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dangerousstrawberryshark · 3 years

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Fun in the Stalls.

A/N: Hello, my 🍓Little Strawberries🍓! Welcome to day 4 of Kinktober! This one I could find.

Day 4: Public Play/Sex

Pairing: Brennen Taylor x male reader

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 1543

Summary: your boyfriend, Brennen, teased you during the ride to a restaurant. You get back at him, but he had something in store for you.

I hope you enjoy this! Sorry if it's bad! And sorry for any errors that are found!

If you like what I write, how about check out my masterlist?

Keys:

M/n: Male name

F/D: Favorite Dish

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DISCLAIMER: I MEAN NO OFFENSE OR DISRESPECT TO ANY OF THESE CELEBRITIES. THIS IS JUST FICTION.

MINORS DNI. FEMALE READERS… I’ll ALLOW YOU TO READ MY FICS BUT DO NOT FETISHIZED ANY OF MY STORIES

TAGS: @gayhopefullove @softboy5393 @elliot-damon-2006

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You were examining yourself in the mirror to see if you looked good. Caught up in your daze, you didn’t notice your hot Mexican boyfriend, Brennen Taylor, come up behind you. (Am I allowed to say that?)

Suddenly, you were engulfed by two strong, muscular arms. “AH!” you yelped, scared by the sudden touch. “Boo.” You playfully smacked Brennen’s bicep.

“You almost ready babe? You’ve been taking forever to get ready!” Brennen complained like a little kid. Removing his arms from your waist.

He was wearing a jean jacket with a black shirt underneath. Along with various rings that adorned his fingers. (The picture) Sexy as hell. “I don’t know if I look good!” you said, turning back to the mirror.

“The fuck you talking about? You always look amazing.” Brennen said, grabbing you and twirling you around. “Ravaging, even.” He growled as he moved his hands down your hips.

You giggled at him. “And you too are ravaging,” you said, tracing your finger up his chest, feeling the fabric of his shirt and his nice abs. He had amazing abs that made you drool.

“If you keep doing that baby boy, I may have to cancel the date,” Brennen growled in your ear, gripping your hips tighter.

It was a double date, Sam was bringing his girlfriend, Katrina. (Are they still together?)

You smirked at him before rubbing your ass against his crotch. You could feel his bulge growing, “Let’s get going.” you said, walking away from him and going to the front door.

Brennen was dumbfounded, now he had a noticeable boner. “Two can play this game,” he murmured before walking to the front door. And hiding his boner.

He walked outside to see you in the car already. You were on your phone scrolling through TikTok/Instagram/Snapchat/Facebook. He opens the door and gets in himself.

“Where is this restaurant again?” Brennen said with irritation in his voice, you didn’t take notice.

“It’s five blocks from here,” you say to him, getting off the app you were on and looking at the map on your phone.

He started the car and pulled out the driveway. Along the way, Brennen laid his hand on your inner thigh. His large hand makes you squirm, he knows it turns you on.

“T-turn… here.” you stuttered, trying to stay calm as Brennen’s hand began to move and tease you. Like how you did him.

Not long after, y’all arrived at the place. Brennen gets out first and opens the door for you. You giggled at him, but you also had to hide your bulge.

You both walked in and got a booth. You slid in first, followed by Brennen. You both ordered your drinks, and Brennen took this time to place hands on your inner thigh.

You squirm in your seat, and then he moves his hand into your pants and begins to play with your hard cock. “Ngh…” he smirked, pumping your cock.

The waiter came back with your drinks along with Sam’s and Katrina’s. He pumps it faster and you could feel yourself on the verge of cumming. You covered your mouth, trying not to let out a moan.

“May I take your order?” the waiter said, looking at you weirdly. You tried to keep quiet, but Brennen was making it harder.

“I-I’ll h-have… F/d.” you stuttered over your words. Brennen looked over and smirked before giving his order. “I’ll have the same as my lovely dear. Also, when those two come, be sure to come back.”

The waiter takes away your menus and goes back to the kitchen. He pumps your cock faster until you release it all over his hand.

He pulls his hand out from under the table and licks your cum off your finger. He smirked at you, but what he didn’t expect was for you to grab his fingers and lick your cum.

You took his fingers into your mouth, deepthroating them. Brennen was turned on by this. His big cock was growing in his pants. And you took notice of it.

You begin to massage his growing cock. Brennen threw his head back at the stimulation.

You looked around to make sure the coast was clear. When it was clear, you slipped under the table and began to remove his pants.

You put a finger onto your lips, telling him to stay quiet. You removed his boxers to be met with a large piece of meat.

Brennen’s cock was so big, so tasty. It had one big vein that led to the tip, big cum-filled balls, and a fat tip leaking with precum. You slowly stroke his aching cock that was just waiting to burst. And on top of that, it was girthy.

His eyes widen and look around to make sure no one was looking before looking back at you.

You smirked, stroking his cock faster before tracing your wet tongue along the prominent vein. His breathing was becoming more erratic, you took this opportunity to swallow him whole. Pushing his cock down your throat.

He covers his mouth to hold in his moans. You bobbed your head faster as you could feel his cock twitch in your mouth.

“Fuck… I’m cumming!” Brennen said, grabbing your head and pushing you down his cock.

You gagged as you felt his hot load rush down your throat. “Fuck babe,” Brennen said, breathing heavily. You zipped his pants up.

“Meet me in the bathroom for round two, daddy.” You said seductively into his ear. And you walked off to the bathroom. Brennen was hard again.

The thought of getting caught doing the dirty turned Brennen on. As he was about to get up, he heard a familiar voice.

“Hey bro! Where’s M/n?” It was Sam and he arrived with his girlfriend. “He went to the bathroom, I’m gonna go to get him,” Brennen said, getting up and heading to the restroom.

Brennen walked into the bathroom to see your hands on the wall, presenting your tight hole to him. What was hotter was that you were fingering yourself. Brennen walked towards you. You could hear him undo his pants and slip down his boxers.

His cock was hard again for round 2.

“Fuck… you look so hot, babe. Can’t wait to pound this boy pussy (sorry to those who find that uncomfortable). You can pull your fingers out, I’ll replace it with something much… bigger.” Brennen growled into your ear.

You whimpered at his dominance. You could feel his cock slap each of your cheeks individually. “Please… enter me,” you begged Brennen, wiggling your ass trying to entice him.

Brennen growled, his cock grew harder, aching to be inside. Then, you felt two large hands pulling your cheeks apart, revealing your hole to him.

You felt his fat cock heat the entrance of your ass. You whimpered, trying to push back, but Brennen held you in place. “Want me to pound this ass? Fill you to the brim with my cum?”

“Please… just fuck me-” With one thrust, Brennen pushed his cock all the way in. Your moan echoed in the quiet bathroom.

You and Brennen were fucking out in the open, not even going into a stall. He begins to thrust into you. His cock opened you up some much and hit the right places.

You were a moaning mess. “Fuck- no matter how many times I fuck the life out of you, you’re still tight!” Brennen groaned, throwing his head back in pleasure.

“Y-you’re cock is so big!” You moaned, eyes rolling back and tongue rolled out. You pushed back to meet his thrusts.

“Fuck, pound that slut.” You both stopped what you were doing and looked at the entrance of the bathroom.

There was Sam, jerking off to the two of you fucking. “How about we give him a show?” Brennen said before you say anything.

Brennen turned you around to face Sam and thrust right back into you. The bathroom was filled with moans and groans.

“I-I’m gonna... c-cum soon!” You said, throwing your head back landing on Brennen’s shoulder.

“Me too! Fuck, you’re clenching around me! Milk my fucking cock slut!” Brennen growled, Sam could feel himself coming soon.

“I’M CUMMING!” Brennen yelled you could feel his hot cum feel you. At the same time, you and Sam came together.

“That was fun.”

THE END!

A/N: I hope this was good! Be prepared for day 5! Bye, my 🍓Little Strawberries!🍓

#x male reader #male reader #male reader insert #male reader imagine #brennen taylor #brennen taylor imagine #brennen taylor smut #brennen taylor fic #brennen taylor x male reader #brennen taylor x reader #kinktober 2021

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weirdochick56 · 4 years

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Dress- Dean Winchester One Shot

Jealous!Dean Winchester x Plus-Size!Reader

Warnings: Self-hatred,self-doubt talks badly about self, weight, etc. PLS PLS if you’re sensitive to this please don’t read!

Word Count: 5,155 words

Disclaimer: I don’t own any SPN characters/plots mentioned.

Summary: “I don’t want you like a best friend Only bought this dress so you could take it off” (Loosely based on the song “Dress” by Taylor Swift.)

It shouldn’t hurt this much right?

To watch something that was never yours to begin with get taken away from you, that was.

It shouldn’t feel like someone was stabbing a dozen daggers into your chest all at once then twisting it around once it was well and sunk inside your skin. It shouldn’t.

You have to know by now; Dean Winchester would only ever belong to you in your dreams.

A man like him- tall, gorgeous, charming- would never go for someone like you.

If he hadn’t done so during the many years he’d known you why would he start now?

That slender, big-chested, perky blonde on the other hand- she was exactly the kind of woman he’d go for.

And the way he looked at her, gripped onto her protruding hips and gazed at her glossy lips- it was more than obvious how much he wanted to get her into his bed.

You had spent years wishing that was you. Wishing those rough hands would hold you like that, that those sparkling emerald eyes would ravage you hungrily.

Unfortunately, not only did Dean only see you as a little sister, but you were the farthest thing from his type.

With a sharp inhale, you force yourself to look away from the heinous scene unfolding before you, even when it took nearly all your strength to do so.

Because you couldn’t tear your eyes away from how easily her body curved in that skin tight red dress, the way her long legs seemed to go on for miles in those heels...and then comparing her utter perfection to your own body- only to come up short.

You were always too fat. Your curves were always too aggressive, too vuloptuous and out of control.

Not to mention, you could never pull off a dress like that. You knew this which is why you stuck to baggy jeans, and big t-shirts and flannels.

It was what you felt comfortable in, after all.

Never pretty- you don’t remember the last time you’ve felt pretty, but that was why comfort was what really mattered to you.

Without noticing it, your eyes fill to the brim with tears when you peek back at them and realized the way Dean’s hand fit so neatly in her tiny wasp-like waist, plump pink lips tilted upwards into a tiny smirk as he stares her down with hunger.

You never even stood a chance, did you?

When the sinking feeling settles in you at the thought, like an anchor sinking to the bottom of an ocean, you suddenly get off your stool, slamming a twenty on the bar.

“I’m leaving Sammy,” you inform your best friend, trying to keep your voice from breaking.

“Y/n-“ He opens his mouth to retort something to you but one look at your face and his mouth instantly snaps shut.

You probably looked like a kicked puppy.

He offers a sympathetic little frown, looking like he wants so badly to say something but instead only nods at you without further protest.

You sniffle, shoulders sagging with the weight of your heartbreak as you trudged your way back to the dank motel you’d gotten for the night.

After a long shower and changing into a baggy shirt and shorts, you tucked yourself into your bed and began watching some TV, trying your damn hardest not to burst into tears in case the brothers came back.

This was the way it would always be.

Another town, another night, another hunt.

“Friggin witches man,” Dean hisses with disdain, shaking his head. “I hate them.”

You can’t help but laugh at him. “I, for one, like witches.”

Both Sam and him stare at you like you’ve grown two heads.

“...dead,” you quip with a tiny smirk, pausing right outside the motel door.

Sam chuckles, pressing the key into the slot and pushing the door open for you. “Yeah,” he agrees.

“Second that, sweetheart,” Dean sighs out with a soft smile, ruffling your hair as he walked past you and made a beeline to the bathroom.

Your chest tightens at the tiny gesture as you pause by the door.

And once more it was made clear to you just who you were to Dean; a kid. A sister.

That’s all you’d ever be, you keep reminding your crushed hopes everytime they resurrected.

You wanted to stomp them out and keep them that way, but you just couldn’t help but let a tiny part of you hope for something more.

Despite how impossible it was for that to happen.

Sam presses a gentle kiss to your forehead when he gently pushes past you and sees your conflicted expression, rubbing your back comfortingly.

“We’re going out tonight- somewhere special to celebrate. You’re coming right?”

You shoot him a look as if to say ‘really?’.

Ever since the last time you’d seen Dean with that blonde woman, you refused to go with them to any more bars, opting to stay home in your pjs, eating ice cream and binging TV.

“No,” you instantly reject the offer.

Of course Sam knew exactly why you were refusing, but whenever Dean asked, you had to make up excuses so he wouldn’t get suspicious.

Most of the time you just acted like you were too sick or too tired from the hunt and although you could tell he was concerned for you, he fortunately never pushed for more than you were willing to give him.

“But why not?” He whines. “It’s gonna be fun I promise. Plus we get to dress up for once.”

You laugh. “You say it like I wanna dress up this whale body of mine.”

“Y/n,” he enunciates sternly. “Don’t talk like that. You’re gorgeous.”

You instantly scoff, rolling your eyes. “Okay.”

“He ain’t lying,” Deans gruff voice chides in.

A towel hangs low on his slim hips as he steps out fresh from the shower.

His tan skin glistening with fresh water, sparkling green eyes, damp dirty blond hair clinging to his forehead and that manly scent are all entirely too much for you.

“I never got why you feel the need to bring yourself down, sweetheart. You’re pretty.”

You have to force yourself to snap your gaze onto your duffel bag, aimlessly ruffling through your clothes to make yourself look busy.

“I-I’m too tired,” you manage to stammer out, trying to control your pounding heartbeat.

Dean clicks his tongue with slight irritation. “You always say that.”

“Well I am,” you insist. “Plus guys, it’s not like some fancy night club is really my scene anyways.”

Sam huffs. “Yeah, it isn’t ours either. But we deserve a night out, don’t you think?”

“You guys can go. I’ll just stay here and-“

Dean cuts you off. “And what, Y/n? Wallow in self-pity?”

“Dean,” Sam warns.

“No, Sam. I’m right and she’s knows it. Look at me, sweetheart,” he commands and acting on pure instinct, you obey.

His breathtaking gaze bores straight into you, unwavering. “You think I haven’t noticed how strange you’ve been acting lately? How you refuse to share so much as a beer with us? You’re sad and I’m worried about you,” he breathes softly.

You swallow the lump in your throat, but your brain is still unable to form anymore words. You just stare at him, watery eyed, praying to whatever will listen that the truth doesn’t burst out of you.

That you don’t blurt something like “it’s because of you dummy. Because you break my heart everytime you leave with a new set of tits. Because you could never love me the way I love you.”

Sensing your discomfort, Sam tries to diffuse the situation. “You can stay if you want to, Y/n. We understand. Right, Dean?”

Even without even looking at him, you know Sam is giving Dean a death stare.

Dean looks at you then back up at Sam, sighing. “Fine. Yeah okay.” And walks towards the bathroom to get dressed.

You instantly relax once the weight of his gaze is off you, shoulders drooping.

“Y/n. C’mon, you need to unwind. At least think about it? Look if you change your mind I texte you the address. ”

You purse your lips, staring at his puppy dog eyes. “Okay,” You whisper softly.

A little while later, the boys are all dressed up and ready to go- meanwhile you’re still in your pjs.

Dean looks absolutely scrumptious and all you want to do is rip that button off right off those broad freckled shoulders and mess up that perfectly styled spiky blonde hair.

The green-eyed five course meal pauses before you, frowning. “Not saying you don’t look good in them, but maybe a change of clothes once in a while wouldn’t hurt, sweets.”

He presses a kiss to your forehead, petting your head as he walks out.

You know he didn’t mean it like that with his remark.

Dean would never bring you down like that, but for some reason it still stung like a bitch.

To further confirm that you would never be the kind of woman he’d please endlessly or hell- even look twice at was something Dean probably hadn’t realized he’d done but that stuck with you for the rest of your uneventful night.

At the peak of your boredom, you start looking through old pictures of you and the brothers. The nostalgia that flooded through you at the memories nearly made you cry as you came to stop on a certain one- your favorite picture.

It was one with only you and Dean, leaning on the impala. He was staring down at you with a soft smile and made you laughed gleefully at some dumb shit he’d said.

