#cuz no other dramas has made me this excited!!! even after it's done airing so

[forursmiles]

i found like 5 quotes that are perfect for kimchay and 2 for vegaspete. now i just need the energy to make these

[palbabor-writes]

Moniker

Hawks Week 2020 - Prompt: Rebirth

Character: Keigo Takami - Hawks

Warnings: Angst, some adult language, the drama of growing up

Word Count: 5433

“They need you to pick a name, Keigo. You’re old enough now and the data has shown that you’re learning how to control your quirk. The advancements we’ve seen in the last few months have been outstanding. The HPSC wants you to start making a name for yourself, publicly. We’re hoping, in six or so years, you’ll be operating on a professional level. 

So, look over those names and pick one. Once you do, you’ll no longer go by Keigo Takami. No, that name will be expunged from the records.”

Why? He’d wanted to ask. Why can’t he keep his name? Does it really matter? What were they going to do with him? Why was he even in this program? 

There were so many questions racing through his mind. But, he just nodded and looked out the window. What good did it do to ask? They weren’t going to tell him anything. This was all just another manipulation. They always tried, so, so hard to let him feel like he had a say in his name, in his life, in anything. 

In reality, he was just their little puppet, floating along on a tight string.

Notes: Part of Hawks Week 2020, Day 7 - Prompt: Rebirth.

This fic, like my Shigaraki exploration, Phantasma is part of a smaller series I’m calling Hopscotch. There’s a ton of kids in the BNHA universe that just need a freaking hug, man. But, all this trauma does give me some nice topics to write about...Not beta edited, so all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

Moniker mon·i·ker /ˈmänəkər/ noun a name.

Keigo Takami is a ward of the Hero Public Safety Commission. 

He’s been a ward for most of his life. He’s used to the routine: the daily drills, the daily training, the daily lessons, the daily lectures, the daily monotony of it all. 

He’s never alone. 

There’s always a few of them hovering. They, being the agents who are assigned to his daily care and maintenance. They’re like black spots, bleeding out against the clean, crisp linoleum floors. He’s shuttled around like a chess piece. As if he needs a shadow to guide him. He knows this building inside and out. He knows just where to perch if he wants to avoid the cameras and he knows the secrets of at least five or six of his handlers. 

They blurt stuff out around him. People never think kids are listening. Too bad for them, cuz, he’s got enough dirt to take them straight to the top if he wanted to. Not that he wants to. Some of the handlers are nice, but Keigo has learned that sometimes nice is another way to say: manipulative.

So, he imagines that he can flex a little control over them, too. He’s got the information, he’s just not sure who to take it to. He’s never seen the head of the HPSC. They remain an enigma. The leader of this whole thing is the one piece he hasn’t slipped onto the puzzle. No, whoever they are, they’re mysterious. He only knows they exist because he’s seen their hen scratch of a signature on his progress reports and monthly, “how are you doing Keigo,” emails. 

Despite the mystery, the head of the HPSC is the one constant in his life. He can’t say the same of his handlers. Most of the people who surround him shift and change. They’re like a tide.

When he was younger, his father used to take him down to the beach. Keigo was always fascinated by the pull, the drag, of that dark blue water.

Yeah, these handlers of his moved in and out like a tide. Every month it was someone else. One or two might be familiar faces, but they never told him their names. Well, not their real names at least. No, no one ever revealed those. Keigo was accustomed to the secrecy of it all. It was kinda boring. 

But, most days were. 

It was just him and the various adults who were tasked with his lessons or training schedules. It was a never ending circle, a rotation of sameness that made his teeth ache. There were no other kids at the base. No, lucky him, he was the only one selected to receive this special training.

When he was smaller he’d been a little more excited. He’d wander behind the dark suits, clutching his Endeavor figure to his chest, his eyes scanning every room, every person, every crevice. 

You can never be too careful Kei, his father had told him, his golden eyes winking down at him. Always keep your eyes and ears open. 

“It’s a special program, Keigo. Starting today, you need to say goodbye to your name. You’re going to become a very special hero, okay?” 

It was a younger man who had talked with him that afternoon. He can remember looking down at his toy, the plastic heavy, sticking to his clenched arms. Keigo can recall his small voice asking the man two questions: “Can I be like him? Can I be a hero who beats the bad guys?”

At the time, they had felt so, well, important to him. They were all encompassing, vital queries that needed to know the answer to back then. He disliked them now. They were stupid questions. Besides, what self respecting adult takes the word of a six year old seriously? 

He’s eleven now. He’s way past those childish dreams. And, they still hadn’t taken his name from him. Oh, they hinted at it. He’d even caught sight of one of the lists. 

The lists were the long rows and rows of potential hero names for Keigo. Not that he was asked much about any of this. His opinion didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. He’d only managed to see one of the lists a few years ago. His handler hadn’t been expecting him back so fast. 

He wasn’t supposed to use his wings unless he was in the training facility. Little did they know, he’d been practicing. How could he not? He could feel each and every tiny thing with his feathers. It drove him insane. If he was drifting off to sleep he would feel the electricity humming through the walls. When he focused hard enough he could hear the distant conversations happening on the floors above him. 

It was an endless march of noise, emotion, and sensations. He felt like he was overstimulated all the time, his skin too heavy for his bones. He wanted to scream some days: get these off me, I can’t, I-I can’t take it. But, he had to learn how to grapple with his quirk. It was part of him. 

Still, sometimes he wished he was someone, anyone else. 

‘Turn it off’, they said, ‘dampen the urge to reach out with your feathers’. 

Yeah, right. Let them slip into his quirk, see how much they liked the all consuming sensation of it all. It was too much, too intense. Some days it’s a fight to make himself get out of his bed. Everything is just...too close, sometimes. 

He’s just a kid, he wanted to tell them. Like that would grant him a reprieve. No, he already knew what answer they would give him. The HPSC had selected you for a purpose, a reason, Keigo. 

They fed him such vague, well, bullshit. Yeah, he knows he shouldn’t say words like that, whatever. They shouldn’t be doing this, er, whatever it was that they were hoping to achieve with him. But, it’s not like the confirmed acknowledgement of their preposterousness would stop them. No, he’d learned to keep his mouth shut and his eyes open. It was the best way to survive the endless march of days and weeks. He would nod, practice, and then practice a little more in secret. 

It’s his quirk after all. If he could perfect it, maybe they would loosen his leash.  

His wings were still a little stunted. They could grow to longer points, but it took a lot of time and a lot of concentration. It was like his body knew exactly what he could, or could not, in this case, handle. More feathers meant more sensations. More sensations meant less sleep, less control, and, worst of all, less autonomy. There would be more tests, more training, more, more, more. 

Still, he worked at it. It was a double edged sword. He both hated, and loved, the improvements he saw within himself. 

Despite his impeded wing growth, Keigo could flap himself along now. He could even hover in the air for a little while, but his back would protest the strain after forty minutes or so. It hurt to hold himself up. His shoulders just weren't broad enough to maintain his weight. He’d been hoping that eating a little more would help. You know, beef him up a little. 

He’d brought the subject up with one of his handlers, one of the ones he actually knew. The man had nodded, his curly blonde hair bobbing around his ears. And, with that, his food rations were extended. He was also given some other choices too. Some steak, veal, higher protein foods. He’d stubbornly stuck with chicken. He liked the taste. Never one to pass up an opportunity, Keigo took advantage of the larger portions and he gorged himself on the succulent meat. 

Four weeks later, he hadn’t grown much. Maybe what, half a pound? Nah, most of that energy must have been consumed by his quirk. But, the more he ate, the easier it was to focus on it. Meh, still a win, win. At least from the HPSC’s viewpoint. 

He mentioned that there are never any kids around the HPSC training facility, right? 

Adults? You couldn’t swing a dead cat and not hit at least 4 or 5 of them, at any given moment. Keigo didn’t mind. He was used to adults. By nature he was quiet, observant. It was his habit to position himself in the corners of rooms. It let him see anyone and everyone who entered or left. He likes watching. But, he’s done that his whole life. Even before the HPSC picked him up he’d learned how to hone that skill. 

Now, the trainers and handlers were trying to break him of that tic. 

‘You need to curb that Keigo’, they’d say. ‘If you’re going to become a successful hero you can’t just sit in the shadows. We already have plenty of agents who are trained for that. No, you need to be more gregarious. Speak up, talk with people. You’ve been drilled in this skill, now show us what you’ve learned. We want you to be a hero’.

So, he myna birds what they ask. They’ll leave him alone that way. Sure, sure, he’s rewarded with gifts, with praise, with extra free time. But, it’s all so calculated. He can smell their intentions a mile away. He’s seen the books some of them read. They were books with titles like: The Psychology of the Child, The Developing Mind, Playing and Reality. 

If that wasn’t obvious enough, he’d heard some of the conversations they passed as they handed off their shifts, the words lilting back and forth, like secret notes. 

