#disciple lejion | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonchild-starlight · 7 years

Text

Humanstuck Headcanons

No one wanted this but me but here we go anyway. Super long post so I’m putting the rest under a readmore

The Vantas Family

Jewish bc Signless is supposed to be Troll Jesus and Jesus was Jewish

But also tan skin and black hair with gray eyes bc I saw fanart of them like that and it was rly good

The Signless

Silas Valantina if you want regular human names

Was raised in foster care by the Dolorosa alongside Disciple and Psiioniic and Porrim

Is actually a pretty cool dad? He’s like super chill and stuff. He supports his kids and everything

Married to Disciple so Meulin and Nepeta are also his kids but more on them later

Kankri Vantas

Keith Valentina

If you actually read what he says he’s actually a huge asshole so everything supported by canon I’m going to put an asterisks next to

Doesn’t really think women are oppressed*

Thinks Mituna is choosing to flail about and not really trying to get better or anything*

Like, pretends that he care about stuff but if you actually listen to his lectures he doesn’t* but no one listens so no one ever catches him*

Karkat Vantas

Kayden Valentina

Albino human, so pasty white skin and hair and red eyes. Wears long sleeves and a lot of sunscreen no matter the season to prevent from sun damage to his skin

Pan and proud but not out because he doesn’t quite know how his family will react? Like out to his friends and dating Dave but not to his family

His family would be cool with it and he knows this consciously but it’s that nagging “What If, What If, What If?” voice in the back of his mind that gets him

Once he had Dave over for dinner so his family could meet his boyfriend but pretended it was just normal

Auntie Porrim started quizzing Dave on how respectful he was of women and Dave kept getting more and more flustered until he shouted I’M BI AND DATING A GUY

At Karkat’s panicked expression, Sollux got up and yelled DAMNIIT 2TRIIDER II WA2N’T READY TWO TELL THEM

So now KK’s family thinks his boyfriend is actually dating his best friend and how the hell is he going to tell them now

The Megido Family

Spanish and Japanese, though the Japanese is more prominent but the name “Megido” kind has a Spanish ring to it

The Handmaid

Hachinoko Martinez

Secretary to this huge corporate asshole who kinda really actually gave her the job to fetishize and ogle her

Pretty void of emotion other than Done™

Lets her daughters do whatever the hell they want

Damara Megido

Daria Martinez (can you tell that I’m bad with names?)

Tbh I don’t know a whole bunch about Damara other than she’s pretty and Japanese and there was a thing with Rufioh and Meenah and idk so I guess all of that except nothing lethal happened and human

Aradia Megido

Arabella Martinez

Used to like LARPing and stuff until one day during a LARP when she was twelve she suffered mysterious head trauma and fell into a coma that she stayed in for a year

When she woke up she had a little memory loss so when Equius told her that she was his girlfriend she believed him for a little but when she got her memories back she shouted at him and punched him a few times (although it didn’t do much damage)

Now she’s dedicating every waking minute to hanging out with her friends and making as many memories as possible

The Nitram Family

Also Spanish because my friend was like “Hey everyone’s names sound kinda Spanish” and i was like “yeah you right”

The Summoner

Santiago Narvaez (again, bad at names. help)

Divorced dad married to a divorced woman and has two stepdaughters he doesn’t quite know how to interact with

Has faith in his kids to do the right thing and so doesn’t really “parent” much anymore but his kids turned out pretty good for the most part so hey

Once organized a city-wide boycott of Crocker products because they were monopolizing hundreds of industries. It only attracted more publicity to Crocker Corporations but it was still an impressive feat

Rufioh Nitram

Rafael Narvaez (someone stop me)

Uh… pretty much the same with Damara. He’s pretty cool? tbh I just like him because Hook is a beloved movie from my childhood I know nothing about this guy.

How dare they take Hook off of Netflix

Tavros Nitram

Teo Narvaez

Sweet summer child

Was once “accidentally” (we are not so sure) run into by his stepsister in the family car and paralyzed from the waist down. Doesn’t hold this against her

Best friends with Gamzee obvs and prolly a little gay for him

Unsure of his romantic/sexual orientation but sure that everything will work itself out

The Captor Family

One of my faves tbh

White with freckles an honey-blond hair. One brown eye, one blue. Glasses. Some sort of weird genetic mutation that spits their tongues in half and causes them to speak with a lisp

The Psiioniic

Philip Candor

Never married, but the mother of his children used to live with them until Mituna’s accident. Then she just up and left. She was a pretty shitty mom anyway they’re better off without her

Programmer for Crockercorp gear

Fed up with his boss’s incessant flirting (the Condesce). Annoyed by her and clearly not into her

