#call to action optimisation

[koobruk]

How a Poor Website Design Is Killing Your Conversions

Is your website driving users away? Discover how common web design flaws like slow loading, bad navigation, and weak CTAs are killing conversions. Learn how to fix them and turn your site into a lead-generating machine. Contact Koobr today for expert web design that delivers real results.

[theseoblogspace]

Effective Conversion Rate Optimisation Strategies for Small Businesses

In the second quarter of 2022, e-commerce sites in the US had a conversion rate of just 2.3%. Meanwhile, online shoppers in Great Britain enjoyed a rate over 4%1. This shows how crucial it is for small businesses to boost their website’s conversion rate for growth. Conversion Rate Optimisation (CRO) is key to getting more sales, reducing costs, and getting more qualified leads. Conversion rates…

[talenlee]

3.5e: The Prestige Classes of the Complete Warrior

The Complete Warrior was a book of all time. All the Complete books had their virtues and their vices, but the Complete Warrior was one of the first attempts by the designers in the lifespan of 3.5 to try and introduce some juice to the least powerful part of the game that was also, fundamentally, the most vital and popular. People love their human fighters, they love swords and they love archery and they love doing the cool fantasy things that wizards don’t do.

The Complete Warrior was a book that brought with it tools for the non-spellcaster, and how good or bad a job it did of it notwithstanding, one of the things it brought was a host of prestige classes. A prestige class is something like a Paragon path, but more retrictive and harder to implement. You need to fulfill requirements to get into it, and then each one gives you powers or benefits at irregular intervals.

I thought it’d be fun to look at them.

And then I found there were 30 of them.

Be pretty silly to look at all 30 of them, right? Pretty silly to take all these dusty archaic game pieces and one-by-one them to a general audience and discuss their design limitations or the idea of class fantasy, right?

Have to be a bit of a goober for that?

Bear Warrior

A barbarian whose rage is so potent they turn into a bear.

The Bear Warrior is a great place to start the list. It is 100% perfectly fine; you give up late-game Barbarian perks, your skills aren’t quite the same, and in exchange you get to do something that is new and cool but builds on what you were already going to do. Anything you ask a Barbarian to do, a Bear Warrior can do probably do about as well, but, and this is important, the Bear Warrior gets to transform into a big fighting bear.

Class fantasy fulfilled, mechanically reasonable, and doesn’t demonstrate an ignorance of the game rules.

Bladesinger

An artful melee spellcaster who can cast spells while fighting.

3.5 D&D had a longstanding puzzle for optimisers about how to make a type of character we called a ‘gish’ – a fighting spellcaster that could cast high-level spells, and fight in combat. The idea was a novel one that still appeals to me, since the power to do either side is going to be consumed by the things you need to feed the other half. The Bladesinger is one of many, many prestige classes in this tradition, and it’s actually decent.

This fulfills the class fantasy of being an elf, with a sword, casting spells and fighting at the same time. The name ‘Bladesinger’ has some truly broken history (back in 2e it was amazing), and this version carries that name, doesn’t make unreasonable demands of you to get access to it and delivers on the theme.

I kind of think of the Bladesinger now as a sort of robust middle-of-the-road gish class. It will do everything you need, it won’t ask you to do anything weird to get it, and while there’s more powerful and more flexible versions, there’s nothing wrong about using it and you get to do something most other gishes don’t (cheat the action economy).

Cavalier

A mounted knight who is good at being a mounted knight.

Here’s where we begin one of the first real drive-into-a-ditch problems of the Complete Warrior. See, Paladins are appealing to people who want to fight in melee, and that means there are some prestige options here for improving Paladins. This one, the Cavalier, is really only good if you are a Paladin, because mounted combat without a Paladin’s special mount options involves transporting around a mundane animal with maybe thirty hit points that can be crisped by a fireball.

What you get out of this class when you jump into is, uh, being a good mounted combatant. Like Paladins mostly already are. I want to give this modest praise for specialising, but the problem is, the Paladin who doesn’t take this route eventually gets Holy Sword, which is really amazing for charging cavalry Paladins, and this class doesn’t get Holy Sword.

It can get Holy Sword through wands I guess?

Dark Hunter

A hunter, but roguey.

Hey, hang on, hold this for a second.

Darkwood Stalker

A rogue, but huntery.

Alright, back. The Darkwood Stalker and Dark Hunter are close to each other in both what they’re doing and how worthless they are. They are both melee combatants that want to be good at stealth and reward that stealth with combat options that make you better from stealth, using the time honoured tradition of Sneak Attack. Know what else gets Sneak Attack? The Rogue, and the Rogue is a standard class that doesn’t need prestige class requirements. It’s also really good. In fact if you want to, taking a Rogue and specialising to make it tougher and better at melee will yield a better version of both of these prestige classes than sticking them onto a Ranger or Fighter or whatever ever could.

Oh, and the Darkwood Stalker brings in race-specific combat abilities, which is uh, bad. It gets a death attack which is terrible since it requires three turns of anticipation, only targets orcs, and gives a save-or-die. It is an ability whose upside is probably not as good as three multi-turn attacks, and it’s your capstone ability for don’t bother.

Bonus: When you get it, wizards have already had access to a spell that can save-or-die any target, even if it’s not an orc, and they get it at level nine.

Dervish

A fleet-footed combat dancer who moves through a battlefield to a rhythm that makes them untouchably dangerous.

The Dervish is a really cool class fantasy, it lets you specialise in something most fighters want, and it presents you with an interesting puzzle to solve if you want to use it well. Basically, you can attack and move, and you can do more attacks and more moves, but you have to be able to move into a new square every time, and you can’t move back into the last square you were in.

To maximise your Dervishing you need to map through a combat and the result is both effective and satisfying. Amazing class, absolutely worth the effort to get into it, and it makes you good at either enormous targets with uncomplicated terrain around them (like giants and dragons) or really widely spread out weak targets. Thing is, there’s a lot more than just those two options, and it gives you room to screw up and get yourself put somewhere really dangerous if you’re reckless.

Shame about the slightly racialised name.

Drunken Master

You’ve seen that guy in a Jackie Chan movie? Yeah, like that!

Oh boy, speaking of racialised names.

The Drunken Master is a monk prestige class that gives the monk the ability to fight with improvised weapons. This is something that the monk could already do through narrative description (hitting people into things like benches, tables, and ladders) but don’t worry, the Drunken Master is here to let you do that exact thing, but not as well.

This class is fine, but it’s not better than the base class it comes from.

Exotic Weapon Master

Well you tell me I shouldn’t pick up three exotic weapon proficiencies, but what if I did, mom?

This class is a big pile of special options but isn’t worth it. Nothing it unlocks is as good as you can get from other prestige classes that are less demanding. Exotic weapons are, largely, not worth using, since they are weapons and therefore they are all balanced around not making longswords and two-handed swords redundant, and that means that the best you can do is the Jovar or Bastard Sword, which are the same thing but slightly better. All the other fancy cool looking weapons fall behind on the math, and in some cases by a lot.

Remember, the tonfa is a club and it’s an ‘exotic weapon’ in this system.

This is a bunch of feats that aren’t good enough, in a trenchcoat, and should have been a modal feat instead.

Eye of Gruumsh

Hating elves and depth perception is a personality.

Stick your eye out! Become an Eye of Gruumsh! Get the special powers of Being Good At Fighting, which you already were!

Look, sometimes something exists to be a flavour option and then the designer gives up on making it so there’s any reason to want that flavour. This is what sometimes gets called an NPC prestige class; something that only exists so NPCs can take it to make them more interesting or specific as a combat encounter for players. You have to play a bad heritage to get into this class, then you have to focus on a bad weapon, and then you have to impose a material penalty on yourself, and then with all that, you get a perk that’s not useful as a player.

Bonus, the class is racist. Its bonuses are focused on being better at fighting elves.

Frenzied Berserker

The fantasy of raging so hard you hit teammates with an actual payoff.

The first big flaring red light of ‘this is a problem’ class in the book, though not necessarily for reasons you might imagine. The Frenzied Berserker is an extremely strong melee combatant whose drawback is that other players who don’t respect what you do can get hurt.

This is a bummer.

For them.

This is a rare example of a prestige class that is, ostensibly, delivering on what it promises and what it delivers is worth waiting for. It’s for people who want to play an out-of-control rager who is a danger to themselves and others. Where it gets weird is that by ignoring death rules, it can do some odd things with a bucket of water if you’re the kind of DM who doesn’t hold the reigns tight enough to say ‘I know the rules say you can return to 0 hp by sticking your head in a bucket, Dave, but we both know you know that’s stupid.’

Gnome Giant-Slayer

How do we compensate gnomes for being awful at fighting the things they should want to fight all the time?

Structurally, it is weird that the Complete Warrior got this when the gnome handbook, Races of Stone could have used it more. Then again, saying anyone could use this is overstating it, because nobody needed it. This is a prestige class about making one specific type of small character better at fighting big things, which seems a skillset that should be generalised and not at all related to a specific heritage.

This is also something like the fourth prestige class so far that wants the feat Spring Attack. It’s almost like that’s the only thing fighters can do that the designers can point to as a desireable prerequisite.

Halfling Outrider

The triple union of horse girl, good boy, and hobbit superiority.

I’ve written about this one before! The Halfling Outrider is part of the Supermount design, which didn’t exist until after this book was made. It’s a perfectly good class without that, and it does something the Cavalier doesn’t do – in that it’s something you can get into from multiple points and provides a reason to do so.

Hulking Hurler

Want to throw things at people? Like, really big things?

Okay, deep breath.

The Hulking Hurler is one of the most broken things in this book, and I mean broken as in ‘rules don’t work this way normally.’ The Hulking Hurler gets the ability to throw objects as improvised weapons, which then deals damage based not on the object’s design, but rather based on the object’s weight, and that’s a stat that scales up.

A 400 pound object, when flung, deals 5d6 damage. If it’s sharp, like a stalactite or jagged rock, it’s doubled, meaning that you’re flinging 10d6 damage at level 7. For a Hulking Hurler to fling one of those you need a strength of around 23, and it goes up from here. There are magic items for improving your carrying capacity, and for storing large items. Thing is, this number here is where the normal table maxes out, and carrying capacity and object weight damage do not scale up in the same way. When your strength goes 10 times over the cap in the book (so if you can hit 39), your carrying capacity quadrouples, and the damage goes up by 1d6 per 200 pounds. You start needing to do algebra homework on your damage dealing.

This gets ridiculous combined with the War Hulk prestige class from the Miniatures Handbook, but it’s worth remembering that even without that combo, this is still introducing into one whole combat economy (hit points and strength mods) another unrelated one (weight capacity).

Hunter of the Dead

A holy warrior that casts spells and purges the undead. Paladin? No, shh.

Sometimes a prestige class has a clear conceptual flavour but not a good way to deliver on it. This, for example, should probably just be a Paladin variant.

Invisible Blade

A sneaky stealthy fighter who fights with two daggers.

There’s a body of classes that are about giving you an existing feature, but worse. In this case, the class gives you sneak attack, but only with daggers, and then a way to surrender that sneak attack for a worse effect. Cool idea, but piss-poor execution meaning it’s just not worth it to care. Giving up 1d6 sneak attack for 1 point damage over time effect means that you have to wait 3 rounds to, on average, catch up with just sneak attacking.

Also, the Invisible Blade can add its intelligence to its AC, but that bonus is capped by its class level.

Essentially, this class has some cool ideas (bleeding sneak attacks and nimble defenses) but made sure to make them suck in case people got too eager to play with them. After all, this is the fighter book, not a wizard book.

Justiciar

You’re a fucking cop.

The ability to deal nonlethal safely (kinda nice, maybe worth a feat with some other perk), and then improvements to tying people up mid-combat, presenting a unique form of control that trades turns of damage knocking someone out for a few turns of grappling them in the hopes they then won’t escape artist or strength their way out of your restraints.

It’s a gimmick.

It’s probably a gimmick for an NPC.

If you’re really into the idea of dealing nonlethal damage, unarmed combat has plenty of support. The sap isn’t terrible. Hell, know how else you can do nonlethal damage? With the Merciful Enchantment from the Dungeonmaster’s Guide, which lets you inflict nonlethal safely and freely. and you can just buy it with gold.

Crippling strike is cool, but it’s not worth the investment of this class. A point of stat damage is also, something you can put on a weapon enchantment.

Also you’re a cop.

Kensai

Spiritually attuned weapon masters who want to express a really cool element of their weapon.

It’s kind of embarrassing how mystical this one has to be to justify what it is.

The Kensai is good at their weapon. It’s not always a sword, but this is 3.5, if you care about weapons, you care about swords. The Kensai is overwhelmingly going to be about doing a good job with its sword. The Kensai can spend experience to improve their sword, customising it without ever having to hand it to a wizard, and, spent right, this can be useful to bust through economy barriers. Depends on how your DM wants to handle XP I suppose.

