#coffee is 3l33t

[1-800-roflmao]

Wash Day Delight Pt. 7

Rating:  General Audiences

WARNINGS:  None

Fandom:  Undertale (Video Game)

Relationships:  Papyri Harem.  

Characters:  Papyrus (UT!Pap), Reader, Blue (US!Sans), Willow (HT!Pap), Mutt (FSR!Pap), Red (UF!Sans), Coffee (FSG!Pap), Oak (HT!Sans), and Mentions of Other AU Skeletons

If you prefer reading on AO3

*Willow is here to save the Reader’s toes after that trip through the void.  She finally gets to have her shower and ponder.  Meanwhile, the guys discuss downstairs and Coffee reminds them Google is a thing.

*Bonus: Fluffy Willow moments.

PREVIOUS || FIRST || NEXT

Papyrus was never a fan of shortcuts and not just because his brother borderline abused them.  No, he didn’t enjoy the pervasive feel of the void around him.  The cold of Snowedin never bothered him, but the void’s cold always managed to sink and settle into his bones no matter how short their time was spent in the odd space.  By the way he could feel the human in his arms shivering lightly let him know she was feeling it as well.  Finally, the inky blackness of the void seemed to pull before snapping and his well lit home falling into place around him was almost blinding.  

“ALRIGHT, YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES,” Blue had yet to release his grip on Papyrus’s arm as he used it for leverage to check on their friend.  She was slowly unfurling from the fetal position she had curled into during their trip.  Had she been that cold?  His sockets took in her attire and he mentally kicked himself for not realizing how light her clothing was.  And humans were more sensitive to temperature to boot.

“APOLOGIES!  I SHOULD HAVE GRABBED A BLANKET FOR YOU.” Papyrus wanted to help rub some warmth into the bared skin of her arms and legs, but he doubted his frozen bones would do much good right now.  Even Blue was resisting touching her right now.  

She had unfurled as much as she dared and patted his chest before trying to speak.  Her teeth chattered shortly into her effort and she quickly closed her mouth with a little embarrassed huff.  He managed to stifle a giggle at the cute display as she took a moment to rub her hands together and blow hot air into her palms before pressing the warmed skin into her cheeks and rubbing more.  Blue didn’t bother hiding his chuckles and she sent him a pouty glare, “N-not f...f-f… fun-ny!” she pushed out.

Blue just grinned as he lifted a hand and made a show of removing his glove, “NOT FUNNY SHE SAYS!” he cackled as her glare quickly melted into horror and panic as the energetic skeleton hovered his hand over her bare leg.  

“D-don’t you d-are!”  she chattered, legs jerking slightly as she seemed to be holding back from moving too much.  Papyrus could feel her jump as Blue dropped his hand lower playfully.  

“OKAY, THAT’S EN-EH!!!” his statement was cut off as a new pair of skeletal hands came into view and plucked the shivering human from his arms swiftly.  It took a moment for his mind to catch up with what just happened as he snapped his head up to see who had stolen his friend.

“WILLOW!” It had been Blue calling his doppelganger’s nickname as they both watched the towering skeleton adjust his hold on her so she was pretty much sitting in the crook of his arm, tucked against his side, with his palm cupping her feet as his fingers gently rubbed at her toes.  She seemed to be shivering less and less, relaxing into Willow’s hold even as said skeleton fussed over and at her.  Papyrus and Blue weren’t exempt from a scolding though as Willow turned his attention to them and wasted no time falling into a lecture.

“I UNDERSTAND YOU TWO WERE EXCITED TO HAVE OUR FRIEND OVER TODAY, BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO RUSH AND FORGET NECESSITIES LIKE SOCKS AND SHOES!  HUMANS LOSE MOST OF THEIR BODY HEAT THROUGH THEIR FEET!” Papyrus and Blue just resigned to their fate and bowed their heads guiltily. Thankfully, Willow’s scolding was halted by the human in his arms patting his chest.  

“That’s enough, Willow,” she hushed, for some reason looking guilty herself.  “Blue and Pap took real good care of me before the shortcut, so go easy on them, please?” The two she praised perked up.  “Plus, they weren’t the only ones excited to come over today,” she finished her plea and Willow took a moment to consider it before letting his shoulders and features relax.  

“FINE,” he gave in and sighs of relief resounded before a confused squeak escaped their guest as Willow turned around with her still cradled against his side and started making his way up the stairs.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

“Um… Willow?” she called, trying not to look down or around.  Willow was already tall… no, tall wasn’t enough to cover just how much airspace this particular skeleton cousin took up.  Now, they were on stairs… ascending said stairs steadily and just out of her view she knew the ground floor was getting further away and the ceiling was getting closer.  She knew he wouldn’t drop her, but lord, a fall from this height would do some damage and be extra painful today especially.  

He answered with an inquiring hum, not even glancing down at the human he had pretty much kidnapped.  “Where are you taking me?” she questioned, eyes focused on his face and nothing else.  Even the sound of rushed footfalls on the stairs behind them didn’t pull her attention.  It was most likely Papyrus or Blue trying to catch up.

“TO YOUR BATH, OF COURSE,” he answered like it was the most obvious answer.  A little “oh” fell from her lips before pouting a bit as she squinted up at him.  

“I could always walk?” she put out there.  They were literally going to have her spoiled if they kept carrying her this much.  Plus, she still had that nagging feeling that as an adult she shouldn’t have things this easy.  

