#dahliasforkatya

[boygeniussy]

quick about me:

name: sasa (she/they/he)

age: 26

my primary is @saramonial any follows/replies will come from there

my former urls are @gaymietaylor and @dahliasforkatya so if u are confused about how you are suddenly following a boygenius blog i am sorry and also not

[artificialqueens]

Church of the Poison Mind (Trixya) Ch. 7 - Dahlia

A/N:

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I’ve been going through a lot of pretty heavy real life stuff, and have just basically been overwhelmed, but I am so OVERJOYED to be writing again! And I thank you so much for your patience in waiting for this chapter! Here’s hoping the final chapters follow in quick succession. Thank you so so so much for all of your kind words and messages, they keep me going!

ALSO I’M SO SORRY THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER IS JUST ANGST. You’re welcome. :)

I would not have made it through this chapter, or life in general, without my lovely lesbians DjoodiGarland and Matilda_Queen. Thank you for always being there for me and loving me through this. And to Rosie, my beautiful, sweet love. Thank you for everything, I don’t know where I’d be without you.

“What kind of daughter are you?”

There had been a lot of shouting those days, a lot of name calling, a myriad of misspoken insults that sank into her skin like injections of lost faith.

Trixie spent most of her time calling rental agencies, shaking her mother awake, getting turned down by realtor after realtor because she was, well, she was too young. And truly, how could she expect any respectable adult to take her seriously?

“You have to be at least 18 to apply.”

 I’m not.

“Is this a prank call? Where are your parents, kid?”

Hell, if I should know.

”You have to file a credit report, first.”

What’s a credit report?

“Okay so, why can’t your mother come to the phone again?”

She’s ill.

”We’ll get back to you.”

No, you won’t.

Homeless. Trixie kept thinking, homeless . If it continues on this way, the sheriff will come and evict us and we’ll be homeless. Countless nights she’d lie awake, obsessively checking her emails, relentlessly disappointed, and she’d think homeless.

She’d stopped going to school, stopped trying to wake her mother in time for the truancy officers, in time for CPS, and family services. And nobody looked at her the same, they always held the same disgustingly patronizing eyes. Poor trixie, her mother doesn’t care, her mother can’t care, her mother had forgotten to care.

But still, they shrugged her case off. Afterall, there’d been no evidence of physical abuse. Trixie appeared well fed, well kempt. And this allowed for more time, for more phone calls and rejections. Allowed for more empty booze bottles and prescription refills, piling sinks full of dishes and dirty carpets.

And soon she found herself asking, “What kind of a daughter am I?”

—

“I’m very sorry, we… I should not have done this. It was inappropriate of me.”

“Katya…”

Through the fog of lost sleep and Russian folk flowing tinny through the car speakers, Trixie rubbed the sleep from her eyes, stealing glances from her seat on the passenger’s side. Katya’s eyes were narrowed and stolid as she drove, focused on the road, pale hair spilling out in heaps over her thin shoulders. And neither of them spoke, the ever-thickening gravity of the night before weighing on them like a fever dream. Trixie felt tender but weary, fearful. She wanted more, so much more than the situation could allow.

Somewhere, on some plane, Trixie knew that this was fleeting; that any feeling Katya might’ve held for her, couldn’t be sustainable. And she could feel the regret, hanging bitter in the air between them, that even though they hadn’t done anything measurable, it was the tenderness that stung the most. The cloying need for sweetness, need for more, contradicted by the wavering inability to act; but still, she yearned for Katya’s touch, for that laugh, and those wide, curious eyes.

The sun came into full view then, but the hour was still just as pale blue as the shine in Katya’s eyes. And as they pulled up to Trixie’s house, much to her surprise, Katya didn’t look over, but stayed steely, eyes cast over the dashboard. And Trixie sighed complacently, as the warmth had seeped out of Katya’s smile somewhere between Main street, and Beacon drive.

Trixie sat for a moment, quiet in her breathing, searching the side of Katya’s face, silently willing Katya to turn her head. Her sight followed the deep plunge of Katya’s cheekbones, down her neck, her freckled chest; and Trixie wanted nothing more than to reach out and let a hand fall to the back of Katya’s neck, but she resisted.

And just then, with a subtle haste, Katya sent her arm across the center console, over Trixie’s chest, and opened the passenger’s side door.

Confident there was nothing more to be said, she flipped a brief nod of thanks and turned in her seat to step down, but before she could, the light brush of Katya’s fingers found her cheek. And Trixie turned her head to meet Katya’s eyes, just as bright and heavenly as they were the night before, but riddled now with penitence. Trixie closed her eyes, leaning her cheek into Katya’s palm, a deep exhale leaving her like a calm under the waves. Softly, she opened her eyes, took in one last glance, and stepped out of the car, closing the door gently behind her.

Soon Trixie was watching Katya pull away, her car stalling at first, and then kicking up dust as it descended the graveled drive. A chill ran through her, smooth in the November air; and Trixie found herself, bleary eyed and sullen, missing the cardigan she’d forgotten in Katya’s back seat. All the while hopeful, incredibly hopeful, that its presence would carry Katya back to her.

With a forbearing sigh, Trixie carried herself up the porch steps and pushed through the front door. She entered, closed it quietly behind her, and tiptoed through the kitchen, kicking off her shoes by the basement door.

“Well, aren’t we getting in late…”

Trixie turned with a start, her heart skipping a beat. Kim was sat at the kitchen window seat, spooning heaps of sugar into a steaming mug of tea. And as the steam crept into the air, an image of last night’s coffee churned in the pit of Trixie’s stomach. Then she was desperate for it, remnants of that memory still latent on the burnt tip of her tongue.

“Or should I say,” Kim spoke again with a curt grin, “early? Given it’s 5am.”

“Okay, mom. I could ask you the same thing. What’re you doing here so early?”

“Waiting for you.”

“What, why?” Trixie chuckled, scanning Kim’s face.

Trixie crossed the kitchen floor and headed for the coffee maker, her hip brushing Kim’s protruding knee as she passed by. Her head ached with exhaustion, and while she was thankful for the comforting gurgle of coffee brewing, she felt irritable, raw; unsure if the coffee would help or hurt. Trixie laid her upper body over the center counter top, her elbows resting on the surface; and she closed her eyes, self-soothing, rubbing slow circles into her temples.

