#do what you do. just dont expect me to stick around an cater an do things an be nice after I really am fucking hurt

[beloved-diary]

So he fronted, he was laying on me when he was cause other alter was. Told him to immediately get off me an he said i was warm an why should he. Ended up getting up an away. I left the room awhile later. He kinda kept talking to me till i told him to leave. Which he did.

[supernatural-jackles]

i don't get why you opned up requests when you still have old ones you haven't done and made it comfort fics only! youd think with your lack of posting lately that youd focus on getting them done before opening them up for specific requests that dont cater to everyone

Alright, this was definitely intended to be rude, but I’m going to let that slide this time around. Your points are valid. Yeah, I opened up comfort fic requests while I still have old ones that need to be written. Yeah, I’ve been pretty slow on the uploading front lately too. 

Do I feel bad about it? Yeah of course I do. 

I opened up those comfort fic requests for me. Specifically, comfort fic requests... for me. 

It’s not news to anyone that I, myself, struggle with anxiety and depression. It’s no secret either that I used to harm myself many years ago. I have an entire masterlist of comfort fics written purely from my own feelings and struggles on bad days.

Last Sunday was one of my very bad days. It was so bad that I needed more help than any of my friends were able to offer me. I spent an hour and a half talking with someone and working through every single issue that was bothering me because I couldn’t come up with a solution on my own. I couldn’t untangle the wires. 

In those 90 minutes, I pulled back from 3 projects I was working on that weren’t fic-related because they were causing me the most stress. (You pointed out the lack of fics) I was reminded 8 times that it was okay to myself first, because no one else was going to do it for me. I was told that people would be understanding in me taking that time to do what I needed to do and I wasn’t letting anyone down. This person was right for the most part. 

I’m only human and I fuck up a lot. But that’s okay. 

Those requests were open because I feel my best when I’m helping others by helping myself too. The messages and comments I get saying “this helped me” and “thank you for writing this” are the things that remind me that I’m doing something good with something I struggle with. I’m making the most of a shit thing. You’re right, they don’t cater to everyone. But that’s okay too. What matters is that I’m focusing on myself in a way I can share with others. 

Just because I’m quiet some days, doesn’t mean that I’m not working on something. There is content coming soon. I was prioritizing the wrong things and expecting the same outcome. I have my plan and I’m sticking to it. That’s all I can do at the end of the day! 

I’m just Jen and that’s enough! 

[letsdiscoverkitty]

Home/Family Update - May 2021

I will take this right back to when I was discharged from the Priory in December. From there I moved back home with my parents; it was a bit of a difficult transition as I didn't have any home leave in the lead up to being discharged due to COVID and my consultant wanting me to make the most of my time on the ward. Add to that my EDP going completely awol, meaning that our whole 4 week pre-discharge meetings and relapse prevention plan went out the window. So yes it was a bit of a rocky start, and that is without you factoring in COVID lockdown/Christmas.

Being discharged from an IP setting is never easy no matter who you are; changes in environment and routine can throw you off track without you even realising it and I did find myself struggling with this. I also had the difficult navigation of adapting to coming home in terms of my dad and his recovery. For those who might not know, last March my dad fell down the stairs in the middle of the night the day that my parents arrived home after a month in NZ. He suffered 3 brain bleeds (a subdural, an extradural and a subarachnoid), multiple facial fractures and a break in his spine. That night was one of, if not THE, worst of my life. We were told that it was very likely that he would not survive and that if he did he would be in a vegetated state or not able to take care of himself...we were told to prepare for the worst. By some MIRACLE he defied all the odds and at the age of 74 after spending 11 or so days on the ICU, a further 2 weeks on a trauma ward and then another 3 months in a neuro rehab, he was discharged home and is now, a year on from the accident, completely independent, no sign of further brain bleeds and is actually much fitter than he has been for, well, 50 years! Honestly, we never expected anything like this sort of recovery and from an outside perspective he is doing perfectly. However, there are things that will never be the same again and I don't think it is until you are with someone 24/7 that you are able to tell. He has changed quite a bit as a person; in some ways this is a good thing but in other ways it is not so. He cannot deal with changes in environment or routine; even things like having the bread on the side instead of in the bread bin completely throws him off and he doesn't even register that the bread is there. He gets very easily agitated, can be extremely rude and a little aggressive. Now some of this was already there (a lot of it was) but it has become more acutely obvious since the head injury. I have SO much respect and love for my mum - I really dont know how she has held herself up over the past 2 years, as well as helping dad when he was initially transitioning home (I was still in hospital but it sounded like he needed a lot of help for the first few months - which I only saw an inch of when they were able to visit me in hospital (he used to wander off and didn't know where he was etc. which is thankfully no longer and issue!)).

This is hard for me to say but I will admit that I have struggled more than I thought I would with being around him; in short I pretty much went through the whole mourning process whilst I was in hospital as the last time i saw him on the trauma ward before they stopped all visits and before I was admitted, he didn't know who I was...He thought he lived in another country and was telling me all sorts of stories that were fabricated, before telling me that he needed to go and pick up the mercedes and drive to sainsburys to get the Gin and petrol (we don't have a mercedes and he doesn't even like gin!) Anyway, I digress. So yes, I basically mourned for someone who was still alive physically but mentally had changed as at the time I didn't know whether he would be in a vegetated state or make a good recovery. Thankfully we are on the good side and he is doing so incredibly well but the bottom line is that he is different and living with him, at the age of 26, is HARD. We have good days and bad days (as any young adult who lives with their parents does) and there are many many days that I wish I wasn't living at home but I do my best to hold myself together during those times, especially for my mum because she, I tell you, is absolutely incredible. How she has put up with him for so long I honestly do not know!

Talking of mum, I would say that since the whole accident with dad, we have become a LOT closer. We really had to lean on each other over that month; we were driving down to Brighton every single day to see dad on the ICU and on the Trauma ward until we were stopped from visiting - it was mentally and physically exhausting for the both of us, especially as we were still barely processing the trauma and struggling with flashbacks in the night. We were the first ones on the scene of the accident (if it weren't for mum's medical training, dad would not be alive today). Of course we still have our moments but I feel like our relationship almost "levelled up and matured over the past year. We have bonded over being in nature and walking (because what else can you do when the country is in lockdown!?! but also because we have always been an "outdoors" family (well my mum, Andi and me have))- we also talk about dad and the accident quite a bit too, which has helped me beyond belief (and her too). We give each other space, and yes there are days when we dont get on but who doesn't have days when they dont?

On balance I would say that home is "okay". It is manageable. No the environment is not perfect and I do find it affects my mental health quite a bit and holds me back in some ways (I cannot wait to be able to move out one day) but I am incredibly grateful to have parents that are willing to and can afford to take me under their roof and help me out during this time.

Gosh, this has already ended up so much longer than I thought it would, I am sorry! In short: home life is okay. We are here and that is the most important thing. We saw Andi a two-ish weeks ago as we were in Cornwall for our usual time-share (we were so lucky that Boris allowed self catering two weeks before our usual time share week) - I think it was good for them to get out of their flat as I don't think they had left the small area where they live since last September when we went down to Cornwall (I was given leave for a week as it was sold to my consultant to help my dad's recovery, which is definitely did but yes we did pull the right strings to get that one!)

Anyway, I shall leave this update here and start the mammoth task of the next one. I am sorry that this is taking me so long, it's quite hard to write and think back and reflect (although actually quite helpful for me to do) so I do find that I have to come back to it a few times. Please stick with me x

-----

I forgot to add that dad had an assessment before we went away to Cornwall to see whether he can have his driving license back and (as mum and I predicted) he failed. To say that he did not take it well would be putting it lightly!!! I am actually ashamed of the way that he behaved and the things that he said/the reasons he fabricated as to why he had failed (let's just say he got sexist and rude - which I have ZERO time for and was appalled by him - I am so glad I was not with him/mum after the assessment as I would have blown my fuse at hime). He could not even entertain the idea that he had failed. He blamed everything/anything else that he could - even saying that it was the system and one of the first things he said to me was "I understand now, I've worked it out, it's the system, they aren't allowed to pass many people first time so that's it", which I just *speechless*. Mum and I have talked about it a lot and we don't think that he has ever "failed" at anything in his life. He also believes that he is 10000%. fixed and has no issues or problems and doesn't need any support or guidance. He refuses to listen to mum and I when we try to tell him about how unwell he was, he refuses to believe it and won't take it. One thing that mum and I are very glad of is that all of this driving stuff is OUTSIDE of the family. He can't put it on us. It is coming from an external place and we can support him if he lets us but that is his decision as to whether he lets us or not. He has never been a good patient; and he also won't take any advice (in anything) from mum or let her be right about something either, which is just sad, really sad. This is not a new thing, it has always been this way. And the more I reflect on our family/have reflected over the past year with dad in hospital, the more I see that I don't like. The way dad has behaved and treated mum, how he was always missing in my childhood, how alcohol always came above family, how old fashioned and unwilling to learn he is, how distant and uninterested he was, how he never says please or thank you, never asks how anyone is and refuses to talk about mental health (yep, despite so much going on in our family with mental illnesses, he refuses to talk about it and won't even ask "how are you?" or offer support etc)...I don't mean to be so negative about him, I really don't. I love him, he is my dad, but there is a lot of healing that needs to be done, and it is going to take time.