Will take any and every opportunity to gush about his sons and show you their baby pictures and tell you everything about them

So proud of his boys

Raised with Signless and Disciple and Porrim but when Dolorosa wanted to adopt him he had a slight crush on the both of his foster siblings and was like “I love you but no thank you”

Over those crushes now and kinda regretting letting them influence such a big decision in his life but Signless and Disciple both think of him as a brother anyway so it doesn’t matter that much anyway

Mituna Captor

Michael Candor

Such a cutie

His hair is curly, unlike his father and brother’s, and his bangs cover his face

He actually doesn’t need glasses, also unlike his father and brother

When he was ten he was trying to do a complicated skateboarding trick and when he wiped out he his his head on the pavement really hard and wasn’t wearing a helmet. He suffered permanent brain damage and is mostly blind in one eye

The doctors said he was bleeding so much that if Kurloz hadn’t been there and called 911 he would have been dead by the time anyone found him

Still scored Latula in freshman year though so he’s doing just fine

Sollux Captor

Seth Candor

Taking after his father as a programmer extraordinaire

Nerdy, snarky, sarcastic, selfless

Buuut once spent three days rewriting the entire bee movie script in his typing quirk so he could send it to others “accurately”

Remember the dinner at Karkat’s house? Yeah he didn’t want Karkat to come out until he was ready even though he himself wasn’t quite ready. Selfless.

Everything turned out okay though

He and Karkat play each others’ Mario Maker levels and his are so difficult Karkat can’t play them around other people for risk of violence

Actually super close friends with Dave because the biggest tragedy in Homestuck is that they never got to have a conversation

They fucking Rick Roll each other all the time but with shitty recorder versions of “My Heart Will Go On” to the point where it’s just videos of each other screeching something that maybe sounds like it?

Used to date Aradia but then she fell into a coma and they just… never picked it back up

Not romantically into Feferi but lets Eridan believe it to make a fool of him

Identifies as agender but uses him/his pronouns because he honestly doesn’t fucking care what pronouns you use, he doesn’t mind, him/his are just the default

And then of course there are days when he does mind and will go off on you for it but eventually just apologizes and recognizes that you didn’t do anything he didn’t say was okay and reinforces that yeah, you can still use him/his or they/them or even she/her if you want

Is hella bi and maybe into Dave???? Just a little????? but would never admit to it because that’s Karkat’s man and also because he’s not so sure he actually is in the first place

Is an asshole, but a nice asshole? Will stick up for you from bullies but immediately afterwards start teasing you. Will steal your fries or chips at lunch while you’re not looking but will give them back if you ask him to

Bipolar, poor son

God I love him

Man there’s a lot just wait til i get to Kurloz

The Leijon Family

Have a lot of French blood in them

White with olive green eyes and light brown hair

the house where stray cats come to be fed and possibly adopted if they like the house’s residents enough

The Disciple

Desarae Leijon (because Leijon sounds hella french yo)

Raised with Porrim, Signless, and Psiioniic

Also denied adoption because she had a crush on Signless but her choice worked out for her

Has four children that she loves very very much but she is a busy journalist

She always makes time in her schedule for her family though

Just an awesome mom

Wow

Oh yeah was born in France and spent most of her formative years there but shortly after her family moved to America they died from some illness and she got put into foster care

Meulin Lejion

Marinette Leijon (Miraculous, simply the best, put to the test when things GO WRONG)

Born partially deaf, can hear loud noises but can’t make out words

Uses a hearing aid… when she wants to

Dated Kurloz for a few years but they broke up amicably after deciding they were better as friends and have stayed friends

People think they’re together when they hang out but nah

Likes to ship her friends

Even though she can’t hear it most of the time, her text alert noise for Kurloz is “Spooky Scary Skeletons”

Lowkey stoner and got Kurloz into it

Helped him kick the harder stuff though, but never did any of that shit herself

Nepeta Leijon

Nadine Leijon

She’s actually autistic in canon, Karkat says so in the first conversation with see her have with him and I don’t think he’s the type to use the exact word “autistic” as an insult

Also sometimes I picture her like five or six and sometimes the same age as everyone else I can’t decide but is pretty badass for her small size either way

She is tiny but Buff

She can kick your ass and steal your lunch money but she won’t because she’s super nice and wants to be your friend

The Maryam Family

Caucasian but like your stereotypical vampire

Pasty white with dark hair

and pretty green eyes

And they all are tall and elegant and have aged so gracefully

The Dolorosa

Delores Maiden

Widowed while she and her husband were trying to have children. She had Porrim and was like “I want to help all the children in the world”

