#did... a certain SOMEONE. pay for the Maitlands?

[katoska]

Theory why Betelgeuse left Lydia's side to "go to the little boys' room" and took over for Richard at his booth for a bit:

Yes, he could have dealt with Jeremy without playing dress-up and taking over Richard's job, and didn't have to enable Richy to get a little more family time in the process. They could have saved Astrid just fine without that, so it seems unnecessary, for him to do that. OOC, even. Except

2) Richard wouldn't owe Betelgeuse a big favor for said taking over of his job and enabling the extra family time with Lydia and Astrid. Also, ofc, for saving his daughter from trading places with Jeremy. Betelgeuse did all that at great cost to himself: A Code 699 violation (see screenshot of transcript from reddit below) gets you extra time working as a civil servant, it gets your topside privileges revoked, and it voids any marriage you entered into, so his contract for payment from/marriage to Lydia was meaningless (well, if it had been a marriage certificate rather than just an agreement to get married in the future. and if he'd actually signed it. and then possibly only if he'd signed it before entering the Netherworld so there'd be a marriage TO void, rather than... not signing it at all... *sigh* he totally burned that half-signed and not-yet-binding contract himself bc he understood she wasn't ready to marry him yet, is what I'm saying, but I digress).

1) Lydia wouldn't have gotten closure for her ex's death without it. Closure which she sorely needed, because the fact that Richard's body was never found plus her seeming inability to see his ghost (Richard: "I know you two can't see me, but I check in on you all the time") add up to her having been in denial of his death. She couldn't see his ghost because she really really did not want to see proof that he was dead. So now she gets to move on from him. Which is very convenient for B. Especially as Richard is unlikely to be able to visit her anytime soon even now that Lydia has accepted his death and should be able to see him again, but I'm getting to that.

Still 2): Anyway, B doesn't do favors. He does business. If people are allowed to take over for others at their jobs in the afterlife, but those jobs are also a form of punishment where you have to "do time" at them for a specific duration, then those work hours are a currency that you can give away or trade. You can, if you find someone who is willing, get someone to do your time for you (hell, you can even get a naive Breather to trade their actual Life for your afterlife existence).

So yeah, I don't think Betelgeuse took over Richard's booth just out of the goodness of his heart. I think they made a deal, one that means that B will be topside again much sooner than the Deetz' will expect so he can get back to trying to seduce Richard's ex (hey, Richard always supported lost causes, so... 😆), while Richard will be stuck at work, unable to visit the Living for a long and unspecified amount of time. Not that his family's gonna notice, bc they never used to see him visit them, anyway.

And yeah, according to someone from reddit who decyphered that page in the Handbook, there's a bit about how the Deceased who violated Code 699 has to cease Trading, if applicable.

But I think that only goes for post-conviction of the crime, not as an automatic consequence of the crime, as B was also still able to visit the Living World to attempt the church wedding. Which, actually, is yet more evidence that this latest marriage attempt was more for the sake of declaring his feelings and testing the waters (and showing off, and getting rid at the competition) than him trying to actually get, and stay, married. Cause the church wedding would have been voided by a conviction, too.

Anyway, that's my theory on B's incredibly considerate, and therefore incredibly suspicious, detour to Richard's booth and letting Richard have his heroic moment.

And tbf, Lydia and Astrid are Richard's family. So it wouldn't even be unreasonable to expect Richard to pay for the legal trouble B got into from saving them. Like, I'm sure he'd have done it anyway, but if B can pass on that buck then ofc he's gonna.

[meangirlsx]

I saw Beetlejuice for the second time recently, and like I shared some things about Mean Girls with you all after I saw it, here are some thoughts and notes and fun facts about Beetlejuice:

Toward the beginning of the show, Beej has a joke where he says he feels invisible and powerless, like a gay republican

It takes people a second, but the audience bursts out into laughter

And then he nods, like he’s saying, “Yep, I said it” and everyone breaks out laughing again

And he does the nod again and gets another break of laughter

And once more, and you can already tell the audience is like in the palm of his hand

He also makes a joke that seems self-deprecating and then deflects it onto an audience member in the front by saying, “This guy knows what I’m talking about!”

He does that a few times throughout the show

And at the end of the show, he makes a joke at the guy one final time and then switches out of his Beetlejuice voice and back into Alex just long enough to say, “Thanks for being here!” to the guy

Dana was on for Lydia and y’all she is so incredible

I feel like with Sophia’s Lydia, you get that the character was always strange and unusual and got more so and darker after her mom died, but at least to me, I get the impression that it wasn’t a far leap for her as a character

Dana’s Lydia has a sweeter, softer, higher voice just by virtue of it being Dana

But she also plays her a little softer and more innocent and more like you really get the feeling that she was a good deal different when her mom was alive

Both are totally valid and fantastic interpretations, so it was fun to see this other version

It also felt a little less shocking then when Lydia thinks Adam’s ultimate dad joke is really funny and says she likes the Maitlands

It really gut punches you that she just wants a healthy, happy, stable family

In Ready Set, Not Yet when Barbara goes, “Look at these jugs!” Beej whips around with wide eyes, realizes she’s talking about actual pottery and not her boobs, makes a disappointed face, and no one processes it until he walks off and then they’re just dying laughing

Then at the end of the song, when Barbara says they’re maybe 80% ready and Adam says 78% instead, she nods like she’s totally in agreement

In Fright of Their Lives, when Adam tells Barbara her first “best primal scream” is brilliant, Beej turns him around to face away from her

Adam looks like he’s trying to be good and make Beej happy by not interacting with Barbara in that moment but as soon as she tries again, it’s like he can’t contain himself from loving and supporting his wife with everything in him

David’s Adam is just really freaking adorable, guys

He really embraces the whole “I’m a huge dork and madly in love with my wife and that pretty much sums me up” personality

Also someone posted on here a while back that they think the severed head that pops out of the trunk looks like Nic Cage and I was pretty close to the stage and I still back this

During Beej’s soliloquy, on the album he doesn’t go all operatic until, “I know that beggars can’t be choosers” but at this performance he did it right away from “I want freedom” and it was so overdramatic it was amazing

Once the Maitlands fight with him and he storms out of the attic, they start getting so angry together, and Adam gets all worked up like he’s going to yell something insulting but instead just yells that Beetlejuice needs therapy and he hopes that he gets it

Like they’re so nice and pure they can’t even be mad without hoping for good to come to the person they’re mad at

In “No Reason” when Delia says, “life coaching, nailing it,” she bops her little hair bun

I’m also fairly certain she tries to dab at some point during the song

And at another point in the song, she does that Fornite dance where you pump your arm and leg on the same side while like hopping?

