#danny/rachel unhealthy relationship

[trickster-archangel]

Random thoughts about Hawaii Five-0 rewatch: part 2/?

Still trying to make sense, in sparse order, of some things I noticed and that made me question the mental stability of whoever decided determined plot points...

Thought #3: missed chance to be a fucking adult, evolved human being and not a caveman about divorced couples, or: if you had started with the intention of showing how Danny and Rachel could rebuild affection and understanding, why fucking slaughter her character that way?!?!

At the end of s1, I suppose it's in the Shorelines extra? anyway, the authors talk extensively about how it was their endgame since the pilot to portray the subtle change and the evolution of the relationship between Danny and Rachel, meaning: they wanted to show how two people, who once loved each other enough to decide to share a lifetime together, had fallen apart and started hating each other just as much because that's what happens in life, but in the end, slowly, thanks to life's twists and turns, they managed to find back the chemistry, the trust, the support, the love they had lost, creating a new kind of bond.

~~~~~~follows under the cut~~~~~~

Which....cool, really. It's fantastic. I obviously don't like the idea of no-mcdanno, but in a way I can really appreciate the intention of portraying something clearly fictional but way better, healthier and more hopeful than what happens in reality like, 70% of the times. My parents would immediately slaughter each other even after more than 30 years after the divorce. I have friends and ex colleagues who are just the same and cannot even be decent enough not to shit over each other in front of their children, making them part of their feud. In Italy, every three days a woman is murdered by her husband, ex husband, fiancee, partner, ex partner. The other 30% is barely civil enough to pretend NOT TO want to murder the other ex spouse.

So, cool. Good intention, I appreciated it, even if I don't agree with Danny sleeping with his ex wife behind her rightful husband's back.

Then 2x01 happened and ok, everything between them fell apart. Probably Danny didn't really believe the baby was Stan's, but it didn't matter because in the end he trusted Rachel and that was enough. He helped her deliver Charlie. He was a good friend. They could've kept this storyline, show how ex spouses can become civil and affectionate again, share a different love, explore the nuances of an extended family. Everything could've been normal and healthy.

So what the fuck happened with the whole "Stan wants to move to Vegas" and then "Rachel always knew Charlie was Danny's but had decided to keep him in the dark because she wanted to decide for everyone"?!?

Ready? The answer comes, plain and simple, in the following seasons' Shorelines commentaries.

They wanted to put Danny through an emotional grinder and imagine how he'd react, but most of all, they wanted to throw a curveball (multiple curveballs including Steve's storyline) at the audience, to hook them, shock them, and make sure they'd be unable not to be there for the next season to see what will happen.

That's it. That's the great mastermind masterplan.

Cheap shocking for the sake of audience ratings.

Ok, I get that after all the mess Rachel did, she probably didn't get much of a saying in Stan's relocation purpose...even if she could've been the friend Danny had been, and left Grace with him, moving only with Charlie and maybe getting Grace for school breaks. Anyway, that's a normal and believable kind of shock/curveball.

But the whole "Charlie’s paternity clusterfuck"?? I mean, it's not even realistically believable! In my 44 years, I've witnessed THIS EXACT SITUATION TWICE!! And in both cases, first thing the cheated husband did, apart from asking immediately for a divorce, was asking for a paternity test! That's what normal, real people do, if they KNOW their wife had an affair and suspiciously GETS PREGNANT immediately after!!

Unless you're a complete idiot who has no experience whatsoever of how the real world works, there's only one explanation for this mess: that you wanted us to imply that Rachel didn't even tell Stan about the cheating, that she simply told him, generically, that their marriage wasn't working anymore and she wanted to go back home, and made him believe that the baby had been conceived during their last-effort trip before Danny was poisoned....right after she'd made sure she'd get pregnant with Danny's kid to trap him with guilt AND need, and then lied to both men. FOR YEARS.

I call this clusterfuck one name only: character's assassination.

There were so many ways, even after s2 and s3 events had happened, they could've brought that shocking curveball forward, because the path they chose only managed to depict Rachel as a mean, cheating, liar bitch who managed to play both men. It's horrible, and chauvinist, and toxic.

She could've been genuinely sure Charlie was Stan's, and only with the disease outbreak and the test both Rachel and Stan had learnt about the truth. Stan could've kicked her out and Danny could've swept in like a real hero to help a friend who once was his love, or maybe they could've explored the difficulties of rebuilding a family.

More simply, Charlie could've been genuinely Stan's but Stan could've given her an ultimatum about Vegas and they could've divorced because Rachel couldn't bear the situation anymore, and made Stan go through what Danny had suffered with the move to Hawai'i.

Charlie could've been Danny's, and she could've decided to come clean with both instead of the whole shared custody arc (this situation, of course, implies that they could've been so far-sighted to imagine a several-seasons arc for Danny and Rachel, instead of improvising for the sake of shock).

Stan could've died, and Danny could've found himself suddenly in charge not only of his daughter and ex wife, but also acting as a father figure for a little kid who wasn't his, but who was his daughter's little brother thus deserving love and protection, making his genuine amazing humanity shine.

These are just some things I'm coming up with, right now, while I'm working and not even plotting, and avoiding any hypothesis implying both Stan's and Rachel's timely death to allow Danny the troubling experience of being a single father of two kids, maybe suddenly discovering that Charlie is his.

There were so many interesting nuances they could've explored, to make sure that they could've followed their initial masterplan about rebuilding a human bond between Danny and Rachel, AND granted them enough shock and emotional distress to hook the audience to the following seasons. Kinda like what they did, more respectfully, with the reveal of Harry's paternity.

They simply chose the cheapest route: harpy, bitch, whore ex wife cheats on both husbands and ruins everyone's life.

Good job.

[five-wow]

thinking about steve and how he views his relationship with danny, and thinking in particular about that bit in the bomb-in-the-truck-in-the-jungle episode in season 7 where canon gives us dialogue that explicitly has danny ask if steve is comparing their relationship to danny’s past marriage to rachel, and steve sticks with the comparison and later their disagreement is resolved by danny going “yeah, okay, i should have talked to you before considering retirement”, essentially conceding steve’s point that they do have that kind of relationship, whatever that means. and obviously it’s very easy to take this as steve thinking of them as married, especially because steve keeps, like, super literally calling himself and danny “kinda married” in front of whoever happens to be around to hear it, but there’s potentially also something here about steve thinking of himself as another rachel in danny’s life.

danny’s not with her romantically, but he raises his kids with her. he loves her, even if it’s complicated. they keep fighting but that’s part of what makes it good, they’re very different people but they’re drawn to each other, she’s brought a lot of heartache into his life but often unintentionally. in some ways it might have been better if she’d never entered it, but that doesn’t matter now, because danny remains loyal no matter what shit she pulls, even if maybe a point’s been reached where he shouldn’t. and for all her faults and grave mistakes, she does love him. deeply. for years and years. she’s in love with him. she wishes she could be with him (again), and that’s not going to happen (never), and she’ll have to find a way to live with that while also still living around danny.

