#can imagine others disrespecting/looking down on her for not being fully committed to her job

[chikoyama]

An assortment of headcanons related to Chiyori as a Jujutsu Sorcerer:

Although, Chiyori is categorised a semi-special grade sorcerer, taking on special grade missions usually exhausts her to the point where she'd take three days off just to recover. She'd spend the first two days sleeping and healing. Third day, she'd pack, prepare and generally take the day off, usually hanging out with her non-sorcerer best friend @opalchoi or voluntarily help out at her café.

Honestly, Chiyori is such a pushover. On missions if she's accompanied by students, she'd likely tell them to stay put, but if they insist on participating, she'd probably fold after a rather pathetic attempt at negotiating, lol.

Chiyori doesn't mind selfishly hooking one of the assistants to accompany her on missions. She enjoys the company, and she needs someone to keep her spare clothes safe while she gets the job done. (Usually, she prefers Ijichi, because he's easily persuaded. Surprisingly, he's more of a pushover than her).

On rare occasions when someone actually unquestioningly complies to her requests, Chiyori will praise them. She'd say things like: "Aah, how come you're being such a good boy/girl today?" Or: "You truly are my hero/champion, you know?" She's called Ijichi this countless of times. He blushes every time, and she finds it so cute, lmao.

Unlike many other in the industry, Chiyori is not married to her job. Because the sorcerer job pays fairly well, she takes weeks off at a time to visit her parents living in the outskirts of Tokyo. Majority of her income goes to support her parents. Despite this, Chiyori fares relatively well as she doesn't tend to spend her money recklessly.

In Tokyo, Chiyori lives alone in a small two-room apartment. At night she leaves on the TV in the living room. Her electrical bills are probably insane, but the background noise helps drowning out the voices inside her head. Besides, it provides her the comforting illusion that she isn't alone in the apartment.

Despite her rank, Chiyori possesses only an average amount of cursed energy. Using her cursed technique can drain it rapidly, but it depends entirely on which curse(s) she transforms into.

Pertaining to the politics of Jujutsu, Chiyori doesn't involve herself too much. She doesn't understand the full intricacies of it, and isn't interested as she perceives the stakes she has as close to non-influential to her personal life.

Chiyori prefers being assigned missions classified second grade or beneath. She finds anything above gruelling. To her dismay, the higher-ups refuse to assign her these types of missions — usually, they give those to sorcerers of lower grade. While it does make sense to her, she still feels quite bitter about it.

In her arsenal, Chiyori only possesses one special grade curse. In combat, if she can avoid it, she won’t draw it out as her control over it is rather erratic. Instead, Chiyori gravitates towards switching between the few first grade curses she in her arsenal.

[hetalia-reacts]

So it's been 2 weeks has passed and the darling hasn't reacted to the punishments the Allies has been giving them, and if anything has been ignoring them ( basically any punishment the boys throw at them has no effect ). Another 2 weeks has passed, but to the boys surprise this seems to get a new reaction out of the darling. With every passing day the boys goes out an kills innocent people( y'know to pile more work on the darling ); and the more people they kill the more panicky, agitated, worried, and scared the darling becomes. The darling keeps pleading them to stop and let them do their job, warning them if they don't stop they'll regret it. The boys doesn't listen, if anything they'll relish in the feeling. One of world most powerful creature is finally submitting to them. How delicious, yet pathetic. It's been 4 days since then, and darling still pleads and begs them to stop and let them go. Around this time the boys are just getting home and is about to go check on their darling. But then they stop when they heard some muffled voices in the darling's room. Did the darling somehow contact someone to help her escape!!! And to think they was about to let her off of punishment! Well I guess that won't be happening any time soon. When to boys got to the room; the darling was on their knees and it looked like they were praying, and on in the center of the room was a very bright light and. The boys couldn't believe it, it was.... God. The darling was constantly apologizing about how they could let all of this happen and how the regretting meeting the boys in the first place. God has forgiven the darling and said it wasn't their fault. God has broken their remaining bounds the darling had around their hands and feet. The darling wasted no time running out of the room and unleashing their beautiful black and white wings. But before they full ran out of the room, the darling gives them a pity yet angry glance. " I tried to warn you. I just hope when Grimmy ( it's the nickname for the grim reaper. The darling works very close with them and is extremely close with them ) get here, they'll go easy on you. " Then the darling flies away. Now that's left in room was the boys and God. God tells them what they did was unacceptable and that it doesn't matter that they love the darling to much, and that they darling plays a huge role between life, death, and the afterlife; and that they could of messed up something. And all the lives they took and the sins they've committed, He'll have to punish them. After when God said that, the boys help a uncomfortable chill ran down their spine. Then the room has gotten darker all of a sudden. Out of the corner of the boys eye they saw a skeleton hand reach into the corner of the door. Then the light flickered off for a second. The hand wasn't there anymore. But then the boys felt a presence behind them. Turning around they saw a 9 foot ( almost 10 foot ) tall skeleton looming over them, they were wearing a pitch black cloak in. It was the.Grim.Reaper. After that nothing can prepare them for what they boys went through, it was worse than literal hell. Let's just say the boys regret killing all those people and they did to the darling. ( This part 2 the Angle of Death ask ) Also this is what the darling looks like.

