#couldnt be arsed today

[shittyjakeenglish]

Day 36

hey what are you doing here?! go away he didnt want to be drawn today, grumble grumble

[workedupovernothing]

just so we're on the same page, ive never played the stanley parable. my perception of the game is warped by drawings of little gay people

[eroticcannibal]

Currys knowhow team my beloved

[very-uncorrect]

Fuck it I'm not putting myself through this anguish any longer, I'm just gonna watch the ending of portal 1 on YouTube so I can be in the knowing when playing portal 2

[candylandsys]

I have just realized I can talk on here instead of doing the weird lowercase the host does on our main account. I don't like it, looks weird

[rookiesbookies]

141 with a physically affectionate reader who gets cuteness aggression and attacks their faces with kisses at the most random times

Did have to google some Scottish slang( is slang the right term?) for Soap so sorry if its trash or wrong.

Price

First time you saw him shirtless. Look that soft layer of fat over his muscles is enticing, I’d bite too.

His eyes went wide and he just looked at you. He looked like his eyes were gonna pop out of his face.

“Love, did you mean to bite me?”

“Your pec looked delicious and you’re just so cute I couldn’t help it!”

He’s horrified, also holding both his pecs like a lady who got caught with her bra off. He couldnt decide if he liked being called cute or not and he sure as hell couldn’t decide about if he enjoy you munching on his pec or not.

So you just decided to plant kisses all over his face.

Soap

I feel like you got cuteness aggression the first time you got him naked.

It was just supposed to be a nibble, you weren’t meaning to bite his ass cheek. It was just so cute, clenched up, and ready to be nibbled.

He shrieked, “are you a bloody bampot!”

“... no?”

“Get yer whee mouth on my fuckin boaby not my fuckin arse, ya clarty lass! Fuckin dafty, yer are.”

“Thank you?”

“I said I’d rather your mouth be on my dick and not my ass.”

“I’ll just smother you in kisses instead.”

Ghost

Lowkey you just get cuteness aggression every time you see him. Especially with his mask on. Planting kisses weren’t as easy and violence was chosen. So going in for a hug when he’s about to get in the shower the turns into you biting his meaty shoulder, earning a smack on the head.

“What’s fooking wrong with ya today?”

“You just look so cute.”

He pulled off mask, “look me in my face and say that again.”

You look at him taking a breath to keep a straight face, “you’re a cutie patootie.”

Gaz

“You know, you’re in the dictionary next to the word cute right?” You said, while sitting in his lap, planting aggressive kisses on his face and body.

“Really?”

“Yup.” You mumbled before pinching the inside of his thigh making him scream and smack your head lightly.

“NO. Bad!”

Yeah, cuteness aggression is something he wasn’t ready for. Have fun explaining it to him because he is already staring in disbelief.

Konig

He gets cuteness aggression with you, so getting it right back with the blonde hair that litters his chest. You were trying to pull on it gently to see how sensitive it is, making biscuits like a cat while kissing all over his face, it wasn’t actually the aggression.

You didn’t see him about to cry under his mask from how it hurt. Until he pulled back.

“My love please be gentler.”

“Huh?”

“Very sensitive.”

“Oh.”

Krueger

When he look his mask off for the first time, the cuteness aggression was overwhelming for you. You tried your best to just gently hold his face and plant kisses up and down it, but it was too much he was so cute it was overwhelming, you had to pinch his cheeks. He yelped and pulled your hands away from his face.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!”

“You’re too cute, I can't help it!”

“You’re cruel, fucking cruel.”

Keegan

“Hey, babes, can we chill out? You’ve been aggressively rubbing my back for half an hour.”

“Your tattoo is so cute I cant help it!”

He had gotten your favorite animal tattooed on his back. You were rubbing it while kissing the back of his neck vehemently.

“I just wanna,” and you pinched it and he pinched your calf, making you silently scream.

You smacked his back, “too hard! You pinched me so much harder than I pinched you!”

“Na-uh.” He said sassily.

“Ya-huh.”

[nidarosis]

Slapped some color onto the Pre-DH Nida sketch today.

I couldnt be arsed to draw both her eyes so dramatic bangs is where its at ☀️

[captainfern]

Fern fern fern I saw some rugby reels on insta today and i couldnt stop thinking about your 141 rugby au!!! Brb gonna go reread it soon

i’m so glad you enjoyed my series !! and lol literally me

like after watching the six nations games, i then watched the six nations doc/show on netflix and good lord there are some fine arse men 😩

[badsmellyboy]

Pairings: Fred Weasley x reader

Warnings: none (?)

Masterlist

Summary: Fred makes fun of your shitty boyfriend ❤

A/N: a short thing while I'm trying to recover from the tragic deleting of most of the fic I'm working on :'( also I love mean fred sm hehhah

☆

"You're being an arse, what's up?" you huff as your boyfriend, Ness Gilligan's pace quickens across the dining hall.

