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lilacarclady · 1 year

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A snippet from my Taiju Shiba fanfic 🤍

Find it on Ao3/Wattpad: @lilacarclady

Being a woman, was the most wonderful thing to ever happen for me. I love every single thing about myself and my body. And as selfish as that would sound, I found us the most elegant and creative human kind to exist. But aside from all these sweet qualitative sides about being a woman, I found being one could always give you a ready to-go excuse at hand whenever you needed it. So today, in the morning when Yuzuha's alarm sounded off and she woke up, I gave her that excuse. Even though it wasn't true and it was all there is, an excuse.

I told Yuzuha that I got my period this morning, and the cramps were so bad that I couldn't even get up. So she understood. And told me to stay laid down and rested. And so I did. I also told her that I found my phone last night, somewhere in their house, and maybe Hakkai had found it at Mitsuya's place and brought it here.

Which it clearly sounded like a really dumb made up story but she didn't say anything. But promised me to call and check on me later today.

I didn't even bother to lift the covers off my face to look at her, because I wasn't sure what my face looked like and if his fingers had left marks on me from last night.

As the events of last night came forming back in my mind, I found it very strange that I even managed to sleep at all. But I did. From the second I came back to Yuzuha's room, I remember the hot tears on my face and the foggy feeling that crept into my head, dizzying me, and without realizing it I fell instantly asleep. And thinking about how strange that was, I realized my body was going through something internally. I just didn't know what it was.

Now finally in the bathroom, it was around ten and I just got up and out of Yuzuha's room. The house felt quiet. So I thought either it was empty or he was still sleeping in his room.

I ran my hand through my bangs to push my hair back and leaned closer to the mirror. And sure enough, they were there.

Round, small patches of redness and small cuts were dotted on both of my cheeks. Three maybe on the left cheek and one on the right, where his fingers were pressed. Again, his mark was on me, and again, I felt shamefully stained. Like somehow those marks were not only a reminder of his hands on me, but also a reminder of my own cowardice and lack of awareness. Because I walked, with my own feet, into his room. And I was the one who kept pressing on what I knew will only stress him more. It was all my fault.

I turned the faucet and splashed my face with cold water, hoping it'll help with easing the redness of those patches away. And if they didn't go, I might just do the same thing Yuzuha did to my arm with concealer until they disappear.

After finishing in the bathroom and brushing my teeth, I walked back to Yuzuha's room, my feet pacing the floor as quietly as they could, and put my toiletry bag into my backpack and headed downstairs. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I was too hungry for that. And it was raining heavily again outside to go walking home now, so I decided on finding something to eat.

Downstairs, the air felt cold and dry as usual. And I rubbed my hands over my bare arms as I walked into the kitchen. The backyard door was surprisingly closed shut and everything was misplaced and messy.

My eyes moved from the pizza box on the counter since last night, when he was eating from it, to the piled dishes in the sink. I sighed to myself and opened the fridge. I promised myself not to make judges about Yuzuha's life. But now after knowing what I know, I couldn't help but feel sorry for them.

The thought of not expecting anything to eat in there evaporated quickly and my eyebrows lifted when I saw the fully stocked fridge in front of me. There were fruits, drinks, snacks, milk, eggs, ham, cheese and two jars of peanut and jam next to one another. The confusion couldn't help but sink in deeper in me, because this was not normal! But maybe it's because Taiju was here, I thought.

I grabbed the peanut butter jar and went to take a spoon out of the drawer. I felt a moral tug in me like I shouldn't eat anything more than that. Because it was for them, and because it was one of the rarest sights to ever see in this house.

I then took a seat at the kitchen table and took my phone out of my sweatpants pocket, finally checking what I missed in the past few days. There were texts and social media notifications, a few missed calls and an email. I tapped it open and saw that it was an invitation that was sent by one of the girls in our class, inviting me to a halloween party she'll be having at her place on Halloween Day. And my face wrinkled at the screen. A party was the last thing I needed at the moment, considering how the last party I went to ended.

