#cause sometimes i just don't want to be stressed and depressed and miserable anymore

[galaxywhump]

I'm really sorry to come here begging again but i could use some cheering up. Or something. Anything.

[elegantcode]

everything in my life genuinely fucking sucks to the point where it feels like its not even worth trying anymore. i am constantly living in a state of spiral and stress and depression and anxiety. the world is falling apart. i am not well. i can't escape anywhere because my brain won't allow me to make it work anymore.

the safe spaces i've curated over the years are deteriorating before my very eyes. fandom sucks now and is all people accusing each other of this ism or that ism or getting angry that someone ships something different than you. i can barely write anymore, i can't rp like i used to. all my friends are probably going through the same thing because they don't write either while constantly telling me that they want to

i try to explain myself all the time to everyone and it feels like im just yelling inside of a soundproof see-through case. they can see im upset and that i'm distraught and not doing well, but they're not actually listening to the words i'm saying because i've repeated them over and over again and they never acknowledge it

i can't eat the food i want to eat because itll make me sick. i'm afraid of eating new things, and eating the fruits and vegetables that will help me be healthy. i take a breath wrong and i'm falling into a miserable anxiety attack that lasts for weeks on end and sometimes builds up to massive panic attacks. my entire body hurts and aches in ways it never did before and i'm constantly afraid i'm actually dying or that i'll die before i truly am able to leave this hellhole and heal from all the mental damage that's been caused to me through years and years of emotional and physical abuse

i can't take medication, i can't self medicate. i don't have money

i'm overstimulated constantly and trying to find the joy in anything lately is just has no fucking point. whats the point of trying to play a video game if it just overheats my room and my grandpa turns on the heat and screams at me

whats the point of trying to write, if i can't actually write with people or if people won't care about what i write? whats the point of reading or watching tv or movies if everytime i try to talk about it and be excited about something no one listens to me or dismisses me or just straight up ignores what im talking about

i feel fucking invisible and alone and im so tired of being depressed and anxious because its like theres no end in sight and its only going to get worse from here

i've spent every single night of the last week sobbing myself to sleep and just waiting for the next day and hoping itll be better but it never is

its always fucking worse

[still-a-morosexual-help]

As someone who sometimes enjoys angst a lot of people use it as a way to cope with things in their life.

For me I like mc angst sometimes becuase I sometimes feel like I'm not allowed to be sad, I sometimes feel like my depression must be fake somehow becuase my life isn't bad enough to warrant me having depression even though I know that's not how it works.

Replacing mc with myself in angst on my bad days can make me feel, idk, validated for being the way I am sometimes?

And when its not mc or reader and its a character angst, reading something that makes me feel sad can also make feel like I actually have reason for being sad in the moment.

It can be a way to get out that sadness that im feeling in the moment in a way that doesn't involve me, in a way that doesn't involve self-deprecation.

Just thought I'd explain why some people enjoy angst, I know not all angst readers are like me but ice seen quite a few who are!

Hi! That's totally understandable! And I'm really happy you're able to use MC as a way to help with what you're feeling! And you said you already know this & you probably won't really care about hearing this from a stranger and ik (from personal experience) how hard it can be to believe it or even if you realistically know it's true how you can sometimes have a hard time accepting it but I want to say it out loud for anyone who needs to hear it today (& maybe a little bit for me too):

you don't have to fill a quota for your depression to be valid. It doesn't always need an actual reason to affect you and it's real because the things it's making you feel are real. Pls take care of yourselves💕

-

Back to the angst thing...

I'm not sure where I said I don't like or enjoy angst tbh....cause I read a lot of it myself too....