Tbh a lot of her little quirks are her trying to be cool and relatable and just not fully understanding the current culture or the fact that Lydia is very much not into it

In Say My Name, he shouts, “Fake cartwheel!” and then twirls behind Lydia like he’s pretending to do a cartwheel but wouldn’t land it if he actually tried

Then when he yells “assassinate,” he pulls the top part of his wig back to reveal a brain, and he doesn’t cover it back up until a good moment after Lydia says, “No!”

At the start of Day-O, when Delia calls Charles an “amazing, amazing man,” she straight up starts crying

So now we’re into Act II

Presley comes out for Girl Scout and the entire audience just cheers because who doesn’t love Presley

The first time she turns her back to the audience, you see that her backpack is just O V E R F L O W I N G with Thin Mints

When the music changes for a few seconds after “they had my back if anything went wrong with me,” she’s like freaking out and breathing heavy and trying to calm herself down

And then she jumps RIGHT back into her happy place when she hits “jamboree, soda pop” and everyone in the audience like lost it over that

In the transition between outside and inside the house, Sky says it’s so dark and pulls out her flashlight because she’s always prepared

She holds it beneath her face and says “boo” and then “just kidding, hope I didn’t scare you”

And then something scares her and she starts breathing and counting and Lydia just goes, “You’re fun”

It takes Sky exactly 0 seconds to reply, “I like you, too”

I can’t remember if Dana does this as Sky, too – she probably does

But when Alex sings “clean, white shorts turning brown” Presley spins on the landing of the stairs like she’d been trying to get to a bathroom and just couldn’t make it and wow it’s funny but your heart goes out to her in that moment even though you know it’s not real

Also for anyone who’s been curious or concerned, Sky is totally fine by the time she leaves – she doesn’t die or get hurt or anything

Lydia pays her for some Thin Mints and she leaves, like honestly the girl’s got some steel bravery

Presley and Dana are just so cute onstage together, like you can tell they’re loving it

Later, in “What I Know Now,” Presley is back as the Dead Rider and in a moment where everyone is watching Leslie as everyone has sort of crowded around Lydia, Presley reached out and held onto Dana’s arm for a minute

Then she turned it into her character moving Lydia because the ensemble members move her around in that part of the song

They’re so supportive and proud of each other

Right after Charles proposes to Delia, Lydia comes running in trying to tell him that the house is haunted

So Delia hides under the covers instead of in the bathroom or closet or whatever and takes her vape with her

And Lydia tells her dad to grab everything so they can get out and she pulls the sheet off the bed and sees Delia and after a long pause, Delia says, “Hey” and sooooo much smoke comes out of her mouth and her voice is all deep

Back in “Barbara 2.0,” when Kerry first sings “Say hello to Barbara 2.0,” she leans one leg on a box and flexes her arms down in front of her stomach and it’s adorable

Then when Adam sings, “the old one’s fertilizer,” Barbara just totally giggles

They’re so in love

Kerry and David have a slightly different vibe than Kerry and Rob but they’re already such great scene partners and so sweet together

Toward the end, when they’re all trying to trick Beej and Adam yells for everything to stop because he has something to say to him, the entire audience gets so excited and then so quiet, waiting for him to own Beej

And when he starts by saying that Beej has been harassing him the entire show and pauses at, “And I gotta tell you”, you can tell everyone thinks we’re about to get a comment on sexual harassment

And Adam finishes by saying, “It. Has worked.” and EVERYONE goes insane

And then he’s full-on making out with Beej and Beej is just in AWE and the audience can barely breathe

Barabara tries to do it, too, but she leans in and she just can’t bring herself to do it

During “Creepy Old Guy,” Alex gives Beej the most innocent, hopeful look that makes you almost happy for him and almost forget that all of this is Very, Very Wrong

It looks like Adam is Beej’s best man and Barbara is Lydia’s maid of honor and like Delia is probably like a bridesmaid

They get to the “I do” and you can feel that everyone kind of can’t believe it actually happened and it’s like this creepy, shocked feeling that settles over everyone but then immediately all the tech goes crazy because Beej is becoming alive

As a very briefly alive Beetlejuice, he goes on this total anxiety/emotional spiral from “the world is so beautiful” to “what if I’m never happy again” to “we don’t teach men to process our anger and that’s a sad truth that indicts all of us” to “so maybe, maybe I’ll just try murder”

Tbh the entire show is an impressive showcase for Alex but that moment is a rollercoaster and a mini masterclass in portraying different emotions and making social commentary and maintaining the humor all at the same time

He puts on this ENTIRE persona for the entire show, which is obviously very common for most characters/actors but like this is a whole other level, I think

The way he moves, of course the way he talks and sings, the way his eyes look, literally everything is different and it’s so, so clear that he put SO much work into creating this character

Okay that’s my Alex Brightman stan rant now back to your previously scheduled programming

At the start of his goodbyes, Beej mentions a possible future “vision quest” to find his dad and just goes, “Sequel?” and then does his puppet hand like he did for the Handbook for the Recently Deceased and in “Say My Name” and makes a “squa squa squa” noise like those horns people play from their phones to back up their own joke (I’m so sorry I don’t know a better way to explain it or if there’s a real term for it because y’all it slays the audience)

At the curtain call, everyone in the audience is of course screaming for Dana and the entire cast is just so proud of her and they’re doing everything they can to show it

Alex, especially, just fucking bows to her and claps like he’s in awe of her

And the last note I took down is a tech thing so if you don’t want to know how they do the lifts of Barbara and Lydia, just stop reading here

I didn’t catch it when they lifted Barbara up the wall for the exorcism

But I caught it when they lifted Lydia up the stairs and I’m guessing it’s the same mechanism for both

There’s like this black seat attached to the wall beneath the railing

I only noticed it because I was up close and on the side and looking for it but like you really don’t notice it

So she can like casually straddle this thing and rest herself on it and it will lift her up safely

I’m sure there’s more to it than that to make it totally safe, and also she can bring her legs and feet pretty close together while she’s up in the air so there has to be some explanation for that, too, since that would be difficult if she were sitting and she’s also clearly standing and not sitting

But it’s awesome

And Adam has been hanging out near there with a mop and mop bucket, cleaning up little things onstage, which is totally on-brand for him and you don’t question it for a second

But then when Lydia comes down and steps away from the stairs, Adam just dances right over to the seat, stands in front of it, and knocks it into the bucket with the mop

Again, I was looking for it

They do a really great job covering that kind of stuff

Guys this show and the entire team that puts it on is just so, so incredible

If anyone has any questions about the show that I didn’t address here, feel free to ask

And if I don’t know the answer at first, I’m seeing the show at least one more time and can pay attention to something more specifically to get you an answer

[beeblebouse]

Could you do some hcs about the maitlands just being amazing ghost parents to lydia?

absofuckinglutely.