Ness grumbles as he thumps down on a seat at the Gryffindor table, piling food on his plate haphazardly. You make a face at his blunt rudeness. You sit beside him, determined to not let him ruin your mood. He was still in his Quidditch uniform from practice. He hasnt said a word to you since you found him for lunch. He got like this often but you could only assume he had a bad practice.

"Practice got you miffed? What happened? You okay?" You pushed, only concern in your field of vision.

"Lay off, why'd you always have to be such a fucking pest?" Ness snaps, the first words he said today. You go quiet, not expecting him to be so short with you. It didnt really hurt your feelings, you were used to his anger but it was uncalled for, you were only showing care for him. You didnt notice anyone else was listening until a certain someone spoke from across the table.

"Ickle Nessie still sour from practice?" Fred Weasley, his friend from Quidditch, piped in. Ness shot him a look.

"Smoked by a bludger, nasty," George added, snickering.

"Couldnt get it in. Quite the parallel, eh?" Fred nodded at you, smirking. You couldn't help but stifle a laugh yourself.

Ness shoved his plate away with a loud clatter, making eyes shoot towards your way. In a blink you were watching him storm away.

"Well, fuck," you concluded, still watching him storm away. Before you could stop yourself you burst out laughing, Fred chuckling at your outburst.

"Piece of work, isnt he?" Fred commented. All you could do was nod between gasps of laughter.

☆

[eluvixns]

ANYWAY my brother couldnt be arsed to come over today so i can RELAX AND SAVE THAT ANXIETY FOR ANOTHER DAY 🤭

[mountttmase]

OH GIRL I FORGOT YOUR MASTERLIST STARTS WITH SMUT, WELL LET'S HAVE SOME FUN🤭

An Unexpected Visitor is the first oneee

‘Anything you want to share with the class?’ Your boss joked, catching you with your phone in your hand halfway through a very important meeting. Your face flushed out of embarrassment and also what you’d just seen on your phone. I THINK IT'S BETTER IF SHE DOESN'T SHARE

‘Oh y/n, a Mason Mount turned up saying he had an appointment with you? i couldnt see anything in your diary but he assured me it was meant to be going ahead so I told him he could wait in your office’ she told you. Of course he was here and of course he’d managed to charm the pants off her too in order to get into your office but the way you were feeling right you didn’t want to look at him. LOOK WHO'S HERE

‘Are you serious, Mason? Sending me nudes while I’m in a meeting?’ HE'S SUCH A TEASE

The fact he was sat there, legs spread wide, hands on his thighs and the stupid grin still on his face made you even more furious. Clearly he was in a teasing mood today, only made more obvious by the way he looked you up and down whilst licking his lips slowly in order to try and seduce you. GOD, THAT'S A MYSTIC VISION

‘You’re in my seat’ you told him crossing your arms and he raised his eyebrows at you before standing up from behind your desk and making his way over you you. He stopped right in front of you, his hands on your waist and his breath fanning over your face. You refused to touch him back but you couldn’t help looking up into his lust filled eyes. OUR BOSSY WOMAN

‘You can’t be serious? I’m at work you idiot’ you scolded him and he winked at you in response. ‘Fuck you’ you breathed, a slight chuckle falling from your lips at his brazenness, before you unlocked your laptop to check your emails. ‘That a threat or a promise?’ He enquired but you just ignored him, glancing over your screen before standing up to find a file on the other side of the room. HE IS SOOO SILLY🤭🤭

‘We really shouldn’t be doing this’ you whispered, your mind no longer thinking about the file you were looking for. .... ‘No, don’t stop’ you told him, and you felt him smile against your neck before detaching himself from you. He pulled you by your hand to turn you around, finally planting his lips on yours in a slow but heavy kiss. AHHAHAHA GIRLLLL

‘You forget Mason, we’re in my office so I make the rules’ you told him, slowly spreading your legs so he could get a peek at your underwear and his eyes shot down to look there immediately. SORRY MOUNT

‘So worried about what them lot out there think about you, if only they could see you now’ he said quietly and you bit your lip to stop any moans. ‘I bet you’d love to put on a show for them, show them what a good girl you can be?’ OH🫠🫠🫠🫠

THE SMUTTT

‘Shit, sorry baby. Two seconds and I’m done yeah’ he told you, moving from behind you to pick your underwear up, handing them back over to you with a sheepish grin. He helped you put them back on, dropping a soft kiss on your lips when you were all sorted and you couldn’t help but smile. He was a pain in the arse but he was yours. ‘You okay?’ His whispered, wrapping his arms around you and kissing you again, rocking you from side to side. HE IS SOOOOO CUTE

‘Thank you for your time, Miss y/l/n. I’ll be in contact again soon’ he told you, stopping to face you and outstretching his hand for you to shake. You cottoned after a second or two, following his lead and shook his hand whilst giving him a smile. AHAHHAH, JUST A FEW HOURS

‘I’m impressed’ he nodded and you let out a little breath of relief. ‘Productive meeting I take it?’ YOU CANT IMAGINE HOW MUCH

