#casey novak hurt comfort

[storiesofsvu]

Forced Hand

Casey Novak x reader warnings: language, regular SVU case details talked about/mentioned, anxiety attack. it's a hurt/comfort besties. A combination of requests that were relatively along the same lines so I put it together into one. Welcome back to the blog Ms Novak, we've missed you! If you don't want to miss a thing, sign up for the taglist here! If you like what you read, don't forget to reblog/comment and always feel free to send in your own requests! They're always open!

You worked homicide, you weren’t supposed to be in a courtroom like this, and you certainly weren’t supposed be on the losing side. Your squad had picked up a case that later appeared to be linked to a string of open cases over at SVU and your captains insisted on working together. A few extra sets of eyes were always a good thing, a fresh perspective on the situation, they said.

What they hadn’t been able to prep you for was the viciousness of the case, and the fact that three of the victims were still alive. The crime scenes had been brutal and you were honestly shocked that anyone had survived through it, you’d been rattled to your core to discover your victims were all girls under the age of twelve. Girls who you had to watch be treated for shock on top of their injuries before retraumatizing them all over again with questioning to get their full stories, children who you then had to spend hours prepping for the brutality of a trial like this.

You were typically good with kids; Casey knew that which was one of the reasons she’d chosen you along with Benson to help her prep everyone. She watched with pride as you were able to break things down from confusing legal terms to something the girls could understand, how soft you were with them, how cautious you were how well you worked with Olivia in reminding them how strong and brave they were for doing this, and that the bad guy couldn’t hurt them anymore.

She also watched how that strong, encouraging façade would drop the moment you stepped into your shared apartment, weariness and exhaustion taking over your features and you turned down dinner and attempted to wash the day away in a too hot shower. You’d eventually reappear a couple of hours later in a pair of sweats and her worn Harvard tee, silently cuddling up to her side on the couch and she’d pass off her glass of scotch for you to finish. She’d put her work away, wrapping it up neatly so you wouldn’t have to see any of the crime scene photos again, urging you to lean into her embrace, pressing soft kisses to your skin and the top of your head until your stomach would let out a growl you’d finally submit to ordering some take out. You never said a word about it, and Casey never once pried or poked around until you said something, she let you go about your day, happy when she would catch you smiling or laughing with someone and she would always make sure she was ready and available for extra cuddles and wordless encouragement. She knew you were struggling, but that you were also handling it, and doing so in your own way, the case was close enough to over that you’d be able to breathe freely again in a matter of days.

However things were looking bleaker and bleaker as the trial strung along. The girls were strong on the stand for Casey, answering properly, detailing what they needed to, not matter how hard it was. When Casey turned around to take her seat again she caught your eye in the gallery and felt her heart tug at the tears shimmering in your eyes and the pain written across your face. What she missed was that pain turning into absolute outrage as the defence attorney started their cross and tore into all three of the victims like he was the devil. He twisted things around, barked out questions too quickly, stepped too close to the witness box, doing everything he could to get at least one person on the jury to side with him. And every motion he made broke down those poor little girls and their families even more. And you right along with them.

Casey lost you at lunch, no clue where you had ran off to when you weren’t in her office when she got there. Still, she knew you’d be there for the verdict, so she grabbed an extra coffee on her way back, deciding to go in the side door to avoid the press. She jumped a puddle as she crossed the street, cursing that she’d left her umbrella in her office, thinking the rain was done for the day. Dodging rain drops she finally rounded the bend to the side door and found you leaning up against the wall, staring down at your feet until you heard her voice.

“It’s raining, you should be inside.” She commented.

“I’m fine.” You replied, and her eyes caught the movement of your hand, hiding it behind your back and she realized you’d snuck out for a smoke.

“Okay.” She stepped up to you, kissing your cheek softly, “don’t get too cold.” She passed off the coffee and you took it from her with a small smile.

“Thanks.”

Her finger curled under your chin so she could catch your eye, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You mustered up a small smile, letting her kiss you softly before she disappeared inside.

Finishing your smoke, you stubbed it out with your toe and took a heavy breath, the last thing in the world you wanted to do right now was go back into that courtroom. You didn’t want to know the outcome, wanted to walk away from this forever and pretend it never happened. But you knew that those families were depending on you and your squads to help get them through it, to be the backbone when the verdict was read and help them figure out what their next steps were. There was a reason you preferred homicide.

The surefire grin on the perp’s face was the first tell, how casually he was talking with his lawyer, the nearly awkward, slightly guilty look on the faces of half the jury was the second, the way Casey’s hand tightened around her pen as she chewed on her lip, her jaw tightening was the last. You felt the burning in your stomach start to creep up your throat, your hands shoved into your pockets so no one would see them shaking as the verdict was read.

“Not guilty on all counts.”

Your ears were ringing, you couldn’t hear yourself think much less the commotion in the courtroom, the scared and confused questions coming from the girls as their parents scrambled to try and figure out any kind of an answer. Your vision was nearly blurring and this time it wasn’t from the tears, everything about this was wrong, it was more than wrong and it was disgusting. Someone grabbed your hand and it was as if you had been clapped on the ears and you could suddenly hear the cries of the girl beside you, the terror written across her tiny features as she looked up at you for an answer. You barely heard yourself when you spoke,

“I’m so, so sorry.”

Your chest was suddenly tight, squeezing all the air out of your lungs as pictures from the case began to invade your brain, memories collaborating with imagination, making everything even worse. You weren’t entirely sure what was happening but you knew you couldn’t let it happen in this courtroom.

When Casey heard the door heavily drop shut she instantly knew it was you leaving and her heart dropped into her stomach. A glance over her shoulder confirmed her theories, catching Liv’s gaze with an incredibly apologetic look in her eyes, the brunette nodded, her way of saying ‘I know you did everything you could’ before her head tilted in the direction of the door. ‘I’ve got this, go get your girl.’ Casey didn’t even bother to give the defence the privilege of a glance as she packed up her things and slipped from the courtroom. Unsure on whether you would still be in the building or not she headed toward the side exit, knowing there was a fairly unused bathroom over there that was still close enough to the part you’d been in. She heard the flush of the toilet through the door, the sound of the tap running as she pushed it open, catching you rinsing out your mouth, splashing cold water over your face as you struggled to catch your breath.

You barely even noticed someone else in the bathroom with you, your vision still tunnelling and filled with gruesome, bloody images and the faces of those poor girls while they told their horrible stories. Wiping the water off your face you took a heaving breath, it still felt like there was a cinder block resting on your chest and as much as throwing up had helped, there was stomach acid creeping up your throat, making it burn even worse. Your brain started to race, remembering all the things you’d said alongside Olivia to the girls, encouraging them that it would all be okay, that you’d caught the bad guy, now you were going to put him away. That their nightmares would eventually stop, they wouldn’t have to be scared anymore because he would be in prison, the promises you’d made them, every single one of them turning out to be empty.

“Oh god….” It came out as a half choked sob and you turned toward the window, bracing your hands on the sill as the heavy cries started to spill from deep within you, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks.

“Hey…” Casey’s soft voice didn’t manage to break through your conscious, but you felt the welcomed coolness of her hand between your shoulder blades and you shuddered, “it’s not your fault.” Her hand began to rub slow circles, “you worked your ass off and did everything you could.”

You tried to form even a single word but you couldn’t find your voice, another choked sob escaping your lips as you started to hyperventilate, completely unable to get enough air into your lungs, feeling even more like you were drowning.

“Whoa, whoa…” Casey’s arms cautiously wrapped around you, “c’mere.” She pulled you flush to her, frowning at the feeling of your heart pounding against your ribs and just how hot your skin was to her touch.

You didn’t struggle, but you protested a little bit, your hands pushing against her arms until she grabbed your wrists in one of her hands, restraining you as she leant forward, pushing open the window as far as she could. You let out a cry, not wanting to be forced to be still but the sudden woosh of cold air was a refuge to your burning lungs and your breath shuddered as you finally collapsed against Casey. Your eyes finally cracked open, tears continuing to trail over your cheeks as the cool breeze ghosted over your skin. You could feel Casey’s heart strumming against your back, slow and steady, a stark difference to yours pounding in your chest, her breath was cool on the side of your neck, breathing calm and even. Her chest rising and lowering slowly, and you were able to slowly match her breathing, calming yourself down and you felt like you could finally breathe again, sniffling as you relaxed in her arms.

“I’m sorry…” you finally whimpered.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” She murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your head, “you did your job.”

“I’m not strong enough.” You admitted with another soft cry, finally letting yourself turn around when Casey stepped away to grab a tissue. You took it from her but dropped against the wall, staring down at your shoes. “I can’t do this. I’m not good enough for it, I disappointed so many people today. I’m a complete failure.”

Casey’s hand found your cheek, wiping away your tears as she stepped back toward you, “you’ve been completely out of your comfort zone for almost a month, there’s nothing wrong with that, but you are not a failure.”

You dared a glance up at her, unsurprised at the complete empathetic expression on her face, “how do you do this every day?”

“You wouldn’t believe the amount of times I’ve cried in my office.”

“Case…” Your voice softened as the tears finally came to a stop.

“I know how incredibly hard sex crimes is, I didn’t want to be bringing that home to you every day.” She leant in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, “you see enough brutalization over at homicide, I don’t need you getting SVU’s baggage too.”

“I am never going to forget the look on that girl’s face….” You were almost talking to yourself, staring off into the distance and Casey’s thumb and forefinger curled around your chin, redirecting your gaze to her face.

“You will.” She assured, “and it is because you are strong, and you are strong enough. Do you know how I know why?” You shook your head, “because I see the cases that you bring home, the trials you’ve sat through, the amount of times you’ve taken down a perp, dismantled a defence attorney during a cross. You’re not used to living victims, and that is completely okay. Days like today will absolutely rip you to shreds and make you think that you aren’t cut out for it, but you’re going to wipe these tears, keep that pretty little chin up and come out even stronger on the other side. Okay?”

You nodded meekly, trying to hold back any remaining tears as Casey wrapped her arms tightly around you, tucking you into the crook of her shoulder as you finally relaxed into the embrace. She held you for as long as you needed, leaving tender kisses on the top of your hair and your temple, hands soothingly rubbing up and down your back.

“You’re incredible baby, don’t even forget that.” She murmured, “you were forced to try your hand at a new thing and now we know it’s not for you. You’re still an incredible rockstar when it comes to homicide and come Monday that’s what you get to go back to doing. Promise me you won’t let this drag you down too long?”

She pulled away from the hug, her hand brushing a piece of your mussed up hair behind your ear before caressing down the side of your cheek and she left a kiss on the tip of your nose, waiting for a response. You took a breath, finally feeling calmed down enough to feel human again when you finally looked up at her.

“Only if you promise to not keep everything bottled up and to yourself anymore.” You offered and her brow furrowed, “I know you Casey, you wear your heart on your sleeve, someone like you, doing something like this every day? That can’t be easy, I don’t need to know all the details but I don’t want you doing it alone. You shouldn’t have to cry alone in your office when you can come home and cry over a pint of ice cream with some extra cuddles.”

“Okay.” Casey let out a tiny laugh, her lips curving up into a grin, a warmth soothing through her at the sight of smile finally on your cheeks. “You’ve got yourself a deal.” Her arm wound around your shoulders, “now how about we get out of here? A pint of ice cream sounds pretty fucking good right now.”

“And pizza?” You asked, looking up at her with a pout and puppy dog eyes and she chuckled again, kissing the tip of your nose.

“The perfect combo. But that doesn’t answer what Disney movie we’re going to watch to forget about today.”

“Mmm…” you tugged your lip into your mouth as you thought, “Emperors New Groove?”

“That… sounds amazing.” She smiled at you, “you ready to go home?”

“Yeah.” You replied with a soft sigh, leaning into her side for a moment before her hand trailed down your arm, linking your fingers with her own and you were finally ready to leave the bathroom. “Casey?”

“Yeah baby?” She glanced back at you, nothing but adoration pouring from her eyes.

“Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you to the moon and back.”

____________

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[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Hii, i love your storys and i hope you could do a Casey Nowak one, were casey is older than the reader. Casey has her menopause and has not that much of a high sex drive anymore and other menopause symtomes. She is really scared that the reader will leaver her. They have to find a way to handel the "problem".

Hey, friend! Hope you enjoy! 💖 - illdowhatiwantthanks

Changes

Casey Novak x fem!reader Warnings: implied sex, discussions about sex, menopause, explicit language (please let me know if I've missed anything!) Word count: 1.4k

Summary: Something's wrong with Casey. You can tell. But she doesn't seem to want to talk about. You're worried you've done something wrong, but it turns out to be something neither of you have control over.

It was one of those days that should have been perfect. A light rain outside served as the perfect excuse for you and Casey to stay in bed all day. And, for the most part, that’s where you’d been. Besides a late brunch–pancakes eaten hot as you stood by the kitchen counter–you’d been lounging around. Casey had gotten a bit of work done, but her laptop sat abandoned on the nightstand now as you straddled her hips, lavishing her in long, slow kisses. You took your time with her; you had time to take today.

But there came a moment when you realized, even as aroused as you were, that Casey was no longer kissing you back, not really. You pulled back, looking at her curiously, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“You okay, love?” you asked.

Casey avoided your eyes. “Yeah. I’m sorry, honey, I’m just not feeling it today.”

“That’s okay,” you assured her, moving to lay beside her. And it was. It was always okay if Casey wasn’t feeling it. But you couldn’t help the aching in your lower stomach, the wetness pooling that you knew would probably not be taken care of today. And probably not tomorrow. The truth was, Casey hadn’t been feeling it much at all lately, which was odd for her. For the entirety of your relationship, over five years now, Casey had always had by far the highest sex drive of the two of you. But now, it was like a switch had been flipped.

Nevertheless, you tried your best to be loving and supportive, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing your face into the crook of her neck. But as soon as you did, Casey squirmed away, huffing.

“Y/N, just…don’t touch me right now, okay?!”

Her voice was rough, harsh, and you flinched. Casey sighed and covered her face with her hands, flushing deeply. You moved away, watching her with concern. Casey never yelled at you. And she always liked to be touched. So much so that you teased her about it. Something was wrong. And it had to have been something you did.

You wondered what it was. It must have been something bad for Casey to react like this. Casey was so direct, she didn’t let anything fester. So for her to avoid talking about it? You wracked your brain, going over the last weeks and months of your relationship, trying to figure out what you’d done to drive a wedge between the two of you.

You felt tears form in the corners of your eyes. This had never happened. Not with Casey. You talked things through. You worked things out. You left nothing unsaid or unspoken. You were suddenly terrified that something had ruptured, something that you wouldn’t be able to fix.

“I’m sorry, Casey,” you whispered, your voice shaky.

She turned quickly to look at you, her eyes wide with surprise and concern. “Oh, honey, for what?” she asked, wiping a loose tear from underneath your eye.

“I can tell something’s wrong,” you said, your voice quiet. “Did I do something? Did I hurt you?”

Casey exhaled heavily, a few of her own tears glistening in her eyes.

“It’s not you, sweetheart, it’s me,” she mumbled.

Your heart dropped all the way to your stomach. It’s not you, it’s me. That’s what people said before they left you.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“No!” Casey groaned and rubbed her temples, chuckling a little. “But you might want to break up with me after this.”

“Casey,” you pleaded. “Please talk to me. What the hell is going on!?”

She sniffled, a single tear dripping down the side of her face, and you grasped her fingers in yours.

“I haven’t had a period in three months.” She spoke quickly, as if afraid she might not get it all out.

Your hand shot to your mouth. “You’re pregnant!?”

Casey choked out something that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Y/N, I’m gay. How would that even happen!? I’m not pregnant.” She took a shaky breath. “I’m starting menopause.”

You were silent for a moment, watching as Casey squeezed her eyes shut, trying (and mostly failing) to suck the tears back into her eyes.

“Oh,” you said, when you finally spoke. And then felt like an absolute idiot that that’s what you led with. But this was new, and you weren’t really sure how to address it. You were years, maybe even decades, away from menopause yourself, but you wanted to do all you could to support Casey.

“Well, are you…” You stumbled through your words, as if tripping over rocks. “Do you feel… okay? How are you– God…” You covered your face with your hands. “I’m so sorry, love, I’m completely fucking this up.”

When you removed your hands from your face, you were shocked to see Casey shaking with sobs.

You surged toward her. “Hey,” you cooed, your voice heavy with emotion. Your hands stopped just before touching her. “Can I… Is it okay if I touch you?”

She nodded, shuddering, and you pulled her onto you so that she could rest her head on your chest and you could wrap your arms protectively around her, placing a flurry of kisses on the top of her head. When her tears had subsided and her breathing slowed, you carded your fingers through her hair, hoping the rhythm would help calm her.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” she said, her voice rough from crying. “You’re not doing anything wrong. I just… I’m hot as hell all the time, and I’m moody, and I’m dry as the fucking Sahara.”

“You are hot all the time,” you teased, resting your chin on her head.

She swatted at your arm. “This just…” Casey sniffled again, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “It’s not what you signed up for. I don’t want you to feel trapped.”

“Casey.” You sighed, caressing her cheek. “This is exactly what I signed up for.”

“No, it’s not. I’m basically an old lady.”

“Hey,” you said, tilting her chin up so she had to look at you. “I can assure you that you’re not an old lady. You know how I know?”

Casey shook her head.

“Because I don’t want to fuck old ladies.”

