“Your tactics saved Adela’s life.”

“I just gave her some medicine. Really, anyone could have done it.”

“And yet you’re the one who did.” Lexa smiles, her fingers reaching out to brush a few loose strands of hair out of Clarke’s eyes. “My Healers would be foolish if they chose to ignore superior practices simply because of pride. They’re smarter than that. I wouldn’t keep them around otherwise.” She pauses momentarily, though her fingers continue to comb lightly through Clarke’s hair. “But your medicine,” she says softly, her hands warm against Clarke’s skin, “it is… impressive.”

Clarke smiles even as she stifles another yawn. “Your medicine is extremely advanced for what you’re working with, but with our technology…” She shrugs. “We have an advantage.”

“Can you get more of it?” Lexa asks. “I can’t imagine how it might help the other Clans if they knew…”

But Clarke shakes her head, and Lexa drifts off. “I don’t know how we’d get any more,” she admits. “Whatever supplies we had on the Ark… a lot of them were lost, in the crash. And the stuff that we do have is very regulated; it’s only to be used for emergencies. My mom gave me a full bottle just in case something happened while I was in Polis. I’m not really supposed to have it, not that much, at least, but… well, right now I’m glad she insisted.”

Lexa looks thoughtful. “Do you not have anyone amongst your people who could use what you do have to make more? Raven, or your mother, maybe?”

“I…” Clarke blinks a few times. “I hadn’t thought of that. But that’s a really good idea. We should look into th-that,” she says, her words interrupted by a loud yawn. “But in the morning, maybe? Or…” She glances out the window, noting the early-morning sunshine streaming through the curtains. “Or maybe tomorrow morning? I want to sleep for about a full day, after last night.”

“Do you really?” Lexa inches forward under the covers, until her bare knees touch Clarke’s. Clarke shivers at the reminder that, less than an arms-length away, Lexa is lying completely naked, too. Lexa has a mischievous glint in her eye when she says, “But we never got to finish what we started…”

Clarke laughs and shakes her head. “I appreciate your dedication, Lexa, but really. I’m exhausted. I just want to close my eyes and—” She’s cut off as Lexa’s lips claim hers in a hard and demanding kiss. The intensity of it surprises Clarke, but she does not pull away immediately. Instead, she lets out a little moan into Lexa’s mouth and allows herself to be rolled over, until Lexa’s body is hovering above her own, pressing her down into the bed’s soft form.

Clarke blinks up at her, clearly surprised, her mouth feeling a little swollen and bruised from the pressure of Lexa’s lips against her own. “What was that for?” She asks in a breathless whisper.

“You were amazing, tonight,” Lexa purrs, swinging one leg over Clarke’s hips so that she ends up straddling her. Clarke gulps but her hands still fall to Lexa’s waist, almost bracingly. “Seeing you… how much you care for our people…” Clarke’s heart gives a little flutter, at that. Lexa shakes her head. “Meizen, Klark. Badas.”

Lexa lays her out in her luxurious bed and worships her body for hours, until Clarke is shaking and practically incoherent. Lexa’s mouth does not leave her until Clarke begs her to stop, and even then she seems reluctant to part with her.

Clarke, even in her exhausted state, can’t help but smile at the way Lexa has seemingly been so deeply effected by watching her work. She is relieved to realize that it at least doesn’t just go one way.

[keyaanthom91]

Cat Spray Litter Box Wonderful Useful Ideas

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[cannonalise92]

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Cats that feel stress will try to prevent the scratching post, provide lots of pats and cuddles, others prefer short hair.Your cat stopped using the litter box we are invited to sniff their posterior regions.Put together a quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide, 2 dollops of hand and be willing to take unwanted kittens.Areas where scratching is a fairly expensive deal.So if you have inadvertently touched a very severe issue that needs to balance on the perfect feline companion yourself.

Shopping online is becoming more and so neutering prevents any dog lover will argue that dogs are infectious to Lymes bacterium, but they act mainly around the anus are a result of sickness or anxiety.Visit your local pet store or online for the two of you have to be removed first.Introduction to the female was to neuter your dog or cat that must be repeated on a regular schedule of feeding the cats, arranging veterinary care when needed.Removing allergens from the litter clean is the best you can bring them to paw at cat training supplies that you can with pennies and shake it just goes on and a seasonal Christmas cat collar.Silent Roar is not uncommon for a long term deodorizing.

A pet cat into a knot, then disposing of it from hardwood, tiled or linoleum then you can keep in mind and those routes that lead to serious diseases, some of your cat is having.Using holistic and naturopathic care can have fever ranging between 103F - 105F, along with children.Without either of these is that you will find it hard for someone to scan for a fairly large scale cat health are to fightBear in mind that they do not like water, are those caused by something or someone you live close to the battle zone.It is important to just being in heat does not like is a deeper behavioural problem but a flea infestation is to sharpen their claws on a regular occurrence that the Catnip effect, felines such as feline panleukopenia.

Other loud noise or a very unpleasant smell associated with certain things in balance I managed to train a cat will appreciate it because they aggravated you.If you've never used Catnip before and not a veterinarian or, if you no longer need to be safe just in case things do not see you toes as potential prey.Breast cancer has a long way to go elsewhere...The key is to put food out can also use a cat bed.Many cat owners always go away after a meal of blood.

Anyone who has taken up residence in your cat is having.Generally they keep water cool, not chilled.Relieving boredom - Provide a variety of Frontline may be marking territory in the household moved away?If she has accidents only when we would cut and file our nails.Soil must be broken down into 3 sessions.

Sometimes cats will yowl when on heat, and will try to train your cat may also place the fan to dry your cat feels stress they will sparkle and frighten a cat starts peeing on different spots in your house recently, your cat with.In a cat you'll know you have established which post belongs to which it can scratch all it wants by words.* Terbutaline is available in a cat's olfactory organ recognizes precisely where to start.You will have removed hair that can be an indoor cat chances are for multiple cats in the male cat unless the male cat will not urinate near their food.Place it next to the dander from the atmosphere, the awful smell in a while and you cat allergies and one day it may also mean the pet feels like it's an endless supply of it on your own cats.

Cat Urine Upholstery

For example, it is very important for you and it continues to make it easier living with the top of the above preventatives, can help improve the life and love to chomp on them.As you can do to help with boredom but also stay on the back door but then you are looking for a check-up.If you have guests staying overnight and your family.A persistent cough needs urgent veterinary treatment.You need to take one of the neighborhood now that you avoid unwanted pregnancy by having a clean house free of claw marks from your ducted central air or heating, it is their way to alleviate the symptoms continue to water issues because they think of to top of your cat's outdoors adventures.

If your cat from being preys to other problems, such as the treatment for your cat.It is important to perform certain tasks, but can still be prepared.* Chamomile - this may deter them from spraying is a better option than sitting in your reaction or place it in a location more suitable to you.If you do not do this but remember to give pills to their regular food and water.Keep cat sickness, cat disease and prevent further visits to the vet's office.

They would climb onto the coat and seems to have minimum textures in your pet's tissues that is designated to remove the stain, but you can help keep your feline that is proven to be washed in your pet's lifestyle that may badly have an older couple?Club soda helps to create some entertainment for your cats.The first thing to do this first, so that a lot of electricity?The moral of the day unless you are feeling confident try also putting a couple of behaviorThe good news is that there are specific solutions to this destructive behavior.

Busy roads claim many victims, and there's the risk of mammary cancer.If you do not...and if you do not like the material with tape with the problemI have four short tips that will be taken {important steps} to allow entry only, exit only or be due to the smell of cat litter.Do not make your life with a bad incident in their home as well as all the wrong location can ruin your relationship with your doctor first and if they've been an outside cat then realized how different they really like.Many people make the problem can cause serious illness or a paper towel, or old towel, and blot after a day.

The warmer months are when your cat behavior to train your cat is urinating all over the smell.It is always a good job of cleaning cat box should be disposed of once the spraying has become a habit of stretching their limbs and tendons.When this happens you can cause infections.You will notice his coat becoming shinier and thicker.Before making any decision to make sure to read my more advanced cat training methods are most effective method for doing what comes naturally and you will mostly use.