Hell, I write it too. I wrote some for MC & Mammon though I gave them all soft, mushy endings cause I can't stand to keep them hurting and I wrote darker, angsty ones before I got into OM! Not all of them are tagged as angst but they do all fall into the category and I always write them as a way to de-stress?? As a way to let it all out when things have been bad? I usually make the fics darker than what I'm feeling, I think as a way to make my own problems/feelings seem smaller

I don't really do self-inserts but when I'm feeling miserable I tend to read about fictional characters hurting so I can have a good cry about them instead of thinking about my own problems/feelings

Though sometimes it won't even depend on my mood and I'm just craving it for no reason

Usually I opt for angst with a happy ending but there are times when I prefer it to end sadly? Usually though, I only prefer fics that end sadly that are below 5k words, cause if I'm investing anymore time in a fic then I want a happy ending... (yes yes given that I have a 6.7k fic that ends in character death with a 2.7k alternate pov for that fic I am being a hypocrite)

Somehow, while I (somewhat rarely - only when I want to cry) read fics with a sad ending I completely avoid fics with bittersweet endings cause I can't handle that uncertainty

I don't really read OM! angst though, but I do come up with with angsty scenarios/headcanons relating to OM! when I'm at my lowest points. Nothing better than hurting Mammon to forget about the real world, have a long cry and then become emotionally numb for the next 24 hours :D

So yeah, I definitely understand where you're coming from when you say angst helps people cope with life & I do really enjoy it too

hope you have a good day nonnie♡

[mochis-interlude]

Hi! I haven't requested anything from you yet, but first let me check up on you! How are your doing and how is your day/night going? Did you drink water/eat something today? Did you rest well?

Now, to the request. I've been feeling very down lately and very stressed and have had the need to... Do something to myself that I don't want to mention as to not trigger you or anyone reading this. May you write a tanjiro x reader comfort where the reader has a lot of scars on their forearms and they try to cover them up, but whenever they see them, they just want to go and cry themselves to sleep? You don't have to make this exactly the same and you don't have to write this at all if you are uncomfortable.

Thank you so, so much in advance.

Please stay safe.

-🌌

dear, please know that you can always reach out to me whenever you want! you can always slide into my dms or ask box and let out whatever you're feeling. you don't have to go through this alone, okay? i hope this can offer you some comfort, love.

and to answer your questions: yes, everything's going well (as well as it can during a pandemic). no need to worry. 🤧

↠ pairing. tanjirou x gn! reader

↠ genre. angst, hurt/comfort

↠ warnings. self-harming, implied depression

↠ words. 744

Frantically, you scrubbed at your arms until they were red, until the skin broke and let even more blood run down the drain. 

Each scar had to disappear so you wouldn't have to carry their weight, anymore. They had to disappear so you wouldn't feel an overwhelming wave of shame hit you at 2 am, so that you could finally feel like you weren't completely ruined. 

"Go away!" Tears flowed down your cheeks while every emotion you were unable to feel for weeks suddenly came crashing down on you like bricks. They destroyed the safe roof the sun created and let you feel somewhat alright during the day. But at night..you were lost. 

The rough surface of the sponge was tinted in an ugly red, your view blurry as you could no longer tell what was water, blood or your own tears. "Why won't you go away..?" You were defeated. 

No one should've ever given you a weapon. You could protect everyone but yourself with the damned steel. 

Deafening was the sound of the running water and the thoughts clouding your mind. If anyone else knew about this..they'd consider you a disgrace to the Demon Slayer Corps, right? 

A gentle hand on your shoulder snapped you back into reality, had you jumping in front of the sink and screaming at the awfully face behind you. "Wah, I'm sorry, [Name]! I heard you crying and wanted to..," he saw the scars, the blood. "..check up..on you.."

Like a deer caught in the headlights, you couldn't help but stare at Tanjirou. Of all the people who could see you like this, it had to be the most innocent person you had ever stumbled across. Of all the people who you could taint with that miserable sight of yours, it had to be Tanjirou. 

Each second spent in silence made you feel like you were drowning, like water filled up your lungs and painfully suffocated you in an ocean of thoughts. 

"Wait here." Tanjirou wore a smile so warm you felt like you enjoyed the beginning of spring bloom along your skin. His bare feet slightly stuck to the wooden floor and made funny sounds, his nimble fingers got some bandages from the first-aid kit hanging on the wall. 

