#cause i fucking believe u deserve the worst do to the mistakes i've done

[alex-the-bringer-of-chaos]

Gosh the new messy state (always been complicated, the motive is just different) that my relationship with my parents has entered a few months ago has finally decided to combine with the patterns of behavior and paranoia that became the pattern of thought and behavior from my childhood and teenage hood, and now I've been stuck for over a month in the same old cycle of self sabotage with the added factor of anxiety and fear that makes me terrified of taking an action and fucking things up.

And like, who am I gonna tell this shit? This happens all the time, the motives just change. So really, whose even gonna want to hear me talk about the same old shit of how I feel frozen and terrified of acting the wrong way, just because the motive is different. People have it worse and still can act, but no, Alex is always getting stuck in their head, he's always terrified of fucking it up on accident so she goes and fucks it up on purpose or does nothing in an attempt of making people leave. Cause that's what they deserve. Fucking hell I was a kid when I made one stupid decision towards myself and this is the outcome. What the fuck man?!?

[kardemomme-kisses-archive]

i've seen a lot of ur ideas on characters like sana isak and vilde but is there something extra u can say abt eva's underrated character? is there any special moments you really liked with her, is there any part of her characterization that you could talk on and on about? i rrly like eva and i hardly ever seen in depth convos abt her character or even just a few gifs that show the complexity of her character

I feel you anon, I feel you. There can never be enough discussion about her (and sadly, there usually isn’t which is more than a little perplexing to me seeing as she’s such a multi-dimensional character with a fully fledged arc who undergoes tremendous growth and imparts so many significant messages).

More under the cut because apparently I am not familiar with the meaning of brevity.

So, let’s talk about Eva Kviig Mohn. Eva, who started this series feeling so soul-crushingly lonely, with a boyfriend who as much as I love him when it came to his priorities back in their first year he wasn’t very attentive to her and her wishes. It always felt like there was this invisible line between her and Jonas’s friends whenever they were in the same room, a line she never fully crossed because she was never really integrated into their group. And really, this was all Eva wanted back then - a place to belong, to be a part of something, friends to have sleepovers with and share secrets and hushed confessions, maybe drink a little too much and dance together under bright lights and swirling colours. Even more so, she wanted the warmth of someone’s arm around her shoulders when she was feeling stressed about her grades plummeting, terrified that she could feel the boy she fell for slipping away from her  so cold inside that big old empty house …And the worst part about Eva’s situation is that she did have that once, and it went so much deeper beyond just hanging out together. Not when ingrid  befriended Eva accepted her into her circle and stood up for her during a very difficult period in her life.  Eva lost that the day she picked Jonas over Ingrid and I think that a part of hers will always be plagued by self doubt because was this really the right decision? Has she ruined this friendship for good? What if she’ll never have anything like that again? 

Let’s talk about Eva and one of the first friendships she built after picking herself up from the ground from one of her lowest points and daring to reach out and start again. A friendship that started as a whirlwind because when Noora barged into Eva’s life so fierce and strong and self-assured, so unapologetic and unafraid to be herself , it must have felt like the answer to everything Eva was looking for. Noora’s independence and courage to stand up for what she believed must have been so desirable to eva who was a little lost within herself back then, wonderful admirable Noora who was everything Eva did not feel she could ever become and everything she wished she would be… Eva might have put her on a pedestal in the beginning of their friendship but the way it evolved so organically, with her discovering that Noora was everything but infallible, with her own very real vulnerabilities was what really brought them even closer together and provided some of the warmth that had been missing from both of their lives before. They learnt so many things from each other and this helped them gradually grow out of their own insecurities and become the version of themselves they are today.

Let’s talk about Eva and the trait of hers I find the most admirable: her bravery and maturity, as demonstrated by the way she approached her relationships with Jonas and Ingrid. Let’s talk about a relationship so full of innocence and the quiet optimism of a first love which was ultimately brought down because they were both so focused on trying to maintain this ideal, the dream, the perfect romance,a world where everything was viewed through rose tinted glasses,that when the cracks started to appear they would rather pretend they were not there. And those issues that had been undermining the foundations of their relationship from the very start could indeed not be washed away, not even by the genuine love between them. Most importantly they never learned how to communicate and establish trust since they never had enough faith in each other to stay and work through a conflict and neither of them really knew how to compromise. Thus in the end they became their own worst enemy, which is something that Eva saw and in one of the most mature decisions anyone in this show has ever made took the first step towards a healthier future because she realised that they coudn’t grow while they were still together and holding each other back. This scene sent such an important message because eva's journey towards self-agency and self-discovery is such an indispensable part of life in general and of the teenage experience more specifically, sincee at this age where the matter of forming an identity comes into the forefront for the first time with such an intensity it is very easy to fall into the trap of defining yourself strictly within the confines of pre-existing or newly formed relationships. Even more importantly, a relationship can be unhealthy for you even if there is still so much love on both sides and this does not get addressed enough sadly. But here it was. It was and Eva handled it in the most beautiful way.

Let’s talk about Eva and the tremendous courage she showed when she confronted Ingrid and in that moment faced all the fears shame and guilt that had been haunting her for months. How in one of the most emotional moments in that season when she expressed how she wishes she had done things with jonas differently but she can’t keep feeling guilty her whole life she refused to let the shame and the guilt over past actions consume her, acknowledged her past mistakes with full clarity, chose to reconcile with everything that happened and actively decided to channel the remorse into moving on and focusing on self improvement and doing better in the future.