Your chest clenches tightly at the look in his eyes. It almost looked...wistful. Like he was happy and sweet and tender but also...sad.

It was the same look you’d give him.

You gasp without noticing. What if-

No.

You stop yourself before letting your thoughts get much farther and shove the picture away.

Stop getting your hopes up Y/n.

Maybe Dean was right and it was time for a change.

Because if you were going to forget the Dean Winchester, you were gonna need a hell of a replacement and the only way to get that was to at least try to look good.

You started with your hair, curling it loosely so it fell softly over your shoulders. Then you shaved your legs and went about doing your make up.

You weren’t very good at make up, but you had watched a few you tube videos so you settled for a deep wine lipstick, a bit of a Smokey eye and some mascara. Good enough.

Next was your clothes. You didn’t have very many nice clothes, but at some point Sam had convinced you to buy a few dresses and heels along with your formal FBI suits in case you needed it in the future.

You never did which had made you extremely grateful because you didn’t feel comfortable in anything other than your baggy clothes.

“Today isn’t about comfort though,” you mutter to yourself with disdain, tugging uncomfortably on the tight black dress as it clings to your thick thighs.

You clasp on some heels, walking around a bit for practice. Your ankles bend and your knees wobble at first, but the longer you walk in them, the easier it gets.

When you feel comfortable enough, you head over to the mirror, staring at yourself.

Instantly, a wave of insecurity slams down on you. The dress left basically nothing to the imagination and you were less than pleased.

Your tummy was protruding and your thighs were basically glued together. Your stretch marks were in full view too.

Before you let the thoughts get to you too much, you stop staring at yourself and spin on your heel to walk away from it.

Not today Y/n. Not when you’re this desperate to stop caring for someone who would never care for you in the way you did.

You’re forgetting Dean remeber?

Needless to say, your resolve doesn’t last long once you step foot into the night club bar situation the brothers had opted for.

It immediately feels like everyone is looking at you as you nervously play with your fingers, writhing uncomfortably beneath the itchy fabric of the dress.

You already regret doing this.

It isn’t long before Sam spots you by the entrance of the semi-packed club and comes running over, eyes wide.

“Y/n,” he breathes, eyes trailing over you. “Oh.”

You scrunch you’re nose up. “It looks bad doesn’t it. I knew it did! I shouldn’t have-“

“What?!” Sam shook his head furiously. “What? No. Not at all Y/n. You just look different is all.”

You look down at yourself, pouting. “Is that bad or good?”

He throws an arm over your shoulder, tugging you to his side. “Good. Definitely good.”

You’re skeptical of his words, but follow him anyway to the bar where Dean is currently at- flirting with a perky brunette.

Your heart instantly drops, but you hide it behind a polite smile as Sam taps his brother’s shoulder.

“Dean. Look who’s here!”

Dean, looking downright annoyed, turns around, clearly ready to tear Sam a new one for interrupting his current rendezvous.

“Sam what- sweetheart,” the nickname falls from his lips like a curse. Like a “fuck!” Or “holy shit!”, except it’s quiet, breathless.

His mouth snaps shut when those eyes land on you, timidly standing beside Sam.

His eyes widen and his lips part as he inhales sharply. And then his eyes are flying everywhere at once, taking in your full figure with a slack jaw.

You shyly smile. “Hey, D.”

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at you and you instantly grow insecure thinking maybe it’s because of how ugly you look.

Was he so shocked to see you being “brave” by showing off your huge body like that?

“...Dean?” You hesitate.

He finally snaps out of it, shaking his head. “Y/n.” He swallows thickly, smiling warily.

Geez. That bad?

You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, desperate to leave their judging faces.

In your halphazard attempt to run away, you accidentally bump into someone, nearly knocking both of you on the floor. You topple to the side in your tall heels, letting out a tiny yelp.

Without hesitation, two big hands watch you by your arms, steadying you.

“Be careful there sweetness,” his southern accent is thick as sweet molasses and it instantly attracts your eyes to his dark brown ones.

You flush with embarassment when you realize how cute he is. “Oh my God! I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

He lets out a bemused chuckle. “It’s quite alright, hun.”

You smile up at him bashfully, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Thanks.”

And with that, you start to walk away from him. He stops you before you can get too far, gripping onto your forearm firmly.

“Wait.”

You look cautiously at where his hand was and he quickly takes it away, laughing nervously. “Sorry. I just- I hope I’m not being too forward. You’re beautiful.”

You raise your brows in disbelief almost instinctively, blushing madly. “Me?” you blurt incredulously.

He laughs fully this time. “Yeah. You. Come sit with me?”

You glance over your shoulder at where the brothers were, immersed in flirty conversations with pretty women and decide why the hell not.

So you nod at him affirmitively with a tiny smile. “Sure.”

It wasn’t long before you were laughing full-heartedly at the man, James. He was genuinely funny and cute and for whatever reason, seemed taken by you. I mean, you couldn’t possibly fathom why.

But the more time passed with the easy banter, the more you drank and the less you worried about well, anything.

“You wouldn’t like me in real life. I’m not like this usually,” you confess, taking sip of your matini when he compliments you once again.

He raises a brow. “Oh? I highly doubt that. But tell me, miss Y/n, what do you usually wear?”

You lean forward, smirking confidently. (Yeah the alcohol was getting to you.)

“Well for starters, the baggiest shirts. The biggest jeans. The oldest flannels,” you lean back, laughing loudly.

“You still look gorgeous probably.”

You can’t help but giggle at his remark, touching his arms for a second. “Oh, James!”

Who even are you right now? Giggling...flirting..

You weren’t used to any of this. So when he places a gentle hand on your thigh you freeze, unable to react any other way because you’d never gotten this kind of attention.

He smirks. “Wanna head back to my place? Keep the party goin’?”

You open your mouth to answer but are cut off by another voice- gruff and angry.

“I don’t think so, buddy,” the deep voice bites.

Your head snaps up and you see Dean, flaring deep green eyes glaring holes into the hand which was still nestled neatly on your thigh.

“Take your hand off her before I make sure you don’t have one at all,” he husks without even looking at either of you.

James instantly retracts his hand, looking between you two with his brows furrowed.

Dean doesn’t let either of you say anything before he’s yanking you off your chair by your arm.

“We’re leaving,” he informs grumpily, leaving no room for protesting of any kind.

Then he’s yanking you along behind him, rough fingers wrapped tightly around your forearm as he carelessly pushes people out of his way.

“Dean-” you whine, struggling to keep up with his long and angry strides in your heels and intoxicated state.

He doesn’t stop until you’re standing before baby and you physically have to rip your arm from his hold.

You’re absolutely fuming at this point.

Who the fuck did he think he was, pulling you out of there like that?

“What the hell, Dean?!?” You wrap your arms around yourself to protect your exposed skin from the cool night breeze.

He doesn’t turn around to look at you, but his voice says it all when he speaks. “Get in the car, Y/n.”

He’s one-hundred percent serious. And done. So so serious and done, in fact, that his voice wavers with the weight of his stern.

And if it weren’t for the fact that you desperately wanted answers or the fact that you were buzzed enough to be able to ignore his fury, you might’ve let it go.

Unfortunately, neither was currently the case.

“No. You had no right! James was-”

“Oh, James!” He exclaims, throwing his hands up sarcastically. “Is that his name!?”

You reeled back from his harsh tone, frowning. “What the fuck is wrong with you Dean? You’re acting completely irrational.”

“Nothing is wrong with me, Y/n. Absolutely nothing,” he grits out with a wry smile.

“I’m going back inside.” You shake your head at him.

He laughs bitterly. “And I’m the one acting irrational! That- that ass just had his hand on your thigh and you just let him. Oh. And now you’re going back inside to do what? Continue letting him feel you up?”

“And what’s so fucking wrong with that?!” You yell back, frustrated by his hurtful words.

What was he insinutating? That you were easy? And anyway, what did he care?

He pauses for a split-second before answering in a venomous snap. “Everything! You’re...” he trails off abruptly.

“I’m what, Dean?” you growl, stepping closer to him.

You licks his lips, inhaling sharply. “You’re-” he falters, softening for only a split second. “Just get in the car, sweetheart” he demands once more this time more quietly, apple green eyes shimmering under the dim street lights.

But you refuse to back down. “No. Tell me what the hell your problem is or I go back inside.”

He let’s out a yell, slamming a hand on the hood of the car and leaning his forehead against it. “Dammit!”

You jolt, startled. He stays there for a few more seconds, back heaving with his audibly labored breaths,

You’re afraid to touch him right now, so you just speak in a soft comforting tone. “Dean. Just talk to me. Why are you acting like this?”

He sighs, slowly turning around to face you. He looks pissed.

“You really wanna know why I’m acting like this?” You go to say yes but before you can, he’s cutting you off. “It because of you,” he growls.

“Me?”

“Yes, you, Y/n. W-with your fucking tight little dress and your heels.” He motions loosely to you, jaw clenched and tight fists by his side. “Flaunting that ass around like-like you wanted James and every damn douchebag in there to fucking come up to you!” He spits the name out like it’s vile in his mouth and you flinch at his accusatory, disgusted tone.

Why the hell was he blaming you for something like that? It made no sense.

You raise your brows, shocked and hurt. “Oh, so because for one night I’ve decided to do what you suggested and actually got some male attention you’re acting like a little bitch?! What the hell is so wrong with that, exactly, Dean? You do this shit all the time, and you don’t see me giving you shit about it!”

He huffs, rolling his eyes and muttering, “It’s different with me.”

You bark out a laugh. “Different how?”

His jaw flexes. “I’m not a kid, for starters!”

You let out an incredulous sound, looking at him like he was out of his damn mind. “I’m not a kid Dean! When are you going to get that? There’s no need to act like a protective ass. I can damn well take care of myself.”

“I’ll get it when you stop acting like some sleazy hooker,” he snaps, green eyes flaring a darker, sinister shade.

You instantly stop, freezing at his words. As if realizing what he’s just said, Dean’s face drops.

He tries to grip your shoulder. “Y/n-“ but you aggressively shove him off of you, holding back tears.

“You’re a dick, Dean.”

He frowns apologetically. “Sweetheart I didn’t mean to-“

“I’m going home Dean. Alone.”

And with that, you spin on your heel and start making your way back to the motel.

Five minutes don’t pass of you first getting inside the motel before you hear the sound of the impala’s engine pulling up.

And suddenly the door is being thrown open, startling even your bones.

Then, before you can even react, Dean is standing in the doorway, chest heaving.

“Dean-“

“It’s because I was jealous,” he blurts as soon as he sees you.

“What?”

He doesn’t say anything as he runs a hand through his hair, stepping into the dark room and closing the door behind him.

The tiny ‘click’ of the door closing is defeaning against the tense silence now settled in the four of five feet between you two.

He licks his lips the way he always does when he’s nervous, cautiously look up at you. “I was jealous of James,” he repeats, the confession quiet but more powerful than if he would’ve screamed it because the raw emotion and sincerity were in clear display.

You don’t know what to say for the first few seconds after he speaks and so many thoughts are spinning around in your head.

“Dean I know I’m like your little sister and you’re protective of me but I’m fully capable of-“

“I know you are,” he mumbles, looking at you with a strange glint in his eyes- something new and unfamiliar. “That’s not...” he inhales deeply, searching around in his head for the right words. “I wasn’t jealous of you as a....sister.”

Still bewildered, you step a bit closer to him. “Dean, what are you trying to say?”

He groans, chuckling softly. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

Silently, he strides up to you, closing the remaining distance between you two. His hands creep up, gripping your face between them like he’d done so many times before, except this time it felt...different.

The air around you cackled with an unspoken electrifying emotion, his fingers felt like pure fire against your skin and you did it understand what exactly was about to happen but it felt like Ike you were on the verge of something big.

You gaze up at him through your lashes, questioningly.

He smiles, swiping his thumb over your cheek. “You look absolutely beautiful tonight sweetheart. Did I tell you that?”

Your breath hitches and you can’t help but blush madly. “I-I thought you didn’t like it,” you stammer out the admission, scared of his reaction.

He chuckles and his warm breath warms your skin. “Of course I do. You’re stunning. I just don’t want...other guys to see it.” He winces at his confession.

You laugh- not because it’s funny but because you’re nervous and all you can do is laugh.

He turns serious. “I’m sorry for the way I talked to you, sweetheart. I just-“ he purses his lips, pausing. “I hated seeing his hands on you. I hated the fact that he made you laugh in that way the makes your head go back and your eyes glimmer. I hated his stupid accent and his dumb hair because I knew you’d find it adorable. And fuck, I hated that he could give you everything I never could or will be able to,” he lets out all in a few breaths.

You just stare up at him, tears building up in your eyes, starstruck.

“I hate you,” you mutter finally.

He frowns. “Wh-“

You pound on his chest harshly, sobbing. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you! How could you!”

You try to get your hands on him ever after he’s easily grabbed your wrists, wriggling aggressively.

“Sweetheart! Calm down. What the hell are you on about?!”

You settle for a second, warm tears rolling down your face and easily answer him because he was being a complete and utter jackass right now.

“The fact that you’d lie to me because you pity me makes you a cruel, vile human being Dean Winchester.”

He instantly shakes his head at you, eyes sad. “I’m not saying it because I pity you, sweets. Why would you even think that?”

You laugh bitterly, pointing to yourself. “Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m fat!”

At your words, something clicks in him and he’s suddenly titling your head up to meet his perfect green eyes.

“Y/n, I need you to listen to me very carefully right now okay? You are and will forever be the goddamn most beautiful thing that asshole God has put on this earth. If there is anything I have to thank him for it’s you. Don’t you understand?” He pleads quietly.

You don’t know how you manage to work around your erratically beating heart or the fact that Dean is so close and he smells so much like him, but through the huge lump in your throat you manage to stutter something along the lines of “understand what?”

“That I have to hold myself back from moving my lips from just a few inches away your cheek or your forehead to your lips and kissing the living hell out of you every damn time I touch you. That I love everything about you, even the bad things. Especially the bad things because really, they’re all good.” He laughs breathlessly. “That I wake up and go to sleep with that sweet smile on my mind. That I would do anything to keep it on that pretty face of yours. That I fuck anything with legs imagining that it’s you I’m sinking into. That all I want- no. All I need and fucking ache for every damn day I spend with and without you is the feel of your skin and the softness of your voice.” He swallows thickly, whispering. “That I am so hopelessly in love with someone I can never have.”

You close your mouth after a few long stretched out seconds of having it open. You don’t know what to say at first, still trying to process the emotion in his voice and the sincerity in his eyes and the sudden jolt of electricity shocking your entire body to your very core.

All the same, Dean is looking at you with a terrified expression, holding his breath.

Then, you speak.

“You can have me.”

He looks relieved at first, but then he turn wistful, brushing a strand of hair away from your face and behind your ear, lingering with his fingertips on your cheek for a few seconds.

“I couldn’t do that. You’re so young and we’ve been practically raised together. I couldn’t.”

“But you could!” You protest, chest clenching. “For as long as I can remember, Dean, you’re all I’ve ever wanted.” You bite your lip, placing a tender hand over his chest. “You’re all I need,” you finish in a breathless whisper, leaning against his touch.

You hear him breathe in shakily before he abruptly takes his hand off you and answers in a quiet, regretful tone. “I can’t.”

His words are like another stab to your chest and before you know what you’re doing-

“Fine. But don’t try to stop me from finding someone who can.”

You angrily walk towards the door, but before you can so much as lay a finger on the door knob, Dean’s own hand is shooting out, grabbing your elboe tightly. And then he;s yanking you back.

“The hell you are,” he growls, crushing his mouth onto yours roughly.

The kiss is enough to freeze you in your tracks and everything stops moving for a split second as you take in the feeling of his lips on yours, hard enough to bruise.

Your eyes flutter shut and you suck in a sharp breath, melting in to his touch as his fingertips glide into your hair, tugging at it gently. You moan lightly into his mouth as it slants over yours, deepening the kiss.

His tongue is warm and wet and silky and he tastes like liquor and apple pie and it leaves you breathless for a minute. You drown in his scent of leather and cologne, kissing back with just as much passion, holding onto his neck and shoulders in order to remain upright because your knees are about to give out beneath you.