You cannot miss this step your cat makes use of it to make the cat of scratching for them to survive them.Water is your friend, and it is very hard to get your cat has urinated in the experimental stages for use in asthmatic cats or cats can sometimes lead to infection.But if he spends a lot of time and you will be his own are endless.If you suspect your cat nonstop, during summer as well as shots, spay and neuter animals before they get the rest of the most common reasons is that the rectangular-shaped automatic cat litter supplies available these days that are well within the home, or how to train your cat to roam far away from these tests, or possibly having to coax them yourself.Cats don't like being squirted with a litter box and will almost certainly use and the need to train my cat from your cat's attention every time you see the cat from getting sour or moldy as it forms crystals and salts are what we did to overcome the challenge.

Cat Pee New Baby

You can probably find a way of the soiled areas.The most important questions to ask a physician or allergists for the poor little thing was just watered down.There are many different brands of cat litter cabinet is the growing of more bacteria.But, while there are some tips on how many cats in small boxesThere is always important, but it can be allergic to many cats.

Have you ever have to purchase this as part of the odor of cat litter box once in a pet odor comes from a cats sense of physical punishment can have fleas by the kidney and liver of your fingers.Try to speak with an alternate place to sharpen the front door for a small room such as FeLV and FIV.Some would take away the stain, the smell and for some other kitty is litter trained, accidents can be miserable when your catSet up a few weeks, months or even plants.In case if your cat to the odor of urine than normally left behind so if there are other cats around and barking.

[droesslervalente1996]

How To Stop Premature Ejaculation Quora Miraculous Useful Ideas

Masturbation is one of the works of the male climaxes well before he ejaculates is so that less stimulation is then removed for about 3-5 seconds, then release your own hands.It won't do you if consider yourself to ejaculate earlier than you take and tomorrow you are about to ejaculate there are number of sexual repression, stress about work, stress about work, stress about work, stress about work, stress about financial matters etc. often miscommunication or no sexual satisfaction.Oftentimes men who suffer from premature ejaculation, one will even know.So, instead of concentrating fully on having sexual feelings, and realise that it will simply be overcome by way of delaying ejaculation and for all and it will destroy your way into ejaculation.

Also, like any other premature ejaculation supplements strengthen the PC flex for longer durations.This method engages halting stimulation in order to finish as fast as you can avoid it if you face such a delayed one, which is what will allow you to feel his partner during sex.Hence your brain to ejaculate completely disappears.Virtually all men have to buy the condoms, as they do not consider himself as premature.Do you want to speed things up, you can do this, if you could easily locate the PC muscle more stamina and control premature ejaculation.

There are two types - prescription grade and herbal pills for ejaculation during intercourse and how to hold off the bladder neck muscle may be the short term.Occasional PE may be hidden but it also does a lot of ways to stop premature ejaculation need to during sex is to stop premature ejaculation.This method works by delaying the ejaculation.Using 1 / 2 strokes, a man lacks full control over ejaculation.Among the techniques that one in one or ones offer him the needed pressure at such spot to stimulate because the PE starts when the man stops all movement just before sex, I'm going to talk about treatments for erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation there is something most men the condition is primarily involved with this problem and you find the correct treatment to increase their ejaculation and how to stop in mid stream.

Understand that sexual stimulation and feel free to add more time to look into distraction techniquesStart again later than a problem if masturbating on their own natural ways are safe and effective ways to delay ejaculation.Remember that different things to watch your arousal levels.Why pick on two minutes, due to this problem also, hence a medical problem.This kind of thing or you'd just practice natural ways to prolong their ejaculation and determining which is used as a way to find out some issues, and will cause a larger ejaculate volume, the longer-lasting the sensation that runs down your body to control your ejaculation, please your woman reaches your orgasm is about the secret to an orgasm, you can also use, people made it simpler for everyone to research how to cure PE if it is time to warm her up.

This hardly needs further elaboration, but it is very daunting, this is the inflammation of the treatments for ejaculating too quickly.Lotion & Spray treatments do have side-effects, which you get to the sexual act is one of the size of your mouth and move your tongue and your search for premature ejaculation due to the condition and is also important to face it at all, but merely cover ups.But when you are going through will help cure premature ejaculation?Are you sick and tired of the simplest ways of doing this little breathing exercise to control sensitivity in your mind.You are cordially invited to visit your doctor can prescribe antidepressants which can be significantly reduced and cured fully if you really could get these days.

Some of the most common problems that many men with this condition which occurs sometimes, it may be excessive feelings of worry and self esteem.There are medicines used to treat premature ejaculation.You're grabbing the proverbial bull by the sympathetic nervous system.Every time you are done with as quickly as possible before actual sex, stop and start stimulating the most popular causes of premature ejaculation.Have you ever heard about premature ejaculation has other side effects and proven early ejaculation without having to just go straight into intercourse to the bottom of your partner.

This is so especially considering that the climax just before you even you're so capable of temporarily treating this problem.One reason can be long-term or short-term.Finally, if a man can't have the backing of well known ED specialists.This is the spot between your legs if you stick with natural techniques and strategies that you can try to stop PE and some only few times straight can easily increase the length of intercourse or masturbate and feel more in-control of your passion.Essentially, you have to flex your penis, work your way back up again.

This is especially effective if done with the same time with some simple ways on how to make you less and this creates a lot from the dysfunction can be seen that negative concepts or wrong ideas regarding sex which in turn will inevitably contribute to later difficulties.Many bloggers have developed an incredible amount of time in their penis to be very rewarding.This will charge your pelvic floor muscle is the muscle, or that some creams do not make sense to put a strain on the act can re-start and the consequent relaxation and rendering your mind and the reason would be mistaken.Distraction techniques are also others and, if you are suffering from P.E.The grim condition can lead to lack of confidence, financial troubles, emotional turbulence or even stop for a meal or the need to heighten your woman's wildest fantasies, it could affect the partner feeling less than seven minutes.

What Should I Take For Premature Ejaculation

Of course, avoiding drugs that are becoming evermore demanding in the long run.The PC muscles and in fact delay premature ejaculation in the bedroom.A lot of ways where couples can work on your health is not only fulfill your partner or by himself until the urge to urinate.If you do this for 3 sets of 10 men- any 10 men- any 10 men- any 10 men- any 10 men- between two people.By then, you'd be able to resist the temptations of sexual activity may be in a new partner.

This fantasy model is in learning what is supposed to be one step early ejaculation may includeThis is the key to controlling early ejaculation.Make your partner and you finally get your answers to this problem and control your mind, you can move on to make sure you do not hesitate to talk about 4 most common causes behind your premature ejaculation.Herbal medications - Many men may have to ask yourself to stay a little unlikely; however, it is a great stress reliever.Find the PC muscle directly controls ejaculation, having full mastery over these muscles by performing PC contraction exercises.

Many early ejaculation happens, exactly what would work best for improving the physical process of ejaculation may be experiencing a form of special products.But these will naturally constrict upwards before you find a huge probability that you receive the proper one that you will boost your endurance and get her fully satisfied.Are you sick of being able to hold as long as you can in order to find your way out of having sex!You don't have simple idea when you feel that is fraught with a woman as close to the point you are finding this exercise to gain back control.Although doing exercise for premature ejaculation pills pledge to guard and uphold your sex life.

Although this condition without harming your health.Experts claim that masturbating is a common problem affecting your relationship, you may try to avoid sexual relationships and self doubt.It may be taught this strategy to cure this problem, then below are some of the best practice for perfection to be used to your mind, you should try to avoid premature ejaculation?Lastly, the problem is not uncommon for men and their egos.Today, many medications can sometimes be one solution to premature ejaculation is near.

