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subbe93 · 11 months

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It Has Always Been You, Chapter 1

A/N: Finally, here we are! Here is the start for @starmia ‘s request! I tried to reread and publish this around Easter, but I couldn’t make it, so I decided that as soon as I’m free from school and start my summer holiday, I’m going to do it. And here we are!

Though this time I’m working differently with this fic. Usually, I have drafted the whole story before I have started to reread and publish chapters. I like to do that because this way I make sure that any of my long fics wouldn’t be left unfinished, and I also can promise when the next chapter comes out. But to be honest, I started to feel like I have promised to work on this fic so long and still hadn’t had a chance to start publishing. So I promised myself that as soon as I start my summer holiday, I finished this first chapter and publish it. But the thing is when I’m writing this (it’s Friday, 16.6.), I have nothing written for chapter two. Yeah, you read right: I have nothing for chapter 2, not even a word ^^’ But I start to work on it, and I promise to publish the next chapters as soon as I got them ready! And I’m really sorry about that because I can’t even guess when I got the next chapter ready ^^’

But back to the fic! The request was that Shinichi and Ran tried to date in uni but it didn’t work so they decided to be friends, Shinichi went away and years later after he comes back he is engaged but he realizes that he is still in love with Ran.

So here is a start, I hope you like it ^^

Chapter 1: Back in Tokyo

Shinichi didn’t remember how beautiful Tokyo was. Or maybe he hadn’t appreciated it back then when it was part of his everyday life scenario. But now, after five years in America…

Probably it would have been many years more before he would have even planned to make a visit to Japan if he wouldn’t have got a call from Nakamichi. After catching up, he told him that they were planning a class reunion with their group from high school. So, of course, Kudo Shinichi needs to be there too!

To be honest, part of him wasn’t a big fan of an idea, but people around him started to be excited about it. His mother started almost immediately planning the flight to Tokyo. And when Shinichi tried to get help from his fiancee to find any good excuse not to go, she had just looked as excited as his mother and told him that they really, really need to make that trip!

Well, he could understand why Julia was so eager to make a visit to Japan. That light-haired woman had lived all her life in America and hadn’t traveled anywhere. She had dreamed about traveling around the world and seeing so many different places, but because of school and everything, her dreams hadn’t come true - at least not yet. So it was only understandable that when Shinichi’s parents promised to pay for her tickets to Tokyo and back and also a hotel room - even though Shinichi had said they don’t have to! - she was so eager to go. Well, Shinichi was pretty sure that Julia would have come even though his mother wouldn’t have promised to pay anything.

But yeah. After that, he hadn’t had any chance to say no anymore.

But maybe deep done, he was happy that others were eager to make this trip. Because after stepping on Japan’s land, he felt at home. It was weird, because he had a home in America, but Japan had still a special place in his heart. He had grown up in here, learned much from here… And truthfully, he really missed his old friends. After high school, they went their different ways and didn’t see each other as often as before. He can admit that he hadn’t been very good at keeping in touch with them, but then again, they haven’t with him.

So walking those streets and seeing those familiar places - though some of them had gotten little different looks during the years - brought back so many good memories. All those adventures he had as a child, his first day at kindergarten, his first day at school, all those soccer games he played with his friends, he remembered all cases…

With all those fond memories, he realized how much he had missed it all. Though some things had changed, including his childhood home, which made him feel a little bit sad. But his parents had sold it after Shinichi was sure that he would like to stay in America, so it was only understandable that there were new owners who wanted to make that house look like theirs.

And here he was, being emotional.

“It’s so beautiful”, he heard Julia say as they walked to the park. She looked around dreamily, but that’s how she had walked after yesterday when they had landed. Everything she saw was awesome and beautiful. She had even forgotten her urge to learn Japanese as soon as she had gotten off the plane. Some of the greetings she knew and she knew how to thank, but since she had been too busy to look around while his parents had taken care of everything else, she had lost all possibilities to learn more. But Shinichi hadn’t mind, and to be honest, he was sure that it would be more exciting for her to concentrate to see everything around her instead of trying to learn a new language. At least she could do it when they would be back in America, but views? Well, of course, she could always check pictures from the internet, but to be honest, it wouldn’t be the same as experiencing them now, right here.

“Right?” Yukiko answered excitedly. “So much different than New York.”

