#casual homophobic comments are an improvement incredibly!

[marzipanandminutiae]

when your mother's excuse for calling your friend's late partner of 20 years "his friend" is that she's Still Learning and This Is All New To Her

and you've been out to her since you were 14

and you're 30 now

[keyboo]

TTS2: EP 4 Recap: I can’t believe Leo lives like this

Today we join Tharn fooling himself into believing he can bake a cake. Everything seems right - he looks hot, his shirt collar is unbuttoned just enough to show dat collarbone, the room has a warm glow that often occurs when you are lovingly baking something, he even has a cute fancy denim apron despite having shown no proclivity in the kitchen.

Type isn’t fooled, though - he wakes up and hears movement in the kitchen and immediately envisions the deep clean that will be required and maybe even renovations for the fire damage. Tharn is pouty and the room loses its romance filter, and we as viewers are forced to wonder how in the hell Tharn got flour on the other side of the counter. They look like finger smudges so I can only assume Tharn was practicing a sexy pose on that side for when Type woke up.

Type isn’t hungry for Tharn’s cake but he is thirsty. You really only need to have flour on your face and to look like P’Mew to find success in the kitchen. I have a high tolerance for sexy scenes but this was the very first time in awhile I felt embarrassed to be watching, like I was intruding on their privacy - good lord, the whipped cream lip rubbing is literal porn.

I will say though I am living for how often Type is getting picked up this season.

Fiat and Leo have the sort of friendship that makes everyone around them uncomfortable all the time.You think once they finally get together the babying and the PDA will stop but it only gets worse. You have to start carrying a spray bottle when you hang out with them.

Meanwhile, Type is baby. He is also wearing Tharn’s shirt now. It is no doubt encrusted in flour and egg yolk but he is a cupcake so we don’t mind. You remember season 1 where Type could barely bring himself to be affectionate or admit his feelings, and here we have Type cuddling and asking Tharn out on a date, and it’s just very nice. Chef kiss. I only think it’s slightly unfair that MewGulf are being paid to do what they do constantly IRL but whatever.

Tharn takes Type to the restaurant where P’Thorn proposed to Am for...reasons???! If anyone can explain this choice to me, please go ahead - otherwise I’m inclined to think Tharn’s head is just full of cotton candy. Tharn and Type show off their improved communication skills while showcasing their differing outlooks when it comes to risk (hello season theme) - Tharn wants to expand his business already, but Type warns him to slow it down and be careful. Neither are wrong, and they’re able to have this difference of opinion without getting angry with each other, which I enjoyed. Tharn says he wants his business to do well so he can take care of Type, who reminds Tharn he can take care of himself.

Another conversation that showcases the differences in Tharn and Type’s attitude towards risk, as well as their differing attitudes towards wealth. Type has taken over the household financial planning because Tharn is careless with his money. Having come from wealth, Tharn doesn’t seem concerned about spending, whereas Type reminds him its important to have savings set aside. Type is always thinking of the future, while Tharn thinks of the now - another reason why they are finding it difficult to reconcile their differences about a wedding, while in this very scene proving how incredibly married they are already.

Type runs into Fiat and Leo buying shoes and Fiat flirts with Type right in front of Leo’s salad. Type could not be more obviously uninterested in Fiat romantically, but Leo is still understandably upset because Fiat is blatantly ignoring Leo’s feelings. Leo is in love with a fuckboi and we should all pray for him.

Tharn for once has a sense for when somebody is Up To No Good around his man. Type is so oblivious to his own charm that he can’t tell Fiat is hitting on him. Type is unaware that he leaves a trail of brokenhearted baby gays wherever he goes but Tharn knows because Tharn was that baby gay.

Omg just fuck already.

P’Thorn and Tharn are signing IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS. Look at Tharn’s suit jacket. Look at his pin. Look at his pen. LOOK AT HIM.

Our gold digger from last week makes an appearance and gives a bad name to the craft because she is not at all sneaky about it by bringing ONLY THARN snacks and coffee.

P’Thorn shows he is not only overprotective of Tanya but of his little brother too. He is icey cold to this girl. He also gives Tharn good advice to give Type time on the wedding thing and that Type’s concerns aren’t unreasonable. P’Thorn is a good big brother in all arenas except keeping secrets.

 Omg just fuck already.

