#cheeky little Scottish slag

[ingravinoveritas]

Another clip of David being interviewed by the Scottish lady and saying he might not wear pants (underwear) to the BAFTAs and I need to lie down...

[litgwritersroom]

A Friendship Thing

Emily - 5100+ words - @tammyisobsessedwith

It's been years since Love Island ended, and Emily has long since moved on (or tried to). Then an opportunity and an old face make their way into her life unexpectedly.

“Hey, I think I recognise you from somewhere! Were you on TV or something?”

Oh wow, the unexpected Scottish accent smack in the middle of Essex from whoever had said that brought a welcomed wave of homesickness, but those were some words Emily Paisley hadn’t heard in a while. Even in the heyday right after her short participation on Love Island three years ago, she’d never been one of the faces most recognised by the public or the media alike; something that in all honesty she was more than fine with. After all, when they did remember who she was, it was only to harass her for having had sex with a man she barely knew on national telly.

Yeah, sleeping with Jakub Zabinski right after meeting him hadn’t admittedly been her best decision, although, if she were honest, it was quite on par with the type of decisions she’d usually make out in the real world. The only difference was that if she chose to sleep around with virtual strangers the only people hearing about it normally would be her friends (and, presumably, that virtual stranger’s friends) whereas under the watchful cameras of Love Island she’d had to contend with the whole of Britain weighing in with their opinions on everything that had happened at the Villa in Mallorca.

And frankly, she’d told them all they could suck it. Basically it was her life, her choice ─ and Jakub’s, of course. If she wanted to sleep around and be a slag, then that’s what she was gonna do. Emily had always been unapologetic about her sexuality and being able to express it in whichever way she chose to, and she’d be damned if she would let strangers and their unnecessary or unwelcomed opinions dictate what she could or could not do.

Rolling her grey eyes a little to herself, Emily turned around with a sweet (and completely fake) smile to answer whoever it was that had the misfortune of recognising her right in the middle of her shift. As she’d been working at the top nightclubs circle for the past few years now she’d been subjected to all kinds of shit and was practically a master at indirectly telling people to fuck off while mixing them cocktails and dismissing them away all under the same breath.

However when she directed her gaze to whoever it was that had called out, she was met with a boyishly handsome face dotted with freckles, bright hazel eyes and a cheeky smile she would recognise anywhere in the world. Her fake smile melted into a genuine one before morphing into a smirk.

“You know, your pretty face is really familiar too.” Emily commented loudly over the music blasting through the nightclub, her own Scottish accent coming out more strongly than usual and accompanying a cheeky raised eyebrow as she continued mixing the cocktail shaker in her hands. “Did we happen to share a bed together one time or something?”

“One time?” Bobby McKenzie gasped in a mock offended tone. “Try multiple times, woman!”

“Soz, I can’t really keep track.” She replied with a careless shrug as she poured the drink in a cocktail glass and garnished it before handing it to someone next to him. “Y’know, ‘cause I’m such a slag.”

Bobby snickered at that as he leaned forward over the bar and gestured at their surroundings with one hand. “So when do you get a break?”

“A break? What’s that?” She asked, the sarcasm in her voice pairing nicely with the dry eyebrow she raised at him as she already turned to make the next drink in her order line.

“C’mon, Em!” He said, laughter in his voice. “Get someone to cover for you, come out here and give me a proper hug.”

She shook her head, but she couldn’t keep the smile off her lips. “Hold on, let me see if I can find someone.”

It took a while, as she needed to get through the peak of drink orders for the night and wait for movement to slow down a little bit before she could get her somewhat regularly scheduled cigarette break. Her eyes scanned for Bobby across the dwindling dance floor and she found him chatting and laughing with a group of girls, but as soon as he saw her looking he broke off with some quickly exchanged words as he followed her head tilt towards the outside smoking area.

“So what are you doing here, McKenzie?” Emily asked after he gave her one of his bear hugs as she leaned against the outside wall and gestured at the cigarette pack in her hand.

Bobby wordlessly shook his head at the offer. “Ah you know, night out on the town, checking out the hotspots. How have you been?”

“Fabulous, as you can see.” She said with a smile after lighting up her cigarette. “Enjoying the life of the bartender extraordinaire to the fullest. And you’re certainly in the right place if you were looking for the best night out.”

