#dating based on an algorithm is insane i hate it here

[jacenbren]

Hey guys!

Okay, usually I stay out of drama. HOWEVER, recently, I’ve accidentally stumbled into a Twitter hellhole of people fighting about the “morality” of AO3 and freaking about the existence of certain tags, and debating whether or not to support them because of it. Now, as an internet veteran who has had unrestricted internet access from an age that likely had zero positive effects on my psyche, I feel the need to weigh in on this and shout into the void before it drives me insane. The biggest issues I’ve noticed newer people on AO3 are upset about are actually easy to explain why they may look harmful of the surface, but actually protect users in a way that sites like Wattpad don’t. I’m here to tell you new users some things y’all need to remember. (Obvious trigger warning; I am talking about some of the deepest cesspits of the internet, involving rape and underage shit)

First and foremost: AO3 IS NOT A SOCIAL MEDIA SITE. AO3 IS AN ARCHIVE, WHICH MEANS THE CONTENT UPLOADED IS NOT CLOSELY MONITORED. Think of it less like Instagram and more like Reddit, but somehow just as lawless of a wasteland but with less conflict. AO3 exists not as a site like Wattpad to promote peoples’ writings, but as a digital list of fanworks that preserves them for posterity. AO3 doesn’t care about what you post, all they care about is keeping records.

Second: certain tags exist for a reason. If you go onto AO3, the first thing you’ll notice when you go to filter your fic search is the Archive Warnings tab, which includes both the rape/non-con and underage tags. These are the ones I’ve seen the most fuss about, but are, however, some of the most important tags on the whole site. You see, there are some sick fucks out there, and as much as I wish more could be done about it, fics with very disgusting and illegal things happening in them will still be written and will never truly be completely eradicated from the hellscape that is the internet. However, the existence of the rape/non-con and underage tags on AO3 lets normal sane people do something very important that I’m going to discuss next: filtering.

AO3 has one of the best tagging systems out of any fic site, which allows you to individually sort and search fics based on countless criteria, including rating, content, plot, major characters, word count, pairings, kudos, and much, much more. It also lets you pick and choose which tags that you don’t want your search to show you, and that can include any of the things I mentioned above, and more. THIS INCLUDES TRIGGERING AND/OR ILLEGAL SUBJECTS, LIKE RAPE, INCEST, AND UNDERAGE SEX. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SICK FUCKOS OUT THERE WHO WRITE BORDERLINE CHILD PORN, BUT THIS IS BY FAR ONE OF THE BEST WAYS I’VE SEEN A FANSITE CREATE TO HELP PEOPLE AVOID THEM. If you’re new to AO3, it’s a good idea to spend some time on Urban Dictionary to learn what certain tags and descriptions mean, so you don’t end up accidentally reading something you don’t want to.

Last, but not least: complexity. AO3 may look daunting to newcomers at first, but once you know what certain buttons and certain phrases mean, it’s easy to navigate and incredibly helpful for finding what you want and avoiding what you hate. Wattpad may be simple to use, but AO3 veterans harbor a vast hatred for it, and for good reason. Ever tried to filter out nasty shit on Wattpad trying to find a chill fic to read, all while being bombarded by advertisements? I sure have! AO3 doesn’t have any kind of algorithm or monetization system, either, so you don’t have to struggle with no one seeing your stuff if you’re just starting out. All fics in a fandom category automatically appear by the date they are updated (you can obviously change this when filtering your search), so chances are someone will see your work, no matter how few comments and kudos it has.

Anyway, that concludes my rant. Moral of the story is, if you’re willing to take the time, AO3 can make your fanfic experience so much more pleasant, and while the existence of certain things on the site might appear controversial at first glance, they actually do a hell of a lot of good.

Bye for now! If any of y’all are new to AO3 and have questions, don’t be afraid to ask, even if it might seem embarrassing, because asking for help could save you from stumbling across something that could quite literally traumatize you. I’ve been on the site and writing fanfic for years now, and I’m more than willing to provide answers if I have ‘em and you need ‘em!

[noiseartists]

新加坡 Singapore Shoegaze, Dream Pop & twee, a quick guide. Part 1

Singapore can boast of one of the most notorious Noise Pop bands from the 90's with Astreal. An inspiration, well liked around the globe, the band fostered inspiration of a new generation of bands that have developed over the last few years: Stellarium, Subsonic Eye, Pleasantry, Cosmic Child, Sobs. 

