#byt the good kind of dirt

[piknim]

Why do cats smell so good

[miscreantsmadness]

June 7th, Jarlaheim

Hey pal,

I’m so sorry that I just left without telling you anything. I couldn’t. Can’t. Maybe I will tell you why I left someday, I probably will, byt not today. 

However, I can tell you about where I left for. I’m currently living in Jarlaheim. I found a dirt-cheap apartment. I didn’t think too much about it at first, but when I arrived I soon realised why it was so incredibly inexpensive. It’s located in a really rough neighbourhood. I’ll attach some pictures for you. But at least it’s mine.

It was really hard to find a job at first. I didn’t have anything lined up when I left. I didn’t even have the apartment, that’s how badly I had to get away. The first few days here I just wandered the town, asking around if help was needed in any of the stores since that’s what I have experience of. There was no luck there, so I tried with the mayors’ office, the city upkeep administrator, even a local farm! No one needed help, and honestly I’m kind of relieved that the farm rejected me. Don’t get me wrong - I could really use the money - but I just don’t feel too great about farm work, you know? I don’t know anything about it. 

Eventually I did manage to get job though. But, I think I’ll continue looking nevertheless. It feels kind of sketchy, and I have been advised to leave “while I still can”, whatever that means...

That brings me to the next thing I wanted to tell you! I’ve made a friend! That was something that really worried me about moving here, finding friends. I didn’t know anyone! But I have met this one girl, who lives in Jarlaheim too. I recognised her from work, well, my old place of work. She used to come into the shop all the time! Anyway, I saw her walking towards the town square one day when I was out job hunting. Since I recognised her a bit and were feeling really lonely I decided to just bite the bullet and talk to her. I made a really awkward introduction and explained how I knew her, and it worked out! I was so scared that she would think of me as some creep, but luckily she understood! Apparently she’s been in a kind of similar situation because she moved to Jorvik when she was younger. 

Anyway, she’s the one who eventually warned me about my current place of work. Apparently she has had some run-ins with the company before and they have a history of treating the local population poorly. She said she couldn’t tell me everything that she knew about them, but never told me the reason. Hmm, weird. 

At least she offered to introduce me to her friends! She said that she really thought that we would get on great, which was really nice to hear! It’s been a lonely first couple days here and the validation just felt so good. She’s taking me to some café this weekend, somewhere in Silverglade. I’ve never been outside of the Harvest counties! I’m kind of nervous... Both to meet new people and to be somewhere I’ve never been before! But my new friend said that we could meet up and go there together. Apparently none of her other friends live here in Jarlaheim, so it’s easier to meet up somewhere closer to them. Anyway, she told me to meet her at the east entrance so we could go there together. Wish me luck...

Once again, I’m so, so sorry that I just left like that. I had no other choice. I’ll tell you someday...

I’ll write you again soon! Take care xx

My

[bigfootmoviereviews-blog]

Savage 2011

Grade C+

Ahhh, how refreshing, something with some effort and thought put into it. It’s not great, but it is ok. Owen sucks at his job, the guy in the costume is a bit small to be scary, but the guns are actually firearms (not just BB guns), most of the actors are decent, you get to see the beast and the gore effects are not all CGI. This is was actually entertaining, something that hasn’t been seen on the blog before, and best of all, it’s available for free on YouTube. All of these have been actually, but this is the first one worth watching, especially in comparison to most of the Bigfoot movies out there.

The Plot:

Well, this is neither found footage nor a total bargain basement affair, so the plot will actually take a little effort to describe. Ok, so there is a forest fire that is disrupting things at a national forest, one of the rangers there is our “hero” Owen. Owen isn’t important yet though, and he’s also pretty bad at his job. We also have a guy trying to do research on bigfoot and his guide, a couple fleeing the law, a corrupt… mayor? I’m honestly not quite sure what his exact title or roll is in this. Anyways, this is actually worth a watch, so turn back now if you don’t want it spoiled.

Ok, Bigfoot is displaced by the fire, kills a bunch of firemen and a ranger. Owen is called in to look around. Meanwhile a Bigfoot reacher in a Prius and a lola hunter begin looking for the animal. And finally a couple name Gabrielle and Richard are there to hide from the law while poaching. The forest fire is making a lot of camper leave, and Owen continues to be bad at his job. Prius and Jack wander around and chat about Bigfoot. Gabrielle and Richard are there to poach, not for anything in particular mind you. Owen checks in on them, and though he clearly knows they’re not on the up and up, he just wanders off. Owen is bad at his job.

Richard is killed by Bigfoot, it then chases Gabrielle until she runs into Prius and Jack. Owen then meets the four of them when they wake up, somehow handcuffing Gabrielle while she was asleep without waking anyone up. He then makes Jack confess that all the evidence that he has shown Prius so far is fake. Owen tells them to leave, and takes Gabrielle off with him. He manages to crash his truck, but they are rescued by Jack and Prius. Those two are then killed. Owen then takes Gabrielle and runs to his house where is his pregnant wife is waiting for him with the beast in pursuit. Owen is bad at his job. Gabrielle manages to handcuff herself to Bigfoot to keep it trapped so Owen can blow up his house and kill it. Then it turns out that the mayor or whatever he is, started the forest fire as part of some poorly explained and silly subplot about remaking the town as a tourist haven. Owen punches him.