“Ignore his minor tactics. It’s just him responding to the attention. Only praise him when he’s behaving.” Or, “Give Keigo labeled praise. You know, build his self esteem. He’s so quiet, it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. Pack a snack for him. That way when he opens up to you, boom! Treat in hand.”

Do they not realize how much he can hear? God, adults are dumb. Smile and give them what they want, or, say what they most need to hear and they’re eating out of your hand. Meanwhile, as they’re congratulating themselves on a job well done, they had no idea what thoughts were racing behind his golden irises. 

No, Keigo is motivated by other things. One motivation trumps all the others: he wants to get outta this place. Just for a day, heck, he’d take an hour. Keigo is tired of the same walkway, the same lunch hall, the same dreary views of the city. 

It’s springtime in Japan and Keigo can make his feathers molt. It’s a newer skill, one he’s withholding from his handlers for the time being. Maybe if he feigns a cough, he can pretend to be sick? He’s gotten pretty good at acting now. That was another one of his classes. It was like a, how to deceive someone 101. Actually, it was prolly called something like ‘Espionage for Tots’. 

It was fun. He liked the smiles and serious faces he was asked to make. They should have slapped a big: “please, Keigo, don’t use these skills to deceive us” disclaimer on the door. He liked the guy that taught it, too. He was a short, unassuming man, but he would genuinely grin at Keigo each time he walked through the door for his session. Oh, wait. Was that just an act? He’d have to ask him. Boy, he’s good if it was. He needs to shore up his own skills…

He could always pretend that an imaginary sick day was part of the lesson. Look! My poor feathers, they’re molting, how sad. Also, cough, cough, I feel ill. No, ill is a bad choice of words. Ahem, I mean, I don’t feel so good. Can I lay down? Maybe prop open my window, for the fresh air. Oh no! I accidentally swooped out. Cough, cough.  

Keigo isn’t even sure what he’d do with himself if he could manage to sneak out. It’s not like he’s not noticeable. He’s sporting at least 7 feet of ruby red plumage now. Well, if he’s gonna plan an escape, he might as well do it-

“Keigo,” it’s a sharp voice, and it startles him out of his musings. It belongs to one of the head handlers. Kaori? Yeah, that’s her name. Eh, the one she’d given him at least. She’s nice enough, a little rough around the edges at times, but she’s fair. Maybe, oh, maybe he can ask her about-

“Are you listening, Keigo? We need to go. The provost was expecting us over an hour ago. Where have you been? Mai couldn’t find you so she asked me to look for you.”

“I was up there.” Keigo points, his chin lifting to follow his movement, wings fluttering against his back. Despite her tone, Kaori doesn’t seem too upset. Her heartbeat is normal. But, that didn’t mean much around here.

“Up there?” Kaori’s tone is faint and a little awed. She turns her violet gaze to his, pursing her lips into a thin line. “Since when?”

“It’s been, ah, three months and sixteen days since I first made it to that perch. They didn’t like that I went so far. Eiichi said he was going to document it though. I mean, it ain’t too far. Guess I can go for a lower spot next time. I just like that I can see more up there, it makes it-”

“No, no. It’s fine Keigo. Don’t say “ain’t,” it’s slang. I suppose it has been awhile since I’ve seen you. How old are you now? Ten?”

“Eleven,” Keigo replies, his back straightening, wings arching beside his head.

“Mmm, eleven. Gosh, you’re growing up fast,” Kaori’s reply is sharp, practiced. Keigo rolls his eyes. She wanted to spark a reaction out of him. See if he’ll puff up with joy or grow sullen with her mistake of thinking he’s younger than he is. It’s easier to assign him extra training than really deal with him. At least, that’s what some of his handlers seemed to think. 

“Have you seen the news?” Kaori asks, violet eyes resting on his amber ones. “There’s a mission coming up. Endeavor’s agency is taking it on.”

Keigo feels his wings lifting again, but he quickly suppresses the motion, his shoulders hunching forward. He never, ever, wanted to seem too eager. Not when they’d primed him for such an obvious tell. It’s not like they didn’t know what heroes he admired. 

Yeah, Keigo had seen the news. He was permitted two hours of television each day. Most blocks were taken up with watching the latest developments. Sometimes he would shift the channel to a cartoon, but the television time would be lessened if he watched nonsense for too long. No, the tv was for educational purposes only, not for leisure or fun. He’d heard that line enough to have it memorized. 

“What about it?” Keigo asks, falling into step with Kaori. She’s taking the long way back to his next lesson. Clearly, she’s wanting to glean something from him. 

“Well, I was thinking it might be beneficial for you to observe the mission.”

“What, like on CCTV or something?”

“No. In person. We would need to fit into the crowd, but this mission has been widely publicized, it’s a miracle the villain’s haven’t heard about it.”

“That, or they want the fight.”

Kaori laughs. “Very good, excellent observation. You’ve improved Keigo. Consider this a set date. I will personally escort you to the mission viewing point. At the end of the exercise, I would like to hear your opinion on the matter.”

Keigo bites his tongue. 

It’s too slick again, too obvious. The mission Kaori mentioned fits the profile of a raid, not the everyday, run of the mill, villain sting. Endeavor’s agency had been squaring up with the lower level fighting rings for months now. This was just another day for him. The number two hero promised to clean up crime and he was following through with that assertion. 

So, why take him to see it now? Why did it matter if Keigo saw it in person? The data and video would be uploaded the next day to the HPSC database, he could just watch it and take notes then. 

Why is she doing this?

Keigo chances a glance at her face. She’s pale, stern and stoic above him. Her heels click on the tiles and her back is ramrod straight. A few feathers bristle, feeling, listening, nah, her pulse is steady too. It’s hopeless. Maybe this is the challenge? Something to test him, to try and see if he can get a read on the unreadable?

“What’s the point of me going? What good does it do? My data sheets haven’t slipped enough to call for anything like this.”

“Don’t be so critical of everything Keigo,” Kaori scolds him, her purple eyes lingering on his spreading plumage. “It’s not a test, it’s not a drill. I just...I can remember what it was like to be a teenager and be trapped doing something I didn’t want to do.”

Again, Keigo is silent after her declaration. He’s not really sure how to answer. Pragmatic, logical, even angry responses, he’s used to those. This? What is this? Some kinda misplaced empathy? He never would have placed an empathetic bone in Kaori’s body before today. 

They pause at the provost’s doorway and Kaori places an arm on his shoulder, demanding his attention with her strong grip. 

“Let me know by tomorrow.” 

And, with that, she’s gone, pacing down the long hallway, her heels tapping a sharp tattoo against the flooring. Keigo narrows his eyes, avian pupils dilating, focusing. Sure, maybe it was just an opportunity, a chance for him to get out of the headquarters for a while, but there’s always a catch. 

******

The email comes a few hours later. 

Keigo is sprawled across his bed, his wings tucked safely along his shoulders as he flips through his textbook. He lifts his head from his pillow and sighs heavily at the familiar chime from his computer. It’s either more geometry problems or it’ll have something to do with what Kaori was discussing: The Endeavor mission.

His wings shift and rustle as he stands. He’s agitated, on edge. He dislikes being maneuvered into a corner. No matter what the email is over, he’ll feel obligated to say yes. Even if it’s by default. 

Keigo steps up to his computer, his long fingers racing over the keypad, typing in his encrypted password. As he waits for the screen to load, his eyes fall to the battered figurine beside his monitor. 

It’s the Endeavor toy. He’s kept it all these years, safe and sound, in each bedroom he’s moved to. The flames are dull and his bright blue uniform is more mottled than cobalt, but it’s still a tiny piece of his other life. 

His father had given it to him. It was years ago. He hadn’t thought he was going to get anything for his birthday, but then, his father had flown in, his own plumage glimmering against the dying sunlight and presented four year old Keigo with the toy. He had clutched it to him, his eyes shining and bright. 

“Dad! Ah, how did you know?” 

His father had beamed at him, his eyes softening at the sight of his son’s genuine smile. Keigo didn’t smile a lot back then. Their life was too tumultuous, too chaotic. There was too much at stake. His father had gathered him up and pressed the button that activated the toy’s internal voice box. Keigo had squealed with delight and wrapped his arms around his father’s neck. 

Now, Keigo traces a single finger along the top of the Endeavor’s head, running along the dimmed flames. He’s seen a decent amount of coverage on the number two hero lately. He’d even gone as far as studying his moves. Not that it mattered. His quirk would never be a match for the flame heroes skills. But, he had to admire the guy. 

He was constantly overshadowed, outranked and outclassed by All Might. Still, Endeavor pushed forward. He’s the only one who really tried to overtake the number one hero. It was both impressive and, well, kinda pathetic, desperate even. All the same, Keigo kept hunting for news of the number two. Once you have a favorite, Keigo reasoned, you tend to stick with them. 

