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flowercrownsandherondales · 6 years

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OMG! Can you do a CordeliaxJames fanfic where James is in love with Cordelia but Cordelia still thinks he’s in love with Grace--and everything is super angsty. And if you’re okay with it, could you add smut? Like angsty sexual tension and then it culminates into *wags eyebrows* you know what? But if you are not comfortable with smut no need to add at all

Sorry about the wait! I didn’t write full-on smut, but I hinted! I hope you enjoy!

Cordelia Carstairs had never been a particularly sad girl.

Not when her mother had told her that she was a disgrace, a disappointment to both the Carstairs and Turan name. Not when Alastair had expressed his embarrassment that she was his sister. Not when he criticized her for her crush on James Herondale. Certainly not when her father, the closest family member she had, just stopped showing interest in his younger daughter. She held her head up, unwavering, as those around her threw stones at the girl. She prided herself on allowing them to not just bounce off of her, but carve her into a more refined woman.

Yet with all this being said, she still couldn’t help but feel her heart shatter as James leaned into Grace, kissing her delicate porcelain lips with ease.

Cordelia had allowed herself one moment,… just one moment to allow sadness and pain to slip into her soul. She allowed it to consume her for just a second, before gathering her golden skirts and trudging back into the reception.

She slumped herself into the bride and groom seating, watching as people danced around her in glee. The redhead fought the urge to tear off her dress, to pluck the ring from her finger and toss it into the river. She fought the urge to scream for her beloved, to take the bottle of rose and toss it at his head. She refused to let any of these feelings consume her for any longer. She was stronger than they all thought.

Alastair had caught his sister’s eyes for just a split second. He caught her blank stare. the way her head tossed back the rose colored alcohol without a care for the delicate curls. Her composure was slipping. He couldn’t let it slip any more.

“Cordelia,” he whispered, coming to sit where her husband should have. “Cordelia pull yourself out.” Alastair encouraged. He knew it was James’s doing, though what had set her off was not something he knew.

“Leave me alone Ala. Since when have you cared?” She said, her voice starting to slur with wine. She continued, “I’m just a foolish girl, right? I’m a disgraceful shadowhunter, a disgraceful Carstairs. I should just have my runes stripped, right? Right Ala?”

Alastair didn’t know what to say. He had seen just a crack of the pain she held tightly in her chest. Just a crack of the evil words she pretended had shaped her. But they had shaped her, shaped her into a fractured statue, one with pieces missing and caverns of holes. And in the middle of each of them was James Herondale, telling her her would love Grace every day of their marriage. Telling her he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t try to see ivory in her flaming hair. That he wouldn’t yearn to feel Grace’s ice instead of Cordelia’s fire.

The conversation stopped with the presence of James Herondale standing behind Alastair.

“I believe that is the groom’s chair.” he said, smiling at his brother in law. Alastair wanted to punch him, wanted to call down the strength of Raziel to blast him into oblivion. But he didn’t. He didn’t have enough bravery in him to right this wrong. Instead he silently stood, kissing his sister’s cool cheek before forcing himself to leave the table.

It was silent between both newly weds. James tried hard not to look at his new wife. He had tried hard not to allow himself to feel anything for her, as if it was an insult to Grace Cartwright, a woman who only loved him when it was convenient for her. He watched the white haired girl dance around with his cousin, real love shown in her eyes when looking at him. How the stars had aligned the two of them, he wasn’t sure. But only moments ago he had told her he was letting her go.

They had made it a mutual agreement. She had released him with a kiss, as Jesus had released Judas. She had found love, real, true love with Christopher. And he, he had found real, true, love with Cordelia.

So James watched as the fiery girl downed another glass, pretending she wasn’t trying to drown out her wedding.

“So how was she?” Cordelia asked, her tongue sobering up with anger. He was taken aback by it, until it all came flooding in.

pain. suffering. despair. anger.

All four emotions came rushing down their marriage rune like a tidal wave. Immediately James knew that the footsteps he thought he had heard while he kissed Grace had been hers. But the pain went farther than just a few moments ago. No, this was from weeks, months, years ago. This was suffering that had been placed on a back burner for years.