My Thoughts:

That's a very mild forest fire, so either these guys are great at their jobs, or terrible at it.

Why are you smoking? That's just an awful idea.

running would be a good idea. two firemen hear growling and see bushes thrashing. after a pause one is pulled up a tree

screaming, cut to credits

Oh Man, Tony Becker is playing Owen, so you know this shit is gonna be good

Who’s Tony Becker again?

Mr Cop, why are you singing to no music? Could you not afford the music rights

Why would tires squeal on a dirt road?

Apparently this is the last fireman, all the others got squatched

And the cop got squateched. And instead of driving away, calling it in or grabbing a weapon he’s just gonna sit there

Judging by the angle of attack, this sasquatch is really a honey badger

Annnnnd the fireman got squatched too.

No actual bigfoot seen yet, just stock roars

And now we have a guy bird watching at dawn from his front porch using magic binoculars to watch previously recorded footage of a hawk at a different time of day. Odds are this is out main character, possibly the mighty Owen foretold by the credits

They just got up and she’s already nagging him (wife comes out and asks if he’s gonna sit out here all day.) It’s early, you’re still in your nightgown. Why you gotta be so confrontational so early? And why would you put on makeup before your shower?

IT IS! IT is Owen. Things are gonna get poppin now!

Owen is being called in to deal with the situation, that bigfoot is screwed.

(cut to a cabin with a record player going with old music, we see boots with blood dripping down)

Dude, don’t pee in the middle of the room, and that ain’t normal. Go see a doctor

Oh I see, you’re making a mess while trying to skin a rabbit, and then rubbing the bloody pelt on your face.

Wait, is this German Guy? You know the one, from Das Boot? And Wing Commander? And Primeval? Oooh. Owen, you’re out, German Guy is the new Owen. At least until we learn his name, then you can go back to Owen status

Who calls a bathroom a “pisser”? Savages

Hmm, city slicker girl doesn’t seem to fit in. I bet she dies. (girl and guy stop at a souviner shop selling bigfoot stuff, he goes to the pisser while she wanders the store, and the owner gives her shades cause her BF is a dick)

CS girl’s boyfirend is a dick, which means we will hae to wait for far too long for his death sadly.

And that scene was necessary for… reasons.

And now we have a Prius stopped byt the side of the road so we can have yet another person who will die. I can tell by his face he’s going to be annoying

YAY its german guy again! ANd his name is Jack. Ok Owen, you’re Owen again,

And now I fell like an idiot. That’s not German guy, it’s some other guy. I’m much less happy now

CS girl drives past and Prius guy stares at her longingly

Prius wants to study bigfoot, Jack wants to kill it

THey… they used CGI to make the “Ranger Station” Sign.   Why? Just, Why?

People want their money back cause they can’t camp. The audacity of some people

The ranger in  the station wouldn’t last 10 minutes at walmart

So.... Owen assures the people they are safe to camp and they have his word, then tells Martin to give them their money back… so he just undermined the value of his own word

Yes, this is a Ranger station interior, not the directors living room. Sure. we can believe that

Hmm, Owen is worried about his house to the east in case the fire changes course. I’m sure that isn’t foreshadowing

Uh oh, looks like Ray was the one who got squatched

Whys is Jack hanging with Prius guy if he doesn’t like him?

Oh, it’s so he can title drop

Jack is tring a little too hard with a batman voice

BF is RIchard, and he’s still a dick. Gabrielle is CS girl

Why do the rangers uniforms not match?

Wow that is a stereotypical redneck. Bill runs Bigfoot towing

Why is the blood not mixed evenly?

Ok Jack, you packed your bag, why are you now pulling tools out of your truck, giving them a look, then putting them in the bag. Why didn’t you just put em in the bag to begin with?

Gabby, shallow stagnant water isn’t where those kind of fish live

And Owen closes in on abusive dick husband

Hahahaha! Poop. Always funny (Prius and Jack are hiking)

Pretty good performance as Owen questions Richard and Gabby

You’d have better luck with your parabolic microphone if your were not in a pit

Well look at that, disemboweled firemen have comedic timing. And Prius needs a shower

Jurassic Homage at the bigfoot store. Makes no real sense though, you’d have heard the truck and equipment long before it knocked over your pickled eggs

So the establishing shot shows it is dusk, but its still clearly daylight on Richard, and a different film quality on the bird, got it

Richard clearly knows nothing about firearms, birdshot wouldn't be good against anything that can make those noises

And now he just ignores the big growling animal that was just a few feet away because it was quiet for 5 seconds. Clearly he is a master poacher

His death was not nearly painful enough, one punch

And now we see gabby at a different time of day. These woods are magical

I don't think her splashing water on her face warrants the scary music we hear

Oh no, someone spilled tomato juice about two feet upstream from her. Cause that's the only way you could get it that cloudy.

And that is more CGI blood than is in human body

And his corpse isn't even in the water….

