#camillecrellin

[whenlostinthedarkness]

Afterglow: Chapter 5 - No Idea

Lead Singer!Reader x Lead Guitarist!Ellie Williams

Summary: Your band journeys to California for a performance where you and Ellie just may have taken things too far.

Warnings: Angst, Infidelity, and a small bit of sexual content (thigh riding)

WC: 5.2k

A/N: You know the drill! Listen to the song No Idea by MUNA and watch the performance while you're at it too - here . Enjoy!

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“You’re an idiot, you know that!” Your elbow dug into the side of Ellie’s ribs, causing her to mouth a yelping sound along with a mischievous grin.

“I didn’t do shit! You’re the one who liked it.”

You didn’t say anything to her teasing, instead, you opted for a smile that said every word.

Eventually, Ellie’s attention was caught on the screen of her phone, leaving you to look around the first class section of the plane. Per usual, you felt a shaking in your limbs as you watched other passengers find their seats or stick their luggage in an overhead compartment. Everyone seemed so excited to be lifted into the air inside an enclosed capsule, flown across thousands of miles of land and sea, and dropped off at their desired destination just like that. Is that not crazy to anyone else?

As if she already knew, Ellie’s hand slid to fit in between your fingers, making you jolt slightly.

“You okay?” She spoke softly into your ear as her hand gave yours a slight squeeze before settling to hold your palm with hers. 

You hesitantly nodded, because sure, you weren’t hyperventilating on the floor (yet), but you also weren’t sunshine and rainbows either. “You know how I am with these damn things.”

Ellie nodded in understanding as she took both of your interlocked hands and brought them down to rest on the top of her thigh that was crossed widely over her leg. If you had asked yourself days ago if you’d ever be in a situation like this with Ellie again, you would’ve said not a million years.

 Look at you now.

“You never liked things that you couldn’t control.”

This made you winch a bit, even though Ellie had no intention of bringing up some of the very words that were spoken minutes before she stormed out of your shared apartment those years ago. It stung and Ellie could see that all over your face.

“I-i mean like you know, roller coasters and shit. You never liked things that you couldn’t know the outcome of..”

There Ellie was, digging herself into an even deeper hole. Thankfully, you found that humor outweighed the remembered pain, at least for now.

“You’re fine Ellie.”

Her dough eyes looked up at your warm, grinning face with the sincerest of apologies, you couldn’t help but bring your other hand to pinch at the skin on the tip of her chin. “You’re cute when you’re nervous.”

“Don’t say that,” Ellie shook her head with playfulness to her pupils, “I'll have to be way more nervous from now on if you’re going to grab my chin like that.”

Her suggestive eyes made your mouth lower as your mind thought of playfully smacking Ellie on the side of her cheek, but opted that she may enjoy that part a little too much as well.

“You can’t say shit like that out loud!” you whispered through gritted teeth as your eyes scanned your surface area to make sure no one had laid their attention on the both of you.

Ellie grinned cheekily, knowing that her flirtations would get a rise of a reaction from you, and damn was she right.

It was scary how much comfort she was finding in using the old tricks she had sitting in a metaphorical box. Now, it was like the box had never been super glued shut, tossed in a corner, and cursed from ever being ripped open again. Instead, Ellie found the box cutter and took that bait the second she was able to. Not that you weren’t a willing participant either.

Just then, a voice came over the intercom as it warned that lift-off would be happening shortly and seatbelts were mandatory - something you’d buckled yourself into the second your ass sat in your seat thirty minutes ago.

Ellie pulled the strap of the seatbelt across the entire length of her mid-half, snapping the buckle shut before her eyes went directly back to you.

Your hands were tense as they pinched the top fabric on the leg of your sweatpants. Your knees bounced at an alarming rate, one that made Ellie’s seat vibrate and alert her to just how well, or not well, you were holding up.

“Hey,” Ellie nearly whispered as she tucked away the hair blocking your side profile from her view. Your eyes glanced over towards her just as you were letting out a breath through your nose.

“C’mere.”