The kiss happens in a flurry of heat and passion and anger and ends with unimaginable sweetness.

You peer up at him, chest heaving.

“Dean?” your voice trembles.

He smiles softly. “I love you and I’ll be damned if I let you go running to some other man.”

You laugh unbelievingly. “Really? Y-you love me?”

He nods instantly. “Of course.” Suddenly, he smirks.

“What?”

“Nothing, I’m just glad you wore that dress.”

***

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x reader series #Jealous!dean #jealous!dean winchester x reader #Plus-size!reader #Plus-size!reader x dean winchester #dean winchester x plus size!reader

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that-curly-haired-lesbian · 5 years

Text

Queer Analysis - I Think He Knows

Hi everybody and happy LOVER release weekend!! 😁😁🍾🥂💖

I hope you’re all enjoying the album and have managed to get your first impressions sorted in your minds! 🤔😊

This song isn’t actually next on my analyses list (obviously, since it just came out) and no one asked me to take a look at it per say, but it immediately stood out to me as one of the few songs heavy on pronoun…

At first it seems like a generic hetero bop about being in love with and/or sexually attracted to the dude you’re dating which, yay, good for you! But as I am inclined to do in these situations I decided to look a little deeper and reached a conclusion on the themes and events chronicled in I Think He Knows.

In addition to being incredibly catchy this is a curious song and I’ve seen very little talk on the themes and motifs of it in the Gaylor/Kaylor community. Thus I was excited to analyze it and so I decided to do it immediately to celebrate the release of the album! 💖

What caught my interest on this track is that I don’t think it’s a case where the male pronoun is meant to be switched out to female ones in order to create a queer love song. Instead I think this is meant to be (at least partly) sung to a male, two to be exact. Who are they then, these people that are cast as “He” in the song?

They’re (unsurprisingly) Joe and (perhaps slightly more surprising) Josh.

Karlie is also present here of course, playing the role of “You” while Taylor is “I”

I’ll explain my somewhat unusual reading of the song in a second, but first I want to get the usual disclaimers out of the way.

This is my own reading of this song and I understand that it might seem like a giant reach to some, if it does to you you’re free to disagree with me and to read other things into the song as you please. I love discussing the various ways in which Taylor’s very layered music can be read and interpreted. 😊

The lyrics used in this analysis are taken from AZlyrics and I am forever thankful to them for making my job a whole lot easier! 😊😊

Now, here we go!

I think he knows

His footprints on the sidewalk

Lead to where I can't stop

Go there every night

Okay, so who is “he” and what does “he” know, exactly? Honestly these first few lines bewildered me for a bit, until I realized, “he” in this first verse is Josh, Karlie’s beard.

So what is Taylor saying? She’s talking about a sidewalk where she can’t stop, meaning she can’t go there or at least not hang around on this public sidewalk. Yet she says she goes there every night.

Interestingly there’s a kind of infamous sidewalk in New York City dedicated to Karlie and Josh’s “relationship.”

Do y’all remember that sidewalk with their initials on it? The one that used to have Taylor and Karlie’s initials on it with a heart between them but now has “J ❤️ KK” written in place of “T ❤️KK”

Karlie would use it it rather frequently to stunt a while back.

Taylor says that “Josh’s footprints on the sidewalk leads somewhere she can’t stop.”

This is likely not literal, but rather she means that her name is no longer there next to Karlie’s in a public display of affection, in fact she can’t be seen in public with Karlie so she cannot go to a place (literal or metaphorical) where their love is displayed in public. If she was seen standing by the initials or interacting with them in any way (like Karlie does) that would obviously raise questions, just like it would if she was seen interacting with or even standing next to Karlie. That public link has been (literally in the case of the sidewalk initials) replaced with Josh, who can in fact be seen with Karlie in public and is continuously referenced by Karlie through her posting of that sidewalk picture.

Taylor is sure to point out however that despite not being able to have her public displays of affection for or with Karlie seen she “goes there” every night. Meaning she gives Karlie affection every night behind closed doors.

She, not Josh is the one Karlie comes home to every night despite the public sidewalk initials leading people to believe otherwise.

She goes on to claim that Josh is well aware of this fact. He might be the one allowed to hold Karlie’s hand in public and it might be his name next to her on that pavement, but he also knows that he’s not actually the one to go home with Karlie every night when she’s done being on the aforementioned sidewalk (or in public.)

I think he knows

His hands around a cold glass

Make me wanna know that

Body like it's mine

These couple of lines are interesting, because on the surface they can be read as: the way Taylor’s lover is doing something casual (like holding onto a glass) drives her wild and makes her think dirty thoughts about how she wishes she was the glass 😂 or makes her want to touch and “get to know” the ins and outs of her lover’s body in a sexual situation as well as she knows her own. As for the lover in question, they are by Taylor’s estimation most likely aware that these small things they do sends Taylor’s mind into the gutter. Makes sense, right? What if I told you she was still talking about Josh?

Now, don’t get alarmed it’s not what you think 😂😂

What Taylor is saying is: “I think he knows that the way he’s publicly holding my girl’s hand make me wish I were him.” As in “I wish I could do that too…”

“Theo, did you just imply that Karlie is a glass?” No…I mean yes, I mean no…Sorta? Stick with me!

So a common term often used when discussing closeted celebrities is “glass closeting” and that’s what I think is at play here, Josh’s hands are blocking our view into Kaylor’s glass closet. By having her “marry” him and constantly having her stunt for him he’s preventing Taylor and Karlie from glass closeting.

His continued presence is blocking the public from fully seeing through the glass into the closet and fully witnessing Taylor and Karlie’s gayness. It’s like when you’re holding onto a glass and it’s blocking everyone else from seeing the liquid inside. Taylor is saying she wishes Josh wasn’t needed anymore and that they could go back to glass closeting. She could go back to doing what Josh is now doing and hold Karlie’s hand in public again. Instead of having him do it and block the view into the glass closet she could do it and open up the glass closet again, like back in 2014.

Basically she’s saying she wants to take over Josh’s place in Karlie’s life by saying she wishes she were him because that’s an easy metaphor to work with.

Is it crack? Is that what I smoke? Very likely. 😂 😂 😂

…But in all seriousness, thought this was an interesting reading of the lines you may disagree if you’d like.

He got that boyish look that I like in a man

So what about this then? I think she’s implying that Josh and Joe are, well, gay… 🌈🌈🌈🌈

We’re treading into stereotypical territory here, but I think what is meant by this is that they aren’t seen as “traditionally manly” (whatever that means? 🙄) As far as straight standards go these men are inclined to be described as “boyish” rather than “manly.”

People in this fandom constantly point out how flamboyant and “feminine” both these guys are. (x) (x)

Taylor is basically calling them twinks, okay?! 🏳️‍🌈

She goes on to point out that these are the kind of men she likes to be associated with. Not in the sense of being attracted to them, but if she’s going to beard she prefers her beard to be gay. She wants any man she’s going to be romantically linked to in the public narrative to be gay, because as I suspect she (like many women, queer and otherwise) finds that gay men just feel safer to be around + if you’re going to beard with someone I imagine it’s easier if they are also gay so that they understand the necessity of bearding and how it works.

I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans

It's like I'm 17, nobody understands

No one understands

These days Taylor is known for being in control of her bearding narratives and decisions, she’s the architect in the sense that she decides (along with Tree) where the plan should go next, but that has not always been the case. When she was younger and had a different publicist I strongly suspect that she had less control over her bearding situation and would frequently find herself helpless and swept along in the narrative her team made for her. (x) This likely led to regrettable situations arising in relationships she had back then. (x)

When it comes to Josh she in many ways feels as if she’s back there. Since Josh doesn’t beard for her she has no control over his bearding plan and therefore no control over her girlfriend’s, possibly leading her to feeling helpless like back when she was younger (17 for example.)

Only being able to control her own situation and not Karlie’s must be frustrating at times since I assume they’d prefer to come out simultaneously and for that their bearding plans would need to line up better. It wouldn’t surprise me if this all brings back memories of Taylor’s early days of trying to date while forcibly closeted and feeling misunderstood in the music industry.

He got my heartbeat

Skipping down 16th Avenue

16th Avenue in Nashville is known as Music Row and it’s a bit of a haven for country music as it happens to be the location for several famous record labels and similar music-oriented businesses. What I think is to be implied in this reference is that Taylor’s beard (and also Karlie’s) has got her writing music from a safe space. The existence of “Him” has got her heart skipping down Music Row. Skipping implies happiness and a lightness to her step as she wanders through music, Hidden behind a beard (and male pronouns) she is (mostly) creatively free to be inspired to write music about herself and Karlie to her heart’s content.

It’s interesting however that she would refer to Nashville specifically as that is the home of country music, the genre where Taylor got her start.

Country music is quite conservative and heteronormative which is why she was as we’ve previously discussed very stuck in the closet during her country years. This was most likely why she chose to break away from country music, pop is noticeably less conservative after all, but she says, as long as she (or her girlfriend) continues to beard she will never be completely free of her Nashville (hetero) roots and will only ever be able to write heteronormative music.

So for now even though she doesn’t associate herself with the heteronormative music community in Nashville anymore she has to keep writing music that flies there. As long as she keeps using male pronoun and bearding she’s metaphorically stuck on 16th Avenue and can’t leave those years of aggressive no-homo:ing firmly in her past.

However it’s not all bad, after all her brand is going strong and her music does very well with her earliest country-based fans, so stuck as she might be she’s still skipping. She’s found a comfortable niche writing about guys and she’s not complaining per say. She’d just like to be able to put 16th Avenue and the hetero parts of her songwriting (like male pronouns and conservative Nashville values) behind her to a full extent because that’s a persona crafted for her when she was much younger, it’s not who she really is and she’s tired of hiding her authentic self.

Got that, oh, I mean

Wanna see what's under that attitude like

I want you, bless my soul

This can obviously be read as Taylor’s lover having a cool, sexy attitude and her wanting to get to know them well enough that she gets to know what they’re like when they’re not trying to act cool or tough, when they’re just being themselves. It can even be read as a cheeky way to say “I wanna get you naked” (either as in “emotionally naked” as I just described, or as in “I wanna see what’s under your clothes/get under that cocky attitude that has you acting like you don’t want me even though you clearly do!”)

But I think what she actually means is that Josh has a fucking attitude, he acts like he’s entitled to Karlie’s time and loyalty just because he pays her. He acts like she’s his to boss around (see: wedding stunts and contractual obligations) but Taylor says that despite him standing in the way with his attitude she still wants Karlie. (or “You)

I think the fact that she switches from “he” to “you” for the first time here is significant, she’s no longer talking about the men in their lives she’s talking directly to Karlie saying she wants her despite the complications and she’s willing to take on Josh Kushner and his attitude and shadiness to get to her.

As for the “bless my soul” I interpret that as a sort of “god help me” she’s saying she’s about to get tangled up in something real messy (aka the Kushners) for Karlie’s sake and despite that being unwise she can’t help herself because Karlie’s worth it and she still wants her.

God help her, she’s gonna try to get her girl out of this mess by getting underneath the beard’s skin and figuring out what it takes to get him to let Karlie go. She might not actually do it as I imagine Karlie shot Taylor’s attempts at (perhaps financially) helping Karlie out of the messy contract, but the point of the song is she’s saying she’s prepared to do it for Karlie.

God help them, this is bad, but there’s no turning back now.

And I ain't gotta tell him, I think he knows

I think he knows

Finally Taylor says no one has to tell any of the men in her life that she doesn’t actually want them, she wants Karlie. This is a sarcastic little nod to the general public who when they figure out that Taylor is gay might go: “What about Joe?” She’s jokingly saying, “guys, I don’t think I have to tell him I like girls, or specifically (in Josh’s case) his beard, I think he’s very aware, we have a deal!” Aka “guys, I think he knows we’re not actually dating” she’s cheekily saying he (both Joe and Josh) is in on it being a stunt.

I think he knows

When we get all alone

I'll make myself at home

And he'll want me to stay

The second verse is for Joe I think, so for now we’re done with Josh.

Here Taylor is not talking about her and Joe though, the “we” here is rather her and Karlie. Remember, Karlie is “You” so “We” is “Me and You” not “Me and Him”

She’s saying that when her and Karlie are all alone and in private Taylor feels most comfortable and at home and Joe, who is well aware of the fact that Taylor’s “safe place” isn’t actually with him, but rather with Karlie will want Taylor to stay and hang out with her girl rather than with him.

He doesn’t actually want to spend his private (or “alone”) time with Taylor, he leaves that pleasure for Karlie who’s you know, is dating Taylor.

Joe only wants to be seen in public with Taylor when it can get him publicity; he doesn’t wanna hang out with her for fun when they’re alone/not in public. Then he presumably has his own boyfriend to hang out with so Taylor can stay at Karlie’s until he needs her again.

I think he knows

He better lock it down

Or I won't stick around

'Cause good ones never wait (Ha)

This part sounds like an impatient Taylor trying to get a lover who can’t take a hint to propose already, but I think it’s actually about when she first turned up in Joe’s life and offered to beard with him. She’s saying he should count himself lucky to have her in his life because without her he’s a total nobody. “Hollywood’s Next Leading Man™” knows he better hold onto Taylor and take her up on the offer immediately because someone as famous as her with so much free (potentially career-starting) publicity to offer might not ever come his way again and if she doesn’t want her she has tons of other bearding options to choose from.

(Chorus)

He's so obsessed with me and, boy, I understand

Boy, I understand

The chorus is mostly the same as before save for this one line above. While she has no control over the situation with Josh and therefore is left feeling helpless like back when she was 17 and all bearding-decisions were made for rather than by her the situation with Joe is different. Here she has the control and she dangles that control almost teasingly in front of Joe here. This line might sound borderline narcissistic from a hetero perspective like, *straight-girl-voice*: “my boyfriend is like, so obsessed with me and like, I can’t say I blame him, ‘cause like, have you seen me? Lol”

Though I think that this means that Joe is obsessed with her as a concept and the boost her star power gives to his career and therefore wants her around him all the time in public because he’s only relevant when she’s around him. She’s like “I get that Joe, but I don’t have time for you right now” rather than feeling helpless she holds the cards here and he is the helpless one and she understands what it’s like to depend on a bearding-partner for publicity and hetero-passing because she has been there too. Boy, she understands your struggle…

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

"So where we gonna go?"

I whisper in the dark

"Where we gonna go?"

I think he knows

Like I said though she doesn’t always have time for Joe because sometimes she’s alone with Karlie. Sometimes they go to Big Sur or somewhere else to get away from the chaos of bearding for a while and while they are away only Karlie and that smile of hers that is so easy to write songs about and those eyes that are green but almost look indigo in some lights exists. Only Karlie exists for Taylor most of the time, not the beards, only Karlie.

Taylor drives (”she’s a really good driver”) them away and out of this town and Karlie’s hand rests on Taylor’s thigh in a familiar yet sexy reassurance, at least for now it’s only the two of them and they are FREE to go wherever they want.

At the end of the day their beards know that Taylor and Karlie belong to each other and not to the men they have in their lives only out of (a sad, frustrating) necessity.

(Chorus)

Hope you liked my somewhat “out-there” take on this song and that it made some amount of sense to you 😂😂

Feel free to request other songs for me to analyze or to send me questions or fanfic prompts, anything goes and my askbox is always open! 😊

The next song I’m gonna tackle for Queer analysis is Jump Then Fall and I’m working on it so it should be up in the near future! ❤️🌈🌈

#gaylor swift #kaylor #bearding #queer analysis

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ladywinterwitch · 4 years

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News + Black Lives Matter

TW// Racism, discriminations of race and sexual orientation

Hello everyone, I just wanted to put out there that I’ve been writing again lately and that Run Away is proceeding. I don’t want to jinix it but you know, it’s something. If you need links, you can go to my previous post.

That was just a little news, but I wanted to focus on other things in this post. Firstly, a disclaimer and a not so kind invitation for whoever should see themselves in one of these following ‘types’: I won’t tolerate, accept nor share any type of abusive, racist, homophobic, transphobic or pro- Trump comments or posts. And if you follow me and consider and agree with even one of the above, you can not so kindly unfollow me and don’t come back on my account.

