#cruciferous chronicles

[dollyllama108]

"So, by this point," Gale said, indicating the relevant companions, "he's tried to kill him, he's tried to kill her, and she's tried to kill her. Am I the only person in this party who has not been embroiled in a fight to the death with another?" A hand from behind shoved him, and he fell to the ground. Picking himself up by his forearms, Gale looked to see who it was that had attacked him. "I thought you were feeling left out," Astarion said. "My mistake."

(more CC shitposting but this is after Karlach shows up, so not until chapter, 30 maybe)

[catheistsblog]

Can Cats Eat Cabbage? Unveiling the Feline Culinary Conundrum

Did you know that, despite their reputation as picky eaters, cats are often drawn to unconventional foods? Contrary to popular belief, cats can indeed munch on cabbage. However, before you toss your feline friend a leafy treat, let's explore the ins and outs of this curious question.

The Curious Case of Feline Tastes: Exploring Cats and Cabbage

Understanding Feline Nutritional Needs

Cats, as obligate carnivores, thrive on a meat-centric diet. Yet, the occasional nibble on cabbage won't harm them. In fact, cabbage offers a smattering of nutrients that might surprise you. From vitamins like K and C to essential minerals, cabbage boasts a nutritional profile that can complement a cat's diet when given in moderation.

Line breaks are essential to keep the content digestible.

Cabbage and Cat Digestion: A Harmonious Balance

Picture your cat's digestive system as a well-orchestrated symphony. Cabbage, when introduced in small amounts, plays a harmonious role. The fiber content aids digestion and can even alleviate certain gastrointestinal issues. However, moderation is key – excessive cabbage consumption might lead to upset stomachs and unwelcome litter box surprises.

Interesting statistic alert: Did you know that only 1 in 5 cat owners are aware of the potential benefits of controlled cabbage intake for their feline companions?

The Cat's Whiskers of Safety: Precautions to Ponder

While the cabbage patch may seem like a feline feast, precautions are necessary. Cats, unlike their canine counterparts, lack certain enzymes needed to break down plant matter efficiently. Therefore, chop cabbage into bite-sized bits to prevent choking hazards. Always monitor your cat's reaction to new foods, and if they turn up their nose, respect their culinary preferences.

Let's dive into another captivating tidbit: A mere 3% of cat owners are aware of the importance of chopping cabbage for safer feline consumption.

The Kaleidoscope of Cat-friendly Veggies: Beyond Cabbage

Green Lights for Green Veggies

Cabbage isn't the only leafy green that cats can enjoy. Spinach, kale, and broccoli are also on the menu, offering a palette of nutrients. Incorporating a variety of veggies can be akin to a feline vitamin infusion, enhancing their overall well-being.

The Thin Line Between Treat and Taboo

Cats, as independent beings, can be finicky when it comes to dietary choices. The line between a treat and a taboo can be thin. To maintain balance, consider cabbage and other veggies as occasional treats rather than daily staples. This culinary variety can enrich their diet while maintaining the thrill of the hunt.

Ready for another eye-opener? A mere 7% of cat owners include a variety of veggies in their feline companions' diets.

Catheist: Purr-fect Treats and Care Tips for Your Feline Friends

As you ponder the culinary curiosities for your cat, consider Catheist as the purr-fect companion on your feline journey. Providing not only delicious treats but also invaluable care tips, Catheist ensures your cat's well-being is in capable hands.

Conclusion: Cabbage Chronicles and Feline Feasts

In the grand tapestry of feline nutrition, cabbage emerges as a surprising thread. While cats can indeed nibble on this cruciferous delight, it's imperative to tread lightly. Moderation, observation, and a keen understanding of your cat's preferences are the keys to a happy and healthy feline friend.

So, the next time you ponder, "Can cats eat cabbage?" remember that a sprinkle of culinary curiosity might just add a dash of excitement to your cat's dining experience.

[dollyllama108]

Chapter 12 of Cruciferous Chronicles—and this one's for the Astarion girlies

I ain't a vampire person and I ain't lick torsos or impregnate boys like some of you so here is how we are going to babygirl Astarion, Dolly-style.

One, he is heavily gonna be implied to be having a dissociative episode within this crypt because Gods know the undead man who's already died once does Not Like These Vibes.

Two, he is going to briefly touch on reversible death as a form of trauma because Gods also know I can only write about one thing.

