#crush my head between them please i beg of thee

[poppy-metal]

patricks zweigs thighs

[babbushka]

A Throne By Any Other Name

Kylo Ren x F!Reader (Medieval AU)

A/N: This oneshot was inspired in part by to some requests sent in by dear anonymous users, and in part by the revelation of Adam's apparent cunnilingus skills lol. I hope you enjoy this smutty oneshot!

3.1k, NSFW (oral sex [f-receiving/face sitting], fingering, PIV, jerking off, outdoors sex, sex in the rain)

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It is too early in the day for the sun to have set, and yet the skies are dark. Clouds, heavy, blank, pendulous, fill the summer afternoon, a torrential downpour out in the distance. You and Kylo are lying on the plush green grasses of the fields which sit just outside your castle, enraptured with one another. He stares into your eyes, one palm on your cheek, soaking up the sight of you in your embroidered kirtle, your hair braided long down your back clasped with golden bands encrusted with pearls and sapphires.

For hours you both have been there, wrapped in one another’s embrace, watching as the lightning strikes across the clouds, claps of thunder following soon after. The time between the flashes and booms grows smaller and smaller, and each time it shatters the sky, you cannot help but gasp. Instinctively, Kylo tightens his hold on your body, and you warm with affection for your husband, your King.

“Isn’t it breathtaking?” You have been reduced to a whisper from the sheer awe of mother nature, lifting a hand and squinting with one eye like you’re about to fire an arrow, aiming it straight for the deluge that hits the edge of the fields as you breathe, “It must be so far away and yet, I feel as though I can reach out and touch it with mine very fingers.”

Kylo takes your hand and pulls it to his lips, kisses across your fingertips and down your palm, pushing back your sleeve enough to expose your wrist, where he grazes his crooked teeth along the delicate skin.

“Are you afraid?” Kylo whispers, never one to assume more volume than you, never one to assert himself over you.

Once, a long time ago, Kylo had soothed you from the way the sounds of thunder disrupted your sleep. You smile, grateful that he would be so willing to use whatever influence he has over this land as its King, to do the same again.

“No, I have learned to love the thunder, now that I know it bends it’s whims to you.” You tell him as such, and Kylo blushes shyly in a way so discordant with the ferocity of his power.

“The rain is moving towards us, what shall we do my beloved?” Kylo turns to the storm, his pupils growing to soak up what little light is left. It grows darker and darker out in the fields, save for the lightning that flashes, a deep purple black surrounding the castle. He kisses your shoulder, “I will not see you soaked to the bone if you do not wish it.”

“Hmm, and what if I do?” Tilting your head to the side, you allow him greater access. The wind chills you and you shiver, Kylo only holding you closer as he licks a hot stripe up your throat, nibbling at your ear.

“In that case...” He breathes against the spot just underneath your jaw, his hand working under your many layers to brush his fingers through the thick thatch of hair between your legs, breath hot as he sucks on your pulse, “I shall see to it personally, that my Queen be soaked in another manner altogether.”

“If that is what my King wants,” You reach for his hand and press it against your flesh further, sliding out of his embrace in a guise to better lie down, “That is what he shall get.”

Kylo removes the clasps of his fine furs, hiding them inside the large basket of cheeses and wine you have brought with you so that they do not get so soaked. You pull your kirtle up and over your head, leaving you in just the plain white cotton chemise that flows in the wind of the oncoming storm. Kylo is about to grab at you once again, when you are suddenly off, slipping just through his fingers, all of a sudden out of reach as you cheekily tease, “But first, he must catch me.”

This is one of your favorite ways to work him up, your husband. He must win your affection, must prove himself worthy of it. And oh how he does love to prove himself to you -- the maximum capacity of his prowess on display for you as the world lights in moments, a game of chase where your pleasure is the prize.

The rain has found you both, in this game, and Kylo wishes he could see you better to see the way your chemise has molded to your body, the fabric gone translucent with the rain. He knows, he just knows that all of your curves are on display; the roundness of your tits, the swell of your ass, the softness of your stomach and thighs as you run, your hair clinging to your face as the wind whips the braids around.

“Get back here!” Kylo demands, hungry for you, his heart pounding inside his chest, luring you in close with false modesty, “You are too fast for me.”

“Then remove some of thine armor my darling, and perhaps you will be lighter on your feet.” Never one to give in to his traps, you only dart past him, grass sticking to your ankles, rain slick’d much like the rest of you.

Smirking, Kylo does as he’s told, stripping down just far enough so that he is clad only in his leggings; his tunic and all the belts and buckles of armor and cloaks gone in a soggy pile on the ground far from where he manages to wrap his arms around you once more, bring you laughing to the ground.

“I’ve got you now,” Kylo declares triumphantly as he blinks away the rain water that beats down on his back, as he wrestles you onto yours with a grin, “I’ve got you right where I want you.”

His hands roam across your body, and you encourage him to do so with the parting of your legs, your wet chemise clinging and sticking to your body, your chest heaving with a mix of adrenaline and exertion. Your cunt drips, and you grow impatient with the waiting, the game over.

“You speak as if you have won, yet where I lay, it appears as though I am the one with a prize.” Your hand smooths up Kylo’s leggings, palming the hard line of his cock and giving it a firm squeeze through the fabric, your voice deep and sultry when you inquire, “How do you want me?”

“Take off your clothes, lest I drown in the fabric.” He replies immediately, and you know by his phrasing that he means to delve his tongue between your legs, a pleasure so sensational that you have never once denied his wish for it.

“Mm, what a way to go that would be.” You laugh at the thought, struggling to get the drenched garment over your head.

“Not before we have heirs to succeed me.” Kylo too grows impatient, and with the brute strength he possesses, he tears the chemise straight down the center, helps push it off of your shoulders instead.

Feeling the rain on your bare body is nothing short of divine, you have decided, as Kylo lies down beside you. For a moment, the two of you simply open your mouths and taste the crisp clean summer rain on your tongues, but you are near desperate, Kylo can smell it, for a good fucking, and who is he to deny you anything?

Rolling your body on top of his, Kylo crushes your mouths together, those very same tongues hot and throbbing against one another. Kylo has one hand gripping the back of your neck, holding you steady, and the other busy with freeing his aching cock from its confines.

“Kylo, the lightning.” You murmur against his lips as thunder crashes overhead, your hands bracing the earth on either side of his head, your legs straddling his thighs. You push your hips back so that you may catch the feeling of his cock against your pussy, but Kylo has other ideas.

“Fear not, it will not harm you.” He urges you, a heated desperation of his own in his voice when he instructs, “Now please, take your seat upon your throne.”

His mouth is hot against your cunt, when you settle your knees in the very spot your hands just were, the bend of your legs digging into the waterlogged earth below as rain pounds pounds pounds on top of you. He is eager, so eager, to part your folds with his lips, so eager to begin sloppily kissing your pussy with his tongue, that the force of it already has a tight coil of heat winding in your stomach.

“Oh, oh stars, that feels good.” You sigh, your hands smoothing up and down your thighs as your legs widen for him ever further, allowing him deeper access.

Kylo’s grip on you returns, but it does so one handed. His left hand digs deep into your hip, grasping and grabbing at the supple flesh there, while his right hand works strong solid strokes of his cock up and down, his hips bucking up into his fist as yours grind down onto his face.

“Mmmm..!” He groans into your cunt, and you revel in it, in the way the vibrations of his baritone resonate through your very bones, your nipples so stiff in the cool air of the thunderstorm, your clit pulsing against his tongue, his lips. Mindlessly, Kylo jerks himself off, savoring the pleasure as he drinks yours down.

“Kylo! Oh my liege, oh fuck!” Your moans are swallowed by the sound of the rain, so you are free to gasp and shout as loudly as you’d like. No one is outside in weather like this, and even if the castle were to look out their windows, the rain is so dense that it shrouds you in a cloak of misty darkness. Soaked completely, you ride Kylo’s face, your naked body undulating onto his mouth. “More, more I demand more!”

The way his tongue plunges up into your pussy has you nearly falling forward from surprise, the thick slurping sounds that he sucks out of your cunt has your knees weak, thighs shaking. His nose is perfectly positioned over your clit, and the pace that he nudges against it drives you to the brink of ecstasy, has you breathing fast and heavy, blinking away water and pushing soaked hair from your face, your body tensing up, that heat in your stomach spreading through the nerves and veins of your body like a wildfire.

“Hands, Kylo, I beg of thee, hands.” You are nearly frantic as his mouth sucks at your folds, bites at your inner thighs. You will be sore there tomorrow, but in this moment, if you do not get to come, you’d wage war. He is obliging, and so he releases his hold on your hip, taking three of his fingers and shoving them inelegantly up into your pussy, seeking your gspot, and grinning when you grind down onto his palm with a satisfied, “Yes!!”

He latches his lips around your clit and sucks and licks at it as his fingers thrust in place of his tongue, crooking against that spot against your walls, filling you with such a pleasure that you have to clutch at your tits and pinch your nipples, just to have something to ground you as your eyes snap open.

“Oh yes!” You cry, his speed increasing, spelling his name on your clit, your nipples so hard, body so wet, dripping all over, “Oh Heavens above -- fuck!”

“Come on my tongue, precious, my precious girl.” Kylo pulls away only long enough to watch as your body convulses above him, your shoulders shaking, body pitching forward. He steadies you and reverses your positions, lays you down on the wet earth as you come and come and come, frantic in his own right to line his cock up, waiting to push in until he has your express permission, “May I..?”

“Kylo I fear if you do not fuck me right this instance I will burst like the thunder that blooms across the sky.” Your eyes are glassed over, he can see in the dim light, and it’s all that he needs before he is nudging the head of his cock up to your pulsing folds, pushing inside.

At once, your body accommodates him, opening and blossoming for him like an oyster in the moonlight. He thrusts into your demanding cunt in one fell swoop, the rain on his back cooling his overheating body as he pounds your pussy with reckless abandon.

“Fuck, oh -- fuck!” He moans through grit teeth, the sheer pleasure of your body filling his head with a thick fog that he could shout about, your tits bouncing from the force of the way he fucks you hard, fast, grunting out, “This cunt’s so tight, you miraculous beauty, so tight and hot, and all for me.”

“I -- I -- oh yes, Kylo please, more?” Your voice is high, wanton and desperate, breaking on the verge of a scream as he lifts your hips and holds them up with his hands, plowing into you, deeper deeper deeper, the taste of your come on his lips, in his nose. It is obscene, the sound, the way you are wet inside and out, slippery with come and rain.

“Let the kingdom hear, let them all hear.” He wants you to scream, he wants to push you over that edge, the very same edge he himself is so close to meeting. You’ve come once, but he wants another, and another, and another still, until you are a babbling incoherent mess of nothing but please and his name.

“Kylo!” You give him what he asks, voice ringing through the rain, cutting above the thunder as he bends his body to capture your nipple in his mouth, sucking on it the same way he sucked on your clit, making your body writhe underneath him this time instead of above, “Oh my liege! Oh -- Kylo!”

Thunder crashes, and lightning streaks, and the rain pours, and Kylo fucks your pussy with as much strength as he can manage. Deep even thrusts that fill you so completely that it pushes you up the grass, body bouncing, shaking, screaming for him. You have to shut your eyes against the pleasure, your orgasm from when he ate your cunt out never having a chance to end, simply rolling into the next one, your back pushing clean off the ground from the strength of it.

