#cant get enough of the character into my senses
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rtd's finales are badly stacked conflicts that are suddenly solved by deus ex machina (but that doesn't matter bc it's filled with genuinely beautiful & heartwrenching character writing that will make you forget about everything) and moffat's finales are convoluted nonsense that make you confused as to what the fuck you're even watching. technically neither of these are good but between these two poisons i will pick the former every time
#disclaimer im biased and you should all take my media criticism with a grain of salt#bc i genuinely do not care how well constructed a thing is if the character writing is good enough.#like that's all im there for. my senses are honestly kind of primed to enjoy rtd's style over anyone else's#dr who#the real question i ask myself is 'will moffat get better at writing finales in twelve's run'#and the answer i have for myself right now is 'hopefully it does in s10 bc i want it to be good'#but i am so absolutely not sure of this.#bc i can definitively say that inside man (2022) by moffat is like. by far the worst thing of his ive ever seen#so i cant use the 'he probably got better with time' reassurance. i think something is wrong with him#misc
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saw a post on my FYP asking what apheIios's personality is for writing him and honestly I don't know if I can even begin to describe him and he's one of my fav characters
#hwhee talks#also depends on the skin for him since id say heartsteeI is quite a bit different from his runeterra personality#I have talked too much about him before but hes surprisingly gentle and kind#even kind of implied to be. passive#i dont wanna say push over because that has negative connotations but hes more of a Follower than a Leader#very much plays the role of a Weapon and does whats told and expected of him#man saying Dependent sounds like its a bad thing#but you guys get what i mean.#and gentle and compassionate and sympathetic to others and their existence and right to live. hes very respectful#i mean id say his biggest ''flaw'' (wouldn't say its a bad thing) is being emotional#openly weeping for people who want him and his people dead. crying when he has to take a life he doesnt want to#but feels obligated to bc thats his role and duty. the inner turmoil but always surrendering to his role as a Weapon#the usual ''the weapon has Emotions and cant act fully as a tool of death and harm'' trope but#in this case he always does carry out his missions. despite these feelings since he feels theres no other choice#and also battling the invisible battle nobody else sees of just flat out being in pain and agony#but he doesnt see himself worthy enough (human enough? deserving enough??) to complain about his situation#because of his duty and role#and probably also thinks of things like ''my sister has it worse right now so i cant complain'' etc etc#but there is the lighter undertones you can insert like him being a little weird or playful or funny#moments he can smile and take in the beauty of the world or make a really quirky weird joke#or weird gesture like drinking a bottle of vinegar or something#think its in character for him to be out of touch with social cues and socializing and talking to people to know whats Weird and Not Weird#the disconnect can be humorous#idk he strikes me as the type of guy who always surprises you if that makes sense#yeah this is an assassin but he still does something thatll take you off guard#i dont think hes secretive in the usual mysterious sense but he just keeps stuff to himself because his problems have no place in a world#where others have it harder. or when he has a job to do and stuff. theres no time for it#hes really skilled and smart but somehow even knowing that youd probably be shocked i think. do these words make sense. help#i think also having a rare hidden playful side makes him super cute and charming#like his taunt emote is so dang cute and unexpected nfskdbsksbskdh
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if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.
#toy txt post#or maybe i am just sameface syndrome#but also different face syndrome#two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao#the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her#her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime#birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept#but even then 😭 one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me 😭😭😭😭😭 what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features#you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet#to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that#knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime#im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps#happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be#and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also#no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy#part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy#on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that#feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller#headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure#and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height#but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes#the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights#are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye
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I know that how much Phoenix suspected Kristoph is very vague and I like the idea he had very little clue but honestly the thing that makes me think he did is Trucy. Because I think there is absolutely no way Kristoph didn't want her dead. He tried to kill vera, child murder isn't above him. And Trucy was a far far bigger weak chain in his scheme than she was but she escapes him basically unscathed other than minus one parent, who lets be real was canonically a POS who tried to kill a woman over a poker game. She saw him give her the diary page. She has psychic lie defecting abilities and he is constantly lying. She's absolutely the biggest direct threat to his scheme.
