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starscelly · 4 months ago

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Cel’s Daily Dallas Diary Day 4:

first off. its hitting me that i only have ONE MORE GAME and then i have to go home and i literally. want to die because what do you meannnnnn what do you mean i dont live in dallas texas what the fuck

im gonna cry. anyways

i didnt do FUCK ALL today bc i was in so much pain from 7am-4pm its not even funny. my body hates me . its whatevs

i met up with my dearest tanya at the game... i brought my stupid ass sign

we know what happened with the stupid ass sign -_-

the way i saw his ass read it SEVERAL TIMES!!!!! idk we might have to kill tharls

girl who was there giffing you in 2023..... me and 2 others..... who knew your name from the start............ now ur too big for me... whatevs

i also didnt get mystery pucks because i was standing there DUMB AS FUCK holding my sign . whatever.

i also heard none of the injured guys signed pucks which liiiike. what better stuff do you have to do.... idk....

i got two packs of the sweatbands. does anyone want a pack of sweatbands.

genuinely they need cuter pride merch bc i cant........

BUT WHATEVER.... i had fun watching the game bc i was with tanya and we were just hating and thats the way sports NEED to be consumed

genuinely. okay so i wear the same shit (besides jersey i change the jersey) to every game. and it includes a 4 . 24 . 55 bracelet that was lovingly made for me and i cherish

and not to be strange. but for good luck i give the numbers a little smooch. but i was placing HEXES on harls tn

and then maybe 5 mins before he scores a goal i give his number a little kiss and i go "okay lock in. you have ONE chance to not piss me off"

and what did he do . okay. alright man. ill shut up .

ANYWAYS.... then the hangar kicked us out. #closingtime

and then i had to leave my dearest tanyatxstars.... cant discuss at this time WILL cry

i have $5 in my bank account. should i come back in may. thoughts

its so strange bc i do feel this cosmic pull to new england like i could NEVER leave mass permanently . but i want to live in the aac. so how do i balance this

idkkkk im sad. im sad for many reasons that should not be present when they just WON THAT STUPID ASS PRIDE GAME... whateverrrr

also my hair looked SO good today. just need to say this. maybe he was jealous

#miro would never do this to me btw #but we move !#dallas diaries by cel #yap yap yapping

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myzzjolanda · 2 years ago

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Biggest fears

So eh, I might have done a thing again. Not sure if it's any good, but I loved writing it. This idea had been in my head for a while now and I wanted to share this. Might have some language mistakes because English isn't my first language, it's late and I'm tired. Enjoy!

Pairing: Larissa Weems x reader

Show: Wednesday

Warnings: none, but a bit of angst and fear of rejection I guess?

You've always sucked at love. The short story about it was that you were scared of it. Scared of being happy and being loved and then being hurt. Long story was that you were bullied for a long time untill you were 17, and in that period never dared to ask someone out. What if they just laughed at you and tell every person they knew of about that ridiculous thing you asked? And then the next day, the bullying at school would be even worse. You decided to save yourself from the embarrasment. After you were 17, things got better. You weren’t bullied as much anymore, but you still did have a lot of shame in you. Your selfworth was low, you still hadn’t had a boyfriend or girlfriend and you were just feeling not that pretty or interesting at the age of 25 you had your very first ‘boyfriend’, who, looking back at it, just did things for sex so that ended quickly. He was trying to hide you a lot and while you were together it was just sex. You both decided this wasn’t going to get better the best thing was to end things. You were quite angry with him for this, since you trusted him with being a virgin and all and you felt used. He didn’t seem to care much. In the 2 years that followed, you dated a bit more but it ended all in nothing. At that point, you decided to quit love. The hurt wasn’t worth it, if everyone decided not to want you.

And here you are, at 30, being in love with a tall, blonde woman who is so pretty she could be a godess. You didn’t know how it exactly happened. You had decided to do your masters abroad and choose a small university in the United States. The masters suited your bachelor well and you loved that you could experience this in another place than your own country. You had decided to take a part-time job in a bookshop in Jericho to earn some extra money, and that was where you met her. She walked in on your first day at work, which happened to be a rainy Saturday, with so much grace and the brightest smile you’ve ever seen. Appereantly she always bought her weekly newspaper from the UK there, since it was obvious that that was where she was from. You noticed that after some weeks, you started to look forward to her visits to the shop. Although you decided a good while back not to do love again, you did decide it wouldn’t hurt to befriend her right? She seemed really sweet and you’ve noticed you both had some similar tastes. Both loved reading, history and classical music. You found out her name was Larissa Weems and that she was the headmistress of the school for outcasts. She was well respected in the city, but still down to earth and really sweet and friendly. You could be easily just friends with her. Although you were madly in in love with her, you’d rather be just friends. You were too afraid that telling her your feelings and/or becoming a couple would ruin what you had build up with her. You figured that as long as you could just be friends, you could manage.