We invite you to discover them and explore their music further in this quick guide to the Singapore Shoegaze and Dream Pop scene.

A big thank you to Nigel Lopez, from the local record label Middle Class Cigars, for his feedback on some silly questions.

 A few words on Singapore from Wikipedia

Singapore is a sovereign city-state and island country in Southeast Asia. Singapore's territory consists of one main island along with 62 other islets. 

Singapore is a global commerce, finance and transport hub. Its standings include: the most "technology-ready" nation (WEF), top International-meetings city (UIA), city with "best investment potential" (BERI), third-most competitive country, third-largest foreign exchange market, third-largest financial centre, third-largest oil refining and trading centre and the second-busiest container port.

38% of Singapore's 5.6 million residents are permanent residents and other foreign nationals. There are four official languages: English (common and first language), Malay, Mandarin and Tamil.

 ASTREAL

Astreal are They are one of the founding members of Asian Noise Pop.

Their social media presentation tells us that Astreal was formed in Singapore in 1992 with influences ranging from Shoegaze/noise bands, ambient soundscapes to electronica and rock. Closer to home music columnist for the Straits Times and radio DJ Paul Zach described the debut album as "something that would ignite a bidding war between record labels". ‘Stay Awake’ was also aired on the local station FM 98.7 the same year, receiving frequent rotation on the playlist.

The song ‘Stay Awake’ was aired on the legendary UK-based John Peel BBC radio show in 1996 In 2006, several reviews have named Fragments of the Same Dead Star the best local release and it received airplay on Lush 99.5FM and 987FM. Astreal was also nominated in the Music category of the Annual Street Style Awards in 2004 and 2006. In December 2011 after a long rest, the band got together in a show of support for BEAT!'s 6th birthday celebrations at Home Club. BEAT! is Ginette Chittick's indie rock party night. They have since gone on to play +65 Indie Weekend III at the Esplanade. As 2017 approached, Astreal released their 3rd studio album 10 years after Fragments of the Same Dead Star. The new album titled LIGHT, coincided with their appearance at the illustrious Laneway Festival Singapore where singer Ginette DJed at back in 2011.

Astreal's line-up is:

Ginette Chittick (vocals, bass)

Muhammad Alkhatib (guitars)

Jason Ang (synths)

Joseph Chian (drums)

Astreal music work is:

LIGHT, Album, released January 2017

Fragments of the Same Dead, 2006. The album is a collection of 11 songs which can be described as a spacey hybrid of indie/electronica.

Ouijablush, Album 1996 

Chlorine Explosion, demo, 1994

Dive Gemma, demo, 1993 

 STELLARIUM

"You can describe Shoegaze music as noise rock or neo-psychedelic rock," said Az Kadir, leader of Shoegaze band Stellarium."

One of the pioneers, with unfortunately only one album (but a great one).

They released the following:

Stellarium, Album, released in December 2009

Disco Ditto (solo project of Stellarium's guitar pplayer, was released in July 2011

  SUBSONIC EYE

Subsonic Eye is an alternative pop band from the hazy and rainy Singapore. Their sound combines the soothing algorithms of a digital synth, catchy guitar and vocal lines. Along with wielding pop melodies with restraint and embraces passages that drone on instead of build, they make the audience feel wistful nostalgia towards the memories they never even had. 

Best characterized by the quote, ‘Happy music for sad people’, they hope to share their music with as much people as they can and push through the struggles of being a band in a small count.

They were created in in 2015 by Daniel Castro Borces and Nur Wahidah when they met in school and realised they shared a love for the same type of music. They started just writing songs for fun that sounded like the bands they listened to. They since have played for shows such as Subculture by Fred Perry, Singapore Biennale 2016 at SAM, opened up for London based indie band Yuck, and more.

Subsonic Eye line up is:

Vocal/Synth: Wahidah

Guitar: Daniel 

Guitar: Jared

Bass: Spencer

Drums: Lucas

Their first release is:

Strawberry Feels, album, April 2017

They plan to release their next album before the end of 2018.

Their record Label is the tasteful local Middle Class Cigars.

 COSMIC CHILD

Founded in 2013, Cosmic Child released one album in 2016 and thought it would be the last. Their Bandcamp page tells us: 

"This is a collection of songs from when i first started playing guitar till now. We hope you enjoy it as much as we hated making it"

Then, unexpectantly, in 2018 a second album (a great one too) was born. 

