#defeated. but while it lists specific horrible things the focus is basically

[mieczyhale]

The problem is.. when you think you've been without monsters for so long sometimes you forget what they look like. What they sound like. No matter how much remembering your education urges you to do.

It's not the same when the monsters are gone.

You're only remembering shadows of them. Stories that seem to be limited to the pages or screens you read them from. Flat and dull things. So yes, people forget. But forgetting is dangerous. Forgetting is how the monsters come back.

-"Pet" by Akwaeke Emezi

[bregee13]

My DTL4 Wish List

Idk why I'm making this, as this won't really do much of anything, but I want to make a wish list of stuff I would want for DtL4. (And maybe for remakes too!) Also, I haven't played TR so everything mentioning it is all from what I've heard. Please get TR if you haven't yet!)

Before I start my wish list, I want to say that some of y'all need to calm down about TR being a "horrible game". It's not that bad, it's just kinda disappointing. It has pacing issues, replayability issues, glitches, gameplay issues, doesn't have much drawing, as well as other things. BUT! I feel like some people need to remember that this game is pretty much the devs way of taking a step back into the DtL scene, seeing how interested people are in it. It's not exactly meant to be an "outstanding game of the year", but rather it's a quick test. Because they want to get back into this series! And if this small 5/10 dollar game (which, may I add is also very obvious sequel fodder) manages to get enough attention and success, they'll have good reason to make more (and better) DtL content!!! ALSO!!! If you think TR isn't worth getting due to it's issues, remember that (unlike the old games) it will get updated and patched a bunch! So while it may never be the best dtl game, it will get better over time! I swear! (Also, switch touchscreen support will be added in the future so... *cough* *cough* get Drawn to Life: Two Realms *cough*) So dear anybody that thinks harassing the devs is a good idea, THEY PUT THEIR HEARTS INTO IT AND WANT TO MAKE MORE DTL! SO SHUT IT!!!

...Anyway, I'm going to start with my wish list now.

1) A nice story that continues off of TR. I don't have many exact demands for plot. Basically, I just want an awesome story! Maybe one that's even better than all the others combined!

2) Return to the old level format! (...kinda) While the concept of these puzzle platforming levels is cool, it doesn't seem to work in execution. For the most part, I'd like levels much like the ones in TNC. Short enough to go through in a breeze, as well as being unique and replayable enough to not get tired of all the levels. But there's some additional things I'd like for levels. Like a few more branching paths to encourage exploration. 

3) Keep a few puzzle elements! As much as the entire game being puzzle levels wasn't exactly the best idea, I would personally enjoy having the occasional puzzle in some levels! The first two games don't really have many puzzles in levels, and I think a bunch of the ones that do really stand out! In fact, if you really want to add a handful of TR-ish levels along side regular levels, that might work! (As long as any TR-ish levels are more polished)

4) BRING BACK COLLECTIBLES! The first game had so many collectibles (most of them weren't optional though...)! The second game not as much. And TR isn't necessarily a collectathon. I'm not asking for a million collectibles required to beat the game, but rather a bunch of optional (and a handful of required) collectibles in the game! Maybe you can have a bunch in different levels, and some in the overworld! Either way, I want to be encouraged (but not forced) to explore!! 

5) SIDEQUESTS!!!! OH MY GOSH, SIDEQUESTS PLEASE!!! Having little levels for a bunch of side characters is a nice start, and it's super cool, but I want MORE! You know how the Wii game had a bunch of characters that gave you sidequests to do? (defeat x number of a certain enemy, getting certain collectibles, beat the level under a certain time, etc.) That was pretty neat! I want that! AND THEN SOME! I also want to complete more specific quests for certain characters! You know how TNC has a bunch of cool Raposa that don't do anything story-wise? I want to do quests for them! (For example, Iolani can't use the bathroom because she misplaced a certain form. I always wanted to be able to go into a level to fetch that form for her!) Oh! And maybe a fetch quest or two? There's so many ideas you can implement with these sidequests. And I want these sidequests to have mini stories too! When I complete them, I want some kind of award! Perhaps a collectible? Even if I don't get anything, I still want acknowledgement from the characters that I helped them! What can I say? I like the dialogue!

6) DRAWING PLATFORMS! I would LOVE to be able to draw platforms again! It's DRAWN to Life after all! Though I wouldn't want to be forced to draw too many in a row. 

7) Optional Drawings! I LOVE the idea of having optional drawings! The ones in TR are nice, though I'd like them more if the characters reacted to my drawings. Like the village creations in TNC! Those were great! (And maybe we could get awards for doing them!) Optional creations in levels are a nice idea too! The Wii game did those, and it was a nice touch. However, it often saturated each level with unnecessary drawing time. Not only because there was a lot of them, but because it was hard to tell what creations were required and which ones were cosmetic. So if cosmetic creations in levels would be a thing, I'd want a way to tell them apart from ones I need to do.

8) Bosses! I would LOVE to fight a couple of bosses again!!! PLEASE 505 GAMES! DIGITAL CONTINUE! GIVE ME SOME CREATIVE BOSSES!!! And honestly? I just really want to beat Aldark to a pulp. 

9) Toys and Enemies? I honestly think toys (as a mechanic) is super neat! Being able to place enemies and tools in a level is cool as heck! Though I wouldn't want every level to rely on that mechanic. Also, here's an idea. What if we go back to calling the little enemy/toy creatures "enemies", and call all the non-living stuff "toys"! ...Unless we're calling them all toys for some plot reason??? 👀

10) MULTIPLAYER?!? Idk how it would work, but it would be cool!

11) Sharing your creations!!! What if we could share our creations in a way that let other people use them? Kinda like animal crossing??

12) MINIGAMES!! MINIGAMES, PLEASE!!! I want to be able to waste my time playing a bunch of different minigames!! Maybe they'll be like an arcade, and require a handful of rapocoins to play (so you have something to use them for after buying everything)? As for minigame ideas, I would be happy with the ones from the old games, plus some! (The snowball fight, the rocket shooter game, the surfboard game) You can even introduce the minigames that were cut from the first game!

13) Developers Grove?!? Not a necessity, but I really miss it. 

14) A level builder?! The idea of building and sharing levels is super neat!! Though it's not my priority.

15) I know I said I wasn't going to focus on story stuff, but I want to be able to get to know all the characters! The main ones AND the side ones! Whether it's by having them all in the main plot, or giving side characters well deserved mini plots! 

That's all I can think of for now, but let me know what y'all think! And maybe add anything that comes to mind?

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: season 4 and the greyest morality ever

While I was trying to write a rewatch review of episode 4x12 The Chosen, it turned out I had too many thoughts on the complicated moral issues and lack of obvious right and wrong stance – so I’ve decided to put them in a separate post.

I don’t think the show has ever achieved this level of moral ambiguity as in these last episodes of season 4. Yes, there are many situations in the show where all options are bad in one way or another, but this is maybe the only time in the entire show where I really can’t say that there is a right or wrong choice. It’s probably the most horrible thing the characters have had to do – leave a number of people to die a horrible death just because there’s not enough place. 

And all of them have to do it, whichever side they’re taking. There is no option here where everyone is saved*. Twilight’s Last Gleaming was the episode where the show first showed me how bold it was – but this time, unlike in that episode, things aren’t made easier by having everyone volunteer to be killed.

*Or rather, there was an option where everyone – or at least the majority of people in the area – could have been saved. But pretty much everyone has forgotten about it. As we’ll find out in the next episode, the Nightblood solution works. If they had tested Clarke, they would have probably known that. If they had tested Emori, they also would have probably known that. In the end, Clarke’s heroic choice to inject herself with Nightblood and volunteer to be tested – ended up saving only her.

It’s interesting that, even now when it’s really in fashion to hate Abby for all sorts of things, no one seems to blame her for basically blowing up the chance to save hundreds – maybe thousands – of people from Praimfaya, which could have also spared them from the horror of the bunker. Abby herself feels so much guilt that she wants to die because she was being utilitarian and willing to test people in a radiation chamber order to find a way to save everyone, which made her feel she was becoming an “evil scientist” – and not because she blew that chance in the end. That’s probably because people generally feel that prioritizing your child over everything else and not being able to risk their life for the human race is completely understandable and not something people (especially mothers) should be blamed for. (…Except when it comes to Clarke in season 5. Hmm. I guess that’s different because people see Clarke’s fear of the Flame as irrational. While Abby’s fear was based on the fact that the radiation could kill Clarke and she had just seen a man die a horrible death that way… but wait, it was also based on a vision she had. Never mind.

Season 4 in particular revolves about the question, which is more moral, thinking about the “big picture”, saving as many people as you can, or saving concrete people that you know and love, or even just people who are in trouble right there in front of you? It’s not a question with a definite answer, and characters have been blamed by others or felt guilty both when they were willing to potentially sacrifice concrete individuals for the salvation of the human race, and when they decided to save people right there and then, risking the fate of the collective in the future.

I used to hate Jaha when I watched seasons 1-3 for the first time, but by season 4, I found myself understanding him better and appreciating him as a character (this was the first time he made my Top 10 characters list!), even if I don’t agree with him most of the time. I get where he’s coming from – and I was with him in 4x10 when he pointed out that the Final Conclave was an idiotic way to resolve the issue of the survival of human race. Someone had to say it. But his reasoning is all wrapped up in the fact that he sees himself as the leader of the Arkers, “his people” – as a group, and prioritizes them over others (like the Grounders), but at the same time, has always been willing to sacrifice any individual person for it, which made his care for “his people” feel not just tribalistic (just as much as any of the Grounder leaders who wanted the bunker just for their clan), but also very cold and impersonal. I certainly didn’t care for him trying to guilt-trip Bellamy by telling him he condemned 314 people to death by opening the bunker. If he hadn’t opened the bunker, he would have been condemning 800 people to death! And if it’s all about “your people”, who’s “your people” more than your family, people you love? Jaha seemed unable to understand that (which is why he didn’t predict what Abby would do to save Kane), since he had already lost the people he loved the most and sort of sacrificed his own son – which never stopped haunted him, but seems to have convinced him that his role of the savior of “his people” is something everyone should be able to sacrifice their loved ones for.