Anyway, the Kensai also gets some cool abilities like using a concentration check to improve their body or transfer perks to allies, or do cool things with their attacks. It’s a good system and it casts its shadow onto 4th edition’s encounter and daily combat powers, which of course, nobody before 4e knew anything about.

Knight of the Chalice

A holy warrior that casts spells and purges demons. Paladin? No, shh.

Sometimes a prestige class has a clear conceptual flavour but not a good way to deliver on – hey wait I said this already. But it’s true! It’s a more specialised Paladin that doesn’t pay out worth the effort.

Look, demon hunting Paladin wannabes. If you want to attack outsiders, if you want your powers to be better at hurting outsiders, don’t look at your shitty spellcasting. Get a weapon and cast Holy Sword on it.

Knight Protector

A knight, who tries to protect people.

This is largely just alright, but it is important that this class is trying out ideas for aggro management that would become important in 4e when they were put in place more structurally.

Master Thrower

A thrower who is good at it.

Absolute piss.

This is here to make throwing weapons good, because throwing weapons are good in fantasy fiction because throwing weapons looks cool in fantasy movies. But the game system is not set up for that, because throwing weapons aren’t one of the chosen good types of weapons to do, like a longsword.

If you want to attack things at range, a lot, with a cool weapon nobody’s noticing, play a cleric, get into archery, and make your weapon invisible. The class fantasy here is obvious, and the delivery is terrible, but don’t worry, the alternative is also bad.

Master of the Unseen Hand

The powerful urge to use telekinesis to smash people into walls like a big splatty hand.

Hello, wizard prestige class, what are you doing here?

Well I know what you’re doing here, you’re trying to make something wizardy that feels fighty. The Master of the Unseen Hand gets to use the Telekinesis power and use it like a weapon at range. That’s really cool, and lets you do things like pick people up and throw them out of combat so hard they leave their boots behind (as per the class fantasy art). The way it works is a bit wonky, so talk to your DM ahead of time about whether it works the way it states it works or the way it seems to want to work.

You can even do something cool with this one! You wanna know how? It involves your character taking on levels of Savage Progression as a ghost.

Want to be good at this prestige class? Just die!

Mindspy

A spy, for minds, because high concept is hard.

What the hell is this doing here.

The Mindspy is an inexplicable rogue class sitting in the fighter book because I guess we needed some good space filler, to go along with the Cavalier, Hunter of the Dead and Knight of the Chalice.

Nature’s Warrior

A dangerous form-shifting warrior that stalks the woods and uses the forms of animals to attack its foes.

A class for augmenting wildshape, one of the best and most broken abilities the Druid has access to. Druids advance their wildshape by levelling up as Druid, and doing so also brings with it all the Druidic spellcasting and the other class abilities they get, which is pretty good and cool, even if you don’t get more base attack bonus. You have to ask yourself if you’d rather iterate one attack or get the full monster attack pattern that a bear or smilodon gets.

Point is, if you can wildshape, you wanna stay in the best class in the game for wildshape.

Still, it’s potentially useful for a ranger that wildshapes.

Occult Slayer

Wizards hate him, because of this one weird trick.

Noticing that wizards were better than all melee combatants, some classes were designed like competing organisms in an ecosystem. This is a fighter who is meant to be better at fighting wizards, which would scare wizards a lot if they had to ever care about things that made saving throws when they could just impose a bunch of negative levels with a level 4 spell.

It’s very hard to compete with an apex predator because they’re apexes for a reason. What a fighter could do is tackle a wizard with a grapple, but that might not work more than once. You’d need to be really good at grappling.

Order of the Bow Initiate

A kind of archery monk.

One of many classes that imagines swapping multiple attacks for single bigger attack is good. Since it doesn’t use skirmish or sneak attack (which both can be multiplied), and its overall damage output is extra d8s instead of extra d8s+all bonuses, it’s only good for overwhelming enormous damage resistance, which doesn’t exist in 3.5.

Unless you’re trying to shoot your way through something with hardness.

Basically, this is the class for shooting a castle wall to death, and that would be cool as hell, but nobody wants to do that. It’s a perfectly reasonable tool for a bad job.

Purple Dragon Knight

A refugee from the world of Faerun, with the knights of Cormyr, whose lore is large and tedious.

Novelty here is that there’s the dawn of another 4e mechanic (a challenge). Otherwise it gets to live alongside the Cavalier, and the other Knights, just generic mish-mash of ‘kinda a Paladin, but not as good.’

Rage mage

You wouldn’t want me to cast spells when I’m angry.

Know what spellcasters love? Losing spellcaster levels.

What the Rage Mage does as a class fantasy is be able to rage and also to cast spells. This is a thing that is perfectly reasonable to want to do and a novelty as a class, but doing so involves splitting your focus to get into the class and then making your execution of that class role worse, because you’re giving up spellcaster levels to do it.

Terrible idea, back to the drawing board, fix all.

Ravager

Servants of a god of pain that get to be good at inflicting and sharing pain.

I suppose the best I can say about the Ravager is that it lives up to its class pitch. It’s just a class whose prestige ability is ‘do a bit more damage.’ It’s another class that doesn’t compare well to (say) sneak attack, which is a repeating theme in this book of how many of these prestige classes could be replaced by just multiclassing rogue a little.

These four level classes are really bad.

Reaping Mauler

A grappling specialist.

Oh hey, it’s that thing that the Occult Slayer wishes it could do. The Reaping Mauler is straightforward, focused, and good at what it wants to do. Weird name, considering it neither reaps nor mauls, but what are you going to call some kind of specialist at wrestling and grappling? There’s no good word for such a thing, right?

Ronin

Samurai have codes of conduct; what if they fail to live up to them?

A samurai prestige class, which is to say, let’s take a piss-bad class and give it a weak prestige class that doesn’t improve its biggest problems. It does follow neatly in the tradition of the samurai, which is worse than a fighter, by giving it a prestige class that’s worse than a blackguard and worse than just multiclassing rogue.

Weren’t we just talking about that?

Spellsword

A wizard, a sword, some armour.

Hey, remember that Gish discussion from all the way up in the Bs, with the Bladesinger? Yeah! This is another example of a gish, trying to fix the 3e prestige class of the same name. Sadly, the Spellsword kind of sucks compared to even its most mundane competition, the Eldritch Knight in the Dungeonmaster’s Guide.

The evolution of this class fantasy in 3.5 is fascinating. By the end of the game’s life there was a core class that did this – full base attack bonus, full spellcasting, in armour, from day 1, and what they used to balance that class was its access to spells. Seems like the obvious way to do it in hindsight.

Stonelord

Dwarf fighters that lean into the aesthetic of being all about stone and rock.

One of the failures of imagination in 3.5 was that when you had to ask how to expand the fighter, you just gave it spells, and those spells replaced being a fighter. The Stonelord surrenders the feats of a fighter in the name of having access to a bunch of spells, which is something you could do with multiclassing into any number of casters, or even just buying magical items. Hell, you could multiclass rogue again, get Use Magic Device and skirt all this nonsense.

Tattooed Monk

A monk who uses tattoos to enable a host of interesting powers.

The way the Monk interacts with iterative attacks created a problem for potential multiclasses; you really needed to hit your +3 attack every 4 levels, which started at 0; that meant that you’d go 0-1-2-3, then, 3-4-5-6. That meant that if, say, you jumped into a Monk prestige class at level 6 (when most people were jumping into prestige classes) you’d get your 0-1-2-3, 3-4-4-5. Because of the special way monk attacks iterate, being at +5 at level 8 means that you’re behind on your Flurry of Blows progress, which feels weird as a way to handle that.

Anyway, yeah, it’s a monk, with tattoos. Those tattoos are cool magical abilities. Personally, I’d handle tattoos as magical items, the way that the game eventually did, but y’know, sure. It’s not like a class that gives you a bunch of magical items effects is uncommon.

It’s not good, but oh well.

Thayan Knight

A Red Wizard’s personal bodyguard.

The coolest looking class in the book, this is blatantly an NPC class. It’s not worth taking as a player, but its abilities are really annoying to deal with when you’re fighting an enemy red wizard with one of these as a cohort. Should just be some monster abilities.

It’s a dumb design, and a waste of book space. It tells DMs that this is how complicated and fiddly monsters need to be and that slows DMs down and makes the process harder to manage.

War Chanter

A bard whose focus shifts from generalised spells to highly effective combat buffing.

The War Chanter is a rarity in that it’s a thing that pulls you away from a spellcaster class, into a melee class and makes the transition worth it. Now, the caster class it draws from is the bard, a class whose spellcasting is usually an afterthought (or at least, a mid-thought), but the War Chanter really lays out the red carpet for the alternative. You get the full base attack bonus, better hit dice, and immediately get a way to toughen up in combat. Also, the requirements are positively reasonable.

Essentially, this lets you play a bard who fights, and sings as they fight in a way that everyone who hears it appreciates it or fears it. You get better songs than default bards, and you get to benefit from it yourself, and you get to mix and match them together as you level. Hell, the final ability is incredible, letting you turn a gaggle of nobodies into characters who fight as fighters of your level, making them amazing for amplifying pets and cohorts as well!

Warshaper

A shapeshifter who practices ways to make their body warping more powerful.

What the fuck is the Nature’s Warrior doing in this book when the Warshaper is here.

The Warshaper is a short class, which breaks the trend for those in that it’s good. It improves your ability to shapeshift, but it lets you access that shapeshifting in a variety of ways. That means your wildshape forms are stronger but if you say, are a character with inherent Alter Self or some kind of Polymorph effect, that counts too.

Look, the Warshaper isn’t good enough to stop a Druid, I don’t think, but it’s still good enough for anyone else who shapeshifts to at least think about it.

Conclusion

This was stupid and fun. I shouldn’t try and do something comprehensive like this again.

… though there are other Complete books…

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[madschiavelique]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞 (𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨'𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

summary : so you were called for back-up on a mission with gwen, hobie, pavitr and miguel. you get him out of a tight situation, he drags you in a dark street, you get back to the team, you get shot in the thigh, and miguel starts sucking on the bullet to get it out of your skin :D (or most simply, how you got wounded and miguel is playing healing vampire)

content warnings : blood, bullet (if there are others please do tell so that i can add them !), biting (literal), miguel licking you, no use of Y/N word count : 5,3k

note : the spider babies feel like a lil found family to me, so i had to make them goofy in this. i thought about miguel’s bites not only being poisonous, but also in another dosage a great pain killer (i have strictly no idea about how realistic all this is but here have fun reading this besties). this stands as the first part of a 3-shot that i am writing for my bday which is in 4 days hehe (crying), also i didn't proof-read this and english is not my first language :D, enjoy

chapters' list : 1 - lovebite 2 - late night training 3 - unexpected mission (nsfw) 4 - shameless (nsfw)

Although this wasn't your first mission, you couldn't help but feel like a frozen steak being thrown into a hot pan. You weren't always flung into the thick of the action, of course, but today you were, because you'd been called in as reinforcements with Pavitr.

Miguel had taken Hobie and Gwen on this mission, hoping to get Gwen more used to the terrain. You had arrived a little after her, and for the moment you had restricted access to the field. But today was clearly an exception. You and Pavitr had been called in as back-up, and you immediately took the portal to the dimension in question.

As soon as you emerged from the portal, your spider-senses alerted you to the need to throw yourselves to the ground to avoid the rush of bullets that had been fired in your direction. Exchanging surprised glances, you began to crawl to the side of the building that seemed to be opposite to where the incessant gunfire was coming from, hoping to avoid being riddled with bullets. Because although Swiss cheese was appetising, it wasn't in your plans to become one.

Pavitr tapped his watch.

"Miguel, we're here, where are-" but he had no need to ask the latter's whereabouts, since right in front of them swayed Hobie and Gwen, who seemed to be fleeing... A bride?

It was a bride armed with some sort of personally optimised cannon that was firmly strapped to her body, and if your instincts were right, it would appear that her ammunition was not as simple as that commonly sold, and you dreaded to know what would come out if she fired. She moved with a sort of jet-pack, following your friends at breakneck speed, her long white veil rippling like a trail left behind an aeroplane. Immediately, the two of you began to follow to join them.

"Hey, Hobie! Gwen! We're here!" you shouted.

Suddenly, the bride's head swivelled in your direction, her big red lips stretching into a smile as her eyes widened like two big marbles. Ouch, maybe shouting your presence in the middle of a fight wasn't the right decision.

You could already hear Miguel's voice echoing in your mind: "You should have taken advantage of the surprise and used it to your advantage instead of letting the whole town know that two Spider-Men had just joined the fight!"

But hey, what's done is done, and you'll certainly remember to be more observant on your next mission.

"Ah, Miguel's little minions have joined the party! Honey?" she shouted as you both reached Gwen and Hobie, "we've got some newcomers, I hope they're on the guest list for the ceremony. It would displease me greatly if we had to eliminate them just for that reason."

"After all, murder and marriage are the same if the two people know each other and it all ends in death," you say, your eyes falling for a moment on the absolutely enormous cannon she seems to have programmed to shoot you.