"It must hurt..right..?" Like a doll, you let the warm water run across your bloody arms and felt how Tanjirou gently dabbed a damp cloth along your skin. "What..?" You breathed into the air, his kindness knocking every thought out of your head. 

Abruptly, you had stopped crying and sobbing. Abruptly, your head was quiet, even if only for a moment. 

"Feeling like you're all alone." Tanjirou frowned and mentally scolded himself for not having seen the signs earlier. How you avoided rolling up your sleeves, how you sometimes faced him with blood-shot eyes and how much more reckless you had become in battle. 

Hell, he had smelled the change in you and yet..he should've brought up the subject earlier. 

You wanted to protest, deny whatever word left his mouth and pretend like you were fine, but lying had never gotten you farther than crying yourself to sleep. "I.." You gulped down the lump in your throat. "I feel like I'm broken, Tanjirou."

With care, Tanjirou wrapped your bleeding arms in bandages; he didn't want to cause you any more pain. "You're not broken, [Name]."

"Then what am I..?"

He hated the way you viewed yourself and it broke his heart to hear you say it, but at least you were getting all these words out. Tanjirou gently held your hands in his and gave your palms a reassuring squeeze. 

It seemed to offer you a bit of comfort. You had the ghost of a smile on your lips. 

"You are.." Tanjirou let his eyes linger on the ceiling for a moment before his sparkling gaze was back on you. "..so much stronger than you think you are!" 

"You're very kind to everyone we meet and it's always fun to watch when you play with Nezuko! And I'm honestly so thankful for all the times you handle Inosuke and Zenitsu when I've had enough of their fighting. Your patience is really admirable, [Name]." Tanjirou had the entire universe in his eyes and more. 

"You are so much more and you don't even realize it."

This time, you cried for an entirely different reason. 

You were cared for and appreciated.

You were seen.

[ffamranxii]

I got out of a very abusive, controlling relationship a few years ago with very little money to my name and moved back in with my parents. I've been saving to get an apartment, which is about $1100-1300/month here, ever since. I got a job that allowed me to save up, but I was also relentlessly harassed, bullied, overworked, and sexually assaulted to the point where I had a series of mental breakdowns that ultimately led me to quit.

I lost my new boyfriend a few years later due to my father's interference. My father doesn't want me here. Before I moved home he actually hadn't spoken to me in three years, because my previous boyfriend was black. He says I deserve all the abuse "that n*gger" put me through, which included complete alienation of all my friends, complete control and exploitation of my finances, brief homelessness, and the death of my child. He tried to throw me out a month into dating my new boyfriend because "he can put you up now." Between my job and my father, I was always stressed and miserable, and my boyfriend couldn't take it. Then he got cancer, and told me he couldn't deal with my problems on top of his own, he couldn't take my father anymore, and we couldn't do this anymore. We broke up. All his friends, even the ones who were supposedly my friend too, sided with him.

I lost a tooth at the beginning of the pandemic, right in the front of my face. It was a crown that had broken. I can't afford to fix it - I need an extraction of the remaining tooth and an implant, which is $6k total. I only have Medicaid, which the oral surgeon doesn't take and which doesn't cover implants anyway. My self esteem tanked.

I don't have any friends. I'm autistic and have never been great at making them in the first place, and wasn't able to repair the friendships I lost because of my ex. I don't talk to my extended family, who my father has been telling for years that I'm an ungrateful, horrible bitch he wishes he never had. They agree with him. Talking to my mother is like talking to a brick wall. She's so burnt out putting up with my father's abuse that she can't even pretend to be a support for me. She never has been anyway.

Most of the time I feel like a glitch in a computer program. I'm not supposed to be here, so people ignore me until I cause problems (whether I actually did or not). No one cared when I was being abused by my ex, even when I came to work crying every day and couldn't afford to eat. No one said anything in my defense when I was being harassed at work, and after I was assaulted HR told me it was all in my head when I'd report things like "Joe and Brian are telling people they fucked me in the stock room." Sometimes I'll vent on social media - both where I know people and where I'm anonymous - and get no response, except maybe "stop saying xyz about people, be grateful for what you have." I had to delete Facebook because it added to my depression.