I’ve always mostly leaned to the view that opening the bunker was a better choice than leaving it closed – because it saved a greater number of people (1200 as opposed to 400+). Now, after seeing seasons 5 and 6, I’m starting to question that to an extent, because the bunker turned out to be such a horror show, and now, after the bunker and the gorge, only about 400 people from it survived. However, saving just a little over 400 people in the bunker would have been too few, and others still may have died in and after the bunker, so I still think saving 800 people at the expense of 300 other people was the right choice. This made it a good “Head” choice, as long as Bellamy was right that Octavia could prevent the Grounders from trying to kill Arkers (and ruin their own chances of survival, since they had no clue how to operate any of the devices necessary for producing or recycling air, water and food). And some of the arguments brought up by rebellious Arkers in this episode don’t hold water: “Jaha found the bunker” ignores the fact that he could have never found it without Gaia’s and Indra’s help (and Kane’s and Monty’s – and both of them were also going to be left out of the bunker to die); as for the idea that Arkers deserve more places in the bunker because they’re the ones who are necessary for everyone’s survival for their skills in operating the machines etc. – well, not all of them are necessary for that, and most of the people in Arkadia didn’t like that kind of reasoning back when they learned about the list, did they? If they thought it was wrong when applied to their lives, it’s also wrong when applied to the lives of Grounders.

However, there’s one other line of reasoning that had never crossed my mind before I heard it from a YouTube reactor I like. He thought that it was right that each “clan” got 100 people, because the surviving humans should reflect the diversity of cultures, without any of them dying out. Ironically, that’s IMO the first strong argument why the Arkers maybe should have gotten a lot more than 100 places in the bunker. His argument assumed that all of the 12 Grounder clans have very different cultures. But does what we’ve seen on the show support that? The only genuinely different Grounder lifestyles we’ve seen were from non-warriors like Luna’s Boat people (all dead anyway) and the Shallow Valley community that Madi was from (all died in Praimfaya – we don’t know who the 100 people from their clan in the bunker were), but other than that, it’s hard to see any cultural or other difference between Azgeda,  Trikru, Trishanakru etc. except for minor things like the type of warpaint. It’s the same language, religion, social structure, same prioritization of warriors. While Arkers are distinctly culturally different (and even different in their origin – since it was from 12 different world nations, rather than just USA and maybe Canada) from Grounders, but, thanks to the decision to become the “13rd clan”, are now all but extinct – with maybe 30-40 people surviving to season 6, and all but absorbed in the Grounder-dominated culture of Wonkru. In spite of the fact that Grounders have never won any battles against Arkers, while the latter defeated the Mountain Men, Grounders have always been able to dominate the Arkers by the sheer fact that there was just that many more of them. And the fact is that Grounders did try to screw over Arkers by coming up with the Final Conclave (they were all trying to screw each other and leave all other clans outside, of course, but making survival dependent on being able to win in a Grounder-style fight seemed like a sure way to leave Arkers to die – again), while refusing to share the bunker – and then, when “Skygirl” Octavia won that tournament against the odds, they were happy with her decision to share the bunker. (When you think of it, no one in that Conclave fought to have all the Arkers survive.)

So I kind of get the Arkers’ anger. But whatever the case may be, what was definitely not a good choice was starting another war less than a day before Praimfaya. I guess it was time for Arkers to do that, too, after we’ve seen similar with Grounders before the Final Conclave when they were insisting on fighting a war between each other. Because that kind of thing is a general people problem.

In terms of the “Heart”, of course Bellamy was not going to agree to sacrifice his sister, and Abby was not going to agree to sacrifice her lover. No one should be asked to definitely sacrifice their loved ones for the “greater good”. This kind of choice would leave one feeling like they’ve killed their own heart. I generally think that people really exaggerate Clarke’s “Head” role – which certainly doesn’t mean she doesn’t often act on emotion – but I think that season 4 is when she was being “Head” the most, in the sense that she was doing her best to focus on the big picture and save the human race. Bu that ended up making her feel like she had grown cold and turned into one of the people on the Council… or specifically, that she’s turned into Chancellor Jaha, someone she used to see as everything she hated. But there were always limits to how far she could go in prioritizing the big picture. If Bellamy and Abby haven’t been in the bunker, I don’t believe Clarke would have stolen it and kept it closed, either. But the fact that she was ready to leave her friends like Raven, Octavia, Monty to die (just like the earlier fact she hadn’t put some of her closest friends on the list) made her feel deeply guilty. She’s not proud of being able to make those tough choices to sacrifice people close to her for the wellbeing of the collective. But her willingness to do that has always hit a brick wall when it comes to Bellamy: the list, letting Roan blackmail her into giving Azgeda 50 seats, and finally, not being able to shoot him when she thought that would ensure the survival of the human race. (We luckily never learned if she would have given ALIE the password if her initial plan of torturing Bellamy had materialized.) Of course she was never going to be able to shoot him – but the very fact she thought, for a moment, that she could, shows how much she had tried to suppress her emotions in order to achieve the goal of saving the human race.

This is one of the reasons why Bellamy, in a way, is Clarke’s heart: she needed to get back in touch with that part of herself, back to who she used to be. It’s also why her final mission in these last two episode of season 4 is not to save the human race, but to save the people she loves; why she goes with Bellamy to save Raven, and then stays behind and does everything to save her friends, even when she thinks she’s practically already dead.

And it was Bellamy – the “Heart”, the one whose season 4 arc was all about saving individual people, not just those he loved by saving who we can today – whose season 4 arc ended with him having to make the heartbreaking decision to leave behind Clarke, one of the most important people in his life, because it was the only reasonable decision in the circumstances and the only way to save others.

[angels-dining-at-the-ritz]

Aziraphale And His Fear of The “Suicide Pill”

Finally, I managed to cobble something resembling a coherent text together. It didn’t turn into the meta I hoped for, instead it’s more of an introspection and somewhat a way for me to deal with the emotions that scene invokes in me. But perhaps some people, including @neverland-in-space and @scarlettsoldier whom I promised to tag in this, might be interested nonetheless. Anyway, this is four hand-written pages long, so buckle up.

When Crowley shows Aziraphale his demands - Holy Water - the angel immediately declines. He panics, but he lists two reasons:

1. The Holy Water would not only kill Crowley’s curent body, it would destroy him completely forever.

1.5 He assumes Crowley would use it as such to commit suicide

2. If Heaven found out about the two of them striking deals, there’d be trouble.

I bring this up because I want to tackle the second point first. It seems an odd reason to lits. It’s not really related, on the first glance, because the way he says it, it sounds almost like his superiors could find out about it when he gives Crowley the water. I doubt they keep track of all holy water on earth. Maybe there’s special paperwork for that kind of blessing? We can only speculate, of course, but I want to offer another side - difficult enough, as we never hear that sentence finished.

He never voices any concern about his own life and safety in the entire discussion.

But...just think about it for a moment. Heaven discovers their field agent has been “fraternizing” with the one from the opposition. And perhaps they even find out the demon is in the possession of holy water that their traitor blessed for him. We have ample evidence that heaven has a strict regime concerning punishment to make examples of their traitors. We are talking about a time where a collaboration between Upstairs and Downstairs is unthinkable, even for this. So most likely not death by hellfire for the angel. But the demon? The one the traitor grew fond of? What better and crueler way than to kill the traitor’s object of affection with the very same insurance he got him? Crowley could get killed by heaven with this holy water and Aziraphale could not bear that kind of guilt.

Crowley could also kill himself on accident. Holy water is basically like nitroglycerin for the demon, a little bit would have desasterous results. That is also a horrible thing to happen.

But Aziraphale’s mind immediately jumps to the conclusion of 1.5. He doesn’t see the water as “insurance” as in a protection against other demons. He assumes Crowley wants to use it as a “suicide pill”. He looks and sounds certain about this. He focuses on this,  doesn’t even consider or focus on the huge protection it could give Crowley against other demons if Hell finds out about them. No, he stays adamantly on the point Crowley could - would? - use it on himself.

Even excluding what would await him if they were found out, Crowley has never been happy being a demon, Aziraphale surely knows that by now, or at least has his suspicions. Their relationship also seems a bit strained at the time - maybe something else is weighing on them at the moment? But that’s them, they always bounce back eventually. There is nobody else either of them can turn to, after all. There is nobody Crowley can talk to like to Aziraphale, no matter what he says to hurl hurtful words at the angel because he’s upset. And Crowley acting gloomy at this current time, without anybody to talk to, not truly content with his state of being since...well, ever, and THEN he’s almost casually asking for the one thing that can truly obliterate him?

Of course Aziraphale is worried what he is going to do with that stuff, is afraid about that behaviour. He may not be able to explain it or even wrap it into words but he definitely sees that Crowley is exhibiting unhealthy symptoms. And due to their special circumstances he could succumb to self-endangering behaviour far more easily - and let’s remember that he probably does just that, considering he, a demon, enters a church not even a century later, no matter how important the reason. He takes his own safety into almost astonishingly little account there.

Yes, I think Aziraphale has a right to be concerned. I just don’t think that is why he is concerned. Of course, he’s afraid that his best and only friend might want to off himself but what he is truly terrified of is the vague possibilities of an “afterwards”, of a “without Crowley”.

