#c: emmeline cavendish

[simadelics]

Bibury, 1895

Emmeline

I suppose I’ve become quite the seamstress!

Almira has allowed me to alter some of her old dresses to fit myself, and I’m glad to finally be out of that tight-fitting bad memory. Still, the woman hasn't updated her wardrobe in quite some time, and I am reminded of my mother: whoever thought the bustle was a good idea did not have a posterior like my own!

Without the help of a lady’s maid, my hair has suffered likewise, though I have never been one to fuss very much over my own appearance. It's nice not to be made to. I have found myself surprisingly appreciative of the work I have been given; it keeps me from wallowing too much in my own hurt, which seems to grow by the day, rather than heal with time. I believe now that I have settled, in some sense, I've been given time to think about it all: Kenneth’s betrayal, Mother’s, the destruction of my manuscript, and — most of all — how dearly I miss my children.

I find I often dream of Kenneth and I, at home and happily wed, without any of the pain that has come to define our marriage to me in the day. It all feels so enticingly real until I wake, and I am enraged at his betrayal all over again.

At least the renewal of spring approaches — I must look forward to that, rather than think about how my condition grows with its coming...

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[skylightbooks]

Late last night we gathered all of the new books that we carry that contain lists of

radical/difficult/legendary/badass/bold/brave/bad

girls/women/ladies/leaders/rebels/princesses/goddesses/feminists/heroines 

and created a word cloud of all the names that occur in these books. Here it is in long form:

A'isha bint abi Bakr Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer Abigail Adams Ada Blackjack Ada Lovelace (appears 4 times) Adina De Zavala Aditi Aelfthryth Aethelflaed Agatha Christie Agnodice (appears 3 times) Agontime and the Dahomey Amazons Aine Aisholpan Nurgaiv Ala Alek Wek Alexandra Kollontai Alexis Smith Alfhild (appears 2 times) Alfonsina Strada Alia Muhammad Baker Alice Ball (appears 3 times) Alice Clement Alice Guy-Blache Alice Paul Alicia Alonso Alma Woodsey Thomas Althea Gibson Amal Clooney Amalia Eriksson Amanda Stenberg Amaterasu Amba/Sikhandi Ameenah Gurib-Fakim Amelia Earhart (appears 4 times) Amna Al Haddad Amy Poehler (appears 2 times) Amy Winehouse Ana Lezama de Urinza Ana Nzinga Anais Nin Andamana Andree Peel Angela Davis (appears 3 times) Angela Merkel (appears 2 times) Angela Morley Angela Zhang Angelina Jolie Anita Garibaldi (appears 3 times) Anita Roddick Ann Hamilton Ann Makosinski Anna Atkins Anna May Wong Anna Nicole Smith Anna of Saxony Anna Olga Albertina Brown Anna Politkovskaya Anna Wintour Anna-Marie McLemore Anne Bonny Anne Hutchinson Anne Lister Annette Kellerman (appears 3 times) Annie "Londonderry" Cohen Kopchovsky Annie Edson Taylor Annie Edson Taylor Annie Jump Cannon (appears 3 times) Annie Oakley (appears 2 times) Annie Smith Peck Aphra Behn Aphrodite Arawelo Aretha Franklin Artemis Artemisia Gentileschi (appears 4 times) Artemisis I of Caria Ashley Fiolek Astrid Lindgren Athena Aud the Deep-Minded Audre Lorde Audrey Hepburn Augusta Savage Aung San Suu Kyi (appears 2 times) Azucena Villaflor Babe Zaharias Barbara Bloom Barbara Hillary Barbara Walters Bast Bastardilla Beatrice Ayettey Beatrice Potter Webb Beatrice Vio Beatrix Potter Beatrix Potter Belle Boyd Belva Lockwood Benten Bessie Coleman (appears 2 times) Bessie Stringfield Bettie Page Betty Davis Betty Friedan Beyonce (appears 3 times) Billie Holiday Billie Jean King (appears 3 times) Birute Mary Galdikis Black Mambas Blakissa Chaibou Bonnie Parker Boudicca (appears 3 times) Brenda Chapman Brenda Milner Bridget Riley Brie Larson Brigid of Kildare Brigit Britney Spears Bronte Sisters Buffalo Calf Road Woman (appears 2 times) Buffy Sainte-Marie Calafia Caraboo Carly Rae Jepsen Carmen Amaya Carmen Miranda Carol Burnett Caroline of Brunswick-Wolfenbuttel Carrie Bradshaw Carrie Fisher (appears 2 times) Caterina Sforza Catherine Radziwill Catherine the Great (appears 3 times) Cecilia Payne-Gaposchkin Celia Cruz Chalchiuhtlicue Chang-o Charlotte E Ray Charlotte of Belgium Charlotte of Prussia Cher Cheryl Bridges Chien-Shiung Wu Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (appears 3 times) Chiyome Mochizuki Cholita Climbers Chrissy Teigen Christina   Christina of Sweden Christine de Pizan Christine Jorgensen (appears 2 times) Clara Rockmore Clara Schumann Clara Ward Claudia Ruggerini Clelia Duel Mosher Clemantine Wamariya Clementine Delait Cleopatra (appears 3 times) Coccinelle Coco Chanel (appears 2 times) Constance Markievicz Cora Coralina Coretta Scott King Corrie Ten Boom Courtney Love Coy Mathis Creiddylad Daenerys Targaryen Dahlia Adler Daisy Kadibill Dame Katerina Te Heikoko Mataira Delia Akeley Demeter Dhat al-Himma Dhonielle Clayton Diana Nyad Diana Ross Diana Vreeland (appears 2 times) Dixie Chicks Dolly Parton (appears 2 times) Dolores Huerta Dominique Dawes Dona Ana Lezama de Urinza and Dona Eustaquia de Sonza Dorothy Arzner Dorothy Dandridge Dorothy Thompson Dorothy Vaughan Dr. Eugenie Clark Dr. Jane Goodall (appears 3 times) Durga Edie Sedgwick Edith Garrud Edith Head Edith Wharton Edmonia Lewis Eleanor of Aquitaine Eleanor Roosevelt (appears 3 times) Elena Cornaro Piscopia Elena Piscopia Elinor Smith Elisabeth Bathory Elisabeth of Austria Elizabeth Bisland Elizabeth Blackwell Elizabeth Cady Stanton Elizabeth Hart Elizabeth I (appears 3 times) Elizabeth Murray Elizabeth Peyton Elizabeth Taylor Elizabeth Warren Elizabeth Zimmermann Elizsabeth Vigee-Lebrun Ella Baker Ella Fitzgerald Ella Hattan Elle Fanning Ellen Degeneres Elsa Schiaparelli Elvira de la Fuente Chaudoir Emily Warren Roebling Emma "Grandma" Gatewood Emma Goldman (appears 2 times) Emma Watson (appears 2 times) Emmeline Pankhurst (appears 3 times) Emmy Noether (appears 3 times) Empress Myeongseong Empress Theodora (appears 2 times) Empress Wu Zetian (appears 2 times) Empress Xi Ling Shi Enheduanna Eniac Programmers Eos Erin Bowman Estanatlehi Ethel Payne Eufrosina Cruz Eustaquia de Souza Eva Peron (appears 3 times) Fadumo Dayib Faith Bandler Fannie Farmer (appears 2 times) Fanny Blankers-Koen Fanny Bullock Workman Fanny Cochrane Smith Fanny Mendelssohn Fatima al-Fihri (appears 3 times) Fe Del Mundo Ferminia Sarras Fiona Banner Fiona Rae Florence Chadwick (appears 2 times) Florence Griffith-Joyner (appears 2 times) Florence Nightingale (appears 4 times) Frances E. W. Harper Frances Glessner Lee Frances Moore Lappe Franziska Freya Frida Kahlo (appears 7 