I can't hold a job anymore. I'm terrified of people and being outside. I recently got a freelance gig doing transcription but the pay is very low and only per minute of audio, and I suffer from migraines which makes it difficult. I've posted on social media that I can also do editing and proofreading, with no takers. My health has always been very poor and my mental health is trash. No therapist near me takes Medicaid and I'm afraid to go out and talk to one anyway. I've been denied state assistance, though I was recently approved for food stamps. I can't get cash assistance. I'm burning through all of my savings with student loans (which apparently can't be put on hold because they're all private) and the rent my dad demands.

On top of all this, my mother just told me she's divorcing my dad, because he's abusive and cheats constantly. She's disabled and won't be able to keep the house so she's moving out. She's the only reason I've been able to stay here. I'm pretty sure my father will kick me out, or tell me I can only stay if I become the maid and yard caretaker. He's already trying to sell my car (which he had to put in his name because my ex destroyed my credit), which will leave me trapped in the house, and my mother has made it clear I can't move in with her.

My cousins all have their lives figured out. They're all married with kids, add I'm constantly being reminded of, with their own houses or apartments and good jobs. They're not afraid of people, or struggling with money, or having a panic attack at 1am on a Wednesday because they don't know how they're going to get through the next week, let alone the next year. It feels like the cat is the only one on my side and the only one who actually wants anything to do with me. Ten years ago my father called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being, and it's just... true.

[mylifeisactuallynotbad]

I don't know what to say on here anymore.

S broke up with me. He says I made him miserable; apparently I'm just depressing and manipulative. I should've just broken up with him ages ago. I knew he wasn't happy. I was too selfish to do what I should've done and it fucking sucks. He insists he still wants to be friends but I just can't be who he wants me to be. He says I'm not how I used to be, but I don't know what that fucking means? Or maybe I do, because I know I'm not fun to be around right now. I've turned into one of those people who just bring everyone's mood down. I fucking hate myself.

When s tells me what he thinks of me, it makes me feel like absolute shit. Through everyone else's eyes I fucking suck. I don't know what to do. I want to cut myself off from everyone but I don't want to upset anyone, but maybe I'm hurting people more by being around them. I just don't know what to do.

I feel so fucking guilty about my mum. I haven't seen her in weeks, whenever she calls, she cries. I just don't want to see her like this but I know how selfish it is to not talk to her. I know she's sad and I know she's going through something but I just can't face it. I can't see her like this it makes me feel so much worse. I can't imagine what it's like for her, I know it must be horrible. I should be doing what I can to comfort her. I should fucking be there for her, she's my mum. I just can't bring myself to do it and I hate it. I hate myself.

My family are all that's keeping me here right now. Everyone is sad, I don't want to be responsible for more pain that I already am. It's all so shit and I just don't know what to do. I want to reach out for help but I don't want my dad to know how I'm feeling because it would crush him. I also don't really know how to explain what I'm feeling.

I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. I barely go to school and its fucking snowballing out of control. I'm so fucked for these exams. I haven't revised at all, I don't even know all the content in the first place. It stresses me out so I just skip, and then by skipping I end up missing more and its got to the point where it's irreversible. I'm so fucked.

I don't care about my future. I just want to be done with all this. I hate school and I hate work.

Everything is so fucked and I don't know how to unfuck it and I don't care enough to try.

Sometimes I wish I were sick. Like terminal, 6 months to live kinda sick. So then I could go without causing as much help. I'd have time to say goodbye, my family would have time to prepare. If I could take disease from someone who has a whole life to live I would do it in a heartbeat.

The world suck. It all fucking sucks and I'm just so angry and sad and tired all the time.

What am I supposed to do? I'm just struggling so fucking much. I'm so fucking tired.