so yeah. thinking about steve seeing himself as a rachel in danny’s life, and also maybe how that would give a very different spin on steve’s anxiety about danny and rachel potentially getting back together near the end of season 9.

(if steve is rachel and it suddenly turns out steve was wrong and danny would in fact date her again, does that mean danny could want to date steve, too? he doesn’t want danny to get together with rachel for all kinds of reasons, mostly how unhealthy it would be for danny, but he also kind of does want it because it would mean that there’s a chance for him, even though it wouldn’t, because if he gets the confirmation that this chance exists - if danny and rachel rekindle their romance - then that’s also immediately the end of it because danny would be taken. does he even want to know if danny could be with rachel again? would knowing be worth it? is he supposed to root for the unexpected missed chance, or for the continued certain nothing?)

[katiecomma]

Fandom details for...h5o?

the first character i ever fell in love with: Kono when she punched that guy in the face on the beach. I was like: this is the girl for me.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: Lou. When Lou started on the show I liked that he was this guy trying to move on from something. Trying to change his life and start over. And he was very different from the rest of the team, which is nice. I even liked when they went back to the stuff that had happened to him before in Chicago... but they turned Lou into a joke. He became over-the-top dad jokes and just... bad plot lines. Honestly, that episode in one of the last seasons where it was so hot... and Lou was out on the golf course and gave the caddy heat stroke because he wouldn’t let him go inside... WTF WAS THAT?!

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: So... I still like the ship if I can rewrite canon... but for obvious reasons I hate what they did with Kono/Adam. I still love the idea of them together, but they ruined it in canon. Otherwise I’m not the kind of person who changes their mind on a ship usually... so I don’t have any in this show.

my ultimate favourite character™: Danny Williams. I love everything about him. Sassiness. Stature. Devotion. Everything.

prettiest character: I think we can all agree that Chin Ho Kelly is the prettiest character in any season of H50.

my most hated character: Doris of course.

my OTP: McDanno

my NOTP: McRollins or Danny/Rachel - I’ve ranted about this SOOO many times... but these relationships are unhealthy. I love Catherine as a character but her and Steve are bad for each other. Steve treated her like a doormat the entire time they were together, and she left him when he was relying on her several times. They’re bad for each other. And Danny/Rachel - no. She lied to him about Charlie. He would never forgive her for that.

favourite episode: Honestly, probably the Sarin episode from S1. That moment in Danny’s hospital room... when Steve’s all: You’re lookin’ good... like... that was the moment I was 100% committed to the ship. I shipped them before that moment... but that moment was my: OK, they’re actually in love... moment. S1E23

saddest death: Joe - I couldn’t believe they killed Joe. I bawled my face off.

favourite season: Probably S1 - solid all the way through. Good plots. Good episodes. Loved the characterization of everyone. Building up the team. Found family vibes. I could have done without the Danny/Rachel stuff... but otherwise good season.

least favourite season: Probably S10 - I just... I didn’t like the end. Even setting aside my McDanno shipping glasses... it didn’t make sense to me... and there was a lot I just didn’t like. I can’t get specific cause it was just a general vibe. Maybe because everyone knew it was coming to an end?... I don’t know... 

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: I never cared for Jerry. I don’t hate him... just... everyone seems to really like Jerry... but he just... I don’t know I just never cared for him. Hate is a strong word though. I don’t hate him. But I don’t think there’s anyone in this series I hate. Except Lou, and he’s never struck me as a fan favourite.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: Jenna Kaye - she really fucked them over and did some terrible things. But I love her a lot and I kinda ship her and Steve a little. Although I like that they never went there in the show and had the shield of her “maybe alive fiance” to keep it from going there... but I still ship them a teensy bit.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Kono Kalakaua - girl deserved better. So much better. I love what they did with her while she was on the show. But I HATED what they did with her character off screen after she left.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: I don’t have one in this fandom. But I don’t really ship much outside of McDanno in this fandom.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: I ship Quinn/Catherine... but they’ve never interacted... and although I had plans to write them a fic, I still haven’t... they just hang out in my head being military girls in love.

Thanks for the ask!!! I love these!!!

[tiffersthenerdyficrecs]

*Problematic* ZackRay Lemon Fics

Spicy and Sweet by MarshmallowBirb

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Category: F/M Relationship: Isaac "Zack" Foster/Rachel Gardner Additional Tags: generally terrible life decisions, Murder, First Time, Blow Jobs, Seedy motels Summary: After a victim gets a bit too handsy with Rachel, Zack starts acting strangely. He rebuffs all of her attempts to ask about it. Can Rachel find out what Zack's problem is? Or will they go to sleep without speaking to one another?

What Goes Up by starea

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: F/M Relationship: Isaac "Zack" Foster/Rachel "Ray" Gardner Additional Tags: Smut, Elevator Sex, self-conscious Zack is best Zack Summary: In which the death building’s elevator gets stuck and Rachel becomes a bit restless.

The Dominated by NEKOMI

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: F/M Relationship: Isaac "Zack" Foster/Rachel "Ray" Gardner Characters: Isaac "Zack" Foster, Rachel "Ray" Gardner Additional Tags: Sex, Oral Sex, Masturbation, Groping, Aged-Up Character(s) Summary: Rachel gets a visitor during the night.

Sometimes The Chase Isn't More Fun by Calamum_Nomen

Rating: Explicit Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage Category: F/M Relationships: Isaac "Zack" Foster/Rachel "Ray" Gardner, Isaac "Zack" Foster & Rachel "Ray" Gardner Characters: Isaac "Zack" Foster, Rachel "Ray" Gardner Additional Tags: Violent Sex, Threats of Violence, Dirty Talk, Unhealthy Relationships, Underage Sex Summary: Rachel's been in a slump ever since she was released from the hospital. She's been numb for years, waiting hear about Zack's execution in the news. One night, she finds herself being followed by someone dangerous, and the temptation to give into whatever fate they might bring her is stronger than ever. Being cornered in a dark alley is a nightmare for most, but for her, it's her greatest wish.

The Long Way Home by Calamum_Nomen

Rating: Explicit Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Categories: F/M, Multi Relationships: Isaac "Zack" Foster & Rachel "Ray" Gardner, Isaac "Zack" Foster/Rachel "Ray" Gardner Characters: Rachel "Ray" Gardner, Isaac "Zack" Foster, Original Characters Additional Tags: Rape Recovery, Rape Aftermath, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Fluff and Angst, Caretaking, Fluff and Smut, Adoption, Domestic Fluff Summary: The family of one of Zack's victims takes revenge on him by adopting Rachel. When he escapes prison, the first thing he does it go to collect his girl, but nothing could prepare him for what he finds when he gets there. Zack finds himself with a whole new set of responsibilities as he tries to help her heal and move on after her trauma. An unexpected stop on their journey brings them to the last place he ever wanted to go back to, but maybe the two of them can make an unhappy house into a home.

You Were Made For Me by Calamum_Nomen