Let’s talk about Eva and one of the most underrated scenes in her season which I seldom see discussed, if at all. “Everyone’s like what kind of person are you? You have to know who you are. What a fucking cliche!” is one of the most important things she’s ever said for me. I feel like the way everyone always stresses about how adolescence is supposed to be the age that everyone should discover and define their identity puts a lot of pressure on teens and this moment stresses out that it is alright to feel a little lost within yourself and it is alright for someone to take this journey at their very own pace or not at all until they feel emotionally ready for it. Self exploration is an ongoing procedure which never really ends nor is it constrained by age limits and feelings of uncertainty are an absolutely natural part of it which is something this scene showcased  beautifully.

Lastly, let’s talk about one of Eva’s strongest features : her heart, her capacity for infinite compassion and forgiveness. And I can think of no other way to do so other than talk a bit about her friendship with Isak. Truly, there have always been heaps of understanding and forgiveness between them, even when isak's actions drive a wedge in the foundations of their bond. Eva has always been nothing but compassionate and patient towards him and it’s a true testament to her character that even when she didn't know the cause of his betrayal she mostly felt hurt and confused rather than scornful and resentful. Moreover, once she discovered the true source of his lashing out her stance shifted as well because there have never been any lingering traces of bitterness or anger ever since then.Of course that is in part due to her own emotional maturity and clarity when it came to her own responsibility in the fallout of her relationship, but also she is one of the few people who truly saw isak in that moment, the only one who saw his struggle and recognised his strife. It is a feeling very familiar to her after all, because she used to be in a very similar spot - losing sight of herself, being plagued by insecurity and guilt, having alienated and hurt her own friends in the process. She knew this is a journey he has to take on his own, so she would be there in the end waiting for him. And when he went through his own path of self discovery and reconciliation with himself, when he was finally ready to take that first step reach out acknowledge what he had done and try to make amends, she was already there with a soft smile and an accepting heart. Eva is absolutely the kind of person to take joy in her friends' happiness and this Isak - Isak who was finally confident and in peace with every part of himself - was glowing with contentment. In that moment all the space she had ever granted him was worth it and the look she gave him was full of pride and kindness.

So there she is. Eva Kviig Mohn. A brave girl, a caring girl, a girl who has been through so much but never lost her courage or her smile. A girl who wasn’t afraid to make difficult decisions, a girl who was lost but managed to rediscover herself. There she is, the girl we all recognise a part of ourselves in, having found a new second family, surrounded by laughter music and colours, people who genuinely care about her and came to celebrate with her when she threw her birthday party, people she brought together from the most unlikely places and who will never let her feel alone again. Her story is one of self growth and acceptance, of finding your place in a world that is often too demanding, unforgiving and cold and I really wish it got more attention than it does because it captures the essence of some of the most important and difficult years in our lives and it really deserves to be heard.

[fairycosmos]

Hi I'm sorry to bother u but i just don't know what to do anymore it's summer and I've isolated myself from all my friends and the one person I do talk to and care about a lot is away rn and I just feel so alone and I'm so lonely everything has been so hard and confusing and I'm so tired I don't want to do this anymore I've tried doing stuff that aren't destructive like art/reading/music/etc but I just Can't do stuff I've tried but I just can't and part of me doesn't even want to idek anymore

ur not bothering me at all, i get it, seriously. i’m p much in the same situation, so i’m not just talking lightly when i say that when you’re that depressed, you don’t WANT to do things like art/reading/music but you have to force yourself to in order to keep going, in order to afford yourself even the slightest amount of distraction. as long as you’re trying, then you’re doing okay. as long as you’re making the conscious effort to do things and, then it’s okay. when you notice yourself slipping up and isolating, you can make the first step and reach out to someone, even if it’s not the person you usually talk to. you’re in control, you CAN speak to someone and vent and get your feelings out. honestly, it’s hard. it’s really fucking difficult, i’m not going to lie. and i’m sorry that you’re going through it, i really am. cause you don’t deserve it and even though you don’t want to keep going it’s kind of fucking vital that you keep trying. just take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. you’re stronger than your mind is leading you to think, you know? look, i get that words of advice often seem stupid in comparison to how shitty you feel, and i understand that it’s a lot easier said than done, but even tho you feel so totally alone you need to know that you’re not, and you need to keep telling yourself that. at the end of the day, you can keep going. you can keep breathing. even if you don’t read or make art or listen to music or do anything productive, the fact that you’re simply still here speaks volumes. you take up space on this planet therefore you have an inherent worth, one that can’t be taken away from you by depression or suicidal thoughts or anything like that.

have you considered seeing a therapist or a counselor or a doctor if that’s an option for you? bc even tho it sounds like the worst idea in the world it can actually help a lot. and it won’t be as scary or as weird as you think it will be. like, mental health issues can often by symptoms of a real illness that needs medication and help just like any other illness. you need to put your own well being first. you mentioned that you had someone to talk to who is not around right now, and having a support system is a wonderful thing, but there are real professionals that specialize in this sort of thing, that can give you advice and coping mechanisms and a lot more. even if you can’t see someone like that, there are hotlines and mental health organizations that will help you if you just find it in you to reach out. because seriously, and i mean this from the bottom of my heart, i believe in you. i think you’re strong enough to make it even if you don’t. you deserve help and care and a chance at being happy. it’s not impossible, it’s something that’s very much a possibility when you get the help that you need. please don’t make a permanent decision over temporary problems. please don’t make the mistake of thinking that just bc things are shitty right now, that they will always be shitty. that’s not the case. there is a way through this. and even if you feel alone, you’re not. there’s always someone there to help you, even if it’s a professional or someone on the other end of a hotline. you can do this. and if you ever need someone to talk to, please please please just message me. i’m always here. i hope you’re able to get some help or that you’re able to get into a healthier mindset, you honestly deserve all the warmth and happiness in the world, angel.