#did someone say it help? ✰ hieronymus hacker ✰

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@anomalystudy from X

"Well, then why does it feel like I'm always getting the short end of the stick in these tiffs?" The borg folded his arms. He didn't like to argue with his creator, but it was hard for him not to feel at least a bit frustrated under the circumstances. He had thoughts too and he'd appreciate if they were taken into consideration more often.

"Name one time you admitted I was right then?"

[subtlehysteria]

back at it again with the lame-ass AU’s

I recently watched Ocean’s 8 and you already know where I’m going with this soooooo

VOLTRON’S 8 AU

(no major spoilers, promise)

Lance is a criminal mastermind in a family of criminal masterminds

He’s the youngest, so he’s learnt from his siblings’ mistakes

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t trip up sometimes as well

After seeing through his prison sentence of 5 years (thanks to his ex-girlfriend Nyma selling him out) Lance is ready to pull off the biggest heist in history

Stealing a 150 million dollar diamond necklace that hasn’t seen the light of day in over 50 years

But he’s gonna need a team of people that no one would suspect, all highly skilled in their professions and in need of this kind of money

So obvs he’s gonna go to Keith first because these two have been working together since forever

They were once a thing, but then Lance cheated on Keith with Nyma

They broke up, Keith told Lance Nyma was no good and whoops, wouldn’t ya know it. Keith was right

Anyway

Keith owns Club Marmora where he makes a decent living but it's not where his passion lies

He’s mainly doing it to save up enough money to get his mom out of jail

For once it’s a crime she didn’t commit

And, on the side, he’s been eyeing this cherry red ducati motorcycle for a long time

I’m talking 15-year-old-Keith-wanting-a-motorcycle kinda long time

So, Lance approaches Keith and, after a little persuasion, he’s willing to put their past behind him to do this job

SEXUAL TENSION ANYONE???

Despite Keith’s unsociable nature, he has a lot of connections and is good at observing people

Hence how he finds Pidge Gunderson, the wunderkind hacker

Lance is sceptical at first because this kid looks barely older than 14

Just keep in mind everyone’s in their mid 20′s here, Pidge is around 18-19

But then Pidge hacks into the seemingly tight-knit seal that is the security system of the museum

They’re instantly hired

Pidge has got a mouth on them

Is always seen with a green apple lollipop and their headphones

Do not touch their equipment. They will maim you and smile whilst doing so

Okay, so how are they gonna get this prized necklace out of its volt and at the Met Gala?

On the neck of the biggest DivaTM this side of the Universe

None other than Lotor Kingsley

He’s a model/actor who is known for his daring fashion choices and being a ditz (this is OOC, I know, and I don’t care because Drama Queen Lotor is a fav of mine)

He doesn’t care about gender norms so wearing a 150 million dollar diamond necklace is no biggie

And who is gonna make Lotor’s spectacular suit/dress to go with this necklace?

Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe

His designs were big in the 80′s but since his Singing-Cape line came out its been downhill ever since

He also may or may not be a fugitive from Austrailia. Maybe

So, a second chance at getting his name back in the industry and paying off his debt? Sign him the fuck up

Now, they need someone who is an expert on sparkly stuff

We know who is the expert on sparkly stuff

Allura Altea

She runs a very small jewellry store that was once her father’s and has always wanted to expand it but has never had the money

And now you’re letting her touch this necklace and get paid to do it? Hell yeah she’s gonna take this job

Cool, so we have a hacker, a designer, someone to break apart the necklace for easy transport

But we need someone with light fingers

Enter Romelle

Romelle does card tricks and pickpoketing on the street

Needs to support her brother Bandu who is in hospital

Good at what she does, although she’s looking for a fresh start for her and her brother

And Lance and Keith can offer that second chance

And now you’re probably wondering where Hunk is?

Hunk owns his own catering business

He used to work with Lance and Keith when they were younger on their smaller jobs but has supposedly “given up” on that life

But Lance can see right through him

Hunk is still doing jobs on the side selling tech for small-time swindlers for a good price

When Lance tells him what his cut would be, Hunk really can’t refuse

This means opening his own restraunt and he also can’t stand FOMO so yeah

So, we have our crew

But Lotor needs a date for the Met Gala

And guess who that lucky sucker is gonna be?

Nyma

Now obvs Keith is furious because you don’t do a job within a job, Lance

But Lance assures him it’s got nothing to do with petty revenge

It’s got everything to do with petty revenge

Lance is petty, he knows it, everybody knows it, so let’s move on, hm?

Team dynamics is a little shaky at first but eventually everyone starts warming up to each other

Coran is super nervous about getting this design right cause not only is this Lotor, but he’s also fucking terrible at lying

But Lance and Keith give him a few pointers, (albeit at the same time which is confusing guys, come one, give Coran a break)

But he does the trick

And this suit/dress (I say both because it’s kind of a mix between the two, the suit flares out into a skirt) is gorgous, probably his best work yet and if Lotor loves it? Then you know you’ve achieved the impossible

Lance knows a girl at Vogue who helps organise suits/dresses for everyone else as well

Lance is in a velvet navy blue suit, very simplistic although the jacket lining has a galaxy pattern

Plus his shoes are silver/metallic because why the fuck not

Keith donns a black-silk suit with embroidery roses on the jacket and with his hair tied up and the shirt open at the collar hot damn

Pidge is rocking an emerald green suit with tails and a top hat (no, its not for added height, fuck you Lance)

Hunk is lookin’ fine in a cream-white suit with gold-thread detailing all along the sleeves along with a bowtie because its cute okay

Something like this but also not (I have a feeling I’m gonna be drawing everyone in their outfits sometime soon...)