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: F/M Relationships: Issac Foster & Rachel Gardner, Isaac "Zack" Foster & Rachel "Ray" Gardner, Isaac "Zack" Foster/Rachel "Ray" Gardner Characters: Rachel "Ray" Gardner, Isaac "Zack" Foster, Daniel "Danny" Dickens, Abraham Gray (Satsuriku no Tenshi), Catherine "Cathy" Ward Additional Tags: Eventual Romance, Smut, Money, Family Drama Summary:Zack and Rachel meet each other in a Catholic school. She's the top student, and he's a charity case, but they find themselves drawn to each other. She's a rich heiress with dead parents that needs someone to keep people off her back, and he needs a good tutor if he's ever going to manage to graduate. They might just be a match made in hell. This story takes place in high school, but I wouldn't consider it a high school fic. It's still highly dysfunctional Zack/Ray.

[kila09]

So....apparently, April 3rd is the 2-hr series finale of H50. I am sad to see it end. Really thought they wouldve made it past the 12 seasons of the original. And, unfortunately, it seems as if it's been hinting (on Twitter at least but I could be reading into things) that it will end with a McRoll HEA and if that's the case, I am so pissed and will more than likely skip it. Catherine should NOT be Steve's HEA. She has done too much, IMHO, for her and Steve to be happy together. I'll be so disappointed but in a way, not surprised. After all the shit rachel did to danny, they still had him take her back, even if it was for a short while. Catherine has done shit, and her Steve's relationship is not the healthiest, but they'd rather an unhealthy het relationship rather than a strong, stable gay one

[h50fanficdirectory]

via AO3 works tagged 'Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams'

by JackMcGarrett

Inspired by the Criminal Minds episode "The Big Wheel" where Alex was the Unsub, Vincent.

Steve's family fell apart after his mother died. He never really recovered from it...and through random moments of interactions with his father, usually when he was very drunk, Steve learned that his father suspected his mother was still alive. Some favors later he catches wind that his father's suspicions might be true. And it pisses him off. Angry, but unable to get Doris herself, he kills a woman who he knew was putting her children at risk. If she didn't value them, then they were better off without her. And she was better off dead. That's how it started...and he couldn't stop. Even if he knew it wasn't right. He promised himself he'd stop. No more. He even volunteers to help kids to help make up for the wrongs he's done.

That's where he meets Grace. Through Grace he meets Danny. A cop who was recently blinded and adjusting to a new way of life. Steve takes to them immediately. Their bond is everything he had wished his and his father had been. And then he meets Rachel...who is hurting his new favorite people.

Words: 1639, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Danny "Danno" Williams, Grace Williams, Steve McGarrett

Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams & Grace Williams

Additional Tags: Inspired by Criminal Minds, Serial Killer Steve McGarrett, Blind Danny "Danno" Williams, Murderers, Killing, Unhealthy Relationships, Not Beta Read

[ao3feed-mcdanno]

The Big Wheel AU

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2y4hIxd

by JackMcGarrett

Inspired by the Criminal Minds episode "The Big Wheel" where Alex was the Unsub, Vincent.

Steve's family fell apart after his mother died. He never really recovered from it...and through random moments of interactions with his father, usually when he was very drunk, Steve learned that his father suspected his mother was still alive. Some favors later he catches wind that his father's suspicions might be true. And it pisses him off. Angry, but unable to get Doris herself, he kills a woman who he knew was putting her children at risk. If she didn't value them, then they were better off without her. And she was better off dead. That's how it started...and he couldn't stop. Even if he knew it wasn't right. He promised himself he'd stop. No more. He even volunteers to help kids to help make up for the wrongs he's done.

That's where he meets Grace. Through Grace he meets Danny. A cop who was recently blinded and adjusting to a new way of life. Steve takes to them immediately. Their bond is everything he had wished his and his father had been. And then he meets Rachel...who is hurting his new favorite people.

Words: 1639, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Danny "Danno" Williams, Grace Williams, Steve McGarrett

Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams & Grace Williams

Additional Tags: Inspired by Criminal Minds, Serial Killer Steve McGarrett, Blind Danny "Danno" Williams, Murderers, Killing, Unhealthy Relationships, Not Beta Read

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2y4hIxd

[judgmental-eyebrows]

Hmmm... Revolution? :o

YES THANK YOU I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK THIS. 

ahem. Okay, favorite gen relationships, here we go!

A lot of these could be interchangeable, if that makes sense?

My favorite parent-child relationship: Oh, starting with a difficult one. Miles and Charlie. I don’t know... maybe Gene and Rachel? I mean, he did his best to help her pick up the pieces. But let’s face it, NO ONE on that show has a healthy relationship with their parents. 

My favorite sibling relationship: I mean...? Honestly, the Danny and Charlie relationship didn’t really do much for me. So I don’t know. I would’ve like to hear more about Miles and Ben pre Blackout.  

My favorite family relationship (other): Miles and Charlie.

My favorite friendship between two people: Miles and Bass

My favorite friendship between a group: Gotta say the extended Matheson-Monroe clan! They’re all... just... it’s full of hot messes. That’s it. 

My favorite mentorship: Do Miles and Charlie count? Or Nora and Charlie.

My favorite rivalry: Bass and Rachel. Or, I guess Miles and Connor? Since Connor saw Miles as a rival for Bass’s loyalty? 

My favorite hatred/antipathy: Bass and Rachel, again. Because they are definitely rivals for Miles, but they also really hate each other. Also, Neville and any of the Matheson-Monroes is good too.  

My favorite potential relationship between characters who never talk in canon: Hm, probably Nora and Connor. That would’ve been an interesting conversation. She would’ve happily taken him down a few pegs! She probably would’ve been half scared and half in love with her at first sight. 

These are kind of difficult because... well, without giving away spoilers (don’t know if you care about that or not?) relationships between these people are Complicated. And quite unhealthy.

Thanks for asking, I enjoyed this! It was hard not to go on and on about some of the dynamics, ha!

[flowerfan2]

Affinity, Ch. 3

McDanno, A03, 10.03

A continuous story of season 10 episode codas.  Steve may describe their relationship as a dysfunctional marriage, but at some point, will he and Danny take a closer look at what it really could be?    

Note:  this is a new coda series, a separate story from my H50 season 9 coda series Bound To Be Together.

Chapter 3

Danny knows, intellectually, that jealousy is a bad thing.  He remembers how Rachel’s jealousy of his old partner wore away at the fabric of their marriage, and made Danny feel like Rachel didn’t trust him.  A few years ago Danny had a bout of jealousy when Lou joined Five-0 and Steve partnered with him for a while, but it calmed down when Will and Grace started dating – there was nothing like endless debates over whose turn it was to drive Grace and Will to the movies or what was a reasonable time of night to demand they stop texting to humanize a guy.

Quinn is different.  She’s a badass cop with McGarrett-level chutzpah, she’s beautiful and funny and fearless, and she looks alarmingly like Catherine – who, for reasons that still keep Danny up at night – was the love of Steve’s life.  And now she’s on the team.

Thing is, Danny knows he needs to get over it.  Because jealously is poison.  Being jealous of Steve’s time with Quinn says more about Danny than it does about either of them.  He doesn’t like it, but he’s suffered through enough sessions with therapists to recognize insecurity when it thumps him on the nose.

It’s not Quinn’s fault, precisely, that she’s come into Steve’s world.  Danny’s just used to being Steve’s MVP.  He can’t help being a little perturbed that Steve’s attention is drawn to this rather sexy shiny new toy.  

(“Squirrel,” he whispered to Tani yesterday when Quinn came into the office and Steve immediately perked up.  Tani choked on her coffee.)

 People do stupid things when they’re jealous.  Danny knows this from experience.  He’s made sure to be just as friendly to Quinn as he would to anyone else new to the group, he’s even mostly genuine about it.  She’s pretty easy to get along with, her confidence even more compelling than her looks.  Maybe Danny has a type, too.