He doesn’t want to think about a world where Crowley doesn’t exist anymore, where hell would send another field agent up, someone undoubtedly far less reasonable. Someone who doesn’t want to have any kind of agreement, lowercase or otherwise, and who would revel in committing heinous acts. He doesn’t want to think about having to actively fight a foul demon who will fight him viciously in return. He wants to think about perhaps having to return to heaven even less, getting a commendation for finally defeating his demonic foil. He cannot stomach thinking about Gabriel’s heavy hand clasping his shoulder uncomfortably while the archangel talks about the dead demon like some kind of slain beast that the world was better off without. He doesn’t want to think about trying a new restaurant with an empty place at his side. A table just for one doesn’t even bear contemplation. He doesn’t want to think about how there would be no one to meet up with in a bandstand or a dark alleyway or the park to feed the ducks with under the pretense of discussing some harebrained scheme. About no more surprise visits in his cozy but ultimately lonely bookshop. About wine bottles that will only be tasted and emptied by one. About no more soft snores coming from his couch. The very idea of a life with a Crowley-shaped hole in it is unbearable to him. Crowley has always been there. With him. At his si- on the other side.

Aziraphale has had one constant in his entire life - Crowley. He opened up to the demon about things he told nobody else, found himself talking and laughing and philosophing with the other, found himself doubting as much as cementing his own beliefs thanks to Crowley. Never mind getting drunk together or visiting a concert or theatre play or, after sharing a workload ever so often, accompany the other to their latest assignment.

Crowley is not only the only friend Aziraphale ever had, he has been his companion. From the beginning on, after they met and re-met out of the garden, they were always more or less together, crossing paths at an ever growing frequency until they were around each other what felt like all the time.

To lose such a constant, such a familiarity, would be awful for anybody. But Aziraphale needs Crowley, specifically. He needs Crowley more than anyone else, perhaps even more than Crowley needs him. They aren’t truly native yet, not like they will be at some point. And Aziraphale needs somebody to cancel him out. He needs a counterweight, someone that is the other side to his coin.

Aziraphale is not someone who is an unwavering believer, neither in heaven nor himself. He always tries to suppress it, he doesn’t want to doubt. And he doesn’t. Much. But without Crowley, probably saying out loud whatever thought Aziraphale tries not to have ever so often, it would be worse. Yes, Crowley is just as much as humanity the reason Aziraphale changes into who he is at the end of the story. Crowley changes him. But he does so slowly, steadily, keeping the angel who cannot stand his side drowning children for “the greater good” from ignoring and shoving all those little and big negative thoughts aside into a dusty mental cabinet until it spills over and he spirals down and perhaps - probably - surely, even, falls.

Aziraphale is, at his core, a kind, a good person. He is not made for the kind of unquestioning loyalty heaven demands, not truly, no matter how much he tries to convince himself otherwise. He is too good an angel to be part of the establishment. And without Crowley as a secret outlet to cling to, as someone to use as his own measurement, he would realise this in a volatile way. And a small part of him knows at least part of that.

Never mind how much he just unabashedly enjoys Crowley’s company, without Crowley in his life, Aziraphale would either wilt or spiral out of control. Maybe he can’t pinpoint exactly why, but he knows that he cannot exist without Crowley. Not anymore, after all this time together.

The only thing that could make all of this worse for him is the thought of Crowley choosing to kill himself because that would mean he doesn’t feel as strongly about this, that he doesn’t need Aziraphale as much as Aziraphale needs him and that Crowley cares little enough to just leave him behind alone.

And if there is anything Aziraphale might be even more afraid of than a life without Crowley, it would be Crowley not caring about him.

So he does the only thing he can think of in that moment, because his mind is most likely screaming and crying and thrashing at all those horrible suffocating thoughts; he throws the piece of paper away, lets the soothing disguise of righteous wrath wash over him and leave before he does something tremendously stupid like, for example, tell Crowley how strongly he feels about the demon or break down crying in front of him.

[chaniters]

Into the night

Anonymous asked:

I saw you were asking for fic ideas and maybe some angsty charge step with Ortega recognizing that the villain is actually sidestep

I was thinking about writing this when I remembered I already posted exactly that on the forums a while ago, so all I did was fix it a bit since I hope to think my writing has improved after 6 months.

Keep in mind it’s still the 2nd fic I’ve written in my entire life!

And there’s a gazillion spoiler so keep that in mind if reading it. 

Also, I changed the ending and some parts, since what you want is Angst.

Into the night.

Strange.

There is only darkness and you can’t feel anyone’s mind, not even your own. Something must have gone horribly wrong. You wonder why you’re not afraid, but it would seem the part of your brain that controls that emotion isn’t currently active.

It only takes a few seconds for you to realize, you must have somehow managed to enter a specific form of consciousness you were designed to achieve. You’ve fainted from some sort of excessive trauma, and even then your brain maintains some sort of consciousness. This mindstate was meant to give the operatives a way out in case of enemy interrogation.

There are a few things you can do while you’re here, and even if time is relatively slower in this state, it will not last forever.

You slowly nudge your brain into revealing the events that brought you here.

It feels like walking through the darkness until you see an image forming before you. It’s a memory… but detached, so it’s sensory or emotional effects can’t reach you for the moment. You dive into it.

_____________________________________

Your fall to the ground, beaten. The armor seems to be about to come back online, but it’s too late to stop Ortega. He is already onto you sending another electrified fist your way, a loud crack letting you know your mask finally gave in and broke down under the repeated aggression. You feel one of his hands pushing you down by the neck, as the other one begins pulling to take off what’s left of the mask. You fruitlessly try to get him off you, but without the strength enhancements, it’s like trying to displace a mountain. Another punch and you’re done. You can’t resist anymore, your arms aren’t responding.

With a final pull, it comes out, and you feel the gust of cold fresh air, as the mist and smoke from burnt electronics make it way out. You cough trying to breathe. Ortega’s weight on your chest is complicating matters since he’s got you pinned down.

Ortega is staring at you with an enraged expression… one that suddenly turns into confusion.

Fuck.

“C… Cyrus?”

This isn’t happening.

“What… is this some sort of telepathic trick you monster?” He says raising his fist again.

You say nothing.

“Stop… Doing.. THIS!” He punches you again, enraged. And again. And again. Until the entire helmet is in pieces. He just throws it away.

Everything is spinning. You keep trying to breathe. How in the hell you’re going to get out of this, you have no idea. You can feel the armor powering up though it’s in no condition to help you, and what Ortega saw, he can’t unsee. But you still have to try to struggle out of this.

What can you do at this point? Send the nanovores onto him? Have them destroy all his mods? Yes… you could do that. But is that how you get out of this? By killing him? Or leaving him in a wheelchair? Is that the kind of person you are? Is this what you’ve become?

Ortega stops hitting you… and just stares in disbelief. You aren’t going to use the nanovores on him. You made the decision a long time ago. When you asked for Mortum to neuter them.

“Cyrus, is this you? What is… why?”

What could you possibly tell him? Nothing. There’s no explanation that would satisfy him.

It’s over.

You order the nanovores out. They go over you… consuming the suit.

He jumps back as his hand is covered in nanites. He is still afraid of them. No need… As the suit is no more, you order them to devour each other. Until there’s not a single one left.

He’s standing a few feet away from you. You try to stand as well, but instead fumble and fall. You realize your nose is bleeding. So you try to say something, but only gibberish comes out. Great. He might have given you a concussion, is all you can think of as you faint.

The memory ends.

You are back in the darkness. Alone. And possibly suffering a concussion or worse.

Alright. Nothing you can do about it… better continue figuring things out.

You try to get in touch with your senses, and figure out where you are now.

You can’t open your eyes or move in this state, but if you focus, you might catch what’s going on around you.

You feel your body lying face upwards over a soft surface. A bed? Your arms are extended over your head and bound together. The binding seems to be metal… handcuffs or some other implement, and whatever that is fixed so you can’t use your hands. Your legs seem to be relatively free. You feel a weight over you… possibly some sort of soft covering. Blankets?

Your chest and face hurt in several spots so you can assume you’ve been beaten down before you got bound to your current position. Additionally, you feel you’re not wearing a shirt and there are some strange bindings over your shoulder and head… possibly bandages? The thought of your body being exposed would be enough to send you into a panic in an awake state, but right now it’s just more bad news to add to the long list of bad news.

Your ears catch a voice talking, but it’s not in the immediate proximity and you can’t make who’s talking or what are they saying. You can’t feel their mind either, so you’re possibly in a dampened facility.

So you’re bound and lying in some sort of bed. And they’ve left you alone for the moment. Possibly a medical bed in an enclosed facility and they know who you are, if they are so confident in mental dampeners they know you can’t manipulate the guard. Oh, and your body is exposed so they can see your tattoo and serial number. This keeps getting better.

You don’t have access to all of your psychic arsenal, but you can do a basic scan of the surrounding minds, and it can go pretty far too. You’ve trained for this and it should work at least.

You feel no minds near you. There are other minds above and below you in different levels. You tap into the minds spacial awareness and manage to decipher some of the feedback. Apparently, all these minds are enclosed in different compartments separated through different levels of a building.

Good thing you’re in a dispassionate state because this is beginning to feel quite grim Are you back at the farm already?

Enough. You’re not going to find much more like this. You focus on awakening yourself.  Most humans believe they have immaterial souls that interact with their brains and make them who they are. You? You know you don’t have a soul. You know, however, that your mind is not only driven by your organic brain but by your implants. It’s what makes you fundamentally different from humans. If your biological brain died, you’d probably stop being the person you are. But some remnant of yourself would remain in the implant.

That’s what you are right now. The implant alone. Hopefully, you can jumpstart your mind and go back to being yourself. Unless Ortega turned it all to mush with his fists.

As you focus, you begin to fear the worst. What if you died. What if only your implants keep running? How long can you remain like this? Your emotions aren’t working in this state, but it’s more of a philosophical fear. What if this is your destiny? To remain here alone… forever. In the darkness. Is this your punishment? Your scars made you want to end it all. Is this where they took you?

Maybe it’s for the best.

The realization freezes you. The dark voice has followed you this deep. You can never escape it. It’s not just implanted in your biology by Heartbreak… but in your fucking software.  

Self-doubts plague you like a swarm of sharks, and you have nowhere to hide. Nowhere to go. There is no escape from yourself…

You spend a few more (Minutes? Seconds? Hours? days?) in the darkness until you can see a tinny light in the distance…

The voice tries to stop you, and you’re having second thoughts yourself. But the light engulfs you.

