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amindofstone · 3 years

Text

Match up, No. 10

Anon said:

Hello! I would like the match up please I would like to have a Male character and here are stuff about me!

The thing I do mostly is like to care for others and help others, I mostly get tricked on very easily do to my kindness which will cause me to sometimes get very fiesty which not very but maybe like “ please just stop talking your being to loud.” In a annoyed tone, which is very rarely, I tend to like very many hobbies and I don’t judge people base on first glance I see what on the inside and not what on the outside, a weakness I have is my disability but I never allow it to stop me from my true goal in life! And I practically tend to like doing some boyish stuff like archery! I get a lot of compliments on my archery skill because a lot of people say I have the patients and the accuracy very good! My dislikes are I hate real cocky people who think there all good and don’t take stuff for granted I also hate people who look down on weak person as not a human but a animal. I hate peoples who take kindness for granted and use it for a selfish gain.

I stand at about 5’0 exact! I have long brown hair that gets a lot of attention because some people always say to me “ I die to have your hair:” I’m just a tiny bit chubby and have big blue ocean eye that gets a lot of compliments and a lot of people wanting it to. I very much get the attention for how smart I am and how kind I am! I also get some hate from boys when I prove them wrong that girls aren’t weak and I won’t back down from a fight if it means protecting myself, people or just anyone. I like to have some affection it doesn’t have to be a lot maybe just even a hand on the shoulder is fine! I also very do like to wear some baggy clothes and I do like wearing like summer dresses that are knee high. I also tend to get very excited from the smallest things. A lot of people think I’m a loner but when it comes to babies I’m all for them! My cousin even said “ she likes to be alone into babies comes in the picture and she all for them!” 💕I love children and my parents even told me “ your definitely going to be the house wife.” I don’t know if that a compliment or not but I’m taking it😂✌🏻 sorry if I shared so many!

a/n:

Hello there! How are you? I really enjoyed reading all those things about you. Believe it or not but the part in which you said that although you have a disability it is not holding you back to follow your dreams, was impressive. It truly made happy. I have two cousins that have a disability and get me sad every time I see them. But seeing them happy and keep doing whatever they want makes me always so damn happy. You seem to be such a sweet human. Someone bright and jolly. Please never ever change. You are such a strong and great human. Keep that attitude and make sure that even when you end up as a housewife don´t let anyone push you around or take you presence and work for granted. This world really needs more good humans like you. I am so happy you requested. When you mentioned housewife I instantly thought of Hinata (Narutos wife) and then thought about myself who is more of a mixture of Ino and Temari. That thought really made me laugh. LMAO!! Anyways I really hope you will like with what I came up with. If there is anything that bothers you or you don´t like, please tell me so I can change it. Other than that enjoy the little story I came up with. Happy reading!

Match up rules can be found HERE.

Warning(s): Maybe grammatical or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I´m still improving in every aspect (Please have mercy on that.)

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. Please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to: @/SK,Martins (Can be seen in the pic) (found on the internet) !!!

· Well my dear anon. Like I mentioned before I think that you are a sweet and lovely human being. On top of that also simply adorable, fun and pure! Therefore I´d like to match you up with the future pirate king Monkey D. Luffy

· I think that you two would get along so well. So, SO WELL! Now hear me out!

· The way you two got to know each other might sound a bit of cliché but that’s simply how you meet. There was no princess in danger or a knight in a shinny armor but a clueless guy who wondered why a woman in a dress would walk around with arrows and a bow when they weren´t cupid. A simple human?! HA! Definitely not!

· Anyways that’s how everything started….

· The strawhats were docked on the island you were living in. At first they were anxious and didn´t want to leave their ship alone but when a worker at the harbor told them that the civilians on the island had cero problems with pirates as long as they didn´t do anything stupid or harm them. The whole crew got happy and started roaming around the island.

· Luffy being Luffy, screamed for food the moment his feet were on the island. And Zoro…. That guy yelled after him saying that if he gets to have food he wanted Sake. So, Luffy, Zoro and Ussop searched for a restaurant. Why Ussop you wonder? Well Nami send him with the boys because they otherwise would end up on the other side of the island. And Ussop compared to the captain and the first mate knew he had an actual brain and also knew how to use it.

· While the pirates were walking around the island you were helping out as a waitress in your uncles restaurant

· Everything went smooth. You served the people and had little chats with some of them. Some gave you too much tip and some other had you sitting with them and eat with them

· The people of the island knew you well. They knew you and loved you. Your uncle once even said that the only reason why his business was doing so well was because of you. The people never came for the food but rather for you. But you always denied it and told him that it was him and his food that was liked so much.

· Bu today there was something a bit different. A group of men you hated from the bottom of your heart came again. They were simply rude and egoistic. They were people from the wealthier part of the city, that was called royal neighbor. The reason why that neighborhood was called royal had nothing to do with the people that lived there. The only reason it was called royal was because it had a lot of wellness centers, hotels, casinos and parks. While this neighborhood, you were living in was given the name of idyll because of the beautiful nature. Landscapes that could have been painted and not to forget the dreamy beaches. But these group of young men simply didn´t understand that and thought of it differently. In a way that even the mayor couldn´t do anything else than just shook his head in embarrassment. But what could that poor man do. They weren´t doing anything against the law. They simply were annoying, stupid and egoistic.

· The group of young man, not older than 25, would always come once a week and have lunch in your uncles restaurant

· They entered the restaurant followed by three men you never saw on the island. At first you thought of them as sailors until you saw the green haired man carry three swords.

· You were in a dilemma. You didn´t knew if you should take care of the men that could have been pirates or the annoying group of disgusting men that always came. You gave your coworker a look and made sure he understood what you wanted. You were about to walk up to him and tell him to take care of the annoying group of men when you heard a plate breaking. You stopped in your tracks and instantly turned around.

· “This is our table. We always sit here. Now move you pathetic poor human.”, said Dean, the head of the group. You were mad. You were extremely mad and it took you so much energy and patience to not walk up to him and cut of his throat. But you calmed down and thought rationally. You took a deep breath and took your little notebook you used for writing down the guests orders when you heard a glass shatter right after Dean grabbed the customer at his collar and made him stand up. And this was exactly the moment you slammed you notebook and pen on the floor and yelled from the top of your lungs.

· “Watch out what you’re doing, you spoiled brat!”

· You stomped towards him and took a knife from a table on your way to him. “If you do not put him down in a bit and apologize, I swear to god I will make you regret waking up today and leaving your fucking bed!”, Dean knew you were no one to joke around with but his pride as a man kept pushing him. He chuckled and looked at you up and down while his friends that followed him like dogs laughed at your words.

· “Don´t make me start counting you pathetic version of a human.”, with furious eyes you looked up at Dean who still held the customer at his collar. “Look at that tiny girl trying to threaten…”, one of his friends was giving a comment but couldn´t finish his sentence because of you throwing the knife in your hand at him and cutting a bit of his ear and hair. You threw the knife with such a precise and strong grip that it ended up hitting the wall that was three meters behind him. “Watch out what you say because I don´t hesitate to drop the sweet girl attitude.”

· Dean looked at you with pure anger and let go of the man he was holding. He looked at his shocked friend and then back at you. “Today’s point goes to you. But the next time we come and this table is not free you will regret hurting him.”, said the angry man. “Listen here you little dumb spoiled creature. This table won´t be free for you. This is our table. Our property. You have no right to come and throw such a tantrum. And guess what, come again and I will be paying your parents a little visit and make them pay for everything you did. And I am sure that they won´t be pleased by your behavior since they are good friends with my parents and the mayor. Right? Now if I ever see you come here again I will make you pay. After today we will not accept your unacceptable behavior anymore. Now get the FCK OUT!!”

· After they left everything was silent for a few seconds but that change after your uncle started to clap and every person in the restaurant joined him. Your eye widened and your started to blush with a huge grin on your face. But that little moment of clapping didn´t last long. One of the pirates that entered the restaurant spoke up. “You did a good job but I AM HUNGRY!!!! Please FEED ME!”, you were confused. You didn´t know how to react and stood there like a statue.

· “Alright Sir. No worries. We will take your order in a few.”, said your uncle and approached you with a huge smile your notebook and pen. He pats your head with a proud smile. “You are such a brave and strong woman. I am so glad to have you in my family and I think it´s enough for today. Please take care of these men and then go rest: You deserve it.”, you nodded and smiled back to him. You pulled yourself together and made your way to the table of the pirates while your uncle left to take care of the broken glasses and the customer who had to deal with those stupid men.

· “Hello gentlemen. I apologize for making you wait I ….”, “No worries I actually enjoyed the show. You’ve got a good and precise eye. BUT NOW MY ORDER! Get me everything on the second site please.”, you absolutely didn´t knew how to react. You were looking at the talking man with a straw hat and then to his friends with big shook eyes. “I know what you thinking but he always eats that much and manages to stay alive. No worries. And getting to my order I´d like to have number 17 and 22 on the menu.”, said the one with a unusual long nose. “I take the same as him but with three bottles of your best sake.”

· You nodded with a disbelieving look on the face wondering if the first one is really going to eat all of the stuff. But you gave yourself a light slap and made your way to the kitchen only to be confronted with overwhelmed and surprised faces of the cooks. You shrugged with your shoulder and went to get the pirates drinks.

· While you went to get their drinks you saw that more people sat down next to the three pirates what made sense since the table they were sitting on was a huge one that usually only families took. Taking the drinks you served the three and greeted the new costumers. At the table sat a beautiful woman with black hair that complimented you for your adorable and genuine smile. With a blush you gave the others a menu too and took their orders

· Slowly with time passing all of their meals were served and you said your farewells and left the restaurant earlier then thought because your uncle said that he will take care of the rest. Thanking him you left and made your way to your archery lesson although it would have been way too early.

· Every time you came your sensei’s face would glow with pride. But the malicious person he is he would then drag you inside and introduce you to another challenge he came up with.

Time skip because ya author is lazy for the first time in a while now. *apologizes in trilingual

· It was late in the evening. You were on your way back home and thought why not take the route that would lead you to walk across the beach. You were having a good time alone. The sound of the waves that crashed on the cliffs and rocks were beautifully calming. The feeling of the sand under you feet were relaxing. With a smile upon your lips you were lost in your thoughts when the same guy with the straw hat you saw in the restaurant looked at you while blinking a few times before he asked you if you were Cupid the god of love like Sanji told him.

· With confusion taking over your mind you stopped in your tracks. Who on earth was he and that Sanji guy and why did he call me cupid? You wondered.

· And there you were looking at him with pure confusion while he looked at you with huge impressed and curious eyes for good 2 minutes until you shook your head and asked him who he and that Sanji were. He smiled at you and let himself fall down to sit cross- legged in front of you on the soft, warm sand. Now how do you think he introduced himself? Exactly my dear.

· “I am Monkey D. Luffy the future pirate King.”, “Huh?”, “And Sanji is one of my crew mates and the cook on my ship. Now tell me are you Cupid or not.”

· “Why would I be cupid?”, “Well you are wearing a pink white dress and you have a bow and arrows. So I thought that you might be on your way to shoot some people with them to make them fall in love. So, are you Cupid?”,

· “Alright first of all Cupid is a mythological creature made up by humans. He or she doesn´t exists. Secondly you really don´t look like a pirate nor do the others in your crew beside that one green haired man with the swords if he is also part of your crew. Thirdly you want to become the pirate king? Why?”

· And this my dear was how you two started a conversation that was to 50 % about him telling you stories of his adventures, 25 % basically about nonsense. And the other 25 % were… well that was about you telling him that you weren´t cupid but a actual human with the name f/n l/n. But he actually never got it. Until now.

· Eight years after your first encounter with the weird men called Monkey D. Luffy you still were busy telling him that you weren´t Cupid. But by now you not only had to tell him that but also your son who rather called you Cupid instead of mama.

· Congratulations you have two idiots in your life you love to the moon and back and would actually fight Garp for.

Bonus:

· “Does he really think that your Cupid or is that supposed to be something like a cute name?”, asked Dragon, the leader of the revolutionary army

· “I stopped thinking about that long ago, Sir. I really don´t know how to answer that. But just to make it clear if that confused you too. My name is y/n not Cupid.”, you told you father in Law with a sweet smile.

· “Wait. Cupid is not your name?! That brat introduced you to me as Monkey D. Cupid!”, Garp looked at you and Dragon with disbelieve.

· “If you ever wonder why you husband is so stupid just please now that, that stupidity comes from Garp. Not me. I swear.”

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frogtanii · 4 years

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It’s wind anon. I know I should react to the Kenma part, but I just went through the update, saw Meiko’s portion and I have feelings that I need to get out because I’m so far gone right now—

I swear, I can break down every single text what the flip is this BS. Meiko, dear, do you,,,have a concussion. Are you thinking. What,,, this is like the time you were underdressed at the restaurant and you ended up getting drunk as heck.

Okay, let’s do the breakdown.

Coming in hot, we see Meiko with “tooru!!!!!!” (Yes, I did count the number of exclamation marks) firstly, the usage of his first name after ‘exiled’ where she raged at him and used Oikawa instead... mood swing much because I cannot believe the audacity of this... and really. First name basis. Trying to be close and to get rid of animosity, but not offering up anything like “hey, I’d appreciate talking to you for a sec if you’re free?” Or an apology for blowing up at him because he did indeed have your back, it’s just that you were the one problem. But yes, the exclamation marks too. A bit childish, obvious excitement...mmmm, I’ll move on to the next section.

Oikawa’s “oh. hey meiko” shows that he really ain’t up for this. First is the obvious low energy. I don’t want to go into depth about that but the “oh” shows that he paused. He saw her message. He answered. And he didn’t expect her to talk to him. Especially with that sort of energy. Mixed feelings towards her. And his “hey meiko”. I would say he is one of the more energetic of the House. He probably would’ve done something like “meiko!!! <3” in response before or something like that. He’s a bit flashy in that regard. But no punctuation. Just a downtrodden “hey” in response.

“don’t sound so enthused” she says. I mean, at the very least it seems she understands and can grasp tone from messages? But I am like “it would be more surprising for him to be enthused? I’m in awe of how you were able to become so enthused after you got yourself crushed into pieces by YN...” Besides that, even if Meiko wasn’t physically hurt, a confrontation of this sort would not lead to anyone having a happy mood? Me glancing between Meiko and all the therapists that were mentioned before because I really hope that we can figure something out because she gives off so many different vibes I am like... “what even goes on inside her brain...”

“can you blame me? you yelled at me the last time i talked to you” and this is the truth. He shouldn’t be enthused. You yelled at him, you disregarded his concern and you showed that you didn’t care for him as a person. Even if there was a circumstance where she didn’t yell at Oikawa, he would reach out first and be concerned about her health. Meiko has no grounds to try and blame him for anything right now. Frankly, I don’t think Oikawa should have even bothered answering her because I don’t think he is in the best place emotionally to deal with her.