She rolled her eyes, but smiled a bit.

“Now when you’re actually an old lady, like a little meemaw, and we’re living in the retirement village, I’m sure then I’ll want to fuck old ladies because I’ll be old, too, and my tastes will have grown with me. But for now? No old ladies. Only MILFs.”

Casey giggled, and you smiled, glad to see your girl feeling like herself again.

“Okay,” she conceded, still a bit hesitant. “But you deserve sex if that’s what you want. And I… I don’t really want sex very much right now.”

You stared at her, eyebrows raised. “Come on, now, Counsellor, you work SVU. You know better than that. Nobody deserves sex. That’s not how it works. And I think you forget that I know my way around a vibrator.”

“Yeah, but–” You shushed her quickly with a finger pressed lightly on her lips.

“No buts. I love you, Case. Not because you’re great in bed. Although…” You shrugged. “I mean, you are. I love you because you’re you. That’s not gonna change.”

Casey sighed. “Okay,” she whispered, snaking her arms around you.

You sat like that for a few minutes, relieved to be on the same page again, to know what was wrong. And even though you might not be able to fix it, you could at least be there for her.

Casey finally spoke, her fingers playing lightly with the drawstring of your sweatpants. “If you wanted to try out the vibrator… Maybe I could watch?”

You shot up, staring at Casey as she smirked at you, desperately hoping she was serious. “Really?”

She nodded, propping herself up with her elbow. You launched yourself out of bed, full-on sprinting to the closet, where you kept all the toys. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod,” you breathed.

Casey laughed and called out, “You better not come too fast! That’s no fun for me.”

You grinned, poking out of the closet to point at her. “See? I told you! MILF.”

Casey shook her head playfully, relieved that you’d taken the news so well. And so, so happy that you were hers. As you rifled through the closet, you felt much the same.

[snugglywugglysocialist]

hello!! could I request a story with casey where she had a tough case and had been threatened and all and she figures out that she’s wasting her life by locking herself up from reader and that she actually loves her and it’s not just a hook up so she goes finds her and tells her that? could be smut or not hehe thank uuuuuu

slight cw for themes of violence and general toxicity

"Casey." You say, looking tiredly at the redhead stood at the head of your bed, now scrambling to get dressed.

"For fucks sake." She growls, pulling her hair out from beneath her jacket and moving to bolt out of your bedroom door.

You'd been grilling Casey about what happened at work since she'd showed up at your apartment in a haze of aggression. You’ve seen her emotions range from angry to disillusioned, but not anything like this, nothing ever spurring her to treat you the way she had tonight. The redhead had managed to silence you with her lips and tongue for the past couple of hours, but—much to her dismay—your prying continued once you could breathe again. Casey’s refusal to explain what was going on with her was maddening, and for the first time since you'd known her, you were contemptuous toward her.

You’re refusing to let her leave without an explanation for her behavior, though you know it’s going to be exhausting trying to shatter her stoicism, even just for a few moments. You exhale sharply after getting up from the bed, and noting the swelling on your thighs and arms from Casey’s grip on them earlier. Moving your hand over the area beneath your shirt, you can still feel the indentations of her bite marks; the crudeness in which she’d used you tonight mounts your anger as you storm out of the room. You fling open the door to find her standing in your living room, gathering her belongings.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" You ask, your tone venomous; she scoffs and you can feel yourself becoming enraged.

“I can’t deal with you right now.” The redhead pivots, insolently looking downward to avoid your scolding eyes.

You cut off her path as she makes a move for the door, and position your body between her and the exit. She stares at you with a look of aversion you’ve never seen from her before, and you feel physically ill. You cross your arms defiantly in a silent challenge to the older woman; she begins to chuckle wryly at your stance. Your face stays unmoving as you watch Casey laugh manically, her head thrown back and her voice raw. She eventually contains her disbelief into just a mere smirk, and fixes her gaze downward upon you once more, stepping closer and pinning your body.

“Move.” She mutters, the calmness of her demand forging a pit in your stomach.

“Or what—you gonna call your cop friends?” You ask dismissively, pressing your back further into the wood in attempt to create distance between your tense bodies.

Casey’s face drops and a sheet of blackness seems to overlie her sharp features; you click your tongue in indifference. The anger swelling within your chest, and the dull ache radiating from your ragged muscles quashes your usual pull towards disarmament. The standoff between you and the older woman lasts for what feels like minutes; neither of you dare to speak or move from your places. The redhead looks away—her eyes crazed and her nostrils flared in white-hot rage—and you let out a quiet breath of relief. However, just when you let your guard slip, her calloused hands bracket on your upper arms, and sling you into the left wall.

Without thinking, your arms rise to level with your chest and throw her off. As she stumbles into the back of your couch, it seems you can hear the rush of adrenaline in your ears as much as you can feel it pummel the walls of your veins. This no-strings agreement the two of you had made within the first month of meeting went out the window long ago; it’s replacement a weekly cycle of virulently taking out the frustrations of the day on one another. You know it needs to end, but neither you nor Casey seem to possess the willpower to cut it off. Casey shoots you a dumbfounded stare as you purse your lips and rest your hands on your bruised hips.

“Get out.” You hiss, throwing open the door for her, and walking into the kitchen; she obliges wordlessly.

You brace yourself against the granite surface of your kitchen island, and try to quell the trembling of your limbs. The faint thrum of Casey’s heels against the tiled floor of your building can still be heard through the open door; you straighten your posture and move to slam it shut. You lean your head back and cover your face with your eyes, hoping that you’ll open them to see Casey asleep next to you, and realize this was just a nightmare. No such comfort comes, and you groan as you see the angled couch serving as mocking evidence of you and the redhead’s fight.

Hours melt into one another as you pace around your living room, your brain swirling about the events that transpired between you and the older woman. Despite the immeasurable amount of time you’d spent with Casey—tangled in her toned arms and enamored by her words—you feel as if what you experienced tonight is the real her. The small glimpses of her humanity that you’d grasped at to justify this relationship twist into indiscernible memories the longer you think of her. You smile drolly at the absurdity of your choices, and dwell on the hours you’d wasted in her company.

The shrill sound of your ringtone echoes throughout your flat and shakes you from thought. You realize your phone somehow ended up on your desk, and you walk quickly towards it on the off chance someone at work is calling you at 2 o’clock in the morning. You nearly lose your balance when you see the name illuminated across your screen—Casey. You blink a few times and just stare in disbelief at the white letters plastered on your phone; however, curiosity overtakes you, and soon you’re pressing the green button and holding it up to your ear. You can faintly hear her release a breath, and the call is silent until Casey decides to speak.

“I didn’t go home.” She murmurs, and you believe the faltering of her tone is a figment of your imagination.

“Where are you?” You ask, clearing your throat nervously and walking towards the kitchen window.

“I need to see you.” Casey says, her voice so defeated you almost can’t believe it’s her on the line.

“This has to end.” You sigh out, your eyes fluttering closed; Casey chuckles hollowly in response.

“Consider it closure.” The older woman states, and you hum in hesitant approval before she hangs up.

Minutes later, she’s walking in wordlessly and peeling the coat from her shoulders; you’re already sitting in preparation for whatever convoluted interaction is to come. Casey sits at the island across from you, and places her hands meekly in front of her; you fidget softly under the counter. The older woman brings her head up slowly to look at you, her eyes wrought with guilt and shame. You try to maintain an apathetic gaze, but you can feel your brows knitting in clemency at her despondent presence. She interlocks her hands behind her neck as she inhales, and prepares to speak.

“The short version is that I had a rough case; not any worse than the others, but some friends of the defendant cornered me at the courthouse after arraignment.” Casey avows quietly, and you nod slowly at her words.

“You could’ve told me earlier.” You croak, and she sucks in a breath through her teeth.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything, it still doesn’t.” She says, her eyes fixed to the floor.

“You threw me into a fucking wall, Casey.” You choke out, your tone imploring her for a compelling explanation, though you know there isn’t one.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers, her breathing labored as if there were a mass upon her chest; you stand and turn your back to her in order to keep your composure.

“I still don’t want it to end.” You confess derisively, and you can hear Casey shuffle to stand and approach you.

“It doesn’t, not for tonight at least.” Casey scrapes, and you can feel tears prick at your eyes as her arm encircles your waist.

A warm sensation spills into your chest to replace your anger as Casey turns you in her grip, and lightly drags her hands over your exposed arms. The frown she wears resembles that of an apology itself, and the tears you’d tried to stifle spill over across your cheeks as you try to escape her forlorn gaze. You should do nothing but shove her away from you just as you did a few hours ago, but you can’t, and you don’t want to. Every moment with the older woman traps you in the same alluring stalemate of weakness and desire; escape is unthinkable. As Casey’s lips burn soft kisses into the skin she’d blackened earlier, you feel a sense of understanding—of her, yourself, and the fucked up situation you each find yourself in.

Her lips envelop yours with a soft adoration, moving as if it were her first time doing so. Casey pulls back and glides her thumbs over your face, trying to wipe the tears from your flushed skin. She settles on kissing them away instead, repeating a hushed apology each time she plants one. Her hands rest on the small of your back, gently adhering your waist into her upper thighs; your head drops into the dip of her shoulder. She’s mumbling something into your hair and guiding you towards the bedroom, but her words are muffled by the fog occupying your mind. She has you encased in her arms as she lies with you, and you can feel sobs crack through your lips.

Casey’s mantra of apologies ends once your ragged breathing steadies to sync with hers. The older woman runs her lithe hands through your hair lightly, and you try to suppress the feeling of comfort looming over your being. You can think coherently now, yet you can’t find anything to say, only counting down the hours until you watch her leave for good. You tilt your head upwards to lay a kiss across her jawline, and the smile playing on her lips doesn’t evade you. You move to straddle her hips as you realize how close to morning it is, and your expression is as determined as it is plaintive. Casey has no reaction to your movements, her hands still cupping your face and her eyes fixed on yours.

“I don’t want that.” She says, looking at your expecting body and sliding her thumb over your swollen lips.

“For closure, right?” You chide, grinding your hips into hers softly—once again, no reaction from the redhead.

“I think I’m in love with you.” Casey admits lowly; your body goes rigidly still atop her.

“Fuck.” You say, closing your eyes and huffing in sheer impiety at her words.

[mollycabot]

Alex Cabot

Alex Cabot X Casey Novak X Reader Sick

A/N Casey and Alex are in for a long night after they come to home to a sick girlfriend.

Casey and Alex had another long day at court and they both were looking forward to having a movie Night with Y/N, as they walked in and put their coats and bags away they walked into the living room.

Unsure where Y/N was Alex called out “Y/N where are you ?were home” no response Casey then offered to have a look upstairs while Alex looked down stairs.

As Casey was walking around upstairs she heard quite whimpers from the bathroom and a strong smell of sick, Casey quickly shouted for Alex as she ran straight into the bathroom and her worried was confirmed by seeing Y/N on the floor sweating and looking really sickly.

“Oh baby come here” Casey said helping her girlfriend off the floor and helping her lean against the bath,

“What’s wrong?” Alex said walking into the bathroom however she didn’t need to ask what’s up as she kneel down next to Casey and Y/N “what’s wrong hun?” Alex asked “I don’t know” Casey replied quietly as they watch Y/N’s head lean down Casey moves her body so Y/N is resting on her and not the uncomfortable bathroom room.

“How long have you been in here baby?” Alex asked as she looked at Y/N. “I don’t know” Y/N responded.

“Lest get you to the bedroom yeh” Casey said as she picked up Y/N and helped her to the bed room. Once in the bedroom Casey helped put Y/N into the bed and removed her clothes as Alex came in with some water and wash bowl with a cloth.

As Casey Went to get some fresh pjs for Y/N Alex place a gentle hand on Y/N’s forehead “oh my sweetheart your burning up” Alex stated as she placed a cool cloth on Y/N’s forehead in the hopes of getting her fever down.

As Casey came in she placed the pjs on the bed and her and Alex helped Y/N to put the pjs on. And helped Y/N to get comfortable as she can be.

“My stomach really hurts case” Y/N cried “I know baby Alex said as she handed case the hot water bottle to place on Y/N stomach under her shirt and Alex climbed into bed with Y/N and Casey. “Try to sleep my love” Casey said tracing patterns on Y/N’s back as she turned to snuggle into Alex.

“It’s ok my love me and Casey are here” Alex said offering some comfort. “We going to phone into work tomorrow and see if one of us can stay home tomorrow” Casey explained.

“Thanks my loves ” Y/N said quietly as she felt sleepy and Alex and Casey could see that. “Sleep Y/N don’t fight it it will help” Alex said while stroking Y/N’s hair and Casey laid her arm gently over Y/N “Alex is right baby sleep will help” Casey added.

Eventually Y/N fell asleep. “Poor baby” Casey said Alex nodded “wish she had phoned us as I didn’t like that she could have been on that bathroom floor for hours” Alex stated Casey agreed. As Alex and Casey were tried themselves they end up sleeping not long after.

However both their sleeps were cut short when Y/N cried and woke Up, “I think I’m going to be sick” Y/N cried. “Ok baby Ok” Casey said panicking and helping Y/N into the bathroom. “It’s ok it’s ok my love” Casey said rubbing Y/N’s back as Alex stood at the door wanting to help but doesn’t like to deal with sickness once Y/N calmed down Casey cleaned the bathroom as Alex helped Y/N back to bed. And then they both go back to bed.

Given that they all didn’t get much sleep and the fact it’s early hours in the morning they both decided to call in and explain and were granted the next few days off so they could help Y/N get better. So for the rest of the day I was napping and watching movies. With Alex on one side of the couch Y/N in the middle and Casey on the other side.

[novaksupremacy]

Staking A Claim - Casey Novak x Alex Cabot

hello lovelies, something about leaving these smutty little snippets as a Two-Parter just didn't sit right with me so I decided to give you a little more and give it a third leg and round off the trilogy❤️ I hope you enjoy your Sunday morning smut, and I will see you on the other side of my linear algebra with the next chapter of TVOA

just pure unadulterated, can't control themselves, smut

Word Count: 2389

by PKJ @novaksupremacy

Casey was internally screaming; her body was burning. Yes, they had had sex before they left for work this morning and probably would again before they even sat down for dinner when they got home but she couldn’t breathe. She and Alex had agreed after getting caught by Donnelly twice yesterday they needed to be more careful at the office. Neither of them could really afford to be written up for their indiscretions and Liz rarely bluffed.  The redhead was trying her best to concentrate but she was uncomfortable. She sat at her desk, crossing and uncrossing her legs, trying to find a position where she wasn’t throbbing for Alex. “Focus, Novak.” She muttered to herself, trying to write up all her case notes for tomorrow’s court sessions. The ADA lasted about ten minutes before she threw her pen down on the desk and stood up, she paused for a second.

“Fuck it,” she shook her head, “it can’t hurt to just go see Alex, she may need help, she may have something else to keep my mind off wanting to screw her against every piece of furniture in the building.” At this rate the prosecutor was so aroused that her suit pants were damp. She stormed down the hallway determined as she reached Alex’s door, leaning against the frame.

“Casey?” the blonde looked up from her paperwork, “You okay my darling?” she furrowed her brow, she could tell there was an air of concern on Casey’s face.

“I was just wondering if you had anything for me to do. Busy work?” She pursed her lips and shrugged her shoulders.

“Casey,” the Bureau Chief giggled, “don’t you have briefs you should be working on?”

The redhead stepped inside and closed the door, “Oh I’m working on my briefs.” She grumbled as she walked up to the desk, “My boxer briefs. Alex, I can’t do this. Being told I can’t touch you has made it so much worse.” She sighed in frustration. “I feel like I am dying.”

“It cannot be quite that serious.” Alex’s blue eyes stared into Casey’s over the top of her glasses.

“Baby, it is that serious.” She walked around and sat on the edge of her girlfriend’s desk, practically pouting.

The blonde swiveled her chair to the side to face Casey and looked at her sternly. “We’re going to get fired. You can not possibly need it that badly.” She placed her hands on her lover’s knees in an attempt to comfort her.

The minute Alex’s hands touched her body, the redhead let out a tiny moan.

The chief’s eyebrow went up, as did her libido, “Fuck,” she sighed hanging her head. “Did you at least make sure that the door was locked?” She accepted defeat.

“The second I walked in,” she pulled Alex up to her by her cardigan, flush against her, wrapping her legs around the blonde’s waist. She moaned again the second their bodies came into contact. “You don’t understand baby,” she whispered in her girlfriend’s ear, “my body aches for you.” She made sure to elongate on the word “aches” and then nibbled on Alex’s neck.

“I bet it does,” Alex whispered, she grabbed Casey by the hips and pulled her even tighter to her body, “Who else is going to make you make all those gorgeous sounds as you fall apart, hmm?” she ran her finger over the outside of the redhead’s pants, applying just the slightest bit of pressure. Casey quivered at her touch, a shudder running up her spine. “Who else is going to turn Daddy into a shivering, dripping wet mess of her own making, begging to do anything I say? Hmm?” She ran the backside of her long, slender fingers down the ADA’s cheek.

The redhead couldn’t even form a complete word, let alone a strung together a sentence. Her mouth fell open to speak but all she could manage were little gasps and sighs. She let out a sultry giggle, her hand tangled in the blonde’s hair. She tightened her grip and pulled Alex’s lips to hers, her tongue taking plight on her lover’s. She wasn’t kidding when she said her body ached, it was almost as if it was physically painful not to be in contact with Alex. She had never felt this connected to another person, she couldn’t explain it but she could feel it.