He knew what he had done. Usually he would have waited for the redhead to come to him, for someone to save him. But she was passed that point. She was heading on a one way chariot to hopelessness, to recklessness and drowning. It would start with alcohol, but it wouldn’t end until she was face down in the Thames, just as he had been. He tried to stop the panic that went through his chest as she shakily stood up, going towards the drink table.

“We need to go, Daisy.” He muttered, searching for a familiar face in the crowd. Thankfully, the first one he found was his father’s, who had twirled his mother around before catching his son’s glance.

William rushed to his son, pushing passed drunken souls and laughing faces to get to the groom. Tessa held tight on his trail, rushing to her golden eyed son.

“What is it?” Will asked, trying to seem like he was there to congratulate the happy couple, instead of trying to sneak them out of their own wedding. James wearily glanced at Cordelia, who just shot back another drink as she filled up her glass.

“We need to leave. But I don’t want a congregation to be there.” James explained. Will smirked for a moment, his mind wandering to why his son would be eager to get home with his new wife. Tessa caught it, hitting his chest and glaring.

“She isn’t alright, that much is obvious. I don’t claim to read people’s emotions well, but this one, this one needs someone to hold her together.” Tessa said, taking in the sight of the new bride.

Will sobered up at the thought, nodding to his son.

“I’ll distract the Carstairs, Tessa, you grab the carriage and horses.” Will ordered, grabbing the bottle of rose from the table and striding off towards Sona, Elias and Alastair. Tessa ran off to the stables to grab the horses.

James grabbed Cordelia, who didn’t struggle against him or try to hit him, but instead just slumped against his chest.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, repeating it into her ear multiple times. She relaxed even more, letting him carry her to the carriage.

Tessa softly ran a hand through Cordelia’s hair, mothering the girl who seemed to accept her love. After slowly lulling the girl to sleep in the carriage, she grabbed her son.

“You better take care of her. You know what it’s like to be there. You better pull her out like we pulled you out.” Tessa said sternly, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug.

“I love you, mom.” James said, holding his mother tightly. She kissed him on the cheek before ushering him into the carriage, shutting the door and urging the driver to take off.

James held Cordelia in his arms, rocking her gently as they went off.

The next few days in the Herondale manor was spent nursing her to health, holding her hair back as she vomited the alcohol and pushing the bottles away from her. He whispered words of love and encouragement to her gently, telling her why she had seen him with Grace, and when he had decided that she was the one for him. He had asked her if she had wanted him still, despite everything she had told him. She had cried, grabbing him into a tight hug and whispering her own words of love.

It took them almost six months to lay in the bed together, allowing each other to explore not only the mental aspects of themselves but physical. It was beautiful, and at that moment he knew, he knew that the stars had aligned them together.

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julemmaes · 5 years

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Pas des crêpes // part one

James Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs modern au

Boooy I’m so excited to write this short story, I can't wait to write Matthew and Lucie’s part, it'll probably be the longest part. Anyway, enojy this corner of paradise cause I have yet to decide if they’re all gonna be fluffy or if I’m gonna put some angst in the thomastair one (cause I can’t help myself).

Word count: 4,766

The epic music was coming out of the speakers at such a high volume that Cordelia wondered how they were still on good terms with their neighbors. As the credits ran down the screen, she heard someone stand up on the other side of the couch and then the lights went on.

Thomas, sitting at the foot of the armchair Alastair sat on, grunted and Cordelia found herself blinking, trying to get used to the light. One hand landed on her knee and she turned to James, covering her mouth with one hand while yawning. Her boyfriend smiled at her with slightly red eyes because of the last three hours spent watching TV and was going to ask her if she wanted him to kick everyone one so she could sleep peacefully, she knew it, he asked her every week when it was movie night, but he was beaten to the punch by someone else.

“Guys?” Matthew asked, who was lying on James’ other side. He had not moved since the beginning of the film and Cordelia seriously thought he was dead, and after he had spoken she was still not so sure of his physical state because it seemed that he had just swallowed a lemon from how hoarse his voice sounded. Lucie, who looked just as puzzled as her and was sitting on the carpet in front of them, turned to look at him and, seeming amused, she giggled, “Oh, my God, were you crying?” she asked stunned, but with a playful tone.

