#context: he’s interrupting one of her escape attempts lmao

[eldritch-muppetshow]

april n’ trikwire doodle

[sergeanttpoliteness]

are requests open 🥺 apparantly in the 20s it was slang to call someone's bf daddy, given that can we get a reader who's from another dimension getting all blushy when noir mentions it given the context of it now?

hello, nonnie! so sorry it took me almost a week to get to this! thank you for the request, love :) you have no idea how much writing that sentence made me squirm from embarrassment

——-

➹jealousy➹(spider-noir x reader)

Peter isn’t one to get jealous, or at least that’s what he tries to tell himself. He doesn’t mind your ex who doesn’t seem to get ‘no’ for an answer. It’s the truth, he swears… right?

word count: 2.5k

a/n: this isn’t sponsored by starburst ™, lmao. anyway, y’all really like spider-noir, huh. i kinda played myself when i included both peter’s in this, ahaa, i tried my best to make it as least confusing as possible. i’m sorry, ily.

warnings: annoying ex, mild jealousy (i mean, it’s the title lol)

——-

You slowly drew the blinds of the window, and in spite of your speculations which you were nearly a hundred percent confident in, your eyes grew bigger as soon as you got a glimpse of the scene unfolding outside of Aunt May’s house. Shortly after, Miles and Peter B. Parker (you had to admit, the amount of Peter’s in your life truly scrambled your brain sometimes) joined you, and the three of you squeezed close together, attempting to look through the small slit without attracting much attention.

You had the urge to take your phone out of your pocket and start recording a video to send all your friends, for this was a spectacle that you weren’t sure you’d ever have the pleasure of witnessing ever again in your lifetime: a drunk man standing in the front yard, passionately belting out the lyrics of a song to the closed door of the house. “Did he, like, get the wrong house?” Miles muttered, his heart thumping fast as the young man noticed all three of you and pointed directly at you. 

“Please! Don’t leave me!” He cried out.

You took one last look at him before you retreated from the window, pinching the bridge of your nose. “No. That’s my ex.” You sighed, questioning why you ever were attracted to the boy as his tragic performance continued. Peter B. laughed and you closed your eyes, ashamed.

“That’s your ex?! The ex?” Yes, this was, in fact, not the first time they heard about your ex-boyfriend. The number of stories you had was inevitable since the train wreck of a relationship lasted two years, after all. Whilst he now went on to voice the instruments of the song, worry began to seep within everyone when you all simultaneously came upon the realization that somehow the jerk had discovered where you were staying during the weekend. Although you’d been like a daughter to May since you were a kid, you were aware she would not be content with you once she returned from her trip and heard that you failed in your basic task of taking care of her home and her address now belonged as part of a stalker’s knowledge.

Peter B. glanced at you, frowning. “You want me to go and talk to him?”

You appreciated his offer, and your inner voice urged you to cave into the most effortless way out of the situation; however, your eyes moved to the hallway, and another concern, more potent and persuasive, drowned it out. “Thanks, dude, but don’t worry, I’ve got it,” You smiled at him, albeit you weren’t entirely certain about that statement. “Just… you guys go and distract Peter and make sure he doesn’t find out my ex is here, or else…”

Eight months. From December up till August, you’d known the third Peter Parker in your life for eight months. In the fourth month, April, you recognized your true intentions and feelings. In the fifth month, you finally acted upon them, and made the first move. At last, June, the sixth month, rolled in, and Peter built up the courage to make things official. All those months possessed two constant factors: your ever-growing connection and… your ex.

One of the many characteristics you were thankful for and adored in Peter was his control over his jealousy. No fingerprints of possessiveness nor suffocating authority smeared your relationship, regardless of your distance, Peter’s background, the exasperating cameos of your ex-boyfriend, or that you’d expressed to him you didn’t want anyone other than the “spider-gang” (as Peter B. had named it) to know about you two being together since— well, how in the world were you supposed to explain where he came from?

You felt irrational and absurd once the thought passed through your head, but sometimes you wondered if Peter worried too little. The origin of said thought could be traced back to when you weren’t quite dating yet, and your ex booty-called you in the midst of your first date. Peter’s amused expression at your own embarrassed one puzzled you, yet you chose not to think much about it and instead were glad it didn’t send the evening down the wrong trail. The thought reappeared a second instant one month into your relationship, though, after you showed him a large bouquet of flowers, a poem attached to it that could be offensive to those who practiced the art and with your ex’s handwriting. Again, nothing; later, you two found yourselves mocking the failed poetry and the odd comparison of your adorableness to that of E.T.’s (you really had no explanation for that one).

However, the suspicion that perhaps he was too good at hiding his feelings arose when a week earlier, you got a phone call from your ex begging you to escape with him to Iceland. That was the first time you saw it: the hint of irritation in Peter’s stiff body and tense jaw. Minutes later, you blocked the phone number— an action way too long overdue, before things became strained.

You closed the front door behind you and approached the drunk man, resolute on preventing the two men from meeting each other and getting under each other’s skin as you clenched your fists closed. “I forgot to say out loud, how beautiful you really are to me!” Your ex sang, a smirk breaking out on his face when he saw your clear annoyance. “I can’t be without! You’re my perfect little punching bag—”

“Matt, what the hell are you doing?”

He quirked a brow, giving you a once-over. “Serenading you?” Matt said as if it were obvious. You rolled your eyes and scowled at him, keeping a significant distance between the two of you.

“No, I mean, how did you find me?”

“I followed you.”

Fear and disgust crawled all over your skin. You took a step back, narrowing your eyes. “Listen, I really don’t want to get in trouble, okay? So for the last time, please stop calling me—”

“But this isn’t a phone call.”

“Or following me.” You finished. He stumbled forward, shaking his head vigorously.

“But I love you,” He sniffed, wiping the one mediocre tear making its way down his cheek. You could feel a groan forming in your throat from his idiocy and child-like attitude; you couldn’t believe he was fucking crying.

You crossed your arms across your chest, unimpressed. “Well, I don’t.” His shift from sadness to anger caught you off guard.

“Bullshit, I know you still love me. I know you miss me,” Matt pointed an accusing finger at you, advancing closer. “Stop playing hard to get and let’s just, l-let’s just go back to normal—”

You laughed in disbelief, your mouth ajar. “Playing hard to get? How is this playing hard to get?!”

Meanwhile, Miles and Peter B. stood in front of Peter, blocking him from leaving the hallway as he remained in between the two and the bathroom door. “So, whatcha think?” Miles asked him, ogling the man. Peter bit again the yellow Starburst and chewed for a while, eyes squinted while he analyzed the flavor. He swallowed and looked down at the wrapper in the palm of his hand, nodding.

“I like it. I think it may be my favorite.”

“What? No way, try the pink flavor again,” Miles took out a pink squared candy from the bag and held it up to Peter’s face. “It’s the best.”

Peter B. shook his head in disagreement and stared down at Miles, scrunching his brows together. “What do you mean? Red is the best.” Miles, now distracted, dropped his arm by his side and showed him a face of utter disgust.

“Do your taste buds even work? Everyone I know says pink is best.”

“Do your dimension’s taste buds work? You’re totally wrong, bud.”

Peter pocketed the wrapper, shrugging. “Personally, I enjoyed all of them—”

“Try red.”

“No, pink.”

Peter B. groaned. “Pink is overrated.” Miles looked at him straight in the eye, expressionless.

“Your opinion is irrelevant.”

Peter B. Parker had never felt more hurt by a teenager.

“I’m the oldest one here! I think I know better.”

Peter was growing impatient. He cleared his throat and gently moved Miles aside. “All right, while you fellas discuss… this, I’m gonna go—”

“No!” Miles placed the pink Starburst in Peter’s hand, frantic. “Eat the pink one.”

“Eat them all!” Peter B. chuckled nervously, shrugging with his hands raised, palms facing upwards. Miles nodded as if it were the best idea of the century.

“Yeah, I don’t want them anymore, here—” He slammed the bag of candy onto Peter’s chest. Peter hesitantly took ahold of it, visibly perplexed. He opened his mouth to question their strange behavior and if they thought he had been born yesterday, until a distant singing voice interrupted him. 

“And I need you! I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m sorry! I love you, fuck!”

“What’s that?” 

‘The neighbors’, ‘The TV’, Peter B. and Miles said at the same time. 

This plan was doomed from the beginning.

“Da da da da! Da da da da!” 

Peter took off his glasses, guarding them inside his pocket and his brows knitted together before he pushed the two aside and took off, putting on his mask.

“Quiet down!” You hissed at Matt, glancing back at May’s house. His hands landed on your shoulders, but you immediately pushed him off you. “Fuck off, Matt! We’ve been broken up for seven months already! I moved on, and so should you!” He cocked his head to the side, his face twisted in confusion as if you’d just spoken in a foreign language.

“Broken up?” He repeated your words, voice small. “It was just a break.”

It was your turn to be confused. “What? …No. It’s over. It was over a long time ago.” 

His face fell as a realization dawned upon him and his gaze burned into yours, emotionless, making you more uncomfortable. “You’re seeing someone else, aren’t you?”

Your heartbeat sped up. “No, I said I moved on, not that I was seeing someone else—”

“You’re cheating on me?”

You took in a deep breath, close to tipping to the edge. “Again, we’re broken up.” You reiterated harshly. “As in we’re not a relationship anymore.” But Matt’s dense self wouldn’t give up just yet.

“It was just a break.” 

You’ve had it.

“It’s not a fucking break!” You shouted, making him jump. You heard the front door open and you both whipped around, your heart dropping. As soon as your sight landed on Peter going down the stairs, you gulped. Peter B. and Miles’ plan wasn’t the only one that failed that night.

“What’s going on here?” Peter’s voice was hard, bitter. You speed-walked closer to him before he could reach Matt.

“Peter—” You stopped him in his tracks, your hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ll get him out of here, okay? I got it.” No, you didn’t, most definitely not. And you could tell he knew.

He looked at Matt, and although his face remained covered, chills ran down the latter’s spine. “Are you Matt?” Peter asked loudly. Matt narrowed his eyes, puffing out his chest.

“Who are you?” He nodded at Peter, trying to sound intimidating, but the other didn’t move a muscle.

“I asked you a question.”

Matt studied Peter’s dark outfit, wondering if he was so drunk he was imagining the man. “Y-Yeah, that’s me. I’m Matt.”

“All right. Look at me, Matt.” Matt did as he said. “Good. Now, listen very closely.”

“What are you doing?” You whisper-screamed at Peter, giving him a warning with your eyes. “I said I got this.”

Peter stared at you, considering letting you handle it by yourself as you wished. But the flare, the ire at your ex had been fortifying, expanding slowly since the beginning; and now that he was there, just a few feet away— a drunken moron who relentlessly peeved you and riled him up— ultimately, impatience engulfed him and he shook his head. “You clearly don’t.”

Once Peter reached Matt, he towered over him. Matt blinked up at him, feeling smaller than ever. “Y/N’s with me now. If I hear from you one more darn time, then the coppers will be the least of your worries. Trust me. Got it?” Peter said lowly, and Matt solely nodded. “Got it?” He repeated through clenched teeth.