This is my OC. So minus the hair, eyes, face, body. I'll just leave it to the other readers imagination

I was unsure if this was an ask, like a part two for me to write, or simply just you explaining what happens next and what the reader is supposed to look like. So I'll do their reactions to getting punished and what their punishments are. Also, I summed up what you wrote in a more story-like format instead, I hope you don't mind! If you do let me know either through messages or through another ask and I'll delete what I wrote and simply leave your ask posted! Everything is below the cut due to length~

2 entire weeks have passed since the initial punishment. 2 weeks of no souls being taken care of. But that's okay, it doesn't affect you yet. You can handle this, you won't give them what they want: a reaction. They come down every day, bloodied with an innocent person's blood, but you won't say anything, won't react. This angers them. Another agonizing 2 weeks pass. They were getting tired of you not doing anything other than taking the food and water they gave to you. Today is different though. You're fidgety, feisty, and overall look terrified. They assume the punishment is working. They can't help but feel pride at watching you beg and cry for them to stop killing people, to let you at the very least reap their souls and come back. It's exhilarating, delectable. The power they feel bringing you, an Angel of Death, to such a state is a rush they could get addicted to. Your pathetic attempts to threaten them saying "something bad will happen if you don't stop this," were enjoyable to some degree as well. How sad their little caged Angel had become. 4 days later they come home, your voice seems to echo from where they left them. What happened? Who were you talking to? How did you contact someone? Regrettable that this happened, you were acting so good before this and he was honestly considering letting you out early for good behavior. He barges into the room where his darling is. You were praying to a bright light, a bright light that was near the center of the room. It appeared to be some entity. No, it wasn't just some entity, it was God himself. His darling was apologizing to him, saying you didn't mean to let this happen, sorry for not being strong enough to stop him, and the biggest stab to his heart, you were apologizing for even getting to know them in the first place. He watched as the chains released their holds on your ankles and wrists and you wasted no time in stretching out your gorgeous wings and walking towards an exit to the outside. You only turned to look at them for a second, deep sorrow and intense anger in your eyes. "I tried to warn you (___). I just hope Grimmy is able to show you some mercy when he gets here." You then flew away after that, leaving him alone with God. He looks disappointed, explaining that love won't be a good enough excuse to save him from his very own punishment. He had disrupted the work of Heaven and Hell, killed innocents simply out of spite, and he must atone for those crimes. God leaves in a flash of bright white, leaving him in a now dark room, a chill traveling up his spine as he soon feels a presence in the room. He catches the boney hand of something out of the corner of his eye. As he turns to see it clearly, he sees a giant skeleton draped in a black robe reach out a boney hand to take him. He has never been through a worse hell than this.

2p America (Allen)

Allen is regretful while he is taken to his punishment. He knows he deserves it, he went a little crazy from the power he had over you. And now that your gone, never to return to him, he feels like this is a just end to his empty life. His punishment is among the worst. The Grim Reaper makes Allen live out what he did to those innocent souls as well as suffer the same punishments he had ever given to you. He will eventually go mad, and if you were to spare him and see him, it would simply make him go deeper into insanity and depression.

2p Canada (Matt)

Out of all of them, he feels like he is the least deserving of this. He hadn't made you suffer, or kept you locked away. He may not have let you go far without him, but he didn't completely stop you from doing your job. I can see Matt being regretful, but not for long. Only for as long as he feels he really deserved. His punishment is by far the least painful. The Grim Reaper makes him suffer in a more creative way, he was to watch what could've been. As someone who was usually always gentle with you, it pains him to watch what his life could've been if he had just stayed patient and lenient.

2p England (Oliver)

Oliver is a tough one to crack in this case. He's already insane for the most part so nothing really scares him while he is being taken to his punishment. Oliver also really can't see what he's done wrong. He isn't regretful for what he did, at least not to those people. His punishment is hard to decide. In the end, Oliver is tortured by leaving him alone. He will wait for eternity alone, no one to speak to, nothing to do, he will rot away forever until even his facade of sanity is no longer there to keep him company.

2p France (Francois)

Francois has no complaints. He figures this is just another bad thing to add to his miserable existence. He's partially regretful for what he did to you. He knows he shouldn't have snapped at the end of the day and that getting a power trip wasn't like him and he should've caved sooner. However, in the end, he's still selfish and he figures you should've been careful, he did warn you about his dislikes after all. Francois's punishment is to take away his peace. He will be driven insane by noise. He's the only one to be let back out into the human world again. Francois is now constantly plagued by noise, and any vice or sin he commits (drinking, smoking, killing) the noise will only get louder.

2p Russia (Viktor)

Viktor is not at all regretful. He doesn't care at all. Viktor is one that would actively try to fight against The Grim Reaper. Of course, he fails at this. Viktor's punishment is similar to what he did to you. He is left alone with other punished souls in a type of confinement. Viktor will be subjected to years of push and pull tactics. He will come to fully rely on The Grim Reaper or whoever is watching over the souls, flushing his pride and intelligent mind down the drain.

