#did i write this just to feel better abt myself? maybe lmao

[berryfeilds]

𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥, 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲.

Summary- Sirius meets you at one of Lily and James' party's and thinks you're just absolutely incredible.

Warnings- Non I believe? Bad writing perhaps LMFAO and tooth-rooting fluff, oh and no use of Y/N

W/C- 3.7k

A/N: hihi!! this is legit my first ever fanfic and im kinda nervous lmao, please please be nice and if you have any constructive criticism, i am all ears! thank you!!

New edit: oh girl i don't know i feel abt this being my first fic-

Sirius recounts the first time he met you well, -saw you- for better judgment. It was a little party, a couple weeks ago; just a gathering with some old friends and classmates, hosted by James and Lily at their house for a small reunion. Wine and finger food being consumed, laughter and stories being shared around the living room, just all around a good time. 

Sirius was catching up with Frank and Alice when you walked through the door with Mary. And -wow- were you pretty. You were wearing a light green number that ended right above your knees and the sleeves stopped on your elbows giving him a view of the numerous bracelets on your lovely wrist. Your hair sat perfect and your shoulders looked toothsome. You had an easy smile while conversing with Lily and Mary and handed over a box in which he guessed held some sweets inside. You were pretty and thoughtful? Oh did the universe have a beautiful way of rewarding him.

“Seems like birdie riled up the dog,” Alice teased. Sirius, rather solemnly, shifts his attention from you. “What? No, pshh, don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Sirius waves his hand dismissively, before he sneakily sneaks another glance at you once you enter the living room.

 “I’ve never seen her before, did she go to school with us?” Frank inquires before taking a sip of one of Marlene’s famous sugary cocktails. “No, she studied abroad, can’t pinpoint where though, maybe, Sirius will find out for us,” Alice mischievously smirks up at Sirius.

Said man-dog looks up to where you are now conversing with Remus and Lily, still looking ravishing and smooth. “You know what, maybe I will.” He finalizes before raising his glass to the couple in front him, excusing himself to make way to you. “Go fetch, Paddy!” Alice laughs. Sirius flips her off quickly without turning around.

“Wow! You’ve really been all around the world and more, you’ve gotta take me with you one day,” Lily exclaims while holding your hands excitedly. You smile warmly clutching her back airily, “Hardly around the whole world but, I’ll definitely take you to the places worthwhile your time,”

“Excuse my sudden intrusion, but I don’t think we've met yet,” Sirius sneaks in the conversation; sly as a fox with eyes looking at only you. “Oh I don’t think we have, I apologize I still have to make my rounds, Remus and Lily have been such great company I simply just had to stay and talk,” You say with an easy smile -oh wow you were pretty, did he already say you were pretty?-  “Oh, no,” Remus says your name, “flatters too much, she’s been telling us about her exciting life, we’re just the audience,” Remus says with a simple smile.

That should have been a big deal breaker -I mean it is- that the Remus Lupin, is enjoying a conversation with a complete stranger about their life!

“Well, hopefully, I can hear about this exhilarating life myself,” Sirius says with an award-winning smile, hoping he wasn’t making an absolute dog of himself, -no pun intended- “Hopefully you will after you introduce yourself,” You reply with an equally dazzling smile and teasing eyes. Sirius thinks his skin is tingling and he’s excited and nervous and he hasn’t replied to you yet, “O-oh, yeah sorry, I’m Sirius,” You nod, now grinning with your pearly whites barely showing beneath your glossy lips. “Oh I didn’t ask what you were feeling, I asked for your name,” He watches your eyebrows raise up expectantly, eyes holding a little mirth in them, while Lily giggles and Remus lets out an amused huff. Oh my God, you are adorable. He observes you dreamily, speechless. “Sorry bad joke, nice to meet you, Sirius,” You chuckle effortlessly. “No, no, very clever, you should try stand-up comedy,” He gives a boyish grin. You offer your name gracefully and he humbly accepts it. He tries it out on his tongue, repeating it to himself. Remus and Lily watch this scene over with a knowing smirk.

 “Well, I think I smell James burning something in the kitchen, Rem, mind helping me drag his body out while we can?” Lily pipes up. “Not at all, excuse us.” Remus replies with a teasing grin, holding out his arm for Lily to take while they walk away.

Once Remus and Lily leave the conversation, you reposition your eyes back to the handsome man in front of you to be met with his eyes already on you. “How about we sit down so I can hear about this novel-worthy life of yours?”

You and Sirius stuck by each other for the whole party: meeting the rest of the guests together, feeding him the different delicious food Lily made, sitting and getting to know about where you studied and his time at Hogwarts. And Sirius has come to the conclusion that you are incredible. You’re incredible and educated, and sweet, and well-versed with books and the world, and let’s not talk about your acceptable music taste, and you are incredible and it's incredibly attractive to Sirius.

By the end of the night he was partially jumping out of his seat to ask you out. You said your goodbyes to Lily and James and thanked them (mostly Lily) for the food and the night. James and Sirius have a non verbal conversation while you and Lily make plans to have a day with the rest of the girls. 

You’re gonna ask her out aren't you? James raises his eyebrows while pursing his lips.

Uh duh, are you seeing what I’m seeing! Sirius rolls his head while widening his eyes.

James was in the middle of replying to Sirius with a dramatic head nod like the stag he is when they both caught on that your conversation was coming to an end.

“Ah, thank you again Lily! And, I’ll be sure to call you to let you know when I’m free,” You say happily, a little alcohol in your system that loosened you up; making you warm. “Yes, definitely! I’ll see you later, drive safe you two!” Lily says matching your enthusiasm waving you both goodbye while you walk down to your cars. “Thank you! Bye!” You wave the couple with matched gusto.

As you both walked down to the cars lining up the driveway you realized that Mary left earlier to drop off Marlene and Peter which ultimately means you don't have a ride. You subconsciously groan at yourself. Ugh! He’s totally gonna think I’m desperate! You whined inwardly.  

“Hey, um, you can totally say no, and I can call a cab, but Mary left me stranded and I don’t have a ride, and this is the part where you can say no, and I can call a taxi-” Sirius looks at you fondly as you ramble. I am so asking you out. He dreams to himself. 

“Hey, hey, first of all, you are not taking a taxi at this time of night,” He gently places his hands on your frantic arms. “Second of all, who did you meet tonight? Cause I personally thought you met a handsome gentleman, y’know? You might have met him; dark-haired, tatted, amazing hair, and an exceptional wizard,” He flips his hair dramatically making you giggle, softly calming you down after your rant. “But apparently you met some arse who probably smells like car oil and beer, who would probably leave you at the pub,” He masks a faux concern, his right hand coming up to tuck a fly-away hair after a gust of wind passes by. You grin at him gently, peering at him through your lashes. Merlin, this man is gorgeous.

“Hmm, I believe I met the arse if my memory doesn’t fail me,” A glint of mischievousness flashes on your face while you bite away at an upcoming smile. Sirius scoffs offendedly as he grasps the left side of his chest where his heart is located. “Ah! You wound me, angel! And here I thought you were my wish come true,” He squints his eyes as his head shoots back. You let out a hearty laugh at his little show, enjoying the play a little too much.

You start to walk away from the improvised actor, as his arms swing back to his side, lazily. “Did anyone tell you how animated you are?” You look back at him over your shoulder in a cat-like manner. “Can’t recall if anyone did, pretty girl,” He jogs up to your side again, placing a hand on your lower back as he guides you to the passenger side of his car, opening the door for you. 

You slide into the cold, leather seats while Sirius practically slides over the hood to get into the driver's side. He opens the door feverishly and closes it with the same amount of. “Are you always this excited to drive someone home?” You ask as he starts up the car. “Just eager to get you home safe…and maybe be invited into said safe-haven for a cup of tea, or a good time,” He turns to you and gives you a flirty wink, as he sets his arm at the backside of your chair to shift his eyes at the back of the car to reverse out the driveway. You scoff, while teasing a look at his face and neck and how delicious he looks working a car. “My, aren't you frank,” You tell him your address as he drives out the neighborhood. You smile at the road as he expertly drives with his left hand on the wheel, while the right hangs by; inching to hold yours. 

“Good to know you appreciate my very endearing qualities,” He smirks, not taking his eyes off the road. The big grin on your lips stays glued on. Your eyes locate the hand that temptingly rests on the console, waiting to be filled with your hand that happens to be empty. You slowly slither your own fist towards his and you opt to link pinkys. Sirius’ little smirk widens into a full blown smile as he feels the little contact initiated by you. 

You soon realize when you and Sirius start talking that he’s such an uncomplicated character. He’s easy, charming, positive, a little bit of a stud but, you can get over that. For the next ten minutes, you engage in a relaxed conversation about your life and passions. The car starts wheeling into your little neighborhood when the talking dies down. “Right here, the little cream colored house,” You use your pointer-finger to show direction to your abode. Sirius turns the wheel with an open palm to your very small driveway. He turns the ignition off and rotates his whole body to peer at you, softly. 

“So…” He starts with a cheeky look. You chuckle and steer your eyes towards his dark brown iris’. You speak up with a dope grin. “So..thanks for driving me, and the stimulating argument about Bowie and Elton…I really appreciate,” You nod and look away from his handsome face. “Anytime, pretty,” He speaks gingerly. Now’s the time you git!

You opened your mouth to say goodbye until he interrupted. “Um, hey, I had an amazing time talking to you tonight, you’re incredibly incredible-” You giggle coyly, “Incredibly incredible?” He looks at you entranced. “I’m getting there, birdy,” He looks at you with a smug face, “As, I was saying before you started chirping,” He pinches your cheek, “I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner, at my place, I make a mean carbonara?” He says bashfully, sitting with hopeful energy; if he was in his animagus form his tail would be whipping around.