“Yeah, I heard this was where I’d find all the buzz.” He said, looking up at the nightclub’s facade and neon sign.

She took a long drag before speaking. “How’s the bakery doing?”

“Business is thriving. So much that I’m actually expanding my portfolio a bit.” He said it with waggling eyebrows.

She reflexively rolled her eyes. “Oh god, you’re one of those people who use the word ‘portfolio’ now.”

“Hey, I’m still the same old Bobby!” He protested, but there was a smile on his face.

“Hardly. You’re a proper famous person.” She gave him a pointed look. He may like to downplay his fame sometimes, but with the exception of DJ Tim “Big T” Davies, Bobby was probably the most famous and successful of all former Islanders. “I’m surprised one of your fans hasn’t tackled me yet out of demented jealousy or something.” A smirk pulled at her lips, as she reminded him of an old incident when one of his rabid fans had literally tackled Lottie when they’d been walking in the streets a couple of months after they’d come back from the show.

“Ugh, that was one time.” He said, a groan in his voice accompanying an exasperated and somewhat embarrassed roll of his eyes.

“Still, you’re never gonna live that down.” Emily insisted with a grin, nudging him in the ribs with her elbow. “Let me say that’s one of the upsides of the fact that almost nobody even remembers I was in that show anymore. I really couldn’t care less for all of that attention.” She made a pointed tap to her cigarette, watching the ashes float down to the ground as if they carried her words with them.

“Yeah, you really had it rough there for a while.” He commented, his hazel eyes looking softer as he looked back at her.

“Not sure why I was the one who got all the flak seeing as Jakub was the one actually sleeping around.” She said dryly with a raised eyebrow.

“If that ain’t the truth.” He rolled his eyes then grimaced a little. “Sorry I never spoke up about it when it was all going down.”

“It’s fine.” She said easily with a dismissive hand. “I know you guys are friends.”

“We are,” he agreed with a matter-of-fact shrug, as Bobby was literally everyone’s friend, even the people not everyone got along with at the Villa or those the public or media didn’t really favour. “But I still think he was a fuckin’ numpty.”

A smile broke out on her face. “Aww Bobby McKenzie, the Love Island player with a heart of gold.”

He snorted at that. “Still not sure where I got that reputation.”

“It’s your face.” She explained, inhaling on her cigarette before elaborating, watching in delight as he blinked his eyes in a perplexed manner. “It’s too pretty, everyone automatically thinks you’re a fuckboy. Like you’re gonna ‘love them and leave ‘em and ruin ‘em for all other men’ type of shit.”

Bobby let out a bark of laughter as he shook his head. “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

“It’s not me, it’s your fans!” She insisted, laughter also bubbling up with her words. “They’re the ones coming up with it.”

His hazel eyes narrowed playfully back at her. “Oh so you’re saying you’re not a fan then?”

“Definitely not.” She volleyed back immediately, her lips twisting into an impish grin before his exaggerated gasp at hearing her words. “Sorry mate, I can see you for all you are, the good parts and the flaws.”

“Unbelievable.” He shook his head. “And here I was, coming all the way over to Essex just to make you a proposition only to be treated like this?”

“Oh?” Emily raised an eyebrow. “So are you proposing? Or propositioning? Not sure which one of those is the more terrifying prospect, actually.” She faked a shudder for effect.

“Oi! I’m actually serious here for once.” Bobby said, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face or the laughter off his voice.

A smirk pulled at her lips as she put out the end of her cigarette and threw it away. “Then use more serious words or at least put on a serious face, ‘cause right now it’s still seriously hard to take any of this seriously.”

“That word has lost all meaning now.” He shook his head again, but made a show of taking a deep breath in and trying to put on a serious face. “Okay, here goes: I’m opening up a restaurant and I want you to be my cocktail person.”

“What?” She blinked her eyes in surprise before she recovered herself a little. “I mean, great news about the restaurant! Congrats!” She enthused, wrapping her arms around him for a quick hug before she pulled back with a frown. “But what is even a cocktail person?”

“You know, the person in charge of creating cocktails for the menu.” He explained with a shrug. “Yeah, there’ll be the classic shit in there, but it’s a fusion restaurant and I want to have a cocktail menu that’s innovative as well. And I think you’re the person for the job.”