All the heads snapped in his direction and Christopher was about to comment, the grin on his lips the only sign that it wouldn’t be nice for the boy, when James put his arm around Matthew, completely forgetting Cordelia, who nearly fell to the side to the sudden lack next to her. “ Don’t you dare insult him. Math has every right to cry over this movie. It’s tragic.” He said in a threatening tone, daring anyone to open their mouth.

Matthew shook him off and with a pout that would have made envy to a five-year-old child he murmured, “I wasn’t crying.”

Lucie completely ignored him, leaning his chin on his brother’s leg, stretching an arm and pricking him with a finger on his chest. “ You don’t want us to make fun of him, because you were crying, too.”

Cordelia restrained a laugh, looking at the expression of pure bafflement on the boy’s face. It was true, James cried for almost everything they watched, whether it was a cartoon, a tv series or a documentary about how basketball balls are made. “ How dare you?” he brought a hand to his chest, pretending to be shocked, “Me? Crying for a movie? Never.” he said shaking his head as an evil grin appeared on his face, very similar to the one Christopher wore a few seconds earlier, “The only softie here is Matthew.”

“Softie?” Thomas asked laughing, “What, you cry for movies and you’re eighty now?”

Lucie burst into laughter and sat on her knees, crawling towards Tom, leaning against Alastair’s other leg, who watched them all very quietly but had a big smile on his face. Cordelia exchanged an amused look with his brother, who rolled his eyes, knowing full well how it would end.

“For real, Jamie, who still uses softie?” asked her sister, ready to shoot the next arrow, “I would have used things like wimp.”

“Or pussy.” retorted Thomas, always laughing.

“Whiner would have been fine too.” Christopher stepped in and stood up to turn off the television.

“Wussy?” Alastair asked, trying to get involved. Thomas turned to look at him and Alastair’s smile grew even more, until he turned into an even more childish pout than Matthew’s when his boyfriend answered him, “No, too simple.”

“And pussy that is literally the word from which it comes is not?” asked Alastair in a huff, receiving as a response a simple hit on the knee from Lucie.

Cordelia stood up, having an epiphany, “Mollycoddle!?”

“Mollycoddle!” they all screamed together and then burst out laughing. James and Matthew were sitting on the couch, arms crossed on their chests and heads hidden between the shoulders. Both had an expression of deep sorrow.

Cordelia laughed louder, when James looked directly at her and tried to look even more upset by arching his eyebrows and almost completely hiding his eyes.

When everyone sighed and wiped their tears, they were all looking at each other, hoping someone would propose what to do. When the silence in the room became too long, Lucie and Cordelia looked at each other again and it didn’t take long before they burst into a fit of laughters again, bend in two.

“When you two are done being bitches,” said Matthew, putting his hands on his knees, a general uuh rose from the room. “Then maybe we could go get something to eat, because I’ve been starving since the beginning of the second part.”

“You mean before or after you started crying?” Christopher asked him with a strange twinkle in his eyes. Cordelia carried one hand to her mouth, blocking it with the other, to prevent herself from laughing again, fearing she would choke. A warm hand landed on her back and turned just in time to smash her lips against James’s. She broke off almost immediately, not wanting to embarrass anyone, but at least the smile was back on his face. She was used to the touches and the small displays of affection from him when they were with their friends, but kissing was more rare, especially when Lucie and Alastair were present and they never failed to make them notice.

She lost herself for a few seconds in that amber look, before returning to the conversation– more like the quarrel– between Lucie and Matthew.

“If I wasn’t so hungry, I’d spill all the noodles on your head.” he was telling her.

“Ah yes? Can you even cook them?” she answered him sticking her tongue out. Matthew shook his head, wrinkling his eyebrows, “Yes, you dumbass, everyone knows how to make noodles.”

“Too bad though, that we ate the last portion last night and that there is nothing in the fridge.” said James scratching the back of his neck. Matthew let himself fall back on the couch, making an exasperated sound, “Jeez, this is the worst day of my life.”

