#cuz otherwise he feels like hes sinking between the cushions when he sits on the actual couch

[koropukgoro]

Jet put Ein on Spike duty

[subasekabang]

Title: Anything To Make you Stay, Chapter 11 Rating: T Word Count: Total: 15,761, chapter: 1,346 Characters: Joshua, Neku, Shiki, Eri, Beat, Rhyme, Hanekoma, Kariya, Uzuki. Pairings: Josh/Neku. Warnings: Suicide, Major Character Death, Depression, semi-detailed depiction of dead bodies, mentions of ableism, one minor allusion to transphobia Summary: Joshua and Neku have been best friends since they were 11, but their friendship starts to fall apart after Joshua goes missing for a week, soon after his 14th birthday. Lies corrode the bond, and Neku’s vivid nightmares of finding someone’s dead body does not help. A year and a half later, they hit the boiling point. Always look before crossing the road, kiddos. Author’s Note: Autistic Josh and Neku! Afab demiboy Josh! Agender Rhyme! Usage of sign language! This was a fun fic to write please enjoy it.

Chapter 11:

“What the fuck?”

Neku flinches back at the sight of Joshua in the Composer’s place. “What the actual fuck!? Josh?!”

“I owe you an explanation,” he says, and Neku wants to punch that calm, collected look off his face.

“No fucking shit you do! Tell me!” Confusion swirls in his head, storm clouds getting ready to strike with lightning if the answer isn’t good enough.

Joshua takes a deep breath, eyes darting around the room, one hand tapping against his thigh in a nervous habit that Neku recognizes. He doesn’t know how to say it. So Neku waits, letting Josh form the words he needs, the script to say.

“You already know what I told you during the Game. None of that was a lie. I’ve always seen it, Hanekoma told me all about it, along with Kariya, that orange-haired Reaper. I was ten when I met them, and feeding a ten year old info and stories about the UG? Much different than playing in it. I fantasized about it, being Composer most of all. I mean, power, freedom, nobody to tell me what I can and cannot do? I wanted it. I met you and I wavered, maybe I could be alright living a normal life? But every time my parents did something, every time someone said stuff, it tempted me more.” He has to stop and close his eyes, rubbing his forehead.

“Once I figured out a plan that would let me get my Fee back and still do it, I thought I could have the best of both worlds. When my parents didn’t even bother to send me a gift for my 14th birthday, when they’d made it clear how little they cared, I gave in. You know how there was always that gun at my place? I shot myself. I…”

His voice cracks, lightning spearing through it as the neutral facade wavers. “Fuck I ruined everything. I mean, I won, you got your memories back, but that should never have been a risk I was willing to take. If I’d known that, even a perfectly done plan would lead to this, I would’ve never… It wasn’t worth it, seeing you have nightmares about a death you couldn’t even remember, seeing you grow suspicious of me, all your anger because I kept disappearing and lying.” Joshua has tilted to the left, and by the end of his rambling, he’s ended up on his side.

Neku, on the other hand, is sitting upright, spine rigid as he listens to Josh’s tale. He has a hundred questions to ask, he needs to ponder the cold, sinking horror of the implications about his nightmares, and yet the first thing out of his mouth is: “You’re impulse decisions are shit.”

Josh cracks a smile, face half-obscured by the couch cushion. “Would you prefer it if I run any and all impulse decisions by you, first?”

“Yes, definitely. Can’t trust you to do what’s good for you, apparently,” he says, before sighing. “Is this why you kept disappearing?”

‘Yeah, had to oversee Game weeks. Technically, I should’ve been in the Room of Reckoning the whole Game, but I couldn’t leave your fate up to chance. Oh, that reminds me, Composers still have higher-ups, apparently, so uh… They might be a bit miffed. If I’m harder to get ahold of, that’ll be why, but it shouldn’t be too bad. It’s not like I killed you myself, just chose to hop in during the Game.” He pauses, frowns, and then mutters, “If you want to get ahold of me, that is. I understand if you don’t want me around, after all of–”

“Oh shut up,” Neku cuts him off. “Of course I want you around. You’re my friend, you turd. I was mad, yeah, and I still kinda am, but I’m not casting you out of my life cuz you acted like a buffoon a year and a half ago.”

The warm smile Josh gives him melts away at some of the cold anger covering his heart, and he can’t help but return it. And god, Joshua, with that smile, and his face half-buried in the couch, wings tucked in close to his sides (Neku’s gonna have to take a closer look at those sometime, but for now he tries not to admire them), echoes of his crush flutter in his heart. Josh is cute.

As soon as that thought crosses his mind, he blurts out, “You can’t read my thoughts, can you? I like having privacy in my brain, please.”

Josh snorts. “If I really wanted to, I could overpower the Player Pin and hear what you’re thinking, but I don’t want to. Before, I tried to keep you’re thoughts at bay, but for me, it’s like I’m always passively scanning all of Shibuya. The city helps to filter it for me, and I ensured your privacy, but sometimes things slipped through.”

He lets out a sigh of relief. His emotions are already jumbled up, scrambled like eggs, he doesn’t need Josh finding out about any potential rekindling of an old crush.

An ambient silence falls for a minute, as Neku thinks of what else to ask first, before he yawns.

Josh sits up, looking over at him. “We ran around Shibuya shopping and battling Noise for like, eight hours today, and then we had this chat. You must be exhausted.”

Neku nods. “A little, yeah, but I can keep talking.”

“Nope,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m bringing you back to life and depositing you directly into your bed. I’m sure you have more questions, but sleep and some time to think will help. We can always talk more later. If the higher-ups do something, Hanekoma will find you. If you don’t hear from me in a while, look for WildKat, he’ll be there. Otherwise, you still have my number, and it does work across the planes.”

He pouts, because he wants to keep having this conversation, but it’s clear Josh is insistent. A stray thought says that maybe Josh is trying to get rid of him, and as it registers his eyes widen, panic splayed across his face as he prepares to stand up and do something, anything to stop Josh if his suspicion is confirmed.

“You’re not going to make me forget, are you?” His voice is quiet, but the fear leaks into it, pitching it higher. He’s ready to beg if he needs to.

“No.” Josh’s own eyes widen, and he shakes his head, spitting the word out as soon as Neku’s question registered. “God no, Neku, I’d never make you forget this. I don’t even think I could. You finally know everything. The Higher Ground could order me to make you forget and I would refuse, I would face them down before doing such a thing.”

Relief floods his chest, and he can feel his heart start to beat again. At first, that doesn’t register as strange, but as his blood rushes through his veins for the first time in a week, he gasps. Warmth radiates outwards, Josh’s powers weaving him back together, imbuing his body with life again.

When he looks over at Josh, he sees his friend standing tall, violet eyes piercing through the mask of that white glowy disguise. For a second, all of Shibuya is contained within his chest, the strings wound between him and Josh as their Pact burn, scalding him from the inside-out. The pain evaporates after a second, but it leaves him breathless. Or maybe that’s because he hasn’t had to breathe in a week.

A hazy glow floats around everything, not just Josh, and he’s pulled through Shibuya’s melody, finding himself deposited in his bed. Alive. Blood pumping and oxygen flowing.

He lets out a laugh, and grabs his phone to text Josh. He finds four new numbers in his contacts list, and a message from Josh already.

^Sorry for the quick goodbye, we can talk more later. I hope my gift helps make up for cutting the chat short. They all have your number too.*