- you’re gonna to bet that lydia always has the best projects in the school because adam insists on helping her

- both maitlands help lydia with her photo shoots, helping to make things “levitate” by holding them and stuff like that. (people still don’t know how she does it.)

- when lydia comes out to them (whether sexuality or gender) they take it all in stride - they make her something with whatever flag’s colors and give it to her. (she definitely does not cry)

- barbara helps her with her homework, because although lydia may really like science, she’s not a fan of most other subjects, and so has a tendency to not pay attention.

- the second lydia gets even slightly sick, both ghosts immediately start smothering her with blankets, tissues, and soup. (she acts annoyed, but secretly loves it)

- the maitlands may not be interested in or understand what the hell lydia is talking about, but you bet they’ll listen to her talk about it and try and learn more about it so that they can keep up with her

- lydia disclosed the fact that someone was bullying her at some point, and the next day in school was Not a good one for the bully. the maitlands deny everything (even though they definitely did enlist the help of beetlejuice and went to the school to Fuck Shit Up)

- they pick up on the little things! like knowing when to get lydia a blanket because she’s upset, when to steer clear of certain topics, and just small things like that.

- for their first joint christmas (or whatever holiday they celebrate,) lydia makes them both something. they cry, and they put them in the attic where they’ll always be able to see them. (they end up making a little space in the attic for everything lydia makes for them)

- they definitely came to parent-teacher night with the deetzs. (beej had to be there too so that the maitlands could, but didn’t cause trouble because the maitlands would’ve found some way to kill him again)

- they sometimes join in on lyds and bj’s schemes, so long as it won’t have any super bad consequences (maitlands 2.0 babey)

- although charles is like, yknow, her Dad dad, he respects the dynamic, and is just happy that his daughter has 2 more adults that care about her, and are positive role models for her (most of the time)

- at the end of the day, the ghost parents love their gothy breather child, and would die (again) for her in a heart beat.

i hope you like them! this is the first request i’ve ever done for headcanons, so i hope they’re good lol. thanks for sending in a request!

[totally-incorrect-theatre-quotes]

After the Rain (Fanfic)

The Maitlands

Lydia starts her first year of high school, and while thing start out on a positive note things quickly take a turn for the worse as rumors from the past surface at her new school leading her to have to decide if she is ready to tell the Maitlands. 

Also this fic is kinda sad, but fluffy. Hella long (4,000+ words haha) so enjoy

Tw: Bullying, Use of D slur, mentions of homophobia, mentions of mental health, mental health bullying mentioned 

_________________________________________________________

She didn’t want to put it off any longer. She had already told her father and Delia the truth, she wanted to tell the Maitlands but she wondered if she was making the wrong choice, I mean she hardly knew them. They’d only moved into their house a two months and maybe it would make things too awkward if Lydia told them that she was a lesbian. She didn’t doubt they’d be fine with it, but she debated if it was something they needed to know...or if now was even the right time to tell them. She agonized for weeks about telling her father, and while it just kind of slipped out when she told Delia it seemed like the natural progression of their relationship. The Maitlands were new territory, uncharted territory. Maybe she was putting too much pressure on this whole thing, maybe she should just rip off the bandage and tell them casually like she did with Delia. 

There were a few times where she had the chance too. The first time they were having breakfast alone together when Delia and her dad went on a weekend trip for their jobs. Adam and Barbara were talking about how they started dating in high school, and everyone assumed that since they were high school sweethearts they were each other’s first partners but Barbara had dated three guys before Adam and Adam had dated two other people and one very very awkward date that ended with him sneaking out of the restaurant and hiding from them at school the next day. Lydia was about to ask how to ask people out and casually mention how it would be a girl but suddenly Beetlejuice came crashing down the stairs covered in blue slime and blaming Lydia’s kitten Cation for the mess. 

The second time the three of them were all hanging out upstairs in the attic, Barbara was teaching Lydia to sew and had made a joke about how it’s very important to keep the needle straight. Lydia decided that perhaps that joke wasn’t the best way to announce her sexuality to her new family members. 

She put it off for a long time, letting opportunity after opportunity pass by where she could have told them but she just couldn’t bring herself to. July and August passed by where any time Lydia would build up the courage something would stop her, something would prevent her from saying it. Often times it was Beetlejuice doing something stupid that took everyone’s attention but sometimes it would be a frog in her throat keeping the words from coming out. She was about to start her freshman year of high school at her new school and lots of emotions started bubbling up all at once. She missed her mom, mainly, this was the first school year where her mother wouldn’t have breakfast with her, hand her a card with words of encouragement, and walk out the door after a tight hug. She didn’t want to admit it but it stung making her own lunch that morning, she’d made her own before but it was a little tradition of theirs and it was over now. On the walk to school, she got very anxious about all the new people she was going to meet and Delia’s concern about her making friends started to feel a lot more pressing than they had a few months ago. She didn’t want to have to go through what happened in middle school all over again, she wanted this to be a clean slate and hoped that people wouldn’t have preconceived opinions about her. She obsessed over making sure her uniform looked proper and that nobody would be able to pick out flaws in her appearance. She had never cared before but now she couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

With her scheduled clutched in her hands, she made her way throughout the school day with very little hiccups. She was very grateful that she wasn’t the only person struggling that day as all the freshmen were dashing around the building like madmen trying to find where their classes were. Once she thought she walked into the wrong room because the class was filled with people that looked a good deal older than her, even the teacher looked confused at her presence but after checking her paperwork Lydia was where she was supposed to be, she had apparently scored high on her science placement test and was moved to an upper-level course, instead of Earth science she was now in intro to chemistry where she was one of two freshmen in a class of mainly juniors. The other kid her age sat in the back, hardly paying attention, and though she didn’t recognize her at first it was the same girl she had seen working at the ice cream parlor. It was strange seeing her without the ridiculous ice cream hat and pale blue polo shirt, instead, they both were wearing identical black and white uniforms but Lydia could swear that on the cuff of the other girl sweater she could see a rainbow-colored pin. Though it was a flash in the pan realization Lydia’s first thought was that she maybe now had a chance. Her second thought was that she wanted to tell Adam and Barbara about this girl, but in order to do that, she would have to tell them she was gay first. 