You both sat there looking at each other. Sirius expectantly and you blazing; flustered. “Yeah..yeah, I’d love to,” Biting away at an enormous grin, eyes everywhere but his. “Great, I’ll call you so we can arrange our date,” He replies buzzing with a cheshire grin. The skittish atmosphere was suffocating and endearing at the same time. “That we will do,” You open the passenger side and get out. You bend down and look at him one last time brushing your hair behind your ear sheepishly, “Thank you for tonight really, and I’m excited for this famous carbonara,” Sirius bites his lip looking at you, “No problem and you will not regret it, it’s one of a kind,” You smile at him thoughtfully, “Goodnight Sirius.” “Goodnight pretty.” 

Sirius drives out of your driveway after he made sure you safely got into your house. He drives away blasting Bowie, already planning to call James about scoring his date with you. A dizzying smile the whole drive back to his flat.

Inviting you to his apartment for dinner was the best idea he’s ever had, Sirius thinks.

You’re sat perched up gorgeously on his kitchen counter while he grinds black pepper to the spaghetti in the pan. Jazz music in the background, playing softly while the whole apartment smells of good food and new relationships.  It’s like you belong in any environment and you make it your own; you fit perfectly in any space he lets you into, it's breathtaking, you’re breathtaking. 

“So, where’d you learn how to cook?” You inquire before taking a sip of your wine, crossing your legs. Sirius mixes up the sauce into the spaghetti when he replies. “My family has ties in France so..I take advantage of their money and head out for a couple of weeks. I’ve become quite acquainted with the cuisine, the language, the city of love,” He gives you a wink. You laugh at his witty behavior before retorting. “Oh wow, he’s bilingual, a cook, and a philanderer? My, what a catch you are!” You tease with a smirk. “Oh shush, you,”

 He puckers up his lip subconsciously asking for a sip of wine and you’d be insane not to oblige. You hop off the counter and pick up his glass, striding to where he was stirring the food. You tilt the dainty glass to his inviting lips. He gulps down carefully trying not to spill on his very expensive black turtleneck. You giggle at his antics, “Alright French casanova, I’m pulling away,” You stick to your word to his displeasure; he liked you being so close. 

“Wow, pretty girls are mean,” He pouts dramatically. “Well get used to it mister, ten step hair care routine,” You scrunch your nose, while walking away to cut up the fresh baguette. “Okay, miss universe, the cutting board is in the cabinet under you and the serrated knife is right beside me,” You bend down and grab the handle of the wooden cutting board before you hear a wolf whistle. You whip up before giving him a joking glare. “Hey, there's a deliciously incredible girl in my kitchen helping me cook some delicious food, don't blame me!” He raises his hands up guiltily. You roll your eyes before walking towards him to grab the knife.

“Do pray tell who this delicious, incredible girl is,” You place a hand on his shoulder looking at him slyly. “Hm, I would tell but then I’d have to kill you,” He looks at you with a foxy stare. “Well, people have mentioned that I’m one for risks,” You take hold of the knife and olive oil, steering your eyes away from his dark eyes. “Ever heard that curiosity killed the cat, birdy? ” He draws closer to your face, “Good that I’m a bird then huh,” You taunt, peering at his pink lips. “Aren’t you a minx?” He smirks, “Well thank you, thank you very much.” You deepen your voice to imitate Presley and perk up your shoulder while making your back to the waiting bread. He chuckles and cuts his line of sight to the food in front of him.

Hot food is excellently plated, bread is cut, and wine refilled. The ambience is toasty and orange, illuminated by two small lamps and a couple dozen candles. You were both eating and drinking and you’re enjoying his company and his little quips and stories about his years with The Marauders: the pranks, the curriculum, some sport called quidditch. And you tell him about your life, traveling around and learning about the magic in different countries and how they use it differently and the schools you studied at.

“All that traveling must have been hard?” Sirius asks. “Well, my family has never been one to be anchored to one place –too suffocating I guess– so I’ve never really imagined my life to be a still, unmoving picture y’know?” You answer before shoving a fork tight with saucy pasta in your mouth. “Yeah I understand, I actually share similar feelings,” He sips his wine and you finish chewing.

“Really? How so?” “Heard of the Black family, darling?” “Ah makes sense,"

He shifts in his seat before continuing, “My parents had a special way of making your entire existence feel like it was a non-stop debutante ball,” You laugh while holding another fork of food to your lips. “Foods good?” He asks while looking at your puckered, sassy, mouth. “Hm! Yeah, it’s amazing and –did you add lemon?” Curious eyes find his, “Yeah, just a little secret ingredient.”

Easy gossip came after that for the next hour -or two- you both couldn’t really care. 

The needle hit ten and both of you were still deep in conversation. Plates pushed aside, bottle half-full, –so are your stomachs– and hearts happy. And Sirius is comfortable, his expectations of this little date exceeded by a mile, and you were still as lovely and incredible as the last time; being lit up by the moon, eyes shining with drowsiness, ready to go to bed. But this time you were kindled by the warm flavor of the fire and adorned a tranquil smile, eyes reflecting the flame he probably shared. You’re happy and you wear it so well, he’s thinking about the next time he experiences this luck and how to extend his time with you because you’re looking at his clock and he needs to act quick.

“Oh it’s getting late, I should probably get going,” You say tight-lipped, picking up your finished plate and standing up. “Are you sure?It’s late?” He swiftly gets up and takes your plate, disregarding your protests as he heads to the kitchen, poking fun at your complaint; sticking out his tongue about the help you didn't give. “Yeah I better, I’ve overstayed my welcome; don’t want you getting bored of me,” You lean on the doorframe to the kitchen, crossing your arms while watching him place the plates in the sink. His biceps contracting beneath the wool of his black sleeve, his hair up in a bun giving you a peek at the tattoo on his neck. He turns fully towards you as he walks to your figure. 

“I could never! You could crawl into my skin and I wouldn’t even utter an objection,” He replies, uncrossing your arms to hold your soft hands, “Oh yuck, that’s just a scene from Alien,” You say with faux disgust, “Sounds like a date idea, doesn’t it?” He gives you a cheeky smile, “What? Crawling into your skin or Alien? Cause I’d rather not spend a nice Sunday suffocating in you or traveling in outer space,” You raise a brow as you poke fun at the man in front of you, “Funny girl aren’t you?” He narrows his eyes at your giggling form, as you start swinging your guys’ arms, “Of course! That's why I have ladies and gentlemen lining up to watch me,” you jut your chin out in fun, “Well I’d push them all out the way with my spaceship just so I can steal you away from all those possible horrible bachelors,” He drags you out to the living room and you notice just in time before he smothers you with his smooth-talk.

“Sly aren't you? Distracting me from leaving,” You plant your heels to stop the trek to the living room, “Dammit, wasn’t as careful as I thought,” He huffs in annoyance, “Well you are a dog, not a fox hun,” You say walking to the foyer.

“Hun?” He slips his large hands to your waist while you grab your coat. He gathers the fabric away to slip it on you himself. “I like hun.” You twirl around to see a little smirk, his hands locating your waist again, “Hmm good, cause I think we need to change birdy,” You say.

“What! Birdy totally fits!” He counters while you let out a giggle, “It totally doesn't-” “Oh yes it does, you chirp, you fly around the world, you’re smart and incredible,” He counts the reasons on his fingers when you interrupt, “I believe you broke a world record calling me incredible,” He looks away from his fingers and places his hands on your waist again but pulls you against him this time, sending electrifying shots throughout your body and making you warm.

“Well it’s true, You are incredible,” He stares at your face, memorizing it to memory, “I think it’s fair I also let you know, I think you’re incredible too,” You peer up at him, “Yeah?” He purrs, “Yeah,” You reply softly, “How incredible would you say?” He asks smugly. You scoff at his attention-seeking before pulling away, “Alright rockstar I'm gonna head out,” You pat his chest and walk towards the door. He opens it gloomily, wearing a little pout and giving you his best puppy dog eyes.

“Do you really have to go?” He practically hangs off the door, “Yes, lovely, I have work tomorrow,” You place a gentle hand on his cheek, “I’ll walk you to your car,” He elevates himself before you stop him, “My legs work fine Sirius, I can walk down myself,” You giggle. God does he want you to stay and keep making that wonderful noise. “Call me when you get back safe?” He sulks, “Deal,” You smile at him, “Thanks for tonight, I enjoyed myself and you of course,” He stares at you through his lashes, “Hm no, I should thank you for coming, you brought color into the apartment, my life was getting dull,” He cheeks at you as you slap him gently on the arm.

You look at him deep in thought before you lean up and give him a kiss right on the side of his lips. He closes his eyes and he starts to feel limp at the feel of your soft, plush lips. You pull away and laugh at his drunk-happy grin.

“Bye hun,” You start pulling away down the hallway, “Bye incredible girl.” He waves dumbly as he watches you walk down the stairs away from his prying eyes. Godric help him; he's on fire.

© berryfeilds 2024

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ari, could you potentially give me advice as to what i should watch next? i finished 'jujutsu kaisen' a couple of months ago, but i can't find myself anything to watch...

i tried getting into delicious in dungeon but i didn't really enjoy it all that much and found it to be a little boring... (i watched three episodes.)

i started watching frieren and while it's entertaining and there are aspects that i enjoy, it doesn't grip me as much as 'jujutsu kaisen' did.

on the other hand, i don't want to watch anything that it too dark and distressing, you know?

i was just wondering if you have found something fun since you have finished 'jujutsu kaisen'.