"Marriage is just another contract to life anyway," replied Hobie, to which you nodded sharply. "Anyway, with her chemtrail theory flying around behind her, I'm worried."

It seemed that the anomaly was not a single anomaly, but rather a couple of anomalies, which was probably why these two had been asked to provide support.

"Where's Miguel?" asked Pavitr, all still running.

"Oh bloke, you're not going to believe your eyes when you see him," sneered Hobie.

"What happened?" you asked.

"I took a few photos of the occasion," said Gwen, "but nothing beats seeing it for real."

A loud bang sounded, and you turned to see what had just happened. The face of the building you were standing on was melting: the bride had fired a bubble of acid that had burst against the wall and was biting all the adverts that were stuck to it.

"Destroying propaganda? Bonkers, I'm starting to reconsider this," Hobie huffed.

"Miguel's further down the avenue, on that street over there," said Gwen. "Go and see him before he comes, it's well worth a look.

When the mystery is too great, you don't dare disobey, so while they were busy evacuating more civilians to reduce the number of casualties from the mission, you set off in the direction you'd been told.

You swung out into the street, and as you rounded the corner, you couldn't help but stifle a laugh. The great Miguel O'Hara, the man at the head of the Spider Society, guardian and master of the inter-dimensional balance of events, was pasted up and looked like an Egyptian drawing in the process of running, or the typical chalk drawing you would draw on the ground at a crime scene, all covered in a gooey fluffy substance.

You swung over to him, and he noticed your arrival. You landed on the edge of the wall he was stuck on, biting your lip to stop yourself from bursting out laughing.

"If you want to say something now is the time to shut up." he said, teeth clenched.

"Gwen was right, it's definitely worth the trip. Comfortable? Need a magazine? A snack perhaps?"

"Hilarious, are you going to mess with me like this for much longer or are you planning to help me out of this situation?"

"My intentions were of a slightly more agreeable nature," you huff, walking towards him on all fours.

The substance surrounding him seemed to be a kind of solid foam that kept swelling slowly. You drew out your claws and began to cut the foam from his arm.

"Lovely couple over there, real synergy between the two of them. Shame almost half of marriages end in divorce."

"You get sentimental about enemies? Keep your sensitivity out of the fight and concentrate."

"Focus on foam? Honestly you know your Marshmallow Man costume lacks realism."

He let his neck tilt back until it touches the wall, murmured between his lips: "todos me vais a matar."

A small smile stretched across your face, the poor guy must have felt like he was babysitting, and although you were older than all the other teammates, hanging out with them brought out your absurd and more childlike side, your inner child in a way.

You managed to dislodge quite a bit of foam, but it was taking too long, it was thick and had the consistency of snow whose surface had crystallised.

"I'm pulling your leg, jefe" you say, the little use of the Spanish name making him react. What, You've got to make a profit from duolingo after all. " Okay, pull in your tummy."

"What?"

You raised your arm in the air, your claws extending a little further. Lately you'd been trying to see how far you could push the limits of your costume, and the increase in your claws was one of them. It was a bit painful, but if it meant Miguel could get out of this situation and get home safe, then you might as well take it. All you could hope for was that you wouldn't fail...

Then, with a sharp, wide stroke, you sliced through the foam. The cut was perfect, and Miguel, who was just as surprised as you were, popped out of his spot as if he'd just stepped out of a mould.

" Well," he turned to you, dusting off the few remnants of foam still clinging to his body, "observations?"

This was an exercise that Miguel inflicted on every recruit during their training or recruitment. It was simple: he selected a small anomaly to keep things simple, and asked the recruit what observations they'd make to neutralise the target. Except that, in this case, the anomaly wasn't so minor. You were racking your brains.

"I didn't see the husband, but I did see the bride. She's got a jet pack that should be neutralisable, it'll slow her down in her movements, but you'd have to aim carefully to do that. Her only power is her weapon, except that as it's attached to her it's going to be complex..."

Then you remembered her attire, and especially the long veil firmly placed on her head.

"Her wedding veil, you should be able to pull it down and hold it still."

Miguel nodded, you didn't know how to take the look he was giving you through the mask, but you hoped he was satisfied with the answer.

"The husband's pretty much the same, except-" but he didn't finish his sentence, suddenly grabbing your arm and pulling you instead into a much darker, narrower adjacent alley. He leaned against a wall, looking down at the street you had just left.

"Here's the husband," he murmured.

The suddenness of the gesture took you by surprise, of course, and you seemed unable to think straight. Not just because you were so close that your bodies were pressed together, but because all your senses, all your nerves, seemed to come together in one and the same place in your body, a place where it felt like sparks were flying: Miguel's hand was placed on your waist.

Through the thin but hard-wearing fabric of your suit, you could feel the heat from his fingers spread across your skin, sending a shiver down your spine and up to your neck and cheeks to warm them. His grip was firm on your flesh, and you tried to calm your breathing, which had been racing as fast as your heart at this closeness.

His second hand still had your arm in its embrace, and the simple thought occurred to you: what if his hand came down your arm to meet yours?

You looked up at Miguel's profile, watching the street you were on, alert. You took a deep breath as you watched him, his scent coming to you through the mask as earthy, pungent. And he turned his head towards you.

The distance separating your two faces was small, terribly small, and you wondered at that moment how the scene would have unfolded if neither of you had masks on. Would he have paid any attention to the way you were looking at him? Would those dark eyes have sparkled? Would you have been able to feel his hot breath on your face?

"Is everything all right? Your heart rate's increased."

The sentence refocused you for a moment as if you'd just plunged into icy water, your reverie no doubt perceptible through the suit. You lowered your eyes, glancing at the placement of his two hands on you, blinking rapidly as you tried to pull yourself together. Quick, an excuse, anything.

"The others," you breathed, using the card of concern for teammates, "I wonder how they're holding up."

"Uh huh..." he murmured, the answer only half satisfying him, his gaze piercing yours through his mask as you felt his hand tighten on your waist, another shiver running through your body. You didn't really understand why he'd maintained this seemingly intimate embrace, but to be honest, you weren't against the idea of this position for a few more moments.

It felt good to be like that, to share someone else's closeness.

He was so big, he seemed to engulf you with his size and thickness, looming over you, and so much strength and threat in one body aroused as much interest in you as it did fear.

Pull yourself together, for God's sake, what's Miguel, your boss? He's got better things to do than that, than get close to you, than get intimate with you...

He seemed to be inspecting you strangely, and the intensity of this gesture made you look down even more, the ground suddenly seeming very interesting to look at. But if he had anything to say on the subject, it could obviously wait until the mission was over.

"The way's clear, let's go," he says, finally letting go of his hold on you, "before these idiots do any more damage than they already have."

And with a thump, he pulled a web and propelled himself into the air. A gasp escaped your lips, the sudden sensation of not being touched leaving you feeling grey. You took a deep breath, trying to refocus your thoughts on the mission and not on the irreplaceable sensation that Miguel's hands had left on your body.

You dashed off in your turn, following him to join the others.

Not far away you could hear Hobie shouting: "They're pissing on us without even making us think it's raining!" Hobie, charming as always.

Needless to say, it was a fairground. Miguel threw a web in the bride's face and found the other three on a roof. Furious, he pointed his finger towards the corner of a building that was on fire, from the bottom of which civilians kept coming out, coughing, some even injured.

"Who did this?" he asked, his throat rumbling in frustration.

"You did," Hobie answered point-blank.

"Bravo," he growled sarcastically, "it's good to admit your mistakes."

"It's paradoxical communication," he informed you, avoiding a projectile that you couldn't identify, no doubt another munition of dubious composition from the bride's weapon, who seemed to be hurtling towards you with intensity.

" I Leave it to you for two minutes and you destroy everything," Miguel murmured as he began to run towards the enemy.

" Submerged by their numbers of two we couldn't do anything," pleaded Pavitr.

"Gobsmacked, maybe she's rebelling against a terribly phallocratic world," Hobie says as he dodges a huge snowball as big as himself launched from the cannon.

"Darling? Maybe it's time for dessert, what do you think?"

Shit, here comes the husband too. He was equipped with a jet-pack just like the groom, but his weapon was much less sophisticated than his wife's, a simple submachine gun, which didn't make it harmless, quite the contrary.

"Great idea! It's time for the icing on the cake," and with these words she seemed to throw portions of sweet and colourful cream towards your group.

"Come on, dance! Dance!" ordered the husband.

"No! I don't wanna dance, I'm from the town in footloose," you blurted out, trying to pull a simple web towards the cannon of the bride's gun.

You didn't succeed, but threw a second one anyway, taking the risk of standing still for a few moments to improve your aim. The web shot out and hit the barrel of the weapon. Yes! but the celebrations were short-lived, as a rush of bullets came crashing towards you, and even in your haste to escape, you were hit in the thigh.

A strangled little grunt vibrated against your teeth and lips, you didn't know exactly what it had struck in your leg, but the pain was sudden and stinging. Still, you followed the others a little, with difficulty. Every simple movement was a painful tug.

The group eventually stopped in an empty courtyard, to deliberate, talk strategy and how to organise themselves. The landing on the ground was a little abrupt, and you staggered back to your feet towards the group.

"Hey, you all right?" Hobie asked you.

"Never been better," you said, giving a thumbs up, your nose wrinkling at the next step.

"Are you sure you're okay? You're walking like a Disney witch," said Patvir, raising an eyebrow.

"Bollocks, your thigh!" pointed Hobie as he came towards you.

You looked down, the bullet had of course pierced the fabric of your suit, stretching the elastic material over your bloody thigh from the hole the bullet had punched in your thigh.

"Calm down," Gwen said in the distance, chatting to Miguel, "let me take care of this, Miguel."

"Like you've taken care of everything else so far, Gwen?" he said, his hands resting on his hips.

"Miguel?" called Pavitr.

"What do you want?" he asked as he turned his head suddenly towards where you guys were.

"Can't you answer 'yes' like everyone else?" gasped Pavitr.

But Miguel was already coming towards you, he must have seen the impact in your thigh.

"Nice icing on the cake, eh?" you said, laughing slightly at the situation. After all, ridicule poisons fear.

But the shots were already ringing out and they were coming towards you.

" Okay," breathed Miguel, "Hobie, Pavitr, Gwen, try to immobilise them. The husband is easy to neutralise, just hit his jet-pack and take away his weapon. For the bride, try to take her towards the river, if you make her fall into the water she will start to sink with all her layers of clothes and the weight of her dress. Pull her by her veil if you have to, but go ahead. The first one to do even a little unintentional damage again will end up with his back broken like a glow stick, got it?"

"I don't take orders," Hobie refused.

"Hobie, you take care of the bridegroom with Gwen," Miguel continued as if he wasn't listening to him any more, moving closer to you. He tossed him his multidimensional cell device, as if he was worth reaching for.

"Why does he only come and ask me things once a day, as if I were a vitamin?" Hobie huffs before launching himself into the air.

"Oh, you know, that's what we love about him, his boundless empathy," remarked Gwen before shooting a web and leaving in her turn.

"Why do I always get the less interesting ones," said Pavitr before leaving as well.

Miguel turned to you, taking off his mask. His brown hair was dishevelled and he didn't even put his hand through it before ordering:

"Sit.

You'd have liked to contradict him, to say that you could definitely wait until you got back to HQ and received treatment there rather than slowing down the mission when you'd literally been called in as backup. And here you were, the backup turned liability in the situation, so contradicting him wasn't really in your plans.

You backed away, leaning against the wall and letting yourself slide with difficulty against the bricks as you tried to put as little weight as possible on your damaged leg. With a muffled whimper, you reached the ground, stretching your bad leg further as you bent the other. You took off your mask in turn, no longer able to hide your expressions of pain. The sensation you'd had at first had been sharp, but now it felt like your thigh was on fire and the wound was licking at your skin like flames.

Miguel came forward and knelt beside you. His gaze was riveted on your thigh, and when his gloved hand came to rest beside the wound, you stiffened your back and couldn't help breathing in through clenched teeth. His brown eyes looked up into yours, watching your expressions through the wild strands of his hair. But it was also simply a look for permission to continue his gestures.

"If it hurts too much, use your mask," he said, his eyes returning to the wound.

The mask? In what way would the mask be- ah, so... You watched your mask, hesitating for a moment. What Miguel meant by that suggestion was biting your mask. Since you were probably going to grit your teeth, you might as well not hurt yourself too much and tear them up by biting into something. You wavered at the thought, preferring not to damage any more of your costume. You'd already dented it with your punctured thigh, but ripping your mask on top of that? No, preferably not.

His thumb felt your skin, and he pressed down on a spot that threw you so hard that your hand immediately grabbed his wrist. You were breathless, almost nauseous from the pain, and you opened your frowning eyes again to meet Miguel's gaze, which had stopped all movement of his hand.

You looked up at him, your eyes and nose stinging with the tears that threatened to spill from the pain. He breathed, his eyes falling on your hand, then straightened towards yours:

"If you don't let me touch it, I'll pin your hands down with my webs, is that clear?"