Willow only hummed again, but made no move to put her down even as they reached the landing and took a left to go down the long hallway.  So, no walking for her.  Knowing Blue, he probably told the whole household Papyrus’s plan to pamper her today.  

“WILLOW!” Speak of the devil and he shall appear.  No longer on the stairs, she looked just in front of them to where Blue was pretty much jogging backwards in order to stay ahead of Willow’s long gate. And Willow wasn’t letting up, but did tip his skull down to acknowledge the small skeleton.  “YOU CAN’T JUST STEAL Y/N!” he scolded, “PLUS, ALL HER STUFF IS WITH ME.”  He gestured to the pack on his back.

“AND YOU’RE HERE WITH IT, I DON’T SEE THE PROBLEM,” was Willow’s sassy reply.  Blue opened his mouth to respond, but his teeth clacked shut as words failed him.  She giggled as Blue huffed and he sent a little glare her way.  He had to scramble out the way as they had finally reached the “master bath” and Willow wasn’t wasting any time as he pushed the door open with his free hand and stepped inside.  

This was only her second time in here and it still amazed her how extravagant and expensive a bathroom of all things could feel.  If she remembered correctly, it was Black’s insistence they have at least one bath like this.  She could see his tastes echoed in the dark marble countertops and black paneling along the walls.  Wine must have had a say as well from the cozy touches like the cypress wood flooring and cabinets, decorative towels and art pieces--she’d have to ask if Coffee made some of these.  She hadn’t asked last time whose decision it was to have not only a skylight, but a floor to ceiling glass panel next to the modern soaking tub.  Thankfully, their house was outside city limits and up in the hilly area, nestled on a cliff side.  They probably have a fantastic view of the stars come night time through that window.  Right now though, all she could see was blue skies with lazy, wispy clouds.  

“Oh, that’s new,” she commented, noticing all the new plants and even what looked like a moss mat placed before the tub.  

“HM, WHAT IS?” Willow questioned as he carried her closer to the shower.   Now able to see the just as extravagant shower, she could see another of the mats in front of it as well.   Now, that she looked more closely, the little organic mats made a cute stepping stone-like trail over to the tub.  

“That,” she pointed out, fingertip following the trail before twirling to indicate all the plants in general.

Willow’s sockets widened a fraction as he realized what she was talking about before smiling, no beaming proudly.  He straightened up as much as he could while carrying her, impressive considering his back wasn’t the best.  “THAT WOULD BE MY BROTHER’S DOING!” he proclaimed, practically glowing with pride, “HE’S RECENTLY GOTTEN INTO GARDENING AND BOTANY.  OH, YOU SHOULD SEE HIS GARDEN! I MEAN… IT’S NOT IN BLOOM RIGHT NOW, BUT IT’S STILL IMPRESSIVE AND HE’S THINKING ABOUT A GREENHOUSE ONE DAY SO HE CAN GROW FRUITS AND VEGETABLES ALL YEAR ROUND FOR US TO EAT.”  He was rambling, but that was fine.  It was touching seeing his enthusiasm for his brother’s new hobby… would it be considered a hobby?  She felt better thinking of it as a passion.  “OH! I’M SORRY, I GOT OFF TRACK,” he apologized but she just shrugged.

“I don’t mind, I actually like it,” she assured.  She adjusted her grip on him as she felt him starting to crouch down.  

“GREAT! BECAUSE I HAVE MORE TO SAY!” he chirped, sockets curving just a bit as she giggled in response.  Bent at the knees, he eased her onto her own feet which left her standing between his spread femurs with her hands on his shoulders for balance as she stretched and flexed her legs to wake them up.  He continued to chat with her throughout.  “BUT MY BROTHER’S FAVORITE IS TAKING IN RESCUES,” he started and gestured to the plants in the bathroom, “THESE ARE SOME HE’S REHABILITATED.”  He had dove into telling how Oak explained that these plants in particular thrived in more humid environments, plus how he had convinced the more bourgie of their housemates to allow the plants to be kept in this bathroom.  Apparently, it had been Wine who gave in first, but it took near half the household to convince Black.  What won him over was the moss being useful for soaking up water and the plants for their air purifying qualities.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

By the time he finished retelling the saga, she had taken a seat on one of the mats as she laughed along with him as he whispered how Black had been caught talking to one of the plants.  “HIS DEFENSE WAS THAT HE HEARD OAK TALKING TO THEM SEVERAL TIMES,” he completed his tale, his small sockets softening as he took in how even her eyes seemed to be shining with her mirth.  

“Well, I read somewhere that talking to plants actually can help them,” her words were still interrupted by cute little giggles.  Finally, she took a deep breath and held it before releasing slowly.  She had lifted a hand to fan herself and he could understand why considering the flush he could see on her cheeks and ears.  “I’m happy for Oak, it seems like he really found something he loves--aside from you, of course,” she remarked thoughtfully, “And I can hear how proud you are as well.”  

“I AM.” He had been ecstatic when his brother finally found something to focus on other than food and his condition.  All thanks to a sad little plant he had found left out to die and be thrown away with the trash one day.  It had been nothing more than a single stem with one big leaf that had shriveled and was turning brown at the edges.  

It had been confusing at first when his brother came home with it carefully cupped in his palm with soil he had dug up to cover its roots.  Oak had mumbled that he couldn’t find a pot or anything for it and he had forgotten his money at home, but it needed help, so he did what he could.  He hadn’t questioned it.  Now, that sad little plant was taller than him and outgrowing its current pot quickly, but they were waiting for the warmer months to plant it in the ground finally.  