_______________________________

You wake up and start struggling weakly against your bounds. You open your eyes, and the light in the ceiling temporarily blinds you. As your emotions return your mind hurriedly pieces the story back together trying to make sense of it. Your plan was a success, and you defeated them again, but then Ortega somehow managed to beat you down and capture you. And now they’ve handed you to them, and you’re back at the farm. And now, there will be hell to pay. That is unless you find a way to escape.

You struggle fruitlessly, as tears fall from your eyes, entering a complete panic. All you can think of is you need to get out of here before they take you for interrogation. The blankets on top of you make a mess as you struggle as hard as you can to break free, without much success

“Hey stop it!” A voice. A guard. You open your eyes and focus on the blurry figure, trying to get into his mind… but it doesn’t work. Desperate, you try to kick in his direction before he gets any closer.

“Stop it!. I mean it!” You don’t. He gets a hold of your leg and for a moment stumbles, before sitting on the bed and forcefully stopping you.

It’s Ortega.

He looks into your eyes. You look away. Not that you can do much more than that, there’s no leaving.

He takes your chin with his hand and forces you to look at him. You don’t resist this time.

He starts making you a few questions. How many fingers do you see? What’s the last thing you remember. What year it is.

Your answer, reluctantly.  

He seems slightly relieved by your answers.

“Is… there something you wish to tell me?” he asks in the end. You feel the coldness in his voice.

You just look away.

“Well suit yourself. I have time” he tells you.

And boy he really has time.

He reads the newspaper. He watches TV. He brings you some canned food to eat. He helps you go to the bathroom, with another pair of handcuffs. He changes your bandages and disinfects your wounds. He brings a rope and secures you even tighter. THen he turns off the lights and brings another bed in the room, sleeping next to you.

And the next day… is pretty much the same. You don’t say a word. You know the Doctor will take care of Eden. And you have nowhere to go. Nowhere in the entire world.

He just looks a bit sadder the third day. You try to ignore him.

The fourth day, he’s straight out breaking down. Funny. You thought it would be the other way around.

The fifth day, he starts yelling at you. Demanding you tell him all of it. Spill the beans. He slaps you.

The sixth day, he beats you again you. Repeatedly. And then he sends a discharge through your body that makes you throw up.  And then he leaves. And then he comes back and apologizes to you.

The seventh day he doesn’t enter the room at all. You begin getting thirsty and hungry. But you’ve suffered worse.

On the eight days, he enters, looking like shit. IT’s clear he’s been drunk and hasn’t slept at all.

He opens the handcuffs with a key.

“Get out,” he says.

“…What?” you ask.

“Get out. Get out of the city. Do whatever you want. I just can’t keep doing this.”

You sit on the bed, flexing your freed arms. He’s honestly telling you to get the fuck out.

You could do that. Leave. Get lost.

Or you could talk to him.

You feel exhausted.

This is Ortega after all… and he probably has figured it all out by now. And he’ll tell others. And that will get him killed. He’s not demanding to know the truth because he doesn’t know it. He wants to know it from your own lips.

“I’m sorry.” You say simply.

He lifts his gaze.

“I’m sorry… I just… I’m not real. Nothing about me is real. I’m not real. I’m not Human. I’m a thing. A piece of property. I’m Government property. I’m a re-gene. On the run from them.

He just glares at you. He obviously knows all of this by now.

“You.. don’t understand. Look… If you shot me right now and killed me, it wouldn’t be murder. Worst case scenario you get sued for damage to government property” You point out. “I don’t go to jail in the end, but to the scrap-yard.”

“So… you expect me to believe you’re just some sort of escaped experiment?” he finally speaks.

You smile bitterly.

“That’s … me. Yes.“

“Was this all some sort of sick game? Why did you even keep pretending to be a hero anyway?” He asks slowly, with increasing anger as he pronounces the words.

“I was an idiot. I thought if I did good enough, I could be forgiven… forgiven for… not being a human. Maybe I thought if I managed to be good enough, then when the secret of what I was got out… maybe…

“Maybe what?” He asks after several seconds when you fail to finish your phrase.

“Maybe I’d be real too.” You say, unable to control your tears.

“What happened at the Heartbreak? Was that part of a plan?”

“I didn’t know what was going on. I had fooled myself into thinking I was a hero like you and the rangers. It was just another case” You gather strength to continue. “The telepath causing it was… he was just like me. They had opened his mind. And he was sharing the pain with us all. He wanted to kill himself. And he made me want to kill myself when I saw what he went through.”

“But I stopped you. he adds. Pulled the gun from your hands.”

“Yes. you reply You did”

“And afterward?”

“They caught me again… until I broke free. About a year and some ago.”

He stays silent, processing this. Finally, he speaks again

“What do you expect to achieve?”

“I wanted to put an end to it. Become a villain for the public to hate, and when they finally get me they’ll know the sick government is to blame.”

“So the plan is going out in a blaze of revenge?”

He takes a very deep breath. And then he looks at you again.

“Get out,” he says

“No one knows you’re here. I didn’t tell the police or anyone else. Get out”

You stand, stumbling, and walk for the door. You put on some clothes … and leave the building, walking down the street.

You see Ortega watching you from the door.  A small part of your mind thinks he’s going to come chasing you. But you know that’s not what’s going to happen.

You turn away and disappear into the night.

____________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[jasperlion]

Peace and War — very much based on dialogue/meta

Alm has an interesting view upon war, peace and all of their portents, although most is likely based on how Mycen raised him, more of soldier and leader (empathically/charismatically/but specifically a military one, being a general himself before his discharge) than anything else.

Of the following conversation I’ll highlight the important points on this, since I don’t want to lose the context of said conversation for the sake of what I want to talk about (since it’s important to the topic, too).

Alm: Look, I’ve heard from the others. I know the drought’s made Zofia a scary place. People are starving, and many have turned to thievery and plunder. Brigands loot villages for a mere sack of grain, and soon they’ll be at OUR door! And don’t think I haven’t heard what the Rigelian army has been up to. They’ve been crossing the border for years in violation of the Divine Accord. And with that sacred bond broken, now the Terrors have resurfaced as well… Mycen: …All true. Alm: Zofia is full of innocent people who are looking for help. Please, Grandfather. I want to make a difference in a world bigger than a handful of houses. I want to see all the amazing places you’ve told me about— that Celica told me about! Mycen: Suppose you do set forth with your sword and your wits. So what? Alm: …… Mycen: Will the grand story of your life be how you met the end of a brigand’s axe? Before you dream of changing the world, learn your damned place in it. And no more talk of leaving. -Mycen leaves- Alm: …What’s his problem?! Why teach me to use a sword if you’re not going to let me fight? Every day in this place is exactly the same as the next. I know I’m meant for more than this! But you have to let me find it!

--

Alm: Lukas! Were you able to speak with my grandfather? What did he say? Lukas: He said no. Sir Mycen made it clear he has no intention of joining the Deliverance. Alm: What? But he’s ridiculously strong! He could defeat some stuffy chancellor with his eyes closed! Why would he refuse when so many people are suffering? Lukas: I cannot speak to Sir Mycen’s thinking, but it seems we misplaced our hopes. I’ll have to return to our hideout and bring Sir Clive the ill news. Perhaps Mycen has simply grown too old for the battlefield.

--

Alm: I’m just saying we could do it together. …Fighting, I mean. Not the lance. Grandfather trained all of us, right? Not just me. You already know how to use a sword and a bow. So what’s the problem?

--

Alm: What? They’ve taken a prisoner?! Lukas: Alm? Let’s just be calm and… Alm?! Alm, wait, don’t — Alm: Hold it, you lecherous pigs! Brigand: Huh? Who the hell are you? Alm: Release the woman you’re holding at once, or else

Battle has always been a solution for Alm, but not in the way of savagery or wanting to subjugate, as much as it is to defend. All of his focus on the problems are what he can stop with his physical strength to protect innocents who are suffering. He is not beyond killing those who attack others to meet his goals, but he’s also not beyond parley and seeking from his opponents a more peaceful solution (provided they aren’t already doing something dastardly, like looting, attacking people, kidnapping them, etc). All in all, those are the views of someone growing up under a general, views necessary for someone whom his father and surrogate grandfather both intended to go to war in the first place and fight.

Even so, despite his willingness to draw the blade, he’s not willing to kill on sight (usually) unless weapons are already drawn. He’s rather compassionate to a fault, which stops him from attacking others without question even when he jumps to the wrong conclusion, not unless he has seen them do shit with his own two eyes (that’s pretty much how you strike the match to his temper and killing intent fhkJDKHD).

Alm: Don’t blame yourself, Lukas. Sir Clive sent you to Ram Village. right? You didn’t have a choice. If blame lies with anyone, it’s him. Lukas: …… Alm: Regardless, standing here accomplishes nothing. We need a plan. I assume this Clair person is still alive, right? In that case, we just have to take back the Southern Outpost and save her!

Really, his solutions always involve getting in a scuffle to save someone when he knows they were both wronged and are in trouble. And he jumps to conclusions and is quick to pin blame.

Of note is that instead of ordering a chase of Desaix and the Rigelian detachment with him, he instead decides to stay within the castle. He does this again after Berkut’s mirror smash, ordering his men rest instead of give chase to the fleeing Rigelians. Alm may be focused on battle as a means to an end, but he’s not at all for eliminating all who stood in his path or destroying them. (Gaiden Alm would say different here, lfmao)

It can be a little confusing when Alm has always been about compromise when there’s a misunderstanding — surely the whole thing makes him butt heads with himself... and it does! His argument with Celica is one of the biggest demonstrations of this, but there’s another thing I want to touch first.