Biting the inside of your cheek, you let out a shaky breath and removed your hand, which seemed ridiculously small compared to his.

"Well, the bullet's really not deep, so it should be fine."

Honestly, you didn't know whether it was better for you to know what was going to happen, and you were somehow grateful that he wasn't detailing his operation to you, even though he was doing it mainly out of lack of time.

His two hands came to grip your thigh to hold it steady, he gave you one last look, then lowered his head close to your thigh, and you saw a flash of white gleam from his long, sharp fangs before they sank into your skin. A strangled cry drowned in your throat as you felt them ooze something wet, liquid seeping into your skin and blood.

Miguel's bites weren't just poisonous, they could also be incredibly helpful in situations like these, where they acted as both a mild painkiller and a kind of antidote that accelerated the healing process. And although the painkiller aspect wasn't performing well enough for your liking, you were still quite happy not to feel like you were in complete agony.

The sensation of his lips on your flesh, however, previously drowned out by the sensations of all your aching nerves, became much clearer. Their softness grazing your skin with more intimacy than he was aware of.

He hadn't bitten down on the wound, to prevent the bullet from moving any further, and you took a deep breath when he moved away, pulling his fangs out of your skin. His tongue cleaned them, and he glanced at you as he did so, just to make sure you were all right.

Please tell me I haven't become a big walking tomato, you thought. Now apparently the most important phase would begin: extracting the bullet. You bit down hard on your bottom lip, still feeling pain, then nodded to allow him to continue.

He bent down again, coming dangerously close to the wound, to your raw flesh where warm blood was dripping. The bullet wasn't far from the surface, luckily the suit had played a large part in cushioning it.

He breathed in lightly, then put his lips to the wound. A current of electricity ran through your body as all sorts of sensations mixed together in one place. The burn on your thigh had just met the slightly sticky wetness of Miguel's saliva and the warmth of his mouth and lips as he began to draw.

You realised what Miguel was doing, he was sucking the bullet out of your flesh. His tongue flicked lightly around the impact, and his fangs, still a little elongated, lightly traced your skin.

Your breath was erratic, and you tried to stabilise it, but the sensations seemed so extreme that the task was complicated. The thing about spider-senses is that your senses are heightened, so the slightest movement of Miguel's lips, tongue or fangs sent shivers through your body. He drew back to spit out the excess saliva and blood that had mingled before coming back and sucking harder. You could feel the bullet coming out little by little, still biting your lip fiercely until you felt a metallic taste, and were insistently reconsidering the choice of biting into your mask. So you switched to the side of your index finger, biting it as your frown of pain intensified.

Then Miguel pressed his lips a little harder, and your body had to grab hold of something. Then, inadvertently and with many mental 'oh no's attacking your being as soon as the gesture was made, you grabbed Miguel's hair.

His eyes immediately looked up at yours, wide, questioning the gesture, and the sight made you feel as if your heart had fallen into the warmth of your stomach. His brown eyes had a flash of red and peered through his long lashes, their colour blending perfectly with his blood-smeared cheeks.

You were so desperate for a foothold that your body hadn't given a second thought to what it should be gripping. He just froze, for a few seconds that seemed as long as minutes. You calmed your breathing, taking advantage of the respite from his movements to relax a little. Worried, you looked up at him again, dreading his reaction.

But nothing, no 'what the hell are you doing', no 'stop that immediately', no 'that's inappropriate', no reprimand, nothing. Your fingers in his hair relaxed, they were much softer than you'd imagined, but your hand didn't leave its place. You felt both his hands tighten around your thigh, making you swallow hard. He just gave you one last look before flicking his tongue around the wound and continuing his suction.

Your fingers reflexively gripped his hair again and Miguel let out a low rumble from his throat that vibrated up your thigh and into the bullet. The sensation was such that you suddenly turned your head to the side, closing your eyes tightly until you saw stars. The tears that had welled up started falling, determined.

Miguel's hot breath washed over your bare, rosy skin, turning visibly purple with the repeated suctions Miguel left in his path. His normal teeth were biting into your skin around the bullet to create the pressure that would eject it.

You locked your fingers in his hair again, and felt his hands tighten their grip on your thigh as a low hmpf vibrated against your skin again. Then he drew in harder, and pressed his teeth in deeper, and you felt your finger beading with blood as your teeth pierced your skin.

And then, at last, you felt the bullet come out. A deep sigh poured from your lungs as you eased your hand from his hair to wipe away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks. He stepped back, his eyes looking into yours, his cheeks and nose all covered in blood, and between his reddened teeth was the crushed bullet.

You looked at him like this, your cheeks heating up violently. He spat the bullet out to the side, then looked back at your thigh. He breathed heavily, clenching his jaw as he let go of your thigh, bringing one of his hands up to wipe his cheek with the back of it.

"Put some webs on it, that should be enough to last us until we get to HQ."

His eyes scanned yours, tired, reddened, a tear still running down them. He wiped it away with the back of his index finger, letting it fall onto the fabric of his suit. The gesture was gentle, almost like a caress as his finger gently traced your cheek.

"You did great, muñeca", he said, his voice soft, softer than you'd ever heard it.

The nickname gave you a warm, soft feeling in your lower stomach. He straightened up, his mask in hand, the other stretched out towards you, ready to be seized.

No comment on the pulled hair? You were afraid he'd mention it, or were you afraid he wouldn't mention it at all.

"Can you stand up?" he asked.

You looked at your thigh for a moment, then did as he instructed and pulled a few webs over the still open wound. Then, looking up, you grabbed Miguel's hand to help you up. You breathed through your teeth, the pain was still there, but now that the bullet had been dislodged and Miguel's pain-killing venom was coursing through your veins, the ache was lessened.

You were swaying slightly and Miguel's reflex was to place his hand on your waist to steady you. He gave a retentive tt-tt.

"Try to stick to the webs, do as little walking or running as possible," he said before putting his mask back on, which you in turn did. "Ready?"

You bobbed your head, putting your weight on your good leg, "ready.

With a nod, you both took off.

Soon you found Pavitr who had managed to catch the husband who, on closer inspection, had one of his eyes as white as a half-cooked egg. Perhaps this explained his random aiming. In any case, he was huffing and puffing like a rhinoceros.

"It's about time," Pavitr yawned, "your leg?"

You gave him a thumbs up.

" Where are Gwen and Hobie? " Miguel asked.

"Further down the river like you said."

"Well, you can go back to HQ, we'll take care of the rest- can you go on?" he said, turning to you.

"Yep, the only thing that could stop me would be myself."

"Was that the philosophical moment?" asked Pavitr. "That deserves a few lyrical songs, doesn't it?"

"It's pathetic," admitted Miguel as he left.

You followed him, Pavitr entering a portal to return to 928.

"Are you trying to destroy our pseudo-friendship?

"Pseudo-friendship?" he chuckles, "you mean how I removed that bullet with my teeth, and you-"

"Ah, the amnesia's getting to me!" you cut in, continuing along the road faster than him until you reach the river where, hanging from a lamppost on the quayside, the bride was dripping wet and stripped of her weapon. She seemed simply stunned, and Gwen and Hobie were standing in front of her, still tense from their fight.

You approached the two lads, smiling at Gwen who had finally succeeded in her training.

"Good job!" you said, raising your fist to her height, which she banged in a friendly manner, doing the same for Hobie.

"Hobie?" called Miguel in the distance.

"Don't move," said the latter, "it's like with bears, if you don't do anything they'll leave."

"This is the right way," affirmed Gwen.

"Where's the weapon?" asked Miguel, who had finally reached your level.

"It fell into the water," he replied simply.

"What?" asked Miguel.

"Relax, I'm just messing with you. It's behind you," he said, pointing with his chin at the wet weapon on the ground.

"So, how did it go?"

"I wouldn't go into details," Hobie sighed.

"What are you trying to accomplish here?" Asked Miguel.

"I don't want to listen to you; malicious criticism hurts my self-esteem and praise leaves me sceptical."

Miguel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, murmuring "Voy a matarlos."

"I hope one day you'll understand what I've just said," he whispered, climbing up the lamppost to unhook the bride and place her in another multi-dimensional cell.

"Did you hear anything?" you asked ironically.

"Oh no, I didn't hear anything, did you?" questioned Gwen to Hobie.

"I've got an ear infection."

You smiled at this conversation, watching Miguel fiddle with his watch.

"How's your leg, by the way?" asked Hobie.

"I've still got the bullet, I'm going to be ringing airport buzzers for the rest of my life."

"Huh?" exclaimed Gwen.

"Just kidding, everything's fine."

"Why do you have to be like that? In situations like this, 'I'm fine' is the standard response," she huffed.

"I'm on a strict diet of misplaced enthusiasm and gut-wrenching regret." You affirmed.

"Huh huh, diets are bad," Hobie remarked. "It's just another way for capitalism to prove that their system is superior to you."

"Well, come on, let's go home," Miguel called.

His eyes fell on you for a moment, and in the space of that glance the vision of his crimson eyes, his fangs glistening with your blood smeared across his cheeks came back to your mind. You entered the portal, and soon enough, as you got into the lift, the horizon formed as far as the eye could see, with towers sunk like daggers into the belly of the sky, and so high that, from sleep, you could plunge into the clouds.

And now you couldn't think of anything else but Miguel.

part two >> late night training

[ratherbefangirling]

Belong 9

Pairing: ot7 x reader

Genre: Fluff, hurt/comfort, omegaverse au

Summary: You and Jungkook go to the camp.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

Jungkook can feel the excitement in the air. The pack is bustling with activity.

Jin and Hobi have been out shopping on multiple little trips every day busy buying things for you. They think they're hiding it well but their constant giggling and taking approval from either Yoongi or Taehyung cannot possibly go unnoticed, even though Junkook among all of them is the best at being oblivious.

Last night he overheard Yoongi and Joon discuss or rather argue..it wasn't an actual fight but they both did get worked up enough that Hobi had to intervene. The two of them were quite passionate about converting one of the store rooms into your room and possibly redo the basement to optimise storage. Even Taehyung who Jungkook didn't think was very interested in having you as part of the pack had already informed his family about you. Jungkook had been gaming with Taehyung when his family pack called. And Taehyung had quite happily chirped about Junkook's mate.

It made Jungkook think about you.. which frankly he had been avoiding. He had said yes to the pack but at the same time he was nervous about how things would actually go. He knew the pack would be disappointed if you said no and he didn't think he could handle that in addition to loosing you. Nobody knew the fact that he had watched you from the first day you entered. Your bright smiles were infectious. You were a reserved person and he was shy and to be honest it wasn't the best combination.

Many a times when you sat in Yoongi's studio doing your work Jungkook stood and watched from the slight opening of the door. He had come out to eat icecream and he picked up the tub decided to go visit yoongi and there you were. Its like you belonged with the pack already. He only moved when you started packing your books to leave. Rushing to hide in his room. Heart pounding. It must have been from the running because surely it couldn't be you. His icecream melted but he felt like he had bigger concerns. But he wasn't sad for long because Jin had made him a milkshake out of the melted icecream

Another thing to note was that Jungkook loves your scent. It's addicting, it's like having his favourite candy times hundred for the first time. If he could turn your scent into perfume he would and he would also spray it everywhere so he can always smell it.

Jungkook was more proactive in the action department of his brain than the thinking. He had always his hyungs to do the thinking for him. It wasn't like he couldn't but he liked living not having to do the heavy lifting and being cared for,he would move mountains for them in return if that's what made them happy. And he was always going to have the pack and now maybe possibly even you.

How did he even get so lucky.. he had told this to Yoongi who'd gently replied. Whatever he did he must have been good.

And you're pretty. In all the ways he likes. If Jungkook wasn't busy being jealous of you when you were first introduced to him he would have followed you to the ends of the earth just to get a glimpse of you. He'd often watch the windows of your room sleeping only after you turned off the lights. Some times he wanted to scold you for staying up late. Or for being careless as a lone omega. He knew he'd get an earful if he ever confessed such thoughts to anyone but he couldn't help but worry. He wanted to be the one who protects you. Except he'd only caused you hurt. Maybe he wasn't good enough to be your mate maybe that's why the bond was one way instead of two. He must have been oblivious to not realise how much he cared for you.

Jungkook has always been a hopeless romantic. He knows it. Every one knows it. He remembers the one time that play fighting with Jin had gone too far and Jin had to leave for an offsite buisness trip and when Jin opened the trunk to get his luggage, he found Jungkook eating his emergency jellies... which made Jin both endeared and even more mad. Jungkook had followed Jin to his hotel and even had the audacity to order mint chocolate icecream.

Jin was extremely irritated having to deal with Jungkook but also secretly happy Jungkook had followed him even though Jin wouldn't be caught admitting it. He even made Hoseok lecture Jungkook later.

But being around you is so confusing for Jungkook. He wants to protect you but also hide from you. He wants to listen to you but also talking to you is so intimidating. He wants to hide you from the world but also show you off to everyone. He wants to never say the words out loud and scream from the rooftops. That yes yes he's in love with you.