That being said, I felt like it was the right thing to say a few words on the situation even though I’m not really active here except for writing and reading. It may seem ‘late’, but trust me on the fact that I’ve been very vocal and active on sharing informations, signing petitions and streaming donation videos, since I can’t really donate for myself, on another platform that I don’t really feel comfortable sharing now, but you get my point.

As a white woman who has a platform, for how small it can be, I honestly consider a privilege to be able to talk about a disgusting and a so deep issue like racism without even having felt it on my skin. Many people have issues with their bodies, their appearence, for some reason. But can you imagine being treated differently, maybe being eyed in a certain way just for the color of your skin? Yeah, thankfully, me neither. And that’s on white privilege.

Remeber that if you don’t say anything and decide to pull a ‘Switzerland’ move, you pass automatically on the oppressor’s sid. There’s no middle ground in situation like these. I’m not exactly the most ‘church’ person out there, I’m not even sure that there’s a God out there. But nonetheless, I invite you to dedicate a prayer or even just a thought to Geroge Floyd, Breonna Taylor and every other victim of this dirty, disgusting systemic racism that it’s planted so deep in our society. Pray for them and their families and loved ones.

While I’m all for a non violent world, we cannot stay and watch when human beings are being killed in front of our eyes. When people get a much harsher punishment than other people. When officers and the people who work in the police and in the law system fail to prove the innocence of people that spend 40 years in jail before getting release for ‘a right fingerprint’. No one can deny that these things happen. White privilege isn’t about money. White privilege is about the color of your skin. Remeber that. Understand that.

Unfortunately I can’t do much more than to invite you to sign all the petitions that you can (which are free, you don’t have excuses), share informations, use the #BlackLivesMatter ashtag only for useful and pertinent things, if you aren’t black respect the wishes of black people and don’t use figures that aren’t ‘yours’ (ex: the black fist image as your profile), donate if you can and if you can’t there are several viedeos on youtube that you can stream withouth skipping the ads (in that way they monetize and you donate without actually using you money), go to protests if you have the possibility and if you’re comfortable with it, educate yourself with books, movies, tv series, documentaries and articles. I don’t have many reccomendations unfortunately, but a few titles that I can think of are: Blackkklansman, The Hate you give, When they see us, American history X, 12 Years a Slave, Self Made on Netlix, Moonlight, Green Book, The green mile, The help, Get out, Us.

These are the ones that I can come up with, but there are articles and threads that will give you many more. Also remember that saying the N word if you’re not black, doing blackface, believing in stereotypes are all racist behaviours and you’re never excused bye.

Anyways, that was everything. It wasn’t anything revolutionary or that hasn’t been said before, but I thought that it was important to speak up. I know that this is the most ‘trending’ thing, but let’s not forget that Yemen is also in a tragic situation. People are dying of cholera and famine. They need immediate help. The situation is already very, very bad and if people won’t do something about it, It’ll get even worse. Like for the blm, there are links and petitions through which you can donate, sign, educate yourself and spread awareness. I’ll link both their carrds here.

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

https://yemencrisis.carrd.co/

Please, help if you can. And please, be safe. There’s still a pandemic going on so hygene basics are absolutely important. Wash your hands, wear a mask around others, respect the social distancing, quarantine if you can, when you go out don’t wear gloves but just be careful not to touch your hair/face with your hands, as soon as you get home discard the clothes and wash your hands.

BE SAFE. BE RESPONSABLE. BE EDUCATED. HELP TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

All the love

#blacklivesmatter #yemen crisis #be safe #coronavirus #fuck trump #fuck transphobes #fuck racists #fuck homophobes #fuck the police #acab #news #helpothers

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prettyboyroger · 6 years

Text

Fame Chapter 1 “Whiskey On Ice”

Author: Sarah (@prettyboyroger)

Characters: BoRhap! Roger Taylor, Katherine Teague (OC), BoRhap! Mary Austin, Jane (OC, kinda), BoRhap! Brian May, BoRhap! Tim Staffell, BoRhap! Freddie Mercury

Pairing(s): BoRhap! Roger Taylor/OC, slight BoRhap! Mary Austin/Freddie Mercury in the background

Summary: A former child star making a new image for herself becomes involved with Roger Taylor as they both rise to fame, dealing with all that brings with it and that life brings along the way.

Rating/Warnings: PG-13/ Alcohol use, smoking, references to a character having had sex while underage (non-graphic)

Disclaimer: These portrayals are based off of the characters in Bohemian Rhapsody, I do not claim to know the real people that these are based on. This story is a work of fiction and the character of Katherine as well as many of the events in this series are fictional. I do not own Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, or Roger Taylor.

Word Count: 2869

A/N: Okay so this is chapter 1 of what’s hopefully going to be a long-running series. I’m finally contributing something to this fandom instead of just leeching off everyone else! Also I made this an OC instead of a reader insert because I wanted to do something a little different and have a character was a little less likable and more flawed and less of a blank slate. Please be gentle, I haven’t written a fanfiction in years, but I hope you like it! I wrote it with BoRhap! Roger in mind, but you can picture 1970 Roger Taylor and it’ll work just fine. If you want to be added to the taglist, just let me know.

Music: Playlist for this chapter in general. Youtube playlist for the songs Smile played (yes I know that I Feel Good was not with Smile just let me have this)

Part 2

4 January 1970

Katherine adjusted the bow on her yellow dress in the mirror. She spun around to face her friend “So how do I look?”

“You look like you’re going to freeze,” Mary said dryly to her co-worker.

“You’re not even wearing nylons Kat!” Jane chimed in.

“Nylons were invented by the man to keep us down! They’re itchy and uncomfortable and not wearing them has the added benefit of free drinks all night,” Katherine smiled deviously to her friends. “In any case it’s not like I’m going to go home with anybody I’m just going to flirt a little and have some drinks, there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, it makes me frugal!” Katherine said, brushing her long blonde hair.

“What it makes you is fast!” Jane teased dodging the hairbrush that Katherine had thrown at her.

“We’re only teasing Kathy you look great,” Mary said, adjusting the fur trim on her own coat.

“You’re not allowed to tease me on my birthday, it’s against the rules and I do, don’t I? Not quite as good as you, Mary, but I make up for it with my dazzling personality.”

Mary rolled her eyes “And unparalleled humility.”

“Of course I could do better if Mary were to come with me and help me…”

“As much fun as it sounds to be groped by strange creepy drunk men all night, I’ll just leave getting the drinks to you.”

“Oh live a little Mary! Don’t be such a square! And not all the guys are total creeps, who knows, you might just meet your destiny tonight!”

“Seems a funny way to meet my destiny, at a student band’s performance in a tiny pub.”

“A student band that we are going to miss if we don’t get going right now,” Jane chimed in.

The girls set out from Jane’s flat down to the pub two blocks down the road. Katherine was shaking and goosebumps appeared on her bare legs as they walked down the street.

“Cold, Kathy?” Jane taunted.

“I’ll have you know that my blood runs quite warm so I simply don’t get cold. I simply have goosebumps in anticipation, after all, it’s my 18th birthday and I can finally drink out at clubs!”

“Uh-huh and how are you gonna explain to the bartender at the same pub we’ve been going to for years that this is your 18th birthday?” Jane asked

“I don’t know what you’re talking about I have never been this pub before, I have been told that I have an uncanny resemblance to a woman named Karen Knight who may have frequented this pub in the past, but I have a suspicion that she won’t be coming back,” Kathy beamed as her friends rolled their eyes.

The girls walked into the pub together, showing Kathy’s real ID for once, just as the little student band was beginning to set up for the show. Kathy was chatting up one of the men at the bar, a ginger who was probably around 26, in a bid for free drinks just as the lead singer introduced the band.

“How are all you lovely people doing tonight? I’m Tim Staffell, we have the incomparable Brian May on guitar, and of course, the legendary Cornish drummer Roger Taylor.” That last comment earned Tim an eye roll from the blond drummer and a few giggles from the crowd. Must be an inside joke Kathy thought to herself. Kathy had paused her pursuit of drinks to look over at the band. The lead singer looked well enough and when he started to play the bass and sing he was certainly very talented, if a bit lacking in showmanship. The guitarist seemed very tall, at least in comparison to Tim, he really had a natural talent for this, he was probably the best of all of them and his guitar was very unique, it wasn’t a Strat like most people had, Kathy had never seen a guitar quite like this one before, it had a good sound, a unique sound quite unlike most of the others she had heard before. The drummer was probably the least technically skilled of the three of them, but he made up for it many times over by bringing in a certain showmanship that the other two lacked. He would twirl his drumsticks and smile at the pretty girls in the audience. The audience was charmed and mesmerized by him (the female members of the audience in any case). He was the best looking one, in Kathy’s opinion anyway, and it seemed a shame to her that he was hidden away in the back behind a drum kit. Kathy turned her attention back to the ginger in front of her as the band’s song played in the background.

Do do do

“Do you come here often?” Kathy smiled at the ginger affecting her best northern accent. Guys like him always were suckers for sweet, naïve northern girls.

Do do do

“I would come here more often if there were more girls like you here.” Kathy laughed and batted her pretty brown eyes.

Do do do

“My, my but you are charming.” He wasn’t.

Do do do

“Where are you from?”

Do do do

“Carlisle.” She wasn’t.

Do do do

“New in town, then? Can I get you a drink?” Hook, line, and sinker.

You take away my sunshine

You take away my rain

I can see it in your eye

“Well I mean, I don’t know if I should I mean my friends don’t have drinks either and I would just feel too bad drinking in front of them if they don’t have anything.” Years of acting were finally paying off for Kathy as she put on her best “dumb, silly little distressed girl face”.

There must be an answer somewhere

(there must be a way) “Four drinks please! I’ll have a gin & tonic and whatever the lady would like to order.” He had a smarmy smile on his face and his hand started to rub on Kathy’s bare thigh.

You can find a way I can see it in your eye “A Blue Hawaiian and a Pina Colada for my friends. I’ll have a whiskey on ice.” Kathy smiled at the ginger man before her, not allowing any of her distaste for him to show.

The bartender gave Kathy her drinks as the song started to wind down in a chorus of Do do do. Kathy smiled and removed the ginger’s hand from her thigh. “I’ll be right back and we’ll see what kind of trouble we can get into,” Kathy winked. She never saw the ginger again.

Kathy had a few talents and carrying three drinks through a crowded pub without spilling any of them was one of them. As she made her way over to Jane and Mary, she caught the eye of the drummer she had noticed earlier. God, he was gorgeous with long dirty blond hair and sparkling blue eyes and from the looks of it he knew it as he caught Kathy staring at him and winked at her from behind his drum set. Kathy flashed her winning smile right back at him, she would not be outdone in the overconfidence department. The drummer laughed and smiled after catching her smile before turning his attention back to his drums. He was terribly handsome, Kathy thought, I must say hello after the show. Kathy had made her way over to Mary and Jane just as the next song was starting up.

“Ladies, I come bearing gifts!” Kathy handed Mary her Pina Colada and Jane her Blue Hawaiian.

“Which poor sod did you trick into buying you these?” Mary prodded gently.

“The ginger that’s dressed like a square.”

“Kathy! That’s not a very nice thing to say!” Mary scolded, “Don’t be mean!”

“But it’s true isn’t it? Anyway don’t feel too bad for him, he got fresh with me.”

“Which I’m sure you in no way encouraged,” Jane chimed in in between sips of her drink.

“Are we here to judge me for getting free drinks out of a creep or are we here to have a good time?” Kathy asked, impatient to start having a good time, taking a swig of her whiskey.

The band played a short set consisting of some original stuff and some covers. All of the members were quite good singers, something that surprised Kathy.

“You rarely see a singing drummer! It’s very unique!” Kathy remarked earnestly watching the drummer sing a cover of “I Feel Good”.

“You fancy him, Kat?” Jane asked between sips of her drink.

“He is handsome dontcha think?” Kathy twirled a lock of her hair around her finger.

“Yeah, but he seems like a bit of a lad to me,” Jane responded.

“Well I’m not looking to marry him or anything I just think he looks like a good time for a night or so.”

Jane rolled her eyes as Kathy pulled out a cigarette.

“You know Kat I read those things are just awful for you,” Jane chided as Kathy pulled out her Zippo lighter and lit the cigarette.

“Well we all have to die somehow,” Kathy said taking a drag. As she exhaled the smoke rose and circled around the girls heads. Kathy never understood how non-smokers could stand to be in pubs, they always seemed to be more smoke than air. It was pretty in a way, at least to Kathy, the way the smoke would fog up the room putting a haze and a mystique to these pubs, a certain atmosphere was created there, one of anonymity and Kathy found it all very Romantic. Of course, to others like Jane it was just a choking hazard of dirty, smelly air.

As the song finished, the guitarist stepped up to the mic, “Now we only have one song left for you folks tonight,” Boos and whines erupted from the crowd, “No, no, now it’s a good one it’s called ‘Doing All Right’.”

The girls finished their drinks and Kathy finished her cigarette as the song hummed along in the background.

“Mary, what do you think of the singer? You always have had a thing for singers and you are the one who recommended that we should see this band anyway?” Kathy turned to her friend who had been unusually quiet this whole time.

Mary wasn’t paying attention to her friends and her eyes were focused on the bar at something. Or rather someone. A dark haired man was drinking a beer at the bar and watching the band attentively, hanging onto every note and Mary was watching him just as attentively.

“Mary!”

The pretty blonde finally noticed that her friends were trying to get her attention and spun around.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Well, we were going to ask you if you liked the singer, but you seem to be more interested in the gentleman at the bar,” Kathy giggled at her friend as Mary turned bright red.

“Well, I was just- I mean- He is quite handsome don’t you think? And Tim? Oh, he’s fine, but actually Brian, the guitarist, has been terribly kind to me.”

“Kind to you? You’ve talked to him?” Kathy asked her friend.

“Wait, Brian? I’ve heard that name before… weren’t you two going steady for a little while a few months ago?” Jane asked.

Kathy’s eyes lit up and her jaw hit the floor. “Wait, wait, wait, you were going steady with him? And you didn’t tell me? I didn’t know you had gone out with anybody, you never tell me anything!”

Mary looked overwhelmed with the sudden interrogation “Well we weren’t really going steady, we just went out on a few dates and-”

“What was he like? He looks a bit like a square, but he is a guitarist in a rock band and the things that guitarists can do with their fingers-”

“KAT! This is why I never tell you anything! Don’t make this dirty!”

“Oh honey this was dirty before I said anything!”

Mary was saved by the song coming to an end and the band thanking the audience and leaving the stage. People slowly began to shuffle out of the pub and into the hallway when Kathy stopped her friends in a doorway.

“I’m gonna go talk to the drummer.”

“God Kat. Should we wait for you?” Jane asked incredulously.

“No, no, don’t wait for me.”

“Kat, we’re not going to leave you here to go home with some guy you’ve never met. Besides, from what Brian’s told me, Roger is a lad,” Mary cautioned.

“Oh, so his name’s Roger then? I’d forgotten if he’d been introduced. Fantastic, thank you for your help,” Kathy spun around and walked out to the back where the band was, ignoring her friends’ protests.

Kathy opened the doors to see the three boys putting the last of the drum kit into the van.

“I liked your show.”

The boys spun around to see Kathy standing just outside of the door smiling at them with her prettiest, most practised smile. Kathy had a burst of pride when she saw Brian flush as soon as he looked at her, the one thing Kathy always took pride in was how pretty she was. She knew that girls were not supposed to think that they’re pretty, but Kathy was very pretty and everyone had always told her so all her life from her mother, to casting directors, to her agent. Other girls had wit and grace and they were allowed to think to think that they those, why should she not be allowed to think that she was pretty?

Well, as long as men look at me like that, I’ll always have something Kathy thought to herself.

“I- Thank you glad you liked it,” Brian stuttered out before quickly turning back to the van and putting more stuff in in an effort to hide the blush on his face. Kathy stifled a laugh at that. The singer Jim? No? Lin? Was also putting stuff into the van seemingly lost in thought. Roger did not blush sweetly like Brian did. He simply smiled the cockiest smile that Kathy had ever seen as he approached her.