Tearing his eyes away from the little figurine, Keigo clicks on the new email. He blinks a few times, even rubs his eyes. No, no way. He spreads his fingers along the computer’s trackpad, enhancing the words. Yeah, no, it’s really there. 

It’s the list. 

Remember? The one with all the HPSC’s approved names for him? 

It’s, well, it’s even more anticlimactic than he was expecting. Damn, it’s over three pages of the most asinine, inane bullshit. Two bad words, oh no, and in one sentence. In his defense, this crap deserved a whole string of curse words.  

There are names like: REDWING, Darkbird, Vulture, WINGMAN, Canary, Condor, RED Condor, Northwind, Zauriel, Red jay, WING. God, it’s just page after page of trash. Whomever they paid to create this, well, they needed a new day job. Might as well just call him: BIRDBOY or something. Sighing, Keigo clicks out of the email, his plumage lifting and lowering, feathers rustling again, perturbed. Yeah, he’s got wings. So what? That’s not all he is.  

Keigo is about to pace back to his bed when another email chimes in. Groaning, he doesn’t even look at the sender before opening it. Oh.

It’s from Kaori and the head of the HPSC. They were wanting to confirm the viewing of the Endeavor mission. Both felt that it was a good use of Keigo’s time and the HPSC’s resources. They just need his answer.

Funny, Keigo thinks, tapping a quick reply, they always like to pretend that he has a say in things. 

******

He’s never been a tall kid. He’s not sure if it’s his quirk or something genealogical. Quirk makes the most sense. It’s hard enough to lug his own tiny body around, he can’t even imagine trying to pull someone like Endeavor into the air. 

Keigo’s seen the number two plenty of times. God, hundreds and hundreds of times, really. But, he’s not prepared for the hulk of a man that is standing before him. Enji Todoroki, that’s his real name. Most heroes don’t hide their civilian names. No, they’re all listed in the databases of the HPSC and open for public scrutiny. Keigo shifts on the balls of his feet, his toes tapping against the pavement. Apparently, that’s not going to be an option for him.

Kaori had sat, prim and proper, next to him in the long black car as they drove to the mission site. Her violet eyes were dull flints of purple as she relayed the news: 

“They need you to pick a name, Keigo. You’re old enough now and the data has shown that you’re learning how to control your quirk. The advancements we’ve seen in the last few months have been outstanding. The HPSC wants you to start making a name for yourself, publicly. We’re hoping, in six or so years, you’ll be operating on a professional level. 

So, look over those names and pick one. Once you do, you’ll no longer go by Keigo Takami. No, that name will be expunged from the records.”

Why? He’d wanted to ask. Why can’t he keep his name? Does it really matter? What were they going to do with him? Why was he even in this program? There were so many questions racing through his mind. But, he just nodded and looked out the window. 

What good did it do to ask? They weren’t going to tell him anything. This was all just another manipulation. They always tried, so, so hard to let him feel like he had a say in his name, in his life, in anything. In reality, he was just their little puppet, floating along on a tight string. 

Keigo looked over the police tape to Endeavor again. Even the number two hero got to keep his name. What makes Keigo so different?

“They’ll be rushing the entrance soon,” Kaori says, her arms crossed, her pressed suit dark against the bright sunlight. “You might be able to see it a little better if you move to the other end of the street.” 

Keigo looks up at her, his eyes impassive. Kaori, sensing his gaze, blinks down at him. “Don’t go far. Consider this a small reward for good behavior. I know what I told you in the car can’t have been easy to hear. Don’t make me regret giving you a little more freedom.” 

For a long moment, Keigo is still. 

He wants to dash off. He’s never done that. It would be nice to place a little distance between him and his handler. Plus, he’s outside. It’s a beautiful day, just puffy clouds and the fresh, clean smell of springtime. Well, and the hustle and bustle of the raid that is unfolding across the street. He looks up at Kaori and her violet eyes lift away from him. She shakes her head and a small smile creeps across her lips. 

“Go on, you better hurry. Endeavor’s about to enter the building.”

It’s all the prodding he needs. Like a shot, Keigo is dashing through the crowd. A few people clamor around him, their voices distant, complaints and admonishments ringing over his golden head. He rounds the street corner and his wings lift, testing the air, trying to tug him into the skies. 

Amber eyes flash as he looks for the perfect spot. Ah-ha! There’s a low, tiled roof across the street. If he can get up to the second story he should be able to see into the back of the compound Endeavor is conducting the raid on.

His back aches, muscles tired and straining, but he ignores the sting. His wings lap against the warm air and, just like that, he’s landing on the roof, his sneakers bright against the dark tile. Keigo turns back to the compound. Yes! Perfect! He can see everything. His wings settle along his shoulders, still lifted as he crouches down, the plumage vibrating, listening.

Keigo can hear some of the transmission between the heroes. Their radios are switched up and the static sound makes his nose wrinkle. It feels fuzzy, almost like he’s stepped on a live wire. Apparently, Endeavor is about to move into the exposed courtyard and Keigo sits up straighter, his wings spreading, cupping under the low wind. He’s so focused on catching sight of the number two that he doesn’t hear the warning cry.

No, he only notices the danger when it’s too late.

His feathers bristle, arching, quivering, reacting as a set of talons rips into his delicate plumage. His wings throb. It stings and he feels the anger, the rage that is coursing through the culprit that’s attacking him. Their screams make his ears ache and he rolls away, his hands instinctively covering his head, protecting himself from the sudden onslaught. His golden eyes are narrowed and searching. What the hell-

The pieces fit into place when he sees her. 

It’s a hawk. She’s already taken to the skies, her dark wings wheeling her back to the roof. She lifts upward, the strong winds carrying her high, against the clouds. Then, she’s diving, her feathers bracing along her sides, propelling her at a terrifying speed. 

She’s headed straight for him. 

Keigo, unthinkingly, rolls out of the way, his own wings flaring open and flapping him a good ten feet or so, hopefully placing him out of range. The hawk pulls up, another scream echoing across the sky. She wheels around, her sharp beak and eyes trained on him. Keigo’s foot slips against the uneven surface of the roof and he bites his lip, his ankle twisting painfully. 

“Hey! Keigo! Oh, there you are. Come on! The raid is wrapping up, we need to get back.”

Kaori’s voice shudders up his spine, his oversensitive wings making her sound like a foghorn. Wait. The raid is over? He whirls back to the compound, his eyes scanning, flashing in his agitation. 

No. No, no, no. 

She’s right. Endeavor and his sidekicks are already back at the front of the building, he can’t even see them clearly from here. He’s missed his chance. Damn it. 

It’s not fair, he thinks, a misting of tears clouding his sight. He’d been so close. And now? Now, he’s gotta go back to that stupid building. Now, they’re going to take away his name and force him to do even more training. Who knows when he’ll get out again. It’s just, it’s not freaking fair.

Keigo wipes his arm against his eyes, pulling the moisture across his sleeve. He can’t let Kaori see him cry. He hasn’t cried in years. He’s not going to give them the satisfaction of knowing that he still...wait...what’s that?

Across the rooftop, close to where his original perch was, is a nest. It looks clumsy, like it might fall off into open space at any moment. It’s held together with a spattering of twigs and sticks, but there’s movement. Keigo lowers his arm, his wings lifting again, feeling. There’s one...no...there’s two chicks inside. They feel soft. Their heartbeats are fluttering, like a butterfly’s wing.  

He looks down at Kaori. She’s standing on the street corner, shielding her eyes from the sun as she peers up at him. Keigo lifts his hand so she can see, one finger raised, silently asking her for a little more time. Kaori groans, he can hear her exhale from here, and nods, lowering her gaze, one hand propped on her jutted hip.

“Be quick about it, Keigo.” 

He lets his wings bevel over his shoulders and he hops, carefully, slowly, across the tiles. As he gets closer, two pairs of yellow eyes peer at him, half hidden in the tangle of twigs. He grins and leans up, wanting to look a little…

The hawk, quick as lightning clatters in front of the nest, shielding her chicks from his curious observation. Her wings flare at his proximity, her beak open, sharp. She clicks a warning, her feathers spreading. Keigo mimics her display, his own wings fanning out and the hawk tilts her head, surprised. Her eyes blink, the dark orange shifting from agitated to quizzical. Slowly, her wings lower, draping along her back. Talons shift against the tiles and she chirps at him. It’s a different sound, less challenging. It's almost like a question.

Keigo lifts one of his hands, his fingers balled into a fist and gingerly extends his arm, his shoes sliding closer. She lifts her wings and glides a little nearer, her head still tilted in that exaggerated way. She chirps at him again and lowers her head. If he reaches out a little further he could stroke a finger down her feathers. Just a bit…

“Keigo!” 