Matt put his hands in the air in defeat, backing away. “Heard you, man. Fuckin’ weirdo.” He muttered before he turned around and sat down on the sidewalk. You grabbed Peter’s hand and dragged him back inside, where Peter B. and Miles sat on the couch and flashed you apologetic smiles after you barged in. 

“Sorry. I’ll call a cab for him,” Peter said behind you. You waved your hand at him, shrugging and mumbling ‘it’s okay’.

“Is it over?” Miles asked, trying to look out the window from the sofa. You nodded. “Okay, can we finally go over the plan—”

Peter took off his mask, disheveling his dark hair. “Why did you try to keep this from me?” You turned around and rubbed your face, slightly frustrated.

“Because I didn’t want what just happened to happen.”

“What? Me telling him to scram off since you wouldn’t?” 

“Peter, I told you: I don’t want anyone to know about this.” You gestured between you two. You’d had this conversation before, and he understood your reasoning. He truly did. His appearance, it screamed at the top of its lungs the truth that he did not belong there. It simply was obvious, unmistakable. However, now that he’d curbed the restraint he’d created for himself once, his authentic feelings and mouth were loose, completely out of his control.

“He wasn’t going to stop bugging you!” He pointed out the window. “What if he did something worse in the future?”

“But now he’s gonna tell other people that I’m seeing someone!”

“And so what?”

You laughed, your brows furrowed. “They’re gonna want to meet you! What am I gonna do, then? ‘Ah, yes, meet my boyfriend from the 1930s!’”

Again, you noticed that irritation in his features. But all of a sudden, it was clear that it was more than just annoyance.

Jealousy. He was jealous.

“All right, then! I want other people to know who your real daddy is!” He exclaimed, his eyebrows lifted and his hands on his waist.

You heard Peter B. and Miles explode, both shouting ‘whoa!’ while you sputtered and sensed your cheeks blazing. 

“Yo, gross! Keep it in the bedroom!”

“We have a minor in here, please!”

Peter’s sight jumped between the three of you, his expression the definition of puzzlement as you covered your face with your hands and Peter B. and Miles continued feeding your embarrassment with their comments. “W-what? What did I say?” He stuttered, looking at you helplessly.

You peeked one eye up at him, laughing. “Pete, baby…”

Needless to say, after you updated Peter on slang, his flushed self couldn’t quite concentrate as Miles went over the plan.

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 16 - "light of his life"

This isn't inspired by any episode, although it is kind of a sequel to my One shot 6 (around seasons 7/8). For those of you who haven't read it/don't remember it, in that fic Morgan's sister Sarah mentioned to him that he should ask Reid to come over for dinner. It isn't an actual sequel - this is a one-shots series after all ;)

Also: in my magic, fictional world where Moreid is real, there's no such thing as hetero-normativity. I'll never spend time writing about Morgan and Reid's past coming out, or the others' reaction, or whatever. Sometimes you'll find references to the fact that they're hesitant to show affection in public but that's about it - and I imagine it's because they don't feel comfortable doing so in a working context, not out of being afraid of discrimination :)

This is the longest one I've written so far lmao bear with me ily. (future me says: wait until u read number 20. Oh, little did I know...future me also says: I added a couple dialogues and other stuff)

Read it on AO3

-------------

"Boy Wonder." Garcia's equally teasing and scolding voice came from the other side of Reid's phone.

"Hey Garcia" he greeted her, trying to sound as non-chalant as possible.

"Were you not gonna tell me? Was I supposed to find out from JJ??"

Spencer sighed. He should've known better than to tell JJ about him going to Derek's family home for dinner. He took a wild guess probably everyone on the team knew now.

"I'm- I'm sorry, alright? I have no excuse."

"No you don't! Especially not the cliché excuse where you say 'I forgot' because your eidetic-memory-cute-little-butt would never forget about such a thing!"

Spencer chuckled shaking his head. "Fine but, now that you know, please don't tell me you called to say how 'cute' it is or whatever, because JJ thought of doing that already."

"...well...ok then, plan B. You genius managed to burst my little bubble of "aww how cute"s in a fraction of second."

"...sorry ? again." he said in a confused tone.

"Nuh-uh don't think for a minute that you got rid of me so easily. I have another million yet un-burst little bubbles of topics you and I HAVE to discuss before you meet your in-laws."

"My wh-"

"FOR INSTANCE your outfit." Penelope raised her voice to interrupt him before he could tell her not to call Derek's family his "in-laws", because it freaked him out.

"...well for that I could actually use a little help." Spencer replied, staring helplessly at his half unpacked go-bag.

"Wait...you DID bring something NICE, didn't you?"

No response from Spencer.

"Oh. My. God. I can't belive this. Spencer, could it BE more obvious? Derek being totally in love with you + mentioning that his family wanted to invite you over to dinner + case in Chicago?? So much for being a math genius, huh"

Still no response from Spencer. "Derek being totally in love with you". He was smiling so hard he thought Penelope could FEEL it through the phone. His brain got stuck to that point in her phrase - he didn't even bother wondering how she knew that Derek had already mentioned it a month or so before.

"...uhm, hello? Earth to Doctor Spencer Reid?"

"Yeah- I'm- I'm sorry Garcia it's really late I have to go, thank you for your precious advice, you're the best." he finally answered in a rush.

"Wh- but I didn't even GET to-" he hung up before she could finish the sentence.

-

That phrase from earlier triggered a sudden realization in Spencer's mind: Derek could probably not care less about what he was gonna wear. The important thing to him, was that he'd show up. And it was late, so he had to get it out of his head - it wasn't like some kind of breaking news that Derek loved him, anyway. Spencer knew it, deep down. Even if it was still hard for him to wrap his mind around the fact that SSA Derek Morgan, the hot chocolate, the hunk, the ladies' man - pfft, yeah, right? - was in love with him.

That very thought escaped his brain only to make space for another one, just as paranoid, inconclusive and time-consuming: Penelope was right, wasn't she.

Derek always made time to visit his family everytime they had a case in Chicago, before going back to Quantico; it was a known fact amongst the team. Plus, the others didn't mind spending an extra half-day in the city to go out or - more realistically - crash in their hotel rooms.

So if you take that, and add the fact that Sarah had hinted to Derek to invite Spencer for dinner sometime; you get that Penelope was right. EVEN if Derek could've asked with a little more advance - instead of that same morning - and EVEN if, at the time Derek had told him about that conversation with his sister, Spencer hadn't really said a clear "yes". He hadn't said "no" either, to be fair.

Also, one would guess Spencer should've just been prepared for it, sooner or later, right? After all, Derek and him had been dating for... well, he wasn't quite sure. Not because he didn't remember: of course he remembered their first kiss, their first "date" - or whatever you call it when two people see each other outside of work - the first time they had kinda-but-not-really expressed their feelings for each other, the first time they had slept together. So, which one of those should he take in consideration to determine how long they'd been dating? Or maybe it was a matter of guessing an average out of all those parameters? Spencer had always had troubles trying to pinpoint that.

Anyway. None of those thoughts were helping him to decide which one of the 3 shirts displayed on the mattress he was going to wear that night. If not a whole "nice" outfit, he could've at least packed Derek's favorite shirt, just to be sure. He didn't even know why that was his favorite: it was just a pale lilac button-up. He said that the fact that it hung a bit too loose on his shoulders and arms, and had to roll up the sleeves once or twice, gave him permission to fantasize that it was his shirt, worn by Spencer - which, by the way: he could simply say he'd like Spencer to wear his shirts. He definitely wouldn't mind doing that. And ultimately, aside from this whole reverie of Derek's: it was still a damn pale lilac button-up a couple sizes too big.

-

Spencer checked his watch for the fifth time in the last 20 minutes: 7:15 pm. Derek was gonna knock on his hotel room door in 15.

He chose to keep it elegant but subtle, finally picking a blue-ish grey shirt, to pair with black jacket and slacks, trying to go with his gut - whatever that meant. Derek always told him to "feel" stuff. He probably didn't mean him to apply it to such a shallow thing like picking which fricking shirt to wear, though.

He quickly got out of his sweats and put the outfit on, looking at himself in the mirror.

Shit. The tie. The question wasn't even WHICH tie, rather: with or without tie?

Spencer came to the most logical and well-thought decision he'd made during that whole outfit-picking process: if he'd chosen to wear a tie, he would've had to spend another 15 minutes choosing which one. So, no tie. However, he wasn't used to not wearing one, so he tried not to stare too long in the mirror observing how strange he looked - and felt - without it.

He left the first two buttons of the shirt undone, and tried to un-mess his hair up - "c'mon I love your messy hair!", Derek's words popped into Spencer's head, making him giggle as he proceeded to put his shoes on.

He didn't even have the time to take one last look at the whole situation in the mirror, that he heard a knock on the door.

"Fuck." he gasped to himself.

"Coming!" he said as he quickly made his way to the door, jogging back and forth every 5 seconds to pick up pieces of clothing spread out on the floor and go back to squeeze them into his bag.

-

Derek waited in front of that damn door for what felt like 30 minutes.

He kept his eyes down at his feet and his hands in the pockets of his pants, as he tried to decipher the sounds coming from inside Spencer's room.

Much to his frustration, he spent the waiting time regretting having asked only that morning. He had actually done it on purpose to ask with little to no advance, so that Spencer couldn't say "no", knowing he'd be afraid to sound rude if he didn't accept. He didn't force him to do anything, though: Derek was 100% sure that he wanted to meet his family as his actual boyfriend - because he had met them a few times before, first as his co-worker, later as his best friend.

He was just trying to make the decision-making easier for him, coming to terms with the fact that he DID want to meet them a little quicker than he would have if Derek had asked him days and days before, hence had way too much time to think and rethink and go all paranoid.

Anyway, as it turned out, even that tactic had a couple of downsides: first of all, Spencer would've felt tenfold more nervous because of the lack of time to process the thing; second - which was a direct consequence of the former - it would've taken him a million years to get ready, leaving Derek out in the hallway for 5 minutes straight.

-

"Hey!" Spencer finally opened the door, nervously running his tongue in between his lips and adjusting his hair behind his ears. He also looked slightly out of breath.

"Hi" Derek greeted him back, smiling warmly. It took him a few seconds to realize what was standing in front of him. His man, looking handsome in those clothes.

He walked inside the room and turned around, watching Spencer as he closed the door. He gradually got closer and closer to him, forcing him to pull back until he was caged in between his broad body and the door, with no way out.

Derek placed a hand on his own hip and leaned against the door with his other forearm, just above Spencer's head. He bit his bottom lip in the attempt to stop smiling, staring carefully up and down at every inch of his boyfriend's fineness.

"How dare you" he murmured, knowing that Spencer understood perfectly that he was referring to how outrageously and disrespectfully good he looked.

"W- what are you talking about?" Spencer asked, playing dumb, courageously staring back right into Derek's deep eyes and not even making the slightest effort to contain his furious blush.

Derek didn't answer, instead he reached a hand toward Spencer's jaw, teasingly stroking his bottom lip with his thumb. He was inching closer definitely too slowly for Spencer's liking, to be completely honest.