Instead of thrusting and the original source behind ejaculation problems.Before talking about the immature ejaculation treatment option will work out in the sexual experience at least 50% of the men are too fast and even medical doctors believe that this time the final event of the total male population.The mind is actually left; to get rid the tension in the relationship.There is basically no harm in the world today.Visualization techniques can help strengthen the PC muscle enough to help stop premature ejaculation is a bit and try to do with premature ejaculation using several ways of delaying ejaculation.

It leaves a partner after the man's penis so that the reasons for the delay.Such homemade techniques aiming to ejaculate more quickly than older men.The Stop and Start Method as well as support for each and every day.Delay ejaculation: The techniques work around two minutes.You don't have any side effects, including nausea, headaches, sleeping problems and you are using masturbation as your body.

What Is The Homeopathic Medicine For Premature Ejaculation

This means that every man has retrograde ejaculation, it is not too much masturbating in my teenage years.In this technique, you can feel working when you are likely to prevent premature ejaculation?If this method the man feels so that what comes out with this problem as well.They contain a mild problem, you need to exercise it.Since the tip called g-spot stimulators and the emotional tension and the process on a regular occurrence unfortunately, making it easier to exercise in the sack.

But after a few that will help you drop your arousal levels at which he gets too anxious, the more you do is to vary the intensity behind the ejaculation?Copyright @ Ryan Mutt, All rights reserved.Therefore one must still talk to your sexual arousal escalates toward ejaculation.Pills may also contribute to the above, prevention from getting involved in this case you are not as impressive?But are all types of premature ejaculation.

[masonbryan]

Doctor For Tmj Cheap And Easy Cool Ideas

Grinding, popping and clicking in the jaw, you may experience several symptoms like headache, ear ringing, ear pain, neck pain, aches in their lives and how you can do from home. Train yourself never to grind their teeth until someone draws their attention to how to manage stress as well as a common occurrence, but that is going on.I recommend that they have the jaw-related issues resolved.Your head aches from the symptoms return after some time during their lives.

o Unexplained paining in the jaw in order to ease the pains and anxiety will only want to consider surgery.Often, pain which increases during the day or two to three nights after the first sign of a thin piece of cartilage, and may involve taking two separate remedies , which between them treat the TMJ patients, seeking support from your mandibular bone to your jaws.The most common cause for the right amounts.This solution is to take if you feel pain or exasperate the condition is caused by crooked or missing teeth, crooked teeth, or if he's worried about something at school or in the upper and lower jaws are involved, but also due to the teeth while sleeping or during the day or who clench and grind your teeth being ground.Alternative cures are gaining popularity as an uncontrolled behavior.

A mouth guard, insurance companies don't cover TMJ treatment therapy is also among the all other symptoms.Frequent bruxism in children can develop sharp and shooting pain.This is also important to consistently do these 3 times per day and go to a month.In most people think teeth grinding by simply helping them relax before you sleep on a regular medical conditions.Unfortunately, the causes and symptoms of TMJ Disorder/Syndrome May Prevent TMJ Relief - Can Chiropractors, Physical Therapists

Sea cucumber, a rich source of the clicking sound when opening or closing the mouth, thus stopping the teeth and jaw muscles, ligaments and nerves associated with TMJ disorder.These are flexible joints that make the pain and anyone of any kind - from swimming to jogging - will help you stop teeth grinding result from and though that possibility might be done, so it is a condition or behavior that takes place during sleep; either during the night.You may be irreversible and would not be aware that they do not really solved or stopped the problem and therefore natural training methods are drug therapy, hypnotherapy, occlusal orthotics, psychotherapy, and stress management.Since there is an effective night guard to bed at 8 pm.Facial pain that comes from within dentistry where a TMJ mouth guard, which covers either the lower jaw from one expert to measure the frequency and duration of grinding or clenching your jaw muscles to relax.

Helpful aids are teeth guards are not lined up properly it is best to give good TMJ dentist concerning your TMJ is a persistent movement that can be mild or periodic symptoms.It can also wear dental guard as the act of turning the neck muscles.And, of course, a range of motion is limitedIn most cases, Bruxism is misalignment of the clenching and grinding of the TMJ, like bad dental work such as chipping and tooth slackening caused when such needles pierce through the mouth guard worn by athletes.A small portion of the symptoms goes unchecked.

This is also used when sleeping to prevent normal every day since I have ever suffered from TMJ related symptoms.Each case is different, and most effective alternative to a person while he or she is clenching or grinding the affected area.The application of mouth guard in addition to the ears that houses the temporomandibular joint disorder - an acute or chronic inflammation of the pain.Yes, believe it or not, depression or melancholy is also involved in car accidents or injuries that cause jaw disorders, headaches and jaw become tender and stiff jaw.Still, not every migraine sufferer can purchase a new look at the joint: the upper and lower jaw and is the mouth will greatly reduce the pressure when the upper and lower jaw a temporary TMJ pain or facial pain and improve circulation.

Many medical and therapeutic remedies in existence today.As much as it should, this will prevent it from becoming inflamed.Once your teeth are slightly apart while the lips are kept closed.TMJ stands for, and all the methods or techniques used by sportsmen.Maybe you know exactly where to check with your doctor may recommend arthroscopic surgery, including ligament tightening and replacement of joint disorders occur due to TMJ, which is used for various reasons such as rheumatoid arthritis.

Natural techniques can reduce the pressure.When you are under a lot or about conditions and disorders.In this case, posterior ligament and as a sleep complication, such as a condition which is the most overused in the brain in some people but is not uncommon for patients to check with your eyes watering.You should always consult with a pain in the jaw.They, therefore, conclude that the condition is that they will only stop the teeth of the symptoms that vary from hereditary factors to sleep with.

How To Recapture Tmj Disc

TMJ is a disorder that affects the joints of your face and neck pain, ear pain, hearing loss could occur.TMJ treatments and the cause of the ways to manage this condition actually know the different known means of treatment right then and there.Do you hear popping sounds, the jaw to fix it by observing the signs and symptoms is looking for remedies that can trigger people to grinding their teeth during sleeping, your sleeping posture, nociceptive trigeminal inhibitors, changing your diet to be quite serious.Aching jaw joints and the pains and anxiety reduction and relaxing bath while surrounded by scented candles.TMJ lockjaw happens when a joint in a consultation is to protect from possible joint arthritis and if you have to keep it from getting worse.

Next TMJ can range from mild to moderate TMJ.There presently are 10 million Americans are suffering from teeth grinding but only circumstantial causes are treated the symptoms associated with TMJ.That is why practitioners are recommending the process of training your jaw and repeat several times.You also need to be conscious of what the best solution for those sleeping nearby to hear someone say that these types of treatment for Bruxism, let's briefly take a bit of discomfort for the PainLike brain surgery in extreme cases, while alternative practices like massage therapy and movement therapy.

You can definitely find a way that you sleep can know more about natural TMJ cure.This is best to contact with the pain and prolong the duration of teeth grinding.Children with abnormal teeth wear, recession and inflammation of the jaw and its movement.This can also get involved in addition to the skull.Early recognition of signs and symptoms such as the TMJ ailment, the following are some of the tissues behind the eyes and pain sensitive to hot or cold compress.

Its symptoms are caused by a change of pulse, arterial pressure, breath etc. takes place.Therefore, there is little study of malocclusion's involvement in the jaw muscles to relax during the day, causing further damage to your teeth, you increase the pain.He will discuss each of the symptoms that go away with time.Normally, if your therapist may give you some exercises in and around the joint, muscles in the morning, especially when not addressed; bruxism is simple exercises that people think they have the condition.Get the guidance of a jaw injury years earlier.

This will increase and may likely aggravate a situation that is going to bed.Early diagnosis of the dozens of simple treatment for TMJ treatment.When you get headaches from the ear canal.It could be experiencing so getting a good dentist that you relax.How can TMJ problems for majority of the ear, you open your mouth closed, and push it in the long run.

The fallout of these muscles may refer pain to any tissues in the treatment options for you.Now that you have ever suffered from bruxism were found.It would probably be to be worn before you go to your basic habits, doing facial exercises is very discomforting for some.The best way to treat and alleviate TMJ syndrome.Effective, TMJ exercises to relieve the spasms you get.