As they continued to kiss, Casey finally regained a little control over her senses, slid her hand up under the blonde’s skirt, “I think you may have forgotten who’s in charge in this power dynamic.” She grinned, kissing her girlfriend again, running her fingers softly up and down, teasing as she reached the top of her inner thigh, “I guess Daddy needs to remind you who’s good girl you are.” She whispered in a soft growl causing Alex’s eyes to grow dark and her breath to hitch. “You are still my good girl, right?”

The blonde nodded, her jaw fell slack and she pressed the side of her face up against Casey’s, “Daddy,” she whispered against the redhead’s cheek, “We can’t, we’re going to get suspended. We could lose our jobs.” Alex was trying so hard to resist but she already knew, she knew she would go to jail before she would be able to resist Casey. She sighed, “You sure the door is locked?”  The redhead nodded, her breath shaky, as she carefully hiked up the blonde’s skirt. She stood up, repositioned herself in Alex’s chair lightly grasping at her thighs and pulled the beautiful woman down on to her lap.

Alex’s skirt was hoisted up around her hips, “Then take what’s yours,” she whimpered quietly. She placed her hands on the younger ADA’s cheeks and kissed her gently but firmly, “Remind me who I belong to.” She moaned quietly against her lips.

Casey slid her hand down to the blonde’s thighs, sliding red lace to the side and running two fingers through her lover’s more than apparent arousal. “Mmmm,” she moaned softly, “Hail to the Chief.” A lustful smile danced across her face. She slid two fingers into Alex’s wet heat, deciding quickly this wasn’t enough and stretched her out with one more.

 This elicited a strangled cry of satisfaction as her girlfriend’s blue eyes grew wide, she needed this feeling to last. The blonde took Casey’s freehand and brought it to her throat as she began to grind against the redhead’s other hand. She kept letting go of the back of the chair, placing her hand over Casey’s and getting her to tighten her grip who would oblige for a few seconds and then loosen it again causing Alex to get more forceful.

“Baby I’m going to hurt you.” The ADA tilted her head and cooed, she was trying to comply with her girlfriend’s needs but she also was afraid to take their escapades too far.

“Then hurt me,” Alex groaned, “I trust you.” She clamped down on the redhead’s hand as she bounced up and down against her fingers.

Casey nodded and squeezed tighter. She gave just enough leeway that Alex could still get air and she sped up her thrusts as her thumb pressed against her clit, “That’s it baby, just like that beautiful.”

This made the blonde absolutely feral, the confidence that exuded from her lover when she actually got a little rough had her soaked. She was already dripping and she wasn’t even there yet. The hand she was using to tighten the redhead’s grip was now sliding down into suit pants to a very, very soaked Casey. She made it a point tease her slowly first, pulling her lover’s slick up and around her swollen clit, which caused the redhead to squeeze down harder on Alex’s neck. She felt herself getting closer and penetrated Casey trying to match pace.

The redhead’s body went hot, her moans getting louder, her hand tight to her lover’s throat. “Alexandra,” she whimpered, she knew how crazy it made her when she used her full name, “I need you to come for me.” She pulled the blonde down closer by her throat and bit down in the little spot between her neck and her jaw, never letting go, never losing pace.   

Alex could feel her orgasm building, her perky breasts bouncing in the confines of her shirt, barely getting any air—just the way she wanted it. Casey was absolutely ravaging her, she was right on the edge when she heard it, a familiar voice coming down the hall. “Fuck,” she said almost angrily, “Baby don’t stop.” Might as well go for broke she figured, her mewls getting louder as she could hear Liz Donnelly getting closer to her office door. “That’s it Daddy, right there, just like that. Almost there. Fuck, Casey.”

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Liz stopped in her tracks as she got closer to the office, “this is insanity.”

“Mmm, that’s it Casey, right there.” Alex continued whimpering, the redhead’s hand still tight around her throat, her fingers starting to leave a mark. She was trying so hard to concentrate, almost at the end of her undoing, but she could still hear the chatter in the hallway. “And I swear to G-d Liz, if you touch that damn fucking door handle before I finish, I’m going to lose it!” she shouted as she slammed her hand down on the desk and pointed at the door.

The judge who was just about to try to barge in despite the locked door, guns blazing, stopped before her hand hit the handle.

The redhead who didn’t realize until that moment that Donnelly was outside the office almost halted her ministrations but managed to compose herself and fuck her Bureau Chief into an orgasm, shocked but turned on by how Alex basically told Liz to go to hell in order to make sure she didn’t stop.

The blonde took a second after unravelling to compose herself and then gently dismounted the hazel-eyed woman’s lap, giving her a passionate kiss before adjusting her skirt and walking towards the door.

“Ahh,” Casey tried to raise an objection, as Alex had her very large handprint across her throat, but the blonde waved her off.

She swung the door open, trying not to let on that she was still shaking from aftershocks, “What?! What do you need Liz? And before you say a word let me remind you that you’re not actually my boss anymore. I do not answer to you and this office has my name on it, not to mention you don’t have an appointment.” Liz opened her mouth to speak but Alex held up her finger and silenced her, “What are you going to do Liz? Run and tell Jack McCoy I perform cunnilingus on a hot redhead in my office from time to time? I would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. So, if there’s no actual pressing matter, I’m going to close this door now.”

Liz looked over Alex’s shoulder to see a very out of breath Casey in the Bureau Chiefs chair, disheveled and panting, “Just passing by, thought I’d say hello.” Liz scowled.

“I’ll see you later Liz,” Alex rolled her eyes and went to close the door, seeing a very dumbfounded Olivia holding a large stack of DD-5s and backing up back towards the bullpen.

“Goodnight, Counselors.” Donnelly cleared her throat and turned to walk away.

As she continued down the hallway Don Cragen was walking towards her, hands in his pockets. “Evening Liz.”

“One day, Donald, one fucking day, that’s all I want. ONE!” She fumed as she continued passed him.

“O-ok,” he said confused, pulling his hands out of his pockets, holding his palms out, and watched as she continued for the door. “Goodnight Liz.” He called after her and shook his head.

Back in her office, Alex walked back over to Casey and got down on her knees, pulling the redhead’s slacks down. “Now, where were we.”

“Mmm,” the ADA quirked her brow, her green eyes glistening, “I believe I heard you say something about cunnilingus?” she bit down on her lip.

“I did,” the blonde breathed quietly, she leaned up for second to get next to the redhead’s ear, “Do you still ache for me?” she smirked, mocking the way Casey whined earlier and then sank back down to her knees.

Casey went weak, her excitement was already spilling everywhere, “Mhmm,” she nodded, “Yes.” She whispered.

Alex dove face first into her lover’s center without hesitation. Her tongue making slow, languid circles over her clit, pushing down with near constant pressure. She went back and forth between smaller and larger circles as the redhead sighed and gasped, letting out all of the little noises Alex loved. She looked up at her, watching, delighted in the redhead’s responses. Her eyes were glossy, full of desire, locked on to her girlfriend’s.

“Mmm, you know,” Casey ran her hand through her girlfriend’s hair, keeping her gaze, “You look so fucking gorgeous with my hand around your throat, but you look even better with your head between my thighs.”

It didn’t take the blue eyed adonis very long to send Casey unravelling with her skillful tongue and resilient jaw. Lapping up everything she pulled from her lover, whimpering into her heat. She added two fingers, pumping fast and hard, curling her hand as her fingers stroked against Casey’s g-spot. She stifled the redhead’s shouts with well-timed kisses. Swallowing all of her wanton moans.

The ADA took a few minutes to come down but after some deep breaths and a satisfied hum, got up and put herself back together.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Alex grabbed her wrist, pulling her back into a tender but burning kiss. “I can breathe now, and I have briefs to write.” The redhead smiled into her kiss and then stepped back. “What you did was a real service to the American people, I now can continue to fight for justice with a clear head. You’re my hero Bureau Chief Alexandra Cabot.” Casey chuckled, fixing the lapels of Alex’s jacket. “Meet you back here at seven for dinner?” She winked, lingering for a minute to drink in everything that was Alex Cabot, and then headed back towards her office.

[chestnutninny]

Hiii!, I don't usually request stuff but I was wondering if you could do a Casey Novak x fem reader request, with angst and some fluff? where reader is the head doctor in the Paediatric unit at a nearby hospital? Casey doesn't usually tell people about their relationship because of her job because she's scared that someone might find an excuse to hurt reader, but it changed after reader is injured in a hostage situation at the hospital. Reader understands why Casey doesn't tell people but she knows how dangerous working with children can be in new york (because people like to blame the doctors if something happens) and tells one of her close colleagues and they inform the police about Casey and they have to call svu to reach her but someone else picks up and they have to tell her and she breaks down and they take her to the hospital to visit reader and comfort her.

Omg reading this it's a lot- I'm sorry you can change it if it's too hard :/

Nooo it sounds really good! I'll try my best with this, I promise :))

[jordanstark007]

Calex Kids 2/6

OC Character ~ Alec Cabot Novak

(The Detective)

(I’m gonna mess with the timeline here, so The Cabot-Novak Kids are present when Casey’s attacked in her office, Alex is still in Witsec.)

Detective Alec Cabot-Novak made her gold badge after collaring a rapist her putting herself in the line of fire to protect the victim.

She was given her gold badge and transferred over to Special Victims where the brass assumed she’d become less of a cowboy cop.

They were wrong of course, if anything her presence at SVU only worsened her bad habits, it only provoked her aggression.

Of course, when her mothers are involved the violence only worsened, she became erratic and outlandish.

She knew with money came affluence of course she did her mother was the sole heir to the Cabot fortune, an incredibly large sum of money that led to a lavish lifestyle and all the best schools for Alec and her siblings, as well as a comfortable cushion for her to fall back on should she need to.

What she couldn’t understand was the need to rape and murder when all you possessed all the money in the world.

Regardless, Alec was with her mother every step of the way, (per Casey’s request due to her mother large amount of knowledge that her daughter had inclination to fly off of the deep end.)

“Flowers.”

“You holding out on me?”

“No I’m not seeing anyone, not after Alex, maybe one of my kids was feeling generous, but if there from Jason Whittiker they’re going straight in the trash.”

Alec had been at home when Liv called, she’d woken in a haze answering the phone, but she flew out of her apartment in record speeds when she’d heard Liv telling her what had happened.

And God was she pissed. Of course her first stop would have been the hospital but she knew her siblings would have been there, her mother had a support system.

Her job was locating the bastard who hurt her mother. When Elliot saw who’d done it he’d immediately messaged Alec, and Alec was furious.

She’d kicked the door into his home and the look on Milan’s face, only fuelled her rage.

He stood as if he’d been expecting her, hands behind his back prepared for the arrest but Alec simply chuckled, dragging him from the building.

They made it to the outskirt of the city, Alec stalling the car at an abandoned warehouse, before dragging him out of the car, “Where are we?”

Alec smirked, a manic wolffish grin stretched across her face. “Somewhere no one will hear your screams.”

When they did finally arrive at SVU it had been at least a few hours since Elliot had let her know the identity of her mothers attackers and the beaten and bloodied face of their perp, was enough indication as to what had happened.

“What happened?” Alec shrugged eyes still blazing furiously,

“He resisted arrest, he’s lucky I didn’t shoot him.” Truthfully he had fought back and Alec had the defence wounds to prove it, but she wasn’t about to let everyone know shed been the original aggressor.

“Now I’m going to go see my mother-” Cregan had attempted to call after her, directing her to his office instead but it was futile and Alec was in the elevator before her name had left his lips.

“Hey mama, how you feeling?” Casey groaned lightly her hand grasping Alec’s as the detective sat gingerly at her bedside,

“What happened to your face.” Alec waved off her concern with a light smile,

“Its nothing Mama don’t worry about it. I’m more concerned about you, William says you’ll be alright to go home tomorrow, why don’t you come and stay with me for a while, just till your back on your feet?”

Casey wasn’t given the opportunity to answer when the police commissioner knocked on the hospital room door,

“Detective Novak, can I have a word.”

Alec near snarled at the sound of his voice, “You have some nerve, coming here. Get out.”

“Detective-“

“Get out, I won’t say it again.”

The man relented eventually nodding curtly, “I’ll wait outside.”

Her sisters hand graced her shoulder, Atlas’ expression soft, understanding, “Go talk to him Alec, we’ll be here, I’ve got her.”

She nodded slowly, standing, pressing a soft kiss to his mothers hairline, “I love you mama.”

When she stepped out of the room she was met with a number of the brass all staring at her with an expectant expression, “Are you suspending me?”

Lyle Morris, the Police Commissioner stepped forward, “We are putting you on temporary leave pending investigation.”

Alec nodded although she seemed to hold no guilt or regret in her expression, she simply handed over her badge and gun, “And for the record commissioner,”

The man nodded looking at her as she removed her gun, “I lost one mother, to a case where you all failed to do your jobs and protect her, if I’d have lost another, we’d be having a very different conversation right now. So if you’re going to take my badge and pension make sure you remember that this is the second time I’ve nearly lost a parent to a case, and it’s the second time I have stopped myself from pulling the trigger on the man who did it.”

Two weeks of unpaid leave later she was called in front of the Morris Commission, “Detective Novak, you’ve been called before the Commission to discuss your conduct, during the case involving ADA Novak’s assault, is there anything you’d like to say for yourself?”

Alec nodded walking over to the line of Brass, handing them the photos of his mothers injuries, “4 broken ribs, a torn ACL, a dislocated shoulder and over a dozen cuts and abrasions. Those where the injuries my mother sustained during the attack. My other mother ADA Alexandra Cabot was shot and placed into witness protection while prosecuting a case for SVU. I have no regret about the force I used while arresting the bastard who hurt my mother, and incase you missed it he resisted arrest and I have the documented injuries to prove it. I do this job to put away the bastards who prey upon those who cannot protect themselves, and if any of you here today can look me in the eye and say what I did was wrong then I know its my time to find another profession.”

I took no longer than a few minutes for them to reinstate her position, her rank and her badge.

And Alec walked away smiling, she had her badge back, and she could resume doing exactly what she had been doing for the past two years. Putting away the most sadistic of the population.

[taatianaad]

Beginner’s Pain

It was a Monday morning in the home of Alex Cabot and Casey Novak, and the sun was shining through the windows, lighting up the kitchen where Alex was preparing the morning coffee. Casey was sitting at the table, going over some documents while enjoying a cup of tea. It was a quiet morning, the kind of peace they both cherished before the day’s hustle began.

However, that peace was interrupted by a noise from upstairs, followed by a prolonged groan. Alex and Casey exchanged curious looks.

“That doesn’t sound good,” Alex remarked, raising an eyebrow.

Casey nodded, setting her papers aside. “I’ll go check on it.”

She headed upstairs with Alex close behind. As they reached the hallway, they heard another groan, this time accompanied by a whimper that they definitely recognized. It was Y/N, their 17-year-old daughter.

Casey gently knocked on Y/N’s bedroom door before opening it. What they saw left both of them on the verge of laughter.

Y/N was half-sitting in her bed, surrounded by messy blankets, with a pained expression on her face. She was moving slowly, as if any small effort was torture.

“What happened to you, honey?” Casey asked, though the amusement in her voice was evident.

Y/N let out a sigh and flopped back onto the bed. “Everything hurts, Mom,” she muttered. “Literally everything.”

Alex couldn’t help but chuckle a little as she approached the bed. “What did you do yesterday? Decide to climb a mountain without telling us?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but even that seemed to cause her pain. “No, I just worked out at home... but I think I overdid it a little.”

“Just a little?” Casey teased, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Doesn’t seem like your body agrees.”

Y/N winced. “I never thought working out could hurt this much.”

Alex and Casey exchanged another look, and this time they couldn’t contain their laughter. The laughter was soft and loving, not mocking, but definitely amused by the situation.

“It’s normal, Y/N,” Alex said, stroking her daughter’s hair. “The first day is always the hardest, especially if you’re not used to it.”

Casey nodded, trying to stifle her laughter. “Your body is adjusting. Just make sure not to do too much at once next time.”

Y/N sighed, though she felt a little better seeing her moms so relaxed about it. “Okay, but... how am I going to survive today? I can’t even get up without everything hurting.”

Alex smiled and stood up. “We’ll make you a good breakfast, and then you can take a hot bath. That should help ease the pain a bit.”

Casey stood up too, stretching. “And remember, the pain means your body is getting stronger. So in a way, this is a good thing!”

Y/N grimaced. “Yeah, if you put it like that... but it still hurts.”

With a smile, Alex and Casey let Y/N recover at her own pace, joking with each other about the days when they too had made the mistake of overdoing it with exercise.

That evening, after a day of rest and care, Y/N felt a little better, though the pain hadn’t completely gone away. When she joined her moms on the couch to watch a movie, she curled up between them, enjoying the feeling of being cared for.

“I’ll take it easy tomorrow,” Y/N said, more to herself than to her moms.

“Good idea,” Casey replied, giving her a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, careful not to cause her more pain.

Alex smiled, running her fingers through her daughter’s hair. “We’re proud of you for trying. Just remember, balance is key.”

Y/N nodded, feeling a bit better knowing that her moms supported her in her efforts to stay in shape, though this time, she’d learn to listen to her body and not overdo it.