Without much thought, Ellie wrapped her arm around your shoulders, pulling you as close to her as possible. The only time she released her comfort was when the plane made a graceful landing in its designated location. 

—-

It was much warmer in California.

Your skin was sticky as you peeled the hoodie off of your arms-in desperate need of some free flowing air to cool down your rapidly growing body temperature.

“Damn”, Ellie said as her hand shielded her eyes from the bright sun. “This is a fucking contrast.”

Jesse laughed, “Yeah seriously.”

The entire band stood in a circle formation just outside the back entrance of the music venue. It was a type of space that you always appreciated. The ethereal architecture, vintage warm wallpaper, and high ceilings almost made you feel as if you were in a church, except this building held far less trauma.

Ellie flicked her finger along her lighter as a loose cigarette emerged from behind her ear. Even though you tried your hardest to ignore her plump lips as they wrapped around the thin white cylinder, your eyes betrayed you.

As Ellie exhaled her first intake, her eyes moved upwards and instantly met with yours. You quickly moved your eyes, but knew that you were caught. Except this time it didn’t feel as though you were caught doing something you weren’t allowed to do. This time felt more like that embarrassment you feel after getting caught doodling someone’s name over and over in a notebook. 

Ellie felt flattered and cocky all in one knowing that you were watching her with that look that she knew had you creating scenarios she would hopefully get to act out on you later. She couldn’t help but smirk as she silently teased and taunted you in the friendliest way possible.

Sadly, the quiet flirting came to a halt as Ellie’s hands began digging in each of her Jean pockets as she searched for her vibrating phone. 

Immediately, a new pinch of guilt and fear hit Ellie like a ton of bricks as her eyes nervously looked back at yours. 

“I uh-gotta take this.”, Ellie addressed the group while holding up her phone just before she slid her thumb along the screen. Her voice was low as she walked away from the group, but you were still able to make out the gut wrenching  “hey babe”  she spoke to her girlfriend on the receiving end.

Dina studied you. The way your body tensed and the way your pupils grew twice their normal size. She didn’t want it to be true-god, she really didn’t, but She was growing tired of having zero answers to her inquiries so she took matters into her own hands while she had the opportunity.

“You wanna go on a walk?”, Dina said as she nodded towards you with her hands stuffed inside her front pockets.

You nodded with guilt graffitied all over your face as you mentally scorned yourself about being less obvious from here on out. Now, you just had to face your friend and ensure that everything was fine.

“What’s up with you and Ellie?”

Dina didn’t waste time beating around the bush once the both of you made your way into the venue and began walking through the large empty space. You were just happy she was bringing this up when it was just the two of you instead of in a group setting.

“What do you mean? Everything’s fine.”

Dina shook her head, humored, “It is so clear that things are different between you and Ellie..I don’t know what happened at the hotel that night, but ever since then you’ve both been acting weird around each other.”

“Weird how?”

Again, Dina shook her head, but this time, her feet came to a halt. “Don’t lie to me like that babe. I know you and Ellie better than that.”

She was right. She had known every phase of you and Ellie all the way from roommates to crushes to girlfriends to ex’s. This was going to be tough to hide from her, not to mention, it didn’t feel right keeping something like this from someone who was your best friend. But what else could you do?

“Alright-yeah… Something did happen last night.” You started as Dina braced herself for the worst while she nodded to encourage you to continue.

“It just kind of happened… I didn’t mean for it too, but… me and Ellie talked about everything. Our break up and relationship. We’d never really gotten that closure from each other after everything went down and we sort of laid it all out on the table.”

You hated lying to her-your best friend and confidant, but you couldn’t have her thinking you were a home wrecker either. Her opinion was much too valuable to you and jeopardizing that would feel like letting down your parents or guardian.

“Awe babe,” Dina relaxed honestly as she smiled and rested a reassuring hand on the top of your shoulder. “Is that why you guys have been-I don’t know, “she trailed off, then made direct eye contact, “...more friendly with one another? I almost swore you guys were flirting, but it makes sense now that you were both just more comfortable around each other.”