“im so sorry sweetheart!!!! i didn’t mean it :(” lemme just day, wind anon cannot believe the BS that this message is. First, she says she is sorry. But really? Really. I can’t even look at her. Look, I don’t know what it is but “I’m so sorry.” Has the weakest apology energy. “I’m sorry.” Fine, decent, the classic and simplest. “I’m really sorry.” Also good! Shows regret. “I’m so sorry.” Sounds like you when you just learn that a person’s family member has passed away. There is something about “I’m so sorry” that doesn’t sound sincere to me and it’s infuriating. Next, the “sweetheart” I might’ve gagged a bit internally. Does she,,, talk like that? Normally? Is that a thing? She’s younger than him...and I don’t know but sweetheart sounds so condescending I literally can’t even— and finally, the “I didn’t mean it” yeah, well, you don’t mean anything because everything you say is BS that’s what you mean. Stop excusing your behavior. There is no merit behind it.

“you know i was just beat up and i couldn’t control what i was saying”. Okay, let’s break this down too. First, trying to incur sympathy by the “I was just beat up.” I cannot believe this gal. And the “you know” for a reference to a person’s knowledge of the matter, it lets them be more susceptible to beliefs. But the “I couldn’t control what I was saying” is complete utter hogwash. I mean, Meiko can’t control any bit of her because she is just impulse. But she excused her inability to control herself by saying it was because she was just beat up.

I don’t know what to say for the next portion. Alone, it’s cute, but put into perspective it’s just manipulation and she doesn’t love him. I’ll just move on.

“what do you need that you can’t ask iwa-chan?” Okay, so he didn’t reciprocate with an “I love you too” so that just shows what type of mood and how effective her words were. It also shows that she always messaged Oikawa when she needed something, because he caught on super quick to that. The “Iwa-chan” is interesting though. I wanna know if Oikawa talks to Iwaizumi after this conversation with Meiko because she is clearly going behind his back right now.

“oh well hajime is being very rude rn. he won’t let me leave my room!!!!” Okay, he had best interests at heart and Meiko...I know every single one of your rooms has a bathroom too. They’re bringing you food. They are letting people go into your room. Meiko, you wouldn’t have lasted quarantine if you’re this petulant now. It’s literally going to be like, 3 days max if you work to get an actual solution. I don’t want to break this down, I feel this is self explanatory. She feels entitled still.

“i know, it’s for your own good” he replies, and that is true but I am also of the belief that it is (hopefully) better for the rest of the house to not be in contact with her so I guess that’s that. Anyway, this shows Oikawa placating her, next

Meiko...being...not pretty. “ugh!!! but i wanna go out!!!!!!” Yeah, she would not have been able to be safe throughout the pandemic. Please,,, you’ll have fresh air if you open up a window,,, I know for certain you don’t exercise,,, please Meiko, shut up already you are making yourself look like more of a pile of garbage than you depict yourself as please I cannot handle the idea that the guys fell for this act—

“you have a black eye babe” okay, the black eye is actually Tooru trying to refer to knowledge that she has. As in, she should be trying to rest and get better right now. (Just curious, who treated her? For the injuries? She raged at Iwaizumi and Oikawa so maybe Daichi?) the babe gives off the placating vibe to me, still low energy, not very affectionate, but it’s there so I’m like “hm”.

“so??? omg are you calling me ugly tooru???????” Well...he didn’t call you ugly. But I might? Because you have the ugliest personality of everyone here. But also, shifting blame onto him. Gosh, I give Oikawa some water. He’ll get a migraine from this.

“of course not. i would never”. Low energy, not elaborating, I think he sees that she is trying to manipulate him, or at the very least he isn’t going to play that particular game. But actually, he runs a fashion channel on YouTube. We know Bokuto runs a fitness one and his header message was something along the lines of everyone’s bodies are beautiful, so chances are Oikawa has the same sort of idea for his channel too. He may criticize fashion, but he would never criticize the people wearing it or the people who made it in a mean way. He would be respectful, and he lets people do what they wish because it’s their choice. I mean, there has to be a reason why Meiko’s fashion is how it is—he doesn’t intrude on matters that aren’t his to intrude upon.

Okay, Meiko. I’m gonna stop trying to format the messages exactly how they are, autocorrect is making my time with them a bit too much, but she says she wants him to take her with him. Okay, starting off, you are really under the belief that he will take you on to a trip he has planned when he didn’t invite you in the first place? Pushy... but yes, her petulance again... me flicking water at her, “you got super drunk because you were underdressed at a fancy restaurant and now you have a face that looks like roadkill, how much do you want to embarrass yourself before you get turned into a pariah?”

Oikawa not knowing how she knows that is clear concern. Someone knowing your schedule when it’s none of their business and not public knowledge is major red flag. The “uh” shows that he is clearly taken aback. The ellipses shows that he doesn’t know what to think.

Okay, Meiko—she is actually able to notice something??? Good golly gee, I am baffled by how she did that when everything else she does is on fire. But the consistency probably gave it in. She may have been looking for him at one point, noticed he was out, and saw the pattern then. But actually, wouldn’t she be good at noticing the patterns of the guys so that she always knows which one to go to and use? Thoughts.... but I’m curious about the fact she said the “same group of absolute losers”. I highly doubt they always go and meet up directly in eye view of the house? Chances are they meet up at a bar or something? This potentially could be a thing where Meiko was stalking them? It would be interesting if she saw them while she was out as well—and if yahaba and kyoutani noticed her around before too. Also, her saying “you ain’t slick” like,,, Meiko, have you looked into a mirror. Can you see.

Oikawa defending his friends, we stan. Let’s move on though: “they’re so much younger than you?? and yahaba is def not cute lmao” me, doing like the... monkey meme where they look away because I am just like??? Meiko, you’re younger than Oikawa. I bet Yahaba and Kyoutani are your age. And anyone younger than you is a loser huh? That’s why you look at Bokuto and YN like they are dirt beneath your feet. (And Yes, I do remember that you put Bokuto and YN as the babies of the house, this reoccurrence is very well done). And she went and insulted Yahaba directly like...you’re talking to his friend? What are you doing? Excuse me? I beg your pardon?

And the ellipses strike again— and Oikawa is fishing for information because we have seen him—he listens to logic. And Meiko... her emojis... wind anon be flicking more water at her, she is too much. Also. Kyoutani. She is calling Kyoutani cute. This was the message that made wind anon start this long analysis. Kyoutani, cute? Listen. Kyoutani would take one look at this parasite hanging off his arm with her swollen black eye that was slathered with makeup and her lacking clothing sense, before looking at Oikawa who would be so haggard by then, and then Kyoutani would force her off his arm before grabbing Oikawa and running off with Yahaba following them. There is no way at all Kyoutani would involve himself with Meiko. I refuse to believe he would go for her.

Okay, the two messages after about wingmanning—I don’t want to do a large scale analysis of it. Oikawa really is shown to have good sense for Meiko’s intentions. His intuition is good. And we know that he cares and respects his friends and he focuses on their capabilities. He knows them. Meiko is just...childish in the worst of ways.

“You don’t see the issue with this”. Oikawa really digging in his feet. First, he wished to be in a relationship with Meiko. And here she is, asking for him to wingman to get her together with one of his friends, who may not even like her—and I bet that if it doesn’t go well, she would blame Oikawa for it like really—but I give Oikawa more water for the migraines Meiko induces.

“What?? It’s not like we’re actually together lol”. The laugh out loud at the end really shows how much of a joke she sees this as. She sees him as a joke. And she just crushed all his efforts and actions to try and get into a relationship. And actually...will Meiko ever get into a relationship with another? She has no loyalty. She definitely wouldn’t have ever got into a dedicated relationship with one of the guys. And she would be the type to get upset if they slept around, wouldn’t she? A hypocrite.

“Ugh don’t be like that!!! I’m sure you sleep around too!!” Okay, she is trying to defend herself while also potentially blaming him if he does. It’s just manipulation...I’m gonna move on...

Oikawa’s just done and his “I don’t” holds a lot of emotion. But Meiko’s response back I don’t believe at all. “Oh well that’s your fault, I don’t really give a sh*t if you sleep around hehe!!!” First, blaming him for his choice of only choosing you??? And I highly doubt the second part because she is shown to throw blame and ditch people for negligible reasons—I have no trust towards her words. I do not believe her. I believe she would care. I believe she would blow up at the guy before leaving him.

“Of course you don’t” And there is the utter doneness. He has given up on Meiko in this message. He doesn’t care anymore. He was already not in the mood for her when she first messaged him, he doesn’t want to see her at all anymore. He’s given up.

“So you get it!! Perfect!!!!” Please, wind anon has written so much already, her eyes are sweating everytime she has to look at Meiko being like this hhhhh. “I’ll be ready at like 9pm? Come by my room!! Actually no I’ll come by yours” and her usage of emoji. Get her away from me and everyone in PF. She’s toxic. Send her off with hazardous waste. Also, she deliberately changed from her room to coming by his. She is cutting off him so he has to go with her, he can’t just sneak out and not wait at her room (though she did offer a time so he could just go out now and ditch her presence completely). But it would be amusing if he did something like lock his door, (either after he’d go out or if he wold leave through window) and she would just be there waiting all decked out in her clothes and makeup pounding on his door. He wouldn’t answer and the others would see her out of her room (a misdemeanor). And then she would have to make an excuse. But it would be hard...because Oikawa has text evidence of Meiko going against Iwaizumi to just play like this.

“And if I say no?” Says Oikawa, who is testing the waters—very smart. We approve. “You won’t.” She replies, because she is terrible and we hate her controlling, manipulative, abusive self and we would all fight her. And she ends it off with a “great!! see you then!” Because she has to have her way and the last say.

Okay, wind anon is done

Completely. Utterly done with the analysis and reaction for that. Might not get to Kenma and YN analysis because I went off in this one but just know I appreciate it and I’ll try to get to it—just,,,not today.

I hope Oikawa sends these screenshots to like, Iwaizumi at the very least but it would be even better if he just drops it in a group chat with Daichi and Osamu instead and asks them to keep an eye on her for “her own safety” and ask her to stay in her room. She’s too daring and if she blows up on him after, he will receive more evidence of her being terrible. And of course, he’s smart. He’ll definitely block her number when he doesn’t want to bother with her anymore. Okay, wind anon is ending here. The ask is too long. I think it’s the longest ask I’ve ever sent. I wish you well fr0ggy. I hope your sleep is pleasant and you wake up very rested and refreshed!

WOO LONG POST!!!! i cannot nearly respond to all this!!!! but!!!! i am in Awe??? text by text???? i love this????? ur so amazing i <3 u

#j’s asks #anons babey #℗ poker face #wind anon

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jincherie · 5 years

Text

intermission • iii | moonchild

• ☽ — pairing: bts x reader • ☽ — genre: crack, fluff, angst, college/uni au • ☽ — words: 4.6k • ☽ — rating: sfw • ☽ — warnings: rabid old ladies and tree-climbing shenanigans • ☽ — notes: another intermission! this is my last part for now, miss zee will be writing the next two and then we will see my return!!!! but until then, please indulge us n show miss zee some love!! she works hard for it :’< also because with zee’s next chapter... we see a bit of a twist arise!

— posted; 09.06.2019

When the love letter you wrote and submitted as an assignment is leaked to the entirety of your university, it becomes a race against time to dispel rumours and convince the seven suspected muses of the poem that they aren’t the subject before anyone realises that you are the author. Easy, right? Well… maybe not as easy as you think.

— • masterlist | prev | intermission iii | next • —

— some time in first year —

The afternoon air is cool and the sun is a soft, comforting warmth against the exposed parts of Kim Namjoon’s skin, chasing away the slight bite of the cold that lingers in the breeze due the transitional season as he walks home. He’s just finished fulfilling his third ‘help wanted’ poster duty of the day, collecting the sheets, both handwritten and printed alike, from shopping mall billboards like Pokémon. He has a thick wad of them folded up and wedged in his back pocket (he’d forgotten his trusty messenger bag this morning that, despite being two snapped threads away from falling apart completely, has always managed to see him through the day) and a comparatively much smaller wad in his other back pocket, of the odd jobs his managed to complete through the week.

His rationale for being such an upstanding citizen and going out of his way to help anyone and everyone he can? Two things—experience, and references. He knows it’s a harsh world, and to succeed you have to prepare yourself as much as possible for everything to come. So when the time comes that he steps into the adult, working world after graduating… he doesn’t doubt he’s going to be one of the best prepared people they’ve ever seen.

Plus, sometimes the little old ladies and distraught pet owners he helped gave him a few dollars as a tip. Unnecessary and not something he asks for, but Namjoon isn’t one to turn away a gift when it could do wonders for his loose change jar. It satisfies him to see the little glass thing with a cork lid get fuller and fuller each weak. He blames the deep, primal part of his monkey brain that likes seeing a big collection of shiny objects like coins. It sparks joy, one could say.

The odd job he’s just completed was a little dryer than the rest, if he’s being honest. It was much simpler than the ad for it had made out— just helping some fellow uni student as clueless as him fix their broken toilet roll. All he had to do was find the screw that came out and the student gave him, like, a whole box of frozen chicken patties in return. Which… isn’t so bad but also, Namjoon considers himself an intellectual and while he may be bought by food he still longs for a mental challenge. So despite how usually he gets in about three a day, on a good day, but even thought this is his third one he’s still… hungry for more. He’s also hungry in the literal sense; the last job made him miss lunch and now his stomach is performing an acapella version of ‘feed me, feed me, you bastard’. A classic hit, one he is especially familiar with. He’ll have to rifle through the papers in his back pocket and suss out whether any of the posters seem the type to provide food for the help.

He’s still toying with the idea when he happens across an unexpected scenario that seems to have been dropped into his path by the fates themselves. Along one side of the footpath are suburban homes and their small front yards and cute little mailboxes, and to the other is the occasional tree and then the plain asphalt of the road. About a yard in front of him, just far enough that he can’t really see even with his glasses on, there seems to be a bit of a commotion occurring near one of the larger trees lining the street.

Excitement probably shouldn’t be his first reaction, but it is, and Namjoon hurries his long-legged gait so that he can reach the spectacle sooner. He doesn’t know what he looked like but walking like this, he feels a bit like those spiders with the tiny bodies and disproportionately long, spindly legs. And here he is, going to help out like the friendly neighbourhood spiderman. He slapped his thigh, eyes wide. He might be an iron man enthusiast at heart, but damn that’s a good line for his resume.

The closer Namjoon gets to the commotion he’d spotted from afar, the more he realises he might have hit jackpot. The source of the loud yelling and frantic movements seems to be a woman, a little on the elderly side, with her wild salt and pepper curls defying gravity in some places and clumping in others—it takes Namjoon a moment to realise that she’s actually attempted to tie her hair back and that’s why it looks a little bit deformed from the distance. As he draws closer, he notes that she looks a little unhinged. His reaction to such a thing should be caution, and he should feel wary, but all he can think is hell yes this woman clearly needs help and he is going to help her, damn it.

“Pudding, come down! Please! I’m sorry for calling you fat, Pudding! I didn’t mean it!”