“We could always go to the grocery store at the end of the road and come back here for a noodle party.” proposed Chrisopher, always with that strange glimmer in his eyes. Cordelia raised an eyebrow, curious to know what was making her friend so cheerful. Not that he wasn’t happy normally, but that pompous behavior was different than usual. He seemed more relaxed. She shrugged, she would have thought about asking him what was going on in his life tomorrow.

“Or, you could go back to the holes you crawled out of and let me and my beautiful lady here take our-” he stopped himself eyeing the clock on the wall, grumbling before continuing with whiny voice, “Four hours of beauty sleep before we have to wake up for work.” He looked at her hopefully, and she nodded smiling sweetly at him.

He heard Lucie snort and Matthew snapped up, “I can’t believe you’ve become such a softie.” said the boy while a grimace of disgust appeared on his lips. “Bros before hoes, Jamie. Bros before hoes. It’s that simple.”

Cordelia saw Alastair shaking his head amused and Thomas getting up, giving a hand to his boyfriend and the other to Lucie to help them stand up. They both accepted and nearly all three of them fell back when Thomas put too much effort into raising them. They were all too tired lately, maybe they should have taken a break from everything and go on a short holiday.

In the meantime, James was smacking Matthew over the head, telling him to stop being such an idiot.

“Come on, Math, I’ll buy you all the noodles you want.” Christopher said, offering him an arm. Matthew sighed resigned, interwining his arm with that of his friend and leaning his head on his shoulder, “Now that you and Grace have become serious, you will leave me too.”

Cordelia’s head snapped to Lucie’s direction, and when she saw that her friend was also shocked, she realized she wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what they were talking about. She turned to Christopher, clearing her throat, “Kit?” she called drawing everyone’s attention to her. She opened her arms, putting on a lost face, “What the hell are you talking about? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell us?” she said gesturing with one finger between her and the only other girl in the room, who with just as much disappointment said, “Yeah, when were you going to tell us?”

A sound very similar to the cry of a dog whose tail had just been stepped on left Christopher’s mouth, which turning red scratched his chin, looking thoughtful. Finally met the look of the two girls, “Tomorrow?” He hesitated, implying that he had never thought to speak to either of them the next day.

“I can’t believe it, you’re telling me everything.” Lucie said covering the distance between her and the young Lightwood in a few seconds and taking him arm in arm on the free side. She looked over her shoulder at Cordelia, who was now amazed, even more shocked that she wouldn’t be part of that gossip session so juicy that the idea of sending her nap with James to hell was starting to form in her head. She was going to tell her friends that they couldn’t talk about it without her, when someone hugged her from behind and her boyfriend’s familiar smell filled her nostrils. She calmed down visibly, but was still shocked by the news. Grace. With Christopher.

“Don’t think you dodged a bullet, Kit. I’ll stop by your office tomorrow for lunch and you’ll tell me all about it.” Cordelia said. A tone that left no room for reruns. “Actually, I’m supposed to be with Grace at lunch tomorrow, so…” he left the sentence unfinished, apologizing with his eyes. They all turned to the door when they heard someone sighing dramatically and Matthew appeared from behind the wall, wearing his jacket and passing Lucie’s coat to her. She gave him a grateful smile, but looked away quickly, as if she were embarrassed.

Interesting. Cordelia should have talked to Lucie as well.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” Math said in a more dramatic tone than was necessary, “You are teaming up against me and finding love under rocks, as if it’s nothing, while I,” he brought a hand to his heart, holding the fabric of the jacket between his fingers, as to suggest how much this thing hurt him, “I’m alone. And I will never find my soul mate. Or eternal love.” He concluded by gasping, closing his eyes to amplify the whole. Cordelia heard James giggling with his nose buried in her hair, but she barely noticed.

She noticed, however, the color that lit up Lucie’s cheeks. Yes, definitely, she should have talked to her as soon as possible.

“Cut it and get out of this house.” Thomas said, passing by hi, to reach the coat rack and start dressing up.