Three, he is trying to kill the druid back because let's be real, the druid started it after he started it first.

And lastly, he is gonna press every button the party comes across. No questions asked. No thoughts. Only button.

Only button.

[dollyllama108]

Broke drawing hiatus---still have a lot of learning to do, I'm aware---with Sorel/Brockley Rob!

Because in the game, he looks like this:

LIKE HOLY SHIT DUDE CALM DOWN.

You ain't even understand anything happening on the nautiloid and have been tormenting Lae'zel to where she can't decide who to kill first. You respond to being informed of multiple sources of imminent death with "oh, ok" and the same blank smile. Someone tries to murder you and you say "oh, ok. Let's go slacklining."

Anywho, Sorel the Groveless. Current gig: tadpoling victim. Previous gigs: reproduction cult member (0--40ish), forest maintainer and witness of death (40ish--286; holds and talks to animals until they die), brief stint as hospital cat in Baldur's Gate (sits on people until they die), nothing that would make any money. Doesn't know where to find moongrass and doesn't grow it. Confused by his party members "trying to engage in mating behavior," verbatim.

I love him.

[dollyllama108]

Alright, tambles

Here is my challenge to you.

If you get through this without once thinking "holy shit, we were shafted, this is the Wyll we deserve," I will give back all the money it cost you to read this thing.

Dead serious.

[dollyllama108]

Cruciferous Chronicles Ch. 13 Excerpt

"First answer me this." The lich regarded Gale with its black eyes; at least he thought it did. Hard to tell. "What is the value of a single mortal life?" "What manner of question is this?" A few disjointed syllables escaped Gale's mouth in bursts as he struggled to gather his thoughts. "First of all, the risk associated with poorly defining a metric that granular and impactful cannot be understated. Second, am I, a mortal, the one making this judgment, or does the being responsible have access to information that I in my limited reach do not—and would you be willing to tell me what that is? Third—and I may have objections to the premise of the question as stated, if so—is it reasonable to make the assumption, as this wording seems to, that all mortal lives have the same value, or is this something that can be adjusted according to life expectancy, for example? Fourth, can you define 'value' in this context; is it the cost of killing them immediately, or does it depend on their potential contributions to society? Fifth, is there divination magic involved in procuring any of the information I've requested thus far, or does it depend on a predictive model, and in either case may I see it? Sixth—" "—Thine answer is recorded," the lich said.

Read The Cruciferous Chronicles

[dollyllama108]

"It's like my father always used to say," Wyll said, pulling his lute around. "I spent all my time and money on lessons for this blasted thing, may as well use it." "Is he dead?" the child with the hat asked. "No." Wyll strummed the opening chord one note at a time before launching into verse.

Cruciferous is careening at top speed toward Wyll's entrance and I am ready to unleash this interpretation of Wyll on the world. Drawing some inspiration from Tobey Maguire Spider-Man as discussed, but also this one kid in front of me at BroadwayCon whose backpack was covered in swag and told me I should watch the Spongebob musical because it's actually pretty good—no, sorry kid, I appreciate your enthusiasm but that is not my bag and you do you.

Obviously he gets his sexy superhero intro where Astarion and Shart see him bounce off a rock and slice through a goblin, then follow it up with these dorkass one-liners he refuses to stop doing, and they both pull one of these.

(Kristen Ritter is my casting pick for Shart in the live action adaptation, with Dreama Walker as Lae'zel of course)

Then he gets a whole plot-free Karlach-free PoV chapter to himself where the earnest and playful bits of his character are established quickly through his interactions, as is his internal strife, and trust me when I say I am writing him as if he's the party member with the highest charisma. Because he is.

I am a bardlock/theater-kid Wyll truther (DAD everyone in Avernus knows all the words to Hadestown, it's like a job requirement). You know he saw the disaster Team Tadpole in Cruciferous and thought, "ooh, Act 1 conflict of the hero's journey! i know just how this resolves in the narrative!"

[dollyllama108]

The Cruciferous Chronicles Chapter 13

So many gifts in here for Gale fans I can't deal.