[timextoxhajima]

hihi! i was scrolling through your blog to read your fics and look at your other posts when i came across that ask where an anon did an analysis of your fic hostis. i’m just asking out of genuine curiosity (i hope this doesn’t come across offensive in any way but this has baffled me for quite some time!!), but how exactly should readers interact with fanfics?

probably every other month i’ll see a post by different writers about the lack of interaction from readers which really frustrates them (which i understand!) and they usually say that it doesn’t take that long to like, reblog, give a comment etc. i’m more of the passive type so i will like the fic post or share them with friends who like the same groups to read. i don’t usually comment, but i see people who do leave comments and hype up other writers who are their mutuals/friends. these comments are always positive and encouraging, but do writers ever want constructive criticism like what that anon commented? i mean it’s not like school or uni where you submit work to be marked, but when writers ask for interaction do they only want the positive, hype-me-up kind of comment? sometimes when i read a fic and i think “oh, maybe it could’ve been better if they developed this a bit more” or “it feels like it’s lacking a bit” or something like that, i just move on from it and read other fics. but for these writers who want interaction from their readers, would they actually want readers to voice out thoughts like this?

sorry for the long post ahaha i’ve just been wondering about this for a long long time and reading that anon’s detailed analysis and breakdown about what they thought could be improved really got me thinking about this as a long time fic reader. thank you ^^

HIHI no worries abt it being offensive or whatsoever!! You brought up quite a few points in this so bear with me yeah?

How should readers interact with fics?

Firstly, i'd like to put out a disclaimer that some writers might not agree with. The fact that writers post their work on an online platform accessible to everybody means that it will always be open to criticism, whether they like it or not. No, i'm not saying that it's okay to be rude or trash someone's work, i'm saying it in the context that readers will always be allowed to provide feedback/reactions. If you put a product out on a shelf for sale, you can't stop a customer from complaining about it if they purchase it and, in their opinion, finds it defective or inadequate.

You cannot stop a reader from having opinions.

It's the same for movies, music, choreography.

Secondly, however the reader wants to react (be it passive or active) is completely up to you! Personally, as long as i know someone's following my work, even if it's just 1 person, i'll be happy. My work isn't FAMOUS per se and it's just an outlet for me to vent or relax. Of course there'll be writers who want people to provide constructive feedback, and that's fine. Writers who actually want the constructive feedback WILL take it, i promise you. It will stick, even if they don't act on it, and if they agree with it, they will change according to the feedback. After i got that super long analysis from hostis, i started breaking up my sentences, especially in grounded. I started making sure my sentences were shorter, easier to understand. Might not have been 100% what the anon told me to improve on, but it stuck. For me, i write in school and it's being graded. Thus, writing here is in fact, a platform for me to practise. So of course, (though i admit i get salty sometimes when people tell me otherwise) i try to improve whenever people tell me there is something for me to improve on. It's normal human nature to feel angry or upset when people give CONSTRUCTIVE feedback bec sometimes it does feel like it's going against you.

Writers who want to improve will always appreciate constructive feedback, even if they feel salty or dissatisfied with it.

Of course, sometimes constructive feedback comes in the idea of questions. Whenever i write, i ask myself like- why does this character act like this or why did this happen- in case a reader has questions about maybe something lacking etc. (Also honestly because sometimes fanfiction is meant to cater to only the main characters, and side characters just aren't needed to be fully developed.)

Sometimes, the writers have their reasons for not developing a certain part of the story, a character, or simply- they didn't think about it, and that's fine. That's where they get to think about it too.

I always thought it was fun to discuss a story's plot with the writer, same way some people are super into trivia or like, backstories. It's like bonus features when you watch a director's cut of a film or like an easter egg, which you'll only realise when the director/writer himself shares it with you.

A writer will always be more than happy to discuss their story with you, whether or not the points of discussion are similar or different.

Keeping in mind, writers on this platform come from different countries, this means different styles of learning. Styles of writing differs from person to person. V, who wrote 17.5 of hostis, is also singaporean but her writing style is more poetic than mine. The anon who gave me that super long feedback on my writing with longass sentences and expression errors is a law student (who, i assume are more accustomed to writing short, accurate, and MUST BE grammatically correct sentences). Which is totally fine!

What you may perceive from reading a sentence may be different from what someone else perceives. When i write, i NEED to see the scenes in my head first because i'm a more visual person and i do videography and film production in school, so if i dont see it, i can't write it. sometimes it backfires and i end up stuffing like 2894 details into 1 sentence, killing the grammar and expression, which is what that anon pointed out to me.

Perception varies, so learn to understand that what the writer writes could be because they simply have trouble expressing what they see/visualise.

And that's fine. Nobody is ever perfect with writing, nobody's gna ever develop all their characters well enough to the readers' liking. If a story had 8 characters and each character had a fan, BUT the plot is meant to only focus on 3, then you cannot expect the writer to develop the other 5 just because their fans want them too. It's just not plausible, especially if the plot revolves around the 3.

Wow this was super long, i hope this gave you some valuable insight as to how a reader can interact with a writer. There's definitely no harm as to giving the writer feedback, even if its bad! Phrase it nicely of course - trashing the writer's work definitely isn't going to do anybody good. Writer's probably gna hate the reader while she/he feels shitty abt themselves and the reader doesn't gain anything in return.

THANK YOU for bothering to send this in!!! I absolutely LOVED talking about this because ive always thought that readers just wanted some fanfiction to read but now youve proven me wrong and i definitely do believe some readers look much deeper into a plot or a piece of work than just smut and fluff.

🥺💕 thanks loveee

[casworan]

❝ pride was fed to him from a silver spoon and now that he’s grown up, he’s grabbed the spoon and fed his ego some more. ❞ THOMAS HAYES? No, that’s actually CASWORAN ROWLE. Only EIGHTEEN years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as a PHILANTHROPIST and is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. HE identifies as A CIS MAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be SNOBBISH, ENTITLED, and CRUEL but also DISCIPLINED, METICULOUS and CHARISMATIC. 

LINKS: stats, pinboard, playlist. CHARACTER PARALLELS: schmidt (new girl), henry winter (the secret history), alistair ryle (the riot club), chad radwell (scream queens), chad charming (descendants) --- (how are two of these named chad wtf) HELLO uh just a heads up that i donut condone any of the behaviour this shithole throws into the world. yikes! also there’s some triggers in here for abuse and terminal illness, but they will be marked <3 

history

let’s get one thing straight --- emrick rowle and hemera rosier did not love each other when they married each other and they knew about it. they both agreed that their marriage was a good choice, a smart move, that it would benefit both and --- well, they both had ambition streaming through their veins, so the choice was made easily. they married, for political reasons, for money, but absolutely not for love. 

casworan was born a year into their marriage and was the perfect son. he wasn’t given a welsh name like so many rowles before him had, but a cornish one, celebrating hemera’s mother’s cornish ancestry. 

casworan means one who is powerful in battle, which emrick liked. he wanted a soldier, a pawn, a piece in his great chess match that was the world.

cas is a cousin to genie, wes and lo, and also to seren on his mother’s side.

and casworan’s parents might not love each other, they did love him. his mother’s love was doting and smothering, but genuine and unconditional.  his father’s was conditional, and based on expectations and constantly changing from hot to cold. emrick raised casworan to the perfect heir, the perfect son, the perfect pawn.

emrick rowle is a strategist, but also a coward. he uses his money and influence to pull strings behind the scenes, but is never the one to publicly call the shots. casworan is his son, but he’s also ... another piece in the game. he’s the person who’ll pick up where he left off, and emrick won’t leave everything to someone he does not trust and respect.

hemera is evan rosier’s daughter, by the way, and by no means a sweetheart, but a better parent. compared to emrick, the standard is quite low but still --- she is a better parent, and casworan is a complete momma’s boy. 

so casworan grows up --- spoiled dirty and loved by both parents. he learns languages (french and kernowek from his mother, latin and english grammar and such from a tutor), learns to play the violin, learns about his family’s history and legacy and how it intertwines with the rest of the history of the wizarding world, learns about blood purity and how one day he and his parents will rise above all the unworthy members of their society. he takes it all up and questions nothing, both because he has no reason to, and because his parents are convincing.

abuse tw (verbal and physical) // that’s not to say life was perfect. there was always a certain coldness at home. the lack of love between cas’ parents was clear to him from a young age, and it’s quite a strange thing, when your parents don’t seem to love each other but dont have any issue with it. there was no room for failure at home, no room for toeing the line. his father’s words could go from praising and prideful to harsh and cruel in seconds, his hands hard and unforgiving. casworan learned to keep his back straight and work harder and to swallow whatever anger he felt. he listened to every word that came from his father’s lips and took them in as truth and never questioned the way things were. end of tw

casworan went to hogwarts at age eleven ( he’d seen the castle before, of course --- he’d visited hogsmeade plenty of times before with his mother ) and was sorted into slytherin there. it was an easy sorting --- there were not many non-slytherin qualities the hat saw, besides maybe a sense of loyalty and a hunger for learning but cas’ cunning, shrewdness and ambition outweighed everything. 