“So, you did forget?”

“Forget wh-” Trixie stopped, slowed, “oh, shit. Kim, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot we had- I just got so caught up in… wait, so you sat here all night… waiting for me? Why didn’t you just call me?”

“Well, no dummy, I’m not a freak. I woke up a little while ago. And I did call you, last night. But your phone was off.”

Trixie patted around her pockets, and upon finding her phone, ran her fingertips over the surface; the tips of her nails catching in the cracks of last year’s shatter. And while she powered it on, a soft silence hung in the air between her and Kim.

↳ Kim: hey, i just got in, pearl’s cooking again, im whispering tiny prayers for the safety of your kitchen. you leave school yet?

↳ 1 Missed Call: Kim

↳ Kim: Violet said she hasn’t seen you all afternoon, are you okay?

↳ Kim: say yes to the dress is starting in like 5 mins, do you want me to wait… or???? should I just assume I get to indulge in ALL of these facemasks by myself??

↳ Kim: yoooooo my skin abouta be TIGHT

↳ 6 Missed Calls: Caller ID Restricted

↳ Kim: ok it’s literally 1am, where tf are you????? im getting kind of worried here. ive had to stop violet from calling the police like 6 times

↳ 2 Missed Calls: Kim

↳ 11 Missed Calls: Caller ID Restricted

She shook a wave of anxiety and returned her gaze to Kim.

“I… I’m so sorry, I just, my-”

“You were with her again, weren’t you?”

“What?”

“Listen, I’m worried about you, Trix,” her tone softened, and Trixie met her gaze through clouds of coffee steam, “you-”

“Listen Kim, I’ve had kind of a shitty morning and it’s like dick o’clock and I really don’t have th-”

“You’ve just, you’ve been spending a lot of time with her, Trixie.”

“Excuse me? Are you policing who I spend my time with now?” Trixie said, still joking, but a little sharper than she’d intended.

Speech suspended for a moment as Kim drew in a long breath, and exhaled on a quiet sigh.

“Okay. First of all, chill. I just mean that… Listen, Trix, she seems sweet, she really does, but there’s some nasty stuff going around about her and I just don’t want to see you mixed up in that.”

Trixie could feel a bubbling heat rising in her chest, up her neck, spreading into a rouge across her cheeks. She poured the coffee into a mug, some splashing onto the countertop, and found herself rifling through the spice rack for cinnamon; she needed something to shake Katya’s impassivity, to bring her back to last night’s loveliness; but the scent alone burned Katya’s image in the back of her mind, a picture so clear of her face, so cold and distant.

She sipped slowly, cinnamon catching at the back of her throat, and somewhere in all of the coughing, Kim’s patronization had crept beneath her skin and set the surface ablaze.

“Honestly Kim, I love you, but it’s too early for this shit. And thinking about it now, literally none of this is even remotely your business. You don’t know anything about her,” Trixie said, biting. Her headache raged on, a sour pang radiating from the back of her neck. And she could tell she was overreacting, creating something out of nothing; but she couldn’t help but fall farther into it.

“Trixie, I’m your friend. I’m just saying, you always do thi-”

“Well, don’t just say . I’m stressed enough about this as it is, and I don’t need you, of all people, making this harder on me! You’re always on me about this kind of shit, and I don’t need it right now!”

“Wow, okay. You make plans with me. Break them. Fuck your teacher. And somehow, I’m in the wrong? Since when is carin-”

“I did not fuc- did you ever stop and think, for maybe even a millisecond, that the reason I’m spending all of this time with her is because you keep ditching me?”

“Trixie, do not put this on me. You always do this.”

“Do what?” Trixie snapped.

“You always turn things around on me! I’ve literally done nothing wrong here!” Kim stood then from the window seat.

“Oh, so it’s perfectly okay for you to promise me a ride, and then leave me stranded like three times a week, but the one time I make a human mist- “

“I’ve done so much for you, Trixie! This is not one human mistake . I knew you’d find some way to fuck this up. You know, I bust my ass day and night, and everyone fucking wants something from me. I give, and I give, and all you do is take,” Kim interrupted, throwing her hands into the air, and letting them fall hard to her sides.

Trixie watched the argument unravel from a space outside of her own body. She could see the anger leaving Kim in harsh waves; and though the salt water stung, stirred bitter words in her own mouth that threatened escape, she was able to rationalize, self sooth. She couldn’t fully give herself to the argument, knowing that this was long awaited for Kim, that maybe all the stress and chaos had finally gotten to her.

A person could only bend so far before it broke them, could only expend so much before they were due. And Kim, generous and giving as they come, had spent countless hours of her life twisting and contorting her time to fit the moulds of other people; but the words still hurt, still rang of distant memories of her mother’s disappointment, of rage and of acid.

“Fuck what up?” Trixie took a step back, her mind racing.

“Nothing, just forget it.”

“No, you have something to say, say it. You’re not my mother Kim, I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“Oh, that’s rich! You know, I might as well be your mother. Who the fuck do you think found you this place when your actual mother threw you out? Who got you the job you quit because it was,” Kim pulled her fingers into air quotations, “too much? Paid your rent when you couldn’t. Who busted her ass getting you into this school? You can’t commit to anything Trixie, and now, NOW, you’ve gone and figured out the ONE way you can fuck up school, too! I hope Katya’s worth it I really do. Because when administration finds out, you’re both fucked .”

A knot twisted tightly in Trixie’s stomach.

“Stop bringing her into this! You don’t know anything about her! Or me for that matter, clearly. But obviously , you have a lot to say,” Trixie said, almost shouting.

“You think she cares about you? You’re wrong, Trix. You need to grow up, really. She’s using you, just like she did Phi Phi. And when this all blows up in your face, like everything always does, you’re gonna come crying to me. And you know what? I won’t be here.”

Just then, a small noise from the staircase caught their attention. They turned their heads to find two thin figures perched at the top, eyes wide and watching. And Pearl opened her mouth to speak, but Trixie was out the door, leaving her coffee steaming on the counter.