With a smile, she closed her eyes, enjoying the company of her moms and the comfort of knowing that no matter what she tried, they’d always be there to support her, even when all she wanted was not to move an inch more.

[storiesofsvu]

You probably already answered this recently and im probably just blind as a bat here but:

What you got in that WIP/To-be-written pile?

Cant wait to know what i have to look forward to!

-Ara

hahha it's all good! i tried to find it to link but i couldn't s... here's what we've got (for one shots. series i'm not including lol)

Elana Barth x reader-> mommy kink smut

Byran Kneef-> where yn's been teasing him all day and now he's going to tease her relentlessly back and be a little mean

Casey Novak x Rita Calhoun -> fluffy morning after (established relationship)

Sonny Carisi --> relationship angst where they come to a realization that while they thought they wanted the same thing, opinions change.

CM ladies mega smut -> yn friends w JJ, briefly and casually dated Em before Paris, briefly and casually dated Alex when she was on the team and now has just met Tara and is trying not to drool. Makes a joke to Em about how she doesn't know who to go home with and Em takes matters into her own hand.

Derek Morgan --> soft reassuring smut ending with some squirting

DiNozzo -> One first morning after fluff -> One first date fluff

Emily -> secret marriage fluff where the team finally finds out who she's married to

Hotch -> fluffy semi established relationship, fools in love kinda thing with a twist -> sneaky courtroom bathroom quickie ->developing relationship, protective hotch, stay the night fluff -> fluffy, developing relationship morning at work fluff

Poly Barhoun -> meeting somewhat shy/inexperienced yn at a sex club where they take her home and show her the ropes

-> pegging smut

Sonya Paxton -> comforting fluff. yn and her met outside of work post rehab stint. sonya hesitant about coming clean about her past.

Rita Calhoun -> sub rita smut. she's had a long, stressful week and yn takes it upon herself to make sure her weekend starts off in higher spirits

Addison Montgomery -> super fluffy, first kiss/first admittance of feelings.

Joe Velasco -> idiots in love trope, involving the whole squad

-> yn, bruno and joe find themselves sharing a hotel room while at an out of town conference with some rather loud and rambunctious neighbours. they figure if you can't beat 'em, join them... and have some fun of their own.

Abigail Borin -> daddy smut. pwp

Amelia Sheherd -> developing relationship super fluffy cuteness ->blooming flirtation fluff

As for series:

Alex Blake has one: fluffy, hurt/comfort

Rafael Barba: one spicy, fluffy one -> one mainly fluffy, sorta poly!barhoun harvard au style mini series

Heather Dunbar: -> three, all spicy fluffy, one with a bit of h/c -> one political thriller that's poly heather x jackie x reader

Hotch: -> 2 fluffy, semi spicy ones

Rita Calhoun -> 4. 2 AU's that are mainly spicy with a hint of drama. 1 mega fluffy. 1 fluff, hurt/comfort

Emily Prentiss -> one mainly fluff with a hint of thriller

One that's a CM and SVU crossover but i haven't figured out details and pairings yet!

I've also been going through prompt lists recently like i did when i first started writing to find ones that stand out to me and then assign them to character/see if anything sparks a good idea in my head. I either haven't been getting requests recently, or they're ones that have ONLY been the prompt and it hasn't sparked anything. I also deleted a bunch of stuff that was in my WIP folder cause it had been sitting too long without any work being done on it cause again, no ideas on how to flesh things out.

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Panic! At the DA's Office

Casey Novak x fem!reader Warnings: suicidal ideation, mental health struggle, anxiety/depression, panic attack, established relationship, fluff forever, some explicit language Word count: 2k

Summary: You're supposed to be meeting your girlfriend, Casey, for lunch, but prepping for the bar exam has you in an anxious spiral. You try to hide it, but it's hard to pretend you're okay when you're with Casey.

You stood on the subway platform, greasy Shake Shack takeout bags tucked under your arm. You'd told Casey you'd bring her lunch, and you were a woman of your word. Even though the bar exam was two weeks away. Even though you'd written so many practice essays you'd had to get a wrist splint for the cramps. Even though you were practically drowning in information about constitutional law, civil procedure, torts, contracts. You were exhausted from studying, and it felt like it was all for nothing. The more you studied, the more things seemed to get jumbled up in your mind. The more you'd stare at the page and the words would stare back, shifting and writhing until they meant nothing.

With each practice test, you felt less confident. As the day of the exam got closer and closer, your anxiety grew and grew. And you were so good at hiding it. You had to be good at it, or else how would you go on? How would the world keep on spinning, and you with it? Sometimes you wished it wouldn't. Not forever, not for always. You just wished that, for a little while, everything would stop. That just for a little while, no one would need or expect anything from you and you could just be. Or not be, maybe.

As you stood on the platform, waiting for the subway that would take you to the DA's office and your girlfriend you thought, briefly–as you sometimes did at your lowest–how easy it would be to jump. It would be so easy, so fast. But you had the warm food in your hands. You had Casey's milkshake. She loved milkshakes. And she would be so sad. It was always the thought of Casey's heartbreak that stopped you. Or imagining your dad crying. Imagining your parents having to tell your siblings what had happened.

You felt the rush of the subway as it sped past you and exhaled deeply. The moment was over. At least for now. You took a seat and did your best to steel yourself to see Casey. She was excellent at reading you, and you needed to be unreadable today. The last thing you wanted to do was worry her.

You walked the last bit of your journey in the freezing cold, appreciating the way the wind stung your eyes. It brought you out of yourself.

You saw Casey through the window before she saw you, and your heart surged. Just seeing her made you feel better. Not all the way better, but at least a little better. You knocked at her open door, and the look on her face when she saw you made your heart soar.

"Y/N!" she called, waving you in and shutting a notebook.

You were quiet. You didn't trust yourself to speak, afraid you might start crying. The downside of feeling so safe with Casey was that your usual ability to wall up your emotions was significantly impaired with her. You leaned down to kiss her quickly, and she wrapped her arms around your waist, burying her face in your chest.

"This case is killing me," she said as you pulled up a chair, divvying up the food. "I mean, the evidence they've given me is absolute shit. It's always fucking Stabler jumping the gun, and now I have to clean it up. Typical white man. So I think I'm gonna try..."

You let Casey ramble, grateful to hear her voice, to hear about her day, to have the excuse of food in your mouth to simply nod absentmindedly. But you couldn't manage to eat much, mostly pushing ketchup around with your fries and trying to white-knuckle through the panic rising in your chest. Your heart pumped faster and faster, and you were trying so hard to breathe normally, even though you felt like you were suffocating.

"Y/N?" Casey said, snapping you out of it.

"What?" Your voice was shaky, and you avoided her eyes. If she saw your eyes, she'd know.

"I just asked how bar prep was going..." She looked you over, furrowing her eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

You needed to breathe before you could speak, but when you opened your mouth to try, your breath hitched, hiccuping and separating into hyperventilation.

"Y– yes," you replied, clearly not okay, as tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and your breath came in short gasps. It was as if all the anxiety of the last few days, all you'd bottled up and kept at bay, had come flooding in all at once, knocking the air out of you.

"Okay, well, that's obviously a lie," Casey observed, standing quickly to close the blinds and lock the door. She sighed as she sat back down, mentally beating herself up for not noticing that something was off when you came in.

"Come here, honey." She pulled your chair toward her, grabbing your clenched fists in her hands and forcing them flat.

You were rocking and hyperventilating at this point. Your heartbeat was so fast and loud it was almost all you could hear. If you hadn't had panic attacks before, you would have thought you were dying. You knew better: you were dying, but only on the inside.

Casey pressed her forehead to yours and breathed slowly, in and out, in and out.

"Breathe with me, sweetheart, come on," she said softly.

"I– I c-can't."

"Yes, you can, honey. Come on."

You took a big, shaky breath and let it out, coughing.

"That's it, baby, that's it. Just keep going. Just breathe."

After what felt like an eternity, your heartbeat started to slow. You paired your breathing with Casey's, shaking slightly. She ran her thumbs over your knuckles in rhythm with your breath, and you felt an icy calm settle over you, the same calm that comes after an adrenaline rush, all that hot terror seeping away.

You exhaled and lifted your head a bit, avoiding Casey's eyes.

"Sorry."

She shook her head, fixing your hair and wiping away that tears that lingered on the bottoms of your eyelids.

"Don't be sorry."

But you were. You were so sorry. Your panic attack might have subsided, but the sense of being a burden had only increased. You wanted to sit on Casey's lap. You wanted her arms around you. You wanted her to tell you that she loved you, that she needed you, that you weren't too much for her. But all of that felt like too much to ask for, so you just sat, arms wrapped around yourself.

"Will you tell me what's going on?" Casey asked gently.

You felt more tears coming and dashed them away.

"It's just everything," you said, the words spilling out in a flood. "I'm doing terrible on the practice exams, Casey. Terrible. I'm gonna fail the fucking bar exam, and then what!? What was it all even for? I just can't do it! I can't! Every time I sit down to study I feel like I'm gonna die, and I can't start because I'm too anxious, but then I don't study and I just get more anxious. I'm just– I'm not good enough!"

Your voice broke, and Casey's heart broke with it.

"I'm not good enough for you, and I– I don't want to do this. It's not worth it, I'm not worth it." You grasped your hair and groaned. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't even here. Today I even thought about jumping in front of the fucking subway. I'd never do it," you added, noticing Casey's alarm. "But it just... feels like it'd be easier for everyone, including me, if I wasn't around."

Your head was in your hands. You couldn't see it, but Casey looked devastated, her heart surging for you. She grabbed you up and pulled your body into hers until you were on her lap, her arms wrapped tightly around you.

"Oh, honey," she breathed, pressing her face into yours. "Please don't say things like that. Do you know how empty life would be if you weren't here?"

You shrugged your shoulders, sniffling

"Who would bring me milkshakes?"

You giggled.

"Who would sing loud with me in the car, huh? Who would make laugh so hard I snort?"

You smiled, moments with Casey flashing through your mind, some of the happiest moments of your life.

"Who would make me feel loved and safe and proud, if you weren't here?"

"Somebody would," you argued.

She cupped your face and looked you hard in the eyes. "No. Not like you do."

"You're just saying that."

"I'm not. I don't just say things, you know that," Casey reprimanded you. She placed small, warm kisses on your cheek, your forehead, your eyelids, the corner of your mouth, until you were laughing and squinting.

"You," she continued, "are generous and brave and kind and funny and sweet and so, so beautiful. And the world would be a lot darker without you in it."

Your chest buzzed with warmth, like stepping outside on an unexpectedly sunny day or coming downstairs on Christmas morning.

"I don't know about that," you protested, but Casey had successfully beaten back your blues. And she could tell.

"Well, my world would be anyway," she chuckled.

You placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth before returning to your seat, reaching for a french fry.

"Now you're hungry," Casey said, rolling her eyes.

You glanced at the clock. "I thought you had a meeting?"

"I do."

You froze, but Casey was quick to reassure you.

"It's okay! Not a big deal for me to be a few minutes late, I promise."

You relaxed, taking a sip of Casey's milkshake. She snatched the cup back.

"I thought I told you to get your own milkshake."

"Well, I just wanted a little bit!" you whined.

"That's what you always say, and you always drink half of mine."

You flashed her your most charming smile, and she sighed, handing you the cup. You tried not to look too smug as you sipped.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" you said, dripping with sarcasm. "Probably can't take a milkshake to your fancy lawyer meeting."

"I do have somewhere to be, but I need you to do something for me before I go."

"Oh." You sat up a little straighter. "Okay. What?"

"I need you to call your therapist," she stated, staring at you pointedly.

"Case, I'm fi–"

"No, you're not," she cut you off. "If you're having thoughts like you said you were, you need to talk to her."

You sighed and nodded. "Okay. I'll call."

Casey didn't budge.

"Casey," you needled. "You can go. I will call."

She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back in her chair, stance wide, looking like a hot Wall Street businessman in her work suit. She could make you do anything when she looked like that, and she knew it.

"Fine." You picked up your phone, scrolled through the contacts, and found your therapist, flipping the screen around to show Casey the contact info before pressing the call button.

"Speaker," Casey commanded.

"You're fucking bossy, you know that?"

Your therapist didn't pick up–probably in a session–but you left a message.

"Hey, Carla, this is Y/N. Just kind of having a rough day... slash week slash time in general, and I was wondering if you could squeeze me in maybe earlier than my session next week? Like maybe..."

"TODAY," Casey whispered aggressively.

"...even today or tomorrow if you've got anything open. Thanks, bye."

You rolled your eyes. "Happy now?"

"Mmhm." Casey stood, picked up her briefcase, and bent to kiss you on the head. "I gotta run, but let me know what your therapist says, okay?"

"Okay," you agreed, suddenly feeling embarrassed again.

"Hey," she said, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at her. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

She planted a firm kiss on your lips before opening the door.

"You can stay in here and work if you want. When I come back, we can work together."

"Okay," you said, already feeling better about an afternoon of studying. If Casey was there, it couldn't be too bad.

"I love you so much I'll even let you have the rest of my milkshake," she called back as she walked down the hallway.

You shook your head and took a sip, feeling better than you had in weeks.

[snugglywugglysocialist]

Anguish

You rap three times at the door, wringing your hands in dread for what you're about to be greeted with.

“Well, you look like hell." You say quietly, praying that her sense of humor survived what happened the night before. Casey shoots you a tight smile through the gap of the door, stepping back and allowing it to open fully for you.

“Didn't know you made house calls." She rasps, walking slowly towards the couch in the middle of her living room.

"Only for you." You chide sarcastically, grandiosely bowing in front of her after throwing your bag onto her desk chair. She laughs lightly and clutches her right side, cursing under her breath through clenched teeth. You feel your face drain as you move to sit next to her.

"Did they catch him yet?" You inquire, sitting down carefully as if she may break. She lets her head fall to the back of the couch, closing her eyes and taking in a pained breath before speaking. Your jaw locks in anger as you see her struggle to form the words she’s looking for.

"Nope, no leads either." She says rigidly. You nod in response despite her eyes still being closed. Your eyes rake over the already-blackened bruising that covers her pale skin, only growing more enraged as you move them downward. Casey wheezes and you search for something to say, wanting to drown out the noise of it.

"Why are you staying here if he's still in the wind?" You ask, choking back the ire threatening to lace your words. She frowns and forces her eyes open to meet yours.

"Where else am I gonna go? Do you want me to sleep in my office?" She asks, condescendingly. You’re used to her sharp tongue, but not its use against you. She closes her eyes once more after seeing the shock of her comment materialize in your eyes. You study her turned face in the dull lamplight, realizing her abrasions are even worse than you thought.

Casey winces and guards her sides, pressing her hand into her ribcage until you see tears welling beneath her eyes at the pain of it. You stand to walk to your bag, the sounds of your footsteps swallowed hastily by the oppressive silence in the room. Her eyes shoot open and track you hesitantly as you return to the couch.

You rifle through it for a few moments, trying to find what you’re looking for. Casey’s eyes don’t leave your darkened figure; you can feel the look she’s giving you even with your back to her. You turn to approach her, trying to ignore the way you feel in this moment. The way she looks up at you—dazed and resentful—sends a stab through your gut.

"Get up." You say gently, offering your hand to her. You expected her to ask something or refuse, but she takes your hand without question, standing slowly. You silently confirm that her ribcage isn’t wrapped, and display the compression bandage in your hand.

"They should've given you some of these for your ribs before they discharged you at the hospital." You ramble lowly, feeling strange under her stoic gaze. She nods in understanding, and moans in agony as she tries to raise her shirt. You grab the bottom hem and peel it slowly from her skin, gently raising her arms to fully remove it. She groans, falling towards you as she lays her forearms across her torso.

“I know. You'll feel better after we do this." You coo gently, helping to straighten her body out. She removes her arms and bites her lower lip harshly as you press the wrap into her skin. Her navel muscles tighten as your hand lays across the skin shrouding them, and she struggles to breathe. Knowingly, Casey replaces your hand, securing the end as you begin to slowly bind the length of her ribcage.

You continue wrapping, focusing on the way her face changes when your fingers brush over a particularly tender area. The two-minute long task seems like it takes an hour as you listen to the sounds of suffering leaving her throat.

You round for the final time, and softly secure the end of the bandage. She exhales the breath she’d been holding, and relaxes her shoulders in relief. You move to grab her shirt off the table, and help her back into the worn fabric. It hangs loosely from her lithe figure, and you let your gaze linger for a little too long. You look up to meet her eyes.

"See? I told you." You say with arrogance, trying to pull a smirk from her. She smiles lazily as you brace her body against yours, helping her to the couch.

“Thank you." She whispers, sinking into the leather and giving you a look you’ve never seen from her. You ignore her comment and shove your hands in the pockets of your jeans.

"You should let me stay with you until they catch him." You pivot, searching her eyes for an answer. Casey scoffs and turns her head, catching her tongue between her teeth. She purses her cut lips and nods sharply.

"If you insist." She mutters, her face still turned away from you.

"Go to sleep." You state curtly. She lets a barely audible response leave her lips before letting her eyes flutter closed. Your heart beats wildly against your chest with enmity as you watch her struggle to get comfortable. You curse yourself silently for not showing up a lot sooner.