“So much”, Julia laughed happily, and from the corner of his eyes, he noticed how she turned to look at him. “You’re so lucky that you got to live both of them.”

That’s what his classmates had said when his parents moved to America. First, they had thought that Shinichi had been a fool because he hadn’t moved with them, and later they had claimed how lucky Shinichi was, to have an easy way to make a visit to America. But he hadn’t seen anything interesting in it. Besides, it just meant packing and all if he had wanted to visit his parents, which he had considered just troublesome.

“I don’t think it’s really anything special”, he said finally and looked at Julia, but those amber-colored eyes were looking around, trying to see everything. “If you want to live or visit somewhere, you just have to do it, right?”

Yet she turned to look at him, giving him that certain smile while rolling her eyes. “It’s not that easy for everyone, you know?”

“But you can always work for it”, he answered.

She shook her head. “You don’t understand, do you?”

He shrugged. “It seems I don’t” he admitted.

Julia laughed and nudged him with her weight. “Don’t ever chance, okay?”

He grinned in answer.

“Alright, lovebirds”, he heard Yukiko say, making Shinichi look at his mother. “Should we grab something to eat? I’m starting to feel hungry.”

“Oh, yes!” Julia answered, as energetic as always. She took a few run steps to walk beside Yukiko, looking at her excitedly, wrapping her arms around Yukiko’s arm. “What do you recommend? I want something new! Actually, Shinichi mentioned…”

Shinichi shook his head mostly himself before following those two and his father. Yet, those cute, pink Sakura flowers stole his attention and his eyes went back to them. He had to admit that he hadn’t remembered how beautiful they were. And they brought back memories that he had kind of forgotten. Well, not necessarily forgotten, but dealt with them and moved forward, leaving them behind when there hasn’t been anything to remind him of them.

And those memories, they were still dear to him. Painful, but dear. But he still pushed them a little further, because now wasn’t a time for them. Right now, he needed to…

“Shinichi?”

And he stopped right there.

That voice…

His name, with that voice, was enough to make him forget everything else around him. For a moment he thought that his mind is doing tricks, because what were the odds to hear that voice just when those memories were coming back to him, but when he turned around, he saw her. That long, dark-haired woman standing there, those orchid-colored eyes looking like there were tears and lips… Those lips turned slowly into that smile. Into that certain smile that had always made his heart race in his chest.

The same smile he had fallen in love with in the first place.

She looked almost the same as five years ago, yet maybe… more like a woman.

“Ran.” It was the only word that came out of his mouth, and for him, it sounded more like a whisper, but seeing how her smile widened even more, he knew it had been much more. Or maybe she had just read it from his lips?

She let out a laugh and ran towards him. Shinichi smiled while opening his arms, taking only a few steps toward her before she jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He laughed with her, closing her into his embrace as he had done so many times years ago. He felt how she pressed against him, and he smelled that same, familiar scent that had always made him a little bit nervous, and yet, when he closed his eyes, he wanted to drown in it. That scent and warmth were so comfortable and caring, making him feel like… home.

And all those memories that he had pushed away, came back to him. He remembered that little girl, tears in her eyes when she had made him a Sakura badge. He remembered all the adventures they had had as a child and how afterward Ran’s mother had scolded them about it. He remembered years in elementary school, he remembered all events from the teen years, all the things they have laughed at, many places where they have visited, many crime scenes that he had wanted to keep her away, many tears she had shed… He remembered every time when she had grabbed his arm, he remembered every time they had held each other’s hands, remembered every kiss…

He remembered the night when he had decided to follow those men in black. He remembered how they had made him take the name Edogawa Conan, and he remembered all the lies he had to tell Ran to keep her safe. He remembered her disappointed and betrayed look when he had finally taken down the Organisation and became back to Kudo Shinichi without fearing to lose her or anyone else close to him. He remembered how after some time they had decided to date again and… and…

“I can’t trust you, Shinichi. Not like… before.”

Without realizing it, he tightened his grip around her.

“It’s been years”, he said finally and opened his eyes, ripping himself out of those memories. Even though he still held them as important and dear memories, everything was connected to everything he had done wrong. He hadn’t lost only the love of his life for that stupid mistake, but he had also lost his closest and dearest friend too. And even though he had made peace with it, learned to live with it, he had to admit that it hurt. Knowing that he had hurt the one he cared about the most…

The fact that she never could trust him as before. The fact that there were always hints of doubt.