As soon as he’s within earshot, he hears the woman sobbing hysterically as she claws at the thick trunk of the tree. She’s too small to reach the lowest hanging branch, and has taken to draping herself pitifully against the leaning trunk as she scrabbles against the bark with her nails. The woman wails, pitifully, voice piercing the air like a siren, or a banshee, “Pudding!”

Confused as he may be, he’s sure that as soon as he asks the lady what happened, he’ll be as clued in as possible. Namjoon clears his throat and composes himself, before stepping forward and speaking loud enough that the woman can hear him over her own loud weeping.

“Excuse me, ma’am, is everything alright? Do you require assistance of any kind?”

The lady spins around, a crazy glint in her eye, and belatedly, Namjoon begins to feel a little wary in addition to the wave of concern that seems to have caught up to him from where he left it in the dust.

“My pudding,” the woman wails, lurching and attaching herself to Namjoon like he is the tree she’d just been attempting to scale. Her nails dig into his arms, and the male is suddenly thankful for the long sleeves of his shirt and jacket protecting them from being punctured by her claws. “My pudding is stuck in the tree.”

A few beats of silence sound in Namjoon’s head, before finally a thought spawns into being. This woman…. Did she fling her dessert into the tree? God, it’s worse than he thought. He never expected to walk upon such a tragedy.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, ma’am,” Namjoon says, sincerely sympathetic. Being prone to trips and falls as he is, he has been victim many a times to accidentally flinging food all over the place. His heart goes out to her, his hands coming to pat her forearms with only a little hesitance (distantly, a part of him wonders if the crazed look in her eye is due to rabies, and the whiteness of what he assumes is snot all over her face and mouth makes him a little nervous). “Would you like help? I can get the pudding down from the tree, and then you can go on ea—”

“Oh, would you, dear?” the woman’s grip tightens like a vice as she cuts him off, wide, glassy eyes gleaming with hope. Is she starting to froth at the mouth a bit? Namjoon chooses to ignore that observation. “Please, please get him down. He’s the fat bastard on the second highest branch, and he -hic- must be so scared.”

Namjoon resists the instinct to make a face just barely— is she referring to her pudding as a he, and did she just call her pudding a fat bastard?— and instead follows the old woman’s shaking hand as it point to the top of the tree. Realisation slaps him in the face.

There, sitting right on the thickest part of the second highest branch near the trunk and somehow still managing to bow it, is both the fattest and the ugliest but most oddly endearing cat Namjoon has ever seen. At least, he thinks it’s a cat. It’s a cat until proven otherwise, he decides.

“Oh,” Namjoon says, staring at the cat. The cat stares back, and Namjoon gulps at the sudden goblin energy it seems to be radiating. “Pudding.”

The woman, still babbling incoherently while Namjoon creates a half-assed sort of mental plan for how to proceed and reach the top of the tree, starts shaking him slightly in her distress. Being a music major doesn’t prepare him for shit like this, he laments. This lady better have some food on the table for the trauma she’s currently inflicting.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get pudding.” He gingerly brushes her grip off him, surprised she let go with such little convincing, and makes his way to the trunk of the tree. The cat stares him down the entire time, lidded yellow eyes peering into the depths of his being and pulling out his innermost fears. Namjoon feels like this cat is the kind of thing you peer under your bed as a child and see balled up in the corner, hissing, with big fangs and ominous man-eating energy. This cat looks like the second Namjoon is within reach he’s going to claw his face off or eat his ears. A shiver rolls down his spine, but he pushes on. He’s going to climb this tree, make this cat his bitch, and bring it back down for the crazy old lady who has started breathing extra heavy the closer he gets to the tree. Distantly, one of his braincells knocks around and whispers that this feels like when Hansel and Gretel got tricked by a witch and her candy house— except in this situation the candy house is Namjoon’s incredible need for good references and experience. Annoyed at the errant brain cell, he flicks it away mentally and tries to think of a way up the tree when he reaches the base.

Well, he supposes he’s just gonna have to go up branch by branch and see which ones he can reach with his long noodle legs. He has to bring his foot up past his ear to clamber onto the first branch, and amongst the pain of essentially doing the splits he feels oddly proud of himself. Kim Namjoon; outstanding citizen, academic, genius music major, now gymnast. It has a nice ring to it. Perhaps he should consider broadening his horizons and extending his athleticism.

Scaling the tree is actually much easier than he anticipated. None of the branches are too far or too high to reach, and he’s satisfied with the effortlessness this job has taken so far. This will look fantastic on his record— he can’t forget to get a written statement from the rabies lady.

Before he knows it, he’s come face to face with the cat. Up close, it radiates even more demonic goblin energy, and Namjoon feels his knees quake slightly in response. It doesn’t meow, doesn’t even growl, merely bares its teeth in greeting, and the male gulps. Alright, time to make this cat his bitch for a moment and save that old lady’s day.

“Hey puss,” Namjoon greets, a little rusty on his cat conversation etiquette. “Come here puss, here, tch tch.”

The cat, fearing neither god nor man, merely sits and looks at Namjoon as he makes kissy noises in an attempt to lure it. ‘You think you can control me?’ It feels as though the cat says to him, with its apathetic, golden-eyed stare, ‘I belong to no one, fool. I will perish before I move at your will.’

Alright, seems like he’s just gonna have to scoop him up and go. Hopefully his nature is a docile as the name Pudding implies and his intimidating outside is just a farce.

Namjoon leans against the trunk of the tree as he reaches for the cat and takes it into his arms successfully— it’s too fat to put up much of a fight, and for that the male is thankful, even if it now feels like he’s holding a boulder in his arms and they’re going to fall off if he doesn’t deposit it soon. What does that lady feed this cat?! Cement?!

Having secured the old lady’s bag, Namjoon directs his gaze downwards and goes to embark on the next step in the plan to climb the tree for the cat and then climb down with the cat— as expected, it’s time for the latter. Wait, speaking of—

A ladder? God he wishes he had one of those right now, because he’s just realised that he has no idea how to get down. The cat’s belly gives an almighty rumble and, expectedly, it throws Namjoon a little off balance. The old lady is calling out hoarsely several many feet below them, and Namjoon feels a little overwhelmed as he considers possibilities and analyses paths down.

Gulping, he makes a calculated decision— unfortunately, he was never that great at maths.

x x

An afternoon stroll through the streets surrounding your dorm is just what you need, some fresh air to sooth your tired, university student soul and refresh your mind.

At least, that’s what you decided like ten minutes ago. Currently, you’re not sharing the same sentiments as past-you so much. This is mostly due to the abundance of unhinged elderly and zombified youth that seem to have had the same idea as you and that are now milling about unchecked. You accidentally stepped off the footpath before and stepped maybe ten centimetres onto someone’s lawn. That someone happened to be a short, stout middle-aged couple that had matching outdated hairdos, and they were not happy about you ‘messing up their lawn’. Before embarking on this walk, you could have proudly said you’d never been chased down the street by some screaming woman with a broom before. Now though, you’re no longer a virgin to that particular experience. You’re not going home as the same woman you were when you left.

The street that you’ve just turned onto, on your journey back to your dorms, is remarkably less chaotic than the rest and you feel yourself letting out a breath of relief. Finally, you thought you were going to combust from the stress alone. As relieved as you are though, you don’t let down your guard; you’ve been burnt before, thank you very much.

Not even three houses down the street, your reservations are proven right. There is an elderly woman, who appears afflicted with a sickness of some sort if the fluids all over her face are anything to go by, who is sobbing and moping at the base of a tree in what you hope is her front yard. Confronted with the strange situation, a part of you instinctively wants to help her— the other part tells you to turn tail and go down another street because this could be one of those traps where they trick you with a crying child or old lady and then mug you, taking all your money and any candy still surviving in your pockets.

Ultimately, the more empathetic side of you wins out and you hesitantly begin to walk closer to the woman clawing at the tree and screaming about desserts.

“Uh, excuse me ma’am, are you o—”

You don’t even get to finish before there is a sudden series of snaps and cracks from the tree above you and a mass comes hurtling down from the foliage. You scream, the sheer blood-curdling nature making your throat ache, and just about shit yourself as you launch away. Where you stood, a shape smacks into the ground with a hearty thunk that shakes the earth a little beneath your feet. You were right, you’re about to get mugged!

“AHH FUCK WHAT THE FUCK FUCK OFF I KNOW KATANA!”

The mass on the ground groans and you blink, watching with absolute dumbfoundedness as it shifts and suddenly the fattest cat you’ve ever seen is parting from it and running towards the woman in hysterics by the base of the tree. For such an absolute unit, it moves fast, and barely a moment passes before the massive load of a cat is wrapped firmly in the old lady’s arms.

“Pudding,” she weeps into his coat, the cat pinning you and the lump at your feet with an ominous, dead-eyed stare over her shoulder. “Oh my sweet, fat bastard— don’t you ever do that again, okay? Oh my sweet baby—”

She turns, mumbling into the fur of her cat as she begins to depart from the tree and make her way back to the house that you presume to be hers. For a moment you forget about the lump at your feet, until you hear it let out a pathetic whimper.

“My reference and commendation…”

You let out another scream, for some reason not at all expecting it to speak words. When you look down, however, you instantly feel guilty.

The thing that fell from the tree was a man and he landed right on his ass.

“Oh wait holy shit are you okay?!” Now that you’re over your fear of being mugged, you run over to the man and pop a concerned squat next to his curled up form. “What the hell were you doing up there? Did you steal that crazy lady’s cat?!”

The male at your feet groaned, bereft. “No, I was helping her get the cat down. Holy shit, my buns…”

You turn your gaze to his heinie, realising that with how hard he hit the ground he very likely has broken something. God, now that you think about it, he could have broken his tailbone. You have a friend that did that in highschool— it wasn’t fun, and it wasn’t pretty. And the thought that this poor man who fell from the tree and scared the absolute shit out of you might have done the same… oh, you felt for him. He attempted to roll and let out a pathetic groan. Oh yeah, he definitely broke it.

“Wait, don’t move! I think you broke your tailbone when you fell! Don’t move too much.” You hurry to halt him, and all he can muster in response is another sad groan.

“God, I- I can’t see…” he dropped his head against the earth, eyes shut. “The light… it’s growing closer.”

“H-hang on!” You panic, hands flying into the air. “We need to get you help! We need to get you to a hospital! Please don’t go into the light!”

The male groans again, and you flounder— you have to get him to the ER! It’s more serious than you thought. Panicked, you scramble for a way to get him up and mobile. Finally, an idea occurs to you, and you survey the man’s lanky form to try and assess how well it’s going to work out. A grimace finds its way to your face.

You’re going to be so sore later.

x x

For forty minutes, you carried the long-limbed male on your back like nothing but a pack mule. Twenty minutes of that you spent walking, feeling like that Atlas bitch carrying the heaviest thing imaginable on your back and shoulders; and the other twenty was spent taking (read: waiting for) public transport. By the time you arrived to the hospital and got the man on your back checked in (you learned his name is actually Kim Namjoon and he’s a student, much like you), you felt as though at any second you were going to pass out. You still feel like that, actually, as you sit in the chair along the wall across from the male’s bed, which has the curtains drawn as the doctor inspects him, and attempt to recover. You’re sweaty, and gross, and desperately want a coffee. You even considered slipping some of the paper from the mysterious wad in his back pocket before you realised it isn’t money. You didn’t get to see what was on the papers, since you lost interest as soon as you realised it wasn’t cash.

You don’t get to lament too much about it before the curtains are being hauled back, a brightly smiling man greeting you; the doctor appears just as exuberant and overjoyed as when he first walked in.

“Well, good news and bad news!” he chirps, tucking his clipboard under his arm. His nametag reads Dr. Lee Minhyuk, and you can’t help but think that your new friend Sera would probably be frothing at the mouth at the mere sight of him. You catch sight of Namjoon adjusting himself on the bed behind the doctor, cheeks red.

You send the doctor a probing look, knowing he is waiting for a response. He beams, delighted at your acknowledgement.

“Good news first!” the Dr. Lee clicks his heels together before shifting his stance, gesturing his arm widely to Namjoon. “His tailbone is not broken! Thanks to the uneven distribution of his ass cheeks— ahem, sorry, his buttocks— all of the force of impact was absorbed by the, uh, dominant butt cheek, if you will. His tailbone is fine!”

Namjoon chokes behind him at the words that come out, and a part of you is mortified for him but the rest of you finds that too funny to even begin unpacking everything else yet. One of his ass cheeks really pulled a hard carry and did the lord’s work and absorbed all the impact. The power… A sigh of relief escapes you at the doctor’s words, though, and you go to speak up your relief when the doctor cuts you off.

“Whoops, actually I take that back! That’s the bad news— his tailbone isn’t broken, but it is bruised.” Dr Lee clicks his tongue, taking out his clipboard to scribble something short down. He then turns to Namjoon. “I kind of have to go— since you came in through the ER but this isn’t an actual emergency— but I’ll send a nurse in with directions for you on how to manage this, and after that you’ll be free to go. I recommend not climbing any more trees for a while! Also I hope you don’t sleep on your back, that might be a bit difficult like this.”

With that, he clicks his heels once more before saluting you both, and then he’s striding out of the room, off to tend to actual emergencies, you presume. You’d gotten an earful earlier for bringing him to the ER when it wasn’t a life-or-death emergency, but you stand by your decision.

There are a few long moments of silence in the time after the doctor leaves, and you decide to break it by standing and moving to the table beside his bed, where you’d left your phone like a fool. Avoiding his face (he’s still blushing so it’s a courtesy, but also because while sitting and waiting for the doctor you’d realised he really is quite good looking and your mind is having trouble associating that with the man who fell out of the tree earlier), you reach for the phone amongst the water cups and chocolate wrappers, from when he’d emptied his front pockets. He’s a nervous drinker and a hoarder, it seems.

“Wait,” His hand shoots out, long fingers wrapping around your wrist before you can grab your phone. Your heart jumps, perhaps in fright. You look to him with wide eyes. “I’m gonna need you to sign a non-disclosure about what you just heard.”

“I…” you give him a pained look. “Please, tell me you carry them with you at all times. Please. If you don’t tell me, I really might die.”

Namjoon lets out a great, big sigh, releasing your wrist somewhat petulantly. “I don’t… please hold your tongue until I can print some more.”

More? You’re having a field day with the implication that he has had instances where he’s needed to hand out non-disclosure agreements before, but he seems a little sombre. So instead of mocking him, as per your first instinct, you decide to try and make conversation. You know the nurse is coming soon, but you would feel bad leaving him alone until then. You feel like, having carried him on your back for miles and miles, almost an hour, you’ve really gotten closer and crossed the bridge from strangers to acquaintances.

“So…” you begin, tapping your fingers against your thighs. You search for another nearby chair before grabbing it and pulling it over, flopping down. “What do you study? Where?”

You feel like a new language learner asking questions using only the limited vocab you have, but Namjoon is unphased and answers as though you’d asked him something much more natural.