[baubeautyandthegeek]

Birthday Bingo Madness

Prompt related details: Family is designed to be vague to fit whatever you feel you want to write where Family Values is more fixed on who teaches their family things or people who taught your chosen character something. The Loose Rules: Submissions can be anything written for example : a ficlet, headcanons, drabbles, one shot, whatever you want.   Fics can be a ship, a reader insert, an OC, basically whatever you want. Any/all fandoms we share welcomed, but here’s some ideas; - FBI - CSI (All variants) - Law & Order (All variants) - Criminal Minds - Star Trek - Star Wars - Blue Bloods - NCIS - Dracula 2000 The     Firm Rules:         You must tag me @baubeautyandthegeek and use the hashtag #flickbirthdaybingo35     on each creation  Bingo      always open.  Please   only one square per creation on each     board.  No     underage characters/readers/oc's in sexual or romantic situations please.  Anything     that gets to over 1000 words should be under a read more.  Please     use appropriate tags and trigger warnings  Ensure     trigger tags are also shown at the top of fics         Please do ask if you have any other questions

Prompts under the cut if you can’t see the boards:

My Current Top 35 Characters: 1. Elle Greenaway 2. Emily Prentiss 3. Erin Strauss 4. JJ Jareau 5. Penelope Garcia 6. Alex Blake 7. Kate Callahan 8. Tara Lewis 9. Ashley Seaver 10. Kate Joyner 11. Katie Cole 12. Clara Seger 13. Abi Borin 14. Holly Snow 15. Hollis Mann 16. Jenny Shepard 17. Kate Todd 18. Abby Scuito 19. Kasie Hines 20. Sarah Porter 21. Alex Cabot 22. Casey Novak 23. Melinda Warner 24. Kim Greylek 25. Dani Beck 26. Connie Rubirosa 27. Serena Southerlyn 28. Alex Eames 29. Serena Stevens 30. Zoe Callas 31. Megan Wheeler 32. Jackie Curatola 33. Erin Reagan 34. Isobel Castille 35. Marisol Delko 35 Smut Prompts: 1. Daddy Kink 2. Mommy Kink 3. Spanking 4. Breathplay 5. Lingerie 6. Choking 7. Consensual Somnophilia 8. Biting 9. Marking 10. Collaring 11. Scratching 12. Vibrators 13. Strap-Ons 14. Tied Down 15. Cuffed Down 16. Mild Flogging 17. Begging 18. Body Worship 19. Dirty Talk 20. Praise Kink 21. First Time Together 22. Virginity 23. Light Whipping 24. BDSM 25. Dom/Sub Dynamics 26. Alpha/Omega Dynamics 27. Fingering 28. Oral 29. Professor/Student Kink 30. Uniforms 31. Suit Kink 32. Blindfolds 33. Temperature Play 34. Delayed Orgasm 35. Multiple Orgasms 35 Random Prompts: 1. Vampire AU 2. Werewolf AU 3. Hurt/Comfort 4. Losing A Child 5. Losing A Loved One 6. First Kiss 7. Workplace Romance 8. Soulmate AU 9. College/School AU 10. Model/Photographer AU 11. “I miss you” 12. “I thought I’d lost you” 13. “Please come home.” 14. “Marry me?”

15. Gunshot Wounds

16. “Why are you bleeding?”

17. “Kiss me!”

18.  Secret Romance AU

19. Celebrity AU

20. First Fight

21. “Bring the fucking fight box… I’m not losing you over this.”

22. Polyamory

23. Poison

24. Crying

25. Movie Night

26. Family Values

27. Family

28. Birthday Party

29. “Birthday Girl”

30. Wedding

31. “My wife…. Still not over that.”

32.  Honeymoon

33.  Sickfic

34.  Accidental Baby/Pet Aquisition

35. “What did I tell you about breaking the law???” “I didn’t…”

[ihaveathingforwomen]

Mock Trial - Professor AU

Professor!Alex Cabot x Fellow!Casey Novak

Chapter 7 - Masterlist

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: Casey asks for Alex's help, they make the most of the situation.

A/N: First of all, I'm sorry (Not) for the feelings I am about to hurt. I know ya'll are thinking this is it, it's finally happening. But there's so much more in store - please, I'm begging- bear with me. ALSO Thank you SO MUCH to my lovely partner, @novelsandlove, for helping me write the cross-examination. I didn't realize I would have to become a fucking law student to write fanfiction but here we are.

Alex’s flight home brought great relief for her. The daydreams on her flight were filled with her friends, Toby, and, of course, Casey. The clock had run out for her patience and she was beginning to mill over how she was going to confess to Casey. Before getting on her flight, she messaged George and Liv, asking to meet with them so that they could advise her further. During the flight, she took her legal pad and made notes of possible ways to talk to Casey about her feelings and possible opportunities to do so. 

One of the first opportunities she considered was when Casey picked her up at the airport. Though, she decided against it when the time came. Casey looked stunning, waiting patiently at baggage claim for Alex. It was one of her more casual outfits, jeans and a sweater as it was cooling down at the beginning of November. Their drive was comfortable and fast, Casey driving in consideration of Alex’s jet lag. Casey gave Alex the opportunity to discuss the conversation with her father, how her cousin was doing, and how annoying the rest of her family had been. In between, Casey told her about how her students were fairing and how her classes were doing as she prepares for finals which are quickly approaching. 

The next opportunity was going to be when they arrived back at Alex’s apartment. The outlook was bright as their conversation never ceased even when Casey helped Alex unpack her things and get settled back in. At one point, they stood in the kitchen together where Casey made Alex stand still so that she could detail everything she had bought in terms of food. Casey, fully aware that Alex does not have time, energy, or skill to consistently cook for herself, made a point to buy or make things that Alex could manage. With all of the time they’ve spent together over the last year or so, Casey was able to recall many foods or meals that Alex enjoyed. She prepared and froze a few casseroles, desserts, soups, and a few miscellaneous other things, and made sure to leave Alex a stack of notecards with instructions for them. Casey also made a point to buy “safe foods,” as she and Alex called them, that Alex could eat on bad or busy days. Frozen chicken tenders, Alex’s favorite mac n cheese brand, an assortment of nuts, protein bars, granola, cereal, and so on. 

As Casey detailed these plans she’d made, Alex couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. Her mind watched for every moment in which she could reach out and grab her hips, pulling her in for a kiss, which she hoped would be reciprocated. When Casey finally finished her lecture, she approached Alex with a smile, apologizing for spending so much. Alex, of course, deflected her apology and expressed sincere thanks, pulling her into a hug. While in their embrace, Casey happened to glance at her watch, and gasped. She exclaimed that she had a study group with Charlie that she was going to be late for, and rushed out of the apartment. Alex held no hard feelings about the sudden departure, but she realized she would have to actually plan the right moment rather than waiting for it. 

The days in November ticked away, and Alex still felt hesitant about each plan that she had made. They went back to their normal routine, distancing themselves as Casey had believed they should in her blissful ignorance of Alex’s intentions. Even if she had been made aware, it’s likely they would not have seen each other much more anyway, as the stress of the semester was beginning to increase. Their office meetings were now times where Casey would recline on Alex’s couch and read or review cases for her own classes while Alex worked, occasionally staring at her crush. Their texting became sporadic too, as Casey now attended many study groups or different meetings for the associations she was a part of to wrap up the semester. Of course the circumstances cause them both to feel twinges of sadness every now and then, but it allowed for Alex to plan a potentially perfect time to express her affections. 

The staff and faculty plan a small holiday party for the fellows at the end of the semester. Alex normally is heavily involved in the planning, but because of her family emergency, she was unable to participate as much. Instead, she offered to provide whatever supplies the committee requested. Since her responsibility lowered, Alex was now capable of distancing herself from responsibility at the party, allowing her to potentially spend more time with Casey. She inquired from Liz about details she would need, of course: date, time, location, foods, alcohol, et cetera. This year, the party is going to be held on the day of the last final, with winter break starting promptly afterwards. 

With that information, Alex made it up in her mind that she was going to ask Casey if she could drive her to the party, offering to be her designated driver. Ideally, Casey will accept and Alex will pick her up. They would have a good experience at the party and Alex would take her home, hopefully not too intoxicated, and tell her then. Her mind spun with excitement at the thought, dreaming up all of the ways that Casey might respond. With high hopes, she geared up for positive responses only. Whenever she engaged with Casey before that point, her demeanor was elated. 

The Friday before finals week, also before the holiday party, Casey spent most of her day in the library. Feeling as though her eyes were about to bleed and fall out of her skull, Casey closed her textbooks and picked up her phone. Her phone has been silenced for days now, dead week taking over every bit of energy she had left. 

Casey: Are you in your office? I have a question for you.

Sending the message, she hesitates, something else on the tips of her fingers. Even though they haven’t seen each other as much, Casey feels like their chemistry has exploded. 

Casey: Also, I miss you

Turning her phone off, she takes a deep breath as she packs up her belongings. Yet again, Alex’s words from more than a month ago ring clear in her mind. Don’t let the good ones go. She tried over and over to decipher what Alex was experiencing and what she could’ve meant. Her heart naturally assumed that her cousin had encouraged her to pursue their relationship. Though, her brain, still in disbelief that Alex ever liked her in the first place, pushes that assumption back and exchanges it for a more reasonable one. Perhaps, Alex was merely advocating for the position her father told her about. 

That one left Casey feeling conflicted. She had just started her application for a position as a junior assistant district attorney in New York City. The application is long and thorough and very selective. She knows that any offer she receives, if she gets one at all, will depend on whether or not she passes the bar this coming summer. On the optimistic end of the spectrum, Casey gets the job of her dreams and passes the bar exam. The only thing that taints that dream in obscurity: Alexandra Cabot becoming her boss. 

Starting to feel queasy at the thought, Casey’s phone dings to distract her. 

Alex <3: I miss you too, Case. I’m in my office, have been all day. :) 

Casey smiles, her adoration (or dare she say love) for Alex suppressing any anxiety she has about the future. With her things gathered, she begins her trek up to Alex’s office. She steps into the door frame, knocking lightly against it before coming in and closing the door behind her, as is routine for them by now. 

“Hi,” Alex greets her happily as she closes a few tabs on her computer and turns to watch her favorite visitor. 

“Hey,” Casey sets her things down on the couch and goes to Alex’s desk. She rounds the edge, coming onto Alex’s side and pushing herself onto the desktop, her hands bracing against the wood behind her. 

Alex, feeling breathless already, looks Casey from bottom to top, eyes lingering at her knees and throat. “You have a question?” 

Casey grins and nods, avoiding Alex’s eyes. “Yes, I do.” 

Alex leans back in her chair, trying not to stare at the younger woman before her. “What is it?”

Casey licks her bottom lip, taking it between her teeth and releasing it in distress as she answers. “Could I come over and could you help me with my oral arguments for Trial Practice?” 

Alex grins and screws her eyes shut for a moment, nodding. “Yes, of course, Casey.” 

Casey sighs in relief, “thank you. Professor Taft has been an asshole and I feel like I haven’t learned anything from him.” She turns to Alex, inspecting her demeanor as she notes. 

Alex fights a grimace, “That’s what I’ve heard. I try to avoid him,” she states. “He’s tenured.” 

Casey rolls her eyes, “I know. I can’t believe they let him get tenured.” She shakes her head in defeat and turns back to Alex. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, something they’ve been doing more of lately. Neither of them know that they both think about the other’s lips. 

“Also,” Casey starts, breaking their tension, “I will make dinner for us when I come over.”  

Alex starts to shake her head, leaning forward and putting a reassuring hand on Casey's knee. “You don’t have to do that, it’s okay. I think I still have frozen dinners from when you watched Toby. You need to save your energy for exams,” her eyes traveling up Casey’s figure. Casey hesitates for a moment, the vision before her sending shivers up her spine. Alex reminds her of a devoted apostle looking up at her deity. 

She smiles, placing a hand on Alex’s cheek and stroking it softly with her thumb. “I want to make you dinner, Alex. It’s payment for helping me, okay?” 

Recognizing the power she has over Alex, she streaks her thumb across her lips before withdrawing her hand and getting off of the desk. She grabs her things, her chest heavy with arousal, and starts to leave. “Tonight, at seven?” 

Alex looks up, the air only just starting to return to her lungs. She nods, “that works.”

----------

That night, a little after seven, Casey arrives at Alex’s with a quiet knock. Alex pops up from her couch, trying to convince herself she wasn’t twiddling her thumbs while impatiently waiting for the redhead. Opening the door, she finds Casey with her arms full of books and groceries. 

“Oh my God, are you moving in?” She quips, trying to take things from Casey’s arms. 

“Not unless you ask me to,” Casey responds without thinking. Her face turns a light scarlet as soon as she hears her words. She avoids Alex’s eyes and makes her way into the apartment. 

Alex, recognizing Casey’s desire to avoid her own statement, ignores it. “Why did you bring so much stuff?” She laughs, setting the books on the dining room table. 

“Well, I couldn’t remember what you had here. So, to be safe, I brought some of my own things to cook with and I bought some ingredients too.” 

Alex stares at all of the things spread out on the table now: Textbooks, Casey’s laptop, legal pads with notes scribbled all over, sticky notes, colored tabs, pens and highlighters, noodles, chicken broth, seasonings, and so much more. Her eyes scan the table, watching as Casey organizes everything into piles. She decides to start their conversation by straying from the topic of cooking, trying to get a sense for how to help Casey. “Trial Practice, is it for criminal or civil?” 

Casey continues rearranging without looking up, “criminal.” She gathers the groceries she’d displayed on the table and makes her way into the kitchen. “Hungry yet?” She asks Alex with a grin, her dimples clear in her cheeks. 

Alex grins and goes to sit at the bar to keep Casey company. “Starving,” Alex tells her, eyes twinkling as she watches Casey search for utensils. Casey’s cheeks burn a faint rosy shade, imagining in her mind that she’s cooking for her girlfriend. Ever since she spent the week in Alex’s apartment, she began to come to terms with just how much she liked Alex. At first, she believed her feelings to be pure infatuation due to her physical attractiveness and their power dynamic. But, since spending more time together this fall, she finds that there are many attributes about Alex that she adores. Alex’s intelligence, kindness, considerate-nature, her conversation, and their natural connection have all led to her developing legitimate feelings for her professor. 

While Casey cooks, Alex starts to wonder if her moment is quickly approaching. Casey seems to be laughing more and even flirting. Nearing the end of her cooking, Casey allows a few things to simmer. And as she does, she sets her elbows on the countertop across from Alex, resting her chin on her hands so that they are at eye level, their lips just mere inches apart. Their conversation is quiet and sweet, discussing anything that comes to mind and giggling whenever jokes arise. While they speak, Alex’s eyes consistently drift down to Casey’s lips. Each time, she imagines herself whispering to Casey that she loves her and kissing her softly. When she imagines this interaction, her lips tingle and blood rushes to them. Eventually, the timer sounds and Casey is done cooking, abandoning Alex at the bar to plate their food. 

While they eat at the dining table Alex never uses, Alex questions her about her Trial Practice final. Casey explains that it’s taking the form of a mock trial, as it normally does, in which four professors will act as witnesses for the students to question. She explains that she was chosen to argue the prosecutor’s side. With that came a contest between her peers to see who would deliver the opening argument for extra credit. She won the contest, which initially excited her, but Taft’s behavior as of late made her nervous. Alex then questioned her on the evidence they were utilizing in the mock trial, aiming to be sure Casey knew each item in as much detail as possible. 

When they finished eating and Alex was content with how well Casey knew her evidence, she offered to clean up for them. Casey declines and Alex insists, reasoning that it would be a perfect opportunity for Casey to rehearse her opening argument and focus on her tonal delivery. Alex recalls her time as a prosecutor, wishing someone had guided her more in law school about the importance of tone. Word choice and body language do wonders to compensate for tone, but it does not resolve all issues. While Alex washes the dishes for Casey, she instructs her to start her opening argument. Casey does as she’s told, pacing behind Alex rather than sitting. 

Occasionally, Alex will interrupt and ask if Casey is insinuating some emotion with the tone she slipped into. Casey will, of course, object and correct herself. After a couple of run throughs, Alex finishes the dishes. She turns around, leaning against the counter and drying her hands on a towel. She smiles, her eyes twinkling, as Casey finishes the end of her opening statement. 

“That was perfect, Casey. You’re a natural,” Alex compliments. 

Casey diverts her gaze to the ground, smiling softly, “Thank you.” She takes a shaky breath, her throat sore from speaking clearly and for so long. “Now, on to questioning?” She asks wearily. 

Alex folds the towel and sets it on the counter. She smiles sympathetically at Casey, remembering how dry her throat felt when she did her first mock trial. “Yes, do you want more water first?” 

Casey nods, feeling pathetic, but thankful she didn’t have to ask. Alex turns and grabs a glass from the cabinet then fills it with ice and water from the refrigerator, handing it to Casey. Their fingertips brush against each other and Casey thanks her with a nervous grin. She exits the kitchen, Alex close behind, and sets the glass on the dining room table. For a second, Alex feels the impulse to walk up behind Casey and wrap her arms around her waist, kissing her neck and praising her, encouraging her work. Taking a deep breath through her nose, she diverts her impulses to the couch. She takes a seat cross-legged and waits patiently for Casey to organize her evidence the way she wants it. 

Casey sighs, and walks over, handing Alex a sheet of responses. Over dinner, Alex agreed to play the witness so that Casey can practice cross-examination. Alex reads over the facts while Casey paces the floor in front of the coffee table, thinking and murmuring questions to herself. Alex nods along as she reads and then sets the paper in her lap. 