Scars that he made, but what he couldn’t heal.

But that all was in the past. He couldn’t chance it. And even though getting over her was painful, seeing her now, looking healthy and fine, he was happy. That had been all he had wished for, that she would be safe and sound, and happy.

“It really had”, he heard her say and sniff while her grip tightened. “Where have you been, Shinichi? I have been so worried…”

It made him let out a soft laugh.

You have still been worried?

“God, Ran, how many times do I have to tell you that you don’t have to worry about me”, he said, feeling somehow nostalgic. Finally, he made her move a little farther so that he could see her face, examined them, and…

She was still beautiful. She looked exactly the same woman that he had loved, the same woman that he had left behind.

The same woman that moved on, while he couldn’t.

He observed how Ran opened her mouth, like planning to say something, but then she shut her mouth, looking down with a sad smile. And even though Shinichi couldn’t know for sure, he got some kind of feeling that he knew what she would have wanted to say.

“You haven’t called.”

The same phrase he had heard so many times during his being Conan. And now that he thought about it, he could have called her more often back then. But at this point, it didn’t matter.

But while living in America? How in the world he should have known that Ran still wanted to be in touch with him? In the ens…

“You left without saying anything”, Ran said finally, getting him out of his thoughts. She raised her head, orchid-colored eyes meeting his. “I thought…. I thought something terrible happened to you.”

Like in Tropical Land, many years ago…

It surprised him a little bit. After their break-up, Ran was the one who was okay with it. While Shinichi himself tried to patch his broken heart, Ran had been the one who continued her life without a problem and started to go on dates with others.

She had been the one who moved on.

Shinichi had just been stuck in his sorrow, feeling jealous, angry, and sad when he had seen how Ran dated others. Of course, they had greeted each other, talked if being the same group, or met somewhere and had time, but to be honest, for Shinichi, it had looked like they couldn’t even patch their relationship back to the same level as it had been before their dating. And it hadn’t been a surprise, because she had lost her trust in him. She didn’t talk to him as before, they weren’t in touch as often…

For him, it had looked like she didn’t need him in her life anymore. That she hadn’t been interested anymore to know what he was doing, how he was doing. And maybe it was only understandable.

It had been the reason why he went to America. Well, honestly he hadn’t planned to stay there long, only enough to get his thoughts in order without seeing Ran or getting depressed to see her with others. It had been a trip that was meant to give him enough space to heal his wound. But then he got a chance to continue his studies in New York. And after some thinking, he had stayed.

So he hadn’t even thought that Ran would be interested to know what he was doing and whatnot, which had been the biggest reason why he hadn’t been in touch. And if she really had been that interested, she could have just asked. Even though he had changed his number, there were still ways to make contact. God, if Nakamichi had found his number, why Ran hadn’t had?

But he didn’t blame her. Almost six years ago, he had known that woman better than anyone else. And if she hadn’t changed, he was pretty sure that the only reason why Ran hadn’t been in touch with him, is because she hadn’t had enough courage to do so.

That’s Ran. Always overthinking even the simplest things. Or at least she had used to.

“To be fair, I didn’t know either that I would stay in America”, he answered finally. “I just planned a visit to my parents like a few weeks or something, but…” He chuckled. “Well, I got a chance to transfer my studies and continue in New York, so I stayed.”

In the end, you were the reason why I stayed in Japan in the first place…

“Oh”, Ran said and frowned. “You should have… I would… I…” Then she shut her mouth and looked away.

She genuinely looked melancholic, and it made Shinichi think that maybe…

“Shinichi? Who is she?”

Shinichi snapped out of his thoughts and turned to look beside him. Julia stood there, looking curiously at him, then Ran…

Oh, he had totally forgotten Julia and his parents!

“Oh”, Shinichi let out, dropping his arms around Ran and taking a step away from her. He wondered how bad it had looked in Julia’s eyes! He hadn’t thought, not at all… “Oh, she…” He stopped and reminded himself to use English again, so Julia could understand him. “She is Mouri Ran, my childhood friend, and… my ex-girlfriend.”

Julia's expression brightened. “Oh, so this is that Ran you had told me so much?” she asked and sounded excited - a little too excited if someone would ask Shinichi. He followed how she went closer to Ran and offered her hand. “My name is Julia Williams, Shinichi’s fiancee.”