Derek finally pushed his body against his, making Spencer's back produce a light smashing-like sound against the wooden door. He gasped in all the air he needed before making their lips collide dangerously, forcing a surprised moan out of Spencer's lungs.

"Mmhh...now... t's clear what you're...talking mm'bout" Spencer mumbled teasingly against his lips.

He wrapped his strong arms all around Spencer's body, as if it was threatening to fall on the floor, unravelling his hot tongue inside his mouth at last.

Derek's lips ran down to his jaw, allowing Spencer to catch his breath and his arms to finally grab onto him as his head fell back, hitting the door.

The second his mouth reached his ear, slightly biting his lobe, Spencer realized he couldn't take anymore of that without risking to rip off with his bare hands every single layer of clothing Derek was wearing.

"Ok w- wait, Derek wait a sec" he breathed out, unable to keep his eyes open and aware.

"Mhmh" Derek hummed unbothered, as the tip of his wet tongue brushed on the warm spot beneath Spencer's earlobe, before sucking it into his mouth.

"Ohw fuck- no s- seriously we're already late"

Derek suddenly stopped like Spencer had pushed a "OFF" button. He'd totally forgotten the reason why he got there in the first place, being so distracted by making his boyfriend's head spin and his body squirm uncontrollably.

"Holy shit. You're right." he said checking his watch, without pulling back from Spencer's body even a quarter of an inch.

After a few seconds of silence, while they rested their foreheads against one another to catch their breaths, Spencer spoke up.

"Believe me, I wouldn't have stopped you if it wasn't so important to me."

Derek distanced his face a little in order to look at him. "It is?" he asked with a sparkle in his eyes. "It's important to you?"

"Yes. I really want them to see us together like this." Spencer said smiling softly, caressing Derek's cheek.

"...well maybe not like this " the other answered chuckling, breaking the romantic mood Spencer's words and demeanor had set.

"Yeah right- you know what I mean!"

"I know." Derek concluded nodding, pecking at Spencer's already flushed lips one last time before letting go of him.

"It took me 30 minutes to come up with a decent outfit and you messed it up in 5, that's rude to say the least." Spencer said after a while, adjusting his hair and tucking his shirt back inside his pants.

"I'm sorry pretty boy, but you kinda asked for it." Derek justified himself, shrugging mockingly at him.

"...could say the same thing of you, though." he replied murmuring, not sure if he wanted Derek to hear him or not.

"What was that?" the other asked, even if having heard crystal clear, in fact.

"What?"

Derek snorted, inching once again very, very close.

"Baby, you're only making it worse, you must know that right?" he whispered with a smirk.

Spencer didn't answer, too busy looking at Derek's lips as he ran his tongue in between his.

"And, you're standing in my way."

Spencer frowned and shifted his gaze down, noticing Derek's hand was on the doorknob behind him: he was, indeed, standing in his way. He shot him a glare and stepped aside, so they could finally get out of the room.

The realization that they were about to have dinner with Derek's family as a couple fell onto him once again, out of the blue, easing whatever bit of heat was left inside his pants.

-

30 minutes later or so, they got to Derek's house. The car ride was strangely silent, probably because they were both nervous - even Derek was, a bit. He was just better at hiding it.

He parked the car and turned it off, deciding to wait a little before getting out. He looked over to Spencer, whose eyes were staring blankly at the small house outside.

"Hey," Derek spoke softly, placing his warm hand on his thigh in the hope to calm him down a little.

Spencer turned his head toward him as soon as he felt his touch, revealing quite an anxious look.

"It's gonna be great. And I bet I'm gonna find myself saying something like 'I told you so'." Derek tried to lift the mood, not needing him to say anything to gather what was troubling him. Still, he paused right after, letting him have the time to say it nonetheless.

"...what if they don't like me?" Spencer finally asked, his voice small and a little trembly.

"They already love you. I can guarantee you that."

"Yeah but I mean, what if they don't like me... this way? With you?" Spencer explained further, trusting that Derek understood what his main concern was. Which wasn't the possibility that they wouldn't like him as a person - because they did, as Derek said and as he already knew. It was the possibility that they wouldn't like him as his romantic partner. As his boyfriend.

"Spencer... they know already that we're together, you know that right? It's not news to them." Derek said furrowing his brows. "and they're not just 'ok' with it, they love it. This. Us." he added reassuringly, pointing between the two of them with his finger.

Spencer simply nodded in response, getting back to looking down at his knees.

Derek shifted in his seat to lean closer, moving his hand from Spencer's thigh to his chin to lift it.

"Baby look at me." he murmured. His heart swelled when Spencer followed the order, giving him puppy eyes.

"I love you. And they love you as much as I do. So they will love us too, for sure. Alright?"

"Alright." Spencer finally spoke, a shy smile on his pretty face.

"...I partly take that back though. Not possible for anybody else to love you as much as I do." Derek concluded on a cheesy note, winking and giving him his signature smile.

Spencer chuckled, refraining from face-palming and choosing instead to simply shake his head.

-

They finally got out of the car, after that 10 minute pep-talk. Derek made his way around it to reach Spencer, holding out his hand toward him.

Spencer looked at him, shifting his eyes back and forth between Derek's hand and his smiling face. He sighed, acting annoyed, when actually he thought it was very cute of him to decide they'd get to the front door holding hands.

He took it and crossed his fingers with Derek's, clenching it tight to try and lessen his anxiety.

When they arrived at the door - standing beside one another, but Derek a few inches ahead of him - Spencer inadvertently squeezed his hand even more the moment Derek rang the bell.

"Derek! My boy!" Fran opened the door only a couple of seconds later - she'd been probably waiting on them for quite a while - with a wide, shiny smile on her face. Each time he'd seen that smile over the years, Spencer got more and more convinced of whom Derek must have got it from. And he could only thank her for it.

A few moments after, Sarah and Desirée joyfully came to the door as well, the younger one clapping her hands and squealing a loud "yes!" as soon as she saw the couple holding hands. Spencer's whole body was blushing, but he was genuinely happy to be there, with Derek.

"Hey mama!" Derek greeted back entering the house, letting go of Spencer's hand to hug his mom and kiss her forehead, with a smile just as shiny as hers if not more.

"Oh, Spencer, it's so good to see you! Come here," she said closing the door, right before spreading her arms to hug him. She was so small even compared to his skinny frame, Spencer could only imagine how tiny she must have felt in Derek's strong arms.

"It's good to see you too, Mrs Morgan." he smiled back, a little embarrassed because, even if it was from his boyfriend's mother, it was still a hug after all.

"Oh please, don't call me that. You make me feel old!" she pleaded arching her brows, while the two greeted and hugged Derek's sisters as well.

"Old? You look younger than your own son!" Spencer joked.

"Uh excuse me, what side are you on now??" Derek replied, playfully messing Spencer's hair by untucking a strand of it with his fingers to let it fall over his face, causing him to scrunch his nose in that way. The others laughed affectionately at them.

The three women led the way toward the dining room, enveloped in a warm, homely light.

Spencer waited a second to sit down, letting the others choose their spots. Desirée and Sarah sat next to each other, asking that him and Derek mirror them; while their mom - who had temporarily excused herself to check on the food in the kitchen - was of course entitled to the seat at the head of the table.

-

Dinner proceeded serenely, between some small talk about their tough job and a lively laugh at some joke Derek or Desirée said. Anyone who had spent even just as little as 10 minutes in that house, could tell with zero doubts that those two where the pranksters of the family.

The food was so good, the company even better. No one had brought up any embarrassing topics, nor had made Spencer feel out of place or looked at him weirded out, whenever he'd thrown some of his beloved facts and infos in the conversation: he was struggling to believe it wasn't all a dream.

He used to always remind Derek how lucky he was to have a family like that, but he'd never stood by that statement so much like in that moment. And Derek had clearly noticed it, by how much he was enjoying himself.

At a certain point though, after God knows how many half hours had passed, when they had finished eating and were enjoying the faint inebriating effect of the wine, Sarah asked the question.

"So...since Derek has never really answered this clearly, and since your memory is kind of a big deal right? I'm gonna try and ask you..." she started, staring at Spencer with a grin on her face, keeping both him and Derek on their toes.

"...how did it happen?? Like, who confessed and when?"

"Sis we already talked about this!" Derek said face-palming, dramatically leaning back on his chair resigned to the fact that she would never stop asking until she was fed every teeny tiny detail.

"Shush! She's right, you never gave a legit answer!" Desirée added, coming to her sister's aid.

"Well, it's just fair that he hasn't given a clear answer because it's not easy to determine exactly when the 'confession' happened, cause there have always been a lot of...let's say mixed signals from both parts through the years, for lack of a better word" Spencer started. "but first of all I can safely say that Derek was the one who confessed first, and I guess that's kinda obvious being the confident, cocky kind of guy I think we can all agree that he is." he paused his narrative, turning his head to look at Derek's reaction while he accused him of being those things.

"Alright alright, I'll give you that. Keep going." Derek nodded smugly, shifting in his seat closer to Spencer to stretch his arm on the backrest of his chair.

"What's ironic though is, that it actually happened while we were FIGHTING, about a thing that happened on the job - which I'm not gonna elaborate cause I feel like 4 years, 1 month and 21 days later, he's STILL mad at m- hey! " Spencer got interrupted by a light hand-smack on his nape from Derek.

" 'Course I'm still mad at you, smartass!!"

"Alright, fair enough, point is," he cleared his voice in the attempt to stop chuckling. "point is, we had a big fight, and then Derek just...he just said it, out of nowhere." Spencer shrugged in conclusion to his story-telling, lowering his voice on that last bit, while drawing circles on the empty wine glass with his thumb.

There were a few seconds of complete silence, during which Derek stared at Spencer's perfect side profile, absorbed in that... life-changing memory he'd just brought back. "Life-changing" was the right adjective because he remembered very well that it hadn't been all good. But - seeing how things were now going between Spencer and him - certainly not even all bad. It sure as hell had changed their lives, though.

"See? It's not like I came dressed in white with a carriage and asked him to dance, lemme tell you we were fucking MAD at each other!" Derek broke the silence, speaking to his sisters.

"Alright, you could've just told us!" his mom replied among a choir of laughs, too amused by the comment to bother about the cuss that had slipped out of his son's mouth.

"Well I don't exactly strike as the dancer type, so with all due respect you guys could've easily ruled that out from the beginning!" Spencer added jokingly, supporting his boyfriend's thesis.

"You don't- what?? You asked me to dance just about a couple weeks ago at JJ's wedding, who're you tryna fool, genius??" Derek loved to joke around about that episode.

"But that's different! Slow dancing at weddings isn't dancing per say, that's common knowledge."

" 'common knowledge', blablabla, a'ight, we get it, you're the smartest in the room." Derek kept mocking him, rolling his eyes and air-quoting the words "common knowledge".

He reached his hand out to place it on the back of Spencer's head, affectionately running his slim fingers through his soft curls. "I'm still convinced you're a pretty good dancer." he added softly.

Spencer finally shifted his look from the glass to Derek's eyes, trying to hide his smile.

"That's not an unbiased opinion, though"

Derek's brows shot up. "Oh you're right, I forgot that you're my handsome, smart boyfriend for a second there. I do have a couple bias."