"After finishing our debut album, untitled, we swore we would never make another one. To be honest, we never expected anyone to listen to the album that was shat out in a week. People started sending messages about our music and stuff which was insane to us (still is). Fast forward to today, we are somewhat a real band playing shows. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.  Blue is the condensation of these two strange years comprising of people, relationships and heavy emotions. We promise it took more than a week this time. We hope you enjoy it. "

Cosmic Child are:

Bo - Guitar, Vocals

Daniel - Guitar

Joanne - Bass, Vocals

Zhe Ren - Synths

Genevieve - Drums

Their musical work is:

Blue, Album, February 2018 

Untitled, Album, April 2016

Their record Label is the local Middle Class Cigars.

 PLEASANTRY

According to their Bandcamp page, Pleasantry "was conceptualized and formed in late 2010.  Recycling musicians from active as well as inactive bands, the quintet crafts and carves music out of each member’s disparate listening backgrounds.

Drawing inspiration from dreamed-up scenarios based on real-life scripts, compositions showcase simple lyrical tones offset by the accompaniment of rich instrumentation and varied song structures."

Pleasantry's lineup is:

Samantha Teng - Vocals 

Isa Ong - Vocals, Bass, Guitar, Ukulele 

Ahmad Ariff - Guitar, Bass, Keyboards 

Adel Rashid - Guitar, Bass 

Haziq Hussain - Guitar, Vocals 

Daniaal Adam - Drums, Percussions

If you want to know more, there is a good article on them Here.

Their music work to date is:

Porcelain Lenses, EP, released in February 2012

Synapse, Album, released in August 2014

Pleasantry and Starry Eyed Cadet Split EP, released in May 2015

 SOBS

Sobs is a Singapore-based bedroom pop outfit born out of a fondness for off-kilter and playful melodies, Sobs embodies a kitsch, yet instantly relatable charm through honest, straightforward and quintessentially pop songwriting. Driven by snappy, gleaming guitar lines and unassuming yet endearing vocal delivery, their songs tell everyday stories steeped in a characteristically lo-fi fashion. Sobs’ debut release, a 5-track EP titled Catflap is inspired by the distinctive guitar-centric arrangements of 90s indie pop artists like Liz Phair and the twee eccentricities of contemporaries such as Frankie Cosmos, Girlpool, Jay Som and Alvvays.  Its lead single, Girl, combines breezy verses with immediate, punchy guitar lines that punctuate a story of love’s inevitable highs and lows as one navigates the uncertainties of adulthood.  The album is a patchwork of real-life experiences, fantasies and melancholy rom-coms sewn into a diary of songs on life’s frustrations, affection, intimacy, a neighbour’s dog, and Singapore’s non-existent ocean.

"Catflap collects real-life experiences, fantasies And melancholy rom-coms sewn into a diary of songs on life’s frustrations, affection, intimacy, a neighbour’s Dogg, and Singapore’s non-existent ocean……."   

Their record Label is the great local Middle Class Cigars.

Sobs are :

Celine Autumn 

Jared Lim 

Raphael Ong

So far they have released one EP, Catflap, in June 2017 from which this song comes from:

Their next album is scheduled to be released on June 2018.

[robertrluc85]

What are the SEO benefits of social media?

How does using social media benefit your efforts with SEO?

Back in 2008, Search Engine Watch published the article ‘Social Media and SEO – Friends with Benefits‘, and I’d highly recommend reading it back now for a stark reminder of how far the digital world has progressed in the last nine years.

Some of the key statistics and points featured in the article (although contemporary at the time) may seem somewhat archaic in 2017:

Facebook having 140 million active users (when they are now over 2 billion)

LinkedIn having 30 million users (less than 10% of their current user base)

Popularity of now defunct social platforms like Digg (which sold for just $500,000 back in 2012)

MySpace being mentioned in the same breath as Facebook, LinkedIn, Reddit and Twitter (ha!)

Use of ‘SEO friendly’ anchor text when linking from social profiles (ahem… ‘money keywords’)

Nobody could have guessed what social media would become in such a short amount of time. Nearly a decade later and Facebook is nothing short of a social media superpower, Instagram has grown from zero to over 700 million users in the space of just seven years, MySpace has fallen out of popularity into the depths of dated pop-culture references, and using ‘SEO friendly’ anchor text is a very dangerous game to play in light of Google’s almighty Penguin updates.

It’s safe to say that everything is very different now, and as the social media landscape changes so too does its relationship with search engines and SEO practices. But what exactly is this relationship in 2017?