2p China (Zao)

Zao is deeply regretful to some degree. He feels he disrespected you, your job, and your boss. This is something he never wanted to do as he honors respect deeply. On the other hand, he isn't regretful for punishing you, he still believes wholeheartedly that you deserved it, just maybe not to the degree he took it. Zao's punishment is similar to Viktor's. Zao has a deep sense of honor, of pride, and he is punished by spending eternity being taunted, teased, beaten, and spit on. This is another one where he would go absolutely insane and become a whole other person. If you ever took the time to see him you would not recognize the man in front of you, and he wouldn't recognize you either.

[brookscharis]

christian girls & pornography

Ever since I posted a Tik Tok video with the same title as this post, my inbox has been flooded with girls and grown women who struggle with the same temptation that I have.

It might be pretty jarring to come across a Christian girl talking about her struggle with pornography but, it happens. And if my DMs are only .0001% of the population of Christian girls who struggle with lust, then I’m pretty sure every 1 in 2 girls probably has a secret habit of this too –– not even exaggerating. Women are humans with sexual urges too, just because we love Jesus doesn’t mean we don’t wanna do the do (after marriage, of course). But that’s where the struggle starts. As a single woman, we know that it’s God’s will for us wait until MARRIAGE. How can you wait that long and not explode? How is it even practical in terms of knowing your body before your husband does? It leads to a lot of curiosity about sex and a need to understand why it’s so forbidden. 

I saw my first pornographic video as a computer pop-up at 8-years-old. Since that day, it opened a curiosity about sex and what that entire “grown-up world” was about. Like any kid who grew up with the internet and didn’t know something, I googled “sex”. You can only imagine what I got myself into. It’s almost funny but it’s actually super traumatizing. I was bound to watching porn until I was a Sophomore in college. I always felt wrong and knew it wasn’t right after I finished, but I just took the few green lights from articles I found online about the joyous health benefits of masturbation and plugged my ears to my conscience screaming at me. I googled, “Is masturbation bad?” and of course, nothing but, “Nooooo, noo not at all! It’s healthy! It’s good for you to know your own body! It’s good for you to know what you like!” was all that I found. I didn’t think to google, “Is masturbation a sin?” I was 8, but maybe I would’ve had confirmation of the bad feeling that I had on the inside if I asked that question. Because, yes, masturbation is a sin (Matthew 5:27-30). Someone close to me could’ve told me this too, but that would mean admitting that I watch people have sex in my spare time... nah, I’m good. I isolated myself and felt so overwhelmed with shame. No one could know I dealt with this, I hid it and swore I would take it to my grave. But, like the saying goes “what is done in the dark comes to light” and my issues manifested in other ways. This habit led me to lust after my friends (bi-curiosity), feeling like a baby for being a teenaged virgin, and seeking validation from boys by wearing revealing clothes that I never actually felt comfortable in. 

The question that I get asked the most is, “how did you conquer it?” How did I overcome, stop the habit, break the stronghold?

A little backstory. 

So, my lifestyle and spiritual practice at 19 years old was anti-Jesus. I was down for anything, pretty much, except submitting my life fully to God. I didn’t have a religious affiliation, I just considered myself “spiritual.” My open-mindedness landed me in a toxic relationship with one of my closest friends who I knew was bisexual. When we began talking, we bonded over the law of attraction, manifestation, angel numbers, and we confessed to each other that we both watched porn –– it was attractive to her. Fast forward, after much emotional manipulation on both ends (I used her for validation and attention, she did the same), I ended it and I was ready to get serious about God. You see, I grew up a Pastor’s kid in church my whole life, I knew better and I was rebelling. I wanted the peace that surpassed all understanding, I wanted contentment, joy, and favor. That Christmas break, when I went back home from college, going to church felt different. I was engaged and hungry, I was spiritually poor and starved. That’s when my pastor read Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” That’s all I needed and I started pursuing God like never before. I blocked her number, I went back to school after my break and got rid of everything I owned that didn’t please God. I switched up the music that I was listening to, I fasted for the first time (and made it a real spiritual challenge for myself in order to get the most out of it), and I cut back on hanging out with my friends at the time. That’s when I stopped watching porn entirely, and it’s been a year since. Four months since I fell into masturbation. 

Now, I understand how that didn’t really answer the question. That’s because there’s nothing that we can do to conquer anything, but abide in God. It’s the Holy Spirit that gives us a desire to live for Him, He speaks to us and called us to Himself before we say to ourselves, “I think I’ll give Jesus a chance.” That’s Him choosing you! There’s a moment when you snap out of it and notice how you’ve been living in the scraps of what this world has to offer, that moment for me was blocking the girl I was dating. Everything that represented that life had to go, from posters to clothes to what I watched online. I refused to be enslaved to that sin and I surrendered my sexuality over to my Creator.

One thing I want you to take away from this is that we are not the hero in our story. We don’t vindicate ourselves or conquer anything, God is our hero and Savior. It’s through Christ that we are more than conquerors. Not through our own strength or practical tips. 

But they do help! Here are a few:

1) Guard your heart - don’t watch shows/movies or listen to music that’s centered around sex or has a lot of sex scenes in it. Otherwise, it will trigger you.

2) Be mindful of the company you keep - when you want to break free from sexual sin, you won’t find the support or good influences you need if your friends encourage casual sex. Entertaining conversations about sex might be triggering, too.