“You can start whenever you’re ready, Case,” she directs her, watching as her hands start to tremble. 

Casey takes a deep breath and turns to Alex in a panic, “what do I do with my hands?” 

Alex laughs, “I used to put mine behind my back unless I was making an expressive gesture.” Casey nods and continues pacing, putting her hands behind her back. “Casey…” Alex asks, hoping to get her attention. She does not turn her head and instead murmurs an unintelligible response. Alex tilts her head, watching Casey with concern, “You’re going to do fine. But we’ll never know for sure if you don’t start.” 

Casey halts in her spot and turns on her heel, making eye contact with Alex. “You’re right…” 

Alex never thought she’d hear those words. Casey tends to err on the side of defensiveness, rarely conceding to fault. “Just breathe…You know what questions you’re asking and you know what answers you need. You are in control. Okay?” Alex offers from her seat, trying to give Casey a reassuring smile. It’s been so long since she’s seen Casey this nervous. As of late, Casey has radiated confidence, especially when it came to her academics. Maybe tonight was not going to be her moment, Casey may need more reassurance than other emotions. 

“Okay,” Casey takes a deep breath through her mouth and exhales it with pursed lips. “You’re ready?” Alex nods, smiling softly and sitting up straight, watching Casey closely. “Miss Cabot, is it true that you were shopping at the seventeenth street convenience store on the night of the incident?” 

“Yes,” Alex answers cooly. 

Casey nods and begins to pace, hands behind her back. “Is it true that in your statement to the police, you stated that you were not aware that the defendant was in the store?”

“Yes,” she responds, her eyes tracking Casey. 

“How often do you visit the seventeenth street convenience store?” 

“I couldn’t say an exact number,” Alex excuses. 

“Use your best judgment on an estimate.” 

“Three to four times a week,” Alex states, scanning Casey up and down. 

“So would you say that you’re familiar with the layout of the convenience store?” 

The questioning went on for some time, Alex’s pride growing with each step. Here and there, she would interrupt to adjust Casey’s body language or her choice of words with a question. But the further Casey went, the better she sounded. Alex wasn’t sure whether it was the right time to admit it, but she’s actually quite impressed with Casey’s skills. Her intuition with the witness’s responses and her knowledge of the evidence make it easy for her to improvise if an unexpected response comes along. When she does improvise, she does so eloquently, as though she had actually planned the question in advance. By the end, Casey manages to flip the defense witness in her favor, leaving them both breathless. 

Content with her work, Casey walks over to the couch and collapses beside Alex, slinking onto the pillows. “Jesus Christ,” she exhales with a laugh, resting her forearms on top of her eyes and focusing on her breathing. 

“How do you feel?” Alex asks, beaming, trying not to distract Casey from her own feelings. 

She removes her arms and sits up, draping her legs over the edge of the couch and looking over at Alex, still sitting cross-legged. “Like I just spoke for two hours straight.” 

Alex giggles, “it wasn’t that long, I promise.” She looks down at her watch, noticing Casey’s thigh flesh against her own. “Only thirty minutes, that’s pretty average. Maybe better for your first final.” 

Casey looks down, setting her elbow on her knee and resting her head on her hand. “Well, that’s a relief,” she mumbles. 

They share a moment of silence and Alex uncrosses her legs, dangling them over the edge of the couch as Casey has done. Their thighs are practically sandwiched next to each other, arms having nowhere to go but next to each other. Casey’s cologne, a light scent of amber and vanilla, makes its way into Alex’s nose. She examines Casey’s features longingly and her body takes control from there.

She raises her hand to Casey’s face, pushing strands of her hair behind her ear. “Casey…” Alex begins. Casey turns to look at Alex, her cheek burning where Alex’s fingertips brushed across. Her eyes promptly go to Alex’s lip and she bites her own before her eyes travel upward, meeting Alex’s sapphire. 

“Hmm?” Casey says, her eyes captured in Alex’s grasp. 

“You did so well,” she praises, her eyes flicking between Casey’s eyes and lips. “I’m really proud of you.” She subtly nods her head, her eyes returning to Casey’s and holding her gaze for a moment longer than they have lately. Her lips begin to burn. Palpitations pick up in Casey’s chest, blood rushing to her throat and lips as she loses time in Alex’s eyes. 

“I love you,” Alex whispers, unable to control the words as they tumble out of her mouth and into Casey’s lap. 

Casey’s eyes begin to stir, pupils widening and her gaze narrowing. It startles Alex from her dreamy state. 

Alex closes her eyes and shakes her head, blood rushing to her cheeks and ears. “Oh, Casey…” a regretful smile plagues her face, baring her teeth, “I’m sorry. That was…” she takes a deep breath and sighs, “out of line.” Her eyes open to find the green ones across from her. She peers into the aventurine before her, searching for reassurance and sympathy. 

A charming smile tugs at Casey’s cheeks and her hand reaches up to Alex’s cheek. She shakes her head softly. “Don’t be,” she whispers, her eyes landing on Alex’s red lips. Her hand cups Alex’s cheek for a moment, then slides back into her hair, gripping lightly. “I love you, Alex.” Her whispered confession echoes in Alex’s ears, scorching them. Casey pulls her in, their lips brushing against each other as waves and sand. Casey takes Alex’s bottom lip between her own, sucking lightly, running her tongue over the warm flesh. She takes Alex’s cheek in her other palm, pulling her closer. Alex’s leg moves on top of Casey’s. One hand goes to her hip, the other braces itself on the couch, steadying them. Their breaths pick up pace, sharing inhales and exhales as their lips pulse and release. 

For a few seconds, their minds are silent, focused only on the sensations on their skin. Alex’s face burns beneath Casey’s palms, Casey’s hips spasm beneath Alex’s fingertips. Casey swirls her tongue over Alex’s lip, unable to get enough of the faint taste of sugar. Alex glides her hand further into the curve of Casey’s hip, hooking her thumb against her pelvis and gripping, pulling her closer. Casey allows a hand to abandon Alex’s cheek, pausing at her neck and stroking, then proceeding down her ribcage, hips, thigh, and finally hooking at her knee. With her fingers hooked under her knee, she pulls her further into her lap, deepening their kiss. Alex takes this as an opportunity to mingle their tongues, sucking Casey’s and nipping at her lip. 

A moan leaks from Casey’s mouth and her mind wakes. Anxiety begins seeping its way into her veins, her heart racing and stomach flipping, not in the way she’d hoped. For the first time, her mind flashes vivid scenes of being expelled, of Alex getting fired, of never completing law school, and never becoming a prosecutor. Her heart aches as the visions play, but her mind is already gaining back control. She retracts her tongue, and begins to break the kiss as the remaining hand on Alex’s cheek slides down to her shoulder, pushing her gently. 

“I’m sorry,” she whimpers, her eyes pleading as they catch Alex’s. 

Breathless, Alex furrows her brow, “what’s wrong?” 

Casey feels a lump form in her throat, examining Alex’s face longingly. She runs her tongue over her lip, parting them as she prepares to speak. “I can’t do this right now,” she whispers. 

Alex takes her leg off of Casey’s and slowly removes her hands, “Did I do something wrong?” 

Alex fights back tears and Casey closes her eyes, pushing air through her nose, “No,” she starts to say baby but refrains, “No, Alex. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Casey’s hands search for Alex’s, taking them and intertwining their digits. “I just…” she hesitates, her own tears making an appearance, pushing past her eyelids. “I can’t right now. I’m really sorry, Alex.” 

Disbelief overruns Alex’s mind, leaving her paralyzed, eyes unable to look up at Casey. Panic sets in and Casey untangles herself, getting up and hastily gathering her things. She sniffles a couple of times, keeping her eyes down as she moves about the apartment. From afar, Toby sits atop the counter in a regal position, observing them, his tail swiping in agitation. Alex runs her hands over her face and stands, trying to approach Casey. She keeps her arms to herself, crossed against her chest as she tries to stand within Casey’s line of sight. 

“Casey,” she attempts to get her attention, “can we talk about this?” 

Casey shakes her head, offering no further response. 

“Case,” Alex pleads. Casey begins to gather her belongings in her arm, having far less than she arrived with. “Casey, please,” Alex’s voice becomes strained, “I’m sorry. I just thought-” 

“Thought what, Alex?” She whips around just as her hand grips the doorknob. 

“I-I thought you felt the same,” Alex stammers out, stepping closer and extending her hand to caress Casey’s elbow. 

Casey closes her eyes again, the lump in her throat growing. A tear streaks down her cheek. “I do, Alex…” 

Alex tries fervently to meet her gaze as she tries to avoid it. Alex takes a deep, defeated breath, her stomach aching as her eyes soften. “Then, what’s wrong?” 

Casey scoffs, a dejected look smeared across her face. She tries to swallow, the sensation painful, practically choking. “Just not now…” her voice is strangled, each word pointed as she utters them. She turns away from Alex, opening the door and disappearing down the hallway. 

The door falls shut behind her and Alex’s face slips, eyes empty and sunken. The remaining air in her lungs sinks like a weighted balloon. In all of her concern about her own timeline and feelings, she hadn’t considered how close their clock was on its last second. 

[valentinesfrog]

Scarlet

Casey Novak x Rita Calhoun

Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff <3

If the door unlocking and the sound of a duffel bag hitting the floor didn’t signal the arrival of Casey, the sudden lapful of prosecutor certainly did the trick.

“Hello,” Rita murmured into red hair, as Casey buried her face into her neck. “Rough day in court?”

“Langan decimated me,” Casey mumbled. “I’m completely off my game.”

Rita let one hand trail from Casey’s hair to her back, scratching lightly between her shoulder blades, while her other hand clicked at her laptop a few more times. “Sounds like dinner and a nice bath are in order, hm?”

“‘M not that hungry,” Casey said, lips still pressed against Rita’s skin.

Rita closed her laptop so she could wrap her arms fully around the koala-Casey in her lap. “Did you eat lunch?”

“Wasn’t that hungry at lunch, either. I just wanna sleep.”

Rita gently maneuvered Casey out from her hiding spot buried in Rita’s shoulder so she could press her lips against Casey’s forehead. “Are you feeling alright, darling? You’re warm.”

“Just sleepy.” Casey tugged away just to press her face into Rita’s neck once more. “And the lights are too bright.”

“Then I suppose it’s bedtime.” Rita untangled herself and pulled them both up, guiding a slightly wobbly Casey to the bedroom. “I’m going to shower and eat something quick, and then I’ll join you, alright?”

“Mhm,” Casey hummed, already burrowing under the covers.

Rita ducked out and padded quietly around the kitchen, finding the rest of her caesar salad from lunch and picking at it while she packed up her files and laptop. When she was pleased that all of her work was sufficiently hidden enough to not disturb her tomorrow off in the slightest, she tossed away the empty salad container and made her way to the shower.

Emerging from the shower, Rita felt the tensions of the day melt away and was very ready to crash for the night. She wrapped herself in a fluffy towel and slipped into her and Casey’s closet, opening a drawer where her old college t-shirts lived. She rummaged around, realizing Casey had beaten her to it when she couldn’t find her Joan Jett shirt. She retaliated by grabbing Casey’s softball hoodie.

She was crawling into the bed behind Casey when she heard the mumbling, and was immediately worried.

“Case,” she whispered, reaching to rub at her shoulder. “Case, baby, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”

The redhead didn’t wake up and just continued to talk to herself, though she didn’t seem to be in distress. Rita gently rolled her over.

“The people request… a ten minute recess…” Casey mumbled, words slurring together.

Rita couldn’t hold back her smile. “Recess granted,” she murmured. She pressed the back of her hand to Casey’s forehead and found the younger woman was definitely burning up.

Rita slid out of the bed to go back to the bathroom and wet a facecloth with cold water, hoping to cool Casey down a little. She grabbed a bottle of Tylenol from the medicine cabinet before returning back to the bed.

“Casey,” Rita whispered, brushing her hair out of her face. “Wake up, sweetheart.”

“Objection, are you— are you—”

“Argumentative?”

“Objection, argumen’ve…”

“Sustained.” Rita ran her thumb over a cheekbone. “Wake up, love. You need to take some medicine.”

Casey blinked her eyes open blearily. “Hm?”

“You’re burning up, sweetheart. You need to take some Tylenol.”

“Not hot. Cold.” Casey tugged the blankets up a little, but relaxed into the bed as Rita draped the washcloth over her head. “Oh, that’s good, that’s good.”

“You’re feverish, baby. Take some Tylenol.” Rita helped her sit up before handing her two pills and a glass of water.

Casey popped a pill in her mouth but suddenly spluttered, choking on both the pill and the water and coughing it back up. “Fuck,” she hissed, having just drenched herself.

“Okay, okay,” Rita soothed, trying to pat away the water. “It’s alright.”

“Can’t swallow,” Casey gasped, still choking a bit. “Throat won’t— shit. Sorry, sorry…”

Rita recognized the look in Casey’s eyes as one of impending panic, and rushed to reassure her. “You’re okay, deep breath. Deep breath, Casey, there you go.” Rita was beginning to get very concerned, as she’d never seen Casey have trouble swallowing a pill, and Casey’s eyes were rather unfocused. She seemed dazed. “Try taking a smaller sip, don’t worry about the pills right now.”

Casey obeyed, fortunately getting some water down this time, and didn’t protest when Rita helped her out of her shirt to put on a dry one. But when Rita tugged her shirt over her head, she froze. “Oh, shit.”

“Hm?” Casey asked, half awake and still dazed.

“You— you’re red.” Rita took a step back, thinking it probably was not smart for her to touch the rash directly. “Sweetheart, your body is all red.”

Casey looked down, as if she was just comprehending this. “Tha’s not good.”

“No, it definitely is not. Does it itch?”

“Hmm,” Casey hummed, thinking about it very hard. “I don’t think so.”

“Hang tight for a minute.” Rita disappeared to throw the shirt directly into the washing machine, because she did not want that sitting with the other clothes, and washed her hands just in case. She grabbed another old t-shirt from their closet. “You’ll have to settle for Black Sabbath,” she joked as she reentered the bedroom, just to find Casey had dozed off again.

Rita watched Casey sleep for a moment, tucked under the blankets and still muttering to herself, before she grabbed her cellphone and dialed a number.

“Hey Daisy,” a cheery voice said, and Rita rolled her eyes fondly at the nickname her family couldn’t seem to kick. “Bit late to be looking for an expert witness.” 

“Uncle Brian,” she greeted. “I’m not calling for a case, I just need some advice.”

“Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine, it’s my… my partner.” This was an interesting way to out herself to her extended family. “She’s very ill, and I’m worried.”

Fortunately, Uncle Brian took it all in stride. She figured he would. He was always her favorite. “Talk to me, Daisy.” 

“She has a high fever, a rash, and is having trouble swallowing.” Rita leaned against the doorway to their room, keeping an eye on Casey as she slept. “She said she had no appetite earlier, and she crashed as soon as she got home, so she must be exhausted.”

“What does the rash look like?” 

“It’s blotchy and red, all over her torso, but she said it’s not itchy.”

“Is she coughing?” 

“Not that I’ve heard.”

“Sounds like Scarlet Fever.” 

Rita blinked in disbelief. “Will she be okay? Do people really still get that?”

“Yes and yes. Scarlet fever comes from untreated Strep. She probably had symptoms but kept warding them off with Tylenol or Advil until it developed into full blown Scarlet Fever. It’s more common in children, but adults can still get it. Which is why you need to be careful and wash your hands a lot if you’re going to be in close contact, got it?” 

“Got it.” Rita was still watching Casey, who shifted and said something that sounded suspiciously like ‘ladies and gentlemen of the jury…’ “What should I do?”

“Try to keep her fever down. I can stop by in the morning to take a look at her and prescribe an antibiotic.” 

“She’s allergic to penicillin,” Rita said offhandedly.

She could hear the smile in Uncle Brian’s voice when he said “Noted. Take care of her, Daisy.” 

“Will do. Thanks, Uncle Brian.” Rita ended the call but stayed leaned against the doorway, thinking carefully.

“The people re… request… a continuance,” Casey announced.

“You’re gonna need one,” Rita said under her breath, before quietly making her way back to Casey’s side of the bed and waking her up again, helping her get the new shirt over her head. “A doctor’s coming in the morning, okay? He’ll take a look at you.”

“Mkay,” Casey agreed, though Rita was doubtful she really comprehended that.

“I need you to try to take the pills again, okay? We’ll go slow, but we need to get your fever down.”

“Mkay,” Casey agreed again, confirming Rita’s belief that she wasn’t really processing anything.

Fortunately, this time, Casey was able to manage down the two pills with minimal gagging, before she slumped back into the bed, exhausted by the simple task.

“Sleep, little one,” Rita instructed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and Casey’s eyelids immediately fluttered shut.

Rita climbed into bed behind Casey, deciding that if she was going to get sick she probably would already, and curled around her. Casey was usually the big spoon, on account of her having about five inches on Rita, but this time she immediately snuggled in close.

Casey slept soundly at first, with Rita running her fingers through her hair soothingly, but as she began to sweat out the fever she started to squirm and talk in her sleep again. Rita listened to a slurred recount of her closing argument spoken in court earlier that day, a few objections, and some muttered insults towards Langan that she tried her best not to laugh at. Rita just kept brushing her hair, responding when she could, not that she was sure Casey could hear her.

Rita had barely slept at all by the time the sun rose, but Casey had fortunately slipped into a quiet sleep once the Tylenol kicked in and her fever dropped.

