#cant stop thinking abiut it
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oh my god I have a huge st5 theory and I have to share. warning: spoilers over stranger things s4 coming.
so we all know how the ending of st4vol2 was the most devastating and I am emotionally traumatized, right? Max Mayfield is my baby and I am so mad what they did to her. I've been irrationally angry since I watched the finale, until I realized something today... why? why would they do this?
it seems so pointless to almost kill Max, to then just leave her brain dead. its so pointless like let her die or let her live I'm not a fan of this weird in-between. (they also made it strangely specific how they show us that El brought her back through memories.)
but then I'm realizing I'm not thinking rationally: this is a Hopper all over again. they didn't really kill Max because they don't want her to stay dead. they're gonna bring her back. but then the question is how???? she's literally gone it's just her body left. how??
guys, though. dude. so Vecna needed these sacrifices right, but we thought he needed the whole physical sacrifice, yet we see with Max coming back to life physically that he doesn't seem to need the physical body to be dead - he just needed her consciousness.
Vecna is obviously very connected with people minds, their memories, their conscious. he can control all of the upside down, he even controlled Will. point being that he just needs mind's. he needed Max's mind.
remember how in Vecnas little mind layer thing, other victims were there? hooked up like he was draining the life out of them? using them?
Max's consciousness is being USED and being held CAPTIVE by Vecna. Which means if the gang can get a way in, they can somehow return her mind to her body. a good solid way in would be with someone who's already connected to Vecna ... cough cough Will.
we also seen in vol2 that El can control the upsidedown consciousness of Vecna. she's uses her powers to make the vines let go of her, like she had control over them. which says to me she has the power to release Max from Vecnas hold. (I also have a theory that 8 will return to defeat Vecna with El, needing both of their mind bending powers to overpower him).
releasing Max could then weaken Vecna, OR it could be more something like killing Vecna is how they release her. no matter what I am now convinced that Max isn't dead, her consciousness is just being held captive by Vecna himself.
El seeing that Max is gone consciously, and having seen the victims in Vecnas mind, AND with Will being connected to him, they could easily come to the conclusion that she's still alive. I can easily see half the party trying to fight a upsidedown war, while the other party is trying to find a way into Vecnas mind so they can rescue Max. if Max came back mid to late season then SHE could be their way into finally defeating him because she would know him better than Will.
anyway that's my little rant,
end of theory!
#stranger things spoilers#stranger things#st4#st5#st5 theory#max mayfield#st4 spoilers#im like actually obsessed with this theory#cant stop thinking abiut it#watch me go start a fic i will never finish writing just so i can sleep
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I'm in love
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so you are seething with laughter
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At this point I'm not hyperfixated on south park I'm hyperfixated on bunny/kenjorine/mystechaos /hj
#its actually insane how bad it is i cant go 5 minutds without thinking abiut tuem#i literally feel like im going to spontaneously combust thinking about them#sp bunny#kenjorine#mystechaos#i genuinely have so much overwhelming emotion for them like i think too hard and need to stop and calm down but CANT its ?#okay apparently tumblr doesnt let me keysmash with symbols anyway theyre fukcing breaking my brain
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DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT URIEL BEING THE FUNNIEST ANGEL IN THE GARRISON AND THEN GET SAD FOREVER OR ARE YOU NORMAL.
#THEY HAD JOKES. CAS THOUGHT HE WAS FUNNY.#uriel spn#someone make a uriel supercut for me please and thank you i need to see him#do u ever think abiut how in their scenes cas will sometimes look at uriel fondly just because#do u ever think about how when cas is confessing to god in s6 he adopts the same posture uriel used#because i think about these things all the time and i cant stop#THEY WERE!!! THEY WERE BROTHERS!!!!#LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME. CASTIEL LOVED HIM. AND LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TRY TO SAY URIEL DIDNT LOVE HIM BACK.
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i have never 💁♂️ had💁♂️anxiety💁♂️about anything💁♂️even once💁♂️my entire life💁♂️💁♂️💁♂️
#mp100#toichiro suzuki#i literally cant stop thinking abiut that panel its so funny#how is he so heterosexual and yet so 💁♂️🚶♂️💅🤭
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I need more wlw content on my dash to fuel this unhealthy fantasy I’m tryin to build in my head ok
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#credits to whoever owns this i found it on pinterest#and i cant stop fucking thinking about it#its a picture for one of my three spotify playlists#someone reblog this with a photo of jon wearing these whilst martin stares in awe in the background#bonus points if hes just going abiut life as normal#being his normal annoyed self#tma
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itd be so cool if the shitty people in my life were not shitty and were actually slightly decent
#the bin#:/ i wanna stop feeling horrible abt shit with my sister but it makes me so angry and upset ALL the time#im so fucked up abt this. how could i not be. i guess. hhhhh. i dont know what to do. it sucks so much.#its so hard to deal with the aftermath of a deeply abusive relationship in general. and when you cant talk to anyone about it or tell#anyone who knows that person. and you have to continue to be nice or at least civil with them. probably forever.#that SUUUUCKS. she is so awful. shes always been awful. i want to heal from that experience but i feel like im still stuck#probably mostly because im literally physically stuck 1000 miles away from everyone else i know in a place where shes the only person i know#but even after that i think ill still feel so stuck. theres a lot of things she has that i really need to get from her before i do anything#that might make her mad at me. i want to delete our stupid chat full of uncomfortable shit vut thats gonna piss her off#she has a lot of pictures of me from when i was younger and those are pretty much the only pictures of me from then#i can barely even remember those years. id like to get those if i can. also i wanna see if i can convince her to delete all the weird videos#she took of me without my consent while i was having psychotic episodes bc like. what the fuck. AND i know she literally just shows them#to her friends and laughs at them bc shes told me she does. which is very upsetting. and if i can get her to delete them id feek so much#better and not be upset over that all the time#i just cant get iver how much she fucking sucks. she does so much fucked up shit and its so awful. why would she ever think its ok ti record#me when im not in a good headspace. without telling me. and then upload it to her snapchat also without telling me#i only found out about her doing that originally because she decided to show me some of the funny things people said about me on the#video i didnt even know existed and had no memory of what happened. she loves to claim shes so chill and nice and good about mental#illness and she understands it so much and would never ever do anything weird and ableist like that. and then does that.#i feel so much worse abiut myslef and all the behaviors i have caused by my myriad of mental shit specifically because of her#ugh i am so not looking forward to being in a car with her for 20 hours when i move. but thats how it has to be.
