#corpsehumper

[tempural]

More oc octobers I neglected to upload here. These are my main characters. The original universe was based on rock and metal genres, but it's expanded to encompass basically every mundane character I've created in other cities. Get ready for some longass explanations.

80's-90's rock OCs:

PUSSYWHIP: Los Angeles. shock rock, cock rock, glam punk. Formed from the ashes of THE PENETRATORS when Vicky was kicked out for being an insane control freak. Vicky VD on backing vox and lead guitar, Angus is puppeteered as the "frontman" on rhythm guitar and vox. Eddie "Dirty Sanchez" is the deadman on bass. Skeets on drums.

THE PENETRATORS: Los Angeles. arena rock, cock rock, pop metal. Originally formed with Vicky on guitar, he was replaced with Benny and Jet after the spaghetti incident. Soon after, their sound went more radio-friendly and they found more success than Vicky's future ventures. Jizzy on Vox, Johnny on rhythm guitar. Benny "Donut" and Jet on lead and rhythm guitar. Jack on drums.

ANGELRAPER: Tampa, Florida. speed/thrash/death metal. This ill-named band was created by Tomathan when he was in high school track with Ricky and Alexi. He couldn't think of anything more sacreligious than an angel who assaults the children of god. They're still more of a garage band than a serious endeavor, but they have fun in the storage shed they call a practice room. Tommy "Angelraper" on vox and bass. Alexi "Corpsehumper" on guitar. Ricky "Pretty Ricky" "Tacofucker" (it was late and a dare ok) on drums.

90's mundane guys:

Prophet and Priest. Prophet used to be a musician in the 70's-80's. He was injured in an accident (hairspray, fire), and became very depressed and traumatized. Stopped making music. When Priest was a kid, he was Prophet's biggest fan. Now he's all grown up with a job n' shit, and he finds his favorite musician living in a dumpster next to his workplace. Homosexuality and cult-like brainwashing ensues. Nice!

2000's mundane guys:

Ollie and Basile and Liv. Boston, Brookyln, or San Francisco depending on my mood. Ollie and Liv are the same person in different bodies. Basile is their grouchy neighbor. You should know them by now. You can read more about them on my site.

Bobert and Chad. San Francisco. They go to SFSU and room together. Bobert works at Urban Outfitters, dresses as an 80's goth (he was born in the wrong decade dammit!!!) and is a creative writing major who writes erotic fanfiction as a hobby. Chad is a computer science major. They don't understand each other much, but they're good friends.

Ye Olde Dayz

Witchhunter and Witch. Somewhere in olde Germany. The witchhunter killed the witch's family. The witch reprogrammed him and repurposed his body to serve her. The witch is a necromancer whose power is drawn from her own blood, but her young body doesn't hold enough blood to revive her family into horrible undead minions yet. The witchhunter was eventually reborn as Bobert in its next life.

I forgot what tags I use for my own characters on this blog, so I'll tag 'em all.

[good-rwbyaus]

Salem gave up on her plans of conquest because she got addicted to playing Fortnight. Being immortal, she can play it without stopping. Her greatest online rival is unknowingly Ironwood, aka MetalDong69.

// Cause even an obsessive omnicidal immortal needs hobbies.- lilac 

Title: MetalDong69

—–

1. Emergency Meeting

“The Grimm have been oddly quiet,” Ozpin frowned into the camera, staring at the faces of those he trusted the most. 

Glynda. Qrow. Leonardo. James. Theodore. 

“Vale’s extension into Mountain Glenn had been met with zero resistance,” he continued, “given this anomaly, I’m concerned that the Queen must be planning something. Something big.” 

“Have any of you noticed anything strange?”

Numerous shakes of the head and comments came from the participants of the call.

All except one.

James seemed oddly distracted, his face schooled in perfect attention, but his eyes would occasionally dart on the screen. He could faintly hear the repetitive clicking of his keyboard and sliding of his mouse. 

Was he working on something? 

“James, are you okay? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

———————————-

Loud keyboard clicking can be heard in the background.

With a small amount of guilt, James Ironwood pressed his microphone to speak into the trans-continental Zoom call. 