Rita disentangled herself from the finally sound asleep Casey and opted for a quick shower, hoping to keep the germs at bay for at least a little longer, before dressing and checking her phone. She had the day off, but she was pretty sure Casey was on call, and she debated between shooting a text to Benson or waiting for Casey to wake up and call herself in. She really didn’t want to explain why she was Casey’s emergency contact, but she also didn’t want to wake Casey up any earlier than she naturally awoke.

A ping from her phone had her looking down to see Uncle Brian had texted saying he would be at their apartment around 8:30. The clock read 8, so she decided to wake Casey up.

“Good morning, sunshine. How do you feel?” Rita asked, checking her temperature again. It had gone back up, but not as high as the night before.

“I dunno,” Casey mumbled, seeming a bit confused. “I think my brain melted.”

“My uncle will be here in a half hour, do you want to try a cool shower before he gets here?”

“Your uncle?” Casey asked, nose scrunching in the way it did when she was trying to remember something she didn’t want to admit she forgot.

“The doctor. He’s going to figure out what’s going on and get you some medicine.”

“I’s just a cold,” Casey protested, standing up out of the bed and immediately pitching forwards.

“Woah!” Rita caught her by the shoulders and lied her back down.

“Fuck,” Casey muttered. “My brain did melt.”

“He thinks it’s Scarlet Fever,” Rita informed her.

“Do people really still get that?” Casey asked.

“You do, apparently.”

“Sounds like I’m on the Oregon Trail,” Casey mused, leaning her head back until it hit the headboard.

“That’s Dysentery, love.”

“Same difference.”

“I can assure you it is not,” a voice came from behind them, and they both jumped.

“Uncle Brian!” Rita greeted. “I forgot I gave you a key, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry,” Brian said apologetically, setting down his bag. “Morning, Daisy.”

“Daisy?” Casey asked, amused, and Rita shot her a look that made her giggle, which made Rita smile and kind of ruined her whole attempt at a scary look.

“And this lovely lady?”

“Casey Novak,” Casey introduced. “I’m usually a bit more put together.”

“I promise I’ve seen far worse,” Brian said. “Can I take a look at your throat?”

He began to carry out his examination as Rita leaned against the edge of the dresser, watching Casey tiredly try to crack jokes with her uncle.

A phone ringing snapped her out of her thoughts, and Casey glanced over. “Shit, I’m on call.”

“Not today you’re not,” Brian said.

“I’ll get it.” Rita grabbed the phone and stood, leaving the room as to not distract the doctor. “Calhoun.”

A pause, before Olivia Benson’s voice asked, “Rita?” 

“Yes?” Rita asked, because she could’ve cleared it up right away but this was much more entertaining.

“Did I call the right number?” 

“If you were trying to reach Ms. Novak, yes.” Rita caught the phone between her ear and shoulder to start a pot of coffee. “She is unfortunately sick and won’t be able to come in today. Or tomorrow. Is there anything I can help you with?”

There was some muffled speaking from the other end of the line, and she imagined Olivia had covered the speaker and was talking to one of the other detectives.

“What’s Calhoun doing answering Casey’s phone at eight in the morning?” She heard one of the guys ask, and had to grin, because for detectives they could be pretty clueless.

“The same thing Cabot’s doing when she answers Liv’s in the middle of the ni—” Another one started, but was interrupted with a yelp, sounding like he’d either been kicked, punched, or had his foot stomped on rather aggressively.

“Files!” Olivia quickly said into the phone. “Files for the Adbury and Smythe cases. Can you ask her where those are?” 

“I can do that.” Rita poured two mugs of coffee.

“Is she doing alright?” 

“She’ll be okay. I’ll tell her you called.”

“Thanks, Rita. Take care.” 

Rita hummed her response and ended the call, grabbing the coffee to reenter the bedroom where her uncle was packing up. “Scarlet Fever,” he announced, as Casey pouted, arms crossed. Rita passed a mug to him.

“Poor baby,” Rita cooed, which just made Casey roll her eyes (but lean into Rita’s arms).

“I’m prescribing an antibiotic,” Brian said, sipping the coffee before pulling out a prescription pad.

“I’m allergic to penicillin,” Casey told him.

“Rita mentioned that,” Brian said without looking up.

Casey glanced up at her. “How’d you know that?”

“I’m your emergency contact. I have to know.”

Casey suddenly went wide eyed. “Oh, shit. I should— Are you allergic to anything?”

“No,” Rita said, biting back amusement. “And Uncle Brian is also listed as my emergency contact, so don’t worry. He wouldn’t let me die.”

“Damn straight,” Brian said. “Here’s the prescription.”

Rita picked the slip from his hand. “Thank you.”

“I’m off to work. See ya, Daisy.” He leaned forward and wrapped an arm around Rita’s shoulders, kissing her head and eliciting only minimal grumbling, which was impressive, because Rita was a big fan of grumbling. “Pleasure to meet you, Casey. I’m sorry it wasn’t under better circumstances.”

Rita threaded her fingers through Casey’s hair after Uncle Brian left, and Casey hummed appreciatively, leaning her head into her hand.

“I’m sorry you have Scarlet Fever,” Rita murmured.

“Who even gets Scarlet Fever anymore?” Casey asked.

“Children under the age of ten, and Assistant District Attorney Cassandra Agnieszka Novak.”

“I’m still so impressed you can pronounce Agnieszka.” Casey’s head lolled a little. “Daisy?”

“Marguerite means Daisy,” Rita explained. “There are about three people who can get away with calling me that.”

“Am I one of them?”

Rita trailed her fingertip down the bridge of Casey’s nose before booping the tip. “Three and a half,” she teased. “Benson called, she asked where the files for Adbury and Smythe are.”

Casey closed her eyes and groaned in frustration. “My briefcase.”

“I’ll go drop them off at the precinct and pick up your antibiotics.”

“Thank you.” Casey nuzzled into Rita’s neck and reached around her back for her coffee.

Rita didn’t even have to look to swat her hand away. “No caffeine, you’re dehydrated as is.”

Casey pouted again, giving her big eyes.

“Uh-uh sweetheart, that doesn’t work when it comes to your health.”

Casey buried her face in her shoulder and huffed. “I’m not that sick.”

“Scarlet Fever.”

“Point made.”

“Do you need anything?” Rita asked, brushing Casey’s cheekbone with a thumb.

“I’m fine, I’m just going to get—”

Casey had barely even pushed herself up before Rita pushed her right back down. “Nope. No standing, I don’t trust you to not faint on me.”

Casey rolled her eyes but flopped back down into the cushions. “My laptop?”

“No working,” Rita instructed. “Absolutely no work.”

“You work when you’re sick.”

“And I don’t get sick with diseases known for infecting eighteenth century maidens. No work. I can and will child restrict your laptop.”

“I had to show you how to use AirDrop the other day.”

“I would have figured it out!”

“I love you.” Casey squeezed her hand. “And I’d kiss you if I wasn’t…”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Rita patted Casey’s head and stood up. “Watch a movie, drink your water. I’ll be back soon, alright, darling?”

“Thank you,” Casey murmured, as Rita passed her her laptop and dropped another kiss to her head.

“Get some rest, little one. Call me if you need anything.”

— — — — — —

“He didn’t invoke!” Were the words greeting Rita to the precinct. She rolled her eyes. Secretly she was quite pleased by the uneasy looks she generated walking into the bullpen, but her job was to be the stony defense attorney Rita Calhoun. Smiling ruined her image, even if she technically was off today. 

“Is one of my clients in the interrogation room, Detective Stabler?” She asked, crossing her arms.

“Not that I know of,” he retorted. “What are you doing here, then?”

“Bringing you the Adbury and Smythe files. You’re welcome,” she said, dropping the folders onto Olivia’s desk.

“Oh, thank you.” Olivia’s attention was torn between her computer screen and the papers, barely paying Rita any mind. Rita occasionally wondered if that woman was the only one getting any work done in SVU. “How’s Casey?” She asked, absentmindedly.

“Better question, why are you runnin’ papers for Novak?” Fin asked with a shit eating grin.

“Is our lovely ADA turning to the dark side?” Munch added, voice infused with mock horror.

“You’re detectives,” Rita said, snapping her briefcase shut. “Figure it out.”

She appreciated the amusement on Olivia’s face though the woman never tore her eyes from her screen. “ADA Greylek’s gonna sub for a few days.”

“Oh, Casey will be overjoyed to hear that,” Rita muttered, swiveling to leave.

“Take care of her, Calhoun!” Olivia called after Rita as she left the bullpen, Rita throwing a wave of acknowledgement in her direction without turning back.

— — — — — —

Rita pushed the door open slowly, unsure if Casey would have gone back to sleep by now, but she heard soft speaking from the bedroom that sounded much more coherent than the sleep rambling. It was interspersed with bits of Polish, which meant Casey was probably on the phone with her mother.

She made her way to the bedroom and stopped in the doorway, scanning Casey over as she talked to her mother. The redhead seemed to be fairing a little worse than when Rita had left, her skin more flushed and her eyelids drooping. Rita knocked quietly on the entryway to announce her arrival. “Hello, darling.”

“Hey,” Casey said, rubbing at her eyes. “Everything okay at the one six?”

“Greylek’s subbing in for the time being.”

Casey let out a loud groan and buried her face into the bed.

“Hello Laura,” Rita greeted the phone.

“Hi Rita,” Casey’s mother’s voice rang out. “You’re taking good care of my baby?” 

“W porządku, mama,” Casey very near whined into the phone.

“She has Scarlet Fever,” Rita leaned in closer to say to the phone, before plopping a kiss on Casey’s forehead and backing up to unpack her bag.

Laura gasped from across the line. “Cassandra! You said it was just a cold.”

Casey shot Rita a weak glare. “I said I had cold-like symptoms,” she specified. “I’m on antibiotics, Rita’s a good nurse.”

Casey hadn’t actually started antibiotics yet, but Rita chose not to get her into any more trouble and instead shook the pill bottle a little to catch Casey’s attention as she put it on the nightstand, Casey’s eyes flicking to her and back to the phone as she finished up her conversation with her mother.

“Kocham cię, mama. Yes, I’ll keep you posted. No, you do not need to come to Manhattan.”

Rita leaned against the dresser and watched, amused, as Casey tried to talk down her mother.

“Też cię kocham,” Casey repeated. “I know, mom. Bye-bye now.”

Casey tilted her head back and closed her eyes in adorable frustration as her mother kept speaking. In Polish, so Rita unfortunately couldn’t understand.

“Goodbye, mama,” Casey said again, a bit more emphatically, before ending the call. “Did you have to tell her it’s Scarlet Fever?” Casey complained.

“She loves you,” Rita said with a grin. “And I bought you ice pops.”

“You’re forgiven,” Casey immediately relented.

“How do you feel?” Rita asked, as Casey unscrewed the cap to the antibiotics.

“Fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“You know how to flatter a lady.” Casey popped one into her mouth and swallowed it with a gulp of water.

“Casey,” Rita warned, voice low, raising an eyebrow.

Casey sighed. “I feel like shit.”

“Worse than this morning?”

“Yeah,” Casey grumbled, turning her face so her words were muffled by the pillow.

“Do you want some more Tylenol?”

“No. I hate sweating out fevers.” Casey blinked open one eye to look at her. “I’d take an ice pop, though. My throat is on fire.”

“What flavor?” Rita asked as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Red,” Casey called, and there were a few different reds but Rita picked at random and grabbed a paper towel before returning to pass them to Casey. She climbed into bed next to her girlfriend.

“You’re gonna get sick if you stay too close to me,” Casey said between licks of her ice pop.

Rita shrugged and picked up the remote. “I’ll live. What do you want to watch?”

“You know what I want to watch.” Casey cocked her head and looked at Rita with a loopy grin, and Rita was physically incapable of holding back her own resulting smile.

“You’re lucky you’re so cute.” Rita flicked to their purchased movies and turned on A League of Their Own for maybe the hundredth time. “I bet Alex doesn’t make Olivia watch Legally Blonde on repeat.”

“I’m pretty sure Olivia makes Alex watch Legally Blonde on repeat.”

“Did you hear they’re shooting a remake of this?” Rita asked, bringing her fingers up to thread through Casey’s hair, which she was beginning to realize had become a subconscious habit. “With lesbians in it this time.”

Casey sighed happily. “I love lesbians.”

“Don’t we all.” Rita kept scratching lightly at Casey’s scalp. “My uncle said something rather interesting.”

“Did he?”

“Scarlet Fever comes from untreated Strep.” She curled her fingers to cup Casey’s head, turning her a little to face her. “He said that you were probably managing your symptoms with over the counter meds for quite a while instead of seeing a doctor.”

Casey dropped her gaze. “I thought it was just allergies.”

Rita hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her head back up to meet her eyes. “You know better than that, little one. You need to take better care of yourself.”

Casey nodded, but to Rita’s mild horror, her eyes started welling up a little.

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Rita soothed. “I’m not mad at you.”

“I always cry when I get fevers,” Casey muttered, wiping furiously at her eyes. “It’s so embarrassing.”

“Don’t feel embarrassed,” Rita murmured. “Come here.”

Casey snuggled into Rita’s embrace, largely ignoring the movie they’d both seen so many times by now. Rita just held her close, humming softly and rubbing her back.

“You take such good care of me,” Casey mumbled, words muffled by Rita’s shoulder.

“I’ll always take care of my girl,” Rita responded, squeezing her tight and kissing her head. “Always.”

Casey hummed contentedly and they stayed like that for quite awhile, Rita’s sense of peace only growing when rain started quietly pattering on the windows.

“Rita?”

“Mhm?”

“If I breathed on Langan in chambers and he got infected, and then he sued me for— stop laughing, I’m serious— sued me for biowarfare, would you defend me in court?”

“Darling, I would take you a lot more seriously if you weren’t crying as you asked.”

“I can’t— I can’t control it! Having fevers just makes me cry.”

“I love you, Casey Novak.” Rita nuzzled into her hair. “Even though you try to kill my colleagues.”

“I love you too, Daisy,” Casey responded with a sweet grin. “Even though you work for the dark side.”

“Be nice to me or you’re not getting any more ice pops.”

Casey’s resulting pout had Rita out of bed to get her another not even minutes later.

[primrosescorner]

The blonde and her redhead masterlist.

A collection of headcanons for Alex Cabot and Casey Novak. Canon based, alternate universe based, prompt based, scenario based etc.

—————————————————————————————————————————

Canon based.

hurt&comfort.

angst.

romance.

smut.

————————————

Alrernate universe.

hurt&comfort.

angst.

romance.

smut.

————————————

Senario based headcanons .

hurt&comfort.

angst.

romance.

smut.

[storiesofsvu]

Hidden Desires Ch 21

Casey Novak x reader. Past Alex Cabot x reader Warnings: language, angst, the final hurt//comfort.

Casey got home just after you’d gotten out of the shower, changing into comfortable clothes, leaving the suits and heels in the workforce part of the day. You’d been texting throughout the late afternoon, she was well aware that Liz had tracked down Alex’s hotel for you and that you were going to see her.

“Hey.” You softly greeted her as you met her in the kitchen, kissing her cheek gently.

“You doin’ okay?” She asked.

“As well as I could be I guess.” You shrugged, thanking her as she passed you a file folder that you slid into your bag. “Thank you…for being okay with this, I know a lot of people wouldn’t be comfortable with the entire situation. You know that I’m just going to talk, I just..need answers.”

“Hey.” She squeezed your hand, “I trust you. And you have more than enough reasons to want to go see Alex and figure things out.” She sighed heavily and you could see a hint of worry in her eyes, “and if you end up wanting to…find out what could have been..I get it.”

“Casey!” You were honestly shocked, letting out a slightly worried laugh, “as much as I’m curious as to what my life could’ve been like if Alex never got shot, I’m happy with how it ended up.” Your hand came up to stroke her cheek softly, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She smiled softly, leaning in to place a kiss on your lips. “Should I have the merlot ready when you get home.”

“Honestly…I think it might be time to crack that bottle of scotch we have stashed.” Casey let out a pitiful laugh, her face sympathetic.

“Okay.” She kissed you quickly once more and as you pulled apart your brow furrowed, your eyes settling on the stone resting on her collarbone.

“Did…you have that necklace on all day?” Your heart picked up before you even realized it.

“Yeah…” Casey’s hand moved to the jewelry as she glanced down at it, “why? It was in the jewelry box, I figured it was fair game. If it’s not I’m sorry, I won’t wear it again.”

“No…” you sighed, “it’s fine…it’s just…”your forehead dropped to her shoulder.

“It’s hers…” she put the pieces together easily enough.

“Yeah. She leant it to me before we started dating.” You laughed at the memory, “fuck I was still dating men at the time…I just..ended up never taking it off.”

“I’m sorry.” Casey squeezed at your hand.

“No, baby, it’s fine, promise.” You pecked at her cheek, “it’s generic enough she probably didn’t notice, and you didn’t know. If I wanted you not to wear it I would’ve kept it somewhere private.”

“Okay.” She shot you a soft smile, “now go. It’s gonna be fine.”

“Thanks.” Giving her one last kiss, you finally pulled yourself away, leaving the apartment.