I feel like if Phoenix genuinely trusted Kristoph he would have absolutely had the opportunity to kill her and tie up that loose end. Trucy's savvy and able to protect herself but she's also a child. It is a miracle she's still alive by AA4 and I think that has to be because Phoenix was protecting her because he knew he couldn't trust Kristoph around her.
#ace attorney#phoenix wright#kristoph gavin#trucy wright#aa4#Apollo Justice ace attorney#7yg#also i do just kind of prefer the idea of that this was a battle Phoenix knew he was fighting every day and knew he would probably lose#thats a more enjoyable angst for me#and it kind of makes a bit more sense for why he cut everyone off and isolated himself#like he knew that he was in the lions den and didn't want anyone else in there with him woth the exception of trucy who was inndanger anyway#and he knew he was the only one who understood this battle enough to protect her#but alternative explanations can include a krisnix one where kristoph genuinely didn't want to hurt Phoenix's daughter#but honestly my krisnix take is that he would because that man is possessive as fuck and wouldn't want Phoenix giving his attention to her#or it could be that Phoenix is clueless and trucy isnt and shes the one actually fighting the battle and protecting him#but thats also very very sad and i don't want to do that to her#maybe theyre both protecting the other but refusing to tell each other because they dont want to put the other in danger#that would be in character as fuck for the wrights#trucy fully in a ya adventure we cant tell our parents about the unspeakable horrors because then they'll get hurt#while Phoenix is trying desperately to just keep them both alive but doesn't want to put that burden on a literal child#idk i do genuinely just think its way way sadder if Kristoph is a known threat through most of the 7yg#but they know they cants pull away from him even as he poses a direct threat to them because that makes him even more dangerous#beanix
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im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)
on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?
i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)
(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)
ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there
#i dont feel attraction to ppl irl mostly bc im just not comfortable around ppl#and the ones i am are my friends and theres obv no romantic attraction#so when i saw haitham and learned more and mroe of him and how he and i share so many traits and ideas and things it was#instant comfort and the feeling of being understood#that its like#if he was real i would seek out his warmth and presence instead of getting away frm it like with my ex partners when it was too much for me#knowing that he would understand me therefore knowing how to handle me without making me uncomfortable or upset#uhh so basically. he made me realize all i want is just someone who perfetly understands me and knows how to treat me#when to come close and when to give me space#perfectly knowing me and reading me#i cant speak and in the rare moments i am able to im often struggling to form my thoughts into sentences that make sense#so he would still understand and put together that garbled mess and know exactly what i mean#not misunderstanding and acusing me of things or tones i never said or used#ppl and things messed me up quite a bit in the past that im having trouble w lots of things unless im alone#only when im alone i feel truly comfortable and safe bc nothing can hurt or upset me but even then you kinda realize in some moments that#you actually want someone with you but it has to be smn you trust and who knows you inside out and all that#i dont have anyone like that and idk if i ever will but rn this character is jsut rotating in my head giving me these things i crave and#thats enough#sorry that was a lot of gay rambling there but yea idk if it sounds stupid or nah but my#mental health issues got way better and balanced ever since haitham so he really#grounds me and gives me strength and comfort to deal with things i would have be unable to do in the past year#bc even if i dont have smn who truly knows and understands me#inside me there is someone#reply#tags tbd#in case i get embarrassed LMFAO
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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you know.. Dazai wasn't the first subordinate Mori pushed to join the agency..