As I was scrolling through my phone and my tongue working around the slippery peanut butter on the spoon, I heard a shuffling noise descending the stairs in heavy paces. And I froze, the spoon still in my mouth. Then seconds later, his inked and bulky figure appeared in the kitchen and headed straight towards a cabinet a few feet away from me. Without even glancing at where I was sitting still on the chair.

Taiju was shirtless, only in a pair of shorts and the chain around his neck. I watched as he opened the cabinet and took out a bottle of Advil, popping two pills into his mouth and swallowing them dry. And that answered the questions in my head that he was indeed drunk last night, and today he was hungover.

I pulled the spoon slowly out of my mouth and with it came the wet, sucking sound of something slipping. My cheeks grew hot instantly. And Taiju, at that movement, turned his head and glanced at me sideways, annoyed, then turned back. But then he lifted his head, glanced back at me one more time and said, "What the hell?" Surprised and probably only now realizing it was me at the table. I noticed how hoarse his morning voice sounded. I placed the spoon back in the jar silently.

"Jesus, didn't I tell you not to keep on wearing her clothes?" He was looking at Yuzuha's t-shirt and sweatpants that I was wearing. And I frowned at this because he obviously saw me wearing them last night. But then I remembered he was drunk and probably couldn't remember anything of what happened. Not my clothes, not us talking, and for sure not him hurting me. I averted my gaze away and shrugged.

I heard him sighing and then walking to the fridge, opening it. And as he did, my eyes scanned his bare and muscled back. The black and big cross that was covering his entire back made it hard to focus on anything else. So my eyes kept staring, my mouth opened slightly. He looked good, too good. And that idea hurt in my head because I didn't want to see him in that way. I took a breath.

"Like what you see?" He said as he bent to grab a banana and closed the fridge's door. I shook my head and turned my gaze down at my peanut.

"It's a nice tattoo." I murmured, my voice weak.

"Sure it is." He said. I could hear the smirk in his voice as he walked towards the coffee maker.

When he was pouring a cup of coffee for himself, I took another spoonful of peanut in my mouth. My eyes focusing at the black screen of my phone on the table. Then I heard the chair across from me scraping on the floor and Taiju sitting. His banana and black coffee with him.

He bent forward, the cross around his neck dangling as he took a sip then gulped it bitterly. "That's all you're having for breakfast?" He said. I nodded.

"There's food, you know!" He added.

I nodded again. "I know, I don't feel like eating." I said then glanced at what he was having and he seemed to read my thoughts exactly.

He also nodded. "Too hungover to eat." He said.

I slouched my shoulders and took my phone, feeling how awkward this was getting, I wanted it to distract me.

In the edge of my eyes sight I saw that he leaned back in his chair, one hand around his coffee cup and the other was tapping lightly on the table. And his face, I wasn't sure where his eyes were, but I felt them on me.

As I was scrolling through my phone again, I absentmindedly pushed my hair back and away from my face, and that was when I heard the tapping of his fingers stopping.

He leaned in on the table. "Look up." He said, his tone flat but demanding. And I hesitated for a second before locking my phone and slowly lifting my face at him.

His eyes roamed my face, more precisely, both of my cheeks. Then he leaned back in his chair again and exhaled a heavy breath.

"What happened last night?" He said and I shrugged again, clearly unable to find my voice.

"Talk."

"Nothing." I whispered, then I saw how impatient he looked, I added. "We talked."

Taiju nodded, clearly racking his brain for memories about last night. His eyes kept staring at me still as he did and I felt myself shrinking in my chair. Like any minute now, my body will keep on shrinking under his pressing gaze until I become the size of the pills he just took.

Another sigh escaped his chest then he took a gulp from his coffee. "Why aren't you at school?" He said, putting his cup down.

I wanted to shrug again but stopped myself, so I just shook my head. "Wasn't feeling well." I said. Taiju nodded.