“THE ROUTINE OF TAKING CARE OF THE PLANTS HELPS HIM TREMENDOUSLY. PLUS, TALKING TO THE PLANTS HELPS HIM AS WELL! IT STRENGTHENS HIS MEMORY,” he added, teeth quirked into a gentle smile.  She just hummed in response and he flushed a bit as he saw she was now gazing up at him with her chin resting on her braided fingers.    He wished she wouldn’t look at him like that.  So gentle, so warm, and so understanding.  It gave him hope when he knew damn well her feelings were just platonic.  Besides, he knew he didn’t stand a chance against his prime version.

Sighing, he stood up and rolled his shoulders and neck to ease the stiffness that had set in.  “WELL, I SHOULD LEAVE YOU TO IT,” he dismissed as he offered her a helping hand and pulled her to her feet; bare toes wiggling and pressing into the moss mat curiously.  He still couldn’t--no, he could believe it-- he simply couldn’t wrap his mind around how they had forgotten even shoes or socks for her.  

“Oh, I get to bathe myself?” she joked as she peeked around Willow to find Blue, but all she saw was her bag abandoned on the counter.  He must have run off while they were talking.  

Willow immediately lifted a hand to cover his now glowing cheekbones and nose ridge, “I BELIEVE THE AGREEMENT WAS THAT YOU BATHE YOURSELF.”  He heard her snort and looked down at the human as she now rummaged through her bag, pulling out a few containers, a bright colored netting of some sort, a change of clothes, and even a bath bomb.  “UNLESS YOU’VE CHANGED YOUR MIND OF COURSE,” he watched her freeze like a dear from the corner of his vision as he looked off to the side in feigned innocence, “IT IS DIFFICULT FOR YOU HUMANS TO REACH CERTAIN PLACES ON YOUR OWN, CORRECT?”  Oh, she was blushing something fierce right now.

“WILLOW!” she whined, now imitating an ostrich as she pressed her face into her bag to hide.  

“WOWIE, MY NAME SURE IS POPULAR TODAY!” he replied playfully as a muffled little scream came from the bag she was hunched over.  He chuckled and gently pushed the edge of the bag’s opening down enough so he could see her eyes peeking at him.  Well, glaring right now.  “WHY ARE YOU SO EMBARRASSED, HUMAN?  I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT HELPING YOU WASH YOUR BACK IF YOU WANTED,” a crooked grin pulled at his teeth as her eyes narrowed further.

“Uh. Huh,” was her answer and somehow that sound carried so much attitude and meaning.  Yeah, she definitely didn’t buy it, but at least she was finally emerging from the bag and finishing unpacking what she needed.  He smiled as he saw her pull out a pair of cute fuzzy socks.  Those would have helped earlier, but at least he wouldn’t have to hunt down a pair… most of theirs wouldn’t fit anyway.  “So, how do y’ll want ta do this?” she asked him suddenly as she started zipping up the bag  again.

“DO WHAT EXACTLY?”

She was staring for a moment, looking for any indication that he was playing dumb before finally answering, “My hair?  I told Papi I’d let him help with it, but he’s off somewhere, so I can’t ask him.”  Oh?  She’s letting Papyrus touch her hair?  He really had no chance, huh?  “But I don’t mind if more of you want to help out, too.”

“YES,” the word had jumped from his teeth as soon as she finished speaking.  Taking a deep breath and recomposing himself as her now wide eyes just blinked up at him in shock.  “I MEAN I’D LOVE TO HELP OUT… WITH YOU HAIR I MEAN,” he tried again, volume and tone hopefully more casual.  He had his hands behind his back to hide his fidgeting fingers.  

One more blink before her expression, only for a second, twisted into suspicion and curiosity.  The look was gone and replaced with something neutral, but welcoming.  Just what had gone through her mind, he wondered.  “Okay…” she dragged out the vowel a bit, “So, once again, how are we going about this?  Do y’ll want me to wash my hair and you just get to do the styling, detangling, blah blah blah… oooor-”

She quieted as Willow held up his palms to her, “WE WANT TO DO EVERYTHING.”  

“Everything?” He nodded with an eager smile, fingers curling into happy fists that were shaking from tension as he withheld pumping them excitedly.  He watched her look up to the ceiling in thought before shrugging, “Alright, so I’ll just wash up for now and save my long soak for later.”  She was thinking aloud as she picked up her bag and held it out to him, “While I’m washing, why don’t y’ll pick out some products we’ll use?  Mainly focus on the scent for now.”  

He took the bag with a nod and a surprised little rep as he felt how hefty the bag still felt.  “Yeah, we probably went overboard, but Blue figured it’s better to be over prepared than under,” she explained and he could only nod in stunned silence as he turned and started to finally leave.  

“Oh!” He paused in the doorway and looked back at her.  She had only managed to turn on the shower to start warming it up and though she wasn’t looking at him kept speaking, “You guys also need to figure out how and where we’re going to wash my hair.”    

Willow’s skull tilted and he lifted a brow bone in question, “ARE WE NOT DOING IT IN HERE?” He thought the bathroom was where humans took care of all their hygiene needs.  And shouldn’t she know how to wash her hair?  She’s supposed to show them after all.  

She just hummed and took a long look around.  “I guess we could, but…” she trailed off.  