“Oh wow, I dunno what to say.” Emily said, unusually lost for words as she took in what he said. She’d always been one to give rapid fire responses, especially when talking to Bobby as they vibed since they’d first met during Casa Amor, but she had definitely not been expecting that.

He seemed somewhat delighted at having surprised her and laughed a little. “That’s easy, say ‘yes Bobby, I’ll be your cocktail person’.”

She crossed her arms and frowned. “Is this you doing one of your charity things?”

Emily thought that was a valid question. Bobby was not only everyone’s friend, he was also always showing up, supporting and posting on his platforms about whatever the former Islanders were doing over the last three years: Lottie’s new makeup brand, Priya’s new collab with an up and coming designer, Hannah’s new novel, Hope’s new toy line. Catching one of Kassam’s shows on his tour, watching one of Rahim’s tournaments, cheering on at Jo’s races, checking out Noah’s project with kids at the library. Celebrating Marisol’s graduation from law school, doing a spot for Elisa’s socials, being a special guest at one of Chelsea’s parties, or even just retweeting Jakub’s photo shoot or sharing one of Gary’s reels about the new big crane he got to operate on at work.

“What are you even on about now?” He asked with a bemused twist to his lips.

“You know, you doing your rounds, keeping up with the gang and putting a marginal spotlight on what they’re up to through your social media and shit?” She said with a slight roll of her eyes and somewhat vague gesture with her hands. “‘Cause I told you already, I don’t really care for the attention. And I’m not a charity case.” She added the last part a little under her breath, looking away.

“I know, I agree. You’re actually one of the best in the business and that’s why I’m here.” He replied at once before dramatically placing one hand over his heart. “Honest to God, Em. I didn’t even know it was you, I thought you were still up in Edinburgh!”

“I didn’t really tell anyone other than my immediate family that I was moving.” She said with a careless shrug. “Just needed a fresh start, I guess.”

Bobby just stopped and looked at her for a few silent beats. “Yeah, I get it.”

The unexpected concern in his eyes made her suddenly uncomfortable as it was so at odds with their normally playful banter, so she looked away and cleared her throat. “Anyway, how did you manage to stumble into my playing grounds tonight then, that is if you weren’t actually stalking me?” Emily looked back at him while arching a teasing eyebrow.

He playfully tapped the side of his nose with a grin before shaking his head as she laughed. “Nah, jokes. I was putting together a list of experts to scout and I was told to come check out this place by a mate who works in the area and knows what’s what.”

“You’re having me on.” She said, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe she was good at her job, because she knew she was. But the idea that people would be actively pursuing her was a little baffling. It wasn’t like she was a drinks connoisseur or entrepreneur like Allegra D’Annunzio ─ self-proclaimed or otherwise.

“No, for real. He said your cocktails are one of the reasons people love this place and I could see that. Plus I remember back at the Villa how great you were when you taught me how to make a jellyfish.” He grinned, waggling his eyebrows up and down.

“Don’t you mean a Bobbyfish?” She asked cheekily and they shared a chuckle at that. “So you were looking at potential candidates and now that you saw it was me working here you’re just offering me the job, just like that?”

He nodded back at once. “Yeah, absolutely.”

He just left it at that and Emily looked back at him for a moment as she thought it over. “Alright. I’m in.” She shrugged her shoulders and gave him a quiet smile.

A wide grin spread over his lips. “You are?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed, suddenly feeling just as excited about it as he seemed to be. “Bet you weren’t expecting me to agree so fast, huh?”

“No way, I’m buzzing! This is gonna be amazing, Em!” He wrapped her up in another of his bear hugs and they laughed together for a moment before going back inside as apparently she wanted to give her notice right away.

The next few weeks were a whirlwind. Emily negotiated her exit from the staff at the club in Essex even as she worked out the details to get on board with Bobby’s new restaurant. It may have been a hasty decision even for her standards ─ though in all honesty she’d always been more of a ‘leap before you look’ kind of gal; it was how she’d ended up on Love Island in the first place after being scouted back in Edinburgh then how she’d impulsively moved out of Scotland to Essex after all. But after sitting down with Bobby for a proper meeting where they went over his plan and the vision that he had for the restaurant, she knew it was a solid business endeavour.