—

Kim’s words, heated and stinging, followed her like a phantom down the darkened halls of her university. And while it hurt, ached a sore plight down the center of her chest, she knew that everything Kim said had been right. She’d been a bad friend, taken too much and given too little. And she could hear her mother’s words too, fresh as the day they were spoken, like silent criminals come to steal her composure.

Autopilot carried her to Katya’s class, wearing the same clothes as yesterday, in the same cracked makeup down her cheeks. Their eyes met and unmet constantly, knowing, each glance holding space a little longer than it should’ve. And Trixie felt as though she could cry at any moment, as the dull ache in her head echoed through the back of her skull, and the glaring need for escape ravaged all the spaces in between. She felt trapped, cornered, unable to escape Katya’s eyes; though she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to. She wanted someone to see her, that she was sure of. Someone to see passed the façade and tell her that it was all going to be okay; and she wanted that someone to be Katya; but some things just couldn’t be, and she was learning then, slowly but surely, that she had to make peace with that. Maybe they could come out of this on top, settle for glances and smiles, chats after class, and maybe, just maybe, Trixie could forget the rush. And if not forget, then settle for a dull ache of what could’ve been.

5 Missed Calls .

Class flew by in a blurred rush of muted anxiety, Trixie auto piloting her way through the motions, all the while hoping she could slip out near the end unnoticed; but much to her dismay, as Trixie had anticipated, the end of class found Katya beelining for Trixie’s desk, and any interaction between them became suddenly unavoidable.

“Listen, Tracy, I’m… I’m very sorry about last night, about this morning, I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable,” Katya started.

“Katya don’t, really. It’s fine, you haven’t don-”

“I think it would be… in better interest, if I didn’t drive you home anymore.”

“I don’t understand,” Trixie said, picking absently at the corner of her thumb nail.

“We can’t do thi-”

“We haven’t done anything.”

“You know what I mean.”

Trixie stood for a moment and let everything sink in, their eyes meeting.

Katya reached for Trixie’s left hand and brought it gingerly to her lips. So tender, so domestic. She placed a soft kiss on Trixie’s knuckle, then let their hands drift together to the left side of her chest. And through the cotton of Katya’s blouse, Trixie could feel the quick drumming of her heart, could see in her eyes a great fear, but also a great acceptance.

“I know,” Trixie said quietly, pulling her hand back.

She turned on a slow heal and started for the door; leaving Katya, small and teary eyed, stark in the middle of the room. And as Trixie stole a final glance, the light of the projector cast her silhouette like a specter across the back wall that sunk into the floor while the door swung shut behind her.

She’d only gotten a few steps down the hall before tears began spilling down her cheeks, probably carrying mascara with them. And Trixie blotted the space beneath her eyes, covertly avoiding eye contact with Jinkx as she passed her down the main hall just before the stairs.

7 Missed Calls.

 —

 She found herself outside then, heading toward the employee parking lot, under the usual tuck of trees that arched against the rain almost protectively overhead. Though many of the leaves had fallen and sunken into the grounds, there had been just enough to provide her shelter, and she stood for a few beats before realizing Katya wasn’t going to come; then again, neither would Kim. Trixie shivered as the cold hit her, her breath evident in the brisk, and she coiled into herself, wrapping her cardigan tighter around her hips.

She patted around her pockets and produced a crumpled twenty dollar bill, that she smoothed against her books and tucked into the side of her bra, the very last of that week’s allowance. While she scrolled through her phone in search of a taxi company, though they were sparse in these parts, she watched as cars puttered by her, subtly hoping to see Katya’s round the drive.

Before she could hit call, her phone lit up again, buzzing in her palm; a contact photo, her at a young age, eyes bright and glittering, a cheesy smile. And her mother, younger, less weathered, hair still long and curly, thin fingers pinching Trixie’s cheeks.

Until then, the calls seemed more like a minor nuisance, just a permanent fixture on the dashboard of her notifications, but now it cut deep; reminded her of all that she’d lost, all that she’d never regain. And she did something she hadn’t done in months, hadn’t done since Kim had found her and brought her here, she answered . And it went just as swimmingly as she might’ve guessed.

“I’ve been calling you for weeks,” a gravely voice slurred through the phone line.

“Are you, are you drunk?”

“What kind of daughter would ask that?”

Soon there was shouting. And Trixie lost all awareness of her environment, her surrounding; but she knew people were watching, she just simply forgot to care. And tears were spilling out of her, falling onto her shirt, tangling with the rain water washing down her skin.

The air was cold, her fingers red and pruning, phone pressed firmly into her cheek. Everything was spinning and far from sound, and as her mother continued her lamentation, Trixie grew more tense, more unabsolved. She felt trapped suddenly, by all of the forces outside of her own body, controlling her, prodding and pulling like the strings of a marionette. And she came to a startling realization; her life, wasn’t hers. This wasn’t what she wanted, this wasn’t who she wanted to be.

Before she could even hang up the phone, someone was tugging at her arm, pulling her gently from the rain, and from the watching eyes. Guiding her down into a car, her boots finding the comforting crush of empty coffee cups and to-go wrappers. And her phone found its way back into her pocket, as did her fingers, numb from the cold that she pressed into her thighs.

They drove in mostly silence, down familiar roads that were slick now with sleet. And the squeaking of the windshield wipers held an almost deafening stance against the silence.

“Tracy… Ar-”

“Please, Katya. Please , don’t.” Trixie said, drying her cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier, I just… You can still talk to me, you know.”

“No, I can’t. I really can’t.”

Just then, Katya pulled her car swiftly off of the road, hitting the curb and throwing the gears into park. She took off her seatbelt so she could turn to meet Trixie’s gaze.

“What are we doing here?”

“I want to talk to you. I want you to talk to me, there’s n-”

“You know what,” Trixie said, unfastening her seatbelt, “I really can’t. And you know damn well why I can’t.”

“I am not understanding this.”

“Because, Katya! I fucking want you, I want us, I want…” Trixie threw her hands into the air in exasperation, “this! And I’m so sick of everyone in my life telling me what to do, and who to be. Even you! Everyone is always… god, I don’t know! I’m so fucking overwhelmed all of the time by this expectation of who I’m supposed to be, how I’m supposed to act. I have never, ever, not once in my life, not had to fight for every single thing that I have and I’m sick of it. I’m my own person, we are both fucking adults and we can make our own decisi-”

Before she could finish, Katya’s hands were over the center console, pulling her face close, their lips finally meeting.