times) Friederike Mandelbaum Funmilayo Ransome Kuti (appears 2 times) Gabriela Brimmer Gabriela Mistral Gae Aulenti Gaia George Sand Georgia "Tiny" Broadwick Georgia O'Keefe (appears 3 times) Gertrude Bell Gerty Cori Gilda Radner Girogina Reid Giusi Nicolini Gladys Bentley Gloria Steinem (appears 3 times) Gloria von Thurn Grace "Granuaile" O'Malley Grace Hopper Grace Jones Grace O'Malley (appears 3 times) Gracia Mendes Nasi Gracie Fields Grimke Sisters Guerrilla Girls Gurinder Chadha Gwen Ifill Gwendolyn Brooks (appears 2 times) Gypsy Rose Lee Hannah Arendt Harriet Beecher Stowe Harriet Tubman (appears 6 times) Hathor Hatshepsut (appears 7 times) Hazel Scott Hecate Hedy Lamarr (appears 5 times) Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt Hel Helen Gibson Helen Gurley Brown (appears 2 times) Helen Keller (appears 2 times) Hildegard von Bingen Hillary Rodham Clinton (appears 2 times) Hina Hortense Mancini Hortensia Hsi Wang Mu Huma Abedin Hung Liu Hypatia (appears 4 times) Iara Ida B. Wells (appears 3 times) Ida Lewis Imogen Cunningham Irena Sendler (appears 3 times) Irena Sendlerowa Irene Joliot-Curie Isabel Allende Isabella of France Isabella Stewart Gardner Isadora Duncan (appears 2 times) Isis Iva Toguri D'Aquino Ixchel J.K. Rowling (appears 3 times) Jackie Mitchell Jacqueline and Eileen Nearne Jacquotte Delahaye Jane Austen (appears 2 times) Jane Dieulafoy Jane Mecom Jang-geum Janis Joplin Jayaben Desai Jean Batten Jean Macnamara Jeanne Baret (appears 3 times) Jeanne De Belleville Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Steinkamp Jenny Lewis Jesselyn Radack Jessica Spotswood Jessica Watson Jezebel Jill Tarter Jind Kaur Jingu Joan Bamford Fletcher Joan Beauchamp Procter Joan Jett (appears 2 times) Joan Mitchell Joan of Arc (appears 3 times) Jodie Foster Johanna July Johanna Nordblad Josefina "Joey" Guerrero Josephina van Gorkum Josephine Baker (appears 7 times) Jovita Idar (appears 2 times) Juana Azurduy Judit Polgar Judy Blume Julia Child (appears 2 times) Julia de Burgos Julie "La Maupin" d'Abigny (appears 3 times) Julie Dash Juliette Gordon Low Junko Tabei (appears 4 times) Justa Grata Honoria Ka'ahumanu Kali Kalpana Chawla Karen Carson Kasha Jacqueline Nabagesera Kat Von D Kate Bornstein Kate Sheppard Kate Warne Katherine Hepburn Katherine Johnson (appears 2 times) Kathrine Switzer Katia Krafft (appears 2 times) Katie Sandwina Kay Thompson Keiko Fukuda Keumalahayati Kharboucha Khawlah bint al-Azwar Khayzuran Khoudia Diop Khutulun (appears 5 times) Kim Kardashian King Christina of Sweden Kosem Sultan Kristen Stewart Kristin Wig Kuan Yin Kumander Liwayway Kurmanjan Dtaka Lady Godiva Lady Margaret Cavendish Laka Lakshmibai, Rani of Jhansi (appears 5 times) Lana Del Rey Las Mariposas Laskarina Bouboulina (appears 2 times) Laura Redden Searing Lauren Potter Laverne Cox (appears 2 times) Lee Miller Lella Lombardi Lena Dunham Leo Salonga Leymah Gbowee (appears 2 times) Libby Riddles Lieu Hanh Lil Kim Lili'uokalani Lilian Bland (appears 3 times) Lilith Lillian Boyer Lillian Leitzel Lillian Ngoyi Lillian Riggs Lindsay Lohan Liv Arensen and Ann Bancroft Lorde Lorena Ochoa Lorna Simpson Lorraine Hansberry Lotfia El Nadi Louisa Atkinson Louise Mack Lowri Morgan Lozen (appears 3 times) Lucille Ball Lucrezia Lucy Hicks Anderson Lucy Parsons Luisa Moreno Luo Dengping Lyda Conley Lynda Benglis Ma'at Mackenzi Lee Madam C.J. Walker (appears 3 times) Madame Saqui Madia Comaneci Madonna (appears 3 times) Madres de Plaza de Mayo Mae C. Jemison Mae Emmeline Wirth Mae Jemison (appears 3 times) Mae West Mahalia Jackson Mai Bhago Malala Yousafzai (appears 7 times) Malinche (appears 2 times) Mamie Phipps Clark Manal al-Sharif Marcelite Harris Margaret Margaret "Molly" Tobin Brown Margaret Bourke-White Margaret Cho Margaret Hamilton (appears 2 times) Margaret Hardenbroeck Philipse Margaret Sanger Margaret Thatcher (appears 2 times) Margery Kempe Margherita Hack Marguerite de la Rocque Maria Callas Maria Mitchell Maria Montessori (appears 2 times) Maria Reiche Maria Sibylla Merian Maria Tallchief Maria Vieira da Silva Mariah Carey Marian Anderson Marie Antoinette Marie Chauvet Marie Curie (appears 5 times) Marie Duval Marie Mancini Marie Marvingt Marie Tharp Marieke Nijkamp Marina Abramovic Mariya Oktyabrskaya (appears 2 times) Marjana Marlene Sanders Marta Marta Vieira da Silva Martha Gelhorn Martha Graham Mary Anning (appears 5 times) Mary Blair Mary Bowser (appears 3 times) Mary Edwards Walker (appears 2 times) Mary Eliza Mahoney Mary Fields (appears 2 times) Mary Heilmann Mary Jackson (appears 2 times) Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Mary Kingsley Mary Kom Mary Lacy Mary Lillian Ellison Mary Pickford Mary Quant Mary Seacole (appears 3 times) Mary Shelley Mary Wollstonecraft (appears 2 times) Maryam Mirzakhani Mata Hari (appears 3 times) Matilda of Canossa Matilda of Tuscany Matilde Montoya Maud Stevens Wagner Maya