 He also tries not to overreact to Steve’s stories about Quinn, that she speaks Kurdish like some kind of super-spy, that she’s crazy good in the field.  Danny’s good in the field, too.  He’s had Steve’s back for almost a decade, and the goof is still alive, so that has to mean something.

 Danny wants to follow Steve home, to pick him up for work every day, to stick to his side all day long.  To keep him from finding out more irresistible facts about Quinn.  But that’s as unrealistic as it is unhealthy.  The team doesn’t work that way, not anymore.  They switch up partners as their cases demand, they rotate days off.  Danny’s not entitled to Steve’s unwavering attention.  

 Quinn even likes the way Steve drives.

 Danny’s fucked.

 Danny takes Junior to the range one day after work.  Tani raises an eyebrow as they leave the office, but she doesn’t ask to come along. Junior is perhaps the easiest member of the team to be with these days, when it comes to just needing to let off some steam and not talking about anything except the job.  Lou has other things on his mind (and worrying about kids away at school is not going to help Danny’s state of mind right now), and Tani, well, Tani knows him too well.  

 Shooting at things that aren’t shooting back helps a little.  He absolutely does not imagine that Quinn is the target, that would be deranged and terrible and way beyond the pale.  But he does imagine himself heroically taking out the big bad, solving the case, and rescuing Steve just in the nick of time.  Maybe getting one of those wide-eyed looks, and a breathless “thanks, Danno” as a grateful Steve clings to Danny for a long moment before Danny wraps an arm around his waist and hauls him to safety.  

 Junior strokes Danny’s ego a bit as they shoot, and they grab a beer afterwards.  It’s bittersweet, these moments when it becomes clear that Danny is playing the role of mentor, edging closer to retirement every day.  He and Steve haven’t broached that subject lately, not since they got out of the restaurant business.  

 As Danny’s dropping Junior off at Tani’s afterwards, Junior thanks him and then pauses, a hand reaching out to pat Danny awkwardly on the shoulder.

 “Don’t worry, man,” Junior says. “Steve might be dating Brooke, but you guys will always be mom and dad to us.”

 <i>Brooke,</i> Danny thinks, practically banging his head against the steering wheel as Junior walks away.  Is that who Junior thinks he’s upset about?  Not that he isn’t still a little annoyed about Brooke, but it’s one thing for Steve to be dating – that’s expected, it’s normal.  It might bother Danny deep down where he shuts away thoughts that he doesn’t let himself think, but as long as Steve isn’t prattling on about breaking up with him, he can handle Steve dating.  That was last week’s crisis.

 No, Quinn is his current problem, and a whole different ballgame than Brooke.  Quinn is in Danny’s territory, every day, a part of the team.  There’s no escaping her.  Brooke may have been taking Danny’s place in his imaginary platonic marriage with Steve, but Quinn threatens his actual place in Steve’s life.

 Is Danny scared that Quinn could replace him completely in Steve’s life?  He tells himself it’s dumb to feel that way.  He and Steve are ‘ohana.  Steve knows Danny better than almost anyone ever has, and Danny’s pretty sure it goes both ways.   They’ve been through years and years of unbelievable shit together, put their lives on the line for each other.  Steve <i>loves</i> Danny, in his own protective way. But damn it to hell, Danny’s still scared.

 Danny gets home and pours himself another beer.  He’s a pathetic mess.  It’s his lot in life to be afraid all the time, sure, he’s used to it.  But all this seems like too much right now. Quinn’s hitting him right where it hurts, and she hasn’t even thrown a punch.

 Suddenly there’s a knock at his door, and Danny startles.  He gives himself a quick once-over – he’s still in his work slacks and button-down, no tell-tale beer stains on his shirt – and answers the door.

 “I’ve been texting you forever, why didn’t you answer?”  Steve barrels inside, plops himself on the couch and makes himself comfortable. “Thought you were coming to my house to watch the game.”

 Danny pulls out his phone and confirms, yeah, there are three texts from Steve.  Apparently Danny missed them, too busy stuck in his own pity party.   “Sorry, I lost track of time.”

 Steve stretches out his legs and crosses his ankles on the coffee table.  “Wanna order pizza?  I’m starving.”

 Danny sits down next to Steve and sends in their usual order.  Steve has brought some chips, and he’s eating them messily, offering the bag to Danny every few minutes, whining about the fact that Danny’s refrigerator doesn’t keep beer as cold as he likes it.  

 After they eat, Steve gets up to toss the pizza box in the trash, and returns to the couch with more beer.  He flops himself down lengthwise and sticks his feet in Danny’s lap.  Danny pretends to be appalled at how stinky they are (they’re not particularly, but they are feet, so they don’t smell like roses either), and pokes at his ticklish spots until Steve moves.  

 A minute later Steve’s sitting up, crowding into Danny’s space to show him the latest picture Grace sent him, and that launches them into a familiar conversation about who Grace likes best.  Steve finally settles, shoulder leaning against Danny’s, feet crossed next to his on the coffee table.

 It’s all completely, wonderfully normal.  

 Maybe Danny doesn’t have as much to worry about as he feared.

[ao3feed-hawaiifive0]

The Big Wheel AU

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/2y4hIxd

by JackMcGarrett

Inspired by the Criminal Minds episode "The Big Wheel" where Alex was the Unsub, Vincent.

Steve's family fell apart after his mother died. He never really recovered from it...and through random moments of interactions with his father, usually when he was very drunk, Steve learned that his father suspected his mother was still alive. Some favors later he catches wind that his father's suspicions might be true. And it pisses him off. Angry, but unable to get Doris herself, he kills a woman who he knew was putting her children at risk. If she didn't value them, then they were better off without her. And she was better off dead. That's how it started...and he couldn't stop. Even if he knew it wasn't right. He promised himself he'd stop. No more. He even volunteers to help kids to help make up for the wrongs he's done.

That's where he meets Grace. Through Grace he meets Danny. A cop who was recently blinded and adjusting to a new way of life. Steve takes to them immediately. Their bond is everything he had wished his and his father had been. And then he meets Rachel...who is hurting his new favorite people.

Words: 1639, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Danny "Danno" Williams, Grace Williams, Steve McGarrett

Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams & Grace Williams

Additional Tags: Inspired by Criminal Minds, Serial Killer Steve McGarrett, Blind Danny "Danno" Williams, Murderers, Killing, Unhealthy Relationships, Not Beta Read

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/2y4hIxd

[trickster-archangel]

Random thoughts about Hawaii Five-0 rewatch: part 1/?

So, as someone of my mutuals already knows, I'm currently undergoing the exhausting task of checking all the fucking 61 DVDs from the H50 box set before the 30-days guarantee expires, because it's physically impossible to watch them all completely in that time, even if I took 1 month leave. So I'm simply skipping back and forth and leaving the regular rewatch for when my life will be less of a living hell...so, supposedly around 2038...

I have one complaint, which is the subtitles are not completely matching all dialogues, but since my brain only needs them until it's switched to English-mode and I can start understanding it again, I guess it's alright. Second complaint: they're fucking HUGE and OVERLAPPING THE SCENES SO RANDOMLY IT HURTS.

Anyway, I've by now processed only s1-s5, and dude....some things I caught in the deleted scenes (which I've watched entirely) AND in some parts of the commentaries I specifically sought because curiosity won, and which I've never seen giffed or captioned....man, I was so angry and disappointed at times. So I thought I'd be randomly processing them here, no pics sorry, only thoughts.