—

And suddenly her fingers are on me, in my hair, running down my neck. Our mouths meeting like it’s the first time, gliding swiftly over one another, melding us as one exchange of impassioned energy. And her breath is warm, and sweet, intoxicating . Everything I need. Devastatingly, so. From the light of the cars in passing, flickering across her skin, I can see every unspoken word, escaping into the expanse. She wants me, and I want her, and this may be fleeting but I’ve forgotten to care as her hands stroke passed my hair and down my back, sliding with a quick and heavy rhythm like she’s striking a match. Every ounce of angst in me cries out for her, yearns to be closer, to be deeper, to love long and speak sweeter. And I’m falling into her hard, like I���ve never fallen before-

 —

Their lips parted as Katya pulled away with haste, her eyes squeezing shut.

“Trixie, Trixie, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have, we can’t do this!” Katya tensed, her accent thicker than ever.

And all of the spinning inside of Trixie stopped, her expression blank, eyes blinking quick and without rhythm. Her skin flushed, hot embers fading into gray coals.

“ Trixie ?” She said in a hushed exasperation, realizing that it was the first time she’d ever heard the name leave Katya’s lips.

“We can’t, I’m so sorry. I just, I care about you so much but we… we can’t Trix-”

“Why not? WHY NOT? You just said it, you care about me! Katya, please, not you too, you can’t do this to me, too. I can’t handle someone else telling me what I ca-”

“Trixie, please try and understand… I’m so so-”

“You know what. Save it. ”

And with that, Trixie was climbing out of the car, the garbage underfoot kicking out onto the sidewalk.

[pichitinha]

fic rec list

trixya wlw (trixya mlm | non-trixya)

artificiallale

all for you - girls like dollies

two roads diverged (or, the importance of stevie nicks)

a ticket to anywhere

little plastic castle

AmbiguouslyGayBaggingshield

Dina’s Fun Aunt

thesemovingparts

five foot three

gray lace

connyhascontrol

Growing our own Daisies

Owning our own Crazy

Emily Waters (missparker)

here comes the rush before we touch

These Hearts Adore

DahliasForKatya

Church of the Poison Mind

yekaterinunhhhh

little light

gibraltar 

cactusandalily

there’s beauty in a work in progress

mallstars

Love Shack

katyazeroni

Honey & Yarrow

theartificialvixen

Fools Fall in Love

silvervelour

Take off your pink cowboy boots

Powdermill lane

Jigsaw ice cream cones

campholmes

belle femme  

california summer (series)

Pichitinha

Like Never Before

Home is where you make it

It only takes a taste

Possibly, Maybe

Follow Your Arrow 

Gone Tonight

Cause I give you all 

Searching, Waiting, Looking

[dragmetohellmama]

you deserve all the followers u have! do u have any blog recs?

This is the sweetest ever thank you 😪💞💞

And yes I love all these lovely angels!

@getfuckedbrenda @biadoreyou@deepsharkstudent @jinkxymattel @katyasconsort @katyassmokebreak @kirschebombe @dahliasforkatya @cactus-and-a-lily @theofficialcunt@missfame @artificial-jazz @bussykween @trixya-thunderfuckery @casa-delrioI might be forgetting some but these are all good blogs! 💖

[sadistic-sabatina]

what are some cute drag race blogs i can follow (i'm asking heaps i need some suggestions!!)

okay, I know a lot of great rpdr tumblrs, so here they are: @anussthingispossible @biancadelqueen @currentreigning @dahliasforkatya @damnkatya @katyaapetrovna @biadoreyou 🌸

[adoredykelano]

Would you happen to have any RPDR blog recs? I'm pretty much in love with Trixie and Peppermint. Idk when this happened, but I blame/thank you for it. So far I've just been scouring tags but like, haven't really found any to follow. o_o;;

OH BOY DO I

@katyaapetrovna @dahliasforkatya @lesbianyekaterina @kirschebombe @fleursverts @sashaseyebrows @whotfisgina @papitati @sashasvelour @beatricethickumsmattel @onlyvalentina 

[i-flood-my-basement]

Get to know me meme (: answer the 30 questions and tag 30 followers that you would like to know better Tagged by: @lovelychainsaws - Thank you! Nickname: Barbie, Barbs, Barb, I’m The Only Surefire Way To Disengage A Temporomandibular Joint DOCTOR BITCHCRAFT *horn noises* - but I honestly answer to anything Gender: Genderfluid Star sign: Leo, Virgo Height: small, like 5'1? Time: 7:52 AM Birthday: August 28th Favorite band(s): Ooh um… Trio, Tegan and Sara, Steam Powered Giraffe, Peculiar Pretzlemen Favorite solo artist(s): Trixie Mattel, Hayley Kiyoko, Troye Sivan, Dolly Parton, La Roux, Kiesza Song stuck in my head: High by Sir Sly and Don’t take the Money by the Bleachers - my mind keeps bouncing between the two. I was listening to top 40 radio and they are both catchy AF Last movie i watched: The Craft Last show i watched: Scream {gosh golly gee does Bex flood my basement} When did i create my blog: Actually just a little over a month ago - June 23rd! I just really love drag and I realised it didn’t really work with my other blogs - so I made this one. Also to interact with other drag race fans because I need friends and y'all seem so cool Last thing i googled: if there was an acronym for Flood My Basement, and like FMB isn’t it - so no Do u have other blogs: Yes, I also have @katyas-grey-wig and a personal blog that I hardly post on anymore Do u get asks: Not that often actually, but I’m really bad at replying quickly when I do - I love to get asks, I just get a lot of anxiety and it takes me a bit to form replies - But I’d love more asks {anon or not} Why did u choose this blog name: Lordy, because I’m thirsty AF and I mainly reblog and post those that Flood My Basement Following: 892 awesome tumblrs Followers: 1,261 and I have no idea how, but HELLO - I love and appreciate all of you. And if we’re mutuals, then we are instantly best friends - I don’t make the rules. Favorite colors: Black and Toxic-Neon-Barbie Pink Average hours of sleep: hahaha HAHHAahahha hahaha - I sleep in pieces and at times I’m fully out for like 18 hours. Life with a chronic illness is MF'in trip. Lucky number: 7 Instruments: Guitar, Piano, Bass, Drums, and I’m learning the accordion {who wants a Trixie accordion cover? Lol} What am i wearing: *winks*…. Jk, I’m wearing a pair of shorts and a Willam tank top How many blankets i sleep with: One, but I have like 4 others close at hand because I get really cold at random times at night Dream job: Probably something in performing arts, I’d love to do drag - or at least stand-up comedy. Maybe a writer? I think that would be cool to make money from Dream trip: Dude, I just want to travel, anywhere my girlfriend is with me. But who knows maybe if I start travelling I might actually get a girlfriend. Maybe Canada first. Favorite food: Oh, well Pizza is my main love, but chile relleno is my side piece Nationality: African American/Native American Favorite song now: I think currently it’s High by Sir Sly or Dumb Blonde by Dolly Parton