Angelou (appears 4 times) Maya Gabeira Maya Lin (appears 2 times) Mazu Meg Medina Megan Shepherd Melba Liston Mercedes de Acosta Merritt Moore Meryl Streep Micaela Bastidas Michaela Deprince Michelle Fierro Michelle Obama (appears 3 times) Mildred Burke Miley Cyrus Millo Castro Zaldarriaga Mina Hubbard Minnie Spotted Wolf Mirabal Sisters (appear 2 times) Miriam Makeba (appears 3 times) Missy Elliot Misty Copeland Mochizuki Chiyome Moll Cutpurse Molly Kelly Molly Williams Moremi Ajasoro Murasaki Shikibu (appears 3 times) Nadia Murad Nadine Gordimer Nakano Takeko Nana Asma'u (appears 2 times) Nancy Rubins Nancy Wake (appears 2 times) Naomi Campbell Naziq al-Abid Neerja Bhanot Nefertiti Nell Gwyn Nellie Bly (appears 8 times) Nettie Stevens (appears 2 times) Nichelle Nichols Nicki Minaj Nicole Richie Nina Simone (appears 2 times) Njinga of Angola Njinga of Ndongo Noor Inayat Khan (appears 3 times) Nora Ephron (appears 3 times) Norma Shearer North West Nuwa Nwanyeruwa (appears 2 times) Nyai Loro Kidul Nzinga Nzinga Mbande Octavia E Butler Odetta Olga of Kiev (appears 2 times) Olivia Benson Olympe de Gouges Oprah Winfrey (appears 5 times) Osh-Tisch Oshun Oya Pancho Barnes Paris Hilton Parvati Patti Smith (appears 2 times) Pauline Bonaparte Pauline Leon Peggy Guggenheim (appears 2 times) Pele Petra "Pedro" Herrera Phillis Wheatley Phoolan Devi Phyllis Diller Phyllis Wheatley Pia Fries Pingyang Policarpa "La Pola" Salavarrieta Policarpa Salavarrieta (appears 2 times) Poly Styrene Poorna Malavath Pope Joan Portia De Rossi and Ellen Degeneres Princess Caraboo Princess Diana Princess Sophia Duleep Singh Psyche Pura Belpre Qiu Jin (appears 3 times) Queen Arawelo Queen Bessie Coleman Queen Lili'uokalani (appears 2 times) Queen Nanny of the Maroons (appears 4 times) Quintreman Sisters Rachel Carson (appears 4 times) Rachel Maddow Raden Ajeng Kartini Ran Rani Chennamma Rani Lakshmibai Rani of Jhansi Raven Wilkinson Rebecca Lee Crumpler Rhiannon Rigoberta Menchu Tum Rihanna Rita Levi Montalcini (appears 2 times) Robina Muqimyar Roni Horn Rosa Luxemburg Rosa Parks (appears 4 times) Rosalind Franklin Rosaly Lopes Rose Fortune Rowan Blanchard Roxolana Ruby Nell Bridges (appears 3 times) Rukmini Devi Arundale Rupaul Ruth Bader Ginsburg (appears 3 times) Ruth Harkness Ruth Westheimer Rywka Lipszyc Sadako Sasaki Sally Ride Samantha Christoforetti Sappho (appears 3 times) Sara Farizan Sara Seager Sarah Breedlove Sarah Charlesworth Sarah Winnemucca Saraswati Sarinya Srisakul Sarojini Naidu Sarvenaz Tash Sayyida al-Hurra (appears 2 times) Sekhmet Selda Bagcan Selena Seondeok of Silla (appears 2 times) Serafina Battaglia Serena Williams (appears 4 times) Shajar al-Durr Shamsia Hassani Sharon Ellis Sheryl Crow Sheryl Sandberg Shirely Chisolm (appears 2 times) Shirley Muldowney Shonda Rhimes (appears 2 times) Simone Biles (appears 2 times) Simone de Beauvoir Simone Veil Sister Corita Kent Sita Sky Brown Sofia Ionescu Sofia Perovskaya Sofka Dolgorouky Sojourner Truth (appears 5 times) Solange Sonia Sotomayor (appears 2 times) Sonita Alizadeh (appears 2 times) Sophia Dorothea Sophia Loren Sophie Blanchard Sophie Scholl (appears 3 times) Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz (appears 2 times) Sorghaghtani Beki Spider Woman Stacey Lee Stagecoach Mary Fields (appears 2 times) Steffi Graf Stephanie Kwolek Stephanie von Hohenlohe Stevie Nicks Subh Susa La Flesche Picotte Susan B. Anthony Susan La Flesche Picotte Sybil Ludington (appears 3 times) Sybilla Masters Sylvia Earle (appears 3 times) Tallulah Bankhead Tamara de Lempicka Tara Tarabai Shinde Tatterhood Taylor Swift Te Puea Herangi (appears 2 times) Temple Grandin (appears 3 times) Teresita Fernandez Mirabal Sisters Muses Night Witches Shaggs Stateless Thea Foss Therese Clerc Tin Hinan Tina Fey (appears 2 times) TLC Tomoe Gozen (appears 2 times) Tomyris (appears 2 times) Tonya Harding Tove Jansson (appears 2 times) Troop 6000 Trung Sisters Trung Trac and Trung Nhi (appear 2 times together) Tyche Tyler Moore Tyra Banks Ulayya bint al-Mahdi Umm Kulthum Ursula K. LeGuin Ursula Nordstrom Valentina Tereshkova (appears 5 times) Valerie Thomas Vanessa Beecroft Venus Williams (appears 2 times) Victoria Beckham Vija Celmins Viola Davis Viola Desmond Violeta Parra Virginia Apgar Virginia Hall Virginia Woolf (appears 3 times) Vita Sackville-West Vivian Maier Wallada bint al-Mustakfi (appears 2 times) Wang Zhenyi (appears 2 times) Wangari Maathai (appears 3 times) Washington State Suffragists Whina Cooper Willow Smith Wilma Mankiller Wilma Rudolph (appears 3 times) Winona Ryder Wislawa Szymborska Wu Mei Wu Zetian (appears 3 times) Xian Zhang Xochiquetzal Xtabay Yaa Asantewaa (appears 3 times) Yael Yani Tseng Yayoi Kusama Yemoja Yennenga Yeonmi Park Ynes Mexia Yoko Ono Yoshiko Kawashima Yuri Kochiyama Yusra Mardini Zabel Yesayan Zaha Hadid (appears 2 times) Zenobia Zoe Kravitz Zora Neale Hurston (appears 2 times)