“BUT?” he pushed, genuinely curious.

“The tub is a bit tall for me to be leaning over for a long time and I know your back wouldn’t appreciate it either, plus it would require a cup or something to dump water over my head.”  She wasn’t wrong about his back.  So, that was out.  Plus, it didn’t sound pleasant to have water dumped over one’s head over and over.  “The sink in here is higher, but that would be difficult for me.  Plus, it’s a bit shallow and once again, we’d need a cup.”  Sink was out, too, then.  

“And last, the shower.  That’s usually where I wash my hair, but it’s a bit difficult with multiple people.. At least it is if you’re not comfortable being naked or in swimsuits together,” she laughed and he blushed a bit at the intimate, domestic scene it summoned in his mind.  “Other than that, the only ways I think we could make it work up here is if I leaned over into the shower or knelt down and we used the removable shower head,” she put out the idea, but he immediately knew it wouldn’t work out.

“THE WATER PRESSURE WOULD RESULT IN A VERY MESSY… WET EXPERIENCE,” he lamented and she just nodded sagely with a little shrug.  How would they get this done?  Was it even possible?

“If it helps,” she piped up, holding a hand under the spray and feeling the temperature of the water, “We usually use the kitchen sink or a utility sink.  Ylls is still tall, but I think if I stand on a chair, it might work.”  She sent him a confident smile as he perked up at the idea, “Y’ll have time to think it over.  Plus, I want to show you all something before that anyway.”  After that, she had shooed him out and he left with a promise to talk it over with the others.  He couldn’t help wondering what she wanted to show them. 

o0o0o0o0o0o0o 

Once the door closed behind Willow, she couldn’t get out her clothes fast enough.  This bath has been due for a bit and my god it already felt heavenly on just her palm from touching the water.  Leaving her clothes on the floor right where she shed them, she went to dive into the shower before remembering she needed her soap and other supplies to actually get clean.  One naked dash to the counter to scoop up what she needed and back again,plus she tossed a shower cap on at the last minute; finally, she was able to enjoy her shower.

She debated rushing as to not keep the boys waiting, but she rarely gets to experience a rain shower like this.  It was dampened-heh-by the plastic shower cap, but overall was pleasant.  She took a moment to just bask and relax, but her mind began to wander and shower thoughts filtered in.  

Namely how all the skeletons she had interacted with today had been surprised that she was letting them do anything with her hair.  Well, they hadn’t expressed their surprise with words, but their body language and facial expressions spoke volumes.   That had been genuine surprise and shock she had seen.  Add in their eagerness to help her with her hair--adorable--and it’s obvious they’ve wanted to possibly touch her hair or ask about it for a while.  

Had she done something to make it seem like she didn’t want anyone touching her hair?  At all?  She mulled over all the time she had known the skeletons and the only things she could think of is maybe they witnessed someone touching her hair without permission and she snapped on said person.  It happens less now, but it has happened.  Even that would only make sense if they didn’t hear everything she says to the person.  She always mentions consent when she gets on people with wandering, overcurious hands and fingers.  So, they would know they just need to ask? Right?

Brow scrunching, she sighed and stepped from under the rainfall to finally start actually cleaning up.  Going through the familiar motions, she continued to turn over and pick at the mystery.  It wasn’t until near the end of her shower when she was rinsing off the suds, something clicked… “Cash.”

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

“we were startin’ ta wonder if doll changed her mind, will o’ the wisp,” a skeleton dressed in mostly black with a fur lined hood and a single gold fang jeered from his seat on the living room sofa just as Willow reached the bottom of the staircase.  A disappointed grunt followed as the taller skeleton purposely ignored his comment.

“RED, I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO WORK TODAY?” Willow inquired as he stepped into the living room, only after hearing Blue and Papyrus’s voices reprimand the gold fanged sans.  Standing in the doorway, he could now see that the two were sitting on cushions on the floor before the tv.  From the characters running and bouncing around the screen, it looked like they were playing Smash.  Leaning over the arm of the couch opposite the one Red was sitting on was Coffee.  He spared a little wave to Willow, but went back to watching the other two play.  He was probably waiting to jump in and play whoever wins. Stretched across that same couch with his fur lined hood up and obscuring his face was Mutt.  His long legs hung over the remaining arm of the couch and his arms were crossed over his chest.  He truly slept like the dead as he didn’t budge or even twitch.  His chest didn’t fall and rise in simulated breath either.   The last skeleton in the room was Willow’s brother, Oak, and he was currently snoozing as well, leaned back against the couch with his skull lolling to the side.  

“wha’, i’m not invited ta y’lls lil’ wash day thing,” Red growled, but his crimson eyelights avoiding Willow’s gaze hinted he was simply dodging the question and not offended.

Before Willow could call him out on this, Mutt surprisingly beat him to it, “him n’ sansy had a lil’ lover’s spat.”  Ah, so he wasn’t sleeping.

“would ya’ quit callin’ it that!” Red barked, scowling as chuckles only rumbled from Mutt.      

Coffee’s soft voice just barely spoke above the noise of the other two, “Red wanted to test the machine…”

Willow just arched a brow bone as he set down his hefty load on the coffee table, “AND SANS, I’M GUESSING, DID NOT?”  He looked to Red for confirmation and said skeleton huffed, crossing his arms with a frustrated scowl marring his features.