You knew she was buying everything you were feeding her and that’s what made the sting of it that much worse. Lying to one of your best friends never felt good, but gaslighting her into believing what she was seeing was incorrect, somehow felt that much more betraying.

“Yeah, exactly,” you nodded, “It’s like a weight has been lifted or something. We can talk to each other without this weird barrier now ya know?”

Dina smiled and nodded along as she grabbed both of your hands. “All I ever wanted for the both of you was for you to find happiness. Even if that happiness isn’t with one another in a romantic sense.”

Your front teeth jammed into your lower lip at the mention, but you kept your lips pinched together in a smile that you hoped didn’t look too much like a disguise.

“...i’m just fucking glad this is out of the way now. I’m sure it’s easier on your friendship now that everything's out in the open.”

The guilt began to weigh heavier and heavier the longer this conversation went on. You were desperately searching for a way to end it in a way that wasn’t abrupt or obvious. 

“Yeah it is for sure. It’s been nice,” you said with eyes that swiveled around the room until you laid eyes on your escape.  “Hey, I'm going to hit up the bathroom.”

With departing words, you and Dina both split off in opposite directions and Thank god, because you were in desperate need of breathing room.

As you entered the bathroom, the first thing you did was press your palms on the bathroom sink and look at yourself in the mirror. You felt uneasy staring back at the person who just lied repeatedly to their friend and bandmate. You’d never had anything happen that you didn’t feel comfortable telling Dina. It felt weird to have this type of confidential information, with no one to share it with. Well, except for-

Suddenly, the squealing of a stall door opened and out walked the very thing that had lie after lie rolling off of your tongue.

“What are you doing here?”

“So I'm not allowed to use the bathroom now?” Ellie quirked as she walked to the long double sink next to the one you still had your hands pressed against.

“I didn’t see you come in-you scared the shit out of me.”

Ellie’s damp hands reached for a nearby paper towel just before she, so slowly it almost felt like slow motion, slipped two silver rings over one finger on each hand.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t watch. Ellie would be lying if she said she didn’t do it on purpose.

“So..how are you?”

“Seriously Ellie?”, you disputed as your lower back rested along the porcelain of the white sink.

Of course, Ellie came to stand directly in front of you, but not without checking her surroundings first to make sure you were truly alone.

She had a look in her eyes that had you aching for her hands to reach out and touch you. You invited her in closer with a silent nod.

“Can I kiss you?” Ellie spoke with the softest voice you’d ever heard. Of course, you couldn’t help but nod at the green eyes that were glistening at you.

Her mouth tasted like honey and Marlboro as the dew from her chapstick spread onto your lips, making you rub them together once both of your mouths had departed the others.

“I missed this.”

You nodded in agreement, “I did too.”

“For how long?”

You looked at her puzzled, “What?”

“How long have you missed this?”

Her forehead rested against yours as she asked you the question that made you want to crawl under a rock and never, ever reveal your true answer. You stayed silent as a large gulp moved through your throat.

“What if I said that I've missed this for a really long time.”

You shook your head at her confession as if what she said wasn’t true or that you didn’t want to believe it was true. “Don’t say that.”

Ellie’s forehead creased up as she questioned, “Why?”

Because in your eyes Ellie had it all. She had a loving girlfriend that supported her entirely and to the ends of the earth. They both seemed so happy and so in love and everyone else thought the same as you, but how can two people be so in love if the other is desiring secret affection with another person, let alone a person who is their ex.

Ellie didn’t like your puzzled face or the silence. “Why is it so hard for you to believe that I missed it?”

Your eyes burned the second they locked with hers, making you pull them away quickly. “What about Kat Ellie?”

“What about her?”

You sighed loudly as your hands raised in the air briefly before smacking back down against your legs in frustration. “How can you say that you missed this when you and Kat seem so happy together.”

“We are happy together,” Ellie verified with lips that sat in an unreadable straight line and yes that were avoidant.

“Then how can you miss us kissing and..doing whatever this is and be happy with your girlfriend?”