Nothing happened. Shinichi turned to look at Ran, who just stared at Julia. Her smile had faded a little bit like there was something wrong. Shinichi frowned. But Ran had been good at English back then, why she…

“Julia, darling, not like that”, Shinichi heard his mother's voice, but he still couldn’t get his eyes away from Ran, who still stared at Julia with some weird expression. He tried to read it so he could do something to help, but… “In Japan, when we met a new person, we introduce ourselves, and after that, we bow a little”, he heard his mother explain, and finally Shinichi turned to look at them when Yukiko put her hand on Julia’s arm, making her lower it. “And it would be more polite to call her Mouri-san or Ran-san.”

“Oh!” Julia shouted out and turned to look at Yukiko confused. “But you always talk about Ran…”

“Because she is our dear family friend”, she explained gently before turning to Ran. Then Yukiko went to her and grab her into a tight hug, continuing in Japanese. “It has been years, Ran-chan! How have you been? You look as beautiful as always!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine”, Ran laughed and hugged Yukiko back, but Shinichi still could see that something was bothering her, even though she tried to hide it.

“Oh, come on, Ran-chan!”, Yukiko laughed and get away from her enough to face her. “You have to tell me more! What you have done during these years? Do you still live in Beika? Do you have a job? Fiancee? Children?”

“Mom!”

Well, it wasn’t like this should have been a surprise: His mother had always been curious, and when she opened her mouth, there could come out anything! But Shinichi couldn’t help but feel so embarrassed. Why did she need to bluntly ask everything that came to her mind? Wasn’t she the one who just a moment ago told Julia to be more polite?

If he would still be on good terms with Ran, this wouldn’t be so awkward, but now?

So when Yukiko turned to look at her, like she had done nothing wrong, Shinichi continued: “Don’t harass her like that! It’s not your concern…”

“Mou, Shin-chan!” Yukiko said. “But I want to know…”

Shinichi rolled his eyes. This wasn’t fine! “Maybe Ran tells you if she feels like it”, he answered.

“It’s okay, Shinichi”, Ran interrupted, taking his attention. He met her eyes and he knew that she meant it. She had always been kind, it seemed that she still was.

And she had been used to his mother’s curiosity, so that was probably the reason that she didn’t mind.

But honestly, the difference from the past was that he wasn’t as close to Ran as he used to be. And he didn’t want her to bother Ran too much.

But Ran smiled gently when turned back to look at Yukiko. “Yes, I still live in Beika and I’m working the closest kindergarten, and… I… I live alone.”

“Oh, but that sounds good”, Yukiko said, yet not as energetic as usual. “Though I’m sad that you are still single…”

“Mom, no”, Shinichi interrupted before she would have time start to pry anything more. Again Yukiko turned to look at him and opened her mouth.

“What about we continue our way to eat something?” Yusaku interrupted smoothly, making only then Shinichi remember that his father was also there. He glanced at him and saw how looked at Ran, smiling gently. “You can join us, if you want, Ran-chan. We offer.”

“Oh, that would be amazing!” Yukiko shouted out happily, hitting her hands together. “We offer and meanwhile you can tell us everything…”

“Mom…” Shinichi sighed. Why did his mother need to be like that?

“I’m grateful for the offer, but sadly, I need to be somewhere else soon”, Ran answered and raised her hand to glance at her wristwatch. And even though it made him happy that his mother wouldn’t have a chance to pry anything else, he still felt a little bit disappointed. It would have been nice to catch up with her, after all these years.

Well, maybe he would get that chance at the class reunion.

“Oh, that’s a shame”, Yukiko muttered. “But it can’t be helped…” Then she started to smile again. “Is it a date?”

Shinichi rolled his eyes.

“Ah, no”, Ran laughed. “I’m just seeing Sonoko.”

“Ah”, Shinichi let out, remembering that annoyed woman… “She’s still here?”

Ran laughed again. “Yes, she still lives here too”, she answered, looking at him with that big smile. “She would be so happy to hear that you’re ba-... in Tokyo. Do I tell your regards to her?”

“Please, don’t”, Shinichi answered and grinned. “Somehow my sanity has been so much better when she isn’t around.”