~~~~~~more under the cut~~~~~~

Thought #1: Alex and Scott goofing around.

Trust me. The gag reels are so much better than you'd expect. At times I was genuinely laughing to tears and god knows how rare it is.

What I loved most was to watch that scene where Alex and Scott start cussing in Italian, and I bet no one who's not Italian could understand a fuck about what they're yelling. Best part, though, were the subtitles, captioning ALEX AND SCOTT: SWEARING IN ITALIAN 😂 Just to make sure what language exactly they were using.

Thought #2: missed chance to make Amber's character less of a plastic doll, or: Why did you fucking cut those 57 seconds?!?!

While watching s5 deleted scenes, I stumbled upon two real jewels from the 24th episode. I'm still trying to understand why they couldn't include them in the canon episode, since both of them combined are less than a minute and surely there were other moments that could've been cut. My only explanation, sadly, is that it would've painted Amber in quite a different light, making her a stronger, rounder character, and giving her an agency we rarely saw in her, except when confronting her ex husband. They could've followed that route, but we cannot have a beautiful woman who's also her own person, a self-confident person, and not just a plastic Barbie doll, right?! God forbid a woman can have agency and call out men on their bullshit, it would threat masculine privilege too much....

So, what exactly happened that bothered me so deeply? (Be aware I'm quoting by heart and not literally, as I didn't take screenshots and anyway I can't make gifs. Also, the following meta is just my interpretation of the implications running through subtext).

The first scene is very short, just six or seven seconds long, but it's a jewel in subtext and non-verbal communication. It takes place presumably after or around the moment Rachel tells Danny about Charlie: we see them from afar, clearly in a street-taken point of view, from an external observer. They are agitated and distressed, Rachel more than Danny, who's tensely spread on the bench with his arms looped behind the backrest, angling far from Rachel's compact and almost self-hugging frame.

They're distressed, not happy, not even remotely connecting to each other, so it's clear it's not a scene which could be envisioned as romantic. It's only a couple of seconds long, and then we see whose this external point of view belongs to: Amber. Amber who's not an idiotic, mellow, shallow doll. Amber who's been so clearly upset by Danny's lie about the texts, that she decided to follow him to the place Rachel had indicated. Amber who's been manipulated and controlled and abused long enough to become suspicious and self-preserving when someone she loves, and who knows her vulnerability, tries to play her around. Amber who looks at them, and clearly isn't angry nor jealous, because those few moments the actress uses to convey all of Amber's inner distress, are some of her best ones (giving that the actress, alas, is not very expressive to begin with), and we understand that she doesn't see any romance in the air. She's disappointed. She's hurt. Betrayed. Again.

Amber's face, in a handful of seconds, perfectly displays the devastating feeling of someone who finally felt safe and respected and secure, only to discover that it's yet another kind of control and manipulation, less cruel, less brutal, but not less humiliating and even worrying.

This is something she's learnt at her expense, and now that she knows the red flags, she cannot trust a man who can't be honest with her, not with this kind of problems, not with something which is clearly affecting his life to a deep level. He wants Amber to be a part of his life, but only if he can control the terms, limits, boundaries and times of their relationship. And Amber has been through it all before, and can't trust that history won’t repeat itself.

She then drives away, hurt and disappointment written all over her face.

The second deleted scene is even more important plotwise, because it explains Amber's absence as Danny’s plus one at Kono's wedding, after all the talk he did in the car about bringing some Amber's friend as Steve's date, and it casts a new light over Danny's reaction to Steve's resolve to ask Cath to marry him, or his tension about Lynn, or Amber's condistent absence for the whole first part of s6, or even Danny's and Amber's fight during their Valentine's dinner.

The scene is longer, about fifty seconds, and it supposedly takes place right at the end of the episode, after Danny pulls up at the hospital's parking lot, after Steve's affectionate text. He takes his phone out of his pocket again because he's received a voice-mail message.

A message from Amber (sorry, I noticed just now I'm still going with Amber instead of Melissa).

She says she's sorry to be doing this by voice-mail because she'd prefer to do it in person, but given their situation it's probably for the best if she spares them both the trouble to be forced to find shallow excuses. She says he's an amazing man, and that she likes what they have and that she thinks it might be real, and that she hopes he feels the same. She's understanding that his job comes first and it's terribly demanding, as she's also aware of how hard his life and his backstory is, with Grace and Rachel. This all considered, she thinks it's best if they stop and take a pause, so that he can reflect and decide if he wants to keep this thing going, but as for now, she can't keep seeing him on these terms.

Amber decided to stop seeing Danny until he decided what to do with their relationship and be honest with her, and started thinking seriously if he was just using her, as she probably felt.

Why?? Why did they cut this whole plotline? It's pivotal for Danny's arc, for his strained and angry attitude towards everyone, for his constant distress, for his even worsening negativity, for the way he's overcompensating with excessive euphoria to Steve's announcement about Cath, for how he meddles with them and confronts Cath about being honest, for how he's not thrilled about Lynn's insertion inside Steve's life.

Because he's alone, at that time. Call it temporary breakup or period of reflection or a break, but he was single and thinking, again, about everything he was doing wrong with his life and his relationships, and falling again into his old black hole of depression and self-sabotage, and seeing Steve going on with his life even at the cost of pretending he was happy with this woman he had supposedly no trouble cheating on, during their "couple retreat", making him wonder if either what he had with Lynn wasn't serious, or if his obvious charade about his threesome with Alyssa and her friend had a second meaning.

Also, they were probably both single again, or at least testing the waters, when they were at the retreat. And Danny definitely was when Cath left Steve once again abandoned, betrayed, and never-chosen in face of anything else.

Quite a lot of subtext to think about, for just 57 seconds which were, prudently, cut.

[lavendersblues]

Fandom ask: H50 if no one asked!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH LETS DO THIS!!!!

Favourite Female: Kono Kalakaua

Favourite Male: Chin Ho Kelly

3 Other Favourite Characters: Danny Williams, Steve McGarrett, AND JERRY BECAUSE JERRY IS MY BOY

3 OTPs: McDanno, ChinxHappiness, Kono and Adam and what the show did to them is unforgivable

Notp: DANNY AND RACHEL GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!! MEGA UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP ALERT

Funniest character: See, I don’t know how to answer this. I would say Danny but at the same time he’s really only funny when he’s with Steve so. Maybe Kamekona? The whole scheming constantly about his business is hilarious and I love them for making him so consistent as he keeps reaching out his brand

Prettiest character: Kono. Yeah. Definitely Kono.

Most Annoying Character: I want to say Catherine but I did like her at the end, but at the same point I always found her a little annoying.

Most badass character: …..also Kono

Character I’d like as my BFF: Chin! Or Jerry.

Female Character I’d Marry: ……………………take a wild guess. it’s kono

Male Character I’d Marry: ………………………………………chin ho kelly

Character I hate/dislike/least like: Well. I hate Doris McGarrett but that seems untimely given the last episode that I didn’t even watch. But like. I still stand by that. I really really really really hated Doris McGarrett.

[dannoandsteve]

Hi, everyone. 

I apologize for my recent inactivity. I miss interacting with my followers every day and I miss sharing our joys of the show with one another. Unfortunately, I have found myself with a lack of said joys of the show as of late.