“Um, yes. Everything’s…fine.”

———————————–

Elsewhere:

[MetalDong69 has eliminated you!]

[You have placed #2!]

[KillAllHumans]: Who the hell camps in a barn with a shotgun?!

MetalDong69′s avatar starts crouching up and down on her corpse. 

[KillAllHumans]: You dare corpsehump me?! Just you wait you pre-centurian piece of shit.

[KillAllHumans]: I’ll put all my energy into destroying you and everything you love!

Bang bang bang bang. 

[KillAllHumans]: Stop shooting my dead body you asshole! 

============================

2. One Month Earlier

FortKnight had been released onto the CCT for a week now, the first MMO that joined all the continents together. The gaming company that developed it had close ties with Atlas due to the involvement of the CCT, so when they noticed something really strange, they reported it to Atlas - and in turn eventually reached the top. 

The top that also happened to be their top beta player, Ironwood.

“So wait, you’re telling me there’s an account accessing from an untrackable location AND has been playing 24/7 non-stop without any breaks whatsoever?” Ironwood said, his eyes bugging out.

No way.

“Can you bring up their profile?”

Several lines of profile information immediately popped up on Ironwood’s scroll.

“So she put her name in as Salem,” the company representative said, “She isn’t too great at the game, and we’re actually planning on banning her because of her extreme flaming and death threats to other pla-” said the company IT person. 

“No no no. Just keep her in. In fact, keep her account access unrestricted,” Ironwood continued, “If this is who I think it is, you might’ve done Atlas, no the whole of Remnant, a great service.” 

——————————————————-

[MetalDong69 has eliminated you!]

[You have placed #22]

[KillAllHumans]: You fucking hacker! You can’t get the sniper scythe that early! 

[KillAllHumans]: You must’ve cheated! I’m reportin-

[KillAllHumans]: Stop shooting me! Those are sniper bullets! You barely get fifteen of them in a round, and you’re emptying the magazine on my corpse!

[KillAllHumans]: Fuck you! Fuck your mother! Fuck your dog! Fu-

———��——————————————–

A couple days later….

“There’s no need to ban this person, “ Ironwood said, “In fact, I’ll fund your company so long as you develop more games dedicated to capturing the attention of this one player. ”

“Uhh, why is this player so important, sir?”

“That’s a military secret. Just know you will be rewarded for doing so.”

================================

================================

3. Teamwork

Somewhere in the Land of Darkness:

“Cinder, Tyrian , join me. Together we will crush MetalDong69,” Salem ran out of the grand hall as she clenched her fist angrily. 

“Yes ma’am,” Cinder said obediently, “Who dares to oppose your might?” 

“We’re going to destroy him,” Tyrian said excitedly before following Salem going back inside the hall, “Wait why you’re heading back inside?”

—————————————————— 

[KillAllHumans]: oh my god why are all of you feeding?!

[StabbingYourMom]: WHY IS THIS METALDONG69 SITTING ON MY HEAD? IF I HAD MY TAIL RIGHT NOW

[KillAllHumans]: SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM

[ImOnFire]: I’m trying! 

[KillAllHumans]: NO THAT’S A GRENA-

[ImOnFire has eliminated you.] [ You have placed #13 ] 

[ImOnFire has eliminated herself ] [You have placed #12 ]

[ImOnFire]: WHY IS HE CROUCHING UP AND DOWN ON MY FACE.

[KillAllHumans]: I’m surrounded by feeders!

============================

============================

∞: 

Ironwood slowly walked into the elevator, his hair with bits of white now. Penny, his daughter, and Ruby, her wife, followed behind him curiously.

“So what’s this secret you’re going to show us?” Penny asked.

“Yeah, what sort of secret needs a pair of pro-gamers?” Ruby grinned, an ex-Huntress-now-Gamer now that the Grimm threat had regressed. “And requires us to keep it from Mr. Ozpin?” 

“It’s nothing bad,” Ironwood comforted her as he placed his keycard into the elevator, the motion triggering, ”It’s just that I think Ozpin’s finally enjoying life now and shouldn’t be bothered by something like this.”