I tag @katyaapetrovna @dahliasforkatya @kirschebombe @dragmetohellmama @anglelica @lesbianyekaterina and anyone else who wants to answer! I’d love to see your answers!

[heykittygorls]

The waitress was like how many cups do you need and I was like no bitch I NEED A straw Any whozeels send me anons while I watch Batman Returns and bug @dahliasforkatya

[dumpsterfirepixie]

@dahliasforkatya tagged me in this so why not 🤷🏻

relationship status: single

favorite color: black🖤

lipstick or chapstick: lipstick👄

last song: HO HO HO HO - Willam Beli

last movie: Disney’s A Christmas Carol

top three shows: RPDR, Broad City, Bob’s Burgers

top three ships: Victurri, Otayuri, Ben/Leslie

top three bands: EXO, Panic! At The Disco, Ninja Sex Party

3 favorite foods: buñelos, pizza, burgers

current reading: Wiccapedia

I’m tagging @crybabyragamuffin @queen–puta @lyssa-xp @yikes-emilia

[boygeniussy]

Hey, what was your url before? I was gone for a while and can't remember who you are but your blog is cool 🥲

haha! sorry i just keep rebranding this blog.

i was dahliasforkatya, then i was gaymietaylor

i still really love bly manor and want to blog about it and share my fics but i was just not finding much content in that fandom anymore!!

[boygeniussy]

hey friends!!! this is sasa (formerly DahliasForKatya) i am converting this old ship to a bly manor blog/home to all of my gay ships ♥️

mostly bly manor, a league of their own, killing eve, etc. if you aren’t interested in making this crossover with me, i truly won’t feel any type of way if you wanna unfollow!! a strange road of emotional events led me to kind of burning out of the drag race fandom

but if you wanna keep following, and maybe we used to chat or be friends, i’d love to chat again and catch up!!! Hmu

(Side note: i think it’s pretty safe to say at this point that i don’t intend to finish cotpm, if you are in desperate need of resolution, feel free to hit me up and i’ll tell u the ending. i might post some fic here in the future but it will probably be damie <3)

[artificialqueens]

Church of the Poison Mind (Trixya) Ch. 5 - Dahlia

AN: I’m so sorry for the wait, thank you all for your patience!! It’s been a rough couple of weeks trying to get this chapter out, and I could not have done it without my babies Lale and Matilda! <3 Thank you everyone for the kind words, they’ve really kept me going. Enjoy! :)

Her father’s truck was a bit older now, but just as beautiful and grand as the first time she’d seen it. She loved the metallic red paint, how it glittered in the sun; the smooth beige seats, and how her thighs, sticky with sweat, would adhere to the leather on hot days. She’d never forget the day he’d first brought it home, how foreign it looked in the driveway, how new and exciting.

Her mother had been jealous of it, of course, as she had with most things; resigned herself to the den with some remark about a whirlwind romance between him and the OnStar lady. Trixie liked it though, loved it, especially the DVD player he’d had installed just for her. It felt like home, a feeling that was ever fleeting those days.

The truck felt different with her riding shotgun, that woman. The woman she’d seen around at company barbecues, and holiday parties. It was okay though, they weren’t doing anything wrong, just giving her a ride home. After all, the barbecue had gone on later than usual, and she was probably just too tired to drive herself home. Probably just too drunk, they both were. Trixie could see her father’s sunken eyes in the reflection of the rear view mirror, and she worried then of her mother, pictured her still awake, counting minutes on her fingers. Trixie wondered how late they’d be back this time, if there’d be hell to pay when they got home.

The moon hung low in the sky, full and bright, and her eyes constructed images around its yellow glow. A suspension of ropes and pulleys, ticking gears and thudding sandbags; she imagined, risen each night by some stagehand, sheathed in darkness. Quite like the rise and fall of her chest, hollowed, with its own network of webbed intricacies, and backstage operators. Every thought that passed through her suspending some great disbelief.

And then it happened, simple and absent mindedly, it happened. She witnessed her father’s hand drift across the center console, slide up her knee, and come to rest on the bulk of her thigh. And everything shattered, like a picture frame torn from the wall, a crack down the center of their family portrait. Fevered tears broke havoc against the sweet swell of her pink cheeks, streaming off of her chin, tangling in her hair. Every lie Trixie had ever told herself, told her mother, dissolved into the break of dawn.

On ceaseless nights, when sour thoughts kept her awake, she could still hear his voice, soft and sweet, like a whisper; could still see his face, half shaded under the flickering glow of the porch light.

2:01 A.M. A school night.

“I’m just gonna make sure she gets home okay, alright? But I might not be home until really late, so don’t get worried. Go right to bed, don’t wait up. If she asks, just tell your mama that I crashed at Ben’s house. You wouldn’t want her thinking anything funny, right? That would just make us fight more, and I know you don’t want that.”

She waited up anyway. He hadn’t come home, again.

—

A cooling dew lingered in the grass well into late morning, a damp thickness clinging to the sparse brown leaves overhead. And as the sun–intermittently veiled, bestrewn with foreboding storm clouds–continued its curvature across the early November sky, the crests of the Catskills faded into a soft, foggy gray. The usual birds of sunrise, still tucked away in their dens, nestled quietly into the faint whisper of calm. And through strained ears, Trixie leaned outward to listen, to the finches and rain doves, chattering happily into the wake like friendly beacons. She smiled warmly from the front window, pulled on a cardigan, and sent silent thanks to Violet for refilling the bird feeders like she’d asked.