SLAMS FIST ON TABLE.

you have come to the right place :3333

ANON I’M SO HAPPY SOBS!!!!!!! i’ve been wanting to rant about the anime i like/the ones i’ve been watching recently for a while now………….

not liking dungeon meshi is totally fine, i will say that it only gets better the further you get!! :3 if you have the time i’d at least watch the first cour and see what you think!! it does . a bit of a genre swap….. 👀👀 frieren is one i put on hold too, so i can’t say much about that… i’ll probably watch it at some point though. anyway.

OKAY SOOOO . i do have some general recs for you first, before i get to anime that are currently airing/just finished airing!! if you’re looking for something similar to jjk then the obvious answer is chainsaw man, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s my favorite manga next to jjk so. yk!! personally i think it’s better than jjk writing wise but s1 doesn’t get to the Really good parts…..

buuuut i know you didn’t want anything too dark and gritty, which csm most definitely is, so 😭 i’m gonna tell you abt my favorite favorite little anime. kind of. which is fate/stay night: unlimited bladeworks <333 EXTREMELY important that you watch the ufotable version. the fate series is my favorite ever and the anime means so much to me…. lots of good writing and characters and more than anything it’s very hopeful. in a really heartfelt way!!! the heaven’s feel movies are super good but also adapted from the darkest route of the fate visual novel lmao, so maybe… stay away from those. they’re insanely good though!!

another fate work that recently got adapted is fate/strange fake!! :3 only one episode is out rn as a kind of teaser for the series to come, but PLEASE do check it out because it’s… so good. i have a feeling you’ll love it, anon!! fate and jjk are similar in a lot of important ways i think….

i also want to give you some recs if you’re just looking for fluffy slice of life/romcom stuff!!!! romantic killer, gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, and a sign of affection are all super feel-good and comfy <3333 just really funny and cute…

WITH THAT BEING SAID . i’m gonna recommend some anime that i’m currently watching/just recently finished!!!! i have two in mind :33

first: oshi no ko!!! i’m mentioning this one first since it is… a pretty dark show. not in the same way jjk is, but i’d call it a kind of psychological horror/it deals with some really sensitive topics!! the whole point of the show is to dissect the entertainment industry, including/especially the darker parts, which i think says enough. it’s so much fun to watch and i feel like i learn a lot from it too :3 from what i’ve heard the portrayal is very accurate!! it’s also just… a gorgeous show with such an interesting premise and fun cast?? the first episode is movie length and made me sob like a baby, so i’d watch that one and see how you feel afterwards!! season 2 is currently airing :333

then!!! we have my arguably biggest rec for you anon: wind breaker!! it just recently finished at 13 episodes, and it’s a very action heavy shounen :3 super cool fight scenes, GREAT characters, and really lovely writing but in a way that’s easy to digest. this is the perfect anime for binging i think, and also really pulled me in (though eps 7-9 are my absolute favorites!!) <333 if you’re looking for something to feed your shounen brain with characters you can latch onto for comfort, wind breaker is your guy. i am in Love with togame jo.

………. also. anon. you asked for anime specifically but i want nothing but the best for you so 😔 i’m also gonna go ahead and recommend this…… interactive murder mystery music series? on youtube. it’s… basically anime!! just mostly mvs and audio dramas….. i’ll link the playlist so you can watch it in order, the first video will hopefully explain everything you need to know :33 milgram means . the universe to me and the characters/song are soso lovely. please tell me if you watch this one i would literally kill to have someone to talk about it with…..

ANYWAYYYY this got very long but i hope that’s okay!!!! more than anything i hope this helps you find your way to a new obsession 🫂🫂 all these anime are super good and precious to me, i’m sure you’ll love them all a lot!!!! hopefully!!!!!!!

[kamiversee]

KAMI I'M LOSIGN MY MIND HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP

oh my god. this is already better than i imagined. i'm quakin in my boots rn. i had to take SO MANY BREAKS while reading this to just calm myself down omfg KAMIIIIII

ALSO THE PHONE CALL???? I WAS SHITTING MYSELFFFFFF PLS THIS WAS SUCH A PERFECT SET UP! but wait, did Choso just assume that since Satoru called us out of the blue, that we slept with him before? or is this hinting towards Choso possibly knowing about the list and who's on it? omfg my brain is everywhere lmao i'm prob overthinking it

also the interactions they've been having since Gojo got in the house had me melting omfg. the constant back-and-forth? the piggybacking off of each other's comments? THE TAG TEAMING. THEY BETTER TAG TEAM US FOR THE NEXT TWO PARTS AAAAAA KAMI PLEEEEEEAAAAAAASE

my nosey ass wants to know wtf they were talking about when Choso locked the door on us 😭😭😭 like i know that it was most probably Choso giving Gojo his address and really confirming that he wants this BUT STILL. lowkey i feel like the sexual tension between Choso and Gojo is THICK here. i need more of it 😭

“Is it any more wrong than the things I’ve had you do before?” He whispers lowly to you, low enough for Choso to miss what he uttered.

I'M LOSING ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! idc if this is noncanon, i'm using this What If as my closure for TFL IDC IDC OMG

🐶nonnie was right we need that poly ending expeditiously 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i've gone full delulu omfg Kami you fucking broke me

the way Choso's so sassy and chatty omfg HELPPPPPPPPP THE WAY I FEEL LIKE HE'D BE SUCH A BRAT AND "TEACH" GOJO HOW TO MAKE US SQUIRT JUST TO MESS WITH US AAAAAA I NEED THESE MEN SO FUCKING BAD

i have no idea how you have so much self control spacing out the parts like this. my instant gratification ass would have posted EVERYTHIIIIIING. what's the total word count of all 3 parts?

-☃️

Ugh ur messages always make me giggle & smile

In chapter 52 of TFL (or whichever is titled; The Resolve) the reader asks Choso abt Gojo & planned on getting info out of Cho abt the list (kinda like how she questioned Nanami previously) but she doesn’t get to ask him about that bc Choso quickly puts two and two together and asks her if Gojo is the guy who he’s been competing with all this time.

Their convo goes unanswered tho bc Choso says what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him but deep down, he knew— hence why in this whatif he asked if Gojo used to fuck her ^.^

ALSO, I’m thinkin of doing a lil side blurb for their phone call just cause. Plus, I don’t see Choso & Gojo interacting in the manga/anime or even in people’s fanfics tht often so this is very fun for me to do honestly (:

Annnywho, gladd you’re enjoying it so far! The word count for all three parts is… long. (I haven’t written the second or third part yet but my minimum is usually 3k so expect all three parts to be at least 9k words in total or so… maybe longer tho bc I have a writing problem😭)

[whumpshaped]

ok i feel like my lack of emotional permanence plays a huge role in me not being able to cut ppl off or hold substantial grudges. and i think thats why i forgive too easily. mental health musings under the cut lol

i thought it was a case of "time makes everything seem better" (also true). but like. at this point i feel like its safe to assume that for normal ppl that doesnt take two (2) seconds of being away from the situation. as soon as i remove myself from a situation that made me angry i forget abt my anger and im like "why am i not talking to this person i feel so bad"

im also ready to forgive anything within 2 seconds. forgiving ppl isnt a bad thing but its an issue when after 2 decades of continued horrible behaviour towards me i still only need a single second away from said ppl to feel like im being unreasonable for staying away. and thats not even taking into account some acquaintances ive only had for a year or a few months

and then we arrive to the point of ok how do i make this better? less unhealthy for myself? even thinking abt "solutions" such as writing reminders for myself abt why i stay away from certain ppl feels bad and wrong and toxic. like should i rly be writing reminders of why im mad at others? or what they did to cross me? or make me miserable? but thats wrong! bringing up past wrongdoings is toxic and manipulative! isnt that what everyone always says?

but idk. i think theres a difference between trying to keep myself safe from some ppl by writing reminders of HORRID shit they said/did to me and how it made me feel at the time, and bringing up tiny mistakes they made 10 yrs ago in response to them accusing me of smth. like the two scenarios r different right? the first is more reasonable than the second i think. even if Some ppl (mostly the ppl from this post lmao) would definitely say they were the same

anyway idk what im talking abt im just thinking out loud and sharing bc maybe some others r in the same boat. lack of emotional permanence gang rise up

[seoafin]

hi Morgan! I hope everything's going well! I just wanted to stop by because, aside from ddao/fic updates, I really enjoy reading your posts & your blog in general (you're literally .. the stsg writer to me but i swear. this isn't going to be another ask abt me complimenting your work, I must be getting boring 😂) so I just thought of sending something in to have a chat but please feel absolutely free to ignore me if I'm bothering you or if you're busy :)) !

I've only now seen the rude asks you got recently (i've been living under a rock due to exams, sigh) and the Gojo hate anon had me flabbergasted . . as a Gojo girlie/fucker/everything myself (and a Gojo bullying lover. he 100% deserves it 🤩) the honesty left me speechless 😭.  Not to mention the person who rated your fic when bookmarking it on AO3 .. ?!?! that was so incredibly disrespectful. Maybe I'm naive but I could have never imagined it was a thing before coming back to fandom spaces - you aren't the first author I see pointing out this behavior from readers on the site .. I think it's just insane how people can be so gratuitously rude (and allow me to add tasteless. the 3/10 was definitely personal).