Social media and SEO: It’s complicated

In the past, Google have made contradictory statements regarding the role of social media in their ranking algorithm. On the one hand, they have stated that social media pages are indexed in the same manner as other web pages, and that social links therefore count as links.

But on the other, they have stated that social metrics do not constitute direct ranking factors. Over at Microsoft, the guys behind Bing have said that they too consider the authority of social media profiles (e.g. Twitter profile metrics) and mentions across numerous social platforms in their search engine.

As per usual, Google keeps their cards close to their chest. Research from the likes of Neil Patel show what Matt Cutts referred to in 2014 as a correlation but not necessarily a causation.

All very confusing indeed.

Can we 100% say that social metrics have a direct impact on search engine rankings? Probably not. However, if we look at the potential of social media’s influence on search engine rankings the story is different.

My personal opinion is that we should not be worried about whether links from social media platforms are valued in the same way as a link from a high quality and highly relevant website. Instead we should look at the benefits of utilizing social media to help boost ranking signals that we know search engines care about.

We should also bear in mind the impact of social media on the landscape of the search engine results pages (SERPs).

Focusing on any one particular ‘SEO metric’ is as old school as MySpace. SEO has evolved into far more than just keywords and links. Great SEO acts as a core function to any holistic, integrated digital marketing campaign.

We should consign the days of marketing departments operating independently to the history books and focus on the often significant benefits of integrated campaigns. Having said that, there are a few SEO metric-specific boosters that social media can provide.

Link earning

The holy grail of any link-building campaign. Link earning has the power to gain multiple links from a single piece of content compared with the individual links gained from more one at a time traditional guest posting tactics.

It is link-building on steroids, but unless your website’s content has a large amount of visitors or subscribers your link earning potential is significantly reduced.

Enter stage left: social media.

The great thing about social media in 2017? Almost everyone you know will have a profile, most likely with hundreds of connections. This provides a platform through which promotion of content can not only be distributed instantly to hundreds of people, but the more people engage and interact with your content, the more people outside of your direct network see your content.

Viral. How I hate that word. It sets often unrealistic expectations. Viral to me means millions of views, akin to the hard to grasp concept of Gangnam Style’s frankly insane popularity and near 3 billion views on Youtube.

It’s great if your content does go viral, but you don’t need millions of views and tens of thousands of shares on social for social media to have an impact on search rankings. Quality over quantity, my dear.

If you have even tens or hundreds of people engage with your post and content via a platform such as LinkedIn you can bet that the quality of those engagements is pretty high. If done correctly, those views of your content on social media will result in other content creators citing your content in their articles. Your content has just earned links, which has a direct impact on search rankings.

Front of mind: Co-citation and co-occurrence

As a brief follow-on to link earning, your dissemination of content via social will provide touch points with your brand across multiple platforms. To use another word that falls into my dislike category, your brand remains ‘front of mind’.

In turn, this can lead to mentions across the web in what is likely to be highly relevant content, therefore increasing your co-citation and co-occurrence metrics.

Brand authority and CTR

Social can be utilised to build not only awareness but also brand authority. Sure people are more wary about fake information and news on social media compared with a few years ago but that does not mean that engaging in a well thought out, high quality social media campaign will not develop your brand in the eyes of the public.

Guess what? When they go to search for a product they may even search directly for your brand name or associated search terms which are directly related to your brand. Failing that, if your brand name is the one result that they know within the search results, it can increase your click-through rates from search.

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Social media in search results

Social media profiles are delivered within the SERPs, along with tweets due to Twitter’s provision for Google to access their “firehose” of real-time tweets. As a result, your social media presence does have an impact on your SERP presence.

Admittedly, the majority of social links within the SERPs appear for branded search terms, but this should not be discounted. If we are in fact looking at marketing as a more holistic practice in the digital age, then we have to ensure that your branded search terms result in high click-through rates from search.

Ever been freaked out by a company or individual’s lack of social presence? This can be especially poignant for newer businesses or non-household names. In today’s society where follower numbers, likes and shares have a real impact on authority, the fact that social media results appear in branded searches should not be underestimated, not only in click-through rates from SERPs but also future conversions.

Will social metrics ever be a direct ranking factor?

From our research, it is clear that there are some pretty large problems associated with search engines using social metrics as a direct ranking factor. These include limited access for robots to crawl the platforms and therefore understand social authority, and the prevalence of fake profiles or ‘bought likes’ which are likely to be viewed in the same light as paid links.