I fell in love with the team that worked together on almost every case. I fell in love with the team dynamic, with Steve at the center and the relationship between him and Danny also at the forefront. I fell in love with the show that had complex characters, interesting, personal storylines, and entertaining cases-of-the-week. I’m saddened by the fact that that is no longer the show we watch anymore. 

The last two seasons of the show have been lacking McDanno moments, team moments, Steve moments. I understand that with new characters, comes a new focus; we need to be introduced to them and get to know them. However, there needs to have been some type of balance, which there wasn’t. On top of all of this, we are given the bullshit “love” stories thrown in our faces time after time between Steve/Catherine and Danny/Rachel, which I cannot stand. I realize and accept that McDanno will never be canon, and that is not why I take issue with those couples. I loved Lynn, I loved Melissa. I was extremely disappointed with the crappy announcement that Steve and Lynn had broken up. I’m also confused as to why, and as to where Melissa has gone as well. Those were two loving, normal, and healthy relationships for our boys to be in. Now we are being force fed the same unhealthy crap that is Danny/Rachel once again. The episode with her mother, Amanda, was absolutely HORRIBLE. It was such a shitty storyline and she was an awful character. Not to mention the shit about Danny needing to do right by Rachel. The “spoiler” about Steve finding out that Danny has been spending more time with Rachel than he has let on was like a stab in my heart. It is so unnecessary. And it also didn’t help to put a stop to any of the rumors that Danny/Scott will be leaving the show. Which, if that is the case, I would certainly wish for a happier ending for him than him living (un)happily ever after with the woman who tormented and lied to him for years. 

So, for now, I’m not going to be immersed in this show or fandom as much as I would like. It is just not the show that I love anymore and I do not see myself enjoying it like I used to. I hope that these remaining episodes of the season prove me wrong, but I won’t hold my breath. If there do happen to be any good Steve/Danny moments, I will happily fangirl along with the rest of you. Until then, I will watch the show in my indifferent state. 

I hope you all can understand my frustrations with the show currently and choose not to unfollow me while we navigate through these hardships within the fandom. :)

[sanctuaryforalluniverses]

To: Peter Lenkov, Re: Steve and Danny, “Hawaii 5-0” season 9

So we’re coming to the end of another season of “Hawaii 5-0,” the TV show that still refuses to accept the fact that it created one of the greatest love stories on television apparently by accident. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and tell myself that CBS won’t let you finally let Steve and Danny be together the way they should be, but even if that’s true there are some more practical things we have to address.

Namely, the fact that you people have apparently once AGAIN forgotten how to write Steve and Danny. Yes, we’re all mourning the lack of Grace Park and Daniel Dae Kim, but I promise you that part of the reason your ratings dropped AGAIN in season 8 (after rising in season 7, a year with some of the most excellent Steve and Danny writing we’ve seen in some time) is that you’re fumbling the reason that the majority of people still watch your show. Since I know I can’t trust any of you to do the right thing and acknowledge the world as it truly should be, here are some tips to help recover those fans you’ve lost over the current season.

1) Stop throwing around the absurd, heavy-handed Rachel/Danny hints

Every time you make even the vague suggestion that Rachel and Danny should get back together, or there’s still potential for them, the entire audience cringes. You’ve established repeatedly that the two are toxic together, and that was before you had her do the worst possible thing anyone could do to Danny short of killing someone he loved (she kept his son from him, for YEARS, by not telling him he was his father. Danny holds fatherhood SACRED, and the fact that he wasn’t there for those years of Charlie’s probably still causes him pain). They are so unhealthy it’s painful to watch, and Danny at least seems to understand that. For all our sakes, stop trying to throw her at him.

2) For the love of all that’s holy, put Lynn and Melissa out of their narrative misery

While I consider it a blessing that they haven’t even been mentioned in what feels like 500 years, there’s still always the terrifying possibility that you will shove a random mention of them into an episode and once again remind us of the absurd charade of Steve and Danny’s “dating” lives. They’ve dated these women for years, supposedly, and yet clearly have no more place in the boys’ lives than someone they’d been dating for a few weeks. The rare times they’re even mentioned, it’s solely a reference to dating or sex - never hanging out with the kids, or spending time with the rest of the team, or interacting with either Steve’s sister or anyone in Danny’s family.

That’s not a relationship, Lenkov. That’s you occasionally screaming at the audience that the boys really do have sex with women, really, you even have proof of it.

So, for the sake of everyone’s dignity, throw in a mention somewhere that both relationships have finally, mercifully ended. Mentioning how much sex they supposedly have (which, for the record, is a WEIRD WEIRD WIERD thing to supposedly be discussing between the two couples) does absolutely nothing to convince us of Steve and Danny’s heterosexuality. All it does is remind us of the embarrassing charades that sometimes happen when people continue to lie to themselves about their true feelings. If CBS really wants to pretend that Steve and Danny are NOT madly in love with each other, this is not something you want to be reminding us of.

3) If Catherine comes back, it must only be as a bro

I started out liking Catherine, I really did. But then the whole “I love you, but I love danger more” nonsense happened (and happened, and happened) and I was filled with the burning desire to punch her in the throat. I feel like some of the things they talked about in the last episode were progress back to the friendship I actually enjoyed seeing, and if you keep that up I’ll start actually watching the episodes where she pops back up instead of skipping them. Given the ratings for the last Catherine episode to crop up, I’m guessing a lot of other people were skipping them, too.

4) Either move forward with the restaurant plot or end it

I liked the idea at first, but with everything that’s gone wrong it’s getting ridiculous. It’s clear that the only reason Steve is doing it at all is because Danny wants to, and Danny’s obsessed with it in a way that completely transcends the original idea of a retirement fantasy. It’s clearly a strained, increasingly painful metaphor for the life the two desperately wish they could build with each other, with heavy sprinklings of Danny’s fear about Steve’s physical health and I assume a metric ton of repressed longing. Every second they’re in there I want to get them both into therapy, stat, and I am begging you on my hands and knees to either let the damn thing start going right or give it a quick, merciful death and let both them and us move on with our lives.

5) Stop with the unsubtle hints that Steve/Danny would never work

Speaking of the restaurant, if this is your way of trying to convince us that Steve and Danny would never work as a romantic couple, let it go. They basically ARE a romantic couple, minus the sex, and we see that every second they’re onscreen. And, if the “being romantically involved ruined our friendship” comment was meant to be another allusion to this, it’s not even relevant. Steve and Danny are FAR more emotionally entangled than mere friendship would account for (I’ve lived with my best friend for more than a decade, and hoo boy what Steve and Danny have is so many million miles past even the deepest friendship), and the only thing that ever seems to give them trouble is when they try to fight that. Someone who’s a friend may have an equal slot to a person’s romantic partner, but for both Steve and Danny it’s painfully clear that (with the exception of Danny’s kids) they will always be the most important person in the other person’s life. No one else comes anywhere near close, including the long-term girlfriends they’ve both supposedly dated for years. (Danny even won out over Catherine, when he convinced Steve to come home from Afghanistan instead of going after Catherine). That’s not friendship, Lenkov.

You said it yourself in Danny’s fantasy flash forwards - all they really want is to spend the rest of their lives by each other’s side, and they can’t be bothered to add anyone else but Danny’s two kids into the mix. Adding regular sex into that would make it MORE normal, not less, and it certainly wouldn’t make things more stressful. Hell, it would probably make them both relax.