Here we have another wonderful scene of Tharn being attuned to Type’s physical and emotional well being, and reminding him to take care of himself. Where Type may have once aggressively refuted any such care, he gently reminds Tharn that he knows his own limits but agrees to take a break and eat dinner. HEALTHY COMMUNICATION, WE DO LIVE TO SEE IT.

Did I mention how much I love Type? I love this calculating expression he gets when he smells something fishy. He notices the same girl liking/commenting on every one of Tharn’s insta posts. I don’t think Type is suspicious of Tharn here - a) because Tharn is gay but more importantly, b) he trusts Tharn implicitly. But as always our Type has a tingly sense for when something doesn’t feel right. I love that it only takes a look through instagram for him to clue in that someone might be messing with Tharn.

I stan One Idiot.

Okay honestly who the fuck is this nerd and does anyone else want to punch him? I know the running theory with Type’s boss hating him is that he’s homophobic but I think he’s obviously fucking his assistant or why else would his assistant have the AUDACITY to look at Type like this. 

Poor Leo disrespects himself by taking his shirt off and chugging water sexily and Fiat STILL doesn’t notice because he’s inappropriately texting his doctor. It worked for Tharn is S1, why won’t it work for Leo??? Leo, baby, you deserve more.

Nothing will ever top this scene for me in either season, I’m sure of it. Tharn laying on Type’s lap. Type feeding him popcorn. They have a set of matching mugs that says ‘ladies gloss your lips’ and ‘men comb your mustache’ - neither of them are ladies or have mustaches WHY DO YOU OWN THIS - they are eating POPCORN AND CHIPS. A cute little movie night, I am INTO IT.  The casual domesticity of a couple who’s been together 7 years. I would be okay if the whole series was like this and no drama.  

Gulf just looks so fine here too.

But....its a drama so there’s drama. Type is still anxious about what he saw on Tharn’s insta. Again, I don’t see this as distrust so much as concern and worry for Tharn.

Well....speaking of trust. Type does a no good very bad thing here by looking at Tharn’s phone secretly. Even for purposes of being protective, this is not okay.

....kdalkjdlkasjdklajsdlkss

BUUUTT since he shows up looking like THIS to catfish the girl who is hitting on his man....

I mean, I personally forgave him instantly but we’ll see what Tharn says next week. 

[krokonoko]

the heart wants what it wants. and as much as I love my angst, sometimes I need me some freaky shit like,,, Lacho AUs in which the cartel is not a factor and Lalo and Nacho are just. REGULAR ASS BOYFRIENDS.

LOTS of assorted headcanons under the cut!

shield thine eyes, there’s some heavy ass fluff incoming.

Lalo has his own little restaurant. No one knows how it stays afloat with the erratic way Lalo’s leading it, but it seems his family’s somehow just absolutely loaded, so he can afford it. Honestly sometimes it feels like he just uses it to fuck around with new recipes. Like there’s no real rhyme or reason to what he’s doing, but everyone loves his food, he’s really good with the patrons and if he parties the whole night through then it doesn’t matter cuz the next morning the kitchen still looks spick and span and Lalo’s awake and chipper, ready for the next day! How does he do it? No one knows, especially not his staff. But when someone asks, he just laughs it off and changes the subject and oh my god he’s so charming how could anyone resist him? -

Lalo’s still on the antisocial spectrum and manic af in this AU, so his approach to relationships and emotions is a bit different than your neurotypical one. He seems to have a penchant for breaking rules, can be manipulative at times, and certain things don’t affect him the way you’d expect. But most of the time you wouldn’t even know, cuz generally he’s a really affable guy who’s a lot of fun to be around. He’s genuinely trying not to step on anyone’s toes. That being said, you don’t like him then yeah, he don’t give two shits. -

Nacho used to be part of some gang, but got out in time. He now studies business or something like that. He’s super ambitious and keeps badgering his papá about investing into technical improvements that would make his shop more effective and streamlined. Manuel gets heart burn every time Nacho runs the numbers by him. He’s been running the shop for longer than Nacho is alive, he’s not gonna contract new debts after it took him so long to pay everything off...! And Nacho insists that’s how business WORKS, it’s all about investment and growth. Manuel says with a smile that when the shop is Nacho’s, he can stuff it with all the novelty apparatuses that he wants, but he’ll have to wait until Manuel is no more, and Nacho is like papá don’t be so overdramatic...!! And Manuel laughs and pats Nacho’s back because actually he’s really proud of his son and the fact that he’s so concerned with the shop and they’re HAPPY GODDAMMIT -