He is not too far behind, focusing all his energy into pleasing you. One of his fingers rubs at your clit and he smiles into the crook of your shoulder when your legs kick out from under you, scrabbling for purchase as your fingers tangle in his inky locks. His own orgasm hits him with little warning, and he pins you to the now muddy ground with a harsh grunt, his hips slamming against yours once, twice, three more times, before he collapses on top of your body.

You both feel it, the way his come fills you up, hot and pulsing inside your cunt. Grinning, there is a satisfaction that comes with this -- your dear king needs no mistresses to keep him pleased, no rotation of women to warm his bed. You are all he desires, the evidence is flowing between your bodies. Kylo rolls you over so that you can rest your cheek on his chest, for he is too tall to do so without pulling his cock out of your pussy.

Chests heaving, you each gulp down humid air, before the tingles of your pleasure prick up your spine, and you’re laughing into the line between Kylo’s pecs. He smiles softly at you, pushing your hair away from your face where the rain keeps sliding it down, cranes his neck to kiss you.

“You are so beautiful in the rain.” Kylo murmurs, his eyes half-lidded.

The rain has begun to lighten up, no longer the intense downpour. Perhaps that was a metaphor, or perhaps in his own release of ecstasy, so too did the clouds complete theirs. In either case, the rain has softened to a gentle drizzle, and the thunder and lightning have subsided.

“You can hardly see me.” You smile playfully, for now that the clouds have begun to part, there is naught but the light of the silver moon to light the field.

“I can see enough to know that you are a beauty beyond our mortal comprehension.” Kylo kisses you again and again, his lips chaste.

“Careful Kylo, you may be blaspheming.” You whisper, but your husband only scoffs, rolls his eyes.

“So what if I am? Am I not king? Do I not have divine right to this throne? Who is to say that then I do not have right to a divine wife?” He helps you to stand, and you are wobbly on your feet, pleasure still thrumming through your body.

“That’s the orgasm speaking. Here, allow me to give you another -- ”

“In a moment,” Kylo pets down your wet hair, stretching his limbs and cracking his joints. He’s getting old, he thinks, hoping, wondering, if this time he’ll give you those heirs you both desire. “Just give me a moment to recover.”

“Perhaps we should move to our bedchambers. I am positively covered in mud, and the rain has begun to grow cold.” Laughing, you take stock of one another, the joyful sensation of pleasure mixed with fond adoration of one another causing a fit of chuckles at the way both of your bodies are filthy from your romp in the grass.

“Now that you mention it,” Kylo nods, his slippery hands groping your chest, “I desire a hot bath, with frothy bubbles, and with you sat atop my lap so that I can get those glorious breasts of yours right in my face.”

“And then perhaps once we are clean again, you may have a...renewed appetite?” You bump your hip against his as you collect the soggy pile of clothing from the ground, the torn chemise and your once beautiful kirtle.

“My lap, my face, I’ll take you however I can get you.” Kylo agrees, knowing the moment that he says it, you’ll be running off towards the castle.

In the light of the silvery moon on this summer’s evening, Kylo watches you run and thinks that it really is the quickest way to work him up. Good thing, he thinks as he chases after your naked body through the rains once again, he has the rest of the night, to give his Queen exactly what she wants.

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Taggin' some Kylo lovin' friends! @mochabucky @sacklerscumrag @artsymaddie @bitchydecisions @direnightshade @reyloaddict55 @thembohux @kylorenswhxre @sunflowersinthesnow @babayagakeanu @safarigirlsp @steeevienicks @materialisthicc @lovinghufflepuffgirl @hswritingrecs @han68000 @rosi3ba3z @chapterhappygirl @schopenhauerdeathsquad @loverofallthings @groovetoob @bxnnywriting @glassbxttless @angel-bxby3 @smallgirlbigpersonality @lovelyyy-luna @2000andwhat @raddo1975 @cornmousequeen @metsienmenninkainen @caillea @painttheskylineforme @holding-on-to-starwars @kylo-ren-is-alive @caitlin-was-here @icarusinthesea @princessflip

[writingforyourpleasure]

I have a thing for Car wash

Genre: NonIdol!AU, SummerJob!AU

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Summary: You do car wash as a summer job each year. But this year , 7 new employees are added to the mix.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: none

A/N: Thoses Butter's concept photoshoot are gonna be the death of me ...

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Summer’s Job never been dreamy or appealing you always preferred to stay home and play games or hangout with your friends.

You were doing the same summer job from your high school’s years throughout your UNI years, this year was the last year where you could work at the same gas station you usually spent your summer’s at. You were quite happy about this news because your work there wasn’t really enjoyable to say the least.

You were working as car washer.

The staff was limited to you and Gladys. Gladys was an Australian grandma’ with an heavy accent and a loud voice.

You used to complain about the underpaid job and understaff issue to her each year , but even if she tried her best to pay you more each year, the problem of understaff was remaining.

Plus you had the marvelous advantage , note the irony, to be a woman. So of course you had some guy every now and then asking you for some porn kink including cars and water to you.

And of course as soon as you dared to say to them that it was not respectful of them to ask for such favors , well their ego feeling insecure will make them insult you ‘til Gladys will come out and try to dissolve any trouble. And if they didn’t leave… well then Tallulah will come help you out. Were Gladys was a true perfect cottage core granny , Tallulah her spouse, was a weightlifting Olympics coach. So she was , massive and looked very frightening.

But since she was often occupied most of the time Gladys would have to do the trick , and if too much persistent she would call her little brother Jeff a policeman always coming in and out of the shop to check on things.

It was nice, for a summer or two, but seeing as it’s been years since you were first introduce to this summer’s job to say it became painfully annoying was an understatement.

And this year would be the same…

Or so you though.

Gladys finally took your complains about the car wash job being understaffed and recruited a few people to help out .

When she said a few, you though she was talking about 2 to 3 people.

But no, no non no no no. Gladys took in 7 people !

She promised you your check wouldn’t take any damage by the presence of those new employees , but you sincerely doubt that.

And of course you’ll have to show them around and proceed to show them how to wash a car because of course it’s not like anybody could know how to do it by themselves.

You were moody when that tons of information’s felled down on your head, but now finding yourself in front of the 7 new employees changed everything.

Apparently Gladys misspelled car wash job for model’s photoshoot coz’ those 7 boys were for sure way too beautiful to need a car wash job.

It had to be a prank, right?

So being more self aware in what you’ve been for years you showed carefully those men of to do the job. And no it wasn’t cute or sexy, far from it.

You were dressed in your yellow hoodie and black jogging with flip-flop.

For once you wished you had were those fucking shorts looking like panties more than anything, and a crop top or something similar, like all those freaks watching too much porn often asked you to.

But no , and those guys were dressed in matching outfits in jeans and whites tee.

Even if they were very dreamy swoon over , you had more pressing issues to think about.

Like why one of them started a water fight with another one, and putting a stop to it before one of them put soap into their eyes.

“Okay guys!!! Please stop …? I don’t want to have to report you to Gladys on your first day okay? So keep that behavior for when you’re on your own okay?”

“Sorry , we didn’t meant to …” Said one.

“Huh sorry to interrupt , but none of us seems to have catch your name earlier ?” Said the guy with blue hair.

You liked his hair, it was nice, like blue waves , more darker on the edges and lighter on the center of his scalp. He had such beautiful eyes too, so sharp an-

Oh god , wait did you really lost yourself by admiring him?!

“Huh miss???”

“Y-Yeah !!! Haha my name’s Y/N !” You extended your hand , losing your mind for talking in a higher voice to him , good job at not being suspect Y/N….

And you hated yourself even more for being awkward by presenting your hand to him. But he, on the other hand sensed your discomfort and made your move seem completely normal shaking your hand lightly and giving you a cute smile showing off his dimples.

“Namjoon,…. And those two are Jungkook and Taehyung, and I hate to be the one breaking it to you but we’re probably gonna have a hard time keeping them calm.”

“Oh… Okay” You just ended , looking to the two guys involved in the previous water fight, and looking back to Namjoon’s face. He was calm and put you at ease. Hargh you were staring , good job on not being a freak Y/N .

The one all covered in jean from head to toe approached you, and ever so silently spoke to you.

“Hate to be a bother Y/N, but can I have a bucket to wring out my sponge, please?”

“Huh Yeah of course huh-hu….”

“Yoongi’s the name…”

“Oh huh well yeah let me get that from Gladys to you okay I’ll be back in just a sec Yoongi.”

He nodded very calm much to your dismay as you were starting to feel anxious about advising Gladys for more employees, maybe you should have just shut it.

You entered the store who basked in a sunny light as the morning was starting to begin for most of other people’s in the city.

At the register was one of the new employees, he wore a plaid skirt and converse’s with a white thee and jean shirt. You couldn’t believe how gracious his lips draw themselves on his face. They looked pillowy and as dreamy as the six other’s man out there waiting for you.

“Huh hello ? You might remember me from earlier ? Y/N the foremost employee?”

“Of course I do you’re the sweet mango! “

“I’m sorry what ?”

“The sweet mango ! The color of your sweatshirt look alike a mango!”

“I-I Yeah it does…”

“Would you like another nickname maybe? I’m sorry if this one doesn’t fit your style haha. What about little mouse ?”

“Do I look like a little mouse ?”

“No ,you look like a fucking rat”

Said another voice coming from behind you.

“I beg you pardon?”

You turn over to the masculine voice behind you to find yourself facing a chest. Your eyes flew up to the face of the stranger, ready to take down any bratty client. And you were surprised to face a smiling shit eating brunette man glancing down at you . He was snickering and looking at you like he was mentally undressing you with his eyes.

“Yah ! Jin ! Don’t be rude to our new friend!”

You look down to the content in his arms, some sandwiches squeezed between bottles of water.

“Wait your on job duty ! Why aren’t you with the others ?” You started to take over yourself and focus on your task, keeping everything organized.

“Some of us forgot to bring our lunch to work this morning , so I volunteered to go for it , but you’ve been blocking the line too preoccupied to talk to mister big flirt over there.”

He gestured at the cashier.

“We weren’t flirt-“

“You totally were!” Gladys interrupted you coming out from the back of the shop with several boxes of energy bars .

“Gladys I would ne-“

“Don’t lie to me girl ! Okay Jimin go fill up the shelves with those and Jin , you’re lucky you have a nice face, it’s on the house for today so go back to work will you now?”

“Sure thing Gladys! Thank you so much !” He offered her a wink before smirking down at you , going back to his devices.

“AND SHE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A RAT! BUT YOU SURE TALK LIKE A BRATT!!!” Shouted Gladys at Jin, while a girl was approaching him to take care of her car and asking for his number. He was a blushing mess and Tae had to intervene to talk an eligible sentence to, the poor lost girl, after that.

“Now, Y/N what do you need sweetheart? I mean other than Jimin’s number of course?” She had said it loud enough for Jimin to hear it and bringing a cute smile on his face content of his accomplishments.

“Gladys please stop. “ You warned her with a tired face. She maybe looked old but she was fearless for sure .

“I need extra buckets for the boys, please.”

She leaved the register for what felt only two seconds before bringing over 5 extra buckets for you , to share.

“Thank you , you’re a life savior!”