6) Junior and Tani are not a heterosexual replacement for Steve and Danny

Listen, I like them both. I really do. I even like their rapport. But despite the painfully, painfully obvious signaling you’ve been trying to shove down our throats, their banter does not even BEGIN to be a replacement for proper Steve/Danny banter. I understand you’re worried about both the boys leaving the show, but denying us their interaction while they’re still there isn’t the way to fix that - it’s just chasing us away early. Start giving us our regular dose of Steve/Danny banter, free of pointless restaurant angst, and let Tani and Junior develop their own thing.

7) Accept the truth, even if you never say it

What all of this is leading to, basically, is stop trying to pretend that there is some magical trick you can pull that will convince all of us that Steve and Danny are just bros. There isn’t one.

The thing is, you’ll actually draw less attention to that fact if you just let them be themselves. Clearly someone over there is convinced the world’s gonna end if you let them kiss onscreen, but they were practically married during the whole of season 7 and no one screamed about it. In fact, as I mentioned earlier, the ratings for your show actually went UP during that season, both in general and in that all-precious 18-49 year old demo (which, I hear, is supposedly the sort of thing studios like show ratings to do). Let them go back to that, cut out the ridiculous mentions of the women they supposedly are or should be dating, and let them have plots about other things (like, you know, maybe making Grace an actual character again instead of Hawaii’s newest urban legend).

I promise you - you, the studio, and the audiences will all be happier for it.

[antiquatedfuture]

New for the Holidays

NEW ZINES

All Together: A Primer for Connecting to Place + Cultivating Ecological Citizenship- All Together asks us to think about our relationship with community, place, plants, climate, food, and land, helping us figure out how we can know the place we live more intimately. ($5) Buried: A Zine About Grief and Digging Out- Both a memoir of losing parents and a guide to dealing with grief, Nicole Worthington's Buried is tender, heartbreaking, and uplifting, all at once. ($5) Clock Tower Nine #14- In an attempt to figure out the last record he would ever sell, Danny Noonan writes the story of a skittish teenager’s discovery of punk that leads him to house shows and eventually a move across the country. ($2.50) The Complete Speculative Red Hot Chili Peppers Fan Fiction (Second Edition)- After a long absence, the second edition of Chase Kamp's TCSRHCPFF is finally here—a gloriously odd collection of interlinked short stories based on the lives and careers of past and present members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. ($6)

Drink More Water, Be More Honest: 30 Lessons From My 20s (Second Edition)- A brand new printing of this fabulous zine from the ever-wise Sarah Mirk. A must-read zine for anyone, at any age. ($4) Fear, Safety, & Femmes- In a series of interviews with queer women and non-binary folks, Fear, Safety, & Femmes examines what safety looks like. ($5)

The Hid Are Out: A Tribute to The Breeders- Told through short personal stories, the zine is a heartfelt tribute to the band and an example of how music can change the course of a person's life. ($3) Offerings of Grace & Mischief #13- Part of our ongoing effort to stock everything Rachel Lee-Carman. Art studios, nettles, crows, good friends, the year of the horse, folk bands, a survey of winter vegetation, and so much more. ($5)

Proof I Exist #28- Juxtaposing his brother's substance abuse issues with his own aversion to substances, Proof I Exist #28 becomes a short memoir on family and addiction that's heart-felt and curious. ($2) Sword Loser- The new game from story-game creator Jackson Tegu. Sword Loser is the story of a lovable rake named Tyngauld who has a bad habit of losing swords. With a group of friends, you create the stories behind his recent acquisitions and losses. ($5) Tattoo Punk- The second issue of this high-energy, full-color cut-and-paste tattoo fanzine. The latest project from Ben Trogdon, editor of the legendary Nuts! fanzine. ($10)

Things Men Have Told Me About My Body- A collection of anecdotes and stories from 30+ anonymous contributors who have had men make wildly inappropriate statements about their bodies. ($5) Tranquility, or The Virtue of Realizing Your Self-Worth- In Tranquility, César Ramirez takes on a wide array of life experiences in a small amount of space. Within: the day John Wayne shot his dad, being a teacher of color, and finding pride in a name that no one can quite say. ($5) Under Pressure: Herbs For Resilience- Looking at the physiology of stress, the zine is a holistic guide to surviving an unhealthy culture. ($10)

Wanderer, Issue #5: A Perzine About Home, Mental Health, Self Care & DIY Music- Within: road trips, house shows, gender identity, zine mazes, and odes to initiators of fun. As well as finding ways through depression and panic attacks and hard times. ($5) When Death Knocks- A personal zine written by Death himself. Or, more specifically, written by a lowly "Transition Officer" working for the agency of Death. A morbid and tender piece of writing from the postmortem zine scene. ($3)

Where You From #6: Home Is- Combining her long-running Keep Writing postcard project, a community art grant, and a zine series about the idea of home, Hope Amico asked people in the summer heat of New Orleans to write about how they define home. ($5) Women in Sound #1- The issue that started it all, in stock here for the very first time. The highlight: a conversation with the legendary home recording artist Linda Smith. ($5)

NEW BOOKS Everyday Mythologies by Joshua James Amberson- A sideways glance at the mundane myths that make up our lives. Or: three personal essays about collecting, cars, and dads (that are also about gender, masculinity, and strength). ($8) The Frustratingly Insufficient Gatsby by Jackson Tegu- Playful, absurdist, and description obsessed, this is a wild and bizarre ride through the mind of story-game writer Jackson Tegu. It's weird fun for fans of Italo Calvino, Gertrude Stein, and Alejandro Zambra. ($10) Stranger in the Pen by Mohamed Asem- The latest from Perfect Day Publishing, Stranger in the Pen "examines the burden of being disconnected from one's homeland, unpacks the emotional toll of racial profiling, and illuminates the quietly surprising ways in which grief can change one's life." ($10)

NEW PAPER GOODS & MISCELLANY

2019 Lunar Phase Calendar Poster- An annual favorite. The lunar phases among night-blooming flowers by Nina and Sonya Montenegro of The Far Woods. ($18) Curtains Sticker- A cat with a knife, sneaking out from under a curtain of leaves. From Deth P. Sun. ($1) Metallic Eagle Owl Notepad- The latest from Eberhardt Press' legendary bird pad series: An eagle owl, metallic and properly intimidating. ($4)

NEW MUSIC

Sabriel's Orb & John Atkinson- Split Tape- Two sides of textural ambient synthscapes from some masters of minimalism. Sabriel's Orb is the latest project from Willow Skye-Biggs (Stag Hare, ariel) and John Atkinson is a film composer, formerly of the Brooklyn hypnogogic-pop group Aa. ($7) The Washboard Abs Tape Pack- All three full-length cassettes (w/ download codes) from The Washboard Abs, for only $10. Part of a month-long benefit for Real Rent Duwamish. ($10)

[crazy-noonoohead]

So no one told you life was gonna be this way. *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!*

I’ve spent the past two months re-watching all of Friends from beginning to end (that’s right, all ten seasons in two months), and I just finished the series a couple of days ago. This was a project I had wanted to take on for a while now (and yes, binge-watching a TV show totally counts as a project, especially one that ran as long as Friends), and thanks to Netflix, I was finally able to do it. Friends is the first TV show that I remember ending. I spent most of my childhood under the assumption that TV shows just kept going until they got abruptly cancelled or the entire cast died of old age, but then the words “series finale” entered my life. Watching it now is a very different experience than watching it when it was on TV, and I have some thoughts.

