#cuz i'm like verrrry anxious detached like i just want to run away but also he's like also really cute and i'm morbidly fascinated by the
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i'm experiencing a dilemma
#tmi#so like ig i'm dating someone rn?#like i think??#idfk like literally don't know anything this is so new to me#but like we met at a [REDACTED] thing and like group chatted where the other person we were with did most of the talking but he kept#stealing like these sidelong glances at me like bedroom eyes type shit so like ik he's interested#and like ig that's also what freaks me out?#cuz i'm like verrrry anxious detached like i just want to run away but also he's like also really cute and i'm morbidly fascinated by the#whole situation???#so we recently went on a ''date'' (i'm assuming??? like he's still paying a lot of attention 2 me and we've organized other things)#but like that's what also freaks me out like due to the nature of our meeting like I KNOW he's big into seggs and ~~experienced~~#(no no not old we're thankfully close in age)#and like when i'm away from him like i get to thinking ''oh yeah i could do this we could do this it would be super cool and fun''#but when i see him i get all cold and nervous and detached#meanwhile he's like v open and flirty#like i do want to but i don't ugh#like idk what to do just see how this plays out?#like i also don't want to lead him on only to completely bail#and like i've given the impression like i can d'm but like i'd probably just end up curling into a ball dskfhdkjhjha my mental state is so#shattered aaaaaaaa#but like also is this kind of nervousness normal too?#or am i just mentally ill?#we've got a rope class thing scheduled so maybe experiencing closeness in a public safe environment will do a lot of the vetting 4 me#like i keep having running commentary in the back of my head of kat blaque saying ''s'bs can be so pushy and beg you to d'm them''#and like is this what's happening rn????#and like iw if i'm feeling like this bc i'm on my . and everything just feels gross to me rn#cuz man i tell ya back when i was ovulating my brain was a total crapshoot sludge of hormones so i would have done anything then#ig to summarize bodies are terrible and it should be the brain manipulating the body but it's the OTHER FUCKING WAY AROUND FOR SOME REASON?#update: ok lol now that i've calmed down a bit i realise i literally do not have to have sex with this guy#i can just do my k'nky shit and leave 🏃♀️
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