“I know , should have started a sect when it was trendy.”

You left laughing to her dumb joke , but not before quickly glancing to Jimin. After that event you formed three distinct groups between all of you to get their heads in the game.

But with Jimin busy with helping out Gladys around the store, one of them was standing by himself.

“Okay since your alone I’ll help out for today.”

“Really? Thank you so much I was worried I’ll found myself alone when everyone’s having fun in groups.”

You looked around to indeed found them more busy playing around then actively work in silence .

“Yeah well normally having so much fun isn’t part of the job but I don’t want to kill the mood.”

“I’m Hoseok by the way but you can call me Hobi ! “ He said with a heart shaped smile.

“Y/N. Haha did you had to see Jimin assigning you a nickname too?”

“No this one’s for my crushes .” He said glancing up at you with stars shining eyes behind the comfort of his sunglasses.

“Yah! Hobi Does it mean I’m one of your freaking crushes?!” Yelled a not-so-speechless Jin , across the parking lot.

“Why don’t you come found out ?!” Yelled back a way too enthusiast Hoseok.

The day went by pretty quietly apart from those 7 agents of chaos you were stuck with from now.

Lunch came around pretty quickly and you all went to the back of the shop to have your break there , enjoying the nice breeze of the fan, while chatting.

“So , how come you’re all working here this summer?” You asked between bites of your meal.

“My aunt knows Gladys and told me she was recruiting , and since I was in need of a job I took it.” Said Jimin looking at you oh so charmingly.

“I have a thing for car wash.” Said Jin like it was completely normal.

“Your such a weirdo something hyung I swear… I was in need of a summer job saw the flyers by the campus and thought why not ? Here I am.”

Replied Jungkook slowly slurping down his noodles.

“We wanted to prove some sexist asshole that , no it wasn’t , a job only reserved to women.” Said a disgusted Namjoon swallowing quickly his part of the sandwich.

“I want to be a social entrepreneur.”

Said Taehyung leaving you with wide eyes.

“How is that related to bein-“

“If I succeed to make this place a rentable place from just the car wash then I could do anything.”

“And how would you do that ?” asked Jin dismissing his lunch to look over at Taehuyng.

“What about a photoshoot?”

[blackmissfrizzle]

Chill Out

Characters: Rio x black!reader

Summary: Wine drunk + dancing= a very entertained but annoyed Rio

Warnings: Smut

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEA 💖 @starrynite7114 thank you for being such a great friend. I hope your day is filled with joy 😘 love you, babes! P.S. this was so hard to keep a secret from you lol

I highly recommend listening to these while reading:

Today you were on a high. You woke up feeling good and the day just kept on getting better. Your friends came over for drinks and gossip. During that time the playlist that was playing in the background had hits after hits, causing y’all to be singing dancing fools.

Eventually, the girls had to leave because it was a school night, but it was perfect timing because as soon as they were leaving Rio came back home.

“You have fun, mama?” He kissed you tasting the wine on your lips. You started getting bolder, nibbling on his lips and neck. Oh, it was about to be one of those nights, Rio thought.

Rio pulled away from you and went to the refrigerator for a water bottle. “Not right now. I wanna watch the game.” He explained, plopping down on the couch.

You tried to hold in your whining. It wasn’t often that Rio got to relax, so left him be. “Do you mind if I play music while I clean up?”

“Nah, you do you. I don’t wanna hear the commentators anyway.”

With his permission you turned the music up. It was a little mix of everything so when Crush started playing you got hyped since you haven’t heard that song in forever.

It's just (aah) a little crush (crush)

Not like I faint every time we touch

It's just (aah) some little thing (crush)

Not like everything I do depends on you

Sha-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la

Rio side-eyed you as you began to sing and dance like every white girl in a 90s movie. “Really? You jamming out to this mess?”

“Rude.” You continued singing and dancing along while you were wiping down the counter. Then the next banger came on and you had to rope Rio in.

Motownphilly's back again

Doin' a little east coast fling

Boyz II Men going off

Not too hard, not too soft

Before you were in the kitchen singing and dancing, but with this new song you migrated to the living room dancing in front of Rio. “What you know about this?” You taunted him while doing the running man.

Rio secretly loved that you were dancing like a fool. You were the sunshine in his gloomy life.

He tried not to crack a smile at your silliness, but he couldn’t help it. “Come here,” he crooked a long finger at you.

Continuing to dance, you shook your head no. He wasn’t about to rain on your parade. “Come here.” Rio repeated with more authority in his voice.

This time you complied and stood between Rio’s legs. Grabbing onto your hips Rio pulled you into his lap. For awhile he massaged your scalp while he just stared at you lovingly.

Rio was the king of building up tension. Usually, you would snap and tell him to hurry up, but that would only make him prolong it. However, you were enjoying it this time. His nose rubbing against yours, his breath tickling your face, his hands running along your body.

Eventually, his lips graced yours. He held your chin as the kiss got a little messier. But as usual it was magical. “I love you,” he smiled at you.

“I love you too.” You kissed him once more before you got up. He smacked your ass as you walked away, enjoying it ripple before he got pulled away by the game. “Be ready as soon as the game is off.”

“Okay, daddy,” you giggled and went off to finish cleaning.

As you continue to clean you continued dancing. During commercial breaks you would dance in front of Rio causing him to roll his eyes like he wasn’t enjoying it. Mostly it was silly dancing, but then the twerk songs started coming on and you couldn’t help yourself.

Damn, I want all three (come here), ooh

Ashley (ayy), ooh, Ashley (ayy)

I get hard when she walk past me (look at that ass)

'Cause she thick (thick)

Thi-thi-thi-thi-thi-thick (thick)

Thi-thi-thi-thi-thi-thick (thick)

Thi-thi-thi-thi-thick, she make me stutter

Thankfully it was a commercial break because Rio probably would’ve pushed you out of the way when you started twerking in his face. Instead he gripped a chunk of ass and told you, “Aye, chill with all that.”

“Oh, so Jake from State Farm is more interesting than me?” Rio didn’t say anything for a bit. He just rubbed his bottom lip while his eyes roamed your body. “Girl, you better move before you have my full attention.”

Rolling your eyes you moved out of the way and grabbed you a glass of wine. Fine, if he didn’t want to play, you’ll have fun on your own.

Two wine glasses later and you didn’t give one fuck. You were all up in Rio’s face rapping along with lyrics about using men. Even though, Rio was mostly expressionless you still caught his little quirks of reactions.

“He always asking do I love him? I always be tellin' him, "Uh-uh" I told him he pushing his luck, he better be happy I fucked him.”

“Watch it,” Rio lowly warned you. As usual you paid him no mind and played the next song.

Got more milkshakes than Kelis

Ain't met a nigga who can handle me

I think I should be in museums (hey hey)

'Cause this body a masterpiece (yeah yeah)

Can I fuck ya to a trap beat? (huh huh huh)

He said girl you tryin' to trap me? (Huh huh huh)

Ah hell nah, nigga no I ain't (what what? Uh)

You can hit that door, here go ahead leave (what what? Uh)

Rio couldn’t focus on the game. Between you twerking and rapping in his face, basically saying ‘fuck him’ had him hard as fuck, but he wasn’t about give into you. However, your determination was stronger than his. The last straw though was when you got on the couch popping over ass cheek at a time while looking at him “innocently.”

I wanna bust it on your face

He wanna see my shit squirt like he squeezed it

He finna die by this pussy, he need it

He wanna keep it like lock it and key it

I tell him to bring me my money then beat it

Give a nigga back to the streets, ayy

Even though the song wasn’t your words, it was still a challenge to him. You were directing all that energy to him and you about to get it back ten-fold.

While you were in Meganland, Rio was able to pull your shorts and panties to the side. He didn’t have the time so he pulled his dick out of his pants.

“Rioooo,” you reached back to grab onto his wrists when you felt him split you open. “Nah, what you running for? Remember you were gonna ‘leave this dick up in a casket’?”

Rio loved this song. The moment when he sees the brattiness dies and you become a compliant whimpering mess. Only he could do this. Only he could make this independent, strong woman weak.

“Come on, baby. I thought you ain’t met anyone who can handle you. This sure looks like I’m handling all this shit.” Rio smacked your ass as he looked at your conjoined bodies.

It was too much and too little at the same time. Rio was giving you those long, slow strokes that had you near the edge, but could never quite push you over.

“Please,” you begged, trying to flatten yourself. “Nah, you gonna take this.” Rio pulled your hips up and got a tight grip on them to make sure you weren’t going anywhere.

“Please let me cum, Rio. I’ll be good. I promise.” Your man chuckled, making you want to cry. He either wasn’t in a forgiving mood or he was gonna make you work for it.

Grabbing you by your chin, Rio turned your face towards him. Instinctively, he stuck some of his fingers in your mouth. “You want cum, huh?”

“Mmmhmm,” you nodded, gently sucking on his fingers.

“Why should I? You wouldn’t let me watch the game.”

“Because I’ll make you feel good, daddy.” Rio smiled at you before he bent down and kissed you while wrapping his arm around your body to start rubbing your clit. “Cum on this dick, bitch.” He whispered into your ear.

Rio sped up his pace a bit and you were going crazy, yelling out his name. “Rio, Rio, tak-, tak-, take me to the room. I’m gonna squirt.”

“So?” His voice was strained letting you know he was close to finishing. “I’m gonna ruin the couch.”

“Fuck this couch. I’ll buy another. Now cum on this dick. I’m trying to finish the game.”

With his permission, you soaked Rio’s clothes and the couch and not too long after you felt his seed coat your walls.

“Shit, I love you,” you smile tiredly as you laid your head against the armrest.

“Uh-huh, get up and take all your clothes off.” Rio pulled out of you and smacked your butt. You were about to object, but when you saw the look on his face, you quickly undressed.

For a moment, Rio forgot what he wanted you to do. Your body always hypnotized him. He just stared at you with his lip tucked in between his teeth. “Come sit on this dick, mama.”

Ugh, he wanted you to ride? You didn’t have the energy for that, but you listened anyway. Facing the tv, you sank down on his dick causing you both to moan in unison.

You began to bounce up and down, but Rio stilled your hips. “Nah, you ain’t gotta do all that.” Thank god, he was gonna do all the work. “You’re gonna sit here and be still while finish watching the game.”

“Huh?” He couldn’t be serious.

“Yeah, you heard me,” Rio closed your dropped jaw. “And if you move I’ll watch the next game even though I don’t give a fuck about that team.”

Rio didn’t give you a chance to object. He turned on the tv and ignored. Guess you should’ve chilled out earlier.

Tagging: @ourlittlesecretsoveragain @starrynite7114 @sambucky8 @mygirlrenee @richonne4life @readsalot73 @chaneajoyyy @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @jassydwill11 @otomefromtheheart @miss-nori85 @xsweetdellzx @cherryblossomgirl20 @cocogodess15 @suburbanblackhoe @jad3djay @my-rosegold-soul @brattyfics @theartisticqueen @sesamepancakes

[mcnamaste]

Task 001: Character Playlist.