For some reason this AU doubles as a modern AU as well. Which means smartphones exist. Nacho spends. SO much time on Instagram. Photos of his car. Photos of Nacho leaning against his car. Gym selfies. All over the damn place. And Lalo doesn’t understand insta cuz he’s a tech averse king, but he still secretly checks out Nacho’s blog all the time cuz yummy! Sometimes he comments on Nacho’s posts with a bunch of. really weird emojis, half of which don’t mean what Lalo thinks they mean, and Nacho thinks it’s cringe af. -

They’ve been having this thing going on for about a year and they’re both suuuper casual about it, like, SO casual, especially Nacho, wow he is so incredibly low key about this, like he is not too all over this or anything, just the right amount of relaxed, laid back, so cool, yeah. -

Just that Lalo is actually incredibly flirty all the time and courts the hell out of Nacho, he’s almost a bit gentleman-like about it, almost a bit old-school, and Nacho thinks that’s kinda dope and the way Lalo treats him like he’s the sexiest thing on earth sometimes comes across as a little condescending but there’s something about it, too, that makes Nacho sometimes lie awake at night thinking about it, brushing his thumb over his lower lip and thinking about the way Lalo pulls him in for kisses. -

When Lalo picks Nacho up from the gym, Nacho smiles when he sees him. When Lalo cracks a crude joke about making people swallow condoms, Nacho chuckles. When Lalo makes him food, Nacho enjoys it. When they walk along the sidewalk in the evening, Nacho casually bumps into Lalo and Lalo puts an arm around Nacho. When Lalo is close, Nacho feels comfortable, and warm, and drawn to him. -

Nacho has had a couple of girl- and boyfriends, but he’s only ever introduced Manuel to his girlfriends. Manuel’s known that Nacho’s into boys ever since he came home early to teenage Nacho and Domingo sitting on the living room couch 6 ft apart with their shirts rumpled and their faces red as beet. But Nacho didn’t seem to want to talk about it, so Manuel respected that. He’s a bit concerned cuz he’s afraid Nacho feels like he can’t talk to him, but he wouldn’t wanna push him. -

So all of Lalo’s attempts to meet papá Varga have been met by Nacho with stone-walling and general avoidance. -

But Lalo’s a very family oriented person so he just decides to make it a surprise dinner! At first Manuel is a bit wary cuz alright, what’s going on, who is this guy? But then Lalo turns up the charm and he’s just one of these guys who are absolutely stellar at wooing older ppl. So he keeps charming circles around Manuel with food and jokes, and Manuel kinda starting to like this guy, and when Manuel wants to get himself some more beer- nonono you stay put Sr. Varga, I’m gonna take care of this for you - and then they get to the part of the evening where Manuel tells childhood stories about Nacho like how he cried when he lost his first tooth and Lalo is just ab-so-lute-ly ENTHRALLED by it all and before you know it he and Manuel are BFF. -

all the while Nacho just. SEETHES in his corner. -

Manuel leaves and Lalo and Nacho start cleaning up the kitchen, and they’re very quiet until Nacho just goes “are you going to tell me what the hell all that was about?” and Lalo’s like “???” and Nacho’s just. “That little sing-and-dance you just did there? Like. What’s your end-game here. If this was some kind of attempt to get to me through my, dad, to, idk, somehow get emotional leverage over me, istg...!” And Lalo’s gets honestly serious and looks and Nacho all earnest-like... “man... is it really that hard to believe that it’s important to me that your dad likes me...?” and then he goes “you know what, Ignacio, you seem upset. Why don’t you just go home and leave the kitchen to me, yeah?” and so Nacho does, and he’s really angry at Lalo, and he doesn’t really get what just happened there. -