Raised Signless, Disciple, and Psiioniic all along with her biological daughter Porrim

When they reached their teens she asked them if they wanted her to adopt them since it was highly unlikely that they’d be adopted out of the system by now but only Signless agreed

Had a change-of-life baby (with her husband’s sperm from a sperm bank they’d stored it in before he died) as her kids reached adulthood and started having their own kids, right before she got to old to have children

Owns a tailor shop

Porrim Maryam

Portia Maiden (yeah I couldn’t find a good P name)

Is an Adult and a tattoo artist at a feminist tattoo parlor

Chose not to have children because she didn’t want them herself but Loves and Supports her sister and niblings (nephews and nieces)

Chose not to have a steady partner because she doesn’t want one but keeps her revolving doors open

Pan and beautiful

Strong, independent woman who don’t need no man or woman or nonbinary person but isn’t opposed to spending a night or two with one

Kanaya Maryam

Karen Maiden (eeesh)

Likes sewing and fashion and trying to help her friends

Lesbian and in love with her beautiful gf Rose Lalonde

Y’know pretty much perfect, canon Kanaya

So beautiful

The Pyrope Family

Freckled caucasian redheads

Neophyte Redglare

Rebecca Paigne (now i been reading “Common Sense” by Becca Paigne, so men say that i’m “intense” or “unsane”)

Badass lawyer

Like, the best in the state

Super awesome mom, too

On her days off she dedicates the entire day to her girls and just doing things with them

She and Disciple tie for best mom

Well aside from Dolorosa

anyway super cool

Latula Pyrope

Layla Paigne

Pretty much canon Tula she’s perfect

Just so great and also great with Mituna

They’re seriously Goals

Terezi Pyrope

Teresa Paigne

Has synthesia . Her friends’ voices trigger a specific color that triggers a specific scent. Even after she went blind because of glaucoma, she can still see the colors against the darkness (note to self: research to see if this can happen and then edit the post) (just researched it and yes, that indeed can happen)

Had a crush on Vriska, then Karkat, then Dave, and is now footloose and fancy-free without any crushes on anyone. Just let her be happy

Pretty close with Nepeta

The Serket Family

Caucasian with blue eyes and blonde hair

Marquise Spinneret Mindfang

Sonya Maya Sanders

Divorced Dualscar, and her daughters decided to stick with her

Remarried to Summoner in a much healthier relationship

They create chaos together it’s cute but terrifying

Doesn’t talk with her stepsons much but supports them

Is a pretty aggressive driver tbh

Has a sign in her backseat that says “If you’re going to ride my ass then at least pull my hair, dickweed” and whenever any car drives too close to her she has someone put it up in the back windshield for a little while

Aranea Serket

Anna Sanders

Don’t know much about her either

I avoided all of the characters I didn’t care about I’m sorry

Vriska Serket

Victoria “Vicky” Sanders

Accidentally-on-purpose hit Aradia in the head with a shovel and put her into a coma when she got too passionate during LARPing

Was driving the family car when she wasn’t supposed to and accidentally or purposefully (even she’s not sure) hit her stepbrother, paralyzing him from the waist down

Can get people to do what she wants and usually uses this power for lowkey evil, like getting out of classwork and setting people against each other

But is super protective of her friends and family

No one but her is allowed to fuck with Tavros, who do you think you aaaaaaaare????????

The Zahhak Family

I got “Horace” and “Ezekiel” for names but i have no idea for their ancestor

Seriously all of them make me so uncomfortable

I saw fanart of Equius as an African American dude and it was rly good and it’s been my headcanon for them ever since

That’s completely separate from the reason they make me uncomfortable

Equius is kinda classist but adores Nepeta and protects her even though she doesn’t really need to be protected

The Makara Family

Awwwwwww yeeeaaaaaaah here we go motherfuckers

My other favorite fam

Hispanic with vitiligo and pretty purple eyes

V tall and hella intimidating? they have this terrifying aura around them that gets people to literally run out of their way, crowds part like the red sea around them

But they’re literally the nicest people you could ever meet

They have some sort of weird religion that borrows from a lot of different religions, but mostly non-theistic Satanism

They don’t worship Satan, that’s what non-theistic means, so their religion is more about following your own path, self-worship, and doing what makes you happy as long as it harms no one else

Their house looks like an occult shop fucked a rock concert and it’s beautiful

The Makaras we know and love are actually part of a huge extended family, but GHB is sorta technically illegitimate and also they’re terrifying, so no one else really wants to associate with them, and our Makaras all think the rest of them are assholes and don’t want to associate with them either so they only time either side acknowledges the other’s existence is at the annual family reunion, during which Gamzee and Kurloz shit talk the others in sign language and GHB interacts politely with the other adults and slips them underhanded insults that nobody’s really sure if it was meant to be an insult or not.