*

Your stomach was in absolute knots, butterflies in your chest as you watched the number in the elevator rise, you hadn’t been this nervous since your first case. The prosecutor in you refused to let you go into this without having something planned, you knew the various ways it could play out, and you’d done your best to write out and talk through what you wanted to say and ask. Hell you’d brought Ramone home from the office in an attempt to help calm yourself down while you spoke through your thoughts. (Casey later saw the cactus on the kitchen island and had a little laugh to herself, knowing what you’d done).

When the elevator doors opened you froze for a second, thinking that maybe, you could just hit the ground floor button and retreat from this entire thing, but Stabler glanced up at the pinging, shooting you a weak smile. Taking a heavy breath, you stepped into the hallway, making your way towards him.

“Hi..” you greeted awkwardly.

“Hey…” he rubbed at the back of his neck, “I-uh..wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“Elliot Stabler apologizing? What planet are we on?” He shot you a glare at that,

“I mean it…if I had known you and Alex were..involved, I would’ve said something. You deserved to know.”

“Thank you.” The smile you returned to him was genuine, you never would’ve guessed words like that to come out of his mouth, but maybe he understood it in a way that Olivia didn’t. He shot you a small smile before knocking on the door to Alex’s hotel room, pausing slightly before he slid the key card in, unlocking it and letting you in.

Any amount of calm achieved by the small interaction was instantly vanished as you stepped into the room, hearing the door click shut behind you. Maybe this was a horrible idea. Or a horrible idea to have done alone. Maybe you should’ve had someone else there, a mediator.

Fuck did you ever miss Sonya right now.

“Hi…” your voice was so weak you barely heard it over the thunderous throbbing in your chest.

“Hi..” Alex replied, her crystal eyes already shimmering with tears. She was terrified of what was going to happen next, completely unaware of what was going on in your brain and she hated it. You surprised both her and yourself when you threw the original plan out the window, stepping toward her and wrapping your body around hers. The hug relaxed both of you, a sigh of relief escaped Alex’s lips before she spoke again, “God I missed you.”

“You’re really real…” you murmured against her sweater. Sure, you’d seen her in Casey’s office earlier, but now? You could feel her, you could smell the oh so familiar scent of her shampoo, you were certain now that she wasn’t some figment of your imagination, that you weren’t living in some kind of fever dream.

“Yeah..” she replied softly as you slowly pulled away from the embrace, her hand trailed down your arm, briefly landing in yours, “you look good.” She smiled. Taking a breath you stepped back,

“Well for being dead you look pretty amazing.” To be fair, you weren’t kidding, even with her bare face, hair pulled back she was stunning as ever. She gave a watery laugh before you spoke again, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t…”

“Alex…” you did your best to keep things civil, at least not let the anger bubble up so early into the conversation, you wanted to talk things through, “you had the chance…”

“When I woke up in the hospital they told me I was ‘dead’, that I was being moved to a new identity and location until further notice.”

“Please don’t lie to me…” your voice cracked slightly.

“What’d’you mean?”

“Lex..I know you met with Liv and Elliot…” a deep breath to try and hold back a cry, “you told them not to tell anyone. I just…I don’t understand why..”

“I couldn’t exactly have them blabbing that I was in Witsec to everyone.”

“But you could’ve at least done something to say goodbye to me!” Fuck…the tears were coming earlier than you’d hoped, but honestly, you were lucky you’d held it together long enough to make it through the door.

“I’m sorry…” she murmured, suddenly avoiding your gaze.

“Why tell them and let me believe you were dead for two years? Do you not understand how absolutely horrible that was for me? Losing the love of my life?”

“I didn’t think I could handle saying goodbye to you!” Alex turned back to you, a lone tear streaking across her cheek, “I love you more than I’d ever loved anyone in the entire world! You meant everything to me! All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

“You think I was happy?! You seriously think that I was happy as you were ripped from my life? That I was happy as I smashed every glass in the apartment when I found out your case was unsolvable? That losing my two best friends within six months of each other brought me joy?! Jesus Alex.”

“Wait..what?” Her breath caught in her throat, not clear on what your words meant, “what’re you talking about?” You turned back to her, a huff of a sad laugh coming from your mouth as you wiped away your tears.

“Sonya’s dead. And unlike this situation I know that for a fact since she bled out on my hands.”

“Oh my god…” she murmured, “I’m so sorry.” A wave of grief flew through her, of course she wouldn’t have known, but the sudden information swept through her harder than she expected it to. It was part to comfort you, and part to soothe herself when she stepped forward, pulling you into a hug again, tucking you under her chin while your emotions got the best of you.

“I wasn’t happy…” you cried against her shoulder, “I was fucking miserable. I needed you. I needed you more than I ever possibly thought I could, and I thought you were dead. I thought you were gone forever…but you’re not…”

“I know…I’m sorry…I know…but I’m here now..” she threw caution to the wind as her lips softly met the top of your head, trying to reassure you, “I’m here…and I wish I could’ve been there for you when you needed me. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of you, that I didn’t think of what we had.” Alex pulled away gently, her hand softly stroking at your cheek, her eyes pouring emotion into yours. Your cheek leant into it ever so briefly before you came to your senses, stepping back the second she leaned toward you.

“I can’t…”

“It’s one night…” Alex’s voice was barely above a whisper, and you were sure you had never seen her this vulnerable or pleading in your life, “I don’t know what’s going to happen after the trial…I don’t want to have to leave again having my last memory with you being a fight.” Her hand reached out to yours and you took another step back.

“Al, I really can’t.”

“I get it, okay? Part of you hates me, and that’s completely deserved, but all I want right now is to feel you in my arms again.”

“And all I wanted was for you to love me enough to say goodbye!” The words shot from your mouth before you even realized.

“I did love you! I do love you! What was I supposed to do?! Meet up with you to dump you because I was going into Witsec with no end date in sight?”

“You could’ve asked me to come with you! You could’ve at least let me know you were alive! It might’ve made it easier to get over you knowing you weren’t dead.”

“Sweetheart…” she stepped toward you, reaching for you once again. You hastily stepped back once more.

“I said I can’t!” You wiped a stray tear away, “Since I found out you were alive it’s made me feel like I’ve been having some kind of sick affair all this time and I could never do that to her.”

“You’re seeing someone…”

“Yeah..” you sniffled, daring a glance across at her, “I thought you were dead, remember? The last thing Sonya ever said to me was that you would want me to be happy, that it was okay to move on. It was harder than I could’ve ever imagined, but I somehow managed to do it.”

“Novak…” Alex started to pick up on the cues throughout the day that she’d missed previously, “that was my necklace! Jesus you have a sudden thing for lawyers or something?!”

“Oh my God Alex! She had no idea, she grabbed it from the jewelry box this morning, it’s not like she did it intentionally or anything! I didn’t even notice until she came home from work.”

“You..live together!? Are you kidding me?!”

“You are not allowed to be mad about this! You let me believe that you were fucking dead for two years! You left me to grieve, crying over you for months! Sonya fell so far fucking deep I had to get her suspended and sent to rehab! The entire goddamn department was crumbling after you left! I was barely holding on! And guess what? Casey happened to be there, and was a friend that I could lean on, and that friendship morphed into more. You claim you loved me, that you still love me? Yet for some reason it was more important to say goodbye to Benson and Stabler over your own goddamn girlfriend!? Do you not get how fucked up that is? You do NOT get to belittle me because I finally managed to get over you, that I actually managed to move on with my life.”

“Y/n-“

“No.” You warned, grabbing your bag, “this was pointless. I really only came to give this to you, I know how your brain works. If anyone asks you didn’t get it from me.” You pulled the file on Connors out of your bag, tossing it onto the bed.

“Will…will you be there tomorrow?” Her voice wavered, realizing now that she’d fucked up not once but twice, she should’ve realized that you’d moved on with your life, it was only natural.

“I will. But don’t think for one second it’s because of you.” You nearly spat, “Antonio asked me to come, and that’s the only reason.”

Wrenching open the door you were gone before she could utter another sound, you tore past Stabler, not even bothering to wait for the elevator, stumbling down the stairs as the tears blurred your eyes. You hated this, you hated every second of it. Alex shouldn’t have been able to break your heart a second time, it shouldn’t have been allowed. You were happy, you loved Casey, everything had finally been on an upswing before she came tearing back into your life. But your heart still had a corner reserved for her, and right now, that corner was crumbled to absolute dust, being blown away in the cold wind of the night.

You did your best to hold your emotions at bay, especially once you got home, but Casey was ever the selfless incredible girlfriend she always had been. She had a glass of scotch in your hand before you’d even managed to get your coat off, she kissed your cheek softly and didn’t ask you any questions, letting you curl up against her on the couch. You apologized so many times you lost count, feeling overwhelming guilty for being this emotional over an ex when you had the most incredible girlfriend right in front of you. She simply kissed your head and reminded you that your feelings were more than valid, letting you breathe it all out.

To be honest, there was a tiny part of her that was…concerned…jealous wasn’t the right word. She knew that no matter what you’d remain faithful to her, but Alex had been such a big part of your life, a turning point as you discovered yourself. She was worried that Alex’s return to the D.A’s office after the trial wrapped could cause some tricky situations…if that’s what the blonde wanted. Obviously whatever had happened between the two of you tonight hadn’t been easy, and she knew it was bound to be a rocky road from here on out until you both managed to cope with things.

Alex dropped down onto the hotel bed, burying her head in her hands. She knew from the instant Hammond and Cragen pulled up to her house in Wisconsin that none of this was going to be easy, but it was so much worse than she could ever imagine. She hated herself, she hated how little and weak she felt, how vulnerable the entire situation was. Not just in being the victim, but in being the idiot who let you go, being the bitch who left without a hint of a goodbye. She had no one to blame but herself for that. You were right, she could’ve left a note with Benson, sent you something non descript that would’ve clued you in that she was okay, that there was a chance that the two of you would be okay, that you potentially could have a future together once this bullshit was over with. But instead she’d taken the cowards way out, and now…you had moved on.

Wiping the tears off her face she sniffled, her attention turning to the file you’d tossed onto the bed. As she flipped it open she realized that not just the paperwork on Connors was in there, you’d added in some things of your own, things that would actually help her even more than knowing what made Connors tick and she was eternally grateful.

*

The next couple of days were a goddamn whirlwind, the Connors trial was everyone’s main priority, but all of you still had actual jobs to do. Benson and Stabler were regularly called away to other cases, your phone buzzed a few times but you were adamant on not leaving Antonio, and honestly, you were worried for Casey’s safety. You’d already lived through one love getting shot, you weren’t about to let that happen again because she was prosecuting this case. Liz reluctantly managed to pass anything that came your way onto a junior A.D.A, but only after you promised to help them through it and even second chair if they needed it. Alex’s testimony proved that the file you’d snuck her had done it’s good, the jury was definitely on the people’s side, and Antonio did so well you felt like you could cry. The kid was so young and had been through so much you knew that the jury had to side with him.

There was a unanimous sigh of relief when the guilty verdict was called through the room. Casey glanced back towards you, a thankful smile on her face as your eyes beamed with pride. You walked Antonio out, passing him off to Agent Hammond after a quick hug, apparently they had something to talk over. You chose to wait for Casey as the crowd dissipated in various directions, though you knew Casey’s office was the end location for everyone. All you wanted was to pull her into a deep kiss and tell her how incredibly she’d done on the case and how much you loved her, but you opted for the knowing gleam in your eye as you squeezed her wrist, keeping the privacy you both preferred.

The SVU crew was only a few steps ahead of you back at Hogan Place, a couple of bottles of champagne present to celebrate the win, this one was special after all. They poured out the glasses, dolling them out to everyone as a chatter took over Casey’s office, happiness and smiles bursting through the room. The door rattled, and you all turned to it, hoping Alex was on the other side, but instead, Agent Hammond entered the room.

“They’re moving Antonio and Alex to new identities. She asked me to say goodbye.” You felt your face fall before you even realized what was happening. You felt Casey’s hand close around your wrist, squeezing softly, thankful you were at the back of the crowd, able to accept the comfort without worry. “And Vanriel..”

“Yes?” Your gaze shot to the man, wondering if maybe this time Alex had left you something.

“Antonio says thank you. He wishes he could tell you in person.”

“Thanks…” you managed out in a breath.

It hit you like a ton of bricks…an eight year old had more courage. He could do his best to give you a proper goodbye but Alex chose to disappear with no warning or afterthought…again. You did your best to hold it together, though the mood in the office was instantly changed to a somber one as Hammond left. Everyone had been hoping for a joyous reunion and celebration, things were awkward until everyone had finished at least one glass of champagne before the conversation started again. Roughly an hour into it as everyone seem distracted you discreetly slipped from the room without anyone noticing. Or…at least you thought. Of course Casey noticed, her eyes following your form as you snuck out her door. She checked her watch as she turned back to the conversation with the detectives, she knew you, and knew that you needed some time alone before she tracked you down.

*

You found your way to your office, thankful at least Ramone was still there to keep you company as you knew you were about to ramble on to no one about the entire situation. Mainly, you were mad. You were mad that Alex chose to walk away from you two years ago without a second glance, that you meant less to her than the detectives did. You were mad that today, even after trying to get your feelings out, she walked away again, that Antonio made sure you knew he was sorry, but she did nothing. You felt betrayed, and you felt betrayed by your own heart, wanting to be able to leave this entire thing in the past and move forward with Casey. It was when you wiped your tears, ready to rant, glancing down at Ramone that you saw the envelope tucked beside him, your name scrawled in Alex’s perfect handwriting across it.

Stopping dead in your tracks you wondered if you even wanted to open it, and then you remembered…all those letters your therapist had encouraged you to write to Alex. The ones you counted as journal entries, the ones you had nowhere to send…until she popped back up in your life.

You’d put them into the file folder with Connors paperwork.

Plucking the envelope from your desk you grabbed the bottle of scotch, picking up a glass from the shelf to pour yourself a hefty amount before you settled on the couch. You had no idea what you were about to get into and you knew that no matter how much you thought you were prepared, you wouldn’t be.

‘Y/N,

I need to start this off by once again, saying that I am incredibly sorry. I know that you’ve probably heard it too much from me over the past couple of days but I will never be able to apologize enough for what I did. I was heartless, and only thinking of myself. I was scared, I was terrified, of not being able to do what I loved for a living, of having to start a new life, but most importantly attempting to survive without you by my side. Not letting you say goodbye is the biggest regret of my life. At one point I wished that you would wait for me, that when I eventually got to come home that you’d be welcoming me with open arms. I realize now how incredibly stupid that was of me. Why would you wait for someone who wasn’t coming back to you? I’m sorry that I never gave you the proper goodbye, the goodbye you deserved, it wasn’t because I didn’t love you, it was because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you. Leaving New York hurt me, but the fact that I had to leave you behind absolutely destroyed me. I couldn’t bare seeing you one last time, telling you that we had to end it, that it wasn’t safe for either of us. I knew that it would break you, that you were nearly at your tipping point before the entire thing happened. I wanted you to be able to have a life, no matter how much I loved you, I wanted you to live your life, to move forward, and I knew you wouldn’t be able to do that if you knew I was alive somewhere out there. I’ve read all of your letters, and believe me, I cried through most of them. I’m so sorry for all of the pain I’ve caused you, I wish I could take it all back, that I could kiss every crack in your heart until it was healed. I wish I could’ve been there for you when Sonya was killed. I’m so sorry that everything went to shit. I hope you know that I am immensely proud of you for managing to hold the department together while it exploded into a hot mess. I always knew you were better than the rest of us. But most of all…I need you to know that I am incredibly happy that you’ve found love. As much as it may pain me to know you’ve moved on, the fact that you are happy, and that there is someone out there who cares about you more than I ever could, means the world. Casey sounds like the absolute dream. And knowing that she’ll take care of you, that she took care of you through so much, it means the world to me. You truly deserve someone like her, who will love you so selflessly and with all of her heart. I wish the two of you my absolute best.

I’m sorry I had to leave again without a goodbye, but Hammond gave us no options this time.

Antonio wants to say thank you for all the pudding. I swear, you got this kid hooked.

All my love,

Alex.’

Your tears began to litter the paper a few sentences in, you re read it nearly three times, letting the words sink in. You had no idea how much time had passed when there was a soft knock at your door. You hastily wiped your tears off your face, praying your eyes weren’t too red as you called out for them to come in. You didn’t know why you were surprised when Casey slipped into your office, shutting the door behind her.

“You okay?” She asked softly, sinking into the couch beside you. You instantly snuggled against her, humming as her arm wrapped around your shoulders.

“Yeah…I think I finally am.” You felt her lips hit your head, “turns out I got my closure after all.” You held the paper up to her. She took the letter from you, honestly surprised at first as her eyes skimmed the words, that you would let her read it. Then again, you loved and trusted her more than anything, and she was more than well aware of that.

“I’m sorry you ever had to go through this.” She murmured, placing the letter down on the coffee table.

“Thank you.” You sat up slowly, “but you don’t need to be. You’re what helped me through this. You made me able to see life with colour again, you…made me realize that love isn’t just a once in a lifetime experience. That maybe…it’ll come back even more powerful the second time around…” you gave her hand a squeeze, “Casey…please..know that no matter what happened today, I wasn’t going anywhere. I love you..more than anyone could ever imagine. Even if Alex ended up staying in New York, or…coming back to the D.A’s office…it wouldn’t have changed things. The only person I want to spend my life with is you.”

“You sure about that?” She half smirked.

“One hundred percent.” You smiled, kissing her gently, “Alex may have been a significant part of my past, but you…Casey Novak..you’re my future.”