Spencer shot him a look that said: Jesus Christ, Derek. His cheeks could've easily melted like candle wax and he was about to fall off his chair from hearing that answer, so the stabbing glance was only fair - Spencer was clearly not yet worrying about the 100% worth probability of Derek later mentioning how "cute" and "adorable" his reaction and expression were in that moment. "You're lucky I didn't sprinkle that face of yours with kisses in front of everyone, pretty boy" he always said.

The three women didn't even try to interrupt that moment, absolutely struck by their chemistry. If anyone was still wondering how in the world two people so different like them could be a couple, it must've been because they hadn't yet seen a playful banter between those two like the one Desirée, Sarah and Fran had just witnessed. It was like watching a movie.

-

"Oh my! It's so late. You two should probably get back if you wanna get some sleep before your flight tomorrow." Fran pointed out half-heartedly, checking the clock hung on the wall in front of the table.

"You're right ma'. Though it's not like we get much sleep with this job anyway..." Derek added dry-wittingly and with a deep sigh, as he checked his own watch, too: it was around 10 pm. Not even so late if it were a normal day of work in Quantico, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. They had to drag their asses on the jet at 5 am the next morning.

Spencer was brought back to reality when they mentioned work, but mostly when Derek's warm fingers until then drawing patterns on his scalp abruptly pulled back; leaving him mentally complaining.

"Do you need help in the kitchen?" he asked Fran politely, seeing her standing up from her chair and starting to pile up the dishes.

"No baby c'mon, that's my job." Derek immediately dismissed the other's offer, before his mother had even had the time to do that herself; getting up too while subtly caressing Spencer's cheek with his knuckles.

The two managed to gather all the dirty dishes and glasses and cutlery in one run, and headed to the kitchen, leaving there a blushing Spencer - calling him "baby" in front of his family? Dear God - alone with Derek's sisters, in what he anticipated to be an awkward situation.

-

After an unsettling amount of seconds, Desirée's almost whispering voice breached through the silence, as if afraid of being heard from the other room.

"Ok so, the most important question now is-"

"Desi, come on!!" Sarah tried to stop her from asking what she was about to ask, lightly hitting her forearm with her hand.

"What?? You wanna know too, don't play innocent all of a sudden!" she lowered her voice once again, shifting her attention back to Spencer in front of her.

"As I was saying, question is... has he proposed yet? "

Spencer's brain stopped working - if that was even possible, for the genius with an IQ of 187. He should've expected such a question - should he, though? Really?? What the hell.

"No! No he- we've never talked about it, I don't- I don't know what he thinks of it, I don't even know what I think, to be honest" Spencer was having the hardest time putting his words together. If the topic had been marriage in general, he would've undoubtedly started blurting out statistics until everyone's ears were bleeding. But they were talking about Derek and his hypothetical marriage: he hadn't rehearsed for that one.

How was it possible that in all the years they'd been together, the thought of getting married hadn't even brushed his mind? Or Derek's? Was it a bad sign? Or maybe Derek HAD thought about it but was afraid of rejection? Wow. Yet another paranoid thought to haunt him now. Thank you, Desirée.

"But how's that possible?? You're literally the light of his life, I don't understand..." Sarah shared her thought out loud, crossing her arms and staring at an undefined spot on the table cloth, as if the lace embroideries could give her tangible answers to the question.

Spencer's smile was impossible to control now. He tried, he really did, but that night it seemed like they were all daring him to melt on the floor.

"Girls, don't steal him! I know he's pretty but he's MY pretty boy alright?" Derek's loud voice came from the kitchen, from where he could hear his sisters' bickering but couldn't decipher what they were saying - luckily.

Derek's comment was probably about the twentieth proof of what stated before - they were literally RACING on who would get Spencer's face to catch fire first.

-

Fran laughed at Derek's scolding, shaking her head.

"Well, for what it's worth, he really is gorgeous if you ask me." she said, finishing to wash the last fork and passing it to him so he could wipe it dry with a cloth.

"That makes two of us." Derek replied. "Actually a lot more than two, so I'm very lucky." he added, after being distracted by that thought for a few seconds.

"He's lucky too, you know? To have you in his life." his mom assured, affectionately stroking her son's shoulder with her small hand.

Derek sighed, finishing to dry the dishes out and rolling the sleeves of his button-up shirt back down to his wrists. "I don't know mama. Sometimes I feel like he's getting tired of me."

"Oh baby that's not possible, trust me. I've dated a bunch of guys when I was young, and the ones who looked at me like Spencer looks at you were the ones I had to dump because they never would have in a thousand years." she paused. "...until I met your father, and then we both looked at each other like that. Just like you two do." she concluded in a nostalgic tone, forcing a sad smile out of him.

"...have you asked him yet?" she changed the topic, after a long silence.

"Asked what?" Derek answered with a question, frowning.

"...to marry you? "

"What?? Mom, I don't know if- we've never even mentioned it- Jesus mama we don't even live together yet!" he replied, even more confused than before he got asked, trying to keep his voice low.

"Alright! No need to fuss like that! Take your time. But you should at least think about it, if you really wanna know what your mother thinks." she winked, before finally getting back to the other room, leaving Derek full of questions he didn't even know he had in the first place.

-

Spencer entered the small kitchen, holding Derek's leather jacket in his hand.

"You done?" he asked, handing it to him as Derek turned around to face him.

The man nodded in response, putting the jacket on.

"I wanna hear you say it." he then said, grinning at him with his arms folded on his chest.

"...say what?" Spencer asked, as if he didn't know what Derek wanted to hear, non-chalantly leaning against the counter.

Derek made a step closer, grabbing his jaw in one hand and trapping him between said counter and his hips.

"Just say it" he repeated, this time murmuring a few inches from his face.

Spencer tried to avoid his eyes, but it was almost impossible. Considering how he'd been kissed senseless against the door earlier in his hotel room, Spencer should've known better than to stand between Derek's body and whatever other vertical surface. He would never admit he didn't want to learn that lesson.

"...you were right." he finally confessed in a sigh, trying to contain his smile.

"Yes." Derek let out a whispered exult, before ultimately erasing that bit of space left between their lips. He cupped the back of Spencer's neck to prevent him from hitting the crown of his head against the metal handle of the cabinet above. Or to prevent him from escaping his mouth, whichever option one deems more realistic.

They kissed slowly and secretly, both struggling to stop the giggles and little smiles from interrupting it every 5 seconds, making it impossible for their tongues to keep prolonged contact.

-

The moment Spencer was starting to get carried away just enough to wrap his arms around Derek's neck, they heard an intentional fit of coughing coming from the threshold of the door.

They quickly and embarrassedly took their hands off of each other and turned around to face Sarah.

"Uhm, guys, it's starting to rain..." she said with a slight cringe on her face.

"Nice." Derek sighed. He took Spencer's hand and led the way out of the room and toward the front door.

They hugged and said their goodbyes to the three women, and Derek opened the door, letting Spencer out first.

His mom grabbed his arm before he could close the door behind his back. "Think about it." she mouthed, winking at her son.

Derek snorted and rolled his eyes in response.

When he stepped out and turned around, he saw Spencer looking blankly in front of them, sheltered by the porch, righteously frozen in spot and gaping: it wasn't simply "starting to rain". It was like someone from up there was literally pouring the whole Lake Michigan over their heads.

They exchanged a resigned look, before deciding unanimously to run toward the car, luckily parked only 30 ft away from the house.

-

"Shit." Spencer cursed under his breath when they finally got into the car, soaked from head to toe.

"Yeah" Derek agreed. "Maybe we can wait a lil until this mess calms down before heading back, what do you say?" he asked rhetorically.

"Most definitely." Spencer replied chuckling, tucking his wet hair behind his ears.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, listening to the relaxing sound of the water running down the windshield, making it absolutely impossible to distinguish the shapes of whatever was outside.

"So, uhm" Spencer broke the silence, interrupting himself immediately after to sigh annoyedly at his failed attempt to wipe dry his drooling-wet forehead with the sleeve of his equally wet jacket. He wanted to talk about that thing before he could lose any sleep over it.

"...your sisters asked me a question that left me...honestly, I don't even know if there's a word to describe my reaction in that moment." he continued, now pinching with his fingers the pants sticking to his thigh.

Derek's heart rate started to increase uncontrollably. He didn't say anything, letting Spencer finish, to have actual proof that he was gonna say what he thought he was gonna say; and just then, could legitimately freak out.

"Desirée asked if you had proposed yet." Spencer said straight up, still struggling to believe that he'd actually received such a question. "I didn't know how to justify the fact that neither of us has thought about it yet. I mean, should we have thought about it? Is it- is it an option? I don't even know I just- I don't know. I don't know what to think about this so please tell me that you have a vague idea of what to do with that question." Spencer finished talking, leaving Derek speechless. Now, he had the right to freak out.

Derek let his forehead drop on the steering wheel, chuckling to himself - he didn't even know where to start.

"A'ight, uhm...mom asked me, too." he finally confessed, pulling himself together just enough to sit up straight again. "I don't know if it was all calculated, but it wouldn't be surprising if it was, now would it?"

"Definitely not." Spencer replied laughing.

Derek cleared his voice and got a little more serious. "Of course I told her I didn't ask you to marry me... yet. I guess. Dammit, I don't know, am I supposed to know?"

"I don't know!"

"How are we even gonna talk about it if we don't know? She told me to 'think about it', think about what??" Derek was freaking out way more than Spencer was, which was the most unexpected turn of events ever.

"Ok Derek stop for a second." Spencer said in a soothing tone, turning slightly to his left to look at him better as he grabbed his hand. Derek quieted down and stared deep into his boyfriend's gentle eyes, entwining their fingers together.

"It's hard to picture it because of our job. That's literally the whole point. The only point, to be fair, cause- look, I don't know if I wanna get married, what I know is that I...I think I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you...you know? It sounds cheesy I know, but there's no other proper way to say it..."

Spencer's words calmed Derek down. He let go of his hand to caress the back of his neck, staring silently at him as his smart brain formulated the next things to say.

"and- and maybe, in the future, when the job and everything else falls into place...maybe we could consider signing a piece of paper, I guess. But the point is that if you asked me in this exact moment I'd say yes because- because yes, I want to be with you- but there's no pressure what so ever cause this is what I think and maybe I'm not making any sense to you right now and you don't ever wanna get married or...or be with me forever and- and it's ok, I'm just tryna figure my thoughts out-"

"Kid. It does. It makes sense to me, too. All of it." Derek was the one speaking sensibly now. He leaned closer and started to run his fingers through Spencer's damp hair to relax him.

"...do you want me to give you statistics about divorces within the first 3 years of marriage in homosexual couples?" Spencer asked after a few seconds of silence, though it wasn't so much a question rather an excuse to put a halt to the gears overdriving in his mind.

Derek burst into such a glee, beautiful sounding laugh, Spencer was on the verge of swooning. He swore if saying lame jokes was the way to hear that laugh 24 hours a day, he would've recorded himself saying them and played them to him non-stop. That was husband material, no doubt.

"Baby, you know I'm always here to listen to your ramblings, but I really don't think we should be discussing divorces before even having got married, what do you think?" the man said eventually, once his laugh had quieted down.