Few minutes passed, or maybe seconds that felt like minutes, between us sitting in silence before I decided to stand up. I put my phone back on the table and headed towards the fridge to put back the peanut butter. Then I turned towards the sink to wash my spoon, feeling it would be rude if I just left it there. Even if the sink was already piled with dishes.

But then I looked at the dishes in the sink again and at the dishwasher next to it. Opening it and turning the water on, my hands started rinsing the plates and putting them into the washer. Since I was here anyway and had nothing to do, I might as well clean them, I thought.

"What are you doing?" His voice came from behind me when I started rinsing a cup.

I shrugged. "They're dirty."

"So..."

"I'm helping Yuzuha a little." I said as I bent to put the cup in the washer. Taiju fell silent for a few seconds, and what I was guessing, he was eating his banana and watching me. But I didn't mind that. As long as my eyes weren't looking into his eyes, I was okay.

After finishing the whole sink and turning on the dishwasher, I heard his chair making a soft noise. Not giving me a chance to turn on my own, he came behind me and his hands found my waist, turning me urgently to face him. A light breath got knocked out of my chest at that movement and I froze.

"You didn't have to do that." He murmured, his face looked annoyed and I was aware of his hands still on my waist.

I shook my head slowly. "It's nothing."

Taiju's eyes lingered on my cheeks again, then his right hand lifted towards my face and I flinched against my will at that move. My heart jumped.

"Don't do that." He said. His fingers found my cheeks and I felt them wrapping around my face under my ear while his thumb started caressing my cheek, where his fingers were pressing forcefully at last night.

"They don't hurt, do they?"

I shook my head again, unable to speak because of the closeness he started getting. Again. And my body going into that panicked and alerted state. Again.

For a second, because of the way he was looking down at me, I thought he was going to kiss me. And I felt my cheeks flushing red at that thought. Then I felt my body splitting again, into two sides. Two forces were tugging at me. Like a civil war had erupted inside me. Fighting for dominance and control. My mind's army were yelling, blasting those sirens as high as they could, telling me to push him away and escape. Leave this house at once. While my body's army were surrendering, to him, and parting my lips ever slightly. Getting ready to receive the feeling of his mouth on me that never came. Because he didn't kiss me, and instead, his head titled sideways and he buried it into my neck. I shivered.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, so hoarsely and so low, that if he wasn't this close to my ear I wouldn't have heard it.

"Taiju..."

He nodded, not talking as I felt his hot breath now against me neck. And I uncontrollably crooked my neck sideways at that feeling, like hugging his face more into me.

"You can't keep doing this!" I breathed out. His hands left my waist and were now making their way around me, towards my back, his big palms started doing circular motions.

"Doing what?" He said. But just when I was about to talk, his hands traveled down, all the way to my ass and lifted me up forcefully.

I gasped, and scared from falling, wrapped my arms around his neck. Clutching to him like a life float, but instead of it saving me, I felt like that life float was only drowning me deeper.

Taiju turned and walked towards the kitchen counter, lifting my body up that I felt his fingers digging into my thighs as he placed me over the counter. Opening my legs apart and positioning himself between my thighs. "You were saying?" He said.

I blinked, once, twice, taking a few seconds to process what he just did. My arms were still around his neck, feeling tingly from brushing against the ends of his hair. I quickly pulled them down and shook my head.

"This's what I mean, Taiju." I said, my voice barely audible.

"This's not okay?" His lips were smirking now, slyly, and his eyes were the shade of butterscotch under the kitchen's morning light.

"Yes." I whispered.

"Hm.." His hands left my sides and made their way to my back again, but this time they found their way under the fabric of my t-shirt. And just when his hands touched the skin on my back, my body instantly arched forward, fighting the cold touch of his fingers on me. He chuckled, his breath landed on my face and I realized I'd gotten too close to him.

"How about this?" He said, now roaming my whole bare back freely. And I felt a big loss had happened inside me, because the winner of that civil war was definitely my body. So I wrapped my arms around his neck again, and this time, I was the one who buried my face into his neck.