As it should be. Ever since the Villa, everything that boy touched turned to gold, and it was one of the things that had prompted her to take his offer.

The other was that she never really got over the teeny, tiny (minor, really) crush she’d developed on Bobby during the Casa Amor days ─ but if asked, Emily would deny it to her very last breath. She’d gone through enough humiliation back then, going from fucked (by Jakub) to friendzoned (by Bobby) faster than anyone could say, “whiplash much?”

“You’re gonna be working with him now, Em.” Blake commented when they were out for drinks one night after she’d told her the whole story. “Day in, day out. You working at the bar, him in the kitchen then working the room to greet important people. Your eyes meet across the crowded room. You guys stay out late to close the books or something like that…” She trailed off, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow before bringing her cocktail glass up to her lips.

“You’re reading too many trashy romance novels, love. You know we’re just friends.” Emily replied in a dry tone. “That’s all Bobby’s ever wanted with any of the girls.”

“Not true.” Blake retorted. “He was shagging Lottie by the end of the season.”

“Yeah, but it was always a more friends-with-benefits type of thing.” Emily countered with a frown. “They barely carried on once they were back home. I don’t think he ever saw anything long-term with anyone at the Villa, to be honest.”

“Except the new Mrs. Rennell.” Blake replied, rolling her eyes a little. “I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t save you at that recoupling even if just to keep you in the Villa because he was so ridiculously besotted with her, even after she dumped him to get back together with crane boy. D’you think he ever got over his crush on her or is it like extremely awkward if he ever hangs out with Gary and the missus?”

“I don’t think it’s awks, because that’s not Bobby.” Emily shook her head, as she knew he was always making sure everyone was comfortable and having their best time if they were out together. “But if he still has feelings for her… Who knows?” She finished with a shrug.

Blake was right about one thing: Emily did get to spend a lot of time with Bobby now, especially as they started working on the new cocktail menu. As the licences and other business and legal requirements were underway for the new restaurant, she spent several nights in a row at his apartment as he cooked her what would be his signature dishes and she experimented with different cocktails, the two of them workshopping to see which flavours would go best together.

It was also a lot more fun than she’d been expecting. She’d created a few signature drinks for past employers, but she’d never got to think about a whole menu like this ─ plus having someone else to bounce off and who knew so much about food made a world of difference. 

Yet as things started ramping up for the big opening and Emily watched Bobby spending more time training his kitchen staff, she realised it was just the way he did things. He was the total opposite of the classic, clichéd head chef yelling his head off and terrorising his sous chefs. He treated everyone nicely, huge smiles all around and good humour, good vibes surrounding the whole kitchen and supporting staff.

She’d never seen someone working as hard as he was. And honestly she’d never worked as hard either, as she now had staff under her and needed to train the bartenders so they’d be as skilled as she was in making those drinks that they’d created after so much joint effort.

It seemed like in no time at all the grand opening was upon them and everything went off without a hitch. Emily wasn’t really surprised, given the amount of effort everyone put into it, but it was also one of those things where it seemed like everything magically aligned together and it went so smoothly that it was almost too good to be true. But it was the sort of thing that just happened around Bobby, either as a direct result of his actions or the way he seemed to be such a great boss and uplift everyone around him that they all wanted to do their best for him, too.

She realised that went for her too, one afternoon between shifts at the restaurant when she was checking the bar for supplies and doing inventory and he hurriedly walked out of the kitchen, heading straight towards her.

“I need you to take tonight off.” He said without preamble when he was still halfway across the salon. “I know it’s not in the schedule, but I called Samantha and she’s coming ‘round to fill in for you.”

“You don’t want me working tonight?” She turned to him with a frown. “Why?”

He made a half resigned, half exasperated hand gesture, but there was still a smile on his face. “I squeezed in Gary and Julie for a last minute reservation late in the night and they want us to join them for dinner.” He reached the bar and braced his hands against it, leaning forward. “Say ‘yes’ to this, please?” He asked with one of his charming smiles.

“Well, what choice do I have?” She asked with a teasing eyebrow. “The boss is telling me to take the night off. I can’t very well say ‘no’.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” He said with a grin before shaking his head. “And I thought I told you to stop with this whole ‘boss’ nonsense already.”

“Bobby, you are the boss.” She insisted with a smirk. “It’s literally your name on top of that door.” She pointed at their front door with the clipboard in her hand.