They’re all really good at rapping (well, Kurloz would be if he chose to speak)

Genetic anger issues that will be elaborated on later

They own all of the Darren Lynn Bousman movies (Devil’s Carnival 1 and 2, Repo! The Genetic Opera)

The Grand Highblood

Abaddon Makara

Used to be a bodyguard for the Condesce but worked his way through the ranks and now he owns the damn bodyguard company

he is fucking Built my man he’s stronk

Has one of those faces where you can’t tell how old he is? he could be in his early twenties or his early fifties you have no idea but women from all of those ages flirt with him

He playfully flirts back but rarely ever takes someone home

Had an abusive dad

his dad actually may have raped his mom and that’s how he came to be but things are very vague and no one talks about it

Has an older half-brother (goatdad) who he hasn’t spoken to in years

Really protective of his sons and his sons’ friends

Befriended Signless and Disciple but is more acquaintances with Psiioniic

Super cool man

So awesome

Once in his teenage years he almost killed a man

He got out of there before the cops could show up and no one knew it was him but then he was horrified about what he did and decided to get help

ties his hair back I to a ponytail with a single hairband, which should be impossible and only adds to the impossility of this family

takes the hairband out to look more intimidating with all this hair and once did this to intimidate the PTA to start cracking down in bullying when Gamzee was younger and getting his ass kicked because the poor kid was too nice to fight back when he was younger

Kurloz Makara

My husband

Carlos Makara (you had to have seen that coming)

okay so he has like no gag reflex

he found this out at age seven and freaked out, running around the house shoving things down his throat

Now that I think about it that would have been a good way for him to damage his vocal cords and go mute but my way is angstier to that’s what I’m going with

His mom died in a car crash when he was twelve and the last thing he said to her was “I hate you” because they were having an argument

He’s barely spoken since and it’s more about self-forgiveness than anything else

Actually really hates himself

The only things he’s said since his mom died were “I love you” once you Meulin and then when Cronus was fucking with Mituna he kicked the shit out of the fucker and growled in his ear “If you so much as speak to Mituna again, I will kill you”

Cronus now pretends that Mituna doesn’t exist

Has piercings around his lips with strings tied to them to make them look like stitches

He takes them out to eat, brush his teeth, wash his face, and when getting into fights

Dated Meulin for a while but they decided they were better off as friends (because I don’t want tradgedy to strike my kids I love them too much)

Used to have a crush on Mituna when they were younger but currently has a crush on no one

Plays the cello

Actually mastered the cello

Actually is a musical prodigy he plays like a hundred intruments and the string intruments are his favorites, especially the cello

He’s super great i lov ehim

Is a year older than everyone else but in the same year as them

He had to repeat his junior year because he missed so much school

He missed so much school because he had a drug problem

No one talks about it

It’s not a sensitive subject or anything, it’s just that everyone knows he’s clean now and that he’s wiser and stronger for the experience so they’re like “meh, it happened. tell me something I don’t already know about”

Well, mostly clean. He still smokes weed but that’s pretty much harmless sooo

Oh, is actually pretty casual about sex

Like, is a fan of casual, platonic sex. It’s more of an expression of emotional intensity, be that emotion be romantic or platonic or (as is rumored) hatred

Was both Mituna and Meulin’s first, actually

Doesn’t really have sex with Mituna anymore since Mituna has a girlfriend but he and Meulin sometimes do

Oh, his ringtone and notification for her is Nyan Cat so when they get into long conversations you just hear the nyan cat song nonstop and see GHB hitting his head against a wall

Unironically likes Spooky Scary Skeletons

Unironically likes Tim Burton movies

Has insomnia, and nights when he can’t sleep he drives around town aimlessly

Deals with his anger by bottling it up until it bursts (usually because of Cronus) and he has to take it out on something (usually Cronus)

Occasionally manages to vent it in his poetry, which he then turns into songs, and he never shows them to anyone because they’re none of anyone else’s business

Doesn’t just smoke pot, but the occasional cigarette

his hair is roughly shoulder-length and he will also pull his hair back into a ponytail, either for aesthetic or when he’s doing something and it’s getting in his face

also wears stuff like crop tops and leggings and tights and stocking and pulls them off like nobody’s business guys in crop tops and leggings and stocking and stuff are cute as hell

See i told you I’d write a lot about him

Gamzee Makara

James “Gamzee” Makara

actually isn’t GHB’s son

GHB is his uncle but his dad, GHB’s half-brother (goatdad), abandoned him on GHB’s doorstep without a word when he was two and never came back so GHB adopted him and raised him as his own