“I noticed you enjoying the show,” he looking up and down her body in a completely un-gentlemanly way. He lowered his voice and whispered in her ear “And I noticed you looking at me.”

Kathy laughed and turned to him, her voice as soft as his, “Is that right? Because I seem to remember it being you looking at me.” The blondes smirked at each other.

“I’m Roger.”

“Kathy. Or Katherine if you’re my mother and I’ve pissed you off.”

Roger laughed at that. “Listen, what are you doing-”

“Roger, hey, I need to talk to you,” the singer Tom? Interrupted the two.

Roger turned to the singer, annoyance flickering in his eyes, “Can it wait, I’m kinda in the middle of something, Tim.” Tim! That was it!

“No, Roger, I’m sorry, but it’s important. And miss? I’m sorry, but I really need to talk to Roger and Brian. Alone.”

“I understand. See you around Roger.”

Kathy turned around towards the hall, a little annoyed, though not as annoyed as Roger who Kathy heard as she was heading back, “Are you joking? You better have something important to say, she was about an hour and two drinks away from shagging me!”

Kathy saw Mary and Jane still standing in the doorway where she had left them as she came back, they were looking at someone down the hall from her. As Kathy followed their gaze she noticed the dark-haired man that Mary had been staring at earlier walking towards her. He stopped suddenly and turned around to look at Mary.

“I like your coat,” the dark-haired stranger said.

“She got it at Biba, she works there!” Jane chimed in smiling at Mary who turned to Jane, irritation flickering on her face.

“Thank you.” Mary said, her annoyance and embarrassment visible on her face.

The dark-haired man smiled and continued walking down the hallway, passing Kathy. Kathy rejoined her friends, as bemused as Jane was at how flustered the dark-haired man made her.

“Well, well Mary, you have an admirer!” Kathy said.

“I do not have an admirer! I’ve seen him at other Smile shows and he just wanted to know where the band is and he probably just recognized me. And aren’t you supposed to be shagging some drummer by now?”

Kathy gasped in mock outrage, “Well I never! I was merely inviting him over for a chaste afternoon tea and you and your dirty mind turned this into something naughty that I never could have dreamed of! Honestly Mary!”

“Spare us Kathy, we both know that you are as much a virgin as Mary Magdalene was. Did you get shot down?”

“I have never and will never be shot down in my life! Tim just needed to talk to him.”

“What about?”

“No idea. Band stuff, probably. Anyway, we have to open tomorrow, want to head back?”

“Gladly.”

A/N Pt. 2: That’s all folks! Also don’t crucify me for the descriptions Kathy gives of the band’s playing, they’re based off of biographies of Queen that I read that said that Tim was good enough to get recruited to an up and coming band, Brian was exceptionally talented from the early days of Queen, and Roger wasn’t perfect technically at first, it took him until about Sheer Heart Attack to really get his drumming down to the exceptional level it is today! I don’t know enough about music to make these kind of judgments on my own, I think they sound really good, even from the beginning! But Kathy as a character would so I had to defer to what other people who know music said about it! Again, please be kind I haven’t written any fanfiction in a very long time!!

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irepookie · 5 years

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Infinity Chapter 5: IT CAN'T BE LIKE THIS FOREVER

Summary: QUEEN AU where Roger Taylor (aka Rowan Queen) is a young single dad struggling to make it into music industry.

Warnings: not really. Just fluff, sappiness and swear words here and there

Disclaimer: I don't own the pictures. The boys are based on Queen, but Piper, Gina and Callie are mine.

Chapter 5: Basically Row's and Piper's first day on their own, narrative shifting from normal to Row's inner train of thought.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Throughout his life, Row would regularly look back with infinite fondness and amusement at the first day he spent on his own with his daughter.

But today, as both him and his week old infant cried in each other's ears, he didn't think either of them would make it through another 24 hours, let alone long enough to look back and laugh at it.

He thought he wouldn't get to the end of the parenting book he was with at the moment with his sanity intact.

He had read many books that contradicted each other. And this one was no exception.

Some said to follow a feeding schedule.

Others to do so whenever she'd demanded it.

Some said that bathing was bad for the umbilical cord.

Some others recommend to rub it with alcohol to help it fall early.

And others said not to touch it. To simply leave it alone.

Then there was Callie and her usual phrase echoing on his head "The best thing is to follow your instincts".

But that didn't help a damn either cause his instinct was messed up.

He had also read somewhere that sharing bed was good at the beginning. That it helped preventing SIDS.

Then on the next book, that sharing room was fine at first, but that bed was a risk factor in SIDS.

But hold on.

What the hell was SIDS?

They mentioned it everywhere. He went through all the pages until he found it, only to be left breathless when finding out what what it stood for:

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Whose exact cause was still unknown , and although there were some preventive stuff to do -on which, by the way, all the bloody books differed- there was nothing 100% safe.

So, they meant his little Piper could just fucking die for no goddamn reason, and he wouldn't be able to do nothing about it? What the fuck! It wasn't fair!

So he found himself on the phone, dialing the number he always recurred to in times of trouble.

"I think I broke her, mom" he said as soon as he heard her pick up.

"You can't break a person, Row"

"Well, there's a first time for everything."

"Don't be overdramatic. You didn't expect it to be easy, did ya? Or you thought she was gonna be like a doll, huh? Like those that have a switch for when you get tired of playing house?"

"No but I didn't think... I mean she was much quieter in the hospital."

"Well, darling, she must have sensed the move or something."

"You mean she doesn't like my place?"

"No, you silly. Although there's room for improvement in the style... But that's not the point. She just needs time to get used to it. Also I bet she can sense your unease."

"Uh?"

"Babies have this sixth sense when it comes to the emotions of those around them. Specially mother's... Or well, in this case, you. So if she senses you're frustrated, she'll get more distressed."

"Oh." was all he could say.

"Where is she now?"

"She's right..." He looked down at the bundle he had been holding and rocking only to realize it was a bunch of dirty clothes.

Where was she? Had he lost his daughter after 5 hours? Fuck! Fucking idiot

For a moment, he forgot where he had put her and a million terrifying thoughts flashed on his head.

She wasn't crying at the moment.

And that was good.

Right?

Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was the worst thing.

Maybe one of the pillows on the sofa had fallen over her and suffocated her.

Or maybe he had mistaken her for a dirty bundle of clothes and put her in the laundry and...

"Rowan?"

"She's asleep on the bed." He suddenly remembered, peering at his bedroom to check he was right. He was. She was asleep, right in the middle of the mattress, exactly where he had placed her 10 minutes earlier.

"Then take this chance and sleep. You're good at sleeping."

It was definitely a good idea. So he hung up and tiptoed to the bedroom. He reached the bed and froze, trying to think of a way of climbing in without startling her awake.

Maybe the matress sinking at his weight woke her up. And if he got past that, perhaps if he dared to move or rolled in his sleep, he'd wake her up... Or worst; he had heard about the hundreds of kids that died overnight suffocated by their parents.

No. He decided he couldn't sleep with her.

So he got the bunch of dirty clothes and laid on the floor besides the bed, using the bundle as a pillow. He fell right off to sleep.

He woke up four hours later, and the room was still silent.

Shouldn't she need something? Shouldn't she have woken me up?

Once again, a feeling of fear invaded him as he jumped to his feet, and put a small mirror in front of her nose to make sure she was still breathing.

She was.

He sighed with relief and pecked her forehead before tiptoeing out.

He decided to make a sandwich or something, cause his stomach was roaring. Halfway through eating it, he ran his eyes through the parenting book he had left opened on the counter:

<<If your baby sleeps 4 straight hours or more wake them up for a feed; otherwise they could become dihydrated...>>

Fuck. She had been dozing for 4 hours and 20 minutes.

So he hurried into the bedroom, and leaned over the tiny bundle, a smile escaping his lips. She did know how to sleep after all. And she looked like an angel. So peaceful. Calm. It almost hurt him to disturb her. But he had to.

"Hey lil'raisin. C'mon, it's snack time" he said, gently lifting her up. "Hey, lovie. Wake up" he knew one thing he shouldn't do under any circumstances: shake her. Or make harsh movements. As that would lead to Major Danger #2:

Shaken Baby Syndrome. And that was under his control.

So he blew on her cheek instead and got her to open her eyes "Hey, Sleeping Gorgeous" he greeted, holding her up so they were face to face.

She looked up at him, directly into his eyes and something inside him melted.

Perhaps she had finally settled. Maybe now they were both fresh and rested she'd go easy on him. He could do this.

But then her face scrunched up and she whined.

"Oh no, no, no, baby, what is it? Don't cry. Don't cry. C'mon." Then he felt a warm liquid on his hand. "Okay, okay, message received. Let's do this"

He got a towel and unswaddled her, hoping he'd be able to remember how it was done afterwards and praying for it only being number one. It was, but he hadn't folded the nappy correctly and it had leaked all over the onesie, the blanket and... His duvet. Goddamn it.

He sighed. If he kept calm, she'd sense it. "Okay, me darl. Shh. Hold on a second. Where... Where've I left the nappies? Where?" He looked around the room but no sight of the pack. Shit. Last time he had changed her in the living room? So it had to be there. "Okay, hang on a minute sweets. I'll be right back" he ran out to get the pack, as the wailing got louder.

"Alright. Alright. I've got it, I've got it. I'm here. Hush" he managed to do it surprisingly fast and without new incidents. "Alright, alright. Almost done. C'mere." He lifted her up, checking the nappy was properly sealed, and went to the kitchen area where he had left the last clean onesie.

On his way, he found the pinky he had been looking for earlier as well "Hey look at this. Here it was." he washed it with water and put it in her open mouth. She began to suck instinctively, calming down.

Thank. Fucking. Goodness.

He sighed in relief.

He could do this.

He laid her down in the kitchen counter, so he could wash his hands, throw his wee stained t-shirt to the washer and unfold the onesie. She squirmed a little, but kept quiet.

"Alright, let's put this on you. Please don't squirm too much, darling. I don't want to hurt you." he pleaded.

"Okay, it's all done" he announced 10 minutes later, when he finally managed to button up all the miniscule buttons on the onesie. Bloody miniscule buttons made for small mothers' hands.

"What's next? Oh yes, bottle. Alright. Coming right up"

Just when he had put the bottle to warm up, she spit the pinky, and began fussing. "Hey, love , here" he put it back, but she spit again. "You ain't buying it, are you? You're hungry, and the pinky isn't fooling you." He chuckled "Clever girl. Alright, it's almost done so don't worry, okay? It's almost there" he took her back into his arms, and paced around until the microwave beeped.

He made a mental note to never again waking her up before the bottle was done.

Never again.

"Okay Princess. Here's your cocktail, made with love." he announced, as he carried her to the couch and sat down, propping her up and watching as she immediately sucked into the nipple, face relaxing instantly.

"Yea, you were hungry right? That's what happens when you sleep through lunch time. I hope you've learned your lesson, and that next time, you let me know alright?" He grinned, as a hand closed around his hair.

But she suddenly pulled away from the nipple and began to fuss again, halfway through the bottle "What? That's all? You're done? So much impatience for half a bottle? No, you've gotta keep going. C'mon" he offered the nipple, and she rejected it, hand pulling his hair

"Ow! Ow! Pips, no honey. Let go. C'mon. C'mon dear, let go." he set the bottle aside and used his free hand to untangle hers from his hair. She cried louder. "Hey, okay, okay, you can pull my hair off if you keep quiet. Uh? Deal?" He got more cries in response. His face fell.

"But you never did this in hospital. You didn't give Daddy hell like this. Why now? Why do you do this when I'm all alone? Am I such a bad dad? I mean I'm following every step. I'm doing my best. Please give me a break" he pleaded, changing her to an upright position.

He was doing nothing wrong, was he? He was doing everything just like he had been taught in hospital.

Well except maybe...

He had an idea and laid her on the couch "Alright, shhh. Let's try this one" he said, unbuttoning her onesie again, -making a mental note to ask Len if he could get him some bigger ones that wouldn't take forever to deal with- and bringing her back to his chest. She instinctively snuggled up, and quieted within seconds at the contact of both their skins.

And he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry. "So you just wanted this? Well you should've said so earlier." He did both, out of amusement and relief.

Fuck he had cried more these past 7 hours than in the entire last decade. It was ridiculous, really. That someone so little could have such a big effect on him.

"So, where were we hon?" He offered the bottle and this time she did latch, body glued to his, and grey piercing eyes looking right through him, as if she was staring at his soul, as if she was reminding him why he was doing all this. And all the worries that had crowed him until that moment, just disappeared.

I can do this.

He didn't detach her from his chest for the rest of the day, as that seemed to keep her at peace and he didn't mind it. Rather enjoyed it.

So he changed his peed sheets and threw the nappy away, made himself some coffee and broke the mug in the process, as he struggled to do the whole thing with one hand. Then he had to pick it up and cut himself off with one of the shattered pieces. However, he didn't mind: it was worth it as long as she remained undisturbed.

"Are you two better?" Mom asked when she called in the evening.

"Yes, yes. We're... We're alright. Got the ultimate trick. I think we came to an understanding."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. Where is she, by the way?"

"Right here." he pressed his lips on the top of her head, rested on his shoulder.

"Has she eaten properly?'

"Aye. Then spat some of it on me and... Yea. I think she's good." she had finished both bottles fairly quickly.

"And you? How are you eating?"

"Managed to eat half a sandwich. So not too bad."

"Finish it."

"I'm fine, mother."

"Row by neglecting yourself you're putting her in danger too. So eat properly and stay sane for the sake of you both, okay?"

He sighed. "Alright. I'll finish the stupid sandwich."

"And eat some food or whatever. Vitamins."

"Shit, this is like being 10 again."

They hung up and Row did as told, in spite of himself. Mom had a point.

So he finished the sandwich and grabbed an apple, eating it in bites, chewing it slowly and as silently as possible so he wouldn't disturb his daughter.

Damn it was cold. He'd have to turn the heat on, which he never did cause the bill afterwards was terrifying. But hell, both of them were half naked in February. And he had already spent a fortune on that prune sized person, might as well keep her alive and warm.

Then he laid down with her cuddled on his bare chest as she breathed in uneven, scary patterns, which Callie had told him were normal.

And soon, he found they were breathing in sync, every breath he took was three of hers. Or 5. Or none.

But it was normal, he reminded himself. Her breathing system has to develop still. She's fine.

He was exhausted, but completely wakeful at the same time, cause he was hypnotized by the sight of his little sleeping prune.

Like he would be countless nights in the future.

Because there was no better remedy for panic, no better way to put his thoughts in order and make him feel the strongest, happiest man on Earth than the sight of his daughter sleeping.

🥁🥁🥁🥁

As always, a big Heya to my only reader friend, @definitely-darcy. As you know I'm nervous about this chapter, but I enjoyed writing it a lot. So I hope you like It.

Xx ~Pookie

#queen band #roger taylor #queen fic #dad!roger taylor #roger taylor daughter #single dad! roger taylor #it won't be like this for long

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cari373 · 7 years

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1866 - A Kaylor Fanfic

Summary: It's 1866, and right after the American Civil War. Austin Swift has just returned to Boston to fetch his sister Taylor after fighting for the North and becoming engaged to a woman in the south (but a northern supporter). When her sister meets his sister, sparks fly for everyone.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and is in no way intended to be perceived as fact. It is for entertainment purposes only.

Rating: Currently PG, could change to PG-13 later.

Chapter 1

The day that I met the sunshine is a day that is forever branded in my mind. At the time, I had been living in Boston, and I had only recently learned of my younger brother Austin's engagement to a war widow with two sons in Texas.

"I'm going to be a farmer Taylor!" He had declared, embracing me before we approached the carriage I was going to take on the journey.

"I'm sure you will be a fine farmer Austin!" I encouraged him, stepping up to get into the carriage.

My brother had gone from wearing business suits to heavy riding pants over the course of a few months. Somehow, after returning from the war, he was changed. He was no longer the fair skinned young man he had been, but was a tan, masculine adult.

During our embrace, I had observed that the brown shirt that he was wearing was a kind of leather I had never seen before. Inwardly I wondered if he had been spending time with the men that were native to the land, but I dared not ask. I would always worry about him if that were the case. In all honesty, he could have purchased it from one of them.