Silque: Sir Alm, what did you see? Alm: It was… It was so clear! Silque, it was horrible! Silque: Be calm. What you saw in the vision is not the present. The Mother is either telling you what could be…or what once was. Her power is sight. Alm: So the vision is something that’s going to happen? Silque: Something that COULD happen. If the vision was ill-boding, perhaps it was a sign— a sign that the Mother wishes for you to take action in order to prevent it. Alm: ……

Alm’s reasons to continue pressing forward with the war despite Celica’s pleas is both his will to make a difference and the fact that he was called to do it. Mila sent him a vision that if things continue and he does nothing, all of Zofia will die. Her vision sets him directly at odds with Celica, who recieves one that should Alm continue on his path, he will die (and everyone he loves will die on his way to get there). 

They are directly contrasting visions, albeit Celica’s was likely a warning to get her off the island before the Cantor arrived and likely killed everyone at the priory (you know the one, the one on the lonely boat who implies he was on his way for her). Anyway, this isn’t about that, so fast forward to the argument itself with this in mind: His feeling of duty to see the war through was to save lives, but his focus was not to invade Rigel, merely push them all the way back.

Alm: …Wow. That’s quite the story. I’m trying to picture you swashbuckling pirates, and… Yeah. Just…wow. Celica: I didn’t mean to swashbuckle anyone. It just sort of…happened. But forget all that for the moment. Alm, you aren’t REALLY planning to fight the Rigelian Empire, are you? Alm: Listen, it’s not… It’s not something I chose. They were the ones who attacked us. Celica: But there must be a way to resolve things other than bloodshed, no? Alm: That’s a pretty thought, Celica, but I’m not sure it’s true. If it were, no one would be risking life and limb on the battlefield. Celica: Is it really so naive? Zofians and Rigelians are both people of Valentia, are we not? I know we can reach some kind of accord if we just try! Besides that, I… I just can’t imagine Emperor Rudolf is the monster some claim him to be. Alm: It doesn’t matter what sort of man he is. The Rigelian Empire chose to cross Zofia’s border—that’s a fact. We aim to drive back the invaders. Nothing more. Celica: But why do YOU have to lead this rebellion? Mycen’s grandson or no, you’re neither knight nor noble. So why make yourself a target like this?! Alm: Nrgh… If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear I was speaking to a blue blood. My station doesn’t matter, Celica. I’m here because I was called. I have a duty to perform, and I’ll perform it. No more, and no less. Celica: Oh, Alm… Alm: Do you think I WANTED this fight? This all started because Lima IV went and angered the empire. If you wish to point fingers, point them at the ruler who failed his people. It’s his fault we’re in this mess. Celica: That’s not… Well, so what if it is? Maybe you should go become king if it’s such a damnably easy job! Alm: What? Celica, that’s not— Celica: You’re awfully free with accusations for a boy with no idea what royalty entails! And now that you’re a “hero,” I imagine the throne is next on the list, is that it? Alm: No, it’s not like that at all, Celica! I just want to keep Zofia SAFE! Besides, there’s an heir. A princess of the royal family may have survived. If she turned up and fixed all this, I’d happily return to Ram. You could…come with me, you know? It’d be like old times.

Hoooo, other than Alm and Celica here fanning flames (flames Alm didn’t even know existed, and flames Celica did not realize were alight at all due to Alm’s previous confrontations with nobles (notably Fernand)) this shows a lot of Alm’s thinking. 

While he’s very gung ho and willing to fight for a cause, and even kill for it, he’s not alright with it having to be the solution (even if he’s okay with using it as a solution). Basically, it’s the only way he knows he can help with the problem, and he is fine with doing it, but he’s not fine with having to do it. If there are other options, he’d take them. That’s the biggest takeaway, really, since he doesn’t just speak those thoughts, but acts upon them. Jumping right to the start of Act 4 now...

Alm: …… Clive: A word, Alm? Alm: Clive! Did we receive a reply to our petition? Clive: Unfortunately, no. The empire’s silence is likely its answer. I believe it wise to resign ourselves. Emperor Rudolf has no intention of treating for peace. He means to continue his march on Zofian soil. Alm: Damn… Clive: Our men are approaching their limit. And Rigel’s climate is far colder than what they knew in Zofia. Further delaying here will only sap their strength and morale. Alm: All right, Clive. I trust your judgment. Let’s get ready to march. Clive: Understood. I’ll pass word to the others and prepare them to cross into the empire. Alm: …… What’s all of this leading to?

Alm has legitimately sent a petition to Rudolf to stop his march into Zofian soil. As per his word, his aim was merely to drive back the invasion, then request that the Rigelian’s cease trying again. His attempts for peace, or at least a meeting for parley, are met with silence, and yet he waits until Wyrmstym/Winter before finally heeding Clive’s advice and engaging in a march. Who knows how long he had between Pegastym//Autumn and Wyrmstym to wait, but it’s implied it’s been long enough for a courrier to make it to the Empire’s capital, wait for political deliberation and receive a response, and then some.

And most importantly...

Alm: Listen, Celica. I know you sacrificed your own life to protect me and the others. But I never wanted that. I couldn’t ever be happy in a world you died to create! Celica: Oh, Alm… I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Alm: Don’t apologize. Just know that I need you, all right? Without your wisdom, all I know how to do is fight whatever’s in front of me. So please… Will you fight with me? Believe in me. Believe in US. Believe in our combined strength!

Alm is very much aware that his skills lie in battle to resolve a conflict or problem, and as much as he has stated to dislike meaningless fights or struggles that can be avoided (as noted by his attempt to speak to some enemies (like witches) to try and dissuade them from attacking, or willingness to listen to Tatiana and thus speak to Zeke at the start of the fight with Jerome), and has even been noted to be a compassionate/kind leader (your choices as the player aside if you decide to kill everyone on ‘defeat boss’ missions lfmao), enough that Rigelians know this already and Rudolf can positively affirm it.

It makes him a mixed bag of emotions for this reason, because he feels terrible about what he’s good at doing, but he feels its the only way he can help.

Anyway, this was too long a post to just say that, but it’s what it is at its core. Alm is down to fight, especially if it’s someone he sees doing something vile, but as a means to an end he feels if it’s unnecessary it should be avoided (even if he feels its the only skill he has, even if it’s not particularly true). This compassionate side of him does not show at all when he feels it’s someone who deserves it, however (like Slayde and Desaix), which is probably something considered a flaw by some, maybe a dangerous one in a leader. It’s kind of fortunate that he has a well-maintained moral compass, I suppose, because this kind of thinking could lead straight to hell otherwise.

[anamorph-marco]

Deadpool 2 (Spoilers)

Spoilers

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>>>>

. . . . Okay, if you're still reading this you have been adequately SPOILERS, warned.

Deadpool 2 sucks. And it is unfortunate that it sucks because when it is good and on its game it is one of the funniest wittiest and sharpest pieces of parody satire comedy of an over-bloated over-saturated genre I've ever seen.

But three specific things CONSTANTLY pull this film back from being good, and ONE specific thing, makes it FUCKING AWFUL.

Let's start with the three things.

This film's theme, or what it clearly wants to be its theme, is that "No one is beyond saving, and EVERYONE is worth that effort, no matter what." Which is a very solid emotionally compelling lead, that compels the plot of the film.

When the film allows itself to have a plot.

The film's next HUGE problem is that it is basically a poorly written mess.

It's seams show EVERYWHERE. And I mean in it's story telling and structural assembly. Every single scene, no every single shot, can be so clearly delineated between Plot relevant, and joke. It very rarely ever does both at once and creates (A term I'm borrowing from video game critique) Cinema-Narrative dissonance, constantly. (Otherwise known as dissonance of framing)

The third thing:

While directly related to the second point, this observation is worthy of it's own consideration. This film has a tone problem. It is constantly trying to play itself two ways, Logan level serious, and South Park level funny. The tonal yo-yo-ing is so extreme that I'm surprised neck-braces aren't required upon viewing. (That's a joke)

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS (seriously, like, don't read this if you care about that stuff)

The film basically opens with *Wife Character* (I know her name is Ness, but she is reduced to a prop and it's infuriating so to emphasize that injustice I'm going to refer to her in this way to point out this ...phenomenon? yeah. I understand if it's upsetting) Anyways,

Wife character dies. Straight up, no pulled punches, she's shot in the heart, and it comes OUT OF NOWHERE. The film has not built up any stakes for itself, opening with a suicide joke . . . nice . . . And continuing into a constant barrage of satirical slapstick buffoonery and then BOOM wife dies. It's so out of nowhere that every time it cuts back to this CHARACTER MOTIVATING SUB PLOT, I was constantly apprehensive waiting for the other shoe to drop and the reveal to be it was all a joke.

I mean, it literally cuts to him in a bar peeing on himself because he's so sad.

I kept waiting for it to reveal that he was overreacting and imagining it all, or that he was over reacting and she just had to get surgery and was fine. Like the camera was going to pull focus and she was going to be in a wheel chair behind him.

For the recod: That doesn't happen, she's legitimately dead, actually totes mcscrotes real 4 realsies no take backsies.

Its that poorly handled.

The film hasn't earned this, it fridges Ness just to . . . John Wick? Deadpool into the main plot? But really it doesn't have anything to do with the main plot, and is a sub plot, that starts the film and is only there to be set up for jokey jokes later.

And no, John Wick is unfair. Because the whole point of John Wick is that his wife dies of natural causes and he is forced to confront that of all possible ways this could have happened to him or her, random cruel chance, was never one he thought of.

Ness dies because Deadpool fails to kill a dude with a cream cheese spreader.

No really, that's the joke.

END OF THREE THINGS

Okay, all of those poits are bad, but ultimately not unforgivable. If the rest of the execution is on par or better this film could be decent to good, and if certain points really hit home, it could still recover.

All points I concede.

Though my critique of those moments does have objective roots, it is ultimately subjective that I feel they are a big enough problem to impact the film's quality if the rest of the film executes itself competently anyways.

THE SCENE.

In my mind it will be the scene forever (And yes I'm stealing this set up from Hbomberguy, go watch his vids he's amazing)

The SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

THe scene: AKA: The X-Force Death scene.

