#dark lord of derkholm au

[nicnacsnonsense]

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Okay Dark Lord of Derkholm AU. I don't believe you've read that book from what I recall of our Dianne Wynne Jones conversation, so I will be sure to explain the relevant parts of the plot as we go.

Our setting is a world that vibes similar to a standard fantasy setting -- which is a key plot point -- and they have a serious problem. The Badminton Twins who are business men who forty years ago managed to capture a demon, which they use as leverage to make the demon king do their bidding. (I have no strong feelings on who should be the demons, but I do think it would be funny if it were Mary and Doug, and since the demon king does help our protagonists, but really only to secure freedom for himself & his mate, it works). Their bidding being to force the upholding of a contract the people of this world signed to hold Badminton's Pilgrim Parties.

Every year they have to do up their world to look like an even more exaggerated and tropey version of a fantasy setting, all of which must conform to the Badminton's exact very racist and sexist expectations, and give a fantasy world quest to 100+ parties of about 20 Pilgrims (people from our world) which culminates in them defeating the Dark Lord and saving the world. They are paid for this service, but it's significantly less than what the Badmintons earn selling the experience, and also significantly less than the cost of running it in resource and labor on the people in the world.

(It's a colonialism. The whole story is an anti-colonialism & -capitalism allegory that's honestly pretty light on the allegory part of it.)

Our story starts with Spanish Jackie, Chancellor of the Wizard University, having an emergency meeting with a number of other various guild leaders, heads of state, high priests, etc. etc. About how they are going to stop the Pilgrim Parties. Their plan is to go see the two Oracles and do what both of them say. The instructions come down as make the first person you see the Dark Lord and the second person you see the Wizard Guide for the last tour group. Upon exiting the second Oracle, the first two people they see are Stede and his younger human son Olu.

Stede is regarded by people in this universe to be just as cringefail as he is in canon. He did technically graduate from the University and is a wizard, but he did very poorly. The trouble was he couldn't seem to conform to what was required of him -- which was to perform to specific standards to cater to the Pilgrim Party economy -- and only wanted to do his own magic that he was good at. The University was a very traumatizing experience for him and decimated his self-esteem, but he now has a beautiful farm/estate with a whole bevy of animals and a loving husband and many children where he is very happy and can focus on the type of magic he likes (or at least he could until this whole Dark Lord thing interrupted).

His preferred magic is kind of like a biology magic, I guess? Plants and animals. He's super great at using magic to grow any kind of plant. Nana, a high priestess/queen of one region, gives him an orange that she bought off of a Pilgrim because she is fully confident Stede will be able to use the pips from this fruit that isn't native to their entire world to grow a whole grove of orange trees. And as far as animals, at his home he has flying pigs, flying talking horses, Friendly Cows (they are so fucking dumb, but they have kind eyes), invisible cats, super intelligent geese (which tbf, I'm pretty sure are just normal cats & geese), etc. etc.

As to his children, Frenchie is the eldest. He's in training to become a bard. And I already mentioned Olu, who is the next oldest and who wants to train to be a wizard. These two are probably adopted in this version of the story. And then we move on to his & his husband's biological kids.

Pete is the oldest, and he and Olu are often refer to as the twins since they are about the same age. Pete is also a humongous black griffin. Yeah, so Stede took some of his cells, his husband's cells, cells from a lioness, and some cells from an eagle, did some kind of magic, put it in an egg, and out hatched a baby griffin, who is also a whole sapient person. John, Roach, and Swede (and possible Ivan & Fang, haven't decided on that) are their other griffin children.

For the rest of the crew, starting with Lucius, he is an elf prince in this one. He and his people are supposed to pose as dark elves and the Dark Lords minions. Stede manages to get Lucuis to agree to give him some additional help because (and this is different than the book) Lucius is into Pete. Lucius the elf is dtf the massive griffin, because why not.

For Jim, as a reminder Olu is the wizard guide for the last tour group (and Frenchie comes along too as their group bard). Jim is one of the Pilgrims in that group, but it eventually comes out they're here to try to figure out what happened to their parents, who went on a tour when they were just a kid, and never came back. We don't find out for sure what happened, but we are able to conclude that the Jimenezes were probably marked down as expendable.

Because yeah that's another service the Badmintons offer. You can pay an exorbitant sum to get an X put down next to a person's name, and that person will meet with an unfortunate accident and simply not make it back from their trip to the other world.

(Also in Olu & Frenchie's tour group are Evelyn, Hornberry, and Wellington. They are posing as a married couple plus sibling, though I'm not sure which configuration of that would be funniest. Ultimately it doesn't matter because they are all revealed to actually be undercover agents from various government organizations in our world investigating the shady shit the Badmintons are pulling).

