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#care about. so that i can have ppl Read It and get Reception. smth i never got in my writing with my ocs
orcelito · 2 years
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ok i found a scene that’s very Akechi-core, aka dealing with the stuff that makes him & my oc Nico so goddamn Similar. scene explanation & excerpt under the cut
ok so in this scene, Nico’s 11 years old. it’s the morning after an awful night where his grandfather (abusive douchebag) broke his shoulder. he was taken to the clinic by his mom, who’s always avoided him out of fear of who he came from (his shitty father who fucked off to Wherever after getting her pregnant). and So. this scene. where nico is so confused and so, So sad. 
While Nico hated the sling he was stuck with, he had to admit that it helped. The walk to the clinic had been incredibly uncomfortable, as every jostle shot another wave of pain through him. Now, the sling kept his arm blessedly still. The only pain was just the constant ache of the injury. Nico was starting to get used to that, at least.
The two continued to walk in silence, just like before.
Nico was still confused, though. Nothing about this made sense. After a brief look to make sure no one was immediately around them, Nico asked, “Why did you stop him?”
He was careful to keep his gaze trained forward, watching the people they passed on the streets.
His mother didn’t immediately answer. She was silent for long enough that Nico thought she just wouldn’t answer, but she surprised him by simply stating, “He was going to kill you.”
Nico frowned. “And why did you care? I thought you’d wanted me dead ages ago.”
She sighed. “It’s not… It’s not like that.”
Nico tried to keep his face blank through his confusion. “It’s not? Then why do you always look like you’ve swallowed a bug when I’m around? It seemed pretty clear to me.”
“Nicostrato, I just… It’s hard to explain.”
“Well, try.”
She was silent for another few moments. Nico glanced over to her and found her with a pensive look to her face. His lips thinned. He looked away once more to passively examine the shops along the road.
When his mother spoke again, it was slow. “You just… look like him. Every time I look at you, I see his eyes. Even knowing that you’re not him, I can’t help but feel… Uncomfortable.”
Nico swallowed as he pretended that didn’t feel like a punch to the chest. “It’s news to me that you know I’m not him.”
“Nicostrato…” Her tone was almost disapproving. It felt like how a normal mother would talk.
It made Nico feel guilty. “… sorry. I just. You’ve never helped me before, not even when I got that concussion. You’ve always hated being around me. It’s always felt like you didn’t care if I lived or died, so I’m just… confused, I guess.”
She was quiet once more. It took a bit longer for her to speak, this time. “Those times weren’t ever as bad as this one. Even when you were terrified, you never broke down like you did last night. Seeing you begging so desperately like that, I just… couldn’t leave it alone.”
It made sense, but Nico was still confused. He just didn’t understand why she cared at all. For some reason, he didn’t want to ask her again.
Nico let the silence stretch on. He tightened his grip on his coat and looked down towards the ground. He saw two sets of feet walking side by side, one bigger than the other. The feet of a parent and a child.
Nico thought of another question, though he wasn’t sure that he wanted to know the answer to it. He felt it still needed to be asked.
Nico glanced up to her, then forward again. Hesitantly, he asked, “Do you hate me?”
She let out an audible breath at that. “… I don’t know.”
And that was that. Nico knew it was the likely answer, but it still hurt. He almost wished she’d said yes. That way, he wouldn’t have the possibility of mother dangled tortuously above his head. It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no.
They would continue to live on in that weird state of avoidance. That is what that answer said.
And sure enough, when they reached home, they went their separate ways once more.
If Nico spent some time crying alone on his bed, he could just pretend it was from the pain in his arm.