a couple days later his dad calls him and Nacho is kinda concerned but Manuel doesn’t pick up on it, he’s just like “Mijo, I just. Wanted to say how important that was to me, to meet your boyfriend, he’s a really nice y-...nice man.” (Nacho notices the gap where the “young” should have been lmao) and actually Manuel is trying to be like “Mijo, I am supportive of you please notice that I am trying to tell you that I think this is super okay!” but Nacho is so busy being confused cuz he’s never referred to Lalo as his boyfriend in his head even though they’ve been at this for over a year. So Nacho’s kinda monosyllabic and like “so. he didn’t upset you or anything?” and Manuel’s like “noo, he was really friendly. You didn’t give him a hard time, did you, Ignacio...??” Manuel gets all stern and fatherly...!! “Let me tell you one thing. Not a single one of your girlfriends has ever been this polite or interested in me. This man, he’s being serious about you. Maybe it’s time to stop being cautious.” -

and that’s when it starts to dawn on Nacho that that’s. Honestly all there is to it. Lalo wasn’t trying to manipulate him or whatever. He honestly just noticed that Manuel is an important part of Nacho’s life, and wanted to connect with that. And that is- actually. really sweet of him, what the fuck?!? -

Nacho lays awake again that night and notices that there’s something going on in his chest, like something big and warm blooming there and oh my fucking god you can’t be SERIOUS this is RIDICULOUS he’s way too old for this shit, AND way too worldly-wise and all that! -

So Nacho drives by Lalo’s place the other day and asks him whether he wants to go for a drink and so they go to a bar and sit there in silence for a moment until Nacho goes “my dad asked about you” and Lalo chuckles and is like “yeah? at least someone who misses me!” and Nacho rolls his eyes but he’s kinda got it coming now. Anyway, so, Nacho starts explaining that his dad is the most important person in his life, and he is soft and sweet and precious and a national treasure that must be protected at all costs and if someone was to hurt him and all that jazz. And Lalo’s like, yeah, no, I get it. Family is everything. And your dad is a really cool guy.  The problem is that for Nacho, it’s just been him and Manuel against the world for so long, he’s gotten kinda prickly about letting anyone else get close to his dad. But maybe this is good, and maybe, oh god he doesn’t really wanna think about it in that much detail, but like, Lalo gets it, and they leave the bar together and Lalo immediately gets out his phone and calls Manuel like “Sr. Varga, I’ve been wondering how you’ve been doing! What, Nachito? He’s doing fine. No, nooo, he’s not been mean at all. Couldn’t if he tried. Well, I hope you have a great evening. Yeah, talk to you soon!” and Lalo’s just absolutely obnoxious about this, winking at Nacho and everything and Nacho sighs and accepts his punishment. (Later Lalo’s gonna be like “of course you were right, I did have ulterior motives. I was just trying to butter you up for the dinner I have planned with my uncle Hector!” and Lalo keeps talking about how much he loves his tio and how he’s basically a father figure to him and such a great guy. But then they meet him and Lalo only introduces Nacho as “a friend”, and Hector is this grumpy old guy who hates absolutely everyone and everything, can’t go two sentences without being racist, sexist or homophobic. And Nacho’s like aaalright, guess I gotta deal with THIS now. But they don’t meet him that often so it’s alright.) -

OH but Manuel is still a BIT conservative about SOME things?? Like, he’s fine with Nacho having a boyfriend, but does he have to be so. you know. old...? Like. He’s not your sugar daddy, right Ignacio...? You’re not expecting him to keep you, right Ignacio...??? And Nacho is kinda pissy because UHM?? the implications?? He would never?? He’s nobody’s trophy boyfriend. He does like getting paraded around like one every now and then but he’s not. He buys his own damn stuff. But yeah sorry Nacho, that’s just how parents are sometimes lmao -

ANYWAY the point is, they. They care. Nacho cares Lalo. And seeks out his company on his own accord without any outside influences forcing him to. And Lalo cares Nacho. And they kinda start to accept that this is. a thing. And Nacho learns to accept that he can let himself feel save and comfortable around Lalo. And they’re just regular ass boyfriends. Who go on vacation together. Who have just fantastic sex without any coercion or backstabbing involved. Who fall asleep on the couch watching movies together. Who celebrate each other’s birthdays. All that freaky shit!!! 😭😭😭

[malwarewolf404]

[[disclaimer: I will be using the words biomale and biofemale in this post several times in an attempt to avoid confusion as to the point I’m trying to make. I do not intend to upset or alienate anyone who is intersex or does not otherwise conform to binary physical sex in any way. Thank you.]]