That one had Ellie stumped. She searched every crevice, unpacked every suitcase, and unraveled every scrap piece of paper that was floating around in her brain, but she didn’t have an answer. Instead, she stood with arms crossed in front of her chest until she thought of what to say next.

“If you don’t want to do this just say so-.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Then what are you trying to do?” Ellie questioned with a voice that begged to raise an octave, but she fought the urge. “Why can’t you just accept the fact that I like kissing you and touching you and being around you? This is exactly what we did when we were dating.”

“Because we aren’t dating Ellie! We are sleeping around behind your girlfriend's back which is the complete opposite of dating.”

A build-up that felt like fire rose in Ellie’s brain. She couldn’t tell the difference between anger and tension. “Then tell me that you want to stop! I don’t know what you want from me!.” 

“God fucking damn it Ellie!” You began pacing in a circle until your forehead gently met the white bathroom wall. With closed eyes, you rested in her words. What were you trying to do by bringing this up? Were you trying to find a reason to stop this? Why would you stop something that felt so damn good?

Ellie was hesitant, yet followed through as she slowly wrapped her arms around your center and rested her chin on your shoulder. “What are you feeling right now?”

You didn’t know or you didn’t care to know. Everything felt so damn complicated.

“I don’t know”, you simply stated before a layer of silence comfortably filled the porcelain filled room.

To both of your shock, the bathroom door flew open. Surely not with enough time for you and Ellie to part and act as if you were having a normal gathering with your bandmate.

Luckily it wasn’t anyone either of you knew. Ellie mumbled a fuck under her breath as she silently ushered you to the door as quickly as possible.

———

“How are we feeling so far California?!” You spoke into your microphone just before bringing a water bottle to your parched lips. Your question was answered by the screams of the crowd that seemed to never end as you peered over the tops of thousands of people’s heads.

“I don’t think we could hear you,” Ellie smirked as she shouted excitedly into the microphone, “How are we feeling tonight?!”

You found yourself smiling as you watched the way Ellie could command a crowd to scream louder than you thought possible. She was always so good at complimenting your stage presence and ensuring that the crowd was meeting your exact energy.

As the crowd’s yells died down, the entire venue went pitch black with only a handful of red lights pointed toward the stage lighting up the room. The voices of those who were familiar with your setlist began to rise in anticipation and excitement; you found your smiling lips grace the caged foam of the microphone as you opened your mouth and began to sing the beginning of the first verse.

One thing you knew how to do was flirt with the crowd. Your eyes scanned as you sang, making sure to stop and hold eye contact with someone in the crowd for at least a couple of seconds to really engage with them. Something that you’d never do when off stage, yet when you were up here in the lights and with your favorite people, you felt so powerful and confident. 

As you got to the chorus, your hips swayed along with the beat and the lyrics that were suggestive in a very clear way. You remembered when you sat down to write this sing after having been on a date where the girl said you, “looked so innocent and sweet”. You found yourself with your hands in between your legs that night, thinking about that very girl and how you wanted to do things that weren’t so sweet and innocent. You could say the thought of you being perceived as innocent in a sexual sense got you off.

As you got to the second verse, your eyes caught on Ellie who, unbeknownst to you, had been watching you the entire performance. Her expression was somehow challenging you, but to what? You weren’t quite sure.

You managed to pull your eyes away from hers as your legs carried you to the opposite side of the stage. The crowd’s voices began to rise as they prepared for your lazily choreographed dancing that always drew screams and camera flashes from the audience.

You continued singing as you watched Dina as if she were your prey. You drew closer and closer until your front came in contact with Dina’s back. Yours and her hips began to move back and forth in sync with one another as you sang the lyrics that expressed how there was a ring around your finger that you’d pulled from your lips. Jokingly, your hand felt up Dina’s ass, as she swatted you away with a smile that had the both of you laughing. 

Now, it was time for your bit with Ellie, except this time you felt nervous.

Night after night; concert after concert, you’d done this small dance with her in the center of the stage that had you both swaying in sync. However, that was all before this entire thing with Ellie began. Now, you were dancing with your ex-girlfriend turned secret affair to a song that spoke of how badly you wanted to fuck someone.