“CCU,” he says, fingers picking at the threads on his blanket, before he looks up to glance at you. “I’m a music major.”

Surprise filters through you at that, a noise of wonderment escaping before you can really stop it. “Oh! Hey, me too! I think you’re in one of the years above me, though, because I haven’t seen you in any of my classes before.”

Namjoon, who had been somewhat withdrawn and had put up a wall of sorts between you since entering the hospital and regaining control of himself (and a donut cushion to sit on), seems to do an absolute one-eighty at your words. “Oh, your major is music as well? Where are you specialising?”

You tell him with an eager smile, and he responds with one of his own. Just like that, the two of you fall into a conversation that comes much easier than anticipated, talking about your majors and music inside and outside of school. The nurse takes forever and you spend a good amount of time there, just talking to this upperclassmen who happened to fall out of a tree while you were walking past. Eventually, he confides in you about a rough draft of his, something he has really high hopes for. It’s a song called Moonchild, and it’s barely half done but he drums and beat boxes the rough rhythm out for you and you feel your cheeks heat in awe as you listen. That’s amazing, you can’t help but think, and it’s all him. You don’t think you’ve ever liked the demo of a song as much as you like that one.

The afternoon passes with the nurse eventually visiting, and all too soon you’re waiting with the long-legged noodle man at the drop-off and pick-up zone, watching with a note of sadness as a car pulls up and some mint-haired twink that looks vaguely familiar sticks his head out and calls for Namjoon. Namjoon thanks you for your help and bids you farewell, and then he’s climbing into the car with an abrupt wail of pain— he forgot to put his donut down first— before the doors shut and the car is pulling away, disappearing into the dusk and leaving you by your lonesome. You stand a few minutes, before letting out a huff and turning to leave yourself.

The whole way home, and throughout the rest of the week, you can’t help but think about the beautiful tune of moonchild and how it rings serenely through your mind when your thoughts quieten just enough. You hope you get to hear it again, someday; you hope you get to hear it when it’s finally completed and Namjoon’s name is on the credits.

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griffins-fanfic · 5 years

Text

Lovesick

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: Prinxiety, Logicality

Word Count: 1855

Logan had planned to spend the night with music, tea, and the stack of library books he had recently acquired, but the universe had other plans for him. Thirty pages into his book, his roommate came into the living room and flopped dramatically onto his lap. Virgil screamed for a good forty-five seconds into Logan’s thighs.

“I presume that you saw the show?” Roman had invited them to see in a production of some community show he was in, but Logan found that musicals tended to trigger his sensory issues, so he respectfully declined.

“He has absolutely no right to be that pretty. How is that fair?” Virgil groaned. “How could he do this to me?”

“I picked up a couple books you might enjoy, would you like to read one of them?” Logan wasn’t sure whether he wanted the distraction, but he thought he should try. Hopefully Virgil wouldn’t talk his ear off for an hour again.

“I know you avoid those meet and greets like the plague, but there really is another energy to them. I went to go congratulate him afterwards, and I could think about nothing more than how much I wanted to kiss him. Then I gave him the flowers I bought him. I bought him flowers, Logan, Flowers! Why did I do that? What if he thinks that’s weird.”

“Flowers are the traditional thing to give performers after the show. It started in the 1930s with dancers, and it signifies praise at a person’s performance. The exchange of flowers can be considered perfectly platonic, and Roman is most likely too busy enjoying the validation he got from it to think of it as anything weird. Did you enjoy it?”

“The cast was good, but he was truly the shining star. He commanded the stage every time he was on it, which was a lot of the time. I was in the second row and I could see how alive his face was, he was having so much fun. He’s so, argh!, it’s frustrating how lovable he is.”

Logan sighed. “You know-”

Virgil interrupted him by shoving his hand in Logan’s face. “Pulse.” Logan took his pulse, counting it along with the clock on the wall. It was high.

“I know what you want to say, but you know as well as I do that I could never do that. Remember, I’ve tried. It didn’t go well.” That was an exhausting day. Logan had to deal with mid-panic attack Virgil in his room at 2 am. But this endless pining was starting to grate on his nerves.

“Have you tried texting him?”

“Confessing my feelings over text? To Roman?” He’d never accept that.”

“A letter? I’m sure his hopeless romantic heart would adore it.”

“I can never find wording good enough. My feelings are too much to put into words adequately.”

“So you’re just going to talk my ear off for eternity while I’m trying to read? You need to get over yourself and tell him. I’m telling you that whatever horrible thing you think is going to happen will never transpire. The worst case scenario is a small period of awkwardness until you two deal with it. Roman adores you too much to do the big, dramatic rejection you’re imagining.”

Virgil mumbled something into his lap that sounded suspiciously like “hypocrite” before he rolled over. “I’ll take one of those books.”

Logan managed to enjoy the rest of his night with his book, just with the added element of his roommate in his lap

~~~

Logan was pining hard, and it nearly made Virgil cringe. He recognized the change in Logan’s demeanor anytime Patton entered the room. The look in his eyes whenever Patton smiled. The sigh he let out whenever he got a text. It was real pathetic, but he couldn’t comment on it without Logan giving him that look. The look of “you’re one to talk.”

During a weekly movie night, He got fed up. He had been assigned snack duty with Roman, so he brought it up while they were in the kitchen.

“We need to deal with Logan.” He said, startling Roman, who had been reaching for the pretzels.

“What are you talking about?” Roman asked,

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. His pining is too pathetic, it’s disgusting.”

“Well I think it’s quite sweet. There’s something magical about the crush stage of a relationship.”

“Yeah, well, it was cute for the first six months. I’m sure it’ll be even cuter when they grow a pair and actually start dating.”

Roman scoffed. “You have no romanticism. You probably haven’t even been in love before!”

Virgil held back the half sob, half laugh that was bubbling up. He had no idea. Instead he sighed, and hopped up to sit on the counter. “Look, can we get back to the task at hand?”

“I’ve got some piping hot tea for you. Patton definitely reciprocates.”

Virgil gasped dramatically and put his hand over his mouth. “Shock and awe! I had no idea! Normally I’d say let them work it out on their own, I wouldn’t want people meddling in my own relationships, but if I have to deal with one more lovesick sigh whenever Logan sees a photo of him on Facebook, I’m going to freak.”

Roman pulled the popcorn out of the microwave. “Ok, I have a plan that might work.” He leaned in to whisper it into Virgil’s ear.

~~~

Logan was going to die. There was all this room on the couch and Patton had chosen to lean up against him. Patton was a naturally tactile person, anyone who knew him even vaguely was aware of that, but he had no idea what he was doing to Logan.

His heart was beating indescribably fast, and a little part of his brain was convinced that Patton could hear it, even if the idea was absurd. He was leaning against his shoulder, not his chest.

Virgil came into the room with Patton’s biggest bowl filled with popcorn. He, respectively, sat at the other end of the couch. Patton sat up a little bit, but was still a little close for comfort, even though most of Logan was enjoying it.

“Where’s Roman?” Patton asked, and Logan’s heart fluttered. His voice was so soft and caring,

“He had to take a phone call, he’ll be back soon. Did y’all decide on a movie yet?”

“The first Harry Potter movie! Logan hasn’t seen it yet, somehow.”

“You know I find fantasy a little too dreamy for my tastes. I did read the books in high school, but I never cared to watch the movies.”

Roman rushed into the room. “My apologies, but I’m afraid I’m needed elsewhere. Remy just called me in a panic. Apparently he’s getting proposed to tonight and needs my help on choosing his outfit.” He then checked his phone, pretending to get a text. “And he’s requesting Virgil’s help with makeup.”

Patton sat up fully then, and Logan was both relieved and disappointed. He missed the warmth. “Oh dear. We can postpone the movie till tomorrow night.”

“NO!” Roman shouted, way too enthusiastic.

The room was stunned into silence before Virgil saved it. “Everything’s all prepared, it would be a shame for us to waste it. Besides, Roman and I have seen the movie a hundred times. You two enjoy yourself, we will go help him.”

They rushed out the door, leaving the two alone. Logan resented them for it.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Patton started shoveling popcorn into his mouth. “Well, that was the worst excuse I’ve ever heard.”

“Wh-what?” Logan asked.

“It was obviously just a ploy to get us alone. Remy would never ask for anyone else’s fashion advice, even Roman’s.”

“Why would they do that.” Logan knew full well why, but he wanted to see what Patton thought.

“Well, because I’m in love with you, silly. I could hear them scheming in the kitchen.” Logan had been too busy screaming internally to pay attention to them while they were getting snacks and-wait, what did he just say?

“What did you just say?”

Logan watched as Patton processed the gravity of the words he had just said. “I mean, uh, I, well. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drop a bombshell like that so casually. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel the same, if fact, it’s truly understandable. I mean, I don’t know why I thought you would feel the same in the first place. It’s just a silly little crush.”

“Patton.” Logan tried to cut him off, but he kept rambling.

“And I wouldn’t even be offended I was just being dumb-”

Logan took Patton’s face in his hands. “Can I kiss you?”

This time Patton was the one that was speechless. “Huh?”

“Can. I. Kiss. You?”

“Uhm, yes.”

And so he did. And he had no idea why in the world he waited so long. No fireworks exploded, no intertwining of souls. But it was soft, and gentle, and was the best thing Logan had ever experienced, and he once solved a Rubik’s Cube in thirty seconds.