hogwarts came easy to casworan. he was a good learner and knew plenty of people from his life before school -- people who ran in the same circles. to branch out wasn’t something he felt he needed to do, with a few exception here or there ( for either particularly skilled people or other purebloods he didn’t know yet ). casworan likes learning, values his education and was, well, a nerd. a hardworking student. was in a few clubs too, i’m sure --- i will get back on that when i have it figured out for plotting purposes! 

terminal illness tw // in casworan’s third year, his mother fell ill. it was a genetic disease, an incurable one, one that soon left her weakened and bedbound and tired. his father’s response wasn’t to stick to her side --- they didn’t love each other after all, and in all honesty, hemera didn’t want him on her side either --- but to flee in stead. his involvement in shady dealings grew and he retreated to the city more and more for work. casworan ... well, didn’t respond very well. 

abuse tw // he raged. he cried and raged and kicked against his father’s shins and demanded that he solved this because, well, the world had always given casworan exactly what he wanted, and when he got something he absolutely did not want, the one person he could blame was his father. he acted like a child because he was one, and his mother was going to die, and his father broke the news in such a cold way that he couldn’t help but rage. his tantrum was met with cold eyes and the same cruelty cas had felt before.

this was when a seed of hate for his father started to grow, something he’d never even dared to feel before. it’s still growing to this day. end of abuse tw //

a family friend moved in to help his mother, and they got a second house elf and life changed, thigns shifted. casworan learned what it was to feel out of control and well, he didn’t like it one bit. he’s entitled and spoiled and used to getting everything he wants and this situation is something he has absolutely no say in and it drives him mad. rather than give him some perspective, it just makes him act more entitled and controlling in the rest of his life. end of terminal illness tw //

so cas makes his way through hogwarts, acting like an entitled twat, hanging with his lads, having a laff here and there and earning a whole lot of NEWTs. he had no qualms sharing his world views or sharing his entitled nature, here and there showing a more violent and cruel streak. casworan is a bully, an elitist prick, someone who looks down on most people. 

when the war breaks out, well --- he’s quick to sign up. he believes in the cause, of course, and there’s no other option, really. he’s been prepped for this life. this is what he was made to do. he doesn’t even consider not joining. and so he joins and feels pride and power and a thirst to proof everyone around him that he’s the motherfucking shit. what an IDIOT.

besides his death eater life, cas is mostly focused on maintaining his image. like his father, he works hard on things like charity and philanthropy, so his name appears in the newspaper linked with good news almost exclusively. he’s picky, of course, about the causes he works for ----- things related to education, he genuinely works for, but there’s also some questionable things he donates to.

and then besides that, cas is mostly focused on enjoying life. getting drunk or high out of his mind, fucking shit up with the lads, having a good old time because guess what? the world is his to own and ruin, and he won’t stop at nothing. he’s entitled and obnoxious, but he always pays and tips well and sees absolutely no issues with his behaviour. he can’t wait for the world to become even more his as the war progresses. 

personality & tidbits

...... an asshole.

no literally he’s such an asshole. he’s so fucking used to the world catering to his ugly needs and getting everything he wants and he’s so entitled and such an ASSHOLE.

someone please punch him

anyway --- he likes Extra things. velvet and silk and rich fabrics and leather shoes and accessories with snake themes and polo shirts and ... he dresses like a frat boy, but then mixed with wizarding fashion

ugly. 

pretentious and snobbish to a fault. wants nothing but the best and is used to the best. would often complain about the house elves and their quality of food at hogwarts, because his house elves were much better cooks, they had been trained in france after all!!!

kind of hates his name and prefers to go by cas at all times, and i dont blame him

has daddy and mommy issues lmao !!! 

capitalist right wing scum, tbh. would have voted trump and brexit and all that shit if he was a real person. I HATE HIM SO MUUUUUCHHHHHHH.

“if youre poor, thats your own fault!”

he is literally the worst person

i hate-write this character its a load of fun

he loves his hair lmao

plays the violin and generally likes classical music? a snob, i told yall. also likes other music, let me figure it out pls thanks

okay let’s talk about some of his better sides because so far all ive done is drag this kid and thats reasonable, but ... he’s got some good things, i guess. 

he’s a good friend. like, if you’re his mate, you’re his mate for life (or until you turn your back, which is when he will feel hurt and will hurt u back yike!). he’ll be there for u Big Time. not good at emotional support, but good at sitting with a glass of wine/whiskey and talking/listening. will finance u if u need it (he doesnt like poor ppl but makes an exception for friends i guess?). will punch someone for u.

he ... does really value education? he would just like to see hogwarts change around bc there’s so much unnecessary shit (read: muggleborn students and subjects like muggle studies and divination). but yeah, he rly thinks that learning is important and that u have to ~broaden your mind ( but not too much ofc )

he is pretty family oriented, and rn he’s of course 18 so that’s not a big thing, but he’d be a ... proper dad? i think? he rly wants a big fam eventually

still a dick

good dueller and generally a pretty skilled wizard which is a bummer :/

loves partying and getting drunk out of his mind and then breaking stuff that isnt his, very riot club like

idk what else to say but HE IS AN ASSHOLE. 

[gendice]

hey so i’m PISSED

lacey and i created the voltron secret santa as a fun sort of exchange for people who wanted to participate in a secret santa and make/receive gifts, but didn’t sign up for earlier secret santas and we also wanted to make this an all-inclusive event so that everyone in the fandom can participate if they want to. idk what you guys think this is but planning an event like this especially when it’s not a 100% anti or 100% shaladin event is hard as fuck, especially when we have to cater to each person’s preference 

all that we ask of you guys is to 1) stick to the guidelines and 2) meet the deadlines and yet there were so many people who were acting so fucking entitled as if hosting this was a piece of cake and that the entire event revolves around them and we had to cater the event to their specific preference??? 

1. we had people acting super fucking entitled from the beginning during sign ups; we received multiple asks from someone shitting on us for not allowing shaladin ships like if you’re a shipper who wants to create a secret santa that allows for shaladin ships be my guest??? idk why you have to send those to us like we still won’t allow it so. and if you’re a shipper who doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea of participating in an event hosted by people who don’t ship shaladin then just don’t join?? why do you feel the need to join and complain about it in the sign up form (someone filled in the additional comments section with something along the lines of “i cant put anything here since nothing i want is allowed lol” like. if you dont have any legitimate comments just dont put it???) 

2. we had to repeat it over and over again for people to turn on their anon asks? like i get it if you’re on mobile and it’s impossible to turn on anon (fuck u tumblr mobile) but the fact that this dragged on for at least half of the work period is so. frustrating?? we specifically checked and reminded people who didnt have it on to turn on their anon asks and some did but others just didn’t do so?? some people didn’t even have their regular asks on and i just hhfjfkwjnwewe im so fucking frustrated. as if that’s not fucking enough some people who didn’t have their own anonymous asks on had the gall to message me asking why their own giftee didn’t turn on anon asks like hm i dont fucking know maybe it’s because some people have the same selfish mindset as you expecting everything to be set up nicely for you while not doing the basic respectful thing and doing the same back. IT’S SO !! FUCKING !! SELFISH !!!!!

3. we literally. do not owe you anything. stop acting like you’re our superiors and we have to listen to everything that you say. it’s rude and frankly i’m so fucking tired of it; it’s basic manners to just speak to someone with respect but some of you can’t even do that? we just host the event and pair people up together and make sure that  the gifts are coming along fine, we have literally no say in what your gifter chooses to make or when they choose to post it so can you fucking think about how shitty and rude your actions are for one (1) second and consider maybe treating us with basic respect. what your gifter does (or doesn’t do) has literally nothing to do with us it’s out of our control so in my humble fucking opinion you really shouldn’t hold us accountable for someone else’s actions 

4. speaking of which, i’m really stressed out by the very possible lack of gifts from certain people. it’s super fucking unfair to people who have created and posted their gifts and are expecting one in return. it’s also unfair that some people are getting gifts while they don’t create any in return. it’s unfair that someone has to create two gifts within the same time period that others create one, just because of your irresponsibility, while you yourself receive a gift despite not putting in any effort. as the moderator for this event i’m really anxious about this because i’m seeing a lot of people who have yet to post their gifts and i feel really bad for those who aren’t getting any gifts. when you sign up for this event it was kind of expected that you should be able to make something, making this a fair give-and-take event. if you had some personal issues that made it impossible for you to complete your gift, that’s fine, that’s why we had a dropout date and are giving extensions too. but if you drop out like 1 day before the gifting date, or you straight up don’t tell us that you can’t give anything, or you straight up don’t respond to anything and proceed to go mia after filling up the sign-up form, that’s super fucking irresponsible on your part and your actions affect other people as well so i’m just fucking frustrated and pissed i literally have no words 

5. i’m not here to discredit people because everyone has different styles/is at a different skill level and that’s fine, it’s the thought that counts. and i’m sure that if you put in effort that your giftee can see it too and they’ll appreciate the gift (which a lot of you did and yall produced really lovely gifts). but the fact is that it’s really fucking obvious that some of you just aren’t putting in the effort at all for your gifts and it makes me feel really bad on behalf of whoever is on the receiving end of the gift because some people put in their 100% in making their gift, only to receive one that someone else put in less than 50% in. we had guidelines for you to follow when making the gift and the fact that some of you didn’t follow them is really upsetting and, once again, irresponsible and selfish

that being said this isn’t directed at all of you and to be honest if you followed the guidelines and stuck to the deadlines in making the gifts i am literally so fucking grateful and i can’t thank you enough for making the whole thing easier for us. also thank you so fucking much to the people who were super flexible and were okay with being shuffled around due to some admin stuff + people who made second gifts as a backup gifter you guys are literally lifesavers 💞💞

[alwaysjane]

What really happened!