The sound of his name startles him and the hawk. She yanks from his touch and launches herself back into the skies. Keigo watches her, fascinated by the ease, the grace that she moves with. As he’s admiring her fluidity, a single feather flutters to his feet. He almost misses it. The wind starts to catch it, pulling it away, but he snatches it up, his fingers careful to not crush the barbs. 

“Keigo, I’m not going to ask again...”

He uses his wings to help him down the side of the building. The verdant plumage is swelling, arching behind him. It feels different. Keigo lowers them against his back, mirroring the way the hawk had draped them, the feathers close to his skin. It helps. They don’t feel like something that he’s untethered from when he holds them like that. He’s still basking in his discovery when Kaori steps toward him, one brow arched.

“You know better than that, Keigo. Didn’t I ask you to not make me regret giving you a little more freedom? Come on, we’re overdue. What’s that in your hand?”

“Nothing,” Keigo replies, tucking the hawk’s feather into his jean pocket. She was so pretty, fierce and quick.

“You put any thought into any of the names on the lists? We were thinking your hero name should be-”

“Hawks,” Keigo replies, his wings stretching behind him, shimmering in the bright sunlight. “I wanna be called Hawks.”

Notes: bb Keigo is too cute, I couldn’t resist.

Tags: @hawksweek2020​, @spicy-skull, 

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Alright, everyone, this is a personal post as much as it’s a public post so feel free to scroll all the way down to the  colored text for the public part of the message but if you, like me, enjoy drama, then continue on!

So, to make a very, very, very long story short for those who don’t know, I call my birth mother Mother Gothel due to her emotionally abusive upbringing of me that caused me to suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and even hair loss! A few years ago, back in 2016, my friend-turned-sister drove down with her mother, packed me and my bags up, and gave me a place to live and start over where I’ve been able to get jobs, go to school, and become much healthier than I used to be! 

During those years of growth and recovery, however, I kept in contact with Gothel through emails and the occasional phone call. Over the years, from the safety of being hundreds of miles away, I told her that I was gay and dating a girl. The resulting emails were not pleasant and she had no problems about calling my girlfriend a whore. Lovely, right? 

Every email she has sent me has contained detailed bible quotes and scripture and needles of guilt over everything I’m doing “wrong.” She’s still “so proud of me,” however. So at least there’s that, right? 

As of recently I emailed her and told her that I will be attending a four-year university in Tacoma Washington (moving away from Illinois) to continue my education. Her resulting email was lengthy. Here is some of it - cut for length.

Hi Michelle.

... 

You have to watch everything you say this day and time, at least that is what Jesus said in the Book of Matthew 5:37-- "Let your Yes be Yes, and let your No be No. Anything else is from the evil one." (anotherwords the devil will take your words you speak and trip and mess you up land you in jail or prison for 10 yrs)That would be really sad after you work so hard for an education and degrees then let him mess you up but read in John 10:10--the enemy comes to steal--kill--destroy--but Jesus said I have come so that you may have life and have it more abundantly.  That is why Jesus said in Proverbs 18:21" Life and death are in the power of the tongue"

...

I was telling Mom on the phone just this morning we talked for two hours-- that I was going to get a restaurant job here as soon as possible and let it move me out of here--I am moveing to Battle Creek or Marshall by Sept (labor day) and that I was sooo excited that I would finally get to see you, she said either her or Carl would drive me to [REDACTED] every now and then to see you. So Yes, I feel like a bomb was just dropped on me, my heart is broken, however I hope you will be happy and I wish you well in body and spirit-- I wish you nothing but the best. Just know one thing is for sure, I read my Bible and I will tell you right now, we are living in our last days you need to be concerned about where you are going to spend eternity. I just finished up reading the book of Matthew. In Matthew 21:25 The Heading Reads: "The Coming of the Son of Man" vs 25- And their will be signs in the Sun, the Moon, the Stars--mens hearts will fail them for fear and the expectation of those things which are coming on the earth, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. vs 27--THEN they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with Power and Great Glory. Now when these things begin to happen, look up and list up your heads, because your redemption draws near". Jesus said He would give us signs in the Heavens above and the earth beaneath. All of the earthquakes that have been happening for the last decade leading up to the Austrailian wildfires, and billions of animals died, God is giving us the signs, its just like He said in Matthew 24:36-44. 

Lastly, 1 Thessalonians 4 :13--But I do not want you to be ignorant brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God wil bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven With A SHOUT--with the voice of an archangel, and with the Trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rist first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord, Therefore Comfort one another with these words.

After the Rapture, then comes the tribulation. I have read Revelation many times and to say the least you don't want to be left behind.  In Heaven their will be 30 mins of silence that is when all Hell breaks loose down here. Just whatever you do, Do NOT take the mark of the beast if you do, then you will mark your soul for eternal damnation. Then you will hear the devil say----"Hello! Welcome to Hell!

I am saying all of this bcuz now you have a choice to live for God or for Satan. If something should happen to your body or God forbid but if someone tries to take your life or you get in an accident and your heart is not right with God--That is exactly how you will stand at the Judgement Bar. The minute you take your last breath in this body, you will be ushered into the presence of God then it is too late to make a decision there it is if the Angel does not find your name in the Book of Life, then the devil stands there waiting to escourt you to------Well lets just say---You Don't want to go there. But the Bible says you will answer for every deed done in the body good and bad.I know one thing, it can't be too much longer according to scripture. The greatest tool the enemy uses from his toolbox is that you have plenty of time--well I can say the devil is a liar cuz Jesus just says--Be Ready it is not up to us how long we get to stay down here, that is God's calling.Second Timothy 3----But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of truth. 

Sister, we are living in our last days, make every day that God gives you breath in your body count bcuz you don't know when it will be your last day. There is pleasure in sin for a season--Hebrews 11:24. Whatever you do, don't let the devil take your life and your soul, it is not worth it.

Love You So Much and want to make sure your soul doesn't go to H---.  I am praying that you will have a preacher as a husband.I miss you Michelle, I miss hugging you, I miss walking up those stairs to bring your meals to you I would LOVE to hug you just one more time. That may or may not happen before He Returns ony God knows this.Please write me back when you can, you are always on my heart and mind. I have made mistakes while we were all living at 2414, I am so very sorry I pray that you forgive me if I have offended you please forgive me, I thought I had it all together. But now I see, I was just messed up and made lots of wrong choices, but God came along with His Holy broom and cleaned up my mess and said to move on. I am so glad when He forgives our sins, He forgets never no more to be remembered. All I can say is ---Thank-you Jesus.

...

Love You Forever my dearest Daughter and Friend.

This is the average email from her and I’ve been told that it’s not normal to receive emails this long talking about how she’s ‘devastated’ by my choices and how the world is going to end in hellfire soon. Please allow me, however, to show the email she immediately sent after the above.

[T]acoma is Washington's most dangerous city, with a violent crime rate of 953 incidents per 100,000 residents. While this is a relatively high rate — the 96th worst in the country — the city's incidence of property crime stands out even more. ... Indeed, the city had the country's 15th highest property crime rate in 2016

The overall crime rate in Tacoma is 138% higher than the national average. For every 100,000 people, there are 16.81 daily crimes that occur in Tacoma. Tacoma is safer than 3% of the cities in the United States. In Tacoma you have a 1 in 17 chance of becoming a victim of any crime.

Have you done the research for this city?They said Tacoma is the most violent city in Washington,I love you and want you to be happy. There are sooo many universities with the same opportunities.

How would you get around, does your friend drive? I did see how beautiful the area is but you just have to be careful I guess everywhere you go. 

As you can see, she immediately invalidates my choice - something I was very truly wonderfully excited about - and sends me a message that triggers my anxiety. I should note that she did not allow me out of the house without her even when I was an adult and over 18. If I went somewhere she had to be there with me.

Ah, but now we come to today and the email that spurred this post to creation. The above emails were sent two days ago and I have yet to respond. The email below was sent just today. 

Hi Michelle.

While I cannot apologize for what I said, It was not my intention to offend you in any way. I just went to google and typed in most dangerous city in the state of Washington and Tacoma popped up, that is out of 100 cities in the state.Okay, I know you say you have been there and all and you are no match for all of the evil there. God forbid, should something happen to you--you would be just another name and another number to them there is no much evil there they can't control it, I say to you just watch on a daily basis all of the crime that goes on in that sin city.

You better be praying about this cuz I don't think God would want you to put yourself in harms way--make a wiser choice, and God will bless you for it.Look at what happened to kobe bryant incident.... they met a very bad situation face to face and of course their was no way they could turn that around. My whole point of conversation.....sure you can do what you want bcuz you are an adult grown woman, but I would strongly advise you to pray to God about it and make a wise choice here, your life and future depends on right choices you make now.