God, and now he missed Sonoko too. He had never guessed that there would be a day when he would have been ready to drop everything else just to see Suzuki Sonoko and hear her irritating voice. God, he would have liked to… But she probably didn’t want to see him. They haven’t been in touch either, not after his and Ran’s breakup. Shinichi was pretty sure that Sonoko was on Ran’s side and hated him for breaking Ran’s heart.

Well, he wanted to say that he was the one who got that broken heart, but it wouldn’t probably matter. He was the one who had done wrong. But maybe he would get a chance to see her at the class reunion and see how much she would hate him.

But he would never admit to anyone that he missed her. Not even for Ran.

Ran giggled. “Well, that would make her sad, just saying”, she said.

Shinichi shrugged. “I doubt that.”

Then there was a silence. Shinichi looked at Ran’s eyes before she dropped them on the ground, looking nervous. And even after years, even though he had been over her, and moved on, seeing that gesture made him feel a little sad. Somehow this moment only proved to him how much he had lost. It had never been this hard for them to say goodbyes.

“Well”, he started and moved his eyes to Julia, who was observing him. “I think we planned to go to eat?”

“Oh”, Ran let out, making Shinichi look back at her. “Oh, yeah, sorry for keeping you! And I believe Sonoko is waiting too…”

Shinichi nodded. He hated how awkward this was between them.

“It was so good to see you again, Ran-chan”, Yukiko said and gave a fast hug to Ran before moving away. “Maybe we should meet before we got back to New York?”

“It… sounds like a good idea”, Ran answered with that sweet smile.

“It was nice to meet you, Ran-san”, Julia interrupted in English. “And I’m sorry about earlier…”

“No, don’t worry about it, it’s okay”, Ran answered now, smiling apologetically. “I just… I just was surprised… Sorry about that!”

It seemed just to make Julia happy. “Don’t worry!” she answered. “And… I would also love to see you again! Shinichi’s friends are mine too!”

“Yeah”, Ran answered, but somehow it wasn’t as bright as the answer for Yukiko. “I would like that.”

Julia’s smile just widened.

“Okay, maybe we should continue”, Shinichi said because even though he hadn’t seen Ran in years, he still got some kind of feeling that she was a little bit uneasy. “I’m starting to be so hungry.” Then he looked at Ran and smiled. “See you at the class reunion, right?”

Ran smiled at him, but somehow it seemed sad. “Yeah, see you.”

Shinichi nodded before turning. He put his hand on Julia’s back to push her to move with him.

But even though meeting with Ran had gone well - much better than had thought, and honestly, he hadn’t even thought of chatting with Ran even in the class reunion -, something still bothered him. Why Ran had looked a little bit sad? If she hadn’t wanted to chat with him, she probably wouldn’t have stopped him. But he hadn’t blamed her for anything either, right? Or maybe she was just uneasy because it was their first meeting after five years and there were also others…

“You have to continue teaching me more Japanese, Shinichi”, Julia said, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked at her and saw how those amber-colored eyes looked at him. “I have forgotten the whole thing when we arrived yesterday, and I’m kind of sad that I couldn’t greet your childhood friend correctly!”

“I don’t think Ran minds about that”, he comforted her. “Besides, I thought you would like to concentrate more on views,” he said and nudged her a little bit. “In the end, you don’t see these every day, but making me teach Japanese to you can happen whenever you want to.”

She pouted. “I know, but…”

“Shinichi!”

Shinichi stopped and turned around. Ran was still standing where they had left her, still looking at him. But now she looked a little bit shy. There was a hint of insecurity in her.

“I… I wonder… Would you like to meet before the class reunion?” she asked before letting out a nervous laugh and looking away. “If you have time at some point? I…” Then she met his eyes again. “There are things I would… like to clear up between us. If… if you want give me a chance, of course.”

And even when she smiled, there was glimmering in her eyes. Like…

Like he could say no to her. Has he ever? Besides, that is what he would like to do. If it would mean that they could get back even part of the relationship that they had before the Tropical Land, he would do it. Even though they wouldn’t love each other as they had, she was still dear to him, and he would give pretty much if she would still be part of his life.

“Fine by me”, he answered finally. “If you have the same number as before, we can settle where and when, okay?”

Her smile widened a little bit. “Okay.”

Chapter 2

#ShinRan #It Has Always Been You #I don't know how to tag this!#Meeting after break-up #Getting back together #Shinichi/OC #Post-canon #Kudo Shinichi #Mouri Ran #Detective Conan #Fanfiction #Chapter 1

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