Well at least she was smart enough to grab the gun

So, it’s a little undersized, but an ok costume. But he apparently went to the Sabertooth From X-Men Origins: Wolverine School of Running. And it didn’t look good in that movie either

(Gabby is being chased, prius and jack her her shoot and close in. Jack says he’s gonna shoot it, prius knocks him down

I know the script direction probably called for Prius to be patting Jack down for weapons, but it just looks like awkward groping or trying to start a tickle fight. Wither way, not appropriate

Prius needs to realize you don't get to whine when someone hits you back, and that you were working together until you tackled Jack. So it really doesn't make sense for you to ask jack to work with you now

That was a totally needless diversion

Wow, owen is bad at his job, he apparently did know the bus hasn't been running here in years

Cryptic radio message is cryptic

So, you couldn’t clearly see each other thru like, 5 leaves? And neither of you is a bigfoot, you both know there's a bigfoot, why are you pointing guns at each other?

Like seriously, this is not dense woodland, I’m pretty sure I can see a road

Head ranger is clearly meant to be giving off Mayor in Jaws vibe

Uh oh, she shot the clerk, and I bet she doesn’t have a cousin named Vinny to help her out

Huh, Owen is the one saying the can't shut down the park.

“I know where a murderer is, they may flee. But I'm gonna go get milk and bring it home first. Then go arrest them myself” Owen is really bad at his job

With only half an hour left it doesn’t make much sense to start pushing this real estate subplot, that honestly appears to be non-sinister in nature and wouldn't actually add to anything

Uh oh, Owen is calling his wife just to say he loves her, he may be dying soon

It’s amazing how well Prius cleaned the blood and shit off himself

It's more amazing that Gabby is off sitting in the shadows by herself after her trauma So, she saw Bigfoot, up close, and she thinks they’re crazy for looking for it

Prius, using the Rings trilogy to justify looking for Bigfoot doesn’t make sense, BECAUSE NO ONE WAS SAYING HOBBITS WERE REAL!!! Homo Floenciensus is called a Hobbit because the books were popular, not because people think the books happened!

Prius, Jack has made all sorts of references to seeing a Bigfoot again, and now when he out and out says he saw it before, you somehow act surprised.

So apparently bigfoot can haul a man straight up a tree and vanish from sight, then just reappear. Or its just bad camera work

Jack, seriously, please go see a dentist

Jack, why are you pulling a gun on Owen? That's just stupid? Also, how did Owen find them? And how did he put cuffs on her without waking her

Soooooooo, Prius wants to look for Bigfoot, that’s been his whole life up till now, but now he wants to pause that so he doesn’t let the girl he just met out of his sight, even tho he knows she's a murderer

And now Prius refuses to leave. Prius, learn consistency.

So now we find out Jack is a con man, all the sightings they had were fake, but they’re gonna keep hunting it

Cause Owen sucks at his job, and didn’t make sure they left

Oh no, the foreshadowing is coming true, how could anyone have ever seen that? The fire is going east

And owen crashes his truck. Cause he sucks at his job

No seatbelts or airbags, Owen, you deserve the brain damage

Oh no, someone spilled velveeta shells on a dead racoon

So, hack just let Prius get wacked for no reason, and Prius got some great bigfoot crotch footage before he died

Owen, you still suck, it takes 45 seconds to say, “the fire is coming, we need to leave”

It motivates people more than screaming, we need to leave over and over

And going into the attic is not a long term plan, the fire is coming

Just keep hitting it with the axe

Why do you have a gas line in the attic?

Sooooooo, it can lift a truck, toss bodies around, but once gabby is handcuffed to his arm, he can't move………..

And they lose the house, that the fire is coming towards anyway…..

Oh, and now they try to tie the fire into the development plot by making the head ranger the one who started it.

And the head ranger, hudson, who just drove up to owens destroyed home, is surprised to see him there…

Owen, why are you apologizing for the wildfire and bigfoot attack? You didn't cause either of them. Of course if you had a gun you might still have your house, gabby would be alive, and you could sell the corpse

Well, those logos aren't clear rip offs

Why would you frame a shot of the traffic built up to get into the renamed park but fram it so we could see the first car in line, and make it clear there is no reason for them to be stopped?

Also, why the roar at the end? Are you trying to set up a sequel? Cause bigfoot running rampant through a packed campground sounds fun

Overall grade, C+ the deaths were too short and not shown enough. Jack needed more of a showdown than one shot and swinging an empty rifle, Richard should have had a little more effort thrown in, maybe a short chase and the bigfoot killing him more slowly. It would have also been more poetic if Prius was killed by Bigfoot using a tool of some sort and being so caught up in the moment that he doesn’t realize the danger (like the professor in Beast from 20K fathoms)

And as always when a monster has poorly written super strength, it annoys me when a beast that can toss people about and dismember them can be overpowered with a character using one hand

Worth a watch though. The Jaws subplot should have either been further expanded upon or dropped entirely since it really does seem tacked onto the end to drive home the message that… development is bad and makes bigfoot kill people?

And Owen still sucks at his job