Having to look Ellie in the eye, sing those lyrics, and move in a sexually indicative way with her just felt scary somehow. It seemed Ellie wasn’t feeling any of those same feelings or at least she was just better at hiding them

You turned on the ball of your foot and sauntered towards a girl who still wore that overconfident smirk all while her fingers were busy strumming on the electric guitar that hung around her shoulders. Just as the beat for the chorus began, you both stood in front of the other and began swaying your hips from side to side, just as you did every performance.

The crowd’s high-pitched screams squealed through the venue as you and Ellie stood so close to one another, that your knees were bumping with every movement. Then, Ellie got on her knees.

Your legs spread even further apart to make room for her to sit right in between them as you throw your hips in a circular motion, nearly making Ellie’s face collide directly with your crotch if it weren’t for the guitar she held in her hands. 

She looked up at you as if you were her goddess. The way the light hit you, the way you looked so confident as you moved your body with your eyes half lidded-she was lusting after you in front of thousands of people and she didn’t care because you were all that she could focus on. 

Then, you bent down and rested your palms against the tops of your knees, which brought your face so close to hers. The sweet glistened over your top lip and Ellie found herself missing notes that should’ve been muscle memory by now, all because she was envisioning how your mouth, and other things, tasted right this very second. 

Your eyes locked onto Ellies as the both of your faces began to move closer and closer to one another's, something that wasn’t unusual for this performance…that is until you felt her bottom lip brush along your mouth. That definitely wasn’t a common occurrence.

You jerked back to a full standing position so fast, in the hopes that no one caught on to what sins nearly happened on center stage. Meanwhile Ellie stayed low on the ground with a smile that spoke of zero guilt. You found it amusing how little she could care or worry.

You patted her head as if she were your guard dog- Ellie replied by nuzzling her face against your thigh with the cheekiest smile on her face.

Eventually, Ellie moved back to her place on stage left; it seemed that smirk was permanently etched into her smooth lips for the entirety of the performance. Somehow you were able to recover quickly, most likely due to the pressure to perform in front of thousands of pairs of eyes, especially when you were only halfway through the setlist. 

—-

The air was chillier now that the sun had been long gone for the day. You hugged your jacket around your body as a gust of wind caused your hair to fly out in various directions.

“What are we doing tonight fellas? Bar? Club?”

You winced at the mention of the social places that were the furthest thing from what you wanted right now. “How are you not tired Jesse?”

“C’mon. It’s LA. There’s gotta be some cool elite clubs or some shit.”

You shook your head with a grin, “Can’t tonight. I already have reservations with the bed in my hotel room.”

“Ah, whatever. D you coming with me?”

Dina had her mouth open ready to answer, but a crowd of several dozen concert goer’s had taken up camp in the parking lot that was just over the fence that separated the band from the admirerers. As you, Ellie, Dina, and Jesse came into their view, the eyes and voices of those who kindly waited just to catch a glimpse and a wave from the foursome began to rise. 

You gave a wave and a kiss that spread from your lips to the tips of your fingers as you extended the gesture to the fans who awaited your departure from the venue. 

“Gimme a sec.”

The onlookers hands shook rapidly the closer you got. Phones and pens and anything else you could imagine were being extended to you and you were quick to please the crowd.

“I love you so much!! ” You answered with a genuine “i love you too” as you placed the pen back in the fans hand.

“When is your next album coming out.” You smiled as your finger hit the shutter button before you handed the phone back to it’s owner. “Soon enough I promise.”

“You and Ellie were so hot tonight.” You prayed no one could see the wince that was mixed in with your smile as the mention of a nearly fatal mistake to your reputation. “Thank you for coming tonight,” was all you could manage to say.

Your cheeks nearly felt as if they would fall off the second you got into the safety of the dark SUV. Your body met the plush cushion of the seat and you felt like you could fall asleep right then and there if you closed your eyes for even a millisecond.