Even having predicted such an answer, the words Derek said and the way he said them didn't fail to make Spencer giggle and flush - a downside to his attempted teasings he'd found himself fall into a quadrillion times during the years. Another of many lessons he wasn't quite willing to learn.

-

After that, they stayed in silence for a while, staring into each other's eyes. From the sound of it, they noticed the rain had almost completely settled down.

Spencer timidly inched forward and laid a kiss on the corner of Derek's lips.

"I love you." he whispered, before placing his palm behind his neck to push him deeper into his mouth.

The moment Spencer pronounced those words and blessed him with one of his sugar-kisses, Derek started to contemplate that if spending the rest of his days with that man meant wet-making out in the car; and cozy family dinners, awkward questions included; and that sweet voice of his endlessly pouring his smart - oh, so smart - brain out to him at 3 am; and velvet tongue healing his bruised skin; and slow dancing even if it wasn't "dancing per say"; and feather-like fingers drawing goosebumps underneath his clothes; and being unable to stay angry at such a gorgeous face for too long - then he could've signed that piece of paper right there, right then.

When he woke up from that thought, Derek realized that the gap between their car seats that was keeping their bodies apart was starting to bother him. He pulled out of that tongue-melting kiss.

"We should get going now that it's not raining anymore." he said breathily.

Spencer nodded, swallowing the rich taste Derek's mouth left into his. "Yeah." he shivered. " 'm starting to get cold..."

Derek started the car, smirking as Spencer's words prompted a very specific thought to crawl its way into his head.

"We could keep warm actually doing that thing we were about to do earlier in your room."

[3collecurei]

Tavros in Pesterquest

I only had time to play Tavros’ route before work, and overall - despite the unnecessary Vriska interruption - I LOVED IT. (This entire rave is spoilers for those who don't want that)

My favorite ending was what I’m gonna call the neutral ending, the Propsit one. While the good ending was PURE AF and I LOVED getting to see Kanaya and Tavros’ friendship, the neutral ending points out one of my favorite things about Tavros’ arc and why I’ve stanned the kid so hard for 8 years, which I’ll elaborate on. First, some general positives:

- LIVING for Fiduspawn Go being a thing that exists. One of the livestreams I watched pointed out that the strict bloodcolorism in Alternia goes as far as affecting even the innocent games they play, with Tav not having access to more rare Fiduspawn because he lives in a lowblood district. Also I just now got the connection that Fiduspawn is a play on “fetus-spawn” lol

- Tavros is SO NICE (I love him), to a debilitating fault. The consistency of him being like “no I need to get up the hill on my own” and soon as Reader's like nah it’s cool I’ll help he’s like “yes, whatever you say.” And thinking that the reader insisted on hearing his tragic backstory just because they said “oh okay, that’s fine."

Tavros tends to think that even the slightest neutral response from someone is negative, and I get the sense that he has a hard time understanding tone and context from people’s voices (he often needs the meaning of what people say overexplained).

I’m a tiny bit on the spectrum and HC that Tavros is on the troll equivalent (high functioning), it’s one of the biggest things you go through when trying to socialize. He just wants to make other people happy with him so bad.

My username is adiostoreadoormat because I think "doormat" is the best descriptor for Tavros at his worst (and the biggest struggle that he eventually overcomes). I was this way as a kid, behaving how I think others want me to so much that I gave up and gave over my personality. This is why I’ve really always felt for him and his “wimp” tendencies.

He has always had a balance with this trait too, of still being into his niche interests to the extreme (the posters, Fiduspawn seeming to be all he does in his spare time, the obsession level of it all.) It’s the other side of the coin when you’re a “doormat,” the way you express what interests you do have for yourself looks extreme and over the top to a lot of people. Tavros just really embodies this kind of person and how hard it is to feel/look “normal” to other people, so well.

- The fact that Pupa Pan is a stage production that Tavros went to see (“hecklers will be culled” lmao)

- The consistency of him using fucked up words (tragical, using frigid as a synonym of cool, “the sea has many fish in it”). Always been one of the funniest things about him to me

- Vriska gave Tavros his wheelchair? Did we know that before? Nice motive, still murder

- I can’t fucking believe she shows up at his hive, at will, after she paralyzed him. SHE HAS THE KEYS??? Leave him the fuck alone!!

- The fact that she made herself the keys (y’all KNOW Tavros didn’t offer them) is proof that nothing changed, not even with her having Terezi again. Why would he want you dropping in when he can’t escape you??????? Jesus Christ

- Love Tavros giving her some pushback the whole way through though. When we chose his side, he doesn’t let her stay. In the bad ending he doesn't even attempt to come along. In his side's ending he even says he hates her - platonically - which we never see him admit before with his words. Good.

She really has no sympathetic aspect here. None of her points about helping him were valid, as they never have been. She’s throwing a fit because she didn’t get her way and using reasons that would seem “helpful” objectively, but given the context of their situation, no. I love you, but here? Fuck all the way off.

- We see Tavros getting cut in half by Bec Noir on Prospit during the weird glitch thing that happens. INTERESTING.

- As I said, I prefer the neutral ending. Getting to see his reaction to flying on Prospit for the first time instead of just reading about it! Baby 😭

And Tavros wanting to stay there forever - ugh my heart. This is what is so sad to me about his character. He LOVED Sgurb. The game probably meant the most to Tavros out of anyone. When they lose their reward he loses his happy place, the space where he was finally able to make a second chance out of his circumstance. It’s almost like he can’t be happy in the end if the game happens, because there isn’t a timeline that he stays alive in. God damn it I want to see a winning timeline where this kid goes god tier.

I said in a comment here that I love that Tavros has to die in order to learn to fly - it’s not what he deserves, but that’s life sometimes, you learn from things being harder. They just don’t have to be so hard that he lets himself be abused!

Our neutral end is him falling headlong into escapism. The selfish part of me wants that to be his happy ending, he deserves it. But of course, Sgurb ends.

- TAVROS/KANAYA FRIENDSHIP IN THE GOOD ENDING WAS EVERYTHING TO ME (also LOL at him being like "did you see the way she smiled at me???" and then immediately being like "nevermind you're right it's never happening". Also his “I’m gonna tell vriska fuck you" lmao)

- Did I miss the explanation for Kanaya’s using Sgurb build constructs??? I had a thought that maybe Sollux broke the game and isolated certain components? But Prospit seems to have always been there and we haven’t had that explained to us yet (have we?).

Someone in the livestream suggested that the game is trying to force certain aspects of itself into reality anyway, to prevent plot holes.

- As total GamTav trash, I only wish we could’ve seen him hang out with or talk to Gamzee too (his positive relationship with Tav is one of his few redeeming qualities!) I’m a little surprised they’ve never done anything else in canon with them because it’s such a popular ship (unless you count Gamzee making out with a ghost Tavros in Candy lmao). But, I’ve also given up on Gamzee getting any meaningful redemption for the rest of Homestuck. (With the amount of Vriska redemption the story is pushing at us they might as well throw Gamzee some bones imo)

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam season 3, episode 6 reaction

In terms of length, this is a short episode, but watching it in real time, every day highlighting Isak’s misery, felt like an eternity. Luckily Isak and Jonas’ friendship intervened to give us one of the most heartwarming scenes of the series. 

SEASON 3, EPISODE 6 - “Escobar season”

Clip 1 - YOU CAN HATE ME NOW

It was a loooooong 10 days between the last clip of episode 5 and this one. Like, Trump got elected in that time, guys. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “Goddamn, I wish Skam wasn’t on hiatus so I could have something positive to take my mind off this shit.” Which might seem frivolous, but sometimes you need a little escapism from your impending national nightmare, instead of following the news in despair for 10 hours a day and stress-eating whole bags of discount Halloween candy (which is what I actually ended up doing).

The mid-season hiatus is set up so if you’re watching in real time, you can imagine that Isak legit took a week off school, but if you’re watching after the season ended, you can buy that maybe Isak just took a weekend off from the world, and either possibility still works. That shows some forethought on Julie’s part, since she knew this season would also be viewed post-real time experience.

So the music is by Nas, not N.W.A., but Isak’s intro here definitely reminds me of what he said to Even in episode 2 , about “music that you listen to when you want to walk around feeling tough.” This is totally a moment where Isak wants to toughen up, since he’s frankly pretty fragile at the moment. I love this scene because it is so deeply real. Most of us have done this, blasted the appropriate soundtrack to psych ourselves up for something we didn’t want to do, or attempted to alter our mood with a song. The fact that this is clearly a diegetic music moment, with Isak actually wearing his earbuds, makes him seem even more vulnerable to me, ironically. Like he needs that confidence boost.

Also, the fact that this is Nas just underscores Even’s influence on Isak, and that while Isak may be trying to deal with his heartbreak, Even’s presence is still there, weighing on him.

“Escobar season has returned … it’s been a long time.” Obviously it hasn’t been that long, but it is a cheeky little nod to the hiatus, as well as the official clip title  - “Returned.”

By the way, if people are wondering exactly what “Escobar season” means, here’s a little information about it. The summary is that it’s a persona Nas took on that’s like a Scarface personality, “Escobar” taken from famous Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar - who interestingly was the subject of one of Isak’s oft-mentioned TV shows, Narcos. 

The Escobar facade was fully formed and ubiquitous on Nas’ 1996 album It Was Written—he endorsed the now-defunct Willie Esco clothing line around the same time. 1998’s “Hate Me Now” famously begins with the phrase, “Escobar Season has returned,” and the Esco name is retired on the hook of 1999’s “Nastradamus.” Nas says Pablo Escobar represents his first awareness of a larger-than-life crime boss who wasn’t a fictional character.

This scene is framed nicely, with Even and his friends on one side of the screen, Emma and her friends on the other (the two “love interests” of this season opposite each other as they represent different sides of Isak) and with Isak stepping in the middle of the frame, not fitting into either group.

Man, I know Isak has fucked up, but like …. this song comes on, and I see him look nervously from Emma to Even, and my heart swells for this kid. I feel so bad for him. This feels so relatable for anyone who’s ever had a problem at school - a fight with a friend, a break-up - and had to go back where they knew they’d see the person again. Or embarrassed themselves, or been bullied, and had to face the judgment of your peers. It does feel like simply showing your face again requires an incredible amount of bravery from a teenager. (See also: Eva in S1, Sana in S4). And in Isak’s case, he has to face two people who know he is gay: Emma, who is angry and could use it against him, and Even, who he wants and seemingly doesn’t want him anymore.

The lyrics might sound over the top for this situation, but of course teenage problems are always the end of the world, and Isak actually does have some real shit to deal with. When Nas says, “Looks like the death of me now,” it probably does feel like that for Isak. I’d also say this is perhaps how he felt prior to coming out at the end of the episode - it could be the end of everything as he knew it, but there’s no turning back now. This is who Isak is.

“There’s no turning back now” - the lyrics that pop up when Isak first looks at Even, happen to be similar to what Isak and Even said to each other in episode 2, on their first “date” of sorts making those cheese toasties. “We can’t turn back now” - the words that made Isak cancel his plans with the boys and Emma so he could be with Even, and also the path that’s made him so currently miserable.