What about University of Michigan in Ann Arbor or East Lansing University, Michigan University Kalamazoo, they are on the ten universities in Michigan. You need to reconsider your decision and think about your resourses you can get more help from family  bcuz I have all kinds of family up there and I will be up there soon. You are no match for Tacoma Washington. I only say this bcuz you are my daughter and I don't want something really bad come out of this just bcuz you are trying to get an education behind you--this calls for wise decisions.

You may never speak to me again, but I just want to inform you that you need to be very very cautious here.

Love You Forever.

... 

“You may never speak to me again.” 

...

This is the last email I have read from her and it will remain the last email I will ever read from her. I also will not be sending her any emails ever again because you know what? 

Her scared, anxious daughter Michelle Jean Anderson died and I’m what’s left - and I’m sick of her shit. 

So, hello, everybody! My name is Andy Alex Anderson and my pronouns are he/him (or they/them if you panic and forget) and it’s a pleasure to meet you! 

[eng-hypnosismic]

[Eng translation of Fling Posse Drama Track 1]

Ramuda: [humming while walking]

Girl 1: Ramuda-chan! Play with me again, okay~?

Ramuda: Haha, I’ll ask you out again~!

Girl 2: Aw, but if you don’t play with me, I’ll get sulky...

Ramuda: Onee-san, if you pout, I might cry...waaah!

Woman: Ramuda-kun! That last outing was absolutely the best!

Ramuda: I had fun, too! ☆ Let’s have lunch again, okay, Onee-san?

[Girls screaming]

Ramuda: Ahahaha! ♡ I’m kinda busy, so I’ll see you all later!

[Ramuda walking]

Ramuda: Aaand...I’m here! Where could he be...oh! Found him, found him!

[Ramuda runs towards someone]

Gentaro: Ah… is there something I can help you with?

Ramuda: Nice to meet you! I’m Amemura Ramuda! You’re the novelist Yumeno Gentaro-sensei, right?

Gentaro: Yumamo Gentalo(1)…? My name is not that weird. Perhaps you have the wrong person?

Ramuda: [Points at the author’s photo in a book] Hehe! There’s the author’s photo right here! You can’t fool me~! ☆

Gentaro: Aah, that… Yumeno Gentaro-sensei is a friend of mine(2), and he asked me to take the author’s photo in his place. It can’t be helped.

Ramuda: A liar like the rumors say, huh? But that’s a no-no! A big big no-no! I can see right through you, you know.

Gentaro: Oh? And what is it that you see? Please, do enlighten me.

Ramuda: [Whips out his mic] Tadaa! ☆  With this Hypnosis Mic, I’ll uncover the truth of your lyrics, Gentaro-sensei! You might already know this, but the sound from this mic can disturb your mind, so you won’t be able to lie!

Gentaro: [Sighs] I got it, I got it. Everything I told you before was a lie. I am Yumeno Gentaro, in the flesh. So? What does the ex-Dirty Dawg member - easy R - want from me?

Ramuda: Form a team with me!

Gentaro: ... Excuse me?

Ramuda: Let’s make this world more interesting!

Gentaro: There are so many things I want to ask but, first, why me?

Ramuda: Eh? It’s obvious isn’t it, Yumeno-sensei…? Ah, it’s okay if I call you “Gentaro”, right? Right?

Gentaro: Do as you want.

Ramuda: Because Gentaro is one of the two people I find the most interesting in all of Shibuya Division!

Gentaro: In what way am I interesting?

Ramuda: Isn’t it interesting for a person to keep telling lies for no reason?

Gentaro: [Laughs] Most of the words coming out of my mouth are lies, you know? You can’t trust such a lowly man so -　

Ramuda: But! Behind those lies, there are feelings out of sympathy, aren’t there? After all, you’re doing it for the sake of your sick friend.

Gentaro: [Pauses] What are you talking about?

Ramuda: [Giggles] It’s useless to lie to me. My friend in the Ikebukuro Division runs a general odd-job service. So I asked him to dig up all kinds of information on you. Your friend has an intractable disease and can’t leave the hospital, but you want him to smile even if only a little. Therefore you always come up with funny stories to tell him, to the point that you became a novelist... you’re amazing! Other people lie just to make things up you know? Then it’s not a lie, that’s thoughtfulness! Also, it seems like all of your novels are happy stories, but I somehow feel that there’s a sense of loneliness. And that is to say, you think that this world is boring, isn’t it? That’s why I’ll say it again. Let’s make this world more interesting, yeah?

Gentaro: Can I think about it for a bit?

Ramuda: [Laughs] After you’ve decided, come to the address written on this name card, okay?

[Ramuda walks away]

----

Dice: [Growling] P-Please, this is my last chance, if I don’t get a seven here, then I will be homeless!

Ramuda: Arisugawa Dice-kun, found you~!! [Jumps on Dice]

Dice: Uwa-

[Machine starts rolling]

[“You lost” sound]

Dice: [Screams] You! What have you done?

Ramuda: [Laughs] Sorry, sorry, more importantly, listen to what I have to tell you!

Dice: “More importantly” you say?! My whole month of living was depending on this last chance!! And YOU just pressed it and lost it and that’s what have to say? What the hell!?

Ramuda: I want Arisuagawa-kun to… Can I call you “Dice”? Can I? Yeah!! I want you to join my team!

Dice: You’ve gotta be fucking with me

Ramuda: Oh, thank you! You’ll listen to my request, right?

Dice: Listen to what others are saying!!

--------

[Dice and Ramuda walking]

Dice: Tch, don’t follow me...

Ramuda: Hey, hey… Dice why are we going around the park in circles?

Dice: Right from the start you weren’t listening to one thing I said… by the way you made me miss my last chance and lose all I had left.

Ramuda: I see! I see…! I did bad, hm? Silly, silly, silly me! ☆

Dice: You don’t sound like you’re sorry at all!

Ramuda: Hey, will you team up with me?

Dice: [Sighs]  Why would a famous MC like you want to team up with a scum like me?

Ramuda: Huh? Are you actually worrying about me, that’s why you don’t want to join?

Dice: Dumbass, that’s not it. From the start I didn’t really care about rap battles, on the other hand, I just want to gamble whenever I can. It’s the best.

Ramuda: [Laughs] Just like I heard~

Dice: Huh? What exactly do you know about me?

Ramuda: Let’s see… I know that not long ago, in a certain match, you put your life on the table as a bet for something.

Dice: [scoffs] A former Dirty Dawg member would totally know underground infos like this.

Ramuda: Well, I only got this information thanks to a friend from the Ikebukuro Division.

Dice: Well, it doesn’t matter either way. Wherever you got that info from, I don’t give. A. Flying. Fuck.

Ramuda: [laughs] True, true! Where I got the info from doesn’t matter. What’s important is that I know it, right?

Dice: [drags a smoke] If you understand then give up already.

Ramuda: But, you got one thing wrong in what you just said.

Dice: [smokes] Wrong? What did I get wrong?

Ramuda: “I don’t really care about rap battles”. That’s a lie, isn’t it? That’s because the thing you bet your life for, was a hypnosis mic.

Dice: [smokes] [Throws cigarette and steps on it] It’s not really a lie. I’ve heard that using that mic in a rap battle gives you an unbelievable sense of thrill and excitement.

Ramuda: Then? Have you ever tried it?

Dice: Yeah, but… Neither the thrill nor the excitement ever came to me. That’s why “it doesn’t interest me” isn’t a lie.

Ramuda: I see, I see, then why don’t you try having a rap battle with me?

Dice: You’re such a pain in the ass.

Ramuda: Huh? I thought you were in it for the thrills and chills… or are you all bark and no bite, is that it?

Dice: Fine, then, challenge accepted. I’ll make you eat your words.

Ramuda: Then it’s decided. [Mic on sfx] Dice, you can go first.

Dice:Ok then, I won’t hold back.

[Dice’s rap]

It's now or never, it's good luck or bad luck Who's going to win this battle? The king or the joker? Get lost, victory is under my eyes I'm betting it all on this battle, we're reaching the climax.

Ramuda: [groans, tries to laugh] Amazing… I can’t remember the last time I was this affected(3) after just one turn. I knew I had my eyes on the prize!

[Dice’s rap continues]

The goddess of victory is on my side The tension in the air is the best energy Luck is everything, now bet, bet. With this battle how would it turn out even or odd?

[Dice’s rap ends]

Dice: So that’s an ex-Dirty Dawg for you… anyone I’ve battled up until now would have been instakilled.

Ramuda: That’s ‘cuz they were all normies! I get it, though, with lyrics like that. But too bad for you! I’m not your average person.

[Ramuda’s rap]

Haha you're awesome after all I know why you took the mic now But I'm gonna go all out, ok? Kill two birds with one stone look at the fake flow and strong motion 

[Dice grunts and falls to the floor]

It's the best it's the best This is a first for me, tensions are to the roof With the circumstances right now I’m dominating you can feel the sensation of defeat I got a feeling that’s just like my last divination Join me In this mic show

[Ramuda’s rap end]

Ramuda: Wow! You’re amazing Dice, normally people can’t stand up so quickly after hearing my lyrics. Guess you’re no normie yourself, huh?