Let’s put together a little thought experiment. You take 100 sexually mature biomales and 100 sexually mature biofemales, both with no knowledge of society beyond this social group, and drop them on an uninhabited tropical island. They have all the resources, food and water, and even materials to make clothing and textiles not far behind from what we have in modern day, perhaps even unique ones to the culture they will eventually create.

Terfs and other denominations of trans-denialists would have you believe some very strict rules would be set up immediately. The biomales would hunt or gather, build, and perhaps begin to create the rituals or beliefs that might one day become a religion, and eventually a societal culture. The biofemales might be relegated to the role of caring for the society’s homes but perhaps not in the way one might expect (when trying to view this thought experiment through the lense of someone who has some particularly backwards ideas about womanhood being equated to the ownership of a uterus that is.) Perhaps terfs would have some more progressive ideas regarding the role of the biofemales, and sure, a matriachal society in which biofemales are responsible for the creation of societal culture isn’t at all outside the realm of possibility by any regards. In the spirit of trying to frame this argument as something a particularly progressive Terf might come up with, let’s say this is the case. Biofemales are the owners of family names and all social status, and biomales are relegated to the duties of cleaning, maintaining, and providing for the settlement.

Now before I actually make my argument, I will say I’m no terf at all. I am not a biofemale person who believes transwomen are rapists invading female-exclusive spaces like wlw. I can only imagine what a terf would come up with when presented with the thought experiment, and because I cannot be fucking bothered to interact with a terf on the issues of gender and biological sex (oh god could you fucking imagine.) That said, I believe I understand the perspective and beliefs of a person with that sort of mindset enough to construct this imaginary facsimile of the thought experiment from a terf’s perspective. Or, maybe I’m dead wrong, in which case I’m sure they’ll tell me. Just gonna quickly address them here:

Hello eager, anticipatory terfs! I’m sure you all have been waiting with bated breath for a post like the first bit of this one to come along so that you can reply in all sorts of flowery ad hominem language, saying things like “I hope you die in a fire you dickless pig-fucker!” Or, even better “Of course this pitiful excuse for a MALE would just LOVE to come up with his own approximation of what we, FEMALES, must be thinking!” I can assure you right now though, I’m not going to reply to any comments like that. I know that’s probably a real turn off for you, probably nixed any motivation to even keep reading this post, I understand. That said, this first part of the argument doesn’t matter, I only included it so that I might have some sort of control to weigh against my own imagination of the thought experiment. Additionally, I reached out to my three sisters about the ideas that a terf truscum person might have about the thought experiment. Here are their responses.

Buddy it’s 4 in the morning in California I can’t fucking read a three page paper this early.

What the fuck? Why would I want to put myself in the headspace of a trans-exclusionist? Why are you even asking me this? What is this for? What the fuck bro.

What’s a terf

Not as enlightening as I had hoped sadly. Anyways, I want to emplore you, please continue to read. I have a lot to say about this imaginary society and what I believe their ideas about gender conformity says about us. I think you might actually see some things in a different light than our incredibly polarized and entrenched societal beliefs would have you observe the issue. If that sounds like something that interests you, please read on.

So, this society. 100 biomales and 100 biofemales. And what do I believe it would look like? Well, I’ll tell you, but first I want to touch on a separate aspect than those I covered in my facsimile of a “terf” island society, and that’s sexuality. The reason I didn’t bring it up at all is because the fact is, many terfs are gay or bisexual women. They are real people with their own feelings and damage and ideas about what it means to be wlw. While I may have momentarily felt only slightly uncomfortable creating the idea of a “terf” island society and talking about its concepts of gender identity and social expectations placed on our imaginary island refugees completely in a vaccuum with no real input from actual women, being a wlw is not an issue I can even begin to comprehend, much less create my own ideas of what an idealized island society would look like to a wlw. It was a bridge too far, and I will not speak over real women with real opinions about what that is like. In fact, if you do identify as a woman (trans or not,) please feel free to share your own input on how you feel my facsimile “terf” scenario might be improved/ammended.

With all that said, let me say that I am now choosing to bring sexuality to the court because I am a gay man/nb person, and can speak to my own experiences and the experiences of others I know about sexuality. Additionally, from a terf’s perspective, the gender identity issue is one irreversibly entwined with sexuality.