“I’m pretty sure it says ‘The Melting Pot’.” He countered with a raised eyebrow.

“‘By Bobby McKenzie.’” She volleyed back with a pointed look.

They bantered back and forth for a bit as she kept doing inventory until he took the clipboard away and handed it to one of the bartenders on staff, saying she was off for the rest of the day.

She took the opportunity to dress up, doing her dark hair half-up, styling it to come down in gentle waves over one shoulder. She also got one of the nicer cocktail dresses she had out of her closet, which made a nice change from the usual dark trousers and blouse she’d wear for work.

It was a very nice evening, but it was so surreal at the same time: getting to the restaurant with the other patrons instead of being there hours before to open things up. Being seated by the maitre then waited on by people who were her colleagues and personal friends. She imagined it was the same for Bobby, as he split his time being in the kitchen overseeing their plates then sitting down with them to enjoy the meal and the drinks.

Gary and Julie were delighted they were all able to spend the night together, drinking and eating and chatting away. Emily could see the lads were still as silly and easygoing around each other as during their time back at the Villa, as even if time had passed they were still the same jokesters as before. Their sense of humour and easy banter was one of the things she most liked about them, and it was the same for Julie, who gave it back as good as she got.

They’d been done with the main course and chatting away before moving on to dessert when Emily got a little sidetracked in her conversation with Julie about her new research project for her doctorate at the university as she peripherally noticed an exchange of sorts happening between Gary and Bobby, the latter shaking his head and laughing away at something the blonde man had asked in a low voice.

“Alright, it’s time for my fave part.” Bobby said, almost as if he were trying to distract his friend from whatever they had been talking about. “Just wait here as I get the finishing touches on the desserts.”

As he got up and walked back towards the kitchen, Emily noted how his ears were red and that a light blush spread across his face under the freckles. “What was that about?” She asked with a bemused frown.

“What?” Gary said in a distracted manner as he turned to face her. “Oh nothing, Em.”

“Oh! I think I know.” Julie said, a slow grin taking over her lips. “Was it─?” She raised her eyebrows as she looked at her husband, and it was like they were sharing a whole silent conversation at that moment.

“C’mon, Gary.” Emily insisted with an easygoing smile. “Is it a secret? Why can’t I know?”

“Nah, it’s not a secret.” He replied with a shrug. “I was just asking Bobby if you two are a thing now.”

She felt as if the smile was frozen on her face. “What?”

“Yeah, the whole group thinks you are together and we’ve been dying to know.” Julie said, as if that had been the most normal thing in the world as she brought her glass up to her lips.

It took her a couple of seconds before she could properly react, but then Emily was laughing dismissively. “Oh no, we’ve always been just friends. Why would you even think that?”

“I dunno.” Gary commented, a sly smile forming as he rubbed a hand on his jaw. “There’s been a vibe, lately. The way he talks about you sometimes. That sort of thing.”

“Yeah, the way he looked at you when you were talking about the cocktail menu and how you two came up with all of that together…” Julie added, leaning her chin on her palm as she looked at her across the table. “I don’t know, it’s been a while since I’ve seen Bobby looking that happy.”

“He’s just excited about the restaurant.” Emily countered with an easy shrug.

“Oh yeah, don’t get me wrong.” She said, waving away a hand. “I know it was a lot of work to get this all going and I’m sure that’s part of it.”

“Just saying…” Gary chimed in then, as if he were continuing on his wife’s train of thought. “He wasn’t this happy back when he opened up the bakery.” He gave her a wink as Julie nodded emphatically next to him.

Soon, Bobby brought back the desserts and the group enjoyed the rest of their evening together, but Emily couldn’t stop those words from rattling around inside her brain and what it could all mean ─ if it even meant anything at all.

Then desserts led to more drinks, and more drinks led to the group just chatting away the rest of the night. Before they knew what was happening it was actually closing time and while they could’ve stayed put and just spent more time together having drinks as the dining room emptied out, Gary and Julie said they were in the mood to go dancing and insisted they needed to go together, for old time’s sake. The staff at the restaurant insisted they should all go and enjoy themselves and that was how Emily found herself in a nightclub with her friends instead of working behind the bar. Sure, even back when she was bartending at clubs she still went out on her free nights, especially with Blake or if Shannon happened to be in town, but with all the work recently it had been a while since she’d been out like this.