Things that don’t hold up (I forgive these things because we were a lot less conscious of them in the 90s/early 2000s than we are now, but it’s still important to acknowledge the parts that would be considered offensive if the show had been written in this decade):

*Awful lot of straight, white, cisgender, thin people in New York City. In ten seasons, I think there have been three interracial relationships, and two involved the same person outside of the friend group (Ross and Julie, Joey and Charlie, Ross and Charlie). If I missed any, someone please let me know.

*Toxic masculinity. A lot of the jokes in this show give me an “LOL STRAIGHT MEN DOING SOMETHING FEMININE” vibe now (nap buddies, Chandler calling Joey a woman when he gets into potpourri, Chandler and Joey worrying if they hug too often). If those same jokes were in a script today, I would want them to make fun of the internalized toxic masculinity instead of making fun of the actions themselves. Although, in the episode where Ross freaks out about Ben having a Barbie doll, his side is clearly written as the wrong one, so they get points for that.

*Body shaming jokes. This one gets more of a pass, because even Monica joked about how she used to be overweight (“I WAS the pile of coats!”), but a lot of the comments about her past appearance would be criticized a lot more heavily today. Unfortunately, this is still an issue in media, but I think viewers are more likely to call TV shows out on it now than we were then.

*Ross’ jealous, controlling tendencies were written as funny quirks. Now I know to stay away from people who have those qualities as strongly as Ross does. That’s not endearing. That leads to unhealthy relationships.

*Trigger warning: Sexual assault.    They completely made light of the fact that Joey’s tailor sexually assaulted him for most of his life. While I admit I still laughed at the “That’s not how they do pants!” line, I don’t think a network would even dream of having that happen to any of the women on the show. Also, Paolo didn’t “make a move on” Phoebe. What he did was harassment.

*Semi-related to the last one, there was the occasional comment about characters liking certain celebrities who were later revealed to have sexually harassed and/or assaulted people. I 100% don’t fault the writers for this because they couldn’t have known, but watching now, with that knowledge, I definitely had some “...Oh” moments. Of course now I can’t think of any examples, but I know I’ve gotten that feeling a few times.

*With the exception of Rachel, everyone starts the show with stable jobs and enough financial security to live independently in nice apartments in their mid/late 20s. REALLY? Maybe that was easier in the 90s, but it wasn’t THAT easy. I’m now older than these characters were at the beginning of the series, and very few of my friends have moved out of their parents’ houses. Our 20s aren’t as grown up as we used to think.

Things that totally still hold up:

*Everyone’s comedic timing! They may not be the greatest, most versatile actors ever (I still see their Friends characters in other roles they’ve played), but they’re still very funny and they delivered their lines and reactions in just the right ways.

*The bittersweet, mostly-feel-good, classic sitcom ending. Its series finale had every quality most people would expect and want, and while most of my favorite series finales don’t wrap everything up neatly, this one did so in a good, effective way. I do have that “one coupling in a TV friend group is enough” mindset, and I even thought that when I first watched the finale at 13, but I still wasn’t bothered by Rachel getting off the plane. Although, I cared more that it would be easier for Ross to see Emma than I did about his relationship with Rachel.

*Their willingness not to shy away from some of the more serious life events, obviously aside from the one I mentioned earlier in this note. The best example is when Monica and Chandler found out they probably couldn’t have children. This was one of the only times Chandler didn’t try to lighten the mood with a joke, because it was a big deal and had to be treated as such. Showing the difficulty of the adoption process added to this, because while I may not have personal experience in the matter (yet), I know it’s not easy.

*Alternatively, finding the humor in serious situations. Phoebe had a very disturbing past, but the way she talked about it so casually is still funny. No one’s laughing at her mom’s death (hopefully), but the show allows us to laugh at her willingness to joke about it...and use it to guilt-trip people into giving her what she wants.

*How quickly Chandler accepted his dad after going to his show. I don’t think his issues were ever with his dad being gay, but more that he left, and the person he left for also happened to be a man. Yes, there were jokes about his dad wearing dresses in public, but of course that bothered him as a child, because kids in elementary and middle school are mean and used that to make fun of him. Allowing himself to move past that and reconnect with his dad after years of not speaking was a great moment in the series, and again, wasn’t played as a joke. Something funny probably happened immediately after that, but the moment itself was taken seriously.

*So many things are still relatable. The struggles of finding a job, eventually finding a new job you really love, finding meaningful romantic relationships (for those of you who are interested in those), etc. will always be relevant. Watching Rachel’s journey from someone who still relied on her parents’ money to someone with enough financial independence has a lot more meaning to me now than it did when the show first aired.

*Going back to Ross being jealous and controlling, I like that Rachel got mad and called him out instead of immediately forgiving him because it meant that he cares about her. His actions may have made the audience laugh, but he still didn’t get away with it.

*Despite the lack of non-white characters, the few interracial relationships just were. Julie happened to be Asian and Charlie happened to be black, and no one made a thing out of it.

*All six characters have both flattering and not so flattering qualities, and you never doubt that they genuinely care about each other. I don’t think I need to elaborate any more.

Other random thoughts:

*I’m definitely the most like Phoebe, but I have Chandler’s sarcastic humor, as well as some aspects of Monica in the way I like some things organized.

*I want a CD of all of Phoebe’s songs. “Smelly Cat” is still better than the entire score to [show title redacted].

*A lot of cool celebrity cameos/guest stars, most of which are people I wouldn’t start recognizing until years later! (Hank Azaria, Jane Lynch, Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, Ellen Pompeo, Ron Glass, Mae Whitman, and Danny DeVito, to name a few.)*I never watched Mad About You, but now that I know Ursula is a character on that show, I appreciate the cross-over.

*There’s a fan theory that Ross has Asperger’s, and I’m into it.

*Rachel ordering the lobster on her date with Joey was definitely a shout-out to “He’s her lobster” back in the second season, her getting sick from what she thought was the lobster was an indication that they didn’t belong together, and her getting sick right before she has an affair with him in the alternate universe episode proves that even more (shout-out to my friend Tracy for bringing that last part to my attention), and nothing will convince me otherwise.

*To help myself ease out of the withdrawal, I started watching Joey. It’s not as bad as I remember people saying it was, but...it’s not that good. With the exception of Joey, the characters are pretty one-dimensional, and a lot of the jokes feel forced. The fact that I only remembered two things from the show (memorizing a monologue but performing it at the wrong play, and presenting an award to the wrong person YEARS BEFORE STEVE HARVEY DID IT) says a lot about its quality. As much as I love Joey, I think the wrong friend got the spin-off. The one I’d really like to see is about Phoebe’s life before she met the rest of the group. Just like she always does, she’d be able to find the humor even in the toughest of times, and I think it would be a very interesting story.

*I still hear, “we’d come up to poop in your ear” instead of, “your week, your month, or even your year,” despite knowing better.

*They were most definitely, without a single doubt, on a break.

So parts of Friends didn’t age well, but 10-20 years from now, we’ll be saying the same thing about beloved TV shows from this decade. And in my personal opinion, the parts that did age well outweigh the parts that didn’t, which is why I love it just as much now as I did back then. I’m thrilled that after all these years, it’s still there for me, like it’s been there before.