Let’s just note that Isak looks tired and worn and has his hood pulled up, keeps his head down as he walks across the courtyard, and Even looks to be in terrific shape, talking with people. Which has to rub salt in the wound. Even is doing just fine, seemingly, while Isak is suffering. You know Isak is questioning whether he meant anything to Even at all.

“This is what makes me … This is who I am.” Awwww, Isak. Baby.

Isak keeps his eyes ahead of him as he walks through the yard. Not on Emma or Even, though they notice him. Like the only way he’s going to get through this is if he pretends they’re not there.

Emma notices Isak and you have to wonder what’s on her mind, because really, she kind of falls away in the second half of the season? We hear about her but after this clip she doesn’t appear until the last episode. Has she already told people Isak is gay and set the rumor mill in motion, or is that yet to come?

I am always, always going to laugh at how the lyrics “DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE” sync with Even on screen, lol. You know Isak is internally kinda like FUCK YOU EVEN!!!! but also why even … why?

But also, Even probably did not expect Isak to be this downcast about their breakup. In real time, Isak has been gone for a week, and Even almost certainly noticed. You can practically see his heart stop when he notices Isak here. And it likely hurts that Isak is pointedly not looking at Even.

Oh my God, the kid crashing into Isak and interrupting his power walk is so funny, but you feel so bad for Isak! He just wanted to pump himself up before entering the school where all these people are mad at him or don’t want to talk to him, and some rando ruins the effect. Talk about adding insult to injury. A cherry on top of the shit sundae. Again, I love it because it’s such a realistic moment, and of course Isak’s woes aren’t going to be solved by the right soundtrack. Reality intervenes.

It’s like the little girl interrupting the movie moment of the pool kiss - the music just cuts off when the illusion is destroyed. Weirdly that warms my heart a little, because the pool was Even’s attempt to recreate a movie moment, this was Isak’s attempt to create a tough guy scene, and both of them got cut short by reality. Lmao, boys.

Emma looks like she’s too engrossed with her friends to notice Isak’s collision, but Even likely saw the dude crash into Isak. Just to embarrass Isak further. 

Poor Isak goes into the school and the first thing he sees is Jonas. Jonas isn’t hostile, but he’s a little distant. Reserved.

On the saga of Isak’s locker of character development, he takes a lesson from Even and bangs it open. Isak isn’t all the way there with coming out, but between the last time we’ve seen him and the locker, he’s kissed a boy for the first time and almost gotten himself a boyfriend. Even showed him how to open his locker and Isak took him up on it. Soooo… progress? He also bangs it open when Jonas is present.

Isak wants to know if Mahdi is still mad at him and Jonas says they’re not mad at him. He then takes a long pause before saying that they’re worried, like you know Isak’s weird behavior has been pressing on him and he’s finally just going to say it.

Isak tries to play it off and blames “family stuff” again and you can tell Jonas is disappointed and concerned that Isak is resorting to the same old lie.

“And I can’t sleep either.” Well, this part is actually true. It’s just you need to explain why you can’t sleep, Isak.

Jonas, a good bro, knows Isak is talking shit and not telling the whole truth, but he doesn’t argue. Just lets him know that he’s there to talk. Which is really all Jonas can do at that point. You can see Isak weighing it over as Jonas leaves, too, like … maybe Isak should talk to him. Or maybe he shouldn’t because that’s frightening. But Jonas had made it clear that he’s open to hearing the truth when Isak’s ready to share, and that’s what Isak needs to remember when Skrulle starts talking about people being islands.

Clip 2 - Noorhelm and Evak parallels

Isak really cannot sleep with all this anxiety and misery in his head. We don’t get late-night clips that often in Skam, but they were employed very well in S3 to illustrate Isak’s insomnia. That’s one of the coolest things about the real-time format, that we can get canon delivered at unconventional times to reflect the character’s reality and put us deep in their emotional state.

And of course Noora’s conversation is like … the worst thing that Isak could be hearing at that moment, since what she’s saying about her relationship with William also happens to apply to his relationship with Even.

“When you are in love, you believe that love will be like in the movies. But that’s not how it works.” This would be a solid point to make regardless of context, but it especially has to hit home for Isak, with his Romeo + Juliet watching and recreating in the pool. There was an element of fantasy with Even, of being in a love story like in the movies with a guy who views life like a film. But now the fantasy is gone.

What did Noorhelm shippers think at this point? S2 was all about Noora and William and gave them a happy ending, but now in S3, the way Noora describes what’s happened to them, it’s almost like a deconstruction of the tropes from S2. Noora is talking about how she thought she’d be with William forever, but no one lives happily ever after. Honestly, it would be a pretty interesting subversion to do a story like that on Skam, the fairy tale romance that ends up falling apart … but I wouldn’t want to spend a whole season building up to their happy ending, and then having it crumble in the background of someone else’s story. I think it’d be better if they got together by the halfway point (before the hiatus) and then showed the fall of the relationship through the rest of the season.

I mean, this is all because Thomas Hayes left the show, though, and was probably not part of Julie’s original plan. Makes you wonder how this scene was planned, though. Did Julie ever think Thomas would come back? Because this scene has somewhat different context with the Noorhelm reunion in S4, and in a scenario where Thomas didn’t return. 

“There’s nobody who is willing to make any sacrifices for love in 2016.” I don’t know why, but that part of Noora’s dialogue hurts the most? It does for Isak, too, since it’s the breaking point from when he goes from trying to bury his head in his pillow to getting up and telling her to stop. Maybe because to Isak, it seems like he was willing to sacrifice for Even by lying to his friends and making them angry with him, abandoning this heterosexual farce he was performing, potentially coming out, getting into a relationship with a boy despite all the problems that may come with that … but Even just couldn’t sacrifice his relationship with Sonja. For a brief moment, it seemed like he would choose Isak, but he didn’t. 

Maybe also because “nobody is willing to make sacrifices for love” is pretty disheartening to hear when you’re young and going through heartache. It makes you think this is how it’s going to be the rest of your life, it’ll never get easier. Especially painful for a closeted gay kid to hear since he’ll have additional complications in finding love. 

I think Noora’s words are obviously the main reason behind what’s making Isak stressed out right now, but it can’t help to hear that Eskild’s brought a guy home. Eskild has someone and Isak is sleeping alone.

Yeah, Isak could be less of an asshole in his delivery, but he’s not wrong. Take your conversations elsewhere at 2 am. Not to sound old but it’s a school night, Noora!

Noora is pretty shocked by Isak’s attitude, though. You can see the smile drop off her face. I don’t think Noora is obsessing over Isak’s personal life or anything, especially since she’s caught up in her own drama, but I think she picks up here that Isak is going through something that’s bigger than her just talking on the phone at night.

While I don’t know if Noora and Isak would ever be best friends, I do enjoy some of the moments they have together. I like to think that Noora taking care of Even when Isak couldn’t be there, and Isak demonstrating how much love there was in that grumpy teenage boy body of his, gained some lasting respect on both ends. And on the flip side, Noora ribbing Isak about his nightstand toilet paper and Isak taking it in stride in S4 is endearing.

Isak really is a good kid. He knows he lashed out and calms down after his outburst. He even says, “Say hi to Eva,” lmao? Like RARRRRRGH STOP TALKING ON THE PHONE NOORA … okay, sorry, say hi to our mutual friend.

The fact that he pauses to tell her that William is an idiot if he gives up on her is genuinely sweet. Of course there’s some projection behind it (trying to convince himself that Even is an idiot and not worth staying up all night stressing if Even gave up on him) but it’s also just a kind, courteous thing to say, since he recognizes someone else struggling over being in love, and Noora accepts his words as such.

Obviously everyone is free to like or dislike characters for whatever reasons, but moments like this are why I don’t get why some people repeatedly bring up Isak’s shitty S1 behavior as a reason why he’s the Worst (especially in the context of “How can you like Isak but not this other character when Isak has also done bad things?”). Isak repeatedly course-corrects from his mistakes and shows consideration toward other people’s feelings, listens to their advice and perspectives, and is kind to them despite his grumpy exterior. He’s not a selfish person. I’m fine with characters who make mistakes if they apologize, show empathy to others, and try to be better people.

Clip 3 - The cheese toastie of sadness

This scene is pretty short, but the first time I watched it, I spent like a minute and a half wondering “Where is this going?” only to freak out with Even’s appearance. Oh. That’s where it was going. It lulls you into a sense of mundane drudgery only to throw a curveball, which is what Isak must be feeling. Going about his boring day, feeling like shit, only for a surprise Even encounter to throw everything off-balance.

That random guy’s voice really does sound like Henrik’s, to the point where I’m wondering if Henrik said the line and they dubbed it over (since we don’t see the dude actually say anything but “Sweet”). If not, damn, that’s a close match.

It really throws Isak, it’s like a jolt of potential Even. But it’s just a false alarm. Of course, Julie gives us a false alarm to throw us off the real appearance of Even that’s going to happen in a minute.

Plot twist - this guy is Julian Dahl and he was hoping to make a move on Isak, except Even showed up.

Here’s where Skam’s ability to not rush things really helps, because this is a small scene where the majority is focused on an everyday boring task, but it establishes Isak’s mood, give a sense of how empty and dull his life feels at the moment, isolated from his social connections and love interest. The long pauses of nothing but agonizing silence feel like forever. Just waiting in line for a cheese toastie is an ordeal.

We also see just how out of it Isak is, how that reminder of Even throws him off balance - not responding to the cafeteria worker right away, dropping his money, giving her the wrong amount.

I swear my heart jumped when Even appeared, just like Isak’s must have.

Do you think Even meant to walk up to Isak or he just happened to run into him? The former makes more sense as to why he’d be right there at the front of the cafeteria line, but Even also looks so startled and caught off guard. Or maybe he just wasn’t quite prepared to be so close to Isak again, face to face.

It really does not help that Even again looks very healthy and well put together, and Isak just looks devastated. His demeanor is so muted and physically he looks drained, like he hasn’t been sleeping. Even is feigning some energy but Isak can barely summon it.

It does wrench my heart that Isak isn’t even angry at Even here, or pretending to be fine, or anything other than depressed. He doesn’t have the strength for anything else.

Yeah, that is the saddest looking cheese toastie ever. I’d eat it if I had no other options but it’s like the food equivalent of tears.

Even tries to reestablish some friendly contact with that kardemomme reference, which is especially relevant because hey, it’s not just any old small talk, it’s their inside joke, which Even remembers. It’s a personal connection.

Oh God, and it makes me so sad that Isak gives a half-hearted laugh of recognition and tries to recreate the “kardemomme!” line but his voice is broken and not energetic.

True story: when I watched this the first time, I actually yelled, “No!!!” at my computer screen when Isak says “Kardemomme!” in that weak voice. Like, way to cause a pang in my heart, Skam. That was their beautiful bonding moment!!! It made us smile, and now it’s just a shell of its former self. You took something good and used it for evil, Skam.

Even’s smile at Isak’s attempt is genuine but falls as he realizes how messed up Isak is and how this just isn’t the same as before.