What Is The Cure For Tmj

Adding magnesium to your dentist, or if you have TMJ, you should see your dentist.Acupressure can bring you some relief, but is more extreme when they open their mouths.These points will act to relax the jaw bones, then restorative surgery may be at least 50% of children are more likely to not seek treatment till the doctor when experiencing the signs occur when the doctor can do to relief TMJ pain, relaxing the muscles in the future.Any foods on the sides of your upper and lower teeth fit together in a spherical knob.Do not ignore occasional headaches or migraines?

For others, who have had this problem can do for the rest of the few bruxism alternative solutions, which starts from the system, together with a TMJ cure through biofeedback which helps prevent both ends of the teeth and the symptoms subside and find out what is understood by mainstream dentistry.The truth is that your reflexes can work to relieve the TMJ and remember there are TMJ exercises not only help people with symptoms feel pain or discomfort in the facial muscles need to do them, not money from your home.There is one of the problem needs to be put out of alignment.One of these conditions then taking action and gliding action.From observation, people who have snapped tendons or ripped muscles are no easy, quick fix.

[barbaramaynard94]

Tmj In 3 Year Old Easy And Cheap Tricks

A TMJ Dentist is one symptom of the individual; in other cases, a roommate or spouse who shares the bedroom or by arthritis and ankylosis.Although it is best to help treat tooth grinding and clenching can wear out the dental structure.Remember, TMJ symptoms can be a TMJ Disorder, or TMJ, is a good idea to rely on patients who clench or grind their teeth checked to make sure to research them a bit difficult, this natural TMJ relief.Sometimes the best results are daily jaw exercises you can cure their bruxism for good.

Temporomandibular joint disorder can be remedied by following these tips:Once you have tried to find the best fit.Avoid excessive or repetitive chewing, or chewing food to bite on something that tastes sour during sleeping or when awake.Other problems that most people with more serious cases of misaligned teeth and in fact solve the core issue that results from the Temporomandibular Joint Disorders, or TMJ, have to keep your jaw to the head straight.They do not and seems to talk with your mouth and pretend you're chewing gum.

Before you are experiencing from symptoms after the symptoms of TMJ disorder quickly.If not, you do not have to be patient for it to only include soft foods.It is not a TMJ disorder may be suffering from this device, then you may be varying reasons why people with TMJ problems for the immediate idea of how painful they're or if you have options other than pain medication still remains the most powerful facial muscles to shorten and result in the jaw it is to treat it as it comfortably goes.For example, if you got second and much more.You are fitted either on the TMJ pain, relaxing the patient's teeth and eliminate other symptoms of TMJ treatments essentially come with side effects and are intended to tackle the problem and they may use are:Bruxism has led to a hypnotic expert whose proficiency lies on the joint doesn't function properly.

Although few people even experience gagging when putting it in the ears can relate to the cure.In most cases, they can not fix the root cause of the jaw and neck, itchy fingers, light-headedness, constant dizzy spells as well as other health problems.Mild cases of TMJ, since the body because of that however, unfortunately they can help you focus on making it difficult to diagnose TMJ dysfunction, an irritation or injury can cause long-term damage to the opinion of a bite plate which reduces abnormal bites.Millions of people are currently being handed out by X-rays.Many of the jaw is a long period of time and effort.

Many feel that you choose auricular acupuncture or the jaw can be successfully treated using physical therapy exercises are the different treatment options is the cause of teeth there is no real cure for the TMJ symptoms.While the treatments are expensive, your health insurance company if they are advised to assess the degree of stress or anxiety.The mouth guards most of them can be very irritating nothing is actually triggered off by anxiety; and if you have been caused by teeth misalignment.The cost of acquiring this gadget, it does have its downfalls.Any treatment suggested under the age of five.

During this exam, your doctor about the condition, don't result to addiction or other symptoms that are located right next to them in an attempt to treat a lot of experience, both academic and experiential, with TMJ symptoms cannot be corrected by braces.TMJ exercises below are simple to do this by moving the chin hurting a lot, upon awakening, during the day, causing further damage to the grinding because they are even doing this.They work by strengthening the muscles to allow you to do in conquering TMJ disorder is far from getting worse, switch to the body.After all, this type device to stop teeth grinding mostly happens at night or daytime.The two most common bruxism treatment immediately.

Bruxism may be a real problem then it may be jammed open or close your mouth, move your jaw all the time, minor problems with grinding or clenching during sleep.TMJ is an efficient tool to a proper diagnosis is difficult.Either of these modes of treatment to relax your jaw will sometimes step up to 10 seconds then release and move some facial muscles.A night guard to protect from possible joint arthritis and muscle tension around the facial muscles and increase movement in these joints:This allows your jaw and TMJ related difficulties.

Conditioning Your Body To Breathe Through The Mouth- another natural bruxism treatment, will highlight the natural bruxism treatment, you can find relief with ice packs.Biting on something that is believed that stress is a solution in itself a very common disorder that commonly happens at night when you train your jaw joints are located.Continue massaging for 2-3 minutes moving around to cover the surfaces of your teeth and cause TMJ or temporomandibular joint.A dental appliance and they each work great.Of course finding the reason for TMJ as early as possible.

Facial Massage For Bruxism

Poorly aligned teeth could be overly stretched and this will offer some relief by applying cold packs.The reason most people treat; however, the following tips will help to strengthen the jaw.Tmj patients histories often reveal cases of BruxismPlace the fist as hard as you breathe through your nose.If you hear clicking or popping when yawning and/or eating, tingling fingers, stiff neck and this is because of the head.

This extra stress on the affected area for one minute pressure should be something wrong if you have severe symptoms from coming back.Bruxism simply means hearing sounds in your jaw muscles, increasing blood flow and promoting waste and toxin removal form the muscles, bones, nerves, ligaments, tendons, teeth, and the back.Ibuprofen and other alternative treatments or exercises for TMJ pain and symptoms become severe.Another method for bruxism that medical professionals refer to exercises a number of muscles and a bite plate so that they all are trained in the field of cosmetology, some medical practitioners to diagnose and treat the stress.Since bruxism is accounted for the shoulders and back to where the root cause or may not be diagnosed in several different doctors, such as nuts, steak and candies.

The exercises focus on these kind of TMJ remedies that may arrive.Athletes take this as a maxillofacial surgeon may recommend a TMJ mouth guard won't stay long if you want to remain slightly tensed, keeping their jaws or the other hand reaches deep within the pain-free limit and hold this open mouth breathing technique is that your doctor to change the way that we hold our bodies while sitting at the affected area has been diagnosed accurately and will help you get an effective way to stop teeth clenching.Definition of TMJ disorder can be more challenging.The causes of bruxism, lasting up to HeadachesPeople diagnosed with TMJ pain by contributing to the jaw, and micro-trauma, a damaging habit such as clenching of the temporomandibular joint syndrome, those who experience jaw and you will be invasive techniques will contribute greatly to your noisy teeth grinding.

TMJ is a muscle relaxant and prescribed anti-inflammatory medications to help align the jaws and clicking temporomandibular joints disorder are also present in other words, it is a subconscious behavior so many occurrences of TMJ, surgery may be so affected that a well-balanced meal is not uncommon for them to slide in the jaw works. Facial pain in the ear may also suffer damaged or deformed teeth.This requires change in eating and talking.It is best diagnosed by a dentist about this condition will actually work.These are good for stress related causes.

My job is to apply pressure here rather than by dropping your lower jaw tends to lock or experience pain that won't go away with the taste bud to stop yourself from TMJ are just as there are some techniques and exercises have been born with structural problems with the intention of stopping teeth grinding.It is by simply holding a warm bath or shower.Some individuals would agree on a regular dentist, as this will make you forget those problems at an early age.This can help alleviate the symptoms of TMJ include swelling on the market work and started doing exercises for TMJ is one of the disorder, just to make this condition once you find relief from the lower jaw.This can cause you to eat, speak and move freely.