[simadelics]

Bibury, 1895

Emmeline

I'd fretted terribly about when I'd have to announce to Almira that I'd gone into labour, considering I'd not informed her I was with child to begin with. When the moment inevitably came that I had to, she only laughed: “Emmeline, dear,” she said, “I’m blind, not deaf.” She'd later recount the many times I’d loudly become ill over the period I've been staying with her, and — in her words — pregnancy seemed to be the least concerning explanation she had settled on some time after she’d heard a wooden chair creak underneath me.

She held my hand in hers through what had proved to be a startlingly easy birth, even without the care of a physician. I consider myself to be a logical, reasonable woman, but I cannot help but feel as if my prayers had been answered. For once, I need not struggle and sacrifice; while Isabelle seemed to desire to usher in my death for her life as some sort of awful, biblical exchange, I had this wonderful calm wash over me as I held little Clytaemnestra — I've named her for another wronged, maligned woman — in my arms for the very first time.

I must admit, I expected to feel my Kenneth’s arms around me in turn.

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[simadelics]

Bibury, 1895

Emmeline

I prepared to leave in the morning, glad for the rest and the wash but unsure of what awaited me on the horizon, when I struck up a conversation with the inn-keeper’s wife. She was wearing my earrings, and they suited her quite nicely, which I told her. My remark must have made her feel guilty to some degree — it surely was not my intention; the highest value any of my jewellery holds at this point is strictly monetary and nothing more — because she told me that if I was truly and desperately in need of a place to stay, she knew of an old woman in town who’d recently lost nearly all sense of sight and could offer me bed and board in exchange for some work she is no longer fit to do herself. Though I may be visibly unaccustomed to a life of labour, I could not understand her emphasis on the presumed “desperation” required to take her up on her offer; I asked her where I could find this woman, and she gave me directions I had to repeat in my mind to remember.

It’s strange to walk through unfamiliar streets totally unaccompanied, and a touch overwhelming: if I desired to, I realized, I could run in any direction and end up in a place entirely new to me, a thought that was liberating and terrifying in equal measure. Really, it’s not so different than the experience of a sailor marooned on an undiscovered island — it seems a silly thought, but we are all charting our own maps, are we not?

My map led me to Almira Hobbs’ doorstep, which I waited at with absurdly high hopes, dreadfully low expectations, and an odd anxiety I couldn’t quite place. I did not summon her until a second knock, and I stated my business with her. She stared in my general direction with visible skepticism, though she did not turn down my offer; in fact, she didn’t say much of anything at all — she walked inside, keeping the door ajar, and I took it as an invitation. I could not afford not to. Following behind her, she stated the various duties she would require of me, and I agreed to them without a thought: none would require much exertion to a woman of my age and ability, regardless of my condition (a thing I did not make known for obvious reasons; I am terrified of ruining things just as they finally begin to work in my favour, though I know I am only delaying the inevitable).