I've also seen your more recent posts about not wanting to write the next Gojo scenes in ddao (tbh i get that. he is the character I struggle to write the most & in general .. he is the hind of person he is yk what I'm saying 😂) but I'm glad you're finding some motivation to work through it! please stay strong 😂!! What do you think is the hardest thing abt them for you? As a writer, or personally, either point of view is fine! is it anything in particular like the dialogue .. any part of the writing process, or is it him in general (that would be an incredibly valid answer too 😂)? I personally find him pretty hard to write - it's likely a personal limit, but especially when some kind of romance or pining is involved. I mean the dynamics are probably already going to be some flavor of messed up and chaotic when he's in the picture (especially with Geto) .. hence why I think if I was in rip!mc's shoes i think I wouldn't have survived the mess 💀. He definitely wouldn't be helpful at all in such situation .. Geto is just so much better at presenting and promoting himself to others than Gojo is, despite being equally messy and messed up behind the facade. Which is a fairly obvious statement. But what makes him hard to deal with is the fact I think Gojo would likely open his mouth and say something outta pocket/offensive and/or misleading about his feelings and then act frustrated about how you can't see he's insanely pathetic about you. He might even think he's being obvious but he's actually being insufferable and in a way that would make anyone's brain hurt lmao. As of now, I think he somewhat tends to erroneously apply the same logic he applied to his relationship with Geto - except it's obvious their case was an exception to the rule (hence why he just creates more chaos and misunderstanding) .. he regarded him as a peer more than he did with anyone else,, and I also think Geto was more used to his bullshit than anyone else could be (re: your manipulation tactics post .. their love language is psychological warfare. so true). But this is my take and it's likely not 100% correct so I'd love to hear your thoughts if you wish to share any! I've actually been loving your characterization of him. It's been refreshing in the sense that I think especially a Geto stays!AU Gojo but also in general a younger version Gojo would've been a pain to be around and I think you really delivered that feeling well!

Also - I love every time you get a message with people telling you abt how you turned them into Geto fuckers. As a Geto hater (i want .. to kiss .. him ......) I can safely say I did that to myself too - it's inevitable. I started writing for him because I wanted to get rid of the thoughts but it backfired. I slowly turned myself into a fucker. truly dug my own grave. that's what he does to people 💀💀 !! I remember you saying how you wouldn't stand him irl (am i right .. ? I can't find the specific post so i hope i'm not making a huge gaffe right now LMAO) and tbh i think I wouldn't be able to stand both him and Gojo irl. I would literally have eyes only for Shoko. the only woman ever. sigh

Soo yeah, this is it for this silly ask! I hope this message finds you well - in the meantime, keep up the good work and have a good day😊!!

HIIIII sam <3333 LMAOOO YEAH THAT 3/10 WAS PERSONAL 😭

with gojo it's not rlly him that's difficult i think im just finding it increasingly difficult to write for a character that im not as personally invested in. at this point writing gojo is more of a habit than anything. i've been writing him for ages so i know the way i want to write his character and everything about how i characterize him so it's mostly free sailing now!!!!! im actually really excited for the expanded HI arc in the anime so i can recontextualize my fics through the added info and sashisu interactions in the anime!!!!!!

oh yeah i think gojo is definitely a bit blind to the nuances of other people and/or considerate in a way that comes off as inconsiderate (his treatment of ijichi). also he and geto just.....fell in love. and i like to think falling in love with each other was even easier than becoming friends. one day it just clicked. they understood that they loved each other the entire time so there was no need for an extended courtship. i think in regards to stsg's relationship there really was no big change. a lot of things actually stayed the same lmfao.

ripmc is difficult because she actually needs like....articulation of their feelings and something more than just patience. softness maybe. also where geto just intrinsically understands, the last thing gojo actually wants is to detail every single thing he loves about not just rip!mc but geto too. geto probably teases it out of him anyway LMAO gojo is still kinda mortified at his early behavior and treatment towards rip!mc although he has apologized for his antagonism. i just KNOW it keeps him up at night 😭😭😭😭😭😭 he's still growing out of his immaturity. geto never left. the blue spring goes on for longer. he gets to be a teenager for a little longer. you know!!!!!

[the-one-who-lambs]

🐑🐑🐑 (3) (for the fic ask thingy in case this confuses u lmao)

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

This is... a long one. TL;DR: It took me a while but I finally, actually internalized that I don't need to set goalposts for myself and consistently move them.

Story's gonna get vulnerable and involve a few other people too. Many of y'all probably saw me go through a whole character arc but I've never really talked about how I felt about this (aside from a couple close friends).

Around July/August, I noticed my readership going down because I had just finished a big writing project and I was moving on to other stuff/trying to figure out what my next big thing was gonna be. I have always always written for myself but ngl, getting lots of consistent engagement and then suddenly not as much anymore made me wonder if I was doing something wrong, if the quality of my works were going down. I vented to a group of friends (including you lmao sorry Juliet) about it and they were like "chill it's the beginning of the semester and people are getting rly busy it's ok" and I was like "yeah makes sense" but nope, I had just plateaued and was dropping off a little for a couple months.

Around the same time, I posted about reaching some sort of milestone and got an anon (maybe well intentioned but it seemed kinda backhanded) that basically said "oh if you ACTUALLY have that many reads that makes you the most popular writer in the cotl fandom. I'm gonna place u above everyone else due to this metric I just kinda invented." And once I noticed my readership had stopped growing and just kinda leveled off/dropped a little bit it made me anxious. Sadly, "keeping others interested" with my writing wasn't really a concern of mine until this started bothering me

I did know that recognition was not the same thing as talent but silly perfectionist brain thought "oough you're the exception btw. you're just not interesting anymore and therefore you're probably not as good anymore lol"

Anyway. October rolls around. I start getting some asks comparing my writing to bamsara's, starting with them mentioning little details that sound very similar but realistically are coincidences because sometimes multiple writers see a theme/motif and we all start chewing it. Anyway, it's obvious that anon is just trying to start shit. Maybe they saw how I'd been kinda beating myself up abt my writing for a little while and tried to make me jealous of them. I don't know. It's probably not worth trying to understand tbh. I just delete the asks. I keep anons on just in case there's a genuine concern.

at this point I'm gonna interrupt to say EVERYTHING TURNS OUT OK I PROMISE and I'm not tagging you in case it's a sore spot but Sara if you're reading this I'm literally so sorry that me learning the lesson I got out of this involved you getting these nasty messages too.

Bam posts something kinda vague about how they get compared to some writers they've never read before. I hope this is a coincidence but alarm bells are going off and I keep this to myself.

Anon keeps doing this every once in a while for a few weeks; at first it looks like anon is accusing bamsara of copying me (???? like i said, we're just exploiting similar themes) and then it starts turning into basically "they're doing everything you're doing but better." Bam obviously hadn't done anything wrong, so I keep supporting them as I do the other writers in the fandom. Eventually the anon gets kinda pissy that I'm not envious or trying to tear someone else down or whatever. I've kept this mostly to myself and they don't like that.

So when they send an ask in mid-November and this had been going on for a few weeks I finally answer an ask to tell them to shut the hell up (gracefully) and then I forget about it and go to sleep. Wake up the next morning and uhhh. See Bam feels like shit because they got a really scathing message. Comments say it happened during a stream and I check it to see if it's the same anon and it is. Fuck on a stick. I literally burn myself out with anger over the next two days until I donate to their kofi as a peace agreement. They reach out and apologize for something they didn't do and it takes me until now to realize that literally nothing I have worried about over the past few months matters at all.

Anyway. It all turns out fine because we become mutuals and hype each other up. Kicker is, whoever it was forgot to turn off anon in Bam's askbox so we got to block them and I'm pretty sure they deactivated too lmao. I reached out to a bunch of writer friends and checked in with them to violently spread positivity and I've been trying to violently spread positivity as much ever since. Yay. Happy ending but sucks that this had to happen for me to crush my anxiety. Bam and I are buddies now and I've also befriended many more writers since, too. cotl writers we are unionizing.

[official-big-q]

Heyyy papa idk why I am invading ur inbox rn DNFNFNFB I just wanted to say stuff about how for some reason I like hearing your memories maybe cuz I never had like those kind myself just the feelings of things that happened in cannon

So I like you talking about them or your wings and your HUGE nest in las nevadas I think I would have liked to be there just us sleeping and you wrapping your wings around me and me wishing to be able to fly around with you

I think I always liked the idea

Of being a big dragon and fly around with my wings and have fun and spend time with my family

I didn't make the entire revived AU for nothing dnfbfjr

If you want to ramble abt your memories idm I love hearing them :]]

-tilin⭑

I ALWAYS LOVE RECEIVING EXTRA MESSAGES FROM YOU KIDS - ITS OK !!!

AND THATS VERY VERY SWEET HBSJDBD

That’s heartwarminngg hhhhh<3

I WOULD HAVE LOVED FOR YOU TO BE THERE IN MY NEST AS WELL - that nest was so cozy it made me feel so safe and it was SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I HAVE NOW SOB

BUT I TOTALLY WILL RAMBLE - ILL ALWAYS RAMBLE VIA REQUEST >:D

I was so very very vocal around you kids - dsmp and qsmp,, im just full of bird noises :]!! Coos, chirps, quacks, squawks, you name it !!! I had a large variety of bird noises I made towards you and your siblings <3 !!

In the dsmp i had a bad track record with love and was verY traumatized so the way I showed love at first was through gifts !!! I used to spoil Tommy rotten :]. (Tubbo wouldnt let me - he refused to take my gifts)

And then after I healed and realized I didnt need to hide my affection for others - I gave out words of affirmation and physical touch !!!