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deathvsthemaiden · 3 years
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Do you have any advice for ppl who’ve been in a reading slump since... 5 ever ? i love reading somehow it’s just harder to get into it these days :(
Omg for sure!! Here is a scrambled little list, I hope at least some of it helps:
📖 read in any format (ebook, physical book, audiobook) bc they’re all valid and make reading more accessible for people which is I think part of why ppl get hoity toity abt it. Ignore them. Also, I assume that if you wanna read, at least a large chunk of why is because you wanna have fun and consume stories yes? 😳 you can do that w/ any form of book, and any other reasons you might have to want to read, like expanding vocab or broadening ur horizons or learning to analyze books should be secondary. Focus on making it a fun and near-effortless/painless thing again and then u can graduate to those (I think that’ll come naturally tbh as long as you read semi-consistently) Fun comes First and I say that as a terrible English major 😗
📖 And with that in mind, read whatever you want, even if it’s simple or cringe or a reread or whatever because after completing the first few impulsive reads that you find engaging enough to finish completely, you can worry about reading what you think you “should” or what would benefit you specifically if that makes sense. Like I’m completely pro reading new things and not limiting urself to 1 genre but there’s no harm in taking your time moving onto things that don’t immediately pique ur interest. Get into the groove of things first, the criticism of ppl who are well past the target age market for YA but still exclusively consume it doesn’t apply to people who are trying to rediscover their love of reading imo.
📖 keep books nearby all the time! (All!!! The time!!!!) You might not actually read them 45/50 times that you bring them with you to places/keep them near you wherever u spend time at your house, but those 5 times will be bliss and you’ll thank yourself! Do it! Especially if ur open to ebooks and can read them on ur phone!
📖 put your phone somewhere far away on mute and force yourself to read for a specific chunk of pages or time. Very old person-ish advice but like. They’re onto smth when they tell us to do stuff like that, but they’re also way too smug and holier-than-thou about it so no need to tell any of them that! 🤫 but seriously be honest w/ urself if u have a compulsive notification checking problem and challenge yourself to overcome it long enough to meet a very small teensy tiny goal 🥅
📖 I juggle a lot of books at once and I’m constantly planning ahead in my brain when I do it, without consciously meaning to (library deadlines for digitized books are so strict 💔) And often I don’t end up following these plans perfectly, because following them perfectly isn’t the point, especially since life happens all the time and isn’t often very receptive when we wish we could forget everything and read for several straight hours. Reading shouldn’t be a burden, but the vague guidelines help. I think stuff like “tomorrow I’ll finish this poetry collection before bed” or “I’m gonna study and then read 2 chapters of this novel I’m rlly digging as a treat before continuing,” “I’m gonna listen to 4 chapters of this audiobook while I take a walk or do chores” etc etc. and usually I end up reading at least a little! And the best thing is when I read more than intended because the book is just that fun. I don’t write these plans down, but if it helps you to do so I urge you to anon :0 !! Just remember ur writing them on paper/a screen and not in stone, so you can always be flexible and change things around and you’re not by any means a failure for doing so. To be flexible w/ urself is most likely to ensure long term progress imo!
📖 speaking of juggling it’s absolutely fine to cycle through a ton of books and sometimes abandon them for months and come back when the whim strikes! If your memory is good enough and you prefer having a bunch of variety at all times, jump from book to book with reckless abandon! It legit doesn’t matter. Also don’t ever hesitate to drop a book if you’re not vibing it’s not worth it. Time is precious life is precious you’re doing this for fun, yes? Drop the book if you can’t bring yourself to care theres sooooo many more where it came from! Be merciless and picky!! It will pay off I promise, and to be that way is not antithetical to challenging yourself or stepping outside of your comfort zone unless you make it that way.