Trixie stepped off of her front porch and into the light of morning; she paused for a moment, allowed the mist to settle into her lungs, and started down the drive. Kim’s car sat idling, parallel the sidewalk, and clouds of exhaust billowed from its tailpipe, swirling into streams of daylight. She bounced down the wooden steps, and as the screen door swayed shut, thoughts of Katya, quite like beads of water, evanesced into the air.

A weekend of rumination, of sunlight and crisp autumn air, had brought her to a few conclusions, and she settled into them, calm and ready. It was a new day, a fresh start. Things would be different, they had to be.

4 missed calls.

Kim greeted her with a sleepy smile, and they made their way to the university. Waves of bleary eyed students filtered in and out of cars in a revolving shuffle, and Trixie was resentful toward Kim for dragging her out of bed so early. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, careful around her mascara, parted ways with Kim, and set off for something to fill the hours before her first class.

“Trixie, darling!” a familiar voice called from across the quad, “Kim was just telling me that you’re a bird nerd like me!”

Trixie pivoted her upper body to find Max, standing excitedly by the marble steps of the front entrance, waving around a stack of flyers. She stood beneath a small gray umbrella, and her hair seemed almost lighter in the overcast, her skin, pale and unblemished. Trixie took comfort in her warmth, found shelter from the rain in her kind eyes; rainy days suited her.

“A bird nerd?” Trixie smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Forgive me, do you prefer ornithologist in training?”

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call myself an ornithologist, but I like bird watching.”

“My apologies! Might I say, you’d be perfect for our bird watching club. We meet every Friday.”

Max extended a flyer to Trixie, it read across the top, in looping cursive: Live and Let Fly.

“I highly wren-commend it,” Max continued, “It’s a real hoot, but by all means, take some time and really gull it over.”

They paused for a moment, a beat resting between them, before falling into laughter.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Promise you’ll still attend?” Max said, red in the face.

“Of course I will, I wouldn’t want to ruffle your feathers.” Trixie grinned.

The girls laughed while thoughts of sanctuary echoed through her, and despite those dark hours, when loneliness crowded the lull of her exhale, she felt safe here, at home. She found friends who suited her, soothed her, jokes that made her laugh; but she was wary, things like home, safety, loomed like a cruel and efficient saboteur. She rose with the sun each morning, just on the cusp of daybreak, knowing that if she’d only risen a few moments sooner, her room would still rest in darkness.

—

As the afternoon progressed, dark storm clouds closed the sky and rain beat hard against the windows of her chemistry classroom. She sat lost in daydream, and the hours passed happily, her ears savoring the sweet drum of downpour from her cozy spot indoors. She worried then of how she’d make it to Kim’s car without an umbrella, but decided to pay it little mind.

“Well, it would look as though we are finished!” Katya beamed, Wednesday having come and gone with ease, “I expect those papers by Friday. So make like little ants on ground and work, mama, work. Get. It. Done.” She stood from her swivel chair at the head of the class, made her way to the door, and clasped her hands together, watching as students trickled out.

“Rain is like cats and dogs, get home safe little ants, crawl on home!” she called after them.

Trixie smiled as she brushed passed Katya on her way out the door; her hair was much longer than it had been at the start of the year, but her lectures grew shorter and shorter by the day. Instead, she delved deeper into projects and labs, which the class preferred; Trixie being the exception. Katya had such ardor for her work, such an encompassing enthusiasm. And Trixie could listen to her speak for hours, wanting nothing more than to cocoon herself in that Russian curl.

“Tracy! One second, I speak to you?”

Trixie blushed, stopping in her tracks, and Katya waited for the room to clear before speaking.

“Your last lab,” she began, beaming, “The notes were so… extensive! So spirited. You are such strong writer.”

“Really?” Trixie’s breath hitched in her chest as Katya’s soft eyes came to rest on hers. Bird songs outside the second floor window rang in her ears, instinctively, she plucked out the staccato trilling of nearby chickadees. She settled into the chatter, looked down at her hands, and then to Katya’s pointed pumps. The tips of their toes faced each other, and Trixie peered up from under painted lashes, unable to escape the shy smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. Katya still had the impression of rimmed safety goggles outlining her eyes.

“It is quite welcome change from the usual drone, maybe you could give Roxxxy a few pointers?”

“That bad, huh?” Trixie grinned, her body leaning inward.

“Have you ever watched the corpse of a tiny, hairy pig slowly decay?”

They laughed in unison; Katya’s laugh a little too great for the moment. And Katya slipped off her lab coat, folding it over one arm, before throwing it over the edge of the desk. As she did this, the fabric teased down her shoulder. Trixie’s heart skipped a beat. The A-line of Katya’s dress cut into the sharp indentation of her collarbone, the red brightly contrasting her creamy shoulders. And the space between the dwindled.

“I should get going, Kim’s probably waiting for me… she doesn’t like the rain, she’s always afraid it’ll mess up her makeup.”

The words left Trixie’s lips a bit breathier than she’d intended them to.

“I’m glad we can talk like this, I like you. I want you to feel comfortable around me,” she said, stale cigarettes and dirty chai leaving her tongue, “see you tomorrow, Tallulah?”

“Tomorrow,” she smiled.

She waited for Katya to collect her folders, albeit longer than she’d expected to, as Katya slovenly sifted through the clutter. Trixie held out the door for her, and the scent of cardamom crept out of Katya’s empty coffee cup from where it perched against her ribcage, pressed into the crook of her elbow; Trixie would miss the lingering twist of clove when they parted ways.

—

Trixie swiped a school paper from the welcome desk, and held it over her head, braving the downpour. She scurried to Kim’s usual parking spot, to find that another car had taken its place. Trixie pressed a protective hand to her forehead in an attempt to shelter her mascara. Her eyes wandered across the parking lot, stopping on every idling car. She peered down at her dress, noticing that the cotton had gone sheer under the weight of the rain. There had been a tree close by, just tall enough for Trixie to duck under, and she did, though the rain persisted steadily through the branches. Her phone screen dotted with small beads of water as she pulled it from her purse and opened their group chat.