Plays guitar

Isn’t really stoner but uses pot to pacify his anger and it works

Has a crush on the Graverobber from Repo! The Genetic Opera

Friend of the world

Is a hug dealer at school

kids come up to him like “hey can I buy some pot” like around finals and stuff but instead he just kinda

hugs them

and reassures them that everything is going to be okay and they’re going to do great things

so everyone loves my son

When he has movie night with Tavros you’re supposed to close your eyes and pick one but he always cheats and picks a Peter Pan movie

Tav hasn’t caught on yet

The Ampora Family

Scottish, freckled and redheaded with thick accents

I actually have a lot to say about them

Orphaner Dualscar

Owen-Daniel Abernathy

Owns a huge and profitable fishing company

When he was younger was more like Cronus, a perverted asshole who refused to take “no” for an answer, but when he was chasing after the Condesce he got the shit beat out of him by her bodyguard (GHB), resulting in his two scars across his face, and took it as a wake up call

Completely changed his life around and is a really cool, decent person who wants his sons to be good people

disappointed with Cronus but is still trying to shape him to be a better person while maintaining the boy’s individuality

Married Mindfang and had four kids but it was not at all healthy for anyone involved and eventually they just hated each other so much

They battled for custody over the kids until they were like “why not let them decide” an the girls decided to live with mom and his sons decided to live with him

The kids visit the other parent every other weekend but hardly see each other, but they don’t mind

Cronus Ampora

Colin Abernathy

I don’t understand why everyone is in love with him the guys literally sexually harasses Mituna (even if it’s “just a shoulder touch” sexual harassment is defined as any unwanted physical contact) and you bet your sweet ass this shit goes down in this humanstuck au

That’s actually why Kurloz beat the fuck outta him

He’s the type of guy, even in canon, who thinks he’s owed companionship for acting nice

Is actually pretty rude

Uses suicide threats to get attention

Doesn’t give a shit about personal space

I’m not joking guys this all happens in canon

He’s shit

He’s actually really hot but he’s actual, non-ironic trash

He’s a hobo fire

He’s going to get his ass majorly handed to him one day but unlike his father he won’t change at all

Someone is going to kill him and no one will be surprised

his family will mourn but agree that he kinda had it coming to him

I honestly can’t think of a redemption arc for him but I’m open to suggestions

Eridan Ampora

Eric-Daniel “Eridan” Abernathy

Is kinda arrogant and full of himself

More in love with the idea of Feferi than actually in love with Feferi

But he! Has! Potential!

He definitely has the potential to be a good person! He’s lonely and geeky and passionate about nerdy things and if he uses his dad as a role model and not his brother, when he matures a little I can definitely see him becoming pretty cool

It’s a shame he never got a canon redemption arc

I’ll let you in on a secret: He gets a redemption arc here

I’m not sure what it is yet, but as he gets older and more mature he becomes a better person with many friends and maybe ends up with Fef idk yet

The Peixes Family

Samoan

I had this headcanon way before Moana was announced btw

Also I couldn’t find any Samoan names starting with C for the Condesce so I went with I because Her Imperious Condescension

Her Imperious Condescension

Iosefina Paema

Runs Crocker Corp. for the owner, a Mr. English who demands everyone call him “Lord” for one reason or another

Actually kinda hates him

Hates his secretary more

Okay but I headcanon her to be super maternal so she’s like the ultimate soccer mom

She attends every PTA meeting and is on the verge of physically fighting Linda

Screeches at Helen because your kids need to be vaccinated, beach! Are you honestly tellin’ me you’d rather let your kid glubbin’ die of an easily-preventable fatal illness than be autistic?! That’s cod-dam false science anyway!

etc., etc

Kinda into Psiioniic but mostly just likes to irritate him

Sassy and elegant, but also a bad bitch fuckin’ queen I love Condy

Meenah Pexies

Malia Paema

She’s a boss ass bitch and super awesome

I don’t know much about her whole storyline but I fuckin’ adore her

She adores her lil’ sis and would do anything for her

Takes every opportunity to remind Eridan that no mater what nobody says, he will never be as shitty as his brother

Feferi Pexies

Pretty good friends with Sollux. She has a budding crush on him but can tell that he’s not into her so she’s content just being his friend

Fa’auma Paema

tbh I never paid much attention to Feferi, I found her insufferably annoying because she’s constantly happy but you know what, that’s a good quality

She’s pretty cool

She can see right through Eridan but she wants him to be a good person so she hangs out with him

29 notes · View notes