The others imitated him and after several hugs and kisses and promises to talk about secret loves, James and Cordelia found themselves alone in their apartment and drew a breath of relief. The house was so quiet without their friends, but she did not mind, that calm peace…

“As much as I love them, I don’t mind this silence."Jamie whispered in her ear. She smiled, turning in his arms and holding both hands up to cup his face, "I was thinking exactly the same thing.” He smiled kindly at her and the weariness in his eyes made her melt. He was so cute when he was tired. She pulled hersel up, pushing her body against his, and then they were kissing. It was a slow kiss and not at all rough. He was stroking her hair and her hands slipped around his neck. He moaned in the kiss and when she parted her lips to let him in, their tongues clashed.

That was them. James and Cordelia. Two bodies in tune with each other. It was James who broke the kiss, but only because Cordelia’s stomach growled so loudly that he was forced to pull away in order not to laugh in her mouth. He looked at her amused, “Do you want me to call the others and ask them to bring us noodles? I’m sure Matthew would threaten to commit suicide, but I don’t think they’d let you starve.” Cordelia giggled thinking of a desperate Matthew staggering around saying he had become the slave of the group. She shook her head, pressing her forehead on his chest, “No thanks, I’d rather eat something else.” she whispered. “Plus, I want to spend some alone time with you, it’s been a long time since we spent a night together. Just the two of us.” she concluded glaring up at him.

“All right.” he laid a quick kiss on her lips, before breaking away from the hug. “What do you want to eat?” He asked her on his way to the kitchen.

Cordelia brought a finger to her lips, thinking, “I don’t know.” “How about cookies?” James asked, stopping without any notice, making her slam against his back.

“I don’t think Mr and Mrs Shaw can handle any more noise tonight,” she said, passing him, tapping on the phone to look at the time. 2:56 a.m. She opened her eyes wide, man, it’s late. She looked at James, thinking of suggesting him to go straight to bed. She would eat at breakfast tomorrow morning. But as soon as her eyes landed on the boy’s body in front of her, her mouth dried up. James was reaching for the flour on the top shelf, and the visible part of skin under his shirt blocked the words in her throat. He turned and noticing her look slowly moving from his behind to his face, he put on a smug little smile, “Seeing something you like?”

She shook her head just as smugly, “I’d say so.” James’ eyes shone with a new light. The grin never leaving his face.

That joke exchange took place at least once a day in the Herondale-Carstairs house. Normally in the morning, when they were getting ready together to go to work and ended up wasting time in more interesting activities. The presumptuous air on both faces fell as fast as it had appeared.

“How about making your famous crêpes? I haven’t eaten them in a while and I’m josening.” He proposed taking the other ingredients from the fridge. Another yawn took over and Cordelia imagined herself already wrapped in the blankets, warm… “Or maybe not. Do you want to sleep, Daisy?” He asked her by laying the eggs on the table and approaching her, worry imprinted on his face, moving a rebel strand from her face and pinnin it behind her ear.

She melted in his hand, closing her eyes and savoring his touch “Mh-mh. Pas des crêpes pour toi.” she said to him in French, smiling. No crêpes for you.

She heard James laugh, and then his hand was no longer on her cheek, and he was moving around the kitchen again, putting back everything he had needlessly took out.

“Go put your pajamas on, and I’ll be right behind you,” he said with his back towards her and opening a shelf at the bottom. She nodded, dragging her feet on the ground and heading for their bedroom. She didn’t even realize she was going to go into the bathroom to take his make up off.

It had been a really long day and she just wanted to sleep, but she also wanted to talk to James, to know what happened today, to ask him about Christopher and Grace… and maybe mention Lucie and Matthew, see if he knew anything.

Suddenly she felt less tired, like when you go to a sleepover as a child and the only thing that keeps you awake is the desire to know everything, everything, everything.

She slipped under the covers, on James’ side, so that when he came to bed his side would already be warm, and closed her eyes for a second trying to rest in the time she was waiting for him to join her.

She felt a hand touch her cheek, “Daisy?” opening only one eye, she was embarrassed to see that she had fallen asleep. She got up on an elbow, about to apologize, when she saw that James was holding a tray with two steaming cups of hot chocolate on it and a yogurt muffin (rigorously prepackaged). She looked at her boyfriend and the emotion squeezed her throat, he was looking at her with so much love in his eyes. And the smile he was giving her never failed to swell her heart every time.