Though upon my entrance I was faced with neglected surroundings and a cold hearth, I have never been so happy to step foot in a place in my life, I should think.

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[simadelics]

???, 1895

Emmeline

A place to rest at last!

I was staggering down unfamiliar streets, my clothes drenched with seemingly unrelenting rain, when I finally came upon a homely little inn. The owner refused me initially, on account of the fact that I appeared to be an unkempt, dirty-looking woman travelling unaccompanied.

I did not sway him until I spoke — proof of my fine breeding — and presented him with my two pearl earrings as payment. He called his wife in to authenticate them, which she did rather excitedly (and rather blindly, if I may say so), and they agreed to provide me with a warm bed and hospitalities, but only for the night. Though I know my earrings are certainly worth far more than a single night at an inn, I can understand that I appear to be a good deal of trouble.

I suppose I am a good deal of trouble, all things considered.

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[simadelics]

London, 1894

Emmeline

I have been — for not the first time, surely — quite stupid. Perhaps “delusional” would be a more apt descriptor, but it is an unavoidable truth no matter how I phrase it: I am with child yet again.

My attendants still appear to be most fortunately unobservant, though I do not desire to keep pushing my luck as I have been. Carrie (who has become quite the confidante for me in my time of need) told me that this has happened before — without a doubt, I will be sent home to Kenneth.

My mind has been overwhelmed with the worst of my memories from Isabelle’s birth and the ensuing period of melancholy that left me a mere shadow of myself; there is nothing in this world that terrifies me more than the idea of returning to serve out the sentence of “breeding cattle” bestowed upon me by both church and country. I cannot bear to be who I once was to him now, with all I have suffered as a result of his actions; I have borne hurt at his hands that I truly believed he could never make me feel. Carrie asked me if I’d rather risk the streets than return home, and I — perhaps too hastily — said yes.

Really, our attendants are not terribly threatening figures: after all, we are women of a certain station, and that station implies a degree of complacency and acquiescence, especially when provided with such luxuries and comforts. With Christmastime rapidly approaching, Carrie made note of the fact that the sanitarium staff dwindles down to the few without families to return home to, or some equally depressing situation that leaves them working on the merriest day of the year.

She helpfully reminded me of a recent but passionate flirtation she has had with a male attendant belonging to the latter group that may so conveniently take his attention away from me — it seems the stars have all aligned in perfect order, and I truly believe that if I do not make my leave then, I never will.

It does not escape me that I am asking for something I typically consider a rather naive notion: a Christmas miracle.

Yet, perhaps it is less terrifying than the alternative thought: for what may be the first time in my life, I am the steward of my own fate. Not Kenneth, not Father, and not Dr. Lyon.

I will rise or fall at my own ability or fault.

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[simadelics]

???, 1894

Emmeline

My illness has not ceased — but how could it when the very conditions that brought it about have not improved? I am bound to the same tragic rooms, eating the same tragic food, sworn to live (if you would be generous enough to refer to what I am doing as that) the same tragic life — to the end of eternity, I suppose. Am I allowed to suppose? I believe I must ask my oh-so faithful attendants.

Worse yet: my clothes have begun to fit me like a sausage’s casing! When has food so rich with fat ever tasted so disagreeable? I feel as if I am a single meltdown from pulling down the dreadful curtains adorning my chambers and fashioning them into a toga. If they are going to treat me as if I am mad, why should I not act like it?

London, 1894

Thomas

It seems Father is either working or with Isabelle, of late. I asked him if Isabelle may start thinking Pauline is her mother in Mother’s absence, and he became terribly cross with me.

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[simadelics]

London, 1894

Kenneth

    My lovely wife could have lit and thrown a stick of dynamite at the podium and caused less destruction than she did with only her voice. As far as I could piece together between incessant apologies, Constance Clancy told her about Gresbrooke’s role in my campaign, not thinking anything of it, and Emmeline regarded it to be such a horrible betrayal that she took out the carriage and stormed in during Gresbrooke’s speech to loudly — so, so loudly — disavow him and his “corruption and rot.” Gresbrooke has only said one thing to me on the matter since: “Leash that woman, or I will.” It is my unenviable position to be the man in charge of the leashing.

    Truthfully, I am terribly cross with her at this moment, but I must repress it for the time being. It is a result of my own weakness — Dr. Lyon confirmed precisely what I suspected, which is that Emmeline is not in full possession of herself and cannot control her actions nor be held as responsible for them. As long as she is in this state, she is not Emmeline, Dr. Lyon says, but some wounded animal with all of her fears and pains and rages but none of the self-awareness and love that makes her my Emmeline. While I may be feeling humiliated and, frankly, emasculated by her, I must remind myself that — once she is out of this dreadful state — she will feel all that I am feeling double-fold.