Her first week of school went by without much excitement, she found some people to sit with at lunch, she was getting along well with the kids she had been grouped with in her geometry class, but her favorite part of the day was chemistry. The ice cream shop girl who she now learned was named Wendy got her seat moved temporarily for not paying attention in class and she was now sitting right next to Lydia. Though Lydia really loved chemistry she often was more focused on glancing over at Wendy’s notebook where she would see lots of little doodles, some pertaining to the things being said in class, but some of them were just random pictures. She wasn’t exactly sure why but seeing the drawings made Lydia feel really happy, and it disappointed her when Wendy was allowed to move back to her old seat on Friday. 

The weekend went by without ceremony and her entire family was shocked when Lydia talk for hours about how much she loved her new school and how excited she was to go back on Monday. Her father and Delia, of course, were relieved to know that Lydia finally started to feel like she was fitting in with her peers. The Maitlands were just happy Lydia was happy, and Beetlejuice was just annoyed that she wasn’t around the house as much anymore to wreak havoc around the house. It surely didn’t stop him from face-timing her while she was in class claiming it was an emergency such as the time when he didn’t know what a mirror was and thought it was an evil clone of it copying all his moves. Luckily she was at lunch at that point, but unsure of how her new classmates would react to the demon living at her house, between laughs she told them it was her brother being annoying. 

Being Lydia Deetz she was mistrusting of how well things were going, she didn’t have good luck, she wasn’t this smooth and this confident. Though she wanted desperately to just embrace the good and enjoy the happiness she was feeling but she felt it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down and it’s easier to fall from a short height than to fall off the top of the world. As expected it all came crashing down around her. Somehow a student from here that was curious about Lydia’s past got in contact with someone she went to school with back in New York. Just like that the clean slate that she had so desperately wanted was tarnished with her reputation from her old school. It started as just typical bullying. Some kids would call her a freak, some kids would book her in the hallways, one or two would go for low blows about her mother’s death. She felt she could handle those, they were the same as middle schoolers and it was only a handful of kids. The comments stung but they didn’t break her. They started getting meaner, it started spreading around the school that she was “psychotic” and that the only reason she was acting normal now was being she was hopped up on all these psych meds. That she had lost it in New York and got expelled for attacking another student, and it was only a matter of time before it happened again. It slowly started to grow from four or five kids to ten or fifteen. Nasty notes pushed in her locker, leering stares from kids in the halls. She tried to just ignore it, trying not to care what they had to say. Her father noticed immediately that Lydia’s enthusiasm towards school drastically started to dwindle after the second week and she mentioned in passing that some of the kids in her class were being pricks. 

She’d avoid certain hallways, she’d look down at the ground when passing by people she knew would target her. She tried to go low profile and hope that in a week or two it would all blow over and she could just start over and everyone would forget the fake rumors spreading around the school. She was willing to wait if it meant she could just have a shot, but every person has their breaking point and hers came when a girl that she thought she was becoming really good friends with stopped sitting with their group at lunch. When Lydia texted her that night asking if she was sick or something the girl simply replied that she didn’t want to be spending her lunches sitting with a dyke. Lydia felt her heart stop when she stared down at the words on the screen, words that she hadn’t been called in almost half a year already. It hurt just as bad as it did back then. Lydia hadn’t even told anybody at school, she didn’t do anything to indicate she was. Lydia frantically asked where the girl heard that rumor and Lydia was sent five or six screenshots of online posts making fun of her, most of them she recognized from New York but one of them was new. Each one just as cruel and offensive, slurs that she winced at even in writing. She threw her phone across the room and buried her head in her pillow letting out a muffled scream of frustration. 

In tears she curled into herself just wishing that her mother were here with her, she always knew what to say about the bullies or just what to say to bring a smile to Lydia’s face. Her mother would tell her something like the kids are just targetting her because she’s different and that the problem isn’t with her being different but that it was with them not accepting it. The words from her mother would be a comfort but coming from within herself they were meaningless. She wished she could be confident like Wendy and not be afraid to wear a rainbow pin or just say to the people harassing her that she isn’t ashamed but their words cut like sharp knives and she felt very alone. Along with all of her issues at school she thought more about her mother’s absence, and Lydia remembered how she never told her mom that she was gay, and that now she would never have the chance. She was so preoccupied with being scared and feeling like she was wrong that she never told one of the people that she knew would support and love her no matter what. She felt guilt and anguish spread over her body like hot flames as the notifications still kept going off on her phone. She was in a similar situation mear months ago and though she had waited until things got so out of control she couldn’t cope she picked up her phone, went to her father’s bedroom and told him about the bullying. She presented as almost emotionless, matter-of-factly because she knew that if she got into how much it really upset her it would make everything so much worse. 

After a few more days the rumors started to dwindle and she fell back into a semi-comfortable routine save for one nagging feeling that she was putting off something very important. She knew the Maitlands had been informed of her bullying at school but her dad and Delia respectfully didn’t tell the Maitlands what about as they knew Lydia hadn’t come out to them yet. She avoided answering their concerned questions, changing the subject any time the brought it up. After a day or two of walking around on eggshells, Lydia had decided that enough was enough and that she was going to tell them tonight. It was a Friday night and as usual, they were going to hole up in the attic and play a cheesy movie in the background while they did something else. This week Barbara was going to help Lydia finally finish the dress that she had started sewing all on her own, she had a dress down day coming up at school and wanted to wear it blushing when she wondered if Wendy might notice it. The three of them were all sitting on the floor working on their respective tasks when Lydia gulped, “Can I talk to you guys about something? It’s kinda important.”

Instantly they put their things down and looked at her. While their gaze was sincere and meant to communicate that she had their attention all it did was set the spark of the anxiety inferno raging in her chest. Everything she had been feeling in the past week and a half started flashing and she immediately felt overwhelmed and wanted to backtrack but knew that it was too late now. If she told them never mind they would know something was up and they’d press her for details. She swore she could run her finger through the thick tension filling the room, the longer she said nothing the worse it got. She didn’t understand what was holding her back, she wanted to do this. She knew them, and she hoped that they would be fine with it. They never gave any indication that they wouldn’t be, they seemed really chill about most things. Adam had even kissed Beetlejuice, though that was an attempt to distract him when he was about to discover Lydia was lying. 

“Of course, what’s up?” Adam finally said breaking the tension

Her move now. She wrung her fingers in her hands and muttered something along the lines of that she might have a crush at school, opting for a more positive note to start the conversation. She didn’t want to unload all her baggage onto them. This was a safe route, it was big enough news that if she wanted to it could her scapegoat, she could leave it at that and save the real news for another day. 

She was instantly responded to with enthusiasm, Barbara squealing like a high schooler and clapping, “Oh my goodness that’s so cute!! Is this your first crush, aww honey this is great news! I was so worried that with all the things Charles was telling us about how mean the kids at school were being that you would miss out on the good things about being this age. You have to tell me everything about him, what class did you meet in?”