“Thank you.” she managed to get out despite everything. She wasn’t as emotional as she normally was, but on that day, she was completely exhausted and he must have noticed, because it wasn’t something he did so often. He had done it two or three times when they had just started dating, but then he had stopped and Cordelia had believed that he had finally woken up and realized that she was not worth all that effort. Clearly, she was wrong.

He waved her to move and when she was in her half of the bed, he laid the tray next to her and sat cross-legged, holding his cup up. He blew into it, looking at her from above the rim of the cup and took two long sips. She was still staring at him incredulous.

“I know you’re tired, and you just want to pass out so you don’t ever wake up again, but you didn’t have lunch today, and before the others showed up, you barely pinched a sandwich.” He told her by putting down the cup and passing her the muffin. She accepted it reluctantly. So Ihe had heard her when she came home and ran into the bathroom to take a shower while she screamed that she was starving.

She twisted the muffin in her hands. She gave it a little bite and then a bigger one and then another, until she finished it and her stomach thanked her and took the chocolate, tasting every sip. When they had finished everything, James took the tray and brought it to the kitchen, coming back shortly after with a dazzling smile on his face.

He threw himself on the bed next to her, bouncing and laughing, getting as close as he could and taking her in her arms, kissing her hair and waiting for Cordelia to settle down with an arm around his chest and her head on his shoulder, “So, what did you do today?”

“I don’t want to talk about my job, I want to know about Kit.” she said, leaning her chin on his shoulder and looking him in the eye. He looked at her in turn with an unreadable expression on his face, then sighed, “Okay.”

“A while back, we found her at the gym. She came over to say hi to me, but then I had to go away and she stayed to chat with Kit and one thing must have pulled the other ‘cause four days ago he came to the tavern and told us that they had gone on a date. Three times, if iI gotta be honest.” He said everything out of breath, turned around to see her reaction, thinking he’d find her at least a little annoyed by the fact that he hadn’t told her he’d met Grace, but Cordelia was looking at him like a child watching their favorite cartoon. He raised an eyebrow as a sign of question.

“And then?” she asked him curious.

“And then, what?”

“What did they do, where did they go. Whether he asked her out or she. I want the details James.” she said, giving him a little bump on the chest, then squinting at him and lowering the tone of her voice, “If it bothers you that they’re dating.”

“No, it doesn’t bother me. Grace and I have our history, it’s true, but Kit is really happy and she seems to be too, from what little he told us.” he said without changing his voice, “And anyway, I have you.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “However, I don’t have the details.” he said, stroking her arms. It was amazing how he couldn’t get his hands off her, it was like there was a greater force pushing him and he couldn’t fight it. “You’ll have to wait for Christopher for those. O Lucie. She seemed very inclined to extort every little thing from him.” Cordelia pulled herself up slightly.

Given that the subject was introduced by him, “About Lucie,” she said.

James put his head on the headboard, “What about my sister?”

“Didn’t you see how she and Matthew look at each other?” she asked getting to the point. For a moment, a shadow seemed to pass over James, but it left so quickly that Cordelia thought she had imagined it.

“How do they look at each other?” he asked her without even looking her way. “I don’t know, it seems to me that there might be something between those two. They’re not telling us everything.” she moved away from the hug, staring at the ceiling. James did not answer her immediately. In fact, he didn’t answer her at all and she thought that maybe he was tired too and must have fallen asleep, but when he turned around to check on her boyfriend, he was standing there looking at the wall. A deep frown in his face.

She touched his forearm with her fingertips, and he jumped, as if awakened by a trance, “Everything’s alright?” she asked him worried, “I didn’t mean to imply anything, if it bothers you to talk about your sister and Math we can change the subject, or not talk at all.” Cordelia thought she had gone too far. Maybe she had touched a sore point, something he didn’t want to think about.

James must have sensed that change in her tone, because he turned to her, shaking his head, “No, it’s not that. It’s just that I’m worried. For Matthew.” he sighed. Cordelia waited for him to continue, not wanting to force him to share anything that he didn’t want.