So ganito kasi yon. We’ve had several fights, actually everyday kami nagaaway, days prior kami nagbreak. So hindi ito rash decision na biglaan lang akong nakipagbreak. No. God knows how many times I wanted na makipag-break sa kanya because of those mga maliliit na away away. Somewhere between those fights, I knew we were going to end really soon. It was not reallt a matter of how or why, it was a matter of when nalang talaga. Which was, I think, the sad part of our relationship kasi I knew we both had it coming.

We were endlessly fighting kasi...

Okay, eto ha. I don’t know if this is a bad thing or what BUT I am a very, very sensitive person. I am a person na mahilig makiramdam (ng tao, ng situation). And ang pinaka ayaw ko tlaga sa lahat is other people making me (or others) feel bad about myself (or themselves). Yung pailalim na pinu-push yung buttons mo? I hate those kinds of low-key manipulation. Kasi nakakasira ng self-esteem eh without you knowing. Nakakasira ng confidence. Ang tinatamaan, yung subconscious mind mo so parang akala mo okay lang pero at the back of your mind kinakain ka na pala ng buhay. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My ex works as a medical representative. His work entails schedules na would require long hours sa hospital. Minsan nakakauwi na sya ng 11 pm. Tired. Gutom. At first, nahirapan ako sa ganyang schedule. I remember nagrereklamo pa nga ako nun kasi I was the one waiting for him tuwing gabi. I went into this relationship kasi thinking I had it easier than him since I’m in my clerkship, may 24hrs duty ako and all... Nasa isip ko, wala akong time masyado for him—turns out the other way around pala! Hinihintay ko sya to text me (kasi I dont want na magambala work nya) and yun nga, parang nahirapan ako magadjust at first pero eventually I got the hang of it naman. And besides I can’t really blame him for it kasi di rin naman nya gusto na ganun ka-toxic schedule ng work nya. So yun, we had to compromise. I was put in a mind space where I have to understand him and his line of work. Kaya since the start of our relationship, always yun na 11pm hanggang 12 am kami magkausap sa phone. It worked okay naman (well, okay in the sense na nakaya naman namin for the past 4-5 months ng relationship namin). Atleast naguusap pa din kami kahit papano kesa naman sa totally wala diba. Sa umaga kasi, more of greetings lang. “Good morning, good night” mga ganun lang so as a person who has QUALITY TIME as her love language, badly needed na yung 1 hr of conversation sa gabi for me.

Anyway, sa 4-5 months namin, parang the usual course of relationship. May times na may away-pusa kami. Yung mga maliliit lang na bagay pinagaawayan namin pero we knew how to handle it naman. May times din na super saya nga conversation namin. As in chill lang talaga. Infairness din naman sa kanya.

What really triggered a change talaga between us happened recently lang. Mga start ng March? Pero days before March started, parang malabo na communication namin. I guess the month of March was our tipping point. Everything went downhill from there. Our biggest fight happened that month.

From duty ako nun and I told him na I was at a coffee shop, reading. I was half-expecting na humabol sya after his work tapos magdate sana kami kasi we haven’t seen each other for a really long time (di po kami LDR. We live in the same city pero kung magkita kami, iisipin mo tlaga we live in the opposite areas of the country). Turns out he has to attend this birthday party of someone very very close to him. Nahurt ako syempre kasi nagexpect ako na hahabol sya (although fault ko na din siguro yon for expecting him na humabol sakin when hindi naman sya nagmake ng promise or what). Sinabihan ko sya, syempre. Pinaalam ko sa kanya na I was disappointed, etc. Basta I let him know na di ako okay nung time na yun and that I really wanted to see him. He just told me na he needed to go kasi the birthday celebrant played a huge role in his life and that he needed me to understand the situation. Once a year lang daw yung birthdays. Kami pwede daw magkita anytime. So okay, pinalampas ko nalang. Ayoko din naman na mag-away kami dahil lang dun and besides, I was from duty that day so wala akong energy that much para makipag-away. Pero honestly, it left a bad taste in my mouth. The moment he said that statement to me, I knew where I stood in his life. Alam niya kasi na may babalikan sya, gets mo yun? Yung parang pailalim na pinaramdam nya na i’ll stick around naman eh so chill lang muna ako while attend lang sya ng birthday party. He reiterated it many times na malaki daw natulong nung taong yon sa kanya and malaki talaga yung utang na loob nya sa taong yun. And I get that. Totally. Pero did he really have to say those words to me and make me feel bad?

Tapos from there, parang nagaway na kami constantly kasi he was there to call me from 11pm - 12am pero the rest of the day, parang susulpot sulpot nalang sya here and there whenever it’s convenient for him. Actually, yung puno’t dulo lang naman ng away namin is always the lack of quality time na nabibigay nya for me eh. Quality time included na dyan yung good quality communication kasi wala na talaga kaming tinatawag na “conversation”. We were talking to each other pero we’re not really communicating, do you get what I mean? There were times na oo, maguusap kmi. Okay kami. Tatawa pa kami. Pero rare moments nalang yun. And when I say rare moments, as in since start of March, once or twice nalang nangyari yun samin na wala kaming heated argument sa isang gabi. I was growing tired of it. Parang routine nalang sinasabi nya sakin. Oo I had occassional texts from him ng good morning goodnight etc during the day pero never really a conversation where engaging makipag-usap sa kanya. Lam mo yun? At first ganyan sya kasi lagi syang pagod, or not feeling well, or inaantok na daw sye. Syempre I didn’t want to be the one to stop him from resting (dahil lang sa want kong quality time with him) kasi naawa din naman ako sa kanya. Baka macompromise health nya. So despite the LONGING na makausap sya kahit through a decent conversation nalang sa phone (dahil ngamagiisang buwan na kaming hindi nagkikita) nilulunok ko nalang yun to give him ample time to rest and do whatever he wants with his free time. Pero this does not mean na I will just keep my mouth shut and pretend na I’m okay with that situation. So I let him know. Everyday I tell him how sad I am na parang we’re slowly drifting apart, na okay lang sana if di na kami nagkikita these days pero sana kahit sa phone lang magusap sana kami ng matino etc. Everyday yan to the point na he already had the gall to make unnecessary side comments (by texting me things like “haysss” and “ano naliwat ini [ano nanaman ‘to]”) na parang bang annoyed na sya sakin. Syempre at this point in our relationship, yung longing ko nadagdagan pa sya ng something negative. So parang nakafeel ako ng hiya na dahil he made me feel na I was nagging at him. And maybe I was at the time pero that’s because he’s giving me a reason to. Di ako ganyan guys! I’m not the one to NAG a person regarding anything kasi I don’t want to burden anyone. I remind but never nag. To tell you honestly, di ko nga inexpect na aabot ako sa ganung level of desperation. Na parang I had this panicky feeling and need to constantly fight for my time with him and remind him na hellooo may girlfriend pa sya. (Comment: Looking back, I guess I was fighting for our relationship at that time or else why would I feel that way dba?) Kasi naman as his girlfriend, I thought I had the right to tell him when things are going south na for us. Na I had the right to tell him I feel mistreated because of the situation. Pero instead of being empowered, ba’t parang nahihiya ako sa ginagawa ko na para bang wala ako sa posisyon to do that? Another red flag! Kasi in the first place, dapat hindi ako humihingi sa kanya ng oras nya. In the first place, dapat hindi ako makafeel ng longing. Di ba?