3) Remember that it takes physical effort and restraint to stop - this isn’t passive, you have to literally refuse and fight against it. 

4) Call on the name of Jesus - forreal, tho.

5) Tell someone - it doesn’t have to be right now but, tomorrow isn’t promised and confessing your sins will set you free. James 5:16.

You’ve probably tried all of that and it didn’t work, that’s because it will never be enough. You’re not strong enough to resist something as desirable and satisfying as sexual sin, as humans (even Christians!) we love sin. There’s something in us that can’t get enough of it –– unless we love something even MORE than we love sexual sin. We must love God, He is our strength. The more time you spend with Him (reading His word, praising Him, worshipping Him, learning more about Him) the more you’ll be disgusted by sin. God changes your desires and you’ll get to a point where you can’t even bring yourself to open that website again. It’s a fight against the Spirit and the Flesh, principalities, and powers, it’s not one you can just grit your teeth and power through –– ya need Jesus! 

Some of you will leave this post and have the spiritual motivation to spend some time with God for a few minutes, then you’ll be bored. You’ll think to yourself, “I really want to stop falling into this sin, but I guess I don’t want it enough because I keep falling asleep when I read the Bible.” That’s not true, beloved. We’ve all been there. Your level of engagement has nothing to do with how badly you want God to work in your life, you need the Holy Spirit to help you. Pray to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to give you the Holy Spirit so that you will enjoy and look forward to knowing more about Him. 

This temptation can either destroy your relationship with God or bring you closer to Him. He can break this thing off of you, but it will be His working in you — completely. He fights our battles, our job is to be still and abide in Him. The more you love Him, the more you’ll hate sin because sin separates *you* from the One that you love, Him. However, it never separates *His* love from *you* (Romans 8:31-38), we can begin to feel distant and guilty which leads us to continue because we feel too far gone anyways. That’s a lie from the enemy. The more you sin, the farther you stray from God, but He never will give up on you. Read Luke 15, it’s never too late to come home — it’s all about having a relationship.

God could instantly deliver you from this but, how would that change your heart and bring you closer to Him? You would be grateful for a bit, then you might slip into another temptation to replace the porn. It’s through a relationship with God that your heart changes and you will not desire any sin. Because outside of looking at others with lust by watching porn, are you a liar? Do you steal? Are you disrespectful to your parents? Are you easily angered and offended? If you are, you’re guilty of more than just watching pornography, you’ve committed crimes against God. But, He loves us so much that He sent Jesus to take our punishment for the sins we committed. Jesus experienced God’s condemnation so we never have to, all we have to do is trust that God’s punishment for us was finished in Jesus’ sacrifice and repent – turn from our old ways and be a new creation. We don’t do this in our own strength, we do this through the Holy Spirit, there’s no way any of us can be more like Jesus without His help. If you truly accept Jesus (not just say the Sinner’s Prayer but allow it to change you), you won’t just go to Heaven, but you’ll receive the love, validation, contentment, and the intimacy that you’ve been searching for here on Earth. 

I haven’t arrived fully to this point yet, it’s a process to become satisfied in Him as a Child of God. At times I fear that I haven’t really surrendered my life, there’s a lot that I still want to control like people’s perceptions of me and making sure nothing impedes on my nap time. However, I don’t doubt that God is greater. It takes time and devotion to love Him, I will continue to learn how to love Him for the rest of my life. But with love comes trust and trust leads to obedience, it’s like that for all of us.

God is not mad at you, He’s not ashamed of you, He doesn’t find you embarrassing and He is NOT disappointed in you. He loves you and He will fight this for you, all you need to do is receive His love by surrendering your life to His purpose for you and start living as the new creation that you are. You are a daughter of the Most High God, no longer are you a slave to sin. 

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV

[captain-ross-poldark]

Poldark returns: Aidan Turner on nudity, being single and why he's a technophobe

As the famously ripped and glowering Cornish copper miner, Aidan Turner has put the sex back  into Sunday nights. Over a large vodka, he talks about getting  naked, those pecs and playing Poldark Just before I am due to interview Aidan Turner, his PR sends me an email to let me know that he has grown a beard – presumably in case I fail to recognise the actor fully clothed or not wearing a tricorn hat. Poor old Turner is so defined by that scything scene that he likes to grow his beard when not committed to playing Ross Poldark – which doesn’t happen very often, given the BBC has just commissioned a fourth series and Turner says they are all tied in for five. ‘I’m not a big fan of shaving,’ he explains to me when I finally find him – fully clothed in a bomber jacket, T-shirt and jeans, minus tricorn, hiding in the corner of a dimly lit hotel bar in Mayfair. ‘It sucks. What’s the point? What is the point?’ I mention something about it being uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of a man with a beard.