Another case of Affluenza - a Dylan McNamara playlist

Snippets of Lyrics below:

Side A + Dylan’s vibe 

1. all in my head (flex) - Fifth Harmony feat. Fetty Wap

Flex, time to impress Come and climb in my bed Don't be shy, do your thing It's all in my head

fun fact - the original song that they sampled this chorus from actually goes like this: 

Girl flex, time to have sex Long time yuh have di rude bwoy yah a sweat Girl, flex time to have sex Look how long yuh have di rude bwoy a sweat

thanks for coming to my ted talk

2. ain’t my fault - zara larsson 

It ain't my fault you keep turnin' me on It ain't my fault you got, got me so gone It ain't my fault I'm not leavin' alone It ain't my fault you keep turnin' me on I can't talk right now I'm lookin' and I like what I'm seein' Got me feelin' kinda shocked right now Couldn't stop right now Even if I wanted, gotta get it, get it, get it, when it's hot right now Oh my god, what is this? Want you all in my business Baby, I insist Please don't blame me for whatever happens next

3. sugar - Maroon 5

I'm hurting baby, I'm broken down I need your loving, loving I need it now When I'm without you, I'm something weak You got me begging, begging I'm on my knees

4. stupid love - Lady Gaga

You're the one that I've been waiting for Gotta quit this cryin', nobody's gonna Heal me if I don't open the door Kinda hard to believe, gotta have faith in me

 5. desperado - Rihanna 

If you want, we can be runaways Running from any sight of love Yeah, yeah, there ain’t nothin' There ain't nothin' here for me There ain't nothin' here for me anymore But I don't wanna be alone

6. pray for me - The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar

I'm always ready for a war again Go down that road again It's all the same I'm always ready to take a life again You know I'll ride again It's all the same (Ooh, ooh, ooh) Tell me who's gon' save me from myself When this life is all I know Tell me who's gon' save me from this hell Without you, I'm all alone

Who gon' pray for me? Take my pain for me? Save my soul for me? 'Cause I'm alone, you see If I'm gon' die for you If I'm gon' kill for you Then I spilled this blood for you, hey

7. 24k magic - Bruno Mars Pop pop, it's show time (Show time) Show time (Show time) Guess who's back again? Oh they don't know? (Go on tell 'em) Oh they don't know? (Go on tell 'em) I bet they know soon as we walk in (Showin' up) Wearing Cuban links (ya) Designer minks (ya) Inglewood's finest shoes (Whoop, whoop) Don't look too hard Might hurt ya'self Known to give the color red the blues

Ooh shit, I'm a dangerous man with some money in my pocket (Keep up) So many pretty girls around me and they waking up the rocket (Keep up) Why you mad? Fix ya face Ain't my fault y'all be jocking (Keep up)

8. bed - J. Holiday 

Wanna put my fingers through your hair Wrap me up in your legs And love you till your eyes roll back I'm tryna put you to bed, bed, bed I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed Then I'mma rock ya body Turn you over Love is war, I'm your soldier Touchin' you like it's our first time I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed

9. don’t judge me - Janelle Monáe

Even though you tell me you love me I'm afraid that you just love my disguise Taste my fears and light your candle to my raging fire Of broken desire

But don't judge me I know I got issues, but they drown when I kiss you Don't judge me Baptize me with ocean, recognize my devotion

10. the greatest - Sia 

I'm free to be the greatest, I'm alive I'm free to be the greatest here tonight, the greatest The greatest, the greatest alive

11. love in this club - Usher feat. Young Jeezy 

You say you're searching for somebody that'll take you out and do you right Well, come here, baby and let daddy show you what it feel like You know all you got to do is tell me what you sipping on And I promise that I'm gonna keep it coming all night long

12. u don't have to call - Usher

Aw, girl, your face is saying, "Why?" Tears in eyes Should've been more smart about it Should've cherished me, listening to friends Now it's the end And again, no story can end without it

Side B + Annalise Young (Infidelity & Divorce)

1. forgive me - Chloe x Halle

Baby, what you think this is? Why you wanna plead the fifth? You ain't gotta tell me what it is 'Cause I saw the messages You must got me fucked up You must got me fucked up I think I had enough

So forgive me, forgive me I been goin' too hard in your city So forgive me 'cause I'm not teary Best believe I'll move onto better things

2. makes me wonder - Maroon 5

Wake up, blood-shot eye Struggle to memorize The way it felt between your thighs Pleasure that made you cry It feels so good to be bad Not worth the aftermath, after that, after that Try to get you back

I still don't have a reason And you don't have the time And it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you

3. maps - Maroon 5 

I miss the taste of a sweeter life I miss the conversation I'm searching for a song tonight I'm changing all of the stations I like to think that we had it all We drew a map to a better place But on that road I took a fall Oh, baby, why did you run away?

I was there for you In your darkest times I was there for you In your darkest night

But I wonder, where were you? When I was at my worst Down on my knees And you said you had my back So I wonder, where were you?

4. mend this love - Vaults

Take me from the edge Steal a step and lead me back from harm Hold it in your hand Crush it into crumbs like nothing's wrong

And tell me "right what you wanna know? Take what you wanna hide It's too late to mend this love" And tell me "go where you wanna go Break what you never had It's too late to mend this love"

5. wicked game - Chris Isaak 

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you It's strange what desire will make foolish people do I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)

6. love’s divine - Seal

Then the rainstorm came over me And I felt my spirit break I had lost all of my belief, you see And realized my mistake But time threw a prayer to me And all around me became stil

7. beautiful mistakes - Maroon 5 & Megan Thee Stallion

It's beautiful, it's bittersweet You're like a broken home to me I take a shot of memories And black out like an empty street I fill my days with the way you walk And fill my nights with broken dreams I make up lies inside my head Like one day you'll come back to me

8. i’m not the only one - Sam Smith feat. A$AP Rocky

You and me, we made a vow For better or for worse I can't believe you let me down But the proof's in the way it hurts For months on end I've had my doubts Denying every tear I wish this would be over now But I know that I still need you here

You say I'm crazy 'Cause you don't think I know what you've done But when you call me baby I know I'm not the only one

9. perfect illusion - Lady Gaga

I don't need eyes to see I felt you touchin' me High like amphetamine Maybe you're just a dream That's what it means to crush Now that I'm wakin' up I still feel the blow But at least now I know

It wasn't love, it wasn't love It was a perfect illusion (Perfect illusion) Mistaken for love, it wasn't love It was a perfect illusion (Perfect illusion)

10. don’t walk away - John Legend feat. Koffee

We can't go out like this It's just the two of us We should be making up We could be making love Didn't  used to talk like this Now you say you're giving up Took too much to build this house I don't wanna sit and watch it burn down I ain't leaving, I ain't leaving, I ain't leaving, I ain't giving you space I will not be replaced I don't wanna save face Don't leave me open, leave me open, leave me open, leave me open like that Whatever love we had We need to get it back

11. if I could have you back - Aly & AJ 

On the subject of you being gone forever I still can't believe it, I can't see it I should just stop counting days On the subject of the future Wouldn't it be nice to leave it open ended And pretend it could go either way

If I could have you back again I'd think about it once or twice, I guess If I could have you back I'd reconsider, maybe I'd say yes On the other hand, it would be better to have a life Without the constant indecision over If I could have you back If I could have you back

12. fairplay - Kiana Ledé

I think it's kind of funny You could say you love me Turn around and play me, yeah I think it's kind of funny You say things you don't mean Underestimate me, yeah

I have always done right by you Said you're never going to lie, liar Shit gon' come around full cycle I flip the script on you

Tell me why you mad Tell me why you're hurt Bet you didn't think that the tables would turn You gon' fuck around I'ma do the same How you like that karma? How you like that karma? Yeah, that's just fair play

Bonus: 

busted - The Isley Brothers feat. JS 

Busted, It's 2 o' damn clock in the morning, where you been? (Baby didn't you get my 2-way I was with my girlfriend) You are lyin', I called Kiesha and Tanya And they were both at home (But I didn't say them though) Well they're the only friends I know Girl you better (Wait before you get all upset here's the truth) Talk to me (I was with my girl when she got some bad news) And...? (Her man cheated, had her upset and confused) But baby what's that got to do With you coming in at 2? (I'm telling you, now she was so upset She asked me to stay with her) Well why didn't your ass just pick up the phone and call me? (I was gonna do that but it slipped my mind I'm sorry) (But I'm telling you the truth) Yeah, well I got something for you... Tell me what's her name? (Sharon) Where does she live? (Uuummm...) Her man's name? (Billy) She got kids? (I think one or two) She got kids? (Baby yes, no) That's one thing I got to know How the hell is she your friend If you don't know if she got kids?

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, JULIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of BRUTUS. Admin Rogue: There is always something about the way you write unvarnished truth that gets me, every single time. Boris is not a likable character by any means, but I still find myself curious about him when seen through your lens. You want to make ruin of him, or maybe for him to make ruin of us, and it’s so attractively despicable that I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know if we’ve ever had a character this unapologetic, not just to some but to every single person in Verona. Let them try and eat him, let them spit him back out, let them realize he will not be swallowed no matter how much he deserves it. I can already see the way he’ll burn across the dash, a torch-song I want to touch, and I couldn’t be happier to welcome you back to us in this new and exciting form! Please review the CHECKLIST and send your account in within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB. 

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Julie

Age | 20

Preferred Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level | Given that I’ll probably be stuck at home searching for a job for the next month, I figure my activity will be okay. The usual reply every other day or so situation, I hope!

Timezone | MST

Triggers | Already listed!

How did you find the rp?  | Two years ago I went diving into the LSRPG tag because I was curious and now here we are. :)

Current/Past RP Accounts | Santino, Loretta, Lucien

IN CHARACTER

Character | Brutus / Boris Kovrov

What drew you to this character? | Brutus, I think, is one of the most human characters in Diverona by default, without development, in the sense that he is so selfish it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out. It’s the same with most people: we encourage each other to take time to themselves, to put themselves first, but can feel rebuffed or insulted when they actually do that. Boris has taken that to the ultimate extreme: everything he does is for himself and no one else. He didn’t ascend within the Montagues because he wanted to further his family’s social standings, he did it because he alone wanted to succeed.

He’s not apologetic about it, either, and that’s what makes him so interesting. At all times, Boris is fully aware he is perceived as underhanded and generally disliked among the mob, but he’s so good at what he does that it doesn’t matter. He returns to Verona with a searing brand of shame in the form of his personal betrayal, and anyone could see that if they just fucking looked close enough, but they don’t. That’s where his talent really lies, and that’s what makes him so weirdly endearing to me: he makes himself valuable, and even when he does the worst possible thing a person could do in a mob, it still doesn’t undercut his worth. He makes himself out to be a friend, lies and lies and lies, and because most people don’t want to make the effort or choose not to, it’s believable.

Some might call him cut-throat, or a coward, a backstabber, potentially even brutal: he’s not ashamed of sprinkling rat poison into the food of his competition if it means he’ll succeed. He’s an opportunist at best and a manipulator at worst, and if there’s anything to be said about Verona, it’s that the manipulators usually come out at the front of the pack. The last sentence or so in his bio are what really sealed the deal for me: “The historians fail to mention that the traitors are the ones who survive, who outlive empires and kingdoms, who lay their sovereigns to rest and spread their ashes like trail markers.” God help him, Boris will come out of Verona alive, no matter how much of it he feeds into and how much of himself he lets it consume.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

• Fly not; stand stiff: ambition’s debt is paid. I’d love to see some real-time consequences for Boris’ betrayal of the Montague family. Others have been ousted for less, but somehow he gets to remain? That doesn’t seem particularly fair, but Boris couldn’t give a shit about fair if he tried. He sold his information to a mob in Russia for the purpose of a safety net. Other emissaries also deal with Russia – it’d make sense that one of them might hear about the dark dealings and try to use it to their own advantage, were they so ambitious. Or maybe it will come from someone higher up, like Castora, who knows more than they’ve let on. Maybe this will lead to his demotion, his death, Damiano’s assassination, the ushering in of a new era – who knows? These things don’t play out without someone paying the price, and I want Brutus to pay in full.