In comes the COVID pandemic. March 13 inannounce na wala nang pasok yung interns and clerks sa hospital for safety reasons. Ang saya ko! Kasi I get to have a little break from being the smallest mammal in the hospital and also because I was expecting na more time na with him. Pero napansin ko parang the same padin. Parang walang nagbago nung may work pa sya and nung suspension of work/classes. 11 pm padin kami naguusap and walang conversation sa umaga. Hindi muna ako umalma at first kasi I was giving him a chance (and partly because I got scared na baka i-disregard nya nanaman feelings ko, mairita nanaman sya sakin dahil nagn-nag nanaman ako ulit sa kanya). Pero hindi eh. 3? 4? How many days have passed na since the suspension pero ganun pa din. Eventually, nagopen up ako sa kanya. I asked him bakit ganun padin kami magusap? Ano ba kinabibisihan nya ba’t di padin kami nagkakausap ng matino. Again with the “haysss” and the “naliwat [not again]”. There was even a time na tinulugan nya ako in a middle of a conversation. Yes. Tinulugan nya po ako, making me think “Ang dali lang talaga sa kanya na i-disregard ako”. We fought many times, we made up many times NOT because we were able to solve the issue but because I couldn’t bear the emotional uproar boiling deep inside of me. Ang bigat makipag-away sa taong sure sya na wala syang ginawang masama. And maybe oo, walang mali sa ginawa nya (eh wala naman talaga syang ginagawa in the first place) pero I knew na may pagkukulang sya as a boyfriend and yun yung parang di nya magrasp (or baka pride lang nya yung bumubulag sa kanya) which I was trying to relay to him.

Ending, I couldn’t take it anymore. We were going in circles! Napagod na ako in the end. I told myself I deserve a better boyfriend than this one. I deserve a man who can cater to my needs (oras lang naman po) without me lifting a finger! Shempre nahirapan ako sa break up na to. Tingnan mo, ang tagal na naming nagbreak pero gumagawa padin ako ng mga ganitong post. Hehehe.

Pero anyway, yun yung pinaka-simplified na story kung ano yung nangyari. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to DM me here or if kilala kita, itext mo nalang ako ☺️

[safty]

Tiny Rollins - Fic- All Ages (Cute, H/C)

What if Seth was made tiny with Wyatt magic? 

@wrassleslashlibrary ? (No fuckin’ just friends)

@sendendo drew these a long time ago and I finally wrote this. Will probably post on AO3 at some point- Need to figure out how to finish it.

Leaving the ring, it wasn't terribly uncommon to feel bleary and sort of dizzy. Seth had wrestled a very long, physical match and almost everyone was way more blown up than he was. The trainers were still attending to Shane when he was leaving, so he didn’t bother with wasting anyone’s time, just trying to put one foot ahead of the other.

"I watched the finish on the monitor. Very good." Cesaro noted in the car, taking the wheel.

"It felt okay." Seth rubbed his eyes. Even the prospect of showering at the hotel seemed like a horrible chore.

He hadn't remembered hearing Randy or Bray whispering to each other, couldn't have understood Bray's words when he pinned him to the mat. Seth didn't really remember knocking his head at any point, but it wouldn't have surprised him if he had.

"You ok?" Cesaro asked after they'd checked in. Seth was usually irritable and grumpy, but usually was griping.

"Just tired." Seth grunted, pulling his roller bag faster.

Nobody would have expected what had happened when the morning came. For convenience sake, they'd gotten a double room, past interested in trying to jerk off or fuck a stranger after a pay per view. Cesaro turned the next morning, looking to the adjacent bed as soon as he'd wondered why Seth wasn't snoring away.

The bed was empty, and he sat up, looking around.

There was no one in the bathroom, and the balcony door hadn't been cracked. Cesaro's heart began to pound when he realized all of Seth's things were still there- even his shoes. Something was up.

"Seth?" Cesaro tried, standing in the middle of the room, at a loss. He raised his voice, not really sure what it would do.

"SETH!"

He gulped, wondering if a text would be of any help. Unfortunately, Seth's phone was still plugged into the wall, buzzing dully on the desk by the bed.

Hell Cesaro thought, tearing back the shower curtains. Nothing. Where?

It wasn't until he pulled back the covers desperately that he let out a short yell, sure he'd seen a mouse. Something small clung hard to the under sheet, letting out a high squeal when Cesaro dropped it, recoiling away.

Seth?

Carefully, Cesaro pulled the covers back, trying to see the tiny thing. It hadn't been more than four inches long, but the way that it had been holding to the sheets was strange. So small, it had looked bug-like.

Holding to the sheets with tiny hands, was a person of some sort, but it had been shrunk down so small that it was not to be believed. Cesaro's eyes widened, terrified as he heard a horrible high pitched screaming. The little thing had a long mane of brown hair and was naked. Seth's clothes were laying flat against the bed, as though the man had evaporated.

"Seth?" Cesaro breathed, watching as the little figure ran, scrambling across the bed, desperately trying to climb the pillow. Instinctively, Cesaro leaned forward, trying to touch him so that he might stop running away. Seth had other ideas however, only pausing his screaming to pant, trying to regain his breath.

"It's fine!" Cesaro said, still disbelieving of what was happening. In all likelihood it was not fine, but he had no idea what to do, following Seth with his hand as though he was trying to get a butterfly to land on it. "No- don't, hey!"

Seth leapt, fingers grasping the back side of the bed frame, climbing onto it. In his haste, his little toes slipped and he began to fall off the bed, screaming harder than ever.

In an instant, Cesaro had caught him, heart almost stopping as he watched Seth tumble several inches, landing in Cesaro's palms in a heap. Bringing him up to his eyes, the resemblance was uncanny. In his hands, he was holding a micro-sized Seth Rollins, terrified and naked, Cesaro's heart was still pounding fast, watching him tremble and shake, his whole body flushed and red, his face pouring with tears.

"Can you hear me?" Cesaro hissed. Seth's whole frame shock and he curled up inside his palm, quivering in the fetal position. To Cesaro's ears, his voice was intelligible, reduced to squeaks. Therein lied the possibility that Seth was too small to hear Cesaro properly either.

"Okay, okay," Cesaro muttered, very carefully running his thumb across Seth's whole side, trying to be assuring. "You are okay."

Drawing his arm out, far from his body, he nodded his head wide so Seth could see as much of him as he could, his finger still just grazing his side, trying to perk him up. Seth sat, warm and vibrating in Cesaro's hand. It seemed to take him a moment, but soon, Seth grabbed onto Cesaro's finger, sure it was his friend.

It was a terribly unusual situation, shaving hours off of their schedule. Luckily, neither of them had engagements to see to that involved media, but Cesaro was just scared his friend could be hurt or irreversibly altered. Despite some well intentioned nuzzling with his pinky finger, Cesaro couldn't stop Seth from crying, letting out shrill, sad squeaks.

"It's okay, It's okay," Cesaro kept saying, mostly for his own benefit, as he had no idea what to do. He sat down at the desk, pulling out paper and a pen. If Seth couldn't make out what he was saying, he'd have to write it down. 

Seth continued to lean against Cesaro's left thumb, shaking, until he realized what was happening.

WHY ARE YOU SMALL Cesaro wrote in tiny letters across the stationary pad, sure Seth could make it out, unless his brain had been affected. On another sheet of paper, he began to write out the alphabet in larger letters, rather like a tiny hopscotch arrangement. Seth watched, intrigued.

With the pen, Cesaro tapped the paper, asking his question. Seth stared, and then, hopped off of his hand, standing on the table top, staring at the alphabet sheet carefully.

With a lot of hopping around, in which Seth was holding onto his barely visible, exposed dick, Cesaro transcribed his frantic scrambling-

D-O-N-T-K-N-O-W

Cesaro paused, wondering what to ask next, but Seth continued to pounce over the paper, his little feet smearing the ink

W-Y-A-T-T

He held his hands out, after tucking his cock between his legs for modesty's sake, he shrugged, wide. Cesaro's brow furrowed.

PAIN?

N-O

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? HOW CAN I HELP

Seth tapped the paper angrily where Cesaro had written out DONT KNOW

TELL WORK?

Seth stood for a moment, looking to the letters written on the paper, considering. Cesaro leaned on his hand, watching his friend and heaving a sigh.

I-W-A-N-T-

Seth paused, shaking his head, he walked back, throwing his hands up.

S-H-O-U-L-D-

He stopped and sank down to his knees, facing away from Cesaro. He tucked his face to his knees and shook. Cesaro leaned in with his pinky finger, stroking his back.

Things were going to be difficult until they got a handle on things.

Cesaro insisted on being Seth’s advocate, and after explaining himself to the point of exhaustion regarding the circumstances he’d found Seth- Vince and the brass upstairs hurriedly began trying to figure out what to do. As soon as they’d dropped the name Wyatt, Cesaro and his tiny riding partner were ushered to the trainers.

“We’ll figure everything out, we’ll sort this,” Curano insisted. “We just need to take the utmost care of Seth in the meantime.”

This mostly meant that Seth didn’t get squashed. Word quickly got around to the rest of the roster and the trainers put together a makeshift basket from the cutlery containers in catering. Seth was rested in the base of the basket with some stuffing covered in cloth to keep him comfortable, and a ribbon was tied to the handle so everyone would know it was in fact Seth’s basket.