‘Oh yeah,’ he smiles sympathetically. ‘I can’t imagine it’s a lot of fun for you guys. But not shaving works lovely. I can walk into the street and literally nobody [will recognise me], which is kind of cool. It’s nice for me.’ He doesn’t seem to have noticed the two well-to-do women at the other end of the bar, trying hard not to gawp into their martinis. Perhaps he has simply grown used to it. I have interviewed Turner before, about a year and a half ago, and that day we met in a similarly murky venue, an underground restaurant in Bristol, him arriving with a beanie hat pulled down low over his forehead. The sense I got then was of a man acutely embarrassed by attention, a regular guy from Dublin who happened to have acted standing in a field with his top off because, as he puts it, that’s just how chaps used to scythe back in the day. ‘It [the “nudity”] has always made sense. The bathtub thing,’ he says, referring to the scene in series two where Demelza kisses her naked husband in a tin bath, ‘I mean, I can’t be wearing a T-shirt in it, can I?’

By the time he got round to shooting the 2015 adaptation of Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None, in which he stood with a towel draped perilously low on his hip bone, he had begun to have fun with the whole objectification thing. ‘That was my fault. The towel was initially up quite high and then I said, “That’s not going to work. Why don’t we put it down a little bit because it just doesn’t feel comfortable.” And then when they weren’t looking I pulled it down and it looked ridiculous but…’ He starts to laugh. Is there a similar standout scene in the third series of Poldark? ‘I think there might be one scene, but by then I  had probably put on a bit of weight. I don’t think I was ripped for it. It was towards the end of the shoot and I didn’t bother. For the last month I didn’t hit the gym at all, I was just too busy. And then we had some scenes in the bedroom. There’s one where I’m lying down talking to Demelza and the towel is up here,’ he motions to just above his waist, ‘so I pull it down a little bit. ‘I thought it was funny and on that day Eleanor [Tomlinson, who plays Demelza] was laughing. I went “a little bit more, a little bit more”. I was joking around and thought it would look OK. And then recently they showed us the clip and it’s very much not OK. I am not in shape at all.’ I am pretty sure that the ladies across the bar would agree with me when I say that this is in no way true.  


The 33-year-old seems genuinely perplexed by the fuss caused by his body. ‘I’ve never got it. You watch Game of Thrones and other shows, it’s constant sex. It’s not like we’re doing crunches and then trying to find a reason to get topless. Maybe because it’s a newer version of a show that happened in the 1970s? Maybe it seems racier? I have trouble joining the dots in my head.’ Why does Turner think that the travails of an 18th-century Cornish copper miner are so enduring? ‘Well, that’s a tough one. If you could sort of bottle what it is that makes a show work… I don’t know. It’s always surprised me, Poldark. When we were shooting The Hobbit, we knew a lot of people were going to watch it. But with a show like this we weren’t aware of it. It was sort of a shock for everyone. And it’s continually surprising. We did a thing at the BFI last week, and it was mad, the amount of fans who showed up. It was a bit of a frenzy. And it’s not the demographic that I thought it would be. It was young people.’ 
If I’m not working I’m having to go to the gym because you have to look a certain way and I can’t afford to get, like… bald and fat'
What demographic was he expecting? ‘You know, anything from 40 up.’ Forty isn’t that old, I say. ‘No, no, not at all. You said old. I said demographic. There were a load of young girls and lads and it just kind of surprised me.’ He thinks part of the show’s success is that ‘aesthetically, it doesn’t look like a lot of other British shows. It’s quite calming because of the Cornish setting. And the stories still stand up. Those things that Winston Graham wrote, they still seem to ring true for people.’ The book that the team are working from for series four features a significantly older Poldark. ‘I’m not going to age up for it. Grey hairs and that,’ he shakes his head. ‘No way! I’ll go grey in my own time. It’s happening anyway.’ Again, we agree to disagree. In interviews, Turner often comes across as cagey on account of his reluctance to discuss certain topics, such as his love life or whether he will be the next James Bond. In reality I think he is just a bit shy and politely insecure, and keen not to rock the boat too much (he tells me he once said something in an interview about what his brother did for a living, which upset his sibling). On the subject of Bond, he simply thinks it’s rude to discuss a role that someone is already signed up for. ‘Imagine if somebody was talking about a show that I was doing and the possibilities of replacing me.’ He looks aghast. ‘I just don’t think it’s cool to do that. It seems slightly unkind and a little disrespectful and a bit weird, so that’s why I’ve never wanted to speak about it.’ What do we know about Turner? Born in Dublin to a shop worker and an electrician, he was a ballroom dancer as a child and worked briefly with his dad before deciding, aged 17, to enrol at the Gaiety School of Acting. He graduated in 2004 and immediately started working in theatre, before landing in television via the Irish soap The Clinic. There was an uncredited role in The Tudors, and then cult success as Dante Gabriel Rossetti in the BBC’s Desperate Romantics, and as a vampire in BBC Three’s hit Being Human.