They did get through the movie, but Logan spent a lot of it staring at the man he was cuddling, incredulous.

~~~

Roman and Virgil had found themselves in the park after their escape. It was dark out, so there were no kids on the playground. Virgil was hanging upside down from the monkey bars while Roman paced back and forth in front of him, ranting about story idea that had nestled itself into his mind.

“So the dragon witch is like ‘roar! No man can save the maiden!’ then the knight goes all Eowyn like ‘I am no man!’ and the maiden and the cook live happily ever after!”

Virgil did his best to shrug while upside down. “Could be gayer.” The phrase had become a sort of inside joke between the two of them.

Roman muttered angrily. “Could be-it’s already real gay! It’s lesbian fantasy!”

“Could be gayer.”

Roman only scoffed and picked up his pacing again. Virgil loved watching him while he was in the zone, it was one of the only times he could openly stare without getting caught.

“I love you.” He muttered, then panicked when Roman stopped. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, much less loud enough that he could hear it. “I mean, uh,” That’s when he fell off the monkey bars.

“By the beard of Zeus! Virgil, are you okay?”

Virgil stood up and dusted himself off. “I’m fine, just a small scrape on my palm.” Virgil hoped the fall would distract Roman from his confession.

“We should go get that cleaned up.” Roman paused. “But before that.”

Virgil wondered what he was going to do, then he found himself being kissed. Ah, he was going to do that. The kiss was short, but passionate, and both were gasping when they pulled away.

“How was that?” Roman asked.

Virgil just shrugged, small smile dancing across his face. “Could be gayer.” Roman shoved him away before Virgil pulled him back for another.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #prinxiety #logicality #my writing

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kae-karo · 6 years

Text

lmao so i thought someone asked for an analysis of the gwf vid like i could’ve sworn i had that ask so y’all just have to deal with me posting it anyway here ya go lads golf gone sexual™: the final edition

the fucking. the pirate outfits. the. i’m. i don’t. i can’t. (x) ‘left over from somewhere’

fucking phil ‘u lost ur stick last time i think’ yeah phil sure yeah sure okay buddy

‘choke me daddy festive edition’ @ dan pls stop

what cuties i love them just not actually knowing what they’re doing and messing it up and these awkward long pauses before they burst into a fit of giggles i love them

why did they even bring up the ‘winter update’ like it had no relevance??

crinkly boye

don’t worry i can host dan what are u even on about

phil out here coming up with a great vid name (yo ho ho) and they went with battle for the booty smh that says everything u ever need to know abt dnp

wow even in this year of 2018 we got yet another ur mum joke (and phil’s right we do love kath)

@ dan pls stop ur bf from making weird hand gestures okay that’s,,,,,it’s unnecessary

hi they cute

‘u absolute twit nipple’ how on earth does that still sound so fond what the fuck

and another ur mum joke wow i just,,,,wow

the way dan says ‘oh my god that was good’ like. he never sounds like that??? it’s a good sound he should sound like it more often idk it’s like soft and genuine in a sort of ‘wow i did okay??’ kinda cute surprised way??

‘stop talking about how close this is’ dan,,,,,,really u thought that was bad??? really??? really?????

phil’s deep-voiced yarr and dan’s literal only reaction being that he should’ve made a pun out of it leads me to believe philip does that deep voice often enough that dan is entirely unfazed and idk how i feel abt that

‘just bounced off the rim that’s how i like to play it, don’t go in, just bounce off it’ that cheeky fuckin smile daniel please can u not

lmao the pirate outfit is unlucky hm

hi i love dan’s lil trying-not-to-smile-but-just-about-to-smile smile when he’s staring at phil it makes me happy

how did they spend ten minutes (okay ten full seconds) trying to figure out the name of the wheel

dan: makes f/phat booty pun, phil: ‘they’re just filled with ass they’re not even coins’

same dan

important content

ik everyone’s said it by now but dan’s choice of adjective was great and i’m here for it (’gaily jumping off the ship’)

dan’s lil smile when phil’s ‘gaily adjusting his stance’

dimply boye

how does phil just blatantly ignore ‘phil’s edging us guys’ like idk i mean i hyperfocus too but like damn they really must just talk about that kind of stuff on a regular basis bc u don’t just tune that out y’know

phil’s distracted ‘that is so much ass’

‘yarrs’ carries the same energy as when dan made the ‘ain’t no gravy up in this kitch’ joke in the bunny biscuits vid and stared at phil and waited for his joke to be acknowledged

my kink is dan looking hilariously fond abt phil making bad sex-related comments (’it’s a strap-on’)

hey phil u know if u swear in another language it’s still swearing right?

did dan just absolutely commit to the harder flag?? without saying anything abt it? even though he lost?

phil just. out here. purposely almost-swearing. we stan

ik i saw this joke elsewhere but phil ur literally staring at a posh pirate mmkay b

i just wanna know what was going through dan’s head with ‘oingo boingo i’m a dick’ bc like. u okay there b??

ye dan we know ur geometry skills are quite lacking but glad the whole reference thing just keeps on coming up

‘they’re gonna do an exam about me and everyone’s gonna get an A star’ i mean that’s living in the phandom isn’t it? We all aspire to be phil trash, even though only One can hold the ultimate title

okay like take five seconds and take a step back they’re literally just playing golf i love how stupidly competitive they get it’s adorable

‘oh dear’ makin a comeback

plankspank.com why are they like this (at least phil didn’t buy the domain this time)

danny u have picked up ur husband’s habit of making a cawing noise whenever u get a birdie

why does he do this

physically in pain

fucking hell dan why do u have to make this so goddamn sexual i didn’t ask for this i didn’t want u talkin bout how it was a slow one and u put it in and jfc look i read phanfiction for a reason i don’t actually wanna know what ur sex life is like okay

britney spears references wow is it 2010 again or is that just all the foreplay golf,,,,,play,,,,,

dan,,,,,,,,

re: the tentacle: ‘that is gonna be right,,,,somewhere’ dan we got it u did not have to add ‘right in the poop deck’ and ur fucking noise okay we did Not need that

i lied earlier my kink is dan saying he cannot believe smth

this is just becoming a masterpost of all the weird faces dan makes

‘it’s part of the loser station for idiots who get everything wrong’ ???? dan help i can’t tell are u a seven y.o child who makes up mean insults when u lose or a twenty-seven year old adult who makes sex jokes n innuendos bc this vid is giving me mixed vibes

🎶🎶there she goes, there she goes again🎶🎶

awwwww matching nerds

dan n his fuckin squeaky i’m-making-fun-of-u voice

‘some people are just skilled booty raiders’ #dantops2k18

Important Dan Fact™ if u can see his lil corner of his mouth u can bet u could see his dimple on the other side and i’m suing bc we can’t see it

why did it take them like 3 tries to figure out they had to time it with the cannons i mean it’s like they’ve never played a vid game in their lives

bite it danny boy u know u want to u also know if it were the other way round phil would’ve bitten at dan’s finger

more dan face

phil absolutely going off topic with ‘sometimes i want to explore with fashion’ and dan’s immediate ‘oh do u now phil lmao’

‘so many textures out there’ he cute

i mean dan cute too but phil cute for sayin it

we stan boyfriends with literally the same brain whining abt lazy rivers and rude kids

hi sorry i just love watching phil when dan’s talking bc he pays so much attention like he used to not do that (back in the day) but like he just really turns and focuses on dan now and it makes me happy

i know we all adore dan’s ‘shut up’ but it always gives me life hearing phil tell dan to shut up

fond daniel

also phil’s super cute soft natural voice when he’s talking about how he keeps saying ‘watch this’

has phil ever gotten this frustrated with gwf lmao

‘bollocks’ as if that’s a thing they say

just kiss him phil goddamn i mean u wanna win right what better way to throw him off his game

why did maximum yeet have to become a thing i s2g

‘why am i helping’ bc u have absolutely no willpower and u want phil to be happy bc it makes u happy that’s why

why,,,,,,,why does everything satisfying have to be sexual phil, why. just. why. and then? golf gone sexual? as if that’s not a better title for the goddamn vid than ‘battle for the booty’ at least it’s accurate??? ‘battle for the booty’ i expect them dueling irl over who gets to top next or some shit that is why u call a vid ‘battle for the booty’

dan,,,,,,pls let ur bf make the weird noises okay

hi sorry what the Fuck is this

is that meant to be a monkey or some shit like what???????

that is a skeleton pirate thing what the hell

why does he have such a long face

idk they cute when they look at each other like they're like having a serious convo even tho they aren’t (although i wouldn’t be shocked if making puns is an important point of communication between them)

also fun fact i heard phil saying ‘jewel’ for the first like five times instead of duel

phil, realizing he’s said something he shouldn’t have

a cute

hi once again i love them

phil doing his face covering thing why does he always look at least 3x cuter when he’s doing it whilst staring at dan

‘i got the octopus, he’s gonna marry me, we’re gonna have tentacle hooked babies with parrots on the crib’

same dan same

and then he turns around n says ‘spank me with a plank and call me poopy susan’ wtf is wrong with them

‘u love a good tentacle don’t u’ show me where i asked

dan, actually considering how that would feel with all the tentacles:

how did they go from phil saying ‘you love a good tentacle’ to saying ‘(you/we) should get some of those’ to dan saying ‘no, you shouldn’t’ like uhm. wot

this

#dnp #dan and phil #dapg #danandphilgames #phan #golf with friends #pirate edition #vid analysis #moonshine gifs #kt #and yes to the person that asked for an analysis for the heartthrob vid #that's coming give me like ten mins lmao

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ladygadfly · 6 years

Text

Reylo Week 2018 day 2: Dark

Born in the Dark

Being the hero of the Resistance is kind of nice, at first. She’s gone from being a nobody in a junkyard, to a girl with an amazing power, to the saviour of the rebellion. The attention is enough to make her giddy.

After so many years of being thought of as no better than the garbage she scavenged through she can hardly be blamed for revelling in the admiration of so many. People like her. People know who she is without her introducing herself. For the first time in Rey’s life she feels valued.

Then it starts to go sour.

It’s not a lot at first. Just the odd remark from a resistance fighter, pointed comments about her abilities and training.

A pilot serving under Poe makes a comment at a strategy meeting about not needing to be absolutely accurate with their weapons because “the Jedi can just direct them with the Force right?”

It’s an offhand remark, meant as a joke. A ripple of laughter goes through the room and Rey is shocked by how badly she wants to snap at the man.

She’s been training relentlessly. Pushing her body until even Finn, who seems to have near boundless faith in her, tells her to take it easy.

“You’re only human, Rey. Don’t hurt yourself.”

But it’s hard to accept you’re only human when everyone is acting like you’re more than that. The admiration and awe she once relished in becomes suffocating. People she’s never met talk like they know her, and the rumours she’s heard about herself range from funny to downright creepy.

And if one more person demands to see “the levitating trick” she’s going to strangle them with her bare hands.

There’s thousands of years of Jedi history that she barely knows anything about, and she feels like every single one of them is pressing down on her. Every time she reaches out to connect to the Force the once exhilarating rush of energy feels like an electric current zipping under her skin. As her powers grow it’s getting harder and harder to keep them under control.

Is this how Ben felt? She wonders, taking a deep breath in through her nose and out through her mouth, visualising the excess energy being expelled with her breath. It doesn’t work. Did he feel like a vessel full to the brim with power with no room for anything else? Did the hopes of others crush him too?

Rey bites her tongue again and again until it is raw. She gets good at giving vague answers and dodging questions. But she has to snap some time and as it turns out that time is in another strategy meeting. With all the commanding officers present. Of course.

Another pilot (not the same one that made the crack about aiming, thank the Force), comes forward with a brilliant propaganda proposal.

“We should make some holos of Rey doing the Jedi thing.”

“I’m sorry?!” Rey looks across the room at the pilot in question, certain she misheard her. “The Jedi thing?”

“You know, propaganda. Something to subtly disseminate on the holonet to give the people hope. A little speech, a little footage of you floating things or practicing with your lightsaber. Did you finish fixing it yet?”

Rey has in fact not finished “fixing” the lightsaber. Luke’s old saber was destroyed beyond repair, the best she could hope for was to take the salvageable components and make a new one. Which she has been attempting to do. With limited success.

“It’s a very complex piece of equipment with many delicate components-“

“Well tell us what you need so we can get it for you.” The pilot interrupts. “And then we can get on with making these holos.”

“Excuse me?” Rey can feel her ire growing, that unpleasant electrical tingling under her skin again. “I haven’t agreed to do this yet. I’m not some performing monkey-lizard you can wheel out to do tricks when you feel like it. I don’t want to be put on display!” She glances around the room, expecting to see at least some people nodding in agreement. To her dismay most are looking uncomfortable, a few actively annoyed. Even Finn is looking conflicted.

“No-one is expecting you to do ‘tricks’, Rey.” It’s Poe who finally breaks the tense silence, his smooth voice filling the room. “But I do have to agree that footage of the last Jedi proving her skill would be an incredible boon for us. A speech could be good too, it could really bolster morale and bring people to the cause.”

“I can’t write speeches.” She’s starting to sound petulant now, but she doesn’t care. It’s not even that big a deal, it’s just the way everyone keeps on assuming she’ll step to and serve rather than make decisions for herself. Like she’s not even a person, just a weapon.

“We can write it for you, it’s fine.” Poe smiles and waves dismissively. “At least think about it.” He sounds so kriffing reasonable she just wants to punch him in the mouth.

“I don’t need to think about it. I have thought about it. I don’t want to do it.” The tingling under her skin is intensifying. She clenches her fists until she can feel her racing pulse throbbing in her fingertips.

“Rey, you know we all have to do our part to help the Resistance, you signed up for that when you joined us.” Poe’s voice has a hard edge now. Ever since Vice Admiral Holdo sacrificed herself Poe has taken pains to behave more like a leader and less like a reckless flyboy, but he still has a streak of “anything for the cause” running through him that disturbs Rey immensely.

“I signed up to fight the enemy, not perform for your amusement!” The electric tingling is thrumming under her skin now, still painful but now also oddly invigorating. It feels like…

It feels like the throne room.

“Both of you, that’s enough.” General Organa silences the room without even leaving her chair. Rey’s righteous anger curdles and the electricity under her skin fizzles out under those solemn brown eyes. She feels very young, and very out of her depth.

“I…” There’s an air of uneasiness around the room, and Rey suddenly feels the need to escape. “I don’t think you need me for the rest of this meeting.” Finn makes a move to follow her as she briskly exits the room, but Leia puts a hand on his arm.

“Leave her be for a moment.”

It’s much later that Leia comes to Rey’s quarters. Having a room to herself is one of the few perks of people constantly treating her like some kind of superhuman. Apparently she needs the privacy so she can concentrate on her training, and Rey is more than happy to take the solitude. She discovered when they were fleeing on the Falcon that she couldn’t sleep well when surrounded by other people, her brain unable to stop listening for signs of danger even though logically she knew she was safe.

“Rey, I just wanted to check up on how you were doing.”

Rey is perched at the head of the bed, her arms wrapped around her legs. “Fine. I’ve been translating the texts and working on fixing the saber-“

“No, dear. I asked how you were doing, not your training.”

“…Fine”

“Mhmmm. Ben used to say that too.”

Rey’s eyes snap up. They haven’t spoken of Ben yet. They’ve carefully skirted the subject. Leia sits down heavily on the end of the bed. She walks with a cane now, and rests both hands on top of it as she gazes off into the middle distance and takes a deep breath, her next words taking effort.

“When he was younger, before he learned how to control his power, he used to have these terrible tantrums. He’d yell and lash out with his power. He’d break things. Once he accidentally shorted out a housekeeping droid with the Force, without even laying a finger on it.”

Leia’s eyes are bright as she remembers her poor disturbed son.

“I asked him once why he did it. He said to me ‘Mama, there’s too much. There’s too much inside me. I can’t stop it.’ I realised later – far too late, really – that it was Snoke's influence but at the time I just thought it was Vader's legacy come back to haunt us. Force help me I thought I was doing the right thing. I should have sent him off to Luke to receive training sooner so he could have learned how to shield himself, but I didn’t want to lose my boy. Then I lost him anyway…”

A tear runs down Leia’s cheek, and Rey feels the strongest urge to hug her.

“As he got older, he realised that it wasn’t normal. That none of his playmates had to worry about accidentally hurting someone if they let their tempers get out of control. He wanted so badly to get rid of his abilities. He begged me once to make Uncle Luke take the Force away from him, that he’d be good if his powers were gone. I had to explain that it wasn’t possible. He started closing himself off to me more and more after that. He got angrier, quieter. And whenever I asked him about his outbursts he’d just say ‘It’s nothing. I’m fine.’”

Leia turns bright eyes, filled with more years of pain than Rey has been alive, towards her. “So please understand me when I say, Rey, that I never, ever want you to say you’re fine when you’re not. Please. I am literally begging you. You can scream at me, curse me out, say anything you like. Just please don’t lie and say you’re fine.”