Dice: [laughs] This is just getting interesting, huh?  Right now, I finally feel that I am living a life.

Ramuda: [laughs] Let’s not stop till one of us drop.

------------------------

Ramuda: You already felt the thrill and excitement to your heart’s content, right?

Dice: Ah… it’s just as bad as gambling… it’s the best.

Ramuda: If you join my team then there will be lots of battles like this. That’s why, let’s form a team together!

[Takes dice out of his pocket]

Ramuda: Why did you just pull out a dice?

Dice: I always do this whenever I have to make an important decision. There’s a god in this dice. Even, I’m in; odd, I’m out.

Ramuda: Got it!

Dice: Let’s go! [throws dice] Odd, huh… well, it’s a shame, but it looks like we’re done he —

[Ramuda takes the dice and fixes it]

Ramuda: Yaaay! It’s even!! So you’re now a member of my team ♡

Dice: H-H-H-Hold up, just now, you totally touched the dice, didn’t you?

Ramuda: No good?

Dice: Obviously it’s not good!

Ramuda: Hey, Dice, do you seriously believe in the dice god?

Dice: Of course, I believe that a god lives in this dice.

Ramuda: Then, you’re betting on that there’s god, right?

Dice: What are you sayi-

Ramuda: If you win, then I’ll give all of me to you.  If you lose, I won’t take anything, don’t worry.

Dice: I don’t understand what you mean at all.

Ramuda: Now then, form a team with me - if nothing worthy comes out of it, that proves that there really is a dice god. But, if you think that you’re glad to have teamed up with me, then that will prove that there is none.

Dice: [laughs loudly] You’re so interesting! Fine, I’ll join you.

[They high five]

-----

Dice:Thanks for letting me stay at your house.

Ramuda: Not a problem at all, we’re already a posse now. Ah, Gentaro! I’m glad, you finally decided to join me, right?

Gentaro: Before you decide, can you carefully listen to my rap?

Ramuda: Hm! Got it. So… here! A Hypnosis mic.

[Gentaro’s rap starts]

Say do you know how to let somebody dream when they've forgotten how to laugh?

If you do please tell me

There's a person whom I want to make him smile no matter what it takes

I'm fed up - to penetrate and pierce through this reality

Funny store, or someday I’m fine with whoever’s story

If I could change the world wouldn’t it be nice to have a rap that transcends lies and reality

[Gentaro’s rap ends]

Dice: Heh, those are really pretty lyrics.

Ramuda: You’re amazing, Gentaro! Better than I imagined! Let’s change the world together!

Gentaro: Yeah, we’re gonna change this world.

Ramuda: Now, all three of us have assembled. We’ve gotta think of a team name. Hm… that’s right! Our team name should be...

Gentaro pretends to have never heard the name, that’s why it’s like that.

Gentaro also uses “Yo” here to represent “I” , which is a very old way to refer to yourself

The original word here is "片膝 (かたひざ)"，meaning that he’s literally kneeling down on one knee - I think the imagery here iis to show that Ramuda is still intact, unlike Dice who just flopped to the floor

[makknays]

beware.

“I get the feeling she doesn’t like you, dude.”

genre: angst (debatable), fluff (also debatable)

word count: 2.2k

summary: Jungkook aka the most well known fuckboi amongst K-Celebs shared a kiss with you and wouldn’t stop appearing in your life since then. 

Jungkook had quite the reputation aka he was the number one fuckboi. Most idols had heard the rumours and seen the various attempts at covering up the hickies on his neck, that were created by someone new everyday. His next target was me. Why did I always seem to get involved in shit like this? First dating rumours with JB? Now Jungkook, aka biggest fuckboi I know, wants to sleep with me? Hell no, I want a stable and calm career, no drama, please?

“Where are we going today?” I asked my manager as I got into the car. “Music video set for BTS.” she smiled as she started to drive towards the set. “How many days is this gonna take?” “2-3. Here’s the ‘script’ kinda thing. Since it’s a music video it doesn’t really have lines but that’s the structure.” she said as stopped at the red light. “Kiss scene?” I said, almost screaming. “I’ve been involved in so many things already and now a kiss scene? With who?” “I don’t know yet.”

“Hello, I’m ___ ___. I will be the actress in the MV today.” I smiled as I introduced myself to the well known faces. “It’s nice of you to be working with us, we heard you were very busy, preparing for your music debut.” Namjoon said as he gave me his infamous simple smile. “No, it’s my pleasure to be here. I’m quite the fan.” I told him before manager called for it. “___? Are you hungry?” “Yeah, I haven’t eaten.” I told her as I walked towards her, hovering over a shoulder. “I’ll order something for you to eat. Go get ready for the shoot.” “Thanks.” I told her as walked towards the makeup artists. “You haven’t eaten?” a voice asked me as I took a seat. “No, but that’s normal for me.” I said, turning towards the owner of the voice. “That can’t be good,” he laughed. “Jungkook by the way.” he said as he held out his hand, clearly expecting me to shake it. “___, but you already knew that.” I smiled as I reached for his hand. -

“I’m hungry!” I half  “That’s your problem!” “You said you would buy me food!” “When we get to the bowling alley!”“So, did you actually date JB or was that another stupid rumour?” he chuckled as he was forced to shut his eyes for his eyeshadow. “I don’t even know the guy, Yugyeom sure, he’s my close friend, but JB? I don’t even know how the rumour came about.” I sighed as my hair was being styled.

“I’m surprised I haven’t been in a rumour with someone, not that I want to be. But I thought I would’ve with the amount of shit I do.” he chuckled as he turned back to look at me. “Trust me, even though you’re not involved in a mass rumour, there are some that exist about you amongst us celebs.” I smiled mischievously, “Like what?” “That’s for me to know, and you to find out.”

“Alright, Jungkook, ___. Let’s do your scene. You two need to be sitting beside each other on that bench, staring forward.” the director shouted as I appeared on set, the stylists making some last minute adjustments. “Fancy us being together for this.” Jungkook laughed as he took a seat by my side. “What are the odds?” “6/7.” “I didn’t want you to actually answer.” I laughed as the director called to get ready for the cameras to roll.

“You did well! Now, kiss scene!” the director called. I was being told how to kiss Jungkook, even though kissing was something I had done 42608 by now due to being in dramas and what not. “You don’t have to be nervous.” he teased. “I’m not, I’ve done this many times before.” “So you’re a pro at kissing? I hope this is enjoyable.” he remarked, causing me to roll my eyes.

“Well that was pleasant, and we only had to do it 4 times.” I laughed as I walked back over to my manager. “That’s it for today.” she smiled as she led me back to the dressing room. “Already? That was fast.” I chuckled, secretly excited that I could finally go home and spend time alone. Spending 90% of your day with notorious fuckboi Jungkook wasn’t easy.

“Kim Yugyeom! I am hungry!” I screamed as he walked ahead of me. “That’s not my fault.” he chuckled as he headed into the bowling alley. “Ugh, you’re the worst.” I muttered. “Well, you’re not exactly the greatest either.” “Fuck you!” “By the way, I invited some other people to join us, hope you don’t mind.” he smiled. “If you buy me some food I won’t.” “Ugh, fine.”

“Yeah, I invited Jungkook and your friend, Somi.” “You invited Jungkook?” I asked, obviously shocked, as I swapped my shoes for bowling shoes. “He’s my best mate and he asked to come anyway,” Yugyeom laughed, “By the way, he wanted to know if you had a boyfriend.” “Why? That’s weird, I worked with him once and haven’t seen him since. Why would he ask that?” I complained as I took a seat. “I dunno, you tell me.”

“Yugyeom! My main man!” Jungkook called from the other side of the building. “Jungkook! Come quickly, man!” Yugyeom said, signing for Jungkook to run over to the him, Somi and me. “What up?” “Nothing.” I replied as I turned my attention back to Somi. “What’s up with her?” Yugyeom muttered as he prepared to play, Jungkook awkwardly chuckled as he took a seat beside me.

“…yeah and Areum’s sister was in tears after he just kinda left her hanging.” I told Somi, rolling my eyes and moving my hands frantically. “What a jerk, I knew he was low but not that low.” she muttered, disappointed at the lack of respect. “So, who’s a jerk?” Jungkook asked, causing Somi and I to turn in shock with our eyes wide open. “You.” I told him after I had recollected myself. “Why?” “You know Areum? Starship trainee? One of our best friends? Well basically, last week you slept with her older sister and broke her heart. She thought there was something, like a connection of some sorts and I knew you had a thing for noonas but I didn’t know you would also break them to the point where their lives are on halt because of you.” I stated. “Wait, she just liked stopped doing stuff cuz of me? I didn’t even do anything, just fucked and left.” “That’s the problem, people have feelings, Jungkook.” Somi told him but stood up to leave in frustration.

