#cw self-harm scars

[eldritch-araneae]

Solar Wind: Chapter 1, Page 13-14

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[xitsensunmoon]

He still loves your stupid face

@kandidandi screaming at you

[kiddycup]

oc timeskip

[kingprinceleo]

vampire au- damage control

[anemoia-comic]

[howlsnteeth]

i told you i'd be coming back again for you, but i'm not i'm going way out where the world will never find me

[tumbleinthenet]

pov: you ask the weird kids what happened last summer

[vulpixisananimal]

(Self harm scars below the read more!)

(You wake up.)

(The last time you woke up, you got a name.)

(Null.)

(Null, nothing, nobody. Blank slate. Actor. Tool. Whatever. You don't know why you chose it, maybe it's because that's what you are, a nothing.)

(No, not a nothing. You exist now, after all. You curl your fingers, feeling the warm sheet on your body. That's right, you had made it to a bed. You open your eyes.)

(You're alone in a room, big enough, one bed. Looking to your side, you see the signs of a second person who had already gotten up and dressed. You must have slept through it.)

(You look at your hands, you hold them close, stretch them to the ceeling, clasp them together. They're wrong. They're frail, pale, with teltale scars on the wrists. They're not your ams. Sitting up, you see your legs. Shorter, you're short. Your hair is a mess. Your body aches and you haven't even done anything yet. This is the body of somone who spends their life traveling, being sneaky, and couldn't lift a sword to save their life. Yet, it was your body.)

(Null Null Null. . . Where did you come from?)

(You stood up and walked to the window. It was raining. Your memory is mixed, jumbled, confused. On one hand you remember that ever changing house, you remember fighting that person who you couldn't touch, and you remember a play. Many plays.)

(On the other hand, you had memories of a city of bright lights and rain. You could remember the blood, and the tears. You could remember how time bent to your will, how everything slowed around you. You remember the masks, the little girl, that panoramic feeling, and-)

(And you remember that it's all fake.)

(Everything. All those memories. They're not, real. They're of a story, a play, a show. It was a tragic story. One that you loved, or Siffrin loved, as a child. You couldn't remember all of it, but you could remember enough.)

(That's why you're Null.)

(. . . You get dressed. You don't like it. "Your" clothes feel off, distracting, annoying. You don't know how you lived with it before. The hat was distracting, your hair was distracting, the eyepatch was distracting. You hated it, you really, really hated it. You rub your wrist.)

(Come to think of it, you had yet to be "in charge" alone. Finally. Might as well meet the rest of your companions. Companions? Fellow actos? Friends? You'll figure out a good name. You head downstairs.)

(Ah, the common area. There were a few people there, as well as a couple of your companions. Mirabelle was sitting at a table with some plates of food on it, she was writing something, and Isa was chatting with one of the other patrons.)

(Isa was talking to some tall girl with silver hair and a winter coat. At another table were two other people, one with hair down to his shoulders and a cloak, and another with a fancy vest reading a book, they were bickering. Seeing you come down, Isabeau quickly said goodbye and went to Mira's table and waved you over. You join them.)

"Good morning Siffrin!" (Mirabelle says cheerily.)

"Morning." (You say, get into character.) "Did I miss much?"

"Hah! Not at all Sif!" (Isa said, sitting down.) "Sif, right?"

"Yep!" (You lie.) "I slept like a rock."

"I'm not surprised, we had a long day yesterday, eat up!" (Mira said cheerily, oh! The food was for you! It was samosas, you start to eat.)

"Everyones doing their own thing right now." (Isa thought for a second.) "Bonnie's becoming best friends with Jan in the kitchen. Nille wanted to get unpacking properly. Odile. . . I think is still asleep? And Ramos went for a jog."

"Ramos jogs?" (You say, tilting your head.)

"Yup. They're a good runner, better than me." (Isa says.)

(You think back to when you fought them. Upwards of ten times you had to try that fight, they were fast. You roll your eye.) "And they said they weren't strong."

"Exactly!!" (Isabeau waves dramatically.) "It's just mind boggling if you actually get to know them. Sure they're not a hard hitter but that's fine! They're fast! You're like that and you're the strongest here!"

"Yes, it's because I'm fast." (You wave a hand, voice dripping with sarcasm.) "The time loops have nothing to do with it at all."

"W-well--" (Isabeau stumbles over his words.) "I-I mean, you were strong anyways?"

"You flatter me~" (You chuckle, this was fun.) "Who were you talking too, by the way?"

"Oh!" (Isa looks over to the girl with silver hair, she's writing in a notebook.) "She's a traveler, like us! We were swapping stories."

(Hmm, you smelt a lie in there.) "Nothing too personal, I hope."