    I tried to have a talk with her in our chambers, and she screamed at me like a wild animal. Dr. Lyon tells me I should not feel like any less of a man or husband for it, but I am not equipped to “heal” her as I would like to. I was a touch too disoriented to recognize where he was attempting to direct the conversation, so when he told me what course of action he would recommend as a doctor, I was shocked, befuddled, and dismayed all at once. I told him I was most ardently against the notion of sending my well-bred, highly intelligent wife to a sanitarium like some sort of madwoman. He asked me if I was willing to risk her life over my own ego, but I told him it was not a matter of ego at all — polite society never forgives nor forgets, surely, but it can, to a degree, sympathize with the husband of a lunatic. We have not forgotten our Brontës so soon. Dr. Lyon knows me well, however: he said that that was not the sort of ego he meant to suggest, but the one that declared that I would not be any husband at all to her if I could not resolve her nervous condition through my own care. It is true: the idea of any other man being able to do for her what I cannot is almost too awful to bear, but Dr. Lyon reminded me of our boys, and dear little Isabelle — my responsibility is to them first and foremost…a sentiment Emmeline would share if she was in any state of mind to.

    He promised that there are ones made for women like her, and we decided on one some distance away due to its quality. My wife will receive only the best possible care our great nation has to provide.

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[simadelics]

London, 1894

Kenneth

    Dear Lord. Here is the situation as I have been told it: the supposedly intelligent boys that I have raised decided that they would solve the case of their mother’s missing novel on her behalf. First, Kenneth Jr. unsubtly interrogated Pauline about her personal history before Thomas turned his attention to their nana. Thomas, some how less subtle than his brother, decided he would utilize what he referred to as “the element of surprise” by asking his nana — without any degree of sugar-coating or subterfuge — if she destroyed Emmeline’s manuscript. Perhaps this would not have unfolded so disastrously if Emmeline had not been searching for Thomas after Pauline had informed her of the strange discussion Kenneth Jr. had instigated.

     Emmeline overheard Thomas’ question and, having it make a deal of sense to her when coupled with her mother’s apparently guilty reaction, asked it herself. She quickly cracked under the scrutiny and claimed she would not have had to if Emmeline did not choose her writing over her daughter. She claimed she could not stand to see Isabelle “neglected” another day.

     I cannot understand the level of cruelty she has embodied to do this to her adult daughter, but I have made arrangements for her to leave at the nearest possible hour. Though I have been comforting my poor Emmeline, I have never seen her as distraught as she is: it as if she has lost touch with reality; she hardly acknowledges anything, including my words and my touch. I can only pray she will be in better spirits tomorrow and continue to care for her as I have.

     The primary reason for the drink in my hand is this: I feel a failure as a husband to abandon her, but the day after next is the single most important day of my campaign. I would never leave her alone as she is — I have already made arrangements with Constance Clancy to keep her company, and Pauline will assist her with anything she can — but I still cannot control the rising disgust I am feeling for myself in this moment.

Emmeline

    I am so terribly empty now. Things no longer seem as real as they once were.

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[simadelics]

London, 1894

Kenneth

    After a long and arduous day of work, I await the peace of home: my wife’s greeting kiss, the smiles of my children, and our cook’s most savoury dinner (just as I like my dinners to be). It appeared I would come home to this like I’ve done many a time as I walked through the door; the first sign of the burgeoning chaos on the horizon was Emmeline’s search for her manuscript.

     Though Emmeline has never been the neatest woman and can occasionally succumb to bouts of absent-mindedness, I have never known her to lose a thing as important to her as that — especially considering its heft! That novel had enough pages to be considered a tree; one does not simply lose it by being scatter-brained. I have tried to comfort her, but she is in a state about this, and understandably so!

    All I could do was join the search until I was fit to drop. I went off to bed, dog-tired, while she remained rummaging through drawers I’d forgotten we had — I told her to leave the work to the servants, but she said she could not rest until it’s found, anyway. I worry about her terribly, sometimes.

Emmeline

    Mother chooses to nag at me only when she is certain that it will frustrate me most! “Emmeline,” she commands me (as if I am still the perpetually frightened girl of my childhood!), “would you not spare even a moment to spend with your daughter?”

    The woman has a talent for discovering my sore spots and prodding at them with her bony fingers. Does she not understand that I torture myself enough over this? The girl still makes me terribly nervous, and the horror of it is, I cannot understand why! I can only pray and pray so much — a state I am forced to return to as I search for my manuscript.