What do you think Even wanted to say before Isak ran off? I honestly have no idea. I feel like he wanted to connect with Isak on a more substantial level, IDK, maybe ask how he’s been, but who knows? There are many possibilities. Go for another joke, go for a neutral topic. Try to communicate that he still wants Isak, try to avoid that territory. But Isak couldn’t let him get another word out.

The fact that Isak can’t take anymore and runs off without waiting makes my soul turn to dust. And Even looks back at him before leaving.

I think Even really was rattled by this encounter. Like ... Isak was rough. Even broke up with him as a means of protecting them both, but clearly it didn’t work as well as he hoped since Isak is suffering. You know he’s thinking to himself, You did this. You made him hurt like this. And I think this is when Even starts to reconsider whether it was the right move to break up with him. Maybe even for himself, because he misses Isak so much and having Isak not want to talk to him, barely able to look at him, is too much to handle.

Clip 4 - The queen of Skam returns

Time for the Norwegian goddess of wisdom to make another appearance!

Lmao, the opening conversation is about someone pissing her pants while exercising. The women blame it on a lack of Kegel exercises. This is all openly discussed in the waiting room within earshot of Isak. Somehow I think Dr Skrulle is in her element. Nissen’s medical staff must just attract ladies prone to TMI and bizarre anecdotes.

The “eye exam” poster in the office says YOU SHOULD BE WORKING NOW, by the way.

Oh man, this was the point when fans thought Isak was going to steal Linn’s sleeping pills, or get sleeping pills and OD on them! Such a tense week. Isak is so miserable that it felt like something drastic could happen. We were all yelling for something good to happen this week.

I feel like when you step into this doctor’s office, time and space are slightly altered. 

Truly there is nothing like Isak taking a seat and immediately within his line of vision is the good doctor and a dildo. He must feel like the presence of an artificial penis is the world is taunting him again.

This scene’s funny because Isak gets to play the straight man (ha ha) to the doctor. She exists in her own world and Isak is just this befuddled teenager trying to make sense of her. 

Isak can barely look at Skrulle when he’s telling her about his problems. I guess you could read this scene as Isak badly wanting those pills and playing up his distress so she’ll give them to him, but I think he really is that miserable, as evidenced by everything we’ve seen of him this week, and he has trouble opening up to anyone about his problems so this is probably a last resort for him.

“I don’t drive a car, though.” AS WE WILL LEARN IN S4.

I remember that one interview Tarjei gave where he was going over his traffic problems, and lol, I feel you, kid.

Legit nothing like a Skrulle story to put your problems in perspective. Also, A+ segue from the story of someone getting into an accident and ending up in a wheelchair to asking Isak more about his sleep problems. And by A+ segue I mean there is no segue at all.

Isak’s sleep has gotten worse over the past few weeks, for reasons that are quite obvious to the viewers. Even’s presence will do that to you.

The doctor wants to refer Isak to a mental health clinic, and he doesn’t want that. In fact, Isak is really, really against this, like … more than just not wanting to, he’s vehemently saying no over and over. This absolutely has to do with his ableist beliefs and his stigma against the mentally ill. Isak definitely isn’t going to be like one of those people. Isak can’t be mentally ill. He can’t talk to a therapist. Just like he didn’t want to be scene as one of those ultra-gay people, he can’t lump himself in with people who need help with their mental health. Those people are crazy. 

I remember right after this scene I wondered if Isak would actually go to the mental health clinic where he would run into Even, and that’s how we would learn that Even also has mental health issues. I was going to say that it would have been an awkward moment for them ... but then I realized, it can’t be any worse than how Isak did learn about Even’s mental illness.

Note that in S1, the girls went together to provide support for Vilde, but here in S3, Isak has to do this on his own. Makes sense that Skrulle’s advice ends up being about him not isolating himself and reaching out to others.

You know, I think of the locker room scene as a turning point in the season, but this scene is quietly a turning point as well. Skrulle gives Isak advice that will help him throughout the rest of the season. He can’t keep isolating himself. It’s advice that will not only help Isak, but allow him to extend that help to Even, and even to Sana in the next season. Even though the good doc expresses it in a quirky way, it’s solid advice.

“Don’t you have someone you can talk to?” “TALK TO JONAS,” screamed everyone watching.

Clip 5 - Jonas is king of the bros

Watching this week in real time was so stressful, Isak was so melancholic and alone, and this scene was such. a. relief. It would’ve been wonderful in any context, but it felt like a godsend after seeing Isak go through hell clip after clip.

One of the most observant details about the clip is Isak’s hesitation. He’s about to do something big and it’s not easy to just launch into it. He stands and watches Jonas for a little bit because, you know, it’s Jonas and Jonas is his best bro, but that doesn’t crush all the doubts in his head about what Jonas’ reaction could be. Not to mention he and Jonas haven’t had the best relationship lately.

But Jonas is still friendly when Isak approaches him. Perhaps he realizes that this is when Isak is going to tell him about whatever’s on his mind. Plus, you know, I’m sure he missed Isak! They’re best friends, it can’t have been great from Jonas’ POV to feel shut out from him.

I don’t know if there was any strategy involved in getting kebab other than teenage boys needing kebab to live, but it works as an icebreaker/apology of sorts (since Isak is paying) and I think, a buffer? It helps if there’s an activity like eating happening when Isak comes out, and that he’s not just telling a personal secret with nothing else to occupy Jonas’ attention.

Also, that they’re sitting on a bench side by side in this scene reminds me of all those Tumblr posts about how common it is for LGBT people to come out in cars, and how it’s easier to do when you’re not face to face. Isak and Jonas are looking at each other and making eye contact, but I do think it helps to have your bodies facing forward rather than toward each other. It gives a little distance, makes it less intimidating for Isak.

I just want to shout out that poster in the kebab shop window, which says, “EVERYDAY IT’S KEBAB TIME.” You’re damn right it is.

I feel like Jonas is telling this random puke story to Isak so Isak can work up to whatever he’s going to say. You can tell Isak’s listening but he’s not 100% there.

By the way, this puke story sounds like it could be about Magnus, except Isak says, “It’s never the ones that you expect that throw up,” and Magnus is absolutely someone I would expect to ruin his chances with a girl by throwing up all over her feet. Maybe this story was about the mysterious Julian Dahl!

Continuing on the point above about Isak’s hesitation, the pacing of this scene is a huge part of what makes it so great. Because Isak doesn’t sit down and start coming out right away, he doesn’t have a speech prepared (not that that it’s wrong or unrealistic to prepare a speech, but with Isak, he’s not a preparedspeech kind of guy). He has to work up his courage piece by piece over this conversation. He lets Jonas bullshit a bit, there’s a long silence where Isak keeps glancing over at Jonas as they eat, and you know he’s working out his nerves, wondering about Jonas’ reaction, getting himself to the point where he can just say it. Tarjei’s acting in this scene is so subtle and spectacular.

Jonas is such a dear, though. Marlon does this scene really really well because Jonas isn’t like … overcompensating or overly enthusiastic, he’s not pressing Isak too much. He’s very casual, but you can also see, for instance, when Isak brings up that he’s been acting weird lately, that Jonas looks at him attentively, ready to listen, because finally Isak is going to open up.

Just saying “there’s a person that I like” is a big thing for Isak to get out. He doles the information out little by little, he makes Jonas work for it. I think that what Isak is aiming for is similar to what many viewers suspect he wanted from Eva in S1. In the kitchen scene where Eva confronts Isak about ratting her out to Iben, Isak asks her to guess why he did it. You can make a case that he wants her to guess the real reason, that he has feelings for Jonas and is jealous - that maybe a part of him wants her to know and to take it off his mind. But of course she doesn’t guess and he runs with a lie instead. Here, I wouldn’t be surprised if Isak wants Jonas to say it before he has to - that he can come out without needing to say the words.

This is a pretty heartwarming scene, but Isak actually breaks my heart a little when he asks Jonas to guess. There’s so much fragility wrapped up in that moment and in Tarjei’s performance! This poor kid is so nervous.

Although bless Jonas for guessing Vilde, because it probably did give Isak a little moment to be like WTF, no, and make him laugh. 

After that, Jonas says, “Can’t you just tell me?” But of course no, Isak can’t just tell him, because that’s very hard.

I mentioned it in my episode 5 review but again, Isak doesn’t come out by saying he is gay and then going into his relationship with Even. Instead, he phrases everything in terms of actions, in some roundabout ways. he coming out is a step by step process. First, it’s that Isak is acting weird because he likes someone. Then “It’s not a girl.” He doesn’t even say, “It’s a guy,” he says it’s not a girl because that’s the less direct way of saying it, of course.

Isak gets so alert and on edge after he says it’s not a girl. Waiting and watching for Jonas’ reaction. Nervous as to what’s it going to be. Meanwhile Jonas just keeps eating that fucking kebab. Like Isak could have said, “The reason I’ve been acting so strange lately is that I found out Donald Trump is my uncle,” and Jonas would have been like munch munch munch.

I think the fact that Jonas reacts so nonchalantly when he says, “Is it me?” helps Isak quite a bit. Not only is it a funny comment, but like … if Jonas is so casual about Isak potentially liking him, then surely he can’t be that bothered by Isak liking another boy? And Jonas is just like, “What, am I completely unattractive?” Which again, is a joke but also lets Isak know that Jonas is chill, he’s not worried about Isak the predatory gay guy perving on Jonas or any of those homophobic stereotypes.

And obviously, this scene is hilarious if you’ve seen S1 and are calling bullshit on Isak not liking Jonas. No, Jonas, I don’t like you! WTF! Bruh, you set fire to Eva’s social standing and her relationship because you had a crush on her boyfriend.

But man, you can see Isak lighten up sooooo much after this exchange. He got the words out there and Jonas didn’t react badly, they managed to joke about it, so far everything is the same between them. The happiness in his eyes is observable.

I don’t think Jonas had completely guessed Isak was gay, or dating a boy, until this moment. I feel like there were a number of things that seemed odd to him, including that random guy who brought Isak his hat and was at the lockers with him, that Jonas filed away as “huh” moments and that are starting to slot into place with Isak’s admission here. We know that Jonas recognized the “left your hat in the cafeteria” story as bullshit (clarified in the script), so he’s been picking up here and there on things that seem unusual or out of place.

You can see Jonas mouth “Even” to himself after Isak says the name, and it’s such a small gesture but it’s the sweetest thing? Like he’s making sure to absorb this detail, or that he’s finally putting a name to a face, and to the cause of all Isak’s weirdness lately. There’s a warmth to it.

Lmao, Jonas saying Even is a good-looking guy and Isak reacting with laughter and bafflement. It’s a silly moment but Jonas is kind of complimenting Isak here, like hey, good taste, or hey, congrats on bagging such a hottie. Not to mention he’s showing how chill he is with talking about guys’ attractiveness, something Isak himself struggles with. Of course there are higher stakes for Isak to admit a guy is hot when he’s actually gay and Jonas is a straight dude, meaning it’s not as loaded of a statement, but still, it’s positive for Isak to be around guys who can just say other guys look good and have it not be the end of the world.

Also, this is probably how Jonas would react if Isak was telling him he liked a girl. You like Emma? She’s hot. Letting Isak in on all these bro bonding moments, not excluding him from this social exchange just because he’s not straight.