“We won’t be able to really take vitals unless we were at a lab.” The trainer frowned, setting her hands on the desk and looking at Seth under a magnifying glass. He’d been draped in a sheet of toilet paper in the meantime, holding the square around him like a rain poncho. “You’re sure he’s alright?”

Cesaro pulled out the crumpled sheet with the alphabet on it, scrawling YOU FEEL FINE?

Seth danced around the sheet, smoothing out the folds. Even with his bulky toilet paper garb trailing on the table, he seemed to spell Y-E-S.

Cesaro elected to cut an old sock apart in catering, so to give Seth a warmer means of covering himself. Bayley seemed to be the most sympathetic as well as amused regarding Seth’s condition, and decided to assist by shearing meat into tiny pieces for Seth to eat.

“This must be so hard! He doesn’t have any medications, does he?”

“No, nothing prescription.” Cesaro shook his head, watching Seth pull the sock over his head and tease the hole to stick his head through. He struggled for a moment, before nudging with his arms against the fabric for Cesaro to make dots with a felt marker, marking where he’d like sleeves.

“What if he has to go to the bathroom?” Bayley asked seriously, rubbing her forehead. “I don’t ever want to get turned small by dark magic!”

Adorned with a thick sock and well fed by tiny meat cuts and cracker crumbs, Seth pushed apart the stuffing in his basket to hide. Cesaro struggled with himself, wanting to tear off the covering to make sure his friend was ok, but after turning the basket slightly, he could see Seth’s head poking out, his hair wild and fanned around his face as he appeared to be sleeping.

“I need a moment, if you would please watch him,” Cesaro pleaded, “Nobody can move the basket.”

He had a match to plan with Sheamus and inevitably, there would be the problem of covering for Seth’s television character. Cesaro felt awful, sure that his friend was probably heartbroken about being unable to wrestle.

Raw went off feeling strangely forced. As soon as he was out of Gorilla, Cesaro was rushing back to Seth’s basket, breaking through a circle of people that were all sitting around the table, discussing Bray’s talent for mischief and the consequences of the act.

H-U-N-G-R-Y Seth spelled out, the moment he recognized Cesaro was close by. Roman, Kevin and Jericho watched with interest as Seth meandered around the paper.

S-L-E-E-P-E-A-T-M-O-R-E-S-M-A-L-L

They delighted in all cutting up protein bars and feeding Seth crumbs as Johnny Ace came in to find them, slightly disturbed by the scene.

“Bray’ll fly out next weekend and he’s gonna fix it,” He rasped, clapping Cesaro on the back. “We’re paying you extra, to watch him.”

“It’s no problem,” Cesaro said firmly. “We are flying to Charlotte? Going back through customs…”

“Keep a low profile,” Johnny said, “We’ll arrange private travel, but he shouldn’t be out.”

Caring for Seth wasn’t unlike watching a very high maintenance little mouse. After a rather depressing evening where Seth kept out of sight in the bottom of his basket. He began yelping, high pitched if he ever needed Cesaro’s attention.

GOING TO THE AIRPORT, YOU’RE GOING TO STAY IN MY POCKET THROUGH SECURITY AND THEN WHEN YOU’RE ON THE PLANE YOU CAN GET OUT. Cesaro wrote on a new piece of hotel stationary, setting it in front of Seth to read.

Seth sighed, toying with the roughly hewn edge of his sock-shirt.

Experimentally, Cesaro opened his hand to get Seth into it again, putting him up on his shoulder near his ear. He cocked his head, sure that he could probably get some better idea of Seth’s words if he spoke clearly.

“Your ear is dirty!” Seth squealed. Excitedly, Cesaro whipped his head around, grinning and almost sending Seth flying. Carefully, he turned his head again, ready to listen, it was difficult unless he was concentrating.

“This is very scary! My heart hasn’t stopped racing hard!”

IM SURE Cesaro wrote on the paper. GO ON

“I have to sleep and eat more, I don’t know why. I’m very tired. Nothing hurts, but I get dizzy if you move me too fast, so try not to do that.”

OK

“I’ve been peeing whenever you aren’t looking.”

Cesaro shook with laughter.

“If you draw a grid on the paper, I’ll show you the password to unlock my phone.��

Cesaro did, and then helped Seth go through his messages, explaining to his close friends and family that he wouldn’t be able to talk properly for a week, but would explain everything later. After just twenty minutes, Seth began to yawn and falter, leaning into Cesaro’s thumb. He took the hint, pulling Seth into his hand and slowly walking him over to the basket again, setting an opened granola bar inside as well.

Going through the airport was the most nerve wracking experience of his life and he couldn’t help nudging the front of his shirt pocket, terrified that, for some reason, Seth wouldn’t be there. However, tiny hands beat back on the fabric, poking his chest.

They’d gotten all the way back to the gate before Cesaro looked down and noticed Seth’s hands and head popping out the top of the pocket- rather unceremoniously, Cesaro popped him back down, hearing an angry squeal. Once they were on the plane- a private airline, he helped to pull him out, ready to scold him for peeking.

Seth was actually wet and flushed, leaving Cesaro’s hands damp, he frowned, raising his friend to his ear for some sort of explanation.

“I’m not- I can’t-” Seth panted, squeaking. “So hot-”

Guilty, Cesaro helped him lie down comfortably. Curled up in a light napkin, Seth accepted little droplets of water over his head to cool down. When he was finished, Cesaro bit off the end of the coffee stirrer, giving Seth a fairly large straw to drink down some water. 

“I want coffee.” Seth whined after he finished, holding onto Cesaro’s shirt collar like a saddle horn. “I hate this! I’m hot and then I’m freezing. I smell terrible!”

He set his tiny friend back down on the tray table and Seth just sagged, curling up into a ball and whimpering. For awhile, Cesaro just pet him with his pinky, unsure about what to do. There was nothing he could do to really help- just make Seth more comfortable. The airline workers had been notified about the situation they were in, and so didn’t do much more than offer sideways glances at the thumb-sized man.

Grabbing a stack of cups from the catering cart, Cesaro rose and grabbed some of his toiletries from his carryon. Even when Seth was normal sized, Cesaro’s role was usually keeping him happy on the road. This was a lot more involved, but it had the same spirit.

He nudged his hand out for Seth to climb into. Fussy and upset, Seth didn’t budge, head to his knees, determined. Cesaro chuckled, very carefully tipping his friend into his fingers and marching off to the bathroom.

Pouring warm water into a cup and adding a speck of soap, Cesaro made a functional little bath. Seth watched, unsure exactly what was happening until the water began to bubble up. Eagerly, he climbed in, dunking his head and wading around like a frog caught in a jar. Pulling a thread out of his shirt, Cesaro cut a tiny string so Seth could pull his hair back.

Freshly cleaned and dried, with a tiny pour of coffee into a condiment server and a handful of muffin crumbs, Seth seemed much less upset.

WE WILL FIGURE IT OUT DONT WORRY Cesaro wrote while Seth sat on his hand, watching I DONT MIND AND I WANT TO HELP

Much to his surprise, Seth began to cry again. But instead of curling up into a ball, he clutched Cesaro’s thumb, hugging it. Cesaro smiled, stroking his friend’s small head lovingly. Being so small surely took an emotional toll, but they only had a few more days to figure it out. 

[random-slut34-blog]

Klaine Wedding Pt.1

I used a Generator for this please don’t hate me I don’t take credit for this. <3. I promise that i will write my own material in the future, this was just a bit of fun -OXO R.S 

Credit goes to : http://fanficmaker.com/

Blaine was up earlier than usually. He was super excited. After all, today was his wedding day!

Blaine danced through the room, sang a little bit and couldn't wait until the evening. Oh, how excited Blaine was! Today, he would finally be married to Kurt! (A/N Oh yeah, Blaine is gay.)

Of course for this day, Blaine had chosen the best wedding cake. And the best wedding catering. And invited all his friends to come (except Santana cuz she's a bitch). Kurt himself was also up early in the morning, doing his morning stretches and excercise so he'd look nice and buff in his suit. Blaine was trying out his wedding dress in front of the mirror  There had been a mixup at the dresser but Kurt thought it was kind of funny so they went along with it.

But of course, most importantly of all: Blaine couldn't wait until the actual night. See. Blaine had a bit of a stick kink. but kept it secret so far. Blaine felt there had to be at least one thing Kurt should only discover on their wedding night! Oh, how excited Blaine was to finally share that final bit with Kurt!

The day was coming along nice. Blaine received lots of compliments for his dress. Kurt looked fabulous in his suit. His muscles nicely toned thanks to the suit being of just the right tightness. Oh, Blaine loved watching his love. Those sweet lips of him touching the wine glass, soaking them up in the red liquid of the wine. Those lips he could kiss all night long. And those hands, Blaine looked at it. Abscentmindedly as someone else was talking to Blaine while he did so. Kurt's hands were so full with power. The way he grabbed Blaine's hands as they cut the cake. The way he held Blaine's wrists as he cut the cake into slices. Those hands would be soon on Blaine's chest.