"You're not going to want to wear that." Austin stated, popping his head through my carriage window.

I arched an eyebrow at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"Yeah," he shook his head. "No. That won't do. You will need something much plainer and easier to move around in." He nodded.

"I will not wear pants!" I protested.

"I didn't ask you too. There are comfortable ladies dresses that are also flattering." He informed me, getting on the back of his horse.

"And where would I buy one of these?" I inquired further.

"When we get closer to the ranch and trade in the carriage for a wagon, you can get it there. It's about three days from here." He was riding a Spanish Mustang that he had traded for after the war. He got him about the time he met Kimby as well.

Our driver, Hodges, had been an indentured servant to our family from England, and he had agreed to get us to Texas safely. My parents had paid his way to the US, but they had freed him after ten years of service. He had agreed to work for them now, to continue to live with us and work in our stables. It was a comfort to them and to us to know that he was with us.

On the back of the carriage sat Thomas, a boy that my brother had found in Texas to be both our guide and to relieve Hodges as he grew tired.

As night drew and I slept, we pulled off and rested, each man rotating who would keep a lookout. Austin had first watch, Hodges second, and Thomas third.

This was the first trip I had ever taken where I was the only lady, and as the three days to the trading post passed by quickly, I understood now more than ever that what Austin said was very true. My petticoat and all the long fabric and materials dragging around the campfire were completely uncomfortable and in the way.

As we approached the trading post, I saw a woman in the plainest dress I had ever seen. It was a light, drab, olive green with a white apron tied around it. She had her brown hair pulled back in two braids, and a baby in her arms.

I looked at her and had a twinge of jealousy that her dress looked so comfortable; like how a man looks in trousers. Natural. No giant rump on the back. Nothing dragging too much.

"I want an outfit like that!" I informed Austin, nodding my head towards the woman.

"The trading post is up here, and we will spend a fair amount of time there. Get two of them. Bathe as well, because this is going to be our last long stop before we get to the Kloss farm." He handed me a pile of coins and I nodded.

"Can I trade in this dress for a third?" I asked him.

"It's your dress." he shrugged.

Thomas put out the stool for me and I stepped out of the carriage. It felt good to finally be outside of it and walking.

"I'm looking for someone to take my measurements for a dress." I stood in front of the counter, where an older woman with white hair and glasses smiled at me.

"I would be more than glad to help you. Charles!" she shouted over to an older gentleman that had been organizing a shelf. "Take over the counter while I take this young lady over to the clothing area." she ordered him, walking rapidly ahead of me.

She stood me up on a chair and measured my waist as well as height. "What colors were you wanting?" she asked, pointing to her selection. "We have four in your size." She held up a pastel pink, a light blue, a light green and a yellow. I liked them all, and her price was less than the money Austin had given me. I asked if I could purchase three then trade my current dress, a navy dress with a petticoat under it, for the fourth. She agreed, seeing it as an even trade, and I inquired about the bath. She informed me it would be a nickel for thirty minutes and soap and warm water. I paid it, washed, and then stepped into the yellow dress. With the extra money, I purchased a shawl and two additional pairs of socks.

By the time I was done, Austin had purchased us a wagon and it was all loaded and ready. "Well look at you Sis!" he smiled at me and I twirled around.

"It's a lot less complicated than anything I've ever worn." I giggled. "But it's nice." He helped me into the back of the wagon, and we continued on.

As we sat around the campfire, I felt, for the first time been a child, like I could relax about how dirty my attire got. The dress was extremely comfortable and as I relaxed in it, I joined the boys telling stories. "She sings!" Austin announced about me.

"Oh no! You do not need to announce that to the whole world." I shook my head and blushed.

"But you're good!" He informed me.

"Sing something!" Thomas begged.

"You pick a tune and I will sing it." I told him. "But only one song!"

"I'm going to have to give it some thought!" He informed me.

The men all settled down after that. Eventually, everyone got their sleep in and the following day, we arrived in Texas.

"The Kloss farm is about an hour away." Thomas stated.

We went onward, and as we came up to the farm, we were greeted by the tallest woman I had ever seen. With a light blue dress similar in color and style to mine, and eyes that changed from forest green to ocean blue, she was most beautiful person I had ever seen.

She was hanging the wash, when a shorter blonde ran out of the house. "Austin!" She shouted. That must be Kimby.

He hopped off of his horse and embraced her, kissing her cheek as he did so."I've missed you!" they each said it over and over.

"And is this your sister?!" She asked, motioning at me.

"Yes she is." He nodded. "Taylor meet Kimby, Kimby meet Taylor."

"Hello." I smiled warmly but still shyly at her.

"And that's my sister Karlie." she motioned at the tall girl who had been hanging clothes.

Karlie only nodded my direction and wiped her hands on her apron. I wondered if I should be afraid, but she walked over and instead offered to assist me with getting out of the wagon.

"The ground here is high, so if you try to jump, you could break the shoe heel and possibly an ankle. Grab my inner wrist please." she instructed. I did so. "Good. Now please step first with your right foot." I did and the left followed.

"Thank you." I smiled at her.

"Anytime." She nodded at me and gave a quick smile, and then finished hanging laundry, humming while she did so.

"Let's go inside!" Kimby glowed. "Mama and Papa will want to meet you." I followed her into the house, where everyone had gathered for dinner.

The sitting area was arranged nicely, with a wooden floor that Dr. Kloss bragged about building himself. "I can build." he nodded. The house had a second floor to it where all the bedrooms were located.

"We've discussed it," Dr and Mrs Kloss began, both sitting at their places at the table. "After the loss of Samuel, who was a wonderful son in law, we feel that tonight, should the engaged couple wish to, they can stay under the same roof. This is not the same as laying together, but what it does mean is the couple gets their first experience at the house they will share, as parents to the boys."

Austin nodded."This will be my first night at Kimby's home."

She looked down shyly. "It makes it all so real." she stated. "We are getting married in three days!"

"I know it." Austin lit up with a big grin. "You will be mine forever." He took her hand in his.

Karlie and Taylor sat across from each other, both of them holding in giggles. Each time their eyes locked, Karlie looked down and bit her bottom lip. Taylor would take a deep breath and then look away as well. Their chemistry was clear.

"Which means that Taylor will have to share sleeping quarters with Karlie." Dr. Kloss stated, tearing both girls out of their deep eye lock. "And you can teach Taylor about what we do out here on the farm in the morning." He smiled at his daughter and she nodded, then looked back at Taylor.

Kariann walked in, baby boy on one hip, curly red haired toddler at her legs. "She's been acting up all day. Terrible twos." Mama Kloss took the baby, and Kariann scooped her little girl up. "And what have we here?" she eyed Taylor.

"My sister Taylor, Kimby's other sister Kariann." Austin introduced them, dishing up his plate.

"It's lovely to meet you." Kariann said.

"Likewise." Taylor beamed.

After dinner, it was early to bed. Taylor had been expecting a space to sleep that was at least hers, but the bed, a queen, took up the whole room except for a small set of drawers.

"I'm sorry it's so tight in here." Karlie shook her head. "Beds are expensive, and to get two smaller ones is more expensive than one large one."

"No need to apologize. I'm just grateful I'm not in the wagon anymore." Taylor had changed into her night dress; a long white ankle length dress that she swam in. Karlie's was slightly more fitting to her frame, but very similar in appearance.

"It gets extremely cold here at night." Karlie began, opening one of the drawers and getting a blanket out. She handed it to Tay and took a second one out for herself. She wrapped it around her shoulders and Taylor copied her.

"Perfect." Karlie nodded. "Have you ever slept next to someone?" she asked.

"No." Taylor replied.

Karlie nodded. "It's possible we might end up physically close both for comfort and the cold. Please don't panic if that happens. It's a habit from years of sharing a bed with a sister."

Taylor nodded. "Don't worry." She smiled, turning down her lantern. "It won't worry me."

#kaylor fanfiction #kaylor fanfic

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gospelmusic · 4 years

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Full List Of GMA Dove Award Winners 2020

Winners of the 51st Annual GMA Dove Award were announced during a special Facebook broadcast of the pre-telecast awards presentation, which aired on October 29. Under the motto "Carry The Change," the show celebrated the diversity of gospel music and promoted unity through dynamic performances and testimonials.

Australian brother duo For King & Country won the Artist of the Year award, making history as the first duo to win in that top category. Other top category winners include We The Kingdom for "New Artist of the Year," Tasha Cobbs Leonard for "Gospel Artist of the Year" (presented by SoundExchange) and Joseph Habedank for "Southern Gospel Artist of the Year."

Sinach, a renowned Nigerian worship leader, won song of the year for "Way Maker." Recorded in 2015, the world anthem has been covered by notable worship leaders including Bethel Music, Maranda Curtis, Leeland, and Michael W. Smith, whose version ranked # 1 on Billboard's Christian Airplay chart for three weeks.

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Hip Hop icon Kanye West won the award for recorded rap / hip hop song of the year for "Follow God," while Zach Williams won the songwriter of the year (artist) award for the first time without forgetting Jason Ingram, who won the award for composer of the year. (non-artist) for the second year in a row and the third time in five years.

numerous unique collaborations, including a landmark performance by "Contemporary Christian Artist of the Year" winner Tauren Wells with Christine D’Clario, Jenn Johnson and Jekalyn Carr.

See the full list of winners below:

Artist of the year:for KING & COUNTRY

Song of the year:“Way Maker”Writer: Osinachi Kalu Okoro Egbu (Sinach) ; Publisher: Integrity Music Europe

Songwriter of the year – artist:Zach Williams

Songwriter of the year – non artist:Jason Ingram

Producer of the year:Ed Cash & Steven V. Taylor (Team)

New artist of the year:We The Kingdom

Contemporary Christian artist of the year:Tauren Wells

Gospel artist of the year:Tasha Cobbs Leonard

Southern gospel artist of the year:Joseph Habedank

Inspirational film of the year:I Still BelieveDirectors: Andrew Erwin, Jon Erwin, (Producers) Kevin Downes, Andrew Erwin, Jon Erwin

Long form video of the year:Awake (Live), Hillsong WorshipDirectors: Richard Cause, Jared Chapman, Paul Martin, Samuel Irving, Steven Lester; Producers: Johnny Rays, Jessica Ico, Steven Lester

Short form video of the year:“God Only Knows,” for KING & COUNTRY featuring Dolly PartonDirectors/producers: Ben Smallbone, Patrick Tohill

Bluegrass/country/roots album of the year:God & Country, Jimmy FortuneProducer: Ben Isaacs

Bluegrass/country/roots recorded song of the year:

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); “Ain’t No Grave,” Karen Peck & New RiverWriters: Jonathan David Helser, Melissa Helser, Molly Skaggs

Children’s album of the year:Sing: Remembering Songs, Ellie HolcombProducers: Nate Dugger, Brown Bannister

Choral collection of the year:Top Anthem CollectionCreator: Johnathan Crumpton; Arrangers: Bradley Knight, Cliff Duren, Mike Speck, Marty Parks, Daniel Semsen, Gary Rhodes, Dave Williamson, Geron Davis, Tom Fettke, Russell Mauldin

Christmas/special event album of the year:Christmas, Phil WickhamProducer: Jonathan Smith

Contemporary gospel album of the year:LONG LIVE LOVE, Kirk FranklinProducers: Kirk Franklin, Shaun Martin, Maxwell Stark, Ronald Hill, S1 for SKP. Inc.

Contemporary gospel recorded song of the year:“People,” Jonathan McReynoldsWriter: Jonathan McReynolds

Gospel worship album of the year:Broken Record, Travis GreeneProducers: Travis Greene, Brunes Charles

Gospel worship recorded song of the year:“Something Has to Break (Live),” Kierra Sheard, featuring Tasha Cobbs LeonardWriters: J. Drew Sheard, Kierra Valencia Sheard, Mia Fieldes, Jonathan Smith

Inspirational album of the year:Firm Foundation, SelahProducers: Brent Milligan, Chris Bevins, Jason Kyle Saetveit

Inspirational recorded song of the year:“Yet Not I But Through Christ In Me,” SelahWriters: Michael Farren, Rich Thompson, Jonny Robinson

Instrumental album of the year:Untitled Hymn: A Collection of Hymns (Instrumental), Chris RiceProducers: Chris Rice, Ken Lewis

Musical of the year:Messiah Overcame – An Easter MusicalCreators: Mike Harland, John Rowsey, (Arrangers/Orchestrators) Cliff Duren, Jim Hammerly, Christopher Phillips, Phil Nitz

Pop/contemporary album of the year:Citizen of Heaven, Tauren WellsProducers: Chuck Butler, Jordan Sapp, Kirk Franklin, Max Stark, Colby Wedgeworth, Rascal Flatts

Pop/contemporary recorded song of the year:“Rescue,” Lauren DaigleWriters: Jason Ingram, Lauren Daigle, Paul Mabury

Rap/hip hop album of the year:MOOD // DOOM, Social Club MisfitsProducers: Young Sidechain, Dirty Rice, Cardec, Ben Lopez, Colby Wedgeworth, Tedd Tjornhom, Martin Santiago, Dave James, Rey King, Jordan Sapp

Rap/hip hop recorded song of the year:“Follow God,” Kanye WestWriter: Kanye West

Recorded music packaging of the year:Rescue Story (Zach Williams, not awarded to artist)Art director/graphic artist: Tim Parker; Photographer: Eric Brown

Rock/contemporary album of the year:Victorious, SkilletProducers: John Cooper, Korey Cooper, Kevin Churko, Seth Mosley, Mike “X” O’Connor

Rock/contemporary recorded song of the year:“Legendary,” SkilletWriters: John L. Cooper, Korey Cooper, Seth Mosley

Southern gospel album of the year: (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Pure Love, Legacy FiveProducers: Scott Fowler, Wayne Haun, Trey Ivey

Southern gospel recorded song of the year:“The Power of an Empty Tomb,” The ErwinsWriter: Joel Lindsey

Spanish language album of the year:Aleluya (En La Tierra), Elevation WorshipProducers: Chris Brown, Steven Furtick

Spanish language recorded song of the year:“Loco Amor,” Christine D’ClarioWriters: Chris McClarney, Jacob Sooter, Ricky Jackson

Traditional gospel album of the year:The Return, The Clark SistersProducers: J. Drew Sheard II, Warryn Campbell, Eric Dawkins, Mano Hanes, Rodney Jerkins, Justin Brooks, Jermaine Dupri, Damien Sneed, Kurt Carr, Karen Clark-Sheard

Traditional gospel recorded song of the year:“I’m All In,” Maranda CurtisWriters: Maranda Curtis, Dana Sorey, Asaph Ward

Worship album of the year:Awake, Hillsong WorshipProducers: Michael Guy Chislett, Brooke Ligertwood, Ben Tan, Ben Tennikoff

Worship recorded song of the year:“The Blessing (Live),” Kari Jobe, Cody Carnes, Elevation WorshipWriters: Kari Jobe Carnes, Cody Carnes, Chris Brown, Steven Furtick

Youth/children’s musical of the year:Good News Ahead…The Signs of Christmas!Creators: Gina Boe, Barb Dorn.

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Follow us on social media: Facebook: @hottestnaijadotcom Twitter: @wherehot Instagram: @hottest9jablog Disclaimer: This post contains links by our advertisers. Presence of such links does not warrant endorsements by HottestNaija. Your use of their services, is subject to their terms of service. Click here to take a look at our posts on gospel music download or click this link to see all posts that include gospel music lyrics You may also like our gospel worship songs page which contains, the best, coolest and hottest Nigerian Gospel Songs, and Foreign Gospel Songs. Whatsoever is the mood, we've got you covered. Do you feel like dancing, rejoicing, shouting, screaming, or you're filled with jubilation because of the Mighty things the Lord has done? Then look no further, cos our gospel praise songs page, containing the hottest Nigerian and foreign praise songs collection, was prepared specifically for you. Peradventure you need the lyrics of the songs you are downloading now, just downloaded, or have downloaded before, our lyrics page is the best place to look. What more could be more helpful and entertaining than seeing the lyrics of your most favourite song before you, as the music unfolds unto the climax. Hey we've been there before, and still encounter it from time to time when the vocals get lost in the cloud of heavy orchestration. Are You a Classical Music lover, our classical music page, contains the best of classical songs, composed and written by composers like G. F Handel, Bach, Joseph Haydn, etc. As you listen to your best gospel song, you may also want to get some more insight and knowledge about the word of God, from eBooks written by God's servants, or you may want to learn something new or build yourself up in some way. Then our eBook Page is the right place to look. You may be in need of entertainment, and probably want to watch a video too. We understand that as well. You can get entertaining music videos from our videos page.