Thats not the only thing on Jungkook's mind though.

As he eats instant noodles with Jimin, a random movie playing in the background. He can't help but be a little concerned.

The only one not into the recent change is Jimin and Jungkook thinks he might have something to do with it.

The truth is Jimin felt a little betrayed by Jungkook's change of stance. Jimin liked you, he did. He loved hanging out with you and the omega sleepovers and laughing silly with you ,but you were the newest friend he had made in a while and things would change once you were pack. And there wasn't any guarantee it'd change for the better.

He also felt a little threatened by you, he was used to being Jungkook's omega and the packs omega uncontested because Taehyung always folded even when Jimin knew he was being unreasonable or doing something just because he could and not to mention how it would inevitably change the pack dynamics. Namjoon and Yoongi had taken a great learning curve to respect each other, but because of you, they were already arguing again. While Jimin wouldn't say it our loud, he was grateful Yoongi was a beta because otherwise, it would have been a total disaster.

Also the pack was already accommodating you. When Jimin had introduced Jungkook there was a lot of adjustments and maybe its unfair on you for Jimin to compare but it's the truth. Jimin was furious when he glanced upon Hobi's idea notebook where he was already considering doing videos with you.

Everything felt too sudden. And thats not to mention having the responsibility of looking after the wellbeing of another omega. Jimin wasn't sure he could do it.

The pack sat together for dinner. Since Jungkook was going to be away from home Seokjin and Yoongi had gone the extra mile to make Junkook's favourite dishes. The mood across the table was cheery.

They all ate happily talking over each other. Jin was showing off by flexing his arm muscles because he had recently started going to the gym again. Tae too flexed his muscles. Hobi laughed. Jimin couldn't help but smile fondly at his pack.

"Jungkook. Do well." Yoongi said quietly as they were picking up dishes.

Before Jungkook could reply. Jimin spoke. "Its not necessary that Y/n will agree."

Yoongi was a little shocked by the bite present in Jimin's words.

"What do you mean?"

Shrugging he said." I mean she's a solo omega who hasn't lived in a pack for most of her life. It's hard to live with us. Besides she may just not want to. I think you guys are building it up too much. I mean she didn't even say anything about the gifts we gave her before so who knows maybe she was playing us. I mean you guys saw her with another alpha."

Yoongi felt angry. "Are you hearing yourself right now?"

"Ofcourse I'm just being realistic." Jimin replied defensively.

Yoongi lost his temper. "That's rich coming from you."

"What do you mean?" Jimin said even though he knew exactly what Yoongi was implying. He had introduced Jungkook to the pack when Jungkook was still a minor.

"What's going on?" Taehyung asked coming from the kitchen soap suds in his hand. "You guys smell angry."

Yoongi scoffs. "Nothing." Yoongi walks away leaving a Jimin who is both hurt and angry.

Finally the day of the trip arrives. Jungkook can feel the pressure.

Namjoon spots the tremble in Jungkook's hand. So he waits for everyone to say their goodbyes. Then he hugs Jungkook.

"Have fun. OK? And no matter what happens I won't be Dissappointed in you. You're still pack. Our Baby alpha."

And Jungkook feels himself relax. It's exactly what he needed to hear.

"Our kid is going camping alone. Jungkookie is all grown up. Come on everyone it's picture time " Hobi says ushering everyone close to take a picture.

"1 2 3, Say cheese" Hobi clicks the picture. The Polaroid film comes out blank and slowly but surely the colors start filling in.

"Why's his bag so heavy? It's like you're carrying rocks." Taehyung comments.

And his bag was quite a sight. An army style bag and luggage with extra sleeping bag containing snacks and a safety kit and a Swiss knife.

"Ok ok. He'll be late." Jin says ushering them along.

They all say goodbye and leave for work.

Jungkook takes a deep breath and picks his luggage. Here goes nothing. .

The first order of buisness is that Jungkook is responsible for taking attendance. He can't help but notice your cheery mood. It puts him in a good mood too.

Soon it's time to board the bus. He directs the students along with the other volunteers to keep their bags in the bus. He's about to help you when Yeonjun that brat keeps your luggage.

"Your luggage is cute like you" the alpha says.

You giggle.

And Jungkook decides he hates this Yeonjun character. His hate only intensifies. When you sit next to each other. He breaks the pencil he was holding when he sees you share earphones.

He wants to stop you but he remembers he has no right to. He spends the rest of the ride plotting Yeonjun's demise.

He watches you fall asleep. Its early morning so it's only natural a lot of people are sleeping. The bus makes a stop he watches Yeonjun and others who are awake go to the bus stop. He covers you up with the shawl so you don't catch a cold. Then he goes back to his seat satisfied.

The bus resumes its journey. Finally the destination arrives. People start to get up. You look groggy and half asleep. So adorable.

"I'll take out our bags" Yeonjun tells you. You nod in response hugging the shawl closely. It smells nice. You stretch and stand up. Jungkook comes closer to you the apology ready on his lips but instead he changes his mind the last minute.

"Y/n.. I... the shawl please."

"Oh yeah sure." You're a little disappointed. Aren't you supposed to be mates. Isn't this supposed to be easy. You wait for him to say something else. Anything. But before he can say something one of the other volunteers asks Jungkook to hurry. And so once again he leaves you hanging.

You are alloted rooms luckily you and Sooyeon are sharing the room. You both quickly change into your hiking outfit.

You start at the base of the mountain excited but it isn't soon that you're already regretting it. The surroundings forest makes the air humid. And soon you're sweating. As the path goes on, it becomes more steep. Jungkook stays near you and though you loathe to admit it. It does make you feel more safe.

Despite grumbling the entire journey. The top view is spectacular. Though the weather is windy. You take pictures. You even have a group picture taken.

And then it's going down, which, though easier than climbing is still fueling your exhaustion. By the end your legs feel like jelly.

Soon it's time for dinner after eating and taking a shower you pass out on your bed.

The next morning after breakfast, your bus takes you to the camping site. The scenery is nice. A clearing at the base of the mountain surrounded by forests.

On reaching camps you are handed tents. Your first task is building tents. You start to read the information booklet with Suyeon.

"Don't worry Y/n. I'll help you out. I used to go camping with my dad. I've helped make tents."

You smile at her grateful, but before you can say more. A loud clap attracts your attention.

It's Jungkook.

"Gather round. I'll make one tent to show you how it's done. Play close attention."

He then picks up your tent and starts setting it up carefully going over the steps. And you wanna roll your eyes at his audacity but you're also secretly impressed.

Suyeon nudges you, a mischievous smile on her lips.

"Shut it." You say warning evident in your tone.

She only giggles thoroughly, enjoying the turn of events.

Jungkook knows he's probably trying to hard. But at this point it's all or nothing. It's best to finish this before he looses his nerve. Except all his plans seem to be backfiring. Anytime he tries to offer help. Show he can provide as an alpha. Its end up in a way where you offer to help others and do more work.

He then instructed people to chop wood for the barbecue. Assigning yeonjun to it. To you he put on the food preparation duty. So that you both wouldn't stick to each other. His satisfaction lasted only a little while.

After a while, every time Yeonjun transported the wood, he'd drop by the kitchen area. And you'd feed him a little something after he cutely whined for it. Even helping him drink water!!! Jungkook had to busy him in the actual grilling. Pretending to teach him to barbecue so that the two of you would stay separated.

You sat huddled together as a group when Yeonjun produced smores like he was smuggling alcohol.

As if that wasn't enough. Yeonjun fed you the fresh grilled pieces of the barbecue. And Jungkook was forced to handover the smores he bought for himself to Yeonjun because he wanted you to eat them. And he had to smile and pretend to be magnanimous to Yeonjun who thought Jungkook was favouring him.

Ha! As if he would favor his mortal enemy.

He just couldn't risk making you more angry then you were and have Jin hyung scold him that's it. And Yeonjun was a nice kid. But he wouldn't be caught dead admitting it.

"Wow where did you get these" Suyeon asked him taking a bite.

"Jungkook sunbaenim gave them to me. I think he likes me." Yeonjun replied confidently.

Suyeon choked back laughter. You handed her water with a pointed look.

"Ofcourse such a nice senior." Suyeon agrees patting your back.

And one might call him biased against Yeonjun. But whenever he tries to give him jobs you end up volunteering to help him out. Like he made Yeonjun do the dishes. And he had been away for a moment only to come back and find you sitting next to Yeonjun scrubbing away. And playing with the bubbles. He stromed away in barely concealed rage which stemmed out of jealousy and ended up scrubbing the rest of the pots. Which Yeonjun saw and felt even more respect for his senior.

Suyeon took a video of the incident and emailed it to you. Fulfilling her duty as your bestfriend. (Much later it would make rounds on the the boys phones.. Taehyung even gotted a screenshot of jungkooks face printed on a shirt for Christmas)

Still Jungkook left a hand cream on your bed for you. And just like that the second day ended with Jungkook grumbling to himself as he finished checking up on everything that needed to be done for the night. Complaining to the cactus pen he'd borrowed from Namjoon.

Authur's note: happy namkook month every one. I hope you're doing well. I finally finished this. I finally got to writing after watching Run Jin. Him coming back has like healed me. So I thought it would be nice to post this. Anyway please let me know your thoughts as always. I love hearing them. And remember to like and repost.

Permanent Masterlist: @mintsugarmy : @exfolitae : @cryingpages

Series Masterlist: @jaiuneamesolitaiire ; @goooood-vibes ; @juju-227592 ; @singukieee ; @zae007live ; @rainbow-bunny-bts ; @fluffy-canada-pancakes ; @bleubirdinthesky ; @kyrah-williams ; @thedarkwinterrose ; @realswimshaddy ; @emu007 ; @jcrml ; @scuzmunkie ; @angel-121 ; @passionandsuga ;@popcatx0 ; @raineandskye ; @notsooperfect ; @toriluvsfics ; @northspiritstorm ; @parapiop7 ;

[canmom]

observations on fundraiser dynamical system

I think anyone who has used regularly used Tumblr (or Bluesky or similar networks) in the past few years has seen hundreds, if not thousands, of fundraisers from people in extremely desperate situations - mainly, people trying to survive the ongoing, extraordinary genocide in Gaza, but also people in countries like South Sudan which are suffering in similar ways.

a general observation with fundraisers is that no matter how good the cause, the dynamic ends up being that hammering on the "social media call to action" button saturates fast, and people rapidly develop the habit of tuning out fundraisers - both for epistemic reasons (it is difficult to tell who is genuine, and although tumblr users like 90-ghost have been doing admirable and thankless work verifying people, ultimately you have to decide where the chain of trust should terminate) and emotional ones (broadly speaking, someone goes on social media for some purpose which is not to see genocide victims asking for help).

the human brain is a very powerful pattern-detector, and it is quickly able to identify 'this looks like another Gaza fundraiser, I know what I have seen here and I've made up my mind already about whether to donate money'.

like other forms of advertising, fundraisers 'succeed' by two means: convincing people who weren't going to donate money to donate money instead of spending it on something else (positive-sum), and winning out over other fundraisers (finite-sum).

this all leads to a very bad feedback loop where fundraisers must push harder and harder to get over that wall of indifference: posting shocking pictures of injured or dying children, bait-and-switch tactics with social media fluff like polls, etc. etc.; it is an optimisation process that seizes on whatever works. this is equally true for genuine fundraisers and scams: they both have the exact same buttons available to them. nobody wants to post pictures of their starving children to strangers on a blogging website speaking a foreign language, but if it might just get them another month, they will. on the flipside, users more and more aggressively tune their instincts for filtering them out, in order to preserve whatever activity they came to the website for.

and we can morally decry this, it should not be this way, but this is the dynamics of the situation as I observe it.

there is also, as far as the specific situation in Gaza is concerned, a problem where the supply (of food, medicine, passage out of Gaza) is incredibly limited by non-monetary factors - namely how much aid Israel (and to an extent, Egypt) decide to let through the border on any given day. in economic terms, this makes it highly (but not totally) inelastic. with finite supply, the price will grow to whatever people can afford. if all the food that gets in is always eaten, paying one family directly to buy food means that it doesn't go to another family. that said, it's not totally inelastic: if money can be made moving food into Gaza, people will do it as much as they can. and in practice I don't think the amount of money raised from social media fundraisers is so large as to drastically affect the prices in Gaza.

theoretically, problems like these are supposed to be solved by organisations such as charities and government orgs, which can act as a mediating layer: you pay your taxes and put aside whatever amount of money you see fit to good causes, and someone whose actual job it is does the unpleasant work of figuring out who needs it most and helping those they can. however, I think anyone who's worked in the NGO space can say what a fucking mess that all is: under various dynamics (supply of willing volunteers vs. rate of burnout, ability to appeal to sources of funding, ability to sustain a narrative in their members, charisma of central figures) orgs survive or not largely decoupled from whether they accomplish their ostensible mission. as for taxes, they are more likely to be spent killing people in Gaza than saving them.

and meanwhile, of course, there are problems like 'getting sick person to functioning hospital that hasn't been blown up' that NGOs presently can't solve. in a sense, the infrastructure that has sprung up on here - spreadsheets of fundraisers, people verifying them - is something like a proto-charity.

those caveats acknowledged, I believe there is an advantage for donating to e.g. mutual aid projects over individuals, at least as far as food. at least theoretically, an organisation is better able to make links with suppliers outside of gaza and take advantage of bulk orders.

still, whatever scale they operate on, fundraisers alone cannot save more than a few people in Gaza. they must be part of a broader strategy, also involving other political means to undermine the capacity of the state of Israel to carry on its genocide and shift the geopolitical situation. but goddamn do I not have any fucking clue what a viable strategy is.

just introspecting my own habits, I put aside a certain amount of money every month to go to specific people and orgs I've chosen to support long-term, and occasionally and largely randomly I am moved to donate some extra to someone who appears in front of me (which means a fundraiser worked on me).

as far as using my blog, on the occasions I've reblogged fundraisers or shared asks, they've gotten almost no engagement, and I have come to think this is not really the function of my personal blog - or at least if I do, I need to do it sparingly, in balance with the original content that hopefully interests people in my writing in the first place. but i'm not sure if this is an excuse or rationalisation for the psychological factors discussed above. on the occasions I've written posts in my own words to support a fundraiser, primarily on behalf of refugee Peter Kats ( @queercommunitysblog ) in South Sudan, they've spread further and managed to bring some money his way. however, I am neither qualified to verify whose fundraiser is real, nor do I have the energy to be a social media manager.