In short, there is currently too much provision for manipulation of these metrics for search engines to bank on them. Will this change in the future?

Considering that Google and Facebook are two of the largest companies in the world, vying for the attention of us all, we don’t see them joining hands, opening their doors and singing Kumbaya around a campfire together any time soon.

Social media has its own benefits

Whether or not Google or Bing count social metrics as direct ranking factors is somewhat of a moot point. Social media and SEO should be working together, sharing content or utilizing engagement metrics as data for future content creation.

Lest we forget, businesses can benefit from revenue generated directly from social media regardless of its influence on search rankings. Social media campaigns should be focused primarily on generating their own success, with SEO considerations as a secondary (but still important) consideration.

Simon Ensor is the Managing Director of Yellowball, a London-based digital marketing agency, and a specialist in SEO and social media.

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There are a few questions that have been confusing the SEO industry for many years. No matter how many times Google representatives try to clear the confusion, some myths persist. One such question is the widely discussed issue of duplicate content. What is it, are you being penalized for it, and how can you avoid it?

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[iintotheocean-blog]

Sure be cool if you did

Well the school year is almost over. Can you believe it? I made it through an entire year of college. Again. I didn’t accomplish many things I wanted to, though. But I guess thats what next year will be for.

I’m moving home next week. Back to my parents’ house for the summer. I’ll be working at the security gig again, but back at the bottom. None of this $18/hr crap, now I’m making $10.50/hr. Isn’t that great. But at least I’ll be back with my old buddies and we can have a good time for the next few months.

Kim moved away. To Seattle. She’s been on the road for the last 2 days. Probably got there by now. I’m kinda sad about that. If there was ever a chance (there wasn’t) it’s gone now. Then again, I may be moving to Seattle in a few years anyway. I want a condo with a nice view. Hopefully this degree will help with that.

I’ve been doing better in school. The first half of this semester was a disaster. I fell down into a depression again. I could barely get anything done. I couldn’t concentrate, and I was just miserable. I started seeing a counselor, and eventually a psychiatrist. We think I may have ADHD-PI, which may be the base cause of a lot of my issues. The concentration, procrastination, forgetfulness, social isolation, anxiety, etc. I’m supposed to receive a ritalin prescription this week or next. Hopefully it will come in before next Friday, because I have to move to start working. Anyway, I have a lot of hope.

Lol, the above paragraph is pretty common of my ADHD. I was going to describe how my semester has gotten better lately, but turned into something else. Anyway, my semester got better. Not socially or mentally, mind you, but academically. I’ve been keeping myself busy with schoolwork to avoid boredom. I get bored so easily, it sucks. But it’s good for schoolwork sometimes I guess. 

I had to make a virtual stack machine in Java as a semester project. I was anxious about it and putting it off all semester. Yesterday, I opened it up and took a crack at it. And finished it. In one day. I’m really good at programming, I’ll give myself that one. I’m really proud of that stack machine too, because it really goes to show how far I’ve come since coming here. It often feels like I’m not learning anything (anything useful anyway), but I now intricately understand stacks, callstacks, assembly, processor architecture, databases, and a variety of other things. This fall, I’ll be taking one of the most difficult classes in the course, Data Structures and Algorithms. Hopefully with my programming skills and the help of the ritalin, I’ll do well.

So, I’ve been losing weight as well. Like, a lot. I’ve lost 25 pounds since I started working at it last fall. Granted, that’s not as much as it could be, but its still good. I’m at 171 right now. I’ve actually been losing fat, even though I’ve been platueued at the same weight for the last 3 months. I’ve been hitting the gym consistently. I think it really helps manage a lot of the depression and anxiety I feel. I’m gaining muscle mass and have upped weight on most sets. Hopefully by this fall I’ll have shaved off the rest of this fat and have a beach bod.

I was feeling pretty down about my looks for a while. Feeling fat and ugly and undesirable. Short. I don’t know. I posted some pictures on /r/amiugly and the response was an overwhelming NO. In fact, I received over 20 comments telling me I’m attractive. One girl even gave me a 7.5/10, one said I was “really freakin cute” and another said “I’d date you.” So, I’ve actually been feeling better about my looks lately. Which is good, because thats always been one of the big things that keeps me socially isolated.