“dun know how he expects us ta know if the damn t’ing works w’itout testing it!” he mumbled, “coward doesn’t even like ta turn it on most times…”  

“WELL, IN HIS DEFENSE, THAT MACHINE IS THE REASON ALL OF US ARE HERE RIGHT NOW,” Willow’s attempt to play mediator only resulted in Red grunting and sinking more into the cushions.

Blue had handed off his controller to Coffee who eagerly vacated his spot on the couch and took Blue’s place on the floor.  “HE’S GOING TO POUT (“m’not poutin’!”) FOR A WHILE,” he stated as he moved to kneel by the coffee table.  His eye lights were glued to the bag he remembered bringing upstairs not that long ago, “WHY DO YOU HAVE HER BAG?”  He hoped she had everything she needed upstairs.

His question had Papyrus perking up behind them, but the prime doppel refused to take his sockets off the tv, “I’D LIKE TO KNOW AS WELL!” He wished he could turn and investigate, but Coffee took his games seriously and he had yet to beat the younger skeleton at any.  Maybe today would be the day.

Willow sat in Coffee’s empty spot on the couch to ease his back so he wouldn’t be bent over as much.  His weight displaced the cushions more than Coffee had and resulted in Mutt slipping down a bit further, closer to his hip and pulling at his hood.  Said skeleton didn’t complain and just let it happen, opening his unscarred socket so a rusty blood orange eyelight swiveled to look at the bag in question.  “lil’ missy plannin’ ta stay fer while?” he inquired as he took in how full it seemed.

Blue laughed, “NEVER KNOW! WE JUST WANTED TO BE PREPARED!” he chirped.

“BETTER TO BE OVER PREPARED THAN UNDER!” Papyrus joined in before squawking in surprise and muttering a little curse.  Coffee could be heard giggling softly and whispering how Papyrus had to put money in the swear jar now, on top of his impending loss.

Mutt just nodded and Willow hummed as he unzipped the bag, “SHE WANTS US TO PICK OUT WHAT PRODUCTS TO USE.”  He plucked a jar from the bag to examine.

“why���?” Red had sat up and scooted to the edge of his seat so he could see the bag’s contents better.   “shouldn’t she be tellin’ us what ta use?” he mumbled as his eyelights expanded at the amount and variety of products in the bag, “she bought da’ whole store?!”  

Blue just snickered and those snickers were growing into laughter as Mutt finally gave in to his own curiosity and sat up.  Both sockets now open and eyelights mirroring Red’s own in shock, “never thought i’d be so thankful ta not have hair.”  He rubbed a hand over his skull, “exhausted just lookin’ at all this.  No wonder they got a whole day just for washin’ hair.”  

Willow shook his head at the two with a withered sigh as he could hear Papyrus joining Blue in poorly hidden laughter.  “THEY DON’T USE ALL OF IT,” he resisted burying his face in his hands in exasperation, “HENCE WHY SHE WANTS US TO HELP CHOOSE WHICH ONES TO USE TODAY.”  He lifted the product he had already taken from the bag and wiggled it for emphasis, “WE’LL JUST PICK OUT BASICS… SHAMPOO, CONDITIONER…”  he trailed off.  It hit him that he didn’t know what exactly could be considered basics beyond that.

“We could look up the rest…” Coffee spoke up, tilting his head towards the conversation, “...there should be something about this on the internet right?”  A harsh click of a button and snap of the joystick could be heard before an anguished cry belted from Papyrus as his character went flying to the edge of the edge of the screen.   A flash of light then the announcer chiming in loudly: GAME!  He had lost once again.  “Good game, Pap…” Coffee patted the defeated monster’s back as he dramatically sobbed into his hands.

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU!” Papyrus whined and they could practically hear him pouting as Coffee just giggled.  

“GREAT IDEA, COFFEE!” Blue wasted no time whipping out his phone and holding it up proudly as his eyelights formed to stars, “MWEHEHEH!  WITH THIS WE WILL PICK OUT THE PERFECT ASSORTMENT AND HELP HER HAVE THE BEST WASH DAY EVER!”  

Papyrus bounced back from his crestfallen state as heard Blue’s declaration.  He joined them at the coffee table and clapped for Blue who just beamed more.  Coffee offered his own shy clap of support as he wandered over as well and settled into an empty spot on the other side of Blue.

Red’s eyelights couldn’t roll any harder at their antics. A frown still pulled at his teeth as something wasn’t sitting right with him about this situation, “thought doll didn’t like anyone messin’ wit’ her hair?” Why the sudden change of heart? The others went quiet at his question and Mutt just hummed along, the sound giving way his curiosity about this as well.

Papyrus fiddled with his hands, braiding and unbraiding his fingers, before breaking the silence that had fallen on the room, “WELL, AS YOU KNOW--from the group text--WE CONVINCED HER TO LET ME-US TAKE CARE OF HER.”  He inhaled and looked up, looking at each skeleton in the room, “I ASKED IF WE COULD HELP WITH HER HAIR…”  A soft smile lifted the corners of his teeth, “AND SHE SAID YES.”  

Nothing was said for a bit as Papyrus’s words sank in before Mutt hummed once again, “well… let’s get ta pickin’ then.”  Nods were shared in agreement.  It didn’t answer why, but it would do for now.  

Willow started them off with the product he had already.  He read the label aloud, “HAIR HONEY?”  before unscrewing the lid.  He didn’t need to lean in to get a whiff of its scent.  Not only because his naturally more sensitive sense of smell, but it was potent and the others around perked in curiosity as well.  It was sweet and warm, but not floral.  Maybe a bit fruity?  It reminded him of a tropical drink… the color of it certainly looked like honey though.  Before he could even question what it was for, he could hear Blue’s distals tapping at his screen to look it up.