“Did you two lock eyes over the last tray of french fries in the lunch line, both of you having hands on them but it was just boom instant chemistry?” Adam added, “Because if I ever sat down and ghost-wrote a romance novel that would be the meet-cute. Did you go to move your hand away but he insisted that you take them?”

Lydia laughed at his stupid puns and Barbara rolled her eyes at her husband before bothe excitedly turned back to Lydia who had momentarily forgotten the point of the conversation until Barbara asked again, “So...are you going to tell us about him?”

Taking in a deep breath Lydia tried to focus on the happy memories. The butterflies she got in her stomach when she saw Wendy in the halls, the pride flag from her father that she had sitting in a pen-holder on her desk, the five kids who still sat with her at lunch even though they too had heard about the rumors. She focused on how it was perfectly fine for her to feel this way, that there was nothing wrong with her, that Adam and Barbara would support her too. She intended to speak with more assurance but the word came out more timid than she had planned on. Quietly she corrected them, “She….that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I’m gay.”

“I am so thrilled that you felt comfortable enough to tell us this!” Barbara said without hesitation, “Okay so tell us all about this girl that you’ve got a crush on. Is she cute? Do you two talk or are you still in that awkward ‘pining from a distance’ phase?” 

“Pining from a distance phase, I don’t even know if she knows I exist but she’s so funny. She does these doodles in her notebook during chemistry-”

“Ohhh so you’ve got chemistry with her huh?” Adam nudged her with his elbow earning a groan from the two women

“Adam that was awful! She doesn’t need to deal with your corny puns right now, this is serious”

“Oh I completely understand when I came out to my parents it really took them bi surprise especially considering that I was married to a woman when I told them.”

“You’re bi?” Lydia asked excited at the prospect of having somebody else in the community that she could get advice from if she even had questions. She knew Beetlejuice was pansexual but going to him for advice on dating would be like using gasoline to out a fire, he would probably tell her in order to win over Wendy she’d have to do some gross and or elaborate thing

“Don’t you remember me telling you about that one guy I dated in high school a month or two before I started dating Barbara...Alex I have honor history with him but we broke up after we couldn’t agree who contributed more to the industrial revolution.”

“In my defense, you didn’t use any pronouns….and Alex is a unisex name!”

“Fair enough fair enough.”

“Can I just say that this is such a relief to me that this went well. I had been stressing out over this whole thing since about July.”

The two of them stopped laughing and grew quiet and serious. For a second neither of them spoke until Barbara asked her, “Were you afraid to tell us?”

“No, no, no. It’s..it’s not like that. I was just nervous to tell you guys, not because I thought you’d be homophobic, I didn’t think that for a second, I knew you’d be fine with it, thrilled even, well maybe not thrilled it’s not good or bad news it’s just ya know a fact about me but.” Lydia huffed frustrated that she couldn’t get the words to come out right, “I don’t know it came so easy when I told Delia but telling you guys felt like when I told my dad. I didn’t want to make a joke about it, I wanted it to be a serious conversation even though I hate those, they stress me out and I put so much pressure on this and then I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom and just….how badly I wish I had been able to tell her about this all. You guys are wonderful but she’d know exactly what to say about all of this, about Wendy about the kids at school that were bullying me about in first in New York and now here.”

“That’s what those assholes were bullying you for!” Adam shouted, “That’s terrible, I’m really sorry you had to deal with all of that, I couldn’t imagine having all of that on your plate at once.”

“It’s really hard sometimes, I feel like I have nobody to turn to even though I live in a house with the most freaking supportive and loving people I have ever met. How many people can say they have five parents?” Lydia chuckled, “But when I’m at school or in my room and they call me all these terrible names it breaks down all the work I’ve done to realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of, I wish I didn’t care if other people found out, I feel like such a coward when I go back to pretending and hiding it all. I want to be like-” she stopped herself from mentioning Wendy not wanting to seem too infatuated with her, “I just want to be confident.”

Adam scooted over towards her and gave her a hug, “It’s not easy, it took me a long time to be okay with it let alone confident. I remember how scared I was when I told Barbara about it thinking she would just want to break up with me because she would assume I was just gay and using her as a cover story or worse that she’d just assume that because I’m bi I’d cheat on her. It was one of the scariest things I ever had to do but when I did it she just smiled and said that she knew the minute that I moved seats in history class after being ‘best friends’ with Alex for like three months. The thing is Lydia that it gets easier, and one day you won’t feel the need to explain yourself or the emotions you feel when coming out. They are all valid, and I know it’s confusing but we’re here for you. We all are.”

Lydia’s heart swelled in her chest with the outpouring of support and acceptance she was receiving that evening. Her father and Delia were wonderful and their support meant just as much to her as theirs but with Adam, she had someone who experienced the things she was experiencing. He was walking proof that things would be okay, that for every hateful person there were a plethora of people having her back and reassuring her that everything would be okay in the end.

“And I know you wish your mom was here, I wish she was here too and that we could all go through this together.”

“I wish I had told her.” Lydia admitted, “I was too scared and there was so much going on in life that I never told her about it. She wouldn’t have cared, she would have reacted like everyone else so far but it feels empty without me knowing it for a fact. It just reminds me that there’s so much she’s never going to get to know about me and something that I could have told her before the end...I didn’t because I was too afraid. It makes me feel terrible.”

Barbara rubbed Lydia’s back sympathetically, “You were a kid, you still are a kid. Accepting yourself for who you are no matter what it is is a hard and time-consuming process, I know you feel like you lied to her but I promise you didn’t, you just weren’t ready to tell her that. I’m positive she understands.”

Lydia wiped at her eyes trying to clear away the tears threatening to spill over with all the talk about her mom. She knew deep down they were right and that her mom wouldn’t be mad at her for keeping it a secret but part of her still desperately wanted to right the wrong and find some way, somehow to tell her but she knew there wasn’t. It was too late, and this would just be another thing that Emily didn’t get to know about her daughter, “I miss her so much. Going back to school was so hard without her and even when things were going well I was still upset about it, then it all fell apart so fast. I feel like I can never have a minute to catch my breath.”

“Then let’s do it now.” Barbara suggested, “Come on. Let’s all take in a deep breath.”

“No, that’s not what I meant..it was metaphorical-”

“It might feel pointless but when you feel like you’re running in circles and you can’t breathe sometimes the best thing you can do is stop for a minute and just focus on your breathing. There’s so much in the world you can’t control but you can control this.”

“I see you paid attention during our yoga class,” Adam remarked

“Better than you did, your snoring disrupted everyone. We may have only gone to one class but I remember vaguely what he said so come on Lydia. Breath in through your nose.”