📖 buddy read/have an impromptu book club w/ someone. It doesn’t have to be official, and I’ve done this multiple times with people and sometimes we just don’t finish the book/meet our set goals and that’s a-okay! It’s still worth it to have someone to talk abt the book w/ and you guys can always pick up where you left off or try another book. Literally no stakes at all as long as everyone involved is chill and understanding <3
📖 set a reading goal you think you can manage by the end of the year! You might surprise yourself 😳 and if you don’t oh well! You’ll still have read at least a page in pursuit of said goal 🔎
📖 read short stories! The internet is full of them, and short story collections by multiple and singular authors are everywhere 📚
📖 do some searching and make a list of books that you’re extremely excited to read or really wanna revisit. And then pick your next reads from there! If you want recs for books or short stories you can always shoot me another ask or look at my goodreads (or goodreads in general)
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fairycosmos · 4 years
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2. i was acting under the assumption that she didn't feel the same about me, and its entirely possible that she's just lonely and bored in this quarantine, but i can't stop thinking about it. i've had dreams about her, and i still feel like there's something between us. we have so much in common, and things were so good before they got complicated. i know i don't want to chase after someone who doesn't want to be with me, but i just dont know. do you think its worth reaching out?
hm 😔 well it does seem like shes been thinking of you with the whole searching you numerous times thing, and i’m sure she does care for you, but.....i’m also hesitant to encourage smth that could possibly just be a game to her, considering your feelings run so deep. it’s smart to listen to your boundaries and to learn from the past, you know?  but i completely understand why you’re confused and you really have every right to be. i guess the question is, after beginning to move on from her and taking her silence as an answer that things weren’t meat to be, do you believe in your heart that reopening the wound is something that will end in sustainable happiness/connection? when things got complicated last time, did it feel like an issue that you were both willing to work on together, or was communication stunted and defensive/going nowhere? i think it’d be a good idea to take some time and try to recognize if there’s anything truly salvageable here, by analyzing what you’ve already been through with her. it may be hard to do that because you’re clearly biased in that you want so badly for it to work out, and you’re still soft on her.  but try to gather your thoughts from a place of impartiality if you can. with love (or the beginnings of it), it always seems like you’ll never meet anyone you connect with in such a way ever again, but that’s never the case in reality....there’s so many ppl who will treat you right while making you feel understood. it’s not asking for too much. that being said, i think this decision has to be yours in order for you to be truly at peace with it. if you think sending her a message will offer you some development or closure, then go for it. but i guess i just want to caution you to prioritize yourself. prepare for silence, or a tough conversation, and know that either one may not end the way you want it to. but try to hold onto the fact that you’re a whole person on your own and your future happiness truly doesn’t depend on whether or not she engages with you, though i get why right now it seems like it does. no matter what you do, if she continues to stay quiet, then understand that she doesn’t deserve to know you like that. continuous silence speaks for itself, regardless of whether or not shes been looking you up. as hard as it is to accept. but yeah, i wish i had a definitive response for you love :( it’s not easy to navigate such a situation. it’d be so much easier if we could read minds. i dont think theres a wrong answer here, though. i just think you should listen to your gut and take it as it comes. if she isn’t receptive, then thats your permission to begin to move on. even if you’re still thinking of her a lot. letting go doesn’t have to happen all at once. anyway i hope you’re ok n i’m sorry i didn’t see your message after the initial time we discussed this. :/ let me know if you want to talk about about it properly. take it easy <3 
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theexecutionerssong · 4 years
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I’m replying to everyone who’s sent me a message regarding the being nicer thing from yesterday under the cut because I don’t want to be annoying by publishing so many asks. thank you, all of you ♥
Honestly, I think it’s ridiculous that people are accusing you of sounding mean/rude etc. sometimes I think you’re still too nice to the rude anons and I feel like a lot of this is passive aggressive on their part. They come at you because they think you’re an ‘insider’ fan and they’re jealous, and if you come back defensively, then they accuse you of being rude blah blah blah. If these people are making your experience on tumblr a negative one then just ignore those asks and enjoy yourself bb! 