“But it’s still important. Because behind these doors is the reason why humanity’s had over a decade of peace.”

——

A bunch of men and women are at a bunch of computer stations, clearly working and designing video games. A large screen showing match-ups for a large game design timeline.

Current: FortKnight 3

In Development:  FortKnight 10, GrimmCraft, World of Remnant

“It’s here where all the magic happens. These are the men and women who have kept Salem at bay for more than a decade,” Ironwood proudly said.

The pair could only look at the man in confusion.

“You’ll see soon,” Ironwood said as he sat down onto a computer station clearly designated at his. He turned his head to one of his trusted men, “Clover, is she on?”

“Isn’t she always?” Clover laughed, “She’s about to get out of a game. Won it actually. I’ll put you in her matchmaking group right now.”

“Good,” Ironwood said with satisfaction.

——–

[KillAllHumans]: IT’S YOU. METALDONG69. YOU CAN’T KEEP BEATING ME FOREVER. 

[KillAllHumans]: You’ll die someday, you fucker, and then I’ll be the number 1 in FortKnight!

———

Ironwood turned down his speakers a bit. 

“That is Salem, the Queen of all Grimm and the number one negatively-reported player in all of Remnant. She is why I’ve brought you two in,” he said solemnly,  “One day, I’ll pass on, and Salem will become the number one in this game and lose interest based on our analysis. When she does, the world might end up going back to the way it was. It’s up to you two to stop that from happening.”

“You will be Remnant’s silent protectors. Two pro-gamers joining forces to stop this threat. Just an hour or two of your time every day. And you’ll allow Remnant to continue having peace. ”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, the game’s starting.”

———–

[MetalDong69 has killed you.]

[You have placed 100 / 100. ]

[KillAllHumans]: METALDONG69!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

[tempural]

Weeeelllll, im always a slut for some gosh darn TRAGIC ANIME BACKSTORY :) I wanna know stuff like their childhoodz, and also how'd they even get together in the first place?

They met during high school track in the 70′s!  Tommy and Alexi were long distance runners, Ricky ran to get food for the team.

Ricky always lived in Florida.  Alexi immigrated from Sweden to Florida when his brother died.  Tommy transferred high schools from Texas to Florida cuz he was having a rough time at his old school.  (He used to go to school with Angus, they’re all around the same age as Angus.).  Florida.  That word no longer has meaning.  FLoooorooroida.

They hung out during their BRO workouts (aka smonkin’ behind the bleachers), and they buddied up and traded Diamond Head tapes n’ stuff.  That eventually gets into someone going BRUH WHAT IF WE STARTED A BAND (tommy), and they wiffle waffle around that until someone gets an empty garage, and commits to buying a drum kit (ricky).

Tommy got the badass bad name Angelraper (totally not angelripper!!!) cuz he thought it sounded awesome when he was a 15 year old.  Naming the band Angelraper seemed cool and edgy when he was in high school, but now it might be a hindrance… plus it’s kinda weird to name a band after yourself, but that’s an issue for lead singers and their egos to deal with.

Alexi got the badass band name Corpsehumper (totally not corpsegrinder!!!) cuz everyone keeps joking that he humps corpses cuz he works at his dad’s funeral home.  Well… His Tragic Anime Backstory is unlocked once you reach 100 mutual friendship on his sim’s relationship bar.

Ricky got the badass band name Taco cuz he fucked a taco once.  It was quite hot from the microwave and hurt.  The paler folks around him keep mistaking him as Mexican, but he’s Filipino.  Otherwise, Tommy and Alexi call him Pretty Ricky cuz once he shaves his scant facial hair he looks like a beautifuls womans.

Live, From Alexi’s Mom’s Garage!  She’s quite nice and bakes cookies for their band practice sessions.

Now they’re in their 20′s and they live together in a tin can trailer in the swamp.  That way no one can yell at ‘em for being too loud or playing out of tune.  They still go back to Alexi’s mom’s house for free food though.

(old drawing I still like HAHA I never draw backgrounds.)

Alexi works at his dad’s funeral home, Ricky works fast food, and Tommy’s a mooch.  He’s tryna handle the graphic design and promo n’ merch n’ songwriting for the band, give him a break!  Indecipherable lyrics don’t write themselves!  