I WAS LIKE. PRETTY FUCKED UP ???? In the dsmp, after I got my injury to my eye/face, I had to take a couple weeks at least to be able to properly navigate again. Karl and Sapnap forced me into using a cane, which was something I very much needed if I didn’t want to walk into something or just fall over-

And just the eye thing in general messed me up permanently ??? Like I stopped using my cane and was okay most of the time without it - but my vision was really fucked and I couldn’t read cursive at all and needed bigger writing on documents to be able to read them, but the dsmp wasn’t a very accessible space so I just sucked it up and dealt with it.

I even learned braille because of it !!! Sam taught me braille !!! Sam also taught me some basic ASL and Foolish taught me more in depth ASL.

I remember Wil getting bad back pains and just aches after they got revived. I think it was just a side effect they had to deal with after it all. We couldn’t do much to help it, but I always made sure to give them a heating pad and some good pillows !!

Speaking of - I believe both me and Wil had chronic fatigue ? I think I just had it while Wil got it as a side effect from getting revived - either way it SUCKED

I remember playing with Fundy during Pogtopia and making sure he stayed fed and kept him company when I could :]

This isn’t a memory but in my head I always refer to Ranboo as the weird stray cat my kids decided to start feeding that never left lmao /lh /aff

Phil took care of me once ???????? I’m pretty sure I was grieving Wilbur and dealing with a whole bunch of feelings about that entire situation when he died - and I ended up on Phils doorstep basically completely shut down and he took me in and just started fully taking care of me. It was a weird experience- I don’t like the man for my own personal grudges but he’s still a kind soul.

Wilbur had a tendency to work himself or keep himself busy until he passed out - he hated sleeping after revival.

Schlatt but the bi in bitch - and other than that fantastic line I don’t want to talk about him lmao

OH I once panicked after I couldn’t find Tommy in the penthouse thing we stayed in in Las Nevadas and made various chirps and warbles while searching for them- they were simply in another room and I was panicked for no reason , Tommy did end up responding with quiet confused chirps hhdjdbd

I HAD SHARP FANGS AND TALONS >:D!!!! I think I also wore fingerless gloves too - sometimes just wearing plain gloves to hide the burn scars that I had on my hands

AND I DONT HAVE AS MANY QSMP MEMS BUT I remember feeling uneasy around Bad ????? He was a friend of mine n all but I remember avoiding him for a bit and feeling unsafe around him annnd I don’t quite know why

OH AND I DEFINITELY PERCHED ON ETOILES SHOULDERS !!! He was THE friend ever actually :3

Jaiden and Baghera were / are like siblings to me, almost !!! I remember we were pretty close :D !! Jaiden and I were close friends and Baghera and I had more of a sibling relationship !!

I vaguely remember Maximus introducing me to his daughter !!! She was pretty cool and it was an awesome experience

THATS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW- I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS !!!!!

[autumnshighlady]

ok this is so stupid but i really want to see neris and reader interactions,, like the small things, the comfort, the protectiveness,,,, ughh love what you've done w the story man, desperately waiting for the next part fr. (go on your own pace tho) glad to know i've shifted you a little bit on a azriel thing (devious smile) - ithink he's a good character for most people because he barely had a personality in the books and so we can usually make up stuff yk, like he's mostly just broody in the books and we're told stuff abt his personality but not shown it. can't wait to see what happens next! ohh also the dragon interactions!!! i wanna see those too!!! eris has hounds right,,, it wld be cute for them to protect nes and r tooo,,,, ahhh sorry this is literally just me ranting lol, obv feel free to ignore the reqs,,, i really want to let you know that your writing is good bc you seem to get less interactions than you should!! and a weird amt of hate lmao like whats w the people being rude about ialtpwf and wanting guys my age so badly, like i enjoyed it despite not particularly liking the daddy kink partbut like. really,, why so rude??? want to see how reader fares in front of beron too, i assume word of her power will reach him too/. anyway, how long are you planning on pushing the beron overthrowal thing (im being curious not being like ugh when are u plannign on ending it,, in case thats what it sounded like,, idk man im overthinking). oh also! want to see court relations with all of them after berons gone. before berons gone. all of it, i want them to be better leaders/people to the court people yk. oh!! also lucien-reader friendship!!! love that!! we havent seen much of it but hes def the kind of guy to tease r abt eris when they start actually flirting and getting near a relationship yk. eris-lucien brotherhood too tho, obviously. also the lady of the autumn court!! watching them bond w her!!! ahh jfoisfkjmdofikndfvg ium sorry have a great day today1!! hope you rest well after that long ass shift. oh yeah i agree w you on the feyre thing, she's def just mostly like a pawn to rhys yk, i think she was better as a char when she was w tamlin tbh, altho obviously i dont want her to be with someone who kind of abused her without any groveling at least/ cant wait to see more interactions fr!!!! oh when i said in the story, i meant the actual books, well and yourss but the actual books mainly! anyway i think you've managed to be realistic w all of them in a way that is good. bye! oh same anon as last time. should i give myself a name, is that fine,, i'll choose * anon. sure.

i can’t wait for you to see more of the neris x reader interactions! you’ll love it. i feel like i’ve done a decent job of their dynamic so i’m super proud of it so far.

Azriel’s journey is one i have planned out - it’s going to be complicated because yk he’s been loyal to rhys for 500 years and that’s not suddenly going to change, but he will continue to play a role.

you’ll see more of the dragons for sure! and the hounds will be involved too so fear not ;)

yeah idk why people got so weird about guys my age like i’m glad they enjoyed it of course but i kinda did everything i wanted to do with that fic so i don’t feel i have anything else to add to it if that makes sense

beron will play a bigger role soon! as far as them overthrowing him, prob within a couple chapters maybe a bit longer. im still playing around w the details of how exactly it’s going to happen

expect a LOT more lucien and lady of autumn in the later chapters! i love love love writing for lucien so i’ve got special stuff for him planned hehe

tons more interactions to come. more lucien, azriel, gwyn and emerie, cassian, etc. thank you for your message angel and NEVER apologize for rambling - nobody has taken the time to say this much about my fic so far in one go so i LOVE reading these. send as many as you want <3

[koqabear]

i finished it a while ago and was excited about talking abt it with u but my wifi went out all of a sudden LMAO buttttttt anyways, it came back like super late and now im writing this at like midnight. i have so much to say but so little at the same time bcs im literally just shocked. like pure shock. that was SUCH a rollercoaster??? and since you're tagging these asks as spoilers,, im gonna say it. i did NOT expect oc to kill yeonjun. like it was in the back of my head like "maybe..." bcs it kept on being mentioned about how the jacket was heavy but i dismissed it UGH i should've seen that coming.

and beomgyu literally abt to kill oc, with no sign of hesitation (chills)? APPLAUSE. i've read so many yandere fics and so much romanticize that sickness .. then characterize it as dark romance. ofcourse i get that has its own fans but i do appreciate ones that are more on the realistic side with these psychos (ik this more of a psychological thriller too so ig it was a given for that to be the direction, but still THANK YOU). like hes insane enough and therefore hes capable of killing oc bcs he doesnt see her as a human being at all. so again, I really appreciate that aspect </3

then yeonjun. yeonjun and his fake moral compass. he was trying so hard to hold onto that humanity that he thought he had, and he kept on believing he was superior to others (especially beomgyu in the fic) and it was just...conveyed so well? that final breakthrough at the end when oc tells him hes no better than gyu, and he just...breaks? like he's telling himself hes not, while also trying to kill oc...just like gyu. The ascends to madness was so properly conveyed in that last scene, even though its been implied throughout the whole story that he basically has some sort of inner conflict and lost his moral compass wayyyy earlier. the last part really hit it in the nail, which is just so right for an ending scene.

the last part i want to touch on was the way you utilized oc's pov in the stalker part of the story. its the way i knew beomgyu and yeonjun were the ones literally hiding cameras in her room and have sick fantasies of wanting to own her, yet even with that background knowledge i still suspected soobin. and i still trusted beomjun. MAYBE IT WAS JUST ME??? but idk bro, i was so mad at myself when i pieced everything together the same time oc did. i seriously need to watch out, being gullible will be the death of me T-T but even me being super gullible aside, i think your writing is what really made me doubt soobin the way oc did.. i for sure thought we had another yandere on the loose LMAO.

okay now last last part I PROMISSEEE. i just really like the way you wrote how yeonjun/beomgyu broke her down then used her vulnerability to their advantage. its so sick but its such an easy trap to fall into. like obviously this is fiction and therefore it might be more on the extreme side but the tactics they used are just found literally in everyday abusive relationships and i especially liked how you touched upon the fact that extreme dependency can truly be the downfall of someone. and vulnerability, vulnerability was such a big part of the story!!

so, just last comment towards you. i know you worked hard on it and i wrote this entire essay basically to just emphasize that it paid off. i'm 100% sure you're proud of the work and i truly want you to be PROUDER. this was really, really, really good. i sat down, and read through the entire thing without feeling bored, always on the edge of my seat, enjoying your professional but almost casual way of using words (its literally genius the way you write), and truly this was such a perfect halloween post. thank you for writing, seriously. i honestly wish youd get a few bucks out of this (and im more than willing to give a couple IM BEING FRL) </3

one question since this is basically not an actual ask and me just ranting about how much i love your work: do you think you'll pursue writing professionally? have you thought about it? have you taken classes ? i wanna knowwwww

I’ll address a lot of specific points below, thank you so much! <3

(killing off Yeonjun) -It’s sick, but killing yj off was my favorite part! I knew immediately that this story would be dark, and what better way to end off such an intense scene than giving yj what he deserves? I really hope I was able to catch you guys off guard with that, but I made sure to subtly lead up to it with the jacket thing!!  (Beomgyu + thoughts on the term “yandere”)

-THANK YOU! Lemme just say, thriller holds such a special place in my heart, and making Beomgyu a fucked up character just allowed me to sneak in that action packed scene at the end haha

I was afraid of writing this story initially— the term “yandere” has taken on many different connotations and meanings, some more romanticized than others. My intent was never to paint such a relationship in a happy or cute light— even if they did have their little honeymoon stage where all was “right”, it’s still a toxic and horrible relationship; it’s always bound to fall apart in the end. Plus, Beomgyu and Yeonjun just became so insatiable that simply having her there was never enough— they needed to control her too. 