She rolled her eyes and took in a deep breath through her nose

“Hold it for a few seconds and then exhale through your mouth slowly,” Barbara explained as she went along with the exercise with her. 

With her exhale Lydia felt the tension in her chest lessen just a little and her mind felt a little clearer. She didn’t want to admit it, and it wasn’t perfect but it did make her feel better. It calmed her down. She spent a little more time in the attic talking about less heavy things, them eventually getting out of her more details about Wendy or any other girls she thought were cute. She felt lighter, laughter filling her instead of the urge to cry. She glanced over at the clock after a while and realized that it was almost midnight, and even though she didn’t have school the next day she was supposed to babysit Skye. She wished them goodnight and right when she was about to open the attic door Adam got a mischevious smile on his face and called out, “Lydia, what did you tell us you were again?”

“I’m gay?” Lydia asked confused as they just had a literal hours-long conversation about this 

“Hi gay, I’m Adam.”

She groaned at his dad pun and Barbara smacked him playfull on top the head with a rolled-up newspaper while he howled with laughter. Lydia turned back around to head out the door and was partly down the hallway when she felt a hand on her shoulder, it didn’t shock her as there were tons of people in the house and BJ was always sneaking up on her so she was always on guard. 

Barbara walked around and stood in front of her and smiled, pulling Lydia into a warm hug, “I’m really proud of you for having the courage to tell us. I know you miss your mom, and I know I’m not Emily. I don’t want to be Emily, I would never try to replace her in your life, but I just want you to know that you never have to be afraid to come to us for anything. I am always here to help you with whatever a mother would.”

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Though I know I should be wary

Still I venture someplace scary

Ghostly haunting I turn loose.

Betelgeuse.

BETELGEUSE.

Psycho Analysis: Betelgeuse

“It’s showtime.”

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Here he is, the ghost with the most, the bio-exorcist extraordinaire, the spook who has lived through the Black Plague (and had a pretty good time during it) and who has seen The Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times (and it keeps getting funnier every time he sees it)! From the Tim Burton movie of almost the same name – his name is actually spelled like the star in the constellation of Orion, not like what the movie and the cartoon’s title says it is – Betelgeuse is one hell of a guy, an undead menace like no other. Between the performance from none other than Michael Keaton (which is not surprising since the guy was more of a comedic actor prior to Batman, which this film came out before) and the direction and style granted to him by Tim Burton in his prime, Betelgeuse has cemented himself as one of the most delightfully enjoyable jackasses in fiction.

Actor: I want to believe this is what convinced Tim Burton to cast Michael Keaton as Batman. In fact, I like to imagine this movie is why anyone casts Michael Keaton in anything, ever. Birdman? Spider-Man: Homecoming? Minions? All because of his performance here. He’s clearly having a blast, and he fills Betelgeuse with the sort of insane, depraved manic energy a sleazy undead conman should have. Keaton has apparently said this is his favorite role and he’s down to do the sequel if it ever gets out of development hell, and if he can still provide the same wacky performance as he did back in ‘88 I think we have nothing to fear. He is the glue that holds this film together along with Danny Elfman’s score. Case in point: most of Keaton’s lines were ad libbed. Think of all the hilarious deliveries, dialogue, and jokes that BJ spits out, and think if there had been someone else playng him. I don’t know if anyone else could have come up with anything funnier.

Motivation/Goals: Betelgeuse really seems like an agent of chaos, just doing what he does because it seems fun to him. He is just so gleeful about the prospects of killing people on the job, and he gleefully torments the Maitlands even while they ask for his help, sexually harassing Barbara at every turn and just being a real creep. Later in the film, he implies he really wants to get out of being undead, and so tries to coerce Lydia into releasing him, even forcing her to marry him in return for help freeing the Maitlands from accidentally being exorcised. 

Really, the guy just likes to cause a ruckus. It’s not really expanded upon in the movie, and he’s just played up as a hilariously creepy jerkwad, but apparently the musical adaptation expands on why he does what he does. As far as the movie goes, though... yeah. He’s just a jerk. A really, really funny jerk.

Personality: Betelgeuse is like a sleazy used car salesman cranked up to eleven. He’s motormouthed, he’s unpleasant, he’s sleazy, he’s perverted, and he’s an incredible jerkass… and yet, you just can’t help but love the guy, because Keaton’s energy just shines through and makes him a jerkass in a lovable sort of way. It’s sort of the same principle as Gaston; he’s just so cartoonishly, hilariously over-the-top in how much of a pig he is that you can’t help but enjoy him, especially since he does get his just desserts in the end.

Final Fate: Betelgeuse tries to force Lydia into marriage, and poofs away the Maitlands to make sure they don’t say his name. But this backfires spectacularly: shrinking Adam allows him to drive a toy car into Betelgeuse’s foot, casuing him to drop the ring before he can seal the deal with Lydia, and poofing Barabara out onto the surface of Venus only serves to allow her to wrangle the Sand worm and have it crash through the roof and eat him alive. And then when Betelgeuse gets stuck in the waiting room, he ends up between the man with a shrunken head and the witch doctor who did it to him, and after stealing the witch doctor’s number, Betelgeuse finally is able to get a little head… just probably not in the sense he’d have liked it.

Best Scene: Once he says “It’s showtime,” all bets are off, and he really delivers on his promises to help the Maitlands. It’s actually kind of shocking that he holds up his ends of the bargains he makes; maybe people wouldn’t try and screw him out of his end of the deal if he wasn’t such a raging perverted jackass.

Best Quote: The guy is just a fountain of quality quotes, particularly when he rattles off his qualifications. But I really have to give it to one line, a line that absolutely baffles me as to how it made it into a PG rated film, which Betelgeuse says after kicking over a tree in the town model:

“NICE FUCKING MODEL!”  This is then followed by him grabbing his crotch with cartoonish honking noises. It’s incredible.

Final Thoughts & Score: It’s really hard for me to not call this the definitive Michael Keaton performance, as far as comedies go anyway. He is just really throwing himself into to the role and having an absolute blast with it; there’s not a single moment with him that feels forced or tired, he’s just constantly putting all his effort into making this ghastly slimeball a likable antagonist, and boy does it pay off. To this day, Betelgeuse is a beloved and iconic character in Tim Burton’s filmography, to the point where the guy got his own cartoon show which is in and of itself considered a beloved cult classic. And as if that wasn’t enough, he got his own musical! It takes a special kind of villain to score a big musical gig; just ask a certain green witch.