This led to a short period of typecasting, though not altogether unwelcome typecasting, given that it involved roles in a couple of Hollywood blockbusters: as the dwarf Kili in the Hobbit films, and then as a shadowhunter-turned-werewolf in The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. Turner loves collecting art, does a bit of painting himself, and has just bought a house in east London (‘I’ve got a big back garden!’ he beams, before his face turns to concern. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do with that’). For all his handsome ruggedness, I find him quite boyish, sweet even. He shows me pictures of himself at the christening of his first godchild, the baby of his best friend. ‘You can put this in the interview. He’d love that. I’m a very proud godfather. His name is Luca. I have no business in churches at all – I thought I was going to melt when I walked through the door – but it was amazing.’ Turner spends so much time dashing around the place for work that he sometimes forgets what day it is, so being able to go home for the christening felt like a real boon. ‘It’s Friday, isn’t it?’ he says, about halfway through our interview. ‘We could have a drink.’ We order large vodka sodas and head outside to smoke his cigarettes, where he tells me about how much he loves watching boxing and mixed martial arts (MMA). Does he box himself? ‘I’ve done a little bit on the bag when I’m training and stuff. But I can’t spar. Can’t hurt the face,’ he says, a hint of cheekiness in his voice. ‘The face is the business, isn’t it?’ I think his reluctance to give too much away means that sometimes people confuse him with Poldark. Ross is… quite moody, I say. ‘Yeah. You can just say it. He’s a bit of a grump. He’s a bit of an arse. I hope that doesn’t run too deep. I like to think I don’t bring him home from set every day.’ Turner broke up with his last long-term girlfriend, the actress Sarah Greene, two years ago, and has since been photographed snogging a couple of beautiful brunettes, but claims he isn’t dating anyone at the moment. ‘Nobody, actually, as it stands. It’s not like I’m crazy private about things, or that I’m being difficult. I just find it makes the job a bit difficult, because I want to be able to fool people that I’m somebody else.’ He sits and ponders this for a bit. ‘If I was, and this might be a bad example, but if I was a musician or a singer-songwriter it might make more sense to know the person better, because you’re investing in them musically and lyrically. But as an actor I have to change masks so many times and allowing people in isn’t very beneficial. I don’t want people to figure me out – certainly not people I haven’t met and I don’t know.’ In an age of social media-savvy celebrities, he is an anomaly. He is not on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram. ‘I’m all for open talk when it’s a room full of friends or people you trust. But I don’t like the idea of having a platform where I would have to read comments from people I don’t know. Do you know what I mean?’ I do. ‘I see no advantages from something like that. It would only aggravate me, and I might respond and I might say things that are unkind. So apart from the fact that it gets me out of a lot of trouble, I don’t feel the desire or the necessity for it. I’m barely coping with this.’ He holds up his iPhone. ‘Emails and text messages… I’m terrible at that kind of thing. It’s phone calls that I’m better at. I don’t screen calls. I pick up, and then we have a chat. People tend to drift out of my head when they’re not around.’ That’s such a male way to be, I say. He laughs, sips some more of his vodka and soda. The towel was initially up quite high and then I said, 'Why don’t we put it down a little bit.'
I don’t think that Aidan Turner is difficult. I think he’s just a bloke from Dublin who has found himself in an unusual set of circumstances that happen to include the need occasionally to take his shirt off for work. ‘I just have this weird feeling knowing that people who don’t know me are reading private things about me. There’s something quite unnatural about that, to walk down the street and somebody knows who my favourite musician is.’ Who is his favourite musician? He laughs. ‘Nick Cave. I’m liking the Gorillaz at the moment.’ He says that his life is ‘quite dull’.  I raise my eyebrows at him. ‘It is! It really is. Obviously having a good time is important, being able to relax, but the work is kind of intense and if I’m not working I’m having to go to the gym because you have to look a certain way and I can’t afford to get, like…’ Fat? ‘Yes, bald and fat.’ Is he looking forward to that, I wonder. To the day when he can be interviewed and not asked about his torso? He drains his drink, grins hard. ‘Oh, I can’t wait.’ 
 May 19, 2017 the Telegraph Byrony Gordon 


Sorry, I didn't add all pictures! Tumblr and iPad didn't like it!

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“By Hook or by Crook”, out of sync and surely shook

It is fairly early in April, in this 2017 new year.  2017 is to be the year of change as so I had believed it to be and still do.  There has been much change, that is for certain.  Whether my life or others, have surely brought about a lot of change and there are plenty of things in the spotlight.  In essence of this quarterly review of the year so far, let me elaborate on what has come to pass:

1. “By Hook or by Crook”