So, a society with 100 biomales and 100 biofemales. What would it look like to me? Well, firstly, I don’t think the society would be so divided by gender as the imaginary terfs (or for that matter, most traditional people cough cough) would have you believe. Anyone who’s been to a public highschool knows that BOTH males and females are athletic. Both sexes are creative. Both sexes are capable of being responsible and loving parents. The problem we encouter with trying to frame everything into “men do this women do that” categories is that that is what our traditions and society have programmed us into believing is the norm. This society has none of that programming. Because of this, I do not believe this society would devolve into such a simplistic and arbitrary culture as “you have a penis so you go hunt and gather.” Instead, why not imagine a society where people’s individual talents and skills take precedence over their sex in regards to what role they are able to fulfill in this society? Perhaps you are a biomale, yet you have a very nurturing and caring instinct. Why not serve as a midwife and care for the village’s infants? Perhaps you are a biofemale, but are very athletic. Perhaps then, you would best serve the society as a hunter, no? I think you get what I’m getting at, and I don’t think anyone, even terfs, would disagree with me that gendered societal roles are a pretty dated concept that does not line up with what we understand of real people living in situations like this. They are a biproduct of western civilization’s traditions, and are not at all the norm in dozens of non-western societies.

So, if we can agree that there most likely wouldn’t be overarching end all be all gender roles in society, where is the issue exactly? Well, it’s this: some members of our society do not fall into the traditional gender roles associated with their biological sex. So, what about in this society, where there are no meticulously well-rooted gender roles? It stands to reason that without these gender roles, people would be able to do what they wanted, dress how they wanted, love who they wanted, free of prejudice or judgement. Obviously I am GREATLY oversimplifying a very complex issue, but live with me in the bit for a moment. What would you be in a world free from discrimination on the basis of biological sex, gender, or sexuality. There would be no traditions saying “you can’t do this because you’re this.” Who would you become? Who would you have the boldness and the freedom to be? Now, a pre-agricultural society that hasn’t even developed traditions or laws is hardly the most desirable place to imagine oneself living, but just think for a moment. No glass ceiling. No homophobic. No oppression on the basis of sex.

Now, I already have a good idea of what people are going to say about this post. “Tearing down the borders of gender and sexuality would only render our understanding of LGBTQIA ideas completely useless.” “There ARE certain things males are more inclined to do than women, biologically speaking. R*pe seems to come to mind.” “By refusing to give your imagined society any gender roles you have essentially made a moot point about what it means to be trans in our society.” Perhaps more broadly, “this thought experiment is dumb and you should feel bad.”

But here’s the thing. I’m not making this post in hopes of “dunkin’ on terfs” or even really challenging anyone’s opinions on anything. I have absolutely no hope that this dumb, worthless, ~3,000 word thought experiment will do any of that, let alone get any amount of notes. I only wanted to talk about this to put my own mind at ease in imagining a world I, a casual non-binary person, could exist without having to justify or prove myself as non-binary. I could, in my imaginary society, simply be myself. I could look up at stars. I could talk to gods of the wind on stillwater, of the sunlight through the palm fronds, and of the moonlight’s pale glow on the sand. I could do all of these things without constantly being percieved as a man because of the way I presented or behaved. And, I could find a masculine partner to be with, free of judgement.

“But Malwarewolf!” You cry, pleadingly. “What about all the people born as one sex that wish to transition into another sex? They would have no way of doing that in this imaginary society!! As a trans person, I do not experience the same satisfaction you do in this concept!”

This is, perhaps, the biggest hole in my argument. However, just because a person is born as one sex and wishes to transition in a relatively (oh, how do I say this without offending a lot of people,) quaint society doesn’t mean they’re just damned to live in a state of dysphoria or unhappiness with their body. I would argue, they might be able to live happier lives than trans people in our society do, existing as a fully welcomed and accepted member of society, with no oppression or suppression of their very valid desires to exist as they opposite sex. I would further argue that in a society without the proper foreknowledge and tools to perform gender-reassignment surgery, individuals who might identify as “trans” in our society would instead be free to express themselves however they wanted to instead of having to adopt a particular appearance or sex-identifying features to adhere to their non-existent gender roles. This is, very possibly, how the polynesian “third genders” came to be, such as Māhū in Hawaii and Tahiti, Fakaleiti in Tongan peoples, and Fa’afafine in Samoa. Now, these third genders are very important to many polynesian cultures and have very specific spiritual and societal roles in the island’s cultures respectively, the extent of which I am no way qualified to speak about (but would absolutely LOVE if some native Hawaiians could weigh in on!) It should be noted however, that a Māhū person can be born either male or female.