#Music #Lyrics

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ificouldflytotheclouds · 6 years

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Youngblood Album First Impressions

These are my initial thought after listening to the album for the first time.

Youngblood

I was at work when the studio version of this song first dropped, I was standing in the foyer as I waited for campus transportation to arrive. I was familiar with the song because I had listened to live recordings to prepare me for my concert, which at the time was three days away. My jaw dropped. The live version was good, but the studio version was a killer. This song is a deserves to be danced to, HARD. In concert, I don’t feel like this song goes as hard, and for that reason, I prefer the studio version. It’s funny because I thought this song went hard, I WAS NOT PREPARED.

I think this was an excellent title track and song to start the album. It encapsulates the feel of the entire album from the production, singing, and the lyrics.

Favorite Lyrics:

“Surrender my everything/'Cause you made me believe you're mine“

This line is so vulnerable and it tugs at my heartstrings.

“When you looking at those strangers/Hope to God you see my face”

I am a sucker for these lyrics after making eye contact with Luke during the concert, but I also relate this to the crush that at had at the time, and the friends that are no longer friends.

Want You Back

When I first listened to this song I was like wHo iS tHiS bAnD?? I think this was a good lead single (had they known the success of youngblood that might’ve been better, but it might not have gotten as popular if it came out of nowhere) to introduce the new song. Compared to rest of the album this song is fairly tame, I’ve listened to it so many times that ofc this is 5sos. I just wow I’m so proud of them (imma try not to write this through the entire post bc thats basically what I did on twitter all night)

Favorite Lyrics:

Is it tears or just the fucking rain? (who am I liking explicit lines, I am a changed woman)

And the way that I used to make you laugh/'Cause you know every morning I wake up/Yeah, I still reach for you/I remember the roses on your shirt/When you told me this would never work

Lie to Me

Out of the non-singles performed on tour (+valentine, talk fast, moving along), this one is my favorite. I fell in love with it instantly. It makes me think of Come Back… Be Here which is my second favorite Taylor Swift song. Ngl, hearing the studio version was a tad disappointing because I was hoping that there would be piano in the song, even though why would there be? Lol. It’s not like there was piano in the live version. Listening to the studio version made me understand the boys when they talk about the contrast the sad lyrics with the happy beachy vibe instrumental. I still LOVE this song, it was just a bit of a shock because I had unrealistic expectations for the studio version (I think I was thinking closer to Ghost of You vibes), regardless, I will request they release a piano cover of the song. The short clips of Luke on the piano is not enough. The harmonies in this song are so good and my hear hurts over the lyrics.

There is violin in this song and that needs to be appreciated. There’s also a certain sound at the end of the chorus that sounds like something else but I can’t remember what.

Favorite Lyrics:

And I caught you looking too, but you didn't look twice

Valentine

This song took me a while to get into. 1) The rhythm is very different from anything else I have heard by them 2) The word choices in the chorus, there are some words that automatically turn me off of songs they just sound cringy to me. After listening to the song enough I have gotten us to it and enjoy the song.

I don’t know why it took me so long to realize, well I do, it’s because I had to get used to the lyrics, but this song is HOT. Another good song to perform on tour to introduce how SEXY this album is, literally. It’s funny because I normally am not a fan of albums when they’re too sexual but I am so in love with this album and they also address the topic in a classy, normalizing way, that doesn’t just focus on being horny, there’s an additional psychological dimension within their song.

Favorite Lyrics:

We know we're classic together like Egyptian gold/We love us

Talk Fast

This was the only song they sang on the tour that I hadn’t heard the studio version, my jaw was on the floor (I mean it was for most songs but lol). This was my second favorite non-single song they performed on tour, it has a fun ‘80′s inspired feel. The bass (and the drums) stand out in this song.

Favorite Lyrics:

Leave all of your indecisions with you at home/Don't see you're doing me a favor

lol me.

God dammit we look good together

Moving Along

This song also took me a little while to get into, besides the beat, I think it has to do with the more talk quality of the song. And again, the interesting lyrics. But now you see me bopping. I feel like they chose very unique songs to perform on tour and I appreciate that it also gave me the time to love them, so now I can properly enjoy them now that the album is out.

Favorite Lyrics:

For this song, my favorite lyrics has to do more with what part of the song is the most fun to sing along to.

I know I’m the stupid one who ended it/And now I'm the stupid one regretting it

I've been thinking about you lots, lately/Or are you moving along?

If Walls Could Talk

This is the first new song that I heard and it was so exciting. From the first listen I knew that this is going to be one of my favorite songs. Which makes me scream because this is a straight sex song. This song just makes me smile and makes me want to dance.

This is the first song that Ashton has a proper feature and it makes me so happy :) I love the drums and the piano in this song. Michael’s guitar part during most of the song brings a lightness during the song but then during the bridge it brings the gritty, we're getting down and dirty aspect to the song.

-Disclaimer- I will not talk about bass enough through this post bc I do not have the best ear for bass, I am just not as familiar with the instrument. I can tell in some songs, but in others, I have to listen very closely but even then I don’t necessarily hear it (I mean I’m pretty sure Cal will be playing the piano in this song so... it makes sense)

Favorite Lyrics:

Bodies are hoping to get addicted to sound

I love this line. This is a song that makes you want to put your head back, dance and get lost in the music. It is a perfect representation of the song.

If these walls could talk, I'd hope they wouldn't say anything/Because they've seen way too many things

This lines really brings perspective. I find this song to be very vulnerable. The line is saying that it’s seen everything you’ve done within these walls, the sex, the desire, but also you break down crying, the look of falling in love, anger, and frustration as you hit the wall… The walls know your everything.

Better Man

Another Taylor Swift reference? Lol. But actually, this song reminds me of Ed Sheeran. I even feel like how it’s sung gives me ed vibes, the guitar, down to the mhhh.

This song is so cute.

Favorite Lyrics:

New friends again and again, gone when the morning comes/Demons I try to defend, but I couldn't get enough

This line stood out right away it was sad and relatable.

Wrapped in your arms, I swear I'd die for you

im not emo.

Another fav. This song goes so hard. It reminds me a little bit of ONE OK ROCK. There is a heavy guitar part, Ashton kills the drums at the end, and there's a shaker?? in this song too.

I mean... this is about Luke. It can easily apply to the other boys, but there’s a reason why this is a Luke dominate album.

Favorite Lyrics:

Enemy lines are drawn, lines are drawn

I love how Calum sings this line

I like a lot of lines in the album, the first verse is a standout, idk, this is a very sad relatable song.

Why Won’t You Love Me

Lol the first few seconds makes me think of Chole by Emblem3

This was the first song where I was still and entranced while listening to it. This is a very cinematic song, which is very beautiful but also makes me think of someone (cough cough) staring out a rainy window.

While I have never been in a relationship I can relate to this song, specifically to friendship. Sometimes people change or need something better even if nothing actually went wrong. I think this is something important to remember with any relationship, sometimes “It’s not you, it’s me” is as true as it gets.

The ooh at the end is cute.

Favorite Lyrics:

You say you can't wait and need to make a change

I check my phone to see your face/Staring back as if to say/Don't worry, you won't be lonely

Woke Up In Japan

I can’t help but think about my time in Japan while I listen to this (Even though I am actually visualizing China bc we were in a hotel for a short time, while the dorm we were in Japan was more like an apartment). This song is good, they lyrics standout the most, but it defs doesn’t stand out as much as other songs. It’s an interesting contradiction that I am trying to wrap my head around. It’s all over the place. The song is about amazing sex, the ecstasy of a night out while being in a bad mental place in another country. (even though japans probs metaphorical in this context)

Favorite Lyrics:

It was more than just a neon weekend

Empty Wallets

This is another song that does stand out too much but it’s still GOOD.

Favorite Lyrics:

Dancing on empty wallets

I love the visual

Shoulda caught a break/The fluid ain't to blame/For the sugar causing pain

Ghost of You

I’m not dying, I am already dead. This song pulls at my heartstrings so much. I can’t. It also reminds me of songs that they play in ‘00 movies which makes me emo (closest I can think of I’ll be, but that’s not exactly the feel I’m going for).

This is a masterpiece.

Favorite Lyrics:

The verses. I can’t pick.

Monster Among Men

Michael starting of the song. Yes. This song is funky and fun. I really enjoy the instrumental arrangement in this song, Ashton’s drumming goes hard, mikey’s guitar solo, cal on the piano. It’s amazing. This isn’t my #1 but it’s defs up there (as with the next to songs)

Favorite Lyrics:

one, two, three, four

I love how this switches with the beat. The oh no’s in this song also go hard.

it's time for me to admit/That I'm an asshole, so here I go

boy…wyd? At least you’re being honest.

Meet You There

The chorus, the beat drop. YESSSS. I also love the attitude of whatever will be will be, the universe will choose our destiny.

Favorite Lyrics:

I would break in bed, if you wanted me to

I. AM. SCREAMING.

Babylon

Calum F it up. The intro to this song. I had heard that a song sounded like FOB, my friend made the direct reference last night, but not until this morning have I finally been able to hear it. Sounds similar to centuries which is one of FOB’s best songs (that I’ve heard).

Favorite Lyrics:

The entire second verse

I'm tired of the feud, your short fuse, my half-truths are not amused/I wish we had a clue to start new, a white moon, no residue/The color of our mood is so rude, a cold June, we're not immune/But if we're way too faded to fight, you can stay one more night.

And there we have it, folks. I am so incredibly proud of these boys. This album was life-changing for them, their excitement feed off to us, and it followed through. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed an album so much since Made in the AM and that was back in 2015. Well, this will all I will be talking about for a long time. So I am sorry in advance.

Ranking to hopefully come later in the week.

Album Review/Ranking Masterlist

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myvideosscripts-blog · 6 years

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[Onision Clips:

1. I think one of the most important things you can do as a person when you go through a lot of hard things is to just… stop focusing on the negative and sh*t.

2. “Can you make more DDlg videos of you making fun of it?” I would love to. I will most certainly make fun of DDlg.

3. Youtube Adpocalypse really f-ed me up.

4. Full Disclosure, I’m making this video today because none of my other videos are getting monetized.

5. I used Eugenia Cooney

6. Jaclyn Glenn, because she didn’t listen to me, and it’s literally because she didn’t listen to me. Had she listened to me, she would’ve been fine.]

Image of Fair Use Notice and Disclaimer, followed by countdown.

Voiceover: Hello everyone and welcome back to my channel. The Onision Saga continues… apparently. It’s also a reminder, in Ayalla’s words, “Onision psychologically and emotionally abused young women repeatedly. Just in case you forgot”. I’d like to add onto that saying that there are multiple testimonies circulating the internet and this is an issue that, while it has died down, should not be forgotten.

Before I jump in, if there’s anything you think I should cover with regards to Onision or anyone else, please feel free to DM me or leave me a comment below, my social media links are in the description! Also, this video is purely opinion unless otherwise stated. I discourage anyone from going out of their way to bully anyone in my video (but there’s a difference between being a bully and criticizing another person) All right, let’s get started.

If you’re unfamiliar with Onision, I have several videos you can view to catch up that have more backstory. On January 23rd, 2019, Onision released a video on his OnisionSpeaks channel titled “I need to be a better dad and husband” where it sat at about 4k views, and it now sits on almost 20k. Here’s the problem with that. He made the video with a title knowing it would trigger a response but only dedicated the last few minutes to actually talking about how a comment about him being an unattentive father hurt his feelings.

[Onision Clip: Somebody made a comment that really hurt my feelings. “Onision spending all day making videos” which I’ve been doing for a very long time, “So he can get paid $10 a video instead of spending time with his family.” That’s what they said. And that still hurts my feelings even now.]

Voiceover: The rest of the time he talks about how he’s never going to talk about Eugenia again because he doesn’t want to be a bottom feeder, going into detail about how using youtubers’ names in the title is what gets clicks and money.

[Dirty Dan clip of Onision: “I stated before I wasn’t going to make videos about this topic” all of Onision’s videos about Eugenia are being placed over the clip of him. “I stated before I wasn’t going to make videos about this topic.” Followed by screenshots of the dates in which he has since posted videos on Eugenia. Feb. 10th, 12th, 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th]

Voiceover: This isn’t the first time Onision has failed to follow through on his word, especially regarding Eugenia Cooney despite being asked not to talk about her.

Let me pause for a moment. I am so proud of her for getting help, it’s a very hard thing to do and I have the utmost confidence in her recovery. Recovery is a hot mess.

Back to the topic on hand, he’s also done the same thing with Jaclyn Glenn and Shane Dawson. Onision kinda reminds me of Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules, serial cheater, liar, manipulator, narcissist.

[Clips of Jax Taylor on Vanderpump Rules:

1. You know, if there was a rumor that Brittany and I broke up… well, maybe I was the one that started that rumor. I’m definitely allowed to flirt.

2. Jax: I never cheated. Sandoval: How can you ever trust someone like that?

3. I did go to Vegas and have relations with someone else.

4. Kristen: Jax is still the same piece of sh*t liar that he always has been.

5. Brittany: You lied to me. Jax: I didn’t mean to lie, but you understand why I did it. I didn’t wanna make a scene, like right in the middle of the comedy show.]

Voiceover: In his video titled “I need to be a better dad and husband”, he attempts to manipulate the viewer with phrases like, [Onision clip: “And when I say this, you know it’s true because her name’s not in the title.”] Except it wasn’t true then and it still isn’t now.

[Onision clip: While the Eugenia Cooney videos are about educating others on eating disorders and being healthy, and so forth. They were very educational videos.]

Voiceover: How educational was that cooking show?

When being accused of continuing to make money off of Eugenia, he took to twitter to debunk it but instead lied. I took a screenshot of his tweet and responded on my own account. His tweet reads, “As usual, the rumors are not true. I am not making videos on Eugenia Cooney for money. This is an important topic that needs to be discussed. I have a patreon to help me when my videos do not get monetized. I truly do care about her. As usual, I come with proof.” And he provided a screenshot of his videos on Eugenia Cooney, all of which have been flagged with the yellow icon, but apparently Onision thinks his followers are dumb as a bag of rocks. My response reads, “Let’s get one thing straight. The yellow icon simply means there are limited ads, ergo you’re still making money. And requesting for manual review means you’re trying to get coin. This is easily debunked and really terrible manipulation.”

In another video, he leaks DMs between himself and Jaclyn Glenn, in which he fails to mask his aggression and anger. Does anyone else notice that if Onision doesn’t get attention from someone or can’t use them in his videos, he bashes them relentlessly and makes videos about them anyway.

[Onision clip: Because it doesn’t f-ing matter who’s responsible. You guys are so f-ing stupid… Anyway, and I just wanna express the ‘you guys are so f-ing stupid’. That is an act, it’s a performance. That is me trying to express myself in a way that will impact you. It is not some kind of loss of temper.]

Voiceover: Let’s back up a second. When Eugenia first posted on twitter that she was working with her doctor directly, everyone jumped for joy, but Onision being Onision took advantage of the situation. On January 23rd he said he would stop making videos on her.

Two and a half weeks later, February 10th he posted a video with her name in the title, like the rest of us bottom feeders, titled “You Guys Saved Eugenia”. Let’s not sugar coat this, Eugenia saved herself probably with the help of Jaclyn Glenn and other close friends.

[Onision clip fake crying: Um, thank you guys so much for helping Eugenia Cooney and I am so glad that this might not actually be… the end of her. Thank you so much, bye.]

Voiceover: Oh god, it’s like watching Ashton Kutcher cry on The Ranch, just god awful acting. Another manipulation tactic, superficial sympathy, also known as crocodile tears.