Coran looks... well it’s Coran so obvs its gonna be over the top but he still manages to pull it off and yes he’s wearing a cape because god-dammit they’ll never go out of style

Allura looks breathtaking

She’s wearing this and has stars in her hair and she is working it and no Romelle isn’t staring what are you talking about?

Speaking of Romelle, she is so pretty wtf

She is a disney princess done right

I’m talking cotton-candy pink tulle that looks like a cloud at sunset and Romelle is the sun (Allura’s words not mine)

Allura doesn’t even deny that she’s staring because look at Romelle, look at her holy

I can’t really say anymore without spoiling the movie, only that Shiro is the investigator and is also Keith’s cousin

He’s been fighting for Krolia because he knows her, he knows she didn’t commit the crime she’s been put away for

But obviously he’s conflicted now because this is his job but Keith and Krolia are family

Sigh... gotta make a choice Takashi 

Anyway, thanks for sticking around till the end if you did and until the next time I make another lame-ass au, thank you for reading, enjoy your evening, good night! *mic drop*

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@littleredarcher​ from X

The young prince ignored her, content to pluck on the quiver as if the string of a lute. “On the contrary, everyone in the Kingdom knows I’m very, very pretty.” After a moment, he handed the impromptu instrument back. “Do you happen to have an E string?”

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@anger-mxnagement

“Motherboard Control Central, this is Hacker speaking. How may I help you?” Hacker said, rattling off the well rehearsed line into the phone.

From the receiver he could see the caller was one of the residents of Happily Ever Afterville. The fairy tale village which seemed to have no end of inconsequential problems. He wondered who he’d get on the other end this time. Ms. Muffet asking for help squishing a spider? Goldilocks wanting a temperature check on her lunch?

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@sinshosted​

“And don’t let your luggage hit you on the way out!” he heard hollered at his backside as he picked himself off of the pavement. He whirled angrily around, about to inform ill-read guards that the expression was ‘gate’ and not ‘luggage’ when he was smacked across the face with his suitcase, forcing his head down into the rainwater soaked cobblestone once more. 

The suitcase popped open as it hit him. Out of all the ones the servants could have gotten for him, they’d picked the one he’d been expressly asking his manservant to take to the shop to repair for weeks. The one with the broken buckles that spilled all this thinks onto the filthy streets of the common folk. 

And what had those traitorous cretin packed for him? A blanket and a package of air dried noodles. Not even a change of clothes or purse of coin. In other words, junk. He might as well have just left it where it lay on the street, more dignified than stooping to— was that a transport pod? 

“Stop, Stop, STOP!” he shouted, practically throwing himself into the street after his precious belongings. “Prince of the Realm here! Are you blind?! If you get one smudge on my possessions, I’ll have you stripped of your license and thrown in prison!”

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@nemekii​

"No, no, no, no, no. Kids are not in my job description. What's the return address?"

(for Kolulu!)

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@nxtleftbehxnd​

“Witch? Really? Then where’s your broomstick?” He was being a bit of a wiseguy for someone who’d just crash landed in another dimension. 

[opportunistic-chicanery]

Tapes a missing bird poster to a lamp post. 

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@sliding-into-space​ liked for a one-liner

“Our lives are perfect, why complicate the equation with some kid?”

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@star-conqueror​ at X

He scanned both sides of the room, trying to find an exit he could slip out of. If only he knew where they kept keys to those nifty looking ships he’d seen docked outside. Hopefully their giant “queen bee” didn’t keep them in her pockets. 

“Next!”

He felt his hardware leap out of his chest as the alien’s booming voice practically shook the room. W-wait was it his turn already? What about running for his life? “Um... N-nephrite. Facet-546 Cabochon... 2?” He quickly saluted before shrinking into his shoulders, hoping that had been the correct answer. Please don’t let it be squish time. 

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@milkteamuses​ for Unabara

“Oh, no rules like that here. Well, we have some, but mostly gigabyte restrictions, and of course all the stuff about conflicting code. Do you have any experience coding?”

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@gctta-pace​ from X

“Those are the rules. No one’s exempt,” he replied with a smug air of authority as he reached across the desk for the cherry slushie Coop had dropped off during his lunch break. 

“Nice try, twerp. But all VIPs have to be preapproved by Motherboard. That list can fit on one hand. You’re not on it and neither is this Digit. How about I put you down for next Tuesday and you come back then?” 

He leaned back in his swivel chair, satisfied at having handled the situation, and took out his phone. His blueberries were just about ready to harvest. 

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@hero-of-cyberspace​

Hacker flipped his phone shut and slouched into his chair. Sounded like Coop was going to be held up again. He didn’t blame the Radster, of course. Needs must when duty calls. It was just that lately it seemed like their schedules never aligned. 

He glanced across the room where the Earthlie was entertaining himself quietly. “It looks like you’re plan B.”

He held up a pair of movie tickets. “I’ve got two seats for the Isosceles Jones flick that premieres tonight. You’ve probably seen it a thousand times already in your era, but the Poddle himself is going to be there for signings.” 

He rose from his seat and stood in front of the mirror adjusted the upturned collar on his motorcycle jacket. A gift from Coop for the special occasion. “If you want something to get signed, I guess I could loan you my 4th edition copy of ‘Poisonous Plants of Botanica’.” 

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@aplushemporium​:

“Digit? Did you take my pen? Come on that’s not funny.”

[opportunistic-chicanery]

“Are these ME shaped cookies?” 

He hopes no one sees him smiling like a child, but his little black heart is slightly warmed by the tribute.