That was untill the moment at your weekly coffeemeeting after your work, when Larissa started to look a bit more serious. “Y/n? I want to ask you something.”. She looked around, almost to see how many people there still were in the Weathervane. Since it was near closingtime, it was almost empy, just the barista and the two of you. Your heart sank when you saw Larissa’s face. She looked really worried, but also hopefull. You put on a brave smile. “Go ahead!”, you answered cheerfully. She took your hand. She stayed silent for a terrifying long moment. “I think I’m starting to like you.”, she said with a soft voice. You felt the sensation of panick rise in your stomach. It was so much, it almost hurt. Your mouth felt dry. “Y-you like me.”, you answered. She nodded, almost afraid. You freaked out. You were scared, you had decided not to do this anymore, because you were always scared. “I got to go.”, you said, standing up and almost running away from Larissa. “y/n!”, she tried yelling out you. If you had looked back, you could’ve seen how scared Larissa looked when yelling for you, and then sad after you run out of Weathervane. But you didn’t look back. You were to scared of what you would see. In your mind, you’d know this would be bullshit, but you’d still have a guttfeeling that someone would be lauging at you, because of the way you've just behaved. Perhaps Larissa was laughing because of you. Perhaps she thought you were weird because of today. She wouldn’t be the first one to think so. When you got home, you were brave for a few mlre minutes. You quickly changed into your comfy pyjama’s, put your phone into your charger and then ran to your bed. You hugged your teddybear tightly, and then cried. You just cried long untill you fell asleep.

Larissa felt the urge to call you quite often for the next couple of days, but she couldn’t do it. You looked so scared when she admitted her feelings to you. Did she say something wrong? She never ment to hurt or scare you. She decided she’d leave you be for the moment. Perhaps you’d just wanted someone else than her. Someone better or so.

In the next couple of weeks, you noticed that Larissa wouldn’t come over for her weekly newspaper anymore. Instead, she always asked one of her teachers to pick it up for her. Although you didn’t like to admit this, but this probably even hurt just as much as getting your heart broken after a relationship. You wanted to make it up to her, but you didn’t know how. Perhaps she didn’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. You just ran away from her, no explanation, no nothing. If she still wanted you, she would’ve visited the shop again, wouldn’t she? On the other hand, perhaps she was just as hurt and scared as you are. You made a mental note to text her when you were of from work. That gave you a bit of time to think wha you wanted to text her. You decided you’d rather text Larissa than to call her, because you were still scared of her reaction. You’d rather read her reaction than hear her angry or upset reaction.

That night, you still didn’t know what you wanted to text Larissa. You sighted. “I messed up, didn’t I?”, that would be short. But isn’t it a weird message to send, after all this time? For the time being, you couldn’t think of anything better, so you just pressed send. You were worried that if you’d wait any longer, she wouldn’t read the message anymore. And then the scared waiting began. And then all of a sudden, Larissa her status changed to ‘online’, and the status of the message changed to ‘read’. You panicked even more. You started to breathe more heavily. You layed down in bed, pressed your teddybear close to you again, and started typing again. Hopefully to make things better again.

“I’m sorry I messed up, I didn’t want to hurt you. I got scared. Not scared of you, but I’m scared of love. I didn’t want to mess up. I think I like you too. I miss you and I’m sorry.”, you typed, and pressed ‘send’ again. You waited again. Larissa was typing now.

“Are you home now?”

“Yes. But I look like shit now.”

“I don’t care, so do I. I’m coming over.”.

Your eyes got wide. What did this mean? Is Larissa angry with you now? Was she going to yell at you? She was so tall, she could tower over you so easily and when she would yell… or was she just happy that you said you liked her too? Different scenario’s were happening in your head now, one even worse than the other. You didn’t want to think of the positive scenario’s. What if the end was bad anyways?

Your doorbell rang way too early to your liking. You carefully opened the door, and saw Larissa. Despite the situation, you were so glad you saw her. You noticed she didn’t look happy, nor angry, but she looked… sad? You never saw anyone look so sad towards you. “Hi.”, she said. She tried to smile. “can I come in? I did bring that wine you liked with me.”, she continued. That cought you of guard. You knew she was sweet, but in those weeks without her, you forgot hów sweet she was. You just simply noddrd and made way for her to get in. You walked her to your kitchen and grabbed two wineglasses. You watched as Larissa poured the both of you a glass lf wine. You decided to break the silence. “Larissa, I-“ “No, wait. Sit.”, she demanded. Oh. Yeah. That would be handy. You sat down and played with your wineglass a bit. Suprisingly to you, Larissa’s face softened a bit. “I can tell you are nervous, y/n. Can you tell me a bit what scares you?”. You shrugged. You didn’t even know where to start. Slowly, you answered: “Love, I guess. Never had much friends in school, got bullied, had my first boyfriend at 25 who took my virginity and left me shortly after, dated a bit afterwards but no one wanted me. I think I always felt unlovable and those things didn’t make anything better.”. You felt your eyes sting. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”, you added softly. Larissa remained silent for a few minutes. You didn’t dare to look her in her eyes. Eventually, she took your hand “did you mean it? In that tekst? That you liked me back.” You looked up again. You felt a weird hopefull feeling in your belly. You couldn’t supress a smile while you nodded. Larissa smiled back while she squeezef your hand. “Good. Because to me, you’re not unlovable. You are the sweetest, prettiest, purest person I’ve met and I’d love to have you in my live.”, she said. “Really?”, you answered, ashamed almost immediatly of how happy you sounded. “yes.”, Larissa answered, while she pulled you onto her lap. “And I know you’re still a bit scared, I can see it in those pretty eyes of yours. But I don’t care. We can do things as slowly as you want this to be. I want to wait for you. Because that is what you do when you love someone. As long as you allow me to call you mine. I love you, y/n y/l/n.”. You felt like you could cry. You admitted your biggest fear to Larissa, and she still loved you. She was even willing to wait for you. “I love you too, Larissa Weems.”, you answered, and then kissed those beautifull, red lips. “but indeed, please wait for me if I get scared again.”, you hummed after the two of you let go of each other again. Larissa smiled her prettiest smile at you. “I will, my love, I’ll always wait for you.”.

#larissa weems #wednesday #larissa weems x reader #larissa weems fanfic #gwendoline christie

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