Ellie scooted in closer to you in the most back row of seats as her hand pushed the still sweat drenched waves from her forehead. You couldn’t help but smile as you watched her struggle to maintain control of the locks that seemed to defy gravity.

“Let me,” you said as you reached for the keys that were hung around a hot pink carabiner that hung freely from the loop of your jeans.

Ellie looked at you confused until you moved your finger in a twirl-like motion. “Turn around.”

Ellies cheeks were warm and grin severe as she turned around in her seat. Meanwhile, your hands lightly touched the thin strands of her hair as you began to gather the top layer in your hands. The black hair tie snuggly held half of Ellie’s hair up in a messy bun that enunciated every single one of her facial features.

“Thanks”, Ellie whispered with that same grin still on her face as you nodded and tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. She made you feel like a high schooler who had the biggest crush on the coolest girl in school. 

“How was tonight for you?”, Ellie said as she got comfortable in her seat and angled her body towards you. She still had a grin on her face, but this one was much more boyish-filled with a hint of humor and a dash of admiration.

“Why don’t you tell me?”

Ellie shrugged her shoulders confidently, “I asked you first.”

You could feel your eyes rolling already as your grin became a teeth-baring one.

“You guys cool if we go out tonight?” Dian interrupted as she gazed back at the both of you from her seat a row ahead.

“As long as you don’t wake me up I don’t give a fuck what you kids get up to,” Ellie clapped the back of Jesse’s shoulder teasingly as he shook his head and shoved her hand as if they were two kids having a playful fight.

“Me and Jesse could always room together so we don’t wake you guys up only if that’s okay with you guys.”

Ellie shrugged in such a nonchalant way, you’d never know that she had been scheming on  how to get Dina and Jesse to share a hotel room again so she could be alone with you. 

“Works with me if it works with you.”

As Ellie’s eyes scanned yours, you felt a rush of goosebumps cover your arms and legs. You nodded, keeping your eyes trained on Ellie, “Yeah, that’s chill with me too.”

—

You were both so impatient.

The second the hotel door shut behind Ellie, your hands were in her hair and hers around your waist as both of your lips smacked together.

“The way your eyes get dark like that makes me lose my mind”, you spoke breathlessly as your forehead rested against Ellie’s.

Her eyes pinched together in confusion, “What?”

Your lips ghosted along her jawline as they made headway towards her neck, forcing Ellie to close her eyes as she caved into the pleasure. 

“When you want to fuck me your eyes turn almost jet black.” Ellie groaned as her fingertips dug into your hips while your lips continued assaulting her neck. This time your teeth joined in as they gently ground into the tight flesh that tasted of mild salt of previous sweat.

“I love it when you make that sound.” The most Ellie could reply was another pitiful little whine.

Slowly, the both of you started making your way towards the nearby bed until Ellie’s back was colliding with the mattresses and you were straddling her waist.

“Get back down here, we’re not done.” Ellie’s hand that rested on the back of your head guided your face and body to bend downwards at her command. Your mouths consumed one another again and again.

Your hands clutched the white duvet as your hips desperately ground down to meet Ellie’s as your lips continued moving in synchrony. That is until, without cause, Ellie grabbed your hips harshly as she fought your back-and-forth movements, causing you to slow down drastically against her force.

You looked at her with widened eyes that were begging her to allow you to writhe against her freely, but then she did it. With a couple of wriggles of yours and her body, she bent her leg upwards, sending her kneecap to gently bump against the thumping space between your legs.

Your eyes instantly softened as you moved slowly against the hill her knee created. “You really thought I wouldn’t remember how much you like to get off on my thigh? Please, give me a little more credit than that.”

As good as it felt, you couldn’t keep a straight face as you chuckled and lifted one of your hands to playfully smack Ellie’s chest. “Shut the fuck up”.

“Am I wrong?” Ellie said with an amused grin that you didn’t respond to. Instead, you ground your hips down to rub your center against her knee that was hitting exactly where you needed it to hit.

With a shaky breath and your head bent low, Ellie watched you grind against her covered knee until you were a stuttered, wet mess. She loved every minute of it.

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