Buttons is the nickname that is given to a dragon that randomly shows up, half-crazed and very confused. HE just took a little 100 year nap, and when he woke up the world was entirely different. Stede helps hims recover and reacclimate, and in return Buttons helps him out with the whole Dark Lord thing.

And then, saving the best for last, Ed. Obviously Ed is Stede's aforementioned husband. He is a very well-respected wizard and can do these little pocket universe things that everyone loves. When Stede is volunteered to be the Dark Lord, Ed is likewise assigned the role of Glamorous Enchantress. The vibe here of the Enchantress and her domain seems like it's kind of going for a Fae Queen & her court kind of thing. Anyway, as the Glamorous Enchantress Ed is required to look extraordinarily beautiful and extremely sensual if not overtly sexual. I'm picturing him having shaved his beard for the role and lounging about in his loose plait, pearls, a robe, and probably nothing else. To the point that when Frenchie & Olu's group show up off-schedule because Olu got them horribly lost and this was the first place they were able to find, Ed is running around freaking out trying to find his tiny gold shorts (thinking a real RHPS number here) because his kids are coming and he needs his least slutty outfit.

As for the actual plot beats, mainly what's important is that the story is about Stede and his kids running around trying to fulfill all the requirements of the Dark Lord role through an escalating series of everything that can go wrong, will. Made worse by all the people who have had enough of the Pilgrim Parties and are actively protesting in some fashion or another, and Izzy, another wizard who is supposed to be helping them but is actually secretly working for the Badmintons, helping them to mine magic from the ground and import it back to our world, and Spanish Jackie who has decided that the point of Stede being the Dark Lord must be that he's going to fail so hard that the whole operation is going to fall apart, and secretly actively working to make things harder for him.

The worst of Jackie's actions being the enchantment she put on Ed to compel him to leave Stede, so Stede is dealing with all of this and the additional stressor of his marriage suddenly and inexplicably falling apart. Of course when Jackie finally realizes what an asshole move that was and removes the enchantment, Ed is immediately all over Stede, like oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't even realize how I was acting, I love you so much.

So our happy ending when things all come to a head, Izzy is discovered for his crimes and arrested. Mary is set free and she and demon king Doug go off together. The gods show up (finally) and imprison the Badmintons inside the jar they kept Mary in and put Jackie in charge of working toward setting the world back to rights after the mess the Pilgrim Parties made of it. All the Pilgrims go back home to their own world, except Jim who decides to stay. Pete and Lucius official become an item. Buttons is revealed to be king of the dragons. And we end with Stede & Ed deciding to have another baby, this time a winged human. The End.

[havendance]

Getting the crossover brain itch for the first time for DC…

This time I’m thinking about a crossover with Dark Lord of Derkholm. Options:

A character from the DC universe gets accidentally teleported to the fantasy dimension of the books and gets involved in taking down Cheseny’s control. I’m thinking Wonder Woman.

Cheseny is operating out of the DC universe and is a businessman who’s practices are extremely opaque. Suspected of being a supervillain (or at least highly unethical), characters go undercover as tourists in one of the pilgrim parties to find out what’s going on. (Probably either a handful of the bats or Lois Lane doing her latest big expose)

Cheseny is operating his tours out of the dc universe, promising a superhero extravaganza of an experience and keeping control through a mix of hostages and having a demon/some other powerful being at his command. The Justice League finally decides that enough is enough.

A character gets transported to the fantasy world at just the right time that they are the first person seen after consulting the Oracle and now have to fake it till they make it as the Dark Lord while trying to figure out how to get back and also figuring how to make the best and help people in the unjust system of the tours.

As a variation on one or four, the character surprise transported to the world also has amnesia.

[realpersonfacts]

Finished the Broken Earth Trilogy. Cried. Finished listening to The Way of Kings audiobook. 45 hours, worth it. SUCH a ride. Waiting on the rest of the series. Any fantasy (or sci-fi) books you'd recommend? I think I just happened to be reading/listening to the same books you happened to recommend to others, so now I'd love to get some recommendations if you have any.

yes!!! hello!!!! most of what I read is fantasy so I definitely have recs!

first of all I want to say that the broken earth trilogy is the best thing I've read in years it was sooo so good. I just got a physical copy and I'm thinking about rereading soon even though I read them for the first time less than six months ago hahaha. and the stormlight archive is just SO much fun.

Older stuff that I have loved for a long time:

The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud: if there's one YA series that I could give Tumblr Fame it would be this one. it's about an au London where the politics are controlled by magicians, who in turn get their power from the spirits they can summon and enslave to do their work for them. DELIGHTFULLY funny. the main characters are a djinn with a soft spot for humans (despite his claims to the contrary) who has the Best narration ever, a young magician who is incredibly unlikeable but his life is juuuust tragic enough to keep you invested, and a commoner girl who joins a revolutionary movement against the tyranny of the magicians.