“HAIR HONEY IS A BALM FOR STYLING, MOISTURIZING, AND ADDING SHINE TO HAIR,” he read, along with a few details about ingredients.  Surprisingly, the product had very little to no actual honey in it.  

“WHY CALL IT HONEY IF IT HAS NO HONEY?” Papyrus voiced the question they were all thinking as Willow replaced the lid on the jar and set it aside.

“‘n they say monsters are bad at namin’,” Red grumbled before jumping as the cushions beside him shifted and sank.  He could hear a long, loud sniff and scowled at Oak as the larger skeleton was literally following his nasal cavity to the now closed jar. “Fuckin’ ell when did you wake up!” he griped.

Oak ignored him for picking up the jar and opening it again to take a deep sniff.  A moment later they could hear purring.  

“Missy might not be gettin’ that one back,” Mutt chuckled as he took his turn digging in the bag for a product.  They continued like this.  Taking turns picking a product, reading and looking it up, sniffing, and eventually sorting them into piles at Papyrus’s insistence.  They had started with two: YES and NO.  But the YES pile was now organized by scent.  The “tastier”--as Oak put it--scented products had been more or less hoarded by said skeleton.  It was obvious what his vote was for.

“is it really smart ta have her smellin’ all yummy and shit,” Red had scooted to the far side of the couch away from Oak.  It was too much being next to the giant while he was purring with the volume of a freight train. He swears the cushions were vibrating.  Willow’s sockets narrowed on the smaller skeleton, “I HOPE YOU ARE NOT INSINUATING WHAT I THINK YOU ARE.”  His still crooked teeth pulled into a frown.  His braces were slow to fix them.  

“THAT WAS VERY UNCOUTH, RED,” Papyrus agreed and Willow sent his duplicate an appreciative smile.  

Mutt shrugged as he watched Blue repacking the NO pile, “‘m fine wit her smellin’ like a snack~”  His gold fangs glinted as he smiled, a teasing lilt to his voice.  “‘sides it’s hard not to considerin’ half this stuff has some sort of ‘butter’ in it...” he muttered.  He had no clue what exactly cocoa or shea butter was or what it did, but it smelled amazing.  

Red agreed with the butter comment.  Hell, he was still trying to figure out how they got butter from something like olives, hempseed… MANGOES?  A god damned fruit… how?  Not too mention the different oils… it was like they were trying to purposely seasoning themselves.

Blue choked on a cut off laugh and Red had cracked a smile, snickering.  Willow had tilted his skull back with a far away, tired look to the ceiling, but couldn’t hide a light flush to his cheekbones.  Papyrus had slapped a hand to his forehead with an exasperated sigh.  

Coffee giggled quietly, “...I have a bit of a sweet tooth as well…”  That was an understatement.  He had the biggest sweet tooth out of all of them. A golden blush flushed his cheekbones as all attention had turned to him in mild shock that he had said something even slightly close to a double entendre.    

A barked laugh burst from Red and Mutt.  The taller of the two recovered first with a satisfied sigh, “well, now we really gotta go with Oak’s choice.”  

Red wiped a tear from his socket as he conceded with a shrug and amused huff, “fine, fine…”  Blue and Papyrus agreed since they were outvoted either way, but Willow had yet to speak.  He was staring down Red, frown still in place.  The skeleton currently under his harsh gaze began to sweat, eyelights wobbling and shrinking as he refused to make eye contact.  The trio on the floor shifted awkwardly and after a subtle glance between the two, they busied themselves with packing up the products they wouldn’t be using.  “what?!” he finally snapped, turning sharply and glaring up at the towering monster.

“ya still owe us an apology…” Oak rumbled, his bloated red eyelight focused on Red.  His brother crossed his arms over his chest and hummed in agreement.  

“seriously?” Red looked between the two in disbelief.  Neither held an expression that they were joking and Mutt was offering no support for him.  The trench coat clad skeleton instead was looking at the ceiling with the utmost concentration.  Traitor… Red tried holding out stubbornly and debated simply shortcutting away, but even he knew he had overstepped.  Maybe that therapist was worth the money.  “m’sorry…” he grumbled, scrunching up in an effort to hide further in the fluff of his hoodie.  

Oak looked to his brother to see if he approved of the apology.  It was a piss poor one even by his standards, but he knew they probably wouldn’t get much more than that right now.  Willow’s expression definitely said the apology wasn’t up to standard, but let his shoulders fall and his arms uncross.  It was enough of an acceptance for Red as the smaller skeleton sighed in relief at the tension easing in the room.  

Papyrus, Coffee, and Blue had finished packing by now and Papyrus clapped his hands, a bright smile lighting up his face.  “WITH THAT AND OUR CHOICE OF HAIR CARE PRODUCTS COMPLETED, I’D SAY WE’VE DONE GOOD!” he boasted and Blue nodded along.  Oak just hummed and purred happily; he turned his attention back to the products on his lap.  