Our internal company motto, so to speak.  I have now officially been an employee of Classic Honda for a little over 3 months now.  It was surely not what I expected, and far from what I had hoped.  By Hook or by Crook, our motto, to explain: Whether a grand way to close a deal, or to close by clever deception, must you always be closing.  The inherently set standard of our business.  In essence, I must become a slimeball to make the money I need; to put the food on my plate.  This has been one very difficult standard to digest, one I am willfully refusing to become.  I work in the most competitive dealership for Honda in all of Canada, as we are the #1 in volume deals.  We sell the most cars, we make the most money, and we have the most number of salesman on the floor at any given time, out-beat practically any dealership that I have ever heard of, ever.  I have seldom been trained, having just gone over these measly web-based courses and expected to be thrown to the jungle to fend for myself amongst 20 other salesman.  Competing for business, I also work in a satisfactory demographic when it comes to finances, and most people find a car purchase a very costly and unpractical thing to do in these people’s lives.  It has been a challenge, no doubt.  I have sought to complete these challenges and rise against the odds, and I have done nominally in this regard.  What is holding me back is this “crook” aspect.  I hate being affiliated with being a crook.  I am disappointed that most people assume me to be a slime-ball just looking to take as mch money out of one’s pockets.  I despise being disregarded and disrespected day in and day out by people who come in and shit on me and my job.  To describe it, imagine 90% of my clientele coming in and asking for the absolute best deal, because they woke up today and decided they wanted to casually shop.  They ask me to pull my pants right down to see the brown ring around my asshole, ask me to gape and spread my cheeks as wide as I can, as so to understand that they are getting everything and seeing everything they possibly can, and having worked hard with then and spent a considerable amount of time with them, they thank me for my time, tell me a lie of some sort, any excuse they possibly can, with a later commitment and then disappear off the face of this earth, never to be heard of again.  In essence, it feels like this, every day.  95% of my appointments are a no call no show.  Each time I become more frustrated with the level of incompetence had by my clients.  I am even further appalled by the incompetence by some of my colleagues, and how the company is actually run.  Everyone who is of anyone in this business is a crook, and I refuse to assume this role.  I can absolutely agree that it is this reason that I have failed to do very well at this job, and why I seem to hate it so.  I do not wish to lie constantly, to earn a living.  I also do not wish to be disrespected and shunned because people wish to avoid me, avoid making business, avoid making commitments.  I do not wish to be affiliated with the likings of these people.  I have temporarily enjoyed the freedoms of this job, the ability to brand myself and work as my own unit.  However being unproductive and coming to work each day to feel unsuccessful at choosing an effective job to earn my right to my pay and my place in society, and not in the least enjoying what it is that I do, depresses me.  I didn’t even mention that the pay has been poor as I have not been actively selling all the time to meet a decent standard of living... and as such continue to receive a top up from the company which is expected to be owed back when I finally sell.. which means that the longer I stay here, the more I am becoming indebted to this as a whole.  If I am not a crook, then I must be shook.  This is very true.  I am very shook.  I have worried about my position in life and I have surely prayed for guidance and support.  With much of the other changing events happening, this probably weighs on me the most considering this is the only angle of income I am receiving, and there are many changes that will soon require resources for me to build myself out of, if I am to escape this. This in turn brings me to the next change.

2. Family ‘matters’

This has been an ongoing thing as per usual, but recent developments (though normally have not been of a concern) have become suggestive enough to become impactful in my life and lifestyle, and more or less can change the course of my life in other matters.  For the last year my immediate family has been concerning as we have never been stable.  My mother since the mutual separation has gone on a mission to reclaim her throne and seek what is to be rightfully hers, that is to say anything and everything that she feels that she was repressed of and robbed during her “failed” marriage with my dad. As such, she has made poor, and now poorer decisions financially which has led others into this suckhole of money as she further plunders deeper and deeper in turmoil.  My mother having agreed to leave once again to the Philippines, despite her late mortgage payments, insurance payments, car payments, and lord knows whatever else was late, recently came back and is now suffering the consequences of these poorly executed decisions.  My mother has since lost her car having it repossessed in the middle of the night, now has to rely on my grandmother  car to get to and from work.  A favour that may likely not exist in the soon future, leaving my mother no other choice but to bike to work during a midnight shift, to which I am lacking faith in her ability to survive this ordeal.  She depends on the kindness of others and especially my father to survive.  Her reality worsens and I am unsure how much she is able to build out of what she has dug herself into.  I speculate that worst case scenario, she may finally take my father to the cleaners, if she is unable to meet her financial responsibilities.  It still is unlikely, but could still happen as she still is struggling to make due.  My Father has chosen to sell our house before the end of the year, giving me until then to find a place on my own.  He has overviewed his circumstances and come to realize that he needs to downsize significantly in order to ensure his own survival for when he is to retire.  He has figured he must live on his own, sell this house, clear himself and my mother out of debt and have some small inheritance to be split between my sister and I and then call it a day.  As I am not much of a crook, a safety net of income is surely required and right now where I stand with this job does not seem likely I will able to afford any lifestyle to live on my own, if I have to pay back my own workplace for the money they lent me the paycheque before, for example.  My Father also refuses to have much of a social life outside of his video games which makes it very difficult to maintain any sort of relationship with him.  I find we butt heads often, especially when it comes to my girlfriend and I.  She is often over every possible day I have off, to spend time with me on the weekends.  My Dad has constantly made issue of her being over too much, even though we are completely out of sight, and out of mind, and even if we are to prepare meals and clean around the house.  My sister is struggling to maintain a stable atmosphere for herself and though she has every right intention to find herself away from distraction and forward to direction and a path she can be happy with, has found every possible essence of chaos that loves to chase her around and it is holding her back. I do my best to offer some insight and to help guide her, but she continues to live out her distractions most of the time and not learn as fast as she may like.  She is strong minded and free to do what she wishes, but she does not heed advice well.  I suppose we are both suckers for chaos.  Though I have not been around a lot, I suppose I have just been thinking a lot of just that.  (forgive me)