(Yeonjun + what if mc didn’t put on bg’s jacket?)

-Yeonjun was able to get away with being the better of the two throughout the whole story— so to hear that he wasn’t above everyone else like he so desperately believed, and from the mc no less— it felt like all his efforts were tumbling down, that no matter how hard he tried, it would never be good enough— which was a struggle he had to deal with all his life— it just completely broke the last bit of rationality that he had within him. 

Had the mc not put on bg’s jacket, Yeonjun would’ve killed her, then killed himself shortly after—they would only be discovered weeks later after their families reported them missing, a gruesome scene that would’ve destroyed all their relatives; Soobin’s body would’ve been found soon after, judging by the fact that the evidence is still in the cabin and intact. 

(Soobin the decoy lmao)

-God I feel so proud that I was able to fool some people at least! Soobin’s persisting affection was a key to making it all convincing— those passing comments, all the coddling and endless attempts to woo her, beomjun saw that and used it to their benefit. 

(Use of vulnerability)

-From the start, the mc was already a pretty vulnerable character; she was already away from home with no one else but Yeonjun— which only made her lean into him more and trust him. And because Beomgyu was quick to pick up on that, he knew that the only way to get her more dependent on them was to make her more vulnerable, with her last resort being them; of course, it’s a very drastic depiction, but thank you for noticing <333

(Plans for the future!)

-Thank you so so much :(((( this really means a lot to me, you have no idea. 

I have indeed decided to pursue writing professionally! It’s kind of scary to say, (write) but I hope to be able to succeed and publish books one day <3 it’s ambitious, but you never know!

Thank you sooo so much for this review, thank you for taking your time to write this, you have no idea how much this means to me— seriously, I couldn’t stop rereading all of the reviews i received <3

[vonkarma2]

4 + 14 + 23 + 27 + 34?!

4. How did you find the name for a certain character?

I have the same process pretty much all the time I feel bad bc this is such a fun question or it would be 😞 no ones named after anyone or like has their name chosen based on the meaning actively I just like look up names for the place and time period and pick whichever I think fit the character or I already have a name in mind when I make them. I’m like wondering if there were any exceptions. Oh I did want my character Adam’s name to sound like a pseudonym instead of a regular name right bc he’s an SCP agent type like mysterious or whatever. So I used a stage name generator to find out his last name (Adam I just liked how it sounded + the fact that it was biblical). I also like the last name King bc he is also in a position of authority over the other characters at times so it makes sense I guess. 

14.Which OC/s do you relate to the most?

Kind of embarrassing to answer lol like this has to be at least a little personal. I like actively try to make OCs different from myself so I’m not just projecting onto them yk. Like that would be first of all embarrassing LMAO but second of all it it wouldn’t be very interesting to explore I feel like. In my opinion it’s better to start with something you can understand, but like have layers of complexity that you don’t relate to at all or whatever. I don’t really know. But to answer the question I think I relate to like the 3 main OCs of Rocio Angel and Cirillo the most :P maybe Lucia as well. 

23. Have you ever seen something/someone that looks like one of your characters IRL? What was it like?

I actually haven’t that I can remember like not particularly. I have seen some people sometime where I was like ok I should draw a character’s hair or eyes or etc more like them. Like bc I was trying to draw them a certain way but wasn’t 100 sure how but I’d see someone who looked like them irl and I was like ok ok like that. Ofc Ive seen people with some shared traits, but no one who really looked exactly the same, no one where like I was like omg it’s like seeing them irl yk. 

In terms of seeing people irl that remind me of them though like vibes wise what I have seen is people whose clothing really reminded me of like certain characters. Like not that they would actually wear the same thing because I don’t live in a fantasy world in the 1940s but like that remind me of their personality like that they would wear it yk. One time I was like walking around in a city and saw like 10 people with really nice outfits trying to memorize them all to write them down and draw ocs in them later. I ended up doing one of them but I didn’t like how it turned out 😔

27. What's the nicest thing someone has ever said about an OC/OCs?

This question is so embarrassing I have to admit I remember specific nice things people have said about OCs. I do remember specific nice things people have said though. It is hard to pick like 1 nicest thing. You saying Rocio had autism swag is up there. My irl cousin said a bunch of REALLY nice stuff a while ago she likes reading so it was nice to see her reaction. But like every time anyone has said anything like they like a character’s personality or design or storyline or anything it’s really nice I definitely appreciate it and I will remember it forever <3 

34. What scene that you've written/imagined is your favorite?

That’s a good question. I literally don’t know at all. Bc I don’t have like all the details down for most of the scenes I’m thinking so all the ones I’ve like thought abt vividly just have a cool visual to go with them and that’s abt it. That makes it sound shallow it’s not that it’s just like I like the emotion of the scene and the idea behind it but not really any of the specifics you know. So I feel like if I tried to pick one it wouldn’t be like a nuanced pick it wouldn’t be like because it develops the character in this way yk it’d be like bc it’s the climactic scene where this character almost dies and it’s so cool or something like that. Does that even make sense. 

Ok time to actually answer the question. I wish I had thought of more scenes that like show the dynamics between characters that I like bc my plan with that was to write it in wherever it felt intuitive yk. Like check up on the chastcters’ emotional states to see how they’re reacting to plot events. I just realized as writing this I think I want to have Tiago live for longer. Ok ignore that thats not important ummm I think the only scene I’ve really thought much about along those lines is the one where Cirillo and Laura meet again after a long time. I like the conflict there I like the characters a lot and I think it has the potential to be a very satisfying scene <3. Also maybe like denouement stuff where Rocio is like hi getting back from thr underworld was so annoying anyway sorry for almost ruining your lives and getting you killed. As you can see I haven’t really developed that part of the story yet but I think it’d be cool to see as well

[abrahamvanhelsings]

whee this one was difficult at times and i was busy so it took me forever. but it was also fun thanks for tagging @maedhrus AND @zaegreus

rules: choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better

fandoms: 1. the terror 2. assassin's creed (ezio trilogy) 3. fire emblem three houses

the first character you loved 1. i kind of watched the terror in a stupor and barely had any idea who anyone was. only started to get a feel for the characters when i got to tumblr lmao and i don't even know exactly how but within a couple of days id imprinted completely on little and never looked back 2. eziooo when i was 12 or so i saw a picture of him, thought he was so cool, then learned more about the series, and i remember wanting to be him so viscerally (this was well before i realised this meant i was probably not cis). he's stayed with me ever since 3. dimitri, augh, i saw him in the three houses trailer and i was like !!! im playing blue lions !! and then the blue lions route just smashes you to bits with some incredible emotional, character driven writing. he is my forever fire emblem guy

the character you relate to most 1. neddie... his long-suffering sense of duty... he is like 'i will do my tasks even if it kills me' bc not doing them is worse than anything. me! and a little bit awkward socially but he's got his charms. that's me as well. 2. i still want to look like ezio but my man is nothing like me i don't have that kind of stallion swag. hard to pick one for this actually. i haven't reached brotherhood yet but from what i know of him as an in-game character maybe machiavelli. not that i always agree w/ him but he has a 'practicality over idealism' kind of mindset that i can often recognise in myself as well. 3. i was gonna say dimitri but then i realised nuh uh it's seteth actually. competent paper pusher, doesn't care for frivolities, does talk shit. he'll do his job and he'll do it well. the only reason garreg mach is still standing.

the character you'd slap 1. hickeyyy he is so annoying and i hate him so much and not in the fun way 2. most templars lmao? but cesare borgia. 3. edelgard. whore.

three favorite characters in order of preference 1. edward little (WAUGH), thomas jopson, thomas blanky (he is such a king for being insane from start to finish and being the most suited to the whole situation bc of it) 2. ezio, leonardo da vinci (creature of a guy), im putting desmond here bc he's like if a wet blanket had attitude but i fear this spot will become machiavelli's soon enough. maybe even second place i can feel it. 3. dimitri, sylvain (oooo the playboy character has trauma), seteth

a character you liked at first but don't like anymore 1. crozier in the sense that he was one of the only ones i could identify properly while watching the series and i was kind of neutral on him and then afterwards i realized all sorts of things abt the consequences of his alcoholism and the way he treats the crew and such. and i was like hm. that's not great. like i don't hate him he's a compelling character but i certainly don't applaud him for anything either 2. have not played enough to really put a name in here, it's fairly rare anyhow that i start disliking a character if i already like them. though when mario said 'stop collecting petruccio's feathers for your traumatized mother and put in some real work, go to the blacksmith for the weapon i had made for you' i felt a need for violence. 3. hmm i think claude? i still like him well enough but there's some things abt his goals that didn't rly sit well with me while i was playing through verdant wind bc at the core they still require unification of fódlan and all. and im like hm. inchresting.