There was a speech or two. Proclaiming that there had never been such a perfect couple as Blaine and Kurt. That the universe had never seen such love. And everyone cheered and rejoiced. And there were flower petals and rice raining down on them and there were songs being sang in their names.

Or so it should be. Because when Blaine stood there at the altar about to give his word to Kurt. Suddenly! An ExplosioN!

And from the smoke arised no one else but Santana!  "Stop! You are making a mistake!" Santana said. "I should be with Kurt!!"

~~~~~ A/N Oooooh! Bet you didn't expect that! Sorry ClarisaTheBeautiful, I no I told you I wouldn't do that, but I did! hAHAHAHA! ~~~~ Onto the next chappie! In the darkness of that night, away from the preying eyes and ears of those who would judge, some strangers slipped by unnoticed.

But they were not strangers, they knew each-other. And they knew each-other much closer then any of their friends did realize. They knew each-other both inside and out. But their friends did not know this. Their friends could not know. Their friends should not know this. Nor could they know. Because it was night, and thus away from their viscous, judging eyeballs.

"Is it safe?" said the first stranger, who was not a stranger to the other stranger but will remain a stranger to us for the moment.

"I think so. Its dark so none of the others should see us here, even if they are nearby. I think our secret is safe."

"Good. I couldn't take their judgement right now. My life is too stressful as it is. If it wasn't for you I don't know what Id do." "Don't worry Blaine, I will always be here for you - waiting in the dark "Thanks, Kurt. I will always be in the dark for you too"

With that the two shadows embraced - an embracement in the night full of passion and romance. The woman stood atop of the rubble while from everywhere Security Gaurd came from. They tied up all the wedding guests (and Sam, who had been the priest, too!). "I knew something was up," Santana said. "You sounded way too happy last time we spat insults at each other." She said as she walked down from the rubble into the wedding area. "Of course, there was also this." She took out a paper and folded it into an aeroplane. Then she fired it at Blaine.

Blaine opened it up and saw... it was their wedding invitation. Santana laughed loudly, "Oh yeah, you were willing to invite Sebastian but not me?! So I did what I had the right to do... I went to Sebastian and I defeated her and took her invitation.

Blaine knew that Santana could be powerful. Oh yeah, before Santana turned out to be such a collosal biatch, they had been fighting Sebastian together. But Blaine didn't know that Santana could have defeated Sebastian...as long as she had enough motivation!

HAHAHAHAAHA, Santana laughed. "Now to enact my plan!" Because not only will I stop your wedding, I will make your wedding IMPOSSIBLE!!! The golums took Sam and shoved him forward. They did the same thing with Kurt.

Santana walked over to Kurt and took his hand. "Now, Sam, wed me! Otherwise I will kill all you love! And if you, Blaine try to stop me....I will ressurrect Sebastian!"

Blaine felt like he was kicked in the stomach. What an impossible choice! Blaine thought. Give up the love of Blaine's life or save the world from Sebastian. It was almost as if fate or God set everythin in motion to torture Blaine!

But long Blaine didn't have to be in agony. Because Blaine had a plan!

For a moment time seemed to slowed down. Blaine wondered why. Blaine turned around slowly (due to the time seeming to have slowed down). Then the explanation - Kurt was secretly looking at him. Looking at him in that special way. Blaines soul lit up like a beacon in the night - even though it was day.

In all of this. In all of this mess. They had eachother, even if eachother was the only ones that knew. Kurt turned away at that moment - Time jumped back to normal as Blaine was no longer transfixiated by Kurt. Fortunately no one else had noticed. Some time later in their secret hide-away   "I am glade we found a way to survive all that and still be together" "Yes, our plan seems to have worked despite all the events" "Do you think anyone spotted us?" "No" "No" "Yes" Raven emerged from the shadows of the darkness. "I know everything" she said. Blaine and Kurt gasped. Their secret was finally revealed!

"I dont love Kurt like you do" said Raven "but I have always lusted a bit after them. So you see if Kurt spends the night with me - I will never tell anyone. Blaine breathed a sigh of relief. That was, after all, a reasonable request. They agreed to the bargain. "Phwee...thats something we can go along with" said Kurt relieved. Raven was happy, and Blaine and Kurt thus got to live happily ever after together. With no one but Raven and themselves ever knowing. ~~~~~A/N uuuurgh I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry it took sooo long. I had to find some inspiration because yknow, it fic did end in a really difficult cliffhanger! But after binge watching some netflix, I think I really got a cool thing down now! ~~~~~~

"Uuuurgh," Blaine said, putting up his most bored voice, "Well, I didn't really want him anyway, I just said that to rile you up."

"What?!" said Santana in utter disbelieve.

"Yeaaah, I was just so angry with you over, y'know, that thing. that I decided that I was going to marry Kurt just to make you jealous."

And then, then Blaine thought of the one thing that would make his ruse even better.

"Because really, said Blaine, I love you."

Santana stood there baffled. All the lackyss looked at her unsure what to do now "Y... you mean that?" said Santana.

"Of course not!" said Kurt and in that unguarded moment he knocked Santana unconscious.

"Haha, you didn't expect that to happen, hey Bitch?!" Kurt yelled loudly and laughed loudly afterwards. All the other guests laughed as well. As did Blaine.

And afterwards, when the police came and arrested Santana, the wedding continued.

And as Blaine predicted. In the evening, finally he could show off his kink. And then it turned out that Kurt too had a secret, he whispered at Blaine, taking off his shirt and revealing that he had been wearing nipple clamps all this time. That was kinda hot as well, Blaine thought and it became a really really nice night.

Although, deeply, somewhere... Blaine felt a little doubt over his proclaimation of love towards Santana. Maybe there was a core of truth in it. Maybe their rivalry was nothing more than a elaborate foreplay? Non-the less. Now it was too late. Kurt was Blaine's life partner now. Although... maybe... when Santana finally came free, Blaine might be able to convince Kurt to explore more kinks with the both of them....

The end

[love-transparentstudentarca-blog]

Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

"Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

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Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

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Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

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Who pays for the home insurance when you are owner financing it? The seller or the buyer? Also in the state of Texas what insurance companies provide mobile home insurance?

""19, need affordable health insurance?""

I need to be more independent and get my own health insurance. I'm a full time student and my university offers a health insurance plan that costs a little under $2,000 per year but someone told me I should first look into plans available through the Affordable Care Act. How do I find an affordable plan right for me? I'm not even sure which professionals to ask about it..""

Women pay more for healthcare insurance?

It appears women pay more for insurance than men even if they're the same age. Insurers say this is justifiable because women tend to have more health risks than men especially after they give birth (urinal incontinence). Here are some of their reasons: -women tend to go to the doctor more and get check-ups every year whereas men do not -even if the insurance doesn't cover maternity care, some states mandate that insurance covers complications of pregnancy Not all insurance covers maternity care but it still costs more either way: -In Ohio, a woman pays 49% more than men of same age -In Texas, women pay 39% more from the state insurance pool -Nebraska is 32% more on average What do you think of this? Do you think it's justifiable to charge one sex more than the other because of potential higher risks? Or do you think that both genders would have to given the same costs? http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/30/us/30insure.html?scp=1&sq=healthcare%20policy%20women&st=cse""

Can the insurance do this? Car insurance.?

I was in a wreck a few weeks ago. The lady who rear ended me has the same insurance as I do. I filed a claim and a fellow church member owns a body shop. I asked him to do the work, he agreed. But, the insurance claims that they will not give him a check until he can order the parts in advance. That is way too expensive and can they really expect him to order these up front? It makes me VERY angry that they could be so stupid and negligent to make him order them up front. He said that he does not have that money to be ordering my parts up front. Can I turn them in for this? They really are messing up.""

I need cheap insurance for me and my baby?

I recently moved out of my mom's house to live with my boyfriend. She was covering me on her insurance but now it's been dropped, We moved to where his new job is and we are letting a friend live with us. My boyfriend's yearly income is about 65,000. I can't be covered under his insurance because we aren't married. I have a 11 month old baby and I have to take pills regularly... I need to find an insurance plan that can cover me and her. If it makes any difference I'm 18 and I'm turning 19 in October... I know some insurance plans cover certain ages. I'd prefer something kind of cheap but I also need something that has decent copay..even if it raises the price a little. Does anyone know a good carrier?""

How much it cost for normal birth delivery in california without insurance?

How much it cost for normal birth delivery in california without insurance?

How much would my car insurance cost?

I'm planning to buy a 90's bmw 325 or 328. I'm 20 years old, almost 21. So far I have been driving around in my parents' cars, both of which I'm insured on under my parents' names. I have been driving for 3 and a half years and during that time I have only gotten pulled over once because my front license plate had fallen off, so statistically speaking I am a quite responsible driver. What do you reckon my insurance bill will roughly be? I live in east Washington State""

Buying SR22 Insurance Online?

I need to know the cheapest site or agency to buy sr22 insurance. Any ideas? Thanks!!

How much higher is car insurance in harris county texas vs fortbend county?

How much higher is car insurance in harris county texas vs fortbend county?

""Buying new car, Insurance buying question?""