3. Unsyncronized...

I suppose all in all, a lot of things lately have had me out of sync.  I have taken a huge step and dedicated half of my wall space in my room to white boards and clip boards to organize all my thoughts, concerns and mind-mapping all in one core place, so I can at least track myself and understand who I am as a person and where I belong.  I have come to the realization that I have been settling, for nearly everything in my life.  With the exception of some friends and relationships, I have settled and become okay with a lot of the elements that make up my current reality.  Anything that I have had a real passion for, had not worked out and I had given up on it.  Perhaps to return to it again sooner or later, but no work was put into it otherwise.  Settling alternatives had took its place, and I suppose the habit stuck.  I have been at the drawing boards most nights to mind map, and understand what is me, and what I should be actively chasing to identify things that I should be doing; to invigorate passions and become closer to myself again.  I have been trying to just jump at any opportunity that has come my way whether or not I have a passion for it and the results yield a settling outcome.  I have thought of going back to school, and I have had a lot of support suggesting that I do just that.  However though I think that I will like the program, it is not something that I currently love and therefore I cannot fully justify making a decision in that direction until I can be happy that I can find something worth while in it for me.  I went to the lengths of taking a tour and talking with the program coordinator at one school, but nothing has stuck with me yet.  I also have been given a potential job opportunity at a new company, a headhunting firm downtown Toronto, which I think that I would be a great fit to their company, and with their values and how they are organized and structured, I think I would really enjoy my time there, and make good money and rise the ranks exceptionally fast.  I did say the same thing about Honda, and I was wrong.  I can’t see me being wrong twice in a row, but the energy surely has been super positive and I love what they stand for.  I suppose thats a better start than any.  I have done a test and also have done one interview with them.  I have yet to see what is to become of it.  There is no passion there surely, but there could be, and I could potentially love what I do, as it is in the city with a very super corporate vibe to which I think I fit very well with. For my sake, considering finances, the type of job, their values, and everything for the most part... I will get it (with my greatest intentions to assist me here).  I need it.  It would be my salvation for the next few years.  Ironic that I would be brought in as a specialist headhunter, and I can’t even figure where I want to be with my life just yet... I might even learn a thing or few...

4. For the ‘love of money’

In earlier years, I told myself: “I will find greater joy in doing what I love to do, over making more money in something I do not love to do”.  I think I have suddenly allowed a lot of that to become misguided, and have been living in fear of not having any money at all.  My family situation worries me, as does my own well being.  Though I have always been able to MacGuyver many things and get away with paying less, not buying much for myself, nor treating myself a lot.... I suppose.... no, I know recently that I have allowed the assumptions of what may become the future, control my outlook of how I am to perceive things in the present.  Instead of seeking out passions, giving my gifts to this world, doing what I do best, and enjoying taking action of my life, I have instead gotten distracted and scared of the reality of not being able to acquire money, or ‘resources’ as I now like to apparently refer to it.  I in my most absolute highest regard, do not wish to lack the money to have a comfortable life.  I do not wish to live like my parents did and I do not want to not be able to look after those closest to me, my family and friends, and the agenda of which I wish to live out before I leave this place.  Much of my actions have been sought to build this Empire which has been nothing more but the pursuit to attain maximum resources.  Though I think this is vital, I think I may have missed something, and that is surely the passions and the love of things, giving my gifts to this world... Yeah, I completely missed that.  If I was to go over a good chunk of my former blogs.. the amount of times I likely used Empire, and not paid any attention to passions or love, or giving gifts.  Shit.  I hope that within a short amount of time, I am to figure out a way where I can surely enjoy how I make and grow this empire, all the while living out these passions and giving my gifts.  

I’ve surely recognized that throughout writing this blog for this reflection that I have again focused on a lot of negative things.  It seems to be the forefront of what makes my headlines in my mind.  I tend to speak outwardly indifferent to these notions, however in my own reflections I am quick to see this is not the case.  I need to immediately find and do things that I love to counteract any negative impressions I have in my mind so I can regain balance, and a new footing, and hopefully then may I be able to be inspired and invigorated enough to discover other possibilities that I have not come across just yet.  I am surely blessed to say that I have been very fortunate to have a lot of support from my lover, and other friends out there who have remained with me though it may sometimes be inherently difficult to occupy time to a friend always seemingly in need of a favour.  That being said, I also want to be thankful and grateful for these things, and others too.  The lovely lady Alana who had inspired me to consider education and gave me her old car, in hopes for me to get working and hopefully drive again. Mel, my customer who though has not bought from me yet has offered to teach me an invaluable skill of book design to which I may network further, and grow into a possibility of writing a book and designing it myself completely.  To address again, I am grateful for my woman who has never spoken harshly against me despite my tendencies for tough love, who has supported me and loved me tenderly of which I had always sought for many many years.. I can be at peace in her company and only hope I can be good to her, by being good to myself and supplementing her with a favourable lifestyle of mine that can be rewarding both financially and for the soul.  I am thankful for my friends who have stayed by my side and continue to enjoy my company, wisdom and fellowship.  I am thankful for my good health and well being.  I am thankful for my intelligence, wisdom and gift of communication, and I wish I can extend it to many others.  I am thankful for my life, my food and my home that I am able to live in with no worry.  I am thankful for my God and my support seen by signs and other omens, and I continually ask for your support and guidance, wisdom and direction.  I wish to be used to the best of my purpose and my ability.  

Though a time of a bit of frustration, chaos and disappointment, I must remember to stay thankful for what I do have in my life.  I need to make this a habit.  

Until next time...