So, social isolation. I’ve been feeling pretty lonely lately. Ha. It’s funny. I remember starting this blog in 2015 and I had just started feeling lonely. Before I started this blog, I was actually quite happy with being single. I had been in that messy relationship for 2 years, and being free and unchained was a huge boon to my mental health. I felt confident back then too, like I could easily get girls. I mean, when I was in a relationship I could barely keep them off of me. Lol, not really. But it felt that way sometimes. I was very confident and easily talked to girls. In fact, one of the biggest reasons I left Amanda was because I felt like I could do so much better. Who knew I’d end up where I am now?

It’s been 3 years since I’ve been in a relationship. It’s been over 6 months since I last got laid. just over 7 I think, actually. And that was a fluke. She only slept with me to get back at Casey. I tried to woo her again a bit over a month ago, but even with a bottle of wine and an evening spent at her apartment, nothing happened. I just have no game anymore. I should be able to woo girls. I mean, we’ve already slept together, I’m attractive, we had alcohol in our systems, and we spent at least an hour on the topic of sex. And yet...? Nada. I don’t know.

That’s what really bothers me. I don’t even try anymore. Before, I tried and failed. That sucked, but at least I tried. I mean, think about it. Christina, Amanda, Courtney, Tiffany Judy, TCU chick, Kim, exchange program chick, Hannah. I may even include Lauren in that list. I mean, most of those led to nothing, but at least I made an effort. Now, I don’t even try. I don’t know why not. Let’s try a thought experiment.

I see a gorgeous girl sitting alone who I feel is in my league. I want to talk to her. What happens? I should talk to her. I just walk away. Nothing goes through my mind, no feelings occur other than shame. Why do I walk away? If I start to approach, I get nervous. The more I approach, the more nervous I get. Some thoughts run through my head, like “What do I say?” or possible openers. My heart starts racing. I start feeling nauseous. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. If I give it an attempt, I come off as very nervous and kind of weird. I can’t think of anything to say other than general small talk. Either she gets up and leaves or I do. I spend the rest of the day feeling like COMPLETE shit, replaying the embarrassment in my head, playing alternate conversations in my head, and may even consider suicide.

Wow. Yeah. Okay. That sounds like social anxiety to me. Thats just ridiculous. The weird thing is that its only when it’s in that context. Need to talk about academics? work? Ask to borrow something? No problem. Hmm. Maybe that should be my opener then. Hey, do you have a stapler I can borrow? Then while I use it, just talk about what I’m doing, ask her what shes doing, etc.

Alright. Lets try another thought experiment. You’re at the bar. You see a girl you would like to talk to sitting alone, or is obviously the only one in the group w/o a boyfriend. You’ve been scoping her out and she’s available to talk to. You’re slightly drunk. She’s drinking too. A good dance song is on. What do you do?

I think about it. I tell Casey. He encourages me to go over there. I say no and laugh it off. Then feel shame. Alright what happens if you decide to walk over. I walk over, drink in hand. I approach from the front-side so she doesn’t get spooked. I stop next to her, and say hi. She says hi. Assuming she doesn’t ignore me, look at me weird, or tell me to fuck off, I ask if she would like to dance. If she says no, thank her for her time and leave. Feel dejected. Start drinking heavier. Go home and hate myself. If she says yes, tell her, “I gotta warn you though, I’m new to two-stepping.” If still yes, then take her hand and walk onto the dance floor. Get her name, ask her if she goes to school here. Eventually take the conversation off of the dance floor. Try to get her number.

Ugh. See. It’s not that hard. It’s all in my head. ITS ALL IN MY HEAD. Why?? Why can’t I make it stop. Fuck. Well. Fuck. I hope the Ritalin solves this somewhat. I read online that it can help immensely with confidence. I believe it. When I popped molly I was very social and not anxious at all. Same with shrooms, kind of. Well, I guess we will find out. 

I just hope this social isolation ends soon. I’m driving myself crazy. I’m actually just typing this because I have no one to talk to right now and I just need to get some of these thoughts out of my head so I can relax. They won’t leave until I start letting them out in some way or another. I can’t handle being alone anymore though. I find myself pretending I have a girlfriend when I’m alone. Grabbing at the air, closing my eyes and imagining I’m cuddling, having pretend conversations with the chair next to me. Talking about my day to the only thing that will listen. I’ve actually written more on this post than I wrote for my semester essay. Lol. Fuck.

Anyway. It’s going to be really awkward if anyone ever finds this blog. They’ll think I’m insane or something. Pretending to talk to someone. They probably just don’t know what it’s like to be so isolated by your own mind. It’s terrible. It’s a living hell that I wouldn’t wish upon anybody.