Trixie: Bitch where are you??? It’s pouring??? I could win a wet t-shirt contest tbh

Kim: oh

Kim: MY

Kim: GOD

Trixie: WHAT

Kim: girl I’m so sorry, so sorry. I promised Jinkx a ride to the secondary exhibition tonight and I totally forgot to tell you…

Jinkx: Sorry girl! I had no idea!

Trixie: FUCK. can you please let me know these things ahead of time?? Idk like maybe one of the 40,000 times I saw you today?????????????????????

Pearl: OKAY QUESTION MARKS.

Kim: I said sorry, can I call you a cab?

Trixie: don’t worry about it, it’s okay. I’ll get an Uber or something.

Kim: I love you!!

Trixie: Ily2

It wasn’t okay, but Trixie couldn’t be upset for long. Kim meant well, she always had. Her commitments were just piled too high, her inhibitions stretched thin, and Trixie couldn’t blame her for being scatterbrained. Trixie wiped her phone screen with the already dampened edge of her dress and tucked it beneath her palm, hopeful that water wouldn’t seep into the speakers. The blaring trill of someone laying on their horn made small hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“Tamara! You’re dripping wet, chicken. Is that rain water, or are you just really happy to see me?” Katya called, hanging her head out of the car window. Her wood-panelled station wagon seethed under a canopy of trees, and thick exhaust clouded heavily into the fog while water sheeted down the rear windows.

“What?” Trixie shouted back over the roar of the engine, squinting through the rain.

“Where’s your ride?”

“Don’t have one!”

“Get in loser!”

Trixie hesitated for a moment, then hurried to the passenger’s side. The handle resisted a bit at first, her fingers slick against the metal, but gave in under her grasp, and the door opened with a long, creaking groan. She tossed her bag over the front seat, and into the back, throwing her bottom down onto the cracked leather. As she slammed the door shut, empty coffee cups and fast food wrappers upended beneath her feet, crunching beneath her boots.

Trixie paused to eye Katya in the driver’s seat, and the image of her fit so naturally. Her cheeks warmed.

“Thank you… So much, really. I was like a drowned rat out there!” Trixie offered, smoothing the skirt of her dress down around her thighs. The fabric wrinkled together in sopping bunches and matted ringlets of hair pressed flat against her face, streaming tears of rainwater down her skin. Trixie looked down at her soaked clothing, and tried to conceal the lace of her bra, more so the hard push of her nipples through the sheer of the fabric. Though she was relieved to be safe from the rain, a chill ran through her.

“Da, a drowned rat! But one of those pretty, award winning rats, like from the reality TV shows! Glamorous trash rat, you are!” Katya wheezed into laughter.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Trixie lilted in response.

Katya pulled the car out of park, eased her foot onto the gas, and the car jerked forward. Trixie, wide eyed and slightly panicked, made haste fastening her seatbelt.

“You’ve never seen Rat Wars?” Katya turned to face Trixie, excitedly,  “It was such big deal where I’m from! Mama Zamolodchikova was GAGGED when little Vinny got disquali-”

“Watch where you’re going!” Trixie shouted over her.

Katya made a sudden, exaggerated swerve around a group of pedestrians, just missing them, and they glared up at her from underneath colorful umbrellas. Katya continued on, completely unaffected.

“ANYWAY, it’s wild! People take their rats very seriously. There’s so many varieties!”

Trixie’s phone screen lit up; 11 missed calls. She pushed passed the notification.

Trixie: THANKS A LOT. Now I’m in a car with this FREAK.

Kim: omg who

Trixie: K a t y a

Pearl: OH SHIT SOMEBODY’S GETTIN LAID TONIGHT I HOPE YOU SHAVED GIRL

Trixie: pls die

A swell of Russian folk music resonated softly from the tinny speakers, and Katya let a hand fall to the dial to quiet it.

“You know, it isn’t nice, telling your friends to die. Now please, tell this freak where you live so we can get your soggy ass off my leather seats,” Katya beamed, proudly.

“OKAY.” Trixie mused, “If you could not read my texts, that’d be super cool! To be honest, you being a freak isn’t really a surprise to anyone though. It’s kind of common knowledge at this point.”

“You would know better than anyone…” Katya eyed her suggestively, raising an eyebrow, “actually, you don’t have to tell me where you live, I remember.”

“Can you please keep your eyes on the road, freak.” Trixie’s face flushed.

“Sure thing, Tracy.”

Katya made a few wrong turns but managed to find Trixie’s house, and the car puttered to a stop, lurching forward as she put it in park.

Trixie turned to face her, her cheeks a soft pink. They rested in the quiet for what felt like centuries, their eyes making and breaking contact. Without looking down, Trixie picked at the chipped edge of her manicure.

“Thank you, for the ride, really, I appreciate it… Hey,  wanna come inside?” she offered nervously, “I can put on a pot of coffee, or whatever it is creatures like you live off of.”

“I would,” Katya paused to curate an excuse, “but… I have some work with small children to attend to. Another time, perhaps?”

“Sure thing.”

She faltered for a moment, and an uneasy silence snuck in between them. Embarrassment flooded Trixie’s bloodstream, pooling hot and harsh in her temples. She couldn’t believe she’d really said that to her professor, and looking back, the entirety of their conversation felt suddenly inappropriate. Had she pushed too far, made Katya uncomfortable? A small sickness blossomed within her.

She scanned Katya’s face, searching for something, anything, a hint of remorse. Instead of unease, she found simmering tension, a whisper of regret even. Trixie could feel the gravity between them, almost palpable, pulling them closer like magnets.

“You know Tracy… I really enjoy having you.”

“Having me?” Trixie leaned in, whispering softly, her words close to Katya’s lips. She couldn’t help herself. Their mouths were close, their noses closer, but not quite touching.

Katya’s face flushed, her eyelashes fluttering closed.

“As a student, I mean. I mean, you know what I mean.” Her eyebrows raised, her eyes still shut.

They teetered there, in that space together, and fog ballooned across the windows around them; they were almost touching, almost.