"Good girl..." His voice sent a fuzzy, tingling feeling, that erupted from down my stomach to my whole body. And I felt like I wanted him closer now, more, closer between my thighs.

"Taiju..." I whispered again, feeling his warm skin now printing against my cheek. The cheek that carried the marks of his hand on me, and I felt like a traitor. Because I was clearly betraying my own self. But at that moment, I didn't care. I pressed my lips against his now slightly sweaty skin, kissing him under his ear.

I heard him drawing a deep breath then pulling me more into him, opening my thighs further apart and pushing his wide hips towards me. I was barely sitting on the edge now.

"Is this okay?" He whispered. I nodded once more into him, my lips wanting to kiss him again, but at the same time I started hearing a very familiar tone. And it took me a second to realize it was my phone ringing. I lifted my face up.

"Leave it." He said, his voice clear and stern now. I looked at my phone ringing at the table behind him.

"I have to see who it is!" I said.

"Later.."

"Taiju, it could be my Nana..." I started closing my legs so he could get back. But he was like a stone pole inserted there.

"I said not now!" He snapped. And I could tell he was growing irritated once more. A selfish part of me wanted to ignore my phone, because I didn't want to stop whatever was happening between us and didn't want his grumpy mood to come again.

But then I thought about my Nana and shook my head at Taiju, who groaned roughly and turned towards the table. Leaving me sitting on the counter as he fetched my phone and looked at the screen. Then he came back to where he was, exactly back between my thighs, and slid the phone to answer, pressing at the speaker.

I narrowed my eyes at the screen, trying to see who it was before talking, but Yuzuha's voice came quickly. "Emi, baby, how are you feeling?"

"Yuzuha!" I shook my head panically, "hey, I'm okay." I said.

Taiju's eyes were dead focused on me as he held my phone next to my face. His other hand was under my t-shirt, this time on my bare stomach and slowly inching their way towards my bra. I held my breath.

"Are you really?" Her voice started rushing, and I imagined her walking the school hallway now and heading to her locker. "How is the period cramps? Listen, I left some painkillers on my dresser along with tampons. I hope you found them!" And at that I closed my eyes shut and pressed my lips together so tightly, I was sure they were about to melt shut forever. Taiju's hand stopped under my shirt.

"You there, Emi?"

My eyes still closed, I nodded. My cheeks exploding like a volcano. "Yup." I said.

"Okay, that's good. Don't go out it's still raining awfully outside. I'll see you when I come back. I love you."

"Love you." I murmured and the line went silent. And in that awkward, awful, agonizing silence that fell after her phone call, Taiju put my phone on the counter next to me and drew his hand out of my shirt.

"Look at me." He said.

I slowly unclosed my eyes, my eyelashes fluttering and my eyes looking anywhere but at his. Still embarrassed to my core. Both of Taiju's hands came up to my face, and surprisingly this time, my body didn't do anything. Like him touching me was the most normal thing ever now.

Taiju cupped both of my cheeks. "You okay?" He said, his brows furrowing at me. And I didn't catch if it was an annoyed look or a concerned one. I nodded.

I wanted to tell him that I didn't get my period. That I was perfectly okay and that was just an excuse to skip school and not let Yuzuha see my face. But I couldn't. Because talking about it again still felt embarrassing.

He brushed my cheeks again, so lightly, it surprised me. Because it was unbelievably strange that those exact hands, that almost broke my jaw last night, were capable of being this gentle.

"You go rest, then." He murmured and his arms went to wrap around my waist, lifting me limply, like I was a small rag doll, and putting me down on the floor again.

I cleared my throat. "It's okay." I said, "I think I'll go change and head home." We were standing in front of each other, looking and feeling just as awkward.

Then Taiju moved to clear his cup and banana peel from the table. "It's still raining." He said.

I turned to take my phone, looking out of the kitchen window. "It's okay, it's only a ten minutes walk." I said. But it wasn't okay. Because I'll obviously be drenched if I went in that rain now.