“BUT WE’RE NOT DONE YET,” Willow interjected and confused, curious eyelights and sockets were aimed his way.  He was grateful the more prim and proper and strict of their household were not in for this particular conversation.  “YOU SEE, WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW WE’RE GOING TO WASH HER HAIR…. OR RATHER, WHERE?” he continued on to explain that they had already scratched off the upstairs bathroom she was using, plus pretty much any other bathroom at that.  “ACCORDING TO HER, THE KITCHEN OR UTILITY SINK IS BEST FOR WHEN SOMEONE HAS TO ASSIST,” he finished.

Pensive, thoughtful looks adorned most of the occupants, except for Oak and Mutt.  Oak was distracted by his hoard and Mutt was still staring at the ceiling.

“USING THE UTILITY SINK WOULD APPEASE CERTAIN SOMEONES,” Blue noted, but he didn’t sound certain.

“it would, but knowin’ how many of you are gonna wanna hang around, it’ll get crowded real quick in that little room,” Red inputted and shot down the utility sink idea.  While his brother or Black might get huffy about the kitchen sink, it wouldn’t be anything worse than some harsh words.  Black was soft on the woman and his brother held a torch for her.  They’d be fine.  

Tipping could be heard and they half expected it to be Blue typing on his phone again, but instead it was Coffee.  A few more clicks and they could see the light of the screen shining off his pearly face and gold braces.  Blue leaned to peek over his shoulder and Papyrus followed suit.  The two sharing looks of awe and understanding.  

“ey!” Red snapped and two of the trio jerked their attention from the screen, “don’t just keep it ta yaself.  show us what ya found!”

Coffee was the only one still looking at his screen and he swiped his finger across the glass surface before turning his phone around for them to see.  On the screen was a video of a woman that had curly hair and skin like their friend.  She was leaning over a sink with a woman standing just beside her.  The other woman had short, dark coils and her skin was a deep, cool brown.  She was currently using the pull down sprayer to wet the other’s hair  and working the water into her curls with her other hand.  

“OH, WE HAVE A SPRAYER LIKE THAT!” Willow nodded, “IT WILL MAKE THIS SO MUCH EASIER THAN USING A CUP OR BOWL TO DUMP WATER OVER HER HEAD.”

“you were plannin’ ta waterboard doll?” Red joked as he continued to watch the video.  “only problem ya have left is that our kitchen sink is built fer the taller than average…” he pointed out.  It sparked new ideas to be put forth.  Suggestions that they could use a chair or stool for her to stand on.  This was shot down as Coffee reminded them that she was physically exhausted and her neck and back wouldn’t appreciate being bent over for so long after the workout Edge and Papyrus had put her through.

Papyrus sighed, “IT SEEMS MY ENTHUSIASM YESTERDAY HAS PRODUCED YET ANOTHER PROBLEM…”  

Blue patted his shoulder comfortingly,  “WE HAD NO CLUE ANY OF THIS WOULD HAPPEN.  PLUS, THINK HOW PROUD SHE’LL BE WHEN YOU SHOW HER THE CHARTS OF HER PROGRESS YOU MADE!”  It helped cheer up the positive skeleton and he nodded, mumbling a thank you to his ever supportive friend.

A deep rumble pervaded the living room and gradually morphed into amused, pleased chuckles.  All attention moved to Mutt, the source, with inquiring gazes.  Pushing his hood down and leaning forward, resting his elbow on his knee and his cheek against his knuckles, he grinned at his companions, “...think I have a solution fer that~”

[filosofablogger]

Welcome Friends!!!  I feel like it’s been more than a week since we had our last Jolly Monday … I’ve missed you all!  I hope you had a wonderful weekend, that everybody is well and happy, and ready to face a new week! I would like to pull a Rip van Winkle and sleep until about January, for the expensive time of year is coming up.  Daughter Chris’ birthday is the 26th, Miss Goose’s birthday is November 28th, and then, of course, there is Christmas.  I tried to convince the girls to have birthdays one year, and Christmas the next … y’know, just alternate and save a bundle.  Do you think they bought into that?  Noooooo … sigh.  Anyway, in the words of Scarlett O’Hara, “I won’t worry about that today, I’ll worry about it tomorrow.”  So for today, let us grab a cup of coffee, a bite of something, and have a few laughs together.

Leetspeak …

Yesterday I received one of those ‘milestone’ notifications from WordPress.  You know … the ones where they say “Congratulations, you now have 1,000 followers” or some such.  This one, however, confused the heck out of me:

“Congratulations on writing 1337 posts on Filosofa’s Word!”

I read it to Miss Goose, laughing as I jokingly said … “Is there some special significance to the number 1,337?”  Turns out there is, and Miss Goose knew exactly what it was.  “It’s leet,” she said.

“Leak?”

“No, leet.”

“Leap?”

“No … leet.  L-E-E-T! It’s an internet abbreviation, like ‘rofl’ or ‘omg’, only 1337 stands for leet.”

More confused than ever, not having a clue what she just said, I turned to Google.  Google directed me to Wikipedia who had this to say about 1337:

“Leet (or “1337”), also known as eleet or leetspeak, is an alternative alphabet for many languages that is used primarily on the Internet. It uses some characters to replace others in ways that play on the similarity of their glyphs via reflection or other resemblance. For example, leet spellings of the word leet include 1337 and l33t; eleet may be spelled 31337 or 3l33t. The term leet is derived from the word elite. The leet alphabet is a specialized form of symbolic writing.”

And I still have no clue what any of this means, so my final conclusion is that I do not care, I have more important things to think about, and that is that.  I just thought I would share this because perhaps some of you already received this message from WordPress and were confounded as I was.  Hopefully I helped clear it up for you.