I observe people having different habits with respect to how they interact with promoting fundraisers. some people share a batch every day. some people almost never post fundraisers, but do occasionally, based on some factor of mood. some people have a specific person they know personally whose cause they champion; others do it reactively in response to asks. I suppose I have currently ended up with a policy that's something like 'share mutual aid projects' and occasionally writing posts like this one where I encourage you to decide on your own strategy for 'what the fuck do you do when your country is supporting a genocide'. I don't think this is particularly optimal. but I don't think it helps to be dishonest.

[blubberquark]

Worse than Trolls: Engagement Optimisers, Tourists, Socialisers, and Enablers

As I previously explained, most online content moderation falls under I-know-it-when-I-see-it. There is very little else to say. People know spam when they see it, and I don't need to define what spam is. Spammers know they are spamming, and are unable and thankfully unwilling to argue your moderation decisions.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are ever so slightly corrosive behaviours than can destabilise an online community in the long term, often without the perpetrators knowing it, or at least without bad faith, without ill intent.

Engagement Optimisers

Users naturally optimise engagement by responding to feedback. When posting memes and cat pictures is rewarded, users post more cat pictures. When posting memes is rewarded, users post more memes.

If your users start to do this on purpose, you might have a problem. For example, somebody might notice that clickbait titles lead to more click-through in forum threads. The people who give their threads vague and mysterious titles get more replies. The people who add a call to action to their OP get more replies: Please share your opinions in the comments below. The people who ask broad, open-ended and opinion-based questions are more likely to get more replies: What programming language should I learn?

If somebody says something contentious or inflammatory by accident, that's fine. You morally can't fault them for sincerely held beliefs or misconceptions, or for soliciting a broader base of opinion. Only when done on purpose, and systematically, it becomes dangerous.

You may end up with a situation where power users learn to play the game and play it better and better, at least better than most users. This can give the people who learned to game the system outsized influence, even when there is no algorithm or karma or no way to spend the karma, because they gain more mindshare and notoriety.

You may also experience a systemic change, because many or most users catch on, and start modifying their behaviour and post different content in order to get noticed.

Still there is the possibility that your users, through group dynamics nobody is consciously exploiting, reward and promote mostly cat pictures and stupid puns, even though no individual user comes to your forum for stupid puns and cat pictures.

Early on in the history of Reddit, this was recognised as a major problem. You could farm upvotes by posting something like "DAE eat chocolate ice cream?", "Upvote if you're going to vote for Ron Paul", or "Linux sucks! There are no good text editors!"

Reddit tried to curb this, somewhat unsuccessfully at first, then more successfully, but in the long run, they lost the battle against their own user base and entropy itself.

Compare this with YouTube, where a call to action is not just allowed, but encouraged by YouTube itself. It's regularly part of the latest set of official tips for creators to grow their audiences. YouTubers thus say "What are your opinions on this topic? Let me know in the comments below!" or "Please like and subscribe".

Tourists

Tourists come in to make drive-by comments in flame war threads. Tourists google a question, find your forum, post a single question, and leave forever when they get the right answer. Tourists come in from Reddit. Tourists don't play the game. Tourists don't read the forum. Tourists don't read the FAQ.

You can't really punish people for coming to your site or channel and making their first comment. I mean, you can, but then they will definitely not come back.

Churn is bad. Tourists are churn personified. If most content comes from tourists, then your community culture is defined by tourists. You lose the ability to shape the culture of your site. It's easy to deter tourists, but it's hard to do so without also deterring people who would otherwise have become proper contributors or community members.

If somebody joins your web site, doesn't read the rules, doesn't read the FAQ, creates more work for the moderators, and is a minor annoyance to the established users without ever rising to the level of a serious rule violation, it's easy for that person to say "We all have to start somewhere" or "You'll never attract new people if you keep enforcing the rules like that."

If you have rules about cross-posting or proper spelling and punctuation, you have to be firm. You cannot retreat every time somebody who hasn't read the rules asks "Why are you so mean to me?"

On the other hand, I remember multiple times when I hopped in an IRC to ask a question like "Is this a known bug? Should I wait for the next release?" or "Does anybody want to collaborate on a game jam next month? Is anybody considering joining Ludum Dare?" only to be told "We don't accept bug reports in here. Bug reports need to be entered into bugzilla in the proper format." or "Please post job postings in the jobs channel only!"

Socialisers

Socialisers talk about off-topic stuff only. They hang out in the off-topic board or channel, and they tell everybody about their youngest child, their morning commute, or the story of how they met their spouse. Socialisers rarely engage with the actual main topic of the community, but everybody knows them, because they post a lot of off-topic content.

As long as socialisers know that the forum is about, and know their stuff, it's fine. The guy whose youngest son just got into middle school and who met his wife when they both reached for the last bottle of herbal shampoo at the supermarket isn't really disrupting your anime forum as long as he watches anime. If he could comment about the different animation studios that worked on Sailor Moon, but chooses not to, he's fine. The problem with socialisers only becomes noticeable when they attract socialisers who do not know or care anything about the on-topic content. If that happens, your forum is no longer a forum where some Haskell programmers post their lunch, it's a forum to post pictures of your lunch.

Enablers

Enablers are one step worse than socialisers. They don't just don't contribute on-topic content, they make the discussion actively worse. If you have a rule such as "do no post a maths homework question" or "do not answer personal questions" or "do not ask other people to answer your question in a DM", the enabler will happily comply anyway. "It's no skin off my back" he says, as he answers the homework question. "It's no skin off my back" he says, as he paraphrases the FAQ again. The enabler will make a good-faith effort to answer bad-faith questions, and he will enable people who just can't be bothered to read the FAQ and follow the rules.

Now there may be multiple reasons why you're not allowed to answer personal questions, ranging from OPSEC about pet names and the colour of your car to professionalism, and depending on those, this may be a big deal or not. When it comes to homework or answering in a DM, the reasoning should be straightforward.

The worst kind of enabling is probably taking abuse in stride, and continuing the conversation. If somebody starts insulting the other people in the conversation, the least you could do is disengage. If somebody calls people names because they can't solve his problem, you should not enable him and try to help him, too.

The most subtle kind of enabling behaviour is a response to Cunningham-style trolling. When somebody posts "Linux sucks, there are no good text editors", then the last thing you should do is reward this kind of behaviour. When somebody posts "I can't solve this in Python, I guess C++ is just a better language. I think I should go back and use C++", then you should say "Good riddance, and may the gods have mercy on the C++ forum."

The most common kind of enabling is when people ask a question and can't be bothered to Google it first, and somebody copies the question into Google it and pastes the answer. The long-term consequence of such behaviour is not only a degraded quality of the conversation, but a forum culture where people regularly Google answers (or worse, ask ChatGPT) and paste the result without checking.

Maybe in the future, something like "I asked ChatGPT this, is this true" or "Copilot wrote this code, can you help debug it" will become more common, and humouring these kinds of people will become the most common toxic enabling behaviour.

Drama Magnets/Troll Feeders

Finally, there is a kind of person who enables trolls and harassers by being thin-skinned, very easy to make fun of, and by boosting every insult. There is a certain kind of person who will just endlessly complain about being wronged in small ways, and will take offence to small perceived slights. This allows a malicious actor to get out much more in terms of reactions than he puts in. If a troll can poke somebody once, and get dozens of "Ow ow" and "he poked me" and "woe is me, I have been poked" out of a target, that will only motivate him.

If somebody freely volunteers his weak spots, things he is self-conscious about, ways to rile him up in the form of a profile, carrd, or bio, then trolls will have it even easier.

So What?

Over time, too many enablers, tourists, or drama magnets may or may not ruin your online community. Over time, engagement optimisers can slowly but steadily ruin your community. Socialisers may not notice or care either way.

A code of conduct may protect your community against bad actors, but it can't protect your forum culture from clueless actors. It's incredibly hard to create a good set of punitive rules against this. As a moderator, it's emotionally difficult to enforce rules against this. You don't want to kick people while they are down, and you don't want to punish them for making popular content, even if it's just pictures of kittens and pictures of their lunch.

The only way you can achieve anything is by educating your users, and hoping they give a damn about forum culture.

[manetsgarden]

The Directioner to marketing exec pipeline

For my fellow 2012-2014 Tumblr obsessives. A heartfelt tribute to the band, the years spent together online, and the many wonderful friends and life I made along the way. /

A few weeks ago it was my friend’s birthday. Six years ago, almost to the day, she and I met at a cupcake cafe, and bonded over the years we spent on Tumblr and Twitter as ultimate 1D girlies while we ate our cupcakes. We laughed about how we got follows from celebrities, or replies from the band, and how we spent every waking moment online, obsessed by different YouTubers, bands, and TV shows.

When I think about the string that lead me to that cafe in Edinburgh, it starts with Harry Potter. I was six years old in Orlando, Florida, and my parents took us to see the Philosopher’s Stone. In the rest of the pictures of our holiday, I have gigantic, frizzy hair because I begged my mom to braid it every night so I could look like Hermione. Six years old, but I knew how to immediately decide to devote myself to obsession.

Less than ten years later, I was watching trailers of movies on YouTube. At that point, I already had accounts on Twitter and Tumblr, but I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do with them. From the moment I clicked on the “What Makes You Beautiful” Youtube video, everything became second nature.

There was no call to action at the end of that video saying “now pick your favourite and love them forever.” There was no need: we watched it and knew immediately what our job was. I wasn’t even halfway through before I knew exactly which one was mine (and I’ve never wavered). Credit is due to the YouTube algorithm for filling my recommended videos with content from their X Factor days, because I spent the rest of that night watching the videos of them on the stairs, searching them on Tumblr, and falling down the 1D rabbit hole.

It was as easy as breathing! There was no ‘how-to’ guide, the word ‘stan’ didn’t even exist yet. The way the internet let us collectively fawn over anything from a band, to a character in a book, to a random person on YouTube felt like a brave new world. I followed One Direction online alongside girls from the UK, Brazil, the Philippines, everywhere. I started my deep dives into other worlds with Harry Potter, but it was as a One Direction fan that I became embedded in the globalisation of the internet. I went from One Direction, to Zoella, to Sherlock, to Doctor Who, to 5SOS, and eventually I graduated from high school and got a life. By the time I did that though, I knew, fundamentally, how the internet worked.

In 2013, I was there as the Mischacopolypse started. I saw those first few posts trickle in. Later that year, I watched the full 7 hour 1D Day livestream. Year after year, I waited for the new Zoella Vlogmas intro like it was the lighting of the Rockefeller tree. Online content, I learned, was addicting because it was the ultimate way to connect with people. I made friends with girls in Toronto, Vancouver, North Carolina, and England. Not just “internet friends” but real, solid, sweet hearted friendship. I still watch their lives unfold on the internet with pride.

By 18 I had built my own website on Wordpress; I knew how to optimise my blogs for SEO, and set up a tripod with a ring light. I knew how to edit on iMovie and MovieMaker, how to find the latest trends, and even how to search engine optimise on YouTube. And, I leveraged it. I had not only a blog and a YouTube channel, and I tried every new thing. I got my first brand deals, and by 21, I got my first job as a Social Media and Web Coordinator for the uni newspaper. When I graduated, there was only one place to go: the home of all my teenage obsessions, and the reason I was who I was, the UK.