#knowing why mori killed the last boss AND his time in the military AND beast#it doesn't make sense that he would pick up yosano to repeat his mistakes#sure he's still hung up on it#because it was considered great at the time#enough that it could have been considered a secret weapon to be locked away#but what does asigiri do with characters that are considered threats to society by a government?#he puts them where the government cant get them#ie the ada pm etc#the cannibalism arc and pre-vampire arc show us that mori and fukuzawa are aware that yosano is fed up with mori#its also interesting because when yosano and mori meet again they talk about the war#which gives me the feeling that they haven't really seen each other passed when mori broke her out#who the hell do you think could have tipped ranpo off that the break out was happening or that yosano even existed#okay im done#bsd#bungo sd#bungou stray dogs#my archive
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i don't feel like copying what i wrote, so take some screenshots of me having brainworms for the JDK villains again. primarily spurred by me going "hey wouldn't Nisha and Artemis and Apollo make cool rockstars instead"
#i really need to hurry up and finish organizing my writing blog so i can start posting these there instead#anyways i feel like this finally nails EXACTLY the kind of vibes that i wanted for the Acolytes and Solanace#and tbh.....even if i cant find a way to work JDK's original curse themed plot with these ideas#i feel like it would absolutely be worth changing the stories/motivations for the POV trio to fit this new set of ideas#kinda adds a lot more to the villains as a whole#and also sets it apart from a lot of my other stories that revolve around 'essentially a cult' as an opposing force#if i decide to be the most self indulgent that i possibly could be#i might even consider the idea of making it a story ABOUT Solanace and the acolytes in the POV sense#theyd still obviously be villains but the protags of the story instead of the antags#at which point jonas/lydia/hayes would have to be majorly reworked to then fit into the antagonist roles#could also theoretically work with the idea of jonas AND nisha being POVs#so the reader would be getting insight to the good guys and the villains at the same time#JDK(which STILL needs a better placeholder title) really is a story that ive had to majorly change multiple times#most of my stories i have the general idea + genre settled before anything else#but this one is more character driven#i have two groups of OCs ive thought about in depth and i just havent been able to build the story around them in the right way yet#i think once i can Actually get my brain focused long enough to draw#i wanna doodle more rockstar inspired designs/themes for nisha/artie/apollo#see if the idea continues to tickle the brainworms in such a great way + then have time to make polished refs b4 artfight#bc i really love my overdramatic artsy villains okay. i think they deserve to be extra as fuck ya know?#who doesnt love a villain whose primary goal is to put on a show and THEN to do the evil things?
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thought id update to say; i survived opening night!!! and not only that, it went REALLY fucking well, and people seemed to REALLY REALLY like it omfg... god this is so crazy
#i was literally holding the script in a bigass binder for almost the entire show (sparing only the parts where i had to BULLFIGHT)#(bc i needed two hands -- one for the cape & one for the banderilla.)(yall i had to learn how to BULLFIGHT TANGO & SWORDFIGHT. in TWO DAYS)#but the audience said afterwards it was like i wasnt even on-book; they hardly noticed it was there??!!#yall this is my real life rn. im failing my classes but yknow what??#i can pull it together enough to emergency understudy in a highly physical show 2 days before opening even with a script ive never SEEN#and apparently we made people fucking CRY. HOLY SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT#this playwright is just. incredible. the script is INSANE. BEAUTIFUL & CLEVER & HILARIOUS & TERRIFYING & VILE & TENDER & TECHNICALLY PERFECT#and apparently our production is like. only the eighth time this show has EVER been produced. for real#but god EVERYONE should know about this playwright's work. fuck i actually think tumblr would really love her. holy shit.#maría irene fornés is her name -- she was a queer cuban-american playwright+director who made radical heartwrenching magical theatre#im so grateful to be doing this & SO fucking sad for the original performer im covering for... god. bc this is just such lifechanging work#this play is queer in EVERY sense. its off-putting loving repulsive peculiar passionate holy and GAY AS HELL. its real its farce its SO CAMP#((IRENE & SUSAN SONTAG DATED. SONTAG AS IN 'NOTES ON ''CAMP''' SONTAG. ITS FUCKING GORGEOUS.))#its gorgeous its gorey its glamourous its also literally the first part ive played that i think might truly fit my casting type exactly lmao#which is INSANE. bc the character is literally just described in the script as ''ISIDORE: an androgynous clown'' LMFAO#but honestly what could be more homoerotic than 2 ''men'' locked in a room together dancing tango+talking abt beetles+stabbing each other#hmm. maybe its the fact that after i stab the other guy i call him ''saint sebastian'' and then we LITERAL ACTUAL GAY KISS#which is crazy bc we only practiced that ONE TIME before opening#and youd think this shit cant get Any Gayer BUT. IT DOES. bc my scene partner+the director are gay+together irl... and uhh.#ive literally been their third. like. more than once.#ISNT THAT FUCKING INSANE. THIS IS MY REAL LIFE?? THIS IS MY REAL LIFE#ANYWAY#so now im headed back out to rehearse more before we perform it again tonight lmao#i hope it goes as well as it did last night#that audience was fucking incredible i really hope the next two like it as much as they did🤞🤞 knocking on wood#so. if u read this far. u should go find+read ''tango palace'' by maría irene fornés. mwah okay bye#bee speaks
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man.