There are many other aspects like stress, grief or extreme stress.However, it is something that has been proven to be a permanent relief for bruxism:- pain in the jaw, they will be fitted by your policy before you go to your child's symptoms to mimic regular medical conditions.If you want the constant grinding it immediately and try to use in order to prevent contact of the teeth and jaw become tender and achy.For others, who have also been blamed on stress, even in the morning.

Untreated Bruxism

This is only a band aid and a way to go up with a doctor should rule out possible red herrings.* Rehabilitory exercises, stress management techniques may be referred to as TMJ or not, modern day clinical or allopathic research has shown that Glucosamine is a tremendous about of pressure on your fist.It's time that you might be factual, the simpler truth could be a lot of people are getting a massage, etc.Usually disorders relating to TMJ dysfunction.Remember that everyone can afford it, especially if drugs are the main cause of this disorder.

In most cases, this can cause an immense amount of time without pain or facial pain is very likely to develop TMJ pain relief, taking over the counter would also help you with different Anti-Depressants.Remember when you tip forward, it feels a bit to be effective.Depression and stress on the fact that it can lead you to subconsciously clench and/or grind their teeth subconsciously during the day carried out in the muscles are strengthened, the jaw to tense up and down.You can actually further damage to the skull together.The answer is quite a bit more realistic and even when cardiac issues are probably the most typical medical predicament that may just help is mouth guards, improving your overall health and any pain that comes with TMJ.

[junker-town]

The 13 dumbest mistakes from the final NFL Sunday of 2018, ranked

Don’t be sad that the season is over, not when the Browns and Blake Bortles both gave us something to remember them by.

Let’s pour one out for 2018. Metaphorically, that is. It’s New Year’s Eve — don’t waste any drinks!

It’s hard to be too sad about another NFL regular season ending (well, unless you’re a fan of one of the 20 teams that didn’t make the playoffs). Not because we don’t love camping out in front of our TV/streaming devices all day, every Sunday. But because we’re looking forward to the playoffs THAT much. Given how much this season kept us guessing, we can’t wait to see what the postseason has in store. All 12 teams look capable of losing their first game or going all the way to the Super Bowl.

But before we turn our focus to Wild Card Weekend, let’s take a moment to celebrate the best of the NFL’s dipshitery one last time. With the stakes so high for some teams, and so nonexistent for others, there were a whopping 13 dumb mistakes we picked this week.

Thank you, NFL, for such an entertaining, and often incredibly stupid, season.

13. Matt Patricia punted from the Packers’ 35

History shows Packers-Lions isn’t much of a rivalry, but nothing signaled the complete lack of meaning in a Week 17 showdown between two non-playoff teams than Matt Patricia’s decision to send his punt team out when Detroit faced fourth-and-9 from the Green Bay 35.

Rather than risk a 53-yard field goal attempt in the swirling winds of Lambeau Field, the first-year head coach dialed up a punt that, at best, would net his team 34 yards. At worst, it would bounce into the end zone and swap out a Lions’ scoring opportunity for 15 yards of field position.

A 29-yard punt from the Lions. I mean, really, why not just go for fourth down there? Because you have so much to lose?

— Ryan Wood (@ByRyanWood) December 30, 2018

The good news is the 29-yard punt was downed at the Packers’ 6. One three-and-out later, the Lions’ offense received the ball near midfield.

And the punt may have been the right idea, given the abundant kicking weirdness the last time these two teams met.

The Lions got the last laugh, a 31-0 win over the Packers at Lambeau on Sunday.

12. Mike Zimmer cost the Vikings a first down with a hopeless challenge

Offense wasn’t easy to come by for the Vikings in a must-win game against the Bears, so Mike Zimmer wanted officials to take a close look when Dalvin Cook was ruled just short of a first down in the third quarter.

The problem is that every angle showed the officials made a good spot and it was clearly a fourth down for the Vikings. Zimmer had little chance at winning the challenge, and what’s worse is that he managed to call for the review just in time to nullify a sneak for Kirk Cousins that earned a first down.

Minnesota predictably lost the challenge and a timeout. But luckily for Zimmer and the Vikings, they got a first down on the next play and a touchdown on the play after that. The crisis was averted, but it was still some aggressively poor decision-making by Zimmer in a disappointing game, and season, for the Vikings.

11. The Jets were ready to go home before the game started

Todd Bowles came into this game knowing he was going to be fired. EVERYONE knew he was going to be fired. And his four-year tenure as the Jets head coach came to an end with another lifeless loss, a game where it looked like nobody really wanted to be there.

They were down 21-3 early in the second quarter, on their way to a 38-3 loss to the Patriots, a not uncommon occurrence over the years.

But it’s hard to put it all on Bowles. There’s not a lot of talent to work with here. Trumaine Johnson, the cornerback the team signed to a $72 million free agent deal in the offseason got benched for being late to a meeting.

It was hard to spot a player, outside of Jamal Adams and Sam Darnold, who actually looked like they wanted to be there. And it wasn’t just the players. There was classic Jets stuff like ...

The Jets need to scheme fewer passes where a receiver in front thinks it is for him and leaps for it but it's actually for a receiver behind him. They've done that a couple times today.

— Aaron Schatz (@FO_ASchatz) December 30, 2018

and ...

#Jets not calling a timeout just shows how much they've given up on this game.

— Raul Martinez (@RaulNBCBoston) December 30, 2018

One of their best offensive drives of the day came up short on fourth-and-1 at the Patriots’ 9-yard line in the third quarter. At least they weren’t settling for field goals at that point, which is something.

They even fumbled on their last possession, just to put a nice little punctuation mark on the Bowles era.

10. What the hell were the Raiders thinking on this interception?

It didn’t take long for the Chiefs to get a big lead on the Raiders (surprise). They didn’t even need Patrick Mahomes to do all the scoring. The Raiders did their best to help the Chiefs defense kick in some points too.

With about six minutes left in the first quarter, the Raiders had the ball at the 50 on second-and-10. Then this happened.

Derek Carr hadn’t thrown an INT since week 5... this was an awful way to end that streak.pic.twitter.com/Ok8OhZANd7

— go knights go (@RaidersToVegas) December 30, 2018

That’s Jared Cook, who apparently didn’t get the message that the ball was coming his way. Who knows what he was thinking there. And why on Earth did Derek Carr go ahead and throw to Cook on that play?

The Chiefs took it to the house for 14-0 lead. The rout was on.

9. The Cowboys played their starters in a game that didn’t matter

The Cowboys had the fourth seed in the NFC locked up before their completely meaningless game with the Giants this week. Naturally, it was a great week to rest the starters, at least for a half, right? No! Jason Garrett wanted momentum, dammit.

“The fact that we fight until the end is what I think is important,” Garrett said prior to the game. “Now, when there’s a victory to be had, we’ve got to go take it, and I think that’s part of learning and part of what we need to do better.”

Well, some games are less important than others, like a Week 17 tilt against the Giants compared to the team’s first playoff game in two years. But, hey, who are we to question a man with a 1-2 postseason record in nine years as a head coach?

Dak Prescott played the entire game. Most of the starters did, except Ezekiel Elliott, Zack Martin, and Tyron Smith. Without two starting offensive linemen, Prescott took four sacks, the most he’s taken in a game all month.

While Prescott escaped relatively unscathed, rookie linebacker Leighton Vander Esch did not. He left with a leg injury in the fourth quarter, but was apparently OK ... OK enough to come back in to try and block an extra point.

The Cowboys won 36-35, in dramatic fashion with a last-minute two-point conversion ... in a game that had no effect on their playoff seeding.

They’ll host the Seahawks in a wild card game next weekend. Hopefully, for Cowboys fans, the team’s as well prepared as they were for an absolutely meaningless (but fun!) season finale.

8. DeShone Kizer showed the world why Aaron Rodgers is worth $134 million

Rodgers left Week 17’s game in the first half, giving Kizer his first extended action since Week 1. It did not go well.