I want some insurance details about buying a new car from a dealership. Am I required to buy insurance before taking it off the lot after buying it (except in test drives, which the car is insured by the dealership??), or is there a grace period that you can drive without insurance? For instance, when I go in to buy a car, should I have already contacted an insurance agency and gotten quotes to be able to call them and get insured before I drive it off the lot?""

On average what is my auto insurance going to cost if I go with geico or progressive in los angeles?

I need to know seriously

Cheap auto insurance for 18 year old?

Cheap auto insurance for 18 year old?

How to get a cheaper insurance premium?

In the UK am i able to put down a much lower value than the actual value of my car just so that i can get a lower insurance premium? Given my situation i would much rather pay for a new car if i crashed or pay for repairs myself if anything went wrong.

E&O insurance?

Any suggestions on where or from what company I can buy affordable E&O insurance? I'm in GA with a soon-to-be life and health license.

Were can you get cheap car insurance?

i am 17 years old. i have ford kA and i am trying to look for cheap insurance cn any one help? xx

Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

""Question for Daycare center/summer camp owners, how much does your daycare insurance cost each month?""

I am looking into starting a summer camp type daycare next summer. I am writing up a cost summary and I have no clue what the average price for insurance is. I am looking for like the insurance that covers injuries, accidents, accident while on field trips/bus and like when you get sued for these injuries and stuff. I do not need to average cost of insurance for the building or vehicles. Any help as to how much is an average cost, or what the correct title to what I am looking for is, I have found it to be called just Daycare insurance, is there another name or does it depend on the company? Also what is your insurance price dependent on (# of kids, size of facility, age of the kids, etc.). Any help is greatly appreciated, thank you so much.""

Car insurance for you?

Not to sound stalkerish at all lol I'm just a lil confused on car insurance and want to know what about average is. So can you please put how old you are, what car you drive, and how much you pay... Thanks ALOT it means alot to me :)""

Car insurance?

is there such a thing as shared car insurace, kinda like family health insurance?( like 1 insurance bill 4 2 cars)""

Supplemental health insurance provider?

Does anybody have supplemental health insurance? Do you know of a good provider? I have never heard of it, my Mom was telling me about it. I looked and I found some places that said quotes for supplemental health insurance. but when I filled out the info it seemed like it gave me a quote for regular health insurance plan not supplemental health insurance. My health insurance I have through work has a high deductible so i am always paying out of pocket for I have not met my deductible.""

If 15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance..can 20 minutes save you 20% or more on car insurance?

i know stupid question but i've always been curious 

""Flipped over my car, how much will insurance be now?""

I'm 16, I got in a big car accident.. I flipped over my car twice. Fortunately, I was untouched and I was the only one involved. Naturally, I was taken off the insurance policy and lost my car. Before, I had the good student discount so we paid $350 for half a year as a full time driver. How much would I have to pay to be a full time driver now after the accident? My dad said $2000 for a full year but it can't be that much? Will they strip me of my good student discount? How much will it cost to be put on as a part time driver now? Will it go down after a year? Will the insurance go up a lot? It won't go up as much as it would otherwise since I was the only one involved and there was no property damage, right? I don't understand how it could happen to me, I'm a model student, I have straight A pluses in all advanced and AP classes and I was even following the law when I had my accident. =/""

Should people who do not own cars be forced to buy car insurance?

so that the insurance would be cheaper for those who can't really afford the premiums? That's what Hillary wants to do with Health insurance. She wants to force young people who very rarely need it to buy it so that it would be more affordable for others.

What is the cheapest possible insurance available?

Including the cheapest car to insure and the best way to go about insuring that car. What is the cheapest insurance i can get? Thanks for any help

The cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old boy?

and dont just say lowest insurance group because iv been looking and so far its been a group 3 clio and iv looked at insurance for an aygo (group 1) i need real examples like i had a fiesta and it was blah not just small hatchbacks are cheap

Will the eclipse GSX make my insurance more than the GS?

Ive been trying to to see if the insurance is cheaper on the GS than the GSX because i dont want to get ripped just because it has a turbo. But i also dont want to buy the GS and then have to buy a whole bunch of new stuff just to put a turbo on it.

Cost of high risk auto insurance in Canada?

Could somebody pleeaase give me a rough estimate of the yearly high-risk auto insurance cost?! I've just recently recieved a DUI and my license is currently suspended. I am starting the process of gettin it back now though and would like an idea of cost please and thanks! :) Oh and I'm also currently living in Ontario Canada, near Toronto but any estimate will help, Canadian or American! Thnx!""

How much is a car insurance ?

Just roughly ? Thanks

Is a 2000/2001 BMW 323ci an expensive car to insure?

I know insurance costs depend on a number of factors, but, all that aside, does anyone know if this car is expensive to insure? (or any of the other higher up 3 series like the 330ci )""

What is the cheapest car insurance?

What is the cheapest car insurance?

Does anyone have suggestions for affordable health insurance for student (29)?

I am a 29 year old substitute teacher and part time student. I am looking for some type of affordable health isurance and prescription plan. I am in need of some help...I have no idea where to look. Can anyone please point me in the right direction? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks so much!

How much would be my insurance with this car?

What do you guys think would be my insurance with this car? 2002 Lexus 300 ES??? I'm 47 yrs old. Excellent Credit. I'm also going to put it on Full Coverage.... What would be your prediction??? Tnx.... I'm guessing around 180

Car insurance for teen drivers?

Hey everyone! First off, if you're wondering why I'm not using online quotes to see how much car insurance would cost, its because it requires personal information of both my parents that I can't ask for without sounding suspicious (my dad told me not to search since I asked before). Also, in order to get the auto insurance quote, you have to leave contact information so an agent can contact you and initiate your quote , which is something I don't want. I'm a newly licensed teen, got it around the middle of December 2013. I've had my permit for about 8 months before that. My dad told me to wait a bit before I can start driving since car insurance rates is higher for teen drivers, and I agreed. I was wondering how long I had to wait? My dad told me over 1 year to a few years, but sometimes 6 months works. I was baffled, if that was true, there was no point of getting my license since I would most likely be in college by the time I was allowed to be insured. Does car insurance rates really lower down with waiting time? And if so, approximately how long would it take? My auto insurance company is State Farm, and my family has 3 registered vehicles and 2 registered drivers of over 15 years (my parents). I'm 16 years old, and I qualify for the good student discount and steer clear safe driver discount, and my parents qualify for the multiple line discount car insurance and have never had any driving violation in the past three years. If you could estimate the range of how much more my parents have to pay for car insurance if I become insured on my car (which is older than me lol) without waiting, and how long I would have to wait for rates to go down, that would be great.""

Life Insurance?

If someone has life insurance and also has a home mortgage, does the life insurance goes to the mortgage?""

Where's the best place to get health insurance?

I was hoping that someone with experience could tell me whether buying insurance through the Maryland offered program or through a direct insure such as united healthcare or blue cross blue shield would be the better deal. Looks like a 80/20 silver plan is about $205/month trough Maryland with a $1500 deductible. I'm hoping to find an affordable 90/10 plan or better. If you have any suggestions or know recommendations please let me know! I'm new to this health insurance stuff...

Need auto insurance info on transferring to another state?

My son just moved to IA from NY. He is using one of my cars, registered in MY name. I tried to transfer the insurance to HIS name, at his address in IA, but was told that its illegal to do so. I don't understand why I cant be the owner of a car in one state and have it insured in someone else name in another state. Is this true?""

I NEED HELP FLORIDA HOMEOWNERS im looking for a reasonable homeowner insurance rate.?

I just bought a house in Clearwater Florida and I am looking for a good rate. Can anyone help me? Do you have a Good plan on your home?

""My Daughter starting driving lessons, { she 17 } where is the cheapest place for insurance for when she pass?""

I drive , could she go on my insurance ? would that go up? I have 7 years no claims. Thanks .""

Can I drive without insurance?

hey people, so basically, I am going to turn 17 next month and will get my provisional. I am then going to take my theory test, along with driving lessons and then on to the practical test. Once I pass, I want to obviously drive, however the insurance premium for new drivers these days is ridiculous! I was wanting to ask if I can drive my parents car (which is insured to them) with their premission, or do I have to be insured as the next driver? By the way, the car would only be something like a 1.0 - 1.4 litre petrol. Thanks in advance!""

Car insurance?

why doesnt some insurance company give 17 year old drivers a chance, my son was quoted 4000.750 he works on a farm and works bloody hard,but the pays not great, i can understand these young drivers without any insurance, they make it impossible for them to get it, we know its wrong , and iam not condoning it ,just give them a chance it doesaint mean there all mad drivers .""

Car insurance HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP?

how much money would car insurance be on a alfa romeo giulietta turismo in white from brand new out of the show room this year on a woman driver at the age of 17 cost ???

Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

Cape Neddick Maine Cheap car insurance quotes zip 3902

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