I say all of this to say, gender is a highly complex and winding topic. I could go on waxing poetic about my day-dream life in this idyllic society, but if you’ve made it this far in the post, you’ve probably had enough of that. Thank you so much for reading this far into a fucking hypothetical concept of all things. I will close by saying unironically, I’m gay as fuck, trans rights are human rights, and lastly trans-exclusionists if I see you bullying people in the comments I will suplex you through a plywood board.

I love you all and have a wonderful day.

[my-nameless-bliss]

You're like my favourite person on the internet and I would love to hear your opinion about something. I'm a bisexual cis girl and there's this guy I like. We went on a couple of dates and he came out to me as 'kinda bisexual' (he seemed ashamed of it) because he knew I wouldn't judge him. We get along really well but sometimes he says homophobic/transphobic things, not with passionate hatred but casually, like without giving it much a thought? I never defend offensive white guys but this time..

(2)…I feel like it comes from internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity culture rather than his actual opinions & feelings. I don’t know if I should try and ‘work on him’ or dump him like probably the whole tumblr would suggest. Do you think it’s possible to be with someone who’s offensive like this? I’m really afraid he’s not going to change but on the other hand I want to call him out and help him understand and fix his behaviour…I’m lost.

Hi, anon! I want to preface this by saying that dating and relationships aren’t really my forte, so please always remember that this is your decision and based entirely on how you feel, not what anyone else says. But I totally understand that hearing another perspective on any issue can be incredibly helpful, so I’m just going to give you a few things you might want to keep in mind while you’re figuring this out.

I think the most important thing for you to remember is that your love life is for you, and not anyone else. That means that it’s not your job to help or ‘fix’ this guy if you’re not getting anything good out of the relationship. However, it also means that if you are happy with him, and he seems like he’s capable of change and improvement, then it is absolutely alright for you to stay with him, even if other people are saying that you should dump him. You’re the one dating him, not anyone else, so your experience with him is the only thing that really matters. If you want to break up with him, or stay with him, just make sure you’re doing it because it’s the best decision for you, not because you feel obligated by him, or anyone else. 

Another good thing to remember is that dating someone isn’t automatically a long-term commitment. If you choose to stay with him now, and a week or month or year from now you realize that he isn’t getting any better, and his comments are making you uncomfortable, you can always break up with him then. Honestly, someone holding homophobic/transphobic views is a really legitimate reason to break up with someone, regardless of where you are in your relationship. You can always take some time to see if he’ll get any better without making a lifetime commitment to him. 

But the important caveat of that point is that if this guy is going to change at all, he needs to know that his comments are hurtful, and that you’re not comfortable with them. If you let all of these things go by without calling him out, he’s almost definitely not going to change, and it’s probably going to be very emotionally draining and unhealthy for you. If you want to maintain a relationship with him (either romantically, or just as friends), I think you should be prepared to have some conversations with him about his attitudes and behaviors. I’ll say again that it is absolutely not your responsibility to fix this guy, but if you choose to stay with him, it does become your responsibility to let him know when he does or says something that upsets you. If he isn’t capable or interested in changing, that’s on him. But if you let him say these things without ever telling him they’re hurtful, not only will he probably never change, but he might also think you agree with him. If you want to stay with him and help him, it means you do actively need to help.

Maybe you’re not ready to make this decision right now, and honestly, that’s totally fine. Take as much time as you need to feel confident in what you’re doing. But please always remember that relationships are supposed to enhance your life, and a romantic partner is supposed to make you happy. If you think you can help this guy deal with some of these internalized problems, and that he can make you happy, go for it! But if he’s not changing, and you’re not happy with him, you are always allowed to let him know that, and break up with him - whether that’s right now, or at any point in the future. I know it might seem a little obvious or unhelpful to just say ‘do whatever’s best for you’, but in this case, I think that’s just the honest truth. Just take your time, be honest with yourself and with him, and do what’s going to make you happy. 💜💜💜