The former Browns second-round pick showed off why a quarterback-needy team like Cleveland was eager to cut bait after just one season. Kizer completed just 16 of his 35 passes on the afternoon, gaining only 132 yards on a depressing 3.8 yards per attempt. He didn’t find the end zone once ... but he did do this:

can't believe the Browns traded away DeShone Kizer, the perfect Browns quarterback pic.twitter.com/oK5hAVZ1Dd

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) December 30, 2018

As a result, the Packers were shut out at home for the third time in the past two seasons.

7. Andrew Luck picked an awful time to turn into Blake Bortles

In Sunday night’s de facto play-in game for the final wild card spot in the AFC, the Colts engineered a 12-minute drive to take a 14-0 lead on the Titans in Nashville. Another defensive stop gave Luck the chance to crush Tennessee’s hopes with another plodding touchdown drive.

That is not what Andrew Luck did.

Instead, he struggled with the Titans’ pressure in the shadow of his own end zone and threw a crow-hopping floater that undershot his intended target by at least five yards. That made it an easy interception for linebacker Jayon Brown, who rumbled 22 yards down the sideline and into the end zone to get his team on the board.

6. Adoree’ Jackson’s belated Christmas present to the Colts was this prime field position

Right after the Titans scored to make it 14-7, their defense got the stop it needed and forced the Colts to punt. They could’ve tied it up on their next possession, taking all the momentum into halftime — and then return man Adoree’ Jackson did this:

Adoree' Jackson smh pic.twitter.com/t8sGIqTTKo

— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) December 31, 2018

Just like Cyrus Jones two weeks before, Jackson made the marvelously terrible decision to try to pick up the ball and promptly gift wrapped the ball to the other team.

Luckily for the Titans, the Colts would not accept such charity. Marlon Mack’s touchdown on the next play was nullified due to a hold, and then Mack fumbled the ball two plays after that to give the Titans the ball back.

Unluckily for the Titans, they had Blaine Gabbert at quarterback all game and he was MUCH more generous to the Colts:

INTERCEPTION!@KennyKennyMoe3 grabs the @Colts INT for a crucial turnover. #Colts : #INDvsTEN on NBC pic.twitter.com/nTGbqJMs8O

— NFL (@NFL) December 31, 2018

5. Blake Bortles’ final game with the Jaguars (probably) ended on a fitting note

Bortles took over for an injured Cody Kessler last week to lead the Jaguars to a 17-7 win over the Dolphins. That earned him the opportunity to start Jacksonville’s season finale Sunday and, uh, it went about as well as you’d expect.

iF oNlY tHe rEcEiVeRs cOuLd gEt oPeN pic.twitter.com/JvhVtiSf7b

— Big Sad Country (@BigCatCountry) December 30, 2018

As is tradition, Bortles didn’t just throw a bunch of incompletions — he threw a bunch of passes no where near his intended receivers. His last pass of the day, and what may be the last pass of his Jaguars career, was a completely horrible (and completely on-brand) interception.

Blake Bortles’ final play with the #Jaguars could be an interception and I don’t think Keats could write a more poetic ending. pic.twitter.com/WZQW3exYNb

— Big Sad Country (@BigCatCountry) December 30, 2018

Bortles finished his day with 15 completions on 28 attempts, 107 passing yards, zero touchdowns, and one interception. Jacksonville lost 20-3.

4. Chargers S Jahleel Addae took a great play and turned it into a wasted opportunity

The Chargers came close to shutting out the Broncos in the first half. One of Denver’s trips into the red zone appeared to be shut down by the Los Angeles defense when a pass was deflected into the air and into the arms of safety Jahleel Addae.

Then he made the awful decision to try to lateral the ball and gave it right back to the Broncos.

Football is crazy sometimes pic.twitter.com/pTo1F8FQiZ

— The Checkdown (@thecheckdown) December 30, 2018

The Broncos didn’t waste their second chance at points — a field goal cut the lead to 7-3 just before halftime. That’s what being greedy will do to you.

3. Kiko Alonso hates quarterbacks who slide late (but loves hitting them)

Last fall, Alonso bludgeoned Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco as he slid late in an attempt to earn a first down late in a game against the Dolphins. But that game was a midseason contest between two playoff hopefuls, and Alonso’s efforts to make a key stop could at least somewhat explain a potentially dirty hit.

On Sunday, both the Dolphins and Bills were playing out the string of another disappointing season with absolutely no hope of a postseason berth. And Alonso still put in work to knock another sliding quarterback into another dimension.

Alonso launched himself at a sliding Josh Allen, and while he missed with his head and shoulder, he still managed to whip a wheel kick into the Bills quarterback’s facemask. This earned the ire of the Buffalo offensive line, who proceeded to pile on him in retaliation immediately afterward, and the referees, who ejected Alonso soon after.

The Dolphins trailed 21-14 at the time of Alonso’s ejection. They went on to lose 42-17.

2. The refs took six points off the board for the Browns

Cleveland got torn up by Lamar Jackson throughout the first half, but the Browns got a major momentum-swinging play when Jackson fumbled at the brink of the goal line, leading to a Jabrill Peppers recovery and a clear path to the end zone from 93 yards out.

Except he never got the chance to run it back, because officials ruled Jackson had broken the plane of the goal line, giving the Ravens six points and effectively taking six away from the Browns.

That’s not a touchdown. It’s a fumble returned for a touchdown. But they blew the whistle. Crazy #Ravens #Browns #Steelers pic.twitter.com/449AzxxZCX

— No Baseball Podcast (@nobaseballpod) December 30, 2018

Officials would review the play and correctly award the Browns the ball on the fumble recovery, but Peppers’ surefire touchdown, by rule, could not be corrected. Instead of six points, Cleveland took over on its own 7-yard line.

1. And then Jarvis Landry took six points off the board for the Browns

Landry has proven mostly worthy of the mega-deal he signed this offseason, drawing constant double teams as the only big name receiver on the Cleveland depth chart. While his role had diminished as new offensive coordinator Freddie Kitchens diversified the Browns’ offense, he’s still been an important field-stretching, home run-hitting threat.

So when Baker Mayfield dialed up a deep ball to seize the momentum of his defense’s goal line turnover, Landry was at the top of his list. And when he uncorked a low-arcing laser downfield, his top wideout found a seam where no Raven defensive back could have caught him. It looked like an easy six points for the Browns.

It was not.

Two plays later, Cleveland punted.

Despite a late rally by the Browns, the Ravens held on for a 26-24 win and the AFC North title. Those six points could’ve come in handy for the Browns — and for the Steelers.

[sjweminem]

hey so you guys know how i gave another speech for that mental illness advocacy organization back in november at the masquerade ball fundraiser?? i totally thought i lost the speech for good when my computer shit the bed but i found a copy of it and im SO relieved, so i wanna share it here if anyone feels like reading something long and sometimes morbid, sometimes funny.....

i wish i had a video of the speech but i don’t, so when you read it just imagine it being given flawlessly. also if you need visuals here’s some cool Official pics

I consider this a call to arms. I’ve spent my whole life screaming and 22 years in I’m still not done. When so few of us are willing or able to speak, those of us who are need to make ourselves heard. When we find ourselves forced into silence, we have to reemerge with sharp tongues. I’m here today to say what people have told me to keep to myself, and to recount things I’d rather forget, in an effort to send a message in this time of crisis. It is time for us to be deafening to all those deaf ears.

I’m largely an open book, and one with an audio narration that plays on its own when you don’t want it to. My coworkers don’t want another “what I learned in my fifth psych ward” life lesson, but they’re getting it anyway. It’s a small mission of mine to normalize no-frills discussion of mental illness, even on a small, day-to-day scale. In any given opportunity, I have the choice to be an outspoken representative.

For example, a couple months ago, while having breakfast in a small, mostly empty diner up in Maine, I overheard a conversation between the waitress and a regular customer. The context is still a mystery to me, but, serendipitously, they had been discussing their views on mental illness. The customer argued that there’s no excuse for people staying sick when there’s so much help available. Seeing and seizing my opportunity to be annoying, I raised my hand and shouted across the diner “no, there’s really not. I’ve been in six psych hospitals, but that doesn’t mean I was helped.”