Howl's Moving Castle (and others) By Dianna Wynne Jones: if you haven't read howl's moving castle you should! it's different from the movie and I like it better. really enjoyable characters/setting/plot etc and one of the books that just gives me good feelings whenever I read it. also Dianna Wynne Jones just writes fun books in general! I don't remember a lot of them except for The Dark Lord of Derkholm which is really really entertaining, the premise is that there's a fantasy world where every year tourists from our world pay to visit and defeat the Dark Lord so every year a wizard from the fantasy world has to dress up and act as the dark lord for all these tourist groups and everyone in the fantasy world is SICK of having to do it.

The Earthsea books by Ursula K. Le Guin: I am currently in the middle of rereading these too! they are all fairly short and while technically they are YA they really don't feel like it? they are older books and they are written in a more slow and contemplative style than a lot of the other stuff on this list. the first three are all coming of age books but in slightly different ways. ursula k le guin is super smart and I found her afterwards really interesting too; she has a lot to say about the nature of fantasy stories.

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman: i'm biased because i read these at a really formative age but they are probably my favorite books ever. i love the journey that the characters go on and the ending makes me cry every time.

Newer stuff that I have read for the first time recently:

The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang: I am currently halfway through the third book in this trilogy and it's very good. Note that it is a LOT darker than the rest of the stuff on this list (to give you some idea, the author is a Chinese historian and the war in the books takes a lot of inspiration from the Japanese invasion of China during WWII) but idk I don't usually go for super dark/sad stuff and I am still enjoying it a lot? The premise behind the magic system is that people can forge bonds with gods to call upon their power, but the gods are impossible to control so after a certain point you basically become just a vessel for the god as a being of destruction. I'm expecting it to end tragically but the well-written kind of tragedy where it's cathartic because you saw the characters' fates coming so we'll see!

The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune: in direct contrast to the poppy war this book was SO sweet. like almost TOO cute and charming if you know what I mean. it's about a case worker who goes to assess an orphanage of Ragtag Magical Children and their mysterious caretaker. I am not hugely into kids but I wanted to adopt all the kids in this book. will make you Feel Good.

Finally, just a blanket rec for the rest of N.K. Jemisin's work! I am currently two books into The Inheritance Trilogy, her first series, and while I'm not enjoying it as much as the broken earth trilogy it's still good! It has a lot of similar themes about systems of power and oppression and the worldbuilding is fun. I think it's really interesting too to read this one after the broken earth trilogy because you can really see how much she's developed as a writer in such a short time! I haven't read her other books yet but my mom (whose taste I trust and who read the broken earth on my recommendation) has read the Dreamblood Duology and The City We Became and said that The City We Became was her favorite of all of Jemisin's stuff that she's read! so i'm really looking forward to reading them when I get a chance.

[ehyde]

In the alien larp AU, we all know there's a company that let's its customers play around on worlds that haven't had previous contact with aliens. Is it an absolute monopoly or does it have a competitor?

(some real shaky worldbuilding here)

On those worlds themselves, it’s a monopoly, though it has rivals who are trying to undermine it from the outside. The galactic government (which will have a real name eventually...maybe…) has strict regulations about interfering with pre-contact planets, at least in theory. They don’t license more than one company at once to operate on a planet since it’s feared that two forces in competition with each other would have a much harder time with the secrecy thing (though in theory they could just operate on separate continents and things would be fine. ignore that plothole). The galactic government has always been more concerned with preventing empire-building than with the actual welfare of pre-contact species. So they didn’t have a problem allowing people to harvest natural resources from these planets, as long as they didn’t a) provide pre-contact species with technology beyond their native level or b) establish a military presence. And it was resources, not tourism, that were the real draw. Illegal tourism was always considered a problem. You’d never get a license to visit a pre-contact planet just for fun, but anyone with a private ftl-capable ship could just go on their own. There were a lot of incidents caused by private adventurers (not always just bad for the locals; sometimes visitors got themselves killed).

The Company of the story (which also needs a better name…) was the first to, instead of spending lots of money and effort keeping trespassers off of “their” worlds, actually make tourism a part of their business model. It was a huge success. Turns out all the work that goes into making a world safer for tourists also makes it a lot easier to harvest that world’s resources. Soon the Company was able to buy up rights to other worlds from their less-successful competitors, who were a little too late jumping aboard the new business model. There are still a few pre-contact planets out there where the Company doesn’t operate, but not many. And there are still people who try to operate on pre-contact worlds illegally, but I wouldn’t call these competitors because they’re generally doing much shadier stuff like kidnapping.