Feeling her face crumple, Rey drops her head. Hot tears leak from her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“Come here sweetheart.” Leia gathers Rey up in her arms. “I’m not scolding you. I want to help you.” Leia is warm and smells of perfume and makeup, the soft fabric of her dress tickles Rey’s nose. She releases a deep breath, finally feeling calm for the first time since the meeting.

“I’m sorry I was so stupid at the meeting. I just…can’t stand the idea of being on display for people. I mean seriously kriffing propaganda holos? Some stupid, tacky, overblown holo?”

“Yes, I never much cared for doing them myself.” Leia’s voice is dry with just a hint of amusement.

Rey bites her lip to smother a groan. Of course General (former Princess) Leia Organa had done propaganda holos throughout her political career. Some had even made it to Jakku. Rey had seen them, liked them. Leia’s poise and determination had seized her attention with both hands, her confident words utterly enrapturing a young Rey.

“I’m sor-“

“If you apologise one more time I really will be angry.”

“Sor- uh. Ok.”

“You don’t have to apologise. You have a right to feel how you do. And to a certain extent I agree with you. I made holos because I was raised in politics, my weapons were my words. But that’s not for you Rey. You fight in a different way. And I’m afraid, “She sighs with mock resignation. “You will never be a diplomat. You’re far too blunt.”

Rey laughs in spite of herself. There’s a comfortable pause, the two women sitting side by side with their arms about each-others waists.

“But what Poe was saying, about me showing my abilities. That would help, wouldn’t it?”

Leia weighs her words carefully. “Yes. But that doesn’t mean you have to do it.”

“But the resistance needs all the help it can get.”

“True. And that still doesn’t mean you have to do it.” Leia looks at her steadily. “Listen, Rey, no matter what the stakes you always have a choice. Don’t let anyone push you into doing something you don’t want to do.”

“He was acting like I owe the resistance something.” Rey mutters, and Leia nods thoughtfully.

“Poe means well but…how do I put this…sometimes he gets too caught up in the cause and forgets the consequences. When you’ve been fighting for so long with so little and you’re presented with someone with a skill that can help you, you cling to it. You feel entitled to it, even. You focus so much on the skill that you – and I mean this is the nicest possible way – can sometimes forget about the person in possession of it. He pushes you because he thinks he’s in the right and people…” Leia’s hands clench the top of her cane, her mouth set in a thin line. “People sometimes do terrible things when they think they are in the right. More atrocities have been committed in the name of the ‘greater good’ than anything else the whole galaxy over.”

Rey shifts on the bed, her next words coming out as a whisper.

“Everybody acts like I’m some kind of saviour. Like I’m going to singlehandedly save the Resistance. I can’t possibly live up to that, it’s too much.” Rey can’t quite meet Leia’s eyes as she says it. It feels taboo to even be mentioning this. As though voicing the words out loud will doom her and by extension the resistance.

“I think you sell yourself short, but no-one expects you to do this alone. We’re all here to help you, however we can.” Leia’s voice is strong and warm and Rey feels more confident than she has in a long time.

She thinks for a moment and remembers the saber.

“I could do with a couple of harmonic energizer conductive plates.” Leia blinks.

“You may need to write that down for me.” They both laugh, and Rey looks at Leia’s worn but still beautiful face, committing this moment to memory.

“Just tell Rose, she’ll know what I mean.”

**** Admirers Rey has in abundance. Friends, less so, although she certainly seems to have a lot of people who think they're her friend. She considers Finn her closest confidante. She had adored Rose instantly when she woke in the Falcon with a concussion and introduced herself with the words;

“So you’re Rey. So glad to meet you. You can take care of this idiot” she gestured to Finn “while I’m out of action.”

BB8 is adorable, although Rey is still not entirely sure where she stands with his master. Poe Dameron is the most effortlessly charming man she has ever met and for some reason it grates on her immensely. One moment she’ll be confident that they can get along just fine, the next he’ll say something to annoy her. He doesn’t mean to, something about him just gets Rey’s back up for some reason. Perhaps the fact that he keeps on ‘subtly’ mentioning that he’s the best pilot in the resistance at every opportunity.

She feels close to Leia, although she’s not sure she’d class it as friendship. She thinks it might be what having a mother is like. It’s nice.

Chewbacca is sort of a friend but he’s gone back to Kashyyyk. Something about a life debt being fulfilled and missing his family.

Happiness, Rey thinks, should be grasped at whenever possible. She can feel the future looming like a dark storm cloud on the horizon and gathers up every little scrap of light she can to fight against it.

Which is why her, Rose and Finn are currently sitting in the mess hall chatting about anything and everything.

Finn is still finding out who he is without the First Order watching his every move, and the more confident he becomes the more Rey truly believes he will go on to do great things. He’s honourable and determined, and Leia herself has mentioned to Rey that she’s seriously considering putting him forward for a position in high command.

Rose is possibly the kindest person Rey has ever met, and she find the woman wonderfully easy to talk to. She also has never placed the Jedi on a pedestal, which Rey appreciates. Rey asks her about it once only to receive a vague reply about having learned her lesson.

They’re both wonderful people that she loves spending time with. Usually. But right now they’ve somehow gotten on to the subject of how they met (a story that Rey had heard at least half a dozen times now) and they’re getting this ooey-gooey look in their eyes as they look at each other that has Rey looking to the door longingly. They’re a cute couple but seeing them fawn over each other like this makes Rey feel awkward.

“I mean what would you have done, Rey?” Rose asks.

“Huh?” Rey’s attention is jerked back to the nauseating couple. She hadn’t been listening at all.

“We were talking about that time I kinda nearly flew into a cannon.” Finn says sheepishly.

Oh stars, they’re talking about Rose kissing Finn after saving his life. Rey had thought it was terribly romantic the first time she had been told about it, although she also told Finn in no uncertain terms that he had bolts for brains for even considering sacrificing himself.

“Yeah Rey, what would you have done if the person you liked was clueless that you liked them?” Rose is beaming guilelessly.

Rey thinks of a throne room with fire raining down around her, dark eyes looking at her pleadingly as everything she ever wanted offered her everything she never asked for. She’d considered it. Just for a moment, but she had considered it.

Apparently I would explode a lightsaber and steal an escape shuttle.

She looks across the table at the two. Finn’s arm is looped around Rose’s waist and Rose’s head is leaned comfortably on Finn’s shoulder. They look so comfortable together, so happy and loving and connected. Jealousy burns in Rey’s gut. She doesn’t want either Rose or Finn, doesn’t think of them that way, but she desperately wants what they have. Rey is shocked by the intensity of the feeling, she’d thought that the crushing loneliness she’d felt on Jakku had been assuaged by the belonging she’d found in the resistance.

The feeling is so visceral that Rey grips the hem of her tunic under the table tightly to stop her hands shaking. She wants to be held like Finn is holding Rose. She wants someone who understands what she means when she talks about her Jedi training. She wants someone who will kiss her and love her and tell her she’s beautiful.

Mercifully a group of people burst into the mess at that moment, talking and laughing loudly. They join the three at their table, talking about whatever banal gossip is currently doing the rounds about the base. Rey tries to join in for a while, but the effort of trying to pretend to care who was caught in a supply closet with who, of trying to keep track of too many raised voices and shrieking laughs grates on her. She gets quieter and quieter, withdrawing into herself, until finally she excuses herself to go to the training room. Only Finn notices her go.

Rey picks up her practice saber and starts moving through her forms. Taking her stance, she closes her eyes breathes deeply in through her nose and out through her mouth. She concentrates on her breath for a moment, letting everything else fall away. When her mind has gone quiet, she releases control of her breath, opening herself up to the Force. The current of power is so strong that Rey feels like she’ll be lost in it, that whoever this “Rey” is will be swept away and the Living Force will take up residence in her body.

She takes another deep breath and pulls herself back, moving within the flow of the Force around her rather than drowning in it. The effort is making sweat bead on her skin and she hasn’t even started moving yet.

Slowly, deliberately, Rey starts going through the moves of her chosen form. Her movements feel stilted, the weapon in her hand clunky as she attempts to move through the complex sequence of turns and spins.

She fumbles her footwork, starts again. And again.

She tries shaking out her limbs in an effort to dispel the growing tingling energy gathering in them.

The fifth time she messes up a particularly complex series of footwork, Rey cries out in frustration and feels a wave of energy pulse out around her. The rack of practice weapons falls over the exact same moment she feels the air around her tighten for a moment, then snap back, all sound going from the room.

This is the last thing she needs right now. She can vaguely see the massive dark shape of Ben out of the corner of her eye, can feel his now-familiar Force signature pressing up against hers. She shouldn’t like how it feels.

They’ve connected a few times since Crait. The bond had not dissolved upon Snoke’s death and their interactions have been cold and largely silent, which is awkward since the bond “sessions” appear to be getting longer and longer as more time goes by. The fire and anger of their first force bond connections has long since gone, the tenderness from that one time they touched a distant memory. There’s just sadness there now.

Ben isn’t talking so Rey isn’t either, moving back to her starting position and going through the form again. Attempting to, at least.

The third time she restarts, Ben finally speaks.

“You are attempting the Juyo form.”

“Yes.” Rey takes another deep breath through her nose and takes her stance.

“The seventh and most complex of the classic lightsaber forms.”

“Yes.” Her teeth are gritted. It’s bad enough that every molecule of her being feels like it’s being pulled towards Ben like he’s a black hole. Now that damn low, calm voice of his is making her treacherous heart flutter in her chest like a caged bird.

“You need complete mastery of the other forms before you should even think about attempting it.”

“You got something to say Ben?” Rey whirls around and instantly regrets it. He’s close enough that she has to tilt her head back to look him in the eye. His dark hair has gotten longer and she actually grips the handle of her practice staff so she doesn’t reach out and touch it.

His intense brown eyes are soft as they gaze into hers, and she’s struck all at once by how much they look like his mother’s.

“Shii-Cho.”

“What?”

“Run through the Shii-Cho.”

“The first form? But I’m trying to do the seventh.”

“Run through the Shii-Cho.” He repeats, patiently.

Rey throws up her hands in resignation and runs through the Shii-Cho.

“Widen your stance and keep your pelvis tucked.”

She raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re helping me? Why? You know we’re going to end up fighting again eventually, and I beat you just fine without any training before.” In truth she doesn’t think she could raise a weapon against him if she had to, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“You did.” He concedes, looking down at her imperiously. “I was distracted. Next time we meet in battle I will defeat you.” He should have kept the helmet. His expressive face speaks to the lie and Rey knows she’s got about as much to fear from him as he does from her. But she can’t quite resist needling him a little.

“How do I know you’re giving me good information?”

Ben purses his lips and moves his jaw, something Rey recognises as a nervous tic of his.

“Close your eyes.”

“Excuse you?” Rey has to bite her lip to stop a smile spreading as Ben rolls his eyes and gives a gusty sigh.

“I’m not going to harm you. Just close your eyes and reach inwards with the Force.”

With a final doubtful look, Rey does as he says.

“Feel the energy of the Force moving through you. Feel how it flows through your body, your veins, your muscles. Take your stance, as you were before.” Rey does as he says. “Can you feel how the Force moves through you unevenly?” She can, actually. Eyebrows furrowed Rey feels the Force within herself stilted where it should be flowing, completely blocked in places. She’d spent all this time connecting with the Force around her, how had she missed this within herself? “Now, make the adjustments I told you.”

She does, and feels an instant improvement. The Force flows through her effortlessly. Her moves have more weight in them, her footwork is more stable.

“Now the Makashi.”

She moves through the second form.

“You’re overcommitting to your lunges. You throw your whole weight forward, it makes your recovery slower and more laboured, and leaves you open to attack. Look.” He easily takes his stance next to her. “When you lunge, your knee should stay over your foot, never beyond. When you recover, push off with your front foot. Don’t let your upper body collapse, or you’ll end up dropping your guard.”

She does, making sure to look within herself as she does so, and again can feel the improvement. Her attacks and recoveries are quicker, more fluid.

They run through all the forms this way, the Soresu, the Ataru, the Shien, the Niman. This is what she wanted with Luke, constructive advice on how to improve her abilities and Rey grudgingly admits to herself that Ben is actually a fantastic teacher. He is concise, encouraging, and the only time he loses his temper with her is when she doubts her own abilities.

By the time they reach the Juyo Rey is sweating and her muscles are aching but she’s desperate to keep going. For months now she’s felt like she’s been barely grasping at the edges of understanding this legacy she’s inherited and she’s finally making some headway.

“Did you know that there is a variation on the Juyo called the Vaapad?” Ben asks, as casually as if they were discussing the weather.

It’s a little surreal, to be standing there chatting with the Supreme Leader of the First Order as though their rival factions are not trying to annihilate each other. Even more surreal is how nice it feels. The lesson itself has been downright pleasant. They both feel it across the force bond, the undeniable sense of rightness when they work together.

“Kind of like how the Djem So is a variation on the Shien?”

“Precisely.” He smiles crookedly and Rey’s heart pounds. He’s a different man when he’s not overwhelmed by his dark nature, and Rey longingly thinks what kind of man he could have been if Snoke had never got his claws into him. “It’s a fascinating variation, because it’s honestly the least Jedi-like of all the forms.”

“How is it not Jedi-like?”

“The Vaapad requires the practitioner to embrace their rage and anger and channel it into the fight. They must enjoy combat, allowing their darker emotions to flow through them and give them power.” Ben’s eyes light up with enthusiasm. It’s endearing to see him talking about something he’s passionate about, but the subject matter unsettles Rey.

“It’s a Dark Side technique then.”

“No, it was actually developed by Mace Windu. A master of great renown who sat on the Jedi council for many years and was considered an outstanding example of the power of the Light Side.”

“Well if he was such a great Light Sider why did he develop such a Dark Side technique?”

“He recognised that there was power in the Dark Side that could be harnessed for the greater good. What he believed to be the greater good, anyway.” The words send a chill up Rey’s back as she recalls the discussion she had with Leia a few days earlier.

“Well, that’s all very interesting but if we’re done talking…” She moves into starting position for the seventh form but he holds up a hand to stop her.

“Why were you attempting the Juyo? You need to be a master to even begin to grasp it.” The bond has endured an extraordinary length of time and Rey wonders if the Force is trying to get a point across. It wouldn’t be the first time it has apparently interceded between her and Ben.

“What, you don’t think I can handle it?” It’s said with humour but there’s fire lurking underneath Rey’s words.

“You have an immense amount of power. Even without any formal training you’re an incredible fighter. But you can’t skip ahead to the advanced forms until you’ve mastered the basics. You need a teacher.”

The words bring both of them rudely back to reality. For a while Rey had honestly forgotten why they shouldn’t be doing this. They’re both thinking of the same snow-covered planet, the first offer he ever made her and the companionable atmosphere they had starts to dissipate.

“Have you mastered it?” Rey blurts out the first thing that comes to mind, desperate to change the subject.

“The Juyo? No. I am competent with it but I would not say I am a master. It’s an incredibly complex form.”

“Oh.” She feels better for struggling with it now. “How do you know about Mace Windu? I’ve not heard of him in any Jedi legends.”

“He was killed in the Jedi Purge.”

“The mass genocide your Grandfather headed.” Ben’s jaw tightens.

“Yes.”

The sensible thing to do would be to change the subject. But as Leia had said, she’ll never be a diplomat.

“Do you really think all those Jedis deserved to die? Just because your Grandfather wanted power?”

“That’s not why he did it.” Ben’s face darkens and the last vestiges of good feeling between them vanish.

“Oh really? Please explain to me then because I don’t understand.” Rey bites out.

“The Jedi order allowed itself to stagnate, become complacent. They embraced passivity to the point that they ceased to take any action unless absolutely forced to do so. They let corruption to thrive within the senate even when they were given every opportunity to eradicate it. They ceased to care about anything other than maintaining their traditions and in doing so allowed their own doom to creep up on them.” Ben’s voice is full of venom. “If they had merely done their duty so much pain and tragedy could have been avoided.”

“And that’s a good reason for all those thousands of people to die?”

“The true spirit of the Jedi had died long before the purge.”

“They could have fixed it! Vader didn’t have to go so far!”

“The order was rotten to the core, a cancer that needed to be cut out before it spread and killed the host. Do you honestly think that centuries of corruption could be undone just like that?” Ben’s voice has taken on a mocking tone now, and Rey sees red.