A Rocking Chair or an Airplane?

Meet Trish Wagstaff.  Ms. Wagstaff is 85 years of age and a widow.  She has always been active, but after hip replacement surgery in 2002, friends thought she would slow down.  She was, after all, 70-years old!  But don’t expect to see Ms. Wagstaff in a rocking chair with knitting needles in her hand.  She will be … well here … they say a picture is worth a thousand words …

She has been on the longest zipwire in Europe and performed a catapulted paraglide, a 100m abseil down the Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth, swum with sharks, has wing-walked and paraglided.

Trish urged other pensioners to swap the sedentary lifestyle for a bit of action. She said: “An awful lot of people in their 70s have said to me, ‘I can’t do it, I’m far too old.’ I would encourage pensioners to stop saying ‘I’m old’ and get up and do something.”

Now, I greatly admire this woman, her fortitude, stamina and courage.  But dear friends, I am only 66 and I am telling you … do not even think you will talk me into any of this!  Adventure for me these days comes in different forms, from chopping onions and trying to keep all 10 fingers intact, trying to make the socks come out even and matched, and trying not to be eaten alive by a certain Tiger Lily.  Not to mention trying to maintain sanity in this crazy world. So no, I will not be standing atop an airplane while it is flying, nor jumping out of one.  But thumbs up to Trish Wagstaff!

Strange Robbers …

Now, I know the rule for the Jolly Monday and Saturday Surprise posts is “no politics” and I adhere to that.  What follows is not a political statement, I promise … I just thought it was too funny to pass by …

In the northern Italy town of Turin, two brothers robbed dozens of bank cash machines while wearing masks (the robbers, not the machines).  And what kind of masks were they wearing?  Take a gander …

‘Nuff said.

What A Mess …

It is autumn, and that means festivals.  We used to go to a small Applefest in the town next to ours, where they had homemade crafts, jams, jellies, and of course every homebaked apple treat imagineable.  It used to be a lot of fun, but in recent years it has grown so big, while the town has remained so small, that you take your life into your hands just finding a place to park.  And there are too many people … the whole atmosphere just isn’t the same, so we stopped going.

But in the Maine town of Damariscotta, there is an annual Pumpkinfest and Regatta that is quite different than your average fall festival.  There is a pumpkin derby, a pumpkin catapult, an official Giant Pumpkin Parade, and pumpkin art!  But one of the main events is the pumpkin drop, where giant pumpkins are lifted high by a crane, then released and dropped onto cars!  No, silly, not cars in the parking lot, but a couple of old junkers, as best I can tell.  Watch …

I’m not sure I would want to be part of the clean-up crew!  And here is a sample of some of the pumpkin art …

What Kind of Coffee???

I am a coffee-holic … I start with coffee when I first stumble downstairs in the morning, and drink it all the way up until I go to bed, usually somewhere between 3:00 – 5:00 a.m.  Though at home I usually stick to plain Caribou blend, I will try new things, and any time Starbucks comes out with a new flavour, I give it at least one shot.  My favourite thus far is Salted Caramel Mocha, which is only available during the fall months.  Canadian coffee house Tim Horton’s came out with a new flavour this month, and while I am not sure if I would like it, I would give it a try, and might, as there is a Tim Horton’s just north of where I live.  It is … wait for it … rein in those taste buds … Buffalo-Spice Latte.  Yep, you guessed it. It is fashioned after Buffalo Chicken Wings …

A pair of Tim Horton’s locations in Buffalo, New York, have introduced a new drink combining Buffalo-flavor seasoning and seasonal lattes.  According to Stephen Goldstein, regional president of Tim Hortons U.S., “We decided to surprise our loyal guests by pairing our new handcrafted Latte with the bold Buffalo flavor that’s so iconic to the region. The unlikely pairing comes together to create an unexpectedly delicious sweet and spicy treat.”

As I said, I would at least try it, but I am unclear as to whether it is only available in the Buffalo stores, or nationwide.  Might be a good time to go visit Uncle Leon!

Knock Knock …

I love knock-knock jokes, don’t you?  Short, sweet, to the point, and funny.  I do not tell jokes well.  In fact, I have been dubbed “the worst joke teller in the world”.  More than once.  By at least 4 different people.  My timing is poor, and my memory poorer.  But, since I am typing, not telling, and you are reading, not listening, this small assortment should work out fine.  I start with one of my old favourites …

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Dwayne

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the tub, I’m dwowning!

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?

Luke.

Luke who?

Luke through the keyhole to see!

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?

Isabelle.

Isabelle who?

Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?

Somebody who can’t reach the doorbell!

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?

Figs.

Figs who?

Figs your doorbell, it’s not working!

Okay, okay … I’m done with the knock-knock jokes now.  Take pity on my poor girls …. I made them listen to every one of them and if they didn’t laugh, I repeated them.

Well, my dear friends … and make no mistake … you are my dear friends and I cherish you all.  Alas, it is time for us all to get busy and make ourselves useful in one way or another.  You already know what I will be doing.  Sigh.  Have a wonderful week, a good day today, and please … share those smiles!  Other people may not have gotten their fill of knock-knock jokes this morning and might be in need of a friendly smile.  Keep safe and have a great week!  Love & hugs!!!

Knock-Knock … It’s Jolly Monday!!! Welcome Friends!!!  I feel like it’s been more than a week since we had our last Jolly Monday … I’ve missed you all!