• I kill’d not thee with half so good a will. In my head, Boris has been out of the picture for some time now, working on relations between the American families and the Montagues to keep business booming. I’d love to explore the Verona Boris left a little over a year ago (totally headcanon, by the way! I’m happy to adjust wherever necessary) and how it’s changed in comparison to what it is now. Roman Montague has failed as an heir, the Witches hung in a public trial, all illusions of neutrality or working towards peace have been shot right through the middle. Damiano is unraveling at the seams, and the question of who will lead the Montagues lacks an answer entirely. It’s complete and utter chaos: messy, bloody, exactly the kind of environment Boris thrives in. I want him to wreak as much havoc as possible in his own way, and if he can’t do that, then I’d like to see him secure his seat closest to the throne when the concept of a coup becomes inevitable.

• But hollow men, like horses hot at hand / Make gallant show and promise of their mettle. He hunts Tomas Sabello and Bernadette du Pont because they are the easiest openings into both sides of the mobs. Bernadette is croquettish and manipulative but still naive, in Boris’ eyes, to the difficult path which lies ahead. I could see him trying to sway her to the Montagues if she would only listen. Grace Daly had done it for less, after all. Sabello, on the other hand, is Boris’ favorite target: throat exposed, head leaned back, weeping tears of sorrow over his wife. Boris has experience with the follies of the heart and he can see that Celeste has never loved the man, and frankly, Boris doesn’t think there’s much to the man to love. He’s hollow on the inside, scraped out with a metal spoon. His arrival so late into the act poses some difficulties, but he’s hopeful he’ll be able to pick up where he left off.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Absolutely!

IN DEPTH

In-Character Para Sample:

Valentina Gallo dies a violent death. An inextricable, unforgiving death. An ugly death. When they take pull her body from her brother’s arms, and she is taken in to be seen by Damiano’s own eyes, witness the violence which has laid itself across the barren field of a corpse –

This is when Boris is called home.

Exit, Viola.

Enter, Brutus.

He bids Lorenzo and the rest of the Gambino family farewell that same night over the phone: Lorenzo calls him a bastard for not shaking his hand before saying goodbye, but Boris has other things on his mind: A plane. The brisk cold mornings that give way to blustery sunshine. Damiano greeting him as a member of the family instead of an extension of his long reach, like he had a year ago. He can remember the phone call well. He’d run it through, night after night, dissecting and picking apart intonation and tone and the speed with which Damiano had dismissed him, like a dog begging for scraps hastily shoved away from the dinner table. He lets the familiarity of the conversation wash over him as he settles in his plane seat the night of the twenty-seventh. He’ll be there by morning.

I’ll be there to greet you, Damiano had said. Boris had tried not to read into it too much.

New York was intended to be punishment and apology wrapped up into one. Damiano sent him off to deal with the budding crime syndicates and crush them under the imaginary Montague heel. He would spread seeds of dissent and terror: most fall silent when he enters a room for good reason, and it is in this way that he gets them to listen when he speaks. Most would not expect a man as imposing as Boris to speak so passionately; he’s always been a fan of turning ideas on their heads. By weaving tales of just what the Montague family has at its disposal, he alone would stamp out the passionate flames of greed and light his own small fire of fear.

In his younger years this would have intimidated Brutus. When he’d received the call a year ago, he’d only felt dread.

But he’d done well. It took him five months to chase down every single lead provided to him by men paid under the table, and after that, all there had been to do was clean up the mess and socialize. Shake hands with the shattered fragments of the once-powerful mob families, reach out to the contacts he’d had in Canada and New Orleans, as they were perhaps the most influential, the ones who could sway the boat with weaponry and other fun and exciting goods that still had his heart pounding when he looked at them.

He’d thought about calling Evgeny once, and only once: when Damiano had chewed him out over the phone for something that was not his fault and hadn’t been in his wheelhouse to begin with. Boris knew, that night, what Evgeny would say. Patience, Kovrov. We’ll be here when you’re ready.

When you’re ready. Whatever that meant. For all Evgeny knew, Boris would never be ready. He’d die with Verona just out of reach.

He startles awake as the plane hits turbulence coming into Verona, heading towards the landing strip. It’s a bumpy landing, but he’s never done well in planes to begin with. He thinks, often, of his father, who had marked to Boris that all would be well just before returning to Russia. The flight wouldn’t make it, of course. Damiano had ensured it: Sasha Kovrov had been dead weight long enough. All he could’ve hoped for, Boris thought, was that his son would prove worthy of something.

And he had. He’d crawled on his hands and knees across glass and gravel, waded through blood and sweat, and tears – never his own, if he could help it – to see the Montague family through to the other side. Could he really have been blamed for wanting to ensure he had some sort of future laid out for him, even if it wasn’t in the name of the two old bloodlines of Verona? In return, he’d gotten: a usurpation of a position that should have been his, a pound’s worth of rat poison that he couldn’t use, distrust among his peers and disgust from the one man who should have seen his dedication, and a promise he couldn’t act upon until he was ready.

враки.

He exits the plane, meets Damiano on the tarmac, and just as quickly they are swept away by Damiano’s driver. There is no discussion of previous business, tasks he has completed. Craven is mentioned offhandedly, but Boris had to admit some time in September that whatever illicit ties Everett Craven had to the Capulets when it came to his dealings in America, the man kept them wound up tight. He’d been impressed. Instead, they set their eyes on the future: Damiano speaks to him of the failures and successes, trials and tribulations, and Boris takes note of the way his brow knits together when he speaks.

It is like Damiano cannot bear to look at him, but is forcing himself to anyway. Surely his betrayal had not burned so badly. It wouldn’t have left a mark.

Valentina Gallo died for less. She didn’t give nearly as much away. She’d given what she had to give. Boris had given Evgeny everything, and then offered the grounds of the coffee to Damiano in return.

Boris is lucky to be alive, seated across from a man he might have once considered a better father than his own, who looks at him with poorly-veiled discuss and tells him what to do. Boris had sold his soul – this might just be the devil’s recompense.

It doesn’t matter, he tells himself, watching the city pass them by, nodding where appropriate and watching the sun rise over the river as they drive alongside it. If he gets his way, Damiano Montague will be sooner dethroned, and Brutus will have his rightful place as second-in-command to some poorer, less competent man. If he is anything, it’s stubborn. They drive by the Castelvecchio, and he’s saddened to see it is still a work in progress, not at all the shining beacon it had once been of unity or pride within a place being torn in two, right down the middle. He feels a pang of something hit him in his chest. Homesickness? He’s home, but—

Boris’ flat is small, modest, tucked away in an alley. Close enough to the library that he can be there within minutes just by walking, if necessary. All the pedestrians on the street avert their eyes when they see Damiano’s car pull up outside. He grabs the one bag he’d taken with him on the plane: he’s hopeful the rest will arrive within the week, but that’s an if at best. Before he slips out, Damiano clears his throat.

He stops, and finds a single piece of paper pressed into his hand. He can only assume what it is, won’t open it – it’s deliberately folded closed. It could be anything: a name, a number, a place, a threat, a promise.

“When you’re ready,” Damiano murmurs, like some sort of sick joke, which is to say that it will be when he asks, because Boris ceded any hope at control over his own life the minute he sold all he possessed to the Russian mob, heart and mind and soul, only to crawl back to Verona just after. Some might’ve called him a fool, but he’d only seen the future, then. If only others could see the eclipsing horizon always in his sight.

It’s here that Boris is left: a small alley, out of sight of the rest of the world, the morning sun shining on his face. The future in his hand. He opens it before he has the chance to breathe in again, the vitriol in his heart already beginning to sear out through his ribcage.

Extras: N/A

[mikauzoran]

Adrienette Drabble: Partner

(Sorry this is late.)

“What?” Marinette sighed.

“What?” Chat Noir echoed, reaching out to poke her nose.

She grabbed his finger and gently bent it backwards.

“I give,” he gasped, terror in his eyes.

Marinette quirked an eyebrow in confusion. “I barely touched you.”

“I have a piano recital coming up, if you’ll remember,” the oversized cat sniffed indignantly.

“Oh!” Marinette squeaked, grabbing his hand and inspecting it for damage. “I’m so sorry! I forgot. Are you okay, Minou?!”

“I don’t know. I think you pulled something,” Chat snickered. “I think I’m going to need you to put on a skimpy little nurse’s outfit and pamper me back to health.”

Marinette smirked up at him from where she sat on the floor with her sketchbook. Her grin was positively lascivious. “Oh? Would you like that? Me in a nurse’s costume?”

“I’d like you in anything,” Chat purred, allowing the thoughts that he had to keep a lid on as Adrien to come to the surface. “I’d like you in nothing,” he added.

“Oh?” Marinette fingered the top button of her blouse impishly.

“Yeah,” he chuckled from his perch lying on his stomach on her chaise longue.

She undid the button and Chat both at the same time.

He gulped as he caught a glimpse of her lacey lilac bra.

“Do you use a rectal thermometer on cats too, or is that just dogs?” she hummed thoughtfully.

Chat softly cursed as he buried his face in the chaise and tapped out.

“Ooooh,” Marinette cooed theatrically. “Poor kitty can dish it out, but he can’t take it.”

“Have mercy, Princess,” Chat groaned. “I am but a lowly alley cat, and you are a divine being. What is my seductive allure when compared to yours, O Goddess who did teach the sun and moon to shine in all their radiant glory?”

Marinette abandoned her sketchbook to lean in closer, pillowing her forearms on the seat of the chaise. “Keep talking,” she prompted beguilingly. “That silver tongue of yours might get you somewhere after all.”

With a smirk, Chat interlaced his fingers with hers, bring her hand to his lips to kiss her pinky. “The stars pale in comparison to the blue flames of passion in your eyes.”

He kissed her ring finger. “The flowers of the field sigh in envy as you pass, for their maker lacked your imagination, O Goddess, and did not attire them as resplendently as you clothe yourself.”

Next, he brought her middle finger to his lips. “Though you are powerful beyond measure, My Warrior Princess, your soul is kind and gentle. Though you could command obedience, you win your subjects’ unyielding love and devotion through your great compassion and unassuming, quiet leadership.”

He placed a tender kiss on her index finger, his eyes never leaving hers. “O Goddess, as if your passion, your creativity, your pure soul, and all your other gifts which I have failed to mention were not enough, the beauty of your visage, your person, and every part thereto is such to bring proud men to their knees. How much more so a lowly alley cat? Goddess, you are perfection, and every part I do love,” he confessed resolutely, lifting her thumb to his lips for its turn.

“So, I pray thee, Lady and Mistress of my heart…keep it well. I gladly entrust it to you in full confidence that you will use it gently and with care. I give it willingly, but…because I know my sovereign is generous and indulgent…I dare to entreat a blessing in exchange. O Goddess, show this poor knave mercy and bestow your favor upon his unworthy lips,” he whispered in conclusion.