Hmm I dunno how much of that was repeated, but there’s a basic gist of the death metal gang-gang.  Oh yeah, remember to read my Sausage Sodomy comic if you’re over 18 and you wanna see them touch weenies.  Because death metal dudes with pent up sexual frustration and no gf’s def touch weenies.

[tempural]

Lil sticker/charm designs of my characters in their Halloween costumes 😗 I keep saying man I may be deep in superheroes but hair metal still beats steady in my kokoro…

I made stickers cuz the charms are taking a while! Lineless art is hard!  https://www.etsy.com/listing/564822449/

EDIT 12/XX/17: Charms are here too finally :D https://www.etsy.com/listing/576887489/

Character info under cut :)

PUSSYWHIP:

Vicky hung himself and kinda regrets it. Now he eats, cries, shits and pisses blood :(

Angus got decapitated when he was a high school quarterback. He don’t remember stuff too good now.

Skeets had every joint smashed and his fingers ripped off, his body was found in the trash at an outdoors music festival. The single leg he was born with though!

Sanchez was dragged through the desert chained to a car and stuffed into a radioactive waste barrel. Very well preserved! He misses his wife.

PENETRATORS:

Johnny and Jizzy grew up together in Buttfuck, Midwest and ran away to Los Angeles like everyone else who thought LA had opportunity. Wherever they go, cattle end up mutilated…

Jack is one of those guys who insist he’s a cat person, not a dog person! He’s the only person in these silly scene bands who actually went to school for music. He also does everyone'a hair.

Benny and Jet were disowned by their parents for pursuing music instead of a real career like law or medicine. They balance going to UCLA and playing stinky venues at night to hopefully rehonor their famiry.

ANGELR-PER:

Alexi’s twin brother drowned when they were 5 years old. He’s a lil traumatized still. Even though he moved to swampass Florida, he is always so cold.

Ricky has no intense supernaturally incurred childhood trauma he can remember other than being spanked by his parents, which may or may not be normal for azn families. He feels a little left out...

Tommy named the band after the awful “cool” metalbro name he came up for himself when he was 12. He has a lot of bad ideas that he forces his roommates to follow.

[tempural]

Have you ever heard the song rock hard by fallout (one of pete steele's old bands). It's peppy, upbeat, blatantly about necrophilia, and has a cool solo at the end. To me it seems right up your alley lol

Omg!  I actually haven’t heard this song, even though I love carnivore and type o ;~;  Thank you for recommending it, I’M SO BLESSED!  fuzzy 80′s rock, babby Pete, and accidentally-onpurpose corpsehumping...THANK YOU!  Files this under my Alexi playlist...

You all should listen to it too :3c

[tempural]

WHO’S READY FOR SOME “””SJW PANDERING BULLSHIT”””, featuring OH CEES I’ve had since early high school??  Oooh, how scary!  Alexa has been so kind, to let me borrow her markers and smash them against paper.  Thanks dude.  Coloring is hard but... I am slowly learning.  Gotta git that elbowgrease to fit into them skintight vinyl bodysuits, y’learn from experience.

[tempural]

a Love comic for kohai.  Shaves your face.

[tempural]

corpsehump | F/W 2015 Perfect for the spring transition~

[tempural]

Things that bother me about 90% of character designs:

same face and same body (mr. potatohead swap-the-hair design)

modern post-adventuretime dinnerplate eyes and ridiculously obvious geometric shapes

goils = draw them with *~CURVES~* and full lips and eyelashes and  contrapposto 

every single girl wears makeup and is a snazzy dresser

every single """"ALT GURL"""" has dyed hair/tats/piercings

genderbends where the big burly meatmountains that piss testosterone turn into a skinny lady with gazongas and legz for dayz

Things I do:

think too much

type too much

I know I have my own set of problems with my own drawings which may or may not include the above concerns.  Like why is everyone emaciated in a manner that's obviously unrealistically idealized?  Iunno, be aware of the choices you (un)consciously make.

You know what doesn't bother me though?  tiny tots B)