To be honest, the more surprising aspect was that she was out with Bobby and how different things felt between them. She couldn’t tell if it was the many drinks they’d had, the fact that they were letting out some steam on the dancefloor after weeks of stressing and working so hard or even if it had been Gary and Julie’s comments and questions about their current status quo. Whatever it was, something definitely felt different.

And she might’ve thought it was all in her head, some sort of shyness or awkwardness which had never been in her nature but that somehow had been brought to life at being confronted with a possibility that she’d never thought was actually possible. But she kept catching Bobby stealing glances at her, an almost-there smile on his lips as he danced a little too close, his fingertips brushing against her waist in a way that could’ve been innocent if not for the gleam in the warm hazel of his eyes.

Ah fuck this, Emily thought as she felt the familiar thrill running down her spine whenever she was about to do a ‘leap before you look’ as she pulled him by the hand and led him away towards a back wall. He followed her with no resistance, a grin pulling at his lips, almost as if he’d been expecting her to pull that move.

It was reckless and impulsive and maybe even foolhardy, considering he was not only her friend who had put her in the friendzone some three years ago but her boss nowadays. But it was also the only way Emily Paisley knew how to be and as she pressed him up against the wall and leaned into his personal space, she paused as if to give him an out, give him a chance to put a stop to this, tell her he didn’t mean for her to get things the wrong way and that they were in fact nothing more than friends.

Then she looked up, her gaze locked with his and she felt almost naked before him, feeling the buzz in the air between them and she knew it wasn’t all in her head. With a smirk pulling at her mouth, she threaded her arms around his neck and leaned in, moving her lips to brush up against the shell of his ear.

“Your move, McKenzie.”

She could feel a shiver run down his back with her hands pressed against his shoulders. She leaned back a little to look him in the eye and saw the smile forming as the words almost tumbled out past his lips. “Shit, Em. Let’s fuck up the friendship.”

Emily barely heard the words before she felt his lips capturing hers, the taste of his lips more intoxicating than any drink they’d had that night. She pulled his body flush against hers as her hands ran over his back and neck and she practically melted under his touch.

If this was just a drunken mistake or something to just get out of their systems or something else entirely, she was willing to wait and figure it out in the morning. Right now, feeling his lips and his touch igniting her whole body, she couldn’t quite understand why they’d never done this before. But she was gonna make damn sure it’d be a night to remember.

At least there were no TV cameras around this time.

[mypassionfortrash]

A cheeky lot of Britishisms

Hi everyone! Today I’ve put together this post on British English versus American English, but with a difference – I’m going to try and focus solely on words that crop up a lot in my specific fandom and in the dialogue that happens in fanfiction for that fandom.

The reason behind this is that I’m a huge believer in using dialogue as the primary tool for building your characters. Is it lazy? Sure. But you can paint such a vivid picture of a person through word choice and rhythm that it’s usually my own go-to. You can tell so much about a character even just by their word choice – their nationality being one of them. On my journey of engaging with fanfiction in my own fandom, I’ve found that a lot of people tend to extend American English to the way that their British characters speak.

I’m not advocating you write your entire work in British English, but I just wanted to write up a short cheat sheet with some slang and common phrases to portray your British characters a little better in terms of speech. You can use American English for everything else.

I’m gonna start off with common equivalents, then we can move on to some slang!

Sneakers – Trainers

Sweater – Jumper, Pullover (this one is particularly useful if your piece takes place from the 60’s to the 90’s when this was more prevalent)

French fries – Chips (although if you’re in a fast food place, ‘fries’ is fine)

Apartment – Flat (if you’re referring to the whole building, this becomes a ‘block of flats’… you know, like a Lego block)

Drugstore – Chemist’s

Hood (of a car) – Bonnet

Trunk – Boot

Gas – Petrol (or if you’re being specific, you could mention ‘diesel’)

Vacation – Holiday

Fall – Autumn

Elevator – Lift

Diaper – Nappy

Pacifier – Dummy (if you’re Scottish, you might call this a ‘dummy tit’ – that’s literally what it is when you think about it)

TV – Telly

Mom – Mum

Sidewalk – Pavement

Right, now that we’ve gone through a few useful words, let’s get on to some useful slang and where to use them!