Marinette grinned, taking Chat’s hand in her own and tugging off the glove carefully. She pressed his index finger to his lips before adding her own mouth to the other side of his finger, sandwiching the digit between the two sets of lips.

Adrien’s heart fluttered in his chest. Even though the finger kept their lips fairly well apart, he could still feel her lips moving in a slow, tantalizing dance. He happily kept pace, accepting the feeling of her breath on his face, the occasional brush of her mouth against his.

It was over too soon, and Marinette pulled away with a radiant grin. “Chat Noir, where did you learn to speak so prettily, you charmer?”

Chat shrugged, drunk on the sparkle in her eyes. “My mother did a lot of Shakespeare. Not that I claim to approach that level of greatness with my oratory endeavors, and I’m sure I made plenty of mistakes, but…listen to enough Shakespeare, and you start picking up the cadences and vocabulary. Besides, I firmly believe that the sexiest thing a guy can do is quote Shakespeare, so I might have some skin in the game.”

“The sexiest thing a guy can do is quote Shakespeare while posing for an underwear ad,” Marinette amended.

“Yeah, okay,” Chat agreed while, internally, Adrien declared, “Challenge accepted.”

“You’re going to make some woman insanely happy someday, Minou,” Marinette chuckled.

“If you’ll let me, I’d like to start now,” Chat purred before he could consider the repercussions of what he was saying.

Marinette blinked, leaning back slightly. “Chat?” She swallowed nervously. “What do you mean?”

Internally, one part of his mind was begging him to throw on the brakes. The other half was shouting at him to go for it.

Reasoning that this could be good practice for when he finally revealed his feelings to Marinette as Adrien, Chat decided to go all in.

“Marinette.” Chat took a deep breath. “You can say no, and I swear we’ll still be friends after this, but…I wasn’t just flattering you earlier; I was one hundred percent serious. My heart is your captive. …May I have the honor of taking you on a date?”

Marinette’s face lost all color. Her hand went to cover her mouth as she gasped, “Oh, Minou. Oh, Chat Noir.”

Chat winced, turning away. “Yeah. Okay. That sounds like a ‘no’.”

“Chat,” she cooed sympathetically, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder but, then, thinking better of it, retracting. “I’m so sorry. I…I didn’t realize you were seriously flirting with me this whole time. I—”

“—It’s okay, Princess,” he quickly assured. Yes, it stung, but there was still hope for Adrien. “Don’t worry about it. I guess I’m a little over the top, so…I mean, Ladybug didn’t realize I was actually flirting with her either for a long time.… But it’s okay. No hard feelings. If you can only think of me as a friend, then that’s enough.”

“It’s not…that exactly,” Marinette muttered, averting her gaze as her cheeks went scarlet. “I…I have been seriously flirting with you for at least the past two years. It’s not that I’m not interested. I just…” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, trying to capture her scattered thoughts.

“Is it the secret identity thing?” he inquired, perking up with renewed hope. “That doesn’t have to be an issue.”

It was a little inconvenient that Adrien currently had a girlfriend, but that could easily be fixed if Marinette could accept him on both sides of the mask.

“Say the word, Princess, and my secret is yours,” he urged, hoping she’d say yes so that they could start on their ‘happily ever after’.

“Chat, no,” Marinette sighed, looking miserable. She rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her palms and shook her head. “There’s someone else.”

Her words hurt like a gunshot wound.

“O-Oh?” Chat gulped.

This was eerily familiar.

You’re an important friend, Chat Noir, but there’s someone else I’m in love with.

He’d heard those words over and over from another girl’s lips, and now Marinette was going to say them as well, crushing him all over again.

She nodded, reluctantly meeting his gaze. “I’m sorry. Chat, you mean so much to me, but I don’t think I can be with you. I’m in love with someone else. I think I’m always going to love him, even if he can’t return my feelings, and it’s not fair to you. I can’t give you my heart because it’s already his, and you deserve so much more than to be a stand-in for somebody else. I’m sorry.”

“That’s…okay.” He forced the words out, shoving his feelings down until he could be alone to unpack them. He smiled weakly. “Uh…thank you. I, uh, appreciate your consideration of… That’s nice of you, not to just date me when you couldn’t be serious about me. I…”

He did not appreciate her consideration. He did not think it was nice of her. He’d rather be a second choice stand-in for someone else than never know any kind of love at all. Couldn’t she at least give him a chance? If she thought he was attractive, why not date him and give him the opportunity to win her over? She thought she was giving him kindness, but it was, in truth, cruelty. She thought she was being good by being honest, but he’d rather have pretty lies.

“You never mentioned that you were in love with someone before,” he remarked softly, trying to process his myriad thoughts. She hadn’t mentioned this other guy to either Chat or Adrien.

Marinette shrugged.

“May I ask his name?”

He wasn’t sure if it would make it easier if he knew to whom he had lost out.

She shook her head sadly. “I’m so sorry, Chat Noir.”

He cleared his throat and nodded. “Okay. That’s fair…. I think I’m going to go now.”

She winced. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Don’t even worry about it.” He raised and dropped his right shoulder, attempting to be cool and nonchalant. The last thing he wanted was to be further humiliated on top of the prior injury his ego had sustained.

He got up to leave.

She stood and caught him by the arm. “You’ll come back, won’t you?” Her fingers tightened around his bicep. “I’m sorry. It’s selfish of me, but…I really love having you in my life. Please come back soon—when you’re ready, I mean…but soon, please. I’ll miss you,” she pleaded.

He couldn’t find his voice to respond. He couldn’t answer the tears starting to gather in the corners of her eyes or the wretchedness and guilt written on her face.

So he didn’t. He pulled the arm she still gripped towards himself, and she came with it, tripping into his embrace. He pressed his lips to hers with heat and desperation.

She gasped, and he pressed harder, further.

She whimpered, and he could taste the salt of her tears as she began to cry.

He pulled back, horrified, and tossed, “I’m so sorry,” over his shoulder as he fled, unable to look at her face for fear of what he might find reflected there.

[freedom-shamrock]

Bi the Pricking of my Thumbs #5

<< Chapter 4

Cautionary note: references past abusive/neglectful parenting.

Also on AO3. If you’re so inclined, feel free to support me over on Ko-Fi

Chapter 5

"Adrien! Nino's here," Papa's voice carried easily into Marinette's room. "Come down and help him carry up the snacks."

"Ooh!" Despite the last three weeks of freedom to eat, do, and be what he wanted, Adrien was still visibly excited about both the arrival of his boyfriend and unlimited Dupain-Cheng treats. "Coming, Papa."

Luka draped their arms over Marinette's shoulders, brushing their cheeks together. "It's nice to see him so happy."

"I know." She smiled, contentedly leaning against them. "Getting to be part of that really makes it all worth it." Adrien had the smaller bedroom, formerly the Dupain-Cheng guest room, and he insisted he didn't mind at all. But it was nice for them to have a place to hang out, all the teens that tended to show up usually in twos and threes, that didn't feel like they were taking over the living room. So Marinette rearranged part of her room, letting Adrien decorate it with beanbags and a ridiculous TV set up for movies and gaming.

"Is it weird having him as your brother now?" Luka asked, giving her temple a light kiss. "I mean, you had a crush on him for a couple of years, and he had a crush on Ladybug for about as long."

Marinette shook her head. "That all died down a long time ago, and he's been such a good friend to me on both sides of the mask." It had been a little terrifying when Luka first told her they'd figured out she was Ladybug. She was grateful they'd waited until after Hawk Moth was in police custody to reveal they'd known almost as long as they'd known each other. They'd also known Adrien's secret, but waited to bring it up until she knew. She and Adrien had decided to keep their superhero identities on a need-to-know basis, for now, at least, and most people didn't need to know.

"No, no, no," Adrien said from somewhere just below her bedroom door. "You go up first."

"You just want to watch me walk away," Nino teased.

"And your point is?" Adrien demanded.

Marinette could imagine his expression and the shrug he'd always used at Chat Noir, but never as Adrien. She giggled and crossed her arms so she could comfortably rest her hands on Luka's shoulders.

"Goodness he's more direct and sassy than he used to be," Luka said, smothering their own laugh in her shoulder. "That's nice, too.  No more guessing where he stands or what he wants."

"Hurry up, boys," Marinette called. "It's going to start in less than a minute, and I don't think we want to miss any of this."

Two sets of feet thudded up the stairs, as both Nino and Adrien carried up platters of treats, to set beside the TV. Adrien looked at Luka and Marinette, and she caught a glimpse of his plotting-Chat-Noir face. He swiftly flopped into the beanbag beside them, patting the space in front of him. "I saved a spot for you Neen."

Nino looked and rolled his eyes. "My butt is not nearly as small as Nettie's.  I'm not gonna fit there."

"I'll have you know," Marinette pointed out, "that my butt is bigger than it looks."

Adrien snorted with laughter. "You're not wrong. Henceforth I shall call thee…"

"No!  Absolutely not!" Marinette squirmed in Luka's hold to bat at Adrien's hand. "I will not answer to Ladybutt."

Luka buried their face in her neck, but she could feel them shaking with laughter.

Adrien flashed her the saddest kitten face is his repertoire. Then he turned it on Nino. "Come cuddle with me," he whined. "My sister is being so mean to me in this difficult time. I'm just a touch starved boy in need of emotional support."

Nino tipped his head back to look at the ceiling, before his posture sagged. "Fine." He drew the word out. "But we need to talk to your therapist about using your past trauma to manipulate your boyfriend."

"Yes!" Adrien moved back to provide a little more room. "I am your barnacle.  Come be my ship."

Marinette couldn't hold back the gales of laughter and she didn't even try.

"Dude…" Nino's face was red. "You can't just say shit like that." He settled into his designated spot, not seeming to mind being pulled back against his cuddly boyfriend.

The news show returned from its commercial break, and Marinette snatched up the remote to unmute the audio.

"Welcome to today's first segment of Face to Face, I'm your host Nadja Chamack." The familiar news anchor sat on her pristine couch, but there was no one across from her, signaling that this would not be her usual show. "I'm breaking from format tonight to share a recorded interview with Adrien Agreste from last night. As all of Paris is aware, Adrien's father, Gabriel Agreste was apprehended at Paris Pride Fortnight last month by none other than Ladybug and Chat Noir. With the revelation that Monsieur Agreste was the villain Hawk Moth, the value of his fashion house plummeted, and his son vanished from the public eye." She looked straight into the camera, all good humor wiped off her face, an effect that was creepy. "Last night, Adrien shared with me a story of a broken home. Please be advised that the content of this video includes a frank discussion of child abuse which may be distressing to some viewers."

The camera focused on Nadja's screen, where photos and videos were usually displayed.  And after a moment, the studio faded in from black, revealing Adrien sitting on the guest couch.

"Thank you for meeting with me Adrien," Nadja said, her voice much less chipper than usual.

Adrien nodded. "Thank you for having me.  And for being willing to do this on my terms." Being able to record the show, instead of performing it live, had been his therapist's suggestion for keeping his anxiety at bay.

Nadja smiled, tipping her head slightly. "First, I wish to offer my condolences. This must be a very difficult time."