If you've seen the trailers you know that Deadpool assembles a team of celebrity cameos to be his new team to take down the big bad. In a joke moment he calls them X-Force and thus . . . they are. Setup:

Deadpool and . . . annoying Edgar Wright film reject character (The bartender whose name I don't remember) hold "Tryouts" for the new team and put out a Craig's List add for recruits.

A whole bunch of people show up.

And all of them get hired, Immediately.

So there's your set up. A bunch of volunteers show up to help a guy do the right thing and save a kid from a psycho killer.

The film has earned and built towards ZERO (0) animosity towards these characters.

Okay, *deep breath* the scene:

The scene features all of those recruits dying in the most brutal cruel vicious disgusting and violent on screen deaths I've ever seen in cinema history, and I've seen A LOT of Z rated exploitation horror films.

Half the deaths don't make sense. Are only there because the script said so, break the diegetic reality, suspension of disbelief, and core conceit; of a film where the main character speaks directly to the audience for jokes. How you even manage to FUCK UP that bad . . . I don't even begin to comprehend.

Terry Cruise slams head first into a bus.

Brad Pitt has a brief two second cameo as his character get's electrecuted on a live wire.

Acid Vomit man gets pulled head first through a wood shipper, but not before he vomits on Gary . . . or was it stu? Russel? Whatever.

And then

Shatterstar. Shatterstar is an alien. So his blood is green.

Shatterstar gets pureed into green slop by helicopter blades. And then his severed ponytail SLOPS onto the windshield of the helicopter in a moment that is burned into my retinas.

IT is disgusting, and cruel and directly the fault of Deadpool.

Who against all advisory, forces his team to jump despite a wind advisory.

So let's talk about all the reasons this is completely fucking stupid.

1. a commercial sky diving plane is not going to bring divers up in a wind advisory. SO he either stole the plane or killed people to get it.

2. A helicopter WOULD NOT BE initiating take off under said conditions.

3. Helicopters don't work that way.

And three is the real kicker.

In film history there are moments that live in infamy for various parts of the craft.

For stunts gone wrong, there is ONE (1) moment.

When filming Twilight Zone, against all advisory, the director of the episode put children in harms way, and all three were decapitated by the helicopter.

This is particularly poignant because during the filming of Deadpool, a specific producer, who's name rhymes with Brian Greynalds, went against all cautionary advisory and had a stunt woman perform a stunt in unsafe conditions leading to her death.

So then, in the movie, we have a visual recreation of the most notorious stunt gone wrong in film history, in a film with a stunt gone wrong, where the leader, ignores all warnings, forces his character to perform the task, and they die a gruesome cruel death.

yeah.

And this isn't a moment of reflection either. Because this 6 minute scene is followed by a minute of jokes at the expense of the dead and then NONE of those characters are EVER MENTIONED AGAIN.

So... Let's really analyze why this scene is a problem. It's grotesquely unfunny. Absurdly cruel. Completely Mean Spirited. Horrifically distasteful. and again Not in any way funny whatsoever? (You know, despite what all the press junkits with the cast might make you think where they laugh and joke about this scene)

But it's one more thing.

Remember what I said was the theme of the movie? *Flashback*

"No one is beyond saving, and EVERYONE is worth that effort, no matter what."

Yeah.

This scene, directly works against that theme in the starkest and most movie destroying way possible.

As we watch the protagonist, not just cause and allow for the deaths of 5 well meaning characters specifically trying their best to do the right thing for good reasons, die in the most horrible ways ever put to screen.

We then get to joke about it. With no remorse. and no reflection. and then, it's forgotten.

If I had a digital copy of the film. I could literally edit that scene and the character's introductions out of the film, and NOTHING WOULD CHANGE.

It's a bad scene.

And combined with everything else.

It makes Deadpool 2 a bad movie.

And the fact that everything else in it is so good, just makes it all the more infuriating, because this film snatches defeat from the jaws of victory for no reason. One that could have easily been fixed in editing.

It would have had tone problems.

It would have been inconsistent.

But it would have been good, with great highlights.

But instead.

It's not.

It's just bad

. . . . . . . . . . . . ***Post Credits thoughts: (I guess)*** ... And I didn't even go into the extended toddler dick joke scene. Because . . . yeah. That's a thing. and it's as uncomfortable and "pedo" sounding as that sentence implies. Also, what plot there is is pretty incoherent because of those three problems I mentioned before. It's literally like watching 4 different films.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I love learning new mythology stuff if you want to go in depth about your ideas! Admittedly I know the most about Greek mythology, so you might have to give more details on any other myths you use.

I know the most about Greek/Roman and Norse mythology and a bit from my ancient Egyptian obsession I had back in sixth grade, but I’ve dabbled just a little in Polynesian, Japanese, and Celtic mythology, as well as several folktales from around Europe and one or two Aztec myths, and I’ve been meaning to do some research on the Orisha from eastern Africa I think it is, but haven’t gotten around to it.

Anyways, I’ve been developing a bit of a complicated mythology themed universe in my head and it only gets more confusing as I add more pantheons to the list, so for right now for this explaination I’ll stick with the Greek, Norse, and Egyptian ones, and maybe touch a bit on the Hawaiian stuff, but I’m not as comfortable putting that out there because I’m not overly well read on that yet.

I’m putting a cut here for anybody that doesn’t want to read this, because it gets long and complicated, and I’m not even close to being done with it, and I’m giving you all the simplified version.

So, the beginnings of my idea started when I was reading that wonderful wonderful author Rick Riordin. Specifically a short story crossover between his Egyptian and Greek series. This got me wondering if I could possibly make any of these pantheons coexist long term.

So, I began with what I call cross-pantheon deities. These are children of gods/goddesses from different pantheons. But then I had to figure out a way that these gods could meet each other.

So, the gods of old in this universe are a magical species I call manas deva from the Sanskrit words for “invented” and “god”. They are beings that came to exist because of human belief, and are a bit more contained and limited than the traditional idea of gods, but still the most powerful beings in this universe. And now that they exist, they can go do things like screw a few mortals and dink around with the weather just for the hell of it.

So once in a while you’ll get someone, (probably Zeus if we’re being honest) hanging around a mortal pub or something disguised as a mortal, and another disguised god or goddess disguised as a mortal, and since the pantheons shouldn’t interact with each other they don’t know what to look out for and therefore don’t know they’ve made a huge mistake until the morning after when they both decide to mention oh yeah you just did the thing with a god bye.

And that’s where the cross-pantheon characters come from.

I’m still working on characters and plot, but my main characters are this guy Deon, who is a cross-pantheon son of Zeus Greek god of lightning and being a terrible womanizer, and Freja, Norse goddess of beauty, war, and uh, fertility. The other main character is his twin sister Talin, which is also his half sister. (And yeah, fraternal twins can have different biological dads, it happens look it up) Her dad is Ra, god of the sun and everybody worshiped him in ancient Egypt it was just the cool thing to do.

Our buddy Deon doesn’t like either side of his family, but he kind of depends on them because his immortality is all wonky. Norse deities stay young by eating special golden apples distributed by the goddess of youth and can be killed, whereas Greek gods are just eternally young and can’t die. Deon got an awkward combination of these traits and can’t be killed but still ages, so he has to keep both sides of his family okay with him and not run off to join the mortals or something, because he can’t die and there are complications like lost limbs that can come from that, and he keeps aging, so he needs those sweet sweet golden apples to keep looking like a fresh twenty something, because who wants to spend all of eternity with joint pain? One of his best friends, Asger, son of Aphrodite, son of Odin, has the opposite problem. He’s eternally young but can be killed.

Talin hates her dad and would like to just stay in Vanaheim with her brother and favorite cousins all the time(also she might have a girlfriend there but I haven’t invented her yet), but keeps going back to the sun and puts up with her dad because there are several people there in the realm of gods and spirits that depend on her. I’m still thinking through her motivations and backstory, but she’s shaping up to be quite dangerous. She’s loud and slightly violent and is confrontational in a good way. She believes she knows what is right and will fight for it. She and Deon make nice foils for each other because he is much quieter and shy and prefers a more sneaky or indirect approach to conflict and doesn’t see morals as something set in stone. He has charming abilities and will use his magic to get what he wants, all the while making the other person believe it was their idea. So, she’s the huntress, he’s the trickster. Neither of them are overly gorgeous by society’s standards but have the ability to trick people into thinking that they are because their mom is a love goddess. Does that make sense?

I’ve got all kinds of other side characters I’m working on. None of them are overly developed at this point, but here’s some of my more well thought out ones.

I’m calling this one Jessie for now. She/her Greek/Hawaiian. Dad is Kanaloa, Hawaiian god of the underworld and magic, mom is Kymopoleia, Greek Goddess of sea storms. You’d expect somebody with that parentage to be pretty volatile, and you’d be right. Pansexual Demigirl that’s best friends with Deon and Asger and Deon is a trans guy as of right now, but I might change that later, but anyways, Jessie and Deon first got to know each other as of right now because they both wanted a trans friend and she got to know Asger through Deon. But like I said, I’m thinking about changing a few things we’ll see how it goes.

Apollo. Yes, that Apollo. He looked away from the mirror just long enough to be one of Deon’s mentors and teach him how to shoot. This is a modern day story, so that includes guns as well as bows and arrows. Don’t get the impression he’s a good person here. He’s not. He just chooses to care about his siblings sometimes.

Asger. he/him My one straight cis character. I needed one in there. He’s the son of Aphrodite Greek goddess of love and Odin, leader of the Norse aesir gods. He became friends with Deon after finding out he also had a love goddess mom and they bonded over how their moms are both just the worst. He’s incredibly strong and people often call him if they need a giant or dragon disposed of and Thor isn’t avalible. He’s also good friends with Talin and they bond over being kind of violent. They both like weapons and fighting and whatnot. The Norse gods find them to be fun at parties.