He went to put his cup in the sink. "Still, it won't be safe for you." He said then turned to me, his eyes unreadable. "You could stay."

I shook my head, not wanting to read more into that invitation of his. "I can't, Taiju." I said and locked my eyes with his. "I can't be here when Yuzuha comes back." Then I pointed my index finger towards my cheek.

He stared at me for a second before running a hand through his hair and looking away from me. "Okay, give me a minute to get dressed and I'll give you a ride." And with that he walked out of the kitchen.

Fifteen minutes later, I was standing back in the kitchen, dressed in my school uniform from yesterday and my backpack hung over one shoulder. I managed to shove everything there along with my textbooks hurriedly because I didn't want to take too long. But Taiju was still in his room, and as I was waiting I took my phone out and texted Yuzuha, telling her that I was heading home and thanking her.

After pressing send on my text, I heard his heavy boots making their way towards the kitchen and I tugged sharply at my bag, readying myself. Like a soldier standing straightly still when his commander came by.

Taiju then entered the kitchen and the first thing I looked at was the long, too familiar, red coat of his. His hair was now more neatly styled and brushed.

"You ready?" He asked. I nodded and his eyes went down to my legs. "Won't you get cold in this?" He nodded towards my short skirt. I shook my head.

"It's getting cold out there, and it'll be freezing on my bike!" He cocked a brow at me.

I shrugged and pointed with my chin towards his bare chest under the coat. "Won't you?"

And he chuckled as he walked closer to me. "Try controlling that smarting tongue of yours." He said then opened the backyard door. I followed after him, my lips tugging in a hidden smile as I breathed in the familiar cologne of him after passing me.

Outside, I noticed that the rain had stopped. And there was nothing left but the rainless thick clouds in the sky and the muddy pools in the yard. Taiju walked towards what looked like a motorbike under a thick cover of plastic dotted with raindrops. And with one strong pull, it flew to the side, splashing those raindrops with it, and revealing his big black bike underneath it. I gulped as I walked slowly towards him. Careful not to step over any muddy patch.

"Wait here." He murmured as he left me by the bike and went inside the house again.

Looking around me, I realized this is the first time in a long time that I see this yard. It wasn't like the typical backyard of a house. Because for a starter it wasn't grassy or bushy, but muddy and I imagined it would look like a deserted space of dust when not wet like this.

I noticed how wherever I looked, I found one or two items or a part of a bike. Just thrown there and forgotten about. Tires of all sizes and wires were also put in one corner, now covered with rain and mud.

Then I noticed a tree, a big tree that it looked like it was wronged for being here. Because it didn't fit with everything around it. And I felt an urge to walk to it, but before responding to that urge, the kitchen door opened again and Taiju came back. His eyes studying me and holding what I recognized as a helmet in his hands.

"Put this on." He said when he reached me.

I took the shiny and silky black helmet from him and stared momentarily at the letters that were engraved on it. They were 'BD - TS' in a white font and I knew it meant the words 'Black Dragon' and 'Taiju Shiba'.

"Ready?" He said. I nodded and slipped it over my hair. And instantly, I was greeted with the smell of his cologne again inside of it. Then I felt my heart doing a little flutter at that feeling. The coziness of the helmet and his smell made me feel like my head was being held, hugged, between his arms. Like I was being held into his chest.

"Hop on." He said. I nodded and swung my leg over the big bike. My bare legs felt cold against the metal sides of it.

"Okay." He said, "hold on tightly." And I nodded again even though he couldn't see me. Then I snaked my arms around his torso, hesitantly. Taiju took my arms and pulled them further, making my body lean in and press over his back.

"I said tightly." He said and then locked my hands around him. The leather of his gloves sliding over my skin. So I held him, as tightly as I could. And as he turned his bike on and it roared to life, I felt like I didn't want to ever let go of him. Ready to go wherever he wanted to take me...