"It's weird," Adrien admitted. "It's both difficult but also the easiest thing I've ever done." His hand came up to rub at the back of his neck.

"Can you tell me what's difficult about it?" she asked gently.

"It's... " He stared off into space a moment. "It's hard to wrap your head around something like this. I mean. I knew my father was not a particularly nice man. But I had no idea he was Hawk Moth. It's... " He huffed. "I ask myself at least ten times a day why I didn't see it, how I didn't realize I was living with a terrorist."

"That does sound really difficult," Nadja agreed. "But you know Paris doesn't blame you, right?"

He gave her a rueful smile. "Thank you. I appreciate it every time someone tells me that." He shrugged. "I guess I'm harder on myself than everyone else is."

"What about the situation has been easy for you?" Nadja asked.

"I'm actually happier than I've ever been." Adrien's real smile lit up the screen. "One of my very best friends had already asked her parents if I could move in with them before the arrest."

"Before?" Nadja asked.

Adrien nodded. "Things were… not good living with my father. And she'd seen that, and made a contingency plan for me." He chuckled. "That's just sort of the way she is."

Luka snorted.

"Shush, you." Marinette poked him gently in the thigh.

"And after the arrest, it really made the most sense to just go with that plan." Contentment was clear on TV Adrien's face. "I haven't had a real family since… well… possibly ever. I mean, things were better when my mom was around, but my father was already so controlling, even back then. When she vanished, it just got worse." He sighed. "I have new parents now. We're working on the adoption process."

"Adoption?" Nadja asked in surprise. "Aren't you seventeen? Why would you look at adoption at this point?"

"Do you have a family, Nadja?" he asked softly.

She nodded.

"I really, really want that," he explained. "And I want to know that I'm going to have that for the rest of my life. I love having people I can call mama and papa. I never called my father that. There was… a lot of distance between us. A lot of neglect and unreasonable expectations. I know Papa is proud of me. There was no way Gabriel Agreste was ever going to be proud of me."

"Gabriel neglected you?" she asked. It was clearly the first she'd heard this detail.

Marinette reached out to rest a hand on Adrien's shoulder as the TV version of himself nodded. "It was common to go weeks without seeing him, though we lived in the same house. I ate meals alone, when we were scheduled to eat together. He forgot about my birthdays and stopped celebrating holidays that were important to my mom. He'd promise to show up for things, only to no-show. If I got upset about anything, he'd tell me I was too emotional, and threatened to take away what few freedoms I had.  School was a common one."

Nadja stared at him, silent for a moment. "He threatened you because you had emotions?"

Adrien nodded.

"And… school? What do you mean?  How did he use that as a threat?"

"I was homeschooled for years, you know," he said, conversational and bright. "I begged to go to school so I could make friends. I felt like Pinoccio, a puppet who wanted to be a real boy. I actually had to run away to school, repeatedly, before he let me attend." He sighed. "But I think he just wanted leverage.  The threat of pulling me out of school would get me to cooperate with all sorts of stuff I didn't want to do."

Nadja covered her mouth, looking ill.

"Did she throw up during your interview?" Nino asked. His voice was rougher than usual. Even though he'd already heard all of this, it was still upsetting him.

"No… well, not while I was there," Adrien said. "But it gets better here." He pointed to the screen.

"You're incredibly resilient, Adrien," Nadja said softly. "How about you tell me about your clothes." She gestured to his outfit. "This is a new look for you, and it looks fantastic."

On-screen Adrien grinned and stood up to give the camera the full effect. "Yeah. This was made by my best friend. She has an online shop by the name of Maribug, and she's designed a whole new wardrobe for me."

"It's quite striking," Nadja said. "Much more vibrant than what we've grown accustomed to."

Adrien nodded. "Yeah. My father used to tightly control what I was allowed to wear. He wanted me to project an image of bland perfection. Maribug really knows me, though. And since my father deprived me of the opportunity to come out during Pride, she's created some outfits that fit my aesthetic preferences while also evoking the bi pride flag."  The shirt was a pink asymmetric v-neck, with an off-center front zip. His belt was a bold purple. His pants were bright blue and snug, showing off the body Chat Noir had built up.

"Oh," Nadja said in surprise. "Congratulations."

Adrien swiped the remote and muted it again. "The rest is just niceties. You've all heard me say goodbye before."

"You meant it when you said you were happy, right?" Nino asked, twisting to look at his boyfriend.

Adrien nodded. "Really, really happy," he promised.

"I'm glad for you," Luka said. "You deserve it."

"Now that, that's out of the way," Adrien said, leaning forward and nudging the DVD player. "It's time to introduce you all to Nanatsu no Taizai. You're gonna love it."

⁂

Again, huge thanks to @galahadwilder for letting me have a go at this. I really enjoyed it, and it was nice to get to share this side of Pride.

And thanks to all who have read and commented, helping me stay motivated to finish this despite my busy schedule. I'm glad you joined me for this journey.

[jyungar]

Between Layla and Lilith

“For R. Hanina b. Papa made the following exposition: The name of the angel who is in charge of conception is (Layla)’Night', and it takes up a drop and places it in the presence of the Holy One, blessed be He, saying, 'Sovereign of the universe, what shall be the fate of this drop? Shall it produce a strong man or a weak man, a wise man or a fool, a rich man or a poor man?”

Talmud, Niddah 16b

In my mother’s womb I “learned” of her travails, felt her anguish, She (as Layla) “taught” me everything she had suffered, I could even see  מסוף עולם עד סוף עולם From that lamp she placed on my head (which explains my infant frowns in all those black and white fotos) Having seen too much (in utero).

And this childhood existential fear and nocturnal panics, Begging my father at bedtime “please leave the door open a sliver to allow just a little light”   for fear of those demons of the night even through to teenage. The sensing of death even then, reflecting a (hitherto undescribed) epigenetic haunting from my survivor dad.

Layla had introduced me to the devotional arts and spiritual feelings as I was moved by the starry summer night (by the Brook near Holders Hill Road) the immensity of the myriad lights in the heaven and my sense of insignificance before this infinity. Or introduced me (thank you Mrs Lunzer)  to the oceanic feeling that comes from music. (the Brandenburgs at 14).

But adolescence brought a different angel (Lillith) to my door, Driving my lust for bodily cravings, triggered by specific images. Walking up Hendon Avenue to Finchley lane to catch the 240 double-decker bus, Seeing in the stationer’s shop window magazines with covers of lewd pictures, for schoolboys like me (and dirty old men), their beckoning looks as if paradise was to be found within its pages. Visiting Uncle Emil (Dachau survivor) who kept naughty magazines under the cushion of his lounge chair, secretly sharing them with me when we were alone, or my older cousin Jeanette who toyed with me, leaving images of her cleavage to taunt me at night.

Caught between these two angels but not realizing anything more than my being torn between the religious fervor and lustful guilt, the struggle to live a single life without this see-saw emotional cost, began.

Later, much later, after the white knuckling and Mussar, the attempts to conquer the evil inclination failed, and the “schizofrumkeit” founded on this duality: attracted to the divine, the devotions, the praxis, the study and prayer, the pilgrimages to קברי צדיקים, the Apollonian vision, Even the crushes of platonic love for the ideal (Sargon) women, allured by their purity and innocence, Yet simultaneously or soon after, triggered by a female image, too much skin or a gesture, a feeling of being real in the body, feeling the skin tingle and the heart pulsate and the loins heat up, as passion and lust arose in this Dionysian phase, courtesy of Lillith, followed by the inevitable crushing guilt that only adolescents can describe fully.

It was much later that in discovering the feminine divine in the notion of a living Schechina and seeing Schechina consciousness as a deeper sensitivity to the hidden aspects of the mysteries of Torah, did I find these two aspects of Her as manifest in our two angels. My connection to Schechina led me to these two archetypes of the virgin goddess and the whore, Layla and Lillith, both of whom I had, in effect, been worshipping all along. They represented Her light and dark elements and needed attention and devotion. I sensed an enormous relief from this discovery without any suggestion that I was finding an excuse for bad behavior. It was not an ethical decision, rather I felt that I was being shaped by these two archetypes unconsciously, before I even knew what these feelings meant.

She provided relief giving expression to my deepest yearnings to return to my cosmic mother without regressing to infantile or pathological behaviors. The oceanic feelings from both the body in passion as well as spirit in music and poetry fed from the same deep well באר של מרים. She demanded devotion and suffered rage Herself at times, (at times genocidal) when dis-connected from her consort- driving me insane all the while, with her suffering reflected in my addictions to the flesh.

Worshipping at her altar I could finally find relief in validating the split within me, Layla and Lillith reflecting Her split Self, and through them I was being taught the need for integrating both archetypes within my soul.

And in my grief for the loss of my temporal mother, I have lost much more than my earthly mother, more than her overpowering presence in my life, forcing me to achieve evermore for her sake and never allowing myself the luxury of resting, for fear of wasting a moment, more than this demanding paradoxical woman who made even more demands on herself until the end, who drove me as a needy child with her conditional love, her irrational rage, and her superhuman demand for excellence and self-improvement.

I realize that I am bereft of the very incarnation of the Schechina in my mother, the only bodily presence of Her, kissing me in the end, holding my hand, and asking when will I return to visit before I had even left. I am bereft of my Layla (for who else held me in her womb teaching me if not my mother?) Who promised me just before birth she would revisit me before I left this world to see whether I had followed her advice in living a good life, a worthy life, and ethical life, and bereft of my Lillith who drove me crazy when younger to experience her nocturnal pleasures (succubus) and fantasies.

In my grief I must now learn to internalize her once physical presence, her kiss and her touch, her long slender violin fingers, her dark sephardic (Sargon) beauty, re-membering in the heart only the way Schechina was incarnated in her so fully, and how she is now free from the earthly body of pain, aging, fractures, dyspnea, transfusions and final illness.

We are given limited time (which accelerates with age) on earth in this incarnation, and I am puzzled why we learn often too late. Why it takes decades to gain wisdom, understanding and experience in living, parenting, mentoring, doctoring, only to leave it to the next generation to begin all over again.

And now I must learn something new, to bring all this into the heart of pain and loss, without her/Her to welcome me again, her arms outstretched, her cheek so soft, few wrinkles, her hand holding mine, with no earthly manifestation of Layla/Lillith to guide me, in my heart and loins, the dance between Apollo and Dionysius.

I am saying the mourner’s kaddish for Mum, for my lost soul and for the Schechina herself, who has lost a (Sargon) princess, who bore me and provided me these two angels who would guide me for better and for worse.

“When the time arrives for man to quit this world, the same angel appears and asks him, "Dost thou recognize me?" And man replies, "Yes; but why dost thou come to me to-day, and thou didst come on no other day?" The angel says, "To take thee away from the world, for the time of thy departure has arrived." Then man falls to weeping, and his voice penetrates to all ends of the world, yet no creature hears his voice, except the cock alone. Man remonstrates with the angel, "From two worlds thou didst take me, and into this world thou didst bring me." But the angel reminds him: "Did I not tell thee that thou wert formed against thy will, and thou wouldst be born against thy will, and against thy will thou wouldst die? And against thy will thou wilt have to give account and reckoning of thyself before the Holy One, blessed be He.”