a character you did not like at first but now do 1. solomon, i didn't really care for him much at first but now i think he's kind of neat. 2. altaïr i guess. it's cheating a bit cause im including his ac1 version for this answer but i never really cared for him cause he seemed like an asshole. but now im watching the ac1 playthrough and reading his codex pages and im like 'ohh he has a really interesting arc actually i see why everyone's slobbering all over this guy' at least a little bit. 3. idk rhea? cause the game tries very very hard to make her appear sus as hell before timeskip so i was eyeing her the whole time. but now i know the lore so i know better

three OTPs 1. joplittle :) and maybe solittle. and im living in my own personal fitzlittle niche. but this is all very much hydrogen bomb versus coughing babies to me honestly. 2. well of course ezio/leonardo bc that's just what it is, but also ezio/desmond. and altaïr/malik (again it's not really ezio trilogy but idc) bc honest to god altaïr would be NOTHING without malik. that's his personal moral compass. i don't really read fic for them bc most of it is not to my liking but the CONCEPT of them. unreal. also the art people make of them it's like they're auditioning for the sistine chapel 3. dimiclaude, dimivain, ashe/dedue is also very sweet

iii don't have the energy to tag people rn im sorry it's been, and it's going to be, some Weeks unfortunately.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Oooooh icic! That definitely makes sense now that you mention it too I’m even more curious…if you got a request for a character that was really obscure or say you had 0 interest in would you reject it? Or would you just like grit your teeth and try to write something LOL I know before you said that both your Rin and Sae fics were requests (I think apologies if I remembered wrong) and you also had some Hiori requests too and iirc those characters were all kinda uhh “new” (for lack of a better term) to your usually characters..? And esp with the itoshi “hate” neutrality since they aren’t usually characters you’d write of your own volition, like imagine if someone requested igaguri or like ego what would happen? LMAO

I’m no fic writer but I remember when I had to write essays I’d slap out the first like two paragraphs keep writing and in the end I’d always go back to rewrite the first two because the flow of my writing established itself in the latter parts LOL yeah I think beginning parts are usually less refined on the first draft. At least for me, the inspiration ends up flowing midway through when I finally have a solid idea of what I’m going for HAHA

I’m genuinely hoping we get a lot more spinoff content generally….I know some series make more spinoff content after their series ends so I hope we continue getting more bllkverse expansion soon!!! I seriously wanna know what happened in the other stratums in NEL and the first selections too

Yeahhh it’s wild I think actually there’s a French version of the Bible??? Which is why I’m like what’s the English team doing LMAO Reo getting voted for all the good ones was hilarious like even everyone in bllk is like yup bros got it all (Isagi’s comment was FOUL LMFAOOO) and igaguri being last in everything HAHAHAHA

FR!!! Im just sitting here waiting for a Karasu awakening like PLEASE man has been sitting there busting his ass carrying the team please give him a chance!!!!

Also speaking of Karasu…..ok this is gonna be kinda really random but I actually stumbled upon one of @/i-am-not-strange’s posts but FOR THE LIFE OF ME I can’t press on their profile??? Either my fingers are broken and I’m pressing on something wrong or Tumblr is just flipping out but do you have my idea what art they’re referring to in their recent post about like Karasu and Hiori swapping bodies…? I’m sure it’s not canon but I can’t lie and say I’m not intrigued LOL I would go ask them myself but whenever I try to go to their profile it either a) does nothing b) crashes??? I’ve never had this happen before (like I’m on your profile just fine) but???? Anyways…sorry for having to ask you here LMAO and no worries in advance if you don’t know it just caught my eye LOL

-Karasu anon

honestly i feel like i always cook 10x more with characters i don’t like/am unfamiliar with…maybe because it pushes me out of my comfort zone so i’m more willing to experiment?? like i think the instrument and white butterfly were probably my fav things that i wrote for my event (and honorary mention to seabird because it’s so cutesy) and both were for characters i was unfamiliar with!! lowkey i think i could go crazy with an igaguri or ego fic LMAOAO imagine an ego fic where you know him at his peak as a soccer player and watch his downfall (bonus points if you’re friends with noel noa/connected to that weird ass dynamic somehow) OR an igaguri fic that plays into his weird religious trauma of being forced to be a monk if he can’t play soccer?? mostly it’s treated as a joke but what if it was taken seriously…PLSSSS i need to STFU why did i just genuinely come up with plots for EGO and IGAGURI 😭 suffice to say i would literally write for any character no matter how obscure/how little i personally care abt them 🤩 i try not to let my biases show in my writing either and hopefully i’m successful in that!! like my itoshi neutrality doesn’t rlly manifest in the fics i’ve written for them i think!! so even if someone requested for one of my opps i wouldn’t let my distaste impact how i write/how seriously i take the story

omg that ALWAYS happens to me whenever i do essays too!! that’s why i hated high school writing when our teachers made us write our thesis first…like yes i can write a thesis for you but i can guarantee that i won’t follow it and it’ll be entirely different by the time i submit it so it follows the contents of what i actually wrote vs what i INTEND to write!!

blue lock has SUCH an expansive cast and it’s also sooo popular as a manga so just from a business/financial standpoint it would make 0 sense not to do spin-off stuff!! like i’d even read a sae spin-off of him in spain if they don’t want to go through the bllk program again and want to focus on one of the itoshis…we’ve followed rin pretty closely and know his mentality pretty well so idt he needs a spin-off but depending on how in depth the main manga goes on sae i think a spin-off of him could be fun!! or like shidou or smth…OR AN EGO ORIGIN STORY SPINOFF OMG I’D DIE FOR THAT ACTUALLY like him and young noel noa and their rivalry?? i don’t even like ego that much but i think it would be cool to see his backstory be explored like that!! also an episode anri but we know we’re never getting that sadly

FRRR why is there a french version but not english?? maybe it’s because bllk isn’t as popular here yet?? hoping that changes with season 2 though…i’m not saying jjk fanbase levels of popular because that’s when you get the crazies but def bigger than what it is rn

THEY GAVE HIORI AN AWAKENING THEY CAN GIVE KARASU ONE TOO!! especially because he was so crucial to hiori’s awakening…like come on now kaneshiro be a good author and put some parallels between mr talented but doesn’t care and mr mediocre but works hard 😒

HAHA THAT’S SO WEIRD tumblr stays tweaking 😭 i was able to go on her profile fine so maybe there’s smth going on with your app?? honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a tumblr issue because for how old this app is it’s surprisingly unusable at times 🫣 maybe it’s working for me because she’s one of my mutuals?? idk 😰 also i know the post you’re referencing but do not know what art she was talking abt…i can send her an ask abt it and then link her response in the next ask of yours i answer and hopefully that works!! if not i could also add a screenshot into my answer LMAO

[annikuh]

lil vent abt writing man lol

why tf did I say I was gonna share this fuckin story man, I was just gonna give it a quick overview but now I’ve been hacking away at it all day and I feel like it sucks and I can do so much better. I’d love to fucking ask my partner to just let me talk thru the things I’m struggling with with him bc he knows these characters and he’s right next to me, but he straight up refuses to engage with anything about Panathir bc he upsets him for reasons completely lost on me, so I’m like…ripping things with my teeth.

the cross between “everyone look at the great work I’ve done with creating these characters” and “nobody fucking look at them bc you’re gonna misconstrue them and if you hate them I’ll murder/suicide” is fucking brutal LMAO

I hate not having control over who exactly sees it and what judgments people are making. I posted abt it being almost done on my art insta and seeing so many people like the post, and then hearing other people mention it…I’m getting scared like…I don’t feel safe with all of these ppl reading my shit. I have a reputation and this shit’s personal. I had some friends the other night say sumn like “what should we do if we don’t like it”—it was as a joke but I was like “please don’t tell me‼️” like I can’t handle more than my few little Jax stans who I know are safe and will like it seeing it. they already know I’m fucking weird—you guys already know I’m fucking weird—I can’t handle the vulnerability of everyone else knowing I’m fucking weird too.

& again I mean my fuckin bf already hates it so much he can’t bear to hear abt it so that doesn’t make me feel great either.

sry I’m just so stressed, its so dramatic but it feels like my life is on the line with this and idk what to do. it’s just so personal, which I know nobody really needs to know but still, I feel like I fucked up. & I feel stupid going back on it now bc that’ll make me look worse. oooogh I hate this, it feels like public humiliation, and it’s made even worse knowing that it’s not that serious, but to me it is serious which is even MORE embarrassing. I’m so fucking mad I can’t handle this I’m going to start ripping my skin off and killing people.

whatever. I’m still gonna post it. I’ll push it back a little, which is still very embarrassing (for nothing—allow the spiral to continue), but I’ll give myself more time so I can actually feel confident in it.

maybe I just send it to a few ppl or just get some fuckin hype going or sumn. hate that I need to ask for external validation—also very embarrassing—but whatever. I’ve got some safe people I can ask. had one of my best friends call me their successful little writer yesterday and it made me kick my feet, and my girl Andy always goes fuckin wild for OC content, amongst many other sweet vocal friends. So I am loved and supported. & it means a lot 🥲

ok it ended nice, thanx for letting me talk, I’ll have an edible and keep the violence to myself for now

[ambreiiigns]

Me again sorry hello, what do you think is gonna happen next if you have any idea? or anything you want to happen? i hope our doubleblack yaoi boys stay thriving

you again omg hiii 🥰🥰 i have. been like. tossing this over in my head all day. very inchresting

so like for sure. i hope at least. we get to see what happens during the 2 hours timeskip and hopefully how it ends. bc i have No Clue at all 0 thoughts 0 ideas abt any of that. but i hope they'll sell me more of akutagawa and atsushi as shin soukoku. like maybe it's just that i have an insane attachment to the originals but i do feel like the show has been a coward abt investing in the kids ? like. i'm not buying it. they don't compare. but the anime will give me three episodes abt 15 dazai & chuuya WHICH I WILL NEVER COMPLAIN ABT IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS but idk like three episodes for them in a season that is so weirdly paced feels like the easy way out in a way ??? like people enjoy those two so you'll give me a lot of those two when you should focus on building the actual main characters to the same level of those two. does this mean anything. i'm under the impression that the manga does a better job w akutagawa and atsushi but alas i will not be reading that so i can only complain. the last time i sort of cared abt akutagawa and atsushi has been back in s2 finale and i would. like more. come on.