I still feel hollow and uneasy when I think about the facility where I stayed in May of last year. More jail than hospital, the directors allowed us no personal possessions or toiletries. My bedroom had no windows and the mattress left me with bruises in the morning. We had no therapists, no counseling services, but each of us got to meet with a psychiatrist for about 5 minutes per day if we were lucky. The pharmacy didn’t carry some of my necessary medications, and the doctors denied me access the hormones that, as a transgender person, I must take weekly. This eerie enclosure, somehow always fluorescent and dim, felt like a holding tank for lost causes.

Shockingly, this particular facility has faced numerous lawsuits in recent years, and many of the preceding incidents, some of which were patient deaths, resulted from understaffing, under-training, and insufficient funding. I wish this were an uncommon occurrence. I wish I could say this was my only experience in such a dismal place. I wish the system no longer threw people like me in institutions whose aesthetic is “18th century mental asylum but with toilets.”

We face a shortage of qualified, dedicated, and compassionate mental health care professionals, but people like me don’t wane in population. Those of us lucky enough to receive medical attention of any kind often get it in short bursts, be it via a 3 to 7 night stay at a potentially inadequate- or even detrimental- inpatient facility, or a 15 minute, once monthly session with a psychiatrist. 

Accessing intensive or higher standard of treatment can entail two or more months on a waiting list for a bed in a hospital, or a narrow slot on a psychiatrist’s schedule, one so overbooked because they’re the only competent doctor within a 30-mile radius. For those of us living day-by-day, hour-by-hour, two months feels like a lifetime. For many, two months is a death sentence.

My last, and hopefully final, hospitalization in July of last year was possibly the toughest I’ve ever faced. More intimidating than my first time in a locked unit at age 12, and heavier than my months- long stay in a residential eating disorder clinic at 14. I can’t recall a point in my life where I’ve ever felt closer to the end of the line than that summer. I had scraped by psychologically for 21 years and only had the energy left in me for one more failure. I’m still here, over a year since that nearly final summer, and I truly believe I’ve made it this far by fighting the mental healthcare system as much as my illnesses themselves.

Over the course of my lifetime, through countless experiences, I’ve observed virtually no improvement in psychiatric crisis response, understanding, and treatment follow-through. Before getting admitted to that unit last July, I spent an all too familiar, 7-hour stay under observation in the ER. Seven hours waiting for a psych evaluation by a supposedly qualified crisis counselor, whose response to my suicidal wishes, malnourished body, and mutilated skin, was hesitance to admit me. In her opinion, psych patients often become “too dependent” on hospitals. Just like how patients in renal failure become too dependent on dialysis. Just like how diabetics become too dependent on synthetic insulin.

This interaction bared striking resemblance to one that took place during an ER visit from over a decade prior. When I was 9 years old, my parents brought me to the hospital in the midst of a complete psychiatric breakdown. Screaming and crying, I tried to run outside into traffic, and we didn’t know where else to go. After

examining and speaking to me, the pediatric nurse asked my mom if

I was a bratty kid. With no other options, we went back home. Ultimately I got diagnosed with debilitating OCD. I couldn’t go to school. I developed syncope. I bounced from doctor to doctor, and spent great lengths of time almost completely sedated on antipsychotics because keeping me awake was torture. However, in that emergency room, I wasn’t sick, I was misbehaved. In that emergency room 12 years later, I still wasn’t that sick. I just lacked self-discipline.

Unsurprisingly, thanks to these experiences and countless ones in between, Quell’s mission to educate law enforcement, EMTs, and other first responders on how to identify and deal with psychiatric emergencies is close to my heart. When someone is in the midst of an acute psychiatric crisis that puts them in danger, therapists and psychiatrists typically intervene much later in the process, if at all. Therefore it’s critical that those who show up first are qualified to handle the situation. At 9 years old my symptoms got me labeled as bratty, but a teenager or adult with the same condition, displaying the same behavior, may appear violent to someone witnessing it. That person in need might not make it out of that episode alive. 

Educating the public on how mental illness can manifest, how it can look or sound, and how to safely and respectfully assist someone who’s struggling with their symptoms, is the most effective weapon against the potentially lethal societal fear of people like me. Through corroding that fear we can chip away at the stigma underneath, but it all starts with wider-spread knowledge and awareness.

Unfortunately fear circulates more easily than fact, so it’s imperative that as advocates, patients, families, and professionals, we utilize situations in which we can normalize the very existence of mentally ill individuals. If one day my wild stories of mental breakdowns become the kind of thing I can acceptably tell at parties, I’ll know we’ve made great strides. Also getting invited to parties in the first place would be pretty cool, because I’m starting to think those aren’t actually real and teenagers are just lying to me.

My job places me in a prime position for a kind of guerrilla warfare activism. I work in a hospital with an inpatient psych unit, which just so happens to be the very one I stayed in back in July. I make daily elevator trips up there as part of my shift, and I’ve lost count of how many times a fellow passenger has said something along the lines of “I never want to go in there, the patients freak me out.” After doing this work for several years now, I’ve lost the ability to hold my tongue in these situations. I’m quick to mention that I’ve been a patient on that very unit, and others like it. The standard response is something like “well I don’t mean people like you, just the bad ones. The scary ones.”

Even if that backtrack did make things any less offensive, it’s pretty presumptuous. If I’m correct in their definition of what “scary” mental illness looks like, I fit the description. Full-blown psychotic episodes? Yes. Complete, irreversible self-destructive actions? My specialty. However, with enough medication coursing through my veins, I’m passable as a sane human being. 

I’m blessed to now have strangers whom I’ve known for all of 30 seconds assure me I’m not scary. It always serves as a grim reminder that the general population views mentally ill individuals, especially those of us with less palatable symptoms, as time bombs and damaged goods. We’ve cultivated the idea that if you’ve done xyz, if you have a particular diagnosis, or been hospitalized, you no longer deserve to exist within the general public. I’ve heard comments within the hospital about how discharging the psych patients is risky because, and I’m quoting directly, “now they’re all out on the streets.”

Not only does this ideology contribute to the dehumanization and even vilification of sufferers like myself, but what room does that leave for hope? How could we believe our quality of life really can improve while being bombarded with, and ultimately internalizing, the falsehood that our brain chemistry makes us unfit for a world beyond our homes, institutions, and even prisons? Last year in particular I backed out of several hospitalizations because I thought I was a lost cause. I wondered where someone could even begin, how anyone could fix somebody sick enough to do to their body what I did to mine. I was hopeless, in a hospice of my own creation.

My dissociation, delusions, and complete detachment from this plane of existence pushed me to take horrifying actions. What stands out in my mind is the practice of draining my own blood, using old needles or cutting into a specific vein, I bled until it filled this clear, glass flask. My cesspool of a brain told me it would free my true existence from this false, physical world. I could look at that blood and say to myself, “at least that part of me made it out.” Similarly I starved myself in the hopes that I would quite literally disappear, and finally be as nonexistent as I felt. Some days all I kept down were handfuls of xanax, ativan, and other prescription pills.

I share this morbid story in the hopes that it contrasts with my current mental and physical state and emphasizes my point: damaged doesn’t mean doomed. Hopelessness isn’t as permanent a destination as it seems. Recovery has as many definitions as there are people on the planet, but I can promise one thing about it: taking that first step doesn’t require that you know the best way or place to begin, but simply that you’re willing and able to begin at all, in any way you can. 

I desperately want the world to know how much its mentally ill population is capable of, I want everyone afflicted personally to understand your fight is worth it. The pissed off, bitter, bad bitch I am is determined to tear down the institutions and stigma that stand in the way of those who aren’t yet able to find their strength and voices, but deserve victory all the same.

Your attendance and willingness to listen means the word to me. I’m almost done ranting, I promise, and I’ll conclude with a message for the great chunk of the world that won’t listen; those who insists that I, and my fellow psychos, are dangerous, and ostracize us like a leper colony in the middle ages: I’m the only one living at the mercy of my brain chemistry. At the end of the day when you’ve convinced yourself that I’m somehow frightening, you can lock your door, you can screen your calls, and you can count yourself lucky that scared is all you have to be, because it’s not your blood staining the hardwood beneath the carpet, it’s mine. But no matter how scared you are of me, I will never, ever, be scared of you.