[missymarysthings]

The Dark Elemental

“And tell me again Chrissy. You didn’t let them know what was wrong...why?“ Glacia asked Crystal as she looked at the hand Crys was presenting her with. Glacia trailed a thumb over the symbol that was imprinted on the back of her sister’s right hand. “I mean, yeah, when one elemental marks another its a complicated matter, but...couldn’t...oh what is her name again...ah! Gisela! Couldn’t she help you my Popcicle? Figure out a way to remove it without...you know. Or what about your handsome crush? He deals within shadows right?Maybe he-“

“This is not their burden to bear Glacia!“ Crystal said as she took her hand away, lightly crossed her arms and turned away from her. She then squeezed her arms and closed her eyes. “That dark elemental that caused a delay when I was taking Pepi and Rafael back home...Zerius. He...he knew me. But I don’t remember him at all! But his aura...it...I don’t understand,“ Crystal continued resisting the urge to scratch at her marked hand. 

“But still, wouldn’t they help you? I don’t think this is something you should try to solve on your own,“ Glacia said. “I’ve got a bad omen about this my dear icy one. His mark is affecting your aura, your energy. You can’t lie to me and say at least some of them couldn’t sense that!“

The heir of the North gripped her arms tighter, and held her head down as if looking at the ground. However, her eyes remained closed. “I’m not sure how some of them still feel about me. The Richter princes and princesses are...not in harmony with each other right now, and I think some of them coming here, to me, to talk and seek advice or comfort...has...I don’t know. 

Maybe it’s not my place, but I just wanted to help and I did my best to keep them safe. Maybe I shouldn’t have let them stay longer than to recover from travel. I don’t know. But I do not want to step on their toes any further. So this I must do on my own,” Crystal said. Glacia looked at her in concern and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She had felt another shift in Crys’ aura. She silently cursed this dark elemental and his mark that was feeding off of and encouraging these negative thoughts. 

“They can’t blame you for having a kind heart though my lovely Popcicle! You have always...“ Glacia trailed off when she felt Crystal tense up. “It’s the...politics of it, isn’t it? Argh, sometimes things are more than that! And don’t get me started again on your self imposed agony over your feelings about the mysterious Aldous! But that aside, if you don’t figure this mark thing out, and soon, you may not have a choice in anything but what that dark elemental...what’s his name? Zerius? has in store for you!“ she ranted. 

“There is one other thing I have not mentioned yet,“ Crystal began softly. “Apparently Zerius is not just some random elemental. He’s a prince,“ she explained. 

“Of course! It has to be more complicated doesn’t it? Is this also why you are reluctant to ask for help from the Richters? And also the second, that makes me beg the question, why have we not gone to mother about this? If he’s a royal and he knows you, then maybe she knows him or his family.“ Glacia responded. 

Crystal said nothing but opened her eyes and began to walk. Her sister followed after her, wondering what was going on in her mind now. They were not heading in the direction of the Vosmus queen, but rather outside the castle. Crys ended up leading Glacia to a clearing out side the castle grounds and way from the town. She knelt down to draw the dark elemental’s symbol in the snow and then stood while holding her marked hand over it. 

Glacia went wide eyed and grabbed her sister’s wristed and pulled her away before she could go any further. “Crys, no! What are you thinking?! Don’t summon him like that, it’ll only increase the mark’s influence, and his power, over you! I know you know that!” 

“I...I can’t bring mother into this either Glacia. I should...I should not have even told you, but I need someone to know. Just in case...“ Crystal said but then trailed off. She faced Glacia properly and placed a hand on her shoulder. “If I can not handle a personal problem like this on my own... then what kind of queen will I be?”She asked softly before touching a gem on Glacia’s choker before she could stop her. “Watch over little Azure and Jenara for me,” she added as she watched a wide eyed Glacia disappear back to the castle in a puff of snowflakes. “Sorry my dear Madame Glacia, my sister, but I have to do this alone.”

The princess of the North stepped back towards the symbol she had drawn in the snow and once more held out her marked hand over it. She began to concentrate and winced as she felt a spark of energy that felt like it was piercing her hand. She then began to see trails of dark electricity dance around her hand before jumping down towards the symbol in the snow and filling it in with a purplish black glow.  Crystal winced once more in pain and brought her other hand to her heart. “E-elemental of the dark, I summon thee by your mark!” she called out.

She could feel her energy being drained as a shadowy portal appeared in front of her. She did not expect it to take this much out of her and just as her legs were getting weak he stepped out of the portal and grabbed the hand that had his mark on it. “I was beginning to think that I would have to come to you again Princess Crystal,” Zerius, the dark elemental prince, said as he broke the energy connection and brought her hand to his chest. 

“There were matters I had to finish taking care of first...Prince Zerius,“ she said and tried to pull her hand away from him. However, he did not let go or budge. “But now I would like some answers and request for you to remove your mark,“ she continued. 

“So, you still do not remember me? I suppose we were just tiny little royals back then,“ Zerius mused as he reached out to caress her face with his free hand. Crystal frowned at the touch and promptly swatted his hand away with her free one. “However, I can never forget you dear princess, or how you marked me when we met.“

“W-wait a minute! W-what?!“ Crystal responded wide-eyed and slightly dumbfounded. Zerius pulled her closer by her marked hand, wrapped his other arm around her, and looked deep into her eyes. She tried to pull away but he did not let go. He could see no deception in her chilly blue eyes, her confusion and surprise were genuine. “L-let go of me Prince Zerius!“

“No....not yet,“ he said distractedly. “I still remember what they explained to me. You had an previously unknown sensitivity to certain auras and magics. Well, one that was also far more developed than it should have been for our age. However, my magic at the time was too untamed for you it seemed, and it caused you to go hostile towards me,“ he explained in a quiet tone, his dark red eyes still locked with hers. 

“What a startling thing it was, seeing you go from peaceful to fierce in mere moments. Trying to ‘make me go away’ as you put it. In your aggravated state you marked me without thinking or intending to, before we could be separated,“ he continued as he touched his forehead with hers. “You mark, though a pretty little snowflake it was, quickly started to send a deep chill through me. It was like...the North itself was trying to swallow me up. Ah but your beautiful mother, the ever kind and graceful queen came and removed your mark from me, since you were too out of touch and too young to know how to reverse what you had done yourself.“

“I...I-I...why don’t I remember this?! I...I know you can’t be lying, when my aura sense was unblocked mother admitted to me that she had placed a seal on it for my own good but...“ Crystal responded, too stunned by Zerius’ tale to try and put distance between them. “I...I’m sorry I...“

“It is nice, you know, to be this close to you and not have you lose yourself to aggression. My aura must not be as triggering to you now, like all those years ago. Still, dear princess, there is one thing about you marking me that was beneficial,“ he said interrupting her. “The cold of the North does not bother me much. It is curious though that you do not remember that incident, or even meeting me. At first I thought it was perhaps because your kingdom and mine hardy interact, but now...I’m thinking that you were made to forget.“ he continued. 

“Let go of me...please,“ Crystal said in a small voice. This time Zerius obliged, though he had been enjoying holding her so close. The ice princess took a few steps back from him and began to pace in the snow, her hands grabbing at the hair near her temples as she tried to process what she had just learned and what he had suggested as to why she couldn’t remember. For the moment she completely forgot about the fact that his mark was still on her hand, and that he had not responded to her request to remove it. 

Had her mother made her forget the incident? Was that incident the reason why her aura sense had been blocked for so long? Why hadn’t she been told about it? 

Crystal was having a bit of a mental crisis. She now wondered if her mother would have even told her about her aura sense being tampered with if the incident when she first met Isana and Joshka a few years ago had not removed the block. Had her mother simply forgotten? Or if not...did she ever intend on letting her try to gain control of it herself? Why had she not been told about prince Zerius before? How many of the royal guard knew? Did her father know?

The princess of the North stopped pacing and fell to her knees in the snow. Her hands still gripping at her hair. She closed her eyes as she lowered her head to mere inches above the snow. These questions and doubts were making her heart hurt. Learning and processing what she had done when she was little made her heart hurt. The marks influence over her, made her heart hurt. More questions flooded her mind. She wondered if this incident with Zerius had happened before or after she had met Alva and Diet for the first time when they were young. If it had happened before or after she had met Midori and Ysabel.

“Why now?“ she asked him, her voice sounding like she was close to tears. “Why so many, many years later? Lifetimes ago, by human standards. Why...why now?“

“My home, the Shadowed Kingdom. Though my parents are still alive and currently quite well, our court and our people are starting to look to me to see what kind of king I will be. Trying to cut down on my...fleeting adventures and carefree behaviors should sometime unexpected happen to the king and queen,“ he answered. 

“And....what does that have to do with me?“ she asked cautiously, though her voice still sounded like she was fighting tears.

“They want me to start looking for my future bride now. To reach out and make some new alliances. And why not start with the one who had left such an impression on me so long ago?“ he responded as he began to walk towards her.. 

Crystal opened her eyes and the tears she was holding back turned to glittering frost at the corners of her eyes. When she lifted her head she noticed that he was right in front of her. She scooted back startled but lost her balance and ended up laying back in the snow looking skyward. Zerius came into view and looked down at her. “Discussion would have to happen with my mother to consider an alli-”

“Marriage,“ he interrupted. Crystal’s eyes narrowed slightly at him. He knelt down and pinned her down by her shoulders in the snow before she could get up or move. “You as my bride is the only alliance I will accept from you, nothing less,“ he said as he straddled her.

“You will only bring trouble to your kingdom acting in this manner! I will not be forced into a marriage like this,” she said gaining a bit of her resolve back. “Remove your mark from me and let me go!“ she ordered and began to struggle. 

“A shame. If you will not agree to be my bride then I will not remove my mark,“ he said. “You can, however, go ask my mother, the queen Severa. Whose beauty is exotic much like your own. If you can get to her in time, that is,“ he said before whispering a spell. 

“What do you me-“ Crystal began to ask but stopped when she felt like she was starting to fall through the snow. Zerius smirked as she slowly fell into the portal to his kingdom that he had created.

“One can get lost if they are unfamiliar with the paths of the Shadowed Kingdom. But don’t worry. The castle is always in sight. Although...my mark thrives there...so you may want to travel quickly!“ he said before she completely disappeared from his sight. “Or not. I, of course, hope you get lost dear princess. That way my mark can finish it’s work and make you mine,“ he whispered before disappearing somewhere into the shadows himself. 

Crystal panicked slightly when Zerius and the sights of the North disappeared from her view. For a few moments all around her was darkness and it felt like she was falling through water. It instinctively made her hold her breath. After a minute or so, however, her lungs started to burn and she gasped for air. Luckily, unlike what it felt like she was falling through, no liquid entered her nose or mouth. 

She was lightheaded from  the lack of air and trying to rapidly catch her breath. For a moment she blacked out, or at least it seemed like a moment. When she was conscious she was on solid ground once more. She opened her eyes and sat up. She seemed to be in the street of some town, and the sky was like dusk. However, her vision seemed blurry, even after rubbing them to clear it. 

The ice princess did her best to get out of the street and then leaned against a building for a moment. She brought a hand to her neck and was about to touch her the gem on the choker that would take her home, but stopped. Zerius may have made it so her mother could not remove the mark, so she‘d have no choice.

She cursed silently and closed her eyes. She needed to think how she was going to process if her eyes could not adjust to this place. And she needed to think quickly. 

She was on a time limit now after all.