Trixie wrestled herself away from Katya’s allure, wishing she had instead just closed the space between them. She inhaled a shaky breath, steadying herself. Her shoulders shook on the exhale, like a leaf fallen in last year’s sky, wavering to the concrete, waiting to be flattened by unforgiving shoes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, da?” Katya half whispered, her lips still startlingly close to Trixie’s.

Trixie could feel the blood leave her face, could hear it then, pounding in her ears.

“Tomorrow,” she replied.

Unbeknownst to Trixie, her purse lay forgotten in the back seat, looming, like Cinderella’s glass slipper on the staircase.

[pichitinha]

tagged by @carrieeve​

Name: Natalia

Nickname: Naty

Gender: female

Star Sign: leo

Height: 1.70

Time: 00:01 (UTC-3)

Birthday: July 25th

Favorite Bands: The Script, Panic! At The Disco, All Time Low, Fall Out Boy (also may I pls quote MUSICALS)

Favorite Solo Artists: Lea Michele, Kelly Clarkson, P!nk, Sara Bareilles (AND ALSO MUSICALS AGAIN)

Song Stuck In My Head: Edge of Tonight - All Time Low

Last Movie I Watched: 27 dresses (eye emoji)

Last Show I Watched: I literally just rewatched the pilot of Please Like Me

When Did I Create My Blog: July 2010

Last Thing I Googled: Trixya photos (I'm ordering a phone case ok)

Do I Have Another Blog: Nope

Do I Get Asks: I guess? Which is new and weird but nonetheless exciting 

Why I Chose My URL: You can find the full story here

Following: 347

Followers: 1,028

Average Hours of Sleep: Around 7 unless my useless ass refuses to go to sleep when it should (but if I don't have anything to do you can count on 11 easily)

Lucky Number: 7!

Instruments: I WISH

What am I wearing: pajamas

Dream Job: Software Quality Auditor (boring right? sorry)

Dream Trip: I'd love to just finally go to Europe for the first time that'd be great

Favorite Food: Chicken Strogonoff

Nationality: Brazilian

Favorite Song Right Now: Little Sister by miss Trixie Mattel

Sexuality: Bi

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Favorite Animals: CATS

Dog or Cat Person: C A T

Blankets you Sleep With: usually one or two

Why I Got A Blog: only god knows and now it's been too long to quit

Favorite Characters: let's not open the whole list cause I'll run out of characters. I'd give my life for Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon.

# of Posts: 30,739

Pokemon Team: I only ever played Pokemon Go and I'm a strong Team Mystic

Favorite Color: Blue, Lilac, Red

Relationship status: Single :(

Lipstick or chapstick: chapstick everyday every time, lipstick if I'm going out

Last song I listened to: Therapy - All Time Low

Top 3 Shows: Fringe, Parks and Recreation, RuPaul's Drag Race

Top 3 ships: I refuse to choose three fight me

Books I’m reading: what's a book

I'm tagging you guys just so it doesn't look like I don't friends sldajdlj but you absolutely can ignore this and ask me to not tag you in things if you don't like that cause I know some people find it uncomfortable: @katyaapetrovna @hallelooladies​ @heyheyarnold @midnightradio @theonewiththewhitedress ​ @dahliasforkatya @ourforgottenboleros @cactus-and-a-lily

[pichitinha]

i was tagged by the most beautiful, most wonderful, most lovely @hallelooladies and this time it took me less than a month to do it as well yay! so it's simple: put my music on shuffle and post my fave lyrics of the first ten songs that come up and since i'm tired and sick and i love music i thought why not! thanks syn love you <3

(i'm skipping anything in portuguese for ~aesthetics~ and also repeated bands bc yes)

Turning - Les Misérables

same old story, what's the use of tears? / what's the use of praying if there's nobody who hears?

Last Young Renegade - All Time Low

we said forever but forever wouldn't wait for us

Come to Brazil - Alaska Thunderfuck

brazil is so nice, brazil is so nice, brazil is so nice ( ;) )

Crazy Women - Brandy Clark

oh yeah, god forgive them, they weren’t born like this / oh no, crazy women are made by crazy men

Tornado - Lea Michele

fear can steal my every tear keep them as a souvenir

I Know You All Over Again - Trixie Mattel

i know i should just think of going and not where i’ve been

Non-Stop - Hamilton

how do you write like tomorrow won’t arrive? / how do you write like you need it to survive? / how do you write every second you’re alive?

She Had The World - Panic! At The Disco

but who could love me i am out of my mind / throwing a line out to sea to see if I can catch a dream

World’s Best Kiss - Galavant

far from the world’s best kiss / still i can tell you this / it was a kiss i won’t forget

Hundreds of Stories - In The Heights

inseparable they even got sick together / they never got better, passed away that december / and left me with these memories like dying embers

and now i should tag people (10? probably, idk) so let's try @heyheyarnold @midnightradio @connyhascontrol @rbcch @elsaara @crackerdyke @cactus-and-a-lily @ourforgottenboleros @dahliasforkatya @xgoldendays but feel free to totally ignore this or ask me to remove the tag :)

[pichitinha]

Tagged by @heyheyarnold who is truly the most wonderful person to ever exist thanks Brooke ily ❤️

5 things you’ll find in my bag: my inhaler (sometimes more than one bc I’m paranoid), Nivea chapstick, toothbrush, nexcare foot tape, my medicine necessaire

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom: an absurd amount of stuffed animals, water bottles all over, my mug collection, so many shoes, several posters

5 of my favorite things: cats, musicals, fanfiction, sitcoms, drag queens

5 things I’m currently into: One Stone, all time low, Kacey Musgraves, please like me, twitter

5 things on my to-do list: writing some of this damn fanfic, gathering courage to send the first chapter be proofread, taking the damn yellow fever vaccine cause I haven’t yet, sending the necessary documents to renew my work contract, cleaning my room

5 (or more) people I want to see do this: @notagoodplace4gods, @hallelooladies, @theonewiththewhitedress, @dahliasforkatya, @floresmortales love you ladies ❤️

[pichitinha]

5 other blogs to follow xD

ur a gem anon here are five more people I love to follow:

@heyheyarnold

@rbcch

@hallelooladies

@midnightradio

@dahliasforkatya

there are STILL lots of people missing ok but