    If I cannot find it soon, I will surely go mad.

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[simadelics]

Introducing... The Cavendish Family, 1890. Kenneth and Emmeline Cavendish may have been ‘matched’ by their parents several years ago, but they love each other quite passionately — even if they cannot always understand each other. Inspired by his high ideals, Kenneth is pursuing a career in politics, though he’s finding it increasingly difficult to achieve the latter without compromising the former. Emmeline is an author who can work wonders at her typewriter, but struggles to find the right words when it comes to letting the people she loves know how she feels. In their quest for a third child, they have suffered one tragedy after another; yet, Emmeline is pregnant once more, and Kenneth hopes that this will finally be the child that he has long wished for. Kenneth Jr., their eldest son, is a studious and well-mannered boy who admires his father very much. He wants to be a politician just like him one day! He considers his own youth unfortunate and has some trouble making friends his age, though he isn't interested in their immature company — all he needs are the various essays, journals, and recollections as detailed in his beloved scholarly collections! While Kenneth is content to keep his nose stuck in his books, Thomas prefers to rip the pages out and fold them into little butterflies. He's incredibly social and has a very active imagination that he puts to work in his drawings, loving to illustrate the bedtime stories his mother tells him. Kenneth Jr. is more enchanted with the adult world than fantasy, but he’ll indulge in Thomas’ games on occasion...and even have a good time (don’t tell a soul!).

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Read their story by checking out the #cavendish legacy tag or clicking next. You can learn more about them on their Plum Tree!

[simadelics]

London, 1894

Kenneth Jr.

    Sometimes, I feel as if I am only a boy masquerading as a man. There are promises made of enlightenment and understanding that come with age and experience…but why must I be left like this now? I understand that is a childish thought, but how can I refrain from having them when I am being treated as a child?

     I miss Mother dearly already. Father was in his study when Pauline put us to bed, and he was still there when we awoke — it seems he has not had the heart to look at us, much less say a word about her absence. Have I lost both of my parents?

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London, 1890 Emmeline          I do not know why people choose to act like pregnancy is such a simple matter, or why it should somehow become easier to bear with each one. I am, truthfully, just as unprepared as I was the past six times, and I still find myself praying for just one thing — my own survival. It’s a selfish thought, but I have come to terms with my own selfishness. Kenneth has become selfish in his own right; I see him sacrificing the values that made him pursue politics to begin with by bowing at the feet of men we privately treat with disgust. I understand that it is believed one must “play the game,” but I am waiting for the day a man has enough strength within himself to flip the board.

     I am feeling too ill to go on writing. My head has been filled with horrible, disjointed ideas of late, and I — for once — am glad I have been unable to put them to paper.

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Oxford, 1891

Emmeline

    It is certainly the mother’s fault if she feels nothing for her innocent young child. Certainly. But why did I scream the very first time I held her to my breast? It was never like that with Kenny nor little Thomas. Kenneth sent for Dr. Lyon, but he only parades as a man. Deep down, he is an imbecile — where he should have a brain, I imagine a fly buzzes to and fro through the empty space in his skull. He suggests that I am envious of her youth and fear being replaced as a woman…men have a terrible habit of treating women like girls and girls like women. Regardless of the disturbance, my holiday has treated me quite nicely, though I’ve begun to miss Ken and the boys terribly.

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London, 1894

Emmeline

    Much to Mother’s discontent, some of my writer friends visited for dinner to celebrate my second draft’s finishing! It has been some years in the making, now, and it transformed what was only the shadow of an idea in my first draft to something I may hubristically declare I finally consider art. I have been living in a state of utter fantasy and cannot withhold affection from anyone in my sights — even Mother!

    My friends proposed a toast to me, though I directed it to the man whom I would not have the opportunity to write as I do without: my beloved husband. For once in my life, I feel truly a part of the world again. So often I have been on the outside looking in, and it’s quite wonderful inside.

Kenneth

    I mentioned my wife’s novel to Gresbrooke off-handedly, and he asked me what it was like to be “a writer’s wife.” I abandoned my politesse for a moment to tell him it was a far more desirable a situation than to be married to a woman who only values her husband as an extension of her coin purse — luckily, he had a good chuckle at that. Odd; though I am decidedly happy my impudence didn’t beget the terrible consequences it should have.

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London, 1891

Tom-Tom

    Mother’s home! I missed her so much and could not sleep a day without her stories. It was so very strange to look for her and remember she was not home, but now she is!

London, 1891

Kenneth

    The prodigal wife has returned! Perhaps I lack the stoic masculinity a husband and father should embody, but I simply melt at Emmeline’s touch. I always have — I genuinely believe I was made to love no other woman but her.

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