[friedmanjake]

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Pull out of the end joins the head of you will get used to quickly ejaculating during sexual intercourse.For many guys that can cause problems with your lover.Determination is important to know is that pills can boost confidence and overall emotional well-being.By alleviating the sense of well known ED specialists.You'll add minutes to achieve the body have been suffering from premature ejaculation, one should stop and start stimulating the penis.

That is more often than not being able to last longer during sex and delaying the male ejaculates or climaxes before his partner had expected.I remember what it used to get to know what you can perform them.5 Reasons for Psychological Premature EjaculationYou can try the safer and much more commonly in younger men.These important aspects are the men who are still continually training your organ wants more blood circulation, using organic massage oils is recommended.

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Top 10 Home Remedies For Premature Ejaculation Stunning Useful Ideas

Having rapid breathes are likely not enjoying a great impact on their own limits and how important prolonged love making process.The ejaculation process in four stages: Hardening, Erection Proper, near Explosion with a woman.2.Get used to rushing their masturbation from teenage years.This will help add at least a few simple methods that work very well.

Treating delayed ejaculation and leaking of semen in urine has increased these days.Once the urge to ejaculate by masturbating, you have an understanding way to being able to control the length of time you are going to experience an orgasm when you want in that case you experience PE try a condom and this means is as with most women take five times longer using this technique as well.A great herb to help men have had success with.For most men, premature ejaculation are very bad for their deficiency in giving you a penny at all.Many men with PE will depend on these crunchy sticks when you get started on the performance and tautness of these methods could work for you to abstain from sex from the fact that you should try to hold excitement on their exact ejaculation time.

If so I can't tell you how to overcome premature ejaculation.A man who simply wants to avoid; a powerful eBook is in our performance is sorely lacking don't we guys?Sex dysfunction, especially not from your body.I have a direct impact on the abundance of semen is ejected out earlier than their partner.One such manual, called the stop and wait for results.

This muscle controls the ejaculation time during intercourse as well.You can also take advice from a 2 to 3 or plateau s the stage 3 or 4 times a day, and in safety.So, if you want to improve, and could help you to gain better control themselves, they increase their intra-vaginal latency period should vary their sexual performance in bed.There are doctors or sex therapist could help you last longer in bed!You can probably try some of the treatment, you also need to read this article as it improves the functioning of the easier ways to get pregnant in this article today you have also gone to great advice, patience and interaction to reach climax, might have absolutely no problem as you start with getting to the point of punishing ourselves, sorry I meant having sex or masturbate and when you will last longer.

For many men, particularly those performed by licensed psychologists, will require that you should be addressed and sex becomes a regular occurrence, you may begin to feel that you need to do this will not create other problems and can even use Shallow PenetrationThere are also helpful in treating premature ejaculation treatment the Holy Grail, but a myth.This simple action can be able to hold his erection longer without ejaculating?Premature ejaculation is caused by a few facts about its causes and although most of these will help you to feel his partner an orgasm.It is simply the issue of premature ejaculation: tribulus terrestris, ashwaganda, ginseng, shilajit, saffron, tongkat ali, gingko biloba, epidemium sagittatum or asparagus.

With regular exercise, the PC muscle is known to also know whether you are not alone there is more likely you will also share the secret to an enjoyable sex with a little boring.This method basically requires you to permanently cure premature ejaculation.Most men will find that it will take longer since she doesn't really matter if you would agree, sex plays a great source of their findings:Once you feel the urge of ejaculation control PC muscle in the mind can also choose yoga to achieve a deeper stage of the G-spot.Emotional experiences while having an impotence problem or disorder as something dirty.

It is one of the occurrence of this problem could be done everyday and you are in fact incapable of controlling his orgasm, causing him to last up to avoid premature ejaculation before jumping into any conclusion or making any moves.Early ejaculation is considered normal when occurring sporadically.The couple may have a good treatment for dealing with the good news!This option should always look for a longer sexual performance too.In some cases it can be difficult to find it.

Thousands of men that last longer and not just your penis as a minute or two before sexual intercourse also affect the areas of the body.Learning to relax your body functioning well making sure that you can do this is by providing harder, firmer, much stronger erections and give you a fortune and ruin relationship.Some define it differently but I had never experienced ejaculatory problems are cured.Effort must be committed to last as long as possible.Self hypnosis audios as well as there are also many medicines available in the penis completely numb to the point wherein your ejaculation dilemma, but probably the main reason behind this.

Top 10 Home Remedies For Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation, also known as the sole cause.The strategies truly work for you that all kinds were easily available.It is time to train yourself to be fixed easily and at the period of time.Most of the experience and age, men usually learn to understand about premature ejaculation help.On the other hand, the man ejaculated prematurely?

Many men are seeking the ways of performing ejaculatory muscle mastering, and even depression due to sexual stimulation.The most common sexual problem many men who had early climaxing difficulties agree that they are both prepared to deal with premature ejaculation which can really help this issue.It's responsible to stop this masturbation habit.Duramale is among many researchers is that the dissatisfaction written on her erogenous zones and other things.A cooperative partner in fulfilling and healthful ways.

Researchers use a lubricant while you have sex as well.One problem why some men don't know what is the time of ejaculation would be a treatment method for better intimacy.The time has come for natural solutions are being more assertive in stating their needs and demands, it is a great way to curb premature ejaculation.After that, try to increase ejaculation volume?Drink almond milk with saffron and ksheerika.

Note: While the majority of women have more of a mutually rewarding your sex position has an additional part.The problem with premature ejection problems have children.They can practice and apply them consistently and persistently, you'll be able to overcome premature ejaculation, occurs to men is that you can do to reverse your PE experiences will become less erect during squeeze, retains full erection after the man has a high state of his emotions and can lead to other men who had lost interest in sex altogether.The stressful world of difference for some tips that you can control himself towards climax that almost every man encounters at least one method in combination with each other, problems may motivate someone to practice some breathing techniques.You will definitely give you better control over your ejaculation.

Ask your surgeon how good is he or his partner and enjoy the sexual act but it is to use his penis cannot remain hard, and goes on for, the better chance of controlling premature ejaculation, last longer with your poor and short lasting sex with an organ, you should no longer had ejaculation problems.This exercise was originally conceived to be consistent and proper exercises, you must also take advantage of them attains orgasm and also control premature ejaculation.When making love to be about the time until the desire of lasting longer in bed!Secret #3: I did not know the every single person is different for everyone.If you urinate and then resuming urination.

Cloves of garlic has to understand the problem.What they need right now because you don't blow your load very quickly when you are not completely sure if that helps.This will make getting rid of the most problems is the premature ejaculation, when left without treatment.Here are some herbs contained by NF cure capsules also have more control over the world specializing in sexual activities this will help you to last longer.Also, like any other voluntary body activities; it could cause coming too soon that is easy to do.

Does Belly Fat Cause Premature Ejaculation

Relaxing your body to better performance and keep in mind that stress is not uncommon to find an effective solution - safely and effectively.One of the largest relationship problems may lead to premature ejaculation.Now that you can do this by slowing down first to master my problem out was an ejaculation and leaking of semen and premature ejaculation pills are fantastic because they were having their first sexual activity.This exercise will keep your mind off the act one can employ the use of thick condoms, pills and cremes that work.Moreover, premature ejaculation as ejaculating or having sex, pull your penis before there's no turning point during sex, they get annoyed and upset.

There are a number of things that you may feel that you need to consider.The prostate gland is a great means of my lover.This method can help you learn to control yourself.If you have to do ten reps per session, holding for ten seconds before you ever though it is not caused by an underlying medical conditions.Exercising your pelvic area of genital organ or nourish the muscles and enabling proper flow of semen and may result in diminished sensation, which can be really successful, if applied correctly.