Aggro – It’s short for ‘aggravation.’ You could say, ‘is this guy giving you aggro?’

All right? – This is a really common greeting. Instead of saying, ‘hi’ or ‘what’s up?’ you might say ‘all right?’ In Scotland, you might even shorten it all the way down to ‘’right?’

Arse – In Britain, we don’t use ‘ass.’ We use ‘arse.’ It can extend to the phrase ‘pain in the arse’ too! Or even ‘arsehole’ as an insult.

Arse over elbow; Arse over tit – You might say this when you’ve fallen over, drunk!

Baccy – Tobacco.

Barney – Another word for a row or a disagreement. ‘They had a barney last night.’

Bugger – You might use this in place of ‘shit’ or ‘fuck.’ You might call someone a ‘bugger.’ Or use ‘buggered’ in place of ‘tired.’ No one really knows what it means, but it’s always there.

Bugger all – It means ‘nothing.’ If you don’t have anything or nothing’s happening, you could say ‘bugger all.’

Bum – Posterior, bottom, derriere or ass. I love the word ‘bum.’

Do – If you’re throwing a party, you might say that you’re ‘having a do.’

Drop a clanger – To make a faux pas.

Fanny – Americans, this is not your ass. I repeat: THIS IS NOT YOUR ASS. This is your front ass. Your lady front ass. On a side note: we don’t have ‘fanny packs,’ we have, ‘bumbags’ which is even more hilarious.

Fanny around – To procrastinate.

Flog – To sell.

Gagging – Desperate. Usually for a shag.

How’s your father? – This is really useful if you’re writing a piece set in the 60’s and 70’s. It refers to sex. Because Brits are massive prudes.

On your bike – ‘Fuck off’

Rat arsed – Drunk

Roger – Verb… to shag. Make of that what you will.

Rumpy pumpy – A bit of a whimsical term for… you guessed it… SHAGGING

Skint – Broke

Slag – To badmouth someone; or you could call someone a ‘slag’ which is essentially the same as calling them a ‘whore.’

Slapper – Essentially the same as ‘whore’ or ‘tart.’ A bit like ‘tramp’ for the Americans in the house.

Slash – Guys might ‘go for a slash’ in the street, when they’re drunk. OH CHRIST THEY’RE PEEING UP THE WALL. They’re peeing, guys. They’re urinating.

Sloshed – We have so many words for ‘drunk’ don’t we?

Sod’s law – The same as ‘Murphy’s law.’ Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

Uni – University. We don’t say ‘college’ as that’s completely different to university in Britain.

Wank – MASTURBATION

Whinge – To complain, to whine.

Throw a wobbly – To throw a tantrum.

Thanks for reading, guys! This isn’t an exhaustive list, and it’s pretty London/England-centric. So if you have any regional suggestions, feel free to pop them in the notes!

[ingravinoveritas]

'Cheeky little Scottish slag' XD This made me laugh so much and I think deserves hashtag status.

Hahah. Well thank you, Anon! Yes indeed, I will go ahead and add that to my collection of David hashtags, which include (but may not be limited to):

#soft scottish hipster gigolo #prince of pegging #cockles warmer #sexy ginger demon twink

And now, the latest and greatest addition of #cheeky little Scottish slag. Hail and well met, and congratulations to David Tennant for being thoroughly versatile (at least when it comes to hashtags). Yay!

[ingravinoveritas]

A couple of other thoughts in regard to today’s big news about Staged 3 (following up on this post):

1) David was asked back in August during Fan Expo Boston whether there would be a third season of Staged, and he ever-so-smoothly and deftly played coy/side-stepped the question. He damn well knew a season 3 was happening and teased us with it. And as the Anon who messaged me mentioned, this little comment of David’s might have been more literal than we realized:

...Especially given that the promo photos from today appear to have been taken at David’s house. This cheeky little Scottish slag fully knew that Michael was spending all that time at his house and in his bed and still answered the question like he wasn’t sure if a third season could happen. Oh, David...

2) The announcement of Staged 3 and knowing that Michael and David spent a bunch of time in person together filming it opens up sooo many opportunities for potential fanfic. (As will, undoubtedly, all the interactions Michael and David will have in the flesh in the episodes themselves.) Absolutely delightful...