Eric, Dalia, and Astrid. Not much of a backstory for these three yet, but they are former demigods that were made gods after the Norse deities found them useful. They deliver messages, because I noticed the Norse pantheon has a god of messengers, but they don’t have a god whose job it is to deliver messages, so I invented the story of the four messengers. One for each season. Eric son of Loki in the winter, Astrid daughter of Thor in the spring, Dalia daughter of Tyr in the fall, and Deon is the summer messenger. This is an interesting device, because all four of these characters are very powerful and useful, but one of them is missing at any given time, because during the season they work they are busy almost all of the time and the only way to get a hold of them is to deliver a message. I’ve got a whole complicated story planned out how they were all added one at a time over the course of a few centuries, but this post is getting too long anyways.

Freja. Goddess of beauty and war. She runs a house of fallen warriors that are training for ragnarok, same as Valhalla. She seems ditzy and is basically the world’s worst beauty pageant mom, but if you piss her off you will suffer a fate worse than any of the underworld gods/goddesses could imagine for you. Do not cross her. She can run in heels.

Zeus. I don’t need to talk about this guy, do I? He sucks. He just really sucks. Get him out of my face. He’s a horribly abusive parent.

Ra. Good king, bad dad. Argues with other sun gods/goddesses. Sol never has any time to talk to him because she’s being chased by a wolf. For crying out loud, Ra. Stay in your lane. Focus on your own thing. This is why you have like three cross-pantheon kids.

Yeah, those are the more developed ones. I have tons more, but I don’t think I have time to get into those.

As for what kind of plot I’d have in this context? That’s a little fuzzy. I’m thinking something like demigods and minor deities are going missing, and since the gods can’t exactly throw demigods or mortal heroes at the problem, because the problem is that they’re disappearing they send some cross pantheon gods because they’re pretty much on the lowest rung right above mortals in these godly societies and their parents don’t really care for them that much. So, it would probably follow several characters on their quest to find out what the freak is going on and why all these spirits and demigods and favored mortals are disappearing across so many pantheons.

That probably leads to all kinds of shenanigans, including various figures from these mythologies that aren’t supposed to meet crossing paths. I like to imagine a scene ending with Asger smashing in some Greek monster’s head with Mjolnir or a similar Norse weapon. Probably Typhon. Can we have Typhon, a giant monster with insane features and probably bigger than mount everest get defeated by a tap from Thor’s hammer? Please and thank you?

Anyways, it’ll probably be a very long time before I get all of my thoughts together enough to actually get a screenplay together because this is taking a lot of sorting out and it would probably be several movies long, but there’s the bare bones of my mythology themed universe for you. It all takes place in modern day, so imagining Apollo sitting on the couch eating cereal and watching the golden girls on Netflix is totally something you can do, and something I have done, obviously.

Thanks for reading all of that. It’s kind of a lot.

[almost-hysterical]

So @infpbandgeek and I were at lunch today talking to a couple of friends and were talking about misogyny, racism, nativism, LGBTQ+ animosity and religious discrimination. The two friends that we were talking to argued that none of that is a thing. That there's no white privilege. That there isn't true racism. That men don't have any advantages. That America doesn't need immigrants. That Christians aren't favored. Says the white, straight, Christian, American born males. As a woman I have to consciously choose my routes based on where I am least likely to be assaulted. I can't look around without seeing my body and my fellow sisters' bodies sexualized and attuned to what will fill MEN'S sexual appetites. I can't be angry without being disregarded because of my monthly cycle. I can't make a mistake without it becoming a reflection of my gender. I cannot speak for what I believe in because then I'm loud and bitchy. I cannot say no without being called shrewd. I cannot say yes without being called a slut. I can't wear tank tops or shorts to school, even though I've seen men with practically no shirts on. I can't question the wrongdoings of a man without being called a "feminazi." I can't bring up the idea of gender equality without being shamed for my identification as a feminist. The list goes on, so don't you dare say there isn't male privilege. Racism is rampant. My black and Latino friends are treated differently than other kids because their pigmentation determines their intelligence according to some. And Asian friends are all assumed to be smart and shamed when they aren't. And a white kid acting up is just a kid being a kid, but a black or Latino kid making a mistake is a reflection of their entire race. Latino friends of mine feel uncomfortable speaking Spanish to other Latino friends at school for fear of being assaulted, verbally or otherwise. Muslims can't wear religious clothing because it's seen as dangerous. People avoid them and call them terrorists, despite the moral codes of the Quran preaching quite the opposite. Because apparently ISIS is a fair generalization for all Muslims and Arabs. So don't you dare say racial issues are only happening within our police force. I have never met an immigrant with ill intentions. No matter the part of the world. Central/South American, African, European, Asian, and Australian immigrants all attend my school, and I get along perfectly with them. They are kind, and smart, and funny, and passionate just like anyone else. Their birthplace is not a reflection of who they are as people, and yet most are afraid to talk about their homelands because they know people will attack them for it. Kids with undocumented parents can't reach out for help or get insurance or go to the doctors because there is no protection for immigrants and no help for them to become citizens (which isn't cheap, by the way). The place these people are born determines their worth as a person and that is NOT okay. So don't you dare say that there isn't nativism. (Not to mention our newly inaugurated president wants to ban Muslim/Arabic immigrants and wants to build a fucking wall on the Mexican border) As a bisexual women, men ask me all the time if I'm interested in a threesome with two girls and a guy. The answer is and will always be no. But the point is that my sexuality is used to assume that I am easy. And I'm not. I am complicated and dedicated and focused. I am not ANYBODY's property or sex object because I am a woman, not a thing to be owned. Gay men are always assumed to be feminine and flamboyant and boy-crazy, when they are just as smart and kind as any heterosexual. Lesbians are expected to be butch, which doesn't have anything to do with sexual orientation. Speaking of gay couples, to people who ask, "Who's the boy and who's the girl?" The answer is no. Saying two gay people in a relationship are different genders kind of defeats the purpose. And gender equality is dismal. Gender fluid, non-binaries, transgendered, and undecided friends are all afraid to show what gender they truly are because they know people will attack them. People get accused of being too sensitive when asking for specific pronouns. And people who are displaying their true gender are often pushed down, and told they still look like their sex. While on the topic, gender and sex are not the same. Gender is in the brain based on hormones and brain chemistry, sex is what genitalia a person is born with. Saying they're the same is saying that thinking with your head is the same as thinking with your penis and that's fucking stupid. So don't be a dick and use "gay" as an insult or purposefully use the wrong pronouns, despite how much of a trend it is these days. Don't tell me there isn't discrimination against LGBTQ+ people. As a Jewish woman, I can't really talk about my heritage or religion. When I mention that I'm Jewish, the Jew jokes and Holocaust jokes roll in. People say they can tell by the shape of my nose. They make fun of traditions and degrade me for not agreeing with the teachings of their own religious denomination. Once, I mentioned I was Jewish in a class discussion based on the idea of Jewish culture and when I came back from the bathroom that class period, my notebooks and class work was covered in swastikas and horribly offensive, obscene language. Muslim friends can't wear the hijab because "it's not safe," but white boys can wear hats. Let's just say these issues aren't really based on the idea of safety. And no one is allowed to leave class to pray except some Catholics. During some Jewish holidays and many Muslim (sorry if I leave out your religion, I'm just not very informed about some of them), it is expected to pray in a specific way at specific times of the day. And not allowing people to practice those religious traditions is taking away their ability to feel close and safe with their God. Not to mention that as much as Trump supporters rally around the Constitution and the idea of America, they've seriously overlooked the part about religious freedom. There is religious discrimination and thinking there isn't is ignorant. This is a long post, but put basically: Our problems aren't because of gender, race, origin, sexuality, or religion. Our problem is that we focus on those generalizations too much to realize that in the grand scheme of things our political and social situations are what's wrong. I promise that someone being born with dark skin doesn't inherently make them a terrorist. Swear to God. So if you're a white, Christian, American born, straight male, great. I don't really care, I guess. But don't pretend there aren't issues because you haven't had to face them, and don't pretend that the way you were born is somehow a writ of passage into being a better person.

[chaniters]

I saw you were asking for fic ideas and maybe some angsty chargestep with Ortega recognizing that the villian is actually sidestep

I was thinking about writing this when I remembered I already posted exactly that on the forums a while ago, so all I did was fix it a bit since I *hope* to think my writing has improved after 6 months. 

Keep in mind it’s still the 2nd fic I’ve written in my entire life!

Also, I changed the ending, since what you want is Angst. 

Into the night.

Strange. 

There is only darkness and you can’t feel anyone’s mind, not even your own. Something must have gone horribly wrong. You wonder why you’re not afraid, but it would seem the part of your brain that controls that emotion isn’t currently active.

It only takes a few seconds for you to realize, you must have somehow managed to enter a specific form of consciousness you were designed to achieve. You’ve fainted from some sort of excessive trauma, and even then your brain maintains some sort of consciousness. This mindstate was meant to give the operatives a way out in case of enemy interrogation.

There are a few things you can do while you’re here, and even if time is relatively slower in this state, it will not last forever.

You slowly nudge your brain into revealing the events that brought you here. 

It feels like walking through the darkness until you see an image forming before you. It’s a memory… but detached, so it’s sensory or emotional effects can’t reach you for the moment. You dive into it.

_____________________________________ 

Your fall to the ground, beaten. The armor seems to be about to come back online, but it’s too late to stop Ortega. He is already onto you sending another electrified fist your way, a loud crack letting you know your mask finally gave in and broke down under the repeated aggression. You feel one of his hands pushing you down by the neck, as the other one begins pulling to take off what’s left of the mask. You fruitlessly try to get him off you, but without the strength enhancements, it’s like trying to displace a mountain. Another punch and you’re done. You can’t resist anymore, your arms aren’t responding. 

With a final pull, it comes out, and you feel the gust of cold fresh air, as the mist and smoke from burnt electronics make it way out. You cough trying to breathe. Ortega’s weight on your chest is complicating matters since he’s got you pinned down. 

Ortega is staring at you with an enraged expression… one that suddenly turns into confusion.