"O-oh! Of course not no!" (Isa turned back to you.) "Just a friendly conversation."

(You let it go. If needed, you'll interogate her later. You finish up your food and stand up.) "I think I'll go on a walk."

"Didn't we do a lot of that yesterday?" (Isa asks, jokingly.)

"Well, yes, but. . ." (You look off to the side.) "I noticed there's a Favor Tree. I wan't to go see it."

"O-oh, will, will you be alright?" (Mirabelle asks, worried.)

"I'll be fine. No wish making for me, either." (You respond, smiling.)

"Just be careful of the rain, Sif!" (Isa encouraged you. You smile back, say your goodbyes, and head to the door.)

(It was a light rain. A nice rain. You felt the raindrops fall onto your hat, and slide off of your cloak. You stay there for a moment, feeling the rain, hearing the rain. It's nice. You walk towards the Favor Tree.)

(It's up a short hill, a well worn path marking where to walk. It was a large tree, you didn't know what kind. Turning to look behind you, the homestead looked much smaller now that you were further away and above it. How many people have gone through here, you wonder. How many have made their wishes, correct ritual, or not. You don't know, it didn't matter.)

(You stood at the base of the grand tree. It's branches spreading up and around you, engulfing the sky in a natural painting of a lightless night. The rain was gone, here. It was eaten by the leaves and wood above you. It was nice.)

(You had no wish to make. You had no wish you WANTED to make.)

(You sit down at the base of the tree, the soft earth is comfortable beneathe you.)

(Who are you, Null? Who are we.)

(For the first time, you've been able to walk on your own. Talk on your own. You met your companions, even if it wasn't under your own name. You're living in this world. But. . .)

(You close your eyes. To sleep? No, no. You wanted to talk. Talk to them.)

(The book reading one and the cloaked one belong to @fungal--wastes and @neoncityrain)

[ruscribbles]

💗 DA-DA-DA-DA-DARLING ~ !! 💗

[nyuheartbreak]

im so tired oh god anyways have these little doodles

[wyrdle]

A kinder god than Nyx

more shuji ikutsuki x takuto maruki doodles AKA thinking about their shared desire for emancipation from pain

[avoidcrowdraws]

'Don't mind me, please continue.'

[prxxxyart]

Old

[red-rover-au]

I have some ideas for Purple Rain

[gabessquishytum]

cw: past self-harm, past suicide attempt Morpheus and Hob have already been dating for a few months, but they've always made love only with the lights off. Morpheus asked about it from the very start, just like he asked not to touch his arms and thighs, and Hob respected his boundaries. Morpheus hopes he gets a pass as the shy, socially awkward weirdo that he is, but the truth is, he's afraid to be deemed broken and not a bf/husband material. The thing is, Morpheus has scars. He had been self-harming for a while, and tried to take his life a few years ago. He IS doing better now: he's still on meds and in therapy, but he finally can control his self-destructive tendencies, and he's even doing much better in terms of his eating disorder. He works hard, and he's got a lot to be proud of. Still, he's certain his past would scare Hob off, so he's trying to figure out for how long he can keep Hob satisfied with sex in the dark and what to do if (when! he's sure that moment would come) Hob asks him to switch at least low light and touch more skin.

Oof, this one made me tear up a bit. To anyone out there at any step on the recovery journey, please know that I'm so proud of you. You are working hard, and I promise that its going to pay off.

I think Hob would obviously be sad to know that Dream has suffered so badly. But I also think that he would be utterly unbothered by the scars. Like, aesthetically? He doesn't mind at all - theyre as much a part of Dream as any other. He's not repulsed, not scared off. He's proud of Dream, and sorry if he's ever pushed at his boundaries too much.

Truthfully, Hob has scars too. All kinds - mostly injuries from doing sport or doing stupid stuff while drunk. There's the one where he got his appendix out. There's also the remnants of cigarette burns on his forearms, which Dream has seen many times but never heard Hob talk about. Hob shows them to Dream more closely and explains that many years ago his girlfriend died and in his grief, just to feel something - Hob used to hurt himself like that.

Dream is really surprised, because Hob seems so... functional and mentally stable. Knowing that Hob has struggled too gives Dream a lot to think about, in fact. Although he doesn't quite feel ready to be under the glare of a light, he decides to let Hob touch the places where his scars are bad. Just the two of them, in the dark together, Hob’s fingers gentle on his skin.

It's another step on the path that Dream has been walking alone, so far. But now Hob is with him. And suddenly a life of recovery doesn't seem quite so difficult or lonely. Hob loves him, scars and all, and that makes everything feel just a little bit easier.

[a-single-melon]