Hmm idk I mean it wouldn’t cross my mind to go after someone because they know some things I don’t? So they probably have a point somewhere in telling me I should be kinder, I know I can be short when I answers asks because I get so many and sometimes the same ones every other day so it gets a bit tiring...
hello! for sounding "nicer" i know when it comes to like texting friends and stuff. i always over use emojis and 'lol' bc i think when you don't it makes people (including myself) read it in a kind of boring/unimpressed tone in my head. LIKE HOW CAPS MAKES ME YELL IN MY HEAD LOL. (disclaimer: i'm a recent follower and find you nothing but nice. and you definitely don't owe any of us to go out of your way to type differently so you come across as 'nicer'. your english is fantastic!)
if I ever use lol then it’s because I find the thing extremely not funny and it’s ironic ahah I try to use emoji but when on my computer I can’t really be bothered... Thank you very much for your message!
I don’t think you’re rude, I think sometimes you get defensive because you’ve been getting the same questions over and over again and you must get tired. And you’ve talked about having insomnia so you must also be physically tired on top of mentally. That’s normal, we’re all humans. Don’t worry about it.
Yeah it’s true, I do get defensive when I’m more tired. Sometimes when I need to vent, I read my inbox outloud to a friend - the asks I don’t publish I mean - and it helps but sometimes I don’t have anyone next to me to do that with so I get cranky when I see people prying into the cast’s lives, asking personal questions, things like that. It’s hard to ignore when you read the same disturbing things every couple of days. Thank you ♥
You're not annoying at all, on the contrary, you're the sweetest! It's just that I think people are frustrated that you know so much without sharing, and maybe also the fact that you continue to think you're a normal fan, even though you're clearly "in". I don't know, I'm trying to understand... I think it might be jealousy as well.
The thing is, I can’t say for now how I’ve come to know some stuff because it would spoil way too much and I don’t know if I’ll even be able to ever. I’m not really “in”, that’s the thing. I am a normal fan, as normal as a fan who’s lucky enough to live in Paris and who could go to a lot of events - and that’s a couple hundreds of us. I don’t know how much the international fandom is aware of that but David and Niels and the cast know hundreds of us by name just because we were lucky enough to meet them several times. I’m not really more “in” than those other people. Some from the cast have not a clue who I am at all and others only know my @ on instagram because I send them the pics. I’m a bit closer to some for reasons I can’t talk about. The team got a lot of complaints about everything always happening in Paris and some fans ending up being more priviledged than others. I’m hoping there will be more events outside of Paris, maybe screenings or something in the future so it doesn’t feel as ~Parisian elite~ as last year.
I think you’ve always been receptive when people came to you with a different opinion and from what I saw, you’re always willing to learn. Some people are just too entitled and come barging in and that’s when you raise you hackles. It’s not really on you, it’s hard to be kind to everyone when people don’t always deserve it.
Hmmm yeah, my friends have told me I have strong opinions and don’t change my mind easily so... idk. I could maybe be more receptive, like you said, at times. I went from getting one ask every six months to dozens a day in a few weeks last year and it still blows my mind. I wasn’t ready for that. There must be people who disagree with me in my followers. Idk. Something I need to think about. Thanks ♥
bonsoir tumblr grandma! 💫 in my humble opinion, you do not come off as rude. I just think sometimes people tend to read what they wanna read and make the worst out of it. Plus, the whole Even season is a really touchy subject because everyone would love one and when such announcements of possibles seasons happen, they can't help but be hopeful. So of course they don't like it when they're told it's not gonna happen. You're not rude, you're just saying things they don't want to hear. 🤷‍♀️ ily!
I know how much people must be upset to see their hopes crushed, I was disappointed too back when I first heard about it, and my hopes were not that high to begin with since David had said before Eliott wasn’t considered as main. I get asks every week about Eliott being main, almost every gifset I make will have a tag about how whatever is clearly a reference to Eliott being main and I’m just like... let it go. Or talk about it on your own posts. I’m sad it’s not happening. Don’t rub it in my face, you know? I didn’t say anything for months and accepted it was the way it would be so I couldn’t complain but then Henrik mentioned it to someone at HOS2 and I thought that finally those asks and comments would stop but they don’t and it’s very tiring. Anyway, thank you as always!