Fuck.

“C… Cyrus?”

This isn’t happening.

“What… is this some sort of telepathic trick you monster?” He says raising his fist again. 

You say nothing. 

“Stop… Doing.. THIS!” He punches you again, enraged. And again. And again. Until the entire helmet is in pieces. He just throws it away.

Everything is spinning. You keep trying to breathe. How in the hell you’re going to get out of this, you have no idea. You can feel the armor powering up though it’s in no condition to help you, and what Ortega saw, he can’t unsee. But you still have to try to struggle out of this.

What can you do at this point? Send the nanovores onto him? Have them destroy all his mods? Yes… you could do that. But is that how you get out of this? By killing him? Or leaving him in a wheelchair? Is that the kind of person you are? Is this what you’ve become?

Ortega stops hitting you… and just stares in disbelief. You aren’t going to use the nanovores on him. You made the decision a long time ago. When you asked for Mortum to neuter them. 

“Cyrus, is this you? What is… why?”

What could you possibly tell him? Nothing. There’s no explanation that would satisfy him. 

It’s over.

You order the nanovores out. They go over you… consuming the suit. 

He jumps back as his hand is covered in nanites. He is still afraid of them. No need… As the suit is no more, you order them to devour each other. Until there’s not a single one left. 

He’s standing a few feet away from you. You try to stand as well, but instead fumble and fall. You realize your nose is bleeding. So you try to say something, but only gibberish comes out. Great. He might have given you a concussion, is all you can think of as you faint. 

The memory ends.

You are back in the darkness. Alone. And possibly suffering a concussion or worse. 

Alright. Nothing you can do about it… better continue figuring things out. 

You try to get in touch with your senses, and figure out where you are now.

You can’t open your eyes or move in this state, but if you focus, you might catch what’s going on around you.

You feel your body lying face upwards over a soft surface. A bed? Your arms are extended over your head and bound together. The binding seems to be metal… handcuffs or some other implement, and whatever that is fixed so you can’t use your hands. Your legs seem to be relatively free. You feel a weight over you… possibly some sort of soft covering. Blankets?

Your chest and face hurt in several spots so you can assume you’ve been beaten down before you got bound to your current position. Additionally, you feel you’re not wearing a shirt and there are some strange bindings over your shoulder and head… possibly bandages? The thought of your body being exposed would be enough to send you into a panic in an awake state, but right now it’s just more bad news to add to the long list of bad news. 

Your ears catch a voice talking, but it’s not in the immediate proximity and you can’t make who’s talking or what are they saying. You can’t feel their mind either, so you’re possibly in a dampened facility. 

So you’re bound and lying in some sort of bed. And they’ve left you alone for the moment. Possibly a medical bed in an enclosed facility and they know who you are, if they are so confident in mental dampeners they know you can’t manipulate the guard. Oh, and your body is exposed so they can see your tattoo and serial number. This keeps getting better.

You don’t have access to all of your psychic arsenal, but you can do a basic scan of the surrounding minds, and it can go pretty far too. You’ve trained for this and it should work at least.

You feel no minds near you. There are other minds above and below you in different levels. You tap into the minds spacial awareness and manage to decipher some of the feedback. Apparently, all these minds are enclosed in different compartments separated through different levels of a building.

Good thing you’re in a dispassionate state because this is beginning to feel quite grim Are you back at the farm already?

Enough. You’re not going to find much more like this. You focus on awakening yourself.  Most humans believe they have immaterial souls that interact with their brains and make them who they are. You? You know you don’t have a soul. You know, however, that your mind is not only driven by your organic brain but by your implants. It’s what makes you fundamentally different from humans. If your biological brain died, you’d probably stop being the person you are. But some remnant of yourself would remain in the implant. 

That’s what you are right now. The implant alone. Hopefully, you can jumpstart your mind and go back to being yourself. Unless Ortega turned it all to mush with his fists. 

As you focus, you begin to fear the worst. What if you died. What if only your implants keep running? How long can you remain like this? Your emotions aren’t working in this state, but it’s more of a philosophical fear. What if this is your destiny? To remain here alone… forever. In the darkness. Is this your punishment? Your scars made you want to end it all. Is this where they took you? 

Maybe it’s for the best. 

The realization freezes you. The dark voice has followed you this deep. You can never escape it. It’s not just implanted in your biology by Heartbreak… but in your fucking software.  

Self-doubts plague you like a swarm of sharks, and you have nowhere to hide. Nowhere to go. There is no escape from yourself…

You spend a few more (Minutes? Seconds? Hours? days?) in the darkness until you can see a tinny light in the distance…

The voice tries to stop you, and you’re having second thoughts yourself. But the light engulfs you. 

_______________________________ 

You wake up and start struggling weakly against your bounds. You open your eyes, and the light in the ceiling temporarily blinds you. As your emotions return your mind hurriedly pieces the story back together trying to make sense of it. Your plan was a success, and you defeated them again, but then Ortega somehow managed to beat you down and capture you. And now they’ve handed you to them, and you’re back at the farm. And now, there will be hell to pay. That is unless you find a way to escape.

You struggle fruitlessly, as tears fall from your eyes, entering a complete panic. All you can think of is you need to get out of here before they take you for interrogation. The blankets on top of you make a mess as you struggle as hard as you can to break free, without much success

“Hey stop it!” A voice. A guard. You open your eyes and focus on the blurry figure, trying to get into his mind… but it doesn’t work. Desperate, you try to kick in his direction before he gets any closer.

“Stop it!. I mean it!” You don’t. He gets a hold of your leg and for a moment stumbles, before sitting on the bed and forcefully stopping you. 

It’s Ortega.

He looks into your eyes. You look away. Not that you can do much more than that, there’s no leaving. 

He takes your chin with his hand and forces you to look at him. You don’t resist this time.

He starts making you a few questions. How many fingers do you see? What’s the last thing you remember. What year it is. 

Your answer, reluctantly.  

He seems slightly relieved by your answers. 

“Is… there something you wish to tell me?” he asks in the end. You feel the coldness in his voice. 

You just look away. 

“Well suit yourself. I have time” he tells you.

And boy he really has time.

He reads the newspaper. He watches TV. He brings you some canned food to eat. He helps you go to the bathroom, with another pair of handcuffs. He changes your bandages and disinfects your wounds. He brings rope and secures you even tighter. THen he turns off the lights and brings another bed in the room, sleeping next to you. 

And the next day… is pretty much the same. You don’t say a word. You know the Doctor will take care of Eden. And you have nowhere to go. Nowhere in the entire world. 

He just looks a bit sadder the third day. You try to ignore him. 

The fourth day, he’s straight out breaking down. Funny. You thought it would be the other way around. 

The fifth day, he starts yelling at you. Demanding you tell him all of it. Spill the beans. He slaps you. 

The sixth day, he beats you again you. Repeatedly. And then he sends a discharge through your body that makes you throw up.  And then he leaves. And then he comes back and apologizes to you. 

The seventh day he doesn’t enter the room at all. You begin getting thirsty and hungry. But you’ve suffered worse.

On the eight days, he enters, looking like shit. IT’s clear he’s been drunk and hasn’t slept at all. 

He opens the handcuffs with a key.

“Get out,” he says.

“…What?” you ask. 

“Get out. Get out of the city. Do whatever you want. I just can’t keep doing this.”

You sit on the bed, flexing your freed arms. He’s honestly telling you to get the fuck out. 

You could do that. Leave. Get lost. 

Or you could talk to him.

You feel exhausted. 

This is Ortega after all… and he probably has figured it all out by now. And he’ll tell others. And that will get him killed. He’s not demanding to know the truth because he doesn’t know it. He wants to know it from your own lips. 

“I’m sorry.” You say simply.

He lifts his gaze. 

“I’m sorry… I just… I’m not real. Nothing about me is real. I’m not real. I’m not Human. I’m a thing. A piece of property. I’m Government property. I’m a re-gene. On the run from them.

He just glares at you. He obviously knows all of this by now. 

“You.. don’t understand. Look… If you shot me right now and killed me, it wouldn’t be murder. Worst case scenario you get sued for damage to government property” You point out. “I don’t go to jail in the end, but to the scrap-yard.”

“So… you expect me to believe you’re just some sort of escaped experiment?” he finally speaks.

You smile bitterly.

“That’s … me. Yes.“

“Was this all some sort of sick game? Why did you even keep pretending to be a hero anyway?” He asks slowly, with increasing anger as he pronounces the words.

“I was an idiot. I thought if I did good enough, I could be forgiven… forgiven for… not being a human. Maybe I thought if I managed to be good enough, then when the secret of what I was got out… maybe…

“Maybe what?” He asks after several seconds when you fail to finish your phrase.

“Maybe I’d be real too.” You say, unable to control your tears. 

“What happened at the Heartbreak? Was that part of a plan?”

“I didn’t know what was going on. I had fooled myself into thinking I was a hero like you and the rangers. It was just another case” You gather strength to continue. “The telepath causing it was… he was just like me. They had opened his mind. And he was sharing the pain with us all. He wanted to kill himself. And he made me want to kill myself when I saw what he went through.”

“But I stopped you. he adds. Pulled the gun from your hands.”

“Yes. you reply You did”

“And afterward?”

“They caught me again… until I broke free. About a year and some ago.”

He stays silent, processing this. Finally, he speaks again

“What do you expect to achieve?”

“I wanted to put an end to it. Become a villain for the public to hate, and when they finally get me they’ll know the sick government is to blame.”

“So the plan is going out in a blaze of revenge?”

He takes a very deep breath. And then he looks at you again. 

“Get out,” he says

“No one knows you’re here. I didn’t tell the police or anyone else. Get out”

You stand, stumbling, and walk for the door. You put on some clothes … and leave the building, walking down the street. 

You see Ortega watching you from the door.  A small part of your mind thinks he’s going to come chasing you. But you know that’s not what’s going to happen. 

You turn away and disappear into the night. 

___________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.