And I’m really fond of Jonas being like “What am I supposed to say?” and Isak saying, “I don’t know myself.” To them, they’re not a PSA. They don’t know the “right” words for when someone comes out. They’re just two friends eating kebab on a bench together. Because yeah, there are obvious wrong ways to react to someone coming out, but there’s also no approved script for what to say. Each person is going to be different. I mean, if Jonas made a big deal of it, like, “You are my friend no matter what and I support you,” it would have been a nice gesture, certainly, but that’s not really the relationship he and Isak have, so this would make it artificial and maybe a little awkward. In fact, not having a pre-approved coming out script is a good thing, because Jonas not knowing what to say means he draws on his normal banter and conversation with Isak, which makes it better! That way he’s just treating it like a typical conversation. By reacting casually and not making it a big deal at all, Jonas gives Isak what he needs - nothing is going to change between them, not really. Considering that one of Isak’s greatest fears is that people will think of him differently and judge him a certain way if they know he’s gay, this must be a massive relief to him. 

Additionally, imagine what a relief it is for Isak to be able to give Jonas a rundown of what’s happening with Even. To get off his chest the problems with him and Even; Isak don’t know what’s going on with Even, who has a girlfriend. This is the benefit of him coming out and being honest with Jonas. Suddenly all this shit he’s been bottling up, unable to talk to anyone about, can go through another set of ears. Jonas doesn’t even need to give him great advice or anything. Isak just needs someone to talk to.

Can Isak take some of his father’s guilt money and buy a phone case? Please???

Isak swallows when he realizes what the note in his pocket is. In-universe, it’s really a coincidence that he found the note right after talking to Jonas, but thematically, I don’t think it’s irrelevant that Isak’s bleak week ends after he opens up to someone.

THIS DRAWING. Gosh, it punches me right in the heart? First of all, adorable, and I love that Even always draws Isak with the snapback, and cartoon Even’s hair, and how cartoon Isak is slightly smaller than cartoon Even. But this is actually quite creative and clever of Even, too. I mean, he could have left him a more straightforward note or drawing, but he takes an original concept that’s so them to create something very memorable.

Even has taken several things that are relevant and specific to Isak-and-Even - the inside joke of the cheese toast with cardamom - and a weightier concept that was important to Isak - the parallel universes. Remember, Even wasn’t a fan of the parallel universes when Isak first mentioned them! However, here he’s using them in a way that’s more positive, he’s seeing the benefit of Isak’s worldview.

But what gets me about this sketch is the longing behind it. We have the reality, Isak eating his plain cheese toast alone. And we have the potential other reality, Isak and Even eating their far superior cardamom cheese toast together. It’s something of a kindness to Isak, telling him that somewhere they are together, but also expressing Even’s own desire to be with him. He does want to be with Isak. It’s just that they can’t be together, for mysterious reasons. It’s so bittersweet! They’re together, just not this Isak and this Even.

Even drew this for Isak after seeing him broken and depressed in the cafeteria. I think he really did not know how badly Isak was going to take the breakup and wanted to give him some comfort. This drawing is evidence of Even’s second thoughts.

Lol, and Jonas can’t know the full significance of this sketch, but it doesn’t take a genius to recognize that Even’s giving him handmade drawings of him and Isak together, and to see that for what it is.

“He needs to break up with his girlfriend.” Awww. What a sweet, encouraging thing, to say, and Isak smiles to himself. Things are coming up Valtersen.

This clip is when the hearts on the website turned into rainbow colors, and that alone makes me want to weep. I believe this was one of the most liked clips ever, and logically I do think it was because people were like, “Oooo, pretty!” and hitting that like button to see the rainbow, but I mean. This clip also deserves it.

The fact that this scene is based off a real story also makes me want to cry.

This week was so bleak and hard to get through, Isak just was in a terrible place, and I cannot express the release that the audience felt watching this scene.

The music over the credits is “Express Yourself” by N.W.A. Excellent both because, yeah, express yourself and you’ll be happier, Isak! Be true to who you are! And because Isak had previously mentioned N.W.A. as an example of “music you want to listen to when you want to feel tough.” This is Isak feeling pretty damn confident after things went right.

General Comments

There was very little social media this week, which makes total sense considering the state Isak is in. He’s cut off from all of his social connections.

One of Isak’s most redeeming qualities is his ability to learn from his mistakes. In an example from this week’s social media, he’s apologetic to Eskild in a text message. Eskild ribs him about what Isak said, saying that Eskild is busy working on a mascara collection with Kylie Jenner, before saying that they’re cool, basically. I think Eskild did take Isak’s comments pretty hard but realizes that Isak is young and insecure and not unable to learn.

There is an IG photo from Jonas with Mahdi and Magnus - boy squad minus Isak, just to rub it in (though I doubt that’s why Jonas posted it, to hurt Isak, but it does show how disconnected Isak is).

One of the other few text convos is between Kollektivet, where Isak only supplies one line but Linn mentions taking sleeping pills. For like a day or two, the fan theories were all about Isak stealing her sleeping pills in order to get some rest and accidentally ODing and needing to go to the hospital or something similar.

Isak’s mom sends him a religious text at almost 2 in the morning on Friday, hours before he comes out to Jonas. On the one hand, her texts are another source of stress to Isak. On the other, this text is … actually pretty positive? It’s a Bible verse, Joshua 1:9, which is:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

A lot of Isak’s mom’s texts are about sin, they’re negative and judgmental in nature. This one, by contrast, is affirming. So I think that, even with Mama Valtersen’s texts being a cause for alarm, it’s possible that this text helped Isak before he came out to Jonas. Even with Isak not being a religious person, a general message of being strong and courageous can be an inspiring thing. If that’s the case, then I like that his mom could end up being a source of comfort to her son even prior to episode 9.

[womenofcolor15]

Lil Nas X Drops 'Panini' Video + Kevin Hart Dragged (And Defended) Over His Comments To The Rapper About Him Coming Out

After performing the song in a similar look at the MTV VMAs recently, Lil Nas X just dropped the official video to his newest single "Panini." Go inside his futuristic world and find out why Kevin Hart is being criticized as he recovers from his accident.

Set in a futuristic world of flying cars and hologram billboards, X tapped Disney actress Skai Jackson to star in the vid, showing her in an attempt to escape Lil Nas X as he pops up everywhere she goes, trying to win her over as a fan. Ha. By the way, the treatment idea for the visual came directly from X himself and was brought to life and directed by special effects artist, musician and YouTuber Mike Diva.

Lil Nas X previously revealed that “Panini” is a song about a fan who loves you in the early stages of your career for the cool factor of knowing about something before it becomes mainstream, and that fan feeling like they’ve outgrown you when the rest of the world catches on. Sounds about typical.

And if you're trying to watch it in school, X has got you covered:

if u wanna see panini and u at school act like ur stomach hurting and ask to go to the bathroom

— nope (@LilNasX) September 5, 2019

Peep the blacklight, neon filled video below:

  The video comes out on the heels of Lil Nas X's appearance on Lebron James' HBO show, "The Shop."  In last night's season premiere, things got heated when the rapper, Kevin Hart, Charlamagne tha God, and other guests began a question about homosexuality.

.@lilnasx speaks the truth about his choice to come out while at the top. More of The Shop on @HBO now! pic.twitter.com/wETNaPUU5t

— UNINTERRUPTED (@uninterrupted) September 4, 2019

In the 1 minute clip taken from the full premiere episode, Kevin interrupts Lil Nas X's response, saying "So what?!", when the host asks the rapper about choosing to "come out" while he's at a peak in his career.

Some folks thought it came off as dismissive and silencing, especially when Kevin felt the wrath of the LGBT community and allies himself recently in his career due to comments he made about not wanting his son to be gay. The comedian made it seem like X coming out wasn't a big deal, but, isn't it? Even if it's a big deal in a positive way?

Others believed he wasn't being dismissive, and that he was simply saying it shouldn't be a big deal that someone came out.  They believe he was actually supporting Lil Nas X in his own way. X had a response to that though when he finished his explanation. He said he's actually solidifying the fact that it's not a big deal if he makes this reveal at the top of his career and it doesn't affect his career, instead of waiting to use it as a publicity stunt.

Check out the debate below:

Kevin Hart got me tight the entire interview, but I think he was trying to say that being gay shouldn’t be a big deal to Nas. Even tho for someone like Lil Nas and everything he’s done, being gay is definitely a big deal, and that’s obv what Lil Nas was trying to explain

— Joshua Bautista (@joshb3600) September 5, 2019

This Kevin Hart shit pisses me off, that whole interview pisses me off, I can’t stand when straight people ask why it’s a big deal to come out and then say no one cares if people are gay. Fuck you if you think that. Open your eyes.

— soph (@itsmrstealyour_) September 5, 2019

That Lil Nas X/Kevin Hart clip is a prime reason Black gay men hate going to the barbershop. It’s often a space for (straight) Black men to bash Black women and Black LGBTQ people with very few people challenging that toxic environment.

— Preston Mitchum (@PrestonMitchum) September 4, 2019

If Kevin Hart is still in the hospital, I hope his nurse is gayer than Billy Porter in June.

— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) September 4, 2019

the stupidity of kevin hart telling lil nas x that the world doesn’t care if people are gay anymore. what world are you living in??????

— renee (@chalametsqueen) September 5, 2019

Wow Kevin hart really has the nerve to say “so what” to a famous young black man for coming out, when half his jokes are about slapping his son for “acting gay” LMAO wow

— the qing of queens (@emoilia) September 5, 2019

i can understand where things could be taken out of context but Kevin Hart has literally said he would beat his kid if they were gay-so that’s all i really needed to know about him to form an opinion on him and think that he’s out of line on any queer issues.

— payne (@payneywayney7) September 5, 2019

Others say the people who are criticizing simply didn't watch the full episode:

Twitter: Kevin Hart is homophobic look at how he gaslight lil nas x Reality: #TheShopHBO pic.twitter.com/hqJRPqnMc7

— Zan (@GodZanMarino) September 5, 2019

Kevin Hart could have been quiet as a mouse on that Barbershop episode with @LilNasX and folks would have still been upset on some “his silence speaks volumes...he’s so homophobic” type shit.

This outrage/easily offended culture is lame af.

— joshtooclutch (@JoshTooClutch) September 5, 2019

Y’all asses ain’t even watch the full interview of the Kevin Hart and lil nasx shit y’all annoying “Kevin Hart homophobic” man ain’t no damn homophobic. When he said that joke bout his son being gay niggas thought that was the funniest shit. now it’s not y’all wild

— SKINNY (@senorskinny) September 5, 2019

I definitely think y’all taking Kevin hart saying “so what ; he’s gay who cares” the wrong way lol.....

Calling his accident karma is foul regardless

— Durrell (@DGIBBS89) September 5, 2019

Literally the only time homophobia crosses my mind, is when I'm on Twitter defending straight black men against charges of it.

Black men have too much on our plates to be worried about who other people are fucking - THAT'S what Kevin Hart was saying to Nas X.

— BeeMoe Siddy (@DubAnders) September 5, 2019

Thoughts?

  Photos: Columbia/Kevin's IG

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