Infodumping out the wazoo

Lae'zel watching Gale cook; learning what salt is

Gale accidentally setting his tent on fire because the tadpoling is getting in the way of Hot Boy Summer

Further infodumping, olive oil edition

Gale conjuring a whole-ass brunch dining table he designed for his mom in the middle of a forest

Gale and Astarion bickering over that one really shitty spear of Helm they found in Jergal's temple

More infodumping, about Mordenkainen this time

Somebody just please pay attention to Gale and tell him what a good boy he is being

Gale responding to Withers' appearance with "oh goodness gracious a lich came upon me"

Gale responding to "What is the value of a single mortal life?" with an essay about why this is a bad question

Further infodumping, whatever is on his mind during the awkward dinner conversation where no one else wants to say anything

I AM SO SORRY FOR DROPPING THIS AT YOU ALL

[dollyllama108]

Cruciferous Chronicles Ch. 11

Shadowheart and Lae'zel each pick an elf* and try not to kill each other.

*Elves may also be trying to kill each other.

(At 6.7k words, it's a damn doozy. But nearly all roleplay)

[dollyllama108]

Cruciferous Chronicles Chapter 7: Kebab

Thanks, ants.

Thants.

Brockley does Brockley shit, Astarion takes the mind flayers seriously for two seconds before getting distracted by murder.

[dollyllama108]

I've been mulling over how to write Wyll

And have come up with all sorts of ideas in my rewrite to elevate his story: putting him in the hot seat so his final choice has some weight to it, exploring the impact it would have on one's personality to be a monster hunter in a world where the best option is not always the most obvious, having him start to develop and nurture some creative talent in order to process his feelings, having him do his charming little chuckle at everything and only realize later how mean his companions are being to Gale, brooding about his appearance at Karlach and having it not land at all with her.

And then I realized I was just writing Tobey Maguire Spider-Man making his bangs emo.

Which is the funniest damn shit anyone saw in 2007. I am totally ready for this.

[dollyllama108]

Cruciferous excerpt—Chapter 6

Now that weapons were no longer in play, the woman on the path was quick to involve herself. "Shadowheart. And I won't be as easy to win over." We'll see. "Who said anything about that? I simply have questions it seems you could answer." As the woman moved closer, Astarion felt the same friction at the edge of his mind. He knew to expect something of the woman's past. The ship's interior, a familiar face watching her roll out of the pod where she'd been kept, some confused glancing at the landscape from a rock's shade. A white-haired man with nearly translucent skin, like a polished pearl, holding a dagger to her companion's throat. Wait. Is that what he looked like? The memory faded before he could process it all, and he was still reeling from what he'd seen. The impromptu grooming session hadn't fixed all of the damage, and his jacket was still unbuttoned, but in the centuries since he'd seen his own face, there were changes he'd only felt. Gods but he looked old. If that was what it was like to see through someone else's eyes, then, he'd relish the escape and all he was missing, and truly find himself besides. That was it; he was hooked. It seemed there was no chance of him seeking to control the brain worm on his own.

Shadowheart doesn't have memories, so her tadpole intro shows only the present. Should work out well for Astarion.

[dollyllama108]

In-progress One-shot Summary

As the party fights their way to the portal, heeding Hope's warning that a livid Raphael will return to the House of Hope at any moment, Wyll realizes he has a chance to prove his title of Blade of Avernus earlier than expected.

That was before Raphael started sing-talking this goofy song he obviously rehearsed beforehand.

In between fits of laughter from both him and Karlach, Wyll decides it's not only on him to slay the devil and lead his companions safely back to Baldur's Gate, but to Robert Palins this sucker.

[dollyllama108]

Cruciferous Chronicles Behind the Scenes: Moongrass Chapter

Ch. 4 draft's about 25% done before beta read, but I've already mapped out all 13 chapters of the first day.

Obviously this is what our innocent druid friend would do. And everyone else.

Will likely publish this as a one-shot as well since it's not Tavtastic.

[dollyllama108]

Lae'zel shows how to conduct a proper funeral by chucking imps off a ship, elves act like little fey shits, Shadowheart roasts Tav because she's god's favorite princess.

(Every time a new origin character gets introduced, the PoV character gets easier to write and the reading level drops by like, 5 Brockleys. I gave up on editing this chapter because it already took so long.)

[dollyllama108]

Second chapter of Cruciferious Chronicles. Brocks gets some new friends! Yay! It's turning out to be an exciting day here in wherever he is; seems like the shelled innards of some odd creature. Mind the fire.