Before moving, I debated between Brighton (home of Zoella) and Edinburgh (home of Harry Potter), and it was really just fate that made me choose the latter. Immediately upon moving, I went back to my roots and got a job as a Harry Potter tour guide. I started creating like you wouldn’t believe. I got invited to events, and even more brand deals.

By this point I knew what sold: the person, the story, the personal connection. People needed to feel like they knew me in order to be invested, so I mined my life for content. Within a year, I got a job as a marketing exec, pointing to my blog and my work as a content creator to get me in. Five years later, I have two degrees in history, but a big girl job in content marketing.

Last weekend that same friend and I were driving home together, listening to One Direction and laughing about how we both ended up in marketing. Both confident there was no reason for it other than our obsession with 1D in our teenage years. At the same time, on different sides of the ocean, we fell in love with One Direction, learned Wordpress, obsessed over Zoella, created Instagram personalities, built our “brands”, and eventually, settled for jobs big girl jobs in marketing.

More than our jobs, we have six years of friendship built (from my side) on the trust that because we both know what 2013 Twitter was like as a One Direction fan, we just get each other. We’ve shared countless jokes about the old days, (remember the pandemonium when the pictures of Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, and baby Lux in Central Park dropped??!!!!), and looking forward to when we’re old and there’s inevitably a reunion tour. This was the norm, until she messaged our groupchat at 11:30pm on her birthday, and I only knew it was serious because she wouldn’t be so dramatic if it wasn’t. A quick Google search confirming the truth, one of the most jarring, official endings to anything so far in my life.

When you hear ‘stans’ say they owe their lives to a band or a celebrity, they don’t always mean it in a parasocial or ‘this song saved me when I had serious mental health problems’ sort of way. I was never that intensely obsessed with One Direction, but I wouldn’t have my career, I wouldn’t have met my friend, my husband, I wouldn’t have my home, or, god forbid, my cat(!) if I hadn’t clicked play on that video fifteen years ago.

It feels like a personal loss not because I have a parasocial relationship with Liam Payne, but because in my life there was a clear world before, with him in it, and now a world after, without. It is as simple as saying: it is hard to come to terms with a world without someone who completely created the world that you live in.

Support this essay on substack: https://atmydesk.substack.com/p/the-directioner-to-marketing-exec

[covid-safer-hotties]

Published in May, but it's obvious many people have not read this.

Also preserved on our archive.

New comprehensive review provides strong evidence that masks and respirators effectively reduce the transmission of respiratory infections like COVID-19, based on analysis of over 400 studies from multiple disciplines.

A comprehensive new review published in Clinical Microbiology Reviews provides strong evidence that masks and respirators are effective in reducing the transmission of respiratory infections like COVID-19. The review, conducted by an international team of 13 researchers, analysed over 400 studies from multiple disciplines, including epidemiology, public health, engineering, and social sciences.

'Our review confirms that masks work, with a clear dose-response effect,' said lead author Professor Trisha Greenhalgh from the Nuffield Department of Primary Care Health Sciences, University of Oxford. 'The more consistently and correctly you wear a mask, the better protected you are. Respirators, when worn continuously, provide even greater protection than ordinary masks.'

Masks, including cloth face coverings and disposable medical masks, help reduce the spread of respiratory droplets and aerosols. Respirators, such as N95 and FFP2 devices, are designed to filter out smaller airborne particles and fit more tightly to the face, providing a higher level of protection.

The team's novel contributions include re-analyses of key clinical trials and observational studies, as well as a synthesis of evidence from fields ranging from fluid dynamics to anthropology. This comprehensive approach allowed the researchers to not only assess the effectiveness of masks under experimental conditions, but also to explore the real-world factors that influence their use and impact.

While the review found no serious harms from mask-wearing, it did identify some challenges, such as discomfort, communication difficulties – for hearing-impaired people for example – and environmental waste. However, the authors frame these as opportunities for further research and improvement rather than fundamental flaws.

'We need to see these challenges as a call to action,' said co-author Dr Amanda Kvalsvig, an epidemiologist based at the University of Otago, who is herself deaf. 'By investing in better design, more inclusive policies, and clearer communication, we can optimise masks for real-world use and ensure that everyone can benefit from this powerful public health tool.'

The review also highlights the importance of clear, consistent public health messaging to support mask use and combat misinformation. While mask mandates can be effective, the authors emphasise the need for context-specific assessments that consider cultural factors and public acceptability.

'Masks are not just a technical intervention, but also a social and cultural one,' said co-author Professor Deborah Lupton from the University of New South Wales. 'To be effective, mask policies need to be grounded in an understanding of people's beliefs, behaviours, and real-world constraints.'

Looking forward, the researchers call for further studies to improve and optimise mask design, explore new technologies like nanotechnology, and develop more sustainable and inclusive solutions. They also emphasise the need for ongoing public engagement to bring about more evidence-based and constructive conversations around masks.

'This review shows that masks are a valuable tool in our pandemic response toolkit,' said Professor Greenhalgh. 'By continuing to build the evidence base, innovate in design, and engage the public, we can harness the full potential of masks to protect public health now and in future respiratory pandemics.'

Read the full article at: Masks and respirators for prevention of respiratory infections: a state of the science review Clinical Microbiology Reviews DOI: 10.1128/cmr.00124-23

journals.asm.org/doi/10.1128/cmr.00124-23

[digitxlagency]

How Can You Improve Conversion Rates in Digital Marketing?

In digital marketing, conversion rates are the ultimate measure of success. Whether you’re aiming to increase sales, generate leads, or drive downloads, improving conversion rates ensures that your marketing efforts yield tangible results. Knowing the ways to effectively increase your conversion rate is essential for achieving these goals and optimising your campaigns.

This blog explores actionable tips and strategies to improve conversion rates, helping you create a seamless user experience that encourages your audience to take action. By implementing these strategies, supported by experts like a CRO agency, you can transform website visitors into loyal customers.

What Is Conversion Rate and Why Does It Matter?

A conversion rate is the percentage of users who complete a desired action on your website, such as making a purchase, signing up for a newsletter, or filling out a contact form. High conversion rates indicate that your audience finds your website engaging and your offerings compelling. It’s a key metric for measuring the success of your digital marketing campaigns.

If you’re looking for tips to increase your conversion rate, start by analysing your user journey and identifying potential barriers. Conversion rate optimisation (CRO) focuses on enhancing the user experience and aligning it with your audience’s intent.

Ways to Effectively Increase Your Conversion Rate

Here are proven strategies to boost your conversion rates in digital marketing:

1. Simplify Your Website Design

A clutter-free, user-friendly website improves navigation and encourages visitors to stay longer. Ensure your site is visually appealing, easy to navigate, and mobile-friendly. Use clear call-to-action (CTA) buttons to guide users toward the desired actions.

2. Optimise Landing Pages

Landing pages play a crucial role in conversions. Focus on:

Crafting compelling headlines.

Using high-quality visuals.

Highlighting benefits with concise, persuasive copy.

Test different layouts and designs using A/B testing tools to identify what resonates best with your audience.

3. Leverage Social Proof

Showcasing reviews, testimonials, and case studies builds trust and reassures potential customers of your credibility. People are more likely to convert when they see others have had positive experiences.

4. Improve Page Load Speeds

Page load speed directly impacts user experience. Slow-loading pages can frustrate visitors, causing them to leave before taking action. Use tools like Google PageSpeed Insights to diagnose and improve performance.

5. Personalise User Experiences

Tailored experiences make users feel valued. Use tools to analyse user behaviour and deliver personalised recommendations, dynamic content, and targeted offers.

6. Streamline Forms

If your goal is lead generation, simplify your forms. Ask only for essential information to reduce friction and increase the likelihood of users completing the form.

7. Collaborate with Experts

Partnering with a conversion rate optimisation agency in Australia can help you implement advanced CRO techniques. Experts bring a wealth of experience, ensuring you maximise your marketing ROI.

Best Practices for Conversion Rate Optimisation

Test Regularly: Continuously test and tweak elements such as CTAs, images, and layouts.

Focus on Customer Pain Points: Address common objections or concerns within your content.

Analyse Data: Use analytics tools to track user behaviour and identify drop-off points.

Follow Up: Implement retargeting campaigns to engage users who didn’t convert initially.

Conclusion

Improving conversion rates in digital marketing requires a combination of user-centric design, data-driven insights, and effective strategies. By focusing on the ways to effectively increase your conversion rate, you can achieve better results and drive significant growth. For expert guidance, consider collaborating with CRO agencies or seasoned SEO marketing professionals who can help elevate your campaigns.

Frequently Asked Questions

How to increase conversion rate in digital marketing?

To improve conversion rates, optimise your website for user experience, create compelling CTAs, and use social proof like testimonials. Personalisation and faster page load speeds also make a significant difference.

Which three actions can improve your conversion rate?

Simplify your website design and navigation.

Leverage A/B testing for landing pages.

Highlight social proof to build trust.

How do you get a good conversion rate?

A good conversion rate comes from understanding your audience, delivering relevant content, and creating seamless user experiences. Regularly testing and refining your strategies is key.

What is the conversion rate for digital marketing?

Conversion rates vary by industry, but an average rate across industries is typically between 2% and 5%. With effective CRO strategies, it’s possible to exceed these benchmarks.

[fairycosmos]

girl hey how are you?? any tips when you get rejected from a job you really wanted?? 🤡🤡 please send me your wisdom also hope ur doing well hows georgie give her a kiss from me xx

godddddd i'm so sorry to hear this!! the job-hunting landscape is fucking awful at the minute and i know it's extremely difficult to hold out any sort of hope when stuff like this keeps happening. i feel like whenever this has happened to me that i was always told to just kind of move on and pick myself up and while that's true to an extent it's also like ok but i'm losing my mind this is the fucking worst so i think you should allow yourself room to feel like shit over it. don't judge it or try to push it away but don't internalise it or drown in it either (e.g don't fall into the trap of thinking in absolutes such as "this is always going to keep happening" or "i've got no chance of finding a good role because that was my only shot" - it just leads to pointless despair that often isn't based on anything factual.) it's ok to cry or vent or write or scream about it, it's ok that you feel bad because something bad happened. and no it won't always be like this and yes you will have ample opportunity in the future to find another version of your dream job but recognising that right now you're in pain can be healthy and good, too. whenever i'm job-hunting i always try to get to a place where rejection just feels like a dull hit and then i move on to the next, like truly i just force myself to go in with no expectations, fuck it nothings real, trying out whatever persona i think they'll like best and then leaving it all behind me when i get the rejection email LOL. but when it's a position you deeply want, understandably, you'd need some time and space to process not getting it. i rmr what sometimes made me feel a tiny bit better was going over what i learned from the experience, even if it was just getting more comfortable in an interview setting or answering a question well, and building a plan to optimise my approach and basically give myself a better shot at the next interview based on the one i'd lost out on. i could console myself by saying at least i'm growing and at least i'm building up my interview skills and how i present myself every time i do this crap. i can say it wasn't a waste of time even if i didn't get it. if they offer feedback ask for some so you can work on whatever so-called "weak" spots they perceived if any (at the same time though seriously! do not internalise anything job people say to you as like a severe moral flaw like these people would reject an applicant for not smiling enough it's truly meaningless. but for the sake of job-hunting it's just something to keep in mind.) anyway i've noticed sometimes we feel a bit better about this sort of thing if we're able to exert some control over it, if there's some actionable steps we can take like working on our speaking skills or upgrading your CV or whatever. ultimately i think it's good to remember that there are so many different ways for your life to turn out well. the illusion of one path being the absolute key to everything you've ever wanted or dreamed of is just that, an illusion. there's endless versions of the future spanning out in front of you and you have happiness in so many of them - when it comes to friendships, jobs, dating, whatever - there's no singular right way to "be." sending you a massive hug. i know words ring hollow then you feel terrible so maybe come back to this another day if you want to. will give georgie the biggest forehead kiss from you <3 mwah xx

[koobruk]

Discover how video content can transform your digital marketing strategy. Learn about the types of videos you can create, their benefits, and valuable tips for making your videos engaging and effective. Boost engagement, improve SEO, and increase conversion rates with our expert advice.

[toctocs]

Maximising Business Growth Through Custom Website Design and Development

In today’s competitive digital landscape, a strong online presence is crucial for businesses of all sizes, particularly small and medium-sized enterprises (SMEs). A well-designed website is the foundation upon which businesses can build their online success. It’s no longer enough for a website to simply exist; it must be optimised to showcase your brand, engage visitors, and ultimately drive conversions. This is where custom website design and development come into play, offering SMEs the tools they need to stand out, attract the right audience, and foster long-term growth.

In this article, we will explore how custom website design ensures a seamless user experience across all devices, why SEO-friendly development is critical for visibility, and how a professional team can create a website that not only draws traffic but also converts visitors into loyal customers.

The Importance of a Strong Online Presence For many businesses, a website is the first point of contact with potential customers. It’s the digital equivalent of a storefront, and it needs to make a positive impression within seconds. A poorly designed or outdated website can lead to high bounce rates, lost opportunities, and a damaged brand reputation. In contrast, a custom-built website provides an opportunity to communicate your brand’s unique message, showcase your products or services, and build credibility.