Not only does his acting reek of disingenuous bs, but he brags about all the things he’s done to help Eugenia

[Onision clip: I did so many things. If you guys go through all the videos I made: I contacted the authorities, asking them what I could do. I asked you guys if you knew a family member you could reach out to, get the family members to help. Um, I tried so many things. Tons of research, tons of campaigns and so forth. You don’t wanna see people suffer, you don’t wanna see people struggle like Eugenia was.]

Voiceover: He talks about how he didn’t want to see anyone struggle, however when Jaclyn Glenn first came forward with her video on Social Repose cheating on her, he made a video basically saying I told you so

[Onision clip: I deserve an apology for all of the lies that Jaclyn told about me… or about herself, her relationship. Making me seem like the fraud when I knew I was right.]

Voiceover: And I really wonder how pleased he was when he heard about it. Maybe he’s salty about the fact that she has since found a healthy relationship, with someone who isn’t him.

Onision is incapable of committing to his word, which at this point is as reliable as a plastic spork when you’re eating a steak. No wait, he’s a vegetarian… uh, I don’t know, an eggplant? He further exploits Eugenia for his own personal gain in order to drive traffic to his pathetic forums, which omg have over 600 members, congratulations on a major feat, Greg.

Let’s continue, in his video titled “Eugenia Was Saved by a Youtuber? It wasn’t me”. No one was wondering if it was. He spends the first 6 minutes of it complaining about people calling him a narcissist.

[Onision clip: People were saying it was crocodile tears. They say, uh, narcissist, sociopath, uh, egomaniac, etc. This is all to dehumanize me.]

Voiceover: I mean, change your behavior, and commentary channels might change their opinions.

[Onision clip: This is how you know I’m honest, because I tell you things that no reasonable person would admit.]

Voiceover: Proceeded by things that don’t remotely define honesty. And remember from Greg’s own mouth, it’s easy to fake. I’ve heard a couple people comment that Greg has once said he can make himself cry, on command, so that’s worth noting.

The thing about Greg is when he’s on a mission, he’ll go to any means necessary to achieve his goal, even if that means disrespecting other people, leaking private messages, shaming others, pretty much anything.

This video is essentially him retelling the story of Jaclyn Glenn and Social Repose, pointing all of these mental flaws in others and possible happenings which he thinks are immoral but are perfectly legal, if they happened. In the DMs you see that Onision did not get the answers he wanted from Jaclyn so he built this video projecting all of the blame on literally everyone else.

[Onision clip: I got DMs and I dm-ed Jaclyn Glenn. Uh, of her asking me to shut the f-ck up.

Voiceover: Yeah her asking you to not tweet at her about Eugenia is the same thing as telling him to shut up. When he asked what she put in motion, she answers, “There’s a lot happening and to be totally honest I don’t trust that our convo won’t end up online”. That’s a pretty good judge of character right there.

[Onision clip: I’m a performer. I’m an entertainer.]

Voiceover: You’re a mess, Greg. A mess.

[Onision clip: It’s just a performance. It’s just a creation that I felt you would be entertained by.]

Voiceover: How do we know whether or not him caring so much about Eugenia, making all of these videos about her isn’t purely for entertainment and money.

The rest of that video is essentially Greg contradicting himself and verbally assaulting his camera.

Let me save everyone the pain of having to watch any of his further Eugenia videos, and any of his videos in general.

The ones on Eugenia are clickbait and they’re all made a certain length probably because of the algorithm, which tends to promote longer videos. But rest assured, he doesn’t have any insider information. Or any information on her that isn’t readily available and accessible through a simple, little google search.

In short, well, not really at this point, but in a certain length of time, I personally believe that Onision is incapable of change.

But remember that’s just my opinion, and you are welcome to have your own opinions. Let me know what you think down below. Give me a thumbs up if you like, and subscribe if you’re interested in more of these types of videos. I will catch you guys next time, bye!

-Black screen-

[Onision clip: I have borderline personality disorder. So now we know the problem. So let’s figure this out, let’s conquer this problem and let’s become better people. Right?]

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that-curly-haired-lesbian · 6 years

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Queer Analysis - Sparks Fly

Hi guys! 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

So, I sorta took an involuntary hiatus from this blog and Tumblr in general, this was due to a bunch of personal shit that have mostly been sorted out now! I’ve missed you all and did not mean to leave you hanging like this after my rep show, but like I said all hell broke loose in my personal life when I got back from Manchester… I had an amazing time at the concert though and I’m still very much a part of the Gaylor/Kaylor community, I did not stop believing 😂 ❤

I am very glad to be back and hope to be getting into running this blog again from now on! ❤

Today I’m back with yet another analysis for that drunk anon from so long ago, anon, if you’re out there I hope you’re still reading these! ❤❤❤

Today’s song is Sparks Fly and I definitely feel like I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t link you all to the 2007 original version which some claim to be even gayer than the studio version from Speak Now…Here’s the performance and here’s the lyrics to this gayness from 2007, although as will soon become apparent I think the 2010 version is pretty darn gay too! 🌈🌈🌈

As far as I’m concerned this is yet another Taymily song and it has strong connection to my latest analysis (Fearless) so check that out if you haven’t already!

That’s right my dear gays, Theo The Taymily Trash is baaaaaack, let’s gooooo!!

Before we do though, I have to give my usual disclaimers, it might’ve been a while but I’m not letting up on those! Lyrics used in this analysis comes from AZLyrics so all cred for that goes to them. Also I am not Taylor Swift, or anyone else mentioned in this analysis, nor do I personally know Taylor Swift or anyone else I mention here, as such I have no way of knowing who or what Taylor’s songs are about and may very well be completely clueless in the matter. Therefore what follows below is nothing but speculation and as always everyone else is invited to join in the conversation too, I don’t in any way have monopoly on analyzing or interpreting Taylor’s songs 😊

Now, let’s actually gooooo!

The way you move is like a full-on rainstorm

And I'm a house of cards

Okay, say what you will, but to me these opening lines seem very gay.

While it’s certainly not unheard of for people to find the way men walk attractive (For some reason? I’m v gay) I feel like it’s significantly more common to view (and to some degree oversexualize, but that’s a conversation for another time) the way a woman moves as a reason for why people find her attractive. Think of the seductive wiggling of hips that they can’t even resist programming into VIDEO GAMES in order to give female characters that feminine, seductive air…

Wow, objectification of women really is disgusting, huh? Remember however, lesbians/non-straight women can never have the male gaze and therefore they can never be predatory towards women in the same way men can, even when they’re using common tropes and imagery to describe a woman as attractive.

Long story short, I’m just trying to prove the point that Taylor Swift is gay, not accuse her of oversexualizing women because she literally isn’t capable of doing so (at least not to the same degree a straight man is.)

Okay, so I’m only on the opening lines and I’ve already gotten incredibly sidetracked, let’s get back to it…

All I’m saying is that describing the way someone moves as attractive has more feminine connotations and therefore that line is gayyyyyy.

So to summarize, the way the latest object of Taylor’s affections moves has our curly-haired lesbian weak in the knees and at any moment she may simply fall to the ground, blown away by this rainstorm of a woman, like a fragile house of cards would be by a gust of powerful wind.

You're the kind of reckless

That should send me runnin'

But I kinda know that I won't get far

There it is again, that word, “reckless”…It’s been a while since I did an analysis so I’ll remind you that we’ve previously established that “reckless” or “dangerous” or some variant thereof is a word commonly used by Ms. Swift to describe same-sex attraction, or more often, indulging in one’s same-sex attraction.

From a career standpoint it’s reckless and inadvisable, but somehow she never can seem to help herself and even though she knows this woman is exactly the kind to cause her to “slip up”, be reckless and indulge she also knows that it’s useless to try and distance herself from her new love.

She knows she’s bound to give into temptation, because regardless of what you may have heard homosexuality is in no way a choice and no exercise in self-control of any kind will make it go away.

Taylor can try running as she’s been advised to do, but she won’t get far. If she doesn’t fall for this woman there will be another down the line, Taylor can’t outrun her “recklessness”, her attraction to other women and this one in particular.

And you stood there in front of me

Just close enough to touch

Close enough to hope you couldn't see

What I was thinking of

Let’s address the elephant in the room, y’all say Dress or So It Goes or some other song of your choice from Reputation is Taylor’s dirtiest, sexiest song to date, but have you people LISTENED to Sparks Fly? (And Treacherous for that matter) come on, I can’t be the only one getting a strong sex vibe from Sparks Fly!

What I’m trying to say is, this could either be a dirty lyric where Taylor is either in public with her lover and is tempted to touch her (in a way inappropriate for public settings?) and hopes people or (if they’re not dating yet and Taylor isn’t sure her feelings are requited) Emily can’t tell that all Taylor can think when looking at this girl in front of her is dirty thoughts.

Or it could be a sweeter, more innocent, kind of heartbreaking lyric where Taylor hasn’t told Emily how she feels and so isn’t sure if her feelings are requited or even if the other girl is gay.

It’s that kind of heartbreaking thing where you want to touch or kiss somebody who you really like, but you have to hold back because you aren’t sure if that person would be into it. In that case the thing Taylor hopes the crush can’t tell she’s thinking of isn’t necessarily sex or anything dirty, but sweet things (such as holding hands or kissing) she isn’t sure the (possibly straight/not interested) lady would like to do.

The lines could be significantly more queer-coded if we imagine Taylor isn’t just scared of being rejected, but also of Emily not being gay and thus being creeped out or made uncomfortable by Taylor’s advances, a common fear among lesbians, but again, we CANNOT be predatory in the same way men can!!!!!!

Annnnd I’m sidetracked again..............

Alternatively she has the common gay fear of any kind of PDA and thus hopes no one can tell she feels like being gaily affectionate towards her girlfriend in public, she’s not yet fearless.

Drop everything now

Meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk

Take away the pain

Kissing in the rain is a motif Taylor often uses to describe a grand romantic gesture or the first move in a relationship. It’s a romantic trope that makes one think of the kind of romantic movies Taylor has admitted to growing up on.

But here there’s also an other relevant lines, the “drop everything now” may imply that her girlfriend is busy and has a lot going on, or is far away Taylor wants her to drop all that and come spend time with her girl.

If we think of the fact that Taylor and Emily started going out while touring it’s easy to understand why they’d have a lot going on and maybe wouldn’t have time for personal affairs such as relationships, but here Taylor wants them to drop all obligations for a second and just spend some romantic time together…

In a Taymily narrative the kissing in the rain brings the thought to Fearless another song I believe to be about them. In that song Taylor describes wanting to “dance” (or be affectionate) in a parking lot, a very public space, here she wants to be kissed on the sidewalk, in other words another very public space.

In Fearless there’s a line suggesting this is Taymily’s first kiss (at least in public) and poor Taylor is so nervous that she’s shaking, but as soon as they actually start kissing the fear goes away, in Sparks Fly Taylor wants the pain taken away by a kiss. In a song that seems largely happy or at least hopeful a line about pain struck me as out of place at first glance, but if we dig deeper and connect this song to Fearless in no longer feel that’s the case.

The pain can either be the aforementioned fear of judgement from the public or from people around them who think the relationship is ill-advised (because it’s gay) that play a large role in Fearless (where they ultimately overcome that fear with the power of their love.) Or the pain can be the struggle of having to keep their relationship secret and of being closeted, that pain matters little when it’s just the two of them spending time together and being in love and/or intimate, then the closeting seems like a small sacrifice to make, even insignificant., because all that matters in that situation is their love for each other and being a couple suddenly become much easier. A simple kiss or touch when alone can take away the burden of that pain. (“When you get me alone, it's so simple”)

'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down

Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

The line about the sparks and the smile is simply Taylor acknowledging that her and this girl have mad chemistry, the kind that produce sparks even from the simplest actions such as a smile. Teenage Taylor was gay for Emily’s smile #confirmed

The other lines? Well, yet again this seems like sexy-times to me, intense, hungry eye contact as you turn off or dim the lights in a room where it seems there’s just the two of you qualifies as soft foreplay to me. The line about that intense stare haunting Taylor, yeah, um, sex flashbacks…

*Stops impulse to adopt mom-voice and start yelling at Taylor about how she’s twelve and this is inappropriate*

If we want to get our minds out of the gutter it could also be the lights dimming on a stage and a last reassuring or loving look between lovers before the start of a show. The haunting could be about how those pre-show looks is one of the things that haunt Taylor when she later tries to get over the relationship, but since we’ve previously established that she had a version of the song including that line in 2007 (when Taymily were still very much dating) I think that’s unlikely tbh…

My mind forgets to remind me

You're a bad idea

Taylor knows she’s being reckless falling for a girl, but as her mind races with all the things they could and should do (both innocent and dirty to a degree that can rival rep-era Tay) she “forgets” why being with Emily is so “inadvisable”.

You touch me once and it's really something,

You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be.

That chemistry strikes again, a simple touch, or a kiss can lead to so much more (both metaphorically and literally) and here it does, they have sex, probably for the first time. I’m not saying this is Taylor losing her virginity (remember that car that had a tendency to get stuck on backroads at night during her high school years?) but the older Emily may have been hesitant to get physical with Taylor, not wanting to pressure her, but when they finally do sleep together Emily realizes Taylor is more experienced (or “better”) than she assumed.

This is actually getting slightly uncomfortable to me now seeing how Taylor was underage at the time and I don’t want to imply or read things into lyrics written by a minor that may not be there, but I think the sexual overtones in this song is pretty clear.

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world

But with you I know it's no good

I think what Taylor is saying here is that she’s usually careful about who she lets into her life and emotionally opens up to (and perhaps also who she sleeps with, just to go with the sex theme)

She’s usually careful who she shows her true colors to so to speak 🌈🌈

But with Emily she just felt this instant connection and knew there was no point in trying to hide her feelings for her as it was clear right away they felt the same way about each other.

And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would...

The mention of patiently waiting honestly just makes me think this entire song is Taylor basically begging Emily to make a move, to kiss (or sleep with) her already! She’s saying “Come on, I want you, I’m ready and done waiting for you to make a move!”

(Chorus)

I'll run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.

Running your fingers through someone’s hair strikes me as a much more enjoyable activity to engage in if the person in question has long hair, something stereotypically associated with girls, just saying… 🌈 🌈 🌈

Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right.

And lead me up the staircase

Won't you whisper soft and slow?

I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.

Before we continue I just have to say, I’ve always thought the line is “it’s just STRONG enough to make it feel right” not “wrong”, as in the effect that person’s gaze is having on Taylor is strong enough that whatever they’re about to do (sex) feels right and good, but that might just be me mishearing the line. 🤔

Moving on though, she’s saying the way her partner looks at her is an aphrodisiac; it’s making Taylor want her.

Then she’s being led up a staircase, in the original 2007 version I think she’s being led onto a dance floor (which make the “wild lights” make more sense), but since dance is often used as a metaphor for sex and/or sexuality (x) (in fact, In 1698, it may as well have been sex) that slight change doesn’t ruin my reading of the song.

In literature reaching the top of a staircase is often read as a new beginning and here it seems to be the beginning of another step in Taylor and Emily’s relationship.

Emily whispers something in Taylor’s ear as they head up the staircase (towards the bedroom? The lyrics from All Too Well seems to imply the bedroom is up the stairs as they head down the stairs in the middle of the night to get to the kitchen, presumably from the bedroom)

Personally I’ve never been able to figure out if Emily whispers the thing about the firework show or if her whisper is something more risque that we don’t get to hear and Taylor’s the one who says the thing about the fireworks?

I’m inclined to believe the latter, so as Emily whispers something not for our ears Taylor tells us she’s mesmerized by this woman, in the same way she gets mesmerized by firework shows, something we know she likes quite a lot.

In the 2007 version the line is “you make it like a firework show” interesting, since fireworks are often used as metaphor for orgasms… 😏

No, but, SERIOUSLY; I’m not insane or overly dirty-minded, am I? I’m not the only one who thinks this one is CLEARLY about sex, right?

(Chorus)

That’s it guys, hope you enjoyed reading and that you didn’t miss me too much while I was gone ❤ Next up on the analysis list is Ours the last on the list of requests from my favorite drunken anon! 😊❤ If you have any ideas for other Taylor songs I should analyze feel free to send me an ask or ten 😊🌈

#gaylor swift #kaylor #taymily #queer analysis #songs

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