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CALE!!!!!
#reading tcf from cales perspective is so beautiful because 99% of the time the characters are like wow.... young master cale is so noble...#its him just being like lazy or whayever#or like them thinkinh cale is about to die when hes fine actually#and it makes. cale almost dying frim using all of his ancient powers. so much more impactful. like. man.... man......#super scary cobblestone telling him to stop because hes overdoing it and cale being like 'i cant stop' is so 😭😭😭😭#i am constantly thinking abiut when he used super rocks powers the first time and it was from like choi hans pov or something so all you see#is cale going 'probably'#which means nothing to everyoje else but. it was. his response. to the question of are you going to sacrifice yourself#which he was ALWAYS thinking No why would i do that its dumb#until hes truky needed.#man. man. man#oTL
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saw a really sweet edit of yoongi and burst into tears
#trying so so so hard not to think about how its the last show and what will probably come after it#like my tummy hurts#also im not a fan of videos of celebrities at other artists shows bc its like invasive but a video of jimin was on my fyp#and it was during life goes on and it took me a second before i scrolled passed it and . the look on his face#i cant stop thinking about it im so scared i dont want this to end#yoongi please announce eternal suga tour lets add more dates dont go :(#like jimin looked emotional and it made the song hit harder and also just . like thats my yoongi :(#idk idk im so excited for todays show and namgi and im trying so hard not to think abiut the other stuff but its hard
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Smealt so bade I just have to leave
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...
#im really just ranting so pleasr ignore this post it really isnt that serious i just need to vomit it all out before i crash#i wish i knew who i was i wish i knew who i was going to be who i would havr been before everythong went to shit#before my parents beat my soul into submission before i retreated into myself so hard im killing myself just trying to come out again#i dont know who i am or what i want or even how to begin ttying any of that#my therapist started saying all the same things my dad would say abiut me and about my qork and about my life#id been with her for over 5 years so maybe she is right maybe my dad was right maybe my parents were right maybe i do deserve nothing#i hate my body but my partner says its beautiful i can barely face the day but my partner is happy when i do#they say my parents were wrong in so many ways but why is it taking me so long to prove it#ive been bad my whole life o was a bad kid a bad friend a bad adult but i wanna be goood so bad ii might puke#i know i can be good but why cant i prove it why is it stopping me why cant i push my my brain why cant i hit the override and just LIVE#its hard being 25 when i didnt think id make it to 15#its hard living when all you want to do is give up i want to give up i wish i could and maybe a few years ago i would have#but now for the first time in my life i want to live i want to do good but my brain body and soul have no idea how#i think im autistic and the worst part is realizing how much of me that is how much i should havr been cared for#i have to learn how to live in the world but the world is so scary and it hurts and my therapist talkrd a lot about getting used to it#she wanted me to dive in and didnt understand no matter how many qays i tried to explain to her how much it painrd me to try it her way#i wish i could just do it that i could grin and bear it but i cant anymore i cant just do it#i wish i could just become who i was supposed to be someone without the pain and the torture and the constant berating#someone who can have a job and cook dinner and still feel whole after it all#i jist want to live i want to be good i want to get better and i feel like peeling my skin off my body i feel like ripping out my teeth#it makes me feel awful every time i cant do sometbing because i was getting better i couod feel it and now im in hell this is worse#i feel like im experiencing depression for the first time all over again ivw never been so violently thrown bacj into the pit#please i want out i want to hear creaks without thinking someone is 8n my home i want to clean like someone isnt watching me#i want to move around my home like i dont expect to be graded i want to be able to sleep at night and not have tomorrow ruined by flashback#im so so tired and for the first time in my life o dont wanna give up i wanna be better but i dont know how#every time i try to get help something goes wrong and i run out of insurance soon so im probably just fucked#my antidepressants arent doing shit and my birth control makes everything harder and i jist wish i could take medication and live#im tired im tired but ive been crying in the bathroom for over an hour because sometbing so stupid triggered me#and now im a child again and i have work tomorrow and i cant scream and cry into my partner cause they have work#they work so hard for us and i can barely do a day im so fucking pathetic and yet they stay with me
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#starving
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I know I've said it already before, but I truly do wish I could distill whatever brain chemicals and feelings I get when I partake in or talk about my hyperfixation/special interest
Maybe my nt friends could understand *why* I'm so obsessed or how I literally CANT control how happy and obsessed I am with it
#im trying to shut up i really am#but i *literally* cant stop thinking abiut it#and if you go this flood of happyness everytime you talked abou it you would be as obsessed too!!#nd#jaddens addendums#i cant tell if its a hyperfixation or special intetest#i think its a special interest now bc its been going on for 10 months
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We have been married for 135 years
Yet she is also currently a toddler
I really hate this.
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