“Sometimes I think he’s really joking when he says all that stuff about love, that he’s gonna be alone forever, but then I find him watching your brother and Tom or Anna and Ari. Or us. And he is… he seems so miserably sad. And maybe Lucie is not the best person he can have beside him.” he turned to look at her and Cordelia was taken aback when he saw his eyes shining with tears. She pulled herself closer to him and now their legs were touching, intertwining. “Not that my sister isn’t a good person, I just don’t think she’s right for him.”

“I don’t think Matthew is serious when he says those things. Not as often as you seem to think at least.” She said, brushing his cheek to calm him down. “And maybe Lucie is exactly what he needs right now.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because lately, Lucie’s been telling me how this whole growing-couple thing in the group is starting to weigh on her. And with Anna finally together with Ariadne…” she left the sentence unfinished. James looked at her, surprised to hear such a thing. “Maybe if they really like each other, they might try to go out sometime, see where this thing takes them.” She proposed, trying to understand how the idea made him feel.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” he replied, carelessly passing a hand through her hair, untying her long locks.

“Of course, I’m always right.” she said proudly, stretching her neck to kiss him. James closed his eyes, breathing in that touch, thinking of all the times when, while he had been with Grace, he had looked at Cordelia from afar, wondering what her hair smelled like or whether he would ever be able to hold her hand in a situation other than those in which she was forced because they had to ‘Ring Around the Rosie’ with Alexander.

“What are you thinking of?” she bit on his lips.

“Back when I was with Grace.” he said. Cordelia immediately detached from that kiss, with an expression between confused, amused and ‘you’re joking right?’. She sat up and crossed her arms.

“Wow.” she said laughing, “And here I thought you were thinking about how much you love me and how beautiful I am.”

“No, Daisy, not like that.” James reached out and grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him, “I was thinking about when I struggled to be with you, but I couldn’t do anything because I had to stay with Grace.” he said, moving her so that she lay on his body, interlacing their legs together once more. Now they were chest to chest, and Cordelia felt every point where her body touched his.

“You didn’t have to do anything, James.” she said with muffled voice, looking at him from under her eyelashes with her chin resting against his chest. His hands began to move slowly on her back, drawing circles under her shirt. “That relationship was born only because of the circumstances Grace was in before. It wasn’t true love, as you always say. She didn’t really love you either, it was just childish affection growing with the fact that you were her only friend. That’s it.”

James opened his mouth to reply, but Cordelia’s fingers landed on his lips, “Stop it. I know what you’re thinking, ‘Oh no Daisy but I’ve been so bad, I left her when she needed me the most, I’m a horrible person, boohoo’, no Jamie. You knew it wasn’t right to keep lying to her, and she knew it too.” she concluded, moving her finger to caress the frown formed between his eyebrows. “Among other things, now we are all much happier.”

It was true. They had been together for two years. Two years when he and Grace had been in love, or so hey had believed at least. Grace had stayed isolated from the whole world until she was eighteen years old and had managed to ran away from that house in ruins, but her only friend had remained James and what everyone else would recognize as simple affection for a friend, to her it seemed love. James had agreed to start a relationship out of sheer compassion, as he had only once told his sister, and after a while he had convinced himself that he loved her, too.

But something had changed when the Carstairs had returned to London, he knew it because every time Cordelia was in the room, Grace ceased to exist.

For a while he had managed to ignore all the alarms, but after a few months of falling asleep in bed with his girlfriend, hoping that there was someone else in his arms, he couldn’t make it anymore and had cried in front of Grace, apologizing for the way he had behaved, for lying to her all that time. Grace had hugged him, comforting him, telling him that he had the right to fall in love with whoever he wanted, that it was not something he could avoid, accepting that whatever was between them, it was not love.

The smile on his lips warmed Cordelia’s heart, “You’re right.”

“I told you I was always right.” she smiled at him. James laughed and the movement of his chest made Cordelia slip sideways. He kissed her forehead, keeping his lips to her head, while with one hand he stretched out behind him to turn off the lamp on the bedside table.

When the room was dark, Cordelia drew a heavy sigh of relief and letting herself be lulled by her boyfriend’s arms, she closed her eyes.

And just before Morpheus could kidnap her for the night, she heard James whispering in her neck, “Goodnight Daisy.”

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