“I think there are better ways of resolving conflict than killing people!” She screams the last words, she can’t even remember the last time she was this angry. There’s another snap of power about Rey and in a blink Ben has disappeared. She gazes at the space where he had been, feeling angry and oddly bereft. She already wants him to come back, even though she’s furious with him.

We are the worst enemies.

She spends a long time in the training room trying to calm down, and when she eventually gets back to her quarters Finn is sitting on the floor outside waiting for her. He scrambles into a standing position as soon as he sees her.

“Rey! Hey, I wanted to talk to you but I wasn’t sure where you were.”

“Training.” Rey bites out.

“Sorry about earlier, we didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Finn rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “Rose pointed out we were maybe being a bit too mushy.”

“You didn’t, I’m fine. It’s no big deal.” She smiles tightly. I just think I maybe have feelings for a dictator that is hellbent on ruling the galaxy and crushing the resistance we both fight for. No big deal.

“Rey,” Finn looks at her seriously. “You would tell me if there was something wrong right? You know I’ll help you however I can.”

“I promise Finn, if there’s anything you can help me with, I’ll let you know.” She smiles, a real smile this time. He’s a good man. Rose is lucky. “I’ve been training for ages I’m just tired.”

“Okay. Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

They hug and Rey goes into her quarters and gets ready for bed. She lies in her hard too-small bed that somehow still feels empty, and tries to think of nothing.

**** The sacred texts that Rey had “liberated” from Ach-To are many things. They’re beautifully written and bound. The creamy thick paper is stitched carefully within the covers, some of tooled leather, some of wood, one feels like it might even be some kind of ivory or bone. The languages vary, and Rey has to translate some with the help of a data pad filled with information on ancient dialects and the occasional assistance from C3PO. They’re certainly packed with information, perhaps too much in some places.

And here lies the biggest problem. The thing the Jedi text are best at is acting as sleep aids. They are terribly dry, overly wordy and often contradicting. Rey realises after a while that each of the texts has been written by a different Jedi, of different skill levels, at vastly different points in history, often with different interpretations of the Force and how best to wield it.

What perplexes Rey most, however, is the fact that the terms 'Jedi' and 'Sith' don't appear at all until about midway through the series of texts. They appear suddenly with no explanation, as though the reader should know what they are. Rey searches for the volume where the terms were introduced, but it is either lost or was never written.

Not one text lines up perfectly with another. The information contained within is valuable, but hidden beneath layers of personal bias and pompous philosophising.

“All things are knowable through the Force.” Declares one.

“The most important thing to know is that you know nothing.” Says another.

“A Jedi must be absolutely pure in heart.” One text declares.

“Only Sith deal in absolutes.” Another condemns.

“A Jedi must walk the path of the light, and never give in to the temptation of the dark side.” One text preaches.

“It is only through complete understanding of both the light and dark sides of the Force that true balance can be achieved.” Another states.

It’s been over a week since her fight with Ben, and she badly wants to discuss this with him. She knows that to others it would seem like a bad idea. Certainly the resistance would be horrified if they knew the last Jedi was thinking of sharing ancient Jedi secrets with the Supreme Leader of the First Order. But Rey knows down in her soul that she doesn’t have anything to fear from him. The First Order itself is a different matter.

The text she’s translating right now is the one espousing a knowledge of both light and dark, and with every passage she reads all she can think of is Ben. As far as she can tell the text, the Aionomica, is the oldest in the collection. C3PO had a conniption fit when he saw she was handling it with her bare hands, insisting she wear soft cotton gloves. The language it is written in is long dead, a complex array of blocky characters made up of straight lines, read top to bottom.

“It is only through complete understanding of both the light and dark sides of the Force that true balance can be achieved.”

She reads the passage over and over. Next to it is an illustration of a figure similar to the one Rey had seen in the old Jedi temple on Ach-To, a humanoid in basic meditation pose made of white and black, surrounded by interwoven circles likewise rendered in equal parts light and dark.

So how did they go from the earliest Jedis embracing both sides of the Force to Luke commanding her to fight the pull of the Dark Side?

Rey’s getting a headache, the strange symbols starting to blur before her eyes. She pushes the book away and rubs at her temples, sighing heavily.

She needs to talk to someone about this, and there’s only one person in the galaxy who could comprehend what she was thinking of.

Maybe I should try it.

The subject of Force Bonds was spoken of in some detail in another of the texts, the Rammahgon. Rey has obsessively read and re-read the passages, especially the parts that speak of how to control it. She closes her eyes and lets her mind go quiet, focusing on how Ben’s Force signature feels when he is near her. She reaches out with her mind, searching for that same feeling.

Her mind reaches forth, tentatively, and Rey feels cold prickles dance across her skin. Gravity shifts and she feels herself falling backwards, further and further until she should feel her back hit the floor. She keeps falling until there is no longer any up or down. In her mind she sees the planet the resistance is hiding on shrink and fall away, getting smaller and smaller until it becomes nothing more than a point of light amongst a thousand other points of light.

It feels like the mirror cave. She should by all rights be terrified but all she feels is a sense of calm. There is no sound, no feeling of her body in the hard chair of her quarters. She is a thought, a lone mind flying across space, branching out further and further until she begins to lose all sense of self, lose all conscious thought. She is searching for something that is missing from her. She cannot remember what it is exactly, but she will not stop until she finds it, and when she finds it she will rest.

She cannot remember the last time she drew breath. She doesn't need to. Doesn't remember why she needs to.

A hot fizzing energy dances along the edge of her mind. There, there! That's what she's looking for! She rushes towards it desperately, the other half of her.

Her head spins as sound and air and consciousness come rushing back to her. Across from her is a large dark figure perched in the air as though sitting at a desk. He's here!

“Ben!” She smiles and makes to stand up, arms reached out towards him, then falls heavily back down into her chair. Rey frowns, bringing her hands up before her and moving her fingers slightly. Her body feels oddly cold and weak.

She catches sight of the time on her translation datapad. It is three hours later than she remembers it being.

Someone is saying her name, and strong warm hands are gripping her upper arms.

“Rey? Rey! Say something! Are you alright?” Ben is kneeling before her, solid and warm and lovely. She feels a dopey smile spread across her face and leans forward so she can press her face into his chest. She wants to hear his heartbeat. She frowns as Ben's arms hold her away from him. For some reason she can't quite articulate it's very important that she be as close to Ben as possible.

“You're here.” She pushes forward again, hungry for the warmth of his body against hers.

“Rey, what's wrong? Are you hurt?” Ben gazes into her eyes, concern etched all over his face.

“No, m'not hurt. “ Rey shakes herself and pulls back from Ben slightly. She's starting to come back to herself now and honestly wishes she wasn't. The simple happiness she had felt on finding Ben is fading away and the usual complex mix of emotions she associates with the man are starting to leak back into her consciousness.

“You seems a little out of sorts. Did you hit your head?” Ben squints at her, getting uncomfortably close. “Are you drunk?”

“No!” Rey shakes his hands off her and misses them immediately. “I just...maybe overdid it a little.”

Ben steps back, his arms hanging awkwardly by his sides. He's wearing a simple black shirt with the sleeves rolled up and loose trousers. He's barefoot. It's bizarrely intimate.

“Overdid what, exactly?” His head inclines forward slightly, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “Have you been attempting the Juyo again?”

“I called you through the force bond. On purpose this time.” Ben blinks in surprise.

“You discovered how to control it?”

“Sort of. The texts give some information about force bonds. And other things. I wanted to talk to you about them actually-”

“Texts?”

“The Sacred Jedi texts. I...borrowed them. From Ach-To.” Ben crosses his arms and Rey tries – and fails – not to notice how nice the muscles in his arms look straining against his shirt.

“You know, it really is a pity you're so invested in the light side, you would have made a wonderful dark side adept.” Ben smirks, head inclined to one side.

“It's a pity you're so invested in the dark side, you would make a wonderful warrior of the light.” Rey snipes back.

“I really wouldn't.”

“There's still so much light in you Ben. I feel it. You can still come back.” Ben's shoulders slump, and he suddenly looks so very tired. Rey forgets that Ben is the best part of a decade older than her sometimes, but he looks every day of it right now.

“I can't. The light side doesn't work like that.” She can feel Ben drawing away from her and Rey steps towards him, chin jutting forward stubbornly.

“Alright, so tell me. How does the light work?” Ben gets a faraway look on his face, gaze trained on the floor.

“Mercilessly. The Jedi expected their followers to be pure of heart and soul, devoid of even the slightest hint of darkness. They had to rid themselves of all emotion. Anger, sorrow, greed...passion.” His eyes flick briefly to hers before settling on the floor again. “It's an impossible standard to hold someone to, demanding they destroy themselves until they are merely empty vessels to be filled up with light. There is no room for mistakes on the light side. No room for weakness.” It's difficult to argue with that. The legends of Jedi knights divorcing themselves from all earthly ties had seemed very noble to Rey, until she had actually considered doing it herself. Then it had seemed horrifying.

“Leia told me once that Vader came back to the light just before he died.”

"And that light weakened him, killed him. One act of light does not undo a lifetime of darkness. Once you are sullied with the dark you can never truly be light again. Luke tried to kill me because he saw the potential for darkness within me, that should tell you all you need to know of the light side.” Even without the bond Rey would be able to see the conflicting emotions swirling within Ben. How he simultaneously craved and reviled the light within himself.

“Luke was wrong.” Rey insists.

“Luke was wrong about many things. He wasn't wrong about me.”

“He was. Snoke used you, you know that? He got inside your head and made you think you were something you're not.”

“Snoke brought my darkness to the surface but it was always there. I couldn't control it. There was too much.”

Rey imagines a little boy with a monster inside his head and wants to go back in time, back to the throne room and tear Snoke apart with her bare hands.

“And how long was Snoke in there? Can you even remember a time he wasn't there, manipulating you? Pushing you towards the dark?” Ben remains silent, and Rey knows she's struck a nerve. “You can't can you? That's not you. I know you Ben, I see the truth of your feelings. You can still fight this.”

“You still think you can save me. I've murdered. I've destroyed. I killed my own Father.” His voice is hoarse. “I had too much darkness to be a Jedi and I have too much light within me to ever be a true Sith. I'm a failure on both counts.” He looks so utterly broken and hopeless that Rey wants to shake him.

“You're right. You would never have been a Jedi. You wouldn't be a Sith either. You're something else.”

“There is nothing else.”

“There is. The earliest text I have speaks of force users finding a balance between the dark and light sides. True balance. Neither Jedi nor Sith, something more. Something better. You could be that. We could be that.” She looks him in the eye begging him internally to understand. “I'm not giving up on you Ben.”

“You should.” Ben looks at her with sad, dark eyes. But for just a moment, Rey swears she sees a flicker of hope.

**** Leia is dying.

No-one wants to say it, but then again no-one really has to. The once dynamic woman is moving slower and slower, leaning first on one then two canes as the days go by. Although her face becomes pale and drawn her bright brown eyes lose none of their sharpness. Attending meetings becomes a monumental effort for her, and more often than not she sends someone in her stead, or takes smaller private meetings with the commanding officers in her quarters.

It seems like the cruellest joke in the galaxy to Rey that the legendary Leia Organa meets her end like this. She seemed immortal, unconquerable, a woman with a soul forged of pure steel and the idea that she's just another mortal who's going to die in this war before peace is restored to the galaxy seems like some kind of terrible mistake.

After the pain of losing Ben in the throne room and Luke on Crait, Rey had an epiphany. She would have to let Ben come back to the light of his own accord. The choice to fall to the dark side had been taken away from Ben. The choice to come back to the light (or somewhere in the middle, as the case may be) would have to be his and his alone.

Rey is good at waiting. She had waited most of her life for her parents to come back, even though she knew deep down in her heart they never would. She knows for a fact that there is still light in Ben, had felt it, seen it.

It had seemed easy at the time. As she felt Luke become one with the Force a wave of calm overtook her. She would put her trust in the Force, she would let what was destined to happen happen, and she would have faith that the light within Ben was strong enough to bring him back to her.

But more and more these days she wonders if that had been a mistake. What if there was more she could have been doing and she has fallen prey to the same folly that was the downfall of the Jedi order, that of inaction. Night after night she wakes in a cold sweat from nightmares of darkness and destruction, of Leia lying dead on a battlefield full of resistance soldiers, of Luke cutting her in half with a lightsaber. She's no longer certain if the nightmares are hers or Ben's. They may very well be both.

She spends long agonising minutes staring in the 'fresher mirror, gazing at her own reflection until it becomes strange to her, pushing down the nameless creeping horror that threatens to overwhelm her. More than once during a strategy meeting she has to hurriedly make her excuses and leave as her heart races within her chest, fighting the urge to scream or run or do something to escape this awful feeling that she still doesn't understand.

The strategy meetings are becoming horribly real now. The First Order has not tried to pursue the resistance since Crait, instead concentrating on rebuilding the fleet that was decimated by Vice Admiral Holdo's sacrifice. The resistance is doing the same, and the process of comparing schematics of warships and x-wings would fascinate Rey if it didn't put a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She's feeling pretty sick now as she stands in her room, although for an entirely different reason. Rose had come to find her in her quarters the day before, and not finding her there had looked in the training, room the mess, the war room and finally the hangar, where she found Rey up to her elbows in grease and machinery.

“Rey! Finally, I thought I'd never find you.” The mechanic puffs slightly, out of breath. “I have a message from Leia. She wanted to talk to you herself but...she had to go rest in her quarters.” Often lately Leia will have sudden attacks of crippling weakness. She'll retreat to her quarters for a day or so, although no amount of fretting by the medical staff can keep her in bed for too long.

“Is she ok?” Rey starts clambering out of the engine, dropping tools haphazardly in her rush to get out.

“Yes, she's fine. As fine as she can be.”

“The message?”

“Ah! Yeah.” Rose grimaces slightly. “You're not going to like it.”

“Rose, what is it?”

“Okay, so you know how we were talking about getting a patron at the last strategy meeting?”

Rey had been listening at the last strategy meeting up until the point where Poe announced that they were planning on launching an offensive on the First Order within the next three months. After that she had been frantically wondering to herself how she and Ben could end the war before it came to that. Every plan she came up with fell apart and she left the meeting with a heavy heart and no idea what to do.

“Um, I vaguely recall? Maybe?”

“It's ok, those meetings put me to sleep too.” Rose grins. “Well, we found one. He's a Senator of the Galactic Republic and he's quite willing to support the resistance financially, provided we send some representatives to meet with him to hammer out the details. We're sending a few people to a planet in the core where he's holding a gala as a cover, and the resistance representatives are to attend under the guise of being guests.”

“I'm not sure I like where this is going.”

“Leia was due to attend of course, but due to her health she's had to take a step back. But we still need a representative, someone powerful that will sway the Senator and impress him. Someone that puts forward a strong image of the resistance and encourages him to support the cause.”

Rey groans. “Let me guess. Someone like the last Jedi?”

“Yes...” Rose shifts uncomfortably and Rey senses that she's not getting the entire story.

“Rose, what else is there? I'm already having to attend a formal event on a core world with a bunch of rich snobs, how much worse could it get?”

“It's not important.” Rose shakes her head. “All you need to know is, Leia requested you personally, and she told me to tell you specifically; 'I know you're not a diplomat, but just pretend you are for one evening. If in doubt smile and say some bantha poodoo about the Force working in mysterious ways'.” Both women laugh. “I assume that makes sense to you?”

“Yes, it does.” Rey sighs. “Alright, I'll go. On one condition.”

“What?”

“You're coming with me. I assume Poe is going on this mission and I need someone to act as a buffer between us in case we start getting on each other's nerves again.”

“Ugh fine. It'll give me an excuse to dress up at least I suppose. I just hope Finn doesn't get too jealous when he finds out the last Jedi is my date.” Rose says with a wink.