“And to answer your question, I have no boyfriend. But that shouldn’t matter to you because you’re not getting into my pants.” I told him as I grabbed my stuff to leave. “Where are you going?” Yugyeom asked as he noticed me leaving, “Gonna get food, since you didn’t. You owe me some another time.” “Will you be back? I still wanna bowl with you and Somi.” “Yeah, but I hope he’ll be gone by then.” I told him as I turned towards the entrance. “I get the feeling she doesn’t like you, dude.” Yugyeom told Jungkook as he plopped down beside him.

It had been a few weeks since I last saw Jungkook, in that time I had managed to injure myself and couldn’t work for a solid two weeks. Do you know how bad that is when you don’t get paid monthly?

“___, I’m here! Your best friends are with you!” Yugyeom screamed over the phone. “The door should be open.” I laughed as I sat myself up and directed my attention towards the front of my apartment. “You won’t like whoever has come along.” Somi added, annoyance evident in her tone. “Just come in.” The door was delicately pushed open, I figured that that couldn’t have been either of my friends, they would slam the door and break it. “Hey…” he said as he walked into my apartment, uninvited. “What the hell the fuckboi doing in my apartment?” I screamed, almost standing up on my injured leg. “Chill, I was with Yugyeom and he said that he needed to visit you.” “I told you there was someone you wouldn’t like.” Somi muttered as she pushed past him to sit down beside me.

“Anyway, how have you been?” she asked me. “Good, until he appeared.” I muttered in response. “I haven’t done anything to you! I don’t understand why you hate me so much!” Jungkook suddenly shouted out of frustration and ran into the unfamiliar kitchen, probably to have a drink of water. “Because I’ve heard about what you do, what you’re known for. It’s not good, you know? It could ruin your reputation. As much as I respect you as an idol and senior at this, I don’t respect the person you are. I don’t want to join in on the dangerous game that you play, it’s gotten me into trouble before!” I told him, finding myself getting louder as I went on. “What have I done that’s so bad? Huh?” he said, reappearing, flinging his arms in the air. “You sleep around, and that’s not the problem, sleeping around is your decision entirely. But not confirming that it is a one time thing and leaving so many shattered hearts. People have gone on hiatuses because of you! People fall for a pretty face and think ‘Damn, I’ve hit the jackpot!’ when in reality they just got a piece of trash.” I laughed, turning my body towards him.

“Why does that matter to you? I’ve never done that to you!” he said in disbelief, he wanted answers but you weren’t giving him any. “Because, the moment I let my guard down, you’re gonna swing in acting like Prince Charming and make me fall in love with you weeks in advance and then you’ll just fuck and go. I don’t wanna play with love or feelings. What we have is strictly business! My emotions and work are separate!” “So, that kiss we shared, you didn’t feel anything?” he said, softer than his previous words. “Business.”

“You two really don’t get along, if I had known that I wouldn’t have brought him.” Yugyeom awkwardly said, breaking that silence that had briefly followed my response. “I told you, you’re just stupid.” Somi told him as she stood up to leave. “I’ll check on you later but there’s too much going on here right now, I’m gonna leave.” she said as she dragged Yugyeom out with her. “Why are you taking me with you?”

After the two had left it was just Jungkook and me. The awkwardness was truly settling in and made the both of us uncomfortable. “Was it really just business?” Jungkook spoke, still standing a distance away from me. “It’s what I was taught to do, detach myself from my job and my personal life. What happens there stays there, what happens here stays here.” I sighed as I stared at the ground. In truth, I had really enjoyed the kisses we had shared on set but I hid it away; I had heard about what he did to people and didn’t want to be hurt. Then Areum’s sister’s ordeal appeared and I really didn’t want to associate myself with such a person. “But, do you always detach yourself?” he asked, making his way over to me.

“No, how can I? I’m human like the rest of us.” “Look, I know you’ve heard many bad things about me, which are for the most part true, but I really did enjoy that kiss we shared. It made me feel things I had never really felt, like a spark or something. I guess I was in the place of my various ‘victims’ and karma decided it was payback time and made me start to fall for you. Even though we didn’t really talk and when we did you got annoyed at me, I was still drawn to you; I just want you to give me one chance.” he said as he sat down beside me. “I don’t wanna let my guard down; I don’t wanna get hurt.” I told him truthfully. “I’ve been in this position before, someone told me they loved me and I opened my heart up, only for them to shatter it.” “I won’t do that if you give me this one chance, I’ll take you on a date and if you enjoy it, well, there’ll be several more.” he slightly chuckled at his own statement, feeling ridiculous as he had fallen for someone. “One chance, and one only.” “This means so much to me, I’m gonna use this wisely.” he smiled as he took my hand in his and looked at me properly for the first time since entering.

Suddenly, the door swung open and an angry looking Somi and giggly Yugyeom were there. “We got food but he wouldn’t buy it for me.” Somi whined as she dragged herself into the apartment, only to see Jungkook and I sitting side by side, hand in hand. “What the fuck?” Yugyeom said, eyes ready to fall out of his head. “Now I owe Somi 20,000 Won.”

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 6: “That's the plan. Hope it works. Hope I survive.” - Boris

Cassie

I had a feeling our tribal would be an easy vote for Charlie and then had a feeling that Sumi would vote Bradley out since he hadn't done much in the challenge for them.

But now it's merge time so let's do this baby!

Flint

I made the merge! I’m so excited to play out this next part of the game. I’ve grown close to Cassie and Felix but I’m not sure where everyone stands in our alliance now that it’s an individual game now. 

Felix

The time has come for my social game to produce the fruits of its labor. I have planted seeds and I will harvest. Right now, I need to focus on becoming social with every member on this tribe to avoid me becoming the easy merge boot. With this idol and eraser, I can become a huge help to my alliances and other allies. I have already aligned myself with Marie and Lysandre in the new and improved Drama Bitches alliance chat. I'm working on Zest, Apollo, and Boris right now, but I don't trust any of them for a second. I'm fine with the numbers I have, but we'll see how all of this goes. Boris wants to see messy gameplay. He'll be a threat later in this game for sure. Cassie is telling me that Marie is looking to make a big move with this first tribal council. I wouldn't mind. Especially if it's someone from Sumi leaving. Especially if it's Apollo or Boris. Apollo and Zest still seem to be tight with me but that could be a ruse. I'm just hoping my social game holds out. So much is happening that I just cannot keep up writing these confessionals. Cassie told me that Marie might want to throw my name out as a "big move" for the early merge. Jokes on Marie that I have an idol. So if I even get a whiff of my name in the air, I'm going to use it on myself point blank. 

Miss Marie is getting real bold for having no true allies. Sucks to be her. If she had just calmed down and genuinely aligned with me, I wouldn't have to do this to her. Sadly, it seems like she is getting a big head for no reason. 

Lysandre is spilling that he doesn't want to pull of a big move with Marie. He believes it is unnecessary to put a target on your back so early into merge. Plus, we haven't even finished the immunity challenge yet. He's very hesitant about going along with Marie. I hope he is willing to turn on her eventually

Lysandre

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Me and Marie WON!!! Mea WINS and we get to avoid fire making!!! Also Marie was right! The losing TWO tribes went to tribal. SO WE DID THAT by getting first place. Our tribemates had to die for MYSANDRE to rise. Now that we won I can't help but hope that Boris survives. He needs to up his social game or else he's in trouble. Apparently his social game is ok at best because Apollo didnt tell him what his advantage was and yet Boris claims they are close so what is the truth. Meanwhile me and Marie are discussing the game and our potential future at a merge and a strategy that may work for us. Lets go Mysandre and Lysoris!! Felix

All these people with their big moves! First Marie, and now Boris too! I'm so Tired. I just wanted a peaceful first merge round, but instead I have to deal with these crazies running around. Hopefully, the people with common sense are going to vote these two out!

Zest

I am very nervous about the merge! I know a lot of people have played this before and I have not... so that makes me worry about some of the dynamics. 