THE QUEEN OF SMUT IS IN TOWN 🤭🤭🤭

I LOVEE THAT, THE WAY THE TWO OF THEM TRIED TO BE DOMINANT BUT COULDN'T LAST CAUSE THEY JUST NEEDED EACH OTHER SOOOO BAD🫠🤭

AS ALWAYS A MASTERPIECE 🌺🩷

LAST ONE OF THE NIGHT FOR YOU TOO

SEE YOU TOMORROW, SAME HOUR SAME PLACE🤭😌

Omg this was the first fic I ever posted 😭 that’s hilarious. She was such a girl boss and he loved getting to see her in charge 😏

But you’re the sweetest ever thank you so much for this i can’t believe I get feedback for all of them

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

[the-schizophrenia-anon]

Jon Noodleveidt was a closet faggot. His time in prison getting dicks up his arse was heaven for him. He killed himself because he couldnt find more dicks to suck on the outside and cuz his last album was In Flames gay shit

I saw this an somewhere else before, you clearly psychologically damaged and have nothing better to do ; sad sad

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

How was your day, dear chum?

kinda sucky, not gonna lie

i have to finish cleaning my room before tonight and also before tonight i have to do an entire project and a ton of homework for a different class aswell

and my piano teacher was an arse this morning because apparently since i literally didnt have the energy to put on my Happy Go Lucky personality today, i was 'scowling' :\

also she got mad at me because she wants me to practice two whole hours a day and she said that it wasnt that i "couldnt or didnt have time, it was that you didnt want to!"

and also my da's bein an arse and my ma says that i'm not stressed because she worked 48 hours a week and was in band and was an honours student and was top n her class when she was my age, so i should suck it up! they both kept commenting on my eating habits this week, which sucks for me because i wouldnt say i have an ed, but the relationship i have with food is...interesting

like i almost never eat breakfast and rarely lunch, but frequently wander into the kitchen just to see if i'm hungry for anything so my parents say i'm always snacking when the only thing i ate that day was toast at 11:00 in the morning :| oh how i love living here

anyway this got kind of long and vent-y so feel free to ignore like half of what i just said haha

how was your day?

[youcant-bemygirl]

First day back at work after a week or so off and i just cannot be arsed! Neither can my friend so were both just doing all these silly little jobs that are more fun than booking travel for people so we are working but its slightly more fun. It seems to have worked as we couldnt believe it was quarter to 1! So im sat on my lunch and annoyed that the students are back because its not nice and quiet any more! Glad this week is a short week and after today i only have tomorrow morning to get through and then im getting my hair cut friday! Which is very much needed!

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

Funny how times felt like its disappeared the past few weeks to the point idfk what day it is unless its a friday. Or a tuesday. But i never know til i wake up. But like today 2 me couldve been a monday or a sunday or a thursday or a wednesday or actually a tuesday as well bc i didnt have my window open. And i also love like.god ok. Being unable to communicate my thoughts into words that ppl understand bc like. Idk. I like my brain its rlly cool and comfy and its like a chair that was made specifically for me so it doesn't hit my bones in rlly uncomfortable ways and its the perfect size and its like. Goldilocks. But for me. And a brain. A brain chair. Alsooo fuck tonsilitis i dont have it anymore it went like a week or 2 or 3 ago i forgot how much time its ben since then but. It was not good like at all like comparing now to then. Tonsilitis fucking sucked man. And yet i would give anything to live like that week always. Just chilling with jack having eveey minute of the day to myself watching whatever i want (altho it was annoying bc i couldnt be arsed 2 figure out how tf 2 watch yt on the tv but also w my adblocker so i only watched unlisted videos on there) but. Either way. That was a good week. Anddddd fuck my parents the end.

[weightandworries]

Day 1 as a Hot Girl (22/8/23)

I've decided to simply become Delusional As Hell. You know how people say "oh, if you want to become your dream version, you have to act like her"? Well guess what. For the rest of the year, I will be a Hot Girl. I am a Hot Girl. And I will live in my happy, delusional bubble until it is no longer a delusion anymore.

Okay, introduction over, time for some journalling about hot girl stuff I did today:

I tidied up my apartment before leaving for work extra early, so I could look competent & confident in my little suit and also come home to a cozy, clean apartment.

Work was awesome - attended a conference with the big boss, got praise for the work in relation to that - and it also seems like my manager's respect for me is growing as I show that I have my shit under control and I know my stuff. Man, although writing down summaries of meetings can be bleh, it also means you are documenting progress and covering your aaaaaaassss.

Then went for a glass of wine with my work besties out in the sun, where we sat for a bit and chatted shit, before I biked home. I was sooo tired but still managed to do a little bit of work on my side business and novel. Now I'm gonna fold my laundry, change my bedding, and read before going to bed early. (I sound way cooler when writing down things I did lol)

----

weight: 89.8 kgs what did I eat? a teeeny tiny croissant, chai thea, fruit, vegetable/chicken lunch, glass of wine, some nuggets/fries for dinner as I couldnt be arsed lol