#i had this whole post ive been trying to formulate for so so long. abt my issues w ceewilbur and ccwilburisms and#to clarify i do like cwilb he is one of my faves. ik it may seem i wanna bite his arm off smtimes and i Do but#its mostly bitterness directed to the stuff Around him if that makes sense. yk the response to lots abt him#the way the overcompensation abt how he can be villanized swinging into a state where he Cant and never Did and wrong and if you critique#or acknowledge it you get snipped at and demeaned and treated like its a targeted hit on the mentally ill when its like#a mild disagreement with one of the most popular characters in the fanbase Easily#and w cc wil i do think he is just sm guy. im sure he's a nice dude idrc abt the ccs usually but he seems alright enough even tho he has v#goofy ahh takes and opinions but that doesnt make you Evil#but when i dive into what really has made me feel so alienated and snippy its. llmao its the racism yeah lol its super very much the racism#its very very prevelent and very common and very unchallenged. and it like. upsets me so bad its why i keep bailing on making my actual#full detailed post abt it. cuz everytime i try to formulate my thoughts i just get upset and frustrated i wanna rip my hair out#its hard not to feel like im talking to a wall when its so common and unchecked and. ive seen rightful critiques of these spaces and how#ppl interact with them Openly Mocked and brushed aside and treated like 'petty sensative internet drama' that ppl need to 'just get over'#sorry man im a fucking 🇲🇽 i cant exactly log off and Stop Experiencing Racism. and sorry that me feeling alienated and tired and sad abt#it is an inconvenience for you llol#and like idk. im not upset w anyone in particular this isnt a call out post or vague who give a shit and.#eh maybe im stupid but i really really believe a lot of ppl arent doing it on purpose#its just bein parroted ik i get it but#am i rlly not allowed to be tired? why should it feel like my responsibility to hold ppls hand and go hey mb treat poc and darker skinned#ppl like ppl. maybe you should examine why you need so many things made palatable to you through conventionally attractive whiteness first#idk. idk!!! am i crazy who fucking knows#but it has been weighing on me stupid style so bad#the shrinking fanbase and primarily yk common stragglers has just. rlly felt like a magnifying glass to my already existing issues abt it#idk man. idk im tired and im at work its 100°+ and my head hurts so this is all yr getting. lea me alone#and again this isnt a vague who Cares. just wanted to get it off my chest finally#huri.txt#discourse#<- ig
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I dunno what the general consensus is but imo
Between Us >>> Until We Meet Again
#mini tag rant#i had to force myself to get through uwma#dean is so goddamn boring and pharm is constantly crying and their relationship makes no sense#their dynamic is so forced through the whole soulmates thing and yhe show attempts to address it but theres not satisfactory way to do that#because both characters dont have enough personality to show they belong together#korn and in are only slightly better because in is less painfully shy so he at least seems like he actually wants to be with korn#maybe im just particularly annoyed and low key triggered with their dynamic when it comes to physical stuff#does pharm even want to have sex with dean... ever?? he doesnt have to want to except dean clearly thinks he does#he sets a deadline for when they have to have sex because he cant wait anymore and its so cringey in a very non con way#on the other hand team and win definately want to fuck and team is even an active participant and not just laying there#win has a very tropey personality with the charming but cold outside and sweet and soft for specific people#but like.... at least its a personality! lmao#i dunno maybe its just that the tropes in between us are just more to my taste than the ones in uwma#i also wonder if those 2 years between made a difference? it seems like bl dramas have changed a lot in the last 2-5 years