but at the same time i also hope they keep focusing on more characters instead of atsushi ANFNSKFKKDG I'M SO SORRY HE'S JUST A BAD MAIN CHARACTER TO ME. I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF CARE ABT HIM me & brother say that bsd peaks when ranpo's the main character and IT'S TRUEEEEEEE LET RANPO TAKE OVER I DON'T EVEN CARE i wanna see more of. anyone else. if we did a 180 and made akutagawa the main character instead i would Not mind at all.

besides all this the like big question and interesting thought abt what happens next is who will be picked by mori to join the port mafia out of the detectives. we know yosano is out of the picture he is not allowed to choose yosano which is So Funny that fukuzawa would only protect her but ?? not his son ranpo ?? not dazai and/or kyouka who have also been under mori's wing ?? it's funny. i'm really interested abt that tho. bc if like mori picks atsushi i kinda hope not it's a bit sort of obvious if the protag gets picked but it could be interesting maybe it'll make him interesting And he gets to soukoku all over the place. And we get fun new interactions like when atsushi and chuuya interact in wan or whatever it's very fun. wan is the silly spin off that i don't super care about except when i do.

but also ranpo ? in a way heart and soul of the detective agency it would be FUNNY if mori was like i wont that. and i KNOW ranpo would be funny in there he's already been working 24/7 with a former criminal enemy Edgar Allan Poe his boyfriend i wanna see what he does in the mafia. does he bring poe w him. would he have beef w chuuya after the s3 book incident. (chuuya's the strongest little guy so remember the cannibalism arc. ranpo locked himself and chuuya in a book to keep chuuya out of business. the book being poe's ability where he can trap you in the books he writes and ranpo's been using poe's ability like it's his own fnsjkfowf) i'm intrigued.

but THEN. what if dazai. that would kill me a little bit. and it'd be interesting. i'm not going to Lie i would Love it if i got double black permanent reunion but ALSO. it Would be. a little excellent if dazai gets pulled back in the mafia and was like... forced to relapse to some extent after trying to flip himself out for oda and then he's forced right back when he started? yk how his bestie oda died and that was the kick dazai needed to get out of the mafia and be a good person. if he goes back would it all be undone. he can either prove he REALLY changed or he's still the same shitty little guy no matter his efforts. would he spiral LMAO. it would slay. but i would also be really sad for him and i don't know if they'd go there

or someone like tanizaki who's a bit irrelevant he's just a little guy it could be an excuse to develop him more ig kenji and kunikida aren't really sparking anything in me and i don't think koyo would allow mori to pick kyouka fjejfjskf man i REALLY HOPE IT'S NOT KYOUKA IT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD but the possibilities are cool and fun and interesting and i really wanna see That. power move is if mori says he wants fukuzawa and the detective agency is orphanized

and then in general once the 2 hours situation is fixed the only thing that makes sense is follow thru on what the Fans have picked up w the teasing european authors as new characters i think it's our only option. i think we have no other choices and i am ready to see it. they've been talking a lot abt some british girlies and we feel like that might be the next step.

(( in that same vein sort of i hope we Do in fact get stormbringer MOVIE QUESTION MARK !??!?!?! stormbringer being the light novel set when chuuya's 16 in which he finds out more of his insane backstory. there is either rumors or wishful thinking abt stormbringer movy. i would like it as a movy i am TIRED of wasting episodes on flashbacks i want MOVY it feels too long and too much happening to be adapted in episodes AND if it's a movy it can be its own separate thing that the more casual viewer can skip if they so wish. i don't love a movy that's mandatory viewing tbh if i signed up for episodic stuff yk ?? stormbringer is kinda not central to the story you Can do without stormbringer so it'd make sense to be movy. and i find it so fascinating even tho i know so little and maybe i'll read it but it sure would Slay if we got movy there's some bits i really wanna see animated ))

so SO if we get europeans it make sense to make stormbringer there's french people and frankenstein in there yk ????? i'm ready. i wanna see the europeans it'd be fun. and we ran out of other things we got the americans and some russians they need to keep it rolling. i made a joke that they'd introduce italian authors as a second more powerful mafia lead by dante alighieri i can give bsd the copyrights to that

i guess sigma sticks around and maybe he tells us something abt fyodor i'm fucking tired of fyodor the least he can do is tell me his business. and i kinda maybe would like more worldbuilding ? it might be too late in s6 but like. brother said this and i've been thinking. what's up w abilities is there an Origin is there a reason why some people have them and some people don't is there other mythology that is based on abilities like bram and vampires what about the war. there's a cool post explaining why the war works as like a backdrop we don't really get more of and i'm INTO that but maybe something else could come out of it ? do we get to learn more abt other Mysterious Characters. what about the cat man. what even is elise as mori's ability etc. brother also said he'd like to see more 1v1 between characters and see how abilities work w each other ? or other sort of. fusions like shin skk does and i agree ! wanna see how abilities interact. and i am going to Say This i am ready for more chuuya in the main show i am ready for chuuya to be in every episode thank you. i think it's time i think we can handle him now. thank you :)

[universal-kitty]

...As well, for this post-

Just so I say it now and don't. Forget or get nervous: been looking into OSDD for myself. (With the help of my therapist.)

I used to be (and still sorta am) in 'kin spaces, and thought that my connections to characters used to be what "kinning" was (for lack of better phrasing I can think up; it's 3 AM at time of writing this). Except much later, a friend told me my 'kins shouldn't be speaking back to me...

I've had conversations with the voices in my head for a long, long time. And even felt disorientated when I rejected them, in the past.

I learned abt plurality from my initial experiences in the fickin side. And then studied DID/OSDD on and off for...maybe 4 years? Around that, if not slightly more. (On a blog I deleted on a whim, regretted, and then remade.)

So. Most I can say right now is my current therapist isn't licensed to handle this kinda thing. I took the MID (?) and it does seem highly likely that I could have it... Until I can [eventually] get to someone who can confirm it, I'm still living in this middle ground.

...I'm accepting it more, though. Even though a part of me is scared, trying to go back to the way things used to be doesn't help much. It just hurts everyone- me (as the body) most of all- and... I think I'd rather learn to accept this, brace being potentially wrong, and go from there... At the least, my experiences apparently aren't normal and it's made me think a lot on how I've lived up until now. Especially the little things, like talking to myself [when alone] or acting "OOC" for what I perceive myself to be at that time... Something that also has shifted a lot.

(...My SIs are another example, honestly. LMAO! I almost feel like I have to change them a lot. Sticking with one idea or design never fully sits right.)

Anyways. That's what I wanted to talk about, a long time ago!! To whoever still checks this blog out, thank you for checking in, even now. 💕

I also gave us another, semi-private selfship blog... It's not very detailed, and remains largely bareboned, but feel free to ask for it! I'm sure my friends (headmates) would love to chat or gush, if you'd like to do so~

[sevlawless]

Top 5 moments Arabella thinks of when they reminisce on their past w seven (I chose violence)

u rlly did pls know i have thought abt this ask at least once a day since getting it LMFAO sorry it's taken me so long to respond

under the cut because i am insane abt them but we all knew that already (see the url and the web weaving and the fic and-)

these are in no particular order also they r just all equally sad 💔

ask me my top five anything!

1. the fight tm - more than likely the last time she talked to seven for more than a minute LMFAO she thinks abt all the things they said to each other and honestly wishes she didn't say the horrible shit she did because of COURSE she didn't mean it but it is what it is you know ... she never wanted to hurt him but that night they were both hurting each other and she just couldn't hold back despite knowing everything she was saying was wrong and she thinks A LOT abt if seven feels that way too ... maybe she'll find out soon ! LMFAO

2. their first kiss - i've said this before but for my personal headcanons abt sevenbella they kiss for the first time on arabella's 21st birthday bc he got her a really thoughtful gift that she wanted for a WHILE and just that feeling of someone completely understanding you inside and out they know you better than you know urself etc. anyways she thinks abt how that arabella would feel if she knew how it all played out .. would she still kiss him? would she still date him? the answer is yes ofc but it eats her up LMFAO

3. when they first met - just two middle schoolers who had no idea the impact they would have on each other .. LMAO and just all those sleepovers and getting to know each other and being inseparable she misses it desperately and she knows she will never have that type of connection with anyone ever again as much as she tries to recapture it

4. getting their tattoos - arabella is heavily tatted and is very like .. she KNOWS getting ur partner's name initials etc. tatted on u is just bad luck but she was in love with this mfer all her tattoo etiquette went out the window 😭 more specifically she thinks abt that night before they went to sleep both drunk as hell but feeling very much in love and tracing her finger over seven's tattoo and vice versa and telling each other how much they mean to one another :) i made myself depressed with this one

5. writing their first dead apple song together - do i know what this song is? NO! but anyways LMFAO just being excited abt being in a band with ur friends and feeling so proud of writing a song with ur bestie ! this song made it onto their very first ep and although it isn't on any streaming platforms anymore arabella still has the first demo of it on her computer and when she's feeling especially bad down she listens to it (and because of the very end if u listen close enough u can hear seven laughing and god she misses his laugh but EYE cannot get into that rn)