The thing is, there isn’t much to analyze in the way of character here; he’s really just the way it is because it’s funny. The movie is a dark comedy, after all (though not the darkest comedy starring Winona Ryder that came out in ‘88). Hell, I think the most interesting thing to glean from him is how his most popular outfit, the one he wears all the time in the cartoon and is on everything from the posters to DVD cover, is actually only worn by him for about five minutes of screentime, with the rest of his appearances featuring him in what appears to be ratty, nasty old pajamas. I think part of why the stripey outfit became his signature style is because not only does it look cool, but he wears it for his big moment when he frees the Maitlands and really lets loose.

The other interesting thing to glean from Betelgeuse is how despite being a nasty, horrible person, you just can’t help but love the guy. He’s just so darn funny! Like I mentioned before, I think it is because in a lot of ways, he is like Gaston, who is the poster child for toxic masculinity. Betelgeuse is a slimy sexual harasser, he has no sense of personal space, and he tries to force a young woman to marry him; in real life, this guy would be a vomit-inducing psychopath who people would rightfully want hung out to dry, but here, in this film, he’s hilarious. I think that, much like Gaston, it’s the energy and fun pf the performance, and at least here with Betelgeuse it has to do with how utterly cartoonish he is and how everyone around him has the intended reactions. And, of course, he never really wins, even if he does cause a lot of mischief along the way.

I think Betelgeuse is the sort of magical jackass more fantasy films should aspire to have; there really aren’t many characters worth mentioning who are in the same vein as good ol’ BJ. With that in mind, I think he deserves a 10/10. I think he’s one of Tim Burton’s finest creations, the most lovable of rogues, a truly impressive phantom menace, and he really holds the film together. I long for the day when Michael Keaton’s dream comes true, and they finally make Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian or whatever other absurd concept they would do for a sequel if they decide not to got with Tim’s joke script.

All I can say for sure is: boy am I glad Burton and Keaton changed this from a straightforward horror film into a dark comedy, because I’m not sure I’d like to live in the universe where Betelgeuse was legitimately evil and tried to rape Lydia. Yes, this was really what the film’s original script was like. It just goes to show that sometimes it’s better to be funny than it is to be scary.

[monoshah]

Unconventional Abilities To Possess #4

The ability to be alone.

One of the biggest fears we have is the fear of being alone. And, to some extent, it’s obvious why being alone is looked down upon by the society.  We become weird misunderstood outliers that no one wants to have lunch with.  

And so, the minute we see someone have lunch alone, we automatically assume that something’s wrong with them. But.. just maybe, beyond all the invisible scripts and judgements, there lies some solace in enjoying your own company.

Now, before we dive into the perils of being alone, let’s talk about how, being alone is different from feeling lonely.

Simply put- being alone is being without others, while loneliness is a feeling. Its when one feels misunderstood and disconnected from the society.

And, so often, we look down at people who enjoy their own company because we confuse them with being lonely.

So, to start, here’s a major difference between the two.

You can be alone and not feel lonely, while, at the same time,  feel terribly lonely amongst a group of people.

You can have a hundred friends with you, but, if no one ‘gets’ you, you’d feel pretty lonely. This difference also tells us that the other side is possible, where, you can, at times, enjoy your own company and yet, feel connected and understood by a bunch of people.

So, the question now is- Why in the world would being alone be useful?

Because, unfortunately, we’re all fated to be lonely (but, that’s ok).

 Existential Loneliness

The school of life made an excellent case about this (you can watch their clip about this subject here), highlighting some points that do in fact prove that  we cannot escape loneliness.

Here are some of those harsh truths.

-We’re all different: As much as we’d love everyone to connect one hundred percent, the truth is, we’re all different. We’ve been bought up in different environments, raised by different kinds of people (not to forget- who, were themselves bought up in different environments), and have had different experiences.

Thus, we have different opinions, feelings, and approaches to situations. So, it’s highly unlikely that we will ever find someone who will understand us top to bottom, inside out.

And, sadly, what determines whether or not we find these kind of people is luck. Maybe the person who is completely like you attended that social gathering that you couldn’t go to a couple of years ago.

We convince ourselves that the universe determines things, that, ‘whatever happens, happens for a reason’, but, maybe the universe just is. Maybe it doesn’t do anything that affects our lives.  The point isn’t to start regretting missed opportunities, but, to realize that in reality- luck plays a far bigger role than we can imagine.

And, that’s OK (yes, it’s unfortunate, but, it’s OK).

-We don’t always mean what we say: Why? Because we prefer safety, not honesty.  Think about it- do you tell your friends how you really think about them?  Of course not, why would you, if, that would mean abandonment?

Most often, we try our best to not reveal our true desires and feelings to stay polite, civil, and obedient. And, to a greater extent, that is OK. In fact, it’s essential if we want to live in the republic, that is- if we want to work and live with people.

The Happy Philosopher, writes this in one of his posts,

“Nobody can truly understand what it is to be you; not your parents, best friend, therapist or lover. No one can experience the world in the same way you can. No one can fully understand your pain, joy, sorrow, despair, fear, guilt or shame.”

We come close to telling what we mean, we dance around it, but, we try not to, most of the times.

So, what is the silver lining here? If we’re all fated to be lonely and misunderstood, should we even try?

The Silver Lining

Think about the last time you felt lonely, whenever that was, however recent that was, remember it.

At that moment, what did you do?  Did you reach out to a friend or did you try going inwards and got some meaning from your suffering? Maybe that moment helped you get curious, helped you self-examine and learn something about yourself that you would’ve never learned if it wasn’t for loneliness.

So, the answer to the question “Should we even try?”, is a painful, yet meaningful-yes.

We should aim for intimacy and connection because:

#1 Loneliness helps us go beyond words

A mother describes her love to her children by feeding them.

A lover describes his feelings through love-letters and greeting cards.

We get meaning out of our loneliness when we try to close that gap. And, sometimes, a conversation doesn’t let us to that.  We need more that conversations.

Enter- Art.

All throughout history, loneliness is to be praised for creating life-changing art. In her book, Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone, Olivia Laing reflects on a period of intense loneliness she endured in New York, after a break-up. To do so, she studied how loneliness helped some artists like Wojnarowicz and Darger (amongst others), create thought provoking pieces of work.

Simply put- loneliness helps us gain depth, perspective, and understanding. It helps us examine our suffering and question what we, as ‘social animals’ really need. And, ironically, once we put all that into works of art (paintings, books, blogs, etc), it soothes us like a balm, by either helping us be kinder to ourselves or, helping us find an answer to our loneliness.

So, the next time you think you feel lonely, maybe, just maybe, the pain will help create meaningful thought provoking art.

And that, will, indeed, close the gap.

#2 Loneliness helps us examine ourselves

Socrates once said that an unexamined life is a life not worth living.