Lysandre

SO I MADE MERGE AHHHHHHHHH!! I'm so happy to be reunited with Boris and Apollo. I plan on making them two of my closest allies if they allow me to. So Felix immediately begins to revive all of the alliances that he was in and I refuse to be one of his numbers. I talked to Boris again and told him some new tea about Felix and how he's the ideal target but he (Boris) is being targeted by Taui for being a social threat apparently. I also am frustrated with Apollo and how he isn't telling Boris what he got in the Auction and yet they are aligned. It just doesnt add up one bit. I mean I trust Boris when he says he doesnt know but Apollo not telling him is super sketchy. Marie is proving herself to be a real liability as of now. She keeps making game mistakes by telling Cassie, one of Felix's allies, that she wants to vote for him. cassie told Felix 100% and Felix back tracked and talked to us. I recovered the situation and moved the target on Marie instead of myself by suggesting big moves are Marie's idea. That then became some more scrambling that was annoying. I started talking more with Zest, Apollo, and Briana to try and form some kind of relationship with them and maybe an alliance plus Boris. Who knows if that will work or not. The challenge is really cute!!! I'm loving it even though its giving me a grand headache. I'm being super specific right now in my searches and even going by species and often forgotten geographical locations like the middle east and etc for inspirations. I think that I have this one in the bag but I do not want to become overzealous. Fingers 

Lysandre

So the latest developments are the SuMea alliance that is in the works of being formed as well as an alliance within that of Me, Boris, and Apollo. I feel like I'm forgetting to confess something but eh it will be ok. Oh wait I wanted to talk about my future post merge. I really want to go on an immunity streak if possible and then if I lose one I would just play my idol or double vote. 

Apollo

What the fuck is indeed going around on the island? A lot of fuckery is going on around the island. Apparently my idea to get Brianna out didn't turn out. Bradley was so inactive, it was hard to not vote him out. Whatever. Now i'm stuck with her, so i guess i better make sure she feels like we're closer than ever. Antyways, the leaders alliance turns into the supremes and then turns into a pile of sh*t because Cassie wants to run back to Felix with everything Marie is saying, plus she has a hard-on for voting out Borris. GURL BYE! YOU JUST MADE YOURSELF ON MY HIT LIST.  I still want Felix out, but girl maybe its you who needs to be blindsided. *insert Tasha's "we got a rat" gif here* https://i.redd.it/z3726rlp64ax.gif I am thankful for that since it resulted in Marie and I gaining a bond and SuMea forming. So now Borris and I have trio chats with: zest, brianna, and lysandre. Lysandre has really come through, i enjoy him a lot, and I plan to work with him for a while, but I cannot go to f3 with him, he's got to go sooner than later. Ideal boot list?

10-cassie/felix 9-felix/cassie 8-brianna 7-lysandre 6- joey 5- flint 4- Borris 3- Marie marie

I expected better from cassie wow Felix

I am getting back into this idol hunt game. I'm kind of scared of each result, but it can't be any worse then how it is. I mean I do already have an idol, but if I got another one then it'd be fantastic! I just did the termites outcome, so we'll see if I get an advantage. I think termites are edible and healthy so hopefully it works out in the end. The worst (in my mind) that can happen is a 10% disadvantage which would lead to just an overall -5% which, for this challenge, is only about 1 or 2 points off. So I should still be good for the challenge. I chatted with Apollo last night and we joked about the idol for a bit. I hope that I am bonding well with him. I need numbers to oppose Marie, and if I can avoid using my idol then it'd be greatly appreciated. Right now, I am hoping to see Boris leave in the next tribal council. Or perhaps even Brianna since I never talk to her and she has yet to message me. Otherwise, I'd have everyone in this tribe on lock down socially. Let's hope they do not think strategically to get me out in the future though! While I was in the shower, I thought of a way to use the idol in a fun way if I don't use it next tribal council. I could use it to force a tie next round with my eraser that works in my favor. I erase someone's vote next round which leaves a 4-4 if the votes were initially 5-4. If my side of the votes won immunity and I played my idol incorrectly though still on my side, that'd leave only 1 person eligible for rocks on my side and 4 on the other side. It'd be fantastic to use if I happened to find myself in the minority next round for whatever reason. But those are a lot of "if" scenarios so it'll probably not happen.

Brianna

Welcome to Brianna put together a shitty list for the challenge cuz she did it 30 minutes before it was due. Bcuz I got ice cream. Do I regret it....no. I love ice cream

FelixIt sucks that I didn't win immunity. But if I hear even a word of my name in the air, I'll play idol. It is better to be safe than sorry. And I'm coming after Marie specifically with this. 

I've decided that Brianna would be an easy vote off if people are willing to make a simple move this early into merge. Though, according to my sources, people are looking to make big moves so I have no fear of being vocal since apparently I am this "big move" that people are seeking. We'll see if things go the way I plan. If I don't hear my name and don't get the vibe, then Brianna will be the target. Otherwise, I'll be targeting the people that have specifically targeted me, like Marie and anyone else who says my name. I'm so hyped for this tribal council! Those people won't know what hit them!

Flint

This first merge vote has me nervous af. If all goes well we will stay Tuai strong for a four vote block, however Cassie and Joey have been a little more quiet post merge so their loyalties could lie elsewhere. Maybe after this vote it will bf time for me to break free from Tuai bonds. 

Felix

Thankfully these people are not dumb. It seems no one wants to go along with Marie's plan to vote either Boris or I. Apollo has told Boris all about Marie and Cassie targeting me and Boris respectively. What he doesn't know is that Cassie is only throwing out Boris' name to appease Marie such that I do not become the target. Boris admitted to knowing those details to me willingly. And, since Apollo told him, he must not be too apt to vote either of us out any time soon. Lysandre admitted to me earlier that my name was going around in One World, and that they have my back all the way. Divulging this information means that Lys will not vote for me either. It seems the Brianna vote is going to happen no matter what now. I've pushed for it, and I think it'll definitely go through 

Lysandre

Ok so I won immunity which is absolutely fantastic but I cant help but think it paints a bigger target on my back. Whatever though I still have my idol and extra vote. 

Marie is proving herself to be a bug liability lol. She is almost confrontational and she basically disclosed a plan to be a flip vote. She did so Publicly lmaooo so like rip??

Lysandre

So people originally want to do Felix  which is ok but the way Cassie answered her question seemed to paint me as a threat and someone to take out. She has also suggested Boris's name which is rough and she has also ran back and told Felix that Marie mentioned his name. Im on her hit list but she's on mine. Keeping Felix in as a shield will help me because in case I lose immunity he will be a bigger target.

Felix

I am at the point now where if I am being played, then I am being played. I'm almost certain Brianna is leaving this tribal, but you never know. I'll die with this idol in my pocket and no one can tell me otherwise. 

marie

people are acting like apollo and lys are doing everything and suggesting all the big moves, no bitch its a bourbon triumvirate k??? like it's taking all of my self control to not go "hi yeah its my idea too-" but the last thing i need is a target on my back, i feel like felix might want me out cause i threw his name out but haha bitch we're not even voting you the vote is cassie. and if i end up being the merge boot i will cry. rant over

Brianna

Okay. Update time. Sumi and mea made an alliance together giving us a majority of 6-4. So that’s cool. The targets went down like this. The other side is targeting me and our side wanted to target Felix but Felix found out so in case of an idol play we are going for Cassie. Honestly I was a little upset about it because I wanted to hopefully work with Cassie in the future but then I heard I was being targeted and I just had to go with it. Honestly. I kind of really wanted Felix out. Oh well. Guess I’ll just have to wait. If I make it through this vote and don’t get blindsided haha. 

Cassie

I know I flubbed a bit on the challenge and I guess some of the sites I used for research weren't good enough, but oh well. Personally I do not believe I'm on the bottom, but more along the middle. I don't believe others are deciding my fate for me, but if the tribal doesn't go the way I expect it to then I'll be mad, sad, and then I'll just sigh. 

Boris

we MERGED. I MADE IT. WITH LYSANDRE. AND APOLLO AND ZEST. So much has happened. I made an immediate alliance chat with Lysandre as an AOC F2. We have a separate alliance with Apollo. I have 3 person alliances with every combination of people originally on Sumi. AND we have a mega alliance with Sumi and Mea. I have alliances upon alliance

Boris

woops I submitted that last one too early. ALLIANCES UPON ALLIANCES to keep me safe and keep me grounded. We all seem to be really good players so I'm so excited!! We can easily slay this merge.

Boris

This first merge vote is also EXTREMELY messy?? I've heard four names going around, those of which being Felix, Brianna, Cassie, and MINE. WHAT. Felix was an obvious choice going into merge, ask anyone and they'll tell you the same, but Cassie thought it was a real cute idea to suggest that I was a better option??? Why?? whomst knows! But yeah I'm scared as HECK because apparently I'm getting votes tonight. All of my allies wanna keep me safe, and Apollo and Lysandre came up with the idea to vote out Cassie because she's putting my name out, and in the process make it seem like Felix is actually our plan, so we can flush any votes that he has. So YEAH! That's the plan. Hope it works. Hope I survive. If Cassie idols herself I'm gonna idol myself. Bye bye. Xoxo

Lysandre

So I hope Boris lives but this can be a pretty crazy round if Bri flips or advantages are played!

joey g

We made it to merge! Surviving that last tribal council was honestly due to the straight male privilege i exude. I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread and dont really know whats going on, but hopefully people view me as a goat so i can wake up down the line and nobody will see it coming.