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First thing ive drawn in ten BILLION hundred thousand years ... The colors are off, on my tablet they looked fine but on my phone theyre not great. Apart from that it looks alright though, + Second pic for size :D
#(Drawing is my dnd character!!)#the main goal was to like finally have a proper drawing of his face cause i get rly annnoyed w myself about how I cant ever get it just#right#and like he never looks animalistic enough if that makes sense‚ esp his nose i cant get a good spot between like normal idk flat shifter#noses idk how to describe them but you know how theyre supposed to look‚ and the fact that hes supposed to look very childlike so i want#his featured to be more round yk ...#im decently happy w it though even tho it could still be a little.more. animal-ish feral looking yk#A big issue is he has like pretty dark eyebrows and theyre important to his appearance but as soon as i color in his hair theyre not#apparwnt enough anymore but i cant shorten his hair or make it lighter cuz his hair is ALSO important to like his whole appearance look
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its not whiplash per say bc ive seen all the episodes in between these but it sure is wild how ash’s main battle with his rival in the sinnoh league was a 3 episode long back and forth struggle that served as the climax for their individual arcs and rivalry, followed by a loss that still provided a very good battle and atmosphere that leaves you proud of ash regardless, and then ash’s main battle with his rival in the unova league is an underwhelming preliminary battle they immediately try to get out of the way, rival has already had his emotional arc completed, and then when ash does lose its intended as a literal punchline
#like. i cant believe these happened back to back. what the hell#i know i sound like a broken record about trip but i honestly cannot emphasize enough how underwhelming and mishandled his entire character#also im not too far into it but im sensing that another thing they brought back from indigo was ‘’um its realistic this way’’ thinking#like. ‘’um realistically ash isnt always gonna fight his main rival in the climax lol’’#‘’um realistically ash isnt always gonna fight the guy we set him up to fight with’’#‘’um realistically we arent always gonna know who the winner is and hes probably just some guy’’#which like…. was my least favorite aspect abt indigo btw. writing with more ‘’realistic’’ probabilities is fine#but theres a reason people get annoyed when you set something up and dont follow up on it properly#subverting expectations is a thing and it can be done very well! hell they did that with tobias and i defend him a lot#but you have to do it in a way that still feels natural for the narrative and satisfies people and serves some kind of purpose#otherwise youre just going to annoy people and youre just gonna look pretentious when you excuse your bad writing with ‘um realism?’’#and yknow. sinnoh was so good that unova league was probably gonna be looked down on no matter what#but holy shit they dropped the ball#echoed voice#pokeani lb
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Kinda wanna redraw him on the lowkey, but I dunno if I can see myself doing that super soon, so you get Valkinto as he is right now.
Everyone is required to have at least one extremely dubious doctor character, and this fella is mines.