But, what really is an ‘examined’ or an ‘unexamined’ life?

And, why are Philosophers more likely to lead examined lives?

As I mentioned before, we’re all different. Thus, it’s tough for people to understand one another completely. Our perceptions, choices, and actions (things within our full control) are influenced by our psyche, which, is influenced by our past (childhood, adolescence years, high school, etc).

Thus, living an ‘examined life’ would mean understanding these patterns of thoughts and feelings. It would mean being aware of why we act a certain way, why, for instance, do we prefer order vs mess (or, the other way around).

Loneliness thus, painfully forces us to do that. It’s precisely that moment of painful nothingness (when we’re utterly alone), that makes us think about what is hurting us so much. If you’re going through a breakup for instance, and, it’s tough for you to stay by yourself, that itself should give you some insights.

It’s when we sit by ourselves with a blank piece of paper (or word document) and spend some time reflecting, that will help us become better version of ourselves.

#3 Loneliness helps us become Kinder

Only once we spend some time suffering, will we understand others better. Why? Because we’ve been there. We know what its like.

We know how confusing our thoughts and feelings can get. We know how painful it can be when it’s tough for you to say what you really mean (because, you’re scared of abandonment and/or judgement).

And, that is precisely what will help us connect. That will help us close the gap.

So, the next time someone talks to you about how alone the feel, you will not blindly advise them about what to do (because simply beyond words, we know we can’t really experience their pain). Instead, you will assure them that no matter what, you will be there to listen and comfort them.  

The next time someone rants about how ‘stupid’ they feel for getting upset about something trivial, you will tell them that its okay. That, the ‘size’ of human suffering is absolutely relative and the fact that they’re getting upset about it will give them some insight. It will help them live an examined life.

Ironically, the fact that we’re all lonely (or will be at some point in our lives), is what makes us connect. That is precisely what helps us understand one another better.

How To Be Alone

Apart from the fact that we’re all fated to be lonely and misunderstood at some point in our lives, learning to enjoy one’s own company is necessary for things like self-development, productivity, etc.

Regardless, let’s wrap this up and discuss something we can do whilst, we’re alone.

#1 Know that it’s OK to be alone

Friedrich Nietzsche, a German Philosopher, once wrote,

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. 

The very first thing we need to adjust is our mindset. Today, if you tell someone that you’re going to spend the weekend by yourself, you’re likely to get some raised eyebrows. Our society looks down upon people who do so, labeling them as ‘anti-social’.

But, why is that the case when enjoying one’s own company increases our individuality, and helps us find personal freedom?

Sara Maitland, a British Writer, wrote an entire book about it, where, she goes back in time and explores the different attitudes people had about spending time by yourself. She also offers experiments and strategies for overturning our irrational fears of solitude. I highly recommend checking it out.

Thus, once we’ve acknowledged the fact that not only is it OK to be alone (despite societal beliefs), but, actually pretty beneficial, we can now go ahead and actually turn this solitude into something productive and self-developing.

#2 Self-Develop

We’re aware of the fact that after a certain point, our habits make or break us. Well, guess what? This is you opportunity to start integrating those healthy habits into your life. Whether you want to start exercising again, explore the whole meditation trend, or, learn a new language.

You can do anything you like.

That said, we should also make sure that our passion doesn’t blind us. That is, we have to be smart about integrating such habits.  Here are two ways to do that:

- Focus on one Keystone habit: Making habits a routine takes a lot of time. So, instead of aiming to do everything in one day, pick one keystone habit and focus on making that automatic for your mind.

Some examples of keystone habits: Exercising, Meditation, Reading, etc. These are habits that, if done regularly, have the potential of impacting each and every area of our lives. Eating healthy for instance is not only going to make you healthier, but, help you focus on work and feel better.

In his book Power Of Habit, Charles Duhigg mentions something called the Habit loop. This basically outlines how habits work and how, we can tweak them for our own use. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend giving it a try (in any case, here’s a video summary of the book).

- Set a low bar for success: Too often, when we start an activity in an effort to make it a daily habit, we can’t help but set unrealistic expectations. If you’ve never been to the gym, aiming to go 5 days/week at the start is not only tough, but, pretty irrational. Your mind firstly doesn’t have the cue, trigger or reward (hint- the habit loop described above), to do this.

So, start by going just once. Yup, just once a week.

What this essentially means is- if you go once a week, you’ve won. Obviously, you can go as many times as you want, but, your objective is to just go once. Setting the bar so low helps you stay motivated and consistent.

- Gain Time Clarity: Be aware of what times of the day are fully in your control. Why? Because that is precisely where you can practice forming your habits. So, if you work a regular 9-5, anytime before or after is what is fully in your control. You can either wake up early and practice your habits, or, do them after work.

Just know- when it’s “you time”, you have the control over whether or not you let other people get in the way of that.

Focusing our energy on the inside helps us grow from the outside. It helps us not only understand who we are, what our biases are (stemmed from our past experiences),  but, also helps us grow beyond that. So, we can become who we want to be, instead of being victims of our stories.

#3 Schedule Time with Others

A year ago, I was fortunate enough to be in a phase of my life, where, being alone was beneficial. And, although it hurt a little at first (since I was so used to being around people), after some time, I started loving it.

I didn’t have to tell anyone where I was or what I was doing. I wasn’t waiting on anyone and nor was anyone waiting on me. It was the perfect peaceful escape. I started exercising, reading, writing, & meditating everyday.

All was good, until, I started noticing something whenever I was around people.

Social anxiety.

It was like a natural force that pushed me away whenever I was around someone. As if, without them telling me anything, I started having toxic thoughts about how everyone on that dinner table was judging me and my looks.

In simpler words- I’d gotten so much ‘me’ time that meeting with people was tough.  When I say tough, I mean really really tough. Just going out with someone to get coffee was a huge dreadful task.

And that is when I started intentionally scheduling time with other people. It didn’t matter for what, as long as I spent a couple of hours listening and connecting with someone. This is where I learned the importance of people. I learned that people, well.. need other people. We are social animals and in order to find meaning, we have to connect with others.

The point of this story is to tell you that our goal isn’t to be on ends of the spectrum, instead, it’s to find a good balance. So, schedule time with your friends, and even if it feels like the most daunting task in the world- do it. Go to that dinner party. Get coffee with that friend. Go explore. You’ll feel lighter, I promise.

Over To You

Maybe you’re going through something tough in your life right now, or, maybe you need some time to pause and just.. be. Whatever the case, I hope this helped you.

I’ll leave it to Nietzsche to end this post with his words-

In Loneliness, the lonely one eats himself. In a crowd, the many eat him. Now choose.