It’s nearly unheard of for a pre-contact operator to lose their license if they don’t want to give it up; they would have to be in severe violation of first-contact protocols. And you would think that secretly controlling governments and stuff would count for that, but, well, it’s secret. There’s no contact, no one is being given technology they shouldn’t have. In fact, of all the worlds the Company operates on, not one has ever developed the technology to rise above the pre-contact stage, not in hundreds of years. See? Success!

[the-booted-kat]

Es ist etwas faul in Derkholm

(for English, please see below) Mr Chesney nervt. Und zwar so richtig. Der Fantasyreisenunternehmer inszeniert seit Jahren Pilgerfahrten für Touristen aus einer benachbarten Welt ohne Magie. Für die Dauer der Reise muss dann jeder Magier der Fantasywelt eine Aufgabe übernehmen. Von der guten Fee bis zum bösen Zauberer ist dabei so ziemlich jede Rolle vertreten. Die Fantasyreise mit zu inszenieren ist nun eine Sache, dass die Touristen die Fantasywelt aber immer in einem katastrophalen Zustand hinterlassen eine andere. Als Zauberer Derk erfährt, dass er diesmal den Bösewicht mimen soll, reicht es ihm. Obwohl er und seine Familie gezwungenermaßen mitmachen müssen, versuchen sie doch insgeheim die Pilgerfahrt aufzuhalten. In der Fantasyparodie „Fauler Zauber“ von Diana Wynne Jones wird nicht nur mit Mr Chesneys Pilgerfahrten abgerechnet, sondern auch mit gängigen Fantasyklischees. Es braucht nicht viel Fantasie um Mr Chesney als Autor von Fantasyromanen zu deuten, der seinen Figuren nach Belieben bestimmte Rollen zuordnet. Nur dass sich diese Figuren dem Willen des Erzählers nicht mehr beugen wollen. Darüber hinaus greift die Autorin verschiedene Klischees der Fantasyliteratur und der Ordnung fantastischer Welten auf und macht dadurch, dass sie diese als Rollen auf die Spitze treibt, deutlich, welcher, eigentlich vorhersehbaren, Ordnung fantastische Welten oft folgen. Im englischen Original ist „Fauler Zauber“ bereits 1998 erschienen, ein Jahr nach „Harry Potter und der Stein der Weisen“. Ob Diana Wynne Jones, die bereits vorher zahlreiche Fantasygeschichten verfasst hatte, sich auch ein bisschen selbst entlarven wollte, ist allerdings nicht überliefert. Letztendlich ist ihre Fantasyparodie nicht nur spannend und humorvoll erzählt, sondern entlarvt auch, wie einfach die Konzepte für fantastische Welten oft sind. Auch, wenn man sich als bei näherer Beschäftigung mit der Erzählung ein bisschen ertappt fühlt, weil man auf immer ähnliche Konzepte in unterschiedlicher Ausführung immer aufs Neue reinfällt, hat die Geschichte an keiner Stelle einen belehrenden Ton oder erweckt einen schadenfrohen Eindruck. Ganz im Gegenteil: Die Geschichte selbst funktioniert nach dem vorgeführten Bauplan. Das sorgt für gute Unterhaltung, bei der nicht nur Fantasyfans an der einen oder anderen Stelle nicht anders können, als zu lachen. ____________________________ Something is rotten in Derkholm

Mr Chesney gets on everyone’s nerves. Like really. For several years now he organises and inscenates fantasy travels for tourist from a neighbouring world that does not have magic. As long as those travels last every wizard has to play a role. From the good fairy to the evil warlock. To play the role is one thing, that the tourists leave the fantasyworld in a terrible disorder another. When wizard Derk is appointed the villain for the next round he decides that he has to act against the whole circus. Although he and his family have to take part they try to find a way to stop Mr Chesney.

The fantasy parody “The Dark Lord of Derkholm” by Diana Wynne Jones does not only settle old scores with Mr Chesney's Pilgrim Parties but also with well-known clichées of the fantasy literature. One does not need a lot of imagination to interpret Mr Chesney as a fantasy author who gives his characters specific roles. But now these characters are not longer willing to play their given parts. Furthermore Diana Wynne Jones deals with several clichées of the fantasy literature and by taking them to extremes she makes clear how predictable the arrangement of fantastic worlds is. „The Dark Lord of derkholm“ has been publishes one year after „Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone“. It is not clear if Diana Wynne Jones who has written several fantasy stories before also wanted to unmask herself with this story. Eventually her fantasy parody is not only narrated suspenseful and humorous but also unmasks how simple the concept of fantastic worlds is. Even as one feels a little bit caught because one has been taken in by that concept in different narrations the story never has an educational or gleeful tone. Quite the opposite: The story itself is build after said concept. That makes for excellent entertainment that not only has fantasy fans laughing at various points of the story.