#original character#character design#recall draws#laid out in lavender#marin valkinto#my ocs#he gets a name tag since its very probable ill draw more of him#still do wanna draw him more he doesnt look big enough to me here tho and i need to correct that#hes tall broad and a little round!#oh yeah no official tag either bc again might redraw and hes also an extremely minor character#hes inchresting to me tho#hes orens doctor#and he has so many. issues problems.#hes a bit like august in that he has a stupidly inflated ego that makes him very dangerous to anyone who threatens it#except in the sense that he cant stand competition. yet everything he does after a point is lowkey bc hes obsessed w a rival he -#- sabotaged years ago and accidentally caught feelings for#but he never expresses big emotions abt any of these things hes very jovial and lowkey and soft around the edges#despite being the most toxic mfer ever#i ljke him hes sick in the head#AND hes european
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sitting there like has my art gotten better over time or do I just add way too much unnecessary detail now
#but lineart becomes honestly really meditative for me at times especially if im adding texture to something#i will say at least i dont pick such ugly colors anymore. i used to always have reslly bright colors and then i thought it was too much#and overcorrected imo so everything was desaturated and boring#oh i also used to color in the lines for like every single color on the character? idk how to describe it but it was tedious#i like it on other people's art but i dont have the patience and i dont like how it looks when my lines are “cleaner”#sometimes i do miss how i used to not care if what i drew was “cringy”#but i think im coming back out of that considering all i draw is like. gay shit and elves and various iterations of myself and also my ocs#i should redraw some really really old art after what im working on maybe#i almost started working on a redraw of when i drew yavanna in likr 2017-18 but i dont like the design i gave her at all#minus the weird branch ears those were cool#mostly im just frustrated it still takes me hours to draw lol. i dont know why i get insecure about it or about art in general#i guess bc no one in my family really does so they have this idea im good at it#and i wanna grab them and shake them sometimes and explain all the reasons im actually not and all the mistakes i regularly make#i dont know if that makes any sense and i dont know why i struggle to just take the compliment#i guess because i know im not good enough at it for it to be a job? except thats not it either because ive almost always wanted to write#its very dumb and weird. especially considering i dont really draw for other people. i mean i like when people like my art but unless its#for somebody specific im not necessarily going to take it very hard at all if its not to their taste. i just do it because i enjoy it#and because there are things i only know how to express through writing or drawing. and when one doesnt work sometimes its the other#maybe i just get frustrated i cant be good at everything#its not realistic but i always end up wanting to do so many things and getting frustrated when i dont pick them up right away#because OF COURSE i dont#ok where was i going with this#its nearly 2am and my head is pounding again i dont even know what day this makes it. at least a week?#i dont know
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IGNORE THIS; I AM JUST HAVING A CRISIS. WILL BE FINE TOMORROW
Emmet doesn't care whether Ingo lives or dies -ingo needs a kidney and Emmet is the only one who can give it- Emmet is informed- there is no one who is Ingo's new family - Emmet doesn't have to do this for anyone but Ingo - Emmet is a good person or tries to be- Emmet is aware that he is the only person that will be able to care of Ingo dies and he doesn't care - Emmet is aware that he is the only one who can help Ingo - they ask him if he'd like to donate his kidney and he doesn't want to but if he doesn't care then he can give it - Emmet donates kidney - Ingo lives - they do not speak again but they part knowing the other would help them out
#hed be just like alright fine ill do it just because it changes nothing for me#ingo would want to libe and emmet doesnt care#so the only person that cares would be Ingo and in the end there is no one else that would say the opposite so emmet has reason to let Ingo#live because ingo himself would want to live and no one wants him to die and if he doesn't care then someone wanting to live while no one#wants them to die is reason enough to save them#please for the love of god let me be done with this thing#ignore this if you somehow see it by the way i am trying to get the ocd obsession out of my system#he would do this even if he thought ingo didn't deserve it because again he wouldnt let someone die#even if they didnt deserve a second chance at life if they asked and no one cared to deny them and he could deliver he would do it. even#if he hated them personally#because if they arent hurting other people actively he'll help them out anyway despite his own feelings#he might feel it is unfair but he would still do it. he would be very vocal about the unfairness and his hatred though#he would let them know he is better than them as he should#ok enough now i do not think about anything like this anymore or i'll start all over again and find some imaginary flaw that isnt there and#start spiraling again#this is true#what i said in this post and tags is true because there is literally no other way things would make sense to go#any other way would be literally out of character and therefore cant be true#please for the love of god brain let me stop here is nothing else to think about this is over this is true and#and there is no fault in the thought process#if anyone was the only person to be able to help someone hated or not they would help if they were the only one to hate them even if no one#loved them#and if they dont the personality they have is drastically different from the ones ingo and emmet have so again it would be ooc#ENOUGH NOW.
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