For SMEs, a custom website is particularly beneficial because it allows you to tailor every aspect to meet the specific needs of your business and your target audience. From intuitive navigation to engaging visuals, custom design enables you to create a site that reflects your brand's personality while also providing a seamless user experience.

Responsive Design for Seamless User Experience One of the key elements of modern web design is responsiveness. A responsive website adjusts its layout and functionality based on the device being used, whether it’s a smartphone, tablet, or desktop. In an age where mobile browsing accounts for a significant portion of internet traffic, having a responsive website is no longer optional.

Custom website design allows developers to prioritise responsiveness, ensuring that your website looks great and functions smoothly on all devices. This leads to a better user experience, which translates to longer site visits, lower bounce rates, and ultimately higher conversions. A responsive site not only caters to a wide range of users but also enhances your brand’s reputation as a modern, user-focused business.

SEO-Friendly Development for Greater Visibility Search engine optimisation (SEO) plays a vital role in determining how visible your website is to potential customers. Even the most beautifully designed website will struggle to succeed if it doesn’t appear in search engine results. SEO-friendly development ensures that your website is structured in a way that search engines like Google can easily crawl and index it.

Custom-built websites provide the flexibility to implement SEO best practices from the ground up. This includes optimising page load speeds, ensuring mobile-friendliness, using clean code, and incorporating proper meta tags, headings, and keywords. By focusing on these elements during the development process, SMEs can improve their search engine rankings, drive organic traffic, and reduce reliance on paid advertising.

Converting Traffic into Loyal Customers A visually appealing and SEO-friendly website is only part of the equation. The ultimate goal is to convert visitors into loyal customers. Custom website design enables businesses to create a personalised user journey, guiding visitors through the sales funnel with clear calls to action, engaging content, and a seamless checkout process.

With a custom-built website, you can implement features that are tailored to your audience’s needs, such as user-friendly forms, integrated payment gateways, or personalised content recommendations. These features enhance the user experience and increase the likelihood of turning casual browsers into repeat customers.

Partnering with Professional Web Developers To truly maximise the benefits of custom website design and development, it’s essential to work with a professional team. Experienced developers understand the latest trends, technologies, and SEO strategies that can give your business a competitive edge. They can also provide ongoing support, ensuring that your website continues to perform optimally as your business grows.

By partnering with a professional web development team, SMEs can ensure that their website is not only visually appealing but also optimised for performance, security, and growth. In today’s digital age, a custom-built website is one of the most valuable assets an SME can have. It serves as the foundation for a strong online presence, helping businesses showcase their brand, engage with customers, and drive measurable growth. By investing in responsive design, SEO-friendly development, and a professional team, SMEs can create a website that attracts traffic, converts visitors, and fosters long-term success. https://toctoc.com.au/website-development-perth/

[behindthewox]

Site blogs - five things to try

There is a lot of work that needs to be done in order to make the site blog feature worth the time and effort it takes to regularly create content for them, and most of that work is work that we as a community cannot do. I could go into details but the people who can make the difference already know what needs to be done, or at least I would assume they do. And there are many people within WoX that are far better qualified than me to explain why the current setup doesn't work.

So I'm gonna focus on the things that we as a community CAN do to optimise the site blogs. It's not gonna solve all the problems and magically improve SEO and site visitors overnight but it's small steps in the right direction and it could pay off in the long run. Worth a try, right?

_ _ _

ONE: every blog needs a purpose The overall purpose of the site blog feature (at least in my understanding, but I could be wrong) is to showcase the site to "outsiders" who don't have accounts and can't access all the actual site content, motivating them to create an account to discover more. It's a part of the site that we can link to from our social medias to show what we do and have to offer, and hopefully make non-users join as new users.

Example: make blog posts about site activities, show the world what your site has to offer. Combine with testimonies and examples from users, such as "I love reading homework from this one person who always makes their character make terrible dad jokes at the end of their RP!" to entice new users to join and experience it for themselves.

Wanna read the other four points? Click "keep reading" below!

TWO: longterm planning and strategy A blog without content isn't worth much, and producing that content takes time. But content without a strategy or plan isn't going to get you very far. I've already suggested blog posts about site activities and inspiring newcomers to become users, so consider that the first part of your plan. The second part of your plan should be SEO, search engine optimisation. Basically, pick keywords that people are likely to search for in relation to your fandom. The more keywords and key phrases your site contains in total, the more likely it is to be in the top search results. PS! This isn't just a SoMe and blog thing, SEO is something teachers and journalists need to work on too!

Example: "Who is [greek god]?" with a presentation of the character. Squeeze in your keywords as much as possible without making it feel fake and cringe. If it feels like an A.I.-generated SEO slop, that is what your readers will think your site is.

THREE: social media All site users will get a notification about new blog posts, but if you recall the first point you'll know that it's not the existing site users that you're aiming for. They already have accounts; it's the potential new users you're really after. But no account means no notification about new blog posts. Unless you make one, that is, on your social media profiles. Let your blog content and social media content work together, directing people from one to the other. Use CTAs (call to action), links and "clickbait" for optimal effect.

Example: on social media, make a post about an interesting shop item. Use the item picture, write a brief caption like "you're handed one of these but you have no idea what to do with it. help! don't worry, today we're sharing the instruction manual on our blog: worldofsomething.com/blog". On the blog, remember to link to your social medias (and your site!) at the end of every blog post. SEO isn't just about keywords, it's also about links.

FOUR: graphic profile Freestyling is fun, but sometimes you need to limit yourself to what works best. It's a good idea to set up a few basic templates with simple designs that match the rest of the site and gives a professional but casual vibe. First impressions matter, after all. Avoid "busy" patterns and bright colours, use fonts that are easy to read, and structure your text with paragraphs and headers. Keep in mind that some users might be visibly impaired or dyslexic and might struggle with decorative fonts and certain color combinations. "Boring but accessible" should always win against "decorative but potentially difficult to read and decipher".

Example: light background, dark color text (or vice versa, it's the contrast that matters), sans serif font for paragraphs and a decorative but easy to read font for headers. The letters should be separate from each other (not "holding hands" like in cursive writing) and sometimes it's helpful to increase the spacing. Tip! Sit back and try to read your formatted text from a further distance than usual. If you feel like it's a strain on your eyes or struggle to make out the words, you might wanna adjust your formatting to make it easier to read. If the font and color is good, try changing the sizing and spacing.

FIVE: quality control Impressions matter, remember? That goes for writing as well. Bad writing can make for a bad impression, especially if the reader is used to higher standards. Many of the potential users you're trying to lure in will be avid readers, meaning that they will be used to the standards of publishing and anything less is... well, less. So it's pretty important that you're on the top of your writing game and maybe even get your blogs looked over by a grammar police before posting...

For SoMe team leaders: take the time to put together some good online resources to use for grammar rules, writing tips, spellchecks and anything else your team might find useful. Be gentle with your corrections, focus on the biggest ones and don't adress it as a "fail" but rather a "try this instead". If you can explain why it's wrong and how to do it right, take the time to explain it (easier said than done, I know, you might need to read up on grammar yourself first). And while quality is important, it's more important to have a good relationship with your team so don't hesitate to let the smaller mistakes slide in favour of keeping the writer encouraged and motivated.

_ _ _

This is the best advice I have to give, based on my experience and my amateur studies on social media. If you have the resources to give it a try, feel free to give it a try! And if you have more (or maybe better) suggestions, please share! But if your site doesn't have the resources to make it work right now, I'd argue you're better off focusing on social media platforms and actual site content: the site blogs should be in the lowest tier of priority because they are not worth the effort unless changes are made and you actually have effort to spare.

[canmom]

i probably would call myself a consequentialist, but not a utilitarian. my objection to utilitarianism is similar to my objection to the absolutist Bayesianism practiced in That Subculture: it's a philosophy that claims to be based around a certain computation, but actually performing that computation is completely intractable. there's no way to actually update your probability assignments of all possible statements in response to new information, any more than it's possible to aggregate the total happiness/suffering/whatever across the entire future for each imaginable course of action.

so this calculation is entirely notional. what you're actually doing is coming up with verbal arguments and vague heuristics for how you think this notional calculation would work. perhaps it's as good an entry point as any. but the supposed mathematical rigour is just rhetoric! you can talk about utilons this and QALYs that, but there is no way to calculate this shit, it's just a mathematical coat of paint.

the second objection is the 'seeing like a state' objection (or seeing like a company/NGO): the 'utility function' is a construct used to make economic models. it doesn't model humans particularly well, who have a variety of competing impulses that don't lend themselves to nice formalisms. and to demand that you should live according to a utility function is accordingly to strip the world of its complexity to make it more tractable. instead of specific people with specific desires and needs and relationships into which you fit, which aren't necessarily commensurable, you have abstract fungible units of pleasure or suffering or whatever else you're trying to optimise.

this worldview appealed to me as a teenager. I imagined that you could model an agent as a some kind of surface between it and the world - a sphere, perhaps, inside your head; the course of your life would be the movement of particles in and out of this sphere, and theoretically there would be a pattern for every instant of time that would lead to the best possible impact on the world, solving 'life' much like a tool assisted speedrun solves a game. the goal would be then to approximate this optimal run as much as possible. then I'd think of problems with this model: couldn't you just spawn high energy photons on the sphere to melt shit like a laser? we'd have to put some restrictions on it, obviously. what if the optimal run was really close to a harmful run, so a small mistake would lead to disaster? perhaps you'd be better to find a stable local maximum instead. and so on.

I'm not sure what good it did me to imagine this funny (or if you prefer, terminally STEM-brained) thought experiment, but it was very nice and mathematical-looking, and back then I really wanted my philosophy to be impossibly demanding for some reason. some weird combo of depression and autism and a self image very much dependent on being told i was good?

these days my feeling is that the pretense of mathematical rigour where it doesn't exist is untrustworthy, and particularly where people are concerned, abstracting too much loses important information. I'm not a court of law where strict consistency matters for the sake of stability or whatever, nor a government trying to figure out which levers to pull to create the ideal society - I'm an organism embedded in a bewilderingly complex system, and I can take each situation as it comes. treating the people I interact with well is important to me. I still sometimes think along utilitarianish lines sometimes - particularly 'this person could use this money more than me' - but I make no pretense to rigour or optimisation with it.

[beardedmrbean]

The new Flemish government clearly wants to invest in education: the education budget will grow by half a billion euros a year, mainly in order to boost the quality of education.

Knowledge of Dutch is a priority for the new Flemish government. Non-Dutch-speaking parents who refuse to learn Dutch will lose their school grant. The language level requirements for newcomers will also be raised.

Minimum targets are being introduced for pre-schoolers and will include language targets.

At the end of kindergarten teachers meeting in the class council will decide whether a child is ready for the 1st grade. Parents cannot override that judgement, but they can appeal the decision.

In primary education, half the teaching time will go on maths and Dutch.

Minimum targets for Dutch in primary education will have to be met by every pupil, rather by pupils as a group.

Secondary schools are given more freedoms

Use of ‘differentiation hours’ in first grade will be ‘optimised’. This allows schools to choose whether to fill them in with general or practical or technical subjects.

The government wants to support vocational and technical education and will increase operating funds.

Teacher shortage addressed

The new administration also wants to make the job of teacher more attractive and reduce administrative hassle.

An extra budget for teacher training is being brought in as well as extra resources to make teachers more proficient and improve the quality of education.

New teachers starting the job will receive full pay while they will spend only 80 per cent of their time in front of a class. The rest of the time will be used to provide teacher guidance to them.

Options for leave will be scrutinised and the number of secondments from education will be reduced.

Schools will get more financial flexibility.

Special training will be provided for teachers entering the sector from other professions.

So called ‘teaching study days’ will be abolished to maximise teaching time.

Smartphones discouraged

Other measures include:

An additional 400 million euros will be freed up for a second major digital leap.

A smartphone ban is being introduced in primary education. This will also become a recommendation for secondary education.

Philosophical subjects, such as religion and ethics, will be replaced by a new subject, ‘interfaith dialogue’, in community education, i.e. state schools.

Big investments in well-being too

Extra cash should guarantee flexible and affordable childcare. Creating extra places is ‘an absolute priority’ for the new government.

 At present, no additional action is planned to reduce the number of children per attendant.

The toddler’s grant is being abolished.

The government is also providing more cash to tackle waiting lists in health care and to improve care for the elderly.

The basic 'Growth Package' (formerly called child allowance) will be index-linked.

Income limits for social allowances (allowances for families with limited income) will be phased out. Nothing will change for current beneficiaries. The intention is to apply the new system to new entrants from 2026.

The new government also plans to focus on preventing eating disorders and addictions.

It also wants to prioritise environmental health by taking measures ‘on climate and health and environmental quality of life’. Issues to be tackled include air pollution, noise pollution and harmful substances like PFAS, asbestos and heavy metals.