I don't think you're rude and i don't know you irl it's just that some of your anons are creepy and acted so demanding like you owe us something and it pissed me off actually. Like those anon who asked something like you know this right? How you know abt this? Why you know the cast? It sounds so suspicious that you know them etc. these anons are so nosy like why so negative. Istg i thought they would interrogate you yesterday after you mentioned abt working with assa before skamfr.
I’m gonna say something I haven’t really shared in details before but it’s weighting on me. Some anons are really creepy, so I don’t publish them. For exemple, somebody found my spotify recently and through it found my old Facebook. My friends have sent me screenshots of people following them on their instagram after being tagged in my stories and they are always Skam stans, even when my friends have never posted about anything Skam related. Someone once went digging into my personal life so far that they could have ruined the theme of season 5 in september if they had decided to make what they had found public instead of sending me an ask about it. That shit is not okay. I blew up about this once last year and somebody told me “why do you make it sounds like we’re creepy fans of yours” and well, because some stuff IS creepy. I understand being curious but I will never share anything about the personal lives of the cast or anything that could spoil the seasons so I’d just like it if people stopped asking, you know? Thank you for reaching out ♥
gaëlle you never even once came off as rude (i started following you in february-march when s3 was airing). you're always helpful and patient. it's obvious when ppl go to cons/projos/meet the cast they might unintentionally find out smth that's not public knowledge. and it's a good thing actually that you don't immediately run here to share bc maybe a cast member didn't mean to reveal smth etc. in any case you don't owe us any information and those who demand answers are the rude ones
Thank you, love. yeah I’ve lost counts of how many times they’ve accidentally spoiled something at cons or screenings or in the background of ig stories, especially in the beginning. They are more careful now and some even let slip fake spoilers to see if it will spread (and by some I mean Axel after his play when he stays to talk to fans lmao). The fans who’ve learned stuff that way are usually super protective of the show though so nothing really spreads and that’s really nice to see - sorry Axel, joke’s on you ahah
Hi Gaëlle! Just want to say that I followed you because you always sound soooo sweet and sincere when answering asks. Never thought you're rude, even sometimes I thought you could be ruder because the ask was rude😂 Anyway, just thought let you know my opinion on the last ask, have a good day!🥰
Thank you darling. I’m sure I must have been rude at some point, I don’t think the anon from yesterday would have said that out of the blue, and I’m very sorry that I don’t realize it. Unless when people are REALLY rude then I allow myself to tell them to fuck off dfghjk
You don’t know me but I saw you a lot at HOS2, I recognized you from your instagram. Every time I saw you, you were cuddling people, laughing, singing - I heard you sing with your friends and Maxence joining in, it was adorable! The cheers the cast let out when they saw you come up for the group pictures weren’t fake. You have an aura around you that brightens the room. I really hope this isn’t too weird of me to say. I don’t think you could ever be unkind. You wouldn’t have so many friends otherwise - I mean, it looked like you do - and the cast wouldn’t have reacted like that upon seeing you. That alone convinced me you were a good person.
Oh my god I don’t know what to say. This is very unexpected, why didn’t you come say hi if you knew who I was? I wouldn’t have minded at all! Thank you, I don’t know what to say, really this is so kind. Have a lovely day. Thank you. thank you.
You're one of the nicest people I know, you're a literal bundle of love and sunshine (I'm not even kidding, really). And you're always so considerate about everybody when you're responding to asks that are asked NICELY... so really I don't know how you can come across as rude. And you deserve all the love 💕
Merci @littlhedgehog love you so so much and I’m so happy Skam brought us together. It’s been way too long since I gave you a hug ♥♥♥
and at 3 parts anon with advice who told me not to publish, thank you too, I’ll remember everything you said ♥
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