Which is how Rey finds herself standing in her quarters wearing a dress for the first time in her life, wondering if she's made a serious mistake. Rose had helped her with the hair and make-up, spraying a cloud of sweet-smelling perfume around a spluttering Rey before running out with a mischievous cackle to get ready herself.

The gown itself is simple enough, with a modest v-neck and a plunging back. The bottom hem of the dress skims the floor and it is entirely sleeveless, which somehow makes her feel even more exposed than the open back does. It's made of a shimmering silver silk that probably cost at least a year's worth of portions on Jakku.

It's the most beautiful thing Rey has ever worn and she feels grotesque, like she'll make the silk dirty just by touching it. Rey steps into the matching silver slippers (she had adamantly refused to wear heels), takes a deep breath and makes her way to the hangar.

As they get underway Poe takes a moment to give Rey an awkward but heartfelt thanks.

“I know we don't always see eye to eye and this isn't really your thing, but thank you for doing this, really. It means a lot.”

“It's fine. I've faced down scarier enemies than this, I can manage one gala surely.”

The gala is a nightmare. It's held in a building of such gaudy grandeur that it hurts Rey's eyes, and the tables are laden with more food than Rey has ever seen in her life. The distinguished guests look at her as though they know she's a nobody from a trash planet. Poe is looking ridiculously dashing in a well-tailored suit and is the very image of charm. For all they've had their moments of conflict Rey is now very grateful for the pilot's silver tongue. Between him fielding polite small talk with the guests and Rose (radiant in a pale blue gown) discreetly whispering explanations of who and what everyone is in her ear, Rey begins to feel slightly less adrift.

They eventually work their way over to their target for the evening. Senator Terrick Barr is a pale, wispy man that constantly rubs his hands together as though he is washing them. He makes a lifelong enemy of Rey almost instantly when he greets her by licking his lips and moving to press a kiss to her cheek, “accidentally” missing and kissing just under her ear instead. Rose grips the Jedi's arm tightly, the women each pressing their nails into each others arms as they grin through the slimy man's overtures. Even Poe's legendary charm buckles under the man's sheer creepiness when the Senator casually mentions his half-dozen teenage wives on his home planet. The man is at least old enough to be their grandfather.

“Of course, you may be wondering why a man such as myself would be willing to for an alliance with the resistance.” The Senator loves the sound of his own voice, getting entirely too close to the women who are still clinging to each other.

“Well, the Force works in mysterious ways, Senator.” Rey grits out.

“I must confess that I had thought the resistance a sad crippled shell of it's former self and had thought to prepare for the coming of another empire. But when I heard that they had the Last Jedi fighting for them well, I knew I had to get you on my side.” Rey forwns, affronted.

“And if the last Jedi had allied herself with the First Order, what then?” Rose grips Rey's arm and Poe's eyes flash a warning. The Senator carries on, unheeding.

“Then we would still be meeting my dear, under slightly different circumstances.”

“You would ally yourself with the First Order. Even after all they've done.”

“When you get to be my age you realise that from one regime to another, surprisingly little actually changes for the ones on top. And I am always on top. How old are you dear?”

“I just turned twenty.” Rey swallows down bitter bile in the back of her throat.

“Really? You could pass for younger.” The man's eyes wander up and down her frame in a way that makes Rey's flesh crawl.

“If you would excuse us.” Rose all but drags Rey away before Rey does something she regrets, and Poe engages the odious man in conversation once more.

Rey and Rose beat a hasty retreat, passing the ladies washrooms and stealing into an unused study.

“What the pfassk Rose why didn't you warn me what a slimeball this guy was?” Rey cries.

“I didn't want you to be biased against him.”

“But you knew he was like this.”

“Yes, he has a reputation for being a little...well...icky.”

“A little?! Rose he has six wives, not one of them over nineteen! He's got to be in his seventies at least!”

“Totally legal on his home planet. Women there are not permitted to hold property of their own, they only have what their husbands have.”

“And everyone just accepts that.”

“The galactic republic was built on the concept that every planet be allowed to govern itself and keep it's own laws.”

“Even if you find those laws repugnant.” Rey grits out.

“Yes.” Rose is gripping the Haysian smelt pendant she always wears so tightly her knuckles are going white.

“He doesn't even care about the resistance, he just thinks they're the slightly better option because they have me!”

“We don't need him to believe in the cause. We just need his money to pay for ships and weapons.”

“And you're ok with this?”

“Of course not! You think I like being here amongst all these sleemos? You think we have any choice? Senator Barr isn't even the worst of it! The Senate is filled with corruption.” Rose's eyes flash fire and Rey takes a step back. “Even back when it was newly-reformed with Leia working herself to death to rebuild the Republic it was full of crooks and liars, and since she quit politics to run with the resistance full time it's gotten even worse. It's an open secret that the Senate only serves itself. They keep up the facade of being for the people but in reality the galaxy works much the same way it always has, the rich live in the core and those in the colonies and beyond can go hang for all they care.”

Rey blinks in surprise, she's never seen the sweet-natured mechanic act like this.

“Rose, I didn't-”

“I grew up in Hays Minor, in the Otomok system.” Rose's eyes are bright with unshed tears. “It was a mining planet. Ever heard of it?”

“No.”

“Of course you haven't. Practically no-one has.” Rose's voice is bitter but she meets Reys eyes unflinchingly. “The First Order came to my home planet and stole all the strong children to be Stormtroopers. Then they forced the remaining citizens to strip the planet of resources so the First Order could take them to build their weapons. They worked about half of the population to death. Then, when their weapons were complete, they used Hays Minor as a test site.” Rose's hands are fisting in the tulle of her skirt. “And do you know what the Senate did about it?”

“What?”

“Nothing. Not a damned thing. They didn't even release a statement. A whole planet was destroyed, but because it wasn't in the core they just looked the other way.”

“Rose I...I'm sorry. I had no idea.” Rose deflates, her anger leaving her as suddenly as it had come on.

“It's alright. I'm sorry I blew up at you. I just...feel very strongly about this.” Rose gives a watery laugh. “I know how you feel Rey, really I do. I wish we didn't have to deal with creeps like this either, but we have no choice. We need what he can give us.”

“Seriously, I think his eyes have gotten higher than my collarbone maybe twice.” Rey mutters. The women glance at each other and giggle. The giggling grows into chuckles and before long the two are clinging on to each other to stay upright as laughter shakes both their frames.

“Oh stars, Rey, he is such a creep.” Rose giggles, wiping tears from her eyes.

“Yeah, but he's a creep we need money from. So let's go out and grin and bare it for a little longer?” Rey offers her arm, and Rose takes it.

“Fine. But if he tries to kiss either one of us again do me a favour and use the Force to make him slap himself.”

“Deal.”

It was much later that the party returned to the base, having been successful in their mission. The Senator offered to let them stay the night, which all three of them vehemently insisted was not necessary. When he went to kiss them goodbye he mysteriously tripped on thin air.

Rey slumps into her quarters utterly exhausted, wishing she had thought to take a change of clothes with her so she could have changed on the Falcon. All sound goes from the room and she feels Ben's presence behind her. Of course. Because the force just loves tormenting her. She waits for Ben to make some comment. And waits. And waits. Finally unable to take the silence any longer Rey hesitantly looks over her shoulder.

It looks like Rey caught Ben midway through training. He's wearing black trousers and tank top soaked with sweat, and his hair is tied in a low ponytail. He's staring at the skin of her back with some odd combination of hunger and mortification on his face, and the tips of his ears are turning red.

“You going to a party?”

“Just got back from one actually.”

“You-” His voice comes out hoarse and he clears his throat. “You look, uh...”

“I look ridiculous.” Rey sighs.

“You don't. You're stunning.”

“I look like what I am Ben, a sand rat in a dress.” Between the guests looking at her like she was a peasant and the Senator looking at her like she was a piece of meat Rey, usually unconcerned with her physical appearance, has never felt uglier.

“You look beautiful and whatever idiot made you feel less than that should be crushed like the insect they are.” Ben growls, throwing his practice saber out of sight as he advances towards her.

“Ben you can't just Force Choke everyone you disagree with.” The mental image of Senator Barr's face going purple as he chokes on nothing is far too appealing.

“I literally can.” In spite of herself Rey laughs a little. This whole situation is ridiculous. She's chatting with the most feared man in the galaxy and all she wants to do is reach out and touch the wisps of hair that are clinging to his sweat soaked skin. “I mean it Rey. You're better than all of them. You have a power they will never have.”

“Just because I'm more powerful than them doesn't make me better than them.” Rey turns to face him fully now, head held high and shoulders back. Ben is looking at her with such intense adoration Rey isn't sure if she wants to hide from in or bask in it for as long as possible.

“You would make a magnificent Empress.” The words seem to leave his mouth without conscious thought, and as soon as he realises the implications of what he's said his jaw snaps shut, the flush spreading over his face. Rey feels warmth spread across her own face, her eyes going wide.

Mother of Moons his proposals are getting worse. Or better? They're certainly getting bigger.

Rey is entirely too tired for any kind of banter, and something Rose said earlier has been stewing in her mind. “Why do you hate the Republic?”

Whatever response Ben had been expecting it certainly wasn't that.

“What?”

“You said the Senate was corrupt, I assume you hate the Republic too? That's why you want an Empire right?”

“I don't hate the Republic. I think, in theory, it is a wonderful idea.”

“Then why?”

“Because that's the only way it works, in theory. In reality the Republic is a lumbering collection of disparate factions. The wealthiest planets in the core receive all the benefits whilst most of the planets in the outer reaches are left to their own devices. The Senate has allowed them to self-govern without any supervision for so long that most have reverted to barbarism. The Republic claim to work for the good of all, but in reality they do nothing but offer mealy-mouthed platitudes to those who need them most whilst growing fat off another's toil.”

Strange. If circumstances were different Ben and Rose would get along famously. Rey thinks wryly. “And the First Order is the remedy to this?”

“The galaxy needs strong central leadership.”

“And conquering it is the only way to do that?”

“Do you have a better idea?”

“Your Mother believed in the Republic. She still does.” She still believes in you too.

“My Mother gave her life to the Republic. And all it gave her in return was heartache and betrayal. Ask her to tell you the story of how Darth Vader was revealed to be Anakin Skywalker sometime.”

“Your Mother...” Rey trails off, not sure how to broach the subject. Leia has very little time left.

“Is growing weaker. I know. I can feel it.” Ben's agony echoes through the bond.

“She wants to see you again. Before...”

“I can't.” Rey nods, pressing her lips together. It's not like he can pop round with a bunch of flowers, after all.

“She still loves you Ben.”

“I know.”

**** Rey fires up her new saberstaff in the training room, the blue blades crackling with raw energy.

“It's beautiful.” Ben says. Rey has ceased to be surprised by Ben's appearances. Even if they don't consciously reach out to each other the Force connects them on a daily basis now. She doesn't know what she'd do if she didn't see Ben at least once a day. “I look forward to seeing it on the battlefield.”

She idly twirls the saberstaff around, feeling numb. It's happening. She's going to have to face Ben in battle. Once she would have relished the thought of having another chance to beat him. Now it seems obscene. She can't possibly fight him. She can't kill him. She'd be killing part of herself.

“I've been training.” Force please don't make me do this I can kill him I can't please not him.

“Good. You'll need it.”

**** The scuttlebutt amongst the resistance is that Kylo Ren, scourge of the galaxy and Supreme Leader of the First Order, is going to be assassinated any day now.

Rey connects with Ben during a quiet moment in her room and asks the man himself.

“Yes that sounds about right.” His voice is casual but his manner is anything but. He's even paler than usual, with dark shadows under his eyes. His hands repeatedly clench and release, his jaw working ceaselessly.

“Why are you still there? You don't want to be a dictator Ben I know you don't. Why are you still doing this?” Rey pleads.

“Do you know who Admiral Hux is?”

“No idea.”

“He's my second in command. And he does want to be a dictator. Very much. He wants it so badly I believe he is willing to do just about anything to get it, including assassinate me. Or rather, have me assassinated, he's nowhere near powerful enough to do it himself.”

Incredible. Even facing death he's still an arrogant nerf-herder.

“So? Let him have it then! Leave the First Order, we can find a way to fight this, together!”

“If I leave it will create a power vacuum, and if Hux gains control of the First Order it's all over. You thought Hosnian Prime was bad? Hux won't hesitate to destroy and and all planets that stand in his way. He believes absolutely in the First Order and all it stands for. It's too late to stop it now. All I can do is make sure the monster I helped create doesn't kill too many people.”

Rey thinks of doing things for the greater good, of making deals with devils to get what you wanted and hoping the guilt didn't eat you from the inside out. She thinks of doing bad things for good reasons.

It is only through complete understanding of both the light and dark sides of the Force that true balance can be achieved.

She thinks of sitting in a stone hut, making a connection with a man she should hate.

There is no light and there is no dark. There never has been. There is just grey.

Rey finally realises what the uneasy feeling that's been brewing in her gut for the past month or so is. It's panic. She's running out of time. They all are. Her, Leia, Ben, the resistance. It's like trying to hold on to sand, the harder she tries to hold it the faster it gets away from her.

Rey can wait for Ben forever. The galaxy can't.

“The First Order will be mobilizing within the next couple of weeks.” Ben says mildly. “You should be ready.”

Rey nods, then does something stupid. “You're in the Tion Cluster.”

“And you're in Bothan space.” Ben replies, without missing a beat. “How long have you been able to tell where I am through the bond?”

“A while. And you?”

“Much the same.”

“I was researching Force bonds.” Rey struggles to speak around the lump in her throat. “You can sever them if you want to.”

“Do you want to?”

“No. Do you?”

“No.”

**** It's barely a surprise when Rey rolls over in her bunk and finds Ben lying next to her, the coarse blankets of her resistance bunk blending into soft black sheets. The Force has no sense of propriety.

Ben mumbles an apology and moves to leave his side of the bed, but Rey grabs his arm before he can go.

“Stay. Please.”

They lie like that for a long time, foreheads touching, soaking in the warmth of each other's skin and smell and the sounds of their breathing.

“I don't want to fight you Ben. I don't think I can. Whether you kill me on the battle field or I kill you I think either way I'm going to die.” Tears are leaking from her eyes, dripping over the bridge of her nose and onto the pillow.

“I couldn't kill you Rey. I'd rather run myself through than hurt you. But sooner or later we will meet in battle.”

Rey is lying on her right side and slowly, carefully she raises her left hand to trace over the scar she gave him on Starkiller. Ben's eyes drift shut as her fingers carefully skim over his brow, down his cheekbone and past his jaw, past his throat where his pulse is hammering against the skin and finally where it curves onto his chest. She presses her palm there firmly, nudges her forehead against his until he opens his eyes. She gazes into his eyes, losing herself in him until she's not sure if she's looking in at him or if she's looking out at herself.

Her lips press against his gently, so gently. Rey's very soul feels the rightness of it and she swears she can hear the Force humming around them. It's a chaste touch of lips, but even so when she pulls back she can see Ben is as affected as she is. His pupils are blown, breathing ragged. There's a look of utter wonder on his face, as though he's just been told the answers to every mystery the galaxy has ever had.

“I'm not losing you, Ben. I refuse. We're going to win this war. Together. We can't win it any other way.” Rey whispers, bringing her other hand up to trace along his jaw. “I've been thinking about this a lot, and I have a plan for how we can do this.”

Rey swears she can feel all of history teetering on a knife's edge. All the years of history and pain and suffering, leading up to this moment.

“Alright,” Ben says. “Tell me the plan.” **** Ok so this is very late. I won't bore you with the details but between illness and computer issues I basically missed Reylo week. But hey! Better late than never. I am filling all the prompts, and will try and get them up as soon as I can.

I tried writing something straight up dark but I just couldn't do it. I have a fascination with those tricky grey areas between good and evil and started pouring my thoughts out on the page, and this happened. It grew legs and got away from me a bit, and I'm not totally happy with it but I'm sick of looking at the damn thing so here it is.

Not so fun fact: Senator Barr is in fact based on a man I have the great misfortune to work with irl. I regret to inform you, gentle reader, that I have not invented or exaggerated any part of his personality. Including the neck kissing thing and the teenage wives. Really. I wish I was kidding.

As always this is unbeta'd, I apologise for any errors. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

#reyloweek2018 #reylo week 2018 #reylo #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #my writing #this turned into a monster seriously this was meant to be a quick one shot how did it get so out of control

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